Council of Wisdom

2009-04-27T00:34:00.000-07:00

The following is written in response to the following

"Govt. should reciprocate to LTTE ceasefire - Miliband "

http://www.dailymirror.lk/DM_BLOG/Sections/frmNewsDetailView.aspx?ARTID=47228

It is a piece of satire and is purely fictional. it is based on the unreasonable demand by the British Foreign Secretary for the Sri Lankan government to "follow" a terrorist organization in declaring a ceasefire

War on terror comes to a Pause. - NATO and US command.

Reports are coming in that a ceasefire has been declared by NATO in Afghanistan and a pause in all military operations are taking place in Iraq. The move has many people baffled over the intentions of US President Barack Obama and has the republicans calling for the resignation of not only his government, but the man himself.

Thought it is not confirmed, it s is all believed to have started when a terrorists Outfit known as the LTTE decided to declare a uni lateral ceasefire in it’s “losing” war against the Sri Lankan armed forced, legitimate defenders of that nation. The move was supported by British Foreign Secretary Milliband, who called for the Sri Lankan government to match the move. Sri Lankan however would not give in but daredd if they west would do the same.

Following this news, Al Qaeda and the Taliban and all elements of violence in Iraq called a one day ceasefire, saying it would be extended if “occupying” military “extended their hand”. This gesture was what they termed as “unclenching “ their fist.

The move has caused outrage but forced Sri Lanka to pause it’s offensive against the LTTE, now limited to an area no greater than 2 football pitches. Speaking on the matter Sri Lankan President commented “The west has shown the most ideal leader ship and we as Buddhists are willing to forgive them for their hypocrisy and we decided we would follow them”.

The United Nation’s security council however was split on the matter. Russia , China and France opposed the ceasefire despite the fact these nations have no troops in those areas. Reports indicate that , the interest of Russia and China in supplying these nations with services for the continua development decrease. France opposed the move citing “”irreconcilable” differences between the English versions and the French versions of the text, with the French version reading “NATO troops “ with the exception of French troops will pause all operations in Afghanistan. The British say, this is to explicitly state the French were not involved but the French say it is an unneeded comment.

Speaking to us on the matter, UN secretary of state said “the current pause in the fighting will allow the UN to finally asses the population of the affected areas. Over the past few years, we have predicted population decreases with increasing fatalities but we later in reality found out that high birth rates in these areas , counter this effect and continue to increase the population, leaving our aid estimates far below what people really need “.

How is the US electorate reacting to the Obama promise to kill Bin Laden. John McCain stated in a statement released past midnight “the American people voted for change, but this kind of change is un productive as it seeks to destroy our mission “. Asked on what the mission was , his spokesmen stated “to destroy out enemies”.

The Average voter however wasn’t so mad. Take John, the Logger, who runs his tree cutting business making just more than 250 000 per year. He said “First it was socialism, and now they are bringing Peace to the world, this fairness is like spreading wealth around ! , and I believe only we in the US should have it !

Former Vice President Cheney said “the policies of this administration is making America unsafe and will continue to do so….”. Asked about a resolve , he suggested a mass coup to instill him as Dictator for Life arguing he had only a short amount of time left , considering his old age..

The Only exception to this rule is Israel. Israel stated Hamas is not a terrorist organization but a legitimately elected gove3rnment and does not count in the ceasefire move. Israel continues to maintain it’s position, it can attack elected regimes who are a threat keeping in line with it’s constitution.

As for the Sri Lankan’s like myself, we are just so mad ! We wanted this war to come to and end and now it seems that honestly and respect has descended upon this world.

This author chooses to remain anonymous , but you can take an easy guess, and you'll probably be right
Written 4 minutes ago · Comment · Like

2007-10-14T23:28:00.001-07:00

Moslem for Congress ?

by the American Fox News Reporter

Vote for Faidh !!!!!!! Faidh for congress!!!!! Second Muslim to contest !!! Endorsed by the American Jewish Council and Council of US Moslems !!! Pro Abortion !!!

Yes those are the headlines and slogans associated with Ahmed
Ahmed Faidh Ramzee recently hosted a fund Raising dinner at a hotel somewhere in the middle of nowhere . Here he was seen expressing his support for gay marriage, abortion , Israel , the invasion of Iraq , but said quote "like to see troops out A.S.A.P, it is nearly 15 years now". Faidh who has never run for office before (except run to office everyday to get away from his wife as the joke goes) is apparently is highly excited about the prospect of becoming the first South Asian Moslim to enter capitol hill. In response to the joke Faidh says " yes this is a whole load easier ". (wouldn't want to ask his wife what she thought !!!!!!!) Asked on his thoughts he said "Errrrrrrrrrrrr......" ah that's right we all though he was an Arab at first.

Faidh campaign did not begin with champagne because Islam forbids it ! then how come he supports gay marriage ? Well he says "this is the USA, I can do what I want , you do what you want and errrrrrr......."

A recent smear campaign led by MZ Husni to bring into light the real reason why Faidh his once old chum is contesting the poll.s Apparently he has been "microchipped" by the NSA's secret programme titled " Operation Enslave Muslims". Husni uses evidence that Faidh does not walk through security check and machines because security will detect unusual bumps and gadgets in Faidh. Husni claims their are two problems in making people aware of this. "Firstly nobody believes in micro chipping people as they think it happens only in cartoons. Secondly 97 out of every 100 Americans do not know that an organization called the National Security Agency exists. To most everything is CIA, FBI, CTU blah blah . however the NSA is much better funded and much larger and plays a big role in maintaining US dominance over the world..
The US secret service claims Faidh is number 11 of the hit list of a terrorist organization. They claim he needs "special treatment" Husni argues otherwise. saying terrorists do not usually have hit lists, they kill anybody and they would even kill him. "FYI Faidh is the most protected Moslim in the USA and gets the most protection any muslim would get after the Saudi King and Iraqi Prime Minister " says MZ Husni

How exactly did Faidh end up in the USA ? after graduating from Manipal in 2012, he won the DV lottery and jumped on the offer. Completing his PR he became a citizen. One story goes that he embraced US politics and the lifestyle. The other is the story of MZ Husni, he was abducted and modified.

Who is MZ Husni ? MZ Husni is the chairman of the Organization of Change (the OC) What is his job ? MZ Husni spends most of his time of the pacific ocean on an Oil rig and the rest of his time in Hawei where his family lives. MZ Husni openly claims that quote "muslims have no right to interfere in the affairs on non Muslim countries." Well he is interfering in our OIL PRODUCTION ? hypocryte. well he argues otherwise saying "walk to work then!!!"

Faidh and MZ Husni did speak to each other , oh i meant against each other . On a recent debate hosted by Fox News, and JewTube (no not YouTube) , they argued against each other. Although it was clear who was the better speaker (MZ Husni ) , due to the no show of Husni's members the audience's vote was favoured in Faidh's favour by 979-979. Oh wait it was a tie. An they tossed a coin and Faidh won.

MZ Husni is highly paranoid. He claims the FBI held his supporter's Bus up somewhere in the name of national security. He also claims the coin was a fixed coin which would give the choice Faidh wanted. He claims that the vote was rigged Jeb Bush style (referring to the 2000 election) adding with Fox News nobody is safe.
As a news reporter for that network let me get one thing straight. Imagine life without Prison Break. Yes I know it is hard. Who do you think the public will believe now loser ?

At the end of the debate it is traditional to give your opponent a hug. Although this is also Moslim practise , Husni refused to do so...... saying quote "Faidh might abuse the picture showing that we have patched things up. Faidh's team might use it to gain favour among gay voters"

Why is Faidh campaigning anyway ? we asked him and you know what he said
"errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr """"""

Husni claims his microchip cannot process an answer for that question and it really mean "ERROR".

WHATEVER DUDES
YOU MOSLEMS ARE WEIRD
SIGNED
BIASED FOX NEW REPORTER

WISEPOINT 09824308 * SPELL IT MUSLIMS INSTEAD OF MOSLEMS
WISEPOINT 8830 * NEVER LET YOUR FRIENDS GO TO UNI AWAY FROM YOU. THEY CHANGE
WISEPOINT 0083* RUNNING TO OFFICE EVERY. DAY IS HARDER THAN RUNNING FOR OFFICE. USE A CAR OR TAKE PUBLIC TRANSPORT
WISEPOINT 98834 * IF YOU SEE A MUSLIM SUPPORTING GAY MARRIAGE !!! HE IS MICRO CHIPPED.

