The Melvin Report

Thousands of Indians suffer from BNS

2008-11-28T23:07:00.001-06:00

DELHI -- In the aftermath of the Mumbai terrorist attacks, doctors around India have treated thousands of people suffering from a new ailment called BNS or 'Breaking News' Syndrome. It primarily affects viewers of CNN-IBN and NDTV, causing many of them to walk around in a dazed state, the words 'Breaking News' flashing across their eyes.

"They have been watching the news nonstop," said Dr. Vikas Bose of Bose Clinic. "Every few seconds, the words 'Breaking News' appear on the screen and eventually the words become embedded in their brains. It's like a soldier returning from war and being unable to see anything else but the terrible carnage."

Doctors at Apollo Hospital treated one man who kept rubbing his eyes, trying desperately to stop the two words from flashing. "We had to sedate him and then apply a topical ointment to his eyes," said Dr. Mahesh Das. "It seems to have worked, but the man is now rubbing his ears, saying that he keeps hearing Sagarika Ghose's voice."

The most unusual case was recorded in Calcutta, where a man named Gopalakrishnan complained that the word "breaking" was flashing in his left eye and "news" in his right eye. "I'm not sure how it happened," he said. "Perhaps I should not have been sitting so close to the TV."

A woman in Chennai reported that her husband woke up in the middle of the night screaming, "Breaking News! Breaking News! Breaking News!"

"I couldn't get him to stop," said the middle-aged woman, who requested anonymity. "I tried everything. Then finally my son suggested that I put IBN on. And do you know what my husband did? He got a brick and shattered the TV screen. I think he thought he was breaking the news!"

Mumbai attacks test Pakistan's new ministry

2008-11-27T23:05:00.000-06:00

ISLAMABAD -- The terrorist attacks on Mumbai have put the spotlight on a new ministry created by Pakistan Prime Minister Yousaf Raza Gillani: the Ministry of Denial.

So far, the ministry has performed beyond expectations, according to a senior government official. "The Prime Minister is very happy," the official said. "The ministry issued 2,385 denials in the first 24 hours alone."

So efficient was the ministry that it issued the first denial five minutes before the attacks took place.

Asked how that was possible without foreknowledge, the government official said, "It is the time difference. We are 30 minutes ahead of Mumbai."

Denying responsibility for terrorist attacks in India has become such a regular task for Pakistani officials in recent years that Gillani decided in October to create the new ministry. The Mumbai attacks were the first major test for the ministry, which responded by not only faxing and emailing press releases to the media, but also creating a "Pakistan didn't do it" group on Facebook.

S.M. Qureshi, Minister of Denial, was also interviewed on CNN and other networks, wearing a cap that said, "No, we didn't."

He took exception to Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh's statement that the attacks had originated outside the country. "The Indian government should not jump to any conclusions," Qureshi said. "And they should not run or walk to any conclusions either."

He said India should carry out a thorough investigation before pointing fingers at anyone. "We hope it will be good investigation," he said. "They should take their time and, whatever happens, not get any help from Scotland Yard."

Noting that a group called Deccan Mujahideen has claimed responsibility for the attacks, Qureshi said, "I urge all western journalists to look at the map. They will find out that Pakistan and Deccan are as far apart as Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston."

Experts say that the scale and sophistication of the attacks suggest that a group outside India may have co-ordinated them. "Our Mujahideen are not that sophisticated," Qureshi said. "All they know how to do is plant bombs and bomb plants. That's about it."

Obama caught in India-Pakistan rivalry

2008-11-13T23:04:00.000-06:00

DELHI -- U.S. President-elect Barack Obama may be making a smooth transition into the White House, but his foray into South Asian politics has been anything but smooth.

Indian officials were miffed that soon after winning the election Obama called 15 world leaders, including Pakistan's Asif Ali Zardari, but did not call Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh. "Zardari but not Dr. Singh?" a baffled government official said. "That's like giving a kiss to the farmer's cat, but not the farmer's daughter."

Sources say that Singh sat beside his phone all day on Nov. 5, hoping to hear from Obama. He finally received a call from America the next day, but unfortunately it was someone offering him a free cruise to the Caribbean.

Obama tried to rectify his error by calling Singh several days later. The leaders had a friendly chat and their relationship seemed to be on good footing. But behind the scenes, Indian officials expressed their displeasure. "Mr. Obama spoke to Mr. Zardari for 20 minutes," said another official. "But he spoke to Dr. Singh for only 19 minutes 50 seconds."

Obama apparently failed to time his call and ended it a little too soon. "Ten seconds may not seem like a lot," the official said, "but that would have been enough time for Mr. Obama and Dr. Singh to review the accomplishments of the Bush Administration. They'd even have a few seconds left to discuss outsourcing."

Reached for comment, Obama adviser David Axelrod said the President-elect would make it a point to speak to Dr. Singh 10 seconds longer next time. "The President didn't mean to give Mr. Zardari more time," Axelrod said. "It's just that he can say 'India' a second faster than he says 'Pakistan.'"

Kenyans hope to benefit from Obama's leadership

2008-11-09T19:06:00.002-06:00

NAIROBI, KENYA -- A group of Kenyan leaders have started a petition to persuade U.S. President-elect Barack Obama, whose father was Kenyan and who has many relatives in Kenya, to serve as Kenya's president at the same time.

"We heard that he plans to fix America's economy," said Joseph Wambui, president of an organization called KNOB (Kenya Needs Obama Badly). “We want him to fix Kenya’s economy too.”

Almost 50 percent of Kenyans live in poverty, many of them unable to afford basic necessities. "We heard that Obama is the leader of the free world,” said Elizabeth Mbaru, a mother of three. “But there is nothing free in the world. We don't have money to buy it."

Wambui believes that Obama would have no trouble governing Kenya from Washington D.C., especially in the Internet Age. “We are a small country,” Wambui said. “He will be in charge of 50 states, so why not 51?”

Obama is believed to have 1,432 relatives in Kenya, twice as many as he did before he won the election. According to Wambui, Obama can boost Kenya's economy simply by wiring money to all his relatives for Christmas. "That would be a small step," Wambui said. "But if he's our president, we hope he will think of each of us as his relatives."

