It's All Okay

Prince Edward Island

2009-07-09T05:59:00.000-07:00

My favorite pictures from our trip are of the boys frolicking in the ocean. We take them to this nice little inlet where they can go out really far and not get over their heads (see the red glow under the water, that's the sand bank).

And I can't seem to get any more pics to upload. Oh well, more to follow (including Patrick eating mussels and some big, white windmills).

Bits and Bobs

2009-07-06T05:07:00.000-07:00

The fish experiment had...mixed results. Dad and Older Brother ate it up no problem. Mum, through sheer force of will, made it through to the last couple of bites. Patrick, well, he tried his best and ended up eating everything else on his plate followed by a few bites of the fish that, to him anyway, was "disgusting". Ah well, a different recipe next week.

Patrick's having a new respite/special needs worker over today. He's met him in passing at school and seems to think he's ok. I'm hoping this works out so I'll have two people to call upon instead of our (one and only and fantastic) regular person. Sometimes rural living makes things much more difficult...although I wouldn't trade it for anything.

We're planning a week at the cottage in August sometime. Hmmm, I'm thinking much preparation and anticipation of possible issues will have to happen between now and then.

We had a fabulous vacation in Prince Edward Island last month. Still don't have those pictures on my computer or printed. *sigh* Who has the time?

New Campaign

2009-07-03T13:43:00.000-07:00

Patrick has never eaten fish that wasn't battered and deep fried. Mum has decided she wants to live to see her boys grow up so...................fish it is. My goal is to serve fish once a week. Any recipes would be welcome.

So, I'll let you know how it goes. (Did I mention I don't like fish?)

Wordless Wednesday....um, Thursday?

2009-07-02T05:23:00.000-07:00

Well, we all know I can't be wordless anyway. Camp was thoroughly enjoyed by all. Even by me. The only seeping negative feeling was a realization that he will soon figure out that nobody else brings their mom to camp. Still, a fantastic first!

mum is back

2009-05-28T09:01:00.000-07:00

Wow, that was one tough virus.

But, now I'm feeling better and so, on with life. Well, any parent will know that I never really did get a break from everyday life whilst I was sick. I must say, though, that my children were extremely helpful and understanding.

We're gearing up for a couple of camping weekends with Beaver Scouts/Cub Scouts. I'm a bit nervous about how Patrick will handle this new 'thing'. Older brother is old hat so he'll come out just fine. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes. I'll be staying at the camp with Patrick so I'll try and get some pics to show.

School will be winding down soon. We go till almost the end of June but some of us less than stellar parents are taking out kids out early to go on vacation. We (the boys and I) are very excited.

Speaking of school. I've been doing a lot of trusting and they've been coming through. So, now comes the worry about class placement next year. He'll stay in a 'regular' class with EA support. It's been agreed that the amount of support will stay the same. We can't really discuss teachers because our enrollment numbers have decreased and so staffing will be changing between now and September. But, I have explained what kind of classroom environment I'm looking for as well as what peers I'd like to see with him (and conversely which ones I'd prefer he not be with) and I feel like I was heard. So, on with the trusting. I have a feeling we'll get the strict teacher who I absolutely loved when she tought older brother. I'll find out a week early in September so Patrick can come in and see his class and meet his teacher before the first day of school.

I'll do another post on older brother. He's not on the spectrum, we're pretty sure, but it turns out he might not exactly be "neurotypical" either.

Mum's sick

2009-05-17T17:34:00.000-07:00

That's really all I came online to say. So much for my new resolve to blog almost every day. I'll get back soon I promise. I feel pretty much as bad as I've ever felt in my life. Ugh.

Patrick alternates between extreme empathy and worry about catching my germs. What a little gem.

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T04:58:00.000-07:00

To all the moms and moms to be out there. Happy Mother's Day!

First thing this morning I was inundated with homemade cards, drawings, and one beautiful 'portrait' in paint on canvass. My most favorite gifts. Off to visit grandparents today and to take my mom out for lunch.

Happiest of Days to all of you.

