DiG LiTTER

Ahh, to PoKE A KiD

2009-03-09T07:38:00.000-07:00

Kids come close then poke me and run away. I think I like dogs better. You know what they want.

I OnLY DRINk And dRIVE At NIGHT

2009-03-02T07:22:00.000-08:00

That title's a line from a Kennedy song. Okay, first thing that comes into my head. Erasing all thought. Okay, something's coming to me. I'm not...

I'm not wearing any underwear.

YES type that. It's true. I never wear any, actually. Let's see anything else to say about me...

Tell them this: I don't really like water. Any other random 25 things you don't know about me... oh, secret's out: I digg beer. I'm the rare feline that loves a good Belgian beer made by Ninja Trappist Monks but the big guy never serves me any, no matter how much attention I give him.

ToiLET-TRAINED PaRROT

2009-02-02T13:08:00.000-08:00

Mmmmm, parrot.

tHE pOWerful KIttEN iN YoU!

2008-12-09T12:22:00.000-08:00

Feel good! Stay Clean! Be healthy! I watch this video every morning. Every cat should. Pumps me up.

At the end of this video, click the word within the video at the top that says "FUNNY." If you're a member of Funny Or Die, you can also go visit the direct link and click the button below the video to vote it as a "FAVORITE."

The Powerful Kitten In You

Then I will be a popular cat. Which I like.

kiCK Litter BOOk CovER

2008-11-11T07:02:00.000-08:00

It really is a book. It feels so real now. Moxie and I debate who's on the cover. I think it's me. Moxie's grey.

TwO cATs, 1 toiLet

2008-11-03T14:32:00.000-08:00

This video is from back when I was just learning. We were still searching all over for the litter box. It used to be under the toilet seat. Then it was GONE!!!!! We just jump up, jump down, and jump back onto the seat again. Not having the litter any more... didn't feel, you know... it didn't feel right with all that water so close.

I'm over it now, but it was like the water was gonna get me.

THe BiG Guy's mAKing MoviEs!

2008-10-21T06:26:00.000-07:00

The big guy we live with is making movies ...and I'm the star.

I actually don't know what he's doing in these videos. If someone can explain it... That'd be cool.

LiON In thE SAck

2008-09-30T07:58:00.000-07:00

I'm a lion in the sack. Goes without saying though.

CAt iN The baG

2008-08-27T07:02:00.000-07:00

No one prances across a stage like Stephen Colbert. A champion's paws raised high. Ready to defeat any adversary.

This morning's WØRD: Cat in the bag?

No seriously, what's in Buzz Aldrin's bag?

A DiMe BAG Full Of LiTTEr

2008-06-03T07:26:00.000-07:00

I'm forced to do this. Write that Moxie! Whenever our dealer goes to the gym Moxie wakes me and helps with the computer though I don't really need it.

//---- Yeah sure - Moxie

Hey! What'd you just type? I didn't tell you to type that. What does that say? Tell me. Tell me now. I'll find out. I've got enablers who'll turn you in for a dime bag full of litter. If I can find one around here.

South Paw

2008-05-13T07:28:00.000-07:00

I'm a south paw. Moxie's a north paw. She fights pretty good. Until she runs away. You can only chase her for so long. But when I roll over on my back it's another story. I'm like a powerful teddy bear waiting for her to smother me with kisses. Or loads of scratches. She has that side to her too.

Pop Pop! Moxie Is Miss Litter

2008-04-22T07:46:00.000-07:00

When I'm talking about Moxie, I'm actually talking about Miss Litter. Moxie is Miss Litter. Miss Litter is Moxie. That's my sister just so you know. So... She's a little older and she knows how to type and make wallpapers. I'm in more of a supervisoritalable role, giving the okay if things look cool.

Hey you ever wondered what it means when gerbils grow distant? I never knew until now.

Obsession, For Cooper

2008-04-08T07:40:00.000-07:00

Is that fur in the corner? Looks like fur. What is it? Cotton candy is pink, right? It's not a bear.... A very small bear? No. In the name of all that is holy, WHAT IS THAT THING? Sure not a duck. Ducks have feathers. It's being pretty quiet for a duck. No it's not a duck. What am I thinking? I feel compelled to get closer. Yet I sit here, like a photo, unable to move a muscle.

Urges

2008-02-05T07:02:00.001-08:00

Sometimes when I eat the same thing every day and then the food changes, I get the urge to shit on the floor. Not sure what that's about.

