Change Your Life

Working parents

2009-06-18T13:13:00.003Z

I read a fascinating article recently. Written by Rosjke Hasseldine, psychotherapist and campaigner for women’s emotional and mental well-being, it tells of the different views on women and men as working parents.

I don't know whether you caught it, but the BBC broadcast a programme called The Trouble With Working Women. Rosjke (pronounced 'Roshca') challenged the title, which assumes the woman is still the one with the main child-care responsibilities. It also suggests the working mother is a problem, when in fact it would be good for society to recognise and expect that women and men can and do have equal roles in bringing up children.

Rosjke recalled watching another programme where Major Tim Peake was being interviewed after being selected as an astronaut. During the conversation his 4 month old child was mentioned but nothing was asked about who would take care of the baby during his period of extensive training. As Rosjke pointed out, had it been a woman astronaut in the same situation, the child-care issue would have been a key topic of conversation.

Apparently, despite the advances that have been made, a woman can still expect to earn on average £369,000 less than a man over a lifetime. That really is some difference!

You can read more about Rosjke and the fascinating work she does here.

And if you have any comments to make about this or any of my blog posts, please do so below. I'd love to hear from you!

New additions to the family

2009-06-15T13:27:00.005Z

We've just made some new additions to the family. No, I haven't just given birth (at my age?) - we've adopted two kittens from Cats Protection.

They might as well be babies or toddlers, though! Into everything, getting where they shouldn't, eating things that aren't food, thoroughly mischievous, cuddly and gorgeous. Like many young children, they even find the packaging more interesting than the toy - they've spent hours playing with a brown cardboard box and the inner tube from some kitchen roll.

We've been promising to take on some kittens for some while and now they're finally here, our two children are nearly beside themselves with delight and excitement. Helping them finish their homework is an almost impossible task!

Having said that, getting the children to come downstairs on time in the mornings or get themselves showered has become a cinch - though I can't vouch for how clean their faces are or how well-brushed their hair!

What's been fabulous has been the opportunity for all of us to just enjoy the kittens and live in the moment. Appreciating what's going on around us can become difficult with the busy lives we all seem to lead. Yet these kittens just demand to be given attention, looked after and cuddled. And we've all heard about the therapeutic effects of stroking pets.

We've had so much fun this week that, whilst I'm not advocating you rush out and get yourself a pet, finding someone who has a friendly cat or dog could just be the tonic you need in your busy and sometimes stressful life.

Hidden talents

2009-05-05T13:27:00.003Z

Isn't it wonderful when you discover a hidden talent - in yourself or in someone you know?

This happened to me recently when my husband and I discovered our daughter has a natural talent for long-distance running. This isn't something we've nurtured or acted as a role model for. I guess we had a hunch when she completed a run at the school sports day and managed more laps round the playing field than most of her counterparts in the given time. Since then she's gone on to represent her school in the county cross-country running championships. Whilst she didn't win, she ran a decent race and can be proud of her achievements.

Unfortunately I'm not so well blessed in my running ability! This might not matter generally, but I've now signed both my daughter and myself up to run in this year's Race for Life - a 5km run (or thankfully, walk) to raise money for Cancer Research UK.

Of course, my daughter is very laid back about it. Whenever I suggest we go out training together, she half-heartedly nods her head and then carries on with whatever I distracted her from.

My need for training is somewhat more important. OK, I know I needn't run the race, but I do like a challenge. What's more, I've set a precedent for myself by running (well, jogging very slowly, more accurately) every step of the way in a similar race a few years ago. No-one was more amazed than me!

So, this weekend, I set off on a 'short run' - without my daughter. Actually, I was quite proud of my achievements. I must have run the best part of a kilometre in about 15 minutes, though that's not exactly going to make the record books!

What will really spur me on will be the crowds there on the day. The atmosphere is fabulous and very uplifting. Seeing thousands of women of all ages, running, walking and even staggering round the course, all encouraging each other along, is inspiring.

More than that, the race is in aid of such a fabulous cause. I'll be running this time for someone I know well who's recently had cancer return. The energy I put into my race will be equally matched by my desire to see her rid of the condition and fully fit again to enjoy her children and her life. Those of us who haven't suffered from cancer are lucky, but it's a sad fact that one in three of us will be diagnosed with cancer at some point in our lives.

I have set myself a target to raise £150 for Cancer Research UK from Race for Life sponsorship. If you'd like to support me in this (and help encourage me on!) then please visit my sponsorship page at:
http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/elizabethjuffs

Who knows, I may even discover I have a hidden talent (for fund-raising, if not running!)

Feeling more effective

2009-04-09T20:26:00.002Z

Ever get those moments when you just feel not to be getting very far, or somehow success or a sense of fulfilment is evading you?