Sadness

2009-05-09T15:39:00.000-07:00

Not a long post. I was sad today because a boy wouldn't hold Patrick's hand when they were supposed to form a circle. He doesn't know Patrick is autistic but he obviously knows he's different. The kid is a bit of a brat, and quite immature for his age (he's a couple years older than Patrick), so it isn't unexpected but...it did make me sad because I imagine that sort of thing will happen with increasing frequency.

Note: I also know the dad of this child and let's just say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Ok, that was a totally mean post but it did make me feel a teeny bit better.

Good Days

2009-05-08T14:26:00.000-07:00

For the first time ever Patrick has agreed with me when I've told him he had a good day. He'll often say his day was "come-ci, come-ca" and give one thumb up and one thumb down.

My poor little fella is such a perfectionist. If he makes even one little tiny mistake (which of course you and I know that "normal" children make those mistakes all the time) he thinks it was a bad day and he feels really bad about himself. But this week he had three really good days in a row and finally today he admitted to me that they were good days. Woohoo.

Another milestone for us. He went on a field trip with his school on Wednesday...without me! It went really well and all of us are really proud of him.

I've realized it's been ages since I've posted a pic of my cute little guy. Stay tuned.

Unforgiving

2009-04-27T14:44:00.000-07:00

"I don't accept their apology" he says loudly. "It was purpose."

How many times he's complained that the other children don't believe when he does things "by accident" and yet he's so unforgiving.

He's also turned into quite the little police officer. And he's loud and confrontational about it.

"HARVEY! WHY ARE YOU SITTING? STANDING FOR O CANADA!"

"BRIANNA! YOU SHOULDN'T PUT THAT IN YOUR MOUTH, IT'S GERMS!"

You get the idea.

We are patiently trying to explain to him that he's only responsible for himself. But how to get that message accross when half his class are little tattletales and he's often the target?

And I don't even think I want to get started on how loud and upset he gets if someone 'butts' in line ahead of him or takes his spot...

Sensory Regulation

2009-04-15T11:45:00.000-07:00

Patrick has been wearing a "superman vest" at school for short periods of time. It's basically a shirt that adjusts around his core and gives him a bit of a squeeze. Wonderful results were reported by all. Now, of course, it has to go back to where it was borrowed from. So I need to talk to the school about what their plan is. (my fault I havn't gotten in to talk to them)

In the meantime, anyone use anything like this? I've been looking online at items varying from scuba suits, underarmour, rash guard, etc. Trying to find something that he can wear under his shirt that will give him that same little squeeze. Also considering making something. Any material suggestions? Are there patterns out there for these sorts of things similar to the patterns available for weighted vests/blankets?

Happy Easter

2009-04-10T11:08:00.001-07:00

A four day holiday weekend. Oh, yay! (Can anyone hear the sarcasm?)

With hubby away for work I'm the #1 go-to parent. Four days. Two kids. Hmmm.

Anyway, hope everyone has a happy weekend. The weather has finally made its way above freezing in these parts, so my master plan involves an awful lot of outdoor play. He can run around and scream as much as he wants...only the trees to hear him.

Oh, anyone else trying to limit chocolate consumption this weekend? Theirs, not mine. I tried really hard not to buy very much at all, to try and compensate for the well meaning family who feel the need to supplement.

The other shoe

2009-04-08T07:13:00.000-07:00

Ok, not really. It's unrelated to good/bad days at school. But still, did I need strep in the house this week?

Or, as Patrick would say, he has 'bacteria in his froat'. He made sure to educate the pharmacist on bacterial vs viral infections and how the antibiotics fought the bacteria. She was amused, I'm sure.

And, lucky us, he likes the 'pink' taste.

Waiting for the other shoe to drop

2009-04-06T15:31:00.000-07:00

Why do I do that to myself? Can't I just be happy everyone had a good day??

Great day. Super day. Saw some amazing social reciprocity going on at school. Doctor checkups that went really, really well.

I try to be an optimist. I do.

On a side note, I realise my attempts at daily blogging will be boring for a while. I'm hoping once I'm in the habit I'll be able to actually think of something to say!

April Fools

2009-04-03T06:43:00.001-07:00

This is going to sound mean but it was really, really, funny.

