The SWWAN Blog

Condom commercial brings thoughts on sexual mores

2009-07-08T19:18:00.001-05:00

I am going out on a limb. I believe that the policy of abstinence-only isn't effective for preventing teens from having sex. But after seeing this new Trojan condom commercial, I'm thinking there may be a way to prevent teen (and adult) sex both from resulting in unwanted pregnancies and from transmitting venereal diseases.

Never mind that it's astounding to see a condom commecial in prime time. They've been showing "feminine protection (hygiene)" for years and lately, sex enhancement stuff like gels and creams. Okay. Can we fight this?

Anyway, this new Trojan commercial is sharp and cool. It shows a pair of white-gloved disembodied hands (think of a mime's hands) opening a spiffy gold package of a Trojan Ecstasy condom. It then proceeds to apply the item by unrolling an invisible material to fit an invisible, but definitely sizeable, long shape, even tucking it snugly at the end of the movement. Then the screen flashes the copy--can't remember exactly, but something like "Yeah. That's what it's like--like you're wearing nothing."

While this commercial will probably never reach the young men who have not received (or understood) education about the dangers of unprotected sex, and it will have little or no effect on the men, young and old, who are drunk or high when they go to have sex with their partners or dates, it does take an intelligent approach to helping the regular good guys who can't resist, or whose girlfriends can't resist, be smart. Help them do the best they can to be responsible about their choices.

And the best part is the good guys would be willingly sharing the responsibility for "safe sex" instead of relying on the female to take responsibity.

SAVE THE DATE! 2009 SWWAN Women's Empowerment Conference

2009-06-25T16:37:00.004-05:00

We are so excited! Been planning for months already the celebration for Single Working Women's Week this year. (Read about our first celebration here.)

We have an astounding lineup of talent doing presentations for our first annual 2009 SWWAN Women's Empowerment Conference. Please save some time to attend one or more of the sessions--you will be enlightened, informed and inspired at each one of these mini-workshops. The schedule includes 2 sessions each day (3 pm and 7 pm CT) on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday in the week of August 2-8.

Check out the announcement of the 2009 SWWAN Women's Empowerment Conference.

Begging ex-spouse for help with child care?

2009-06-25T12:59:00.004-05:00

Saw a good post over at "Work It, Mom!" about a single mom having to "ask permission" to get the father to take responsibility so she can have some time to herself. Whereas the dad just calls up and says "I can't make it this weekend, I'm going away" - even though it's his scheduled time and the mom has plans she's expected to drop.

Classic stuff. I can totally relate to this scenario of frustration. The worst part is it can feel like you're still married to the person--which you went through the hell of divorce to get out of!--but without any of the partnership benefits (even if they were pathetically small at best).

The comments are interesting. Some claim it's a man vs. woman thing rather than a single vs. married mom ('cuz lots of married moms report the same thing). Others--including the lone single dad who responded--claim it's a case of not handling the situation assertively and aggressively enough--that you're a doormat if you let someone (male or female) get away with treating you like that.

They all have valid points. If I'm being a doormat because I don't know how to assert myself, maybe a little training is all I need. If I'm a doormat because I don't believe I'm worth it, a little therapy might be in order (or at least a bunch of positive affirmations).

But if your ex- (or spouse) is a pathological type who couldn't care less about the kids and is more concerned with controlling/manipulating you--and unhappily, people like this are not uncommon--you can certainly try the assertive stuff, but you'd better take care how your kids are treated while they're in that other's company. And, of course, those of you who are in, or suspect you're in, such a situation, probably already realize that issues around your children need to be handled with special care to protect them as much as possible.

Single moms and city living

2009-06-22T14:25:00.005-05:00

Found a great post by a single mom about raising your child in a big city. Interesting points. And while you're there, check out some of her cool posts about Chicago, in case you're interested in visiting or living there!

Father's day reflections

2009-06-19T08:18:00.004-05:00

I miss my dad. So do my two grown daughters and my 8 siblings. And I'm really sad he didn't get to meet my little granddaughter. Dad retired to a little farm in Indiana after 38 years as a milk route salesman (he sold to small stores rather than individual homes). It was a job that provided fairly well for our big Catholic-birth-control-size family.

