Mother on the Verge

2009-11-12T11:19:00.004-05:00

"Mom you're embarassing me. Everyone on the bus is looking. I don't want you to take pictures."

Well, I guess it's official. I'm now doing things to embarass my child. The moment he noticed me taking pictures of him getting off the bus, he covered his face. He's only seven, yet he's already concerned about what people think. This makes me sad. Maybe next time I'll run down the stairs and plant a big wet kiss right on his cheek, or maybe I'll just quietly take a photo from the other window so as to not embarass my baby.

Keeping Jay Clean

2009-11-12T09:27:00.006-05:00

That is the delimma of the day. I am home recovering from hand surgery and Jay is with me. Keeping little Ms. Thang clean - with one hand - is a major task. So far this morning, I've cleaned two bouts of spit up, wiped copius amounts of snot, and picked many pieces of lint from her hair, put her socks back on twice, and cleaned two globs of peaches from my shirt. I don't like peaches. Yuck. Through it all, she's smiled, because she's an easy baby. As I type this, she is now crawling towards my computer. Again. No matter where I move it, she is bound and determined to get it. Now that she's mobile, she's all over the place, and she's so quick. It's like a game of baby bop it. Crawl to the left - reach two times; Crawl to right - reach one time; Stop - now roll on the floor - two times. Fart two times. Smile one time.

Milestones

2009-11-09T20:14:00.004-05:00

The princess of the family has reached two milestones in one weekend. I am one that likes for change to happen slowly, if at all. Jay got her first tooth this weekend. I knew she was teething as evidenced by the trail of slobber she leaves on everything and everybody. And, then too, my super sweet baby has been abnormally cranky lately. On more than one ocassion I've invited family members to "get a feel of that baby tooth in there" but most decline.

As if the new tooth wasn't enough, this weekend she has taken a mind to start crawling. Crawling. I guess rolling around the floor just wasn't good enough for her, she had to go and do more. I'm happy, but I'm kind of sad. She's still a baby, but these are just two reminders that she has to grow up. Someday.

What the pictures really said

2009-11-06T10:13:00.006-05:00

What's going on over there. Ya'll gon' make a baby roll all the way in the kitchen now . . . got me messen up my hairbows.

Holy Mary, Mother of God Bubbie. It's Close Encounters of the Third Kind - contact. What kind of mess did I roll up on here?

What? What? You want I should wear a buzz haircut all my life. Boy's gotta grow up. Time to shake and bake, shake and bake sissie. You might wanna close your mouth, falling hair you know?

Yuck Momma, that's really nasty, you not setting a good example when you do that. You suppose to excuse yourself to the bathroom.

Hey, that looks pretty good. Can you do mine too? What's that smell? Smells familiar.

You like it? Yea, I was just lookin for something kind of diffe . . . wait a minute, that don't feel straight, that part is crooked. THE PART IS CROOKED. Daddy, daddy, that part is coookkkeeeed. I am in need of a mirror. A mirror I tell you. Father, I can't help but notice the right side is a bit off, because the part is crooked. Didn't you feel the crookedness on this side. I'm wondering if you could work on it just a bit more. Auuuu, thanks. It's all good now.

Some people's children need to just chill out. My parts are always crooked, and you don't see he cryin about it.

Repeat Offenders

2009-11-04T12:19:00.005-05:00

Sometimes you just gotta say WTF. Maybe he needs wall clock Jesus.

SC man gets 3 years in prison for sex with horse

A man caught having sex with a horse in a South Carolina stable has been sentenced to three years in prison.

Multiple media outlets report that Rodell Vereen was sentenced Wednesday after pleading guilty to buggery. A judge also ordered Vereen to get counseling and stay away from the Lazy B stables when he's released.

Authorities charged Vereen after a woman set up a surveillance camera and caught him on tape having sex with her horse in July. Horse owner Barbara Kenley says she staked out the stable and caught Vereen sneaking into the barn days later, holding him at shotgun point until police arrived.

Kenley had seen Vereen before. He pleaded guilty last year to having sex with the same horse and was put on probation and ordered to register as a sex offender.