That happened to me recently - around the time I was making curtains (whoever said making curtains is easy?) and one thing after another seemed to be going wrong.

How fabulous it would be to feel fully effective all (well, perhaps realistically, most) of the time!

Fortunately, Stephen Covey, management guru and author of the highly acclaimed Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, has written about just that. He concluded that if we adopt seven distinct habits we can become much more effective in life. The habits are - be proactive, begin with the end in mind, put first things first, think "win/win", seek first to understand and then to be understood, synergise, and sharpen the saw.

His recommendations speak a lot of sense, even years after his book was first published and enable us to live a life that's much more purposeful, and fulfilled, yet still full of integrity.

Some people find the book a less than easy read, so I've condensed the key elements, and published them in my newsletter. The newsletter aims to provide you with generally fortnightly emails containing tips & information on how to make positive changes in your life. If you want to find out more about Covey's recommendations, discover how to balance your life better, manage your time more efficiently, or a host of other self-improvement strategies, sign up at my website - it's free.

And do let me know what you think - it would be great to hear from you!

Superwoman?

2009-03-16T10:49:00.002Z

It's been a heck of a time the last few weeks!

Since Christmas, I've helped direct a panto involving 3 rehearsals a week for 6 weeks and writing in 2 completely new parts to the original script, made a set of curtains, written the best part of a new website, given two talks, taken on several new clients, in addition to the usual cooking, organising, shopping, and general looking-after that a family and home need. Whew!

How have I coped?

Well, of course, I haven't. With so much on my plate, something had to give. Inevitably, as I hadn't given myself enough chance for rest and time off, I collapsed in a heap recently, with a tooth abscess and a throat infection.

Superwoman? No!

We are all human, though at times we tend to ignore this fact. We push ourselves to our limits, sometimes congratulating ourselves on how well we're doing. Yet, just like an athlete, we can't keep going at full pelt forever. And sometimes, it's not until after the event, when we've collapsed in a heap, that we realise how much we have been pushing ourselves and how unrealistic and unattainable that is.

The answer is to stop comparing ourselves with those superwomen or supermen out there (where are they anyway?) and start pacing ourselves depending on our own, individual needs. Recognising your own limits and building in sufficient rest means that you may just cross the finish line first - just like the hare and the tortoise. And you'll certainly be in better shape, ready to take on the next challenge that life brings.

Thankfully I'm feeling much better than a week ago. However, I'm off now to make another cup of tea and 'take five' before the next task of my day.

When will you next be 'taking five'?

Making mistakes

2009-03-02T10:28:00.002Z

I borrowed a necklace from my daughter a couple of days ago - a lovely heart-shaped pendant she'd received for her birthday the week before. It complemented my outfit perfectly and she'd urged me to wear it.

At the end of the evening, on removing my coat, the clasp came undone and the necklace smashed on the floor. Horrors! It's bad enough to break one of your own possessions - far worse if it's someone else's.

My daughter was amazingly gracious about it when I admitted the mistake the following morning, having managed to glue the unfortunate pendant back together. Next time, I'll take more care of it and be aware that the clasp cannot be relied upon to stay closed.

We all make mistakes. It may not feel like it at the time, but thank goodness we do. It's through making mistakes that we enable our best learning.

Think of the toddler learning to walk. She doesn't get up one day, start walking and never again falls over or resorts to crawling or being picked up. She will try, fall down, try again, fall, try something different, and keep going until eventually she's mastered the skill.

Yet we often put pressure on ourselves to do things right first time and to avoid mistakes at all costs.

I once attended a seminar where I was introduced to the idea that there's no such thing as failure - only a different outcome to the one expected. How fabulous to believe failure doesn't exist. Steve McDermott, the excellent leader of the seminar, went on to dramatically describe how mistakes can be real learning opportunities - each and every mistake providing a "how fascinating" learning moment.

So, the next time you or I make a mistake, let's cut the guilt, and instead see it as a new opportunity for learning - a "how fascinating" moment - and then move on to do different and better things!

How to have fun

2009-02-03T13:05:00.002Z

The snow's arrived at last! And what snow - crisp, white, and plenty of it!

We feel to have waited a long time for this - real snow that is dry enough, hangs around long enough and in sufficient quantities to look gorgeous, and be great for playing in. As the papers say, this is the UK's biggest snowfall for 18 years. What a way to push the credit crunch cares of the world aside!

Travelling back from a meeting yesterday, I passed our son's school and saw him and all his fellow pupils playing in the snow on the school field. They were building snowmen, throwing snowballs and squealing with delight.

Later, when walking to collect our children, I passed a young boy walking home with his Gran, who asked her if he could make a snow angel. She said 'yes' and he promptly lay down on the pavement and waggled his arms and feet up and down in joy.