The above article is completely fake and fabricated. At no point do we mean to insult or offend anybody.

2007-04-20T01:39:00.000-07:00

I'm 22.5% nerdy!
I must've quit the Boy Scouts before they got you good!

» Take the Nerd Test at MindViz

2007-04-20T01:34:00.001-07:00

I have an IQ of 131!
I am in the 99th percentile!
This means that I did better than 99 percent of the people who have taken this test!

The average score for this test is 100.
The maximum score is 167.
The minimum score is 66.

» Take the IQ Test at MindViz

2007-02-19T18:09:00.000-08:00

Hey, I know I haven't been blogging for ages. but I am typing this post just to tell you I have restarted my blogging and I have changed the name of the CoW II. I also have made a new blogging website (for school): www.omarzskool.blogspot.com.

wise point 3456789900: Never Stop blogging

2007-02-17T05:22:00.001-08:00

Tuesday/Wednesday the 14^th depending on where you live in the world or in the universe. I entered through the school gates. Suddenly somebody says “Hosni what did you bring for ………..”. I got annoyed. I jokily asked my head boy to tell that person to stop bullying me. All the prefects were checking bags and I joined in. Unfortunately nobody brought any gifts today and once again our surprise bag checks led us to find only tip ex which is banned in school (since people can draw on desks but nevertheless some teachers ask students for it sometimes). Anyway after all was finished I went to calls. The dark girl , one of my friends ex ( will it seems that way or it could be a conspiracy and a cover up) told me “Happy Valentines day” I said “ I don’t celebrate it”. Right so next thing you know a dark fellow in my class (and a prefect and a boy I annoy and a Tamil) comes and tells me “I heard somebody does not celebrate Valentines Day.

So you want to know my I don’t celebrate it?

A: There are two reasons. The major one and the minor microscopic one.

So here goes.

It was 14^th of February 590 BC. I happened to live in Rome which was my home. My house over looked the Church of the World (or that’s what they called it) and I was watching somebody else being burned for claiming that the world was round and not flat. Pope Something the Haul was overseeing today’s congregation and I like most others decided not to go. Caesar was there asking everybody to worship him by claiming he could turn the oceans (but not comb his hair). He also claimed to say that one day he would rule the world and that he would live forever.

Rumour was spreading that a Saint called Valentine happened to be conduction secret weddings. Since he was Saint he was thought to become invisible when he wanted to and thus never be caught. People those days did not know the marriage rituals. I unfortunately had mastered them and also was carrying out secret weddings too and I even offered free honeymoons compared to "the so called Valentine’" claim of true love, which unfortunately never existed in those times except for blood and the Pope. Rome was a city with two faces. One a nasty dictator bent on taking the world and the other a peace loving Pope whose subjects were under the influence of the empire. Yet Caesar had the brain of a fish and I the brain of a ……………. Normal human (nobody was normal at that time). Anyway I told Caesar who happened to be my friend (because I conducted his112th and150th as well as his 77^th and 44 other wedding rituals) at that time that this guy was conducting secret marriages and he could not catch him. Causer a profound Christian with a pagan ideology believed me. Fool I thought, stupid idiot. I never mentioned it was I who was the person since I would get killed.

Anyway this saint never existed. It was I who conducted there weddings. Yet because I had fallout with some guy who refused to pay me for the rituals since he said that he wanted a tax receipt (which meant two buffaloes at that time), I told Caesar he was the guy and got him killed. I was neither a Christian nor a pagan then.

I made up this story that he was Mr. Valentine and I stopped conducted marriages. More men joined the army, to impress their girl friends, since they could not get married, Caesar was happy (and then got killed). The Church secretly said that Caesar was right but proclaimed Valentine a saint and thus Feb 14^th.

In the 500 years to come. The Roman Empire was finished, though Rome itself did not fall, we all migrated to seek greener pastures and to get married in the Islamic Empire (and to avoid getting recruited for the crusades which the we would lose). We all became Muslims since we would not have to burnt for saying the world was not flat and that God had children. Plus there was free food every Friday and weapons training everyday.

I told the Caliph and everybody around me the story and they threatened to kill me, but I told my fellow Muslims that I had no choice and that it was their fault since nobody was able to get married. Besides not could not afford two buffaloes.

So ladies and gentlemen, I created the theme of Valentines Day and now I regret and ask God for forgiveness.

That’s the minor reason

The major reason is Islam forbids Muslims from celebrating non Muslim festivals and holidays.

2006-09-29T07:34:00.000-07:00

The Dream

I have no idea about what Islam says about dreams. Yet this dream is in Ramadan and I wonder if it is good or bad.

It all started after fajr when I have one and a half hours to sleep. My first dream was where I was an actor of a film set doing a song with a little child. And then it occurred (the dream)

I was getting married or rather engaged and my age seemed only 19. The only thing in Sri Lanka is that we do the engagements and weddings differently so this was more like and engagement but mixed (whereas in sir lank they are segregated in contrary to our wedding)

Well it seemed that the function was going on rather like a party. I had never met my “bride”. Now it starts. I was always walking around with her brother. You know who he looked like? The Syrian president but he wasn’t the Syrian President but rather her brother only and Sri Lankan. Now what’s so exciting? Well it seemed that I was actually “thinking” in this dream and I had learnt of a conspiracy by him to kill me and his sister. I knew what devices he was going to use and stuff.
So we walked around and talked a lot and he gave me gifts in an irregular pattern. I knew which one contained the “explosives”. At one stage I excused myself and went to the “very dirty toilet” and flushed it down the commode. Sad to say, it was made of gold. Anyway it seemed funny that these thoughts seemed coming to me, but I had no memory of where I had learned about this “conspiracy”
Although I cannot remember what happened during this event, I can say there was no Nikkah (registration). But I remember looking at my “bride” from far and she was okay looking a but fair, not exactly one of those beauty queens but a normal pretty (what I would have expected found by mother girl). In addition she was wearing the hijab (not a norm at our pre-wedding or wedding functions), which was more like a shawl.
In the end we were all talking around my mother, and I remember telling my mama something like this
“You taking a risk with an engineering student”
And I remember this “girl” my wife as saying something like
“I am the one taking the risk”

And she said “come lets go home, I’ll make you some dinner “, but I don’t understand that since an engagement you usually get food.
Finally out of the norm this girl said come lets go home, and I just went outside this hall and I cannot remember my exit. But the outside was exactly like outside my home, but opps I forgot to say the inside resembled the Hilton Sri Lanka Ballroom. Everything outside looked the same including the garment factory opposite. There were many cars and I suddenly realized “shouldn’t I be having a car?” I put my hand into my pocket and there was a key. I pressed the button on it (although I cannot remember feeling this “button”) and a small stylish car’s alarm was deactivated. I asked my wife to get in and suddenly when I was about to get in, 2 guys get of a motor bike on the top of my lane at the turn. They are dressed in black and carry machine guns. I try to start the car and get away (and I am wondering why they are not shooting)

Suddenly I get tensed and then it happens. I realize that I am awake and this was a dream. The picture is frozen in my mind but the only way to continue this “dream” was to fantasize it, and I voted against doing it. I woke, looked at the time, went back to sleep and got up half an hour later to go to school.

I’ll tell you one thing the dream was scary and I remember that the experience was better, there were more evens but like most dreams it is impossible to remember everything. It’s the dream to have, when I was in that situation it was scary and when I got up I realized it was a dream, I was so annoyed cus it was the first time I was annoyed at getting out of a scary dream unlike before.

Wise Point 09800983* None

Could any one of you tell me what is the point of this dream ?

