My Prayer Journal

Wow...

2008-06-06T20:36:00.000-07:00

What a difference two years can make....new city, new home, grad school, new job, new everything! Some things are still the same, but God is still in control and He is working everything out.....as always :)

My prayer Lord...

2007-04-23T21:41:00.000-07:00

Let me touch You and see if You are real
Even though, I know my heart Your hands can heal
But sometimes I get discouraged
And I need Your strength and shield,
JesusLet me touch You and see if You are real

Sometimes to me You seem so far away
And I wonder how to make it through the day
But if I can touch the hem of Your garment
Your power, I know, You can heal,
JesusLet me touch You and see if You are real

When I'm down
Let me touch You
When I'm lonely
Let me touch You
When I'm discouraged
Let me touch You
Like I never have before
Lord, I need You more and more,
JesusLet me touch You and see if You are real

Oh, see if You are real

Charity=Love

2007-04-20T18:16:00.000-07:00

" When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a woman, I put away childish things." 1 Corinthians 13:13

I'm not a child anymore. I'm truly stepping into womanhood now. As I was reading this evening about love (Charity), this verse stuck out to me. Lately I've been nervous, anxious and down right whiney about my life. I can't have the guy I want, I don't know where to live, blah, blah blah. I feel like I've been making a lot of excuses these past few months to not deal with some major aspects of my life. But that verse shows me, in my quest to find love and fulfillment that I must put away these spoiled attitudes. I'm a woman. I must walk in that now. My attitude about myself and my situations need to elevate. My thinking needs to change. I feel myself not wanting to really step into this because I know it will mean really facing some issues in my life. But to God be the glory in all things. This is His will for my life. This moment right now is where He desires me to be. The Alpha and Omega has it planned out. I just need to walk in it, and stop acting like a child. I'm a woman now.

New view so fast

2007-04-11T22:07:00.000-07:00

It seems as though my attitude has changed some since I posted about an hour or so ago. Once I finished posting I went to my favorite Christian site, Crosswalk.com and as God always does, He placed some reading material right in my face. What I read coincided with what the pastor spoke about in church on sunday and so I feel as if I have some confirmation in my life. I must die. Plain and simple I must die. God is putting me in a place of extreme lonliness, and uncertainty so that I will cling to Him and no longer lean on my own understanding. He wants me to grow in Him and in order to do that He has to break me down and remove the walls I have put up around my life. I'm not going to lie, I 'm still slightly anxious, because I have been running from this for a long time now, but it's time. God I think I'm ready. Everything is changing and I'm going to turn to You. Please see me through this time, be my comfort like You promised. Please give me the courage to really submit and draw closer to You. Most importantly, help me to be bold about the changes in my life. I can't hide it anymore, and I shouldn't desire to. I pray that once Your work has been completed You will bless me. I pray that I get those friendships and relationships that I so desire. And if for some reason it is in Your will that I do not have it , please allow me to cope and a way to live without it. Thank You and Amen.

Still truckin....

2007-04-11T20:58:00.000-07:00

Well, much has not changed since my last post. I'm still in a weird place. I feel caught in between my past and future. I know what I'm leaving behind, but I have no idea what's coming. Unfortunately this feeling is leading me to be more anxious than excited about my upcoming graduation. Its only weeks away now, and I honestly feel like its more of a burden than a happy moment. I just can't seem to live in the now. I'm having a really really hard time not being afraid of whats to come. I mean, I have a job now which I suppose is a good thing, but its commission based. That terrifies me. I have bills to pay, money to save, a potential car to buy and what if I can't make this work? I know I'm doubting myself and I know I shouldn't, but its tough. I just want and need direction. And I feel as if I'm back in that place with God, where I'm praying but He's just not responding, or else He is responding in a way that I really don't understand. I hate to doubt Him, I should be stronger in my faith than this, but I'm not going to lie, I'm nervous. And to top it all off, I've never felt this isolated in my life. My friends are few and far between these days. The one person who I feel like I can turn to is full of complications. My relationship with Frankie is so tough right now. I need to leave him alone, but I'm afraid to let go because I feel like he is all I've got. I have made him the most important person in my life, and that's wrong. My focus should be on God and myself right now. But I'm scared that if I just let go and lose him, that God won't be that support I need. Its wrong I know, but its the truth. I can't see God. I can't touch Him or cry on His shoulder or anything. All I have is feeling and faith. And I'm terrified that that may not be enough. I'm wrong right? I think I'm so scared because I have never been in a position to trust God as much as I have to right now. So, there is a genuine fear that He won't be there. I have to trust Him with my heart, my friendships, my future romantic relationships, my career, all these things that I have tried so hard to secure I have to give to Him. Am I ready to do it? Am I ready to give Him complete and utter control of everything in my life? I don't know, but I do know that I don't have a choice. I have to. Therefore I will. Pray for me.

