consider the wind

This is it!

2009-02-24T02:08:00.002Z

"We shall not cease from exploration,
and the end of all of our exploring
will be to arrive
where we started
and know the place for the first time."

-T.S. Eliot

I've been struggling with what to say

2009-01-02T11:45:00.003Z

And what Gene says is not exactly what I might say, but it is, as ever, deeply valuable:

Read his blog here.

Unfortunately his old blogger account was hijacked recently, so there isn't much of an archive to read, but keep checking it as it'll grow again over time.

2008-12-21T11:02:00.002Z

Background music for this post!

I feel like I've been saying good-bye ever since I made the decision to move home. And because I've worked and played with so many different people since I came to this fair city, it's actually kinda true. Every couple of days I see people who I wouldn't be seeing for another month or so, and as such, it's good-bye.

And it's different than my other two recent good-byes, finishing university and leaving home to come here, because this time I don't know when, or if, I'll ever be back. So for all intents and purposes it's good-bye forever. And I've left enough places to know that even for the small number of people I choose to stay in touch with, the relationships will change past recognition.

So for the moment, anyway, I've largely lost sight of my exciting new job, and am just overwhelmed with the grief of leaving. Which I suppose is its own kind of rightness. Knowing that I would have been leaving anyway in another six months helps a bit. As does knowing that another six months would have made it even harder to leave.

Random cultural observation: They really like Christmas parties here! I could have been partying like it was Friday night every night of last week, and on a few occasions, I could have done it twice over. It's freaking exhausting! The twelve days of Christmas before Christmas. I wonder why in Canada we've really embraced the idea of non-religious mid-winter festival, but here (despite being farther along the "post-Christian" road than most of English Canada) they still celebrate Christmas and send Christmas cards and eat Christmas pudding, often no matter what their religious or cultural background?

The Butterfly Effect

2008-11-25T16:39:00.000Z

According to Sinfest.

still true

2008-11-24T16:45:00.000Z

“We have been silent witnesses of evil deeds; we have been drenched by many storms; we have learnt the acts of equivocation and pretence; experience has made us suspicious of others and kept us from being truthful and open; intolerable conflicts have worn us down and even made us cynical. Are we still of any use? What we shall need is not geniuses, or cynics, or misanthropes, or clever tacticians, but plain, honest, straightforward [people].” - Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s Letters and Papers from Prison, 16-17.

too long for a facebook status

2008-11-18T12:32:00.002Z

I was just going to update my facebook status, but I realized it would have ended up being a paragraph, so I thought maybe I'd try a blog post instead.

I was just reading a letter from an old uni friend who is now in Afghanistan with the Canadian Armed Forces. As usual it made me think, and made me uncomfortable, though it also made me laugh. I appreciate the correspondence because it helps me to keep everyone human.

I also read some emails this morning from some friends discussing what's more important, happiness, wealth or fame. It only struck me belatedly that some how love hadn't made it into this list of top aims.

I guess it is just making me think about what it means to be human. I'm not even sure what I mean by that. Except that I think being human is very complicated, but there are moments when it also seems very simple. And sometimes it feels like sitting on a fence between murkiness and clarity. But it's always interesting, isn't it? And I guess I feel pretty lucky to have a quiet morning where I can think thoughts that have no beginning and no end and no point.

W.

2008-11-04T21:46:00.002Z

I got to see a free preview tonight. I went with 3 Americans, a Brit, and another Canadian. I think our nationalities affected our viewing pleasure.

My biggest discomfort was (of course?) with the type of Christianity represented in the film. Though there was one moment in which I found a small hope for redemption (it was quickly lost though.) One of my American friends was disconcerted in similar way by the representation of the United States, because, as she said, it would just confirm people in their dislike for her country. It is interesting to note though, that the only scene that really showed "America" as a nation united (in my view), was during the peace demonstrations.

Anyhoo, I won't say anymore. See it for yourself if you fancy. But try and remember that it is a dramatization and not a documentary. In that light, I enjoyed it. And I also liked it (okay, I guess I'm saying one more thing), but I liked that Bush was painted as stupid instead of evil. It's a small concession, and still not as complex as the reality, likely, but I think that it's probably better to be stupid than evil, in this case.