2006-09-01T03:57:00.000-07:00

Presidents and Prime Minister (Part I)

Ehud Olmert was on his way to meet the President of Israel Moshe Katsav. The President's office was largely a sybolic gesture and in the current Israeli conflict ( or not current Conflict since Israel has been in conflict since it's inception) he has little or no part to play in the decisions pertainng to the invasion of Israel's northern neighbour. Yet if one examines Israel's 68 year old or young constittution , the President not the Prime Minister can actually solve this problem. Then if so why does he not ? Simply because it would go against the ethics of a non executive figure head of state to take decisions on his own without consulting the Prime Minister (without whose supposrt , the President cannot actually occupy office).
> In reality the President only power is the power that can be used to solve the crisis. All his other powers have to be exercised with the advice or aid of some other branch of government. Well this power does not.
What is this power ? The power to pardon , the power to pardon criminals and commute sentences. In other words if their was anybody who was going to decide whether to end this conflict it was the man occupying the post which In 1952 Albert Einstein declined. Well that's a nice consituition ...... you get a nice house , car , security , free self piloted air force trips , no blame for anything that goes wrong in the country office where the worst thing you have to do is attend funerals.
As Ehud Olmert was arriving at the gate of the Presidetial palace ,he wondered what he should adress the person who once occupied a post less significant that his , deputy premiership. He fatanzied the possibility that if Moshe Katsav was still in government he'd have worked under him. But no , now he'd have to adress a man who was Shane Warne type of person (he a habit of acting improperly towards women, im multiple occasions acting in a manner openly described as sexual harassment ) as Good Afternoon your excellency. He entered the the Palace and was escorted by a man in a fuuny looking hat ( whom he only thought existed in Denmark ) to the waiting room. As a waiter served him a drink ..... he looked around again making plans for his retirement with the President and making a mental note not to overwork himself like Sharon for otherwise he might end up in a Coma. He waited and got impatient. He felt the urgent need to shout "Do you know that even the President of the United States , the world's second most powerful man {after me of course since I control him} does not keep me waiting so long.
> The President arrives after 17 minutes and 52 seconds according to the stop watch on the Prime Minister's Omega platinum plated gold and silver lined watch [ made in Israel by the way They greet each other like good people and discuss "homely " topics before moving on to the war situation. The President goes first " Common chum , you know we could save billions by just handing over a few hundred prisoners back to them ?". Olmert replies " I know , but did you think that was the cause of this full scale invasion ?'". President " Your not saying that Syria and my "homeland" [ i.e.Iran] are the target then ? " [laughing]. Olmert " Of course not , our target it to destroy the only group that ever ever ever bloody forced us to retreat ....... did you watch " CNN present ", for once in my life I felt ashamed to be a citizen of Israel when they aired to the world the fact espeacially since me and Warner are close buddies (and also since his 3rd wife is from Israel and happens to be my cousin) ". .
The President continued "well personally I would prefer that we don't go to war", what's the use?

FAST FOWARD

The war had ended and Olmert was once more at the President's house. This time however it was the President who had urgently called him and Olmert deduced that he was looking for political support in order to prevent being removed from office despite all the scandals that were surrounding him. "Mr.President , what is it now ?" asked Olmert impatiently knowing that he had the upper hand . " Now now Ehud , don't get too carried away , there is great importance in this metting " was the firm but somewhat sacastinc reply from Moshe Katsav.
President continued "Now Olmert , you know that the current scandals that are rocking my office and neither good for me or the party ". "Party , what party , firstly sir I am from Kadima , not the Likud Party which you are from , and secondly even their chairman has denounced your actions as harmful not only to the party but to the state ". "So what do you suppose I do ?" the President asked. "Oh so now it comes to this , my head of state is asking me for advice , tell you what sir , you should put the state before sex , many leaders today work for the betterment of the state , not utilize it's public office to bring disgrace to it. Personally as you know out party has always stood for a system where the executive is directly elected , and the legilative body elected seperately . Although we prefer an executive Prime Minister , some circles in our party have considered drawing up a new constituition to elect an executive President. Sir , with all due respect , any press is not good press , bad press means bad press, and the last thing we want is a Bill Clinton like administration " "So you suggesting that I resign ?" inquired the President. "You played no significant political part in the Lebanon crisis , you merely a figurehead who attends funerals ... you think your budget is meant to be used for your pleasure .......... our legilator prefer if the President would act as an icon for the jewish state . promote us , promote our values, promote peace , and promote harmony. So Mr.President, I personally do not want to see you face impeachment ....... so I suggest you start talking your poistion seriously , act with dignity , and consciouslly. Moshe Katsav looked out of his window , in deep thought wondering what he should do. He turned around to make his reply , but the Prime Minister had left. In the distance he heard the Prime Minister's motorcade leave .. phew he thought he had had enough for one day

2006-08-30T03:08:00.000-07:00

About two years ago I had something known as a Pocket Pc (Hp IPaq). In my free times I used to write poems and songs. Since most love songs make sense I thought why not make a dumb one. This ones called OVER

Summer is the time that i like the most,
Cause Winter has always made me feel like the ghost,

The dumbness of me, has made me fail to see,
That i can never solve this mystery,
why can't you be next to me.

I feel like a car without fuel,
That is a world so unreal,
That i just wanna yell,
Go away............. get lost in hell,

Does government care you or me,
Like there're supposed to be,
Its such a scary thing to see,
so scary.......... i need to pee.

The time when, i remembered you wanted a hen
And see London's big ben,
And also wanted barbie's ken,
But it was too late ...... the time was past ten.

And as sun rose over the oceon,
And I learnt that the was no such thing as a magic potion
Then the sun fell into the sea
And I knew it was over between you'n me

That day i went to the park,
But it was nearly closed,
So instead of goin home,
I visten the millenium dome,

It seems like the times are bad,
And i am so sad,
Yet i don't feel mad,
I need to look for my cricket pad.

And if i was a bee in the hive,
or a whale that could easily dive,
I wonder how they go to the loo,
I wonder if I can be next to you

And as sun rose over the oceon,
And I learnt that the was no such thing as a magic potion
Then the sun fell into the sea
And I knew it was over between you'n me

That day when i was going to bed,
And was wondering about lead,
against the wall knocked my head,
I could'nt remember the last thing you said

4 is the time I go,
to play cricket you know
And i wonder despite this so,
Why does my love grow

The fast cars that rule the grand prix,
Have always facinated me
It's time to close this book,
Now its time to become a crook

And sun rose over the oceon,
And i learnt that the was no such thing as a magic tion
Then the sun fell into the sea
And I knew it was over between you'n me

and I continue it from here after 2 years

As bro returns from the shop
Somebody calls for the mop
I hear the cat break a pot
I tell fat people not to eat a lot

Though I may always talk nonsense
My mind is always on you hence
Cept during exams when it's tensed

Even if I did not write this song
My mind would still be on;
you for a long long period
just as long as my beard

And as sun rose over the oceon,
And i learnt that the was no such thing as a magic potion
Then the sun fell into the sea
And I knew it was over between you'n me

2006-08-28T03:52:00.000-07:00

Idiots are always there in our society.
Let me tell you the different reactions to people knowing I got 3 A's

With my Uncle (after sallams)

Uncle : I heard you got 3 A's alhamdullilah
Me : Yes and with my marks it means even if I get C's next year I can get an overall A. but don't worry I won't be working that way
Uncle : Yes I know but don't work that way

Wise Point 0983* Listen when talking on the phone

The following conversation was predicted before it occured (Hilal will vouch for me )
With my Cousin Sister

Cousin : Congratulations I heard you got 3A's
Me : thanks
Cousin : Now don't be too confident

If not for the fact that I would be adding fuel to fire I would have asked her "Is that your way of saying , you might be smart but that means nothing , cus I told Hilal everybdoy would tell me that"

I won't tell you how the conversation with my mama went since it was similar but she made 3A's , 4A's and now I have to tell people I did only 3 subjects.

Wise Point 099808* Enbcourage people ..... like say good work keep it going , not thrash them on the floor

Note :THIS ARTICLE IS TRUE
Note :IF I HAD NOT LIVED IN SRI LANKA FOR SO LONG I MIGHT HAVE BEEN HEARTBROKEN but since I KNOW THE SYSTEM I never let it get me down.

