Billygean.co.uk

Problems

2009-01-18T14:25:00.002Z

Sorry about this. Blogger seems to have issues with me.

Tried to upgrade so I could add in an xml new beautiful template, pointed all the right bits to right places, didn't show, didn't allow new posts. Have converted back to classic blogger and it works fine. But is boring template.

Any suggestions?

In the gluten free takeaway

2009-01-16T23:00:00.003Z

"Oh we have to go out tomorrow," I say to MindReader in the takeaway.

I am quite hyperactive of late, something to do with having a bad cold that didn't affect my energy levels at all, returning to revising and complaining about NORMAL things people complain of like washing up and buses being late, and obviously impending moving.

"Why?"

A 70s disco type song comes on the radio. I stand up. "So we can boogie".

His eyebrows raise.

"Sorry - forget that," I say. "I seemed to have a relapse and thought it was the 90s for a moment."

Scenes from Tamworth

2009-01-13T21:32:00.002Z

Woman and two children get on bus.

"I'll have three child singles please."

***

"Er excuse me?" I call down the shop, my woolly hat dropping down over my eyes so I have to tilt my head back. "Is this cash machine working? The sign is sort of half on the machine..."

"I dunno, I only just got here didn't I?" TeenageShopKeeper says.

"Oh right..." I say.

"Just try it. Worst that can happen is it can swallow your card, yeah?"

I didn't really fancy that.

News!!!!

2009-01-10T23:38:00.003Z

Oh, hi!

I know, I know I said I'd write about new year but I've actually been busy!

Here's what with:

MindReader and I have found a flat and are moving out! It's a stone's throw from my college should body break again, and it's BEAUTIFUL although unfurnished which justified the following trip to Ikea:

Including Colin the Crocodile draft insulator, a treat when I got VERY TIRED OF THE WHOLE FURNITURE THING about halfway round.

And now announcing - the flat!

Bathroom

Living room

Kitchen

We're moving end of January but I promise I will update some more very soon!

2009-01-06T17:03:00.000Z

"Yeah it was so good," MindReader says to MadFather over fish and chips. "They used gluten free batter and kept everything separate... We'll have to come back after we've moved out," he says, squeezing my knee.

I smile faintly, staring at my food.

"What's up with you?" he says,

"Nothing," I say. "I've worked all day and moaned about it, I have fish and chips, coke and everything I could ever want."

Blogger is BACK hurrah

2009-01-04T12:54:00.002Z

Oh my God.

It appears blogger broke. I did not enjoy that experience.

So. We went to Cornwall and it was perfect, really (post below). AND energy wasn't really a consideration. Since coming back I seem to have picked up a cold but it hadn't (yet - touch wood) done what the last one did to me, I feel fine really, and we're supposing the other thing was the wheat given that I have been gluten free for 6 weeks since and am finally no longer ravenous to the point of fainting when I wake up.

MindReader and I must begin flat hunting in earnest now and we are going to the IKEA sale next week (which, if I think about this close to bedtime, I can't sleep!). Have been revising and it is not the dreamy, studying by a rainy window experience that I thought it would be, but more a chore that I feel guilty about not doing and I feel guilty about doing in case I tire myself out. C'est la vie.

We went clubbing for new year which I will update about shortly, and on new year's day I made disastrous cabbage.

Bappy 2009.

TESTING

2009-01-04T12:52:00.000Z

TESTING

2009-01-03T13:21:00.001Z

test sigh

Test

2009-01-01T19:13:00.007Z

Test

Looe

2008-12-30T21:29:00.008Z

He took me to Cornwall.

"Well!" he said as we unpacked our stuff in the tiny, wifi-equipped, sea-facing self-catered (thereby ticking all my boxes) flat. "What shall we do first?"

I thought for a moment, looking out of the window at the waves rolling further and further up the beach. I opened the door, my heels sinking into the sand and the sea air stinging my lips. "I think I'd like a snog on the beach," I said.

And so we did.

MindReader and the bottom

Wild hair

MindReader, looking much stockier than he is because of all the layers...

Me wearing unsuitable shoes

And unsuitable headwear

Climbing :) my thighs hurt so much the next day (and still do) but THE ROOM DIDN'T SPIN THE NEXT DAY :)

Woodland creature

The belt holding in the belly of gluten free fudge

Chasing sheep on Bodmin Moor. They did not want to be cuddled.

