I did it MY WAY

Why I "almost" got fired?

2009-07-04T11:36:00.004+05:30

Well I have been working as a non-paid trainee in my parents' firm for past few weeks. Parents expectations are always high, and when you are working for them, it shoots off the ceiling! So finally I gathered up my courage and went to my boss(err, dad) to demand my paycheck. I thought a passive-aggressive approach would work out.(And I was damn wrong!) . So I write him something that I read long time ago somewhere(heights of vagueness!). It goes like this:

"When I take a long time, I am slow.

When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.

When I don’t do it, I am lazy.

When my boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.

When I do it without being told, I’m trying to be smart.

When my boss does the same, that is initiative.

When I please my boss, that’s brown nosing.

When my boss pleases his boss, that’s co-operating.

When I do good, my boss never remembers.

When I do wrong, he never forgets."

And so pay me or I will be my own BOSS.

Here I was expecting a paycheck at this point. But then he gave me an offer I couldn't refuse. Resign from the trainee position, be your own boss and find your own place to live. Or, continue the training till you get your senses back. These Indian parents are crazy! They always catch your bluff. And so I am back to being a cubist again!

Right to live and love

2009-07-03T12:00:00.007+05:30

A twist in a colonial law opens many a fate. Delhi HC's ruling on Section 377 has finally (atleast by law) liberated my country India and her gay children. For justice is blind and cannot discriminate on the basis of one's sexual orientation. Hence, consensual sex involving two adults of the same sex can no longer be a criminal offence. There is no reason for the hetero India to get paranoid. The ruling is only paving a way for this sexual minority to lead a normal and open life, at the same time get equal legal protection. Justice for all...isn't that whats law is all about??

The extent to which the government will support this is quite questionable. It will definitely be a political suicide, but atleast, we will (proudly) acknowledge the ruling party has balls to accept reality. Already the self-appointed guardians of Hindutwa, BJP is vehemently opposing it. Gay sex is immoral and unnatural and Indian society does not approve of it, they say. Sadly majority of the public still agrees with them reasoning that its against Indian "culture". But is it worth having such a culture where few live a life of lies and in the shadows of shame, just because of their plain "biological oreintations"?? THINK INDIA.THINK. Here I would like to add something that my cousin told me about gay-ism and ancient India. In his words:

"the shastras celebrate same-sex pairs, like co-mothers, rivers or friends. (but minors experimenting with same sex was punished with lashes but that was because losing virginity was said to reduce thechance of marriage) Agni, to whom most of the hymns of the Rig Veda are dedicated, is born of lesbian mothers. Some King of the Matsya Purana was turned by Shiva into a woman who then married the son of the moon. Mughal rulers openly accepted gay love. Scientifically everyone (can you handle the truth) at the very basic level is a female and male hormones are present in both males and females. super males & females are real abnormalities and you don't even want to know about that. What cause all the difference is the Hormones & Brain Wiring. So it boils down to your social morality, prejudice and plain fear of the unfamiliar."

Hence being gay is not a disease. And its one thing you have no control over. Ya you can hide it and live a life full of lies, but thats entirely your choice. If you ask me, its more of an ability. Your different choice doesn't make you a freak or a weirdo, you are just different than the rest of us. In plain english, you are unique. On a funnier note, the bis are damn lucky. They get the best of both the worlds. So walk with your head held high. And for the rest of you who are overwhelmed by "GAY SEX" and think its a western influence, kindly re-arrange your thoughts.

You may think that the country is swept off by the West Winds in a wrong way, in matters of homosexual liberation. But isn't it also true that this influence has made people more open and aware? Ignorance is no longer a bliss if you want to survive this age. Its time we actually learn to embrace and accept people and situations as they are. True, you just can't shake off your generations-old conservative beliefs in a day, but atleast make an effort to educate the public and raise public awareness about sexual minorities. It may be done in small steps but atleast towards the right direction.

For, love knows no boundaries, no sexual orientations either.

Who moved my Boards??

2009-06-25T22:07:00.004+05:30

So finally an attempt to revive the long-dead education system of India. Jai Ho! CBSE. One country, one education system. But will this reform bring "equality in education" in a severely diverse country like ours? Specially a country, neck deep with self-pitied citizens, who believe their "caste" will make their lives easy. Are we finally getting a fair arena of competition where talent comes forth social standings? If yes, its time for some cool revolution, baby!

But its a tricky road ahead, marinated with 'netagiri'. Many of the rural votes will be at stake after all. If you must know, the government funded schools in rural India are run by petty thieves, who entitle themselves as "teachers". This class of rats live entirely for the steady monthly salary, and definitely not for educating young minds. Their level of knowledge is pathetic and imparting even that bare minimum turns out to be a Herculean task for them. So I hope when our reverend and wise lawmakers passed the law of one education board, they are visionary enough to understand the fact that educating these pathetic "educators" will take another decade to come at par to the CBSE level.For that, they have to visit every school in every nook and corner of the country. You think they can do it?

Next comes the question on removing the 10th boards examination. Now I call it as "Half-baked" funda from the West. I mean their whole education system is flexible, maybe a little bit too flexible (no wonder, Obama is crying out loud!).The students can choose their own course,can jump classes if they are advanced for it and yada yada. None of which is easy to implement in the grass root level of our education system. Every state has their own education board where most of the time the medium of education is their regional language. Do you understand the difficulty of undoing what they have learnt and then re-learn everything again? Let alone the students but also the teacher.

Definitely most of the kinks of our auto-pilot education system (like, parrot-reading methods, extreme grading system etc.) will be smoothened out, but whether the true objective will be reached? Its still questionable.