The following is false
With Belal

Me : Hey Belal I got 3A's for my AS level with 94% average
Belal : brb dinner

Wise Point : make sure to type all you want to say in one box on MSN with people who always get off the computer

2006-08-04T01:08:00.000-07:00

All my life I really thought there were many people on my side , but no, just like in Sri Lankan politics , the sparrow flies off to the other side.
Never mind all along does not mean anything to me , just I wanted you'll to know I had this message for you (both)

"When I look at you , what do I see"
"Something that really scares me"
"Is it your size or it it your face"
"Never mind both are classified "disgrace"

"You might think your so smart "
"But have you ever thought "
"If you are ; how come"
"you cannot get this job done"

"you can keep attacking me"
"but who will win in the end we shall see"
"you are just wasting you time"
"cause in the end victory is mine"

"I have nothing to lose"
"except a few cousins like you"
"who cares about snobs anyway"
"with them my days are always grey"

"You might think no end of yourself"
"Yet you are bigger than suppermarket shelves"
"You eat like a greedy bird"
"Not forgetting to mention that you are also a nerd"

"I don 't hate you , but you took the first step"
"In drawing ourselves towards distress"
"Severing family ties is nothing big"
"Except it is a big sin"

"You are fool and you know that"
"you are snob and a brat"
"you are not thin , you are fat"
"And soon you will be my door mat"

2006-08-01T00:47:00.000-07:00

Big City life (by Mattafix)
click here to listen to the song ( I advice you to right click and open in new tab/window)

Big City Life,
Me try fi get by,
Pressure nah ease up no matter how hard me try.
Big City Life,
Here my heart have no base,
And right now Babylon de pon me case

Big City Life,
Me try fi get by,
Pressure nah ease up no matter how hard me try.
Big City Life,
Here my heart have no base,
And right now Babylon de pon me case.

People in a show,
All lined in a row.
We just push on by,
Its funny,
How hard we try.

Take a moment to relax.
Before you do anything rash.

Don't you wanna know me?,
Be a friend of mine.
I'll share some wisdom with you.
Don't you ever get lonely,
From time to time
Don't let the system get you down

Big City Life,
Me try fi get by,
Pressure nah ease up no matter how hard me try.
Big City Life,
Here my heart have no base,
And right now Babylon de pon me case

Big City Life,
Me try fi get by,
Pressure nah ease up no matter how hard me try.
Big City Life,
Here my heart have no base,
And right now Babylon de pon me case

Soon our work is done,
All of us one by one.
Still we live our lives,
As if all this stuff survives.

Don't you wanna know me?,
Be a friend of mine.
I'll share some wisdom with you.
Don't you ever get lonely,
From time to time
Don't let the system get you down

The Linguist across the seas and the oceans,
A permanent Itinerant is what I’ve chosen.
I find myself in Big City prison, arisen from the vision of man kind.
Designed, to keep me discreetly neatly in the corner,
you'll find me with the flora and the fauna and the hardship.
Back a yard is where my heart is still I find it hard to depart this Big City Life.

Big City Life,
Me try fi get by,
Pressure nah ease up no matter how hard me try.
Big City Life,
Here my heart have no base,
And right now Babylon de pon me case

Big City Life,
Me try fi get by,
Pressure nah ease up no matter how hard me try.
Big City Life,
Here my heart have no base,
And right now Babylon de pon me case

Big City Life,
Me try fi get by,
Pressure nah ease up no matter how hard me try.
Big City Life,
Here my heart have no base,
And right now Babylon de pon me case

Big City Life,
Me try fi get by,
Pressure nah ease up no matter how hard me try.
Big City Life,
Here my heart have no base,
And right now Babylon de pon me case

Wise point 8893* All are in bold in the text

my note : I prefer if this song was called my crappy life
my note: My answer to those who critisize me is this article

2006-07-26T03:21:00.000-07:00

Outdone once again.

Oh by the way ..... did I forget to tell you that I roll in mud and cross the road twice or in other words I am a dirty double crosser. I went to pluto on another date as well. We met up in Ice park in goyhof or someplace. She was some human who had found her way their.

Me : Hi
She: Sallams
Me : V sallams
She : V sallams, say Ws
Me: Ws what does that mean ?
she : I meant say Walaikum Musalam
Me : next time okay
She : you said you liked apples with oranges , what exactly did that mean ?
Me : I was drunk at that time , can't remember.
She : You drink ?
Me : yeah
She : But its hararm
Me : I drink an overdose of milkshakes
She : So what do you think about the stars.
Me : I don't know .... I can only see one
She : We are in pluto for God's sake ....... you can see stars all around
Me : Well the only star I can se around here is next to me <-------- really? where?
She : Oh how sweet ...... you must be a sweet talker
me : More like sweet eater
She : Yeah I can see that ' (looking at my stomach)
Me : Hey are you calling me fat?
She : like duh you
Me : your right , but don't worry you'll be fat one day
She : What ?
Me : Well most women become fat when they have kids?
She : and who told you that ?
Me : I have seen it happen
She : So whats your point
Me : My point is fat is eh .......
She : okay
Me : yeah
She : are you trying to justify your fatness ?
Me : No its justified
She : Hows that ?
Me : My mum fed me too much
She : the usual... always looking to blame us for your mistakes
Me : no I am not like that
She : really ?
Me : of course ..... i just look to blame somebody i lived with for more than 20 years
She : So which means if you live with me for more than 20 years.... i will get blamed
Me : now did I say that ?
She : actually you did
Me : Now what I meant was
She : either you hate your mum or you don't like people who you have known for too long ?
Me : no
She : then what ? was that a slip of the tongue ?
Me : Yes
She : You must have oiled you tongue for it to slip like that ..... for god's sake we all know it natural
Me : what's natural ?
She : For men to blame women for everything thats wrong
Me : no I blame them for everything thats right
She : Like
Me : Chocolate chip cookies and strawberry flavoured vainal ice cream
She : You don't even get something like that
Me : you do on earth
She : I visited earth last month
Me : Well whatever happens your wrong
She : So your saying I am wrong?
Me : yes
She : Sure no slip of the tongue
Me : Yes
She : In that case you a typical man ...... see yo looked to blame me and said I was wrong.
Me : Well women are wrong you know
She : like ..........
Me : Well I don't know
She : Do you know you made the aircraft , television , cars and stuff ?
Me : Men
She : Well do you know who made their dinner
me : their wives of course
She : what happened if they did not have wives
Me : they would go some place else to eat
She : So in the old days when they did not have much money , and they went out to eat and they wasted both their time and money ,your saying they could have invented all this.
Me : I am saying that it a possibility........ are you saying thanks to women , we have technology
She : Well thanks to women ....... we have men...... or should I say no thanks
Me : forget it ........ I am leaving
She : suit yourself (she whispers loser)

How unlucky for me ? She was really pretty and had blue eyes and was slim ......... hey I should not be talking about that here. Anyway the point is

Wise Point 79398* Don't argue with women it makes no sense. After all sense to us is like cents of a dollar to them. Worthless..........

PS. She should have started by saying Assalamu Allaikum instead of sallams alone. See they do stupid stuff too.

2006-07-25T03:39:00.000-07:00

The think tank : What she was thinking ? (Part 1)

Recently I met up with a friend of mine........... a she......... in a park ........56 th 43 MarlyeBorn , Mars at 25:04 Am. Well it was more or less like a date but before you continue "Please not this article is totally and 100% fabricated"

ME: Hi

She : Hi , Assalamu Allaikum

Me : walaikum musalam

she : so you Hosni eh.............

Me : No I am Belal ..........

She : Oh I thought you were Hosni

Me : Well I am

She : But why did you say you Belal ?

Me : never mind ........ a small slip of the tongue

At this point it must be noted that the secret alien who I had brought with me was recording here thoughts

Me : Hi <-------- can't he say sallams

Me : Walaikum Musalam <------- can't he make it longer

Me : No I am Belal <---- what a lame joke

Me : Well I am <------ like whatever

Me : Never mind ... a small slip on the tongue <------- I bet you thought I was dumb

So the conversation continues (with what she was thinking next to my sentences) <---- thats a nice way to start

She : I am just finishing my MBA

Me : Even you ? tell me what's the MBA about ? <---- this is getting boring

She : as they say google it , let talk about something else

Me : okay <---- some improvement

She : So where you working now ?

Me : GlaxoSmithKline < -------- complicated name , let me try act smart

She : Really the one which makes Vitamin C

Me : yeah , but we deal mainly with pharmecuticals

She : cool so what do you do there <----- pharme what ..... never mind

Me : Well I work at their plant .......... control and operations optimizations. You know checking to see everythings all right with the machines............ fine tuning.

