noraebang

MOVED

2008-07-23T23:45:00.003-04:00

In many ways.

I've just bought a new home, and will be embarking on a redesign and furnishing of new house. It's an older home, and needs some updating (1980 kitchen cabinets), but I'll do a lot of it myself.

I've also finally decided to move to WordPress.

Two reasons:
1. Everyone else and their mother is on there.
2. I can update from my iPhone.

Yeah, pretty lame reasons. But, as many of you know, I like change. Change makes me feel good.

NORAEBANG @ WordPress

Single Dad Disney Days

2008-07-23T14:21:00.006-04:00

Marathon walking, oppressive heat, long lines.

(sorry for the blurry picture)

It can only mean one thing: Disney in the summer.

Yes, that time when thousands of parents take their children on the "Year of a Million Dreams" tour in order to make all their wishes come true.

We drove up Friday morning, and arrived at the condo in Orlando at 2:00 pm. We arrived at Disney approximately 4:00 pm and began with the Dumbo ride, the Cinderella Carousel, and Small World.

(Anyong hi kaseyo)

We then ate snacks, had drinks, and walked to Toon Town to go see Mickey and Goofy and friends. We ended up riding the Barnstormer which is like a kids roller coaster. Noodle bonked her head on the side once or twice, but she said she loved the ride.

We traveled to Frontier Land to ride the Jungle Cruise and do some safari shopping (bought her a surf girl necklace). I thought Noodle would be scared of the dark cave at the end of the ride, but she thought it was cool.

We then headed to Splash Mountain, but it was already a long line, and the Fast Pass was too late. So we ended up heading back to Main Street to watch the SpectroMagic parade, which is a festival of lights and characters. Noodle screamed and waved at every single character, including Ursula, and the Big Bad Wolf. A fairy came up and waved to Noodle real close and she thought that was the coolest thing. Even today, she can tell you every character she saw in the parade, which is a 30 minute ordeal of me standing and holding her in a crowd of hundreds and hundreds of people.

What I did notice was that people were actually arguing with each other at the end of the day. There were really unhappy people fighting about who was standing where and when. I mean, isn't it the happiest place on earth? You can't be mad at Disney. It's just not possible (that is if you're relatively an even keel person).

Afterwards, we did some shopping (the pic above was at the parade, and as you can see, she had already picked out a special Mickey - more to come on that) and found a cool giant lollipop the size of her head. Yes, I spoiled her, but that's what Dad's do on special weekends.

Day Two - Animal Kingdom

Note to those who have never been to Animal Kingdom. It is gianormous. It takes a hike to get to Africa, and the lines are probably at least a 1/4 mile long. Think about that. If you just stood in line for four rides, you're going to walk a minimum of one mile - slowly!

The Tree of Life may be one the coolest things I've ever seen. It is truly an artistic achievement not to be scoffed at.

The Kilimanjaro African Safari ride thing is really cool. You pretend you're actually in Africa on a Jeep safari helping to keep an eye out for animals and poachers in order to preserve the protected lands and animals. In the end, you help "catch" the poachers and return the baby elephant to its mother.

On the way, you get to see about twenty different types of African animals up close, sometimes within 20 feet away. Perfect for pictures. However, I recommend a good camera with high speed ISO and able to click off about several frames per second in order to find a good one in the end product. My simple Kodak has great megapixels, but even the 1200 ISO setting isn't clear.

So the second ride was the Kali River Rapids. I thought Noodle would be scared, but she loved it, and continues to talk about the ride, and say it was her favorite thing. She got soaked on it. Thankfully, I brought a change of clothes, spare sandals, and extra sunscreen. So we changed afterwards, and had Lo Mein and soup in "Asia."

Afterwards, we walked to the Tree of Life theatre to watch the Bug's Life theatre 3-D show. It is just great to sit there and see the bugs come to life, to spray water and wind and feel things crawl beneath your butt. All the while, you can hear people screaming and giggling because the show really is so much fun.

We then went to Dino-Land to ride the Triceratop Spin (think Dumbo as a Dino), and then to see the Nemo musical. The Nemo show was my favorite. It is cool to sit right there and have them come right by you as you're watching them do the entire movie in about 30 minutes (plus, all the indoor shows are air-conditioned which is like heaven).

By this time in the day, we've been at Animal Kingdom for about four hours, and have had four people comment on Noodle's stuffed Mickey. It is perhaps the softest thing you've ever felt. And people kept saying that it was the nicest Mickey they had ever seen. Of course, one woman told her husband that they were going to have to go to Magic Kingdom to buy one of those Mickey's. I kind of felt bad for him.

After the Nemo show, we traveled to Camp Mickey/Minnie to take a photo with Mickey Mouse. It was the only character she "asked" to take a picture with. She didn't want pictures with the princesses ("Daddy, I don't really like princesses anymore. I like Tinkerbell" - Damn sassy girl).

So here is the picture of me and her with Mickey.

Now, just before this picture she was very excited to see Mickey. But as soon as we got up to Mickey, she started to cry. I had to hold her and say it was okay. Then, as the photographer started to snap a few pics, she stopped crying instantly and smiled big. Yeah.

And then, as we were leaving, she turned around and said, "Bye, Mickey" and waved her arm off. Oh, to be young again.

After this was "Lion King" show and then off to meet a friend for dinner elsewhere in Orlando. So again, she was at the park from 10 am - 6 pm. Eight hours. I have a 6 year old who can go non-stop.