An apology

2009-06-20T10:36:00.004+05:30

Hello guys! I know its been really long sinceI wrote something..I am so sorry. Call it a lame excuse, but past few weeks I am going through a total body shock- the paid torture called" gym"! Yeah, before this I thought working out was fun. I mean, I was doing it on my own albeit without a trainer. A lil' bit of cardio and weights was no bigga deal. But now, with a super serious instructor who not only sticks with the usual weights, but also yoga and aerobics, things are kindda jittery for me. Plus, when a foodie's diet narrows down to all non-spicy and well-balanced healthy food, the torture heightens. I m even planning to entitle him as "jallad"(read, aamir khan inspired) :P

But then, this shock is all temporary. I won't quit writing for sure. In Rab ne's style "Never fear, T-F-L is here" ;) (cant help quoting SRK, unnecessarily though!)Soon the body will get adjusted to the all-new diet and disciplined routine. Hopefully, I will also come up with better and improved version of fictions. Btw guys, I have been following your work, I see great changes and I like it. Will join you folks soon! Bye!

Head or Tale

2009-05-23T18:15:00.000+05:30

"The police found it in the trunk of her car.Neatly wrapped inside a wooden box."

"Did she claim it was hers?Or did they force her to?"

"She admitted it was her husband's gift to her on their first anniversary."

"But, isn't it foolish to keep it there? That proves her guilty of murder."

"She seemed too calm to feel sorry for what she did."

"Then why not dispose it like the rest of the body?"

"She said it was like a souvenir. It was his intelligence that always attracted her. Sadly, it also made her destroy him."

"Thats really creepy. Why would a wife ever do such horrible thing?"

"Strange are the workings of a woman's mind. I hope you won't do that if I cheat on you, right?"

"Evan, its not funny. And why the hell are you laughing?!?!"

Before she fainted...

2009-05-13T23:51:00.004+05:30

"You bastard! How can you do this to me?"

"I didn't do anything. You are thinking too much."

"I know you are having an affair. Who is she?!?"

"What?!?! Have you lost your mind?"

"C'mon Jason, I know the signs."

"Of course, you do. You've been exhibiting them past few weeks."

"JASON!Stop it!"

"You think I don't know about your affair with Mark? Sad."

"You have no right to say that."

"Really? Oh, I thought it was any husband's right."

"A husband who has no time for his wife. What else do you expect?"

"I expect you to divorce me.I can't live with a woman who slept with my boss."

"Fair enough. So how long you been having the affair?"

"Long before we got married."

"And you've lied to me all these while. Why?"

"There were certain complications."

"Who is she? Do I know her?"

"Yeah. You guys met at the wedding."

"Who is she?? Tell me."

"Its not she. Its a he. Sam, the bestman at our wedding."

Cathy faints.

A woman should...

2009-05-07T10:17:00.005+05:30

"be a feminist during her college days,

be career minded and care oriented,

play the game of hide and seek with her suitor,

dare to stay happily unmarried all her life,

love being a woman,

buy flowers for herself,

feel the wind on her face,

go camping,trekking,

be shy, be bold,

trust men occasionally,

give the second chance to everyone,

be a romantic,

get emotionally hyped over nothing and cool down suddenly,

go on a diet, yet, eat chocolates and ice-creams,

get high and stay high on life, love her man and her reflection,

learn to love herself,

kiss herself good night in the mirror,

get wild, tame her tears,

break rules- lead the dances,

drive her man's car,

run his bank account,

manage his business, wear his clothes,

yet know that he's a man and she's the woman,

get flattered,

wear latest fashion and wear fine diamonds,

for no special reason,

lay down principles in her life,

go out for window shopping all alone,

know the way to her man's heart,

never forget the little girl within."

Destination:DEATH

2009-04-28T20:45:00.005+05:30

"Hey kid, whats your name?"

"Amanda. Whats yours?"

"George. How old are you? And where are your folks? Kids shouldn't be moving around alone in this ward."

"Nice to meet you,George. I am eight. How old are you?"

"75. Kid, your parents?"

"I don't have any. I am from Good Shepherd Orphanage. You see that fat nun over the reception? She is Sister Cecilia. I came with her."

"Is she sick?"

"No. I am.Doctor said its terminal. Whats terminal?"

"It means, there is no turning back. Like me."

"Turning back from where?"

"Death kid. Death."

"But you are old. And I am only eight. Why should I die?"

"I dunno kid. Its fate."

"But I don't want to die, George. I still have to be picked up by some family. Like, you know, my friend Clarissa, went across the river to stay with her new parents. She even has a dog now. I miss her though.

Sister Maria says, if I say my prayers daily and do the chores, I too will go to some good family."

"Really? Did Sister Maria say why you weren't picked up till now?"

"She said I am a bit sick. And the families don't want sick kids.But if I take my medicine and say 100 Hail Marys daily, some family will take me too."

"Why do you want a family so badly? Listen kid, you will do good on your own. Family is not worth 100 Hail Marys ."

"Because everybody has one.I too want one who will take me to park like Toby's does. Or buy me a doll house like Bess's. Don't you have one??"

"Yeah, I do. A son and a daughter. But they are busy with their work and their own families.Nobody has time for a bitter old man."

"Do they hate you because you have the disease?"

"Maybe. Or maybe, they are glad that I am dying..finally. After all, I am just an unwanted baggage."

"George, did my mother leave me beacuse I am an unwanted baggage too?"

"I dunno kid. But you are a good kid. Not unwanted."

"George, are you scared of dying?"

"Yes kid, I am. Terrified."

"I am scared too. Can I hug you?"

"Sure kid."

"George, can I die with you? I was always alone. I don't want to die alone."

"Kid, I ...."

"Promise me, George."

"I promise I will not leave without you."

"If I should die,

And you should live,

And time should gurgle on,

And morn should beam,

And noon should burn,

As it has usual done;

If birds should build as early,

And bees as bustling go, --

One might depart at option

From enterprise below!