She : How long do you work for ?

Me : 5 hours a day at the moment. <------ wow thats a little

She : so you have loads of free time ?

Me : Not really, I have to spend 8 hours in total ..... 3 hours doing nothing but just research and some boring stuff <---- wonder if that makes you a boring person

She : So what do you do after work ? Don't tell me review my work cus thats really annoying ?

Me: Not review just check some records for one hour. Visit my friends. We all live in this compund provided for by the company. Most of us , I mean my firends are anyway bachelors. Yeah I know they drink and stuff but I just hang out .......... sometimes we go do interesting stuff..... watch movies and play pranks <--------- thats quite a statement

She : play pranks , are you'll kids ?

Me : you got to understand , we are engineers ..... we can innovate ....... like make the guy open the door and his hand keeps slipping off all the time ..... thats kids stuff.

She : so what if this guy uses a tissue or paper or something ?

Me : It burns <------- cool now we are talking

She : does he get injured ?

Me : no it melts not burns really

She: you should show me this happening one day

Me : Inshallah <------ he is not supposed be more religious than me

She : so you listen to music ?

Me : No hararm !! <------ what ?

She : what ? so your an "extremist"

Me : no just kidding .... of course I do .

She : well what do you listen to?

Me: Everything mainly outlandish , Jay Z , Eminem , Cats Stevens ....

She : Oh do you watch movies a lot ?

Me : No , except what goes on tele , you.....

She : Those old shit ..... no way .... I usually rent the DVD's or go to the movies

Me : really maybe we should go sometime <------ that would be great

She : serious ......

Me : of course not , it would be hararm and I am serious about that.

She : Have you ever supported any terrorist groups <------ looking at my beard

Me ; Why ? What ?

She : Like Hamas and stuff.....

Me : No way .... but I think them as liberation groups

She : So do I ....... just wantd to see your reaction

Me: The right to resist occupation cannot be described as terrorism.

She: yeah see whats happening in Lebanon ?

Me : I know

She : sure from that stand over there , what is your favourite flavour ? Mines Strawberry and Chocolate chip

Me: Same here <------- did he just make that up

She : don't lie

Me : okay fine I am be unthruthful , my favourite flavours ar not strawberry and chocolate chip , they are chocolate chip and strawberry

She: whats the difference ?

Me : the order ..... i like strawberry second. She : did you buy strawberry just cus I bought it ?

Me : itsn't it obvious <---- how sweet

she starts laughing ,she has one of the cutest laughs ever that i have seen

Me: So when did you first start wearing hijab ? <---- why ask that ?

She : 10 years back .....
Me : really how old were you ?
She : 14 .... i had a violent past

Me : Why ? <----- don't go there

She : Well I used to go clubbing and stuff wihtout my parents knowing ?

Me: Oh and let me guess your dad caught you

She : It was the embarrassment , he was deputy chief inspector in our county for the CID and then when I was caught entering a night club underage , it caused him much embarassment..... the papers went on about it...... he changed me to a religious school ... at first I did not like it ..... but then I realized how much better I felt .... how much more happy i was .... the feeling of feeling free. Me : touching story <---- that was crap , don't try acting sweet all the time

Me :Well you know.................

TO BE CONTINUED ( YOU CAN REQUEST FOR PART II BY EMAIL BUT YOU WON"T GET IT )

Wise Point 08934 * don't talk sense to "them", it doesn't really make sense to them
Wise Point 00001* Aliens , females and the french are the most diffcult species to understand
Wise Point 00002* don't try to be too smart ..... it ain't wise.

This was submitted by a 28 year old journalist and it was modified by Hosni

Note : this article was totally fabricated

2006-07-23T04:03:00.000-07:00

The Bush-Blaird Conversation

This conversation is false and false.Nothing said here is true. Please keep that in mind. And small kids please do not read this as it includes non violent non suitable content.

You all must have heard about the Bush-Blair conversation when a micorphone was accidently not swtiched off. Unfortunetely for Bush and Blair there was an alien in the room and "it' was able to relate to us what happened after Blair switched off the microphone. Sorry for the delay but we needed to use 99832 translators and after translating it to french once again we got an english translation. Be prepared to find out about this big announcement and what Bush and Blair give each other.

The Conversations begins

Bush: Yo, Blair. How are you doing?

Blair: I'm just...

Bush: You're leaving?

Blair: No, no, no not yet. On this trade thingy...[inaudible]

Bush: Yeah, I told that to the man.

Blair: Are you planning to say that here or not?

Bush: If you want me to.

Blair: Well, it's just that if the discussion arises...

Bush: I just want some movement.

Blair: Yeah.

Bush: Yesterday we didn't see much movement.

Blair: No, no, it may be that it's not, it may be that it's impossible.

Bush: I am prepared to say it.

Blair: But it's just I think what we need to be an opposition...

Bush: Who is introducing the trade?

Blair: Angela [Merkel, the German Chancellor].

Bush: Tell her to call 'em.

Blair: Yes.

Bush: Tell her to put him on, them on the spot. Thanks for [inaudible] (condoms) it's awfully thoughtful of you.

Blair: It's a pleasure. (double meanining)

Bush: I know you picked it out yourself.

Blair: Oh, absolutely, in fact [inaudible].(I use them all the time)

Bush: What about Kofi? [inaudible] His attitude to ceasefire and everything else ... happens.

Blair: Yeah, no I think the [inaudible] is really difficult. We can't stop this unless you get this international business agreed.

Bush: Yeah.

Blair: I don't know what you guys have talked about, but as I say I am perfectly happy to try and see what the lie of the land is, but you need that done quickly because otherwise it will spiral.

Bush: I think Condi is going to go pretty soon.

Blair: But that's, that's, that's all that matters. But if you... you see it will take some time to get that together.

Bush: Yeah, yeah.

Blair: But at least it gives people...

Bush: It's a process, I agree. I told her your offer to...

Blair: Well...it's only if I mean... you know. If she's got a..., or if she needs the ground prepared as it were... Because obviously if she goes out, she's got to succeed, if it were, whereas I can go out and just talk.

Bush: You see, the ... thing is what they need to do is to get Syria, to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit and it's over.

Blair: [inaudible](Well my inteligence reports suggest Israel may be funding Hizbollah themselves in order to reoocupy Lebabnon)

Bush: [inadubile](Shut the f*** up about that will you, let put the blame on some other place and fake some evidence)

Blair: Syria.

Bush: Why?

Blair: Because I think this is all part of the same thing.

Bush: Yeah.

Blair: What does he think? He thinks if Lebanon turns out fine, if we get a solution in Israel and Palestine, Iraq goes in the right way...

Bush: Yeah, yeah, he is sweet.

Blair: He is honey. And that's what the whole thing is about. It's the same with Iraq.

Bush: I felt like telling Kofi to call, to get on the phone to Assad and make something happen.

Blair: Yeah.

Bush: [inaudible] (Listen carefully do they serve ice cream here?)

Blair:[inaudible] ( Yeah they do ..... now my government needs a clear postition on this and my foreign office is at odds with me)

Bush: We are not blaming the Lebanese government.

Blair: Is this...? (at this point Blair taps the microphone in front of him and the sound is cut.) (microphone properly switched off)

Bush : Do you think the media would have recorded out shit

Blair : Yes, I better try to do something about it

Bush : Maybe we could blackmail them into keep the shit under control

Blair : yeah and they could blackmail you. I think we can get them to cut the condom parts off as inaudible or something

Bush : Yeah I'll talk to my cousin ... he owns fox networks. I think he will have some friends

Blair : Now I feel Israel has reacted too much

Bush : Why blame Israel ? give the man a break....... he lost his balls recently

Blair : Olmert ? but they have the best doctors in the world

Bush : No can do...... seems like his sex life is gone for good

Blair : So your saying all this violence is for his pleasure

Bush : a mans got to do what keeps him happy

Blair : what ...... hey look here Bushie ..... i do not care if his bushie is no use .......... but i think I might have a way to change this ... ask him to have oral or something

Bush : He is guy for god's sake

Blair : Really ? I was being sarcastic

Bush : Well the doctors think Olmerts disease is fatal and he might die of it eventually , so we can see the problem solved in 10 years

Blair : This is not a f****** joke. I am losing support at home. The tories who are Aemrica's best friend were desperate as to condemn Israel in their party's history.

