Hofbrau - Quincy, Ma

Reagan's Dura Logs

2009-11-11T15:00:00.012-05:00

I recently read an article commemorating the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall, Many historians believe this single event marks the official "Fall of Communism". Yet some harken back to a 1987 speech by Ronald Reagan who demanded Mikhail Gorbachev to "Tear Down that Wall!" They believe Reagan's speech started a series of events that ultimately put an end to both the Cold War and Communism. Talk about two birds with one stone!

Now I'm no historian, but I was around back in those days. I remember it a bit differently. Don't get me wrong, I thought Regan played a key role in the Fall of Communism, but I just don't think it's as prominent as some might suggest. I would argue that he, as Billy Joel might say, "didn't start the fire, it was always burning since the world was turning". Well actually, it wasn't always burning. According to my research, the fire started two years earlier...

It was 1985. The Russian landscape was rugged, remote, and expansive. The harsh conditions did a number on it's inhabitants. The natives did all they could to combat the brutal environment. They tried in vain to use any technological advantage they had in their battle for survival. But fancy electronic gadgets were no match for Mother Natures raw power.

Enter the picture, a foreigner. Deployed in the middle of Siberia. He had nothing but the cool leather jacket, and black wool cap he wore on the plane. Not only was he foreign , but he was an AMERICAN. Stupid Americans! Fat, lazy, rude! The Russians despised them. The Russians despised him. Surely there would be no welcome wagon to introduce him to this new land. He would receive no help (except from his trainers) from the locals. He was all alone, on a deserted, frozen island (except it was a mountain), surrounded by enemies.

I'm speaking of course of one Robert "Rocky" Balboa. So there he was, this blue collar (with a Tiger emblazoned on the back) Italian kid from the mean streets of Philadelphia. He was in the battle of his life, taking on Siberia, the Cold War, Communism, and most formidable of all, Ivan Drago. Talk about having your hands full.

To make a long story short, Rocky overcame the stacked deck, and ultimately conquered ALL of his opponents(Drago by KO). After his victory, he addressed the audience in a post-fight speech. He could've been a real prick about it too, saying something like "Suck it Russia! I just knocked out your boy! USA! USA! USA!" but the venerable Balboa took the high road, and delivered this amazing speech. The real speech that compelled Gorbachev to tear down that wall.

Sure he may have suffered some minor to moderate brain damage in the process, but what he did for his country was immeasurable. A true American Hero. His mark in history is indelible. It was Rocky who started the fire. No matches. No wood. In the middle of the friggin tundra. All Reagan did was throw some prepackaged store bought DuraFlame logs onto the blaze.

And the rest as they say was history. USA! USA! USA!

The Good Ole Days

2009-11-06T14:06:00.003-05:00

Remember the good ole days when Postal Workers were the only ones going postal? Geez, it seems like it was yesterday.

Who ya gonna call?

2009-11-05T14:04:00.001-05:00

A belated Happy Halloween:

Wheels Down

2009-10-20T08:18:00.004-05:00

I wonder if Rex Ryan is still blaming his scout team for the Jets overtime loss to the Buffalo Bills.

"Yeah, our scout team didn't throw any picks or make any bonehead penalties, so again they didn't really prepare us. They just weren't effective in simulating how bad we were going to play, which obviously handcuffs me as a coach. And I'm a good coach too. Remember that time when I beat Bill Belichick?"

For those who jumped on the Mark Sanchez bandwagon, of starting QB's, Mr. Sanchez(56.7) has the 3rd worst QB Rating in the league. Only Derek Anderson(41.7) and JaMarcus Russell(51.0) are worse.

I think the Jets should hire Capt. Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger as an Assistant Coach. After losing 3 straight, there is no question they are going down, but Sully might be able to land them safely in the Hudson. Plus that JETS Fireman dude can aide in the rescue efforts. See JETS fans, everythings going to be fine.

This is what Crazy looks like:

2009-10-19T16:00:00.001-05:00

Bubble Hockey

2009-10-16T13:13:00.006-05:00

The Bubble Boy and his whacked out family are taking a beating in today's news. Falcon, the boy at the center of this debacle, was so stressed out this morning that he blew chunks mid-interview on the "Today" show.