Out to dinner. A gluten-free success once I told them not to rub the fish in wheat flour or to use malt vinegar. And then they poured croutons all over my meal.

This morning

In a lovely pub

Merry Christmas

2008-12-26T00:12:00.005Z

MadFather raises his glass to toast. I lift up my gluten free orange squash.

He tilts his head at my glass. "Better than last year?"

I consider it. There is so much I cannot have, and cannot do. Sometimes the future stretches out before me in an endless run of reading labels and talking slowly to waiters and never having cake.

Last year, although I had enough energy, I spent the whole day on the sofa unable to eat because I felt so nauseous.

Sometimes, though, no matter how much perspective I have that it is better not to eat wheat than to be bedirdden, I simple wish those weren't my choices.

I clear my head.

"Yes," I say. "Even if I sometimes lack energy, I feel good."

"Actually, you wouldn't know you were sick, now," he says.

I think back to the past few days. An endless run of shopping and cooking and laughing.

And it's true. I clink my glass with his.

The life of a coeliac

2008-12-22T13:30:00.001Z

"And is this... mint sauce okay?" I say to my Nanna's husband.

"I'll just get the jar."

I read the label. Spirit vinegar, fine, soya lecithin, fine... "Oh it's fine," I say, and spoon some onto my meat.

"I just added malt vinegar to that," he says.

Oh shit.

Photos:

2008-12-21T19:49:00.003Z

So I went to the wedding. And I was fine. 1:30 - midnight sitting, congratulations body. I then slept for 14 hours and have had about 6 main meals today but that's fine. I also fed some penguins at a zoo and met a lot of my relatives' animals (which resulting in much whining to MindReader: why can everyone else have cats and not us? we then received a JOINT VOUCHER for Christmas which he suggested we spend on something for our flat, I nearly came, squabble over).

Photos:

MadFather dancing

The day after, with my Nanna's dog Tara. Not feeling too shabby :)

Simba, one of my Nanna's cats

Walking

MindReader and Atacama, my auntie's 5th cat

Me and Atacama

I got a feeding the penguins present in February last year. I haven't gone til now for obvious reasons.

And finally... That which renders me bedridden. How can something so beautiful...?!

Fixing me

2008-12-19T23:07:00.002Z

Well.

I'm feeling quite a bit better. Wheat has once again been eradicated from my kitchen. Went to college on Wednesday which was incredibly bizarre but in a good way, and went shopping for three hours yesterday and I felt - dare I say it - well!

I'm going to a wedding tomorrow on my Mum's side of the family, although she's not going - go figure - and it's an early start which will no doubt anger the glands.

Am wearing a beautiful red dress and MindReader has been told to wear a red tie. He's finished work for Christmas now until 31st when he's doing half day.

We have so much coming up this week and it is a time for reflections. Last year I was energetic enough to sit up all day on Christmas day but I felt so sick; throwing up for no reason and so on. This year I sometimes have no energy, but that is slowly going, and, more important, I feel healthy. We have this wedding, Christmas, our holiday and then new year, and I'm so pleased my body is (at last) letting me enjoy it.

So going to dr next week to get diagnosed...

2008-12-17T16:13:00.003Z

"How're you doing?" Cousin says to me.

"Oh, alright," I say. "I got really well and then - I don't know - some sort of flu but that was a month ago and I'm still not right..."

"Oh right," he says. "Strange. And how's the wheat?"

"Well I reintroduced wheat, but took it out again when I got that gastic flu thing..."

He pauses for a moment, the phone line crackling. "So you reintroduced wheat and then you got ill?"

I think. "I suppose so."

"Were you like - ravenous?"

"Yes but illness uses up energy..." I say, feeling the donuts slipping away from me.

"Ravenous is very celiac. Light headed?"

"Er, yes..."

"My blood test was negative too," he says. And if I eat wheat I get tired and ravenous."

"Have I had enough wheat - to do that sort of damage? It was only four days' worth," I say, omitting that I also had 7 chcolate oranges, out of shame more than anything.

"Yes," he says immediately. "I wouldn't eat wheat ever again if I were you."

And something slides into place in my mind.

And - although no donuts - no more unexplained sickness, either.

MindReader in our living room on Friday Night

2008-12-16T13:35:00.001Z

I mean, really, have you ever seen a finer male specimen?

