East Coast Squarehead

Overtime.

2008-10-03T17:00:00.002-05:00

Twenty-four hours overtime the last couple of weeks. Ran as far east as Gettysburg to pick up produce. Ran as far north as Fillmore New York on the I.G.A. run. Keep in mind, we run local. We had a couple guys off on vacation. I don't mind picking up the slack.

I got paid today. All that overtime, like five-hundred bucks worth of overtime in addition to my straight forty hours. They took almost four-hundred out in taxes.

My wife started the "new" type of chemo last Friday. She reacts to it differently than the "old" chemo. This chemo drips into her port slowly. The "old" type was injected. Her time in the chemo room at the hospital is longer now. She was pretty sick last weekend. She's feeling better now. She only has three more chemo treatments left. The next one is on Halloween. She's bummed about that.

So this past Thursday I had the overnight Pittsburgh run. Fox Chapel and two stops in Verona. One more stop up on route 85 on the way back. I left at midnight, Wednesday night for Thursday morning. On the way down 28 all I wanted to hear was some good driving music. The Silver Bullet comes over the radio with "The Fire Down Below". I cranked that up, took a big pull from my large stainless steel coffee cup and fired up a cigarette. 475 Cat horses sitting out in front of me. Fifty-three feet of Reefer following along behind. Bob Segar blasting out of the speakers and no traffic in sight. Now we're truck driving. Now we can just think about driving. No cancer. No politics. No bullshit. Good tunes all the way to Pittsburgh. Yeah.

Hey Tommy. I got some very nice comments about all that political stuff. I just can't put them up here because I don't want to do that anymore. You know how I get. I get all fired up about something that has nothin' to do with what I'm all fired up about. That's why I have to leave this stuff alone. I'm votin' Tommy. I am votin'. I just ain't discussing it with anybody anymore.

Bad Idea.

2008-09-20T20:02:00.002-05:00

That previous post was a bad idea. I may have severed a friendship. Ranting about politics is not worth a friendship.

I should have listened to my grandmother. Never discuss politics or religion.

I should have listened to myself. This is not a political blog.

I should have listened to my friend who was only trying to have a civil conversation about the whole thing. Now I'm that person that I was ranting about. Someone wants to discuss the issues and I shouted back at them.

I will never write about political stuff again. I'm really not very good at it.

Politics is not worth a friendship.

Vote.

2008-09-14T11:06:00.003-05:00

I got an e-mail from a friend. My friend does not want me to vote for Obama. My friend said that redistribution of wealth never works. My reply is this.

For the last eight years this country has been redistributing the wealth. From the bottom up. All of our money goes to the oil companies and other countries. Countries like China and India. Countries like Saudi Arabia. I'm sure they have our best interests at heart. Our president walks hand in hand with Saudi royals while they refuse to increase oil production. Our military forces protect their sandy asses from Syria and Iran.

We are on our knees, handing our hard earned dollars up to Exxon/Mobil and Halliburton. They send our jobs over seas so that they can line their pockets with more than they already have.

My friends and I are hard working people. We don't ask for something for nothing. We will do what we have to do to take care of our own. We just want an even playing field.

Why do we have to bail out these failed banks and mortgage companies? Oh yeah, that's right. China asked us to do that to protect their investments. Well, we sure don't want to offend China while they run over their own people with tanks. And when we do have to bail those failed banks out, why are the people who ran them into the ground still driving around in their shiny expensive cars? If they ran these banks into the ground then they should be flat broke like the rest of us. Why are they being rewarded for their failure? And if they did violate the law to line their own pockets like the people at Enron did, why are they not sitting in real prisons like the criminals that they are? If you threw a couple of these corporate thieves into a real federal prison I think that would put a stop to much of this "white collar crime". Imagine some country club asshole having to deal with the bikers and the gang bangers and the mob guys on a daily bases.

Hell yeah I'm angry. I'm fed up with the Republican party and all of their dirty tricks. I voted Republican for most of my life, 'til 2004. I despise The Patriot Act. Even the name sounds bad. I am afraid of Homeland Security, as an entity not a practice. I have had enough of the lies. I have had enough of Karl Rove and all the other limp wristed do nothings with soft hands who love to tell us how tough we need to be. How many push-ups do you think old Karl has ever done in his life? He is a lying sack. He plays dirty and now he's supporting John McCain. That's reason enough not to vote for McCain.

This is not a political blog. I do not think I have all the answers. I don't have any of the answers. I'm just an ex-cop who ended up driving a truck for a living. I have been a blue collar guy all my life. I always believed that if you worked hard you'd be okay. That ain't the case anymore.

I'm also sick and tired of the whole sixties generation thing. The aging hippies need to go away. The guys who want to win in Iraq to make up for Vietnam, like John McCain, need to go away. I have nothing but the up most respect and admiration for Senator McCain and his service to this country. But it's time for him to step aside. He is no longer The Maverick. He has become an RNC team player because he wants to win so badly. He knows that Senator Obama is not a Muslim acting like a secret agent in order to bring about the downfall of these United States. But he lets his trolls put that out there. That's just wrong.

I'm pissed off. The only real way I can express that is at the voting booth. So I'm voting for Senator Obama.

Bear. Bare. Grin?

2008-08-27T11:53:00.005-05:00

I started this post back on 27 August. It's now 14 September and I'm going to try to finish it up today. I've been busy of late.

This guy I work with. He's a big bear of a man. He has a loud hardy laugh. He always greets you with a smile. From what I'm told, at one time he was a mean drunk. He had a temper and the fists to back it up.

They say his wife changed him. He stopped drinking and went to church. Without the booze his temper was tempered. He did so love his wife. She died about six years ago.

He raised the kids, the youngest was twelve or thirteen when their mom passed away. That youngest boy is now done with high school. His oldest is a daughter who just had her first baby. The Bear is now a Granpa.

My wife is very sick these days. She really looks a cancer patient now. She has to take antibiotics because she has a runny nose. Her immune system is compromised. The chemo does that.

On Friday, 12 September, she had an Echocardiogram instead of chemo. She goes back for more chemo next Friday. She thought she would feel a little better, missing a week of chemo. She actually feels worse than ever.

I'm still working on this front hall. I'm trimming now. The ceiling is done, tongue and groove. It looks good. She's crashed out on the couch this morning. We watched SNL last night. I feel asleep in the chair, she on the couch.

Last night we partied. I went to the store and got a shrimp ring, mozz sticks, wings, bagel bite little pizzas and mini corn dogs. Onion rings and two big bottles of Dr. Pepper.