'T is sweet to know that stocks will stand

When we with daisies lie,

That commerce will continue,

And trades as briskly fly.

It makes the parting tranquil

And keeps the soul serene,

That gentlemen so sprightly

Conduct the pleasing scene!"

~ Emily Dickinson

Whats in a name?

2009-04-22T17:53:00.004+05:30

Every picture tells a story, says a friend. This is my first attempt to include one for this picture.

"Shit! Christ!All I need now is a coffee stain."

"A wet napkin can do the trick. Here, let me help you."

"Excuse me? Does it look like I need your help?" Wow Ryan, you are super clumsy. Even a stranger can tell.

"Well, I can't say much about your look. But you better remove the stain quickly.Or else it will cling to your shirt like a whiny wife."

"Haha. Very funny.Go ahead and laugh. After all, The joke's on me!"

"zzissss..! You are hotter than your coffee!"

"What?! Are you flirting with me?"

"Totally.Are you my Prince Charming? Your table manners bowled me over."

"We are not even sharing a table. Listen lady, why don't you let me enjoy my 30-min break in silence?"

"Sure. Sip in silence. While I enjoy my shake. Slluurrppp...!"

Aarrggh! "Why are you doing this?What you want?"

"To remove that stain of yours. And maybe...talk a little, share a few laughs, what say?"

"Sorry, I am not into small talks with strangers. And thanks for the unwanted advice."

"So, you work near-by?"

"Still talking! What did I tell you about my no-talk policy?"

"Didn't hear that. I am a bit deaf on the left."

"Brilliant! Err..ok I am sorry about that. But, look at me? I really don't want to talk to you."

"Can't do that either. I am blind too. "

"What?? Then, how did you know I spilled my coffee?"

"Hehe..You swore out loud."

"Hmmm... You are too beautiful to be blind."

"Thats what everybody says. Life's a bitch, isn't it?"

"Tell me about it."

"So, your wife left you,huh?"

"What? How did you know?!"

"You didn't take the whiny wife joke well..simple!"

"Ya, she left me. But its not that simple. Anyways, you sit in this cafe everyday to talk to strangers?"

"Oh, I love the cafe no doubt. I specially love to sit here and feel the afternoon sun in my face. Also, Marco makes the best shake in this part of the town. Yeah, I occasionally talk to people here. After all, the voices are my only connection to the world."

"So, why me? I wasn't even polite to you."

"You sounded troubled. Like, you need someone to talk to."

"No, I don't."

"There you go again. Getting all defensive. Relax. Enjoy your coffee and the afternoon."

"So, how did you lose your sight?"

"Well, it so happened that I was on a road trip with my friends to........................."

And so, 30 mins led to five hours and after three rounds of coffee down.

"Oh, its almost evening. I can smell it.Listen, I have to go now.I have a bus to catch. And you have your boss to report your absence."

"That can wait. I doubt they even noticed that I was missing."

"Wow. No wonder you are so popular."

"So, I guess you can wait."

"No, can't do. The bus stop is around the corner. Why don't you walk me to the bus stop?"

"Sure, would love to.So, what bus do you catch?"

"The 5 o'clock one. Its almost time, isn't it?"

"Yeah. 5 mins left. Amazing. How did you know?"

"Creature of habit...simple!"

"For you, everything seems to be simple, isn't it?"

"Not exactly. Anyways, thanks for walking me till here. Is that my bus coming?"

"Yes. It was really nice talking to you. By the way, I am Ryan. And, you are?"

"I knew you wanted to talk to someone. I am glad it was me. And I enjoyed this afternoon as much as you did. 1520 Harrington, please. Thanks!"

"So, we meet tomorrow again??"

"Lets see."

"Atleast tell me your name!"

"Whats in a name, Ryan?!?" She smiles. The door closes and the bus leaves.

My most memorable affairs...so far!

2009-04-17T10:25:00.001+05:30

4 years in Vellore, and the only places I loved here(read, no other options) are the eating joints. Of course, we also have a fort housing a temple, a mosque and a church inside it, none of which interests me anyway. I even heard that people go for boating in the mosquito-algae infested moat surrounding the fort, a ho-hum affair which strangely, people find romantic in the Vellore heat. Yes, the heat is so terrible that it makes Siberia the best place on earth. Thus, the only good thing about my graduation exile to this uber-boring place are mygastronomical affairs.

China Valley delight:

I love the Chinese invasion in VIT. I really love it. Not only did they flex the University rules, but also brought momos here. Yes, these steamy drops of heaven are well appreciated. Obviously, they can't beat the momos of Momo Ghar in Guwahati.But still,thanks to this really small China Valley resaturant, which my myopic eyes have missed, like, zillion times earlier. And today, I tried the BBQ Chicken there, which was no better than ambrosia for me. The kebab styled chicken was cooked in the perfect Schezwan sauce- spicy and tangy with a hint of honey. It was worth the 45 minutes of waiting in the heat and ducking the thousand makkhis ke attack. Man, I have never seen so many flies at the same time. I guess, they too love chinese.

