jendaas

Shocked by lack of fear

2009-10-23T06:32:00.000-07:00

My husband and I have been living in a infamous part of Minneapolis for about a year now.....it's reputation is so well known that people get an expression on their faces like "why would you move there?" pretty much every time we tell them where we live.
I have perfected the speech that follows their expression, and have sometimes thought about what it would be like to say I live in a more rural part of town, surely the stigmas that go along with Coon Rapids (the town that I grew up in) can not furrow the eyebrow like saying "we live in North Minneapolis" can.

The truth is, though I didn't necessarily feel "called" to minister or evangelize in the neighborhood where we decided to buy a home, the smallest little jabs of temptation to fret from Satan haven't really taken root in my heart and bore fruit. Perhaps it is the Lord's kindness in having me worship at Bethlehem Baptist for 4 years that trained my heart to think about bullets the right way...that God controls everything, the demons OBEY him. (Jesus cast out demons, and they had no choice where they went and they knew it, so they begged Jesus to let them go into pigs....which ran off a cliff and drowned.) Demons obey, the wind and waves obey, and bullets obey the living Christ.

I've heard gunshots only 2 times over the last year, which is way better than I anticipated.
Then, last night, at 3:30am I was awakened to the sound of a heated confrontation that sounded like it was right in front of my bedroom window. I woke Brent up and we called the police, then, looked around to see where it was coming from...

Right in front of our home, in the middle of the street.
4 men, who seemed to know each other well, because the one who was yelling at the top of his lungs and shoving another guy didn't assault him much more than the violent shoving. But he was so incredibly angry at the guy he was pushing & shouting obscenities at. He threatened to 'burn him' (slang for shooting him) and the brother of the guy being assulted was pleading "please, just leave my brother alone man, just leave him alone, please"

After about 5 minutes, the one being pushed got on his knees in front of the guy with the gun, and made a posture as if praying, and said, "JUST DO IT, BURN ME MAN!"
My heart was in my throat, praying the entire time for the lives of these men......that they wouldn't kill each other before they had had a chance to hear the Gospel just one more time, that they would repent....both the victim and the suspects.

The police came around the corner shortly after that (but it SEEMED like hours) flashed their lights and drove down to meet the guys. I don't know what happened after that, but Brent and I just got into bed and thanked the Lord for sparing their lives this morning......prayed that God would send one of his children to bear witness about His Son to them before they leave this world and face the judgement.
I can't think about it too much this morning, because I just keep weeping for them.....I thought that blogging about it would help the grief....I'm grieving for walking dead people. They are alive in the flesh but dead men walking without Christ....I don't want them to go to hell. I am not afraid for my life, and this may sound horrible, but I do not fear for Brent or our baby either.....

I fear for those whose sins are not covered, whose sin is not forgiven....
THAT is my fear of North Minneapolis....my fear FOR North Minneapolis.

God please be merciful, send your light and your truth. Give us boldness, fearlessness to speak the words our neighbors need to hear....and to love them with nothing held back as you loved us. In Jesus Name, AMEN

Being AMAZED by the God of the Bible.......

2009-10-21T06:45:00.001-07:00

Pastor Piper one time was speaking about how it is a sin to preach a sermon about the God of the bible in a boring way....I couldn't agree more. :)
He spoke about the amazement of little children and how they NEVER tire of hearing the same stories OVER AND OVER AND OVER again.......being altogether caught up in the situation that their imagination creates. He talked about how Adam and Eve must have been just blown away by the day to day faithfulness of the God they walked with....suggesting a picture of Eve rising early in the morning and shoving Adam with excitement in her voice saying "Get up Adam, get up!!! Look, the sun is here - HE DID IT AGAIN!!!" :)

Who God is -IS what He does. He is kind to the just and the unjust in the common graces of life....how else does a sinful unbeliever profess Atheism and yet finds that they can walk and talk and kiss a baby's face and enjoy a sunset and have health and food to eat that doesn't poison them???? selah.

Yet, He judges some with justice and gives others mercy, Moses AND Pharaoh had both committed murder. One was brought through the water to safety, the other was destroyed by the wrath of God for his sin.
Psalm 115:3
"Our God is in the heavens;
he does all that he pleases"

With all of life's ups and downs - joys and trials.....the Lord has been faithful - always. Going into the new phase of being a parent, with all of the unknowns.....with jobs, finances, locations, etc.....could make the average person, who knows nothing about the God of the universe tremble. But rich or poor, eating bread or eating steak.....we must struggle to see the kindness of the Lord- and with thankful hearts praise Him for WHO he is.

"I will sing of your mercy that leads me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy."
~ jars of clay

Basic daily obedience is better worship than all the songs in all the world.

2009-08-05T10:29:00.001-07:00

Perhaps I'm the only one, but I'd thought I'd throw this out there anyway.

You ever notice how hard it is to sing worship songs to God when you KNOW that you have been stubborn and hard hearted against the Spirit's nudging you to do the right things throughout your days? Singing is the LAST thing I want to do....no matter how much I love the songs about the Lord!

I feel like a hypocrite, because I am one. I'm singing about how much I love the Lord and how mighty He is to save and to help me live uprightly, when all the recent days have been lived as though that were not true at all.

The smallest obedience, how EVER difficult it may be- keeps open the heartfelt, honest and humble enjoyment of fellowship with the Lord God. That I forget that it is SO worth it to obey to be able to move easily into prayer and songs of worship is a sad reality.

I'm in love with this song by Sovereign Grace and am memorizing it lately to be able to sing songs of praise to my Father in heaven with the child that Brent and I are expecting.
Which is how I came to realize that the impact of the words on my heart are different; If I am walking uprightly, the words are sweet enough to make me weep with gratitude. If I have been disobedient, I still weep, but it's more due to the grief of what I still am in the flesh.
Thank God for Jesus.

O great God of highest heaven
Occupy my lowly heart
Own it all and reign supreme
Conquer every rebel power
Let no vice or sin remain
That resists Your holy war
You have loved and purchased me
Make me Yours forevermore

I was blinded by my sin
Had no ears to hear Your voice
Did not know Your love within
Had no taste for heaven’s joys
Then Your Spirit gave me life
Opened up Your Word to me
Through the gospel of Your Son
Gave me endless hope and peace

Help me now to live a life
That’s dependent on Your grace
Keep my heart and guard my soul
From the evils that I face
You are worthy to be praised
With my every thought and deed
O great God of highest heaven
Glorify Your Name through me

To Repent or not to Repent - Is that even a question?

2009-05-15T06:58:00.000-07:00

Bear with me here.....
Did you ever notice how easy it is to see clearly an opportunity for someone else to live what they believe - yet if you were in the same position, you would never see it?

The crux of the matter is that there is a person that I know, let's call them Pat* for their anonymity.
So, Pat tells me this story of an acquaintance, an unbelieving acquaintance, who just railed them.
Pat had gone to the retail place of employment of the unbeliever and was having polite conversation, when out of nowhere the unbeliever works themselves up into a lather about some issue, of which Pat has no knowledge of and proceeds to yell at Pat.

Pat is dumbfounded......and as Pat tells me this story, I can see the 'I'm right and what was done to me was wrong here and I'm clinging to my rights" type attitude in everything coming out of this person's lips. (this does not say much about me, since it truly DOES take one to know one, and I wouldn't recognize this sin, unless I was guilty of it myself from time to time - thank GOD for my little brother who lovingly gets in my face about my hardness of heart and appeals to me with the Love of God in Christ Jesus)

Sum it up - Pat, I believe had done nothing wrong....BUT this unbeliever accused Pat in front of Pat's spouse and the unbeliever's spouse unjustly.

What does Pat do here? The flesh and the world would say "write this unbeliever off, you don't want friends like that anyway." Sadly, Pat is avoiding this unbeliever and doesn't feel the need to go to them in humility and say, "However I have offended you, I want you to know that I am very sorry and I wanted to know if you'd let me do what it takes to make it right."
(seriously, the hardest thing to do is apologize when you haven't any idea that you have done anything worth apologizing........but how much humility does it take to do such a thing? = A lot.)

