Coach Dad Blog

Twins Book: A Review

2008-12-01T07:18:00.000-08:00

UC Irvine academic pediatrician Dr. Khanh-Van Le-Bucklin has written a new book, "Twins 101: 50 Must-Have Tips for Pregnancy through Early Childhood," in which she gives herself another title: "Doctor M.O.M." She knows of what she speaks. She, too, has joined the millions of American families who have multiples.

The book is an easy read, with wonderful tips for moms, a good dose of wit, helpful boxes of information ("Twin Facts," "Twin Hints"), and a lot of self-assurance. As the father of twins myself – they are now 11 – I remember clearly the importance of positive thought as my wife went through pregnancy. The good doctor is on point in reminding mothers-to-be to be strong.

The one fault of this book, as many like it, is the near absence in reporting the vital role of husband-father (Tip #49 covers it somewhat, but not fully). Dad is crucial to the beginning of life, as well as to the upbringing. He not only requires a chapter dedicated to what he brings, he deserves it.

"Twins 101" is published by Jossey-Bass, $16.95.

The OC and IE Fires

2008-11-18T08:07:00.001-08:00

It is hard to comprehend the numbers of homes that have burned in Orange County, the Inland Empire and elsewhere over the past few days. How do you put into perspective what those numbers mean? You ask mom. "Every place, no matter its price, is someone's million-dollar home," she said. So true. Even this morning, I was still making calls to friends whose homes were at risk. None of them were affected (beyond evacuations), but all had a story to tell of others less fortunate.

In professional life, at the end of the day all we have is our reputation. In personal life, all we have is our family, our faith, and our homes. According to the L.A. Times, some 259 homes were lost or damaged in the Freeway Complex fires (Brea, Corona, Chino Hills, Yorba Linda, Anaheim Hills); 524 in the Sylmar-Granada Hills fires; and 219 in the Montecito area. Do you have a story to tell about the fires? Write here.

President Obama

2008-11-05T07:24:00.000-08:00

"Dad, is President Obama in the newspaper?" One of the twins was trying to find a reason to get out of bed this morning, and this was it. He is an avid newspaper reader, and today, the 11-year-old deeply understood the news.

Last night, all three of my children, ages 14 to 11, watched history. My oldest asked, "Dad, did you ever think you'd see a black man elected president?" That took some thought. I told him I had never witnessed a black candidate in my adulthood who I thought would qualify....until I tuned into President-elect Obama's run about a year ago. He was talking on the radio, and I realized he understood, and that America might, as well.

The most important lesson of last night's election is that my children grasp the ongoing American theme, which is, you can follow your dreams and they will come true. It is an ethic that, frankly, is found virtually nowhere else in the world. Last night's election was perhaps the best-ever example of that theme in a country still saddled with 250 years of slavery and its shameful aftermath.

Another lesson came from John McCain, whose concession speech is a reminder of the importance of conceding with class. He proved that losers can still win – a reminder to sports teams caught in the final moment that sometimes show grace, and sometimes do not. McCain quieted the boos of a restless, perhaps bitter crowd. This was the beginning of a national unity push. He understood. Now, do we?

What lessons did your children learn from this election? Comment here.

Abandoned Child

2008-10-30T09:43:00.000-07:00

Nebraska's safe-haven law, designed for desperate mothers of newborns, has has unintended consequences – the dumping of older children. This week, a 15-year-old girl was dumped by her father. A few days ago, it was a troublesome 12-year-old boy left behind.

California's safe-haven law is typical of most other states (click HERE and click HERE for Spanish language). A parent can surrender a baby at a public or private hospital, or designated fire station, within 72 hours of birth without fear of arrest or prosecution. This allows a distraught parent, who might otherwise harm the baby, to use a safe haven.

In Nebraska, people from throughout the country as using the law's loophole to dump their children, no matter the age, without fear of prosecution.

Hard for most of us to comprehend giving up a baby; it seems unconscionable to give up on a child you have raised for years. But this is another reflection of tough times, when hope turns to despair for many. What options should parents have, and should the Nebraska law be amended? Comment here.