How fantastic that we have moments when, if we're willing, we can just drop everything and have fun! How great that the school had the inclination to let the children get huge pleasure from the snow rather than cooping them inside to stay warm and dry. How kindly of the Gran to go along with her grandson's immediate need to cast normality aside and just have fun in the snow!

Children have a great capacity for living in the moment and enjoying what comes along. This week's snow, and the caring adults around them, have allowed them real opportunities to get the most out of life.

We can learn a lot from our children. Why not start today?

Well, what are you waiting for? Go and make that snow angel!

Recovery time

2009-01-15T10:54:00.003Z

Hasn't there been a lot of ill health around over the Christmas and New Year period? Almost everyone I've spoken to has either been ill themselves, or known someone who's been unwell. And the bugs haven't just been the usual colds or coughs - they've been really unpleasant, long-lasting illnesses that have taken ages to recover from.

I was listening to an interesting item on the radio recently when two doctors were talking about the current use (and over-use) of antibiotics. You know, that tendency for some people to go to the doctor with every cold or cough and expect to be prescribed antibiotics to 'cure' their illness. Apparently, people who walk away with antibiotics are more than twice as likely as others to go back next time they feel poorly, and again expect antibiotics. Yet the doctors were saying that not only can this be unhelpful - the antibiotics become less effective through repeated use, and they can also bring some unpleasant side-effects, never mind the cost to the patient and the NHS.

Often, too, the illness would have run its natural course in the time it took to complete the antibiotic course - so it's not clear whether the antibiotics contributed to recovery at all.

The doctors went on to describe typical recovery times for common illnesses. Apparently we often vastly underestimate the time it takes for an illness to run its natural course. They felt that if the public were made more aware of this, we perhaps wouldn't be in such haste to ask for antibiotics or expect ourselves to be 'firing on all cylinders' again.

I forget the actual time spans given for each illness, but they were along the lines of around 3 weeks for a normal cough or cold and around 6 weeks for a bout of 'flu. In other words, it can take some considerable time to endure the illness and then get back to feeling fully fit again - and often much longer than we expect.

Not much comfort, I know, if you're currently trying to shake off a nasty bug! If that's the case, I hope you soon feel heaps better.

Yet, maybe you'll think twice before rushing to the doctor or downing antibiotics - and perhaps just be a bit kinder to yourself, allowing your wonderful body to recover in its own time?

Our wonderful world

2009-01-08T12:57:00.004Z

Happy New Year! I hope it's a good one for you!

I've been a bit quiet recently - enjoying Christmas and all its fun and activities with the family.

I'd wanted to post a blog over the last few days and somehow hadn't got round to it with all the things that hit on the return to work. Then I was sent an email from a newsletter subscriber which was one of those 'round robin' affairs. Normally I don't take much notice of these. This one was a bit different and seemed to me to be just the right kind of antidote to the current global mood in these financially challenging times.

I can't pass the email on - for some reason it won't let me. But I've taken the best bits from the email and can email that on to you if you'd like it. Let me know.

Take a peek, it could just cheer your day - it certainly did mine!

Balancing things

2008-12-10T12:04:00.002Z

Well it's hotting up towards Christmas, isn't it? Not weather-wise, of course. In fact quite the opposite...it's now so wintry in our neck of the woods that walking down our road first thing yesterday morning was akin to walking on a skating rink!

No, I meant the extra busy-ness of our lives as the calendar creeps - or gallops - towards 25 December.

If your diary is anything like mine, it will be liberally scattered with various Christmas events and happenings. This year somehow seems busier than ever, with our two children now attending different schools each with their own set of Christmas festivities.

Meanwhile, my husband is digging himself deeper into his new job, working ever longer hours.

I bet there are some of you doing the same - working apparently harder and harder and still trying to juggle all the other demands on your time?

There's a brilliant article I read once in the Guardian about 'bowling rather than juggling'. It was a response to a question from a new dad about how he could cope with both a new job where he was trying to impress and his obligations (and his wife's needs) as a father. The answer was simply to give 100% focus to the job when at work and then 100% to his role as a dad when at home - one task at a time.

Of course, it's still important to ensure that the time spent on work is reasonable and that the time we give to our other demands, such as family not to mention our own needs, is also reasonable. That comes down to valuing all aspects of our lives, committing to leaving the office at a reasonable hour, saying no where appropriate, and recognising that having an appropriate balance will enable us to be more effective in all that we do.

For the new dad and for my husband, there may be times when the balance is a bit lop-sided. When that exceptional phase is over, redressing the balance will lead to a happier and healthier life for everyone.

