Wondrous Thought

Changes

2008-01-11T08:25:00.001-02:00

It is now the beginning of a new year, and I like to reflect upon the things that I have done the previous year. Last year I wanted to improve the status of my mental and spiritual health, and I have done so. At first, I thought that I haven’t really achieved anything, but this is because I was looking at my situation from a negative view point. I was looking at what I haven’t accomplished rather than what I have accomplished. Although I would have liked to have done a lot more things, it wasn’t the time to do them. Also, there were things that happened that I wish have never happened, but I see that in the grand scheme of things, it all turned out the way I wanted them to.

After my nervous breakdown in 2006, I wanted to change the outlook of my life. I knew that I didn’t want to suffer from the devastating effects of my environment and my illness. I felt that I had no choice but to push through and continue living. That time-period was difficult, but my life has definitely changed for the better since then. I had to move back in with my parents, which I thought would hinder my recovery, but things have changed there. Also, I was able to take care of my medical expenses and see a more qualified doctor. Later, a friend of mine introduced me to the movie, “The Secret.” The movie awakened a very deep part of mind and reminded me that I can create whatever I want for my life. It took some time for me to realize and understand how the Law of Attraction works in my life, but the whole process was quite refreshing and enlightening. I knew what I wanted out of life, and my heart is always set on getting it.

There was something that I had my heart set on accomplishing last year, and it never happened. I expected it to happen plenty of times, and when I saw that it hasn’t or that it wouldn’t, then I felt a bit discouraged. I did maintain a bit of faith, though. With that bit of hope I was able to accept that it wasn’t quite time for me to have what I wanted, otherwise I would have had it already. Now, I could have taken a negative approach, but based on what I believe I know that I would have attracted some negative bullshit. That is not my intention. In the past there were times when I wondered why something didn’t turn out the way I had intended, and later I found out that something better has happened or that what I wanted wasn’t what I thought it’d be. I don’t believe that my life is set up for endless disappointments but rather for eternal happiness, since that is what I want. Also, I believe that everything happens at the right time, even despite what I *think* I want.

My life was very difficult in the beginning because of what I was taught and how I dealt with it, but this reality no longer exists for me. Now I know that I can do whatever I want and have whatever I want. The thing is that I have to focus on what I want and not to put conditions on it. Conditions tend to hinder everything, and I need no kind of hindrances. Everything happens for a reason, but I’m creating good reasons this time.

"The Secret"

2007-11-07T16:04:00.007-02:00

Well, "The Secret" is the Law of Attraction. Abraham-Hicks define the Law of Attraction as "that which is like itself is drawn." It's a very interesting concept, really. I like to think of LoA as the manager of my reality. My thoughts create my reality, and LoA helps me to perceive my life the way I desire to live it. My purpose in life is to maintain a state of well-being and happiness. How is one able to perceive her life this way if her thoughts aren't in alignment, or a match, to this purpose?

For a long time I have been creating by default and sifting through life rather aimlessly. Of course I had goals in mind, but I didn't understand that I couldn't get from one area of my life to another if I didn't change my thoughts. It wasn't until I started reading about LoA and figured out how it could work with me to improve my quality of life. So, now I do a lot of deliberate creating. It's a wonderful process, and it helps me to feel more secure and confident about myself and my reality. In doing this process, I've developed and strengthened my spirituality, which plays a huge role in creating my reality. I feel very empowered and enlightened by the idea that my physical self is an extension of Source Energy, which is very abundant and fulfilling. So, my ultimate purpose - to live a very abundant and fulfilling life.

All of this has changed my life for the best. Considering everything that has occurred in my life, I can only go up from here. I believe that "thoughts become things," and I practice this as much as I can.

The Source of Well-Being

2007-11-07T11:51:00.000-02:00

Okay. This week I’m realizing my Inner Being’s potential. Deep down inside I have always known, but really in an unconscious sense; I have never deliberately utilized its power.