We never knew our dad while we grew up. He and my mom were a closed circuit pair. She spoke for him; he let her handle discipline and most everything else. He'd step in when she asked him to--to scare us or spank us or whatever.

But how we loved going to visit them on the farm. For twenty years, it was my family's only vacation spot. As a single mom, I loved it as a haven of comfort. I'd arrive, have a drink with them, pat my kids on the head and sleep. Pretty much all weekend I'd sleep. I knew the kids were safe and had interesting things to do out in nature. No chores. No errands. No work. No phone calls. God, it was like heaven.

Then after my mom died, my dad found it hard at first to negotiate the world on his own. But he put his mind to it. And we all watched him teach himself how to listen more and how to communicate more effectively with us. We got to know him in a way we never could when both parents were a unit. It was a precious gift, and I am profoundly grateful to have had those years with him.

There is nothing in the world like having a good relationship with your dad. Hope yours with your dad brings you much joy. And if it doesn't, I hope you've found peace with that.

Stress makes women turn to other women--and that's good for health

2009-06-06T13:45:00.002-05:00

Stress tends to cause men to hole up. It tends to push women to find other women to hang out with and spend time together. According to a recent report, this means the study of how to treat stress has been entirely one-sided--and completely inapplicable to a whole sex. Whew. Talk about blinders...

Both sexes release a substance called oxytocin under stress, but testosterone tends to reduce the amount of this substance, and estrogen tends to increase it. And that's the substance that leads women to reach out to tend children and to reach out to other women for bonding and friendship. And as lots of studies have already shown, an active social life (friends) is strongly associated with living longer--and enjoying it more. No wonder women tend to live longer than men.

What does independence mean when you have a billion dollars?

2009-05-26T17:11:00.004-05:00

The popular television show Family Feud is about as light a piece of entertainment as you can get. Can come in handy during recuperative times or times of serious overload. Anyway, I just saw something that blew my SWWAN mind.

The show runs a bunch of test groups and asks certain test questions. Then when they invite folks on the show, the guests are supposed to try to guess the most popular answers the test groups gave. Today, contestants were struggling to fill in the answers to this question: What do Oprah's fans most want to help/urge her to do?

Answers included, keep giving away prizes, keep donating to charity, lose weight, and a few others. But the #1 top answer--by a resoundingly more-than-double any other answer--was "get married."

I was astonished. Certainly that can't be because Oprah seems like someone who's incomplete, right? I'm sure they don't think she's miserable or lonely. What could it be? But consider how Oprah is loved much as subjects love their royalty. I just watched a marvelous film (Mrs. Brown) in which Judi Dench played the imperious Queen Victoria in mourning after her beloved Alfred had died. Everyone wanted her to get married again (she never did and ruled another 20 years)). Queen Elizabeth I of England remained unmarried her entire 40-year reign and never ceased to have people actively petitioning and scheming for her marriage.

I imagine the subjects/fans want the queen/Oprah to experience the same joys and pleasures of marriage they themselves enjoy. It seems wrong to assume that people could be uncomfortable with or threatened by the independence of a happy single woman who repeatedly demonstrates her commitment to pursuing good causes around the world, generously sharing her wealth, and providing ongoing value and entertainment for her audiences.

Girls and boys competing

2009-05-16T20:47:00.004-05:00

Well, it was an interesting weekend for the rivalry of the sexes. Rachel Alexandra, known as the super filly (young female horse) of thoroughbred racing, stood shoulder to shoulder with the 3-year-old stallions in the Preakness Stakes and swept the field. And interestingly, there was a period when a number of the owners of stallions openly discussed taking advantage of an obscure racing rule to make it impossible for her to compete. However, eventually--and because one owner said he'd withdraw his horse if the filly was barred and thus make it possible for her to run--better sportsmanship prevailed.

And on another television channel, the story of G.I. Jane unfolded to reveal the toughness and determination of a woman who aspired to make it in the military, and who beat all the anger, threats, abuse, and intimidation to succeed.