How can I plan on forever?

2007-02-18T20:19:00.000-08:00

I miss him. As of today, it's over. We are over. I didn't want it to end this way. I feel raw, and numb inside. Part of me is happy possibly, but the rest of me is confused and sad and just numb. I feel like a failure. I could not make this work. As hard as I loved him and tried to stand by him and defend him and uplift him. It wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. That hurts me so so bad. Why do my inadequacies and complexities always lead to confusion and heartache for me? How am I supposed to live my life right now? Where am I supposed to go and do? I hate not knowing. Why don't you tell me what to do? How much longer do I have to deal with this? When do I finish paying my "love dues?" I just want clarity, direction, focus. I want to know my future.

The Lord's Prayer

2006-08-08T05:20:00.000-07:00

You never really think about it this way....

http://www.marypages.com/OurFather.htm

Words to live by...

2006-08-01T07:32:00.000-07:00

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. 2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. 3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 4 Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. 7 If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8 if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully. 9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. 14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. 17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. -- Romans 12

Life

2006-07-29T21:07:00.000-07:00

I want to live the best life possible. I really think I am making my life more difficult than it has to be. Perhaps that is why I get so confused sometimes as I wait to hear from God, or why I get so stressed. I am beginning to realize that it truly does not matter what people think. I have to life my life. Period. However I want to live is determined by me in conjunction with Gods will, not by what is "trendy" or popular. Even though this is easy to write, it is quite difficult to implement, atleast in my life. My main issue is just becoming truly comfortable in my own skin. I am quiet, shy, timid at times, sensitive, and very concerned about the welfare of those around me. I have ALWAYS been this way; it is God given. Those same attributes that I can't stand at this moment, are my gifts. People come to me when they need me because they know that I will be there for them. People seek advice from me, and I believe they genuinely appreciate my sweet spirit. However, people tend to abuse these same gifts, better yet, I allow them to, and in turn this makes me feel insecure and unloved. But to God be the glory in all things because these attributes that He has created in me remain even when others do me wrong. I will always care and give myself to others, but I must understand the power within myself. I cannot allow people to walk all over me. My gifts are abused when I allow this to happen. This will take time, and prayer, but I believe one day I can have courage and confidence in myself at all times no matter the situation. I am Gods child. His opinion is the only one I have to honor in this world. Nothing else matters except His plans for me. I am going to do my best to get my eyes off the worlds view of my life and keep them stayed on Gods view. Through Him I can never fail, never be abused, never be forgotten or overlooked. He is my Jehovah and I thank Him, I thank Him, I thank Him.

I needed some inspiration today...

2006-07-27T07:06:00.000-07:00

I was sinking deep in sin, far from the peaceful shore.
Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
But the Master of the sea heard my despairing cry,
From the waters lifted me, now safe am I.

Love lifted me!
Love lifted me!
When nothing else could help,
Love lifted me!

Insight

2006-07-25T06:16:00.000-07:00

John 1:45-46

Philip findeth Nathanael, and saith unto him, We have found him, of whom Moses in the law, and the prophets, did write, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.

And Nathaniel said unto him, Can there any good thing come out of Nazareth? Philip saith unto him, Come and see.

Come and see....

Notice that Philip didn't get into a long theological debate with Nathaniel, about who Jesus was, he simply stated , who Jesus was, and that if Nathaniel wanted to know the truth of Philip's ascertains, he should, "come and see".

We can spend a lot of time arguing with sinners about who Jesus is, but unless they "come and see" on their own, it is fruitless.

