weathering migraine storms

Dec'in the Halls - Part 1

2009-12-01T13:16:00.011-05:00

Last year, after Christmas, I bought this gorgeous white tree. I just knew I wanted a white tree. I knew I no longer wanted to deal with hanging lights, or sucking up the needles every single day. after day, after day. I didn't want to undress my beautiful, decorated tree to water it every stinking day, just to re dress and decorate, and clean the needles AGAIN. This year, I am very happy with my tree; well, that is, the tree in my living room. This year, I have two trees. This is our White tree (in the living room).

I have decorated it with these fabulous vintage ornaments I inherited from my neighbor Millie. They are so vibrant against the white, and remind me of my Mom's tree when I was a little girl. It is so colorful.

I go back and forth between the robins egg blue and the pink, trying to decide which are my favorites. But I still keep coming back to the blue with much stronger feelings. They are so tranquil and sweet. Not to mention, they do match my blocks from last year quite well.

I love that it takes up such little space. Next week, I will display my Bird tree for you. In the meantime, don't forget to visit www.thoughtsfromovertherainbow.blogspot.com to see more decorations. My link isn't working, sorry.

So Thankful

2009-11-30T19:31:00.009-05:00

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving; complete with my entire family here at my home. This is my Mom and Dad, and of course my silly girl, Lexi.

This is my brother Jimmy in his new kitchen - congrats to you, Jim.. We were celebrating Kaila's birthday. It was a very busy week.

My sis Denise.
My baby sis, Jamie and her husband Bill and their daughter Alyssa. They came in from KY and stayed for the week with us. It was a great week, other than we were all sick with a mad head cold. All but Bill, he somehow was lucky enough to escape it.
Their little happy man, Aiden who is always ready to smile for the camera.
Alyssa and Nick playing Crazy Eights. She looks pretty serious, doesn't she.
She is just beautiful. I miss them all so much. We had such a great, great time. The good news is, they are thinking of coming back home next summer. To live!

I have been decorating for Christmas since the week of Thanksgiving; with little bits of it here and there. But now, I'm just going all out on every floor, well except for the sleeping floor. I've decided against that. We are the only one's to go up, so I'm keeping my decorations where they can be seen. I have two and 1/2 trees up so far, two Nativities, 4 wreaths, actually I forgot to count my little fairy. Anyway, I need to get going for the party tomorrow!!!

gotta deck my halls

Fairy Decor

2009-11-16T20:29:00.002-05:00

I have been listening to Christmas music for roughly two weeks now. I have slowly started to put some decorations out for the Thanksgiving/Christmas season. You know, the in-between time that comes. Not yet Christmas Tree time, but Halloween is over. Not quite time to thaw the birds. I'm excited - my sister is coming in from Kentucky with her family for Thanksgiving, she'll be coming in this Saturday. I haven't seen her in oh, four years. The kids barely remember each other. My family will be here, in my home for Thanksgiving. My whole family.

Even my little fairy door is decorated for the occasion! It looks so cute in person. I'm on the lookout for a mailbox. Not an easy find. I must be looking in the wrong place. The wreath is actually real. I made it a teeny tiny replica of the one on my door. I chopped up a tree in my yard, well some branches anyway, and fashioned me a wreath out of it. So very Martha of me. I know I will get that from my family next week.

For now, I need to continue to get my home ready for the onslaught of family and decor to fill the place. Tomorrow, I think I may bring out my new tree! Yes, a week before Thanksgiving.

Crazy me.
Hoping you are pain-free
Deborah

The Colors of death

2009-10-26T21:03:00.007-04:00

Fall in NY is, without a doubt, breath-taking to drink in by sight. How poetic, right. The colors are just incredible, abundant. Everywhere. Right now, we are at peak season. Unfortunately, so is my personal ogre.

I managed two days of infusion, wished for more, but the weekend came. Hard. On Sunday, I actually uttered the words, "please just let me die. I want to die!" Which of course brought to mind, my KIDS! So what was I thinking??? It wasn't that I really, really wished death on myself, just well, I couldn't take it anymore. I still can't. It's still there, lingering; a bit less than yesterday, but there.

Today, a much better day by far really. I was able to sweep the floors. Yes, a great and wonderful day was had by me. The bending over thing though, not a good idea. That is, unless I was into the dizzy thing. For the record, I'm so not. It just increases the pain and makes me SICK to my stomach all over again. And to make the day all the more interesting, I had the misfortune of driving today. oops.

I had no intentions of doing so, it was a mistake really. But my girl needed to be picked up and I was the only avail driver. scary. glaring sun in my eyes was no help. Thankfully, we made it safely. Poor kid wasn't feeling well herself.

Tomorrow, I meet with my pain doc and we will talk about the stim device. for me. I've been reading up on it, online, not convinced one way or another really. Just tired of living the way I have been. Sick in pain. Rather, painfully sick. The ONE medication I can take for preventative, my insurance refuses to pay for. So tomorrow should be interesting.

To think of the amount of treatments, hospitals, medications, injections, states, doctors, different methods, the money we have spent, time; it is amazing to me. Still, we fight with our insurance company. Unreal.

So, what am I supposed to be doing right now? I stared a mural, actually, a three-wall mural maybe two weeks ago. So far, all that I was able to accomplish was the pencil drawing. I feel awful, I don't know when I will be able to get back to it. I guess I'll get to it when I do....