But who else was wrongly accused and assaulted, spit on, and murdered for the false accusations?
Our precious Christ was..........and he says to our unsettled hearts that are trying to cling to our 'rights' - "Pick up your cross daily, and follow me, this is the Calvary road, the narrow way that leads to life"

WHAT glory would be to the Lamb of God - if we walked in his footsteps.
How many unbelievers would be quieted in their angry rages and false accusations to pay attention to the good news, if we who bear his Name - acted like we belonged to him?

Oh, great God - change our hearts....we are foolish and stubborn of heart. Please remove the blind spots where our sin hides and keep us from being tricked by our American freedom mentality that forsakes those who sin against us.........because YOU never forsake us stupid sinful sheep. Break our hearts Father, for the sake of your Name.

In Christ Jesus Name.

laters,
jenb

Forgetting the Blessing of Blogging?

2009-05-15T06:16:00.000-07:00

So, I had a conversation last night with our small group leader about blogging......and I forget how helpful it is in getting my heart to the crux of the matter..........to aid in articulating thoughts and emotions so that I can discern what God might be doing.

Truth is, that I've been struggling with so much randomness that it's hard to narrow down to one topic. Some of it is just sorting through my current struggle to be a better wife. I want to be the homemaker....to have the home neat and in order always, and to be able to have time to cook and search out healthy recipes and etc. But the season I'm in doesn't really allow for that. I work my tail off at work, and keeping up with bills and budgeting, our social calendar and working out. The things that SEEM most critical. Then, I relax and/or read in my free time.
But, should there BE FREE TIME??
My sister in law is very admirable. She's the most organized woman I know. Her home is huge, and yet ALWAYS clean. She was over last weekend, and I just asked her some questions about how she does it with 3 small children.......she makes it sound so easy...but also tells me that she gets up at 6am and doesn't sit down until 9pm. dood.

The sermon last Sunday was about the Prov 31 woman....how she stays awake late into the night working, and yet rises before her household to prepare for the day.
HOW DOES THIS PROVERBS CHICK do it??
I know that if I'm training (working out) as hard as I have been, the studies I've read show that I NEED 8hours of sleep to help my body recoup. That means, bed by 10pm, up at 6am.

So where do I get this time that I need to devote to my home from?
Do I forsake spending time with people during the week to tend to chores and my household for the sake of my husband? Is THAT most honoring to my Father?
Is this what God asks of me as my PRIORITY??

I think so......though I'm not on the CONVICTION side of it yet.

That's HARD for me, because I love people so very much and would look for any reason to get out to spend time with them. (especially some who are a tremendous blessing - as we have REAL fellowship and a burden for the lost)

I've been fighting it a bit....though I had so looked forward to being a blessing to my husband......it's hard to be all things at once.

I will seek the Lord in this. He will supply all that I need to be what He requires and desires from me.

up out,
jenb

It is Finished

2009-04-10T11:23:00.000-07:00

No More My God, I boast no more
Of all the duties I have done
I quit the hopes I held before,
To trust the merits of Thy Son

No more my God
No more my God
No more my God
I boast no more

Now, for the loss I bear his name,
What was my gain I count my loss
My former pride I call my shame
And nail my glory to His cross

Yes, and I must, I will esteem
All things but loss for Jesus' sake
O may my soul be found in Him
And of His righteousness partake
Amen, amen

The best obedience of my hands
Dares not appear before Thy throne
But faith can answer Thy demands
By pleading what my Lord has done

********************

Forget Self-esteem

2009-04-03T06:58:00.000-07:00

If you are one of the many people who struggle with 'old english' style writing from the puritans John Owen and Jonathan Edwards....I highly recommend the book 'The Enemy Within"

My husband and I are reading it currently, and it's filled with texts that cut to the heart.......as God's word was intended to. You have to get low to get high, as Christ will lift you up.

"He who is bowed down is speedily released."
"God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble."

Admitting our own 'good deeds' as being mostly self serving will heat up the luke warm, coasting style love for others into what we are truly called to.
I mean that 'love' that is offered in place of the sacrifical love that is required of us, that pours out of a broken hearted love for what Jesus has done for such pathetic wretches.

Kris Lundgaard wrote the book.......using today's terminology and up to date examples to hit us where we need it most - the heart.
I don't have much time to go into it, but the one piece that is sticking with me today is what he said about how loves differ. (I forget the exact quote but it was something like this)

"Buying a birthday gift for a friend is a bit like 'choking down' a double fudge brownie sundae, but letting a homeless person sleep in our homeis more like eating gravel."

This thought pricks my heart in that area that I guard and call 'wisdom' .......love and compassion and the law is summed up by this - that you love your neighbor as yourself.

How disturbing this should be for those who are 'in the church' who find it hard to EVEN love those who love them.....yikes..........How is love for enemies ever to manifest itself -if the basic love for brothers and sisters isn't there? (total sidenote.....see 1 John, as this isn't possible....)

May God get us out of our worship of self and comfort and ease and give us devotion to Him that can affect hearts for eternity.

Love in Truth,
jen2

Long Time, No Post.

2009-03-26T07:19:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what to make of the place I'm in lately.
I'm really happy........and really ready for whatever is next.......and I can't sit still.

Things are going well, a little too well.........
This may sound crazy, but it seems like without trials we (humans) get a bit too comfortable with this life......

So, speaking of comfortable - today marks the first day that I've heard gun shots fired outside my home. God didn't even let my pulse raise......I know that this is WHY we're here.
I called 911 to report it, as it sounded like it was in my backyard.....and then text my husband to let him know. 6:18am; Seems to be the time when the night crawlers get ready to head to bed.
(my husband lovingly reminded me who controls bullets, though I was already peaced out about it :)

If you don't know or haven't heard, we bought a home in North Minneapolis, and have recently started to pursue membership at a local congregation here; The people in this congregation have a tremendous love and drive to reach the gang members and drug dealers, pimps and prostitutes in the area. They even just recently did an outreach last Sunday and spoke with about 48 gangsters...sharing the need to turn from sin and be reconciled to God before God pulls their card. My husband is involved in the ministry to the poor in the community via the food donations distribution, but is hoping to get involved on the front lines with the gang bangers.

As of right now, I try not to think about what could happen if he goes onto gang turf at night and meets some gangster who has a gun and doesn't want to hear the gospel. "What would I do without my husband?" comes into my mind often.....but the fear that gets stirred up is destroyed by the truth very quickly by God's grace.

These people are killing each other, many are within weeks/months of standing before a Holy God. I fear for them much more than for my husband, who soul was ransomed by God over 10 years ago. What a legacy he would leave, loving those who hate him, risking his life to tell them of the good news that God has every right to send us to hell, but has made a way of escape.

Jesus

My prayer now is that my husband would be ever more distracted by eternal things.......seeing thugs as eternal beings, in need of mercy, just like the rest of us. My co-workers and friends and family are no different....their sin is just different. Jesus said that Lust is the same as Adultery, and Hatred is the same as Murder......that the sin of the heart is what God sees, and our OWN consciences will accuse us on judgment day. We know we do wrong, but we shhh our conscience ....just like taking the battery out of the smoke detector, so that it quits annoying us.

Today is the day. God said that the first time Jesus came, he came NOT to condemn the world but to save it. NEXT time he comes however, he will be angry with those who have spurned the blood of the covenant, either by believing that they can EARN his favor, or by their rejecting His provision of the substitutionary bleeder.

"The best obedience of my hands,
Dares not appear before Thy throne.
But Faith can lift, Thy demands,
By pleading what my Lord has done."

Boasting and hoping ONLY in the cross of my Savior,
jen2

When the Love of a Sinner reflects their Savior.........

