Childfree Clique

OMFG WTF IS THIS?

2009-11-03T16:05:00.005-07:00

I don't know if anyone else frequents the humor blog STFU Parents, but let me tell you, sometimes there are things on this site that even I can't handle.

As a new user of Facebook, I haven't yet had the pleasure of coming across EXTREME parental over-share but let me tell you something- if I ever see some shit like this or anything that even holds a candle to this bullshit- I am not only deleting the offender from my friend list, I am excommunicating the motherfucker from my entire life.

Really. What kind of sick bastard would post some ill shit like this on the goddamned internet???

You know...there are almost no words for how vomit inducing something like this is. When I initially saw this, I was utterly appalled and flabbergasted. My next feeling was one of pure anger, which is weird since these are complete strangers, but something about this photo PISSED ME OFF.

I can't exactly put my finger on why either. I just saw it and became semi-furious. Like "wow you people are some damaged motherfuckers" and "how do you make it through life when you are that skullfuckingly fucked in the head?"

Don't you feel sorry for the offspring of whomever would do something like this? I mean seriously. THIS IS FUCKING SICK BEYOND BELIEF. Who does this???????

Ugghhhh! I can't even talk about this anymore. I need to go wrap myself in a blanket and sit in a dark corner somewhere.

Pregnancy Does NOT Entitle You To Premier Parking!

2009-10-12T19:37:00.013-07:00

I've only been on Facebook for a month and ALREADY it's proving itself to be more of an annoyance than what I need in my life.

Here's the story.

I posted a camera phone picture of an annoying sign in my local grocer's parking lot that states "Expectant Mom Parking" and added the caption: "While, I'd never park in a traditional handicap accessible parking space, I DO park here quite regularly, because pregnancy is not a fucking handicap and you should not get special parking spot for having sex!".

Because really, if sex is the standard for premier parking, my own sexual history should more than qualify me.

Anyway, this is my typical sarcastic fare and not at all out of the ordinary but, the next thing I know, one of my friends posts a "woe is me" comment stating: "All I can think about is how wonderful that space was when I was 9 months and having a hard time walking."

Uggghh. Classic move to try and guilt trip me, no?

Well, I'm not taking the bait.

Recently, I was diagnosed with osteo-arthritis (it runs in my family BIG time & presented itself in all of my affected relatives before age 35), and I have been having SERIOUS knee pain for the past several weeks.

My response back?

"Well, it was pretty "wonderful" for me today because my osteoarthritis is KILLING my GD knee- but oddly there are never any "special" parking spots marked off for "newly diagnosed arthritis sufferers" or "general fatigue suffers" or really ANYTHING BUT "mother with small child" and expectant moms"....I get that pregnancy is draining but so are a myriad of other conditions that Fry's (the name of the store) doesn't give a damn about. Your pregnancy was a temporary condition and it is now over. My osteo is hereditary and is here to stay. You can choose never to get pregnant again. I can't choose to not have fucked up joints. So you totally win!

Annnnd you got a tax break and tons of free shower gifts as a result the pregnancy. Your pregnancy got more consideration and benefits than my osteo ever will.

More WINS for you! :-)

/sarcasm

I mean really. Pregnancy is not the only condition on earth that makes walking difficult. Also I should say that even before my osteo diagnosis, I parked in those spots all the time. Hell, I was TIRED. I am a single woman who has to carry ALL of my groceries ALONE.

But are there any designated spots for MY lifestyle choice?

Fuck to the hell no!

She was not to be deterred though.

Her: "You can get a handicap tag that would allow you to park in those spaces-you just need a doctors note. I am sure there are a lot of things that you don't agree with but do you have to take away something that could potentially benefit another person just because you don't think it's right."

First of all, I honestly didn't know someone my age could obtain a handicap sticker for arthritis (why didn't my fucking doctor enlighten me to this when he last saw me in agony??). Secondly, don't you just loooove being chastised and guilt tripped by your friends?

Who doesn't!

Yes I am a mean, insensitive person for "taking something away" from someone who, like her, sought to be in that preventable/terminable condition.

Someone who ACTIVELY chose to get pregnant deserves special parking because their CHOICE might make them tired?

I beg to differ.

My response: "Well, this is sort of apples to oranges. I'd never park in a traditional handicap accessible spot because I do have consideration for others who are in conditions not of their choosing.

By this logic, any difficult thing we choose to bring upon ourselves that causes stress, fatigue, etc. would deserve some special reward or parking spot right? What about the morbidly obese? What about people who smoke a lot and are easily winded? Unlike having a legitimate handicap, all of these are lifestyle choices. Is it "fair" to everyone else that one of these choices gets a nice cushy spot at the grocery store and the others don't? I don't think it is honestly. Why is there no spot for chemo patients or dialysis patients? Do you see where I'm going? Pregnancy is (unfairly) the exalted condition by society and yes because I disagree I will keep parking there on principal."

So she smart alecks back with "Just fyi-all the examples you listed qualify for a handitag."

Ummmm last time I checked, people who smoke a lot and have no other condition do NOT qualify for a handitag and neither do obese people with no other medical conditions but...correct me in the comments if I'm wrong please.

Also, anyone who is undergoing chemo or dialysis and relies solely on relatives and neighbors for rides may NOT have a handicap sticker! But the grocery store in question doesn't seem to have any "designated drivers of ailing persons" spots marked off do they? Do they hold considerations for ANY OTHER persons who might need a close parking space but don't have a handicapped sticker?

No they do not. Because pregnancy is WORSHIPED more than anything else in the world you can think up!

IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WIMMENZ CAN DO!

My.Ass.

So let's tally things up here. No special parking spot for people who might happen to be driving a handicapped associate. No special parking spot for exhausted single women who have to make 20 trips to and from the car carrying heavy ass groceries. No special parking spot for general fatigue or exhaustion. No special parking spot for people who may have just had a medical procedure. (And no special parking spots for being a childfree citizen who conserves and isn't contributing to overpopulation either, I might add).

Nope. No parking spots for any of that. Only pregnancy!!

I can't let this one slide. I counter with:

"That's news to me but if smoking and eating too much qualify for a sticker, so should pregnancy.

If pregnancy doesn't qualify for a sticker on it's own merit, then I must not be the only one who doesn't think it's akin to having a handicap, thus deserving of a special parking space."

Also, I have to say, one of my friends was in great shape during her pregnancy and was doing light jogging EVERY DAY, almost up until her delivery date. Even on my BEST day, I can NOT jog with this painful osteo-arthritis, so I honestly don't want to hear that pregnancy is an equally debilitating condition for everyone. It is NOT and we all know this!

If YOUR pregnancy is that insufferable that you can't walk more than 12 parking spaces from the grocery store entrance, you should be able to get a fucking handicap sticker.

Do you hear that pregnant people?? If your being pregnant does not warrant a handicap sticker, you need to call your local congress member and complain or something, ok?

In the meantime, I will CONTINUE to park in the stupid pregnancy spot at the grocery store, whether my osteo is acting up OR NOT, without losing a damned bit of sleep over it. Got that?

You're Now In The "Momfia", Let The Chorus of "It's So Worth It" Begin

2009-10-01T20:48:00.029-07:00

My BFF delivered her kid a few days ago and so far, she seems to be happy and handling motherhood fairly well.

But again, she's only like 6 days into this thing so who knows...

Of course, every Facebook update she posts is filled with fucktons of baby pictures and updates on the kid, which I guess I expected, but as a person totally unmoved by infants, I still find it all to be pretty snooze inducing.

I mean how many pictures can you take of a newborn? They look the fucking same in every photo! They have two facial expressions at this age, "crying face" and "blank face".

I mean, really.

In any case, whenever she posts an update about something she's having difficulty with...breastfeeding, lack of sleep, whatever, her "momfia" buddies post the most superficial, annoying comments EVER.

BFF cannot air ONE legitimate grievance without being told "BUT IT'S SO WORTH IT!!!11!" by at least 3 people.

She's been having issues breastfeeding but does anyone with EXPERIENCE care enough to give her helpful suggestions? Nope, they just tell her how "worth it" all this hassle is.

"Breastfeeding is really the best thing for you AND the baby. It is so worth it once you get the hang of it!"

"I promise that the first night is the hardest, keep trying. Welcome the the parent 'hood!"

