Each Little Mystery

Sunset on Ocean Beach

2009-07-05T18:13:00.001-07:00

IMG_0068, originally uploaded by Chrissy Mc.

Sublime

Atari Sunset

2009-07-04T12:57:00.001-07:00

IMG_0078, originally uploaded by Chrissy Mc.

I love going to the beach, especially when I am overwhelmed by my emotions and need to stare at something bigger than myself for a while.

I love this pixelated sunset. It is not a trick of the digital photo, this is actually how the sun looked that evening.

Bucky on Love

2009-07-04T12:39:00.001-07:00

"Love is omni-inclusive"

Independence Day (8/365)

2009-07-04T11:04:00.000-07:00

Today I will be free
Unencumbered
Put aside childish things
And habits that do not suit me
Today the record
Will not skip
Life will go on
Without me getting in the way
I will be present
Mindful
Dignified
Aware
I will not be controlled
By ugliness
Today is a new day
I am free
I will fight
I will light my own path
And overcome my own demons
I brought them into this world
And I can take them out.

Justice (7/365)

2009-07-03T23:32:00.000-07:00

Blend in
Adapt
Your skin is your badge
Do you believe what they say about you?

Change or die
Robin Hood
Street justice
Bend the system

Could you love a foreigner?
I don't know your language
You don't know me

They're smaller
They're poorer
They're not a threat

Give me your money
You laugh
They hit you with a bat
And take it from you

A smile condescends
An averted glance
Is self-righteous

Who will make amends?
I quickly walk away.

Living (6/365)

2009-07-02T22:20:00.001-07:00

How I wish these paved streets
Were still grassy meadows
Then I could feel your life
Under my feet

Persistent sprouts crack
The sidewalk
Like a man buried alive
Clawing its way to the surface

I can't tell if I am nearer
Or farther from the
Energy source
Living in the city

There is so much more
Stimulous
And so many more
Barriers

Am I really living?
I mean really living?

Is God like a million strings
Attached to my body?
I can move but I must
Be ever conscious of the tension

The guiding forces
That choose my steps for me
Open my mouth
And guide my hands

So how do I live?

The greatest commandment
Is to love one another
Or at least
Do no harm

And don't draw too much attention
To yourself
Or others will notice
Your broken strings
And scoff

Shine (5/365)

2009-07-01T23:54:00.001-07:00

The way you share your smile
With the world
Makes you beautiful

The way you step aside
To let the ignorant one pass by
Earns you respect

The way you keep silent
As fools defend and offend
Proves your wisdom

The way you look around
Really look
Makes them wonder

The way you show interest
In anyone but yourself
Makes you shine

You (4/365)

2009-07-01T00:04:00.001-07:00

Sattva
Bhakti

During the day
I take on such importance

Look what I'm doing
Look what I did
Look what I will do

Your praises are not yet
Ever on my lips

So I tattoo them on my body

Devotion means
Remembering you before
Each word I speak

Balance means keeping
A state of mind where
Thoughts of you can grow.

You
My source of wonder
You
My protector
You
My kindness & mercy
You
My wisdom

Rest in Peace (3/365)

2009-06-29T23:03:00.001-07:00

Success has a price
For every wish
A flame must die

Each one
Who lives to heal the world
Suffers proportionally

The more sensitive you become
The more often you dance with pain

The wider your heart
The bigger the target

But those brave souls
That bear our burden
Are honored in death

As ones who showed what we might become
If we could rise above need and fear.

Advice

2009-06-29T14:27:00.001-07:00

Don't go skydiving if you have a head cold.

Proud or Pervert (2/365)

2009-06-28T17:04:00.000-07:00

Proud or pervert
Gay or straight
Love or marriage

Male or female
Dyke or fag
Heaven or hell

In or out
Birth or adopt
Ask or tell

City hall or closet.

No on 8
Accept or Tolerate
Phobia, shame
A mother's dreams

LGBT
Family rights
Wedding
Electro-shock

Will fuck on the first date

Drag queen
Crossdresser
Rainbow sweet
Equality pride

Castro
Harvey Milk
Gavin Newsom
San Francisco

Words (1/365)

2009-06-27T21:58:00.001-07:00

The sun sets on our conversation
More than a text message,
Thank God.