2009-01-22T09:06:00.000-08:00

I feel so foolish so often.....seeing my behavior not line up with the truth that I subscribe to.
One of my good friends described being appalled by her own behavior as somehow being outside of herself watching herself speak cruel words to her husband and thinking "wow, you're really mean"

The need for self reflection time was provoked by a dear sister from my former church who said quite bluntly "your sin looks so very wicked when committed by someone else"

owie.

If I was a girl who knew me......who saw how blessed I was to have the husband I have, I'd feel the weight of the scripture MORE I think. SAD. What applies to how a woman is to love and respect her husband in the hard times? AND what am I believing about my FATHER's giving me to such a man?

All in all, my husband is a man who strives......he has come to rescue me from my pathetic self too many times to count when I've been trapped inside my own mind by lies that threaten to define my reality and destroy my marriage.

I don't deserve him.
Him, who is not perfect either....who has his own struggles......continues to lay aside his own concerns and hopes to come and get low with me in my muck.
My heart melts every time by the sincere love in his voice......he reflects Jesus much more than I ever give him credit for.

So, we're studying Hosea for my bible study...his character, his life's purpose.....and I see my husband's role in my life..............and his. He is getting a better understanding of what it is like to love an imperfect bride, what God's love is REALLY like for his church......the height and depth and breadth......and I'm learning how humbling it really is to be loved by such a one.

Covenant love is such a peculiar thing.

I have some issue, some idolatry of some expectation of some sort that is not met....and I give myself over to my idolatry ....by being so hurt and so discontent that my marriage isn't this or that, and in a BIG way reflect the harlotry of Gomer.......she continues to run from a man who loves her....and her husband goes to find her, in the midst of her worldly pursuits (her prostitution) and he brings her back to himself.

This is the love of the Father......the love of His Son for his Bride, the church.
"Never will I leave you nor forsake you."

Ramble ramble.
I love him......Christ Jesus. and I love seeing him in my dear husband, Brent.
To God be the glory in his church.

up out,

Publish Post

jen2

Seeking the Lost to Win.....

2009-01-07T13:23:00.000-08:00

Wellp.

Here I am......getting mocked again. :)
I'm pretty sure that God moves me around into different positions and etc for two reasons, one: to sanctify me by making clear just how rebellious and wicked my heart is so that he can change me and two: the LOST sheep are here somewhere. (always)

I'm not thinking on the human idea of "Success" as being only when people come to trust in Christ.........but the questions being more like -
Did I represent Him well? Was I faithful? Was I a coward?
Did I count Christ as my treasure ABOVE the praises of people, ABOVE my job security?
That is where the battle is for us and it sometimes discourages me when I hear people saying that they guard what they say at work and call it "wisdom"

Back in 2000, I worked for UsBank as a lender.......the security guard OVERHEARD a conversation about Jesus that I had with a client and went to my supervisor and said she was offended. So, I got written up for it.
Shortly after that, another situation....this time with a professing believer co-worker of mine, one whom I had had fellowship with, but was a bit skeptical of her conversion.......my doubt was semi-confirmed when she begun dating a muslim man and having him sleep over in her bed with her 3 small children home. He moved in with her and though I was a baby Christian, I knew the word well enough to know that that was 'off'. I wrote her a letter from the grief of my heart and mailed it to her home. (knowing that it wasn't something to discuss at work, as it was pretty sensitive stuff) Well, she brought it to work, and though it was worded in the most kind way........she was so ANGRY with me and gave it to my supervisor.....and then I was written up again. (now I know that I could have pursued the bank and required a transfer due to freedom of speech laws, but then, I was just worn out from it all....so I quit a couple months later)
The moral of this story.......I didn't fire back insults at her.....but told her that I cared which resulted in her cursing me out and that was that.

The SAME SUN that melts the ice - hardened the clay.
The same truth will affect different hearts - differently. To some we are a fearful smell of death and judgement.....to others, a life giving perfume.

To M&I bank I went.....in 2003.
Enter, banker training, sit in the front row to minimize my distractions.....and 1 minute before class starts, a nice young man walks in and sits in the seat next to me. He has NO idea what he's in for. Lunch break after lunch break that entire week, we discussed the things of the Lord, and he had questions like no one I'd ever talked to before.....
I shared ONLY the law with him, because he didn't see the NEED for a Savior.......also, I gave him a disciple CD (GREAT God fearing band) and invited him to the concert that was that weekend. They shared the gospel and he repented in tears.....the fruit that came from that brother immediately was like nothing I'd ever seen before.....and though he struggles like all of us, he continues to bear fruit today.

To North Star Resource Group as an executive assistant to a very difficult couple of men.
The Lord put me there for a few reasons I think.....one, to quiet me down, to slow me down in my responses to people who deal harshly....because it was a very harsh and arrogant environment where people who are higher up look at you as though you're nothing but the one who washes their toilet. (which is GOOD for someone who wants to take on the character and form of a servant)
Anycrux, I met a guy there, who was a good friend of mine......but who mocked me and scoffed at my faith and my thoughts of sin - which was especially hard, because this person knew me very very well and SAW my sin.....some of the worst of me.....and for the longest time, I thought my testimony was destroyed and he'd never see Jesus if he was looking at me in the filth of my sin.
(I actually lost my patience with him a number of times - so not cool)
Moral of that story - I learned that Christ is MIGHTY to save - that guy came to know Christ about a year or so later, and he called me up and asked me to lunch....where he apologized for mocking me and said that he understood now the severity of sin and told me that he had been saved by grace. God used me despite.....me. I could weep just thinking about that.

Fast forward to today.........I work at a small credit union.....
I LOVE my co-workers as if they were my own family......there are 14 or so of us....the president is a wonderful God fearing man who prays for his employees often. The two guys in my dept are like brothers to me......I feel like I've known them forever......and it's like a repeat of my experiences to see them mock and scoff at God, the same ways that other NOW believers did.

Behold the Man upon a cross,

My sin upon His shoulders;

Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice

Call out among the scoffers.

It was my sin that held Him there

Until it was accomplished;

His dying breath has brought me life

I know that it is finished.

Sigh. I am not offended, but knowing the one who is offended, terrifies me for them if they do not take refuge in the one who gave them life.........
(please pray for these if you would)

let us never forget that our purpose in life is NOT to have a purpose in THIS life.
Let goods and kindred go - this mortal life also, the body they may kill, God's truth abideth still.
HIS KINGDOM IS FOREVER!!!

Those around you are eternal beings......they will go to one of two places.......and if we are not faithful to tell them that the King is returning for His faithful - we are cruel indeed.

Ez 33:1
"The word of the LORD came to me: "Son of man, speak to your countrymen and say to them: 'When I bring the sword against a land, and the people of the land choose one of their men and make him their watchman, and he sees the sword coming against the land and blows the trumpet to warn the people, then if anyone hears the trumpet but does not take warning and the sword comes and takes his life, his blood will be on his own head. Since he heard the sound of the trumpet but did not take warning, his blood will be on his own head. If he had taken warning, he would have saved himself. But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people and the sword comes and takes the life of one of them, that man will be taken away because of his sin, but I will hold the watchman accountable for his blood.'"

For the sake of the Name,
jennifer

Faith and Prayer

2008-12-16T11:31:00.000-08:00

Has anyone ever asked you for prayer - and yet they ask with an air that there is no hope ??
I only noticed this recently, because the people who I pray with and for lately have a true heart that God is going to provide for us what we ask in His Name.

I LOVE this! The faith to trust His reply is so precious and I've personally had some huge answers to prayer lately..........

I hope to grow much in the area of asking with the faith of a child.

Peace to you in Christ ~

jb

Conversations with a .....gulp.... Calvinist

2008-11-18T19:59:00.000-08:00

Before you assume that you are not Calvinistic in your doctrine., I would ask you what do you do when your child dies?

I say this, not to provoke sympathy, since I know my God reigns......I only ask to see where our doctrine comes into play?