The other Halloween Costume

2009-11-02T22:15:00.002-05:00

Complete with football bruises up and down his left arm. It's amazing that these pants were filty dirty last week. They are fresh out of the dryer.

2009-11-02T14:50:00.009-05:00

Just one of the many reasons I dislike Christmas shopping in general - the commercialization of the season. Yes Jesus is the reason for the season as we hear so very often, but not Neon Jesus, and certainly not sitting on a clock with the numbers looking askew. This here is one of the many terrific holiday gifts I ran across this weekend while Christmas shopping with my friends. I don't know anybody that would accept this Jesus into their home, it's just that tacky, kinda like Velvet Elvis.

I guess it could be worse. My own experience with the above Jesus-inspired wall clock roused my curiosity. Are there more Jesus-inspired clocks available for purchase, do folks really buy this kind of thing and, if so, where. Below are a few I found. Interesting, and kind of scary looking. Who knows what Jesus really looked like. I'll just let the images speak for themselves.

2009-10-31T23:09:00.002-04:00

Tonight we dressed Jay up as a ladybug. She was real happy even though it doesn't show. After receiving her first taste of a lollipop from her brother, she was even happier. The child practically leaped out of my arms and into her brother's lap trying to get to the sucker.

2009-10-31T22:49:00.002-04:00

It's killing my child to smile. "I'm uncomfortable, I'm wet, I'm so cold. I can't get my gloves off. Momma help me get my gloves off." Instead, all I ask is that he pose for the camera.

In the end he finally smiled.

Once he got in the house and stripped down I realized why he was uncomfortable. His drawers were full of mud. When I commented that he looked like he had an extreme case of super diarrhea he busted out crying, and said it wasn't funny. He's such a drama king.

I'm so proud of my boy. He has more than exceeded at football, and loves every minute of it. He always ~~worries the hell out of me~~ gently reminds me practice starts at 5:30, and if he can't be there, he is sure to call his coach. I've never seen him this excited about a sport. Tonight, for Halloween he dressed up as a football player, and engaged each and every neighbor with tales from the football field.

So much beauty, so little time.

2009-10-30T16:06:00.004-04:00

Today I got lost in the leaves. I trudged through them, inhaling deeply, and remembered a time long ago. A time when we were kids and we would jump in the leaves, laughing and throwing them at each other. Only to look up and see the angry city workers coming around the corner with their rakes to tell us they just swept them in a pile. I want my kids to enjoy these simple things, not the angry city workers, but the leaves. The smell, the feel, the rustle before they get too grown.

The ladies man

2009-10-29T22:39:00.002-04:00

My son has taken to wearing his daddy's cologne. Yesterday morning whilst changing a dirty diaper he casually walked up beside me. The first thing to hit my olfactory senses, next to the smell of baby poop, was Man. I don't know who would name a cologne Man, but it sure smells good.

I sniffed his neck, "what?" he says grinning like the cat that ate the canary. I say Dakota, if you start wearing cologne at this age, you know what's gonna happen. . . All the little girls are gonna want to kiss you. "YUCK, YUCK, Momma, no-uh." It's quiet, he's still, and I know he's thinking. Quick as a flash he runs back into the bathroom and sprays on some more. The bus pulls up and off he runs, smelling like Man, Man, and more Man. I love that boy of mine.

2009-10-29T22:17:00.003-04:00

There's my little night owl. She's discovered a whole new world beyond sleep - at 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. Most times when she wakes she's smiling and ready to play. I can't say I feel the same way, because I'm old and I need sleep. I've no idea when Jay learned that sleep wasn't cool. She's always loved sleep, as have I. I'm hoping this is a phase. I'm hoping this phase will pass real soon.

The vomitting pumpkin

2009-10-28T22:28:00.003-04:00

Tonight we completed our masterpiece, sorta. Now all we need is gummie worms for the head. My kids are so lucky, they just don't realize how gross their mom really is. The whole theme was my idea. The husband has not really come around to a vomitting pumpkin yet, but Dakota Lee thinks it's hilarious.