On understatements

2008-12-15T18:11:00.000Z

"What's happened is your tear glands were affected by this..." the consultant looks at his sheet "glandular fever that you say you had a while ago. So now your cornea doesn't renew itself."

"Right..." I say. "What does that mean?"

"Just that you need to use these drops 8 times a day."

"8!"

"Yes, they're quite dry. I've not seen anything like this really. Tell me - did the glandular fever affect you otherwise?"

I almost laughed.

Your auto update

2008-12-15T17:58:00.003Z

Right. Hello. Sorry, sorry, I have been BUSY.

Body is not back to normal yet. In fact just on Thursday it protested about me sitting up for two hours in the MORNING God forbid and attached invisible weights to my arms and legs for the rest of the day. Getting someone else to wrap my presents - not good.

Went to MindReader's work 'do on Saturday and managed to sit up from 7 until (ahem) 2 in the morning so that is something, although body did then do some protesting on Sunday. Sat up on way home and then needed a lie down. Felt better after 5 minutes and sat up all evening (?). What a strange thing.

Dashed about today in fit of ridiculous behaviour. Had to go to optical hospital (more on that later). Got a return at the bus stop. Went to hospital. Everybody was 80. Then got on bus home but went via Boots to get contact lenses now I can wear them again. Bought a single because was on phone to MadFather and had lost return. Asked man on bus when next bus home was and he said "you should have got a return. I'm driving the next bus anyway and it's at 4:25."

I nodded along even though I HAD a return because I am a liar and realised would probably not use it lest he question me about my web of lies.

Got into Boots. Realised prescription for eye drops WASN'T redeemable in all chemists like the consultant told me so waited at bus stop for bus BACK to hospital. I know April-Gilly would have LOVED to get buses everywhere but honestly - this was a bit of a pain.

No bus arrived FOREVER. Went into Asda and bought some shoes. Felt a lot better.

Rang taxi to take me to the hospital. Realised was unlikely to wait for the bus again. It comes once an hour. The odds weren't good. Asked taxi driver to wait for me. prescription took FOREVER and taxi driver came INTO THE HOSPITAL and started SHOUTING at me about how I was paying waiting time. Silly me!

Got taxi home. Cost me £19. Plus original return of £3.50. Plus the single at £1.80. Plus the sympathy shoes that stopped me crying at £15 (I know! bargain!)

SO. That was today. COLLEGE are bothering me. I emailed them to ask what to revise and what not to revise because the law has changed. They emailed back saying I MUST attend a three hour lecture this Wednesday from TEN A.M. What happens at ten a.m? I have NO idea. Anyway, it can't be that vital because I contacted them after all. Said I'd had a bug and I'd been in bed for a year afterall. Nobody batted an eyelid and I got what felt like an automated reply telling me it was 'absolutely necessary' I attend and that it's all on slides so no need for note taking. I'm not sure why they think note taking is difficult. It's the bus. And the not sleeping. And the 4 hours in college. NOTE TAKING I can do.

Right.

Have since emailed back and said could they email me the lecture notes since they were 'all on slides'. Have said I compromised my health in January and it didn't exactly end well. I await their snotty replies.

Sadly we did not uncover a culinary flavour pairing

2008-12-12T13:02:00.003Z

"What's happened?" MindReader says, coming in the back door from the outside freezer bearing frozen mince.

"Meh," I say. "How do you know...?"

"The way you were standing. As soon as I saw through the window I knew something was up."

I smile and gesture to the potatoes I am cutting up. "I was just making our coffees on the chopping board -"

"Of course. Sensible."

"Anyway now the potato chips are coffee flavoured."

MindReader smirks. "Don't move," he says, as I smear the coffee further into a potato.

He gets a sieve and boils the kettle and begins to wash the potatoes.

"Is this how you imagined living with me?" I say.

"Pretty much exactly."

I'm actually quite proud!

2008-12-09T17:49:00.002Z

"Hello?" OldestFriend says into her phone.

"How do I wrap a circular tub?"

"What??"

"How do I wrap a circular tub."

OldestFriend laughs for quite a few seconds. "Oh God Billygean," she splutters. "I have no idea how to describe this to you."

OldestFriend is an interior designer and got me through the mandatory art exam we had to sit by giving me a template. I got her through physics by making an anal revision table on excel.

"I know," I half-wail.

"Okay - roll the tub up so the paper's around it."

"Oh! I had it on top of it..."

"What were you going to do with it?!"

"Just - cover it in paper!"

