Adulthood Sucks

No Thumb Blisters here!

2009-12-11T10:28:00.005-05:00

I have a friend. In fact, you've read about her before. We've been friends since 2nd grade. She is an elementary teacher. She NEVER reads her e-mail. She joined Facebook because "I hear you put all your updates on there now." (i don't. I'm hardly ever on there.) She never updates her own page.

I don't see her as being very tech orientated. Maybe she is, in her own home, I don't know. What I DO know is that she got a Crackberry after I told her how much F loved and misses the one he had for like a week. So now? Instead of sending me e-mails or updating her Facebook from her Crackberry, she sends me texts. And then signs them, like you would a letter or an e-mail.

CRACKS ME UP.

Like the one she sent me last night:

"HEY! Wondering about our annual girls night out get together over the holidays. Let me know. R"

So I immediately sent her one back. Which is how text is supposed to work, right??

Have not heard another word from her!

Ah R. You do delight me.

To Bang or Not To Bang....In a non-Sexual Manner

2009-12-08T17:12:00.001-05:00

My digital friends, I am getting my hair cut and colored tomorrow evening and I cannot, CAN NOT express to you how truly excited I am!!! It has been, THREE MONTHS, THREE ENTIRE MONTHS since I have had my hair done. The gray is a showing. The roots have probably 3 inches showing which makes them not so rooty anymore, and just more like "natural". And my BANGS are so long that I've already had to cut them myself. Plus, they are doing this weird, thinning thing. Not that my hair has ever been thick, but my bangs have pretty much always made a good showing on my forehead. Now they are whispy and it drives me crazy. Can your hair line change directions as you age? I mean beside moving backwards down the back of your head? Can it move SIDEWAYS??? My bangs are clumping in weird little clumps like they have never done before. So, I'm asking you, my digital friends, should I continue with the bangs or let them grow out al-aha Ugly Betty style?? Go in a new direction?? I have seriously considered going short again, but F freaks out every time I come back from the salon and my hair is shorter. I'm just so tired of having to put the effort in of styling it every morning. I'm feeling a sense of déjà vu, have I asked you this before??? My hair is so thin, or FINE as I was once corrected (again with the déjà vu) that if I try to do the bone straight no frills type of style it just looks flat and boring. There are a few women here in the office that can pull that look off, but I cannot.I would be happy with hair like these women:

But I just can't seem to pull it off. And another thing, I'm a tad clueless as to what my face shape is. Round maybe? Oval? Square? Heartshaped?? How am I to know?

Men have no idea just how easy they have it!!

And Bless you too, my Swine Flu Child..........

2009-12-07T10:26:00.001-05:00

Holy Water that despenses itself.

I think that says it all.

Things.....

2009-12-04T11:47:00.000-05:00

That I find just odd.....

Riding a bike while on a cell phone.
Riding a bike while smoking.
Slowly strolling across 4 lanes of traffic, either in, but most likely, outside the cross walk.

Not as much of a Hardass as I thought

2009-12-03T11:10:00.001-05:00

I just mailed the Tenant a late payment notice, and I'm scared. All of last year we let him slide, he was constantly late. This time around, we told him he had better be on time or we would start assessing the late fees that are outlined in the lease agreement. So far, he's been good. Except for the fact he seems to think we are at his beck and call to come collect said payment. It is clearly stated in the lease agreement that he is to MAIL us the payment. So now, I'm a little freaked. He could destroy the house. He could claim he never got the notice. He could claim that he is withholding payment because the dryer "keeps" breaking. However, I believe on that last one he has to notify us of his intentions via a written letter. We have not received any such notice. And we DID fix the dryer. Well, F fixed the dryer, replaced the motor. But apparently the dyer belt keeps slipping off. We got one call about it, several months ago, but haven't heard anything since.

I am not cut out to be a landlord. Or, maybe it would be easier if I was an unseen landlord? Maybe if he didn't know my first name? I don't know something that would make me more Official. Maybe if I insisted he call me, instead of F. Whom he started calling after we got married. Of course, I don't want to deal with him, so it's probably better that he calls F, who also doesn't want to deal with him.

What makes your landlord seem “Official” my digital friends?? Any tips you can give me??

IF we do this again after his lease is up, things WILL be different. I WILL be a hard ass.

I promise.

