tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-306442152010-01-05T07:40:57.876-04:00Relationships are fascinating, aren’t they? The way we get along with our significant other dominates our conversations with friends, enriches our lives and stresses us beyond all measure. Maybe that's why we love to explore how relationships work.<br><br> This is a forum for doing just that. You can review the stories, comment on the advice, or <a href="mailto:lovehonoranddismay@yahoo.com">send in</a> a question or story of your own.Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.comBlogger232125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-88302593862946357022008-10-04T23:10:00.001-03:002008-10-04T23:12:00.918-03:00

Dear Andrew,I am 50; she is in her 20's; we met at work recently. She is single, I am not happily married. I have been training her in different aspects of our job - both in the office, and outside, "in the field." Her beautiful eyes and smile have kept me in a trance. I can't believe I told her that her eyes were terrific. She just thanked me (Whew, no lawsuit!) But... her personality, looks,

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-49216396904163458802008-09-11T14:49:00.002-03:002008-09-11T14:50:02.809-03:00

Dear Faithful Readers,Many times people have told me about incidents involving a behavior that can be spectacularly harmful in relationships – justifiable anger.The thinking usually goes something like this: “I’m hurt and I’m really ticked off. This person has messed up big-time and I have been treated horribly. I’m not going to stand for it.”So the angry person unloads on them, hurling whatever

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-26091114956529559472008-09-06T10:04:00.006-03:002008-09-06T17:53:38.838-03:00

This image has been the "face" of TLHAD since this site began. Well, I decided the site's image needed a make-over. I wanted the image to match the slightly irreverant tone of the side bar and the happy mood with which I try to approach the subject matter of my posts. I mean, the stories may be Dismaying but that doesn't mean we have to act all dismayed about life.So I asked my friend Tom

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-23499796691761406932008-08-31T10:54:00.003-03:002008-08-31T10:58:13.435-03:00

Dear Andrew,I am happily married – will be 9 years in October. No problems at all with my husband as he is a very good man and devoted husband and friend. Had forgotten old boyfriends, lovers, etc. everything many years ago when I met my husband and have been very happy.My problem is an old lover that I saw a year ago this past April. I met him in 1993 and we did not really date – had a brief

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-10530853622198775082008-08-23T10:36:00.002-03:002008-08-23T10:39:11.050-03:00

Dear Andrew,I am totally confused by this man. He is in his mid-40’s, is divorced after a ten-year marriage that he ended when he was 30, where they have joint custody of two teen-agers. He has been broken up from his last long-term girlfriend for a year and a half. She was an alcoholic, just like his Mother was. I am pretty sure he isn’t involved with anyone else. There was one other woman he

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-2028640070119854402008-08-16T11:55:00.007-03:002008-08-17T21:36:19.184-03:00

Dear Andrew,I read Dismaying Story #125: Feeling Trapped and the truth is I can relate a lot. My parents were not abusive, not in the physical sense of the word. I did receive a slap or two, but it was - I believe - in the normal range. They were not blatantly abusive in the verbal sense of the word either. But - although they were a lot within the normal range with everything and I can't think

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-17911463840465674542008-08-12T15:15:00.003-03:002008-08-12T15:17:17.744-03:00

Hi Folks,A reader with email challenges asked for the address, so here it is:lovehonoranddismay@yahoo.comNote this is shown on the sidebar to the right. Thanks to everyone who has written in ... and keep the letters coming!All the best,Andrew

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-20384022083505104932008-08-09T15:20:00.003-03:002008-08-16T12:03:47.809-03:00

Dear Andrew,I am an educated woman, self supporting, and trying to straighten out debt that my late husband left me. As an artist, my personality is very laid back. I have never had any problem attracting men. I grew up in a household with all males, do not take myself seriously, and travel quite extensively.After my husband passed away I was pursued by a man quite a few years my senior. He runs

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-15842198267113106892008-08-01T23:12:00.000-03:002008-08-01T23:13:33.438-03:00

Dear Andrew,My friend is remarried and has three boys, 14, 11, and 9. Her first husband has a lot of mental problems, which is why she left him. She's out of the toxic relationship, but her boys aren't. Their dad is still in contact, and that contact is troubling. Dad was diagnosed with mental illness years ago.Dad has often promised to send holiday presents to the boys, yet they never come. My

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-72046477802800809352008-07-26T14:46:00.002-03:002008-07-26T14:51:03.342-03:00

Dear Andrew, I've been married for three years. In many ways, my husband is a funny, kind, and thoughtful man. However, should I become upset about something he takes it as a personal attack. His response? He fights dirty. I never hear him say, "I'm sorry, but I really didn't know that would upset you," or anything resembling an apology. He goes for the jugular. He lists off a series of

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-64134908331526932032008-07-19T10:09:00.003-03:002008-07-19T10:11:31.974-03:00

Happy loving couples make it look so easy Happy loving couples always talk so kind Until the time that I can do my dancing with a partner Those happy couples ain't no friends of mine - Joe JacksonDear Faithful Reader,Have you ever had someone tell you they have never had a fight with their partner? I can imagine most people’s reaction: “Yeah, right.” It seems like no relationship is immune

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-18116786691679400572008-07-12T14:21:00.002-03:002008-07-12T14:25:23.964-03:00

Dear Andrew,Thank you for taking time to read this, as I am terrified and confused about my state of being. My closest peers know what I’m going through and I’ve received their input, but I don't know what to think about my situation and I’m so terrified.I am 23 years old and I am still living with my single mother. Ever since I could remember, the slightest thing would set her off: If I asked