Bush : Listen about what you gave me....... were they flavoured

Blair : did your wife like them ?

Bush : Not the condoms.... I meant the chocolate bunnies

Blair : Oh yeah they were strawberry , chocolate, vanilla

Bush : Did you check out the whores here?

Blair : Dude man...... I am faithful

Bush : So am I? I just meant ........the officials of this place seem to have them all over the place ? do you think they are Russian spies or something?

Blair : Bloddy folks...... anyway I think my wife might be pregnant again

Bush : good for you....... I am more worried that my daughter do not get pregnant. The secret service busted her and her bf a few months ago. Saved a possible pregnancy by a few seconds.

Blair : My eldest son made some gal pregnant ....... but we got rid of her the old fashioned way

Bush : And you ask me to shut down Gitmo?

Blair : Politics

Bush : You know I am nearing my end

Blair : So your not going for an amendment... the one that allowed presidents who have led the country into more than 2 wars to contest for a third time.

Bush : No my cows need be back home in the ranch. They need milking (winks to blair)

Blair : Well yeah but I get more than you

Bush : Shut up .......... you have no idea how much free time I have........ you know about the decoy ........the guy i send who looks like me when I am busy

Blair : I wanted to get one of those...... but none of the people interveiwed had my IQ

Bush : Whats your IQ?

Blair : 197

Bushg : out of 200. Mines only 36

Blair : beat you beat you

Bush : what your Iq again?

Blair : just kiddin dog

Bush : anyway its dinner time now?

Blair : yeah got a date with my wife

Bush : going for cofee too?

Blair : sick dog ! I told you she might be pregnant

Bush : Have fun ....... I have Hu next to me... I might learn something about their condom market. Who knows I might teach him about the flacoured ones ?

Blair : Maybe we can get a trade agreement on them. Confectionary Condoms in china..... sounds nice

Bush : hey I never thought of that ......... might be bigger than oil. With 1.5 billion market .... and since they are not indians they might better tastes

Blair : yeah we can prove to them that we can bring their population down by using our ones and not their cheap produced ones.

Bush : Its like selling oil to the Arabs

Blair : No its like selling refined high perfomance oil to them.......... it will sell

Bush : Okay but we'll make the announcement later.

Well I hope you all know what this Big announcement is about and it won't be made soon.

Wise Point 0983428 * Bush and Blair are best friends. Do not try break them up
Wise Point 8998342* Check for Aliens before talking to a friend. Email me for alien detect software
Wise Point 8893892* Never invade other peoples privacy. You won't like what you hear

Note :this article is totally fabricated

2006-07-21T21:54:00.000-07:00

School Formal

It was the day before my formal in school. In our school, poeple can bring a 'guest' from another school, that usually means female partner. Well i decided on going and finding this gal. It difficult I know.
I sat down and made a list. Monica, Adrea, Sarah, yeah and who forgot JJ aas well as Farah.

I go to ask Monica

me : Monica hi
Monica : excuse me ? your supposed to say hi Monica
me; Hi Monica
Monica : Like whatever , what do you want.....
Me : eh.... I was thinking
Monica : Think faster ..... I have not got all day
Me : My school's having a formal next week and .......
Monica : Forget it ..........

I go ask Adrea

Me : Hey adrea
Adrea : Forget it
Me : What did I say
Adrea ; We all kn0w what you want
Me : What?
Adrea : a partner to the formal
Me : okay fine.

I go ask Sarah

Me : Hi
Sarah : No sorry ... somebody asked me
Me : How do you know
Sarah : Hello have you not heard of gossip.
Me : thats so unfair.....
Sarah : Lifes is unfair.............

I go ask Farah

Me : Hi
Farah ; Hi
Me : Do you know why I am here ?
Farah : Yes
Me; How come?
Farah : You want to ask me to the formal?
Me : yes but I bet your going to say no
Farah : actually i was going to tell you how cute you look .
Me : ah?
Farah : I was going to ask you anyway
Me: Really ?
Farah : Sure , will you pick me up
Me : Sure what time?
Farah : You tell me
Me; 8 PM
Farah ; No problem
Me : Really
Farah ; of course not you dork , get lost, do you not know what "sarcasm " is
Me; not again

PS; what happened to JJ is that she agreed to accompany me in exchange for 4 crabie patty(s)

Wise Point 9872348 Gossip spread faster than fire slower than light
Wise point 9879832* Never ask a girl to the formal right before it.
Wise Point 789432* take your monkey instead in you are unlucky.
Wise Point 989783* Watch Nickelodean , it might helo

Note : Do you think this article is fabricated .Yes it is ........ but of course not the theme

Please note this article is aimed at the male readers of this blog , but applies only in general (and specific) cases to girls (such as all except one of my cousin sisters)

2006-07-18T20:05:00.000-07:00

PINK BUNNIES. You know you love them...
We all hate our dentists... We all love good teachers.... We all love.... LOLLIES!!!

Yes this in fact is quite true, as you see even I myself hated (yes HATED a past tence) dentists, but my reason was quiet different, You see as I grew older these rotton stinking smelly dentists they stopped giving me those cute little pink bunny stickers that said cool comments such as "HOORAY, NO DECAY" or "Always use Fluride toothpaste!"

So Anyway I got pretty angry with these guys. And I started repecting my teachers instead, so then one-day I learn my TEACHER is a DENTIST.... NOOOOOOOOO!!!

What do I do I repect my teachers I hate my dentists.
So then I tell this teacher of mine my story and she promises me a PINK BUNNY sticker. HOW COOL is this!!!

So I go to Saturday school and she gives me the sticker, I show this to my friends thinking "my life is changed"

I go home really happy and I stick this on the back of my sat. school note book, I start decorating it and I then realise my sister has a spair sticker from early childhood. 2 stickers, it is like !wow!
This is a lesson we should all take to mind...

note: this is not frabricated and is completley true...

wise point #672334:
Dentists are cool and stickers are more than sticky.

Posted by
OMAR HANIFFA
t0p-d0G

2006-07-17T01:34:00.000-07:00

IT'S TRUE. ITS GOT WISDOM. ITS PLAIN STUPID....

SO it was FRIDAY the 14th July and as usual I got up at 6am to go to the mosque for FAJR even though they started at 6:45 and It was only 3 mins from our house.
But I had to get up early so I could get ready for school and NOT miss the bus. So life was normal I was damn tired, but today instead of period 6&7 we were having a prenetation for acedamic acheivments and international comps. (I got credit in science) and for acedmic acheivment I got 4 certificates, 5 all together thats 2nd highest in the whole school.
So now schools over we are heading to the buses I get on, and I sit on the 4th to the right, when this girl comes and tells me to get off. I say no, and then her friend tells me to swap seats with her I don't see anything wrong so i say okay, but as soon as I get up the other girl quickly takes it so i'm forced to the back (ALL OTHER SPOTS ARE TAKEN), and I never go to the back.
Out of boredom and tiredness I fell asleep, and u see the guy who gets off at the same stop as me usually wakes me up but he didn't know I was at the back so he told the driver I hadn't got on, so now everyone had gone and the driver (STEVE) was on his way home when suddenly I woke up and walked to the front thinking why's it so quiet? so then I realise no-ones on the bus except the bus driver and well I'm freaked. so anyway the bus driver drops me home and everything is back to normal....... I think.

Omar Haniffa
Associate write

Wise Point 78973* So guys and others never fall asleep on the bus unless u hav secure back up

Note ; this article is not fabricated

2006-07-14T22:50:00.000-07:00

My Friend's Girlfriend ; part I

My friend recently went shopping with his girl friend............ he had a tape recorder a mind recorder) and he lent it to me , to publish all the details. My friend is referred to as F and his girl friend GF

(********) any thing in brackets refers to action taking place
[********] any thing in whatever you call these are thoughts

(F picks her up)
In the car

F: So where do you want to go
GF: What don't you say hi even?
F[wanting to avoid war] : oh sorry your majesty please forgive me , hi to the power 5
GF : Whatever
F [why do they use the word "whatever" so often]
GF: what are you thinking , aren't we going?
F: yeah but where honey?
GF: lets go to Place Mall Pacific
F: It is called Pacific Place........................
GF: you got the point , so does it matter or not
F: no not at all.......... Lets go ( F fantasizes a scene where they asked the name of that Mall in a competition to win a million dollars and his GF says the wrong name and they lose........)