"Pain aside, there's nothing in the world like the birth of your children! When they first come out and they hand him to you--is that not the most breathtaking moment? There's nothing like it in the world. I wish I could bottle it up."

"Hang in there. Breast is best, and of all the right of women, the greatest is to be a mother."

Ugggghhh. Yeah of all of your achievements in life, having sex and winding up pregnant is the most significant of all!

And of course, there's the mommy judgment. "BREAST IS BEST!!!"

Um sometimes breast doesn't work and baby has to drink formula. IT ISN'T THE END OF THE WORLD.

Gawd, guilt tripping her already.

One of her friends in particular, is so very strident and forceful in her chorus of "it's so worth it", that she frightens me.

Is she simply being positive and uplifting, or is she trying to browbeat my friend into drinking the "happy mommy kool-aid"?

Or is she trying to convince HERSELF that it's all so "worth it" because she too is expecting a child soon (according to BFF)?

I'm not sure, but having read all I have read about parenthood, how hard it is, and how so many people suffer in silence secretly hating it, a lot of this empty praise for it seems a bit hollow to me.

I'm also worried about her being indoctrinated by these goddamn zealots. I fear that with all of these freaks in her ear about how "worthwhile" this endeavor is, she will turn into a creepy Stepford Breeder.

You know the type. Spouting hollow, meaningless platitudes about how great motherhood is, lying to herself and everyone else, never expressing one negative, HONEST reaction about being a mom, and secretly drinking vodka out of a Starbucks cup to get through the day...

I might not have kids but I DO have insight into what a hellish life that is and I don't want that for her at all.

In all of MY conversations with her, I talk to her about having a realistic approach to this new journey she's on. I hope she enjoys it and it makes her happy, but if it doesn't I don't want her being harshly judged by these shrill, sanctimonious, mommy cult worshiping fucktards.

With all that said, I'm left with one sentiment that I can't shake.

I am so glad to not be in her shoes...but so regretful that SHE is in her shoes.

Am I making sense?

For instance, the other day she asked about my upcoming trip to Turks & Caicos next month and told me how excited she was for me. The next sentence was "Wow, I'll be changing diapers and you'll be relaxing on a gorgeous white sand beach..."

I didn't really know how to respond. It wasn't a good feeling though. You know what I felt, like I WISHED she was coming with me. I told her I wished she was coming and that we could have traveled together while we're young.

Her response? "Yeah me too sweetie. There are so many things that aren't going to happen now..."

*Sigh*

As much as I like to be catty and sarcastic on this blog a lot of the time...I'm seriously mourning all the pleasures in life I'll be enjoying without my BFF by my side.

I've had MONTHS to prepare for this, but somehow now that the baby is here, it feels worse than I imagined it would.

You know, I truly hope this IS "all so worth it" for her. Otherwise it's all reduced to one big tragedy. BFF loses her life and vitality to motherhood and I lose my best companion and all of our opportunities to do great things together.

Maybe I'd get a kick out of the schadenfreude if this was someone else but it isn't.

Ugh...time to open up a bottle of Moscato I think.

My Health Insurance is Anti-Childfree...How Bout Yours?

2009-09-09T20:23:00.010-07:00

After much deliberation, I recently decided to switch birth control methods.

After talking over some options with my gynecologist, I decided that maybe I wanted to give Mirena a try.

I knew that there were risks. For instance, it's implanted in your uterus and is often harder to insert in women who haven't had children. Also, there is a higher risk of the device being expelled from an "unused" uterus. My doctor advised me that since a woman's uterus is ALWAYS enlarged by pregnancy, women who have not been pregnant are more susceptible to problems.

Sure this, along with the possibility of pain alarmed me, but I weighed the pros and cons and decided that the risks were worth the reward. It's effective for five years of continuous use!

Whooo hooo!

I scheduled the implantation and looked forward to my new, easier birth control method.

Ugh, well, a week before my appointment I got a call from my doctors office informing me that my insurance would NOT be covering the full cost of the procedure and I would have to pay several hundred dollars in out of pocket costs in order to use this form of birth control.

Of course, I was incensed. Money wasn't necessarily the biggest object either. Sure I could afford to shell out the cash, but as someone planning to hit the Caribbean in a few short months, I didn't want to! PLUS- birth control is something I passionately believe health insurance should cover! With NO QUESTIONS ASKED DAMMIT!

This totally pissed me off so I canceled the procedure and went with another method.

But, in the time since this claim was rejected, I've done some legwork with regard to investigating the policies of my insurance company.

I cannot even express to you how INCENSED I was when I discovered that they cover 90% of the cost of infertility treatments.

IVF costs $12,000 on average.

The cost of my Mirena implant? Less than $1000.

So in a literal sense, my insurance company is willing to shell out THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS to help a woman become pregnant as well as pay for the "extras" that go along with being pregnant. Like...exhaustive pre-natal care, an expensive delivery and hospital stay when the baby is born, and the possibility of multiple births that tend to arise from IVF procedures.

They are willing to take on that great cost for women who want children, but aren't willing to help childless women like me (who cost them MUCH less money), remain CHILDLESS by paying for a relatively inexpensive birth control procedure or even a tubal ligation (which they also DON'T COVER)?

WHAT THE FUCK?

It truly appalls me. Perhaps I shouldn't be so stunned or appalled but I am. It's a completely discriminatory practice if you really contemplate it. They are subsidizing reproduction yet providing almost no support for those of us who are trying to be be diligent in our use of birth control, and in the end cost them much less money.

Look- if they want to be generous and assist people with having babies, FINE. I have NO ISSUE WITH THAT.

My PROBLEM is with the fact that support is given for THOSE individuals while none is given for me, when mine is just as valid a choice and costs them NOTHING in comparison.

This is one of the many times that I am truly befuddled by how the world works and our collective priorities as a society.

I don't want to hear another motherfucker tell me that we don't live in a pro-natalist culture willing to forever validate and support the choice to have children (even when it's in an irresponsible manner) over the choice not to.

If Adoption Were Free...Wouldn't Breeders Still IVF It?

2009-08-26T19:55:00.004-07:00

I was privy to some conversation the other day between two of the women I work with regarding one's struggle to conceive and heard one express a sentiment I have heard MANY times....

"IVF is cheaper than adoption so we're going with that."

This has been talked about a lot lately...just google "IVF vs. Adoption" and a plethora of shit comes up.

Supposedly, IVF costs up to $15k but private adoptions can cost between $20 and $25k.

Hmph, well fostering a kid is FREE if you really want one that bad.

Hell, they pay YOU to take the kid, not vice versa!

How come we never hear THAT?

Sarcasm aside, last I checked, IVF was not a sure thing. You can do a ton of IVF treatments and never, ever get knocked up.

Let's look at it this way. Say I am DYING to have a kid (try not to laugh as you imagine me desiring a fuck trophy of my very own), but have had no luck getting pregnant. I only have $15,000 to my name. Is the wise decision for me to spend that cash on an IVF treatment that may not work, OR save it and work towards another $5 or $10k to facilitate an adoption?

If I do the former and go through IVF unsuccessfully, THAT MONEY IS GONE.

Now, I'm no adoption expert but I'm pretty sure you don't fork over $25,000 and come back with no kid. If you pay for an adoption and it falls though, one would think you'd get your money back.

Not the case with IVF. That shit has a NO REFUND POLICY.

Honestly, I really think people like to give any excuse they can pull out of their ass with regard to doing IVF versus adopting a stranger's kid. They are supposedly DYING for a child but really don't want "someone else's reject baby".

Am I alone in thinking that if adoption was FREE, breeders would STILL spend thousands of dollars on IVF?

I truly, truly believe this.

If Wal-Mart was giving out free Black and Hispanic babies one weekend, PEOPLE WOULD DRIVE PAST THE WAL-MART TO THE IVF CLINIC!

Fucking crazy.

*Sorry if this post isn't the most coherent, I've had a bottle of Riesling about 10 minutes ago.*

Blogging while drunk- population: ME.

Is "Blind Faith" The Paramount Difference Between US and THEM?

2009-08-18T21:36:00.006-07:00

As you know, my BFF is having a little twat dropping in the fall.

I have little faith this is going to work out well for her and that feeling has increased little by little, as her due date looms closer.