My wife and the younger baby girl and me, we had what my wife calls "Greasy Grill" night. It was fun. Paying for it today. A junk food hangover. The younger baby girl is not affected by this.

She cries more these days. She is tired of being sick. She's upset about not being able to work. She's upset about the older baby girl going off to college. She's upset about having to endure three more months of chemo.

Hey Tommy. Yeah man, it's all like that. It's like that every day now. What about you Tommy? What's it all about for you?.....................Hey, she was at the mall on Friday night with the older baby girl. They were both saying how people were staring at her. In the past, with just the hair missing she didn't draw so much attention. Now she really looks sick. No amount of makeup will hide it. People just kept staring. That sucks.

Yeah, she heard this thing on the radio so she looked it up and read an article about it. It was about the governor of Alaska and how she was laughing with these radio show idiots who were making fun of some political type up there. They said that this person was "a cancer". They laughed and the governor laughed with them. This person is a cancer survivor. My wife heard that and she got very angry. She said she hopes that they get cancer. I have never heard her say anything like that before.

Hey Tommy, what about it? Why are some people just so fuckin' stupid.....

Coffee.

2008-08-25T07:41:00.006-05:00

I was thinking about something. I try to avoid thinking when I can. It usually turns out not so good. When I think that is.

I'm working second shift this week. Four to midnight. It started yesterday at 0500. I'm covering for a guy on vacation. He works Sunday through Thursday. Starts at 0500 on Sunday then 4 to 12 the rest of the week. Right now I'm going to go outside and have coffee and a cigarette.

I had two cigarettes. It was a big cup of coffee.

This is not a political blog. I'm really bothered by the Olympics in China. I'm glad it's over. When I was eighteen President Carter declared that boycott of the Olympics in Moscow because the Soviets invaded Afghanistan. I thought that was a good idea. I don't understand why we now have to support China while they continue to abuse their own people, pollute the planet, poison our dogs and children with their tainted products, and take all of our jobs away from us. It just bothers me. I think it has more to do with money than anything else. I'm brilliant. I figured that all on my own. American business puts greed before what's right for this country.

A few months back Senator Obama said he would send troops into Pakistan to get Bin Laden if he knew for a fact that he was there. He was criticized for saying that. I want to know why. Why shouldn't we do what we have to do? Why do we worry so very much about annoying Pakistan? What do we care what Pakistan thinks? If Pakistan won't do the right thing then we need to do it for ourselves.

I am so sure that our country has within the ranks of our military more than a few really tough people who could get that job done.

I've been thinking about Senator McCain. He's a guy I've always respected. I don't respect him as much these days. I don't mean to sound disrespectful. I still respect his service to this country. I still think he's a good guy on so many levels. I don't know him personally, I'm talking about publicly. You know what I mean. I will say this. I would not want to tangle with John McCain, like in a bar fight or something. I don't care if he's seventy-two. I think he's probably a very tough man. I also think that if he does not win the election he will stand up and support the President. I don't think he will be petty and selfish about it. I don't think he'll act like the Clintons have acted towards Obama.

I think that it's time to take it away from the whole sixties generation. I'm tired of all of it. I also think that if Senator Obama wins it will really annoy the crap out of so many people. I really like that idea. I should say that I also really like the thought of Obama losing, and how that would annoy the crap out of so many other people. Blogger spell check keeps telling me that I'm spelling Obama wrong. His name keeps coming up in bright yellow highlights. I think that's a sign.

So I've been thinking. I've made up my mind and I'm going to vote for Senator Obama for President..........Wow. Better alert the press. Some idiot with a blog just endorsed Senator Obama for President.......See what I mean about thinking?

Hey Tommy. I know, it's stupid. But I didn't say cancer or chemo even one time.........
Damn!

Yeah. It's time for more coffee.

Like It Is.

2008-08-24T15:16:00.002-05:00

It's like this. I've been out in the shade once or twice. Bent the rules. Snapped the rules in half. I do not judge people. At least I try real hard not to judge other people. When a guy like John Edwards holds himself out to the rest of us as some kind blue collar hero who swept the floors at the mill and went on to college so that he could reach back and lift us all up where we belong. When a guy like John Edwards turns out to be just another slick player who should at least give us a reach around if he can't reach back. Well, that just pisses me off.

The nurses who work in "The Chemo Room" call it Kool-Aid. They call the chemo Kool-Aid. My wife can't drink any red juice. She can't eat red yogurt. Strawberry was her favorite, the kind with the fruit on the bottom. Red is the color of the chemo that is injected into the port on the front of her right shoulder. The syringe looks like a turkey baster with a six-penny nail on the end. They shoot the Kool-Aid into her with that.

I knew this guy once. He was one of the cops I worked with. He cheated on his wife a lot. He was pathological about it. He was a serial cheater. His wife was so nice. She was pretty and sweet. She was the mother of this guy's children. What a surprise, a cop who cheats on his wife. I never really liked that guy. It had less to do with him cheating on his wife, it was more like, you just knew you couldn't trust him. He was the guy who would give you up in a second to save his own ass.

My wife is crashing right now. You really can't call it sleeping. It's a crash. Her hair fell out weeks ago. Her eyelashes started falling out shortly after that. Her eyebrows are going now. Our younger daughter called them "eyebrellas" when she was little.

I knew this other guy. He was a cop too. He cheated on his wife once. She found out about it and swung a golf club up and into his groin. I bet that hurt. He was so worried that she'd do it again that he had his two brothers go with him to move his stuff out of the house. His grandmother was going to rent him an apartment in the three-family house that she owned. When his grandmother found out why his wife had cracked him in the nards with a golf club and thrown him out of the house, she said he couldn't live in her building. When he told me about the whole situation I laughed. He had it coming to him and he knew it. I still trusted him.

On TV and in the movies they always show the chemo patient hooked to an IV. In my wife's case the IV comes before the chemo. It's the IV that takes the longest, up to an hour or more. There is no chemo in that IV. That IV has four different types of anti-chemo-symptom type drugs on board. The chemo, or Kool-Aid in a turkey baster comes last. At least that's how it is in my wife's case. Everybody is different. Everybody receives different treatment and it all depends on any number of variables.

It's like this. I am not some kind flawless character. I've got flaws as big as the friggin' Grand Canyon in some places. I can say that I have never harmed anyone who didn't really have it coming to them, like self defense. I can also say that I've never played those kind of games, like those guys I was telling you about. Or like John Edwards.

Fewer than five-percent of the more than one hundred thousand woman who are diganosed with breast cancer each year are under forty years old. My wife is thirty-nine. She's a Stage Two at least. It's already been found in her Lymph Nodes and that's not good.