In the mall

F: do you want to get something to eat
GF: are you hungry? It is only 10 AM.... Didn't you eat breakfast
F: I did , but then ...[I was only trying to be nice..........] never mind
GF: Do you want to check out Bosino
F: yeah no problem............ but .......
GF : but what..........
F: no problem ( quickly checks his purse to make sure credit card is there)

In the store

GF: do you think this nice
F: I'm cool
GF : what ?
F: I meant it would look great ......... try it on
GF : okay ( goes and tries it on)
F: You look fabulous ( and goddy)
GF : I look gordacious don't I? Your Lying , just to be nice....
F: ah finally you noticed how nice I am?
GF : what was that for ? When did I ever act like arrogantly>
F [ wanting to avoid war 2] : ah no I was wrong, really wrong, that was a slip of the tongue, your allays nice and not arrogant, and sweet and .....
GF: shut the crap , let's go to Watsons
F: they don't sell clothes
GF : hello!!!!!!! Cosmetics
F [ how could I forget , mama used to go there all the time]

In Watsons

GF: I will be at the beauty counter
F [ wonder if I should warn the people at the counter .......}
F: can I go over to the chocolate counter? [why asks like a small child]
GF: sure
F goes to check the chocolates place, while he loads the tray with many goodies he hears a commotion at the beauty counter.......... no surprise I bet you know who is at the center of the problem
GF: You promised you would have it this week
Counter Guy : Mam, it is no my fault , there was a fuel crisis , and we could not get the shipments on time
Counter Girl : Mam, we will try to have it by next week
F: what' the problem
GF: I asked for the condenser and moisturizer and they said they would have it this week
F: well honey, they are not compelled to sell their things to us
GF: whose side are you on?
F: all I am saying is .... I heard the problem, it is not their fault
GF : so it is my fault then..........
F: did I say that?
GF : did you not say that? Your trying to accuse me of acting arrogantly?
F: what ? Common darling , let's check out somewhere else [the faster we go out, I can eat the chocolates]
GF: first tell me , whose fault is it. Mine or theirs?
F: both.......... You should not have relied on them..... And they should not assume thing they are not sure about.....
GF: so I am at fault...... Tell me who should I have relied on then?
F: they are not here to be relied on..... just help you
GF: yeah ,help me when I ask them for a product?
F: they were being nice to you when they said it should be here next week
GF: fine I am wrong then........ [goes out of the store]
F: common , you should know they are untrustworthy
GF: why did you not stand up for me?
F: eh did you know that I work for Watsons as an executive?
GF : oh so now your job is more important to you than me?
F: what? my job is the only way I can even see you?
GF : bull shit...... true love does not cost a thing
F [ they all say that]
GF : next time you act like that ..... I will
F: I know ..... people are starring , lets go somewhere else

To be continued............

2006-07-14T22:47:00.000-07:00

The Pepsi Can

I looked to my left I saw a huge pine tree, I looked to my right I saw another huge pine tree, I was freaked. So I looked under me I screamed another identical pine tree, I looked up and there was a bird.... sitting on a huge pine tree!!! I kneel down and start to cry, this is hopeless, when suddenly I notice something blue, I quickly climb down the pine tree to see what this blue object is my imagination is gone wild! "Dude" I say to myself "this could be the last pepsi blue can in the World!!", I then notice the floor is filled with pine cones and there are tree trunks everywhere then i notice a small blue leg. "wow, a pepsi can with legs" I start weaving through the trees and TRYING to avoid the billions of pinecones, but any way right I chase this thing and bang my head against a tree.........

I wake up and there it is this little bright blue lizard thingy with deep blue eyes and a midnight blue tongue with small droplets of PEPSI blue dripping out, 'cool, the only lizard with pepsi blue as spit" "i could drink it all day. I move forward but something stops me i bounce back on to the ground, the little thing chuckles angrily i get up and try run into it but this time i get hit onto a tree and the last thing i see is 2 blue bloody claws.

I get up my vision is red: red tree, red blue thing, red pinecones etc.
I could see the invisible barrier ahead of me and I saw it was only 2 meters high I ran and jumped, surprisingly I leaped over comfortably and landed soundly on the other red side when i noticed the red blue thing wasn't looking at me it was squirting all its pepsi into a HUGE pepsi blue can.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

my life would be doomed, so slowly I creep up to it and I hear a conversation of 2 men " look it is filling" man1 said "i hope he hasn't dropped any" man2 said
i then noticed thousands of empty pepsi blue cans. "that guy drinks tooo much! i want some " so I slowly kreep up to that creature when it notices me and sprays pepsi at me I open my mouth and drink it all....... YUM.

the whole point of this blog is to say little blue things are trustable and they should make pepsi green

t0p-d0g

Submitted by Omar Haniffa
Comment on it, for omar's sake for him to enter the council

2006-07-09T00:58:00.000-07:00

Generally Wisdom…. Well not so general……….

By order of his 5% wise ness, the not so wise, the one who tries to be, but finds it hard to be wise, Broub Afi Liop Sing a.k.a the wise one a.k.a officer of publications a.k.a the one who drools at work a.k.a the know it all a.k.a.t.s (t.s. means to spouse) as bungy, the Council’s 7809 publication department based on planet earth but operating from the moon on a fiber optic no fiber but light transmitted cable publishes the following publication. If you are wondering why this paragraph has never been included before, it is because the following article will be translated to 7974239 languages and published in 80983409 galaxies and 3 universes. The article is applicable to most living and holographic creatures (if you are from the planet where you’re born a hologram and lack 5 senses and has only the 6th). The article is hereby published and this paragraph is cut short in order to save trees on earth, nuts in Zola, fire in Dreke , waste water ( chemically SH3 ) , apples and oranges in Wonderland , and hey if this continues more paper will get wasted on the internet. Never mind, or minds (if you have multiples of 3), the Decree number is 56897 (universal code – 9874 beep 870 beep 89843 beep) and the originating language is (French – understood by everybody) and the only language this article shall not be published is in (Greek – due to differences over whether statutes should have their balls covered or not)

Do you have a best friend? What ever gender or genders he/she/.it maybe is………….. You always like to keep in contact don’t you? It’s like take the case of member 7973297 from ………… never mind

“I had a best friend whom I kept Zmailing (emailing but 10 times more efficient) for nearly 17897 years………. Then one day, he did not reply, that day became two and that two became two to the power 909 and that the last day he replied to me was two to the power 909 and two days ago. My friendship began the day I was born, the moment we became friends I knew that I had extinguished the sun and made the days so cool. (In English my world was changed, if you got that). We used to go to the park together, eat together and put out heads together and do our homework. After all they say 12 heads are better than 6 (each person on this planet has 6 heads). As we grew up life became miserable, but every time I spoke to him he reassured me of things that I could never understand………… but just to know somebody gave something about you…… gave 1 minute in the 67 hours of the day ………. 87 seconds per day……… was reassuring. The fact that I would relate the same goo (shit in English) to him yet he would seem always bogged (cool in English) about it. The thing is once I realized all this person was saying was true to the last word of the last letter ( The translator does not understand this either), I realized that everything this person said was true to the last sentence of the last word. It was like I had found the light of the night, (night is the active time on this planet), and my I had no problem sleeping during the daytime. Any problem, Zmail him and he’d Zmail me back”

We contacted “him” to get his opinion, and he told us the following story

“Well the truth is I had an auto replying software, and every time the email began with Man I have a problem; there was a ready made reply ready to be sent. His emails were in the wham section (spam) and I never read them, but I suppose since he solved his problems, the auto reply mechanism is not functioning anymore. I must try adjusting the F= Ur settings, and set u to infinity and change R from “problem” to Blank so all his emails get the same reply. If you don’t know KomPutics the F means FORWARD BACK”

We told the member the story and he is what he told us

“LIAR, he would never do that, unless he lost his sense of madness (eh no translation here too). He was a really crazy dude, and he would never come up with something that makes so much sense as what you told me. He specialized in KomPutics not KomPutics. I remember he used to tell me that the difference is in the timing of the machine, one goes tic tok the other tit tat... Anyway must be that he has been busy lately but after all that advice he gave me on drug overdose and how it increase my overdose so that suicide would be inevitable and I would die sooner rather than later………………. I could never thank him enough.