I let a lot of things go unspoken while she waxes philosophical about being "zen" and having "faith" that this will be wonderful.

Her husband (they had a shotgun wedding last month) works a lot and is never home. Shortly after the wedding, hubby became impotent due to "stress" (their sex life was horrible to begin with though but I better not go there). She moved from AZ to Northern CA to be with him, so she has no friends or family close by. Her in-laws are almost an hour away. She has no friends or support system in her state. She is a high risk pregnancy so she quit her 6-year job to stay home until the baby is born. She is covered under COBRA for now but if it runs out before she finds a new job, she and the baby will be uninsured because her hubby is self-employed and has no health insurance whatsofucking ever. She also has a pre-existing condition (type 1 diabetes) and no insurance company in California will take her on independently due to that and the law allows that shit in her state.

Explain to me how in the sam hell you have "faith" that things are going to be good in a tough situation like that? I understand that people have it worse, but so what.

This shit is still bad!

Her situation has changed drastically from when she announced her pregnancy.

I do NOT stress these things in conversation with her and I rarely bring ANY of this up at all. I do not need to be the doom and gloom bitch of other people's lives. That is not my job. It's bad enough I spend so much time worrying about people if you ask me, but that's one of my "flaws", I guess.

What strikes me though is the idea of "faith", and just "hoping" everything fucked up will all somehow work out.

Any time we have a conversation, she stresses that she has faith everything will be ok. She isn't a religious person either...she just has this mysterious "faith" that she will have her happily ever after. The more she talks, the more I realize how much of a faithless person I am.

I have very little faith in ANYTHING. Especially in anything that involves other people.

People = historically unreliable, often unpredictable, generally illogical, riddled with issues, flawed and imperfect.

Yeah I'm not big on people. I have seen them in action and I know what they're capable of. I have come to the realization that having strong faith in imperfect people makes us prone to living in a perpetual state of disappointment. I think happiness and satisfaction should be more self-driven than anything.

This is not to say that I am TOTALLY faithless in everyone. I just don't have BLIND FAITH. The kind that keeps me from acknowledging certain inconvenient realities in life.

I look around and see a world full of relatively passive people having a lot of "hope" and "faith" in things, but not fully thinking through their decisions or looking to the experiences of others for insight.

I am starting to think that one of the most blaring differences between people who have kids and us childfree folks, is that instead of weighing EVERY ASPECT of having kids, they hinge their actions on faith and hopes and dreams, and all that kind of shit.

This concept of "faith", in my opinion usually prevents people from looking at things objectively and reasonably. Faith is often another way of putting blinders on and shielding oneself from reality.

As a matter of fact, the very definition of the word "faith" is sketchy and makes me want no part of it. The dictionary states that faith is the "firm belief in something for which there is no proof".

A firm belief in the unprovable...sounds sort of delusional in a way, doesn't it? I mean, if we're being honest, "faith" is the root of a lot of problems.

For instance, it creates religious intolerance. People have always and will always use faith as an excuse to be intolerant of others.

Also, isn't "faith and hope" part of what caused the mortgage crisis? People had "faith" that somehow they would be able to buy homes they couldn't afford. They had "faith" they'd be able to refinance before that ARM adjusted!

So am I crazy or is "faith" not the best thing to hinge important life choices on?

In addition, another part of me wonders, isn't "faith" sort of an arrogant, ignorant state of mind? When people ignore basic reasoning and "odds" if you will, in favor of "faith", isn't that a bit narcissistic? We live in a self-centered society after all. We often think that just because the majority of people fail at certain things, that we are somehow above those odds. We think "it's going to be different for us because we have hope and faith that it will!!!".

Facts (especially inconvenient ones), don't often derail people from doing what they WANT to do, no matter how misguided it is.

Should they? Yes, I think sometimes they should.

But, this being a "ME" oriented society, we all believe we are special.

Well obviously, we aren't. We're a nation full of un-special people who turn away from truths that don't fit our agendas. Their is an abundance of "faith" and a total lack of fucking LOGIC.

One quote I've always loved is: "Man has always sacrificed truth to his vanity, comfort and advantage. He lives... by make-believe. ~W. Somerset Maugham, The Summing Up, 1938.

Basic interpretation: people have their heads up their asses and live in a constant state of denial to get by in life.

Subconsciously, can't we all see how true that is?

Don't we ALL have people in our lives hiding from truths and opting to "hope and have faith" instead of getting REAL?

I lose count of how many women I know who became mothers simply because they "hoped" it would turn out well. I'm talking about women who never outwardly enjoyed children but had faith the old adage "it's different when their your own", was true.

They learned that yes, it IS different when the children are your own. The difference being, you can't give them back when you're sick of them and all of your time, money, and freedom is now GONE!

Pretty damn different huh!

And I what I learned from that is, well I don't enjoy taking care of other's people's kids so consequently, I have no FAITH I would enjoy taking care of my own!

I have become so aware of my own flaws and shortcomings in the past few years, it's scary. So much so that I can't look at other people's lives and have faith that I'd overcome what they couldn't, or that I am somehow "too special" to make those same mistakes.

I can't look at every woman I know, who like me, is not proficient in anything "maternal" and think "but I'm sure I'd be different!"

I cannot look at bratty ass kids in the store and say to myself "I have faith my kids won't be like that!", and force myself to hope and believe that is true.

I can't look at every unhappily married woman I've ever known and say to myself "marriage will be different for me, I have FAITH!".

No....I think I am fully actualized in my own un-remarkability. I realize that my experience doing those things is not likely to be vastly different from the average person's experience. After all, the human experience is one of commonality. Most of our trials and tribulations (at least on a mental level) are universal, especially when we make similar life choices. I find it odd that so many people are operating on some level of willful blindness about these things, and would rather base life altering decisions on faith and "hope" their way through life.

Does anyone else think this is one of the big "disconnects" between us and them?

The Truth Must REALLY Hurt!

2009-07-27T20:33:00.009-07:00

Has anyone else wondered where the "True Dad Confessions" website went?

You know...the site where all of them men went to talk about their wives loose vaginas, how sucktastic parenthood is, how traumatized they are after seeing their wives give birth, etc.

What happened to that site???

True Mom Confessions is still up, but the Dad confessions have vanished completely!

The non-cynical side of me wants to believe that since these sites were originated by women, they possibly decided to re-focus their confession oriented websites toward their intended target audience- women.

The cynical side of me (which admittedly is larger than the non-cynical side), thinks the Dad confessions brought unwelcome truths into the lives of mothers and the site was taken down either as a punishment for what the men were posting or as a way to assuage the stress of moms who frequented the site.

I mean, as a CF person who observes mothers and has read my fare share of mommy crap on the internet, I realize that denial and avoidance is a HUGE part of life for many mothers. Denying that you might hate your kids and parenthood...denying that your husband liked you better before you had rugrats...denying you wouldn't go back and make different choices...avoiding and denying the fact that you probably were better off before you had a kid...etc..

Lots of denial and avoidance in mommyhood from what I see.

So they've accumulated all these things to deny and avoid and some bunch of bitter, yet truthful men come along and ruin everything with their damned confessions!

I mean, it's probably really hard to tell yourself and other women that "your vagina goes right back to normal after birth, I SWEAR!!" and then read a bunch of men (who've actually BEEN INSIDE A VAGINA AFTER BIRTH) say otherwise.

It's probably also hard to admit to yourself that letting your man witness your baby being expelled from your vag might not have been a "bonding experience" at all, but more like a traumatizing one which has rendered him with a bad case of erectile dysfunction.

These are harsh realizations and I just bet that seeing them in print from men who could have very well been their mates, caused the untimely demise of the True Dad Confessions.

What say you guys?

Thoughtless Elderly Breeder Dies...

2009-07-15T10:56:00.005-07:00

Do any of you recall the woman who gave birth to twins AT AGE 66, via in vitro?

Well, less than three years later, she's dead and her two-year-old twins are orphans.

This is a woman who:

*Lied to the fertility clinic about her age

*Used the fancy logic that since her mother lived to see 101, she might have a snowball's chance in hell of doing the same

*Sold her house to raise $59,000 to pay for the in vitro fertilization

*Advocated for women to "become a mother at the right time for them"

UGH. If "the right time for them" is 66 years old, they're an asshole and no child deserves that as a parent.