Loved the quotes from the owners of Rachel Alexandra. The one who didn't enter her in the Kentucky Derby said he'd never do that because fillies should run with fillies, and stallions should run with stallions. The next owner, who purchased her after the Kentucky Derby, made this profound observation: "Champions should run with champions."

What else can we say? Except, oh, by the way, if you want to be a champion like Rachel Alexandra--to get yourself as fit and sleek as possible----I'm going to recommend a health/fitness guru who gives the best advice I've ever seen.

Mike Geary openly shares amazing tips on things like healthy snacks, what goods are most nutritious, different types of exercises, and more. I've been getting emails from this guy for about a year--I read every one of them religiously because there's always something valuable in them.

You can get his ebook, The Truth about Abs, and get his unique insider secrets about losing weight, eating healthy, exercising to get the best figure and to be strong like G.I. Jane (have you seen the shots of Demi Moore working out in that movie? Yikes.) click here!

Former single working mom gives free haircuts

2009-05-12T06:15:00.004-05:00

Now we're talking! This former Iranian-immigrant-former-single-working-mom remembers how tough it was when she first came to this country 25 years ago. Now she's offering to make a real difference for others in need. This San Francisco Chronicle article recounts how she is now offering free haircuts, color and styling to those in need.

Guess what? She can't find many people who will take her up on it. Because Americans half the time don't believe it when you say it's free. Don't value it. I don't know about you, but I'd be happy to accept her offer any time if I lived in San Francisco.

Do you know any single women who are reaching out to help others? Send your stories.

How are you going green?

2009-04-22T06:51:00.003-05:00

Someone in a Chicago women's help network asked this question today--what are you doing to go greener in your everyday life? I put together a quick list of some of the things I do. Love to hear your ideas, too.

I use Handi-Wipes instead of paper towels for most jobs (except for throw-away jobs like cleaning up really gooey stuff or broken glass). They last a long time and can be washed in the washing machine a number of times.
I turn off all lights, radios, etc. in a room when I leave it. I heard this can save as much as 10% on energy consumption.
I work from home so I'm in my house all day. During the days now, I'm keeping my house one degree less warm in winter and one degree less cool in summer. Heard this as a tip on a radio show.
I recycle glass, plastic and paper.
I reuse the plastic bags that line my wastebaskets--just pull out the papers and so on in each wastebasket and dispose of it all in one larger bag.
I reuse plastic grocery bags for garbage. They're a lot easier to carry out when they're full than giant ones.
I reuse the small plastic produce bags to wrap foods in for the refrigerator.
When I remember, I bring my recycled-cloth grocery bag into the store with me to cut down on the number of plastic bags they pack my groceries in.
I pool as many errands as possible into a single car trip.
Rather than buy disposables, I reuse commercial plastic containers for food storage.

I just saw a TV documentary about a master switch you can install that will turn off all those instant-on things like your TV, stereo, computers, etc. that keep draining energy even when off. It's pretty complex and expensive to install, but it saves a ton of energy. Hopefully they'll start building those into new homes and office buildings.

Can't wait to hear everyone's ideas!

Is truth subjective? How about when a friend refuses to see it?

2009-04-18T15:43:00.011-05:00

The HeartMath Institute sends out a quote every day--some of them from famous people, some from the founders of the organization. Almost all are gems. Found this one today:

"Everyone stumbles over the truth from time to time, but most people pick themselves up and hurry off as though nothing ever happened." - Winston Churchill

It's easy to see this happen when you're looking at other people. How easily we can recognize when a friend or relative is turning away from a truth that's uncomfortable. Not so easy in ourselves, of course.

The big question we face when we see it going on with a friend is, where does our responsibility lie? Are we supposed to point the "truth" out to the friend who can't see it or who disagrees about it? What most likely happens if we do is the friend gets angry with us, feels misunderstood and judged. Because the fact is, when someone's ignoring the truth, it's usually because they are either unable or unwilling to acknowledge it. In any case, it doesn't appear to be truth to them at all. So you can come off as preachy or holier-than-thou if you bring it up--even if you do it very diplomatically.