Aslan Malfunction

2008-01-01T07:32:00.001-08:00

I got a few letters about a little slip up I made in one of my earliest blog entries. It was corrected and will not recur. I and my attorney would like to express my deepest apology to all the fundamentalist lions who wrote to express concerns. Although you are only .02% of my fans, you represent a full 99.8% of the hate mail the FCC received about my little website in the year or two since we went live. You are a very important part of how I carved out this small position in the world. Obviously, I meant no disrespect when I said "I am more popular than Aslan." Admittedly, that was my sister's typo, as I do not type. What I remember saying was "I am more popular than GW." Obviously, that makes no sense, as GW isn't very popular right now. I and my attorney didn't mean to offend readers who may be sensitive to anti-Aslan rhetoric. I've been told on good authority that the indecent comment has been pulled from the earlier blog, and won't be reposted. Hopefully this clarifies everything. We here at Dig Litter would appreciate if the National Right To Lions Institute and the Parents Television Council could please discontinue their email petition campaign to close my website. I'm just a lion. A small and very handsome lion. Sincerely, Cooper [and Jackie Chiles, Legal Council]

I'll Never Understand Dog

2007-12-24T07:14:00.000-08:00

After seeing this, I'm uncertain I'll ever be able to spell dog backward again.

Ask a Feline: Love at First Barista

2007-11-26T07:08:00.000-08:00

Alistair N. writes: "My Darling Cooper, I am a hopeless romantic. Every morning the barista at my favorite coffee shop sends me personal messages in the foam caps of my lattes, and I can not for the life of me read the signals. Near Halloween, my latte arrives with a toothy pumpkin swirled into its foam head. When hanukkah arrives, my swirls turn to the billowing golden caps of challah bread. Near to Christmas day, my latte appears table side adorned with frothy snowmen, christmas trees and when I'm lucky, the body of Christ, nails and all, hanging from a dark espresso cross. Even president's day isn't left off the calendar, when I swear I see Nixon staring back at me. Could be Ford. I can't be certain. Anyway...

It is about the regular days that I write you... On regular days I receive the sweetest, most personal message swirled into my foam: a simple expression of love: the human heart.

Does my Barista love me or is it a passing crush?

- Alistair N. (the guy across the street who notices when you vacuum late at night)"

Cooper responds: Dear Alistair, I don't vacuum but thanks for thinking of me if I did. My humans take care of the vacuuming for me and Moxie (I just hang out at a safe distance and watch). About your question... Did you find true love in your mug of joe? The answer you seek is within:

Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again

2007-10-22T07:12:00.000-07:00

Ninjas live for the night. Why would they schedule a parade at 10am?

Doublemoron

2007-07-26T23:52:00.000-07:00

Moxie's heart hasn't stopped palpitating since Bo's visit a year ago.

Bo knows I'm a Catninja. I know secret moves that will keep him up at night worrying about small menacing furry creatures with claws. Like ME. Psycho human clipped my nails this morning. He's always getting in my business.

Hard to be a Domesticated Catninja. Sounds like a doublemoron.

Hey... doublemoron isn't even a word, is it? I just made it up! Doublemoron! I'm a genius. Gotta run tell Moxie.

Bo Schmo

2007-07-23T07:02:00.000-07:00

So Bo came back yesterday. He's the ninja dog that can walk through walls and steal the hearts of humans. He doesn't scare me. I looked into his soul and saw that he was good. Moxie wet her fur. Ha, Ha.

Bo Shows In Fo Days

2007-07-19T07:06:00.000-07:00

Yeah, whatever. Bo returns this Sunday. We know how this goes down. Bo's gonna take a licking and we'll see if he keeps ticking? Specially if he messes with Moxie. You don't try gobbling up my sister without paying the price!

Bo No Show

2007-07-17T07:02:00.000-07:00

Bo was supposed to come by this weekend but he didn't. Prolly afraid. Dog's no match for a capital-N Ninja Lion.

Moxie The Seasick Pirate

2007-07-10T07:50:00.000-07:00

Moxie is a Pirate cause she has no idea how to sneak up on me like a Ninja would. I always see her from a hundred paws away. She's the kind of Pirate who gets seasick when the toilet flushes. Ha Ha, that's funny. She's the kind of pirate who hides under the bed when a dog comes prancing through the house. I'm a ninja because I'm not scared. I'm just kinda like: "Hey, been there. Don't like you running through my house smelling like dog and everything, but what can I do?"

Two Cats Window Gazing

2007-02-21T07:20:00.000-08:00

Construction workers eat lunch in the neighbor's yard.

Quick Joke

2006-09-25T07:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, how about a joke: A lion walks into an AA meeting, walks up to the bar and he says to the bartender, uhm, he said something... wait, is the joke already over?

Oh, cause the... oh, that's funny. THAT's funny. Cause why would the bartender even be at an AA meeting where no one appreciates his talents?

Sober people are terrible tippers. There's no margins on ginger ale.