Wishing you a pain free day
Deborah

another migraine

2009-10-22T18:53:00.003-04:00

Struck. again. This time, I believe I know the cause. I'm blaming my insurance company. For almost two years, my doctor and I have been fighting them to keep a drug that has been keeping the monster at bay. Keeping it in a sleeping mode. Keeping me home, away from the life I was living in the hospital.

On Friday, the monster came knocking. HARD. I was taking the medication, Namenda, every other day, winding down my dosage to it's inevitable end. I gave myself a shot in the hip of Toradol, my only abortive, it graciously took the edge off. But on Saturday it was back with a vengance, and I was down for the day. I tried my abortive, but it just wouldn't deliver any relief.

By Monday, I was done with the Namenda and the monster was in full gear - wreaking it's anger and wrath on and in my head, my stomach, my back. Everything hurt. Nothing was working to relieve he pain. Tuesday evening, I started getting spasms in my spine, thru my back and out my eye and the top of my head - like a spike was being thrust thru me. Today, the pain was worse. I couldn't sit or lay down, only walk thru the pain, to release some of the tension. I couldn't wait to get to the infusion center today, to start the onslaught of drugs that I'm hoping, will break the pain.

Once there, and the iv started, the spasms started again, this time after I had received Benedryl and Mag sulfate, so I was a bit groggy and not about to walk anywhere. Thankfully, it didn't last as long as it did lastnight or this afternoon. I stood at my chair stomping my feet, trying to beat the pain out of my spine and back.

For anyone who thinks a migraine is just a bad headache; I challenge them to hang with a migraineur on a bad day. or a good day, even a good day with one of those low-grade migraines, come and hang out with me, you'll see it's not just a stinking headache. No, it's much worse. It doesn't involve just my head either; but my stomach wants so badly to just hurl anything. But most times, I cannot eat TO hurl. Oh, and let's not forget about the visual spirals and geometrical weird stuff that I see and hear. Yes, hear. The screaching, screaming, sirens, everything is louder than it should be, and brighter than bright. Nope, definitely NOT just a headache.

We are now contacting the pharmaceutical company for the drug I need. Letting them know my insurance company sucks. out. loud.

Well, I really hope you are pain-free
Deborah

Didn't See it Coming

2009-09-27T20:16:00.005-04:00

It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how vague or brilliant the aura, I refuse to recognize it for what it is. Have you ever done that? Even when it has sound, which it did this time around, well that is actually normal for me; anyway, there were the lights and zigzags, and the screaches, and still, I denied it was coming.

And even when I woke with it, I still didn't want to call it what it really was; I thought I had a bug. (what????) Stupid me.

Alas, I finally gave in and injected myself with my trusty toradol (chiming bells inserted here) and it eased up. ta da. How is it, that after several thousands of migraines, I still refuse to recognize it's coming?? Is it blatant denial? Or stupidity on my part? In the end, I see it for what it is, the monster, accept that it has come, and deal with it. Well, not so much accept as hmmmmm, know it's there. I refuse to accept them. I don't want them, therefore, I cannot accept them.

This past Tuesday, I had another round of cryoanalgesia, followed by, rather - triggering the migraine for the day. and the next day. But it works for me; it takes them down a notch and keeps me free from migraine for longer periods. Rather than daily migraine, I live with 1 to 3 per week. That is a remarkable upgrade in living conditions for me.

Perhaps the fewer migraines are causing me to become comfortable in the lack of them. Thus, the denial. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Fall has landed here, the weather is cooler, it is darker at an earlier hour. The weather patterns are changing from dry and warm, to cool and rainy. Spring and Fall are so beautiful, but they affect me terribly. We have talked about moving South, but cannot right now.

I would love to be able to play outside longer than we can here in the Northeast. I just hate the idea of winter coming; the idea of having to stay indoors for months to come. I'm not ready for the cold. It makes my body hurt, my head ring and scream with pain. I hate it!

We had this beautiful fog fall in the park across the street tonight. It's getting cooler. I am sure the pic does it no justice. It was so beautiful with the sky glowing behind it. You could smell smoke from a fireplace in the air. mmmmmmm, what a yummy smell. I cannot wait to light up the fireplace this year!! But, I'm not ready YET for the change to all cold days and nights.

Next week, Lexi will be moving to an adult hab home. I cannot wait to show the pics of the house. It's so homey and warm. Rather than 5 girls, where she is now; she will be one of three girls in the new home. There is REAL furniture, rather than the "institutional" style in the house she is at now. She will also be closer to our home and church. I am so excited to move her in, and decorate her room. We've already done some shopping for her, and I painted a new desk for her computer. It is soooooo exciting.

Tonight, DH is starting, the kids are in bed. The pups are curled up sleeping. Oh, and I am migraine-free. for now.

Wishing you a pain-free day
Deborah

30 Things.....

2009-09-14T07:20:00.001-04:00

In observation of National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week, (wow, that is a mouthful!), I have taken on the challenge, well not necessarily challenge but (I am stuck for the correct term ) - I am participating, yes, that's it, with an activity: a "meme," 30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know. You can play along, too. If you are a reader with an Invisible Illness, take the "meme" to your site.

First of all, for those who do not know what an Invisible Illness is, it is one that has no visible identity. I do not use a walker or cane or a wheelchair; though at times, I am unable to keep my balance and would profit from such. I do not have a hearing aide; although at times I wish I could turn the volume down on life, as it gets way too loud for me. I just live with pain. hmmm, "just," well not quite. On with the "meme"

1. The illness I live with: I have Migraine Disease

2. I was diagnosed in the year: It has always been a part of my life; but the word "migraine" was first said to me in 1992.