Do you gauge your course of action by whether you think it will make a difference? Do you only say something if the person is putting herself in imminent danger? Some people choose never to say anything, and that's always safe. But if you want to be truly intimate with another person (whether it's a close friend, a significant other, or a family member), that's where the choice becomes more complicated.

The best course is to let love guide you. But that's often easier said than done. In an insightful book called The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm, written originally some 40 years ago, the author talks about the components of love being care, responsibility, respect, and knowledge. Though a few of his ideas are dated, it's worth reading this book to get a deeper perspective on the meaning of love in all its forms--and sound guidelines about when and how to discuss a difficult issue with someone you care about.

Working mom missing her baby - what to do?

2009-04-10T16:15:00.007-05:00

Saw a question from a new mom about how can you stand to only see your 7-week-old baby when you get home exhausted from work and he's fussy and crying ‘til he goes to sleep.

How do you cope, indeed. I was a single mom for 11 years, and now I'm a single grandma of a single-daughter's little girl. It's heartbreaking to leave your baby--there's no way around it. It never gets easy, either, though perhaps only slightly less wrenching when they're older. The only thing you can do is try to put things in perspective. Making sure the baby is well-cared for when you're at work is most important, and then follow the good advice of other moms for finding ways to make your time with your little one count as much as possible. Remember, you are the mom! Nobody and nothing can take that away from you.

But one of the most empowering things you can do is to think creatively about what other ways you can earn a living besides the 9 to 5 grind. Even if it means cutting back on your lifestyle, what’s it worth to have more time with your little one? Read all you can about freelancing and about alternate ways of generating revenue. Think about your talents and how you could turn them into a business to meet some unfilled need out there in the world.

It's not that you'd be putting in a whole lot less time with your own business--but you could do it more on your own terms. Work in the evenings after the baby goes to sleep. Work during the day by paying a babysitter for a few hours a day instead of all day. If you have another income in the household, it should be easier. But even single moms can get creative this way. One single mom I know recently decided to become a real estate agent so she can have more control over her schedule.

Think with your whole soul! You're sure to find a way out of this agonizing dilemma.

Live with passion and harmony - a CEO's perspective

2009-04-08T08:32:00.005-05:00

Got this link from a colleague today--the CEO of advertising giant Saatchi & Saatchi lecturing to a student group at Wharton about business. Loved listening to this guy's English accent as he spoke of looking at a world without limitations -- only possibilities. Perfect advice for single working women -- give up the struggle for balancing (which equals compromise), and live with joy in all you do. Easier said than done, you say? Yeah, but utterly possible when we open our hearts and minds.

The main points of the lecture:

Ideas are the currency of the future
Ideas are emotion-based
o Rational – leads to conclusions
o Emotions lead to action
o Fail fast. Learn fast. Fix fast.
Insight trumps data/information – research doesn’t yield insight
Develop foresight as a result of your insight
And/And – it’s about integration, not compromise – not work/life balance, but continuous joy. Combine passion and harmony
Forget mission statements – what’s your dream?
When given command, take charge and do what’s right
The role of business is to make the world a better place

Here's how the speaker does it:

Spends time with the leaders of tomorrow (lectures, teaching)
Pays Saatchi associates to give 10% of their time to pro bono causes
Bought @Now – all about sustainability. Thinking blue not green--blue skies, blue oceans. Consulting with huge companies about becoming sustainable.

These are big things he's doing. But even small things can make a great difference to our world--and a huge difference to your life. Read Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain. Read You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. Don't stay stuck if you feel that way. Life is too short!

Book review: Wife Goes On - women getting single again

2009-04-07T19:30:00.008-05:00

"Wife Goes On" by Leslie Lehr is a witty, sexy novel about what it feels like to get divorced. Four characters, each woman going through a divorce in a completely different way, connect with each others' lives and find out that they have something very important in common--the overwhelming emotional burdens that come with losing your status as part of a couple. One of the main characters talks about the great mystery of the divorce process. She realizes after a long struggle to find her way that the process has an incredibly steep learning curve. And once you "get" what's it's all about, you have a vast store of information that's now useless for you and only of interest to someone else just starting.