Climb that ladder Bitch!

2009-12-02T11:29:00.004-05:00

"You can rise above your family."

Wise words (insert sarcasm here) from the Nutritionists that I went to see because all my "levels are high".
I was trying to explain to her why to me an apple or any piece of fruit is not a "snack" food. In my family a snack was a homemade cookie, or granola square. Not a handful of grapes like it was in F's family.
I was already on the defense as it was, and her comment completely shut me down.
Not very mature, or open minded, I know. But it just rubbed me the wrong way. It is not like I come from a family of tax evaders or insurance defrauders or ponzi schemers. We're cookie eaters for pete's sake! "Rise above" just makes it sound like my family is criminal rather than perhaps maybe having bad snacking habits
Needless to say I canceled my next appointment with theNutritionists.
Besides, she didn't tell me anything I really didn't already know from TV or magazines.
Less red meat and fat. Knew it.
More fruits and veggies. Also, knew it.
More excerise. Who doesn't know it?

It's not the knowing, it is the doing that makes the difference. I have a problem with the doing, not the knowing.
If you can tell me a way to make veggies taste good, I'm all, uh, eyes.

Not a Vampire, but oh so CLOSE!

2009-11-23T11:32:00.002-05:00

"I made a Difference Today, I Gave Blood."

That's what my sticker said.

I was totally shocked when the lady told me I'd reached a mile stone, I'd donated an entire GALLON of my blood over the years. I even got a pin. Says "Gallons Donated 1" on the bottom there.

(worst cell pic, dang)

Then I thought about how long I'd been donating, since I was 17, when we'd had a blood drive at our high school. That memory took me back, WAAAAAY back, to the H.S. Gym, where the drive was taking place. I was fearless, unlike I am today. Then, I laughed at all the Jock guys who were paling and passing out left and right. Today, I turn my head and try to practice breathing while they insert that huge ass needle into my arm. I understand that the nurses do this, or something akin to this, every single day, and therefore have become immune to it. But honestly? I have not. I do not, repeat, DO NOT need to see the 3 bags, and 2 vials and one "mini" bag that you are going to use to store my blood. Because at 6 pm at night, having just come from work without eating, those 3 bags, 2 vials and one "mini" bag look like they are going to hold a HECK of a lot more that a pint, or whatever you are taking. Sad right? after 18 yrs of donating I'm not even sure how much they take each time. Wait, I am, because when I got my pin the nurse said,”OH! This is your 8th pint! You get the pin!!!" So, yes, it SEEMS like you are taking more than a pint. Anyway, I don't need to see it. And even more? I don't, REALLY DO NOT, need to FEEL IT. Yes. FEEL the warmth of my own blood as it flows through the tube that is laid over my arm and dangles down to the bags it is connected to. Do. Not. Need. It is in no way comforting.
Recently I've discovered that I am "sensitive" to surgical tape. One time while donating I had a mini-meltdown almost pass-out because the tape over the needle in my arm started to itch. Now this had happened before, but usually right before the nurse declared me A FULL BAG. So I always just wrote it off as an at the end sort of body reaction. However, this one time in question, the nurse did not come to rescue me. Not for quite some time. When she finally did make her way over, "How are you doing?"

"My arm tingles. And itches. A LOT."

"Hmmmm" said her voice, "MEDIC!" said her face.

P.A.N.I.C. sets in.

I start to feel sick and light headed and things just started to escalate. My worst fear is PASSING OUT.

The sweat starts. Oh lord, here we go.

She tried to talk me down, and it helped some. But the SECOND she ripped that tape off, my body started to cool down, my focus came back, and all was right with the world. Except for the lively red 2.5" swollen rectangle on my arm.

"Well, it appears you are SENSITIVE to surgical tape." the nurse informed me, "From now on have them use this....." and for the life me, I can NEVER remember what that stretchy self sticking stuff the coaches used to warp my ankle in. So now, I just tell all medical personal that my "Allergies" include codeine, Sudafed and surgical tape. Which always gets a follow up of; “Latex?" "Nope."

There was a time where I didn't, couldn't donate. My iron was always too low. But I tried, MANY times. After 17 years I should be WAY beyond 1 gallon of blood. But you know what? I bet I'm a gallon further ahead than a lot of people out there.