Do Overs.

2008-08-23T10:44:00.003-05:00

I would take that back if I could. That last post, I would take it back. I was feeling sorry for myself and it shows. I won't be riding off any bridges. I wouldn't do that to my girls.

She had chemo again yesterday. The last of this type of chemo. In three weeks she goes in for an Electrocardiogram. Not sure I spelled that right. A week after that she goes back to begin the next round of chemo. It will be a different type of chemo. She will have four chemo sessions, one every three weeks just like this last time.

Monday she has to report for an injection. Friday she has to report for weekly lab work. It's not like she ever gets a break from all this stuff.

I love her more than ever. I respect her strength and drive. She doesn't think she's strong. She is very strong.

John Edwards is an asshole. I'm not judging the guy. I'm just saying how it is.

Untitled.

2008-08-10T15:31:00.002-05:00

My wife said her time here will be shortened. She said even if she comes out of this chemo and beats this cancer, the chemo alone will shorten her time here with us. I did not want to hear that. I told her that if she leaves me alone with the kids and the dogs then I'll make sure the girls get through college and the dogs live as long as they are meant to live. Then I'm going to follow her.

I figure I'll get my hands on an old Shovelhead, maybe some rigid frame bar hopper. I'll ride around the country for a few months. I'll find myself an open ended bridge with a real long drop. I will have to hit some biker bars and scare up a big fat joint because I promised myself years ago that I will get stoned at least one more time before I die.

So I'll smoke that joint and wash it down with an icy cold six-pack of Coor's before I hit that open ended bridge with the throttle buried and those straight pipes screaming.

Now if she leaves us when the girls are older and there are grandchildren involved, well I'll have to stick around for the grandchildren. I'll have to make sure they know all about their grandmother.

Not Coor's Light. Regular Coor's in the yellow cans. Light beer, that would be a sin.

220/99

2008-08-07T20:31:00.002-05:00

If you drive north on Route 220/I99 from Bedford Pennsylvania towards Altoona, you will find yourself on a long downhill stretch around the Inman exit. If you look out your driver side, look out and off to the left you will see a picture as pretty as any painting.

The valley rolls north and south. The hills off to the west. It's something you just have to see. I don't know why that one particular spot seems to have captured me so. I drive through there pulling my fifty-three at least twice a month.

This guy I know at one of the big stores I deliver to in Pittsburgh, his son just enlisted. This guy I know is pretty shaken up about it and I don't blame him. It's times like these, I'm glad I have daughters who show no interest in enlisting.

This guy I know, his kid is going Airborne.

Flat Track. Dirt.

2008-08-03T11:34:00.004-05:00

Went to the races last night. My buddy called and asked me if I wanted to go. The local track is not too far from here. I am not a big NASCAR fan but I do like the flat dirt track racing. It's all local guys, a couple of girls too. They run several different classes at the track. The Late Model Modified class is always the best.

We got there in time to get good seats. We each had a blanket to roll up and sit on. The old school hardwood stadium style benches are not very comfortable. We got some chili dogs, burgers and fries before we settled in to wait for the first heat. We both like to eat before the races start. The good greasy food is better without the gritty taste of flying dirt in the air. If you have ever gone to see dirt track racing you know what I mean.

The sun was setting off to our left in the crystal clear Western Pennsylvania sky. It was a perfect evening for the races. Not too hot and not too humid. We like to sit dead center in the front stretch. The American flag at the top of the racing official's stand where they wave the green and yellow and white and checkered racing flags sits just slightly to our left and about twenty-five yards in front of us.

I looked around at the crowd. I looked at the families who were all together to enjoy this experience. This so very American experience. A moment of silence was called for as we all stood up at the track announcer's request. The moment of silence was for the local volunteer fire department chief who had recently passed away. On the edge of the track stood about twelve members of the fire department, all visibly shaken by this loss. The National Anthem followed.

The announcer asked that hats be removed. I noticed a big biker guy who removed his bandanna from his head with his left hand, slapping his right hand smartly against his chest while he assumed the position of attention. A veteran for sure......America.

After the National Anthem played over the speakers that line the bleachers the announcer made some public service announcements. A Poker Run is to be held in a couple of weeks. The proceeds to benefit a local active duty Green Beret who suffered extensive burns. The poker run is sponsored by a local Nam Vet motorcycle club. The same club is also raising money for the family of a little girl who is suffering from some rare bone disease. The money is to help defray the costs of travel for the family who can't afford the gas to take her to and from her many appointments.....The Beautiful.

The sun began to set, turning the few white clouds a golden orange while the flag continued to wave in the steady breeze that came from the west. The breeze that would help coat all present with dirt and dust from the track once the races began.

The races were good. Lots of action and no one got hurt. For a few hours I was able to think about something other than the cancer that lives inside my wife. The cancer that the Chemo is attacking while it attacks every other living cell in her body. I feel quite fortunate that we do not have to be the recipients of good will, like the Green Beret and the Little Girl. We have good insurance and the money I earn driving the semi combined with my cop pension is seeing us through.

Hey Tommy. That goldfish, Al. He's doing great man. My wife and our younger daughter bought two more little guys to keep him company. We named one of them Mezzo. It's a name from one of the Japanese cartoons our Younger Baby Girl is so fond of. The other new fish I named. I named him Spot.

Swaying Still.

2008-07-10T21:14:00.001-05:00

Sunday, 06 July.

The sun went down and the wind picked up. She opened the front door to let the cool breeze roll through the house. I opened the kitchen door at the back of the house. We turned all the first floor lights off, didn't want to attract moths and other flying night bugs. The front door has a screen, the door at the back of the house did have a sliding screen door at one time. The dogs ran through it one day breaking not only the screen itself but the aluminium frame as well.

I stood by the open door as the rain began. She joined me there in the dark and cool kitchen. The only light we had came from the garden lights outside. The little kitchen radio was on like it always is. Nora Jones was singing something about "come away with me". We held on to each other. It was one of those moments you get every now and then. It was one of those very real moments.

We did not dance because we don't really dance. We just sort of swayed in that cool, dark, sweet rain driven summer breeze.

Hey Tommy. The goldfish died but me and the younger baby girl, we went and got another one. We named the new one Alphonse. We just call him Al.

Goldfish. And A Low White Cell Count.

2008-07-03T17:34:00.003-05:00

We had this goldfish once. He was eleven years old and almost a foot long when he died. My wife got him when she was seventeen. We kept him in the freezer for a few months, after he passed away. We were going to have him mounted. We had no idea that taxidermy was so expensive.