Many of Obama's relatives plan to attend his inauguration on Jan. 20. “Yes, we will definitely come,” said Anthony Obama, a sixth cousin. “I heard he has a big house. The rooms are so big, we can play football in them."

Added James Obama, a ninth cousin: "Please tell Brother Obama that we are looking forward to travelling in Air Force One. I want a window seat.”

Obama is so popular in Kenya that the country declared a national holiday on Nov. 6 to celebrate his election victory. No other country did so, though French President Nicolas Sarkozy did permit government employees to bring champagne to work.

Obama's victory put Kenyans into such a good mood that the government issued a warning to all hospitals to expect a baby boom in nine months. Many of those babies will be named after Obama and his wife, Michelle. Numerous babies have already been named after the couple. A Mombasa woman named her twins "Barack Obama" and "Michelle Obama," saying the names were just perfect for her boys.

A woman in northern Kenya, hearing that Obama will be the 44th president of America, named her baby daughter "Forty Four," while a Nakuru couple named their baby son "Defeat McCain."

New poll: McCain Leads in 39 States

2008-11-04T14:21:00.000-06:00

NEW YORK -- A new poll shows that John McCain leads Barack Obama in 39 states, but unfortunately for McCain, most of those states are outside America. In the Indian state of Gujarat, McCain holds a commanding 59-38 lead over Obama, thanks largely to an endorsement from Chief Minister Narendra Modi.

The poll, conducted by the right-leaning advocacy group, Global Think, and released less than a week before the presidential election, indicates that McCain enjoys pockets of popularity around the world. Though the vast majority of the 3,461 people polled can't vote in the Nov. 4 election, the results surprised political analysts, many of whom believed that Obama would be more popular than McCain in almost every country.

The McCain Campaign, searching desperately for any glimmer of hope that the Arizona senator can pull off an upset next Tuesday, touted the poll results as a sign that McCain was finally breaking through.

"Our message is reaching every corner of the world," said McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds. "We believe that the good people of Pennsylvania and Ohio will support Senator McCain on Tuesday as strongly as people in Gujarat and Madhya Pradesh do."

In addition to the two Indian states, McCain enjoys strong support in China, Russia, North Korea, Turkmenistan and Antarctica.

The Obama campaign downplayed the poll results, accusing Global Think of deliberately surveying people in countries or states where McCain was likely to be popular. "There are 54 countries in Africa," Obama spokesman Bill Burton said, "but somehow the only one surveyed was Central African Republican. I mean, Republic."

While no Africa-wide polls have been conducted, the Kenyan newspaper, Daily Nation, surveyed 1,000 people in early October and found that 999 supported Obama. The sole McCain supporter was a man named Josiah Mbacho, who had once been involved in a fight over homebrewed beer with Obama's second cousin Suleiman Obama.

John McCain loses an important constituency

2008-10-22T13:55:00.001-05:00

Senator John McCain spent much of the third and final presidential debate insisting that Senator Barack Obama's tax plan, unlike his, would hurt an Ohio man named "Joe the Plumber." But McCain suffered a major setback in his bid for the presidency when, moments after the debate, Joe the Plumber endorsed Obama.

"I don't approve of Senator Obama's tax plan," Joe the Plumber told the New York Times, "but I love the way he talks about it. He just expresses himself so well."

One political analyst called it a fatal blow for McCain's campaign, saying he'd be unable to recover from losing Joe the Plumber's vote. "It's over," proclaimed CNN analyst David Gergen. "It looks like Joe the Plumber has made sure that we'll soon see Joe the Vice President."

A Gallup/USA Today poll, taken right after the debate, found that 53 percent of likely voters plan to cast their ballots for Obama, 41 percent for McCain and the remaining 6 percent for Joe the Plumber. "It's unbelievable," Gergen said. "He's in third place and hasn't spent a dime. He's beating the pants off Ralph Nader."

Gergen speculated that the McCain campaign, seeing their numbers drop in national polls, had made a strategic decision to aggressively pursue Joe the Plumber's vote, believing that gaining a single vote in a pivotal state might help turn the election around. "Unfortunately it backfired on them," Gergen said. "They expected Joe the Plumber to pull them out of the water, but instead he hit the flusher."

But a spokesman for John McCain insisted that they hadn't lost Joe the Plumber's support. "The New York Times interviewed the wrong Joe the Plumber," Tucker Bounds said. "It's yet another example of media bias. We all know that there are thousands of Joe the Plumbers in America. The Joe the Plumber whose specific concerns were addressed by Senator McCain has not revealed whom he'll vote for. But Senator McCain does have the support of many other Joe the Plumbers."

According to government records, Joe is the most common name among plumbers in 49 of the 50 U.S. states. The sole exception is California, where it's Juan. (Juan the Plumber has also endorsed Obama.)

Joe the Plumber, speaking to the New York Times, said that while Obama's plan would prevent him from buying the business that currently employs him, Obama had scored points with him by announcing, soon after the debate, a three-point plan for plumbers:

(1) He will push for legislation that would make it illegal for plumbing work to be outsourced to India. "If you have a problem with your toilet," Joe the Plumber said, "you won't be able to go on the Internet and get advice from Jagdeep the Plumber."

(2) He will increase taxes for companies that produce do-it-yourself plumbing kits. "I hate do-it-yourself kits," Joe the Plumber said. "Even when I'm investing in the stock market, I never get myself one of those screw-it-yourself kits."

(3) He will decrease taxes for companies that produce jeans that do not sag while you're fixing pipes. "Plumbers are often in an extremely vulnerable position," Joe the Plumber said. "You won't believe how many housewives call me just to watch me going under the sink."

Thanks to the three-point plan, Obama has won a critical endorsement from the Plumbers Association of North America (PANA). But McCain does have support from a smaller group: the Plumbers Association of Lafayette, Indiana (PALIN).