Well, my individual Universe is an extension of Source Energy, which is very abundant (that is why it is the source!) and fulfills my Universe’s every request. Within this Universe is my physical self, and within my physical self, is my Inner Being, my Spiritual Entity. My Inner Being is an extension of my Universe, so therefore, I am an extension of Source Energy. This is my reality.

For me well-being is fulfillment and abundance. I never felt fulfilled or abundant because of what I was taught growing up, so I was never well-off or happy. I was taught a lot of things, very negative things. Things that I have chosen to accept out of fear and not knowing any other way. I believed in these negative things and therefore sent out like vibrations. I’ve never realized it before, but my life has turned out exactly how I thought it would. With that being said, my beliefs were fulfilled, and not to mention plentiful.

Now things have changed…my thoughts have changed and are constantly changing for the best. What are my thoughts currently like? They’re a lot more positive. I’m developing my spirituality and learning more and more about myself. Since my reality is a reflection of my thoughts and since I want a great life, then my predominant thoughts (which are the result of my beliefs) should be great and fulfilling. Now, changing certain beliefs may not be the easiest thing to do, but I find the process to be quite an enriching experience.

Now, I am able to create! Deliberately! First thing’s first, I shall think abundance and fulfillment. Without those two, then what the hell am I creating? Yeah, I’d be re-creating my past.

Spirituality: Ideas From My Inner Being

2007-11-01T11:31:00.000-02:00

I’m in the process of enhancing my spirituality. Lately and randomly, I have been connecting with my Inner Being on a deeper level. When it happens, I’m not usually aware of it, but I’m not channeling or in some sort of trance.

During this process there is a specific idea that enters my mind, and this idea allows me to view a certain part of my life from another vantage point and then I feel a sense of purity. This purity gives me a blissful awareness of life. Only when I begin to contemplate applying this thought to my physical life do I “snap out of it.”

It’s like my mind leaves the realm of conscious thinking - the type of linear, conscious thinking that physical beings partake in, specifically human beings. It goes to a realm of consciousness where time and space don’t matter, neither does illness, pain, or suffering. It’s quite refreshing and assuring. As I “snap out of it,” I continue thinking of this specific idea and become slightly puzzled. I guess I just need to translate this idea, so that I could utilize it to serve me in this physical life reality.

I don’t know if this process is triggered by certain thoughts or anything, but I know that I don’t intentionally slip into this other realm of thinking. I don’t mind it at all, and now that I realize that it happens, I welcome it (not that I ever felt inconvenienced by it or anything - it occurs naturally). I continue to meditate and read pieces on spirituality, consciousness, and personal growth/well-being. Hopefully, I’ll get deeper and deeper into this process, not so much to cause me to dissociate or panic, but to see my life clearly and without impurity. In addition to the deepening of this process, I would like to be able to deliberately slip into it - in other words, I want to deliberately undergo this process and realize that it’s happening rather than having it spontaneously happen and not realizing it until after the fact.

Funny how I’m currently listening to Nujabes’ Think Different.

"Follow Your Bliss"

2007-10-17T16:15:00.000-02:00

I feel that I should focus on being happy and go from there, and I want to focus on all areas of my life. Currently, I’ve been focusing most of my attention on only two areas, occupational and spiritual. My focus on the occupational carried too much weight, and by that I mean that I gave it too much power and control, but now I know that it wasn’t really necessary for me to put that much effort into it. I’m in the process of balancing everything out and growing increasingly happy.

Okay first, I will divide my life into parts (areas). I’m sure that I have ideas for all these areas…like, I’m sure that I know which direction I wanna go with them since I know what will make me happy. Uh, well…I guess I’ll expand my horizons and create a fulfilling life!

An Extension of Mental Illness

2007-10-02T04:10:00.001-02:00

I don’t know what to think of mental illness, really. I mean, I know that it is an illness of the mind - my mind has been designed or set up to attract negative thoughts, which therefore create negative circumstances.