One sunny fall evening after church at Bethlehem, and after wrestling for a few months about a guy that I had been dating - who was a phenomenal man, a wonderful brother in Christ, who happened to have a strong belief in keeping faith simple and believed that free will was the only explanation to evil in this world.

But, if I remember right, Jesus COMMANDED the demons who possessed people and they OBEYED the living God. Natural evil like weather - "who is this that the wind and the waves OBEY him???"

Anycrux, yeah, I was wrestling - because why date someone if you can't marry them ?

So.....back to the story....after church service, Pastor Piper always invites people forward if they should need to pray. I felt like I couldn't resolve this, and so I got in line.

He is the most kind man I've ever met......the depth of love for the flock in this pastor's eyes is what I will never forget.....I FELT like a sheep!

I explained my dilemma about dating a Godly, yet doctrinally different fellow - and his counsel was so straight forward and so ambiguous that I felt comforted and knew what to do, but he didn't tell me explicitly......

odd?

yep

I broke it off with the guy......(and by God's grace married the wonderful man who is pretty much IDENTICALLY minded - scripture and values wise - what a blessing!)

What was the counsel from my pastor?

That I consider 2 things:

1) That the true believers talk very much like calvinists when trials come........

2) To consider if I could submit to a man as the head of the house with the strong conviction that I had of the things I see in the Word.

I didn't get what he was saying about the 'true believers talk like calvinists thing' till one day I met a dear sister in Christ for coffee. She is a true believer if I've ever met one.....we have the same heart beat for Jesus practically. (one of those kind of solid where you KNOW and feel the other persons affections for God)

Anyhow, she is an arminian, not because she calls herself one, she just doesn't accept that God is ALL Sovereign and ALL powerful. She main argument is that "God could, but doesn't control every little detail, because then he would be to blame for evil and he is not the author of evil"

I can see her desire to get God off the hook, but God doesn't take Himself off the hook.

The talking like a calvinist thing comes into play when she expressed to me, in tears, how she was doing spiritually. She was praying that God would let her glorify Him and obey Him with a cheerful heart at work, but she was not able to do so.

So, from my calvinistic view of God's Sovereignty over ALL things, including my friend's ability to OBEY God.......I offered up a few suggestions for her consideration:

God lets his children go on a skid....for their own good, the source of humility is evangelical humiliation....ie...true repentance. Since, if you do not fail from time to time, you could be in danger of living on your own righteousness and not trusting in Christ as your only hope......as Edwards would say "glistering in your own eyes and thinking that God is impressed with you too" a deadly pharisee way to think.....God Almighty knows you better than you know yourself - and he knows how to keep you until the day of Salvation.......if "He needs to give you cancer, he'll give you cancer." Since God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble, let us not scoff at those things which come into our lives which are humbling. No obedience, no faith, no devotion, NO GOOD ever comes from man, but only from God.....that no human being may boast in His sight.

Soooo many texts to put up for this point I'm trying to make.........

but it is very late.....

I'll proof read, edit and add all the texts floating around in my little mind tomorrow.

nighty night!

jen

Why do some Repent - Part I

2008-10-28T09:57:00.000-07:00

So many confusions of categories in the faith.
Did God ordain who's going where?

Um, yeah.

Is a person responsible for what they do and morally culpable?

YEP.

What the?

Why are non-believers struggling LESS with this thought than believers is beyond me. I struggled with it hard core. Hated it even.......until I submitted to the word of God.

The whole issue needs to begin and end with Scripture, not our human understanding. Taking to heart the words "lean NOT on your own understanding" is sooo critical to getting to the crux of the matter of faith in a Sovereign God.

The text that cannot be skated around AND no matter how you slice it, or dissect it in Greek, is Romans 9:10 & f.
"Not only that, but Rebekah's children had one and the same father, our father Isaac.
Yet, before the twins were born or had done anything good or bad—in order that God's purpose in election might stand: 12not by works but by him who calls—she was told, "The older will serve the younger." Just as it is written: "Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated."

What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! For he says to Moses,
"I will have mercy on whom I have mercy,
and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion."

It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh: "I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.

One of you will say to me: "Then why does God still blame us? For who resists his will?" But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' " Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?

What if God, choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath—prepared for destruction? What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of his mercy, whom he prepared in advance for glory— even us, whom he also called, not only from the Jews but also from the Gentiles? As he says in Hosea:
"I will call them 'my people' who are not my people;
and I will call her 'my loved one' who is not my loved one," and,
"It will happen that in the very place where it was said to them,
'You are not my people,'
they will be called 'sons of the living God.' "

Isaiah cries out concerning Israel:
"Though the number of the Israelites be like the sand by the sea,
only the remnant will be saved.
For the Lord will carry out
his sentence on earth with speed and finality."

It is just as Isaiah said previously:
"Unless the Lord Almighty
had left us descendants,
we would have become like Sodom,
we would have been like Gomorrah."

I don't really feel the need to highlight the parts that SCREAM out God's choosing who will not be hardened against Him. To my dear Arminian brothers and sisters (whom I know are God's)
what then do we do with this verse?

In Christ,
jen

The Great Exchange

2008-10-23T19:55:00.001-07:00

In a conversation with a brother in the Lord recently....he said something pretty blunt about Facebook.....he hates it.

And though I enjoy seeing my friends photos and what they are up to and chatting via msgs that way........I see his point....his main point.

That facebook and especially it's ever more VAIN counterpart Myspace.....are "all about me"......well, isn't that just the easiest thing to sell to America.

"The land of the ME" is more like it.

I'm seeing it everywhere.....testing - in everything I do. Sure, I won't be dropping off facebook anytime soon perhaps........but you know.....I think we have to ask ourselves.....in all of life.....our words, our workout, our relationships - what is our ultimate goal with it? Is it God honoring and others focused? Do we use it as a means of blessing others or do we simply use it to bolster up that stupid soul of ours with vain pretenses that we are humble and yet desire to be envied?

ack.......

Seriously, if I see myspace ever again, i might have to yak. The girls trying SO hard to be sexy and lusty.....it's just so sad. They want love and use this sensual draw card (which is sad enough) to attract loser guys who only think about ONE thing...who use "love claims" to get what they want. And the cycle continues. I've been removed from the world for so long that I had forgotten the system....

Anycrux, The problem sadly, isn't JUST the world.....the draw of living 'empowered lives' is pulling sheep in. (real sheep ? that's debatable) *** by 'empowered lives' I mean girls who use their attractiveness as a means of getting what they want.

The worship of self is SO denied by those of us in the church, let alone unbelievers.

Though today while looking for a new workout video, I stumbled across a website of a girl named Jennifer Nicole Lee (brothers, beware and take heed to my warning not to go there if you be loyal to Christ)

This chick goes on and on for oh, 10 minutes about self love being the most powerful love there is and she FLAT out says "we women, should be worshipped"

I was like.......WHAT !!?

I know women who act that way, but NEVER had I ever actually heard anyone say that.....out. loud.

All in all, she uses "happiness" and "empowerment" as draw cards fpr her religion - self worship. DOOD. what is this girl gonna do as she ages. She is human, she is an eternal soul in a body of dust.....she will face THE God to whom she will have to give an account of all of her demands for worship, all of the sin in men's hearts that SHE caused........idol words.....yikes..

Romans 1:25

"They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshipped and served the things created rather than the Creator, who is forever praised."

This all comes together......hang in there with me.

ALL of life is a battle against loving self more than God. Believers too....actually, we're probably the ONLY ones engaged in a battle against self love. Paul Tripp wrote a book called the War of Words, which my husband has been tremendously blessed by and has been sharing HUGE heart themes with me that have caused me some internal turmoil. (in a good way)

Paul quotes James 4 in the book........and I would tend to agree (knowing my own sinful heart) that our own desires - which are self focused - cause our external sin....words, actions etc.