It's hard to do the work
that makes a man better

A house is built one brick at a time

When your lives are full
An argument takes time

But words build a relationship

When you're tired an
impure word might slip out
and put a crack in your foundation

Sometimes it feels like we're
building the Tower of Babel

How will we ever become one
with God when our words
keep confusing the way?

365 Challenge

2009-06-27T21:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've seen more than one blog now doing a 365 challenge - Hana/Mike are writing something they are grateful for every day for a year, and I saw Mel was doing a photo a day for a year, so, inspired by them and the Pulitzer prize-winning poet W.S. Merwin, my goal is to write a poem a day for 365 days. As my roommate (who is also a writer) said, even if you write 30 poems, odds are 1 or 2 might be worth reading. Let's hope so....enjoy!

Marriage - Making It

2009-06-24T19:30:00.000-07:00

I just returned from helping my parents celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary last week. I suppose that is a milestone in a country where over 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. Watching "Jon & Kate Plus 8" last night, and "18 Kids and Counting," made me appreciate the value of an upbringing rooted in religious values.

I have no illusions that my parents were perfect; in fact, there were times growing up I wanted them to get a divorce. But their faith in God always brought them back together for the sake of the FAMILY, not just for the sake of the KIDS. They shared a belief that their marriage was before God, and that their commitment was worth every sacrifice.

Like many others all over the country, I watched the Jon & Kate Plus 8 series unfold over the years with a knot in my stomach. I never quite understood fully what was going on until they did a recap, showing a scene from the early years, where Kate was explaining that, while the way she and Jon communicated was not respectful or pleasant, it got the job done. And they didn't have TIME to work on it.

That said everything to me. I suppose a good marriage counselor could teach a couple how to communicate efficiently AND respectfully. This couple drained their "trust account" with each other by letting the other person get away with disrespectful behavior, one word at a time.

In contrast, the follow-up show was the "18 Kids & Counting" show about a very religious family in Arkansas, whose parents are NOT getting a divorce. When you look at the way they communicate with each other, it is with the utmost respect and kindness. I'm sure we don't see all the imperfections, but we don't have to, to know that this is a more effective way of keeping a relationship strong and healthy.

It's not too late for Jon & Kate or anyone out there to learn to assert themselves in a respectful manner. From my experience, reacting to others emotionally versus communicating respectfully in the interest of the OTHER person is a VERY difficult habit to break, but absolutely necessary for any person wanting a mature adult relationship.

Even my parents have not learned this technique, but at least they were able to default to a power higher than themselves when an argument occurred. Rather than thinking, "I have been hurt, I must protect myself or I must protect my kids", they thought "I must protect my family, it's what God wants." Big difference.

Rest

2009-06-23T23:54:00.001-07:00

"In repentance and rest is your salvation; in quietness and trust is your strength."

From Pakistan to Idaho

2009-06-20T22:39:00.001-07:00

An ancient Cedar Tree I visited outside of Elk River, Idaho reminded me of Koran engravings I photographed on a Muslim Temple in Thatta, Pakistan.

Maybe Law

2009-06-09T23:41:00.001-07:00

In contemplating my future today, I decided to look into studying law. I think that may be where I can be most of use to my country's people. As we have seen this past year, people's actions take place under the quiet watch of the law. When our nation's laws concerning fair business interactions are eroded by special interests, the foundation is removed for stable society.

I must now find the right school and time. Take me there.

Power of Love

2009-06-09T00:38:00.001-07:00

You've got a power in you
It's deep in your eyes
That power is in me
And in every sack of bones

Even when we are apart
I can feel your pain
And I can call across the universe
That I'm holding your shaking hand

I make love to the music
That swims in my body
And lets me hear your call
I just want to be close to you

Our hearts have a pull
Stronger than anything
Einstein could dream

I rest in your warm pulsing insides
And you dive in and out of mine
Romeo and Juliet must have known
Only in death are you truly one

These bodies keep us apart
So we bounce off each other
And resist the pulls that could
Tear us apart

In this wide, wide world
Of illusions and drama
Of jamming square pegs
Into round holes
And pouting when they pop out

All you need is love
It's been said before
Everything else is false
And ugly
And drives us all apart.

Intervention

2009-06-02T00:26:00.000-07:00

Maybe other people have problems
So you will examine yourself

I keep wanting to help, help, help
But maybe when you are a shining light
They will find you.