If you can work out for 30 to 40 mins a day, you can give blood every 56 days. Because that’s about how long it takes, depending on the wait of course. You never know whose loved one you could help save.

PSA ended.

Where's the NUTS??!?!?! (in old lady "Where's the BEEF?!?! voice)

2009-11-17T15:22:00.002-05:00

I just ate a Hershey's with Almonds bar. Size: 1.45 oz or 41g for my digital pals across the pond.

Now I thought I remembered the days of Hershey's with Almonds, when they first came out, and it was jammed packed with ALMONDS.

This one? This one had 8 almonds. 5 and 1/2 inches of chocolate contained 8 almonds. In a straight line, down the center of the bar. Roughly 2 almonds in each square, depending on how you break your bar apart.

Seriously Hershey's??? 8 ALMONDS??? I know things are tight for everyone right now, but I would think you'd want to REWARD someone for coughing up the cash to purchase said candy bar with more than 8 measly almonds. I mean what's next? A Take 5 will only have a pretzel in ONE of the two pieces? Or maybe caramel in one of the two pieces?(depending on what package you buy of course, some come with more than 2 pieces of candy in them). Are you going to take ALL the goodness out of our candy fun?? Smaller sizes. Fewer nuts and less caramel. WHAT IS THE CANDY WORLD COMING TO????

It's called good marketing and quality products. Look into it Hershey's!!!

The answer PLEASE!

2009-11-16T10:48:00.002-05:00

This is an e-mail I received from a friend. Some of the questions I know the answers to, but mostly this is just silly fun.

If you know the "REAL" answer, please share in the comments!!!

EVER WONDER ...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? (different vitamins?)

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? (opening your mouth makes your eyes more taut)

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? (obviously, who is going to be the sucker to eat a mouse?)

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

I'm a Kid Again

2009-11-12T10:58:00.004-05:00

I went to Target, the evil store of extra spending, and ended up leaving with, wait for it..............

EXTRA ITEMS!!!

I always get sucked in by the $1 SPOT! This time, oh the trip down childhood lane!!! Seriously, how could I possibly walk away from SILLY PUDDY?? The ORGINAL???? This was RIGHT NEXT TO SLINKY Jr!!!! Which is METAL, not the crappy plastic! SCORE and SCORE. I can barely wait to show my new items to F. Who I'm sure will say, "We never had that when I was a kid." proceeded of course by an eye roll at my joy followed by a lecture about responsible spending.

Can you really deny me $2 dollars of happiness?

I think not.

I also considered buying one of each for my siblings just so we could play like we used to. Without the fighting of course, since we'd all have our own!

Actually, I should tell my mom so she can pick them up as stocking stuffers!!!

That e-mail will write itself!!

Another 10 minutes, PLEASE mom?!?!?!

2009-11-10T10:02:00.000-05:00

This morning as I shuffled about getting ready for work I actually paused in front of clothes hooks and longingly looked at my oversized t-shirt and pj pants. For a fleeting moment I pictured myself dressed in these lovingly comfortable clothes with my hair in a ponytail sitting at my desk doing my work. My body sighed at the prospect of no heels or knee highs or curling iron. Then I gave a heavy sigh as the picture faded away and Adulthood snuck back in.

More and more I understand those crazy kids and their propensity for wearing their pj pants out and about in public. My new favs are a pair of Nautica pj pants from Costco (my pants are light blue and sadly did not come with pictured studly lad in them, *la sigh*). So incredibly SOFT. Seriously, pj pants are this generation's version of the sweat suit, aren't they? When I was in elementary school I had TWO sweat suits, one in aqua and one in purple that had a dancing Kermit the Frog on them. I was STY-LIN'.

Oh and my LL Bean WICKED Good slippers. Truly, sloth heaven.

Dress code be damned! We need a pj pant and slipper day at work!!!
Who's with me?!?!?!!?!?

Can You Tell Me How to Get, How to Get to Sesame Street????

2009-11-09T11:04:00.000-05:00

OMG. I can't believe how talented and patient Bakerella is. Check out her post commemorating Sesame Street's 40 Year celebration!!!!

Here's to 40 more!!! Best kids show, ever!!!
I totally want some of these cake pops!!

I LOOOOOOVED me some Oscar, and Cookie Monster. But I’ll have to say my FAVORITE character is Slimey the Worm. Oscar’s only true friend.