So that if I'm driving down the road and someone cuts me off and I'm upset.......it's because in my world - they should know that I HATE that and not do it.

(As my dad used to say "the world REVOLVES around me")

Completely wicked.

Our communication issues, our butt hurt - all of it is not the OTHER person.....or the circumstances.....it is our own self focused "ME first and you better not get in the way of what I want or ELSE there will be consequences" mentality. It's absolutely sneaky, and it's absolutely in the hearts of all men and women.

Look for it in your heart.....watch where your feelings get hurt....it is self love.

Because love for others - "covers an offense" and "overlooks wrong" and "rejoices in the truth"

Watch where you get frustrated with people you don't know

(Paul Tripp used the example) - "I want to drive down a road alone that other citizens paid for"

Or at work....thinking you're so great that everyone should admire you....but what do you have, that you did not receive from the Father?......including gifts, intellect, ability, comprehension, health - that you are even ABLE to work?

Christ is to live in us, and for that to happen we must be crucified, and reckon ourselves dead to sin.

CrossMovement said it best when they said

" My Self will lie, in a coffin, often, self does try,

to let greed creep in and be like "just get by"

That's a lie though, cuz I dive LOW to get high oh~

Cuz he lift me up like hydro - EASY."

That Christ may be all in all.

jen2

ramble ramble.....

Haha.......well, where else you gonna find a quote from a Christian author, a fitness model, and Cross movement? :)

Trembling words

2008-10-15T20:59:00.000-07:00

So, I can't sleep.....

I started writing this at 11pm Wednesday night...who knows when it'll get done....but I cannot get these thoughts out of my head lately.

My husband has been reading a book called The War of Words by Paul Tripp.....with much profit.

He shares the truth from the texts brought up in that book with me just as a "hey, I'm learning this" type thing.....but the effects are much more potent than he realizes.

The power of the tongue is huge..and I see the negative side so much more clearly lately that i have less and less to say......mostly because of the deadly poison I see coming out of my own mouth. Talking of things that I should not, and rude and self seeking words to my husband when he's trying to talk rationally with me. My heart is just broken. I have nothing to say for myself....and the questions that come lately (if I don't try to numb them away) are something like "am I really a believer?"

To fail this much in my heart and to claim that it is regenerate seems peculiar. I almost don't even like people talking to me as if I AM a believer.....because I am not yet convinced that I am.

But lo and behold, by the mercy and kindness of God....my younger brother, saved just 5 months after I was 8 years ago, is going through a very similar stage of the faith.

It seems as though God is kicking me out of the nest a bit by removing some of His enabling graces to do and think and rejoice in righteousness....sort of giving me a glimpse of what I am without Him.....I tend to agree with my brother - that one of the main reasons that God lets believers fail is to remind them that their righteousness is an alien righteousness. Sure, we wear it, it is our only hope, but it has never been OF US. All that comes from us is hate and greed and self exaltation and wickedness.

I also think that the Father does this to me so that I would read the promises such as "you will find me when you seek me jennifer, if you seek me with your whole heart"

with great encouragement.

No more crying as loud as I can until daddy comes and pick me up and scolds the ones who were picking on me. It's time to grow up a bit, to let my roots go deep down in the soil of the word that I would not be blown over by these trials of this temporary life.

DOING the word is much much much different than I thought. I love to learn doctrine and I think that it is very necessary....VERY.......it is a foundation to acting rightly, since how can you have discernment of right and wrong - based on nothing?

sigh. that's a whole other blog topic for you doctrine haters out there.....I hope to convince you that knowledge is precious......but MORE than that - to convince those who are too knowledgeable for their own good that DOING the word from the heart - with the love of Christ........is much more precious than knowing so much. Sadly, i have met many people that emphasis TOO much one point and belittle the other......they are either 'relationships' or 'doctrine' people. Agh.....enough rambling...I'm sleepy.

As my husband has taught me when we pray - trials? I welcome them, they are for my good, and though I am still weary.........I thank God for Jesus.

Grace for help in time of need, and mercy - sheer mercy to not be crushed for our sin like we deserve.

Here we go. Year 8.

By His grace I've come thus far, and by grace alone, i will get home.

In Christ Jesus,

jen2

The latest trial

2008-10-01T06:23:00.000-07:00

So I'm getting crammed into this place where the Lord is definitely trying to give me understanding in something. Though it seems ambiguous yet.....and that is very hard for me.
I've been through this before, where I have ways about me, or attitudes of heart and I have an idea that they are not in line with God's word, but a text will not cut my heart to release the pressure that has been building up for sometime. I long to know what it is that I need to repent of, but it is just out of reach for now......

and so I wait.
and watch.
and listen.

Perhaps this sounds nuts, but I've been here before......the numbness of life and the stagnancy of my heart just cause me to read the word more to find out what it is that is lacking in my thinking - because I'm lacking the right affections. (hatred for sin, love for God that is overflowing and love for my family in the Lord)

So odd.....so normal. If you're there too, hang with me and watch...
Waiting for my deliverer........He will come as surely as the spring rains that water the earth,
jen2

A need for repentance ~

2008-09-28T20:34:00.000-07:00

I spent the day alone today.....as my husband was out fishing with a dear brother in the Lord.....
Normally I love being alone..and have great joy in the Lord and through His word am encouraged.....but not today.
Today was one of those days of shutting up with no excuses to offer the Lord for my behavior or for my attitudes.....just nothing.
I live blocks away from the place where my church held the national Desiring God conference, but since my husband and I have a bid on a house....we were not able to afford to go this year......but thanks to one of the FEW righteous uses of the internet and DG, the sermons were posted so that we could listen to the preaching just hours after it was recorded live.

The sermon I posted earlier pierced me.....and it hurts still and I don't believe it will go away any time soon. The rebukes that came from pastor Mark Driscoll were so dead on and I continued in shock as I went about my day -almost as a zombie to the world. The rubukes came in just the right tone at just the right time, by God's grace.....
I've been wrestling with wanting to be a more compassionate person.....to be more "winsome' as some of my anonymous critics have said........wondering how can it be possible to not mince God's words - but to speak with love AND truth?
On top of that I had been just caught up with cares of this life......(and his rebuke to women who just indulge in comforts and pleasures and possessions and sit around doing nothing and expecting everything to be done for them was a great warning)

Back to using words wisely............words that cut and offend....... The crux of the matter that I've come to ......is that if I use the sword correctly, people will and should get cut. Better to be injured in pride and ego now and saved through the pain, than to be coddled now and go to hell. Pastor Driscoll mentioned that in some seminaries people are being told to sugar coat their preaching so they don't offend or get hurt......to which he replied "well, yeah, the guy who wrote the bible was murdered, I'm pretty sure we know how this is going to go down."

So, I asked myself if I am willing to love, to tell the truth and to be hated without cause - can I rejoice?
I repent of my passivity for the sake of gaining acceptance......of my silence amongst those whom I love in Christ, lest I should speak up and not be invited to spend time with them again. What is this fear of men?

Truth is precious....and God's word cuts deep........
Lord give us grace to yield to your word. Without you we cannot....we will remain foolish and self seeking.

I have yet to develop thoughts on this............as I am in the midst of dealing with a situation that involves someone whom I've told the truth......a person whom I love in Christ.......but this person seems emotionally driven..(and i KNOW all too well the workings of lies on one's emotions)...and does not like to hear truth....I believe that they would rather just sit and wallow in their sinful pity party and shaking their fist at God than to see what God says about their situation / attitude and what His mind and heart say about the trials that they are facing.
It is a dangerous thing to have a hard heart. I've dealt with others who've gone down the path of no repentance and emotionalism who say that I've been a bad friend because I tell them the truth. Though I talk to them with love and sincerity, sometimes with tears; My heart is completely engaged in seeking their good. But they do not want to 'get preached at' but would rather I sit and listen to them spew out things contrary to scripture. That is their definition of a 'good friend'
Now surely, a good friend loves at all times.....but better are wounds from a friend than kisses from an enemy.
A true friend does not want to see their friends held captive in the lies of satan or the cares of this life.......a real friend wants to remind their friend of their freedom....of their Father.....of their Highest hope.
I do not know where this will end, and I pray with sorrow and hope.