It would be interesting though, to hear the story through a lens that tried to allow him to be neither dumb nor inhuman. I want to believe that it's possible. But I guess the scary thing is really, what justification could there be for the decisions that happened under his leadership?

Television

2008-10-30T17:30:00.001Z

They interviewed our angels!

Yay! Watch it here!

"If I had a tripod I'd blockade in the morning..."

2008-10-29T10:03:00.003Z

A peak into the Blockade at Aldermaston.

I was so proud. She's physically a small woman, but you don't have to be big if you have creativity and a good support team!

And here's a list of some media coverage, none of which I've looked at, but then again, maybe I don't need to read it?

http://www.newburytoday.co.uk/News/Article.aspx?articleID=8293
Newbury Today (Excellent Article - 16 pics)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/berkshire/7692498.stm
"A spokeswoman for Thames Valley Police said the protest, which started at 0600 BST, had been peaceful with no violent incidents."
BBC article - so, so.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/oct/28/anti-nuclear-aldermaston-protest-disarmament

http://www.rochdaleonline.co.uk/news-features/2/community-news/15727/peace-campaigner-halts-work-at-nuclear-bomb-factory
(Pat Sanchez - outstanding article)

http://www.getreading.co.uk/news/s/2038165_protesters_stick_it_out_at_awe_factory
(Great article)

http://www.readingchronicle.co.uk/articles/1/6122
(negative article)

http://www.thisishampshire.net/news/hampshirenews/3793927.Protests_at_AWE/
(negative comments in comments section)

http://www.newburytoday.co.uk/News/FlashNewsPlayer.aspx?articleID=8293&CategoryID=
NEWBURY TODAY, VIDEO.

http://www.newburytoday.co.uk/News/Article.aspx?articleID=8293
Newbury Today, link to wonderful video.

http://www.climateark.org/shared/reader/welcome.aspx?linkid=109198
(links to some interesting articles)
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2008/10/28/33-arrested-in-protest-at-nuclear-site-115875-20846583/
so, so.

http://picasaweb.google.com/NuclearDisarm/Aldermaston#
Photographs
http://blockawe.blogspot.com/
pics
http://www.indymedia.org.uk/en/2008/10/411702.html

raking leaves

2008-10-25T13:32:00.002+01:00

I was surprised to discover during a recent church work day, that I enjoy yard work. I even spontaneously volunteered to help rake our back garden yesterday for an hour. As I was using back muscles that didn't even remember they existed, I reflected on other things that I hated when I was little that now make me happy. Things like naps, boys, dark green vegetables, and chore days. I think growing up is pretty great.

My visit to a palace

2008-10-09T17:12:00.002+01:00

This morning, at the request of my boss, I attended the AGM of a national Christian-Muslim dialogue forum. I've been to a couple of their events in the past, and in general, despite their top down approach, I like what they do. Today though was another story.

You know how you can know something objectionable about someone, say...oh I don't know, I guess we all have different standards of what's objectionable. Anyway...you can know about someone's objectionable stance or practice, but as long as it doesn't come up in your normal interaction, you can kind of turn a blind eye? That's how it was for me with this forum. I know that they are part of the historical hierarchal British system, but normally I can ignore their structure, as the bits I've seen in action seem as good as what anyone else is doing.

Today though, today...I'm still sighing and shaking my head. To begin with, the AGM was held in Lambeth Palace, the residence of the Archbishop of Canterbury. And the word Palace here isn't metaphorical. It is easily the largest private building it has ever been my displeasure to visit. So that started me off on the wrong foot. I really struggle with my own privilege, and it absolutely drives me crazy to witness people who (merrily?) still benefit from historical social inequalities. Most especially when they do so in the name of my religion.

The Archbishop was our keynote speaker, which was fine. He said some good things, encouraged people to focus on areas like the environment where we have less potential for competing truth claims. Very diplomatic. But to hear him talk about our common conerns around poverty, while sitting there in Lambeth Palace, just blew my mind. I wish I could have had the opportunity to talk to him about how he reconciles these things. He seems like an intelligent man, I'm sure the irony of his situation hasn't escaped his attention.