Plumbers for Barack Obama (PBO) has so far raised $10.5 million for the presidential campaign, while Plumbers for John McCain (PJM) has raised $10.50. "We could have raised a lot more," PJM chairman Bob the Plumber said, "but according to the law, we can't accept any money from Jagdeep the Plumber."

Protestors called names at Republican convention

2008-09-05T13:53:00.000-05:00

ST. PAUL, Minn. -- John McCain's acceptance speech Thursday night at the Republican National Convention was interrupted a few times by protesters, including one obviously unemployed man holding a sign that said, "You can't win with an occupation."

As the protesters shouted, the crowd tried to drown out their words with chants of "USA, USA!" At least that's how it appeared to the television audience. But one delegate has admitted that he and his friends weren't being patriotic at all.

"People thought we were chanting, 'USA, USA!'" said John Melnick of Philadelphia. "But we were actually yelling, 'You assh---! You assh---!' We weren't happy with those protesters."

The three protesters -- one man and two women -- were promptly escorted out of the hall by security officers, but not before one of them hurled the ultimate insult at McCain: "You're just like Bush!"

McCain smiled and said to his supporters, "My friends, my dear friends ... please, please don't be diverted by the ground noise and the static," showing his many years of experience being interviewed on public radio.

Reporters tried to ask McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds about the protests, but Bounds put his fingers in his ears and chanted, "USA! USA! USA!"

Lie detector beeps continously during political speeches

2008-09-04T13:51:00.000-05:00

SAN FRANCISCO -- Technology is a good thing, but not when it keeps you from enjoying one of your passions. Just ask Arun Ramachandran, a technology whiz from India who enjoys politics. Combining his interests, he developed a special political lie detector (PLD) that beeps every time a politician tells a lie.

"I tried to sit down and enjoy the Republican National Convention, but the PLD kept beeping like there was a truck outside backing up," Ramachandran said. "Finally, my wife told me to turn it off. We were unable to enjoy any of the speeches."

Ramachandran's device is connected to a computer and scours the Internet for information that supports or contradicts a politician's statements. "Every home should have one of these," Ramachandran said. "But I'll first have to develop a PLD that just vibrates, because many wives are not going to put up with all the beeping."

When he developed the device, Ramachandran thought it would beep just once or twice during a political speech, but found that it was "as sensitive as a nun." He has since added a sensitivity setting. Users can adjust it to detect lies in four categories: (1) exaggerations; (2) fibs; (3) falsehoods; (4) total and utter BS.

"When it detects a Category 4 lie, as it did when Mike Huckabee said that Sarah Palin 'got more votes running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, than Joe Biden got running for president of the United States,' it doesn't just beep," Ramachandran said, "it also screams 'Liar, liar, your pants are on fire.'"

Indeed, as Jim Kuhnhenn of the Associated Press wrote: "Palin got 616 votes in the 1996 mayor's election, and got 909 in her 1999 re-election race, for a total of 1,525. Biden dropped out of the race after the Iowa caucuses, but he still got 76,165 votes in 23 states and the District of Columbia where he was on the ballot during the 2008 presidential primaries."

The PLD also beeped loudly when Palin said, "There is much to like and admire about our opponent. But listening to him speak, it's easy to forget that this is a man who has authored two memoirs but not a single major law or reform — not even in the state senate."

"I'm going to have to adjust the PLD, because it considered Palin's statement a Category 3 lie," Ramachandran said. "But as we all know, it was total and utter BS."

The PLD also beeped during the Democratic National Convention, detecting a Category 4 lie when Barack Obama said that John McCain would not lower taxes for 100 million Americans while he would cut taxes for "95 percent of working families."

Said Ramachandran: "Whether it's a Republican speaking or a Democrat speaking, one thing is clear: you're going to hear a lot of BS."

McCain shocks America with running mate choice

2008-08-29T13:48:00.000-05:00

DAYTON, OHIO -- In a move that stunned political experts, Republican presidential candidate John McCain announced Friday morning that he had chosen Sarah Polley as his running mate. The announcement sent shock waves through America, as politicians and others turned to their colleagues and said, "Who the $%#@ is that?"

Many were soon googling the name "Sarah Polley" and reading her Wikipedia page. They were surprised to learn that Polley is an actress and director with hardly any political experience. Even more stunning was the fact that Polley is a Canadian. Millions of people turned to Google again, asking, "Can a Canadian become vice president of America?"

As political experts debated on CNN whether McCain was trying to strengthen ties with America's northern neighbor, McCain issued a retraction, saying he had meant to say "Sarah Palin," not "Sarah Polley." Palin is the Republican governor of Alaska.

"It was an easy mistake to make," McCain said. "Their names sound alike and they've both got experience freezing their butts up north."

The choice of Palin sent more shock waves through America, as politicians and others turned to their colleagues and said, "Who the $%#@ is that?"

McCain had been considering such political veterans as Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty, former Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Ridge and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, but said he wanted to pick someone who would give him an edge over Barack Obama, someone who was "younger and cuter."

Picking a female running mate may help McCain lure Hillary Clinton's supporters, many of whom have been slow to commit to Obama. "Of course, I want support from female voters," McCain said. "But that's not why I chose Sarah Polley. I mean, Pollen. No, hang on a minute ... let me double-check the name and get back to you."

Meanwhile, Polley said she had been "thrilled to bits" when she heard from news reporters that McCain had picked her, only to be let down a couple of hours later.

"It's disheartening," she said. "But it isn't the first time I've lost a role that I thought I had."

Rushdie: Let Democracy Reign

2008-08-11T13:47:00.000-05:00

NEW YORK, July 11 (MNN) -- Salman Rushdie, who has just won the Best of the Booker prize through online and text voting, says he now believes all literary contests should be determined by public voting. "It has worked well for American Idol," he said. "I don't see why it shouldn't work for the Booker and Pulitzer prizes. We need to accept that we live in an increasingly democratic world, filled with people who know fine literature when they see it."

Rushdie's novel "Midnight's Children" beat five other shortlisted books, all former Booker winners, after garnering 36 percent of the votes cast by 7,801 people. Observers believe that Rushdie had a big advantage over the other authors, partly because he was able to convince all his ex-wives to vote for him.