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KFC ishtyle at Amala's:

Uncle makes the best chicken burger here.He did beat the Colonel on this.The chicken is crispy on outside, tender inside. Oh, and the pasta is equally awesome. Uncle, a 60-something returnee from London, is the cook cum owner of Amala. He amuses us not only with his culinary skills but also his gift of gab. The first thing he asks me and my friends, "Which branch you guys are from? And please don't tell you are from Biotech." He gave us a toothy smile when he knew that we are from Chemical. Apparently he finds the Boitechs very arrogant. He sat and chatted with us all the while. Nice Brit humor to go with the funny little Brit accent of his. Amala's is a different experience all together. In the evening the place turns into a coffee shop. You sit around and read some books, play carrom or simply devour the yummy sandwiches with coffee. A very laid back affair!
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Afghani @ Darling Residency:

The Afghani Chicken is a hot favorite out here. Covered with a thick layer of cheese and served with mint chutney, this is the only cheesy stuff I adore. I also love the grilled fish and the steaks. Best part is the roof-top restaurant, especially in the evening. In a town that gets over in the blink of an eye, Darling Residency surely stands tall(read, big building)
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Quick Bites:

There was not one time that I passed by QB without having the Barbeque roll. Thats the power it has over me. Not to forget the fresh cream cakes, death by chocolate and the caramel cake, an indulgence for my sweet tooth.
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Lalit Bihar:

Being a total carnivore, chicken is my vice. But the only place I don't mind being a vegetarian is Lalit Bihar. Pakka home styled Indian food. From lassi to parantha, this is a total desi-ghee cooked madness. The place is always crammed with people and its so small that sometimes you may get a bit claustrophobic inside. But the food can make you forget the world outside.
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The list is not complete without a special mention of these: SBR chicken biryani, peking noodles and chicken taronest of China Town, chicken winglet of Punjabi Dhaba( but, at your life's risk. Don't be surprised if you backfire after this spicy treat.). But no meal is complete without a king-size dessert. Ladies and gentlemen, I present GellatoPazo. The generous servings of icecream does a total "Yuppie" to your stomach- DBC, Choca-Moca, icecream with fruit salad etc. Oh, almost forgot the hot jalebis served in the evening at Dhaba Express.They simply melt in your mouth. Try it out with Vanilla icecream.Bon Appetite!

The night that was...

2009-04-09T18:07:00.004+05:30

Bob and Sharleen entered the house through the patio. The house was dark in the dead silence of the night.

"Bob, the staircase is to the left of the dining hall. We take the first flight and then right. That's where it is."

"How do you know the inside so well?"

"Oh, I worked as a maid here. Until Mrs. Black fired me."

Her creamy complexion looked too royal for a maid. For a moment, Bob was troubled.

"So you doing this all for a silly revenge?"

"Bob, this is no time to discuss. The patrol car passes by in another half an hour. We have to hurry."

"Fine. I got it." Bossy woman. He hates when she is in control. Except, maybe, the bedroom. He grinned.

"And Bob, be careful." She touches his arm.

Damn woman! Concentrate, Bob. Concentrate.

5 minutes later, they reach the staircase. Bob was amazed by the huge chandelier at the centre.

"Here, take the gun. Just incase."

"Sharleeenn! Where didja...?"

"Later Bob. Now take it."

The mahagony door was slightly ajar. Bob went agape when he looked in. The master bedroom was an image in white marble and mirrors.

"Stop drooling, you idiot!" She angrily hissed.

"Hey its my first big fish, dontcha get it?"

Inside, a body was under the covers of the kingsize bed.

"Hey, you said the Blacks were on a holiday. What is he doing here?And where is she?"

"Looks like change of plan. You go over the bed and keep an eye on James. I will work on the safe."

"You call him by name?"

"Ya, we slept few times. That's when she found out and fired me."

"And so you stealing the Heart of Gold? A revenge?"Damn women and their vendetta!

"Ya, sorta." Damn kid, you ask too much.

Sleek as a leopard, she moves towards walk-in closet. Just few more minutes to waste, before the game is over. Honey, you so gonna pay. She couldn't help, but grin in the dark.

Bob moved nervously over the bed. The man in bed seemed to be in troubled sleep. No wonder, the rich never sleeps in peace. Suddenly, his eyes hovered over the huge picture above the bed. A wedding photo. The dark haired bride looked familiar. She looked like..like.. He let out a small cry!

"Sharon honey, is that you?" Suddenly the body in bed was awake.

Bang!Bang!Bang! Three shots through the head, and James Black was dead. Bob didn't realise that he pulled the trigger. Before he could react, something hit him on his knees. He sprawled into the floor.

"Thank you, Bob. It was sooner than expected."

Against the moonlight, she looked like an angel. My death angel.

"Let me introduce myself. I am Sharon Black. And you've just killed my husband. Congratulations." And she laughed like a maniac.

This is a mad woman. Not my Sharleen. "Why me?"

"You were just my pawn, kid. And you just opened the doors to the Black empire, for me. Now that you know the secret. I have to kill you."

"But I love you."

"Too bad. I never loved you anyway. Goodbye lover!"

Early morning, a week later. She goes over the newspaper until one item caught her eyes.

"...It was just a week ago that Mr. James Black was murdered at his home by an amateur thief. And even under such trauma, Mrs. Sharon Black successfully holds the fort as the new CEO of the Black Corporation. Friends and family is still mourning over the loss with the Black widow."

Yes, I am the Black widow.

My new Blog skin

2009-04-09T13:10:00.001+05:30

I have this annoying habit of changing my blog template. Its nothing but the outcome of my constant need for change of surroundings. No guess needed, I am a restless soul! Anyways, I love my new blog skin. It a typical Piet Mondrian template. There is something about his work that always fascinated me.

Those of you don't know, Piet Mondrian was a dutch painter. It was, he who introduced Neo-Plasticism, the non-representational form of art. Also known as De Stijl, the famous Dutch artistic movement in 1912. This art consisted only of vertical and horizontal black lines and the use of the three primary colors-red, blue and yellow.

This genre of art expresses the spiritual harmony and order. The Guggenheim Museum's online article on De Stijl summarizes these traits in similar terms: "It [De Stijl] was posited on the fundamental principle of the geometry of the straight line, the square, and the rectangle, combined with a strong asymmetricality; the predominant use of pure primary colors with black and white; and the relationship between positive and negative elements in an arrangement of non-objective forms and lines."

A very peculiar form of art, for those interest can click here.

Will I ever see this again?