The third thing that really hit me was our reception by the doorman before even getting in. He was what one of my British collegues described as a dying "type" of British customer service. He made me feel like I was doing him an incredible diservice by forcing him to do his job. And I couldn't help thinking, surely this attitude is rooted in his own lack of respect for his own position? And I couldn't help contrasting his (and his "superior's") attitude and role with our own little centre. Yes, in our centre like at Lambeth Palace different people have different roles, but each role, and more importantly, each person, is recognized as equally valuable. I really get disgruntled by over the top hierarchy.

Oh, and my feminism, which has been quietly sleeping lately, as I generally move in enlightened circles, was rudely awakened by the sad fact that apparently this forum doesn't even believe in tokenism. None of the five panelists were women.

All in all, I felt that they play a different game with different rules at Lambeth Palace, even though supposedly we are in the same Christian camp. And I have to say, I prefer the game I play and the rules I play by.

But most significantly, this reminded me that dialogue within any given religion are as important as dialogue between religions. If I'm any example, ecumenical understanding is far from being a done deal.

Fricking AWESOME!

2008-10-08T21:28:00.002+01:00

Go Raul! Go SoftShell!

Check out a success story from that show, you know, the technology entrepreneur one.

Be sure to tell your grandparents!

forbidden kiss!

2008-10-08T18:09:00.000+01:00

This made me smile today:

Kussen Verboten

My favourite line

2008-10-04T10:40:00.002+01:00

"Once you get into helping people, it's kind of addictive."

Listen to the CBC interview!

2008-09-30T23:50:00.001+01:00

Stuff White People Like

Except it's really more, stuff middle class yuppies like, but a lot of them are white, and it is amusing all the same.

what with one thing and another

2008-09-18T18:06:00.003+01:00

Today was the English class where I usually lend a hand. Now that Ramadan is well under way, we have more students in class. I'm impressed with their stick-to-it-ness, I find it hard to do things when I'm hungry. Today there was a different teacher standing in, and I have to say that experience really makes a teacher stronger. It's easier to work under someone who is confident in what they are doing.I took these pictures on the way to class. I love this part of town. Just being there makes me happy.
I was naughty, and stopped in a charity shop on the way home (my alleged purpose was the buy something for a friend whose birthday is this week). The nifty bit was that I ran into someone I know. This happens so rarely, it is well worth mentioning. I love running into people I know. It is one of life's simplest pleasures.
I suspect that Kenny Loggins might drive me to drink too. I think this is cute though, because it may potentially backfire as anti-advertising. Someone who is like me may go to find out who Kenny Loggins is and (unlike me) really dig his music.
This wasn't on the way to work, this is in a nearby bit of greenspace which I fancy. I'm all over the paint not bombs. Whenever I see the adverts for that movie, Righteous Kill, I always wish I was the vandalising type. It just seems painfully ironic that a city rife with teen gang murders would have posters plastered everywhere that say, "it's okay for someone to get shot, if it's the right person."

Still, it was a day of simple pleasures.

Simultaneously it's been a week of reflecting on big and complex wrongs. I had dinner with a friend who just got back from being in Palestine with ISM. She wants to go back even though she abhors covering her elbows, because the hardest thing is coming back to security, privilege and comfort and feeling useless. I just learned that a woman in my church (the same woman who lost her daughter this summer) has a tumor on her spine. It is equally difficult to know how to respond to injustice from God and injustice from human beings. Please pray for us.

two good things

2008-09-13T09:47:00.003+01:00

When I was home in August, my mom's downstairs neighbour had a home birth the same morning that my posse and I descended on her flat for brunch. As such I was privileged to hold a 5 hour old baby in my arms. Her mom (a ob/gyn nurse) was tickled to show off the many miracles of a new baby, such as a still throbbing umbilical cord. It was miraculous.

Just now I registered to vote by mail in ballot, which was way easier than I anticipated. I always get excited by opportunities to vote. I like democracy, flawed though it may be.