3. But I had symptoms since: I have always had them, for as long as I can remember.

4. The biggest adjustment I've had to make: Slowing down, especially when I know it's coming. The migraine, that is.

5. Most people assume: head pain is the only symptom of Migraine Disease; and that it is not a disease, but simply a headache.

6. The hardest thing about morning is: waking up in pain when my family needs me.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: Gray's Anatomy

8. A gadget I couldn't live without: without a doubt, my earplugs

9. The hardest part about night: being awake when I should be sleeping. the tossing and turning and just hoping I can sleep is torture. Without enough sleep, I'm destined for another monster.

10. Each day I take: I am down to only 8 meds per day. My insurance company has refused me two of my medications that worked to keep them under control. In the event of the monster, I must take more meds to kill it.

11. Regarding alternative treatments: I have used chiropractic care, and am on a new drink (new for me) called Xango. It is from the mangostene plant

12. If I had to choose between an invisible or visible illness: I will deal with what I'm dealt thank you.

13. Regarding working and career. hmmmm......I take care of my family, so I am able to work from home - HA. The last job I had, I was forced to quit due to migraine.

14. People would be surprised to know: aura are the most beautiful and energetic part of my migraine. They mesmerize me.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: knowing my kids may develop them.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: go to see DMB live!!!

17. The commercials about my illness: hardly touch on the reality of migraine

18. Something I really miss doing: this is more of a miss-out for me; I wish I could travel with my husband. He loves to travel, but because I don't do well with it, I get ill and migrainey, I don't travel.

19. It was really hard to have to give up: foods I love that are triggers for migraine.

20. A new hobby I have taken up: painting furniture

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: travel with my husband

22. My illness has taught me: to rest when my body tells me to. That is really is OK to take naps when I feel lousy.

23. Want to know a secret? One thing that gets under my skin is: when people have the "answers" because they read it somewhere!!!

24. But I love it when people: are actually informed; ask questions; seek professional advice.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" Phil 4:13

26. When someone is diagnosed, I'd like to tell them: learn all you can. read books that explain and help you through the disease. I usually give titles and authors with that.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness: is the amount of time I spend in bed getting over the monster, or trying to prevent it from coming on.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn't feeling well was: my friend Joyce came to stay with me in the hospital; she showed up after hours, sang hymns to me, brought gifts for my children, gave me cds to listen to, and offered to massage my feet for me. I hate my feet to be touched, so I denied that. I do let my husband rub my feet when I am in pain.

29. I am involved with Invisible Illness Week because: I would like to help others, try to educate or point them in a better direction if I can.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: that you care enough to listen. thank you.

At this point, you too are encouraged to participate by answering these questions on your blog and keep this going.

You can find out more about National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week and the 5-day free virtual conference with 20 speakers Sept 14-18, 2009 at www.invisibleillness.com

Wishing you a pain-free day.
Deborah

Cocka-Doodledy-Doo

2009-08-28T08:12:00.000-04:00

It's a Rooster Party!! And I have roosters. I honestly didn't realize just how many I have. The border, I put up when I first moved in and this is all that is left. I have been taking it down to redo my kitchen.

I believe I may be due for some new plates. Oh, and I did fix the crooked one. I love the basket, for some reason, paper plates and dinnerware keep ending up here for summer. I usually have towels folded up in it.

I love my canisters, thank you Target. OOOH, I just remembered I have a dish for my garlic that matches. (oops).

The pretty tin is from a craft sale. I wish I had 2 more.

I painted the potholder holder. I am eventually covering the ugly tile with stainless backing.

I can't keep anyone from touching my towels, drying or wiping their hands on them, or basically just leave them alone. I would prefer to keep them as decoration, but it just hasn't worked out yet for me. I do iron them before I hang them so they look nice. And then, they get used.

this pretty girl is from my little old lady friend that used to live next door. I miss her. She was such a wonderful ol' gal.

I think I'm obsessed. But they're so cute. I saw a life-sized rooster, complete with feathers a few days ago, but I'm holding out for the sale.

I love this little teapot. thank you Cracker Barrel. LOVE their store!

I need to change the color of my dining room. I did pick a color. I still like the wine color, which never comes out in pictures. It looks like dark purple, and it's not. I chose a nice soft robin's egg blue, again! I love the color. It'll open the room up a little and make it bigger in appearance.

OH just let me tell you about the wine - it is fabulous for the price! I had to have it, just for the rooster, and ended up loving it.

Don't you just love the vintage apron?? It's so adorable.

The canisters were from a friend from high school; actually, her Mom had given them to me when I got my first apartment. I found the salt and pepper shakers at a flea market. I now have a full set. Love them.

more Cracker Barrel - the rooster figurine salt and pepper shakers. Oh and the other towel to the set.

My coasters! I have 4, all a little different, but you get the idea.
This is the one I just bought. Isis is afraid of it. I also bought a crow and it's freaking everyone out. Time to get a few more.

I hope you like my roosters. I'm currently working on a beautiful cabinet I just acquired from my sister and her boyfriend. I need to get to Hob Lob to find the knobs and some more little pieces for it. I did some stenciling with joint compound on it. I think I may do it somewhere in the house. Sooooo easy. I just can't wait to show it.

I'm off to see more roosters.

oh, how they grow

2009-08-25T22:26:00.000-04:00

What a beautiful bride was she. It still chokes me up to think she is a married woman. I have known this young lady since the was a beautiful newborn baby. She and Lexi were always so cute together. I remember watching her little milestones; sitting, crawling, her first steps. Though my little Lexi would take much longer to reach them, it was always with joy that I watched Amy make hers. No jealousy or envy, but joy to see a child walk with so much enthusiasm. If memory serves, I believe she was running almost as soon as she walked. She was so cute.