Our message to sinners should be a simple, "come and see". People will express doubts, they may say, "Can it really be true that Jesus is the Savior?" or " Is Jesus really, the creator, who died for humanity?".

To this we say, "Come and see". Come spend some time at His feet yourself. Walk with Him a ways with a sincere heart, let Him speak to you. Come and see.

I believe this is what I have always been afraid of with witnessing about Christ, especially in regards to Frankie. We have often gotten into debates about spirituality/Christianity, and it always leaves me upset. But according to Gods Word all that is unnecessary. It serves no point debating Christ, unless a person sees Him for him or herself, then talking will be fruitless. I believe at this point I need to just say a few things to those I witness to. Such as: Trust God, Pray, Read the Word, etc. Basically they need to come and see Christ, not me. That's a big deal to me. I have to minimize myself in order to uplift Christ. My prayer now is that all those in my life who don't believe can now just "Come and See..."

Now unto him..

2006-07-24T15:19:00.000-07:00

Now unto him that is able to do exceedingly abudandtly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us. - Ephesians 3:20

Father, please save him. He needs You. I pray that his attitude and pride not hinder the work You desire to do in his life. I pray that Your will be done. More than any material possessions, he just needs Christ. Break him if you have to Lord, anything in Your will and Your timing. I pray for the salvation of his soul. Use me if You need to, but Father please just save his soul. Help him to see that You desire him so badly. You want to love him and bless him and protect him so much, but he has too much pride to kneel. But You are God. In You all things are possible. He will never have too much pride or attitude that You can't change. Please perform this miracle of salvation on his life. In Jesus name, Amen.

I'm a testimony of Your love

2006-07-17T19:48:00.000-07:00

"Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Father I thank you so much for giving me a testimony. In my lowest of lows I could not understand your ways. I didn't stand fast to you. I didn't take authority. But yet you were there all along, in order to make me strong you first had to break me. To show me how the devil really wanted me, and how much your love is so perfect. It is now time for me to truly share my testimony, with Jennifer specifically, and I'm not going to lie I am scared. I'm doubting that my testimony will make a difference in her life, and I'm doubting that I will convey it as you wish. But I do feel that she is to receive the message you put in me. I must show her who you are. Please give me the strength. Please give me the words. Please allow her to hear with an open mind and heart. Please speak through me.

Other Related Topics:
prayer, Lord, testimony, joy, love

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The Gospel of John

2006-07-14T07:25:00.000-07:00

I read the first 4 chapters of John this morning. Quite interesting stuff. As I was reading I was jotting down all the different miracles Jesus performed. I think I will post those once I finish the complete book. There are so many of them! Anyway, after I read, I visited crosswalk.com to get some more in-depth knowledge about those chapters. I stumbled across this great article that goes in to depth about the first 3 chapters.

http://forums.crosswalk.com/m_877629/mpage_2/key_miracles%2cbook%2cJohn/tm.htm

I stopped at chp 2, but I am going to continue reading and will post more comments and whatnot once I'm finished.

Cool Bible fact:

* The unique name for Jesus, the Word, is only used 4 times in the New Testament and only by John the Baptist.

The Lord is my strength...

2006-07-13T05:13:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how quick the enemy tries to pounce on you. It's been a week or so since I have had private time with God. I'm not exactly happy about that, but I'm working on it now. Anyways, this morning the enemy came at me again. I had a late payment on a CC last month, and I just realized I am going to have one again this month. I literally just thhought the due date was later than it actually was. However, the enemy began bringing all those doubts and insecurities regarding my financial situation back into my mind again. But God be the Glory, because now when I feel myself worrying about ANYTHING I RUN to Christ. I know he has delivered me from all of this so I just lean on him like never before and he always comes to my rescue. I know I still have to be responsible with my finances and that I need to make a conscious effort to pay my debts, but I believe God will provide for me everything I need. Not necessarily all of my wants right away, but definitely my needs. My prayer is that I do his will, that's really important to me now because I am deathly afraid of not being close to him again. I went through hell when the enemy had access to me. It was terrible. I know what I want now, and it's Him.