May God bring us all back to REAL fellowship where we listen and encourage and rebuke and admonish one another freely - with love and boldness that we may be sanctified.

In Christ Jesus,
jennifer

Bluntness IS loving in a postmodern world......

2008-09-27T18:05:00.001-07:00

Thank God for thoughts from pastor Mark Driscoll.....

If you profess to know Christ, and you say you believe the bible.......I dare you to listen to this sermon.

I've gotten lost a bit in the grey area.........in our culture to be accused of being "harsh" and to be known as the blunt one.....I'm coming back to who God has designed US all to be....if we really belong to Christ .....(I agree with Driscoll)

We are to love the sheep, rebuke the swine (those who claim to be sheep but their fruit is COMPLETELY contrary) and shoot the wolves......(heretics who pervert the truth of the gospel)

Starting October 2008......or....right now........heaven and hell at stake everyday....I'm going to be delicate...but intense.

http://www.desiringgod.org/resourcelibrary/conferencemessages/byconference/41/

click on MARK DRISCOLL'S MESSAGE........

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/ConferenceMessages/ByConference/41/

(click on Mark Driscolls message)

A Heart to Obey is at the Broken Heart of Every Believer

2008-09-03T08:31:00.000-07:00

Deep down anyway. Sometimes we weak-in-the-knees, easily-distracted-by-shiny-things -type people need to be reminded of our first love and what He desires from us.

The mercy of God becomes dim and unexciting and unamazing at times for all of us if we let the world (and Oprah) distract us and believe their lies about what is important.
Self seeks to elevate itself above everything. The bluntness of my last post I need to admit, is due to seeing deception in the heart of another - knowing that I WAS IN THE MIDST OF BEING DECEIVED by the same thing - and then being terrified.
It was so incredibly subtle how I was trying to excuse myself from obeying the Lord.
'But, but, but....' was my line of the month.

Recently, my husband and I were at a meeting with the sweetest lady from my church and her husband, they are probably 30-40 years older than me, and the wife had gone through some pretty long-term deception herself. She's been married for about 45 years or so ......and I was super interested in her insights into long term covenant keeping with a fellow sinner.
She told me of a time when she was deceived/distracted from God by her emotions. She was legally separated from her husband after 18-20 years of what she and HE describe as a miserable marriage. Somehow (I'm not sure exactly) her heart began to break before the Lord's words (commands) of what He had done for her (in taking the penalty of the wrath of God) and what he commanded of her as his child. She went back to live with him after 2 years apart, as hard as it was living with a man like him, she hoped to love as Christ loves us.
She and her husband sat across from my husband and he nearly wept as he spoke of how selfish a man he was and how he hurt his wife by being distant and not caring for her as Christ would have had him. But they are a tremendous testimony to the Covenant keeping blessing of marriage that God has given us to show unbelievers by our lives how God keeps his promises - because His children do too......even if it costs us our comforts, our pleasures - even our lives.

I sat stunned. I have felt like this is whole "dying to self" was just too far beyond me that I was unable to do it.

That encouraging story came into my life shortly after a woman in my bible study (let's call her 'Mary') had shared her testimony of God's amazing grace in her marriage. She had been married 16 years and with sorrow on her face for her disbelief in God - she pulled no punches saying "I was in sin, I hated my husband and I felt like there was no hope"

But the Lord did as he had done with the lady I mentioned before....He opened up the word to 'Mary' - not showing her what her husband was doing wrong, but what SHE was doing that was disobedient, and something in her broke.
She sought prayer from other sisters and counsel on how to RENEW her mind......since she was convinced that it doesn't just "happen" by reading a verse here and there and enjoy a light and frothy Christian song once in awhile.....but by a conscious effort to change a sinful habit. (her sin was her responses to her husband in pretty much everything)
Doing what God requires of us starts is tremendously different than I thought - with blessings to my soul that are beyond my wildest dreams.
It starts with our thinking rightly about our own sin as BEFORE the Lord....since what others do to us will be irrelevant when we go to the judgement.

There will be NO "But he did..."
God will say to me, "That is not your concern, What did YOU do in response to being treated unfairly Jennifer"

Anyhow, back to the story....'Mary' was determined to obey God and seek first His Kingdom....to get into a right relationship with God, you cannot ignore your sin.
So, first thing she did when her husband talked to her in a way that would have provoked her to snap back - was to remain silent. No reply is better than a wicked reply. She would go into the other room to pray to the Father to love her then enemy and keep her covenant.
After making a practice of not responding to his short attitude, she then started to go back into the room with a kind word to him. She laughed as she remembered how shocked he was when she not only didn't fire something back, but talked sweetly to him, in a way that showed love and a care for what he was talking about...trying to look past his attitude and sin - right into his heart.....to win him over by love that is not shaken.

She teared up as she spoke about how her husband is now her very best friend, and how week by week, month by month - he has been becoming more and more of a Godly man in his speech and conduct and has been in the word leading their marriage as God had commanded him.

Sisters, she is fulfilling God's design for us by being a helpmate for her husband, that he might become the man God wants him to be. (by our being the women that God wants us to be) God has blessed her 1000 times over in her marriage for her obedience and seeking to live rightly related to Jesus in righteousness.

"In your presence there is fullness of joy"

Anycrux,
THIS is the reason for my last post.
I'm desperate for Christ and I want to bear fruit that proves that I'm connected to the vine. That He would get the glory and I would get the joy from being rightly related to Him in all of the details of my life.

I want to change regardless of what my husband does. (though- Praise the LORD I have a wonderful man, who reflects Christ more and more every day.....I'm incredibly blessed to have a man who desires to change too)

In an effort to not be so harsh I ended up re-writing my reply to the comments on the last post. Knowing that I'm conversing with people NOT just thought patterns has been helpful to consider.

Please, no more 'anonymous' or 'nameless' comments. If you disagree, be accountable for what you say too. (my friends rebuke me for things that are too harsh, and I am thankful for their insights)

With love from above,
jen2

Taste....see......and Fear

2008-08-27T11:06:00.000-07:00

1 Peter 2:1-3
"So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation— if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good.

So I've only been married for 10 short months....and one of most sorrowful blessings I've received has been hearing of the failings of the marriages of friends of mine...or the falling away from the faith of professing believers that I've known since my conversion in 2000.

Having been present at some of the weddings adds something to the grief I think.....but those who have had the blessed meditations on the covenant keeping love of Christ Jesus will feel a pang hearing of professing believers getting divorced even if we've never known them personally.

Those who know me will hopefully forgive my bluntness.....but divorce is not a gray area whatsoever. The scripture (not your shrink) says that the only reason that it IS biblical (though still not the ideal) is in the case of adultery. And honestly, I'm sick of hearing women say "he was having an affair with his work, he loved it more than me" blah blah rotten blah.

Then there are those who will dare to go toe to toe with scripture and say "well, what if he's physically abusive to her and his children!!!"

Um...she should not remain in the same household, certainly not. And a redemptive separation may be the action taken, but not divorce friends. Please stop elevating human reason over the Word of God. Be there for our sisters who go through such things, but dare them to love their enemies as Jesus loved us wicked ones.
Even in the cases of adultery, the Lord gives us a picture of His covenant keeping love by loving an adultress / idolatrous nation - see Hosea....showing us what it means to keep a sacred vow.
The light and breezy marriage talk has no place among believers. And though marriage is not without it's difficulties, you can endure it. The Lord will never give you more than you can endure. If God is truly your Father, you have indeed been CALLED to suffer while doing good.