A quote begins to express some of the book's sharp observations about what it means to be single in our society. An exchange between two waitresses in a restaurant:

'The four in the corner's clearing, but the server just got stiffed and there's a VIP party due. We need a loser table.', 'I beg your pardon?' Diane said. The waitress turned around 'Oh, I'm sorry, that's just an expression. It means table for one.'

The expression shows unthinking prejudice that's not unlike the accepted use of racist language that was so common about African Americans in our country for generations.

If we change the language, we can start changing the thinking. We're working on it...

Abortion vis-a-vis single motherhood

2009-04-02T17:14:00.007-05:00

Interesting interview in the Cornell Sun with a pro-life advocate. Says abortion has become the easy choice for young women who get pregnant--and that abortion betrays feminism.

The woman makes a really important point--women are not adequately supported by our society. Single mothers in particular must generally learn to leap tall buildings just to survive with their child(ren). Saying all single women who get pregnant should become mothers is kind of like saying abstinence-only is a good way to prevent teens from having sex. It's plain not happening.

Our society not only pays women less but also disapproves of single mothers and denies them access to benefits that most married couples take for granted. Asking a woman to give birth to her accidentally conceived baby no matter what the circumstances is forcing her to start life with her baby with two strikes against them. It's not surprising that abortion is often the choice. And as the African American pro-lifer--who herself had an abortion when she was young "so my child wouldn't become a statistic"--rightly points out, nothing stays with a woman like an abortion. So let's not pretend that it's an "easy" choice.

Being a single woman today means you're part of the 51% majority of women in America who are. With numbers like that, it's time for our society to start finding a new attitude.

Movie review: Door to Door

2009-04-02T08:35:00.000-05:00

Saw this gem of a made-for-cable movie Tuesday night. William H. Macy plays Bill Porter, a guy with cerebral palsy, whose mother believes unquestioningly in his ability to do whatever he wants. The story chronicles his career as a door to door salesman--and the profound effects he has on those he comes in touch with. Five stars for tender, tough and true human relationships.

Men who love and respect women--go forth and multiply!

2009-03-30T05:34:00.008-05:00

You know, I've been meaning to get to this all month. And today's almost the last day--of Women's History Month. Did you know there's actually a "national women's history project"? Yep, visit it and be inspired.

Women--we are such complex and wonderful creatures, are we not? Is it any wonder that there has been so much effort over the centuries to keep women out of power, out of politics, out of sight? I think it was Aristotle or Plato or one of those early wise guys who said, "If woman should ever becomes man's equal, she will quickly become his superior." Now just think how long ago that was...

With the rise of increasing numbers of independent single working women, the sight of women being strong and successful in their own right becomes ever more common.

Let us hope that the wise and loving men in our world who give women their due will spread their wisdom and multiply their kind in great numbers. And then we can look forward to the day when the new reality will no longer be considered a threat.

What makes us want to "be there" for each other?

2009-03-24T07:07:00.006-05:00

What does it take to make people willing to share their weak spots, to make themselves vulnerable? Is it a common bond? Do business people have to get to know each other in social situations in order to develop that feeling? The Chicago NAWBO (National Assn. of Women Business Owners) has put together an Affiliates coalition aimed at bringing together women who work in nonprofits to get to know each other and hopefully share resources. Here's their latest post on "women in business coalescing." It's got to be harder in business to get people to cooperate, especially when some members may share pieces of the target audience. Competitiveness and territoriality are huge factors for many people.

If we think of groups--as in Yahoo! groups and others--we think of people writing and sharing ideas with each other around a particular topic. The topic can be very narrow, say, grandmothers of 2-year-olds sharing stories. Or it can be broad, such as, single working women. In our case, we have members who are divorced women (some of them mothers), single mothers by choice, never-married single women, widows, and every variation possible--some in business for themselves and many working for others. Women in each segment may have different specific issues at different times, while members of all these groups must deal with the realities of being single in a society that's profoundly focused on couples.