It's over :)

2006-07-04T07:12:00.000-07:00

Well, He answered my prayers. On Sunday God delivered me from the last two years of my life. All of the shame, regret, worry, remorse, unforgiveness, it's all gone. I realize now that God tested my faith, and when I was at my absolute breaking point, he snatched me back. Now I have a testimony, and now I know that all of this money stuff will be taken care of. Its no longer a worry for me anymore and it feels so good. I feel restored and I feel at peace about all of it. I feel like I am turning a new leave in my life. All of my shyness and timidity, all of my insecurities, and reservations, all of it I can move past. I can be strong and encouraged at all times because I know who walks beside me. All I have to do now is remember that its all in my past now. It no longer has to haunt me anymore. The enemy will try to get me down again, he has already tried, but I'm totally and completely safe in Him again. In fact, I always have been. He really does answer prayer.

I need to trust Him more...

2006-07-01T21:30:00.000-07:00

Tonight was one of those nights. Just a little while ago I lapsed into one of my episodes of feeling extreme remorse, regret, disappointment, nostalgia, etc. Always when a new school year begins, I always feel this way because I wish I could just go back and do so many things over again with my college experience. I hate getting this way because it is so hard to break out of. But the more I pray and read the Word of God, the more I am just trying to trust Him with all I have. When I cry now over this stuff, I am saying to myself "The Lord is my strength and my shield, I put my trust in Him and I am helped." I am desperately trying to believe God can handle my situation. But I still cry, and I still feel like I am a huge failure. All I can do is continue to pray and to have faith that He has/is working out my problems for me. I re-read that article I posted a few days ago, and what I am doing is sin because by me not letting go off this stuff in my past,I am not allowing God to use me in the present and in my future. He is working it out. In fact, it's already done. He is close to my heart and He hears me. The best is yet to come. God please give me an encore of happiness and success. Lord, with You, my best is yet to come.

Galations

2006-06-27T17:28:00.000-07:00

Tonight I have read the entire book of Galations. Paul wrote about the differences in being in sin and being in the Spirit. Galations was written after Jesus was crucified and God sent the Holy Spirit. But Paul in his letter was shocked at how the people had turned their backs on the Spirit and had gone back to following the actual laws of that time. I took this as meaning how when we devote ourselves to Christ we sometimes backslide into following the laws of the world. He spoke about how insignificant the law is because as Christians we can not gain righteousness by obeying the law, or better yet, trying to please man. This is an interesting point because some people believe that they will get into heaven just because they are nice, and work hard, and help old people, etc. However, the only true way to gain righteousness is by having faith in Christ, not by our works. I think Paul said it best when he wrote"

"I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!"

He then went on to talk about how we are heirs of Christ because we are children of Abraham, who was the man of faith. Next he spoke of how the law seeks to have zealous people like us for their purposes, but since we are joined with God, we are free. And because we are free we are not to indulge a sinful nature but to live our lives out of love for one another. He then clearly defined the differences between a sinful nature and a Spirit filled nature by what they produce:

"The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control."

Finally, he said that we should not be envious of others and that we should never compare ourselves to anyone else because we are to "carry our own load". Also, that we reap what we sow and we should not become weak in doing good because God has an amazing award waiting for us someday if we continually love one another and serve him.

Overall, another great letter written by Paul. It was hard to read at some points and I kept getting a little distracted by phone calls from my sister (reminder: put phone on silent during tomorrow's quiet time!) I think I will go back though and give it another once over sometime soon.

Father,
Thank you for your gift of your Word. There is so much that I am learning from just reading about you and what you desire of me everyday. Help me to put Pauls words to the Galations into practice in my life. Forgive me for ever turning back from your Spirit in order to live for the law. I only can gain righteousness through you, and I know you do not desire for me to have a sinful nature. I repent Father for the many times I have had a spirit of envy and comparison of others. I do reap what I sow and I know that you have blessed me tremendously in my own way and I am indeed thankful for that. Please help me to grow in the fruits of your Spirit. I desire to love my friends and family, and most importantly YOU more than ever before. Also help my to love the strangers I see on the streets, the people I walk past daily, and my neighbors. Christ is love and in order for me to live a true Christian walk I need to love and give back a lot more. Thank you for your everlasting patience with me and I pray that right now I am pleasing unto you. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord my strength and my redeemer. Amen.