Day Three - Hollywood Studios

If nothing else, do the Toy Story Mania 4-D ride/game. It is the coolest thing Disney has come up with. You get to shoot pies at targets, darts at balloons, rings at aliens, and balls. It is quite cool because while you are playing, you are interacting and affecting your game. It's so much fun. By the way, if you end up beating my score of 119,700 points, don't be impressed. The top score of the day was 324,000 points. Yeah, someone was getting a phone call from the Army recruiters after that one.

We also saw Little Mermaid show, Playhouse Disney, Beauty and Beast, and High School Musical. The shows are great because, yes, they are mostly air conditioned or shaded. The exception is the HSM show because it is a parade of sorts and it is HOT as hell out on that concrete.

We did Hollywood Studios from about 10 am - 5 pm and then drove all the way home, which took about 3 1/2 hours (stopping for food and bathroom).

We we returned home, I was exhausted.

Guess what, Noodle dreams of Disney. She's told me that she'd had dreams that she gets to pick out a purple balloon and pink Minnie hat, and that she's always at Disney in her dreams.

I hope it lasts a while, and keeps her thinking happy thoughts for another few months as school starts and she gets adjusted to her school schedule again.

Well, it was a long weekend, but well worth the cost, and well worth the memories she and I will talk about for many years (at least until our next major vacation).

Okay, so my next vacation idea for her was either NYC (see some shows and sights, and of course FAO and American Girl), Hot-Lanta to visit friends (see the aquarium), or back to Orlando to see SeaWorld and Aquatica. I'll take suggestions to other places, but if it is close to you, be prepared to give me and her a couch to sleep on.

Signing out, sleeping and recovering.

The longest pointless story I've ever told

2008-07-16T19:03:00.003-04:00

This past weekend my maternal aunt fluttered into town to the delight of Noodle, who immediately fell in love with the woman who is my mother's younger sister.

Her arrival was conjoined with an emotional family welcome of several Hispanic teenagers, parents, and grandparents who videotaped their reunion and brought flowers and gifts. The one teen girl hugged her abuela as if she hadn't seen her in years. It recalled memories of my return to Korea, and I wondered, as the flight was coming from south Texas, if perhaps they were coming from Mexico to the U.S. for the first time.

As this fusion of emotion transpired, my aunt appeared in the crowd and it was at this point, that I understood the difference between my father and mother.

My father, a man of action, a former rescue pilot, sailor, and high ranking military officer, spurned his body forward to make sure Aunt D could find us.

My mother, a woman of words, who'd rather complain about the lack of action our government takes on important issues, stood firmly in her place, unable to see over the moving masses. What was more striking was her inability to directly face the direction in which she knew her sister would be arriving. Instead, she chose to have her hands close to her body, and wait for my father to bring Aunt D to her.

At this point, it is important to understand the relationship of my mother and aunt. Mother is older by a few years. They have been a constant source of frustration between each other, and in many ways, competition. They have lived vastly different lives, and have only become "close" within the past decade, since my grandparents' death.

Since then, my mother has grown set in her ways - so much so that my father informed me he bought her a cellphone over two years ago and that mother just put the cellphone in her purse; last week - and refuses to make changes to her comfortable lifestyle.

On the other hand, Aunt D has had several jobs, works doing what she finds interesting, and takes delight in the smaller things in life. At one point she was working for a not-for-profit beach environmental group, working for underprivileged inner-city kids teaching them about nature, and has even done entry level jobs despite her educational background. She doesn't stress if her job is working in a concession stand, nor does she let things bother her when she's on the go.

As Aunt D gave Noodle a hug, she took out of her clear back-pack, a small scrap of paper Noodle had drawn for her nearly a year ago. Aunt D brought it to remind Noodle who she was (she's met her once before) and also to make them immediately have something to talk about. Quirky Aunt D brought her entire four days of luggage in a clear back-back; the type they make students use in some schools that have had problems with weapons and violence.

I found this luggage choice very telling of Aunt D's personality.

Noodle thought this pack was hilarious because Aunt D had all her clothes in the pack. But, what was really great was that Noodle felt right at home with her and wanted to sit next to her in the backseat, along with Grandma.

So we went out to dinner at a fancy restaurant, and while there, Aunt D and Noodle fell in love with each other and began a giggling fit that didn't stop until late night. Yes, this means Noodle completely fell off her schedule and went to bed at, gasp, 11 pm. Normally, Noodle falls asleep in the car on the fifteen minute ride home from grandparents' house. However, she was so excited and sugared up on bubble gum, that she didn't fall asleep until after she made it home to the apartment.

So why the late night? Aunt D taught Noodle how to blow bubbles with her bubble gum. And, how to pop bubbles with her finger. And, how to run around and be silly in my mother's house, which is generally a no-no.

As you can see, the drama is building here.

Noodle spent all night after dinner giggling with Aunt D, something she doesn't do with grandma very often. Ah, the fun and joy of a visiting relative who has no kids!

The next night was Sunday, and my dad, mom, and Aunt D came over to the apartment to play again. We were supposed to go out by the new place I am buying, and on the way to stop at Walgreen's to find some gum for Aunt D who wanted super bubble blowing powers. My dad and I sat in the car as the "girls" went inside. What I thought to be a one minute stop, turned out to be a five minute ordeal of picking out the right kind of gum.

So after the house visit, the gum excursion, and the dinner seating, we were ready to relax and wait for our drinks. My dad wanted to take a picture of the "girls" together. The problem was that Aunt D wanted her lipstick and to brush her hair first. "Oh come on D," said my mom, visibly frustrated by her little sister's protestations.