Ugh, and now she is all grown up. My how the time flies. Seriously, where do 21 years go, and why do we not just treasure every second of them?? I was looking at her on Friday, all grown and so beautiful; and this time, just for a moment, I thought of Lexi. What would she be like, if not.....well, oh how do I put it???? Mentally retarded? Would she marry at 21? Would she have gone to college and found her sweetheart there? No sadness here, just wondering. But she is Lexi, and I love her exactly the way she is. She is so fortunate to not endure the worries of daily life and stress like we do.

I have pics of these two, Marisa now 17 and Michael the same age, running around at age 3 in the nude. Pics of them at just days old in a playpen together. Of course, Marisa was screaming her head off. They are only 5 birth days apart in age. Oh, he is Amy's brother. (Amy and Lexi are only 3 weeks apart). We were always together, the kids playing together, fighting with each other, thinking they were cousins for years.

Look how nice they all looked. They are growing up too fast. Michael and Cinderisa are now entering their senior year; Chrisarella in her freshman year, and the boy is in third. Funny thing, Lexi and Cinderisa will both be graduating this year. My babies are growing up.

Philip is getting married. He is in love and she is just wonderful! It's so funny to see his demeanor change when he talks to her or about her - he's all goofy and mushy. He's so cute.

Why must they grow up so fast??? It can't be possible that I have a 21 year old!!! ugh

R and R

2009-08-01T09:16:00.000-04:00

Meet my wonderful in-laws. How cute are they? Oh, we were celebrating the 4th of July (duh), for those that were wondering why...... The necklaces and hat were required for him to wear as he was the oldest, well, until this little cutie pie arrived. Some family we had been able to meet - she is 90! You should see her move! too cute.

With her is Les, and he is very busy finding lots and lots of lost family members with the Scripa name around the US and Italy and Australia! This is the notebook he carries with him to track
everyone, and I do mean, EVERYONE, that he finds. He is serious and amazing at what he does. I wish I had the time and energy to tell you what he has done for my in-laws. I will tell you this: he took them to Italy to meet new family. Amazing. He finds family everywhere he goes.

Here is an idea of just how small our world is: these two boys,
belong to these two (different) Moms; You have to look closely - it's the brunette and red-head in the background. Anyway, they found each other in karate class. They have the same last name. Our last name. Look, it's not like our name is Smith or Jones here. And, she just happens to be the grand-daughter of the 90 year old. Who is (of course) related. Small, small world.

So after the wonderful celebration of the fourth; Frank and I took the kids to the Adirondacks for a little vaca. We usually go to Virginia Beach, which is nice and beachy and all. But I hate the long drive, the humidity, the long drive (can you say car-sick) the immense amount of people, heat. It's beautiful, I'll give it that, but a bit too.......commercial for my liking. Overcrowded. I needed peaceful. He delivered. Thank you so very much, Frankie. I really needed it.

This is my Isis after a much-need restful little week in the Adirondack's. She stayed in those shades for five minutes or more. She is a crazy little thing.

The girls took her out in the lake and taught her to swim. She was hysterical; each time Cinderisa would pick her body up out of the water, her paws would still be moving like she was swimming. We couldn't stop laughing at her.

Here, the kids are rowing a canoe. In the pouring rain. In circles. Nearly into the shore. Very entertaining I might add. Why they wanted to go in the rain - got me.

This was pretty much ALL we did, sat by a campfire. I miss the campfire, the peacefulness, the darkness and oh the complete quiet that was all around.

I am looking forward to the getaway that Frank and I are taking next week. We need it. The kids are going to Disney with their Dad; and I just pray they have a safe and wonderful time. Especially since they are flying for their first time.

Garbage Picking - Stress Relief

2009-07-06T08:15:00.008-04:00

This incredible little piece was left alone; all sad and by itself just waiting for someone to come and give it some love.

The former owner had no use for it any longer. He decided the landfill was a better place to put it. But I saw it, and I saw that it had great bones. It sat in my garage for a year, until now:

I needed the stress release in a big way. It's been so busy here. This was just the project I needed. I love the way it turned out. Please let me know what you think of it.

Fleur de lis is one of my favorite things. The colors are much better in real life; the camera does it no justice.

My favorite place, Hob Lob is where I get my knobs and pulls. I can't stay away from the place. I must must show you the lamps and candle holders I just got. Next time. I cannot wait to do another project. oooh, what to do??

As for my monster, so far so good, he has been keeping under cover. Although, the aura the last few days have been pretty vivid, hmmm, weird.

Wishing you all pain-free days.
Deborah

Blooming all Around

2009-06-29T09:42:00.014-04:00

I just love the colors in my front gardens. The constant rain and low temperatures are keeping everything lush and vibrant. As for the gardens out back, it has been a work in progress to keep the dogs out. We also put a raised veggie garden in. I'll post that another day.

Now onto my great finds of the weekend:

How adorable is this little frog and bird?? The frog reminds me of the Frog and Toad book character. 50cents for both. The little key holder - 25cents.

The ugly butterflies are plastic, I can't wait to paint them!!! $1. These are going to be on the front of my house, I think; with the look of very aged rust. Yes, I think that would look lovely. Or maybe a blue? No no, that will just not do. Oh, I almost forgot the bundle of paint brushes I found for $1. Too late to post.