"If he was able to do that, he deserves to win," said CNN host Larry King, who has been married seven times. "I can't even get my ex-wives to take my calls."

John Shaw, a book reviewer who had thrown his support behind another shortlisted book, JM Coetzee's "Disgrace," called the entire contest a disgrace. "I'm sure there was some vote-rigging going on," Shaw said, accusing Rushdie of getting tips from Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe. "There's always a risk of that. That's why I wanted Jimmy Carter to oversee the voting."

Book publisher David Putnam, who supported JG Farrell's "The Siege Of Krishnapur," urged Booker prize administrators to reveal how many of Rushdie's votes came from India. "I have nothing against India," he said, "but there are more than a billion people there, many of whom have cell phones and internet access. Rushdie would be guaranteed to win any contest if he just received votes from one percent of all guys named 'Salman'"

He noted that Rushdie's candidacy for the Best of the Booker prize had been promoted on a number of websites created in India, including GoRushdie.com, VoteEarlyVoteOften.com and Vote4MyUncleSalman.com.

Putnam and others believe the voting was particularly unfair to Farrell, who wasn't able to canvass for votes, largely because he happens to be dead. "I couldn't arrange any special appearances or book signings for him," Putnam said. "Unfortunately, very few people participated in our 'Visit a Famous Author's Grave' tour."

Mandeep Singh, professor of literature at University of Punjab, Philadelphia Campus (UPPC), said he hopes no other literary prize is determined through public voting. "It may seem like a good idea," he said, "but do we really want to entrust such decisions to the same people who re-elected George W. Bush?"

Amitava Ghosh, assistant professor of English at Penn State University, agreed with Singh. "Nobody is really too upset about Rushdie winning the Best of the Booker award," he said, "but imagine what everyone will say when John Grisham is awarded the Nobel Prize in Literature."

Indian-Americans riot in Chicago, Houston and Atlanta

2008-06-20T16:48:00.001-05:00

Workers in several cities around America, including Chicago, Houston and Atlanta, are picking up broken glass and other debris after thousands of Indian-Americans rioted over the weekend, celebrating 13-year-old Sameer Mishra's win in the National Spelling Bee.

"We've waited three years. Three long years," said Raj Bompalli, a 22-year-old college student who, along with four friends, set fire to a car on Devon Avenue in Chicago. "I just can't describe how happy I am."

"The spelling bee is our Super Bowl," said Abraham George, 27, who was so overjoyed, he ran through downtown Atlanta wearing nothing at all. "And we won it for the sixth time in ten years. Can you spell 'dynasty'?"

A large group of Indian-Americans gathered outside the Grand Hyatt in Washington D.C., where the spelling bee was held. They waved pictures of Mishra and past spelling bee champions, while singing, "We are the champions! We are the champions ... of the world!"

A young man named Mike Reddy took off his T-shirt to show his back tattooed with the names of former spelling bee champions. One name, that of 1988 winner Rageshree Ramachandran, went all the way around his body. On the left side of his chest was a drawing of 1999 champion Nupur Lala. "I love Nupur," he said. "As you can see, she's close to my heart."

This was the second time Indian-Americans have rioted to celebrate a spelling bee victory. They also rioted in 1999 when Lala won, ending a 11-year drought. "That's why we love Nupur so much," Reddy said. "She is the one who brought us back to the top. She's the one who returned us to glory."

Indeed, Lala was the first of six Indian-American winners over the last decade, with the biggest gap coming between Mishra and 2005 winner Anurag Kashyap. "We've really been spoiled," said Dr. Anil Jain, an ophthalmologist in Houston. "Every year, we expect to win. We're like the Kenyans in the marathon."

He noted that after the 2006 spelling bee, CNN ran a crawl that said: "Breaking News: Indian-American Doesn't Win Spelling Bee."

Chicago Police spokesman David McLoud said the riots would have been worse if the police hadn't been prepared for it. "We remember what happened in '99," he said. "That's why, whenever the National Spelling Bee comes around, we have a police presence in all the Indian neighborhoods."

Even so, police had to arrest more than a hundred Indian-American youths for vandalism. They used tear gas to break up a group of elderly women who were causing a disturbance at 1 a.m., banging chapathi pans together.

"It may look bad," McLoud said, "but let me tell you, the Spelling Bee Riots of 2008 were nothing compared to the Spelling Bee Riots of '99."

Obama tells voters not to objectify him

2008-02-07T09:59:00.000-06:00

NEW ORLEANS -- Frustrated that female voters aren't taking him seriously enough, presidential candidate Barack Obama delivered a special message to a group of young women who came to a campaign rally with signs that said "Oh mama, I'm in love with Obama" and "Stand Back! I want Barack!"

"Please pay attention to the issues, ladies," Obama said, waving a finger at them. "I am not a sex object."

The women, all students at LSU, seemed undeterred. "I can't believe he spoke to us," one of them gushed to a reporter. "He's so cute!"

Said another: "I don't know what he said to us, but he looked good doing it."

As he attempts to win the Democratic presidential nomination, Obama must convince female voters that he can represent their interests better than Hillary Clinton. Polls show that the majority of women support Clinton, but Obama scores high among young women, who consider him a good candidate partly because of his "great smile," as well as women in their sixties and seventies, who say they want to "pinch his cheeks."

"It's a race between a man and a woman," said political analyst Joel Klein, "but who would have thought it would be the man who's being objectified?"

The extent to which Obama is being objectified is unclear, but CNN reporter John King did get some answers during a focus group with several female voters.

"Do you think Barack Obama is electable?" King asked a 60-year-old Illinois woman named Marge Brensinger.

"Electable?" she said. "He's not just electable, he's delectable."

"Do you think Obama is qualified to be president?" King asked a 25-year-old Maryland woman named Neeta Gulati.

"Of course," she said. "He looks good in a suit. Damn good."

"But what about the issues?" King asked.

"Well, he voted against the war in Iraq and he's cute."

"He's cute? Why is that important?"

"Well, if we elect him president, my friends and I are actually going to watch the State of the Union address. He's very watchable."