Work-life balance is such a common, and important, theme in my coaching that I write about it a lot in my newsletter - and regularly help clients whose life balance is way out of kilter.

If you haven't already signed up, subscribe to my free newsletter in the box on my website so you receive tips on issues such as life balance. Or, if you'd like to learn about this in greater detail, and enjoy working on your own at your own pace, have a go at my online course How to Find More Time for Work and Play.

Soon you too could achieve that elusive work-life balance. What a great way to start the new year!

Leaving a legacy

2008-11-24T15:04:00.002Z

I was out with the family planting trees in the National Forest at the weekend. The family had bought me some trees to plant to celebrate my birthday earlier this year.

The weather was cold but bright and, whilst the whole occasion was over too quickly, it felt wonderful helping to create a new forest and to leave behind some trees for future generations to enjoy. What a legacy.

I wonder what legacy you'd choose to leave behind? What would you want to be remembered for? What difference would you like to make to the world? They're challenging questions and ones I often ask my clients. Getting some clarity on that can lead to identifying things that need to change now in order to make that future a reality.

Would you wish to be remembered for the kindness you showed to others? For the peace and reconciliation you helped create in your local (or distant) community? For helping save our planet's natural resources? For making the most of, and sharing, your amazing talents? For the sense of humour and inner confidence you helped your children develop? For the time you always had for other people and for sharing their pain?

Whatever your legacy, it's good to leave one. And the time to create it is now.

So what will you do towards your legacy - today?

Getting back up again

2008-11-17T11:59:00.002Z

I was listening to Radio 4's Desert Island Discs a day or two ago where celebrities choose the music they'd take with them if marooned on a desert island.

The interview this week was with David Davis MP. Whilst interesting, it was not his choice of music that kept my attention. Rather it was the story of his life - a literally 'rags to riches' tale. Overcoming many challenges to eventually become an MP he offered this piece of advice: "The shame is not in getting knocked down, it's in not getting back up again." Whatever your political persuasion, that's got to be good advice!

This approach to life's setbacks is widely held in America, where, for instance, it's common for companies to fail, sometimes several times, before they finally become a success - and this isn't looked on as a disaster. Far from it - it's almost a way of proving the company.

None of us can avoid life's ups and downs. For some those 'downs' can be very hard to deal with. Yet it's what we do with those down times that indicates our chances of fulfilment and happiness.

We can let the bad times knock us for six and leave us in a hole from which it's impossible to climb out. Or we can deal with the grief and sadness connected with the bad times and then pick ourselves up, and reach out once more to the world, probably stronger than before and more appreciative of the good times.

Many years ago, I suffered depression badly. A horrible experience and one I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, it nevertheless left me with the feeling that I could empathise with others going through similarly difficult times, and that I am a stronger person because of it -both real blessings.

So next time we get knocked back (and we inevitably will), perhaps we can take stock, rebuild ourselves and get back up again to really live this wonderful life of ours.

A problem shared

2008-11-13T13:44:00.002Z

The saying "A problem shared is a problem halved" has a lot of truth in it.

I was reminded of that at the weekend. I was attending a conference on NLP (neuro linguistic programming) and was sharing with a fellow coach my plans for my coaching practice. This was something I'd been thinking about for a while and had felt 'stuck' in terms of how best to move forward. Having shared my frustrations with her, she gave me some fascinating and practical advice on possible ways forward.

I was reminded again of the power of sharing challenges with others when I had a meeting with my coach supervisor earlier this week. Coaching supervision is a great way of sharing, confidentially, issues that come up during coaching sessions, and gaining new perspectives and insights from another professional coach. She helped me to see where I was taking on responsibility for a client's results rather than allowing that client to own the responsibility himself.

What great learning I've had this week - yet without the support of others, that learning may never have happened. My colleagues enabled me to see things that I had been unable to see on my own, and to solve problems that I'd been struggling with.

I guess that's why coaching is so effective. If you can solve all your problems and challenges on your own, you have no need of a coach. So often, though, we can get stuck and feel unable to see a way forward. Clients can gain new insights and a sounding board from their work with their coach. I sometimes refer to what I do as 'holding up a mirror so you can see yourself more clearly'. The fact that your challenges and problems are shared can enable you to cut through the fog and resolve things at last.

Next time you're feeling stuck, reach out and share it with someone - and see whether your problem is halved as a result.

Just do it!

2008-11-05T15:27:00.002Z

That's the new-found mantra of one of my recent clients.

He came to me feeling stressed out, low, lacking in confidence, not knowing where he was going work-wise, frustrated with his current job, and fed-up with his non-existent love-life.

What a difference a few weeks makes! Since we started our work together, he's found new energy and confidence, got out there, found a new job, and started dating someone. His life's turned upside down...and for the better! Fabulous achievements of which he can be rightly proud.