My favorite find is this: $2 chair, I can't wait to paint this one, maybe a deep aqua.

oh and a refrigerator dish for 75 cents - LOVE IT

SO WHAT DID YOU FIND ON YOUR WEEKEND??

Infusion - 101

2009-06-19T09:15:00.005-04:00

If you've have the (ha!) wonderful experience of infusion for your monster, then you, no doubt totally get this picture. My wonderful little daughter, Cinderisa painted this for me, well, of me. She is so talented. Though, she is a tad ousted, as it's not finished. whatever.

She explains that it's the poison entering my body to beat the migraine. I felt it necessary to share. I love the colors, the facial expression, all of it. She really captures the feeling of pain quite well, don't you agree?

The past few nights have awaken me with the most incredible aura again. So vivid and racing; screaming and colorful. In a very sick sense. Thankfully, I haven't experienced the monster with it. Yet. Though I do know it is only a matter of time before HE graces me with His utter presence. And I will be perhaps, hooked up like the painting. Dripping with it's poison through me, as it tries to alleviate the pain of the monster within.

But for now, I am well, HA HA!!! Stay away I say! Stay far FAR away. Please just a few more days, plans plans plans, have we.

Wishing my Migraine friends a pain-free weekend.
Deborah

Memorial Day?

2009-05-26T06:54:00.011-04:00

Old Glory. ..... Hung at half it's mast, in honor of those who serve, have served, lost their lives; are missing still.

How many of our freedoms are taken for granted, and are being lost daily, a little at a time?

Does the sound of the horn bring you to tears? Do you even bother to go to listen?

When the guns are fired, and the fallen soldier is saluted, is your head bowed in respect? Do you understand the tears in his eyes?

Is a parade in your agenda, neighborhood, or have they become a memory of your childhood? They, I have found, are fading, and decreasing in size. As our older veterans are passing with time, our newer veterans of war, are not partaking in parades. Who do you see in the parade of Memorial Day? Look around you; it is stunning, to me, how sad it has become in our Nation. We have forgotten what freedom means.

I remember grand parades, with floats, horses, fancy cars, several school bands, and local fire departments. The side of the road, BOTH sides were packed full of patrons, eager to see the parade. It was a high-light of summer's opening. Children were lined up on the curb, waiting for the candy to be thrown from the beautifully decorated floats. Music would be playing, horns blowing from the firetrucks. Guns in the back ground would make us jump.

What has made us become so complacent? Why do we no longer care so much for the parades, the parties, our freedom to celebrate it? How incredibly sad. We do indeed need to change if desire to remain a FREE nation. What will YOU do to change that?

These last two pictures are of Cinderisa and her sidekick; we were able to ride in the firetruck after the parade yesterday. Can you see the excitement in their eyes. Look at the joy in the men, a little thing like "a ride in a firetruck" was all it took. What will it be for you? Hey, I know that won't change the world, it wasn't my point, either. Afterall, riding in a firetruck couldn't possibly keep a nation free, right? But how did we get there? What did we do to obtain a ride in a County-paid firetruck on Memorial Day with a few decorated firemen???? We weren't afraid to ask. Speak up. Ask.

One little lesson I told them both yesterday, "ask, speak up, open your mouth." I mean, if all you do is sit back and wait for everyone else to do all the work, NOTHING gets done.

And we got to ride the firetruck. oh, and they did blow the horns.

Hoping you have a pain-free day.
Deborah

2009-05-21T21:26:00.011-04:00

This is Alexis; and no, she is NOT sitting on a toilet, she is getting a pedicure. By me. In her room, actually. Before the Prom. For anyone who knows me, I am NOT, I repeat, NOT NOT NOT a foot person. I abhor feet. Any and all, except for brand new baby feet, which I think are just adorable for reasons I don't know why myself, they are just the cutest. I do play with my cats feet. Oh and come to mention it, I like Isis' feet. I hate people feet. In all actuality, pets have paws, people don't, so that doesn't really count. I'm rambling. These are the conversations Frank hates to get into with me. I just go on and on. Forget what I was talking about. What WAS I talking about???

Oh, the pedicure. That's right, I gave Alexis, not to confuse you with Lexi, that is my girl, and she didn't go to the Prom, although that would be so much fun to have her all dressed up and stuff.......drifting again. gave Alexis a pedicure, complete with rubbing her feet, and I don't normally touch feet of any kind, but I rather enjoyed it. I painted her nails after buffing her feet. And she looked so pretty. here, I'll show you. But first let me just tell you about this incredible young lady, she made her own dress. Made. Her. Own. Prom. Dress. Amazing.

What an amazing girl. By the way, her parents were so nice to host the pre-Prom party and then the after-party for some of the girls.
The guys, so very charming! All dressed up and they were so nice and well-mannered.

Now Cinderisa decided she was going to do her own toes, and did not want the pedicure. She did let me do her hair. And I made her bracelet and matching anklet. Her necklace was a gift from Nonna from Italy. She looked so pretty.

What a beautiful bunch of girls. The weather really stunk for pictures! We had a terrible storm system come through the area and two tornadoes touched down nearby. So unfortunately, it rained all day long, and hard.

Today, my Lexi girl attended the Special Olympics (scholastic) and received a blue ribbon - 1st place for 35m race. She was very proud of it. Not too shabby for a little girl, rather young lady I was told would never walk.

I just love this picture of her looking up in the sun. It's too sweet. Just like her. She is the sweetest thing, really. So innocent and wonderful. I am truly a blessed woman to have such beautiful children. Thank you, Lord. What a wonderful gift.