"Very true," Brensinger said. "I could watch him all day."

"What about experience?" King asked a 40-year-old Iowa woman named Jill Stewart.

"I'm sure he's very experienced," she said. "But you'll have to ask his wife about that."

Photo by Peter Howe

Indian-Americans make their mark in another field

2008-01-10T12:13:00.000-06:00

The Indian-American community has finally arrived, says a leading sociologist, and it’s not because Bobby Jindal was elected governor of Louisiana or Sanjaya was a finalist on American Idol. Nor is it because Indian-Americans have excelled in fields such as medicine, engineering and business.

The true sign that the Indian-American community has arrived is that it’s making a mark in a field that gets plenty of media exposure: crime. “More Indian-Americans are involved in criminal activity than ever before,” says Jacob George, sociologist at Harvard University. “Obviously, it won’t be seen as a positive sign, but it shows that Indian-Americans are not just sitting back and allowing other communities to grab all the empty spaces in prison.”

As a result, Americans are now seeing more Indian names in newspapers, he said. “It’s not just names like Vick and Peterson in the crime stories,” George said. “It’s also names like Crookmansingh and Embezzleraman.”

In the ’70s and ’80s, when an Indian-American was involved in crime, it was often unintentional, George said. “It was usually a new immigrant who didn’t know the laws of the land,” he said. “Perhaps it was an office worker who thought it was okay to take the stapler home. Or maybe it was an office manager who thought it was okay to take the secretary home.”

These days, Indian-Americans are more deliberate about their crimes, George said. “They work very hard at planning and executing it,” he said. “I’m sure no one is surprised to hear this, but when it comes to criminal activity, Indian-Americans are very ambitious. They don’t bother with petty crimes like shoplifting and burglary. They commit crimes that will put them in either financial security or maximum security for the rest of their lives.”

He cited the example of Balram Chandiramani, a director in New York City’s transportation department who’s been charged with soliciting hundreds of thousands of dollars in bribes. “It may seem like a terrible crime,” George said, “but how many Indian-Americans can say they’ve been on the front page of the New York Post?”

Even leaders of the Indian-American community are not exempt from committing crimes, George said, noting that Maryland state legislator Kumar Barve has been charged with driving under the influence. “Don’t forget that George W. Bush committed the same crime many years ago,” he said. “So perhaps Barve is just preparing himself for higher office.”

George Allen embroiled in monkey controversy

2007-12-18T22:06:00.000-06:00

Former Virginia Senator George Allen is in trouble again, after a security camera inside a Dunkin' Donuts store caught him saying to a friend, "India is full of unruly monkeys."

Buddhadev "Buddy" Patel, owner of the store in Charlottesville, Va., said he had been reviewing the video on Nov. 20 to see if customers were taking too many napkins when he spotted Allen in the store. "I recognized him immediately -- the man who called one of us a macaca," said Patel, referring to the racial slur that derailed Allen's bid for re-election in 2006. "The audio wasn't clear, so I took it to one of my friends who is a lip reader. And sure enough, Allen was calling us unruly monkeys."

Allen's words sparked an uproar in the Indian-American community, as well as scattered protests in India. "How dare he call us monkeys?" Atlanta resident Rajan "Roger" Sankaraman said. "Do monkeys know how to program computers? Do monkeys know how to prescribe medicine? Do monkeys know how to prepare chapatis?"

Niraj Joshi, president of the National Federation of Indian-American Federations, demanded that Allen apologize on national TV. "We would call for his resignation," Joshi said, "but he has nothing to resign from."

Allen spokeswoman Susan Brown said the Republican has no current plans to apologize. "If he had to apologize, he wouldn't do it on national TV," said Brown, who also serves as Allen's wife. "He would apologize into the security camera at Dunkin' Donuts."

She said Allen was not referring to Indians, but to the actual monkeys that have been terrorizing people in Delhi and elsewhere. "George read an article about all the monkeys in India and was chatting with his friend about it. It was a private conversation and should not have been made public."

But Brown's explanation triggered even more protests in India, where Shiv Sena activists used a trained monkey to set fire to an effigy of Allen.

"Leave our monkeys alone, George Allen," one man shouted. "Our monkeys are our business."

Another man threatened to go on a hunger strike until Allen apologized. "You can call us monkeys if you want," he said, "but please don't say anything bad about our monkeys."

Monkey photo by dlisbona

Musharraf bares it all for Rice

2007-11-10T12:03:00.000-06:00

Islamabad, Nov. 5 -- In a move that shocked Muslim clerics and others in this conservative country, Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf appeared naked Monday night on the state-run Pakistan Television, calling it a "goodwill gesture" to appease the United States and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.

Earlier that day, Rice had called for Musharraf to "take off his uniform" and return the country to civilian rule.

"I've taken off my uniform, Condi," Musharraf said. "I'm waiting for instructions from you on what I should wear."

While the camera scanned his body, Musharraf laughed and said, "I am a general and these are my privates." He paused, looked down and shouted, "Attention!"

Pakistanis expressed shock at their president's nudity. "I knew he was a small man," said one woman, who requested anonymity. "But I didn't realize he was that small."

"Three of my children were watching," said another woman. "They are in utter shock. One of them shouted, 'The general has no clothes.' I had to take them all to a doctor. I had told them television is bad for them, but I didn't know how bad."

Some political observers speculated that Musharraf was drunk, while others believe he was merely stressed out about the political crisis in his country.

"He just declared a state of emergency," said Shahid Ismail, a political science professor at the University of Texas. "And now, because of his nudity, many women and children are undergoing emergency treatment."

Several Muslim clerics called for the president's resignation, one of them referring to him as "President Pervert Musharraf."

"He has brought shame upon the whole nation," said Sheikh Abdul Saeed. "In Pakistan, we are used to being in a state of unrest, but definitely not a state of undress."

Political opponents also called for the general to step down.

"We have seen him naked," former prime minister Nawaz Sharif said, "and we are saying to him, 'So long, General Musharraf.' And we don't mean that as a compliment."