A few months ago we decided to try again. We got a little fish bowl and a little feeder goldfish up at Wal-Mart. Two fish came and went. Our girls went up to Wal-Mart one day and picked the third one out. The fish they picked out jumped from the net when the guy went to scoop him out of the tank. After the fish was retrieved from the polished Wal-Mart floor our girls decided that he was the one.

He's only about an inch, maybe inch and a half long. My wife named him Wardley. He jumped out of the fish bowl onto the table one day. He jumped out of the fish bowl and landed behind the buffet after that. My wife noticed he was missing. No fish in the fish bowl. Our older daughter and my wife found him on the floor behind the buffet. He was dusty but still alive. She decided to name him Tank Wardley. We put aluminium foil with holes poked in it over the bowl, then we decided to buy a small aquarium. Tank Wardley is tough. Tank Wardley just might be the one.

We purchased a five gallon hexagonal shaped aquarium last weekend. It's up and running with it's integral in the lid filter complete with bio-wheel. Tank Wardley still didn't seem like he was doing as well as we had expected. Today I changed all the water out. I changed all the gravel and replaced the filter cartridge. I added an under gravel air stone hooked up to a little air pump that my wife purchased after her weekly labs and blood work this afternoon. I put Tank Wardley back in his new and improved aquatic environment. The water is properly treated to neutralize any chlorine and I let the system cycle for a couple hours before putting him back. He seems to be doing a little better. He has an obvious eye injury from his fall behind the buffet but he ate well. The bubbler seems to be good for him. He seems to be enjoying it.

The hospital called before my wife returned this afternoon. The hospital said her white cell count is very low. It's the chemo that does that. I asked them how low. They said like one point five. I asked them what it should be. They said like fifteen. They said they would treat her if her count was a five. I asked them how do they treat this. They said antibiotics, just in case. They said she should rest. They called in a prescription and I just now returned from picking it up.

Her hair is starting to fall out. A little at a time. She had a handful come out in the shower yesterday. She's noticing more hair than usual in the brush and on her shoulders. She has a nice wig and some other things like scarves and a halo that goes under the scarves or a hat. She's as ready as she can be. She's going to cry when it's time to use the clipper. I know she's going to cry because any woman would cry.

I've had lots of overtime lately. I had this past Monday off with pay because it was my birthday. The outfit I work for does that. They give you your birthday off with pay. I have tomorrow, the Fourth of July off with pay as well. I had a very easy trip today. I was done at 1100 hours. I punched my card and left. The overtime will more than cover the few hours lost. I was going to go to labs with my wife. She told me not to. She told me to take a nap because I needed it. I did need the nap. It was a good nap. She's going through all of this and she tells me to take a nap. My wife is the best.

Hey Tommy. I sure hope that goldfish makes it.

First Time.

2008-06-24T16:29:00.003-05:00

First times. We don't get many of those. First times are often memorable. This Friday past my wife had CHEMO for the first time. (actually two Fridays ago)

Her father drove out from Jersey so he could take her to her first chemo session. He went through it last year, he knows from chemo.

It's strange how they have bonded over this. Chemo shared.

Friday night, when it was all over and I had returned from work we all sat out on the patio. My father-in-law had prepared his world famous potato salad. He also brought a ten pound roll of Taylor Ham and some of the best kielbasi you have ever tasted. The kielbasi is from a Polish butcher down in Garfield, New Jersey.

We fired up the grill. Did I mention that he also brought a twelve pack of beer?

I have to finish this later. My brain don't work so good these days.

Okay. I'm finishing this now. It's Saturday, June 28th and I'm finishing this post.

Hey Tommy. Better late than never, huh bro?

No Reason.

2008-06-18T20:34:00.003-05:00

What a friggin' week this has been. It's only Wednesday. The Mutt got fixed. He wasn't broken but he got fixed. He has a cone. He's pissed off.

My wife had a CAT SCAN and a BONE SCAN today. She had to drink the dye last night and again this morning. She had to drive herself because I had to work. Her father arrives tomorrow afternoon. He will take her to her first Chemo session on Friday. She's sleeping right now. Me and the Baby Girls are cleaning up around here some.

Five hours overtime so far this week. I'll get two more hours O.T. tomorrow. I'm a little tired but that's okay. I cried in the truck today. I was pulling up a big hill in fourth gear. Flashers on, riding in the far right truck lane. I just started crying like a little friggin' idiot for no reason at all. Well, I have reasons. It's just that the truck is not the place to cry.

Of Alpine Trucking and Cancer.

2008-06-12T17:18:00.003-05:00

Can't believe it's been almost a month since I last wrote anything. I have over sixty e-mails in my in box. Been busy. Driving full time now. Pittsburgh runs in the wee hours. Pittsburgh runs during the day. The early morning runs are better. It's quiet. No traffic.

A Johnstown run last week ran on for over fifteen hours. I broke down on 422 and had to wait for three hours. They brought me a different tractor and hauled the first one back to The Dock. I went on from there to make my three stops. After my last stop I had to head down to Roaring Spring and pick up a full load of spring water. Twenty-two pallets, twenty-eight cases per pallet, six gallons per case. That was a heavy load. Low and slow back up the mountain on 220/99 to exit 28. Route 22 west from there.

I'm making good money these days. Better than I was at least. Last check included over three hundred dollars in overtime, plus my straight forty hour rate. This check will be about the same. It's a good thing, the overtime, with my wife unable to work these days. Medical bills are close to a hundred thousand over the last ten months when this all started. The insurance is covering most of it. I have no idea what we'll have to lay out yet. Time will tell I'm sure. I'm really not too worried about that. If I don't have it, they ain't gettin' it.

They installed a port for the chemo in her chest yesterday. It sits more on the front of her right shoulder than on her chest. It hurts her. She's not happy about this. I guess the chemo starts next week some time. We'll find out on Monday. The insurance company said they will pay up to five hundred dollars for a wig but it has to come from a medical supply place. Every medical supply place we have called so far does not carry wigs. The insurance company said that a wig is considered a prosthetic device so it has to come from a medical supplier. How friggin' stupid is that? I guess that's the "Catch-22" for the insurance people.

Six months of chemotherapy. That's what is happening now. Six months. I installed an A/C unit in the living room last weekend. I cut a hole in the wall, framed it out and trimmed it up real nice. At least she can be comfortable, temperature and all. I put one in our bedroom and one in the upstairs bathroom too. The upstairs bathroom in this drafty old house is very large. It was actually a kitchen at one time. We always just had one window unit and we would put it in the guest room. The guest room is an extra room we have, it has no bed but we have air mattresses. Anyway, the girls would crash in there on really hot nights. That unit is now in our room and the girls can crash in the living room if they want to sleep with the air on.