That's the thing about parenthood. The timing and conditions should be right for the prospective CHILD also. Not just the parent!

Imagine how much this woman planned this decision. She sold her fucking house for chrissakes. It baffles me that all of this thought went into how she could fulfill HER DESIRE, while seemingly little went into the welfare of her potential offspring. Forget that as humans, we are designed to deteriorate in every way imaginable once we advance into old age. She simply figured, "well my mother lived to see 100, maybe I can too" and that appeared to be the end of her thought process.

Yet another case of children having to suffer consequences of the horrid decisions made by their selfish, breeder parents.

Selfishness is a funny thing...when it relates to someone without kids, I could give a flying fuck.

When it relates to people bringing offspring into the world under circumstances like this, I am disgusted beyond belief.

It pissed me off when this was going down a few years ago and people were saying "well you can't PLAN for everything in life", in defense of this woman's self-centered decision.

That is truly breeder thinking right there.

OF COURSE you can't "plan" for everything. But you can use LOGIC instead of "winging it", which is what so many assholes in the world seem to advocate. Have a baby when you feel like it and just HOPE things work out. We hear that a lot don't we? Sure, that may be great FOR YOU, but what about your children? What will they have to endure as a result of you "chasing your desire"? Do you care?

It appears for this lady and the millions of other people who breed with only THEMSELVES in mind, the answer is no.

Baby Shower Shopping- The Fuck Was I Thinking?

2009-07-02T13:14:00.014-07:00

A few months ago, I wrote about how my very best friend in the universe is with child. Actually, I wrote about it twice.

Well, I figured I'd post a follow up since her baby shower was a few weeks ago and reality REALLY sunk in for me that yikes, this baby is coming in 3 months.

First, let me discuss the shower.

Like most CF people, I LOATHE FUCKING BABY SHOWERS.

I usually only go to baby showers for the free cake. There's never any alcohol and the rest of what goes on at these things is a deplorable exercise in stupidity.

I mean just the idea of a "baby shower" is annoying to me...this is a widely celebrated custom in American society and that puzzles me.

Have sex, get pregnant, and get a party thrown for you with tons of complementary gifts as a congratulations!

Ummm...do you know how much sex I've had in my lifetime? A whole helluva lot. And none of it has ever resulted in me getting pregnant. Is that not sort of remarkable? WHERE IS MY PARTY? Why don't I get a congratulatory celebration?

What kind of paganism is this country founded on for fuck's sake?

Anyway, back to my hatred of baby showers...the biggest insult to my sensibilities?

The fucking stupid ass baby shower games.

Such as:

*Guess the pregnant lady's belly size by cutting up pieces of string and seeing which is the best fit for her "circumference". The winner who comes closest gets a prize OMG! EXCITING!

Laaaaame!

*Smashing up candy bars in diapers (to look like baby feces, awww how charming!!!), and then using sight and smell to try and guess WHICH candy bar is in which diaper. Pseudo shit mashed up in diapers = OODLES OF FUN!

*Pin the baby on the pregnant woman...sort of like pin the tail on the donkey but done with paper babies. Everyone is blindfolded and the person who puts the baby closest to the knocked up chick's stomach WINS!

Ughhhhh.

Get the hell out of here with this dumb shit.

So, suffice it to say I was incredibly relieved when BFF told me we would not be engaging in any of this fuckery at her shower. We were going to eat good food, socialize with friends, have cake, open her gifts and then roll the fuck out.

I could even consume liquor!

Since BFF was flying out from Cali, where she now lives, she asked that her guests only gift her with baby clothing and gift cards, since these things could be easily transported on the plane.

Now, I think she expected that I'd just get her a gift card and call it a day. After all, I am far from a "kid person" (hello...UNDERSTATEMENT) and the thought of me actually shopping for baby shit was not something that ever crossed her mind.

Well, for some reason that made me want to defy her expectations and go buy baby clothes.

As you can guess, it was sort of a debacle. I was totally clueless and out of my element.

My primary concern? WHY is this crap is so expensive? It's clothes for a baby. They grow out of this shit in two weeks, why does it cost so fucking much?

What a ripoff.

*sidenote* After I discovered how expensive baby clothes are, I told BFF that once the kid is born, she should just keep it diapered and wrapped in blankets and beach towels. That will save a fuckton of cash. Forget buying loads and loads of expensive, cutesy outfits that are not going to fit the kid 6 days from the day it was purchased. Where does this baby need to be every day? It's not like it has school or a job to go to! It's not going to have to keep up appearances or anything! So why does it need a bunch of outfits? Diaper it's ass, throw some socks on it's feet, wrap it in a blanket and handle your business!

BFF laughed me off and while she didn't exactly thank me for this advice, I figure she'll be grateful I gave her this idea in a few months and simply concluded my stellar advice with a charitable "and you're welcome."

As I further flipped through the racks of overly tiny, overly cutesy baby clothes at Target, I grew more and more frustrated with the stupid fucking code language they label this shit with.

For instance, certain clothes had a "PR" label...

"What the fuck is PR???", I asked myself out loud.

Puerto Rico?

Public Relations?

Punk Rock?

Then there was the baby shit labeled "NB".

Um....

New Balance?

Not Big?

Nagging Baby?

UGH! I am used to reading tags that say S, M, L, XL, etc.!

My brain does not compute any of this. Am I an airhead or is this whole process just stupid?

Possibly both?

Apparently, my befuddlement was showing because a Target sales girl came over to me asking if I needed help.

I wonder what gave her that idea! Could it have been me saying "Goddamn it all to hell!", semi-loudly while drowning in a sea of baby clothes?

Anyhow, she kindly took the time to educate me that "PR" stands for "Preemie" and "NB" stands for "Newborn".

Well, slap me with a big fat fucktard sign.

God I suck at this baby shopping shit. Note to self- NEVER DO IT AGAIN. Next time, get a gift card and quit trying to prove yourself.

I then asked her to show me where the "oneso's" were, totally forgetting the term is "onesie".

TB (Target Bitch), laughed hysterically as if I was intentionally making a joke.

Could I BE a bigger douchebag right now?

I think not.

Will I be baby shopping ever again in this lifetime?

You can bet your ass the answer is hell goddamn no.

You'll NEVER Regret Having Kids!

2009-06-01T18:58:00.008-07:00

I usually don't comment on Mommy Blogs but after reading this article and the comments over at BabyCenter, I had to respond to a piece of parenting propaganda.

As you all know, I have written extensively about women who HATE motherhood. It's a new phenomenon to hear the hate stories thanks to the glorious interwebs.

Anyway, an inquisitive fence sitter, Megan, decided to posted a comment making her uncertainty about starting a family known. She partly states: "I am a little reluctant to have kids because the number of hardships and sacrifices I hear about seem to outweigh the joys and rewards."

Of course this sentiment alarms any breeder dedicated to promoting mommyhood and the facade that having kids is ALWAYS WORTH IT!!!!

So, another commenter, Lena decided to assuage all of Megan's (rightful and reasonable) fears about parenthood and replace them with new ones! She assured Megan that she will NEVER regret having kids. She'll only regret NOT having them!!!!

That ought to scare a fetus right into her empty uterus!

Isn't that rich.

She knows absolutely nothing about this woman's lifestyle, marriage, maternal instincts, NOTHING. How in the sam hell does SHE know that this woman isn't going to regret spawning? How can she all but GUARANTEE someone they will regret not having kids?

The audacity!

That's one thing I despise. Giving blanket advice to procreate when it may not really be in a person's best interest. The exaltation of parenthood as being the MOST meaningful act in life- one that is above reproach and regret really bothers the fuck out of me. IT'S FUCKING PROPAGANDA AND BULLSHITTERY.

Stop lying to people about shit this irreversible and serious breeders!

Ugh!

Anyway I tried to bring Megan back down to reality with this comment:

"I actually think it’s really disingenuous to tell Megan that she will "never regret having children" when according to a lot of mothers who seek solace in the anonymity of True Mom Confessions, their own personal blogs, and the internet in general, that is not always the case.

Plenty of women have expressed regret and remorse over being parents and unfortunately it’s not something they can go back and change now that they have the proper insight.

Megan, I would only say that it’s much more comforting to regret NOT having a child than regret having one and being stuck in the parent role for the next 20+ years and have it negatively affect every other area of your life. Socially, financially, emotionally, professionally, maritally, and in EVERY other way imaginable."