Francisco

2006-06-27T10:22:00.000-07:00

Father,
Here I am again. This time about Frankie. I would love to be blessed with a husband and children someday, I honestly do believe you want me to be a wife and a mother. But God, I don't know about Frankie. He has been in my life so long now that I don't know if I am staying with him because I am comfortable with him, or because I am just scared to leave. He is my first love and my first kiss. In my heart I perceive him as being the One. However, my feelings may not be aligned with your will. He's not a Believer in You. Atleast that's what he comes across saying to me. I don't know if he avoids you like I have done in the past, or if he really truly doesn't believe you exist. Part of me feels like he does know you are there and that you care for him, but he is just too stubborn to submit to your control. As I read in forums and whatnot of other people's realization of their spouses and how you are in their marriages, I get a little anxious. I desperately need you to be in my marriage. It is the only way it will work. Lord, please give me a discerning spirit so that I may look past my feelings and understand what it is you want me to do about Frankie. I know in your Word it specifically states that I should not be unequally yolked, but I have to give him up just like that? I mean, I know I shouldn't question you and all, but my feelings for him are so strong, we have such a chemistry, he has waited on me for sex, and everyone can see that we have something really special. Growing up you know how hard it was on me, and I know you heard my every prayer and every cry to you. So when I met Frankie, especially the way we met, it was from you, right? As I continue to study your Word and pray, I just ask Father that you direct my paths and speak to my heart. I want to live a life pleasing to you, no matter what I have to sacrifice. Perhaps I am being too stubborn now, but I know that You will reveal what you want me to do about this situation. If you want me to leave Him, I will but I need you to comfort me and to remove this fear. I don't even know the proper words to pray anymore, just please hear my prayer and I will just be still. I love you Lord, Amen.

He's Worthy!

2006-06-27T06:01:00.000-07:00

Just a few minutes ago, I checked the schedule at work for this week and I saw that the days off that I requested about 3 weeks ago I did not get off. Now, I have been looking forward to these days off since forever and as soon as I saw the schedule my anxiety level began to rise. But to God be the Glory, because I said a small prayer, went to talk to my supervisor, and I got my days off!

Thank you Father for the simple things, and how things ALWAYS work for the good of those who love the Lord :) Amen.

Time to move on...

2006-06-27T05:30:00.000-07:00

As I sit at work, I am browsing through my favorite website crosswalk.com. Today's devotional is about leaving the past in the past and it really spoke to my heart. Enjoy!

Let Go of the Past to Move into the Future
Whitney Hopler
Crosswalk.com Contributor

You can’t drive life’s road without sometimes hitting bumps like regrets, disappointments, and tragedies. When you do, it’s easy to get stuck there, gazing back into your rearview mirror at the past.But God wants you to move on toward the future He has planned for you. It’s a future filled with hope – but to get there, you’ve got to turn your focus forward and look through the windshield at the road ahead.Here’s how you can let go of the past to move into the future:

* Realize that you have a choice. Understand that you’re not a victim of your circumstances and that no one but yourself can tie you to the past; you can decide whether or not to move on. Ask God for the courage to choose to break free of whatever is chaining you to the past.

* Know Who travels with you. Remember that God is right beside your side all the time. Trust in His unsurpassed power, wisdom, and love when He urges you to keep going into the future. Don’t linger in any place God is calling you to leave. Be willing to put your own agenda aside to follow wherever God leads you.

* Recognize the difference between learning from the past and letting it control you. Understand that it’s healthy to look back as long as you’re learning from your past and remembering how God has worked in your life. But beware of becoming so preoccupied with your past that it begins to dictate your present and future. Don’t let your past define you; that’s God’s job.

* Seek deliverance from parts of your past you’re struggling to let go. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you mentally take those past experiences and lay them in trust at the foot of the cross for Jesus to handle. Acknowledge that holding onto the past is sin because it keeps you from obeying God’s call to move on. Repent of making the past an idol in your life. Make whatever changes you need to make in your life to reinforce your decision, such as discarding past possessions. Surround yourself with people who support your decision to move on. Seek God with all your heart and be excited about His plans for you. Read and meditate on Scripture as a new perspective gradually emerges for you.