Football and beef jerky

2009-10-25T22:53:00.003-04:00

My blog has become a running series of tales from the football field. The boys got spanked today, but all is not lost, as the tournament continues this week. I can't even pretend to understand how it works.

Tonight my son introduced me to a new food - beef jerky. I'd never had beef jerky before, until Dakota insisted that we buy some. I inquired as to where on earth he'd had it before and he responded that they served it in preschool. Okay. I let that sink in. My child is really colorful sometimes and maybe he thought he had beef jerky because surely the preschool didn't serve beef jerky. Deer maybe. Beef jerky, hell naw. Maybe it was tough bacon.

He went on to tell me beef jerky had this marvelous affect - it could make you stay awake all night long. As I watched him devour half the package I wondered how late this child would be up. "You want some of this, this is goood stuff. Mmmm. It keeps you up, it's kinda like Red Bull."

I chewed, I chewed and I chewed. Lord have mercy, I chewed. I think my gums lost five pounds from all the exercise they got. I didn't even bother to ask how he knew about Red Bull, surely they didn't serve that at the preschool too.

2009-10-24T23:32:00.002-04:00

Handmade gifts are always the best.

2009-10-24T22:43:00.007-04:00

Tonight we carved a pumpkin. I thought we might do two, but I ran out of energy after one. After getting up at 7 a.m. for a 9:00 football game, and getting up with Jay at 2 a.m. for the third night in a row, I'm beat.

At one point during the glorious carving of the pumpkin, I told the boy the pumpkin innards looked kinda like orange snot, he disagreed, saying it looked like a uvula. I didn't want to look stupid, so made like I knew what he was talking about. After he went to bed, I quickly googled uvula, because I'm obviously too stupid to know its part of the throat.

The kids won today's tournament and play again tomorrow. One of the best parts of the game is seeing the kids walk the line afterwards and high five each other and say "good game man, congratulations." Now all we need to do is get some the parents out there to do the same.

There's Jay, dressed up like Nanook of the North, enjoying the early morning game. Jay is so easy-going. Even after a very short morning nap, she's still as sweet as can be.

So much mud

2009-10-23T20:42:00.002-04:00

We're a walking advertisement for bleach. Amazingly enough, these pants will be spotless after the husband washes them tomorrow. The guys thought they were going out for pizza right after football, but obviously they didn't count on a muddy football field. I can understand why they didn't expect the mud, it's only rained all day long.

The feet are absolutely scary. Really, they are.

Even Jay took a moment from her drooling and laughed at her brother's feet, because they look positively odd considering how dirty he is. Did I mention the odor, my gosh, mud stinks.

Tomorrow is the big football tournament. There will be mud, I just hope they realize it.

"As seen on TV"

2009-10-20T23:48:00.003-04:00

Today I asked my son what he'd like Santa to bring him for Christmas. His response: an automatic toothpaste dispenser because it's less mess, a Big Top Cupcake Maker so we can make one giant cupcake and split it up for everyone, and a snuggi, because they're so warm. Christmas this year is going to be easy, no because someone has obviously been paying attention to the commericials.

Court Day

2009-10-19T22:24:00.008-04:00

Today was a special day for our family. Nobody went to work, nobody went to school. Instead, we went to court. After seven months of waiting, we officially finalized Ms. Jayla's adoption. She's been a member of our family since March, but now it's official. Her last name is our last name. I've been over the moon excited since she came here, so today was just the icing on the cake. We love our Sissie, and she's our princess.

I tried to get some decent pictures of Jay alone, but for some reason it just didn't happen today (as evidenced by the above blurry photo.) Dakota was so excited, he could not wait to get dressed. I'm going to say that again, because my child is never excited about getting dressed. Dakota was so excited, he could not wait to get dressed.

We ended the day with a celebration luncheon, in which both kids prompty fell asleep during the meal. We then preceded to go home, take off our finery, and get ready to head to our second home for two hours - the football field.

Things I want to complain about

2009-10-14T23:37:00.006-04:00

I want to complain today. I want to complain about my husband's inability to make baby formula. It's so simple, it really is, but he claims its too much for him to do. Two times in the last seven months he's had to make formula and he's griped about it. He can go in a burning building, fight a raging fire, spend hours pulling roof, and yet making baby formula is too hard. I'ma let this go now because it doesn't make sense.