Meanwhile, in the province of Sindh, the headline in a local newspaper -- "Musharraf bares it all for Rice" -- prompted thousands of people to go on a riot, demanding that they be allowed to get naked for rice, too.

Indian-Americans brimming with generosity

2007-11-10T11:58:00.000-06:00

Indian-Americans are the most generous ethnic group in America, according to a national survey of charitable giving. The Gallup/USA Today survey found that Indian-Americans donate, on average, 24 percent of their income, many of them feeding and educating entire villages in India.

“Not only are we the top money-earners, we are also the top money-givers,” said a proud Niraj Joshi, president of the National Federation of Indian-American Federations.

The survey’s findings appear to contradict the stereotype that Indian-Americans are cheap and miserly. But Joshi said the findings may in fact explain such perceptions. “Of course, we are cheap,” he said. “We try to save as much money as we can, so we can give it to others.”

Atlanta resident Susan Verghese seemed to agree with Joshi. “My mom and dad probably appeared stingy to a lot of people,” she said. “They reused grocery bags in their trashcans, they stored food in empty yogurt and margarine containers, and they filled their kitchen drawers with hot sauce packets from Taco Bell. But after my dad passed away, I found out that he had been secretly sponsoring 1,000 underprivileged children in Kerala.”

The survey has helped many younger Indian-Americans understand their parents. “Now I know why my father insisted on driving a Toyota Camry,” said New Yorker John Patel. “He wanted the cheapest car that he could fit the whole family into. Little did I know that he was building a school in Gujarat.”

The survey found that the average Indian-American family earns $78,213 and gives away $18,771 of it, about 52 percent to India, 26 percent to America, and 22 percent to Nigeria.

“Nigerians are always sending me emails and I am always sending them money,” said Miami businessman Sunil Ganapathi. “I always feel sorry for them.”

Ganapathi was among several Indian-Americans who were unhappy that the survey’s results had been publicized. “If everyone knows we’re generous, they’re going to be asking us for money,” Ganapathi said. “My phone won’t stop ringing. The Salvation Army will put me on their speed dial.”

Indians prepare for Jindal victory

2007-10-09T00:32:00.000-05:00

Residents of Malerkotla, Punjab, are buying fireworks and preparing sweets, getting ready to celebrate Rep. Bobby Jindal’s likely victory in the Louisiana gubernatorial primary on Oct. 20.

“We will dance and party all night long,” said Kumar Jindal, first cousin of the Indian-American Congressman, whose parents hail from Malerkotla. “We have not been this excited since we got cable TV.”

The sole Republican candidate in Louisiana’s unique all-candidate primary, Jindal needs more than 50 percent to win the governorship and become the first Indian-American to head a state. He’s so far ahead in the polls that analysts believe he will win the election even if President Bush comes to Louisiana to campaign for him.

“Louisiana doesn’t need any more disasters,” said one Democratic analyst, “but I have a feeling this is going to be a landslide.”

Added another analyst: “Thirteen people are challenging him in the election, but their chances of beating him are equal to Lou Dobbs’ chances of being appointed the ambassador to Mexico.”

Jindal’s opponents are trailing so badly, some are getting desperate, trying their best to smear him, without being racist. “You went to LSU, he went to Brown University,” one campaign ad said. “Think about it: Do you really want to vote for a Brown man?”

Another ad was more direct: “If you vote for Jindal, you’re voting against the environment. There’ll be more fumes in the air, partly from the pot of curry at the Governor’s mansion.”

The vast majority of Indian-Americans are Democrats, but many are supporting Jindal. “So what if he’s a Republican?” one man said. “Everyone has faults.”

That’s the kind of attitude that Jindal’s relatives in Punjab appreciate. “Whether he’s Democrat or Republican, we don’t care,” Kumar Jindal said, “as long as he has many spare bedrooms in the Governor’s mansion.”

Georgia couple outsources parenting to India

2007-08-05T02:17:00.000-05:00

It was bound to happen. A couple in Atlanta, Georgia, have outsourced their parenting duties to India, allowing them to spend more time watching TV.

“Our children are at an age where they require a lot of supervision and, quite frankly, it was cutting into our TV time,” said Susan, 36, who requested that their last name not be used. “I like to watch reality shows and my husband likes to watch sports, so we don’t really have time to watch the kids.”

Susan, a nurse, and her husband, Bob, 37, a building contractor, have three children, Robert Jr., 10, Candace, 8, and Anthony, 7. “We work hard at work, battle traffic on the highway, and by the time we get home, we’re exhausted and ready for the Asians to take over,” Bob said. “We order Chinese and leave the rest to the Indians.”

They’re among the first clients of a new online company called PayRents, based in Chennai, but with employees throughout India. Company president Rajah Chelladurai said he decided to start PayRents after hearing that many Americans were having trouble controlling their children. “I heard about Lionel Ritchie and his daughter Nicole,” he said. “Also Kathy Hilton and her daughter, Paris. I was surprised how badly those girls were behaving. Then a friend showed me a video that really shocked me. It was called Girls Gone Wild.”

He concluded that many Americans are too busy to do any parenting. “They have money, but they don’t have time,” he said. “So why not let us do the parenting for them? Through the Internet, we can supervise their children and tell them how to act, how to behave. We can also teach the older children some facts of life, such as PMS does not stand for pre-marital sex, and VD does not stand for Valentine’s Day.”

The ‘PayRents’ don’t just speak to a child through the Internet, they also monitor the child’s activities with help from a video camera. “We watch them and we talk to them,” Chelladurai said. “And when they get sleepy, we sing to them. Some children ask us to read a bedtime story and we try to accommodate them, usually with something from the Panchatantra.”

Susan and Bob are so pleased with PayRents, they’ve recommended the company to several of their friends. “One of my friends, Barbara, has a 30-year-old son who still lives at home and does not date much,” she said. “But with some constant nagging from PayRents, he’s now spending all his time reading matrimonial ads. We hope he ends up with a good Indian girl.”

Aspiring Bollywood screenwriters attend Inspiration Conference

2007-07-19T08:30:00.000-05:00

Hundreds of aspiring Bollywood screenwriters recently attended the 17th annual Screenwriters Inspiration Conference in Mumbai, where they learned that genius is “1% perspiration, 99% inspiration.”

