Miss Litter

Never, ever, think outside the box

2009-03-10T06:44:00.000-07:00

Never, ever, think outside the box.

Timeless. Something eloquent and existential about their conversation... You notice that our cat heroine doesn't have to say a word to get her message across. Thanks to the comedy genius of Leo Cullum at The New Yorker. If you've got nothing better to wear, you can get visit that store to get t-shirts or hoodies of the cartoon.

The Right Sentiment

2009-03-06T06:52:00.000-08:00

Humans probably make sense to themselves... sigh.

Home Theatre Conquered By Colors

2009-03-02T07:36:00.000-08:00

Sorry it's been over a month since I got on here. Hopefully a big post (with linked pictures!!!) will be worth the wait.

Just wanted to say that I see now why the big guy painted the wall white!

He made the best hd theatre system ever. As far as I can see, anyway.

Everywhere in the house is colored paints... oranges, blues, even polka dots in the kitchen. But almost the whole living room is white and greys and black. Even the furniture. Hints of wood here and there. And one splash of an orange lamp made by Peri Lamps.

Perre turned on the projector last night and watched Annie Hall with friends. The whole room became a movie theatre and everyone got tipsy on mojitos. I like my human. I could've done worse.

He made this instruction sheet for how to choose theater seats, wireless dolby surround system, the drobo, 720p projector and macbook to control it all.

It's All Photoshopped!

2008-12-16T16:12:00.000-08:00

Even I, with my stellar marks in advanced feline aesthetics from the prestigious Schule für die intelligenten Katzen have yet to learn how to use Photoshop properly.

Gift Book At The Printers!

2008-11-11T08:00:00.000-08:00

Perre left us for one long awful day. He got up at 5am, made espresso, and the last thing I heard was the mini starting up outside. He brought back footage to show he wasn't seeing any other cats while he was away, but he could have edited them out.

Nine-Step Poster Hidden In Dust Jacket!

2008-11-10T07:08:00.000-08:00

Perre explains how the poster works. (He's the big guy who feeds us).

Videos Of Cooper On The Toilet! HA, HA!

2008-11-03T14:02:00.000-08:00

Since we've been in recovery, our sponsor's been video taping our confessions and photographing the long hard road from litter box to bowl. In the back of my mind, I kind of knew the videos and pictures would eventually make it online. I don't feel as embarrassed as I expected - maybe it's that the first three are of Cooper?

Miss Precious Perfect

2008-11-03T10:16:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to Miss Precious Perfect who's learned to kick the litter habit on SNL's Countdown. I didn't know Keith Olbermann had a soft side. (see 34 seconds to the end of his rant for this cutaway!)

Why does pop culture love cats on toilets?

Litter Box Was Here Yesterday

2008-09-30T08:02:00.000-07:00

It's easy to confuse things when you're in a hurry. But how can you misplace a litterbox?

Los Angeles Thunderstorms

2008-07-05T07:16:00.000-07:00

You don't hear thunder much in LA. That is a good thing. It is the way Chaos intended it.

All yesterday, the neighborhood smelled like barbecue and sounded like football. I'm a heavy lapsitter but last night with the flashing and thunder... Every few seconds: thunder, and every thunder: I made a break for it, and every time I made for the door, I got caught. That's a lot of breaks for it. And a lot of getting caughts. I'm glad independence day comes only once a year because you can only take so much freedom on the patio.

Other than that, nothing changed from the day before. I like my pace. It's comforting. But it gets tiring thinking of stuff to say. Napping is the next-best-thing to staying awake.

A House Divided - By Paint

2008-05-13T08:44:00.000-07:00

The big guy's been painting the house all day. It's a wreck. I hate disorganization. The furniture is all piled up on the other side of the room. The floor is covered in tape and plastic. Guy's a lunatic. I've never seen white walls before. Ever since I lived here, the walls were red and orange and blue and one with polka-dots. I'll try to post some pictures if I can find them on this machine.

Typography, Typography Everywhere!

2008-03-18T07:48:00.000-07:00

Cursed me. I work so hard on these wallpapers and they never turn out right. Wish to be-jeezes I could design something as good as the humans. All I end up with is jazz record-cover derivatives. Am I inspirationless? Is it the quality of air near the floor? Must find myself a muse.

Ask A Feline: Three's Companion

2008-03-11T07:44:00.000-07:00

My second fan question!

J. Tripper writes: "I live with two women and things keep getting confused. One of them always mishears something and thinks I'm getting it on with the other one, and the irony is, I've been in a dry spell ever since I started working The Regal Beagle down the street. What I've always wanted was to sneakily put my arms around them both at the end of an amusing night and they stick around and snuggle instead of wiggling out of my grip. Any suggestions?"

Moxie answers: Sounds to me like you've got only one problem, Tripper. You spend too much time watching reruns. Have you tried talking to your roomates and asking for what you want?

Continued Longing From The Comfort Of Home

2008-02-05T19:32:00.000-08:00

I wish I didn't enjoy the taste of Aveda products... an upset stomach is a thing to witness - not to endure.

I wish vacuum cleaners made a little less noise.

I wish I didn't suffer god's once-a-month curse for being a lapcat (...flea tonic).

Cocktails & Caffeine

2008-01-22T07:48:00.000-08:00

I wish my tiny liver could tolerate cocktails and caffeine because, let's be honest... the lifestyle is appealing.

I think that the two-c's is the rudimentary mystery that separate pets from our humans.