The difference between my comment and Lena's comment? One of us is dealing in plausible reality and one of us is dealing in assumptions, false assertions, and wishful thinking in order to convince someone to make a life-altering decision that may not be in their own self-interest.

Childfree Women- NOT TO BE TRUSTED!

2009-05-27T18:04:00.002-07:00

One of my readers, Vanessa, has brought this recent article in the Daily Mail to my attention and I wanted to share it with all of you.

Entitled, "Why bosses are right to distrust women who don't want children... by a VERY outspoken mother (and ex-boss)" this shitty piece is sure to get a few of you going!

Personally, I couldn't help but giggle at it. Childfree women are some of the best, most dedicated co-workers I've ever had, I don't know what this dickass is talking about.

The author however, thinks voluntarily childless women are "weird".

Yes, how WEIRD we childfree women are. We must be a truly unenlightened bunch not to want to deal with all of the possibilities children bring!

And there are so many possibilities...

You know, things like...Sleep deprivation, sick days, homework, snow days, learning disabilities, constant cleaning up after others, hundreds to thousands of dollars in childcare costs, Dora, The Wiggles, Bobpants, and other craptacular television shows, play dates, chauffeuring them to doctors appointments, school, extra-curricular activities and lessons, the lack of privacy, having to speak in code and spell out words instead of fucking saying them out loud, being quiet as a church mouse during sex, stashing the porn and sex toys in secret places and praying they won't stumble upon them, protecting a child's "innocence" from the realities of LIFE, amusement parks and Chuck E. Cheese outings, teacher-parent meetings, report cards, homework, tedious school projects, disobedience, arguments, Drivers Ed, time outs, car seats, crying, snotty noses, poops and potties, puke, every other bodily fluid under the sun, ADD, autism, behavioral problems, medical problems, teen pregnancy, trust issues, uneven parental responsibilities, groundings, punishments, the possibility of raising a child who grows up to disappoint and shame you...

Ugh, yes...only a WEIRD person would shun all of these amazing possibilities!

Employers are so right to distrust us childfree women. After all, we're disobedient...defiant even! We won't allow ourselves to be thrust into a role we deem undesirable. We've weighed the pros and cons of child rearing heavily and have decided to rebelliously go our own way rather than follow the ways of the majority.

That definitely makes us a scary, sinister bunch!

*Snicker*

It's Fucking Nursery School For Chrissakes!

2009-05-23T23:06:00.011-07:00

Dear Gawd Almighty, I just saw the most ridiculous documentary in the history of the entire world.

It's called Nursery University and is currently airing on Showtime (it's also available on Netflix).

Set in Manhattan, we're introduced to the world of privileged, status-obsessed breeders desperately angling to get their children into the elite nursery school of their dreams.

Honestly 90% of the parents in the film are insufferable, oblivious, entitled breeders who think if their snotlings don't get into "Over-rated, Over-Priced Preschool School For The Haughty & Pretentious", their three-year-old is doomed to a life of mediocrity.

I won't go into a detailed account of the horrors I witnessed but here are a few highlights:

*One preschool charges a whopping $20,000 in tuition. Twenty thousand dollars for one year or school for a goddamn 3-year-old. What the shit?

*In order to prepare for the "grueling" application and screening process, many of these parents opt to hire a "Preschool Admissions Consultant" to help them "navigate the process". The fee charged by said admissions consultant? $4,000.

*Parents are seen CRYING at the prospect of not getting their child into the school of their choice, applying to a range of schools based on desire along with "safety schools" that they feel will be the easiest to get into, and visiting schools in person to deliver "first choice letters of intent". WHAT?? THIS IS PRESCHOOL NOT PRINCETON!

*The very day after Labor Day is when you're to begin "outreach", which entails calling every school of your choice to request an application. Let me tell you, the phones at these places were constantly busy, with parents calling 20-30 times in a row just to get through. Jesus Christ on a pogo stick.

I am positively dumbfounded at how petty and desperate these people are. This is two and three-year-olds who are going to be playing with blocks all fucking day long. Why the fuck would you waste $20k on this? We are in a recession bastards!

I'd really like to know what these people have planned for college. Gawd forbid their financial situation turns precarious in the next 15 years. What happens when another Bernie Madoff comes and rips everyone off? Methinks these assclowns will cringe to look back and see they flushed twenty grand down the toilet for preschool (which consisted of cookies, nap times, and coloring) and now have no money to pay for little "Juliana's" college education.

Here Ya Go!

2009-04-28T20:20:00.007-07:00

Regarding the last post-I guess I figured more people had the link to my personal blog before I took it down so anon assbags couldn't invite themselves there and harass with dumb comments the way they often do here. But since I got a few emails about it, I figured I'd better just post about the horrendous "Bring your kid to work day" debacle here. My apologies for the loyal, not-shitty, anon asshat readers feeling left out!

Oh my fuck, I cannot even tell you how fucking agitated I am after this hellacious day.

Today was "Bring your ~~bratty crotch nugget~~ child to work day" and the fuckery was at an all time high ALL FUCKING DAY.

First of all, we all have laptops and are generally allowed to work from home whenever we damn well please UNLESS we have conference calls or meetings scheduled.

My childfree coworker/good friend and I have been planning to work remotely since the day we heard this shit was going down. For almost a month, we have been planning to work from home to avoid the snot monsters!

But OF COURSE, at the last goddamn minute yesterday afternoon our boss decided to schedule a meeting for today and attendance was mandatory.

*Sigh*

Fast forward to this morning, I get to work and the place is positively crawling with children.

LITTLE CHILDREN!

Wait a damn minute here...when I went to work with my mom back in the day, I was 12 or 13 and ALL of the other kids were at least 10-years old. So what am I doing looking at a bunch of 5-year-olds at my place of business?

When I was a kid, the point of this day was to come to work with your parents to see what they do for a living and get a grasp of what working is like.

It wasn't for kindergarteners who have no concept of work and can't speak in low tones!

Ugh.

Anyway, one of the first little munchkins I see has on a big, red, plastic fireman's hat complete with a phony fire hose as an accessory.

What the fuck? a) We don't work at a fire station and b) Isn't Halloween in October?

Children...utterly foolish and lacking in all reason.

Immediately my suspicion that parents allow their children to dress in stupidly ridiculous costumes to pacify them and prevent tantrums is confirmed.

I shake my head in disbelief and make my way to the kitchen to have my daily breakfast of toast and yogurt (company provides us with free food every day wooo hooo).

In the break room are children UNATTENDED, pressing all of the buttons on the soda machines (which are also free), stocking up on caffeine.

Just what these heathens need.

Fuck.

The next several hours went something like this:

9:00- The not-so-faint sounds of children laughing and using aggressively loud non-indoor voices fills the air.

9:15- Emailing BFF to tell her of the hell I am in and having her laugh at my misfortune while she enjoys a quiet, serene, childless office in San Fran.

9:20- Snotlings running past the aisles after one another as if this is a goddamn gymnasium.

9:30- Emailing my mom to tell her of the hell I'm in as children loudly giggle and presumably taunt me for being a helpless pawn in their scheme for workplace domination.

(Mom responds back that she would never have taken me or little brother to work before we were old enough to shut the hell up and sit still and these people clearly have no common sense bringing in 5-8 year-old kids).

10:00- The sound of toy gun shots fills the air but unfortunately no children are seriously injured.

10:20- Boss calls our meeting and tries to stay focused despite the fact that kids are now wheeling each other in office chairs past our desks.

10:45- Childfree coworker excuses herself from the meeting to go yell at the kids who are now wheeling each other across the TILED floors in our hallway making FUCKTONS OF FUCKING NOISE!

(I am glad she was the one to reprimand them so I didn't have to be "ANGRY BLACK LADY BEING MEAN TO HARMLESS & INNOCENT WHITE CHILDREN" -P.S. I am the only Black woman who works in our entire building).

11:10- More harrowing emails to Mom and BFF regarding this nightmare that feels as if it will never end.

11:20- Kids are FINALLY taken outside to engage in "activities" (which unfortunately don't include burning to a crisp in the 100 degree Arizona sun).

12:30- Childfree coworker and myself make the 6 minute drive to my place to consume massive amounts of Riesling white wine in an attempt to drink the pain away.