Note this translator too has a similar story but refrains from saying it out louder than mute.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next case involves crossing the road or street or intergalatic pathways. What the advice, well we turn to out Senior Crossindendant Cristiphoer Lee from Arses of the 56th solar system.

“Well folks all of you’ll must learn how to cross a road when your not supposed to be crossing it in the first place. Okay I know you have subways and teleporter, but why bother, why give up the fun of making it or ending up in the nearest hospital (which can be only like 97786 kilometers if your in out of space (translator: outer space) or your grave or body extinguisher (if you practice Zoolash). Well here are a few tips

Make sure that there is no cop on the other side. Want to really make sure, and then pretend to drop dead and see if you anybody rushes to save you, the guy who doesn’t ……… well he/she/it is the cop.
Do not look at traffic before crossing but only while crossing. This is because if you die while looking at them, the final moments of your life will always remain in their minds and the will become mentally insane if they do not confess to the murder…….. eventually though when they end up in the Federation’s prison they’ll go mad anyway
Never drop anything unless it is a pin. A pin can explode a vehicles tire or can interfere with the flow of air or nitrogen around the space vehicles body and can cause extensive damage. So unless you willing to take the blame for something like dropping your bag and the driver shouting at you , drop a pin, you can pick a fight , and win too since the pins will be broken into a thousand pigs ( pieces in English) which in turn become nitrogen and are hence untraceable. Until today no galaxy or universe in the federation has been able to solve this problem.
Never pretend to not notice traffic. It makes you look insane…… attracts unwanted attention and you never know if you do drop a pin, some guy or it might actually see you
If a policeman catches you tell him that you were just checking to see if there was any on duty and show him your driving license. It proves your innocence since the federation law 8772 states “All drivers whether local, national, international, inter galactic, or inter universal will be given the freedom to test the ability of the Officer of the Federation provided they have valid reason and a license and do not operate in a method that puts no innocent beings lives at stake”Want a reason; tell him your son crosses this road everyday. No court would punish you then, you put yourself in danger for you son didn’t you. If they want to know who you son is, well use a 20 minute cloning machine with age control.

Well two important tips that can help change your life are described above but what’s last on this decree?
It’s this little saying we thought of which you might have thought of;

“Sometimes I wonder if the wise are wise”
“And if they are really fools in disguise”
“Bringing only laughter “
“Resulting only in disaster”
“Understanding humour not humans in what they seem to do”
“Not keeping in touch with reality, I feel like going boo “

“Just when I am about to say it”
“A person goes ‘but wait”
“Mr. Smarty pants you maybe “
“Even though you maybe right, think before acting foolishly”
“Excellent ideas put together make this council full of fun”
“Lots of it, it’s got everything in the sun”
“Also note the tone of sarcasm my son”

Well the poem is about reaching to people you care about, but you don’t expect anything in return. It’s about talking the truth, yet it makes no sense, not to you but the players on my bench (ha that rhymed)

Council of Wisdom
General Decree 76#
Signed by: Bungy and Spongy (head of checking of signature of publications)
Authors: all members of this council who helped in writing this decree and getting in approved
Special Thanks to member 087987 who was generous enough to gift (translator; maybe bribe) bungy and spongy with gifts in order to expedite this process
Note this article is fabricated to the max.

2006-07-07T22:34:00.000-07:00

Comparison of Terrorists

The blog site would like to compare two members of LTTE , their leader and their chief negotiator. (CN)

Attitude

Leader - war trained evil crocodile
CN- lazy fat slob

Religion

Leader - Hindu
CN - Christian

Idol

Leader - himself
CN - Leader

On Peace

Leader - Peace is only a dream achieved through war
CN - No idea, I am paid to keep the international community thinking we want peace.

On Abortion

Leader - No comment
CN - No children

On same-sex marriage

Leader - What is "sex" ?
CN - Not even traditional marriage is allowed without permission in our areas, got the idea..

On Education

Leader - Bomb-making and suicide should be made top priority subjects
CN - international Relations and Deceiving the Masses

On Sport

Leader - "Who kills the most government soldiers"
CN- whatever is on tele

Perfect life

Leader - To establish Tamil ealam in the sovereign state of Sri Lanka
CN - A luxurious villa in Britain

Citizenship

Leader - Tamil Ealam
CN - British passport holder

Favourite Country

Leader - Norway , good for nothing suckers
CN - Sri Lanka - full of politicians easy to fool

Favourite Television show

Leader - Killing Centrals " The Daily suicide show"
CN - Star Trek

Favourite saying

Leader - "Work hard or die"
CN - "The grievances of the Tamil people are being ignored by the Sri Lankan government"

Last dying words to a visitor.

Leader - "guards kill him !"
CN - "Tell the leader he was a loser"

Well what's the wise point ? Up to you to decide , post your comments ..............

note : article is totally fabricated and rememeber there is no proper way to translate tamil into enlgish anyway without changing some words.............

2006-07-02T05:19:00.000-07:00

hA, I went to my aunt's house today and nobody was there. I knew nobody was there , my aunt had asked me to go there because somebody was coming to see the upstair house which they had advertised for rent

1. I had no number to contact them when I went there and when the inquirers asked me any questions
2. They did not tell me where the key to the upstairs was
3. A room light and fan had been forgotten to be switched off ( downstairs in their house).

Please make sure that you avoid making the same mistakes or face no consequences but you never know...............

2006-07-02T02:23:00.000-07:00

Do I love you, of course not, I don't........ then why ? (cus your a a nuisanse multplied into complex number 25i)

It's funny , you think people may appreciate you but when you send them an invitation but they say "appreciate me", like whatever (the sarcastic way..........) no way, why should you appreciate people who don't deserve to be appreciated.
Like do you know about the time when I was small, my cousin sister accompanied me to the barber and on the way, the bus broke down, and she got heated up and told me I should be somewhat ever grateful.
And now another thinks she is doing me a big favour my joining this council. Did I not say this council has 86 trillion human members excluding our members in Germany who committed suicide when Brazil was defeated (which number 2 trillion?)
I am sorry but the council must make this clear , joining the council should be seen as a blessing , a blessing , and a pathway to crap and nonsense, a place where expressions are expressed in their true form, not refined for the tube lights that work on nuclear energy and say "input here". Crap eh..........
This council wants to make it clearly obvious that joining any organization is an honour, especially when you are invited.

Take Susie for example, she worked endlessly and just when she thought it would never happened , her application to the Society of Trained Toilet Cleaners was accepted. She had to stand in endless queues for many days. Let her tell you the story
“I was the happiest person in the world, ever since I began cleaning toilets since I was 2 years when I become a part of the transatlantic slave trade, I wanted to join this organization. The procedures were stringent, the many interviews I had to face to convince them I had dedicated my life to toilets , the demonstration I had to perform, and I enjoyed naturally cleaning the dirtiest shit-filled , urine smelling toilets.

And what about Alice who worked hard to join the World Federation of Women.
She told me. “I wasted years and years, trying to talk to them, call them, and bribing them………….. It was only once when I started gossiping with one of the interviewers she said I have passed a secret test not mentioned in the form that enabled to get the status of a gossiper. How proud I was................

And Mr. Brown. He wanted to join the Brownie Association. Despite all his taste brownies, lectures, experience working the best hotels, but no he could not get in. After 10 years finally they learned his name was Brown and gave him free honorary life membership (inclusive of taxes and GST).

Whets the wise point? Appreciate joining any organization, don’t make them appreciate you. (no. 5684)

2006-06-25T19:05:00.000-07:00

See, I joined. Appreciate me.
Seriously though, I haven't got anything of value to say to the world at present [ and I haven't got an Internet connection either] , so I don't think I'll be blogging much in future. This isn't a personal stab at either of you so don't reply this with frustration or anger. That is all.