Last night I had the midnight Pittsburgh run. Fox Chapel Community Market is the first stop. After that I follow the river north to the Purple Bridge. Up the hill and turn right at the S&T bank by the flashing light, just across from Oakmont Country Club. Down the hill, wind around and turn right into the lot for the Verona Community Market. Unload and pull away from the dock. The dock at that store is in pretty bad shape. The lot is a big mud hole and it's a tight cut to back in. Always glad to get that one out of the way. Fox Chapel is harder to back into but at least the lot is paved. Community Market in Verona, that's where I usually hang for a few minutes and eat my lunch. Last night was nice and cool. It was a nice lunch.

Wind back around. Wind back up the hill. Last night I had to stop at the top because a coal train was passing. I set the brakes and lit a cigarette. I was thinking how cool would it be to listen to some jazz while the coal train passes. Instead I had Toby Keith singing about "she's a hottie". I turned the radio off and listened to the train. It was better than "she's a hottie". Now I like Toby Keith. I just don't think that's one of his better songs. So the train passes and it's under the overpass and back up the blinking light. Hang a right and Jake all the way down the big long hill towards 366. Next stop, Community Market in Lower Burrell. That's an easy dock to back into. It's an easy stop all the way around. Head towards Tarentum and the other river. Cross that bridge looking towards Natrona but stay on 56 to 28 north.

Hit the highway runnin'. Music crankin', coffee sloshing all over the dash while I light a cigarette and run her up through all the gears with my right foot on the floor. The forty-eight foot trailer is much lighter now. Now it's fun to drive, less like work. Say goodbye to Pittsburgh as the sun comes blazing through the windshield. Flip the visor down. Start thinking about a good place to take a nap 'cause I got some time to kill.

It's a living. Somebody has to do it.

More News.

2008-05-16T15:12:00.004-05:00

Doctor called me yesterday. My wife was sleeping. I got home from work around 1815hrs. The phone rang and it was her doctor, the Surgeon/Oncologist guy. He said they found more cancer in one of her Lymph Nodes. He said it's not that bad. They found it in the Sentinel Node and one other Auxiliary Node. He also said they found Invasive Cancer in the remaining breast tissue on her breast that they removed two weeks ago. Remaining because she already had a Lumpectomy done on that breast last fall. I forgot to ask him about the left breast tissue, they removed that one too. I guess if they found something there he would have told me about that.

The doctor said they got it all. The doctor said nothing has changed. She will start Chemotherapy in a few weeks. The doctor said it all looks good, for now.

I didn't know how to tell her. I just told her straight out. She was actually relieved. I didn't understand. Why would she be relieved to find out that she actually had an Invasive Cancer hiding like a sniper, camouflaged amongst the DCIS? She told me why. It makes sense when you think about it.

When they found cancer in her Sentinel Node after the biopsy they did a couple weeks before the double mastectomy, they said they didn't understand why it would be there. They said that DCIS does not do that. DCIS does not "travel". She was worried because it was an unknown. Now it's a known. It's a known and they got it all. Her most excellent Surgeon/Oncologist got it with his scalpel. Now, just to make sure, another doctor will nuke that bastard Cancer with Chemotherapy. The other doctor is a Medical Oncologist.

On Friday, 16MAY08 around 0915 hrs. I was standing on the loading dock at a grocery store called Pechin's in Conelsville. It's on 119 just south of town. Actually, I think it's in Durbin. The Nurse called me on my Trac phone. The Nurse is our primary contact with the Surgeon/Oncologist. She apologized for calling me at work. I told her not to worry about it. The guys from Pechin's were unloading about one thousand cases of stuff that was all stacked and shrink wrapped on pallets from the back of my forty-eight foot trailer. They have to check everything in while they unload. Basically, I just stand around for two hours while they do this.

The Nurse said that they were scheduling her an appointment with the Medical Oncologist. She also said they were scheduling her an appointment with a Pain Management Specialist. She said that Pain Management may also include some therapy to help her deal with all this. The Nurse said she is mailing two more prescriptions for the pain killers that my wife needs while she recovers from this surgery.

Hey Tommy. I'm good. I don't need therapy. You know how that goes. I just drive my big truck all around this Western and Central Pennsylvania. It's a great detail. Nobody bothers me. I'm my own boss. I get overtime and I'm home every night. I usually start at 0430, maybe 05. Two days a week it's 0830 hauling produce. I'm home between 1430 and 1800 hours, depending on the day. I don't even listen to the radio. I turn the stupid CB off. The CB is usually just full of guys who like to hear themselves talk and they talk about nothing at all related to road conditions. No man, I just think while I drive. It's all good on my end brother.

Hey Tommy. Man, I have got to tell you about this place where I run produce. It's called Whyte's Comet Market. It's right on the Allegheny River in Parker. On the west side of the river just ten miles from exit 42 off I80. It's the coolest store man. They got the nicest people working there. The fishing is great, or so I've been told. Maybe I'll find out for myself one day.

Check.

2008-05-14T13:23:00.005-05:00

We took a ride down to Pittsburgh this morning. The doctor removed the drains. I could see a noticeable difference on her face. She looks so much better without those two foot long plastic tubes that look like air pump lines from a fish tank with little clear hand grenades hanging off the end sticking out of her body. Two on each side.

We went to Ritter's Diner around the corner to celebrate. She has not been anywhere in two weeks, other than the patio behind our house. She was so happy she almost cried. She is sleeping now. She needs to sleep.

I don't know if I mentioned this before. Two weeks ago, on 01MAY08, when I had to leave Pittsburgh after taking her to the hospital for the double mastectomy. I stopped at Ritter's for breakfast and coffee to get me back home. When I was at Ritter's I had to utilize the facilities. I walked through the two way swinging door at the end of the counter to the rear of the diner and turned right to enter the Men's Room. The Men's Room at Ritter's consists of one stall located to the left as you enter. A sink stands to the right of the stall and two urinals are mounted to the wall to the right of that sink. The first urinal, the one closest to the sink, is much closer to the ground than the second urinal. The first urinal I suppose is placed at the proper height for small children, midgets and maybe the handicapped. The second urinal seems to be set for the average adult male, height. I'm talking height here.

So on that Thursday two weeks ago, as I stood in front of that second urinal I looked up the ceiling for no reason at all. On the ceiling directly above was one word scribbled in pencil. Keep in mind that the Men's Room at Ritter's is not littered with graffiti. That one word that I saw written on the ceiling above me was;

HOPE

I saw it there again this morning. I saw the word HOPE looking back down at me.