Yeah, sure it was a hoax. But the kid was merely a puppet in the kooky scheme his f'ed up father concocted. Poor Falcon was a soldier just following orders, and of course, when things got out of hand, he was thrown under the bus and pinned as the scapegoat. Gimme a break, the kid is 6. Most 6 year olds aren't that bright and certainly don't have enough balls to pull off a stunt like that(see this post to see what normal 6 year olds do) .

If you want to start picking on little kids, pick on the little dork who scored a crazy looking goal in a mini one-on-one shoot out. This Pee Wee was all over the news for his so-called "unbelievable", "best of all-time" goal. Total bullshit. The goal was nothing more than some tasteless peacocking that just so happened to work out.

Yeah, he scored a goal, and sure it was totally unconventional, but there was nothing "unbelievable" about it. Actually now that I think of it, it was unbelievable....like bad acting. I mean let's think about this, Hockey Boy had to practice this shot for no less than 20 hours. That's 20 hours he could've used to hone his "regular" skills, like skating, shooting and passing.

Nope, Mr. Big Pants wants to perfect a shot that he'd be able to use ONCE in his life. Let's face it, if he tries this Chelsea shit again, the goalie's gonna stone him. Plus this "spectacular" goal can't even be used during a regular game. It can only be in a situation where there were no defenders around, namely an overtime shoot out. He couldn't ask for a better scenario, all the lights on him and the goalie. He has what he's seeks, the audience's undivided attention.

In my opinion, this goal is similar to hitting a behind the back free throw. Yeah, cool. Wow, that was different. 1 point. Okay, you guy's done resting, back to the game. Just get the ball in the f'ng basket. Michael Jordan tried to hotdog a little bit at the line once by shooting with his eyes closed. That's about as sexy as free throws get. Yes, free throws are part of the game, and can sometimes be a VERY important part of the game, but nobody EVER made the NBA based solely on his free throw percentage. This kid will NEVER be in the NHL because of that shot.

Finally, and I'm totally guessing here, but I'm assuming Hockey Boy came with this crap all on his own. I don't think his dad was coaching him in the driveway, "okay first, scoop up the puck, then spin...fling it....yes!...now skate around, hands in the air...soak it in". Didn't happen. This kid just wanted to jerk it up. Plain and simple. Hopefully his coach talked some sense into him. Maybe he got the Willie Mays Hayes treatment, "Hey nice goal....don't ever do it again!"

Hockey Boy will happily skate around the rink during the remainder of his 15 minutes of fame while the Bubble Boy will hide quietly in the attic from his lunatic father.

Halloween is coming!

2009-10-08T08:37:00.010-05:00

It's October!!!!! Which means there's a great chance you'll see Matty Dwyer dressed up in a Bruno costume, and an even greater chance you'll see(if you haven't fallen asleep) the Red Sox playing baseball at 1 a.m.

But the big news last night came from our beloved Yankee friends. Congrats to A-Rod who broke out of an 0-29 slump with runners on base during the playoffs. His slump dates back to 2004. A-Rod was only a few hitless AB's away from breaking Walt Weiss' 0-35 stretch.

But to be honest, between Weiss, A-Rod, Mark McGwire, and Canseco, Weiss was probably the only clean one of the bunch, so I ain't mad at him.

Here is an excerpt from the NY Daily News:

"It certainly felt good to get that hit out of the way," Rodriguez said, describing a fifth-inning single to left-center that caused his girlfriend, actress Kate Hudson, to celebrate with rapper Jay-Z, who was sitting nearby. "It felt good to contribute and get on the board."

Kate Hudson? Jay-z? Celebrating A-Rod breaking an 0-29 slump? Did they break out he bubbly?

Here are some more woeful A-Rod numbers reported by the NDN:

Entering his at-bat in the fifth, Rodriguez was hitless in his previous 19 postseason at-bats with runners in scoring position and 0-for-29 with men on base. His lone RBI since 2004 came on a solo homer in Game 4 of the 2007 division series against Cleveland. He had stranded 40 runners since Game 4 of the 2004 ALCS, numbers he acknowledged he knew.

Wow. That's from the richest player in baseball, if not any sport(don't say Tiger, i swear to god if you say Tiger). Okay, so let me get to the point of this post....here are 3 Halloween costume recommendations for A-Rod.