1:50- Back at work, children are still outside doing activities! I don't think we've seen the last of those fuckers though.

3:30- I was right, they're baaaack. More running, giggling, unruly behavior. I have my headphones on full blast and can still hear them. I obviously need better headphones.

3:40- Co-worker reports she overheard a shit-tastic mother in the break room claiming she is "numb" to her children being loud and mis-behaving. HOW NICE FOR YOU TO BE NUMB AND COMPLACENT WHILE THE REST OF US SUFFER AT THE HANDS OF YOUR MERCILESS LITTLE DOUCHEBAGS! (more on this later).

4:00- Childfree female co-worker, childfree male co-worker, and myself get together and wonder aloud if we can round all the children up, sneak them into a conference room and destroy their innocence by telling them the "Tooth Fairy", "The Easter Bunny" and "Santa" is all a bunch of bullshit and there are indeed monsters under their beds waiting to kill and eat them when they least expect it.

4:05- Boss thinks it's a great idea and says he wants in on it.

4:10- I realize none of these fuckers were serious but me.

4:20- I can no longer deal with the kids rolling by on office chairs, laughing loudly, playing hide and go ~~be a shithead~~ seek, asking to go watch Bobpants or whatever that fucking show is, and just the general asshattery that these children continue to practice so I pack up my laptop and LEAVE.

My nerves were on fire the whole motherfucking day! UGH! And now I'm home and I realize, fuck, we drank all the wine at lunch!

I am truly pissed off right now and I will tell you why. Not because I am a childless bitch that pretty much hates children (um well ok that's partly why), but because all of my suffering for the day can be attributed to shitty ass piece of shit parents allowing their kids to wreak fucking havoc and run amok all goddamn day.

The fact that one mother claimed to be "numb" to her bad ass kids is infuriating to me. Lazy, apathetic parents are INFURIATING to me.

This is what's wrong with the world. People have kids for the fuck of it and are then too lazy to actively reprimand and discipline their children. After all, it takes WORK and EFFORT. LOTS OF WORK AND EFFORT! And boo friggity hoo, they don't have the energy to tell their kids how to behave OVER AND OVER AND OVER which is what it fucking takes to be an effective parent.

Well you know what, I don't have the goddamn energy either which is why I don't have fucking kids. TA-DA! See how easy that is?

To have children and allow them to inflict terror upon the rest of us because you are "numb" to their assholey-ness is selfish and fucked up.

And why are you bringing these little hellions to the office if you aren't gonna watch them? You allow them to roam your place of business unsupervised? You are unaware and ignorant to the fact that they are cruising around in office chairs and disturbing meetings? Seriously????

That's the apathetic parent for ya. As long as the kids are out of THEIR sight and our of THEIR hair, THEY COULD GIVE A SHIT. THIS is why I'm not down with O.P.K (other people's kids). Arrrgggghhhh!

I'm done.

I hate everyone.

I'm going to go work out since I'm out of liquor.

By the way, did anyone else get terrorized by O.P.K today or was it just me?

I Had To Work on Snotling Day...I Am Scarred Emotionally

2009-04-23T18:36:00.003-07:00

I decided to write about this on my personal blog today and most of the people I know and love who read here regularly already have that URL so feel free to go read up on my harrowing "bring your shitty kid to work day" experience there.

If I know and love you and you DON'T have the URL, you can definitely email me.

Happily Married With Kids...Who Do YOU Know?

2009-04-13T12:30:00.005-07:00

I wanted to post today to get some observations from my CF readers about the people in their lives that are married and have children.

As I have stated before, one of the biggest deterrents for me, with regard to having children is the fact that most of the people I know with kids seem unhappier and more worse for wear after parenthood. Worse for wear financially, mentally, energy-wise, etc. In addition to that, I know hardly any fathers that genuinely do their fair share in the home or with their children. Parenthood is generally not an equal endeavor for men and women which is another reason I find it unattractive.

I found myself thinking of one of my girlfriends back East who has been HAPPILY married for 10 years and has two young children whom she adores.

Even as a CF person, I will fully admit that having known her before marriage and children, she is positively a happier, more fulfilled person after getting married and becoming a mother. She was a sweet, cheerful, warm person before, but she is definitely happier as a wife and mother. I CAN'T SAY THIS ABOUT ANYONE ELSE! Isn't that sad?

Maybe it helps that she and her husband have about a half a million dollars in income, were over 30 and successful career people BEFORE they had children, and are very mature, responsible people who put most of their effort into each other and their kids. They were married for a few years and traveled extensively before having kids and had a plan on WHEN they would bring children into their lives. It wasn't a willy nilly, "happy accident" type of deal.

Her husband - get ready for this - takes on an EQUAL role in the upkeep of their home and the raising of their children. And I don't mean equal as in, he does 30% (which is what so many men would probably deem to be "equal"), I mean a solid 50% of all of the housework and child-rearing. Unlike most of the women I know with kids, she is NOT the primary care-taker of her children. Her hubby is reliable and happy to do as much as she does with regard to their kids and this, I believe, is the reason she is so fulfilled in her wife/mother role.

Honestly, they have it together more than any two married, childed people I know. Their children (ages 7 and 8) are intelligent, compassionate, well-behaved, and not at all unpleasant to be around if you're a CF person with a low tolerance for kids (like myself). As a family, plain and simple, they are a pleasure to engage with and I can say this about almost no one else.

Now obviously, this is me looking at their life and marriage from the outside in, but still out of everyone I know and observe, they are THE EXCEPTION and not the rule when it comes to happily married couples who seem to be truly fulfilled as parents.

I really would like to gauge the observations of my readers…how many people, who are married with kids, do you know who maintain a lifestyle similar to this who seem genuinely equal and happy as parents and spouses? Where the parents are EQUAL in their roles and no one is disgruntled about inequalities in the relationship (because from what I read, this is the main reason two thirds of the divorces in this country are filed by women), and their children are not bratty little assholes who complicate their lives and relationship.

Happily married with kids...who do you know???

Crotch Fruit In The Workplace Day

2009-04-01T12:21:00.003-07:00

As some of you may know, I started a new job 4 months ago and I love it. The pay is superb, we set our own hours, our break room is always stocked with free food and stuff, and the environment is incredibly liberal…it's fucking great!

Well...we just got an email announcing that April 24th is "Bring Your Kids To Work Day" and employees are encouraged to let their little pissants accompany them to the office on that day.

Christ on a bike.

My previous employer (where I worked for 6 years) never allowed this so I don't know what to expect!

And since I don't know what to expect from a workplace crawling with twat nuggets, I have decided that I am working from home that day! Whew thank GAWD for company laptops and remote access!

What I'd like to know is, does anyone else work for a company that participates in this? What is it like to work with a bunch of kids in the building? Is it as horrific as I am imagining it to be? Share your experiences in the comments!

Check Out This Podcast!

2009-03-27T11:04:00.003-07:00

I just wanted to promote one of the best podcasts I've heard on urban radio…the Michael Baisden show.

This podcast is amazing because Michael Baisden keeps it honest with regard to having kids. He affirms the choice to remain childfree and specifically tells women to shun the pressure from men to have babies if they don't want them. He knows how prevalent it is for women to have children simply to please a man and strongly encourages against it.

Maybe this is a cultural thing but I have to be honest. As a Black woman, it is HARD to find Black men who identify with the notion of being permanently childfree. There are plenty of men who already have kids who are cool with not having any more but most of the childless Black men I have dated are not keen on staying that way. Sure, they find it "hot" when they meet a woman with no kids but when the conversation of having children arises, they make it wholly clear that any woman they would be with long-term would HAVE to bear their children. It isn't optional or up for debate. And maybe this is just MY lowly opinion but from my POV, a lot Black men see children as proof of their virility and masculinity, as well as a validation for their ego. Whether they take care of them or not is a whole other issue.

With that said though, Childfreedom is not a popular movement in ANY ethnic community so I'm not just calling Black people out here.

Statistically, no ethnic group has higher levels of childlessness or childfreedom than Caucasians. The most recent census information I could find states "White never-married women have childless levels more than twice as high as Black women. Regardless of marital status, Hispanic women had lower levels of childlessness than non-Hispanic women."