Hey Tommy. I don't know man. I do know that it makes me feel better. I mean, HOPE. Who can argue with that?...........................No word on those biopsy results yet. We do know they found cancer in the Sentinel Node, that's why they removed all of the Lymph Nodes in that cluster. They said it would take about a week to get those results. They said that almost two weeks ago. I'm holding on to what I saw above me in that latrine at Ritter's Diner in Pittsburgh. I'm holding on to that real hard.

Five Mayonnaise.

2008-05-07T11:12:00.004-05:00

I brought her home on Monday. She's been doing better with time. Today we have a Visiting Nurse here in our drafty old house. She's with her right now. The older baby girl is with them too. It's time for the dressings to be changed. Nurse says it all looks good. One week from today she will have the drains removed. The older baby girl will drive her to Pittsburgh for her 0845 scheduled appointment. I was transferred to day shift starting next week, I can't take her.

Day shift down on The Dock starts at 0600. For trailer drivers, like me, it starts at all different times. It depends on the run you get for that day. I will probably be heading to Pittsburgh at 0400 several days a week. That's fine with me. Day shift trailer drivers get Lots-O-Overtime.

So we have to empty the drains twice a day. Four tubes, each attached to a plastic squishy bottle that resembles a hand grenade in both shape and almost in size. Difference is this. You squeeze these balls.

(I know, I know. I could have said that better.)

Anyway, you squeeze them and they create a vacuum that helps the drains, well, drain. When you empty these things out you have to measure the amount fluid in each one and record same. They are designated "A" through "D". She will be very happy when they are gone.

I have to go for now. I will continue this later. 1225hrs. 06MAY08.

It's now Friday, 09MAY08. 1240hrs.

She's sleeping. I'm tired. I will sleep on the weekend. I start day shift on Monday. Have to alter my sleep patterns accordingly. It's all good. I'm going to to take a personal day on Wednesday, 14MAY08. I willl take her to Pittsburgh to have the drains removed. She asked me if I could do that. She worries about the girls.

A View?

2008-05-04T07:38:00.002-05:00

It's Sunday morning coming down. I love that song. 0839 hours. 04MAY08. My wife just called. She said they might give her a private room. She said they might give her a room with a view. I asked her how that happened. She said she doesn't know. She said they came in to her semi-private room with no window about an hour ago. They just asked her if she'd like a nicer room.

She's in pain. A lot of pain. She says she feels "slaughtered". She's got stitches everywhere. Stitches in the front. Stitches in the back. Stitches on both sides. She was crying on the phone last night. She still does not want me to come and see her. I'm thinking maybe I'll go anyway.

Hey Tommy. I don't know nothin' about that. It's just good timin' I guess. I mean just last night she's sayin' how she walked around a little bit. She was sayin' how they got all these nice rooms on her floor, with windows and flat screen TV's. She was just sayin' how some of those rooms are empty and how her little room at the end of the hall is so small and it has no windows. All of the sudden maybe they're thinkin' about givin' her a nicer room. It's funny how that stuff happens, you know? Yeah, like I was sayin'. I don't know nothin' about that. Maybe prayers do get answered directly sometimes. Maybe you just got to say it the right way.

This Post.

2008-05-03T16:25:00.006-05:00

I don't know what to call this post. I think I'll call it "This Post". That works for me. I don't know why a post needs a name. I guess it just does. I'm going to fill in the title box now.

There, now I feel better. The younger baby girl came with me to the grocery store today. We bought a six pack of IBC Black Cherry Soda. We like the Root Beer and the Cream Soda from IBC, we have never tried the Black Cherry. I was carrying the six pack of IBC Black Cherry into the house. I was holding it by the carry handle so conveniently located at the top of the cardboard IBC six pack container. The handle broke. The six pack of IBC Black Cherry Soda landed upside down. All six bottles of IBC Black Cherry Soda broke. All six of the twelve ounce bottles deposited their contents of IBC Black Cherry Soda on the patio. It was sad, watching the IBC Black Cherry Soda run across the concrete, mixing with the light rain that was falling at the time. I stood there with the cardboard handle still in hand. It was all so very Hitchcockian.

****************************

May Day; Revisited.

So the doctors called me on Thursday. The first doctor called at around two-thirty in the afternoon. He said the first part of the operation went well. No complications. He said the second surgeon was working on her. The reconstruction team was on the job. The second doctor called me on my cell phone, well it's a TRAC FONE just for emergencies. Anyway, the second doctor called me a little bit after five on Thursday afternoon. I was down at The Dock for my regular shift. We are not supposed to use cell phones unless on a scheduled break but this was different. The Foreman knew I was waiting for these calls. I was back in the racks when the call came in. The second doctor said his part all went well too. No complications. He said she'd be in recovery for about four hours and he gave me the phone number for the recovery room. I called the recovery room on my lunch break, they said she was already moved to a regular room and doing well. The nurses in the area where they moved her said she was sleeping. I figured that was good and I'd talk to her in the morning.

Friday morning I take the younger baby girl to school. The older baby girl is still sleeping and my wife called at around eight-thirty. She sounded good. She said she was hungry. We talked for a few minutes. I ran up to Radio Shack and got the stuff I needed to hook up the stereo to the computer so we can play streaming audio and all that good stuff through the stereo. I had to pull some wire through the basement because the stereo and the computer are in different rooms. I got it all done before I went to work. Now when she comes home from the hospital she can listen to her favorite radio station. KBXR 102.3 Columbia Missouri. She really likes Simon Rose, this British guy who's on the air at BXR from two through seven (CST) on weekdays. My wife has always been a sucker for a British or a Scottish accent. She likes that Craig Ferguson guy too.

I put in my time down The Dock and got home about fifteen minutes before midnight. We start at three on Fridays. No sooner had I walked in the door and the phone rang. It was my wife. She was upset. We talked for almost an hour. Her hospital room has no windows. Now I'm not a doctor but I would think that kind of lock down situation has got to mess with a person. It can't be good for your soul if you can't even look out the window. I'm not complaining, they are taking good care of her. I just think every hospital room should have a window. She said they were concerned about the bleeding. She has these drains in her, two on each side. She said the doctors were concerned, the blood seemed to be draining faster than normal. At one in the morning they came into her room to give her a transfusion. We had to end our phone call at that time.