I've always felt a power within me
To one day help those in need.

I keep thinking
Is it today? Am I ready? Who am I qualified to help?

I watch interventions
And start to feel discouraged by our weakness as a species.

We are so prone to mental illness in myriad forms
Manifesting as compulsions, substance and physical abuse

These minds of ours, so highly evolved
To detect and solve problems

We create problems
When no danger exists

A vacuum in need of dirt

Keep the kids busy so they stay off the streets

In a world whose real dangers were conquered long ago
Meditation is all we have left to quiet the mind without drugs.

But what fun is that?

Many Faces

2009-05-30T22:34:00.001-07:00

To the world I am many faces
A character for each theater

One face for a close friend
One for a stranger
One for my animal
One for my mother
One for my sister
My father, my brother

If each had equal weight
I'd be a saint and a sinner
A ray of sunshine and a quitter
Impatient and polite
Depressed and always happy

No one knows who you are
Except you
And you can choose which mask to wear
For whom.

A character for school and one for home,
One for work and one for the street
Or one for each person you meet.

We can't control how others perceive us
So we must decide who we want to be
And let everyone see a piece of that face.

Leadership

2009-05-25T18:47:00.001-07:00

It seems to me there are 2 ways to lead people: through inducing fear or offering love. Both styles can be effective depending on the maturity of those being led. In the long run, an environment of love will produce more freedom and therefore creativity.

Tips

2009-05-21T21:59:00.001-07:00

I recalled and used a tip yesterday, about when your hair is wet but you need to leave the house, a quick fix is to blow dry & style just the part that frames your face so you don't look like a total slob.

Worked great!

Hormones and Ambition

2009-05-18T22:54:00.000-07:00

I'm wondering if I've lost so much testosterone that I don't feel like acheiving anything athletically anymore? Between the not working out like the beast I used to be, and the now 2 ferilization treatments I've gone through to be an egg donor, and the meat-free diet I've maintined for 2 years...I don't know.

I have no athletic ambition currently. I suppose if I were to hit the weights hard again, my ambition might return. But it's been so nice living pain-free for the past 5 years! What to do, what to do...I'm staying "in-shape" walking around this hilly city everyday, but is it enough?

I feel like I'm at a place mentally where I could finally accomplish some things competitively if I wanted to. If I had the drive.

Ug.

More Arguments Against Reincarnation

2009-05-14T20:23:00.000-07:00

I suppose I am still missing a crucial fact that will inevitably sway me toward an acceptance of reincarnation.

Having said that, here are more things that bother me about that theory.

One argument in favor is that people seem to be inequitably blessed or cursed in life. Some people (I include myself in this category) seem to have many factors aligned in their favor (health, family, talents, opportunity, etc.), while others suffer tremendously at every turn. Reincarnation supposes that those with bad luck somehow earned it by their actions in a prior life, and those with good fortune are being rewarded.

To me, this seems even more unfair than being born under poor circumstances by chance.

I think reincarnation is a way-too-human-centric theory to even be plausible. Most supporters insist that we come back as humans to learn the lessons we didn't learn the first time around. This is also unfair because the game changes the next time around! How are we to win the race when we are given a new, unfamiliar vehicle to drive each time?

I don't think the universe exists to systematically teach its parts to recognize the whole. Honestly I have no idea why this ever-expanding and collapsing system exists at all, much less why it has the patience to tolerate millions of years of evolving life-forms.

I am grateful for my experience as a human. It is, from my experience, one of endless introspection, thousands and thousands of days lived in relative comfort, leisure, and appreciation for the vast intricacy of the various levels and forms of energy which I am allowed to observe, sense, and experience. In essence, I am always in awe of my self and my surroundings!

Live your life with your heart and eyes wide open. I believe it is a once-in-an eternity opportunity.

Ode to the Essences of Love

2009-05-11T22:35:00.000-07:00

Fluorescent Color
Excitement
Novelty

Sweet
Hot
Green Waterfall

Pure
Blinding White Light
A Cat's Rough Pink Tongue

Power
A Black Trembling Earthquake
Across the Universe

Strong
Steady
Quiet Romantic

A Breeze
Two Butterflies Dancing
Tender

A Song
Words on the phone
A Chord

My Anchor
A Distant Friend
Electromagnet