sports jokes

2009-06-26T01:12:00.000-07:00

Chicken Dancing Boxer

There's this boxer who goes by the names of Zab Super! Word goes that he got into a fight with someone who was soo good at throwing the punches that he needed to get into the ring with a metallic protective gear.

Well, he didn't! Instead the guy decided to enter the ring with a plan to dance through his opponent's punches! what happened is that during one of the dancing moves, he got caught by a punch which was soo hard that it made him lose his dancing moves and found himself doing the CHICKEN DANCE!

2008-09-23T08:22:00.000-07:00

The champions league is here!!
Hmmmh,first there was the golden league,where those who were blessed with legs that have superchargers,go at each other for some bars of gold worth 1Million dollars!!Then there was the Tri-Nations where men who have had world food eating records usually go for some brawls in the open to find out who exactly has eaten the most food and consequently become much bigger.

Then the olympics which more or less just accumulates almost every other sport that mankind ever decided to come up with to get rid of the disease called boredom,and people worldwide were soooo enthralled by some performances of some guys whose muscles are not so human and have great endurance ability.

Now,the entertainment that rocks is here again,featuring some Millionaires who still flaunt their childhood hobbies of juggling theDonkey-leather-covered sample of air aka soccer ball,amongst themselves while trying to slot it into a space that is netted.

The only talent they have is the ability to twist their leg 360 degrees while juggling the coveted piece of leather.This makes for some Grrrreat entertainment for my species....

2008-09-08T10:58:00.000-07:00

Olympics recap season 1 episdode 1
Yes this is where some swimmer by the names of michael phelps aka "Human Fish" has decided that he came along to the olympics with some eraser in hand and ended up erasing all previous records set in the 'human fish' competition.

This guy also proved that apart from his amphibian status,he also has a magnetic attraction for golden items,and he made those responsible keep dressing him up in round golden kind of things,the rewards for showing people how much of a human fish he can be.

So while everyone else was comfortably settling for just one of those golden items,this guy wanted the total loot,leaving the rest of those competing with him for the honors weeping all the way home and considering some options like suing Phelps for malicious damage to their egos...Crazy Human fishmen?

2008-09-07T04:19:00.000-07:00

Invasion of the Moneymen!!
I am wondering what is going on with all the money-men lately.They have deicided that they are tired of keping their money within the confines of their pockets lest the money burst out and cause grave injury to the people concerned.

So,what do they do?they decide to open up charities where the recipients are not the needy,but millionaires!So,it's just like a Billionaire donating money to a Millionaire!This especially ture for the game of soccer aka real football.First it was some guys belonging to sone J.P Morgan thing purchasing Manchester UNited,then came Mr Moneybags,One Abramovich who shook the status quo and make every other club owner look like a pauper.He proceeded to pay the millionaire players he had record wages such that they became more interested in money that running around a soccer pitch chasing goatskin.

Some others have come in now,and going by the interest in that region,soccer clubs in England will receive 'The Invasion of the Turbaned guys' kind of thing soon.

Some guys come over and buy off a club called Manchester city and buy some Brazilian kid who really knows how to perform the samba dance with the goatskin ball around his ankles,then they proceed to pay him enough money to make the lad go crazy.So soon i think the kid will start playing less samab soccer and instead will be daydreaming on the pitch about all the money flowing into his account endlessly,so he will eventually have to be sacked for toomuch daydreaming and less play.

These Billionaires emanate from a region known to flow with black gold and are said to have run out of safes to keep their money and have decided to rain it upon some millionaires.....That is Money sense!!

2008-08-14T09:43:00.000-07:00

Football season is here again(am talking about the REAL football here),and everyone is already hyping up how much this season will be hot.

Crazy things have been happening lately especially in the transfer market.There is a team called Man United which has American owners and coached by a Scot named Sir Ale Ferguson akak 'The Perpetual gum chewer,due to his habit of exercising his jaws with some products from wrigleys.It is usually said to be a mechanism for him to hold his nerves together,since he is usually on the verge of losing his nerves when watching his team play.

He is said to have been seriously addicted to these products more over the transfer season,since he dreaded losing one player from his team called Ronaldo.A man famous for his dribbling skills both on the pitch with the ball and off it with women.