You know, achieving things in life is all about action. It's not just thinking about how we'd like things to be, or worse, whingeing about what we don't like about our current situation. It's about taking the bull by the horns, and actually doing something.

As the saying goes: "If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got." If you want change, you have to do something about it.

After my client had achieved these great changes in his life, he told me: "I've realised I’ve got a choice to make – I can stay as I was or I can push my comfort zone and take some positive action. You’ve got to do it, not just think about it.”

What will you do today to make a positive change in your life? Let me know - I'd love to hear!

Making us think

2008-10-20T13:34:00.003Z

We received an energy-saving monitor recently. It's a fabulous little gadget. Plug it in and connect it with your electricity meter and it tells you exactly how much electricity you're using at any one time, along with how much that's costing you. Switch on or off an electrical device like a light or the computer and you can immediately see the impact. Scary stuff!

It's certainly made us think more about how we use things round the house. It's so easy to leave a computer whirring away whilst going to collect the kids, or keep the television on standby instead of switching it off completely.

Of course, it's not just the impact on our own finances - though that's scary enough. Being lazy with our electricity usage means a larger carbon footprint and less resources to share with our world's poorer nations.

It's interesting how sometimes things happen to make us sit up and think. Maybe the comment of a friend, an item in a newspaper, a fascinating book, film or programme. And suddenly we can find we do things just slightly differently.

How fabulous that we have numerous opportunities in our lives to just do things a little differently or better.

I wonder what's made you think this week?

New-found self-confidence

2008-10-13T10:23:00.003Z

It's always fabulous to hear of the achievements clients of mine make.

I had a chat with an ex-client a couple of days ago. She came to me originally fearing taking steps forward with her life partly because of her own self-doubt and lack of confidence in herself. Yet she's now making brave decisions such as learning to swim after a life-time of fearing the water, and throwing a party she's been promising herself for months if not years that she hasn't previously had the courage or energy to organise. And she's even started a new relationship - you can see the resulting twinkle in her eyes for the first time in ages.

Many people I work with struggle with self-confidence and self-esteem either in a work or home setting or both. Their lack of confidence stops them from achieving many of the things they'd like to in life. Their own fears and self-doubt hold them back and prevent them from living life in all its fullness.

Yet when they begin to see the greatness within themselves, the choices that they have and learn the courage and motivation needed to take positive steps forward, their world begins to really open up.

How fantastic is that? To be able to do all the things we want to in life!

You know, there's an old saying that goes "It's not the things you do that you regret, but the things you don't do." How true that is.

So, if lack of confidence or belief in yourself is holding you back, then how about doing something about it today to change things? Read a book such as Susan Jeffers' excellent Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway or Paul McKenna's Instant Confidence. Or sign up for my online course How to Build Supreme Self-Confidence complete with simple, practical tips, techniques and resources so you can feel confident and in control.

And then, when you're feeling more confident, you, too, can do all those things you've been waiting for!

Too tired

2008-10-06T11:01:00.002Z

Whoa...... I'm a touch tired today.

Why? Well, it's been a weeny bit busy recently. My husband's been wrapping up one job and just started another - and preparing for a singing competition his choir's taking part in soon. That means much of the looking after family and home has fallen to me.

I'm not alone. Our daughter is 'on her knees' part way through a long first term at her secondary school and with the added pressure of regular homework. And a client of mine is really struggling with tiredness with three of the most stressful things happening in short succession - a new, more responsible job, a new house and a new baby.

We fill our lives (and our children's lives) with activities, commitments, responsibilities and then feel exhausted.

You know, we humans are a bit like rechargeable batteries. If we recognise we can only do so much and then we need some rest and relaxation, we do OK. If we set too high expectations for ourselves and try to cram in too much without attending to our needs for rest, we're heading for exhaustion and burn-out.

Our daughter at age 11 is back to 7pm bedtimes - OK, it's not 'cool' at that age to have such an early bedtime, but it's exactly what she needs. And I'm speaking to the school about the homework she's currently receiving in order to ease the pressure.

My client is learning to relax - a challenge for him, but with the use of my Ultimate Relaxation CD (see the Choices page of my website) to help him on his way, and the realisation that making time for R & R is not a cop-out but essential to help him cope with the rest of life, he's getting there.

And I'm off for an early night tonight and am building some 'time-out' into my week.

So, if you're feeling a little tired, get yourself some decent R & R, and start to feel better!

Mirror, mirror on the wall...

2008-09-29T13:28:00.002Z

OK, so we can't all be Keira Knightley or Brad Pitt (I wish!) but we all do have to look in the mirror from time to time. I wonder if we like what we see?