SWWAN is a member of the Affiliates Coalition. We hope to be able to share ideas and learn from other nonprofits as we move forward in creating The SWWAN Foundation, dedicated to empowering and encouraging single working women.

What do you think might encourage women to share and be vulnerable in a business setting?

Movie review: Miss Potter - A remarkable single woman in early 1900s

2009-03-07T07:47:00.004-06:00

Renee Zellweger is adorable, and I've seen her play many types of roles very well. In this Golden-Globe-nominated movie, Miss Potter, she plays the irrepressible Beatrix Potter, author of the Tale of Peter Rabbit, living in just-past-Victorian-age England. She plays a single woman who is inspired by her characters, who paints them in beautiful detail, and then writes them into stories. She's a single woman who determinedly seeks a voice among the 1902 all-male-women-are-not-welcome world of publishing. The story of her adventures in love and business and of how she finally gets published is utterly charming, and so the characters--including her adoring father and her obnoxious mother who keeps trying to marry her off.

Her publisher's single sister is overjoyed to meet another single woman with a mind of her own; they become best friends. Beatrix is 32 years old and she and her new friend swear they will remain single forever. Her father gently derides her about not marrying the men her mother parades through the living room, and she says: :I won't be pushed into this. Because I turned down men who were thought suitable because they were just barely acceptable and they could support me, does that mean I'm never to be loved?"

Then when her publisher at last asks her to marry him, she goes to her best friend, her loved one's brother, and asks, "I know we said we'd never marry, but what do you think?" Her friend says, "Oh rubbish. What else would a single woman say? You have a chance to be loved. Take it."

I won't give away the next part, but I think you'll enjoy this movie a lot.

How's the economy affecting you?

2009-03-04T18:16:00.001-06:00

Talking with a Wall Street Journal reporter last week about how the current economic madness is affecting single women head-of-households. Here are some thoughts.

living on credit cards
increasing debt
cutting even non-frivolous expenses - e.g., not doing home repairs as soon as discovered b/c of expense
searching for bargains in food prices--single women don't normally have time for that but need now to consider everything
eating out less often or not at all
going out less often or not at all - single moms especially--going out is doubly expensive b/c of babysitting
considering bankruptcy
hanging onto less than desirable jobs b/c no others available

What else are you doing that's different?

Targeting women with sex

2009-03-03T19:38:00.001-06:00

Was watching the NBC Today show on the overhead TV while exercising on Monday morning. They got my attention when they said Internet pornography was a huge business--and for some reason pointed out that 8 out of 10 of the top Internet-porn-buying states gave their electoral votes to McCain. Then I was appalled to see they reported on a recent study that finds women respond well to sexy ads if the product is depicted as a gift from a man--"in a committed relationship."

Men, it said, prefer sexy ads without the gift idea. So, they concluded, "if you want women to open up their purses, throw in a little commitment."

Hey, I'm in marketing and I understand wanting to understand the psychology of the customer. But as a woman, the idea of faking commitment--which is a ploy that's been around since human beings got out of the Garden of Eden and is still in use today--pisses me off. And the idea of formalizing it as a strategy for tricking people into buying things really pisses me off.

Comments welcome.

Book review: Missy...being single and hard luck in the old West

2009-02-27T16:53:00.005-06:00

Reading an amazing story called Missy by Chris Hannan. It's about a "flash girl" in the gold/silver rushes of the old West. These were prostitutes who were affiliated with an establishment, as opposed to street walkers. Lots of period dialog and details. Compelling story of a young woman whose mother is a total bust-out--playing like she is a lady but being seriously drunk all the time. Abandoned her daughter at age 13.

The daughter keeps following her around the country trying to help her--because she promised her when she was 10 that she would always take care of her. The daughter is addicted--like so many people of the time, particularly women--to opium in various forms. It was a drugstore remedy available to everyone and cheap. Still the
daughter maintains a semblance of sanity compared to her mom. Many scenes of
violence described with the dispassionate voice of someone who's simply
used to it. Hard to put down.