Now Ronaldo wanted to leave Ferguson's team and head to spain and become a Matador wit some team called real Madrid.This sort of news was enpugh to give Sir Alex sleepless nights,and he had to make a special order for a truckload of wrigleys products,which he chewed onto 24/7 while keeping his phone always nearby to call his bosses,telling them to NEVER release the boy called Ronaldo,otherwise he would suffocate himself in 'Chewing gum'

In the end he must be chewing in delight after frustrating the attemted transfer and now wants to shop for another striker to add to his team that has strikers from goal keeper to number11.

2008-08-12T10:58:00.000-07:00

Olympics are here and everyone is waiting for the endurance giys to do their thing.Of course some people want to see the side events like a certain Michael Phelps,trying to emulate dolphins right under people's noses.

Well,to me the main attraction will be the speedsters trying to leave each other gasping for breath on the race track.I am particularly interested in the steeplechase race.

In this race,there is an unwritten code,that for anyone to win it,they've got to have some Kenyan Origins.That should actually mean that U.S Presidential candidate Barrack Obama would make a good steeplechaser.What makes these guys so good at their thing?

These guys grow up while being trained on how to jump over bushes,while looking after cattle.Eventually,they notice that there is some free money being offered by guys around,just to watch them doing their hobby.

The monopoly in the race has been brought about by this one factor.These guys have been doing it since childhood and anyone else who wishes to excel will have to go to the homeland of steeplechasing,and learn the trade...Jumping over bushes and running after cattle.
Good luck to all steeplechasers!

2008-08-05T11:08:00.000-07:00

I was watching some crazy game over the weekend.This is the sort of game that should not have been carried foward from early man's days into the present.It is such an agressive game,many players end up on hospiatl beds for years.They call the game rugby.

The game has a relative in the United States called American football.The relative is a more watered down version that can even be played by kids.Some cowards/very intelligent people decided to insulate themselves by wearing metallic plates all over his body,till he looks like some being that resembles superman,gobletman..Or some other cartoon men.

Back to the weekend game that featured two of the best teams in the world.One from New Zealand,the guys who are very popular for the threats and intimidating stunts they met on their opponents before they play with them.The chant is called HAKA,and the team dresses in black.They are said to be the only team that plays the game the way it was played originally by the cave men thousands of years ago.This is one of the main reasons why they never get beaten so easily by their opponents.

The other team was from a neighbouring island and they are called the Wallabies.They learned their game by observing how Kangaroos jump around and try to emulate them on the pitch.The two teams with contrasting styles went on the pitch and the game was similar to some ancient war dance.

In this game,whenever a team chooses to go ancient with their dance,the team in black always prevails because they have the lineage of the founders of the game in their team.

2008-07-27T11:40:00.000-07:00

Unfair!!Yes that was the main word i used after watching the end of a certain game that was played recently.

Some guys call it boxing but i really think it should be one of those things that never changed through the course of evolution,it must have been one of early man's greatest pleasures.

So there were two guys at it;Some Mexican who goes by the name of Margarito and another Puerto Rican by the name Cotto.These two were supposed to practice early man's sport till one of them faints.

Funny thing is that the fainting should occur due to accumulation of forces on one's head,that emanate from the fists of the other.What would be funnier is that Cotto actually managed to pump his fists onto the chin of Margarito,but the other just could not faint,no matter how much he tried.

Eventually the Cotto guy lost lots of energy in the activity and started to forget that he was still in practice,instead,he though he was strolling on his way home.So the man whose chin took a beating started to revenge the same kind of VIP treatment upon his tormentor who fainted due to shock more than the fact that Margarito's fists were actually too cruel for him.

Such a cruel end for Cotto.Margarito should be investigated enough to find out what kind of substance he has placed within his jaws,because all the blows his chin received were enough to turn it into some sort of chicken feed.But given the fact that he still had it intact at the end of it all,raises the suspicion that he had installed a certain metal,or wood that absorbed the punishment.

This is the main reason why his opponent got shocked enough to make him faint,till he was feeried to the hospital.Unfair!!

2008-07-22T09:07:00.000-07:00

The other day,i was watching some interesting race.There is one notorious person in the the same racing game who is known to have been the champion like seven times in his racing life.Crazy party is that he has won any titles in the last 2 years and rumor has it that he can't retain his normal senses when he isn't winning anything.His name is Rossi.