Morning Briefing, Gone

2008-10-21T07:39:00.000-07:00

The Los Angeles Times has tweaked its ever-slimmer paper again, and this time taken out the Morning Briefing from its sports-page Morning Briefing page. Times' reporters have for years dug up obscure, funny, and sometimes tragic sports notes that bring humanity to the spectacle. The column has been replaced by a "best of blogs" section that will be missing the enterprise reporting that marked the Times' coverage.

Blogs are nice – you are reading a nice one. But there is something to be said about the pulse of sportswriting, done well in-house. This is missing the point, and losing part of the heart.

USC vs. WSU

2008-10-14T11:57:00.000-07:00

USC plays Washington State University this week, which reminds me of the high school football game that just finished at 91-0. Your children have certainly been on the end of a blowout, whether up, or down. Either way, it rarely feels like their finest hour. In competition, rational people love a close contest.

USC is facing my alma mater; Wazzu is just about as pathetic a team as exists this season in Div. I. Several years ago, I played two years for the Cougars; the second year we were 2-9, though with a few breaks, it could have been 5-6. This team is so, so bad, that I worry the Trojans could hit the century mark. And that would be a shame. It wouldn't move up USC in the rankings and it would create an afternoon of infamy. P.S.: The high school game in question was played in Florida. Final: Naples High 91, Estero 0.

Hey, Trojans, would you settle for 37-3? I would. Write in with your predictions of this Saturday's final score.

Pingpong Diplomacy

2008-10-13T11:56:00.000-07:00

A main reason I play pingpong with my oldest is to get face-to-face time. The main reason my 14-year-old plays with me is to see if he can beat me yet. I'm losing on one front and holding on, on another. While rallying the other day, he began texting with his friends. Now, that really cuts into the dad thing. And, while texting, he had me huffing for good returns.

I think the next time we play, it will be a real game. I'm too good for him to beat me on points while texting. At least so far. Any suggestions on my backhand?

Less Dollars, More Need

2008-09-25T11:25:00.000-07:00

The next headline you will read after Congress tries to fix the financial mess is how much the economic slowdown hurts nonprofits. It is a bitter irony. Every time the economy goes south – and that traditionally means less giving – even more people need short-term help.

Sitting this week in a marketing meeting for the Orange County United Way, it struck me that one of United Way's beneficiaries – the morning's host, Costa Mesa-based Women Helping Women – provides professional business apparel and employment help to those needing to present well for a job interview. What a great thing (click HERE for Women Helping Women and how you can donate/help). And, at this moment, the service is particularly important (by the way, men are now being served as well and numerous suits, ties and other apparel were hanging in a nicely set-up room). Our marketing meeting included informational statistics about the huge increase in emergency housing and local requests for basic needs such as food.

One of our people remarked, "(We have to) turn a stat into a person." So, at a time when painful statistics leave us numb, we need to understand that we're in the middle of a year, or longer, when nonprofits are threatened with having less dollars, and more need.

United Way serves many masters. It can't afford to be the one with an empty cupboard. Please go on its website and see what you can do. It is a time of hurt (click HERE for United Way).

New Dads Unite!

2008-09-22T15:31:00.000-07:00

Boot Camp for New Dads, with programs at Pomona Valley Hospital and, in Orange County, at St. Joseph's, Saddleback, Mission, Santa Ana Mom's Program and Irvine Medical Center, brings veteran fathers with their very young children to a gathering of expectant first-time fathers who don't know where else to turn. For 18 years, and more than 200,000 participants, it's been an awakening. Irvine's Greg Bishop, father of four children, oversees the nonprofit.

He has just published a new book, but don't be off-put by the word "book." It is more of a checklist kind of thing for understanding what your wife is going through both in labor and after birth (the program emphasizes supporting moms), as well as your own parenting potential, pre- and after birth. "Crash Course For New Dads: Tools, Checklists & Cheat-Sheets" (click HERE for the website and info on buying the book) is a valuable resource for the often overlooked half of the new parent team.

"It's written for guys, most of whom don't read parenting books, and all those books their wives hand them to read," says Bishop. "It also has a child-birth coaching guide (and) it really summarizes everything we've learned from the more than 200,000 guys who have been there and done that."

I took my then-toddler to one of the programs several years ago (he's now 14) and served as a veteran to some new dads. It was a frank, private discussion from a guy (me) who was just learning the ropes and a half-dozen or so men who were wondering just what to do.