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-25493037030742154552008-07-05T10:34:00.002-03:002008-07-05T10:36:13.948-03:00

Dear Andrew,I discovered over the summer that my husband is suffering from "Sexual Addiction." It's been the most painful and gut churning experience of my life. He is in therapy now, but that doesn't really help ME deal with it. As I look back over our years together, I am faced with re-framing everything, because it all feels like one big lie now.As more and more details come out, I feel more

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-58253853572109882252008-07-03T08:38:00.002-03:002008-07-03T08:41:26.540-03:00

Here is a letter I received from a reader regarding a previous post entitled The Five-Minute Drill, which describes how to handle infants and toddlers who cry when parents attempt to put them to bed. I can’t take credit for the approach – my wife and I heard about the five-minute drill from our physician when we were having the same problem. Nonetheless, it feels good that others are able to find

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-49432696219590426402008-06-29T00:37:00.006-03:002008-06-29T21:49:01.978-03:00

I’m ba-aack!My last Dismaying Story post was over a year ago. During that time my family and I moved to a different country and I’ve been working in a different profession with a more time-consuming lifestyle. Some things have not changed, however: I am still passionate about writing, about people, and about how we treat each other ... all the same reasons I started this blog to begin with.So I

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-8277354487623553172007-11-23T19:53:00.000-04:002007-11-23T20:11:16.636-04:00

Hi Everyone,It has been a while since my last post. Since that time I moved my family from Canada to Texas and my lifestyle changed from that of a university professor to a 9-to-5er. It's quite a cultural difference, in more ways than one.I miss swapping comments back and forth with my online friends, so I found myself doing a bit of blog surfing today. I thought it was a good excuse to leave a

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-33147793181635234452007-03-09T08:12:00.000-04:002007-03-11T19:24:31.911-03:00

Dear Faithful Readers,You may have noticed the frequency of posts on this site has been dropping off lately. That's because my family and I are in the midst of a life change that involves a new city and new responsibilities. One consequence of that is that I no longer have the cycles to continue with To Love, Honor, and Dismay.I want to thank everyone who took the time to make this a vibrant

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com59tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-28648153802015470462007-03-06T23:05:00.000-04:002007-03-06T23:07:04.092-04:00

Dear Andrew,First, I need to tell you, I didn't love my husband when we married. He was my roommate for many years, playing pseudo dad to my two small children from a previous marriage until the kids moved out on their own. We are both in our 50's (I'm 5 years older). For 10 years we were just roommates who had sex once in a while. Then, it got too expensive to live where we were (California) and

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-42397116558071404792007-03-04T09:09:00.000-04:002007-03-04T09:10:33.629-04:00

Dear Andrew,I recently read Dismaying Story #111: Missing the Game of Life. I agree with your response to the woman who was writing but have a related question to your answer.How do you insist that your husband change? I mean, I would love to just go to my husband and say – you need to do more around the house, I am not happy with our current situation, etc. and believe me I have tried that in

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-45318650278017848352007-02-28T15:41:00.000-04:002007-02-28T15:45:02.787-04:00

Dear Andrew, You helped me back in January (Dismaying story #105: Not Her Knight in Shining Armor). I still go back and re-read your answer sometimes. I still need help on something - it's connected to the same guy, but it drives me crazy with guilt and shame. I cannot seem to forgive myself, and it haunts me. This guy has been having some very serious financial problems. He broke up with his

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-48845204380209718442007-02-25T19:52:00.000-04:002007-02-25T19:53:46.591-04:00

Dear Andrew,I am a twenty three year old woman with a Master's Degree and a good job. I have a love of travel, some would say wanderlust. In between getting my degrees I worked in Latin America and traveled to many other parts of the world. Although it is hard to set up in new places I find it very exciting and I love meeting new people. As a result of my life style (and my personal tastes) I

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-79987033281047157852007-02-24T14:19:00.000-04:002007-02-24T14:20:50.706-04:00

Dear Andrew,I am in the relationship that I believe will be THE ONE for me. And my boyfriend has let me know on several occasions that he agrees with me. We have moved in together six months ago and I haven't discovered anything to disagree with me yet, so my conclusion still stands. We are both 24 years old.Three months after we met, at some point, I felt so strongly about him that I couldn't

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-57580940568488521002007-02-22T08:21:00.000-04:002007-02-22T08:23:36.744-04:00

Dear Andrew, I am at a loss of what to do about my marriage. I am 23 years old and I have been married for about 2 years. Right after we were married, I had a couple of horrible moments where I realized that I shouldn’t have married this man. He would be kind and attentive one moment and cutting and impatient the next. I told him that I thought I had made a mistake in marrying him. Because of

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-16867417327131321272007-02-20T10:27:00.000-04:002007-02-20T10:28:51.388-04:00

Dear Andrew:I am 38 and my live-in boyfriend is 35. We have lived together for almost 8 years. In all of that time, he has always signed over his paychecks to me because he has proven that he cannot be financially responsible. He did this with no complaints whatsoever because he admits that he handles money poorly. He was happy to let me take care of the finances, and so was I. We share a

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1575434468559612782007-02-18T10:18:00.000-04:002007-02-18T10:21:17.926-04:00

I’m sure we have all heard the term “irreconcilable differences” used in reference to couples who are breaking up, but I recently heard someone use the term in a different way. They claimed many couples have such differences and we tend to find ways to thrive in spite of them. How about the regular church-goer married to the agnostic? Is such a marriage necessarily doomed? Of course not. They

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com9