I told you about the meeting Wed night that Patrick went to alone. Well, halfway through one of the leaders came out with this serious look on his face and said "Can you give us some help in here?". So I go running in(thinking he's in a fight or melting down in the corner or something) and as I pass the doorway they all (the leaders ) turn to me and yell "April Fools". So I made some parting comment and went back out to the other parents.

Then I thought about it for a minute and burst out laughing. They really got me. They said they did it because I looked so stressed sitting out there wondering how it was going, etc. They did ask later if I was upset and of course I reassured them that I thought it was funny.

Got me!

Boy Scouts

2009-04-01T12:02:00.000-07:00

Patrick's worker can't come to Beavers with him this week. I think I'm going to send him without support and see what happens. The parents sit just outside in the foyer so I'd be there if he needed me but....I'm thinking this might be a good time to see what happens. Honestly, the only reason I send her is to protect him from all the "normal" kids in there who can't seem to behave to save their lives. The main leader has always encouraged me to just send him.

Also, teacher interviews are next week. I think I know what they're going to say but I suppose there could always be a surprise in there somewhere. Patrick is doing very well academically and the social stuff I know all about. I think she might mention again that Patrick hasn't been hearing everything she's saying. I know it's possible he's just tuning her out but it can't hurt to get his hearing tested just in case. Hmmm, not sure how that will go. Well, maybe if the tester is really understanding about the fact that his receptive language isn't so great yet...

Report Cards

2009-03-31T10:51:00.000-07:00

Interesting, very interesting. I suppose it's too much information to get into here in bloggy land. Both boys are doing well though and I'm happy to see them both learning and improving.

The teacher is starting to hear him say things like "I'm mean" and stuff that I've been hearing for a while. She doesn't think the other kids are saying it although I'm not so sure. Anyway, she was concerned which is a good first step. We're having some serious self esteem issues here. I imagine that's normal when they start to be self aware. *sigh* This is going to be a long and arduous road.

Day 1

2009-03-29T08:00:00.000-07:00

I'm finally getting my act in gear. Both boys have had birthday parties recently with mixed success. Patrick's was full of quiet "well behaved" children hand picked from his class. Older brother chose his own guests and being the loving brother he is, seems he chose as many similar children as he could. Yikes. Both went well, however.

Self Awareness

2009-03-12T06:36:00.000-07:00

Patrick, through much discussion and soul searching, has found out at the tender age of 7 that he is "different". The school and I have been collaborating and have really been stressing to him that everyone is different is some way. He's been a bit down because he's been told by other children that he's "worse" or "making things worse". I think we've helped him see that different isn't worse.

It's an ongoing thing, of course. And really has been the reason why I havn't been bloggy at all. But I have a new found need to blog. So my goal is to try and get something, anything, down in writing 6 days out of seven...even if it's gibberish. Please bear with me.

Death

2009-01-23T14:39:00.000-08:00

Patrick has been telling me that he doesn't want to die. He's been asking if he is going to die. Added on top of this a child in his class just lost her mother to cancer.

So, how do you talk to an autistic child about death? I'm afraid if I tell him that he will die someday that he'll be anxious about it. I don't think he can understand the concept of 'when you're very old'. Obviously I can't tell him he won't ever die.

He's done extremely well with the death of his friend's mother. He understands that it's really sad and he's trying to be really kind to the little girl. He understands that she was really sick for a long time and that the doctors tried really hard with strong medicines to help her but she was just too sick.

Someone suggesting talking to him about death in context with animal and plant life cycles. That sounded like a good idea.

I'm off to read some books and ask some questions. Anyone have any specific suggestions or book suggestions?

What a happy New Year.

2009-01-02T13:59:00.000-08:00

"Mom, can I have some pop? Mom, can I have some pop? Mom, can I have some pop?"

The most irritating and yet still beloved sound in the world. My little fellow requesting something in a full sentence.

I still remember the days. Make-it-up-as-you-go-along-therpy in the kitchen.

Repeat after me.

"Can" "Can"

"Can I" "Can I"

"Can I have" "Can I have"

"Can I have a" "Can I have a"

"Can I have a drink?" "Can I have a drink?"

"Yes, of course you can Patrick."

Isn't it nice now to have the option to say no? I can't remember how many times we had exchanges just like the one I wrote out. And of course, at the end, I always gave him what he wanted just because of the sheer effort it took to get those words to go together.