1 Peter 2:20
"But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps."

All this is just on my heart lately, as a recently had a client in my office ...(on a day when I was struggling with how much work marriage is)
He had to move some things around because his wife of 5 months divorced him and left him with nothing. He said she was a believer......and that he was just baffled that she had no desire to work on the marriage and was oblivious to her own faults from the day she walked down the aisle. Refusing to go to counseling, she left feeling as though he was just a mistake.
This guy said to me something that just encouraged me and made me so very thankful.
He said "everyday that you are married to a spouse who has not quit trying to be better is a day to be very thankful for.....a willing heart to grow in an imperfect person is a miracle."

A miracle - truly.....only the regenerate can go day in and day out being convicted, needing to apologize, seeking forgiveness and HAVING the supernatural strength to say "whether my spouse changes/loves me/fill in the blank - or not, I will obey the Lord and seek their good"

Today is the day to start again....as long as you have another breath, let thankfulness to God come out that you still have opportunity to keep your vows to Him......and to live out your love for Him by obeying Him in your marriage.

Today is a good day.......I'm pretty fortunate as I think back. I almost married a make-believer.....but God graciously let that relationship die....and sadly, the Lord gave him over to his sin, and led me to the man of my dreams just 3 months later.

I fear being given over to my hard heart every day. Not quite enough....but it's there.....and if you think about those who CONVINCED us that they were our kindred and were no where near regenerate......you might find yourself crying out more often for mercy and faith.

May God break our hearts, our bodies - whatever it takes to keep us near Him.
And give us grace and peace in His presence - whatever comes.
In Jesus Name,
Amen.

love and bluntness, because I can't help it,
jen2

When sin becomes bitter, Mercy becomes sweet

2008-06-05T06:41:00.000-07:00

So, though ambiguous, it's pretty plain that I have not had the ease of the fairytale marriage right off the bat. I've had better than a fairy tale. In fairy tales, the women are always portrayed as lovely and the "damsel in distress" - when that is SO not the case in real life.
Women do not sleep in evening gowns, nor wake up smiling with sweet breath and perfect red lipstick on only to rush to the window to sing and have the birds come and sit by, just to listen to her voice that's like an angel.

If fairy tales were a reality series - it'd be more like.............
well, her name would be Sin-derella for starters......and she would probably have a princess complex and demand that the man who saves the day also do 1/2 the housework.....she may even want to kick a bird or a puppy every now and again. We are sinful women and men who are the bride of Christ. Self-seeking......arrogant, demanding and hate authority by nature.
And if the knight in shining armor was portrayed in truth - IE......our King of Kings and not some fruity prince who is befuddled by the vain external beauty of the damsel........what a picture!!
Some sinful wretch cast aside, not in an elegant tower, but in a prison, like on death row....she has committed treason against this King of Kings and served the master called SIN............this damsel who is broken and knows her worthlessness....knows that she deserves the death penalty for her crimes against heaven. She would be unable to find an attorney even.....the evidence is stacked against her that no loophole could be found for her escape. She has no plea, no appeal, no hope.........

Then.....

This Sovereign King who rules the world, and everything in it, whom all authority on heaven and earth has been given.........who rules the world in righteousness and loves justice........
Comes to this one damsel who is weeping.....not because she got caught....but because she knows that the King is a merciful man and she is overwhelmed with grief for her crimes.....but the penalty remains. This King would compromise his throne if he just let her go free.
He calls the guards and whispers in one of their ears......and filled with love and compassion and the desire to uphold his Reputation as the Just, He plans to pay her fine Himself.
He will pay what justice demands himself and continue to Reign from the electric chair. As he is led into the chambers he is mocked and scorned by the other criminals, human judges and the law enforcement in their self righteousness.
But this is one of the most beautiful pictures of love the world has ever seen. The innocent and upright, perfect in justice, love and humility, the ruler of the universe who could condemn and be RIGHT in his judgment, instead endures the scorn for this unworthy sinner who has lived in ways that would make you think she HATED him.......All so that she could be free, and thus become His wife.

She looks upon him, almost in disbelief that THIS is reality. This is the love of God in Christ Jesus.

MY NAME IS GRAVEN ON HIS HANDS, MY NAME IS WRITTEN ON HIS HEART
I KNOW THAT WHILE IN HEAVEN HE STANDS, NO TONGUE CAN BID ME THENCE DEPART.

The reality and foundation that is Christ and His church worked out in two sinners who both desperately want to honor their Savior and reflect the attribute of his glory - sanctified love.

Sanctified love is more precious than gold - to know Christ's love for us and to know it through your own heart towards other people will rock your soul and leave you blessed and without words. well, for awhile anyways. :) then you blog about it. heh.

My husband is the dearest man I know......seeing him in Christ and not as someone above sin, but forgiven just like me has made our marriage sweeter than honey.....through trials and whatever over the last couple months, Christ has faithfully kept us......

Better than I could have ever imagined. No eye has seen no ear has heard what God has prepared for those who love him - indeed.

This precious song is in my heart today.............
Hope that you get time to get alone before this King to remember

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?

"Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God, I will still give thee aid;
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand.

"When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow,
For I will be with thee, thy trials to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

"When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace all-sufficient shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.

"The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake!"

AMEN
jen2

Self-less-ness

2008-05-21T09:16:00.000-07:00

Seriously, seeing a Christian living selfless is so rare that I had to blog about it..........I'm not saying that I'm good at it......nor that I do it with a right heart all the time (cuz sometimes, obligation isn't fun)
It's not that I am unhappy doing things for the people I love.....and I really WANT to do those things that cost me (time, exertion, money, whatever) sacrificial love type deal.
BUT then when the time comes, very few are able to do that in return. Grace happens....

Praise the Lord, there are some exceptions to this rule....my friend Huey. (minnesota mom)

I have been shocked recently by her willingness to rise early (very early) on a Saturday morning to help me with something that is pretty important to me..........(despite the fact that her sleep is pretty precious, as she has a young child) her contribution of time and using her gifts and resources ------- I still don't know what to think about it......except my afterthought of ..."wow"

Then, my other friend Ski, came over to my house to get me out for something to drink and a great conversation that I really needed..........all the while, I could sorta tell she was sleepy.....but she did it anyway.

So, I consider myself blessed to see such a friend...let alone 2 who are doing what I am struggling to do in seeking the joy and edification of others. My prayers to have those type of friends has been answered; Now, Lord willing, I will BE more and more one of those kind of friends.....ie - a more genuine Christian.

"Do nothing from rivalry or selfish ambition, but in humility consider others more significant than yourselves." phil 2:3

Jamie doesn't read my blog.....but Huey......God used you huge in my life the other day........and I did and consistently thank Him for you.

in Christ,
jen2

MYANMAR- easy to solve "who dunnit?"

2008-05-12T20:20:00.000-07:00

Tragedy by a Sovereignty who is jealous for His Name's sake.....

Many people in the 'christian' community deny the Holy wrath of God Almighty as displayed in the old testament because they wish to protect God's character..(his attribute of Mercy).........when His whole character - his HOLINESS is what needs NOT to be hidden from those of the world. (twas grace that taught my heart to fear - what?............................. Just Wrath) God is the same yesterday today and forever.....can I get an AMEN? :) heh...always wanted to type that.

It doesn't take long to search the scripture to find that the Lord God is a jealous God......he overthrows kingdoms and destroys peoples........and He is doing no one any wrong in taking back what he has given. Life.

I cut and pasted this news article online about Myanmar's religious culture and priorites:

"In 1999 they (they Myanmar military) regilded the spire of the Shwedagon Pagoda, which now glitters with 53 tons of gold and 4,341 diamonds on the crowning orb."

Forgive my frankness.........and perhaps some insensitivity........but it takes circumstances this tragic to find out what we REALLY believe about the God of the Bible.

So many rise to defend him and to say that Satan is the ultimate power in the universe and causes all these things.....but ahh........here's some texts that shed some light on the ultimate power in the universe:

Is 31:2

"And yet He is wise and brings disaster; he does not call back his words, but will arise against the house of evildoers and against the helpers of those who work iniquity."