So it's safe to say that childfreedom is not as prevalent among Blacks or Hispanics as it is among Whites. That's why when I hear a Black man encouraging women to remain childfree in a public forum, I get ridiculously excited.

At one point in the show, he takes a call from a woman who says that while she loves her child, if she had it to do over, she would be childfree! Whew if I had a quarter for every time I heard that…

He addresses the double standard of this statement and lets the caller know that it's perfectly OK to feel that way. He also encourages parents not to pressure their daughters to have children. How awesome is that!

Overall, really a great podcast for all sexes and races to listen to.

Listen here.

Octo-Ho and the Seven Fourteen Dwarfs

2009-03-03T21:12:00.005-07:00

Here we go again with Octo-Ho and these damn ninety eleven kids.

I am so sick of this ignorant ass shit. Just when I think the story will go away, I learn something new and so skullfuckingly disturbing that I have to blog about it.

Some jackass over at Radar Online gave this whacked out breeding slut a blog and then two seconds later we discover that the cops and CPS have been to her house repeatedly.

Here's the details on that...

Whittier police Officer Jason Zuhlke says they responded to the home to investigate claims Suleman was "neglecting" her children and to investigate their surroundings.

DCFS ultimately concluded the allegations were without basis, according to Zuhlke.

On August 10, police responded after being notified of an open door, and a possible burglary.

Police say they received more calls concerning Suleman's family at her Sunrise Drive home, the home where the children's grandparents live.

On January 9, 2008, a 911 call was placed from the home after one of Suleman's children was accidentally locked in a bathroom.

On October 27, 2008 Suleman called police when she couldn't find her 5 year old.

The child had followed Suleman's mother, who was going for a walk in the neighborhood.

Then, on January 23, 2009, just days before the octuplets were born, one of the children inadvertently called 911 from the home.

Seriously WHAT THE FUCK.

Oh and according to MSNBC the six little heathens at home are already jealous of their new siblings.

"The video portion of the blog, live as of 9 a.m. ET on March 3, shows Suleman struggling to speak as one of her older six kids bites her, pulls her hair and slaps her in the face. Suleman said her older children are already jealous of the octuplets. When a friend showed the kids a picture of their new siblings, 'they hit the picture,' Suleman said."

Wow this bitch is absurdly stupid. She's pretty much letting the world know that her older children pose a huge safety threat to the infants. And her kids are clearly fucked the fuck up. I can see them beating the hell out of those babies in my mind's eye. If they're unruly and unstable enough to commit violence on a photo, those infants are NOT SAFE.

UNGAWDAMNBELIEVABLE.

You know what else pisses me off? The fact that this lazy hag was sponging off disability for a back injury that didn't even leave her disabled enough not to get pregnant 63 times. Healthy enough to carry a hundred babies means you can get a goddamn job in my book!

My 48-year-old father, who did HARD labor at a job for 24 years AND coached HS basketball for 15 years needs a new hip (he had one replaced last year and now needs the other one done) and has been denied for disability repeatedly for the past 3 fucking years. My poor, sweet, hard-working, dad with the mismatched hips has been told by disability that he is "young enough to get a job with one good hip" while this bitch careens through life getting paid and pregnant over and over for being hit in the back?!

UGH!

Seriously that is so insulting to me. Really it's insulting to my dad and anyone else genuinely, seriously disabled who needs an income or an operation covered who can't get the fucking time of day from the disability system.

This bitch represents everything wrong in the whole damn universe doesn't she?!?!

I really think I despise her and there aren't many people I've never met that I despise...let's see...Tyra Banks for being a self-righteous judgy, prudish asshole on her stupid TV shows...Eddie Murphy for being a sorry deadbeat daddy assed motherfucker...Brangelina for being pontificating, smug, attention whoring, jerks...Gwyneth Paltrow for being a pretentious, entitled, snobbish windbag who says stupid shit like "my life is good because I'm not passive about it" and "I'm so hugely fortunate to be super fortunate!!!" BITCH SHUT UP PLEASE AND THANK YOU.....Chris Brown's punk ass for jet skiing and sporting a big baloney grin at Diddy's house and pretending like he didn't just beat a woman down 6 days ago....Michael Vick for being a vicious dog murderer...hmmm that's all I can think off at the moment.

I think I honestly just hate people. Ugh.

Pass me a kitten or a bunny rabbit or something and keep crazy ass fucked up people away from me.

Do my rants annoy anyone? Cause they're fun to write sorry.

Aftermath of Baby On Board

2009-02-28T17:10:00.005-07:00

I just wanted to give an update on the whole BFF pregnancy situation. Thanks to anyone who left a comment being supportive and understanding. Since CF peeps are in the minority in a world where everyone around us pops out babies, I knew some of you would relate to what I'm experiencing. Granted some of you posted some horror stories but thankfully, my BFF isn't the same type of trainwreck that many of you have suffered. She's got obstacles but she's not a fucked up jerk like some of the people you guys posted about...and MUCH to my relief! Whew.

Anyway, after reading some of the comments a few days ago, I felt in a much better place to be honest with her about my hopes for her life and our friendship. I felt so much dread and certainty that we could never be as close as we once were but I don't actually think that is *inevitable* now that we've talked about it.

When we spoke, I told her that more than anything, I WANT her to be happy and stable. I told her in the most sensitive way possible that I worry about what her life will be like when this baby comes. Yes, her and her fiancee have enough money to support it but I worry about her being alone so much, and about her new mother status and my CF status clashing.

In return, she told me that she worries too. She has always wanted to be a mother and is hopeful about the future but she worries about the unknowns of child rearing. She also told me that I am always foremost in her thoughts because I am the person closest to her and she doesn't want to lose my friendship...she also said that she wants me to be myself during the pregnancy and after the arrival of the baby because that is why she loves me.

A direct quote from her lips to this blog: "You aren't being YOU if you're not cussing about or at a baby so please don't change! I need you to be YOU during this whole thing."

Gawd I breathed a sigh of relief.

One thing I should convey about BFF and I is that we are fucking hilarious together. Yeah I'm tooting both of our horns. Honestly, we always say we should have a radio show or something, because our humor is one of the best things about our friendship. I have to tell you, after this most recent conversation I felt so good to hear her say that she wants me to remain my militantly childfree self and that I am within my rights to cuss her baby out when necessary.

And yes I did offer to cuss the baby out in the event it behaves like an asshole when it's here...which IT WILL! Ugh, all babies act like dicks at some point in time. So I told her "Look, if that baby is crying and won't let you get a moment of peace, you can call me up and I'll be all like 'PUT THE GODDAMN BABY ON THE PHONE' and proceed to cuss it out for you."

Cause that's what friends are for and shit.

She knows that there will be times I will refer to her baby as a crotch nugget and engage in other such funny name calling baby insults. She knows that I will not offer to keep the munchkin for a weekend. She won't expect that of me and says she wouldn't dream of asking.

I've also told her that I expect a few things from her during all this. Yes I understand motherhood will probably be all-encompassing but I want US to still be US and to talk the way we've always talked. I expect her not to talk to me for hours on end about diaper genies and onesies and dumb shit. I expect her not to drone on endlessly about how the sun rises and sets on this baby's shit smeared ass. I expect her to still have traces of the girl I fell in BFF love with when this baby enters the picture.

Hmph, guess what she said...she PROMISES not to talk that way. She vows to not piss me off with mommy banter.

It felt GOOD to tell her that without being a total asshole about it. You see, I don't think you have to be a complete fuckstick to people you love and care for when they make a choice YOU wouldn't make. Negativity and gloom and doom is for the casual people in life you don't give a shit about, not for the ones you treasure.

Yes, I'm still apprehensive about the times of misery that inevitable lie ahead for her. The growing pains of motherhood. I hope I'm able to be what she needs because seriously, she has come to my rescue more times than I can count and she deserves the same from me. Our friendship is the deepest I have ever experienced...we send each other flowers and cards, we say I love you, we refer to one another as "my heterosexual life partner", we cry when the other is sad and anguished...we are pretty much like two dykes without the sex.

Bottom line, there is a ridiculous amount of love here and neither one of us is at this time, willing to throw it away because of a difference in reproductive choice.

So for now, our friendship endures. She wants me to always be who I am and I want her to always be who she is now and WAS before baby came busting into our lives. Will we manage? Time will tell I guess. The good thing is, we're both conscious of our hopes and expectations for one another and we're committed to doing what needs to be done to stay best friends.