He is a worm of few words.

Who is your favorite???

Sharing is not always Caring

2009-11-06T15:30:00.004-05:00

Today I stopped into a co-worker's office to have some candy. I was hoping she wasn't in there because this co-worker is well known for "over sharing" or as the kids like to call it, T.M.I about many things that are of a personal nature.

I was not lucky today.

Me: "I came for some chocolate."

TMI_Co-worker: "OH! Help yourself!!!"

Me: "Thanks."

TMI_Co-worker: "How is DH today?" (it is well known throughout the office that I have been sick because you can hear me coughing where ever I go.)

Me: "Oh, I'm better, sporting a headache, but better."

TMI_Co-worker: "That's good. Unlike me who is on DAY 13 of my period!"

(oh god no, here we go..........)

Me: "OMG, that is not good."

TMI_Co-worker: "I know. And it's not a regular flow either. This is full on OPEN FAUCET GUSH for 13 days!"

Me: "EW." (I do feel bad for her, but seriously??? Did I need to know that detail???)

TMI_Co-worker: "Yeah, I don't have enough, YOU KNOW, SUPPLIES to keep up with it. It's exhausting me, I'm so tired."

Me: "Wow. Have you gone to the doctor?"

TMI_Co-worker: "Oh yeah, it's menopausal stuff. Of course my husband thinks I have cancer. So he's freaking out."

It is at this point in the conversation that I find the opportunity to change the subject. And I do, QUICKLY.

She apparently did not read the same article on MSN I did, about what NOT to share with your co-workers.

Most importantly points 2, 6 and 12.

I rewarded myself with a second piece of candy before I left. I needed something to take my mind off that visual picture she painted for me.

Early Bird Gets the Worm my ASS

2009-11-03T10:40:00.000-05:00

I roll over and squint at the clock, 3:30 AM. Why does this always happen? WHY? I get up and go to the bathroom and crawl back into bed. 3:35AM. F rolls over.
“You’re awake aren’t you?” he queries.
“Yes.”
“Why are you awake?”
“Why are YOU?” I challenge back.
“I’m just waking up, I don’t know why.”
“I don’t know either” I sigh in response.
“How long have you been awake?”
“Not long.”
He gets up and stumbles to the bathroom.
He crawls back into bed. 3:40AM.
We both toss and turn trying to get comfortable. I get up and go to the bathroom AGAIN. I look at the clock as I stumble back into bed. 3:55AM.
“Go to sleep DH.”
“I hope so.”
I tell myself that if I’m not asleep by 5AM I’m getting up and going into work.
4:20AM F begins to snore.
5:00AM I’m up. In the shower by 5:15AM musing to myself that the morning show we listen to isn’t even on yet.
5:30AM Morning show starts as I’m listening to our shower radio (wedding present SCORE!) in the shower.
Stagger about in the dark trying to stay quiet so F can at least sleep til the alarm goes off. Realize “morning show” that says it starts at 5:30AM really only plays commercials and music for the first 30 minutes instead of talking. Realize that I will hear their show in its ENTIRETY for the first time ever.
Whimper. 5:55AM
6:00AM come into room and snooze the alarm, F didn’t hear it.
6:10AM go downstairs to discover F didn’t bother hanging up my work clothes, but hung up his. FUME at him through basement floor.
6:11AM Tell F he HAS to get up because I’m leaving.
“What? Why?”
“Because I’ve been up since 5.”
“I’ve been up since 3:30AM” he attempts to trump me.
“*sigh* Fine, I’ve been AWAKE since 3:30, but up and out of bed since 5AM, ok?”
“But, what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to work.”
“But why so early?”
“What would you have me do instead?? I’m awake.”
“But it’s SOOOO early!”
“Yes. I. Know. You need to get up.”
“What time is it EXACTLY.”
“6:13AM.”
Kiss F goodbye.
6:15AM Pull car out of garage. Garage door does annoying blinking-light-something-blocking-senor-blink.
6:16AM Swear. Put car in park. Get out, KICK leaves out of “line of sight” of senor eye. Push button. Light blinking again.
Swear again.
6:18AM Kick more leaves “out of line of sight”. Push button. Garage Door teases me by moving a few inches before retracting back up. Light blinks.
Try pushing and holding button to force door closed. Door moves! BUT NO!!! LIGHT BLINKING!!!
6:20AM SWEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Climb back in car, leave garage door open for F to deal with. Pull out of driveway.
6:30AM driving in the dark SUCKS!!!!
6:35AM Where am I??? Where are all the land marks?? It’s FREAKING DARK!!!
6:40AM Hungry. McDonald’s open????
6:50AM Try to remember how to unlock building. Really dark in here when all alone.
6:51AM Realize that it took 20mins less to get to work at ungodly hour, should maybe consider this a regular thing.
6:55AM Unload office dishwasher and reload office dishwasher. Make cup of tea. Like I never left home.
6:58AM Wonder when other people will begin to arrive at work.
7:05AM Jump as first co-worker arrives.
7:10AM Begin working again after morning “why are you here so early chat?” with said co-worker.
8:00AM WOW! An hour gone already??? Some people who say they get here at 7:30 SO DO NOT.
9:00AM!!!! DUDE!! TIME IS FLYING!!!!
9:20AM Breakfast!!!
10:35AM OMG. Are you serious??? It’s only 10:30??? I’ve only been here for 3 hours????
10:40AM Start this Blog entry to keep sanity.
11:17AM 45 MINS til LUNCH!!!!!!!
11:34AM omg, kill me now, it’s only been 15mins???
1:08PM Lunch is over already?? OMG. I have how much longer??????????
1:30PM????? REALLY?!?!!?!?!? FREAKING REALLY?!!?!?!?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH
2:18PM It hasn’t even be an HOUR YET???????????????
2:31PM FINALLY, an hour has gone by. Wishing I’d bought Chocolate during lunch.
4:36PM SWEET JESUS 20 mins to go!!!!!