The current champion,a stone faced man by the names of Casey Stoner,has recently been giving him a hiding on the tracks and wasn't about to let up,but Rossi decided that he cannot afford to have his minds messed again,so he decided to hang onto the motorbike and race like his life depended on it.The end result was a podium that had two people who could not shake hands with each other.

The guys who participate in this sport are known to have grown through a childhood where they started riding on every sort of animal,from chicken to ducks,goats,cattle(In their teenage).So the main thing they get used to is riding on stuff.

The main problem they get in life is that they end up walking all curled up,when mother nature dictates that they have to retire from their beloved habit.Racing anyone?

2008-07-12T10:53:00.000-07:00

There's this funny game they call soccer,which involves some 22 people running around a field chasing after some inflated air surrounded by donkey skin.

Funny enough these guys usually end up being millionaires by doing this crazy thing.What is funny is the habits that some of them adopt.

There was some so-called genius going by the name of Maradona who could do illegal things like scoring with his hand and still get a whole sect of humans in their 'normal ' senses worshiping him.The guy started snorting some white powder and soon turned into some heavy cabbage of a man.

The rest of the famous guys always end up doing some crazy thing.Like another they called Zidane who could control that inflated air covered with donkey skin,with any part of his body;Ear,nose,hair, name it.What he did one time was to start hallucinating while still on the pitch and started to envision an opponents body as a ball and proceeded to give him what they call a header.

The other guy could not respond and run on time,so he got caught by the almost metallic head of Zidane and was left rolling on the ground.Immediately,Zidane came to his sense after the episode,but it was too late as he got shown what is known as the red card.This is the sort of red painted piece of paper that indicates to a person that he is doing stuff on the pitch that he should be doing in his house.

2008-07-08T11:31:00.000-07:00

Hey!!yes you there....What are doing on this web page when you are supposed to be doing something better?Well i have been gone for some time now and almost thought that i was dead..Then i remembered that some crazy guys like you just want to read some crazy stuff..Resurrection time!!

Well,i have been watching plenty of what they call golf lately.You know that game where grown ups are busy swinging sticks to hit a tiny ball-like thing.I just wonder why guys have to keep sectioning large areas of land that has been so neatly groomed,for some grown-ups to come and use sticks to hit these balls inside the various holes dug up all over the field.

The worst part is that the whole game is ruled by one guy called Tiger.Rumor has it that the first words he said after being born were "I need some sticks!!".He became a close buddy to these sticks and would usually be seen hitting stones and related objects all over the lawn,gradually perfecting the "Art of hitting stones" A.K.A Golf.

If someone can be given all that money for hitting stones,then i'd better start another competition that would be more wacky...Hmmmmh...Like,who can spit the longest distance??!!Maybe and i need a world cup on it!!

2006-08-17T01:16:00.000-07:00

Non-Starter Jokers
There were a couple of teams that have always served to just make an appearance at there world cup finals.Such teams as Saudi Arabia.

These guys come from region known for milking the ground for 'black gold'.If they could play as good football as they do the milking act,they'd be the kings of the world in terms this beautiful game.

....But not to be.The usually come to the pitch with every intention of heaping themselves at the goalmouth inorder not to embarass their King who usually watches their matches with nerves on edge.

Their main training technique includes pumping up their goalkeepers with a lot of cement-like material that should enable him to be a bit resistant to the pain inflicted by opponents shots and volleys which are usually coming endlessly.

The next thing the 'keeper has to do is to learn how to dive like a monkey for the ball.The training for this usually includes;taking him to the jungle to be trained by monkeys on that art!!

The end result usually is a team with an acrobatic 'keeper and a bunch of defenders!

2006-07-26T11:14:00.000-07:00

Samba Time!
Yes!Brazil happens to be one country with such a rich tradition when it comes to the game called soccer.

These guys are so skillful when it comes to that game that crowds are always left in an awed state after that.

They always prepare for soccer from their youth,using a ball and alot of the samba dance.This is what is responsible for their colourful displays whenever they get to the pitch.

They actually plan to hit their opponents by displaying different styles of the Samba dance,such that their opponents let down their guard in the process,then the samba boys will make a swift move with the ball and score before their opponents recover.

This process is repeated several times according to the opponents susceptibility the goals will vary in amount due to this.