If you've got more to give than you've got to prove

2008-09-12T23:23:00.002+01:00

" Stand up
We shall not be moved
Except By a child with no socks and shoes
If you've got more to give then you've got to prove
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
Stand up We shall not be moved
Except by a woman dying from a loss of food
If you've got more to give then you've got to prove
Put your hands up and I'll copy you

We still don't understand thunder and lightning
Flash back to when we didn't fund the dam
Didn't fund the dam levee? No wonder man
Now our whole damn city's torn asunder man
Under water but we still don't understand
We see hurricane spills overrun the land
Through gaps you couldn't fill with a 100 tons of sand
No we still don't understand
We've seen planes in the windows of buildings crumbled in
We've seen flames send the chills through London
And we've sent planes to kill them and some of them were children
But still we crumbling the building
Underfunded but we still don't understand
Under God but we kill like the son of Sam
But if you feel like I feel like about the son of man
We will overcome

So Stand up
We shall not be moved
Except By a child with no socks and shoes
If you've got more to give then you've got to prove
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
Stand up We shall not be moved
Except by a woman dying from a loss of food
If you've got more to give then you've got to prove
Put your hands up and I'll copy you

I said Put your hands up and I'll copy you
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
If you've got more to give then you've got to prove
Put your hands up and I'll copy you

We shall not be moved
Except By a child with no socks and shoes
Except by a woman dying from a loss of food
Except by a freedom fighter bleeding on a cross for you
We shall not be moved
Except by a system thats rotten through
Neglecting the victims and ordering the cops to shoot
High treason now we need to prosecute

So Stand up
We shall not be moved
And we won't fight a war for fossil fuel
Its times like this that you want to plot a coup
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
So Stand up
We shall not be moved
Unless were taking a route we have not pursued
So if you've got a dream and a lot to do
Put your hands up and I'll copy you

I said Put your hands up and I'll copy you
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
if you've got a dream and a lot to do
Put your hands up

Now shake, shake
A Polaroid dream
nightmare negatives develop on the screen
We sit back and wait for the government team
Criticize they but who the fuck are we
The people want peace but the leaders want war
Our neighbors don't speak, peek through the front door
House representatives preach "stay the course"
Time for a leap of faith
Once More

Put your hands up high if you haven't abandoned
Hope that the pen strokes stronger than the cannon
Balls to the wall, Nose to the grindstone
My interrogation techniques leave your mind blown
So Place your bets lets speak to the enemy
Don't let em pretend that we seek blood
And who's we anyways Kemo Sabe?
Mighty warlord wanna-be street thug
a threat for a threat leaves the whole world terrified
blow for blow never settles the score
word for word is time need clarify
We the people did not want war

So Stand up
We shall not be moved
Except By a child with no socks and shoes
If you've got more to give then you've got to prove
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
Unless were taking a route we have not pursued
So if you've got a dream and a lot to do
Put your hands up and I'll copy you

I said Put your hands up and I'll copy you
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
if you've got a dream and a lot to do
Put your hands up"
-Stand Up, the Flobots

what disturbs me most

2008-09-11T12:01:00.002+01:00

I watched the Daily Show the other day for the first time in a million years. It helped me realize that what disturbs me most about the upcoming election in the US being spread all over our media for the last couple of months, is that we've lost sight of what's still going on in terms of foreign policy, specifically in Afghanistan and Iraq.

We've lost sight of trying to even vaguely keep Bush accountable these last months in office. He is, or rather his policy makers are, still doing damage. But there isn't even the cold comfort of listening to Jon Stewart make fun of him anymore.

wee bugs

2008-09-01T00:37:00.003+01:00

My previous post wasn't a metaphorical question. It's the time of year when bugs are sneaking or openly flying, into the shelter of our old house. The other day I trapped a spider (almost) as big as my palm under a mug, and successfully threw it outside. Who knows how long it will be before it sneaks its way back in though. I also saw some moths flying around, and would have liked to get rid of them (as moths have been desecrating our woolens lately), but they get drawn to those dang lights, totally out of my reach. I guess they'll die there anyway.

I would like to share more deeply than about the present insect invasion, but most life experiences feel too complex for words. I'm hate taking the risk of belittling them.

I was just wondering

2008-08-29T21:09:00.000+01:00

Why are moths attracted to light, even to the point of death?