“You cannot avoid perspiration completely,” said keynote speaker Siddharth Anand. “After all, we live in a hot country. You must perspire a little, but everything else is inspiration.”

Anand, who co-wrote the screenplay for Hum Tum after being inspired by When Harry Met Sally, urged the writers not to waste time being original. “Originality is overrated,” he said. “Everything has been done before. But the important thing is, if you are going to be inspired by another movie, pick a good one. Don’t pick a movie with Nicolas Cage in it.”

He urged them not to get discouraged if inspiration doesn’t come to them right away. “As you develop as a screenwriter, you will find yourself being inspired all the time,” he said. “You will be inspired by several movies, which is good because some critics will think you are being original.”

After listening to the keynote speaker, conference attendees were offered a choice of several classes, including “Introduction to Inspiration,” “Intermediate Inspiration,” and “Advanced Inspiration.”

Vidhu Vinod Chopra, director of the blockbuster Munnabhai movies, taught the introductory class and explained the difference between inspiration and plagiarism. “Plagiarism is what you do when you’re a student,” he said. “Inspiration is what you do when you’re a professional.”

He noted that while Munnabhai M.B.B.S. was inspired by Patch Adams, he made enough changes that Hollywood thought it was original and bought the rights to it. Mira Nair is producing the Hollywood version, Gangsta M.D., to be released in 2008. Munnabhai has also been produced in regional languages, such as Tamil and Telegu. “The more you’re inspired,” Chopra said, “the more you inspire.”

New Security Measures Protect America From Doctors

2007-07-04T11:23:00.000-05:00

As Britain reels from last week’s foiled terror plots, President Bush has ordered background checks on all doctors and the tightening of security at all clinics and hospitals. Doctors will be subjected to heavy frisking at airports and their baggage will be combed through with help from bomb-sniffing dogs.

“Our country will be safer as a result of these measures,” Bush said. “We are sending a strong message to any doctors who are thinking of bringing harm to Americans.”

British police have arrested eight suspects in connection with the attempted car bombings in London and Glasgow. Among them are at least five doctors, two from India and one each from Iraq, Lebanon and Jordan.

“We are not saying that all doctors are terrorists,” Bush said. “Most of them are fine upstanding citizens.”

To emphasize the point, Bush paid visits to several clinics and hospitals around Washington D.C., where he shook hands with doctors and hugged a few of them. “They’re good people,” he said. “Well, most of them anyway.”

As he was leaving one hospital, Bush posed for a picture with several doctors, then said, “I know you’re all wonderful people. After all, you’ve taken the Hypocritic oath.”

Security expert Ahmed Hussein said the British terror plots will affect not just airport security, but flying in general.

“When someone had a heart attack on a plane, it was common practice for flight attendants to ask, ‘Is there a doctor on the plane?’” he said. “But if they ask that question now, all the other passengers will have heart attacks.”

Bollywood Awards: As Good as Oscars

2007-06-18T12:54:00.000-05:00

The Bollywood Movie Awards, held recently at the Nassau Coliseum in Long Island, NY, are now considered as prestigious as the Academy Awards. “I am thrilled about this achievement,” organizer Kamal Dandona said. “It’s a long time coming.”

His excitement stems largely from an Esquire article that states that “with its gorgeous stars and numerous trophies, the BMAs are just like the Academy Awards, except for being as disorganized as a high school production.”

A smiling Dandona said, “They are the first American publication to say that our awards are just like the Academy Awards. It is truly a wonderful achievement for us.”

He issued a press release to the Indian media entitled “BMAs just like the Academy Awards, says Esquire magazine.” The press release, printed verbatim in dozens of newspapers, included statements from several celebrities who have been honored at the Bollywood Movie Awards.

“The Bollywood Movie Awards are better than the Academy Awards,” said action hero Steven Seagal. “They gave me an award in 2001 and they let me sing! The Academy Awards won’t even let me in the building.”

Fellow action hero Jean Claude Van Damme, who won the International Action Star award in 2004, was just as complimentary. “If you’re a celebrity and you’re willing to attend the Bollywood Movie Awards, they give you an award just for showing up,” Van Damme said. “You can’t beat that.”

Veteran actor Danny Glover, who this year received the Outstanding Contribution to Global Entertainment award, noted that thousands of people in the movie industry vote to decide who wins an Oscar. “The Academy Awards are too scrupulous,” he said. “I prefer the Bollywood Awards, because if Kamal Dandona wants to give you an award, he gives you one.”

Also praising the Bollywood Movie Awards was George Foreman, expected to be next year’s recipient of the Outstanding Contribution to Global Eating award. “The Bollywood Movie Awards are the best!” the former heavyweight boxing champion said. “Kamal told me he’s giving me a Bollywood Award next year. I was really excited to hear that, especially when he explained to me what Bollywood is. It’s like me – really big.”

Presidential Candidates Vie for Indian-American Vote

2007-06-07T10:30:00.000-05:00

Presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are competing for the desi vote, encouraged by a new study that shows that Indian-Americans are overwhelmingly Democratic.

The study, commissioned by the Asian American Legal Defense and Education Fund (AALDEF), found that 91 percent of Indian-Americans are Democrats and the remaining 9 percent are rich businessmen.

Sen. Obama made an appearance at a Washington, D.C., fundraiser organized by South Asians for Obama (SAFO), an event that was promoted as an ‘Obhangra.’

Not to be outdone, South Asians for Clinton (SAFC) raised money for the senator and former First Lady through a special ‘Clintondoori’ dinner.

Obama’s campaign manager, David Plouffe, said the senator is very familiar with Indian-Americans, having stayed at a number of motels. “They’re friendly people,” Plouffe said. “And they do a nice job with the sheets.”

Plouffe said he couldn’t recall any particular conversation between a motel owner and the senator. “Mostly they just nod,” he said. “And sometimes they say, ‘No parties, okay?’”