On Tuesday I went in for my scheduled Cryo-procedure, and I'm quite certain he hit both nerves this time around. Oh yes, I'm sure of it. I went straight to bed when I got home from surgery, and my head felt as though my brain was short-circuiting. The "zip-zapping" was starting and the strangest of all auras that stream and fly and race around in the zig-zagging ways. The sounds that came along "whizzing" "buzzing" "whirrling" "humming" in the high-pitch and low-moan all at the same time. Undescribable really, and yet easy to see in my mind and hear. so so very hard to explain. Only someone who knows can really get it, or explain it, or understand what I mean. If I'd never encountered it before, I'd swear I was going crazy. But I'd been in this aura and meanness of migraine too many many MANY times before. The clutching of the claws around my scalp, the gouging of my eyeballs as they are being blown out of their sockets. The fork tines as they scrape their sounds in my ears and ring in the heart of my teeth.

Where do the sounds come from? And from nowhere? How can I be at complete peace in one instant, and then so totally engulfed in intoxicating agony the next?? Blinded by shooting light and beams and what ARE they exactly?? The spinning squares. The darts. Where do they come from? Oh, and the voices that suddenly make complete sense of well, everything! An awakening of sorts. So surreal. All gone by the time it's over.

Today, I feel exhausted and just hanging by a thread; at the point where I'm anxious to get back to my regularly scheduled life - whatever that is. But too afraid to do too much, in the event the migraine comes back. Too tired to do any of it. I am hoping this cryo will work and hold on for a good, long time.

For now, my doctors, both pain and neuro are looking into neuro stim devices for me, the drugs are failing. And yet, the insurance company may just say "NO!" altogether. Not just to the devices, but to us, in general. We like many others out there, are in jeapordy of losing our pension. We are losing our dental and optical come July. But I'm not a pessimist, I don't worry about such things. When Frank gets worried, I tell him, not to worry, because the Lord knows what is at hand for us already before we do.

I am a blessed woman. Yep, I have miserable migraines. Everyone has something. My garden is blooming. I have been in it this year! My kids are awesome. Healthy. Smart. Love the Lord. Love their Mom. They still ride in the same car with me, and talk to me. with their friends in the car. I hear that other kids their age don't do this. weird.

wishing you a painfree day
Deborah

2009-05-08T09:09:00.005-04:00

If you've never heard the mating call of a fox at 4:30 in the morning, startling you from the slumber of your hard-to-find sleep, you just don't know what you're missing. It has a sort of hoarse sound of a woman screaming, if you can understand that. It's very creepy. And when you're asleep, startled, and hear it, you really think it is a woman screaming.

This fox, well, not this exact fox - lives in the little bit of woods that runs along the back of our property, that aligns the property along the neighborhood behind us. Every few weeks, it calls out in the middle of the night, for hours, screaming and screaching for a mate. Apparently, no mate has been found.

Poor, sad, lonely little loud-mouth fox. I heard him, and I'm sure it was a him, why afterall would a her yell in the middle of the night for a him?? HA! I heard him through my earplugs. He yelled his red fluffy head off for over an hour or more. She never does come to the den for him, or maybe she does, and then she runs away and that's why he start screaming again.

Yesterday, and Tuesday I was suffering with the monster. I aborted, to no avail, was awaken with aura, the typical screaming in the ears, fuzzy wuzzy feeling that seems to come with it and a full schedule, to which was shortened from the monster. Today, the buzzing in my head and the monster are taking over; and yet the sun shining in my window is making me want to, no think of doing something other than rest. But I know I can't do it for now. I should just jab myself and make it go away.

Don't you just love the pic! Cinderisa did this in art class, pretty good indication of our migraine on abortive. OR, the poison leaving the brain. She does good migraine art for a kid who hasn't had a migraine, but must endure watching her Mom suffer.

Ok, time to abort the monster and get out in this positively beautiful day the Lord has given me. For all you Mom's out there, I wish you a wonderful Mother's Day, and a pain-free on at that.
Deborah

2009-05-07T07:09:00.004-04:00

Hello again my faithful followers. Thank you for visiting. It has been an interesting month indeed. It's hard to believe that May is here already. (note to self, pics of green must be taken before the snow flies)

I visited my neuro a few weeks ago, and now, ugh, here is what we are looking at: since my only abortive, now via injection, is lacking in it's working ability; it's now time to consider the neuro-stim device, as the cryo seems to work pretty well. Soooooooo, when I see my pain doc next week, it's time to get the insurance company to agree - which should prove interesting, since they are still in disagreement for Namenda!!!! Wish me luck.

I have been reluctant to agree to the device(s) for the past two years with my pain doc, and since the cryo has been proving itself to keep the migraines somewhat lower than normal, well, I suppose it's time to give it a try.

Oh joy, the weather has changed again, you just gotta love Spring! Woke up, well, sort of, not really, just rolled over - the other day feeling that, you know, sick migrainey feeling all over. You know the feeling right? Stomach sort of ickey-like, numb in the face, ears ringing, pins and needles feeling, not quite right, yawning, out of sorts, HEY, I feel like that right now. And like I want to just go back to bed. Unfortunately, due to my schedule today, I cannot. I will get through the day, I will get through the day.

So, here I go. I can do this. fuzzy, yes, but I can still do it.

May you all have pain-free days.
Deborah

Neglectful Me

2009-04-22T07:23:00.012-04:00

Hello again to my poor neglected site. I haven't exactly forgotten that you exist, it's just that, well, I have had other things going on in my life. Funny how the title of my blog has a way of making that happen.