2009-04-05T14:08:00.004+05:30

Today morning I woke up suddenly at 5. The sight I saw through the two huge windows on the opposite wall, was so outta nature's canvas. Early morning light through the clouds. The hills afar had a bluish tinge with the sky in the horizon adorned a pink glaze. The greens below were greener than usual. For a moment I felt as if I was dreaming. Such a pristine sight. I feared moving just incase it was a dream. Like holding on the beautiful moments to last a lifetime. Such moments hardly come by or simply gets unnoticed in d humdrum routine of life. And I simply stared, quenching my thirst like on a hot day. Didn't realise when I drifted off to sleep. And I still wonder-Was this a dream? Or just my luck with reality?

Calling out to the universe...

2009-03-30T13:28:00.002+05:30

The moment I saw The Secret, I seriously didn't believe a word. It sounded too good to be true. I mean you ask the universe, and it gives you your heart's desires. Then I thought a little more. Scarily funny, it happened with me. 6 years ago, I was a dosa-idli loving kid. 'coz I could eat those delicacies at restaurant. Then I made a terrible wish. Since then I am stuck in a place where I get to eat them daily. Daily to the point of making me pukesville. My once "love" has now turned to bad case of taste allergy. So much for a wishful wish!

Shit! I am talking about food again! I guess I fancy food like a fat tub of lard.

2009-03-23T22:54:00.008+05:30

..What the hell was I thinking? I have gone righty tighty!lefty! loosey! for quite sometime. Spluttered my blog with wasted thoughts. Shit I have gone soft!So I am bracing myself up for the 'comeback' from hell. BitchynessUnlimited.com Thanks Kshitij for passing on the torch. The marathon has just begun.

Side effects of Loveria

2009-03-18T11:49:00.014+05:30

I don't understand why the couples break-up so frequently. I mean if they have zero tolerance level, why even commit in the first place. Kindly refer to The Revolutionary Road if you are so duh-huh at this.But recently I got a completely new perspective on this whole issue.

One newly single guy said that he broke-up 'coz he kindda got bored.Apparently the girl loved him way too much. I was totally 'WTF!!' when I heard it. But behind the wtfness I found the truth. Being regular at male bashing, I have always blamed the guys who broke my friends' hearts. Now when I recall those situations, I see something else. The fault lies with the girls too.These fluffy-little-walking-hearts loves and cares too much. So the moment they became dedicated-ly "available", their guys whole hearted-ly got bored. Call me cynical morbid bitch, but fellas thats the truth. And my dear girlies, better accept it sooner, before someone else does trapeze with your heart again. Taking things for granted is a selfish human nature embedded in our genes. And this seems to be more prominent with organisms having high testosterone levels.

My heartbroken friends have often recounted their "burning paradise" stories. But somehow they fail to see the cause and the symptoms of the imminent fallout. You see, when this Ishq-Visk happens, the stakes get really high in terms of expectations."I expect you to do this and that,sacrifice this and that, in return for my selfless love". (Well, I am expecting many war-cries at this juncture to prove me wrong with the sanctimony of "Love demands Nothing".) Unfortunately, its the girl who usually initiates this blunder. This is shortly followed by the even deadlier "Commit to me" phase. No doubt the guy chokes in love.I don't blame him. I just blame the girl for being a total angel in loving an A**hole in the guise of a man!

Now that the guy feels trapped, he goes helter-skelter. Sadly his lady love fails to notice.But like the third umpire, I too saw when love got bowled out. So,for the sake of damage-control, just look out for these tell-tale signs. His love for you is losing its life-blood, if you find that, most of the time, he behaves in the following ways:

1. He no longer makes time to spend with you on a weekly/daily basis.

2. He prefers to go out with his friends than take you out.

3. He is easily annoyed by things that never bothered him in the past.

4. He finds it difficult to tell you that he loves you.

5. He constantly talks about how fat/boring/nagging you are.

6. He talks you down.

7. He has started being dissatisfied with things you do for him.

8. He suddenly gets very busy so that he will have less time to spend with you.

9. He has stopped doing you any favors.

10. He has told you that perhaps both of you should slow things down a bit.

11. He encourages you to go out and have fun without him.

12. He forgets your birthdays/anniversaries and makes no effort to buy you gifts.

13. He laughs out loud when he talks to his friends or family members, and never laughs out loud with you.

14. He flirts openly with other women in your presence.

15. He has started comparing you to other women in terms of how you should look or behave.

16. He has started lying about where he has been and who he's been with.

(Incase there are more signs, please feel free to add.)

BTW, these signs are not applicable if you are in love with a guy who is terminally sarcastic, a compulsive liar, or simply brain dead. There is no cure for that itch. Its applicable only for your Mr. NiceGuy-turned-HellBoy. But at the end of the day, its upto you. If you believe that its worth making few changes to save your relationship, go for it! Otherwise, leave the guy immediately, get overdosed on chocolate and say it out loud, "Yeh nahi toh koi aur sahi". I know its easier said than done. But I am no love atheist and I believe that there are few good men still left.

Recession hits Tongue-fu too!

2009-03-01T20:17:00.003+05:30

One of my Gtalk buddies has this status message:

No more status msgs to show: India has really gone into recession

I was totally rofloled over this. Every corner we walk into today, all we hear is Recession. Its this huge monster slowly eating up the planet. The other day my mom called up to say how bad the hospital business is going on. Apparently people have stopped falling sick due to Recession

I do get the impact of recession, but lately things are going way too over the head. At this rate I won't be surprised if a newborn's first words are "Raa-Saa-Shaan" rather than "Mama Dada.." Oh even better, what if a baby refuses to come outta mother's womb crying "Whaa! Mommy, not now...after recession only"( That comic strip is just conjuring up in my mind starring The Recession Baby.)