Little League Injuries

2008-09-16T14:12:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, umpiring a 10- and 11-year-old Little League game from behind the mound, I took a line drive off the foot and ducked another one headed for my head. The pitcher in front of me was unscathed. And, thank goodness.

Little League International has published a "white paper" on injuries and prevention (click HERE) and it reminds me of a new rule this past year. Pitchers cannot then go into a game to catch, the thought being that they have already used their arms to the max. The authors of this just-released paper readily comment about the need to "re-evaluate" and "critique" the rules. There are pitch counts in the books, rules about sliding, and mandatory protective gear.

Bottom line, it is a dangerous sport, though, according to this report, relatively few major injuries occur in a typical season. Little League is to be commended for always putting safety first.

3 Kids, 4 Sports

2008-09-02T09:14:00.000-07:00

We had to get three boys to four events in a span of about three hours the other day. Welcome to the sports family at full speed. Nathan had a cross-country run some 20 miles from home in the early morning, about the time Christopher had the first of two soccer games during a weekend tournament. And, Nick had a freshman high school football scrimmage.

Then, Nathan had to be rushed to a fall baseball practice, missing the first hour of a two-hour activity.

We had a teammate's mom take Christopher, and had grandpa in the starting gates in case we needed more transportation.

And we know we are not alone. How do you handle multiple children, with multiple sports? Tell me your tales, and solutions. Almost wish we were back in the middle of summer.

Running The Sport

2008-08-27T06:31:00.000-07:00

Listening to my 11-year-old son's cross-country coach puts me on the right path. It's a great sport. Jerry Palazzo, who oversees the Orange County-based club team the Equalizers, talked to runners and parents the other night about courage and commitment. He talked about an individual effort that only succeeds when the team pulls together. "As a collection, they feed off of each other's energy," he says.

Cross country is not for everyone. It is perfect for the more introspective athlete, and it is not for the runner who can do miles, but can't do pain. "Your inner strength and courage have to be at an extraordinary level," Palazzo told everyone the other night. "It's a lot to face, that hard part of the race." And, unlike virtually every other sport, he pointed out that "you never come to a stop in your competition." There is no timeout.

The cross-country season is beginning. You'll see them in the streets and in the hills, and I'll be holding one athlete near to my running heart.

Incoming College Freshmen

2008-08-19T13:11:00.000-07:00

Watergate doesn't resonate with the 18-year-old beginning college life this month and next. Harry Potter does. An annual study by a private university into the mindset of new students reminds us that "they" are not "we." If you are a fortysomething or fiftysomething parent who attended college, you have to know that it's a different world.

The Beloit College Mindset List (click HERE for highlights) reminds us that the Class of 2012 is a digital one, is an online person (or monster), is a cell phone devotee (or addict). We didn't have those toys back then; some of us still had use of a typewriter.

I recently wrote a Cover Story for sister publication OC METRO Business Magazine (click HERE for the story) about the Millennial Generation (those record 80 million Ameicans born between 1982 and 2003). They are now in full flush – going to college, voting in big blocks. For some, to know them is to love them. For all of us, make sure you know them to understand them. "The runway is really big," one of the Millennials says in the Cover Story. Boy is it ever.

Olympics: Beauty and the Beast

2008-08-14T15:42:00.000-07:00

China decided to have the pretty girl lip-sync its national anthem in the Opening Ceremonies while the girl with crooked teeth and too-round face – the real singer – stayed off-stage. China wanted us to see Beauty but hear the Beast. And we wonder why our young girls try to be too thin, too busty, and so on.

China, which has moved from the 19th century directly into the 21st century, has adopted Western ideas, pell-mell and one of them is that the prettier girl should be seen, if not heard. The ugly duckling ought to be heard, but not seen. Something to do with national honor.

What would you do in an Opening Ceremony that you wanted to be "perfect?" Go with the model, or go with the talent? Write here.

Aaron Peirsol, Olympic Golden Boy

2008-08-12T06:53:00.000-07:00

When OC Family Magazine put Irvine resident Aaron Peirsol on a 2000 cover, the then-17-year-old was a swimming phenom headed to an Olympic Games. In Sydney that year, he won a silver medal. This morning in Beijing, the boy who is now a man defended his 100-meter backstroke title from 2004. He won a gold medal.