You see, what you didn't know is that it takes my mother approximately two hours (on a good day) to prepare herself to leave her bedroom and enter the rest of the house. If she has to leave the house for a specific reason, then it might take her three hours or more.

For example, I once called my mother and father to see if they could make it out to join me for dinner. I made this call at about 4:30 pm. They said they couldn't be ready until about 8:30. This was a Sunday.

On the other hand, it takes Aunt D very little time to actually get ready to go somewhere. Well, very little compared to my mother. Since I wasn't there, I like to imagine a race between the two. Both put down their tea and milk, sizing each other's hair needs up, they sprint (okay, amble) to their respective corners (ie. bathrooms) and began furiously preparing themselves. As for my mother's hair preparation, imagine Edward Scissorhands working magic on a pouf.

So this brings me to our restaurant moment, as my father is steadying the camera, mother is looking at Aunt D for her to hurry up, and Aunt D is gently and deliberately slathering on a fresh coat of gloss to her lips.

I can see in my mother's eye the same frustration and impatience I have with her when she tells us to come over at 4:30, but isn't ready until 5:30 to actually visit. Yet, for some reason I have not felt the impatience with Aunt D for the behavior I normally detest.

Why?

Because I only see Aunt D once a year, if I'm lucky. Sometimes it might be once in a few years.

My mother on the other hand speaks with Aunt D on the phone nearly every week. Something she has been forcing herself to do since both her parents passed away. And why does she do that?

Because she told me she feels she needs to be closer to her family.

Perhaps it is wine or irony, but something here borders on edifying.

And so, as the flashes are finally going off and my mother and Aunt D have smushed Noodle between them, their smiles from ear to ear, I begin to sympathize with my mother for all the difficulty she has had in reconnecting to her family.

When I was 11, my grandmother took me to meet Aunt D for the first time in the Houston Mall. There, by the indoor ice-rink, I saw her and said, "Wow, you look just like my mother!"

Aunt D replied, "Well I take that as a huge compliment."

Aunt D suffered from eating disorders throughout her life, and I can only imagine it was to keep up with my mother's natural tendency to remain thin. I remember when I returned from my first year in college when I remarked to my mother that she looked good, she said, "This is the first time I'm heavier than I was in college (102 lbs)."

As they were giggling about each other in the restaurant booth, I realized that Aunt D no longer looks like my mother. She looks like my grandmother. An almost exact match, with gray hair, the same weathered beach skin, and same bob haircut my grandmother sported during her late tennis days (she won the entire state of Texas age group tournament one month before she died of stomach cancer).

Was it that Aunt D had no further desires to be my mother, and was instead placing her energies in being what grandmother was? I wasn't sure, but I couldn't help feel that Aunt D was still, at this ripe age of 60+, trying to find herself.

Yet, the story goes further. Noodle had taken a keen interest in Aunt D. Something she has not done in the same way as she has taken to my grandmother. And while I knew it was only for the pure fact that Aunt D flew in like Glinda on bubble cloud, I could see how it bothered my mother for a bit that Noodle was having more fun with Aunt D than she normally had with my mother.

Aunt D let Noodle throw in mounds of tape gum into her mouth to try and learn to blow bubbles. My mother would have instead tried to give Noodle one piece, because, after all, one is enough.

Aunt D let Noodle run through the house and jump on her guest room bed.
My mother would have instead tried to get Noodle to slow down, and be careful.

Aunt D let Noodle stay up late and got her spinning her wheels even though we were trying to go.
My mother would have instead had Noodle brush her teeth, relax, and get ready to leave.

Aunt D let Noodle pop her gum with her finger and make a mess.
My mother would have instead told her it was dirty to put her finger in someone else's gum.

Aunt D was Aunt D.
My mother was me.

I realized, I was just like my mother in those respects. I realized, Aunt D never had children. My mother had two. I realized, I was my mother's child.

The night was beginning to be like the end of a Joyce Carol Oates novel. The protagonist was suffering from familial enlightenment while the antagonists were slowly revealing their tragic flaws to themselves.

And so, as Aunt D was leaving that night, the last I knew for Noodle, I wondered back to that family reunion in the airport. I was wondering who amongst them was becoming a divinity stick pointing at something they had wondered about their self, only to find it in the person they had hoped it wasn't.

Are Yoo Listening?

2008-07-11T20:31:00.000-04:00

Blind five-year-old Korean pianist is internet sensation

Listeners are often moved to tears when the Korean pianist Yoo Ye-eun sits at a grand piano and plays Beethoven's "Für Elise". First, though, the five-year-old has to be helped up on to the piano seat by an adult.

Still in nursery school and blind since birth, Ye-eun has stunned audiences in Korea with a repertoire that includes Mozart, Chopin, Beethoven and the latest pop hits. To cap her performances, she plays along with local singers after hearing their songs for the first time.

Adoption Day

2008-07-11T20:30:00.000-04:00

Korea celebrated its third Adoption Day on May 11, 2008. The date itself conveys a special message; May is considered family month in Korea, and the 11th was selected in the meaning of one family plus one adoptee making a new, loving home.

The day was designated in 2006 to raise awareness of domestic adoption and to promote it. The designation has been a very special and significant step as the beginning of efforts to bring positive attitudes toward adoption.

Read story here

Yoo Ye Eun

2008-07-10T21:52:00.003-04:00

I have stumbled across this story on my usual nightly web browsing. What little I know is that she was blind since birth, abandoned and adopted by her foster parents. Her foster parents know no music training, and since three, the girl could play with perfect pitch from listening only, the entire "Fur Elise."