Amos 3:6

"Is a trumpet blown in a city, and the people are not afraid? Does disaster come to a city unless the LORD has done it ? "

If you have a minute and doubt like Thomas the wrath of a Holy God.....please take a minute and go to biblegateway.com and search the word 'disaster'......the LORD is the one who's purposes are made known....whether he doesn't bring it or if he destroys many people.....it is a part of WHO HE IS.

WHICH is why we call it "being saved" John MacArthur gave a simple wonderful explanation

"People are pretty surprised to find out that they need to be saved BY God FROM God"

If you have never trembled before a Holy God.......take in the images from CNN.com on Myanmar and now China. Primarily Burmese devout Buddhists.....and remember......our idols are just different....perhaps they aren't made of gold.....but they're going down regardless.

"God the Son the only one, with a plan to redeem.

Stronger than the Army, Navy, Airforce and the Marines.

Elohim the A to Z and all that's in between,

the Supreme who could've let us fall - but he intervened.

So Hail the King, Priest and Prophet,

the inexhaustible topic,

the person of God you can peep with your optic."

- crossmovement

love in truth,

jen2

I'll edit tomorrow....I'm sleepy.

MORE on God's glory with a subordinate end of losing weight

2008-04-20T17:17:00.000-07:00

I have to say that I'm encouraged that I'm not alone. Thank you sisters for your notes and emails and comments ........and I've been thinking more about this......because food is a daily activity that God has deemed fit to keep me thinking on Him.......he's a creative creator isn't He....infinitely wise and all?

My latest thoughts are sort of ambiguous....but come from conversations from some friends and a husband who happen to be very .....'task oriented' people. (thank God for them, seriously, because without them this world would be chaos)

But when it comes to my heart before the Lord on this matter.....it's......not a 'list' anymore....to me it can't be........

In a recent discussion with my patient husband.....(because I am an external processor)

I discovered that the reason that I dislike strict weight loss / weight training regimens is because it takes the freedom out of it.....the joy and the reality of being utterly dependant on Christ for help moment by moment. For me, it is SO EXTREMELY freeing to know that I am no longer a SLAVE to sin to obey it's lusts, but that I am free to live for Christ.

I have the freedom to NOT obey my flesh. DUDE!

That............., just makes me want to skip. brb :)

Seriously though.....if you think about how you have the choice to disobey God, and think of all that He has done for your wicked self.....and then to look at an orange and be just dumbfounded by it's construction. (threads of juicy goodness if you look close enough) Or a banana.....I've heard someone talk about it as just genius and it's true. Comes in a wrapper that is bio degradable that also tells you when the fruit is ready to be eaten.....fits nicely into most human hands.

Compare that to trying to rejoice in God through eating riboflavin or maltodextrin!!

He's removed the wrath from our heads, freed us from the curse of the law and given us amazing foods that grow out of the ground to eat and be thankful and rejoice in the GIVER of all good things.

My skin is the only thing keeping me from going everywhere at once here..........legalism is dead.....God reigns and loves and provides.......

All I'm saying ....again....is that it's a GOD thing. Life is a GOD thing.....and changes and the unexpected happen....and learning to roll with the punches ...(to gain a disposition that loves righteousness and will choose it over sin at the drop of a hat) is my hearts GOAL.

My discussion with the dearest detailed friends of mine.....I've learned that they tend to be very routine in most things they do. Routine is good, don't get me wrong.....but there is a danger as Ozzie Chambers says when he speaks about our devotions. Quiet times are at certain times of day, for a certain extended amount of time, reading a certain amount of scripture, and praying in a methodical order.

Order is good, as my husband reminded me, but my point is that if we have our quiet time just to 'check off' on our list that we've accomplished it....BUT it has NOT made us more tender more lovingly obedient (joy) and more in love with Jesus, than WHAT IS THE POINT!!!???

none.

It gets dangerous when your quiet time is not quality time to meet with Jesus, it is your hour with your habit. Hence, relationships are spontaneous...and spring from love and desire.

Don't desire God ? I know a great book for you..........that may be where to start for some.

So, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do.....do all for the Glory of God.

My goal is God Himself, at any cost, my dear Lord.

May He be our peace.

Up out,

JB2

Whatever you Eat, and Whatever you drink, and Whatever you do, do ALL for the Glory of God.

2008-04-03T10:38:00.001-07:00

Lose Weight for the what??? The sake of my witness?
Now there's motivation!!!

I'm only posting about this due to the ever so cautious inquiries of sisters in the Lord in the last few months about how much weight I have lost in the last year.
I found it REALLY odd that no one ever asks me the HOW or the WHY questions.
(though I tell them anyway....cuz that's how i roll)
It seems that weight or looks, etc is a 'shallow' thing to talk about in the Christian circle because no one wants to be "that guy" (or girl) - you know...the 'vain one' who cares too much about the 'outside of the cup'

In December 2006, I found myself in this dilemma.........
On one hand, I was fine being the size I was, though, sure I felt that I could lose some weight......I just kept saying to myself "one day"
The war in my mind that went from being "geared up to do something about my weight"
TO
"Well, who cares - It's vain to think that I have to look like this or that"

The WHY ----- AKA the CRUX of the matter ~
That was the battle for 3-4 months.......more than anything because I KNEW without a doubt that the ways I was eating was not at all with the purpose to glorify God. Since as a baptist, we don't believe in transubstantiation......there is NO way that praying for my bacon cheeseburger or french fries was going to turn them into vegetables once they got past my taste buds!!! I felt like a hypocrite praying for God to "bless this food to my body" when I was eating low-nutrition - high fat / sugar foods.

BAM ~
Then, I read the text in Gal 5:22-23 and the last fruit jumped out at me.........
"self control"....the 9th fruit of the Spirit.
Food was on my mind often....as a reward for my doing something well, as a comfort for when I felt sad, as something to do to excite my chubby little heart when I felt bored......passively, controlling me.

The HOW ~

Simple 3 words that I saw come across my screen late one night in December 06'
Decide. Commit. Succeed.

Make a choice and make a plan to choose to be contented, but not stuffed......don't wait for the moments of decision to make the decision. Decide, "at this get together tonight, I will order a chicken breast" so that when you're there you look forward to it.
Then, you won't say, "well, maybe just tonight I'll let myself cheat"
(because - you will cheat every time if you are like me)

Don't take detours and don't excuse yourself from your commitments, let your YES be YES and your NO be NO. This is an integrity issue. Keep your word to yourself and to God in your commitment to what you eat, and what activities you commit to doing.

PRAY for help with the above- Ask the Lord to help you have integrity, ask Him to give you light and a sensitive conscience in this area as you walk into where you're having lunch even.
This is good, since we should be seeking His face always, and only then will we have joy that is not based on things that are passing away.

Set goals for activity levels, NOT for "pounds lost" and don't get on the scale every day.
I did turbo jam, and highly recommend it. You can find the first 5 workouts on ebay.....for
$8-20. I paid $75 back in 06 and it has been worth every penny. The workouts are super fun you can do it in your own home.....and the trainer says the right things at the right time to motivate you......haha, I guess I'm like pavlov's dog....cuz it works for me every time I know that it's COMING Up in the video. haha..

Set goals BASED ON eternal things - not for vain (empty) ambitions.......not to look better, although your husband will be pleased, surely, this is a subordinate end ;)

So now I guess, I'm hoping to connect with other sisters who have this same battle......
I'm determined to drop the last 15 stubborn pounds.......and I'm sort of blogging about it as a means of accountability for myself to not get flippant about it.........
The last few lbs as the first 35 were a bi-end to my seeking to honor the Lord and walk uprightly in things as menial as eating and drinking TO HIS GLORY.

I hope to blog more about this.........the white elephant and I will be eating 1/2 a chipotle burrito for lunch .....perhaps after we get back?
:)

love in Christ,
jen