This morning she says that the bleeding slowed way down. It's all under control. We have spoken several times today. At one point she told me they took her off the morphine IV drip thing. She said they were giving her pills now. The next time we talked she asked me to call her doctor and tell him that she needed stronger pain killers for when she comes home. I only heard the first part. I thought she was saying that she needed stronger pain killers right now. I didn't hear the part about when she comes home. She was basing this request on the prescription they gave her almost two weeks ago when she had the biopsy done on her Sentinel Lymph Node. She was saying that now, after the bilateral mastectomy, now it hurts a lot worse so she would like to have stronger pain killers.

So I call the doctor and get his service. I tell the service that I just need a minute of the doctor's time. He calls back in like ten minutes and wants to know if the nurses are taking care of my wife and giving her the pain killers. I said yes, the nurses are taking real good care of her and that she just wanted some stronger medication and, oh boy. Did I screw that all up.

So the doctor starts telling me that my wife has to talk to the nurses and that he cant' be going to her room to give her a pill and,...... AAAAAHHHHH!......THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID..... I wanted to scream but I didn't. So he says he's going to her room to see her and see what he could do. I call her right back and let her know that he's coming down to her room to check things out. I guess he did that. I guess it's all good now.

I have to be honest here. I don't really care if some nurse thought I was complaining. I don't care if the doctor thinks I'm complaining. All I care about is my wife and what's best for her. I would be there if I could. We live pretty far from Pittsburgh and I have to work. We have kids and dogs and birds who all need to be taken care of. I don't need to be losing hours at my job and losing money from my paycheck at this point in time when my wife is not able to work because she has cancer and just had her breasts removed and will need chemotherapy and who knows what else by the time this is all said and done. If those people at the hospital in Pittsburgh can't understand that, if they can't understand that it's a little bit hard to be the concerned spouse and advocate for my wife while she goes through all of this on her own because I have to be here to hold the fort down and work so we can pay our bills. If those people can't cut us just a little bit of slack here then shame on them.

Hey Tommy. I have to run bro. I have to put some stuff in the dryer and go to the store to get some IBC Black Cherry Soda............Yeah buddy I know. Right about now I'm talkin' too much.

May Day. Today. D-Day. The Day.

2008-05-01T12:30:00.005-05:00

Finished up work down at The Dock at 0030 hours. After a shave and a shower, some eggs and lots of coffee, we left for Pittsburgh at 0340. We arrived at 0510. They checked her in. I stayed with her until they threw me out.

I went around the corner to Ritter's Diner and stuffed myself on corn beef hash, eggs over easy, home fries, sausage and rye toast. More coffee and coffee to go. A Rocket Fuel Breakfast.

Left Ritter's at 0725. Drove back up South Aiken and hung a left at Fifth. Washington Boulevard (Rt. 8) back to the Highland Park Bridge then north on 28 with the classic rock blasting over the radio through the two good speakers in my old Jeep.

Heart. "Crazy On You". The long play album version with that great acoustic intro took me past The Mills. The Wilson sisters. Damn. Is there guy my age out there who didn't have teenage dreams about the Wilson Sisters? And Stevie Nicks too.

Route 85. South Mahoning Township, Indiana County. Is that house teal? It looks like a swimming pool. Maybe it's me. I'm tired. Those hills sure are pretty. Rolling, like waves. When the dandelions turn to seed it will look like white caps on those waves.

Journey. "Wheel In The Sky". And it keeps on turning. Loud obnoxious morning drive adds and sports updates that I care nothing about. I need music to keep my brain from spinning out of control. The Seek Button. Three clicks and Steely Dan. That's better.

Got home and slept for a couple hours. Called the hospital for an update at 1300 hours. I had to give them my P.I.N. for patient information. She's still in surgery.

1410 hours. Her surgeon just called me. He's done with his part and the plastic surgeon's team is now on the job doing their reconstruction thing. The doctor who just called, the main doctor, oncologist/surgeon said everything went well. No surprises. She's been on the operating table for well over six hours now. The doctor said it will be a couple more hours before it's done. The doctor said that the biopsy results of the remaining lymph nodes that he removed this morning will take about a week to come back. He said he didn't see anything obvious.

I need more coffee. I need a hell of a lot more coffee. I'm going to go drink as much coffee as I can between now and 1510 hours when I pick the younger baby girl up at the bus stop. The older baby girl is at work. She will be home before I leave for work. The doctor will call me at work or on my cell phone.

I will go back to Pittsburgh tomorrow morning to bring her some things that she will need for her stay at the hospital. She will be knocked out until tomorrow anyway. I'll take the girls down to see her over the weekend. She should be able to come back home on Monday.

Always.

Results.

2008-04-25T10:03:00.005-05:00

The doctor called.

Wednesday night, 23 April. I was at work and I called home on my lunch break. She said the doctor called at seven o'clock. The doctor said the Sentinel Node Biopsy results came back positive. the doctor said he was very surprised. The doctor said that nothing indicates an invasive cancer, except the Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy. The doctor said they found a tumor inside the Sentinel Node. The doctor said this will add an hour or more to her upcoming scheduled surgery. The doctor said she will need Chemotherapy.

She was shocked. She cried. Chemo scares her more than the cancer itself. She saw what it did to her father. She did not cry when she was on the phone with me. She asked me if I was okay. I lied and said I was.

I was still on my lunch break so I went outside off The Dock and sat in my old Jeep. I put the radio on and listened to some jazz on 90.5 DUQ Pittsburgh. The music came through the two good speakers that still work in that good old Jeep. I drank a cold can of Pepsi and smoked a couple cigarettes.

The doctors all said that hers was a case of very early detection. The doctors all said that it was so wonderful, they were going to be able to treat her without Chemotherapy. The doctors all said. The doctors should know, they are all very good doctors and experts in their chosen fields. The doctors all work at The Hillman Cancer Center, and the big UPMC hospitals down in Pittsburgh. The doctors all said. The doctors were wrong and they don't know why.

My wife is no longer a very lucky woman who was diagnosed with stage zero D.C.I.S.. My wife is now a woman who has cancer that has spread and the doctors don't know why. She is a stage two or three at this point. We will find out more on Monday.

Last night we sat and talked when I got home from work at around one in the morning. We each had a beer. That is unusual for us, to have a beer during the work week. She wanted to say some things. She wanted to talk about what would happen if she doesn't make it. I did not want to talk about that. It was not up to me. She made me promise that I would be there for the girls. Of course I will. She made me promise that I would move on with my life so that they would move on as well. I told her that the older baby girl is going away to college in the fall like she planned. I told her that I would sell the house and quit my job if I had to. I told her I could rent something and live off my cop pension and be home for the younger baby girl. You can still do that around here. You can rent something affordable if you have to. The Greed Monger Yuppie Scum From Hell have not ruined this Blue Collar Paradise, yet.