On the Korean version of talent shows, the young girl played an impromptu piece with Korean singer Noh Sa Yeon. The panel of judges gave her 95 points, the highest ever received on the show watched by millions. The video has received nearly 30 million hits.

See Video Here

Once again though, this really struck me as illustrating the enormous complexity of Korea's adoption issues. Here was a child who was found to be blind at birth, who was left abandoned most likely because of the societal pressures on a family to produce a "healthy" child and yet, now this child may go on to bring fame and wealth to her foster family.

What is going to happen when the birth parents come forward and try to claim this child as theirs?

Oh wait, this is Korea. I don't know if a birth mother would do that for fear of shame put upon her for having this child and abandoning it.

Does that statement just sound utterly ironic?

Am I making any points, or am I not thinking clearly? This is what happens when I don't blog enough.

The absence of blogging has muddied my ability to analyze these situations.

Why Asian People Get Stereotyped

2008-07-09T17:44:00.003-04:00

Okay, there isn't really a reason why we do, but the problem I see here is that American news services will cover these stories as sensational and treat them as articles to say, "see, we told you those damn Asian folks are just strange!"

Honestly, why would I want to eat ice cream out of a toilet? Yes, it isn't a real one, but still. It doesn't sound very appealing to me, and yet, from the pictures, it seems as if the restaurant has actual customers.

Certainly Asians have invented some strange things. But, for the record, we have also invented strange and crazy things that everyone now uses.

Here is a short list of things off the top of my head that I believe Asians invented.

1. Noodles (before the Italians)
2. Fireworks (It was just July 4th)
3. Gunpowder (You're welcome Mr. Bush)
4. DDR (so you think you can dance?)
5. umm....

As you can see, it is a short list. Perhaps you can leave me some comments of things that are widely used today that us Asians invented.

And finally, Karoshi!!!!!

Yeah, that mythical Japanese word that implies one who kills their self through over work. Now, while I often find people who discuss this matter claim that the Japanese just don't know what they are doing, and that they overwork themselves, I claim that it is lazy Americans who don't know the value of work.

Take for example, our one hour break for lunch, plus our two 15 minute breaks. How many of us are guilty of playing Scramble online when we know we should be working?

Hell, American men spend more time watching scores during March Madness than doing any actual work. I'd say that one Korean man can accomplish more work in a single month than 100 American businessmen can during that same month of March Madness. I'd also say that this Korean man will do it while drinking enough soju and maekchu to drown a pod of dolphins.

So, yes, this post is rambling, but it was just a thought I had while reading these articles. Does anyone else know what I'm talking about?

My girl's first salon day

2008-07-01T17:52:00.006-04:00

On our days together, we fill up time by swimming, reading, arts and crafts, and shopping.

Today, we took a detour to get Nora's hair colored the way she wanted. She had been talking for several days about getting pink hair. Thankfully, I talked some sense into her. We agreed on stripes, and not getting her whole hair pink.

Once we arrived though, she decided that she wanted three colors. Red Blonde Pink.

It took almost an hour and a half, but she sat real good and patient.

The women spoke very little English, but loved her and brushed her hair out and blow dried the hair and used special conditioners and made her feel super special.

When we're done with our day of Daddy fun, we get home and eat and relax.

Of course, then it's snuggle time. So whose bed do you think it'll be tonight?

Blank

2008-06-26T20:49:00.002-04:00

As I return to the blogs I read, I must remind myself that one of my favorite voices will no longer be heard. I want to thank D, my ex, for actually reminding me of this a bit back, and as I was browsing my old blogger roll, I had to take this moment to say it.

Julia, I'll miss your voice.

Daddy Post

2008-06-26T20:00:00.003-04:00

Tonight, after I put Noodle to sleep (she still insists on sleeping in my bed), I cleaned her fish tank. Yes, a fish tank.

Noodle has a ryukin goldfish named Rainbow, that is all gold except for whispers of white on the tips of it translucent split tail.

While I knew having a goldfish would be work, I originally bought it to encourage her to sleep in her own room.

If I was a grown-up, I'd want to sleep in her room. She has a walk-in closet that is big enough to house an entire twin bed by itself, plus some wall hangings to spruce it up.

Speaking of spruce, she has the artificial Christmas tree in her closet to constantly remind her that her favorite holiday is only months away (she can count backwards).

Her room comes with its own full bathroom, where she can brush her teeth, going potty, and take baths. It is unofficially the "guest" bathroom, but decorated with monkeys and kids things.

Her room is huge, and I'm not exaggerating. It's most likely 12 x 14 and has the doll house, play kitchen, arts and crafts table, storage toy bins, safari tent, and seating. And there's still room to throw a blanket on the floor and have a picnic without having to step over somebody.

Add to this, her 12 gallon fish tank that houses a single goldfish (this is actually the minimum size for a single goldfish).

You see, as a daddy who thinks he knows it all, I tried to think what would encourage her to sleep in her own bed at night, so she wouldn't kick me.

It was either a television or fish tank. I gave her the option, and she chose fish tank. She chose the fish, and the tank, and we were off.

I was filled with hope and optimism.

The first night, not a chance. We had to condition the tank for at least 24 hours before we brought the fish home to put into the tank.

She cuddled up next to me in my bed and fell asleep within minutes.

The second night, she fell asleep in her bed. And, so did I.