Hard to believe that the teenager who posed for a photo while we poured water over his head has come so far, and for so long. He is an under-the-radar American swimmer, as most of them are to Michael Phelps. But this morning's performance was no fluke. Peirsol broke his own world record by swimming 52.54.

We Are The (Olympic) World

2008-08-11T07:32:00.000-07:00

If you are an Olympic follower, rooting for America isn't the only thing. It really is an event where you applaud the effort. I am less interested in Michael Phelps winning eight gold medals than I am in eight unbelievable events. The 400-meter freestyle relay was one. The Chinese women gymnasts are another. Candace Parker getting her chance a third. I love the Modern Pentathlon and table tennis.

A lot of stuff happens up to, during and after Olympic Games. The beauty and the skill of the athletes always tends to trump the politics. And that is good.

When Grandma Dies

2008-08-05T06:55:00.000-07:00

The hospital has a neat panel in the ceiling of trees and a brightly-lit sky with clouds. It must be the way to heaven, and Grandma took that path this morning.

My wife's mother, Edith, the grandmother to our three children, died before the sun arrived from the ravages of a stroke. It was her second stroke in eight months, and last December, one of our 10-year-old twins miraculously found her a few minutes after she collapsed in the garage. He insisted that early morning about going to get the newspaper. Stroke victims need to be found fast, and she recovered well. We just weren't that lucky this time. A few days ago, sitting with his other grandmother and sensing the finality of his lovely Grandma, our analytical twin said: "Now we'll only have one grandmother."

So, you hold onto memories and you thank heavens for a panel in a hospital room. As we left the hospital, left her body alone, daybreak had just arrived. Morning had broken.

Nick, Phone Home

2008-08-04T09:04:00.001-07:00

You let your 14-year-old son take a 10-day lacrosse trip across the country to New York state and you'd expect a phone call. We are now into Day 4 of the trip and yesterday at church, fellow parents were shocked, SHOCKED, that I didn't have much information on either my son (actually, none), or the team's success in a tournament.

This morning, I read an excellent blog that is keeping abreast of the club team's actions, and there was even a photo taken from behind of my son. At least, I think it's Nick.

We've never been this long without the big guy. I'm certain he is having fun. But, mom wants a call. And, win or lose, so does dad.

Michelle Wie And Her Dad

2008-07-31T10:42:00.000-07:00

Michelle Wie, at 18 now an adult, has made another bad decision orchestrated by her dad. She will play a PGA Tour event beginning today and pass on the prestigious Women's British Open, where she owes it to the LPGA to play. Apparently, her sponsor's exemption to the PGA Tour is a better payday, win or lose. And Wie, who famously was quoted as saying she wants "Tiger money," will become richer, and poorer, through this decision.

She continues to express "no idea" about her finances, and it is clear, like so many young athletes who can't, or won't, pull away from their overbearing parents, that this is about the money – not the run toward excellence – driving the cause.

We've all seen Daddy Ball, though typically at a lower level of competition. But, it isn't right at any level of sports. Michelle Wie, who has done horribly despite terrific talent on the LPGA Tour, and worse when she takes on the men, needs a new mantra: "Just win, baby." And, ditch the dad.

Send in your thoughts about guiding a young athlete, and knowing when to let them rise, or fall, on their own merits.

Your Kid At Yankee Stadium

2008-07-27T09:47:00.001-07:00

A young friend of one of my twins returned last week from the All-Star Game, which was played at the most famous ballpark in America – Yankee Stadium. It will be torn down at season's end (for details, click HERE) and the boy and his dad went back to experience a last-time event. I told the dad about my own experience at the stadium – the last Oldtimer's Game in 1973 at the old stadium before it was rebuilt – and Opening Day in 1976 at the current Yankee Stadium when it was rebuilt after a two-year renovation. In the Oldtimer's Game, Mickey Mantle, then long retired, hit his last home run, this one against longtime teammate Whitey Ford. I turned to my friend's dad, who had seen Lou Gehrig play, and tears were streaming down his face. "What a great moment, boys," he said.

"My wife said that your boy will remember his experience 45 years from now," I told the dad. He smiled and looked at me: "Just like you."

Do you and your son(s) have wonderful experiences at sports stadiums? Comment here.