My right hand. It won't heal, my thumb won't bend and it hurts like hell. What am I supposed to do when I need to pop the husband upside the head for complaining about having to make formula. I'm tired of having hand surgeries, but I don't have a choice. This will be surgery no. 3.

My son, whose obstinance has taken me to spiriling heights of craziness. Tan pants on Fridays are perfectly acceptable. Why jeans, why? why? why?

My dog, who loves dirty diapers. There is nothing tasty about shit. She readily tears right into those shitty diapers, yet she wants to turn her nose up at my meatloaf? And then she wants to come and lick someone in the face, after playing with shitty diapers.

Rush Limbaugh. Just chill out Rush. And while you're at it, pour yourself a nice tall glass of SHUT THE HELL UP.

2009-10-11T22:28:00.007-04:00

"Dakota please stop playing with the mannequin. You'll end up breaking it. Let go of the mannequin's hand son."

"I can't mom. It's her arm, it's broke. Her arm broke off."

"What? Oh no, here back up. Now what? Oh Lord, I got to get this arm out before a clerk comes by. What if it falls off? I'ma have pull this arm out and we're just gonna take it over to the jewelry counter and lay it down. No, we're gonna lay it down right here by her foot. (nutty woman begins to slide mannequin's arm out of the coat, twisting and turning huge plastic arm, whilst looking around for a clerk) Ut oh, it's stuck, dang. If I can just turn it this way, and pull a little and . . . maybe I can get it through that sleeve . . . well shit. This. Thing. Is. Just. STUCK."

"Leigh, just let it go, leave it there. Why you gotta pull the arm out anyway?"

"I don't know, I can't leave it hanging here."

"Just drop the arm and let it go. It's okay. Just put the arm down and let's move."

I turn to Dakota with my hand on my hip and then bust out laughing. I look at the husband and he's laughing too. There we are three laughing fools standing in the middle of Penney's, one holding a baby, the other taking pictures of a mannequin with an extremely long f-ed up arm.

2009-10-10T23:09:00.005-04:00

Today was football. The boys got their behinds handed to them on a silver platter, but that's okay, they did their best and had fun. I am proud of they way they handled the loss. I can't say the same for the parents though.

As evidenced by my son's silly antics after the game, he took the defeat in stride. Today he was selected to play on the little league all-star team, I suspect that helped make the loss a little less sad.

The mud was unbelievable. I finally got a chance to wear my $1 river boots I found at a yard sale. I have always loved my river boots, they are so useful and they only cost $1.

After the game we went shopping for a suit for my son. October 19 will be a big day for us as we celebrate Jayla's adoption finalization; as such, the boy needs a suit. We had no luck, because nothing fit, it was either too big or too little. Tired parents shopping with a tired child makes for a fun time. That's the truth, really.

Weather for ducks

2009-10-09T13:57:00.003-04:00

Why do people say that, ducks don't need water, as evidenced by our local neighborhood ducks out for a stroll this morning. we've got cats, dogs, opossums, deer, and ducks too. And we live in the city.

Today it has rained all day. The clouds were pretty ominous this morning. I am imagining my kid out there in the rain tonight practicing football, thinking he's tough because he's in the rain without an umbrella, because real men never use umbrellas. I'm thinking there may not be football tomorrow.

2009-10-08T15:06:00.003-04:00

Looking for something different to do with my photos, I found onetruemedia.com. I love this site. You upload your photos and music and it creates a montage with moving pictures and pretty music.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Why I can't possibly be at work on time

2009-10-08T12:17:00.006-04:00

What a way to start the day, over the rainbow. I looked for the leprechaun, but I guess he was takin a smoke break.

Flowers from my morning expedition.

These are seeds from a variety of flower I would love to have in my yard next year. That's my hand, and I was at a very important person's home. In short, I stole flowers from a high ranking government official. I probably shouldn't even say that.

And lastly, acorns. I love these things. I don't know why. They remind me of a little man with a hat on. The acorns and flower seeds are now sitting on my window seal.