I woke up an hour later with that opium daze of not knowing what time it is or why you're sleeping curled up in the corner of your child's bed.

Of course, two hours later, she woke up and came into my bed anyway.

The next time we tried it, I sat on the floor next to her after reading her a story, and she fell asleep. One hour later, out she came while I was checking my email, and asked to sleep in my bed. She fell asleep there within seconds.

The next time we tried, it took her over an hour to drift off. And of course, 45 minutes later, she climbed into my bed to sleep.

And this brings us, several weeks later, to where we are tonight.

She brushes her teeth in my bedroom. She snuggles up in my bed. She falls asleep in minutes.

Meanwhile, as she snores away, Daddy cleans the fish tank, changes the water, feeds the fish, and pees in her bedroom, so I won't wake the Noodle.

In absence of my blogging hiatus

2008-06-25T22:48:00.002-04:00

1. Divorce
2. Buying a new house
3. Teaching
4. Being a better father
5. Being a better teacher
6. Watching more movies
7. Drinking more wine
8. Eating more food
9. Exercising way more than I should
10. Going back to my blogs and writings

Dual Citizenship for Korean Adoptees

2008-06-19T18:30:00.003-04:00

I thought I might just open this blog up for people to voice their opinions. For those who don't know what's happening, the following links should help. I hope GOA'L doesn't mind me posting these here.

http://www.goal.or.kr/docs/dcq_coverletter.pdf (cover letter)
http://www.goal.or.kr/docs/moj_dual_citizenship_questionnaire.doc (questionnaire)
http://goal.or.kr/eng/?slms=room&lsms=1&sl=6&ls=17 (introduction to Dual Citizenship)

So how many people are filling this out, for what reasons, and who is in favor or against this?

Remember, this is for both adult KAs and also parents of KAs.

What do you think the benefits of Dual Citizenship would be, or what do you think might be the complications?

Adoption Failing Minority Children

2008-06-13T13:32:00.000-04:00

Black children in foster care are less likely to be adopted into a family than children from other races and U.S. laws governing adoption are failing, according to a major new report.

One of those laws requires state agencies to seek adoptive homes with people of the same ethnic background but prevent a child from not being placed in a home on the basis of race or ethnicity.

Read article here

Fat People Are No Longer Funny

2008-06-13T13:24:00.001-04:00

Japan, Seeking Trim Waists, Measures Millions

Japan, a country not known for its overweight people, has undertaken one of the most ambitious campaigns ever by a nation to slim down its citizenry.

read here

Back in Black

2008-04-09T22:38:00.002-04:00

I just got done talking to my friend, K, who teaches in Korea. Got me thinking . . . I should get back.

Love you all.

Article about the Dutch couple mentioned in previous post

2007-12-28T18:02:00.001-05:00

Dutch govt backs diplomat in Korea adoption row
Web posted at: 12/14/2007 4:1:22
Source ::: REUTERS

HONG KONG • A Dutch diplomat who returned an adopted Korean girl after seven years has won his government's backing, a newspaper said yesterday of a case that sparked outrage among social workers in Hong Kong.

A South Korean consular official in Hong Kong said the couple, who adopted the 8-year-old child when she was four months old, had handed her over last year into the care of Hong Kong authorities.

The South China Morning Post said the diplomat, Raymond Poeteray, and his wife, Meta, had "received the support of the Dutch consulate-general and the country's department of foreign affairs". The couple adopted the girl while they were based in South Korea, believing they could not have children. The wife later gave birth to two children, the report said.

"The diplomat gave no explanation for his decision except to say 'the adoption had gone wrong'," the paper reported. "I don't have anything to say to the public. It is something we have to live with," Poeteray was quoted as saying. The Post quoted a source at the Dutch consulate in Hong Kong as saying nothing illegal had happened.

"It is a private matter, but as a good employer we will assist in this matter in the interests of the child," the source was quoted as saying. Hong Kong's Korean community voiced outrage at the child's treatment and were working with the consulate and Hong Kong's social welfare department to try to find her a new home.

"It is an unfair situation, many Koreans want her to find a new family," said a representative for the Korean Residents Association in Hong Kong. Hong Kong's Social Welfare Department said foster parents were now caring for the girl, but declined further comment. "She is Korean and her situation after seven years of adoption is that she is hurting," the South Korean consular official said.

News and Such

2007-12-28T17:56:00.000-05:00

Interesting adoption commentary article from Kenya, I believe.

When an adoption gets dissolved

Story by KEN KAMOCHE
Publication Date: 12/23/2007

Adoptions tend to make headlines when celebrities like Angelina Jolie and Madonna decide that an exotic child from the wilds of Asia and Africa would make a nice adornment to the family.

Thousands and maybe millions more take place every year, and hopefully work out for all concerned.

But once in a while an adoption comes unstuck and all manner of stories fly around, raising serious questions about whether the best judgment has been exercised by do-gooders who presumably wanted to give an abandoned child a new start in life and enrich their own lives too.

The case of the Dutch couple which hit the headlines and was analysed in angry and indignant tones in chat rooms around the world illustrates how things can go so badly wrong.

One Raymond Poeteray and his wife Meta gave up to Hong Kong Social Services a Korean child they adopted seven years ago when she was only four months old.

They claim the girl had serious ‘‘bonding problems,’’ couldn’t adjust to Dutch food and basically didn’t fit into their culture.

There are a few troubling issues about this account. How do you decide that a child you’ve raised since she was an infant suddenly doesn’t adjust to your food and culture? Presumably she was subsisting on non cultural-specific milk and baby cereals at the beginning and then, like most other children, graduated to more solid stuff.