No doubt the Recession Plague is mostly affecting the great minds . Politicians like B S Yeddyurappa , Muthalik and Co. making an ass outta themselves with their Return to the Dark Age schemes, filmakers making the worst films ever, the cricket team is losing( well, they lose every now n then..but thats a different issue altogether), not to mention the new panga with H-1B Visa (Poor westward looking Indian fellas now have to look inwards...classic case of Recession hitting the Brain Drain) and obviously topping the list are the Indian IT companies. Even the 54th Idea Filmfare Awards last night showed signs of the Great Depression. The Vadde Khans were replaced by the Bacchas of Industry. I missed their wicked humor and it depressed me..alot!

But look at the brighter side, everyone is singing the same note. World leaders are chanting the same mantra: Deglobalization! to save their socio-political-college degrees stuffed-asses. And also its fun to see when their well-orchestrated decisions go down the drain, and all they come up with, "Sorry, I screwed up!' It getting fantabulous every second.

Now whether the Woody Allens, the Richard Linklaters, and the Madhu Bhandarkars are making movies on this Period or not, I will definitely tell my kids and grandkids the Great Depression story starring the brave Tongue-fu hero, who is now going to enjoy her Choco-Nut Cookie listening to Vivaldi...Gnite!

Victory of the slumdogs, what next?

2009-02-24T12:13:00.003+05:30

"Slumdog Miilionaire" won 8 Oscars! The Indians around the globe are gushing with pride. This is a rags-to-riches fairy tale of a slum dweller and the miserable life he led in the shanties of Mumbai. He is not just a character in a film, we feel his pain. But most importantly,we are celebrating his pain through the awards. Doesn't that make us masochists in our own little worlds??

We enjoy showing off the world our miseries and all we ask in return is a damn good "Happy ending" no matter how unrealistic it is.And no doubt Hollywood takes the advantage of this fact. Poor India!Hungry India!Deprived and sad Indians! The world is our stage and we gain the sympathy votes. A nice market strategy. And I am sure Hollywood is hoping it can do the same trick what the cosmetic industry did with the Indian beauty pageant winners.

I know what you are thinking. I am an ungrateful and unpatriotic Indian who should be summoned by the House of Un-Indian Activities. But here is a fact. I am an Indian who loves to see India as a super-power not as a developing Third World country. I do acknowledge the problems we face, but I hate to celebrate them. And I hate when they make films which looks like "an instant coffee illumination of a dark continent for the underexposed waspy American who is, of late, finding it kindda cool to engage with the rest of the world."

Headlines like"India's Jamals can't afford dal-roti daily" are flooding the national newspapers today. Looks like the whole country has awakened from a deep slumber to show their concern for the slum dwellers. Do you think we really care for the likes of Jamal, Latika and Salim? Hell no! We are bloody hypocrites. Noboby changes overnight over a British-American film about India with some Indian collaboration. No doubt the "slum story" can be a good topic to discuss over the brunch on a Sunday morning, but nothing beyond it. Till the new found hype and glamour of the slums is there,I say its Christmas for the people in the shanties- Health camps, donations etc. Maybe people on the better side cares or maybe they just want to earn some Good Karma in their free time. Either ways its short-lived.

But Mr. Boyle good job! And I agree small is beautiful. I am sure India will deliver you many such storylines. And why not? We love being SMALL. So what do you plan to tell the world next? Hmmm..how about the deprived SC/STs in India and how they require quotas in everything they do?? 'coz after all, Indians are the only people who take pride in being from backward society.

Jamini

2009-02-21T19:20:00.005+05:30

Today I would like to tell you about a woman named Jamini. She is neither a politician nor a page 3 socialite. Nor someone important who can make a difference in this world. She is my housekeeper cum sentry who looks after my brother and the house, when my parents are away. A complete nobody...then why should I talk about her? But this tall and lean boring character has a different story to tell.

I don't know how old Jamini is. The flecks of white hair and the pigmentation in her face tells me she must be something around 40. Her unique feature is her pockmarked face. It has no sign of life. I could never figure out whether she is happy or sad. Never heard her complain about the work or ask for leave. Whether its diwali celebration or a funeral, that blank slate always has a morbid expression. When I first read about the Death Kiss of Dementors and its aftermath, the face that first came to my mind was hers. Obviously thats impossible in the real world. Jamini's abnormality was not from birth.

Twenty something years ago Jamini was married in her village (a-name-I-never cared to remember!) She was continuously beaten up by her drunkard of a husband. The torture not just scarred her body but her mind also permanently. After the birth of her daughter, she was thrown out of her house. The husband remarried and Jamini was never allowed to step in her house. The young mother lost her right to feed her own baby. And this deprivation eventually sucked out her last drop of happiness.

Now all she does is work. And the way she gets things done is that of a plain idiot. Recently she threw away my passport along with the trash. No doubt such antics earned her the name "Jomoni" meaning funny. There are times when my mother has urged her to go and meet her daughter. But she never seem interested and always says "Hobo diyok baideo, bapek aase nohoi saboloi". I guess this tortured soul now refuses to be happy. Last time when I was in town, I got her a pair of earrings. That was the only time I saw her smile but her eyes were listless.

A woman like Jamini has seen only pain and she suffers in silence. I am sure she must have cried all alone before turning into a stone. And there must millions of people out there who suffers like her in silence. Ironically, sharing that same space and time are also people like me, who cry out loud how unfair life is, at the slightest of trouble. And as I write this, I am filled with shame and remorse for being such a weak-hearted fool. But then again, tomorrow is a brand new day to learn and start afresh. :)

Its all in the head,Honey!

2009-02-14T10:39:00.004+05:30

This post is dedicated to all the people in "loouvve", the hopeless romantics and those who believe that heart is where the love is. It may crash that beautiful fiction called love you hold so close to your heart.