"Like a collage?"

I laugh. "Exactly."

"So you roll the paper around the tub..."

"Like - so - like it's a hat and the tub is the head?"

"What?"

"Oh never mind..."

"Anyway - then when you've finished - like - fold a bit of the top down and the rest will follow... DO it neatly though and make sure they're not too big..."

"Oh God," I say. "This sounds very Blue Peter and I am not very Blue Peter."

"You'll be fine!" she said falsely.

"I'll send you a photo of how it goes."

I ended up holding it with my feet and sticking my hand to it.

On encounters at college

2008-12-08T17:20:00.003Z

I sit in the college library, waiting for Future Law Firm people who I should not be blogging about.

It smells just the same; of books and computers and tiredness. The last time I was in here was February the 17th when I walked out of my exam, too sick to care, and cried in the library as I emailed OldTutor.

I spot a familiar face, an Old Housemate, who approaches me.

"Billygean?!" He says.

"Yes..." I say. Am I that changed?

"Sorry -" he says. "The hair and glasses confused me."

And the smug air of someone having come through a chronic illness, I think to myself.

"How have you been - weren't you a bit ill earlier in the year?" he says.

I smile to myself. "Yes I was," I say.

Praying I don't imagine ill feelings because it is the same route

2008-12-08T15:26:00.002Z

Right.

I went shopping yesterday and the world didn't end. I didn't feel great but I got in and did not crawl to the sofa but chatted to MindReader and showed him my new bath stuff I had acquired over the weekend and made a few drinks.

So not all bad.

Today I am meeting the trainees that will be working with me in Future Law Firm. I have done this once before so let's hope that this year I actually end up working with them.

I do not feel fantastic. But I rested and it didn't seem to achieve much. And sometimes the body needs to be pushed. Either way, this illness has held me back from so much that I think I just really need to do this.

MindReader is going to bring me home afterwards. To get there, I am getting on the same bus and walking the same route as on Friday (day of sugar bags on head doom feeling). So I will probably twitter from the bus to update you all.

Wish me luck!

Moaning

2008-12-06T13:40:00.003Z

Well. Yesterday was a bit of a disaster. I haven't got my body SO WRONG for quite a while.

Felt okay post-Coldplay. Got taxi to hairdresser but felt fine so got bus home. The next day we were due to be seeing Romeo and Juliet in Stratford. MindReader is an Early Person (the kind that wring their hands if they don't have at least 2 hours' leeway for unexpected events) so I decided to get the bus into Birmingham to meet him after work to save him driving home. Blah blah.

Got to bus stop. Ran for bus. Was wrong bus. Paced around. Realised was on wrong side of road. Crossed road. Paced around. Felt a bit fuzzy but it wasn't getting any worse and believe me THE BODY makes it much worse when it wants to be heard. Got on bus eventually. Sat for an hour smirking to self about how I WAS WELL and imagining what type of plants MindReader and I are going to have in our flat.

Got off bus. Almost fell on road. Felt was floating. Staggered to MindReader's office. Felt like had 6 bags of sugar on top of head. That is the best way I can describe it.

Begged him to bring car to me even though car was a 4 minute walk away. Lay down in car all way to Stratford. Felt no better (very unusual).

Sat up for play, slumped against MindReader. Thought was going to die when someone asked me to stand up to get past me. Was aware this is unreasonable behaviour.

I should be pleased. I couldn't walk four paces the other day let alone get a bus and run around. But I imagined I was therefore fine, and I am not. Still, I think I would rather err on the side of doing too much rather than moping around being too scared to do anything.

But... It is now Saturday, and I'm not sure what to do, and I am alone. And sometimes I just think - god - imagine having a job and being able to go out without thinking about it. Internet, it has been so long that I cannot even imagine it.

A series of text messages

2008-12-06T13:39:00.003Z

Me: Morning... How're you? How is home? xx

MindReader: Okay thanks, and you? xx

Me: Good - my Lush parcel arrived :o)

MindReader: I know, I took it from the postman. Nipples unexposed.

When you feel so tired that you can't sleep / Stuck in reverse

2008-12-04T18:46:00.005Z

Fix You thumps out of the speakers, the guitar strains sounding more beautiful live than I have ever heard.

And I will try... to fix you the audience sings, me and MindReader included.

"Exactly," Chris Martin says.

And I got what I wanted. They took me out of my own body for a while.