Well, there are things that I want now, and I wonder what’s preventing them - probably the fact that I’m new to the art of deliberate creation, but I can’t help but to wonder if my being mentally ill negatively affects my creation… ~~I will assume that it is so~~ I’m sure it does from time to time, and I can pretty much tell when it is. It provides me with this negative and familiar feeling, and at its best, the feeling is intense. Talk about resistance.

Currently, there’s this position I want, and I feel that it will greatly impact my well-being - I have a desire for it to do so. Well, I don’t have this position at the moment, and I’ve been trying to figure out why. The fact that I seem to focus on the lack of it doesn’t help, but what started this focus in the first place? Simply, the fact that I’m ill. My mind has been conditioned to harbor negative thoughts and beliefs, and based on my pathology, my mind has been trying to prevent me from flourishing. Well, to hell with that, lol. Things have changed now.

Beginning of Deliberate Creation

2007-09-26T19:24:00.000-02:00

My current *dilemma* is deciding on what to create and which circumstances will best benefit me. I'm sure that I have snarled myself into a trap with this one. I'm setting myself up in a position where I have to choose. It is possible that I am simply thinking too much, but I see no point in discontinuing these varying ideas. It will be a good thing to ~~realize my limits~~ make some boundaries though, seeing as I would open up a possibility of also thinking negative thoughts about these ideas (which I don't want) while pondering this *dilemma*. I am quite stubborn and only want what is *perfect* for me, and since my mind has the ability to create many circumstances, I won't feel limited or confined to only one. In essence, it seems that this is a catch-22 or that I'm running around in a circle, but I can create this thought-system to be otherwise.

Well, I guess I'll organize these thoughts by their level of resistance - those thoughts with the highest resistance will occur later while the thoughts with the lowest resistance will occur sooner. There, and I'm done. Heh...that was a bit too easy, not to mention rather obvious. >_> As long as I'm good now. ^_^

The Start of Recovery

2007-09-24T15:45:00.001-02:00

There was a time, not long ago in fact, when I had major depressive disorder. Its effects on me were horrible. When I would feel hopeless or worried, my mind would quickly wonder to thoughts of suicide or self-injury. Now this is not the case. Early this morning I felt frustrated and a little overwhelmed, but my thoughts didn't immediately turn to self-destruction or the sort. Instead, I reached for this little book that I was doodling in earlier. I call it "my gratitude journal." I began doodling and writing positive passages to go along with the doodles. The process was refreshing.

It's amazing how I can relieve myself from negative feelings quite easily. I may not feel 100% better, but I definitely don't feel any worse. I recovered from the MDD and I now know of and understand a lot of the PTSD, which is a good start. This is a magnificent indication of my overall recovery.

Gratitude

2007-09-21T23:52:00.000-02:00

I feel that if I’m going to do anything positive with my life, then I will express my gratitude for the things that I already have. I’ve been through so much in my life, and there were many things that I desired, but have yet to have. Not to complain, but it’s time for me to be happy…

Currently, I’m at a bit of a low. My life appears to be stagnant right now, and I’m not pleased with that. I feel unfulfilled, anxious, and a bit frustrated. I don’t hate my life - I just want to move on, and there are many things that I need in order to do so. Being grateful for what I have is one of them.

• I am grateful for being alive. The Universe allowed me to step foot on this bountiful Earth as a human being.
• I am grateful for still being alive. My last bout of depression was very severe - major depressive disorder. It lasted approximately two years, and during that period, I was suicidal for months at a time. There were times when I was so close to taking my life, even times when I wasn’t consciously aware of it. Despite all the therapy, the medications, the hospitalizations, and being alone, I’m still alive today.
• I am grateful for my Inner Being. It has never left my side. I’ve had a handful of negative experiences, but my Inner Being didn’t allow me to further create these negative circumstances. And I love that I have never lost a connection with It.
• I am grateful for being independent. There was a time when my parents were responsible for me. I felt that this wasn’t fair since my parents are irresponsible and don’t know me well enough to decide on or have a say in anything in my life. Well currently, this is no longer the case! I am the only one who decides on anything for myself. They may have a “problem” with many of my decisions, but my decisions add to my own personal successes.
• I am grateful for my creativity. It allows me to be different, unique. I’m not one who conforms to society, and I love that about myself. My creativity gives me the power to think of alternatives or to think in a variety of ways. I can’t become the artist I want to be without it.