Civil Rights In America

2008-07-16T11:11:00.000-07:00

KOCE-TV, Orange County's PBS station, is getting additional mileage from a ground-breaking civil rights documentary, "Mendez vs. Westminster: For All the Children." (See yesterday's blog for details.) Mel Rogers, president and general manager, who gave the green light a few years ago to Sandra Robbie, who brought the story to light (an American stamp was issued last year in honor of OC's Mendez family), spoke of the story's importance.

To be honored by The Paley Center for Media, and others, he says, requires a high criteria: "It has to be a show that reveals a truth or enlightens us to information that wasn't previously widely known." As for the story of a Latino family that faced school segregation in Orange County, Rogers adds, "This thing has taken on a life of its own."

The rights to the documentary are now held by Robbie, who has tirelessly traveled the country with one of the Mendez daughters, Sylvia, to bring to light an important, though before the film, little-known case. And Rogers sees the huge picture: A Mexican family comes to town to work and take care of the farm of a Japanese family that has just been thrown into a camp in the hysteria of World War II. And then, when the family decides to enroll its children in the local school, the administration just says no.

"We were just blown away when we learned the facts of the story," Rogers recalls. And so should you and your children. It is a great American lesson.

Mendez vs. Westminster

2008-07-15T15:05:00.000-07:00

Working its way through the state Legislature is a proposal to make the civil rights story of OC's Mendez family part of the curriculum. Meanwhile, the story – revived a few years ago by Emmy Award-winner Sandra Robbie – will not die. And that's good.

Robbie, now a Chapman University employee, produced the award-winning documentary, "Mendez vs. Westminster: For All the Children," for KOCE-TV. It tells the remarkable story of the Mendez family's victory to desegregate schools in Orange County. Eight years later, this case was cited in the landmark case, Brown vs. Board of Education, which outlawed the "separate but equal" doctrine.

The KOCE film has been accepted into The Paley Center for Media, the National Academy of Television Arts & Sciences, and the Television Bureau of Advertising collection in Los Angeles and New York. It also is available through Robbie's website (click HERE and then once there, click on OC Vintage Store).

We're proud of Sylvia Mendez, one of the family's daughters who was honored last year by sister publication OC METRO Business Magazine as one of the Hottest 25 People of Orange County. We're proud of Robbie for her ongoing work, and to KOCE for providing the platform.

Filling Backpacks

2008-07-14T13:21:00.000-07:00

As school approaches, many nonprofits seek help in providing the basics for less-fortunate students. This year will be no exception. Please find one near your home and help. Here is one way in Orange County. Share Our Selves (click HERE) will distribute more than 1,300 backpacks filled with school supplies to low-income children. Donations are needed – new and gently used backpacks, pencils, rulers, spiral notebooks, crayons, paper, calculators, markers, lunch bags, folders, erasers and gift cards for school clothing.

Volunteers are needed to stuff backpacks on Aug. 19, 21 and 22; Spanish-speaking volunteers are needed Aug. 23 to distribute the bags.

SOS, based in Costa Mesa, serves the working poor with numerous services. The ideal is to keep people self-sufficient.

First Day Of Football

2008-07-07T14:11:00.001-07:00

Let me be up front. With three boys, I have actively supported their athletic adventures, all the while discouraging their interest in playing football. Today, my oldest, entering high school in September, is at his first football practice.

Football is a violent sport. I know, I played it into college. It is also a sport for the big guys, and my boys won't be big, in that sense. It also is a sport that punishes, and we only have one body that heals only so well. It also is a sport that is fun and team-building, and so I can't condemn it completely. It also is a sport that now will consume my oldest until just before Thanksgiving, so I have to be supportive.

I just can't wait for lacrosse, and soccer, and Little League.

Off To Camp

2008-07-06T15:42:00.000-07:00

This afternoon, we bid a goodbye to our 10-year-old twins, off to church camp. They barely looked up to say, "See ya!" as they were consumed with their friends. Who sits with whom, on which bus, is a big thing. Politics, in its youngest form.

Of course, my wife and I did help a wee bit. One of our kids almost carted off the wrong suitcase and sleeping bag. But he figured that out quickly.

Except for my numerous photos, I was pretty much transparent. Now you see daddy, and now you don't.

Sometimes I wish for those days when they needed me, and looked for me, and expected of me. These days, when they can get along alone, they do.

See you in a week, twins. I said...see you in a week.