That Was Inappropriate...

2009-10-30T13:55:00.001-04:00

"You guys leave me a good tip??"

That is what our server asked us today as we were finishing our drinks and she was clearing away the payment folders.
We giggled nervously, and then our jaws dropped as she turned to leave.
"Well, THAT was inappropriate. " I said to my friend.
"I can't believe she asked us that! She was annoying."
"We'd better leave before we say something rude to her."
"Yeah, this place. *sigh*"
"I know."

What outrageous things have been said to you by "the help?"

Anniversary and Stuff

2009-10-28T10:39:00.001-04:00

I’ve been experiencing respiratory issues for about a month now. An annoying cough developed into breathing problems and bronchiolar pain. I went to the doctor and he gave me an inhaler to help with the pain and breathing. It was suppose to last an entire month the horrified pharmacist informed F and I when we went to refill it. A WEEK later.
“You could give yourself a heart attack.”
Needless to say we did not get a refill. And I took my less than happy self BACK to the doctor. A new inhaler. Which can give you a yeast infection, IN YOUR MOUTH, if you don’t rinse properly after each use, and some steroids? Problem not so solved. The cough subsided and actually went away for 2 days. But then I made the mistake of going outside in the wind and rain and the cough came back. The steroids made an excellent one-two punch in combination with my PMS. An already PMSing woman whose cravings and emotions are all over the place jacked up with some ‘roids? HELLZ YEA!!! That’ll make for an extra special anniversary weekend!!! Poor F. I wasn’t the best companion for our little get-away. I either left the rest of the steroid meds at the place we stayed at, or they are lost somewhere in F’s car. I still had a few days left of the prescription to take.
We are back now. And my cough has developed into a cold. With a side of voice loss.
F and I have decided that we just aren’t meant to take vacation because no matter where or when we go, we get cold rainy weather. And one of us, usually me, ends up sick.
In spite of all this, we did have a relaxing little get away. The fireplace made it cozy, us against the weather kind of thing. We picked up some art for the living room and several bottles of locally made wine.
It was a nice way for us to spend some time reconnecting with each other without the outside world bumping against us at every turn.
Here’s to the next 365!!!!

Who Needs to See the Play?

2009-10-19T15:33:00.002-04:00

Here is a take on the Phantom of the Opera that never would fly in a High School lit class, which is exactly why I LOVE IT!
I always hated having to analyze the goodness out of a story. Hell, Mark Twain even tells you not to in the beginning of his books, and yet there you are, writing a paper about the haves and have nots, the social draw backs of segregation in the south and the horrible ways in which the English language can be butchered. Why can't I just read a good story???
In the above Blog entry, it is simple and to the point. And most certainly, right on. I'm assuming of course, since I've never seen P.o.t.O. But I have no doubt that is it in a nut shell.