Understanding

2007-09-11T20:37:00.000-02:00

I feel very wonderful today, and I love it! I woke up feeling wonderful, and decided that the rest of my day would feel this way. I guess the funny thing is that I currently have a head-cold. That doesn't rain on my joy one bit, which is wonderful also. I have been studying the Law of Attraction, Creation, and Allowing. I believe that I understand these concepts, or laws, quite well. I feel my understanding will be complete as I utilize these concepts deliberately.

Simply, the Law of Attraction is the concept that like attracts like. Creating deliberately is consciously creating one's own life based on his intentions. Creating by default is unknowingly creating one's life based on the thoughts and beliefs that one has come to accept and think about whether they are intended or unintended. Allowing is accepting all that is without resistance. Actually, Creation and Allowing are extensions of the Law of Attraction.

Hmmm...I decided to write another entry similar to this later, and it will have more detail and description. Now, I'm off to bed!

Challenges

2007-09-04T23:13:00.001-02:00

Today, I expected something wonderful to happen. I had even planned out the details of this event. It never transpired - in fact, something unfavorable happened instead. Despite this trying time, I have not lost my faith and I still expect wonderful things to occur. Of course I still wish for that particular wonderful event, but perhaps today wasn't the best day for it to come...

I have come to a point where I expect positive things to enter my life. From that point, I was hoping to reach a higher level, which would be eagerness/enthusiasm/happiness, and maybe that's the thing - I only hoped to reach this level instead of expecting to reach this level. According to my Emotional Guidance System, I should feel optimistic about reaching this level and then come to expect it rather than rushing to reach this level. Honestly, I felt a bit insecure about reaching this level so quickly, but I couldn't quite put my finger on what was bothering me. I did feel great happiness, but it was only transitory. Since my mood in general is to expect positivity, then I must feel optimistic when wanting to reach a higher mood on the Scale.

I have learned a great deal about LoA, and I feel quite comfortable with it. Now I have to learn how to use it to my advantage, which I'm currently in the process of studying. Learning about this universal law has provided me with much knowledge on why people, including myself, have certain things happen to them or occur in their lives. Basically, we are what we think about...

Questions

2007-08-16T21:01:00.000-02:00

What is my next step?! This is a question I wonder everyday. Especially when I feel stuck. Well, with clarity on my side, I can figure all this out. A good way for me to find clarity is through writing. So, with that being said, I shall write! I currently don't have any major concerns with doubt, but I do have a large amount of questions. I will need to think creatively in order to provide some possible answers to some of these questions.

I don't ask those deep, meaningful questions very often now since I've found many satisfying answers (joy!), but now, I wonder about the little things... I want to get to a certain point and feel a certain way, but it seems that it maybe a bit difficult. I guess that I should continue moving up my Emotional Guidance Scale. Generally, I feel optimistic and have positive expectations and beliefs. I would love to feel eagerness and enthusiasm! In order to get this particular feeling, I was thinking that I would need all these objective qualities in order to feel better, but why rely solely on objective things - if at all? What shall I feel eager about? How far my accomplishments have taken me and how far they can possibly take me? Well, if thoughts can become things, then hell, I know what to think! Is that all? There are so many things that I want to accomplish, so if I focus on the idea of accomplishment, then I should experience many more accomplishments, right? One thought can attract a multitude of thoughts and thoughts can become a reality. Okay, this is a good start... I will need to do more reading and re-reading, not to mention contemplation.

Hmmm...