1. Sam Wheat, Ghost. Everyone is gonna try and work in Swayze costumes this year to pay homage. Bodi, Johnny Castle, Darrel Curtis....there will be at least one of these cats at the costume party your at. Wheat is a Dark Horse, but I know A-Rod would be cool with it if only to do the clay scene with Hudson or Jay-Z.

2. Walt Weiss, Oakland A's. He'd have to stop doing roids, and walk around on his knees, but if he stayed in character, this one would actually kill at Yankee Stadium. I can see Brian Cashman and George Steinbrenner doubled over, slapping their knees. "Here comes our $250 million dollar man, Walt Weiss! Bahhhh!!!!!!"

3. Double Costume: A-Rod goes as Christopher Robinson and Kate goes as Madonna. Very catty, which is right up their alley.

That's all I got. Oh almost forgot, I heard this on the radio yesterday....had to share:

Two Degrees of Swayze....the girl in video is Cynthia Rhodes, who is also in Dirty Dancing with Swayze.

At least it's not Joe Buck

2009-09-24T10:17:00.004-05:00

Meet Paul Kirk. Governor Deval Patrick selected Mr. Kirk as the new Massachusetts interim Senator, stepping in for the late Ted Kennedy. My initial thoughts regarding Governor Patrick's selection?

He looks too much like Tim McCarver.

UTAH! Gimme TWO!

2009-09-15T09:07:00.006-05:00

Looks like Swayze finally got a chance to surf the 50 year storm. RIP.

Also, here is my favorite scene from Point Break.

Picture This

2009-09-14T08:42:00.012-05:00

It has been said that a picture is worth a thousand words. This may in fact be true, but when you're playing Pictionary all it needs to do is say one word...the right word. When you think of it like that, it sounds pretty easy.

However Saturday night, I found out that my pictures are often mute. And my audience was deaf. So it wasn't looking good. Not a good combination. But somehow, if you your partners are as equally as inept, you somehow end up forming a mental connection, where everybody is on the same page.

Now again, we were in a total friggin Picitonary zone. By the end of the night, we'd rip off correct answers after a few scribbles. Collectively, we had one mind's eye. Our Pictionary channel was coming in crystal clear. It's like we were watching it on a 46" Hi-Def LCD with HDMI cables. Our opponents (who shall remain nameless) were trying to watch HBO on a 13" black and white with bunny ears. To give you and idea of what I'm talking about, let's take a look.

FRESHMAN LEVEL
First off, a nice easy one.
Dwyer served us a meatball right down the middle. Clearly it's a click here. Der.

Okay and another gimme:

Kano masterfully delivered this classic draw two blank lines indicating the first and second words, and the rest was history. I know you already have this one.

SOPHOMORE LEVEL
Okay, time to step it up a bit. Time to put on your thinking caps.

I'm actually very proud of this one. It took me like 20 seconds to bang this one out, but overall, it was probably my best piece of work. Lots to work with here, a good amount of detail, pretty clean. Anyone? Click here for answer.

This next one is actually a two-parter:

Okay, so we had to get both answers correct, in the same amount of time. But look a the picture. There's no absolutely no panic, no haste, in those images. No cause for concern. Each picture is as clean as a whistle. Dwyer must have ice water in his veins. The one one the left was this and on the right a here.

JUNIOR LEVEL

Okay, at this point, were really starting to hum. And things start getting a little crazy.

Matty Dwyer just dominated the paper for like 4 or 5 seconds, before Kano blurted out the answer. I knew the answer too, but I was eating a Cheeto, and it happened so fast, I didn't get an opportunity. Anyway, here is the answer.

This next one was actually two different answers. We used up so little space on each one, we decided to save a tree and use the same piece of paper.

Kano did the one on the right first. He didn't even have time to finish it before we said this. I followed with the one on the left. I was all set to add some detail, but none was needed. It's this.

SENIOR LEVEL
By the end of the night it got 3-dragon weird. People were convinced we were cheating.

There's absolutely no way anybody knows what Dwyer is drawing here. Anyone except for Kano(I was eating a slice a pizza and again did not have enough time to react).