Pillow Mind Trip

2009-10-15T09:43:00.000-04:00

The night before last I dreamt of demonic cats who refused to leave my home. It was so realistic that when one of the devil's pets bite me, I check my hand the next morning for bite marks.

Then last night I dreamt of thick cut bacon.

Shoe Daddy

2009-10-13T10:15:00.000-04:00

CBF and I have decided that instead of a Sugar Daddy, I need a SHOE Daddy. Someone who will give me free range to purchase any and all kinds of shoes that I may or may not be able to actually wear while standing up let alone be able to walk in.

I bought these shoes in black 2 yrs ago? And the heel cap thingie came off last winter.

I know it would be much more fiscally responsible if I took them and got them fixed, because I still love them.

But wouldn't it be way more fun to add these to my closet?

I own another pair that is very similar, but in navy blue:

And now I'm kind of in love with them in this color as well.

Or how about these?

This red is SASSY. But I have nothing to wear red sassy shoes with, so I would get them in black.

And remember these boots I bought in brown from Sears?

The buckle keeps coming off and the toe area rubber has completely eaten away so it is right down to cardboard and cloth. And I have NO IDEA how that happened since I don't scuff my feet when I walk or walk about on tip-toe. Again, I STILL Love them, but would be happy to love these as well:

Or love these.....

And how cute are these?

I have no idea why this picture is so small.

Purple. Sexy. Sassy. Who knew?

For some reason these speak to me as a Corporate Sexy cut-throat woman CEO. Amanda Woodward anyone? RRRAAAAOOOOOW.

Or you know, pretty much anything from Aerosoles.com would make me happy.

O.M.G., how stupid are you?

2009-10-10T17:07:00.001-04:00

Pirates held after mistakenly targeting warship
French navy chases skiff for an hour in wake of attack off Somalia’s coast

This photo released by the French navy shows pirates surrendering after allegedly opening fire on a warship off Somalia's coast on Wednesday.
View related photos

PARIS - Somali pirates in two skiffs fired on a French navy vessel early Wednesday after apparently mistaking it for a commercial boat, the French military said.
The French ship gave chase and captured five suspected pirates.
No one was wounded by the volleys from the Kalashnikov rifles directed at La Somme, a 3,800-ton refueling ship, French military spokesman Rear Adm. Christophe Prazuck said.
La Somme "was probably taken for a commercial ship by the two small skiffs" about 250 nautical miles off Somalia's coast, Prazuck said.
"They understood their mistake too late," he said.
One skiff fled, and La Somme pursued the second one in an hour-long chase.
"There were five suspected pirates on board. No arms, no water, no food," Prazuck said.
France is a key member of the EU's naval mission, Operation Atalanta, fighting Somali pirates in the Gulf of Aden.
It has aggressively tracked and caught suspected pirates and handed over at least 22 to Kenya.
An additional 15 suspects were brought to France for prosecution after allegedly seizing boats belonging to French nationals.
President Nicolas Sarkozy called for tougher action against piracy last year after dozens of attacks.

HELLO!!! You can't tell the difference between a Navy ship and a cruise liner?? Seriously, these pirates have GOT to be stopped. I still don't understand how a bunch of guys in a ratty skiff out run a Navy ship for an hour. And I also don't understand how a bunch of guys in a ratty skiff can be intimidating to the point that you pull your boat over and surrender. Why aren't they being stopped? Why don't more ships carry weapons if this is such a problem??
Where is Captain Jack Sparrow???

Dash Cam

2009-10-09T10:10:00.003-04:00

I have decided that I need one of those dash cams like the cops have, because I have to tell you, I miss many a great Blog worthy shots while driving in the car. I am never fast enough with the cell phone camera to get the pics that tell a thousand stories.

Like this one:

Queen of the "Bitch" Seat World

You go girl.

Does anyone know where I can get a dash cam? I would prefer one that took stills instead of video, because video would just take us into a whole new realm of figuring out how to get a still out of video and I can barely put this blog together.

But I can put this Blog together better than this sign is advertising some one's business.