Depriving Doubts

2007-08-05T22:12:00.001-02:00

This week, I have felt many negative emotions. I'm sure the fact that I haven't been sleeping and eating well has something to do with it. Well, many doubts have crossed my mind, and frankly, I don't know what to do about them. I know these thoughts are connected to some limiting beliefs that I have, but I don't know how to change these beliefs; I'm not sure how to deliberately allow my desires to manifest.

I haven't been sleeping well lately, and when this happens, my symptoms of anxiety and paranoia increase, which makes the insomnia worse (it's a never-ending cycle). Currently, I'm not on any medication, so of course, this is problematic. I can't afford any over-the-counter drugs or vitamins at the moment, so I will have to practice other methods of relieving anxiety and getting adequate amounts of sleep. Also, I can't afford much food either. I'm grateful to eat one small "meal" in a day. All of this will change when I'm employed...

Well, I'm happy to say that my self-esteem has greatly improved! I'm beginning to feel very valuable, and that I do deserve whatever my heart desires. I guess I should meditate on this idea rather than my doubts, but I certainly can't ignore my doubts. I need to find a way to rid my mind of these limiting beliefs, which negatively affect my thoughts and keep me from what I want to achieve. Why shouldn't I be able to have what I want and be happy? I do feel that this very fulfilling desire that I have is a bit unattainable. I have many reasons as to why I feel this way. So many that I felt that I should totally give up. I'm going to figure all of this out soon because I can't sit here and do absolutely nothing! I deserve to live and be happy!

Now, the problem is that I don't really know where to go from here. I do have resources that I can refer to. I've been feeling very tired and rather drained lately, so I haven't really focused on obtaining information from these sources. Hopefully, by next week, I'll be well on my way. Sitting here with these self-depriving thoughts aren't fun. I'm sure I could use some encouragement, too. I should surround myself with loving people who are willing to help me- that would automatically kill at least one of my nagging doubts. Alright, now I'm starting to get somewhere! I guess I'll talk to a trusted friend about these feelings, and in the meantime, I could do some reading and contemplating.

A Positive Beginning

2007-07-27T23:52:00.000-02:00

There are so many things that I want in my life, and quite frankly, I don't really know how to attract them. I am in the process of learning, but I'm so anxious to receive these things! There are many resources on the Law of Attraction, and I'm trying to get my hands on as many of them as possible. I enjoy reading, so I tend to buy books on the subject or I would fine some info that I could read on the Internet. Currently, I'm unemployed, so here's my lovely chance to study all that I can on myself and obtaining my desires.

I find it so amazing how my past desires got me where I am today, but I want more. The more knowledge I attain, the more I desire. There are things that I attract that I wish not to attract, but the problem is that I would constantly wish not to attract something rather than wish for something I want to attract. So of course, I would only receive more of the same-that of which I wish not to attract. After all, like attracts like, and if I tend to think the same thoughts, then I will continue to think more of the same thoughts. That's my biggest hurdle right now. After I begin to focus more on what I do want, then I will be able to deliberately create my life.

An interference I have when trying to create deliberately is doubt. Sometimes I feel that a desire I may have doesn't fit well with one or more of my beliefs, so I tend not to put much focus on that desire. That will have to change! I will have to change some of my core beliefs, and this will be a bit difficult for me since I'm mentally ill. My perceptions of reality are more or less distorted, so some of my beliefs actually hinder my thinking. Basically, I tend to have more doubt than the average person. It will take a bit of effort to balance the thoughts that swim around my mind, but I'm in the process of doing so which means all will be well. With that being said, it will take some time for me to re-create my ill thinking patterns, but this process should prove quite fulfilling and inevitably prosperous. So! Now that I'm in a more or less positive mind-set, I tend to view doubt as a positive thing because I'm confident that it will only strengthen my belief system.

Okay! Now my biggest challenge is re-constructing these negative beliefs. What better way to achieve this desire than by starting out on a positive note? All I want to attract are positive things, so that's where I'm starting! Well, right now I'm incredibly sleepy, so I'm off to bed!