2008-08-05T09:30:00.002+01:00

"One's past is what one is."
- Oscar Wilde

I think this is true. But I think that two people could have similar pasts and choose to do different things with those realities. But both would be equally shaped by where they came from.

I remember being struck by the lack of water

2008-08-04T10:12:00.002+01:00

"CPTnet
1 August 2008
AT-TUWANI: Drought in South Hebron Hills worsened by Israeli occupation

At-Tuwani and neighboring villages are in the worst drought-affected area of the Occupied Palestinian Territories (OPT). Only 13% of the expected rainfall came in the Hebron area in the winter of 2007-08. Two weeks ago, At-Tuwani villagers told Christian Peacemaker Teams (CPT) that only around one week's supply of water was left in the village's wells and cisterns.

Israeli military road blocks restrict access to the nearest Palestinian Water Authority (PWA) filling point, but even without these restrictions, the capacity of the PWA is insufficient to meet local needs. The Oslo II Peace Agreement of 1995 called for "the equitable utilization of joint water resources,": which the Israeli government never carried out. Israeli human rights group, B'Tselem reports that the daily per capita consumption of water of Palestinians in the West Bank is 66 liters, whereas the average daily water consumption in Israeli cities is 235 liters.

Some families in At-Tuwani have purchased water, but the Israeli military roadblocks mean that water tankers have to take longer routes, thus raising the price. NGOs who recently brought water to the area told CPT that it cost 35-40 NIS per m3 (1m3 = 1000 liters), three to six times higher than Israeli households pay. In addition, the villagers must provide water for their flocks , and a sheep requires a minimum of 5-7 liters of water per day.

The low winter rainfall adversely affected the growth of the natural vegetation, and the planted crops, like barley and wheat, produced a very low harvest. The Palestinians, therefore, have had to buy additional fodder for their animals. In the past 12 months fodder prices have tripled, while the market price for a sheep has nearly halved. The Occupation has also interfered with shepherds' ability to graze their animals. Since it began in 1967, 21 percent of West Bank grazing land has been declared Israeli military zones and another 8 percent nature reserves. Israeli settlers often attack shepherds and their flocks in the fields, which makes feeding their flocks even more difficult for families.

Palestinians, with support from a Spanish NGO, are building a new cistern in At-Tuwani to supply water to villages in the area in future years. The Israeli military issued a 'stop work order' (the first step in the demolition process) for it on 26 June, 2008. Representatives from the village met with the Israeli military authorities last week requesting that this order be rescinded. They have told CPT that they will appeal to the Israeli High Court if necessary.

CPT continues to accompany Palestinian herders as they graze on their traditional lands and resist Israeli army and settler harassment. Local and international NGOs are working to meet the humanitarian needs in the area by supplying water and fodder.

Figures in this release are taken from

"

When you deport nonviolent people, all you are left with is the violent ones

2008-08-04T10:10:00.001+01:00

"CPTnet
2 August 2008
AT-TUWANI: CPTer faces possible deportation

The Israeli authorities detained Kristin Anderson, a U.S. citizen working with Christian Peacemaker Teams in the South Hebron Hills, today during a non-violent action in At-Tuwani. Israeli soldiers took Anderson's bag and passport, and police detained her when she stayed behind to retrieve them; they then took her to the Kiryat Arba police station. The Israeli authorities may move her to the Russian Compound in Jerusalem for a trial and possible deportation.

The public witness was a response to four attacks Israeli settlers perpetrated against Palestinian children in the last week as they walked to or from summer camp in At-Tuwani. About 300 Palestinian adults and children as well as Israelis and internationals marched from At-Tuwani to Tuba to protest the continuing violence and the expansion of the settlement outpost Havat Ma'on."

something good to lose

2008-08-02T01:38:00.003+01:00

Sunshine On My Shoulders

Again, ignore the video, but enjoy the song.

I'm not sure what it is about this song, but it resonates with my feelings around losing friends. Not the forever death kind of losing, but the inevitable people move away and friendships change, kind of losing.

As well as a too much death, I've also had a couple good friends move away in the last month, and it makes me sad. But this song, I think it touches me because it celebrates that there is something good to lose. (As we could never really lose anything if we never had anything worth keeping.)