To suggest that for the seven years they’ve raised her she has never ‘‘adjusted’’ to their food defies logic.

This is where the stories by the baby sitters begin to shed some light, if they’re true. One woman said that the girl was raised by Asian domestic helpers, one during the day and the other in the evening, which is not unusual in itself.

More worrying is the claim that ‘‘Meta did not treat her as her real daughter’.’’ According to the child-minder, the child was rarely in her mother’s arms; ‘‘there was no love there’’. That is quite an indictment in itself.

It also shows how apparent failure by the parents to get her accustomed to their cuisine and assimilated to their lifestyle might explain why she might have developed an appetite for Asian delicacies presumably prepared by the helpers.

It has also been reported that the girl was adopted in the first instance because the couple believed they couldn’t have children. They went on to have two children of their own later, a factor that has sparked off the accusations of wilful neglect and what have you.

Commonsense suggests that though a phobia of bonding is not unusual amongst adopted children, it shouldn’t manifest itself beyond early childhood.

Something must have gone terribly wrong, and maybe the whole story will never be told.

Outraged Dutch people writing to newspapers talk about being ashamed and disgusted that their own, who happen to be diplomats, can abandon a child like an unwanted toy, or in the words of one Dutch newspaper, like ‘‘unwanted household rubbish’’. Others call it a crime against natural justice.

Strong words, strong emotions and serious concerns about the ethics of dissolving adoptions. A blogger described it as ‘‘band aid solution to infertility problems’’.

It is not the first time a case like this has been reported widely. A few years ago, an Irish couple returned an adopted child to an orphanage in Indonesia claiming the child didn’t ‘‘fit in’’.

These sorts of things give a bad name to what is an otherwise noble undertaking. Maybe one positive outcome of this whole Dutch saga is that authorities will be more vigilant about how the process is managed and how the suitability of potential parents is vetted.

These things tend to be rushed, especially where money or big names are involved.

And sometimes there’s more than a little doubt about whether the right procedures have been followed, or whether the right people have given their consent, as in Madonna’s adoption of a Malawian boy, which remains mired in controversy.

Authorities in Asia are in the spotlight, and will remain so, because in some countries foster parents from the West are still seen as the most viable for the millions of unwanted female children waiting for a new life in orphanages and unable to find a home amongst their own countrymen.

In societies where boys are prized over girls, adoption by foreigners is often the only hope. Most are probably well-meaning.

But some seem to be wholly unprepared for the challenges of a culturally or ethnically-blended family. And, sadly, a minority fail to go that extra mile, and forget that a child does not come with a love-by date.

When monks and the militia in Cambodia clash as they did again this week, the scenes are ludicrous in the extreme.

You have on the one hand, men who are supposed to be the peace-loving, pious guardians of the nation’s moral consciousness.

On the other hand you have a different breed of guardians altogether, gun-totting, hardened men who are taught to protect the regime ostensibly to maintain law and order.

When the two come to blows and kung-fu kicks, it is a sad reflection of the extent to which a country can degenerate, accusations of who started it notwithstanding.

IF you wish to contact the writer of this article, you can at:

interneteditors@nation.co.ke

Prize for . . .

2007-12-28T17:55:00.001-05:00

Meez?

2007-12-18T16:08:00.000-05:00

I've posted before about the yahoo "virtual me" and how I could stand on the Great Wall of China in my karate "git-up"

But AOL has taken the cake on this one. I don't know if it is my morbid sense of humor, self-loathing (not really), or even racist fascination - AOL has created the ultimate "Meez."

In this one, you can have "almond shaped" eyes.

You can wear a karate "gi".

You can animate to "eat rice" out of a bowl with chopsticks.

You can set it to be in Chinatown.

Take a look for yourself. www.meez.com

Happy creating of your virtual self.

Apology Not Accepted

2007-09-02T21:46:00.000-04:00

This drives me crazy. Again, why must Koreans apologize for things out of their control?

This cultural phenomenon is beginning to irritate me. It reveals the troubled societal pressures on individuals in Korea to be 100% responsible for their own. I also wonder how much of it has to do with Korea's Confucionism of old.

Two of 19 South Koreans released by Taleban kidnappers in Afghanistan have apologized to the South Korean people and government for the ordeal.

At a news conference in Kabul Friday, one of the hostages, Yu Kyeong-sik, described losing sleep over the agony they caused to the country.

Yu described their July 19 abduction, saying the group of 23 church volunteers was on a chartered bus in southern Afghanistan when their driver picked up two locals. He said about 20 minutes later, the men began shooting and stopped the bus.

Blogito Ergo Sum

2007-07-16T00:04:00.000-04:00

Zora Neale Hurston once said that there is no agony like bearing an untold story inside you.

For nights, it’ll fester in your dreams, and the only pleasure you have is when you wake up from the nightmare of writer’s block.

At times, the pain is unbearable, an itch inside your ear that you can’t reach with your pinky, so you use the cotton swab, and still unable to find the deepest reaches of it, you look on your desk for a pencil with a good eraser to jam into your head to rid yourself of the incessant unnamed, unwritten buzz.

You pour it out eventually, spontaneously, late at night in a notebook by your bed, and close the covers hoping to sleep. But, still it returns and you slip out of bed once more to ignore it by filling up your ears with noise from the television or your latest download to iTunes.

This has been my long silence.