I received an email reminding me of my site, that I had been missed. Ooops. I am truly sorry if I have left anyone out due to Migraine, nausea, vertigo, aura, etc. But please, don't let that bother you; I wouldn't allow the monster to completely take over my life without attempting to live.

You see, I have attended a Tea Party. I am living!

Oh, and I also went to the Country, Wine country. As you can see by this incredibly colorful tray, we made sure we ate well.

The kids and I colored eggs;

We also attended a live Easter Drama. So you can see, we have been busy. And all while I have been migraining. Yes, I AM amazing. I know. It's not easy being me.

How beautiful are these kids of mine! Oh, pray for me, Cinderisa has started - UGH - Driver's Ed. Four days per week. Yes, I am busy. (and I get emailed regarding the neglect of my site) the nerve!!!

Praying you are migraine-free
Deborah

Day Three

2009-04-06T20:37:00.003-04:00

Under the spell of the monster again, barely able to either walk or wake. Tired. Sick and tired. Wanting to feel well. Lights flashing, room spinning, how it comes so fast and furious, out of nowhere. If only the weather would figure out what it would do; maybe I can feel well.

For now, back to bed.

It's that time..........

2009-04-04T20:50:00.011-04:00

It's that wonderful time of the year; where folks everywhere get Spring fever and start hauling JUNK to the side of the road. Call me crazy, but nothing excites me more than piles of good junk!

Oh the things you can do - well rather, I do with junk! Frank has already warned me that he will not participate this year in picking up the goods. I have already started scanning the roadsides for good pieces of wood, furniture and odds and ends. I'm waiting for the neighborhood junk haul weekend, my absolute favorite.

These are the items I picked up last year - IN THE GARBAGE! YES, GARBAGE.
I have finished the desk and put it in Nicholas' room, but haven't done a pic of it. What is WRONG with me?? Oh, and that ugly plain cupboard up there, it's in my dining room. I loved working on that.

Found these shutters in my shed. They must have been on the house at some time before we owned the house. I ended up painting personalized signs for some family members. This was for my Mom.

Oh, I do love me a junkin bargain! Be sure to visit auctiongirl for more junk bargains.

And the Winner is..........

2009-03-15T17:12:00.008-04:00

...........that would be our own CNS Winter Drumline! (insert applause please) We/they received an award, this award, for Best Tenorline!

And our Tenorline just happens to be my own Cinderisa and teammate, Mark. They were so excited, all they could say was, "Best Tenorline."

Here are the little goofballs getting all giddy before they actually went on. It was a wonderful day. Even if they placed third all around.

Afterward, Chrisarella and Britt were busy dancing the night away at Britt's b'day party.

at the Elks Club. Now my girl is having a terrible time walking because her legs are so very tired and sore. She sure must have had fun.

Now this is very similar to what has been flashing in my eyes lately. Too similar. The non-stop pain that has been coming with it is becomming relentless and just plain drudgery. I have gone for the cryoanalgesia, a nice big dose of Toradol IM at the infusion center, trigger-point injections, and none of it is working. Day after day it's just more of the same - migraine.

It's exhausting, painful, sickening; I have had enough. I suppose I haven't. I remember it being worse, much much worse. Oh how I don't want it to get like that again. This daily migraine is just physically and mentally draining.

Today the sun has been shining and it was near 50 out; and I haven't even gotten out of my jammies or bathrobe. I am unable to keep my eyes from running, and one is hardly open. freaking migraines.

I have been able to manage dinner and a banana bread for my wonderful family. The windows are letting in some MUCH-NEEDED fresh air, despite the smelly dogs and their bedding. Oh I can't wait for the warm weather to come and stay.

I am praying for a pain-free day tomorrow. Hoping you have pain-free days
Deborah

Warning - woman at work!

2009-03-09T12:27:00.005-04:00

Typically, this is not the way I use my household tools; it is, however, the way Frank has suggested I use this particular tool. Given the way my head has been feeling, this picture is appropriate.

Don't you just wish there was a magic tool you could plug in and apply to the pain..... Make it all go away? This would be my tool of choice. Just apply the biggest bit to my head, whichever part was feeling the worst pressure or pain, and turn that baby on. I'm thinking, by the looks of the picture, she is anticipating the pain will just melt away, flow easily out of the crevice that nice little drill bit makes. Warm, melting, soothing feelings of relief.

Unlike the monster that has been invading yet again. He has been wreaking havoc and mayhem in my head. Both the right and left sides are getting equal play time now. He no longer plays favorites there. I did get a brief moment of relief this morning; and that only lasted momentarily. No fear, tomorrow is my day for cryo!! At long last, I get to put the monster to bed. Sleep, monster, sleep. Just for another few weeks, please. No more bright lights, screaming trains, pounding pain.

Rest, my monster, rest. I have a family to tend to. Gardens to plant. Things I like to do. I have a life to live. I have a kitchen I started refinishing, and need to get back to. So go rest yourself tomorrow. I want to get back to living my life. Pain-free.

Hoping you are pain-free
Deborah

More crafty fun stuff

2009-03-05T12:44:00.004-05:00

Pictures just do not do justice here. Maybe I need to invest in a better camera. That's probably what it is. Regardless, I whipped this little, well, it's not really little, name sign up for Cinderisa's room yesterday. The "I" is an old drumstick of hers. I tried to incorporate as much as I could of her to make it just right. She loves it anyway.