Damage Control

2009-08-26T09:14:00.004-05:00

I heard a story earlier this summer about a former teammate of Brian Urlacher leaking a story that Urlacher called his newly signed QB, Jay Cutler, a "Pu$$y". Urlacher claims he never said it. He then took it upon himself to clear the air with his QB, so he called his cellphone. Apparently it went like this:

Cutler: "Jeeellllllooooo, Jay here..."
Urlacher: "What's up Pu$$y? This is Urlacher....(long pause)....Ha, ha, ha, got you!"
Cutler: "You S.O.B.! You got me! Ha, ha, ha."

I was paraphrasing of course, but the point is, Cutler and Urlacher quickly put the fire out before it had a chance to spread. Apparently, the two are friends now and have been seen horsing around at camp together.

Flash forward to this week. I guess Papelbon made some sort of remark about how the Sox didn't need closer Billy Wagner. Well, the Sox just got Wagner, and this is what Papelbon said to mend the fence:

“It’s just a simple thing that when things are taken out of content and then you start to get to where you’re gonna affect the ballclub and affect something to where now you’re gonna have an affect to whether we’re gonna get a player or not and now you’re affecting whether we may win a championship or not, and when you do things like that I don’t think that’s the right way to go about it.”

Huh? I wish Papelbon had just called him a Pu$$y.

All in the Family

2009-08-21T14:14:00.003-05:00

I watched a few plays from last nights Pats-Bengals game. Saw the Bengals score a TD on a nice pass from JT O'Sullivan to Andre Caldwell. The TD was reversed because they called offensive pass interference on Caldwell. As Caldwell walked backed to the huddle in disbelief they zoomed in on him revealing a pained expression. He looked like he was in a daze and possibly on drugs. His eyes were buggin, real wide. Actually, most of you guys are pretty familiar with the look I'm talking about. He looked like his older brother Rechee...

Par for the Course, Part III

2009-08-21T10:13:00.002-05:00

The wait is over. The long anticipated 3rd and final installment of the Par for the Course trilogy is here. It stars non-other than Matty Dwyer. My only problem with this video is that we only get to see Mr. Dwyer for 3 shots. I wish it was a Par 7.

Par for the Course, Part II

2009-08-19T12:41:00.003-05:00

On the tee box, Johnny Gray was like Hannibal Lecter, dissecting and plotting an evil scheme to not only conquer, but belittle the overmatched 11th hole. When he finally finished his thorough analysis, he put it on cruise control and breezed his way to another tap in par.

Next up, Par for the Course, Part III featuring Mr. Matt Dwyer

Par for the Course, Part I

2009-08-18T11:29:00.006-05:00

I recently golfed Easton CC with several members of Team Hoffy. Each player was videoed for one hole. Here is what I did on my hole:

If you want to see something freaky, go to about 0:53 seconds in, just before I swing. Hit play and pause real fast a few times....and you might see a still shot of how much the shaft actually bends. It looks like a wet noodle. Fine, I did some crazy computer stuff, and did the work for you, check it out.

I need new clubs, mine feel a little loose.

Stay tuned for Par for the Course, Part II starring John Gray.

Larry Bird is not walking through that door

2009-08-13T08:08:00.004-05:00

But apparently Rick Pitino will walk through a bathroom door if you ask him nicely. Hiyooooo! Thanks folks I'll be here(not posting) all week.

Dan Morrell Memorial 2009

2009-08-10T11:51:00.002-05:00

Just wanted to say thanks for all of you who participated in the golf tourney. Also a special thanks to everyone who helped out. From the picture below, I'd say it was a complete success. Note: this picture was taken 3 holes into the tournament.

Say Cheetos!

2009-07-30T14:05:00.004-05:00

They're good for babies, er, I mean kids, right?

Recalibration

2009-07-30T12:25:00.007-05:00

The Gates vs. Crowley vs. Obama vs. Chick who called it in vs. the racist police officer thing is getting way, way out of hand. What a bunch of crazy aholes. This whole thing has been blown out of proportion from the get go, and EVERYBODY involved has been quick to "clarify" their behavior. Here's what they'll have you believe:

Gates didn't mean to play the race card 0.1 seconds after he saw a cop standing at his front door. Instead, he was irritated that he broke his front door. Plus he just got back from a long trip and was holding in a mean dump since Logan Airport. When he saw the honkey cop, it sent him over the edge.