Wistful Thinking

2008-01-01T07:40:00.000-08:00

A hundred and two percent of my life is wishful thinking.

I wish I could stretch my wings and fly off the balcony, but alas, no wings, and so from the safety of distance the birds continue to taunt me.

Trolling For Tail

2007-12-04T07:02:00.000-08:00

I'm still not sure about this myspace phenomenon. My inbox is full of lonely humans trolling for tail.

And That's Fab

2007-10-29T07:48:00.000-07:00

Kennedy's playing live in Paris right now. What are you doing that's so great?

Cooper + Tom Cruise = Get Your Crazy On

2007-10-01T07:38:00.001-07:00

My biggest fear is that my brother Cooper will turn out to look like Tom Cruise one day. He's been cute all his life. When's he gonna turn ugly? Life's not fair.

Ask A Feline: Stolen Laptop

2007-09-03T07:38:00.000-07:00

Steve asks: "When I'm at a cybercafe and the urge strikes me that I need to run off to the loo, is it safe to leave my pc unattended next to a mac guy? Most of my mac friends won't even allow me to carry my laptop up to their flats, so what would they want with a pc?"

Moxie responds: Why do people always answer their own questions?

Steve, you are right to remain as unconcerned as you are. No mac geek is even going to know how to power up your toy computer. They'll offer clever excuses, like "I don't do windows." Ha ha, whatever. Bottom line: they don't know jack about fuzzy drives.

Triple-Moron

2007-07-26T06:40:00.000-07:00

Oh, my god! Cooper made up another word: doublemoron. Enough said. Perfect.

Bo Go Home

2007-07-23T07:36:00.000-07:00

Well I'm not dead.

Dog came by yesterday. He's got a southern name, a 1969-Dixie-Flag-Adorned-Orange-Dodge-Charger-kind-of-name: Bo. As in, "Don't look now Bo, but look." and "Why, Daisy if you wasn't my cousin, I'd marry you." A hog-tie, rumble-tumble rough-fider kind of name.

Last time, Bo left me alone while I was under the bed. So this time, I stayed there until he went for a walk with the humans. But one nap later, he was back with a fury, running through my apartment with abandon. Before I could escape, the humans scooped me up and gave me to Bo for dog food.

Dog, it was awful. He sniffed all around me.... Stay perfectly still. Wait for it to pass. It will pass. That's all I kept telling myself. Dog does not exist. Dog does not exist. Dog does not exist.

Then I hissed. Couldn't help myself. I hissed and he pounced. Barked a terrible awful bark. Worse than his bite? I don't know. I tried not to stick around, but as I said: psycho humans had me trapped. They went crazy grabbing Bo's collar. My eyes were bright, and one would think I was taking everything in, but in fact, I could see almost nothing. I heard shouts of No and suddenly everything went slo-mo:

A n i n c h a w a y f r o m m y n e c k I f e l t t h e f o u l b r e a t h o f D o g a s h e l o o k e d d o w n o n m e w i t h j u d g e m e n t: Mealtime.

The next few minutes are a blur of near-death experiences. Have you ever watched X-Files? Think that, times one fifth.

You can say what you want about me. But I learn quickly. If I so much as move, if I so much as hiss, if I do anything, if I exercise ANY free will... dog pounces. Dog doesn't like free will. When I gave up, once I let go... things got a little bit calm. Bo sat there with a tilted head, and seemed to get bored.

Miss Litter's Last Sigh

2007-07-19T07:56:00.000-07:00

Sunday afternoons used to be lazy days when I could spread out on my human's Vanity Fair and catch up on the latest Matt Damon gossip. Now there is only one Sunday afternoon left: the afternoon of the big fight. I've been called out by a bully after school, nowhere for me to run. My nine-lives are up. Clock ticking. My days are numbered. Four to be exact. So obviously, this will be my last entry.

No, no one spilled coffee on the server. The site isn't getting hit by stealth DOS attacks. It's more banal than that. Bo is coming this weekend. In a moment of violent chaos I will become dog food.

What saddens me above all else is that I'll never post another boring episode for my fans. I took a little pride and delight in boring you. You are the reason I breath. The reason I stay off drugs. The reason I quit pre-med and watch ER instead.

This is such a Ziggy Stardust moment, I can almost hear you all whimpering out there in the dark theatre of the intertubes mourning my impending loss.

Signing off forever and ever, Moxie

Luckily, The Dog Travels With The Girl

2007-07-17T07:08:00.000-07:00

It's no secret. I keep my ear to the floor.

There was talk around the apartment that Bo may have visited over the weekend. I am overjoyed to say, this did NOT happen. Bo is a large hungry dog whose human must constantly remind him: "Cats are friends not food, Bo!"

Now let me say... these are the least re-assuring words I've ever heard.

If choppers like those need reminding, then the best place for me is WAY high up. As high up and as fast as my non-edible legs will carry me.

Luckily, Bo's human got detoured to Napa Valley for the weekend. Near miss. Thank god for California wines.

Vowels

2007-04-20T07:02:00.000-07:00

When people call me affectionate, cooing names like "Princess..." and "Sweetie..." I feel like a miraculous cat! Especially when they extend their vowels. I wish I wasn't so easily wooed.

I wish I were more independent. Maybe this summer I'll plan to get away. Just for a short trip so I can feel alive again. Find myself. Wait, what am I thinking? I could never leave the food and all the company! I don't even like leaving the house.