Asked if the motel owners needed to brush up on their English, Plouffe shook his head vigorously and said, “No, no, no. Of course not. Senator Obama needs to brush up on his Hindu.”

Clinton’s campaign manager, Patti Solis Doyle, looked surprised when she heard that Plouffe had perpetuated the stereotype of Indian-Americans as motel owners. “Senator Clinton has met Indian-Americans everywhere,” she said. “Not just at motels, but also gas stations, 7-Elevens and Dunkin’ Donuts.”

She noted that in 2004, Clinton had joked that Mahatma Gandhi ran a gas station in St. Louis. “She sincerely apologized for that,” Doyle said. “She realizes that Indians sell more than just gas.”

Another presidential candidate, Sen. Joseph Biden, got in trouble last year when he said, “In Delaware, the largest growth of population is Indian-Americans, moving from India. You cannot go to a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I am not joking.”

Biden has since apologized, saying he didn’t mean to leave motel and gas station owners out.

Sanjaya Influence Goes Far and Wide

2007-04-16T12:28:00.000-05:00

He may be a terrible singer, as his critics charge, but American Idol finalist Sanjaya Malakar is leaving a mark on American pop culture unseen since the days of Elvis Presley.

“He’s this generation’s Elvis,” said Rolling Stone writer Ben Rattay. “They have a lot in common. For example, Elvis sang ‘Hound Dog.’ Sanjaya sounds like one.”

While millions of young men in the 1950s and ’60s sported Presley’s “ducktail” haircut and long sideburns, millions of young women are adopting the “Sanjaya hairdo.”

Like Presley, Sanjaya’s name and face are expected to sell billions of dollars worth of merchandise. Experts predict that he will be a boon not just to the music industry, but also to the shoe, clothing and ear plug industries.

Dozens of companies have already expressed interest in associating themselves with the ‘Sanjaya Brand.’ Sony hopes to produce a portable music device called the Sanjaya Player. “Sanjaya’s music will be pre-loaded,” Sony spokewoman Shuko Yomo said. “It’ll be the perfect gift for a pre-teen girl.”

Starbucks plans to introduce a new brand of coffee, to be called SanJava. “It will be a mixed brew,” Starbucks’ chairman Howard Schultz said. “Like Sanjaya, it will be half Indian and half Italian.”

General Foods is creating a microwave dinner that will be especially popular in Louisiana: Sanjaya Jambalaya.

The American public’s appetite for Sanjaya cannot be overestimated, experts say. “In a few weeks, you won’t be able to go to a mall without feeling Sanjaya’s influence,” retail specialist John Barry said. “Pre-teen girls are going to eat him up. They’ll be rushing to Gap for some SanJeans, Zales for some SanJewels, and McDonald’s for some SanJunk food.”

India and Pakistan: United in Despair

2007-03-28T01:24:00.000-05:00

The early elimination of India and Pakistan in the 2007 World Cup has produced a surprising result, bringing the countries closer than ever before, united in disappointment and despair.

It all started after Pakistan lost to Ireland and coach Bob Woolmer was found dead in his hotel room. Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh sent a message of condolence to Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf: “The Indian people and I would like to convey our deepest sympathy on your tragic loss. We are sorry to hear about Mr. Woolmer’s death too.”

Musharraf responded a week later: “It is with great sadness that the Pakistan people and I learnt of your terrible tragedy. We know exactly how you feel and we hope we can help you through the grieving process.”

A day after receiving Musharraf’s message, Singh announced that he and Musharraf had agreed to meet in Delhi in a couple of weeks, so they could console each other in person. “They’re suddenly very close,” an inside source said. “They’re even on a shortened first-name basis.”

Indeed, Singh is believed to have said, “Thank you so much for your kind words, Perv.” And Musharraf replied, “Don’t mention it, Man.”

Even ordinary people on the street are feeling a sense of camaraderie with their neighbors. Thousands of Indians lined up outside the Pakistani embassy in Delhi to sign a book of condolences. “Your loss is our loss,” a young couple wrote. “We should have bet on Ireland.”

Perhaps the biggest sign of unity was seen in Bhubaneswar, Orissa, where a group of angry cricket fans burnt effigies of both teams. “We are protesting for Pakistan too,” the organizer said. “Both teams must feel our wrath.”

According to cricket historians, it wasn’t the first time the Pakistan team had felt the wrath of Indian fans. “It has happened a few times before,” said cricket historian Raj Gopal. “But never after a loss to Sri Lanka.”

Indian-Americans Flock to Doctor's Office

2007-03-23T14:01:00.000-05:00

Indian-Americans have been visiting the doctor in large numbers since the cricket World Cup began in mid-March, an informal survey of employers shows.

“Three of my employees couldn’t come to work yesterday,” said Danny Ruppelsburger, president of a high-tech firm. “They all told me they needed to go to the doctor’s office.”

In an unrelated move, a popular Atlanta sports bar, which is showing the World Cup games, has changed its name to “Doctor’s Office.”

Rob Casper, owner of the former Primetime sports bar, denied that he was trying to make it easier for his customers to tell a lie. “We are actually trying to help them be more honest,” he said. “Now they don’t have to make up a story about coming here.”

Asked if it was legal for him to call his sports bar a “doctor’s office,” Casper said, “Of course, it’s legal. If we have a few dozen Indian-Americans here, there’s bound to be a doctor in the bunch.”

He added that many of his customers consider beer “a form of medicine – it makes them feel better.”

While many Indian-Americans have called in sick during India’s matches, some have eventually needed to visit the doctor’s office.

“Watching cricket, especially the World Cup, is very stressful,” said Dr. Rajiv Desai, a family physician. “I’ve had to treat several Indians for high blood pressure. I also treated one of them for a broken finger. He had punched his TV in frustration.”

The informal survey of employers found that Indian-Americans had called off work for non-medical reasons too. Some had transportation problems, others had to attend funerals, and a few had jury duty. One man told his boss that he couldn’t come to work because a meteorite had fallen on his car.

“I feel really bad for him,” the boss said. “A couple of weeks ago, he had a serious illness, then one of his relatives died, and now it’s a meteorite. What a rough month it’s been for him.”