In case you are having a hard time reading what it says:

LAWN CORING

DETHATCHING

YARD WORK

Um, HUH??? Is this landscaper speak and I'm just not hip to the lingo??

It was raining, and these young ladies found themselves without an umbrella. So they covered their coifs......

With plastic bags from 7 Eleven....

Emhmm, very inventive. I do have to give them props for quick thinking.

And these are only the pics I was quick enough to capture with my cell phone. Ah, the ones I've missed, yes yes, you are being greatly deprived.

Dream Weaver....I Need a New Weave

2009-10-02T09:34:00.000-04:00

What does it mean when you have a dream where you preform a Britney and shave your head???

Anybody??

Bill Gates, Why Do You Hate Me So?

2009-09-25T15:35:00.001-04:00

Dear Mr. Gates,
I desperately need you to explain something to me. You are a great humanitarian. You have given away countless amounts of money. You have your own charitable foundation. And yet, you allow the continued torture of your Microsoft Office customers by your programmers. Why is this? Where is your humanitarian spirit when it comes to us? We have “upgraded” to Office 2007 ( I know, just in time for 2010 to come out, talk to our “fabulous” tech person.) and I can’t say I’m lovin it. In fact, I can’t say ANYONE in our office loves it. The “Ribbons”, even though they sound pretty, are in truth heinous. I’m sorry, but I must be honest with you on this one. In MS 2003 I cursed your name for not allowing more than 65,500+/- records in Excel. In my job I often deal with records upwards of 75K, into the 100K. I HATED having to cut my file into two. I was always afraid I was going to miss someone. When 2007 came around I rejoiced that Excel could now handle 1 MILLION RECORDS!!!!!! SWEET HEAVEN ON HIGH!!!!! And I resolved to remove you from my shit list.
Today however, you have regained your number 1 spot back on my shit list. Today, I needed to export 756K records into Excel from Access. (please forgive me; anyone of you, who are lost at this point) It would be no problem right? ONE MILLION RECORDS, I had several hundred thousand records to play with! No sweat! Alas, Bill, may I call you Bill? Bill, I got an error message. The message told me that “Clipboard” could only handle 65K records and that I should try cutting my list into two. Whaaa? But, but, BUT!!!! This cannot be the case! You promised me ONE MILLION record capacity!!! What is the point of that if I can’t use it??? I tried exporting (I miss my office links -> analysis in excel, must EVERYTHING be exported nowadays?) it as a Text file. Same error. Bill, I don’t like getting errors. It raises my blood pressure and puts me into panic mode. Surely, Bill, you can understand my SHOCK to find that CSV is NO LONGER offered as an Export option. Did CSV offend you somehow Bill? Did CSV fall into the wrong crowd and you felt the need to punish it? Were you tired of it getting confused with CVS? Text just doesn’t do it for me. CSV used to be my work-around to your little 65K record limit. Of course I still couldn’t open it in Excel, but it made me feel like I was somehow beating the system. Bill, you have taken that wee bit of triumph away from me. It seems to me that you have woefully underestimated the usage of your product. It is as though you’ve said, “Eh, I’ll TELL them they can list ONE MILLION records at a time, but goodness me, they’ll never actually USE it!! Hahahahahahaha. HA.”
So I curse you and your tantalizing carrot waving of ONE MILLION (Dr. Evil voice EVERY SINGLE TIME) record capacity in Excel.
As Rep Joe Wilson says: “YOU LIE!”

Mother Nature Gets Naughty with Father Time....2X

2009-09-24T11:07:00.003-04:00

Has anybody else heard about this?? Isn't this CRAZY??? Babies of the same lady. Conceived 2.5 weeks apart!!!

You could pass some of that conception around, I'm just sayin'.

OINK OINK

2009-09-22T08:51:00.006-04:00

Conversation I JUST had in the office kitchen:

Me: "Hey K!"

K: really gruff "Hey."

Me: "WHOA! You sound really rough."

K: "YEAH! I think I had the swine flu last week. I am FEELIN really rough."

Me: "oh."

Um, HI? Why are you here? GO HOME! We have 2 pregnant ladies in our office! And lots of parents of small children!!!

WTF people? Swine Flu, cold, regular flu, STAY HOME.

Nobody likes you that much anyway.