Crowley didn't mean to be the bully cop whose ego may have been bruised when the nerdy black guy was ripping him in front of his fellow officers. Instead, he was just protecting and serving. He was very concerned for the good people of Cambridge and his beautiful family at home. He saw an angry old black dude, excuse me, an angry old dude wielding a cane. The streets of Cambridge are safer with that lunatic behind bars.

The chick who called the thing in, never, ever said race was a factor behind the call, even though she described one of the dudes as "Hispanic". She didn't say "Hispanic" she said, "I panicked!" Der, she doesn't see colors. She is color blind. Yet she has a color television? Very suspect.

Obama clearly could've "recalibrated" his comments about the Cambridge police department and in no way meant to criticize the CPD by saying they acted "stupidly". He easily could've tweaked his verbiage to something like "the CPD acted unintelligently". No, that's no good. Too blunt. Let's see, let's try "the CPD acted haphazardly". Mmmmm, that's okay, but still a bit abrasive. How about "the CPD acted hastily". Bingo! Recalibrate that!

And finally, the best for last, the racist police officer meant absolutely zero malice when writing that had he "been the officer he verbally assaulted like a banana-eating jungle monkey, I would have sprayed him in the face with OC (oleoresin capsicum, or pepper spray) deserving of his belligerent non-compliance." Clearly he meant it in a funny, cuddly manner, completely out of context.

As you can see, this debacle was just a complete misunderstanding that snowballed. The situation was a volatile mix of misinterpretations, but aside from the racist cop, NONE of the participants have apologized for their actions, but rather just clarified that they meant no harm. Clearly we have all learned something from this, now let's have an appletini and move on.

Union Built

2009-07-28T12:22:00.005-05:00

I've been sitting on the sidelines for a week now. All sorts of good stuff going on in the news too: Cape Cup 2009, Crowley vs. Gates, Canary fighting ring, Jim Rice joins Kano in the HOF, yet still I haven't been able to get off my ass. I needed a sign, some sort of divine intervention that would get me back to my blog.

Today I was walking back from lunch and on the corner of Milk & High, I saw such a sign. It was a giant plastic condom/dick sticking out of a window at the old Post Office. No doubt a laborers work of art.

Go Local 133!

Claret Jug

2009-07-17T15:33:00.004-05:00

"That's a peach, hon!"

"Here you go Steve.....Steve?"

Deadbeat Dude

2009-07-16T09:06:00.005-05:00

From CNN:

Frank Hatley spent the past year in jail for being a deadbeat dad. But there's one problem -- Hatley doesn't have any children. And the "deadbeat" label doesn't fit the 50-year-old either, his supporters say.
Frank Hatley had been ordered to make back payments even after he learned a teenager wasn't his son.

After a hearing, Hatley was released from the Cook County Jail in south Georgia Wednesday afternoon, with the help of the Southern Center for Human Rights.

Superior Court Judge Dane Perkins ruled that Hatley was indigent and should not be jailed for not being able to make child support payments. Perkins postponed a decision on whether Hatley should have to make any more back payments on child-support for a child who is not his.

In June of last year, a judge ordered Hatley to jail for failing to reimburse the state for public assistance that was paid to support his "son," who, as the court was aware, is not actually his son.

Hatley is a hard-working man who demonstrated his desire to pay what the court said he owed, even making payments from his unemployment checks, Geraghty told CNN.

On top of that, "the state has no legitimate reason to pursue Mr. Hatley for child support -- he doesn't have any children," she said.

The story dates back to 1986, when Hatley had a relationship with Essie Lee Morrison. She became pregnant and gave birth to a son.

Morrison told Hatley that the child was his, but the couple ended their relationship shortly after the boy's birth, according to court documents. The couple never married and never lived together, the documents state.

When the boy turned 2, Morrison applied for public support for her son. Under Georgia law, the state can go after the non-custodial parent to recoup the assistance.

For 13 years, Hatley made payments to the state until learning, in 2000, that the boy might not be his biological son. A DNA test that year confirmed that there was no chance he was the father, according to court documents.

Hatley returned to court and was relieved of any future child support reimbursement but was ordered to pay more than $16,000 that he had owed the state before the ruling.