And it's not just about external attractiveness, is it? I guess it must be wonderful to have the face of an angel (or whatever) but what's underneath is arguably much more important in the attractiveness stakes.

But do we see that when we look in the mirror? Or do we tend to just see a care-worn, or lined face staring back at ourselves?

How we see ourselves depends to a great extent, not on our external beauty, but on the messages we give ourselves. Do we talk ourselves up or down?

One life coach I know told me how when he gets up each morning, he faces himself in the mirror and says to his reflection: "I love you". How fabulous is that? And given he's cuddly and will hardly make the cover of Vogue (or any other glossy, for that matter), this is about speaking from the heart.

I don't know if he believes what he says to himself - actually I hope he does, because he IS a lovely person. It doesn't really matter. The point is, he's giving himself daily messages that will contradict any tendency to do himself down. The negative is replaced by something positive and powerful. If he doesn't already, he will, in time, re-programme his mind to believe in himself and in his loving and lovable nature.

When a new client started recently, I was explaining to them how one of my jobs as a coach was to 'hold up a mirror' in front of them, so they could get to know the wonderful person that they already are. She's already discovering the truth of this - and is starting to not only get to know and understand herself better, but to actually like what she sees.

I hope that soon she'll be able to look in the mirror and say that she loves herself or that she's fabulous. I'm sure she will.

So how about you? What will you say next time you see yourself in the mirror?

Too little time

2008-09-22T09:25:00.003Z

Many of my current clients are struggling with a similar issue - too little time and too much to do in it.

Time management and how to effectively take control of what we do when is a common theme in much of my coaching. So many of us seem to have such busy lives with several, often conflicting pressures on our time.

One client I'm working with is trying to wrap up her current job before starting a new role, and finding she's having to deal with issues from both her present and future work at the same time. She had been finding her current role very stressful and demanding and had little time for herself, her husband or her friends. She's made huge strides through her coaching and despite her current 'double' workload, she's managing to take charge of her work and home life and is even finding time for herself.

Another client had her life completely out of balance - with no time and little energy to feel on top of anything at home or work. Needless to say, she was feeling exhausted and a constant failure. With work on how she views herself and her life, and some practical strategies for managing her workload she's already feeling much calmer, less stressed and more in control of what she does and when she does it.

The work-life balance of another client was completely out of kilter - he had huge expectations of himself which meant he rarely achieved what he set out to achieve and he felt stressed and exhausted much of the time. By helping him to see how he was sabotaging his own success and giving him tips and techniques for looking after himself he's starting to feel more relaxed and recognising that changing the way he approaches his time will mean he finds time for home, family and himself as well as his work.

I'm very privileged to work with fabulous people such as these who realise that things have to change, and to help them find a different and better way. I can't describe how wonderful it is to coach someone to the stage where they are able to change the habits, behaviours and thought processes that are limiting them so they are off and flying. Suddenly their load becomes lighter and they approach their life with renewed energy, motivation and confidence.

As time management is such a common issue, I'm sharing some practical tips on this in my newsletter. If you want to receive tips on this and other common themes, sign up for my free newsletter on my webpage http://www.ejlifecoaching.co.uk/

Looking after yourself

2008-09-15T10:09:00.003Z

We have a lovely friend staying with us at the moment. He's a wonderful person - extremely caring, generous, kind-hearted, fun, and interesting to talk with. Yet he's currently unable to see any of that in himself - he's suffering from depression. Years of stress in a job where politics and targets were everything and individuals mattered little (if at all) have taken their toll and he's really struggling. He will feel better again - depression is an illness, and will pass like any other when it's run its course and he's given himself the care and tlc he needs.

This friend isn't the only person we know who is having a really tough time at the moment. I personally know four other people struggling with depression and four others with chronic fatigue syndrome or something similar.

Some of this ill health could be put down to bad luck. But we are far more able to take charge of our own health than we always realise.

I know, from personal experience of depression, that the illness can be caused as much by the way we choose to run our lives as from 'bad luck' or external factors. When I was unwell with depression, in my late teens, it was mainly due to the high expectations I had of myself and the way I pushed myself when I needed to rest. In an odd way, I'm grateful for the depression - not only does it help me empathise with others who struggle with the illness, but also it gave me a much-needed 'wake up call' to remind me to take care of myself. I have not had depression since.

We humans are the most amazing machines. Yet we fail to look after them at our peril. Even our cars have regular MOTs and services to keep them performing well and to put right anything wrong. Don't we deserve at least as good treatment as that?

And our bodies are even fantastic at giving us signals when something's wrong - we feel poorly or tired, we aren't able to focus or concentrate properly, our emotions run high, or we don't sleep well. But do we listen?