Recently I read this article where researchers from Albert Einstein College of Medicine,New York said" The source of love is in the head, not the heart." Hah! I felt so. The red lumpy pumping machine can't make you fall in love. No doubt it sounds unpoetical and unromantic when you get to know that love mostly can be understood through brain images, hormones and genetics. Imagine the gross image of the folds in brain in your V-day card saying "Sweetheart, this got us together". Love will definitely look nauseous. Businesses will drop. Hypocrites are we, believing love is a miracle sent from Heaven, so lets give credits to the unseen cupids and the red heart.

But here is the truth.The brain has four tiny parts which form the love circuit.(cupids and love charms are stupid!!) The hotspot is the teardrop shaped VTA. Apparently it "lights up" in a functional magnetic resonance imaging machine, whenever you see that special person. Thus a rush of of adrenaline-like chemicals-PEA takes place. And this speeds up the flow of information between nerve cells, dopamine and norepinephrine. Dopamine makes you happy and norepinephrine stimulates the production of adrenaline. Oh that heady feeling! with the heart beating faster. :P

Now this chemical reaction works in the brain like drug addiction. You feel light-headed, things start to look more colorful, the world seems to be a happy place and yada yada...the crap people say!So wake up dopeheads...This addiction is good as along as everything is well, but gets dangerous when things go down the drain. The brains of recently heartbrokens create a craving very similar to that of cocaine craving. "People kill for love. Die for love".

Addicted to love, after all ;)

I am fat and ugly

2009-02-11T13:16:00.006+05:30

Anyone who saw the Korean movie 200 Pounds Beauty know exactly what I will talk about today. But the solution is not always going under the knife or other quick-fix solutions

Many of my friends often complain about their weight problem. They crib and cry how unfair life is giving them the few extra pounds. But very often they fail to see that they are the "doers of the doing"(wow! that rhymes somewhere in my mind :P) . Only hogging and no playing makes Jill a fat cow. I have come across the following three types.

1. I don't care cow: Very dangerous type. Once upon a time they decided to do some dieting. When it didn't work but made them more hungry instead, they simply gave up. Now they just don't care 'coz they are overly depressed with their appearance. They hog double giving their depression as an excuse. A serious case of overeating

2.Diet till I die cow: They are the hyper cousins of the above variety of cows. One morning they wake up to find out that they won't fit into their favorite pair of jeans. And then they stop eating completely, maybe just one meal a day. Often leads to serious eating disorders like anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa etc. This leads to very dangerous symptoms. Trying to quick-fix their problems, they slowly become the third type.

3.Pill popping cow:If the last ones were dangerous, this one is suicidal. There is no coming back because the market is filled with loads of Orlistats, Sibutramines, Symlins etc. and you have easy access to them. Also available are the cellulite treatments. A little bit of snooping in Allmart showed there are three types of weight loss creams being sold at present in the VIT campus. Next best sell to the fairness cream products.

Now I may continue ranting about the pitfalls of dieting etc. But thats not the point. You may be on the heavier side but its not the end of the world. Instead of resorting to the short-cuts, do it the right way. Do exercise. A little bit of workout won't kill anyone(Unless you are medically adviced not to.) So put on your running shoes and sweat your fats out. Its not just about looking beautiful, its about staying healthy. And working out will not make you any less feminine. Do the cardios regularly and you may not even have to cut out your favorite chocolate!The path is difficult and the results are slow. Atleast it won't harm you.

Instant weight reducing regime does this. Blow the bubblegum and then burst it. Continue it for sometime and after the 5th-6th time, the gum becomes loose.Same thing happens to your body. It sags at unwanted places owing to the sudden weight loss, followed by ugly stretch marks. And the body takes a funnel-shape.Most importantly you lose the glow in your face.

Controlling the palate is again very difficult task. Cut down the fattening foods but do treat yourself once in a while. In the end, its a win-win situation. Drink lots and lots of water.If you are not into work outs, try yoga. But never starve yourself. Its a crime. Our body is the most amazing gift of nature. Love and respect it.

If nothing mentioned above works for you, try the Vatsyayana way of losing weight! ;)

Random thoughts

2009-02-06T15:33:00.001+05:30

Ever since the high court of Tamil Nadu passed the decision of closing of all the colleges in the region, students have been homebound in flocks. Its interesting to see their eagerness in “going home” for they tend to forget everything else. The world around them becomes blur coz then they just move towards one single goal. Home. What a beauty!

Somehow I didn’t catch this home fever and stayed back. Not that I don’t have a home and don’t enjoy the company of the people I love. Its just that strangely, the eagerness wasn’t there. Or maybe I was plain lazy. My dear mother, God bless her soul, was worried about me staying in the almost empty campus. But how can I make her understand that I enjoy this emptiness. Many would say that I am under some kind of weird depression mumbo-jumbo. But the truth is I love the empty hallways, the almost empty campus and mostly the empty hostel corridors. Sounds ghastly to some, but its beautiful. Lesser the people, lesser is the effort required to connect with them. Humans have this strange behavior of finding connection with others. But I don’t see anything humane enough when a person has to forgo himself inorder to blend in.

Being a chronic loner, I like this sudden change in campus. Atleast I don’t have to pretend that I am having a great time in the crowd and connecting with people. Its not that I hate human contact, but after sometime its unbearable. They talk, shout, scream, laugh, cry a lot…making a lot of noise. Unfortunately you can’t “mute” them and so you adjust or simply blend in.

The advertisements scream offers like “Run away to the exotic Caribbean” or “Enjoy quality family time in Europe” or “Find paradise in the Greek islands” or “Celebrate the silence of the Himalayas”. Unfortunately these promises are short lived and very commercial. These places are always way too crowded with tourists. You just can’t escape the noise. If I ever had a chance of such retreats, I believe I would find myself in some place surrounded by hills. Just standing on the edge of the cliff and facing the wide void ahead, the green valley below with the river flowing towards the rising sun, can be out of some artist’s canvas. Or maybe somewhere such a beauty do exists. I wonder how it would feel falling off that cliff with the air rushing past my face and engulfing me. Its not like dying but more of flying away over the valley seconds before hitting the ground….