In the beginning, writing about adoption was like the sudden relief of a brain swelling. It was trepanation. Gushes of blood poured forth revealing my humanity and identity in ways I’d never thought I could.

But, after months, I began to feel like Spurlock, gorging myself on the same thing for days until my liver could no longer process the thick oozing masses of information I was swallowing for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

It wasn’t the death of me, but my internal doctor told me to stop.

Isn’t blogging a narcissistic affair? If it wasn’t I’d write in paper diaries and keep my thoughts to myself. But, no. I insist on putting myself out there for either criticism and condemnation, or compliment and commendation.

And each time I write, I dip my face into the pool before me. Yet, instead of drowning, I swim.

And there you are. Citizens swimming in the body politic of adoption. Voices that have, not of our own choice, been sought after as guides. And so I am left to ask myself, wouldn’t it be irresponsible of me not to dip my face in the pool, and join the you all in the currents that move us together?

Adoption Response

2007-04-18T22:13:00.000-04:00

I've been wondering how APs would react to the news that the shooter was Korean. What do you tell your son or daughter, especially if they face any sort of discrimination in lieu of the shooting.

Interestingly, the head of ESWS sent out this letter to APs.

from Dr. Kim, Chairman of the Board at Eastern Social Welfare Society:

"The horrible and terrible news that a Korean student had killed 33 innocent persons awaited us as soon as the day broke this morning. What a great shock and surprise. At this time, the entire nation of this country was struck with a great sorrow and shame and regret. I feel humiliated for the fact that such an immoral act was committed by a Korean and would like to make a sincere apology for it.

I am much worried that this might be disappointing and discouraging to Korean adoptive families and adoptees, and would be much appreciative if you could tell them that we at Eastern continue to try our best for the best interests of Korean children's happiness and welfare.

Offering our heartfelt sorrow and regret for the tragedy once again, I do pray that God would sustain the bereaved families at this hard time.

Sincerely yours, Kim, Duk Whang, Ph.D., Chairman of the Board"

My biggest concern about this letter is that the entire nation of South Korea feels "shame and regret."

These two phrases have stuck with me since returning to Korea in 2004. My visit was marked with "shame and regret." Not only with my birth family's expression of it, but also the government officials, the social workers, and the nation as a whole. Everywhere I went, every show I watched, discussed the adoptions of thousands and thousands of children as "shameful."

But what sent us abroad in the first place was shame. It was the shame of bearing a child out of wedlock, of bearing a mixed child, of bearing a child too young. It was the Korean society's reaction and culture that shamed women into sending us away.

How then do I reconcile the feelings I have when I hear a Korean say they are "shameful" of the way a Korean has acted. This Korean male lived in America for 14 years, nearly 2/3 of his life. Yet, I hear no real regret from anybody in America that feels shame for having assimilated this young man into what he became.

Why isn't America ashamed of themselves for allowing such violence to be seen in nearly every television show as entertainment? Why isn't America ashamed of themselves for the gluttony of all-you-can-eat buffets of nudity and flesh that have been left under the heating lamp for too long and have begun to taste stale and bitter? Why isn't America ashamed of the way they've labeled him an "immigrant" and not one of their own?

Shame is a dirty word. It is a powerful word. In this instance, I don't think Korea should be shamed, I think America should be.

VT Suspect South-Korean

2007-04-17T17:37:00.000-04:00

As suspected, and now as confirmed, the shooter (at least one of them if there happened to be two) was an asian male.

Cho Seung-Hui, 23, and a South Korean who was raised in America, was the VT shooter.

It seems he has been reportedly "troubled" and his creative writing was "disturbing." He has also been described as a "loner."

As a 32 yr old South Korean male, raised in America, and as a creative writer, I'm really troubled by these developments. I truly hope this doesn't create any animosity towards writers who are troubled, taking medications, or Asian American writers.

However, I think the following things are irresponsible journalism:

In an interview with NBC news, Jack Levin, a self-proclaimed criminologist who is an "expert" on massacres, said the following:

Virginia Tech had a bit of a scare earlier this year when an escaped murder suspect was reported to be nearby. Some have suggested that this might be a copycat crime of some sort.
I don’t know all the details, but I can tell you I doubt that was the inspiration. I’m not a psychic, but sometimes I get it right. A couple of months ago there was a mass shooting involving 20 students, one of whom died, at a community college in Montreal. [In the Virginia case], the initial news reports said that the killer looked as though he’s Asian or of Asian descent. So was the killer in Montreal. I’ve studied the copycat effect. It’s much more likely to happen when the killers share personal characteristics. Think about the Columbine-style killings that happened in the ‘90s: they all happened in the suburbs; they were all bullied, isolated boys. If this killer turns out to be of Asian descent, it’s highly likely he was inspired by the Montreal mass shooting.

I don't know...but being an Asian male, and being on medications myself, and having a bent for creative writing, and of course, being an "immigrant"...this makes me want to be a copy cat. Idiot. Where be my hand cannons ya'll?

What's the most irresponsible journalism about this is that all the news sources indicate that Cho was an "immigrant" to the country, as if he had just literally come to the country and spoke very little English.

However, he was an English major! He was also living in white suburban Virginia (Centreville is just outside of DC...I should know...I used to live in DC) for over 14 years. Hmmm...this sounds like was he born in Korea, but raised in America. Doesn't that make him an American? If he was an immigrant, he wouldn't have been able to buy the guns.

Again, this is a natural way to identify the shooter as "other" in order to dehumanize him as "us" or "white." Labeling Cho as an "immigrant" is seriously dangerous and could cause irreparable harm against Asians in the near future.