If you want to maintain good health, you have to start listening to your body and what it's telling you. If it needs rest, adjust things so you can give it rest. If it's feeling unwell, it's in need of some tlc. If you can't concentrate, your emotions run away with you or you don't sleep well, work out what the problem is and do something about it to change things. And it you can't, find someone who can help you work out what the problem is and how to overcome it.

Let me know if you think I may be able to help (call 0115 925 2552 or email me at elizabeth.juffs@ejlifecoaching.co.uk).

This is your life - be well and enjoy it!

Positive thinking

2008-09-04T09:14:00.002Z

I had my ability to think positively severely challenged this week.

We were packing up from a holiday in the Lake District. Our time had been good and we'd managed a few lovely walks in the fabulous countryside, enjoying the peace and the beautiful scenery. But our time away had been peppered with showers (some heavy) and grey, leaden skies had followed wherever we were. The long-awaited trip to the beach, eagerly anticipated by our children, had never happened - the thought of huddling in fleeces under an umbrella whilst battling to construct sandcastles in the rain somehow didn't appeal.

Then, just as we were clearing up to leave for home, the sun came out. We travelled back in glorious, warm sunshine.

My mood changed from one of holiday lightness to gloom and frustration.

I guess many of us have had moments this summer when the weather has just got us down. Certainly our British summer has had long stretches when it has lived up to its soggy reputation.

Fortunately, on the way back home from our holiday, I realised that remaining in a glum mood would do me and my family no good. Nor would it change the weather.

So instead of thinking about the weather, I began to notice the lovely scenery we were passing and to re-live in my mind all the good times we'd had whilst away. Before long my gloom had passed, and with the children putting on a (not always in tune!) vocal recital from the back seats, I found I could smile and laugh again.

It's so easy to find ourselves sliding into a negative mindset -because of the weather, the conversation we've just had, the stresses and strains of everyday living, or whatever. Our choice is what to do with that mood. Do we choose to remain negative, and find the rest of our day just adding to our gloom? Or do we choose to look for and find the positive, so our spirits lift and we can enjoy life again? It's our choice.

One trick to help you think positively again is to find something that's good to hold and easy to keep in your pocket - a smooth pebble, a beautiful shell picked up from a happy holiday, perhaps, or a tiny framed photo of a loved one. Each time you find your mood dropping, touch the keepsake and remind yourself of the happy memories surrounding it and the things your grateful for.

Try it today! Find something you can treasure, pop it in your pocket, and enjoy the warm, positive feelings and memories it brings.

Well, it's started raining again, so I'm off to bring in the washing whilst I remember all the great things we did on holiday!

The higher the stakes

2008-08-06T13:48:00.002Z

I was out gardening at the weekend - taking advantage of the rain-softened soil to do some much-needed weeding. After a little while, I realised I wasn't alone. A female blackbird was hopping bravely nearby, gambling on finding some freshly-revealed grubs and worms.

As I continued my work, I noticed that she repeatedly took the risk of coming closer to me to find food, then disappeared for a few moments, only to reappear and start the whole process over again. She was clearly feeding a young, hungry family.

The many birds in our garden, apart from inquisitive robins, tend to keep well away when any of us are around. Yet this blackbird obviously felt it was worth the risk of venturing closer to ensure her young got the food they needed. The stakes were high enough for her to take the opportunity when she saw it.

This got me thinking... How high do the stakes need to be for us to take a risk - to do something that may improve our own health or happiness? For many, the idea of taking a risk or doing something different can be too scary and we retreat into the familiar and the comfortable. This is understandable - after all, we are human. Yet, we maintain the status quo at our peril.

I come across clients time and again for whom things have been far from right for a long while. They've been prepared to put up with things, rather than face the possible fear of change. They may not want to commit the time, effort or money to improve things. Meanwhile they suffer the consequences of their inaction - stress, unhappiness, lowered self-esteem to mention just a few.

It's often only when the stakes are high enough - perhaps when they're facing ill health, difficulties with their relationships, or real misery - that they feel able to take action.

If this sounds like you, ask yourself "How high do the stakes need to be before you take action? Before you take some risks to improve things? Before you invest in a better future for yourself?"

You could choose to do nothing. Or you could just decide today is the day to do something different and invest in yourself and your future.

Saving money

2008-07-29T10:01:00.002Z

We've heard a lot in the news recently about the declining economic climate. Whether we believe the hype or not, I'm sure we've all felt the pinch when filling up with petrol or doing the latest household shopping.

As you might have gathered by now, I'm passionate about what I do - helping others to really find and reach their potential and to get the most out of life.

What saddens me, is the number of people who put off doing anything about themselves and their lives, often because of money pressures. Of course, I'm not disputing that, given a choice between a meal on the table and self-improvement, we'd go for the meal every time.