A musical hangover

2009-01-31T08:32:00.000+05:30

Last evening was the craziest in months...its Riviera'09! celebrating the 25th year of VITU. The best part of the 1st day of this fest is the musical pot-pourri. In one day, u simply get a taste of different types of music. Sometimes u tend to miss some because there ain't enough time to catch up with all of them.

12.30 PM: Prelims of HEADBANGER'S KALL. College bands especially from south(I wonder why they never call any1 4rm north!) did their gig. Some of them were really sad to the core. There was this one girl vocalist band and they made us listen a torturous version of "Zombie". Trust me sister, u better stick to classical music!

The worse part is my favorite drummer was missing. Last year he enthralled the crowd with his superb drumming plus leading the vocals.

4.10 PM: Finals of HEADBANGER'S KALL: Madhouse shook the entire crowd with their innovative Arabic fusion. Followed by the powerful chinese rock. Hi5 to Pritam on vocals! E-Flat too amazed us with their Indian fusion. At the same time, Touchwood was a great disappointment. Their music was way too bleak and had strains of pop in it. Sadly that was the inhouse band and they were awesomely shitty. Finally towards the end, there was this band(ummm....greyshack?!?! Dont rem d name) who thrashed the crowd. Now this is what the stage was meant for. They had the style, the guts and some real hardcore music. My neck almost snaped and my ears went deaf after their performance. They did justice to that event.

7.45 PM: RAGHU DIXIT PROJECT: They did the opening of the evening extravaganza. Beautiful original piece of work. My personal favorites "I still love you" and "Smoking". But the crowd response was too low. Thats what happens when you perform in a total diverse crowd. Many of them were not familiar to that music and many of them didn't even bother to listen. Many of them couldn't even even make out whether he was singing in Hindi, English or Kannada. Result: More boo-s than yay-s!

9.20 PM: VISHAL-SHEKHAR:The crowd loves dhin-chak and they delivered it. For the next 3 hours the stage was on fire. They sang their top bollywood numbers and the whole crowed screamed,danced and jumped. And then there were the inbetween repartees which just added to the onstage magic. Crazy numbers like "Dil dance maare" to romantic ballads like "Suno na" simply entralled the crowd. Even songs like "Allah ke bande" and "Tu aashiqui hain" captured our hearts. Hard stuff like "Dil haara" drove the crowd to frenzy! The duo gave us a night to remember. My personal favorite was "Desi girl" which they played in the end. What A NIGHT!

It was after midnight when we returned to hostel. My neck, throat, head, legs.....gone baby gone! I woke up today with a headache and a very hazy mind....cluttered with music. What a hangover!

Chasing Dreams and Butterflies- Part 1

2008-08-21T00:11:00.002+05:30

This is the story of a girl called Red who loves chasing Yellow butterflies. Red lives in the Green mountains which touches the Blue skies. This was her world. It was her dream was to catch all the Yellow butterflies and make them into a beautiful ladder, so that she could climb high up the Blue skies. Now these butterflies lived in the White valley. Red had no idea where this valley was. All she knew was that she needed those butterflies. Thus began her journey of chasing dreams and butterflies....

My Industrial Visit

2008-07-28T22:01:00.005+05:30

Thats my class....more or less :P(in the CPCL township)

Finally the chemical batch ’09 went for the much pending industrial visit. And it was fun. Actually, FUN. The 10 hrs journey to Chennai Petro Chemical Limited was really tiresome. Initially I was really skeptical about taking the trip for my batch was infamous troublemakers in the entire school. But I was wrong. The entire 36hrs that I spent with my class was amazing. Never in 4 years I had so much fun. And it would be really unfair to tell about my trip in just one post. Lets ‘fractionate’ the trip to the refining industry and back, into 3 ‘cuts’ :P

Cut 1: it all started with a “Jo bole so nihal..” around 11pm. With top numbers blaring from the speakers, the bus “floor” was on fire. Our class Pappu (Devansh) was all in mood to prove that he can really dance ;) Few of them joined him in what looked more like jumping than dancing. Along with the hootings, it was just a warm up. Dreading a disaster, I simply looked out of the window and turned on my player. Didn’t realize when I dozed off but on waking up, found the dance session was over. It was past 1 am and this time something else was on cards – Antakshiri. Now this was too good to miss for typical “driver collection” songs were being sung. I joined Pappu and Bansal’s team. It was more of shouting and having fun then singing. It began with just few of us but then the entire bus was crooning expect the 8 other girls of my class. Now Megha and Afrin were on vomiting spree and the rest 6 were sleeping?!?!?!
It was past 3am when we were all exhausted of songs and energy. Even our throats hurt. Finally the two faculty members there asked us to shut up and let them sleep. So when the lights went off, Bansal’s “Chutkule” session started. Anand has an awesome gift of gab. Each joke killed us with laughter and ended with us shouting “Encore! Encore!”
Slept around 5.30 am only to wake up to the sound of Mote(Mohit) clicking pictures of the rising sun and the sleeping beauties..lol
We reached CPCL township around 7am and after a 2 hr break we started for the refinery. Now what we learned there was doubtable for when the presentation started, we all dozed off in the ac conference hall. The tour of the plant was awesome though. Finally I got 2 see the “stripper” of chemical plants (btw,it’s a gas/liquid stripping column ;)). By midday it was really hot and after lunch in the plant canteen, we hurried back to our bus which was like a furnace. We then started for the second part of the journey : the BEACH.