I didn't find out until years later about scripting, scaffolding, or any of those other fancy words to describe teaching our children to speak.

Togetherness

2008-12-29T06:24:00.000-08:00

Patrick is loving it. Older brother is loving it. Mom....is trying really hard to love it.

It? It is 24 hrs a day, 7 days straight, no plans except to be together. The three of us.

Yikes!

I love my children. I love spending time with them. We read, and cuddle, and play. But, I'm starting to think I'm going to need a break this week. To do what though? Not only do I have to arrage a sitter, but I also have to think of something to do. *sigh*

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T06:27:00.000-08:00

...Happy Holidays, Happy Chanukah, Happy Winter Solstice, Happy Thursday to everyone.

I've been off the radar...again. Sorry, things are just really tough single-mommy-ing it right now. Hubby was home for a few extra days but is gone again now till mid-January. The good news is that it looks like he'll be home for good sometime in the spring. Yay!

Christmas morning was an unqualified success. Patrick even leaned over to his older brother at one point and calmly said "I'd like to have one of those" and then went back to what he was unwrapping himself. Bless his little heart. There was no crying, no fighting, no excessive greed...they were really quite amazing. Sensory issues did not put up too much of a fight, nor did food ones.

A Christmas miracle for mum and dad! A lovely Christmas. I'm trying not to think about what the next week and a half will be like though till school starts.

P.S. I will update on the school situation in January. We are making positive progress. Some of my bigger issues were actually dealt with before the holidays. Something they have started that is really working is helping him frame his day before he comes home. An EA chats with him while he's getting ready to go for the bus and they talk about things that might have bothered him that day as well as remembering some good stuff. A whole week with this and he's no longer telling me that he has no friends, they won't play with him, he doesn't like school, etc. Yay. The school agreed that if he was feeling this way that something had to change. We did some watching to see if school was really that bad or if it was more a perception issue. Figured out it was a bit of both. So they're already helping him process his day and the teacher has done some in class social exercises with everybody with hopefully some more specific to Patrick social stuff to come in January.

Obviously there's still more to do. And my p.s. has turned into a full post. *grin*

Happy Christmas everybody!

Circle of Friends

2008-12-09T11:43:00.000-08:00

I've read about this concept before but never explored it fully. It has come up on my on-going discussions with the school. Has anyone seen it working in a school setting? Anyone with children who are either the 'focus' student or one of the 'supporting' students?

One of Patrick's main issues is social communication. He has a lot of trouble communicating his wants/needs and understanding the wants/needs of his classmates. He has started coming home and saying that his friends don't want to play with him. Well, of course they don't. He's big and strong and rough and while he isn't violent he certainly is not the kid you would choose to play a game with.

I guess my main point is...I don't expect everyone to like him. I don't even expect everyone to say yes when he asks to play (although this is the school rule, you don't exclude anyone). But they do need to address the fact that he needs to be taught how to socialize. It won't work just to throw him on the yard and expect it to work. There needs to be some direct facilitation.

The teacher is going to do some role playing with him and his classmates tomorrow as she says he's not the only one who needs to work on this. I'm pleased with that but I'm wondering if we do need to put together a formal 'circle of friends'. I'm also wondering if, in the beginning at least, we might be better off with a circle of slightly older friends as opposed to his peers. The children in his class this year are, for the most part, well, let's just say they're probably permissively parented...and leave it at that.

I'm not a good linker, but here's a link if you aren't sure what I'm talking about.

http://www.autismnetwork.org/modules/social/circle/lecture01.html

Appropriate Play

2008-12-09T06:09:00.000-08:00

Who decides what the appropriate way to play with a toy is? Weren't we always, as children, encouraged to use our imaginations? (I believe I may have dangled a participle)

I was talking to a friend who is trying to figure out if there is something 'wrong' with her son. She keeps coming back to autism but, having met the son, I'm not sure that's what it is. Needless to say, she's tired of people saying negative things like "he's not playing with that car appropriately" etc. But these same people fail to give her any positive advice or help her come up with a firm diagnosis. I remember hearing these things all the time. "He's not doing that RIGHT!"

So what is the appropriate way to play with a car? And who decides?