Keep your eyes (as slanted as they are...don't squint too hard) open and your ears perked for any attempt to make Cho or other Asians "angry" individuals. And of course, keep reading "Angry Asian Man" for his great commentaries.

A 'real' angry asian man?

2007-04-16T19:14:00.000-04:00

If the rumors hold true, then another 'angry asian man' has shot and killed. Again, I hope this isn't true for headline's sake, and for the sake of all asian men nationwide.

It seems the unconfirmed rumor is that a tall asian male from Radford was upset over a falling out with his girlfriend, so he went to VT to shoot her.

It also seems that whomever did this shooting somehow managed to shoot two people in a dorm room, then walk across the entire campus, including the main quad, into an engineering building, chain the door, and shoot over 60 more people, killing at least 32.

How this happens is beyond me. I've been on campuses before where you could always find campus police nearby. VT is big, but no bigger than many other state colleges. This seems like a botched job somewhere.

My main hope is that this rumor isn't true, and that the media treats the shooter (who has apparently shot himself) as a human first, and as an asian male second.

Name Calling . . . At the end.

2007-03-26T19:43:00.000-04:00

Yes, I've been on blog break. Mostly because of school, and also because I've lost ground on what's been written. I've tried to use the last few weeks to quickly read Ji-in and Harlow's Monkey. They seem to post things that keep me up-to-date on the TRA world and things in general. Otherwise, I'll visit Rice Daddies and Angry Asian Man for a quick laugh.

I promise the blog will get better soon. I know some of you lost interest once I stopped posting, but thanks for the few that keep checking.

So here's something golden I found for you to think about:

Miss Asia Arizona!

(pictured is Sara Williams in her hanbok - her white mommy helped her tie the bow, which is why it's all out of whack.)

Seems that Sara Williams, an adoptee had high hopes of becoming the next Miss Asia Arizona. She actually found out about the contest through her adoption agency. I'm glad adoption agencies are in the business of promoting "scholarship" competitions among our TRAs so they feel better about themselves in their own skin.

When asked what people might not know about her, she says that she loves "kickboxing." She might as well not try to sugar-coat it and say she practices "Kay-rah-tay!"

Unfortunately, our TRA heroine did not win the pageant. Instead, Miss Asian Arizona will be Jessika Malic. She was born in the Phillippines and raised in Arizona. How lovely! I'm not sure, but I think that "Jessika Malic" is probably also a TRA since "Malic" is an Eastern European name. Just a hunch.

Jessika Malic, captured the title of Miss Asia Arizona 2007 on March 17, 2007 at the Moon Valley High School Auditorium. Her victory is no surprise. Born in Manila, Philippines and raised in Phoenix, she has the complete package. Beautiful, witty, graceful, charismatic and smart, her endearing qualities make her Arizona’s favorite choice and representative for the Miss Asian America Pageant on August 11, 2007 in San Francisco, California. She is a 23year old aspiring actress/singer and a student of Rio Salado College with a major in Business Management. As reigning Miss Asia Arizona 2007, her mission is to help promote diversity awareness.

Okay, so I like how they claim her victory is no surprise because, as you can see, she is the whole package. I didn't know Asian women had to be a package deal?

Also, I'm glad she'll be promoting diversity awareness as a beauty queen of asian descent. This way, people will think all asian women are beauty queens who are smart, graceful, beautiful, and smile a lot. Oh, and have big hair.

What's even stranger, is that if you go to the pictures of them opening the "Tuscon Chinese Cultural Center," they are all dressed in their "cultural" clothes, of which only one is actually Chinese. And one of those girls looks clearly hapa!

Other than adoption news like Toby Dawson, or the adoption stories I hear non-stop from MN and CA, I don't have anything to say. My ink well has run dry, my quill is weak.

I'm writing in my mind like a dog digging to, well, um, Korea...so to speak.

NAME CHANGE

A lot of people have been talking about name change lately. Just for the record, I'm a mixed bag on this. Sometimes, name change is probably a good thing. In other instances, it's probably bad. I see my name change as clearly a violation, especially since I was almost four years when I came over. At the same time, I don't think kids would've been able to handle my name.

In some ways, I feel about it as I do about other ethnic families from Asia that change their children's names for "Anglo" effect. I've encountered Korean kids who give "Anglo" names such as "Jeff," "Eric," or "Mark." "Grace," "Lou," or "Anna." At the same time, these are names that adoptive parents tend to give their children, because, in some part, they see Asian children walking around speaking English using their Anglo name as if it is their real name.

I don't know if these kids got to choose their own name, but I'm betting they didn't. But, I don't think it necessarily "erases" their culture. I think it actually makes it easier on them in the real-world because kids are cruel. As a teacher, I see how vicious kids can be, and trust me, I'm glad I didn't have a name people couldn't relate to.

Of course, I see the flip side to this argument. By doing so, I'm feeding into the concept that Asians should adopt a more "Anglo" persona in order to better accepted. So where does this slippery slope end? Probably in a brutal hunting accident where someone gets shot over calling someone else a name, and then the white people get upset that someone could react so harshly at being called a gook, slope, chink, or slanty eyed small willied yellow skinned toothy grinned son of a bitch.

You see, names are given, and names are stolen. In the end, I'm pretty sure it's not the name that's made me who I am, but rather, the name that was taken away, that's brought me to where I am today. Do I want to reclaim that name? Not the name, as much as what it means to be born with that name.