That's the first step...right?

Sad News: Baby On Board

2009-02-24T16:10:00.002-07:00

Remember this post?

Well I should have seen the writing on the wall because soon after that post, BFF quit her birth control because her gyno sent her into a panic by telling her that it may take a longer for her to conceive once she's "ready for a baby" since she's been on the pill for 10 years. And this obstacle is in addition the previous one her doctor informed her of...her status as a type 1 diabetic.

Can I just say, I hate fucking doctors? I really do.

Anyway, three weeks ago, BFF told me she's pregnant.

She told me via BlackBerry messenger and thank goodness we weren't on the phone because then she would have heard me burst into tears!

And NOT tears of joy.

Yeah I present myself as a hardass most of the time but I am a crier at heart...good news, bad news, usually it all makes me weep.

This piece of news of course, to me, is bad. But she, is thrilled. She's always wanted children.

So here we go. A new baby. What of our treasured friendship? Everything in her life is going to change, what is going to become of us?

I spent the entire day upset once she broke this news to me. I faked it sufficiently while chatting with her though. Isn't that my job as a friend? To try and share her joy, no matter how much it scares me?

Here she is, a thousand miles away from all family, friends, and support. She has been SO unhappy during the entire time she has lived in California.

My suspicion? This will NOT help!

She however said to me "maybe this is what's going to make me happy!"

More tears on my part after hearing that. It just sounds illogical. Unhappy life...add baby and everything will be better! Guys, I so want that to be true but I just don't think it will be. The stress of taking care of a baby, practically alone, while fiancee (yes they're now engaged) works hours upon hours every day, even on weekends? This will equal happiness???

To have watched her be so miserable and lost for all these months, it makes me so profoundly sad to imagine the negative impact this baby will have.

After a day had passed from receiving this news, I did what I felt I should do. I sent her a huge bouquet of flowers telling her congratulations on the baby and I am here for her always. I meant it. The last part. I will be here but I'm no more ready for this than she is. I do not know HOW to support her in the event this turns out to be a colossal mistake.

I do not feel equipped to talk her down if and when the stress of this baby takes it's toll. As far as I'm concerned, it's a life sentence in hell. How, with this outlook and attitude, do I properly support her through those times?

How do I watch her endure the many miserable moments that make up motherhood and stay positive and uplifting?

Sure, it's all hypothetical right? She may not have any of that. It might all be perfect and turn out to be everything she's ever hoped for.

But selfish as it may be, I know that our friendship isn't going to be the same. My place in her life won't be the same. We won't relate to one another the way we once did. Maybe she'll even resent me for being childfree one day.

I have all of these fears...all of these and MORE believe it or not. I feel sad and incredibly guilty and I have been carrying this guilt for weeks. Imagining her miserable and then feeling guilty because does that mean I'm WISHING misery upon her with the arrival of this baby? It feels disgusting to even type that. She is so important and special to me and I wouldn't wish misery upon her in a million fucking years. I want her to be endlessly, insanely happy. I just have deep doubts that this child will bring that.

I feel so shitty.

Oh Good Heavens

2009-02-13T22:42:00.002-07:00

Wow. Art imitates life huh.

Adding Icing To The Shit Cake...

2009-02-12T18:57:00.004-07:00

So this is going to be a quick post because I am moving on Saturday and still have a lot of stuff to pack and organize!

I thoroughly enjoyed every last one of the comments on the last two posts...they ranged from funny to insightful to full of rage! Fucking awesome. Every day this story is out, more dirt emerges from the woodworks. It's truly ridiculous.

Can you guys believe this bitch is asking for donations? I would sooner line my cat's litter box with all the money I own and let them piss and defecate all over it before I donated a goddamn thing to this fucktarded loon.

Anyway I try to refrain from posting sickening photos on this website so I'll simply provide a link on this one. For those of you who haven't seen the pics of Octo-moo knocked up with her 8 twatlings, here ya fucking go.

Don't say I didn't warn you as to the grotesque, ghastly nature of this shit.

And, Here Comes The Publicity Machine!

2009-02-01T19:28:00.003-07:00

I'm sure no one saw this coming! Octo-moo is going on a media blitz.

Who woulda thunk it? Treat your uterus like a drop house stuffed to capacity with illegals and of course this is the next natural step.

"Obsessed with Children"

2009-01-31T19:48:00.003-07:00

Because people have requested I write about this, I will accept the challenge!

The bitch who had octuplets is batshit fucking crazy.

Her mother claims she is obsessed with children.

How can you not love it. Someone obsessed with children who lives with her parents, and is already a single parent of six kids.

You know what image comes into my mind when I hear that someone is "obsessed with children"? Someone who spends significant amounts of time and money HELPING needy kids. Children's charities, engaging in child outreach at places like "Big Brothers and Sisters", maybe even someone who fosters or adopts children who need loving homes.

Why do I think that way? Because I am someone who has been accused of being "obsessed with animals". I give monthly donations to the ASPCA and The Humane Society, have taken stray animals to the vet more than once in my lifetime, feed any stray cat that ends up on my doorstep, etc. My own two cats are former strays because I am strongly against the buying and selling of animals at pet stores and breeders. Sure I LOVE the new designer breeds of cats that are out now but not enough to bypass a needy one off the street to patronize some animal seller!

OK maybe I am a bit obsessed with animals after going through all that but the point is, someone obsessed with children or animals or any other living thing that needs support is someone who champions a cause and is compelled to do good things for that cause. Not someone whose own self indulgent desires override basic values and compassion.

Someone who pops out 14 kids is not obsessed with children. She's obsessed with procreating and she's obsessed with her own reproductive abilities, but obsessed with children, she is not. If that were the case she'd be doing something about all of the children already in the world who are dying for a mother.

I find her disgusting, I think she's a cunt muffin and I'm sick of people who claim to love children but don't man or woman up to the cause of helping those who are already here. If you LOVE children so much you can have more than 6, why don't you fucking adopt?

This hobag's mom claimed she just wanted to "try for another girl". Um, there are plenty of girls that need adopted you breeding assbag. You can afford to get 8 embryos implanted (FYI for those who don't know- in vitro can cost upwards of $25k) but you can't afford to adopt one little girl?

PLUS, you have 6 fucking kids already anyway and you live with your mom!!! What would compel someone like this to spend thousands on in vitro?

How about getting a place for you and your fifty eleven kids???? BITCH GET YOUR OWN APARTMENT! START WITH THAT!

What kind of fucked up priorities are people having these days?

I can just imagine this twat waffle saying to herself: "I know I already have little Emma, Madison, Jacob, Snotley, Bratley, Pissant, etc, etc, and we don't have our own place, and I'm a single parent, and my dad's in Iraq so it's just my mom helping with the kids, and the kids don't have a father (they are all from a sperm donor) but if only I could have another little girl I'd be happy!!!!!

It simply does not fucking compute.

The Worst Part of Parenthood?

2009-01-27T17:40:00.005-07:00

As a childfree person trying to imagine just how demanding and unpleasant my life would be if I had kids, I often wonder just what the WORST part of being a parent is. Out of everything I find nightmarish and unappealing, what's the absolute worst part?

Here's a list I came up with, feel free to voice your opinion on what would be the worst for you or anything I may have left off and add to it in the comments.

*Losing your figure during pregnancy and struggling to get the pre-pregnancy body back (FEMALE)

*Having less desire for your partner or diminished sex drive after the arrival of a child (MALE and FEMALE)

*Having ruined, dilapidated nether regions (FEMALE)

*Mourning the loss of private time

*The bond between yourself and your partner weakening due to less time available to focus on one another

*The guilt of not wanting to spend the majority of your time doing mundane parental tasks

*The frustration that your child doesn't behave the way you want it to

*The lack of control you have over your schedule and the impossibility of coming and going as you please

*The financial demands that come with having a child

*The expectations of society and others on how you should parent/raise your child

*The lack of childcare resources available not just to allow you to work, but also when you "need a break" or would like to do something social

*The knowledge that your child probably won't be fully independent at 18 and your full parental obligation could drag on much longer

*Keeping up the "I'm amazingly happy as a parent!!!" facade

*Personal disappointment in the kind of person your child is becoming/has become

Thoughts?