2006-07-16T09:52:00.000-07:00

Spanish Matadors?

The spaniards were off the block like charging bulls and i only hope they don't run into some matadors who will waste their efforts.

In the past,spain has had the best teams on paper but they usually felt like such tourneys as world cup are an unnecessary so they usually made sure that they added the word mediocre to their nice football,such that they would never reach so far.

Most of their players would have so much fun off the pitch that they would properly sustain only some 15 minutes of play and ask for substitution.

This time though,it seems they wre the Matadors,fooling their opponents into allowing their goal mouths to be soaked by goals made in Spain.

And so they marched on......

2006-06-27T03:16:00.000-07:00

Holland Aiming to Achieve at Last

The other team that finishes the Group of death is Holland aka the netherlands.This is one team whose goal in thye past has been to never reach the finals of a world cup unless the opponent is too willing.

They usually have some of the finest names in football in every generation,but they are usually trained to treat football tournaments a necessary burden.

So most of te times they end up having their holidays right inside the football stadium.As a result,they usually leave their opponents to roam around with the ball and get to beat them.This is because they usually want to leave the football tournaments to concentrate on the tough job of holidaying.

Word around is that they have had a change in mindset and decided to take things seriously due to a huge public outcry.

2006-06-27T03:00:00.000-07:00

Argentina as Group of Death Favorites

The players from this country are well known for being able to ghst onto balls and poke them into the opponents goal ends.

They are trained in visibility matters whereby a player is taught how to pretend to be invisible to the opponents,and pounce on the ball once an opponent is relaxed with the ball.This technique is to be practiced in the opponents goalmouth areas

They also have a wierd type of play-acting,whereby they easily fall at the touch of an opponents shirt on them.This technique is acquired by training in swimming pools and diving schools.

A combination of these factors makes them some of the most dangerous opponents one can face in football.

2006-06-21T03:56:00.000-07:00

Non Joking Ivorians

There is another team in the so-called group of death that hails from the continent of Africa.This team has players with special characters as well.

Many of these players honed their skills while running to school mostly barefooted as children.This aspect has worked to their advantage,such that they can outsprint a cheetah.This aspect of their game works for them such that when they get the ball,they end up leaving their opponents gasping for breath.

The only terrible aspect about it,is that they sometimes lose control of their braking system,so they find themselves running into people in the stands who are watching.

They also have well developed muscles.Their bulging muscular frames usually make someone think that some additional sort of material has been fixed inside their bodies.They resemble more of body builders than soccer players.

Thsi works to their advantage,because when an opponent just looks at their advancing frames,one usually leaves the ball alone and flees to the referee for refuge,so that he does not get hospitalised by the weird combination of speed and fridge-shaped bodies.

They acquire these types of physique by eating a double share of some traditional african food which contains some special properties than can bulge up the thinnest person to herculean proportions in just one day.

2006-06-21T03:08:00.000-07:00

No Jokes in Group of Death

Every football tournament usually consists of groups within which team tussle out,but there's one particular group that people have always developed cold feet for,and is usually composed of teams with similar abilities to tear each other apart.

World cup 2006 had a very interesting group of death,four teams it had ,one of which hails from a volatile region called Serbia,allied to another country with a name that I'd take three days to pronounce.

The players from this region have perfected their skills while dodging bullets during war,so they evolved a form of soccer called,dodge-soccer,where the main aim is to dodge the ball and get the man coming with it.

Of course the end result has usually been matches whereby the referee has a field day dishing out cards especially the red type of cards

2006-06-20T09:50:00.000-07:00

Cup Season

Well,this is the time when three quarters of all the eyes on planet earth are glued onto their screens watching millionaires kicking some inflated rubber and skin.Soccer time!!!

The combination of teams that have assembled themselves over there just for the sake of changing one line in the guiness book of world records

So, one of the top contenders includes teams like China,S.Korea and Japan who are accustomed to mixing their soccer with some warlike activities.Some of their tactics include:Chanting war cries in place of the words for their National anthems to get in the mood for war.

They also practice some of those karate chops on the field,upon the opposing team's most dangerous players.

The referee is not spared either as they usually ensure that the match will be card free by secretly replacing the actual yellow and red cards with some color like blue then apply some color blinding tactics on the referee to stop him from seeing the right colors.

These are dangerous contenders!!