* Avoid nostalgia. Don’t be duped into thinking that your best days are behind you. Expect God to continue to bless you in new ways. Recognize that your success is not dependent on any special time or place that can never be captured again. Know that the same God who was with you back in the past is with you now and will continue to be. Don’t rest on your laurels or become intimidated by your past successes; keep active and contributing to the world as He leads you. Trust God to bring you encore success and joy.

* Seek healing for a broken heart. Know that God understands and feels the pain of your heartbreak over a broken relationship with someone you’d loved. Understand that, no matter what happened to wrest your loved one from you, God can transform your pain into positive growth for you. Realize that everything that happens to you plays a part in God’s greater purposes for your life. Give up trying to change the past; it’s futile. Instead, ask God to help you learn to trust His sovereignty in your relationships. Don’t waste time and energy trying to numb a broken heart with drugs or alcohol, denying your feelings, starting a “rebound” relationship, or trying to distract yourself with busyness. Know that God wants to heal you. Pursue healing by repenting of any sin that was involved in your lost relationship, carrying your feelings and shattered dreams to God, saturating your soul with Scripture, and being patient as He gently guides you through the healing process. Trust God to bring something good out of your pain. Understand that God brings some people into your life briefly for a specific reason, some for a longer season, and some to stay your whole life. Ask Him to help you discern which people are which, and to recognize when it’s the right time for some people to make their exits. Remember that, while some people may leave you, God never will.

* Overcome failure. Ask God to help you move past two obstacles that stand in your way after you’ve experienced failure: the consequences of your actions; and your inner sense of condemnation, guilt, regret, and self-inflicted punishment. Take your failure to God and allow Him to restore your strength, hope and confidence. Honestly pour out all your thoughts and feelings about the failure to God. Ask Him to teach you what He wants you to learn from your failure. Accept God’s forgiveness, and forgive yourself.

* Break free of trauma’s chains. In prayer, freely express the anger, fear, disillusionment, mistakes, and regrets that have resulted from a past trauma in your life. Ask God to direct you to Scripture passages that relate to that trauma, and to use those passages as a surgeon would a scalpel to bring about the healing you need. Don’t blame God for your trauma; realize that it was the result of living in a sinful, fallen world. Invite Jesus into your pain, realizing that He is the ultimate answer to your problem. Ask Jesus to give you new hope and restore your sense of purpose.

* Get rid of the poison of bitterness. Realize that holding onto bitterness after someone has hurt you will only continue to hurt you more by poisoning your soul. Know that there is only one antidote to that poison – forgiveness. Decide not to allow people who have wronged you to keep controlling your life and distancing you from God. Remember all that God has forgiven you for, and let your gratitude and love for Him motivate you to obey His command to forgive others. Always be willing to forgive, even when people repeatedly offend you, don’t ask for your forgiveness, refuse to reconcile, or are deceased. Understand that forgiveness doesn’t depend on what you consider fair, reasonable, or just – it’s a matter of being faithful to God. Don’t wait until you feel like forgiving someone; you probably never will. Instead, decide to do so and trust God to help you. Expect God to clear bitterness out of your life as you forgive.

* Let go of unhealthy attachments. Don’t waste time and energy trying to hold onto someone or something from the past if that person or thing doesn’t have a place in your present or future. Accept reality when you can’t bring back a marriage, job, child, church, reputation, or anything else you’re trying to resurrect. Realize that it – whatever it happens to be – is truly over. Refuse to wallow in sorrow over something you can’t do anything about. Get up, return to life as normal, worship God, and ask Him to help you enjoy life again. Trust God to give you new beginnings filled with promise.

* Rely on God’s strength to get you through stormy crossings. Expect a struggle every time you try to move beyond your past and cross over into your future. Don’t let challenges take you by surprise; instead, use them as tools to grow closer to God. Don’t give up; ask God for the courage and strength you need to keep going. Ask Him to teach you whatever He’d like you to learn from your crossings. Invite God to strengthen your character and renew your mind so you can become the person He wants you to become. Ask God to show you a side of Himself you’ve never seen when you make each crossing.

* Encourage others. Realize that your experiences in life aren’t just for your own benefit – they’re also designed to help other people. Use what you’ve learned about moving on to encourage others to do the same.

* Fulfill your potential. Remember that your past doesn’t determine your future. Invite God to help you understand His purposes for your life and give you a vision for the new adventures He has in store for you. Realize that your greatest potential can only be realized in and through Jesus. Ask Him to help you fulfill His highest potential for you. Step boldly into your future.