Her mind is spinning. I guess it would. Her thoughts are all over the place. She is going to teach me her book keeping methods, and how she pays the bills. I'm going to have to take that over, for now at least. She has a long road ahead of her. Recovering from surgery, then the Chemotherapy that will kill her as it cures her. I am going to have to step up to the plate like I never have before. I am going to have to be as strong as she is. Real strength, not just my stupid guy kind of strength. I can't ride a Harley and make this all better, if I still had a Harley. I can't jump out of a perfectly good aircraft and fix this. There is nothing in my toolbox that will help. I have to be like her. I have to face this honestly.

I want to say the moon was out. I don't remember if it was. I want to say I saw a sign. I don't remember if I did. I want to say my prayers are being answered. I don't know if they are.

Hey Tommy. The calender hanging on the kitchen wall here in this drafty old house says today is Good Friday............Pretty funny, huh bro?...........

Primary.

2008-04-19T10:54:00.001-05:00

I can't believe this. I wrote this killer post and blogger was "unable to complete this request" when I hit the "publish" button. My killer post is gone. It's lost, adrift in cyberspace. I will miss that post. It was really very funny. It was the funniest thing ever written in the entire history of the world. Of course you can't deny that it was because it's gone now. You will just have to take my word for it.

Senator Clinton woke me this morning. I have decided to vote for Senator Obama because he never woke me up on a Saturday morning after I worked all week second shift plus overtime.

I hate this whole primary thing.

Hey Tommy. If you happen to see my killer post out there somewhere, send it back to me before it gets lonely and scared.

Slim.

2008-04-15T09:21:00.003-05:00

So I'm sitting here at UPMC Shadyside. My wife is in surgery. Not the big surgery. The Sentinel Node Biopsy. Sometimes called the Mother Node, it is located by injecting a dye into the bloodstream. If cancer is present in the Mother Node, that's bad. If cancer is not detected in the Mother Node, that's very good.

I'm in the Family Lounge in Posner Tower at Shadyside. They have two computers here for our use. I have a flashing pager, the kind they use at restaurants. The pager will activate when it's time for me to report to the desk. They paged me earlier, just before they wheeled her away. I gave her a kiss and I tasted like coffee. She was not allowed to eat or drink anything after midnight. I kind of felt bad because she really loves coffee. She said it was the best kiss ever. I'm thinking about finding me some coffee flavored toothpaste.

I worked down on The dock 'til 0030 last night. I slept from 0100 'til 0300. We left at 0430 and arrived here in Pittsburgh at 0602. Good time. Very little traffic.

I'm numb at this point. Driving on impulse power. It's all good.

Hey Tommy. Who is the real Shady?

Yesterday.

2008-04-12T13:05:00.004-05:00

So I had to work last night. We start at three instead of four on Friday. My wife had an appointment down at Hillman at eleven in the morning. She took the girls with her. She let the younger baby girl skip school. The other doctor's office called on Thursday and asked if she could stop in there at noon. The other doctor is the plastic surgeon who will do the reconstruction. The folks at Hillman had to do the required monthly blood work, E.K.G. and chest x-ray. She had the blood drawn, then drove down the block to the plastic surgeon's office, then drove back to Hillman for the rest. Her oncologist/surgeon who is in charge of The Team spoke to her briefly. It was good that the girls went with her. They now have a better understanding of what is going on.

Everything is moving very fast now. It looks like the first of May is the date for her surgery. Kind of strange. May Day, the distress call. She is sleeping right now. She is exhausted. Stress will do that to a person. They sat in Friday afternoon Pittsburgh traffic on their way back home yesterday. She said the traffic was bumper to bumper from the Highland Park Bridge all the way to The Mills. Construction. I shot home from The Dock at my seven-thirty lunch break to let The Dogs out. They pulled up five minutes later. A very long day for the ladies in this house.

I'm going to eat something now. I'm thinking about what I will have. These are important decisions. I'm glad we have options. I actually complained the other day. I complained about the fridge being so full that I couldn't find what I was looking for. I immediately realized how stupid that was. Well, like my grandfather always said.

"No sense bein' stupid unless you show it now and then".

I made that up. As far as I know my grandfather never actually said that. It sounds like something a grandfather would say. I'm going to go eat now. I'll be back.

That was good. She makes this dish, it's a recipe she got from Southern Living magazine years ago. It's pretty simple, but oh so good. Ground beef with chopped onions and all kinds of good seasoning with a crust made out of crescent roll dough. You lay the dough in a 8 1/2 x 11 glass tray/pan thing and fill it up. Then, you criss cross the rest of the dough on top and bake it. It's best served with sour cream on top. I like to put some hot sauce on the sour cream. I had a large serving of her home made pasta salad with it. I sat on the living room floor with my back up against the couch and ate while watching some of a John Wayne movie on one of the cable channels. I think it was on AMC. I really like John Wayne movies. I put my plate on the sink. I stepped out back and hung a smoke.

She has been cooking a lot this past week since she's been home again. She made her world famous lasagna. She made this ham and rice dish that we all love so much. We made chili together last weekend. And of course she made the recently consumed, aforementioned meat pie and pasta salad.

It's good to see her feeling a little better. Not having to drag herself in to the powdered metal factory every night at midnight is starting to show. Her hands are cleaner. The powdered metal dust is washing away a little at a time, no longer being replaced each night. Her sleep patterns are improving as well. The one down side is that now she has more time to think. It's almost easier to deal, or not deal, with problems when you are busy and tired all the time. It's good that she's thinking about, and absorbing all of this cancer stuff. It's good but it's not easy.

My friend Beetus, I wrote a post about him some time back. Well Beetus called last night and told me that he had this feeling. Beetus said that I have to buy a Powerball ticket today. He said I have to buy it but my wife has to pick the numbers. It's unusual for Beetus to say such a thing. I went out and got the card that you use for picking the numbers. When she wakes up I'll have her fill it out. I'll take it down to the corner gas station/convenience store and buy the ticket. You never know.

Hey Tommy. I was thinkin' 'bout you this morning bro.........Yeah, you know the deal......Well bro, I got to go for now. I have to listen to Elvis and get some work done on this hallway that we've been working on here in this drafty old house........Maggie was her name Tommy. My grandmother's name was Maggie. I wrote a post about her too. It was like a year ago, maybe longer........Yeah Tommy. Later.

"I'm gonna stick like glue........because I'm, stuck on you....."

That's the one I sing to my wife.