Good reminder of some of the progress that's been made for single working women in our world.

Urgent action call - women deserve better than abstinence-only

2009-02-21T19:50:00.001-06:00

This message may resonate with many single working women. Thanks to the Chicago Foundation for Women for sharing this important information.

Since 1996, the federal government has poured more than $1.5 billion into abstinence-only-until-marriage programs. In 2008 alone, it was $178 million.

President Obama is putting together his proposed budget for 2010, and as he has assured the nation he will be on the lookout for failed programs that deserve to be eliminated. We have an easy cut to suggest: End federal funding for the failed abstinence-only-until-marriage experiment.

Here are some facts for free: Research proves these programs don't work. The programs prohibit teachers from discussing contraception, except to describe their failure rates. The lesson plans frequently teach young people sexist gender stereotypes and medically inaccurate information.

When should you act? Today.
By the end of February, President Obama plans to send his 2010 budget to Congress.

What can you do? Click here to email the White House now. http://capwiz.com/cfw/issues/alert/?alertid=12722606&external_id=10163.-1757079

SuperBowl ads ignore women

2009-02-04T14:21:00.006-06:00

Thanks to AskPatty for pointing this out on AdWeek. Did you watch the game? Did you see the famed SuperBowl ads?

I was stunned to see in one of the first ones the man is eating something or other (I had to go look it up to remember that it was Doritos) that allows him to make magic things happen--and the first thing he does is cause an attractive woman's clothes to be stripped off her body. She's standing there in her black bra, black underpants, and black GARTER BELT and stockings. Huh? What day and age is this?

If nearly half of the SuperBowl audience is women, and those women make 50 to 90% of the buying decisions in any particular sector of this country's economy, what are you accomplishing by pandering to male fantasies and completely ignoring women's sensibilities?

Never mind the GoDaddy ad suggesting women should shower together online to entertain male customers. What? I wonder how many of GoDaddy's customers are women--women who increasingly set up web sites and need hosting and other services.

What's the conclusion we can reach? That the companies that make the billions of dollars necessary to be able to spend millions on SuperBowl ads know the research--that 38% of the SuperBowl audience is female--and just plain don't care. We've come a long way, baby...not.

A beautiful Valentine idea for all SWWANs and friends

2009-02-04T13:04:00.005-06:00

Thanks for this wonderful idea from Beth Bradfish, single-working-woman publisher of Express Harmonies and owner of Beth Bradfish, Inc. workshops and seminars.

A Heart-made Valentine
February, 2009

"Get out your scissors and paste." Remember the valentines you made when you were a kid? How much fun was that?!

Here's a way to do that again with a grown-up twist that promises a powerful impact.

Step 1. Thinking about your loved one, identify his or her three greatest strengths. If you need some words to choose from, try this list from Martin Seligman's Authentic Happiness (Simon & Schuster, 2002): curiosity, love of learning, judgment, ingenuity, social intelligence, perspective, value, perseverance, integrity, kindness, loving, citizenship, fairness, leadership, self-control, prudence, humility, appreciation of beauty, gratitude, hope, spirituality, forgiveness, humor and zest.

Step 2. For each of the strengths you choose for your loved one, write down a recent admirable example in which he or she displayed this strength. (See #1 below for an example of what this might look like.)

1. Strength: KINDNESS

Example: Monday, before you left for work, you cleaned the snow and ice off my car windows. That was so kind of you and reminds me of all the kind and thoughtful things you do for me and so many other people.

2. Strength: _________________

Example:

3. Strength: _________________

Example:

Step 3. Draw a nice big red heart around what you've written and hand it to your loved one on Valentine's Day. (And then wait for a big smile to break out!)

"What underlies this exercise is the importance of the ideal self, both in our own mind and in that of our partner. The ideal self is the image we hold of the very best we are capable of, our highest strengths realized and active. When we feel that we are living up to the ideals that we hold most dearly, we are gratified, and exercising these strengths produces more gratification. When our partner sees this as well, we feel validated, and we work harder not to disappoint our partner's faith in us." --Martin Selgman from Authentic Happiness.