Father, thank you for hearing my prayers and allowing me to come across this article. I know that I have asked You for forgiveness of my financial mistake, but I know that I have yet to forgive myself. Father, I ask that you give me the strength to rid myself of the guilt and shame that comes with no forgiving my mistake. In order for You to fully work in my life, I need to give it ALL to You. Thank You for being a God of such excellent grace and mercy, and I pray that You will continue to use Your infinted strength in my life to move me from living in the past and giving you full control of my future. I know I can't go back to 2004 and have a re-do, and I know You want me to be happy in the life You have set before me and this moment. Thank You for washing my sins away and I will let go of my past to live in the today You created just for me. I love You. Amen.

The Book of Philippians

2006-06-26T17:55:00.000-07:00

In my first night of quiet time with God, I read the book of Philippians. As one of Pauls letters to the Philippians from jail, I really enjoyed the 4 chapters. Those letters from Paul are really remarkable, quite an interesting read. Anyway, I read those chapters and they were quite insightful. They taught on how to think (which I really need to know how to do better!), and how to be pleasing unto the Lord. I also read a small devotional about being a servant to others. Lately I've been feeling the need to give back in some way, and that devotional really helped to solidify that. As a Christian it should not be all about me, me, me. As Paul said, "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." So, I think I am going to try and find some where to volunteer or something like that.
In my prayer tonight, I prayed for:
- God to continue to carry my burden of my finances and school
- Finding a proper outlet to help others and become less selfish
- The spirit of fear to be gone whenever I spend quiet time with God
- God's continued grace and mercy over my life and my family.

I can't wait to watch Him work :)

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. " Phil 4:6-9

The first post

2006-06-26T17:00:00.000-07:00

In my quest to rebuild my relationship with the Lord, I have decided a real prayer journal would be in order. My prayer life is beyond weak at this moment, so I hope that this will help me to pray a lot more. In case others will read this I suppose I should give a brief synopsis as to why I am where I am right now.
I am currently a senior in college with one more semester to go before I graduate. During the fall of my sophomore year, I made the mistake of running up a lot of credit card debt. I didn't really fathom the damage that I was doing or the consequences I would face. I simply made an irresponsible mistake. Up until this point in my life, I had done everything by the book. Never got in trouble in school, always was involved in church, made the honor roll consistently, and got into the best college in my state. Needless to say, when I realized in Jan of 2005 that I really really messed up my financial future, I freaked out. From that moment on my world seemingly crumbled. Working part time on campus, it took everything I had to come up with the minimum payments for my bills every month. I became constantly stressed, paranoid, and anxious. I also cried a tremendous amount because not only was I burdened by the fact that I made such a big mistake, I was also keeping it a big secret. No one in my family, to this day, knows that I a significant amount of debt on credit cards. To keep a long story short, that year of my life was so hard. I stopped praying and seeking the Lord because I had made up in my mind that my sin was unforgivable. I told myself that He was angry with me and that all the bad things that were happening in my life were because He was punishing me because of my mistake. It has been awful. But this year, I began taking back control of my life and my situation. I submersed myself in everything I need to know about credit and debt. With the knowledge I have gained I know that my situation isn't as bleak as I once thought it was. My debt will be paid off as soon as possible. It may not be this year, or maybe even next year. But it will be paid. I also am trying to regain control over my mind and my thoughts. I have warped myself into believing that I have to be perfect and that I can never make a mistake. Its a constant struggle to switch the way I think about my life and to just be happy. Which brings me to why I am here. I thank God because He saved me. My situation, my mistake could have been so much worse. But I thank God for His hand in my life, even when I thought He didn't care for me anymore. He has kept me from allowing my financial situation to get worse and I praise Him for that. However I know that I need Him now more than ever because only He can heal my mind. Only God can cure me of this anxiety ridden life I have chosen. These blogs will be my day to day prayers, and requests for God to guard my mind and my heart from anxiety and worry. I will use this blog as my personal testimony, for when I read these entries 6mos to a year from now and witness first hand how God has turned my life around, back in His will, I will rejoice.

The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. Psalm 145:8