Often, though, the choices aren't as stark as that. We know we really want to change things about our lives for the better, but we start feeling the pinch, or feel we should tighten the purse-strings, and decide to put it off - again.

A good question to ask ourselves, if that approach sounds familiar, is "What will it take before I do take action?"

Sometimes the money side of things is just hiding another fear that's stopping us moving forward. Perhaps we're scared of the enormity of the changes we need to make, or don't feel ready to face a different future, even though we might be desperately unhappy with our current reality.

And, amazing though it might sound, often just biting the bullet and making the changes we need to make can create such a brighter - and wealthier - future, that we kick ourselves for not doing something about it much earlier.

I may have told you about the lady who came to me to find herself and her zest for life again after years of bringing up children. Not only did she regain her old self-confidence and take up hobbies she'd previously only dreamed of, but she even saved herself £500 a month - yes, per month! - by working on her budgeting. In fact, the money she saved paid for far more than the cost of the coaching - and she gained a much happier, more positive future into the bargain.

So it might serve us well, when we start to feel the pinch, to ask ourselves what we choose to spend money on and whether the financial decisions we're making will really lead to a better, wealthier future.

When will YOU start to invest in your own future?

Feeling uplifted

2008-07-14T10:10:00.002Z

I was at a women's business networking event a few days ago. It was really good to meet up with people there, some of whom I'd met before, others who were new to me, and nearly all of whom shared the joys and frustrations of working for themselves.

Perhaps the best thing about the event was hearing the speaker, Ann Martin, talk to us all about, to put it bluntly, getting off our arses and making some changes in order to achieve what we want to achieve.

Ann is an amazing, dynamo of a woman who runs her own networking group for women, alongside all the training and mentoring she does for small businesses. Most of all, she's always inspiring and uplifting - fabulous gifts which she uses to great effect in all her talks.

It's great to come across people who are positive, motivating and inspiring. And it's one of the best ways to keep ourselves uplifted and positive. It can be so easy to slide down that awful spiral of feeling negative, getting caught up in a world that just feels to bring us down. Perhaps our work isn't going as well as we'd like, or our family are jarring on our nerves, or the weather is bad, or our finances aren't as great as we'd like.

Yet, spend a few minutes with someone who's positive and inspiring (as long as we have ears to hear), and our view of the world can change dramatically. Suddenly things seem brighter, we begin to notice the good things around us, and we feel motivated to action.

I'd definitely recommend it! Take a long, hard look at who you spend time with and seek out those who leave you with a smile on you face. Then use that positive energy to spread some more good vibes to those around you, so that powerful, uplifting force gets passed on.

Actually, thinking about it, it we all did more to seek out and then pass on those powerful, uplifting vibes, soon our world would be a much more positive place.

So, how about it?

How to feel a success

2008-07-07T10:33:00.002Z

It's been a rainy old weekend this weekend! Despite that, there have been some great triumphs - not least those of Venus Williams and Rafael Nadal at Wimbledon (wasn't that a great tennis match?)

I, too, had my own, perhaps smaller yet no less significant, triumph this weekend - I got to the end of my 'to do' list! OK, so my 'to do' list only had 4 items on it, but nevertheless they were all completed and I ended up feeling great.

Isn't it a wonderful feeling when we achieve everything we set out to do? Trouble is, too often we set ourselves too huge a task, and end up, yet again, feeling defeated.

How easy is it to plan to achieve lots of things and end up only completing half of them? This is particularly common if we tend to have too high expectations of ourselves (and others) or if we have children. (It took me years to realise that, with children, everything takes about 3 times as long!) It can also be a challenge to recognise that we need to plan in time for playing / talking / being with our children, as well as the inevitable fetching and carrying and dealing with their many interruptions and needs.

So, what was different this weekend? Well, I'd mentally ear-marked time for being with the children, so we could do a few activities together and play a game or two. I'd also adjusted my list so that it reflected what I felt I could achieve in less than a day, as that would then leave time for all the other things that pop up unexpectedly. Of course, I have another 'wish list' of things I'd like to do, or even have to do but aren't quite as urgent. These are for dealing with another day.

Then I calmly worked my way through my 4 'to do' items, involving the children too wherever appropriate (it's amazing how much enjoyment children can get out of sweeping up and even though we inevitably have to help out a bit, it can really save time as the kids get more adept).

If you often find yourself never getting to the end of that 'to do' list, why not have a go at setting yourself up for success too? ....be realistic about what can be achieved in the time (save the rest for another day); recognise the time that children take and adjust appropriately; get others to help if you can (make it a fun activity for the children - just leave extra time for it!)

It really is a great feeling when you achieve what you set out to do. I hope you enjoy that feeling too!