I know exactly what I'm doing for Chrisarella's room. Her's will have a more elegant flair. Cinerisa's room is more of the shabby/sheak style. We are working on changing her color.

Today, Frank turns 50 years old. Happy Birthday, Frankenstein. But because our schedules are too busy during the week, we will celebrate on Sunday.

I am so anxious for warm weather to get here. For the dark, gloomy days to just disappear for another 6 or more months. I cannot wait to be able to spend the days outdoors; in my garden, on my deck..........

outside!!!!! Not locked up in the house.

Well, off to a busy afternoon. wishing you a pain-free day
Deborah

pressing matters

2009-03-03T09:50:00.000-05:00

Because I just couldn't bare to look at that space without the keys I just HAD to have; I went back today to get them. I also took my MIL. I had a hostage, I know, I'm nuts. And I rectified the scene by explaining myself. I did. I told her, which isn't totally untrue, that I would like for her to help me make curtains for my l'room. "Help" being the (ha) key word here;(get it? key?) because basically, she would be making them FOR me. I cannot sew a button. If it were left to me, I'd just use Stitch Witchery. But this is a rather large window, and I would really like nice I mean really nice drapes.

So I just dragged her around the store, and really, she didn't mind. She helped me choose the hook to hold the keys. She loved the little knobs and the fabrics, the ornate signs and platters. We were gone for oh, I think Frank said 4 hours! NOT just in Hobby Lobby; we were a few other places as well. But I just needed to share my keys with you, and my new favorite store with her.

Now, onto real pressing matters: For anyone who actually does visit my site - oh, and I do thank you for stopping by and taking the time for that, I have an urgent request. For myself and fellow Migraineurs I would like to ask you to go here to write a letter to your Congressman/woman on behalf of headache and migraine disease.

Please add a paragraph if you can, as I did, telling why it is necessary for funds to be spent on research. If you yourself are unsure, look at these specifics from the Alliance of Headache Advocacy:

This year alone, more than 70,000 patients will have migraine and 24,000 will have chronic daily headache.

Migraine accounts for more lost years of healthy life in the US than epilepsy, multiple scleroses, and ovarian cancer combined.

Headache disorders cause more than $31B of economic costs annually in the US, including 9% of all labor productivity. Yet the NIH spent less than $13 on headache research in 2007, less than 0.05% of it's budget.

Only two innovative drugs have received FDA approval for migraine treatment in the past fifty years. This leaves sufferers like myself at the mercy of the insurance industry, due to the stigma of "off-label" branding of the medications that we must take that actually WORK for us. But because they are not labeled for Migraine, we are denied the medication and are forced to pay out of pocket, while we beg and plead with the insurance industry to allow the medication be allowed, while our doctors write letter after letter and we each receive denial.

So very tiring.

0Greater than 1400 more

women with migraine with aura die annually from cardiovascular diseases compared to women who do not have migraine.

The list goes on and on. My own list is never-ending. I have friends on my sidebar to the right, who have lists, as well. We need your help and your support. If you have known, had, or seen us - the sufferers - please help. Just sign the letter, it's that easy.

Thank you, and I do pray YOU are pain-free
Deborah

Hobby-in

2009-03-01T14:22:00.010-05:00

There are two words that have become favorite to me in the last few days - HOBBY & LOBBY - oh, and to two of four of my kids so far. Only because it wasn't open today, nor any Sunday; otherwise, Christina, Lexi and I would've been there finding more fun things to fall in love with.

Like a really cute set of keys to fit in that open spot there to the left of Frank's baby pic.

and up to the right of these..... oh yes they would look perfect there. It was the cutest bunch of old-fashioned keys. I think I must go back and have them.

Now I couldn't pass this beauty up could I?? No, no no. I just hate that the picture refuses to do it any justice. My entryway is so much more warm and welcoming.

Seee, well, except for the little mess I forgot to clean up there, but please don't mind that. Oh, and the kitchen is another little project in the making. I'm a busy girl right now. yes yes yes, busy busy busy.

How darling are these little knobs! They have the most incredible collection of knobs and pulls and just everything my little heart desires! I'm like a kid in a candy shop here. I simply could not resist these. I love to replace knobs on my cabinets and drawers. I couldn't pass them up. nope. couldn't do it. I had to have them. OH

LOOK! Knock, knock! I love it. I am making me a FAIRY DOOR. My kids didn't get it, but I love it. I am sooooooo anxious for Spring. My "fairy" just might get a mailbox, too.

Thankfully, I was able to keep myself away from the scrapbooking supply area. But not the fabric. I had visions of new drapes on my windows, with fringes and beads; and matching pillows on my sofa and loveseat. Oh, the visions I had. The toille was so pretty with it's dancing ladies and pretty flowers. oooooh.

Each room of my home is getting a litte brain face-lift. Poor Frank is freaking out at the opening of this new store. Knowing how much I love to wander the aisles for pretty things for our home - and boy do they have them. EVERYWHERE.

I am so glad they open back up tomorrow.

I've been working on hanging pics in the lower stairway; and it's very hard to get a view in a narrow hallway, but this is what I have. This one of the door I got online and I can't remember the artist, but it was at a prison, and I absolutely love the shot. The building I took in Virginia. The big old house was my Grams. The frame with the collage of baby pics is me.

Finally, we have entered March! Oh, that reminds me, March madness month for us as far as birthdays go. Frank will be having a pretty large landmark of a birthday this week. he is getting old.

Hey, two days and no migraine - woo hoo!! Hoping you are having a pain-free day.