Latesha Bradley, an attorney who represented Hatley in that hearing, told CNN the argument for keeping Hatley liable for the back payments was that he had signed a consent agreement with the office of child support services. The court agreed that Hatley had to comply with the consent agreement for the period that he believed the boy was his son.

Court documents show that Hatley for the most part continued to make payments. He was jailed for six months in 2006 for falling behind on payments during a period of unemployment, but afterward he resumed making payments and continued to do so even after he lost another job in 2008 and became homeless, court records state.

Last year, he again became unable to maintain the payments and was once again jailed.

This is just a lesson for all of you potential fathers out there. If the paternity test comes back negative, you're not necessarily off the hook, so you shouldn't do this:

Apparently a court of law has determined that NOT BEING THE FATHER does not exactly absolve you from paying CHILD SUPPORT. So the court recognized that he shouldn't pay any FUTURE child support, but ordered this poor(literally) bastard to make BACK PAYMENTS up to the point they made the ruling. This makes no sense on several levels. Plus, can you imagine this guys conversations in jail:

Con: "what you in for?"
Mr. Hatley: "my girlfriend cheated on me. we had a baby, but I found out it wasn't mine"
Con: "so you killed her?"
Mr. Hatley: "nope"
Con: "Ohhh, you killed him?"
Mr. Hatley: "nope, i failed to pay child support"

That is one really, really cruel joke. Plus it's f'ng scary.

Michaelpalooza

2009-07-07T08:49:00.003-05:00

The Michael Jackson funeral/memorial/tribute/concert/theme park will be held today. Think of the biggest concert you ever went to. Let's see, mine would be Lollapalooza back in 1994. Smashing Pumpkins, Beastie Boys and A Tribe Called Quest. Then think of the biggest funeral you ever saw. I didn't attend it, but I saw Lady Di's on tv. If you combine both events, that's what you'll get today at the Staples Center.

This whole scene is kinda weird. Michael Jackson was one of the biggest entertainer ever. Can't take that away from him. But often is the case, his death has transformed him into something even greater. Up until now, the most revered person in the history of this planet has been JC, Jesus Christ. Seems as though now, his lead is slipping

These people are really pushing it. I mean c'mon, it's a friggin stain on a tree. It could be anything. You keep looking at it long enough and you'll eventually see what you want to see.

Personally, I think it looks like Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw massacre.

Chick Magnet

2009-07-02T15:22:00.005-05:00

It's official...the people(all 10 of you) have spoken. The Hoff is the Top sex symbol of All-Time. No arguments from me. Let us all bask in his glory:

Classy

Cool

Cut

The Hoff is a five-tool player.

You're welcome.

The Sea of Cortez

2009-07-02T08:52:00.010-05:00

My Sneakers

I just bought a pair of nylon, Nike Cortez with the blue swoosh from this site. I was going for comfort, plus I like plain sneakers. And also, you can wash the nylon ones, unlike their leather cousins. So the Cortez was the perfect choice.

It's been a while since I last had these things on my feet. As soon as I slipped them on, I was taken back to 1987. I was 13 years old. I was sitting on my couch, eating from a box of Bugles as I watched Teen Wolf on HBO. We had a Zenith television that weighed 220lbs. I weighed 75 lbs. My hair was long and parted in the middle. Later in the day, I rode my Mongoose bike up to Atherton Hough to meet up with some friends and play stickball. I gave up a homerun that almost hit the 216 bus as it passed by(would've been a grandslam if the kid hit it). On our way home, we stopped in at Bernies General Store. I propped the Oakley grip on my bike up against the wall, so it wouldn't fall on the ground(cool bikes didn't have kickstands).

My grips

I bought a Pepsi and candy bar for a little under $1. The $1 bill was a bit sweaty after I pulled it out of my sock. I was always a little nervous when I came down the ramped entryway as I exited Bernies. You never knew if your bike would still be there. Yep, people stole bikes back then too. Before going home, we headed down to the PL for a quick jump. The tide was in so it wasn't that high of a leap. Probably like 15 feet from the railing, 10 feet for the wussies who jumped pylon. Then it was back home to the couch. Just in time. Remote Control was starting on MTV.

My show