Possessed and Bizarre

easter

2009-04-12T20:21:00.003-06:00

I suppose, in a way, believing (or pretending to believe) in god makes the most sense. Not because of some logically constructed argument about who god is and how the universe functions and how those two may (or may not) be intertwined. Rather, it makes the most sense as a betting proposition. You can "believe" in god and have that impact you life negligibly and if you end up being correct you're chances of ending up in a utopian paradise go up significantly. If you don't believe in god, no matter what happens when you die, you're up shits creek. (Or is it shit's creek?) And the kicker is that you can't prove one way or another whether god exists. God exists, so we're told, in some ambiguous form in which no evidence to the contrary can exist becuase he somehow transcends every single thing we know about the universe. It's the great drawing card of most religions....the promise of something that sounds pretty awesome and with few strings attached. It's as though they were giving away free lifetime supplies of Chamwows and all you have to do is join the Chamwow Facebook group.

So, even though it would seem to make a ridiculous amount to just believe in god or pretend to believe in god, I choose not to. In fact, I hate god. I don't hate god how I hate Nickelback, because Nickelback actually exists and I can take out my anger on there shitastic existence and popularity by bitching about it on a blog that four people read and if I really felt so inclined, I could go to their concert and pelt them with rocks. (And I used to think the Portugese where nothing but a bunch of soccer playing ninnies....). I hate the concept of god; the idea that there needs to be some sort of supreme being that controls the universe but has some sort of insecurity that he demands we worship him seems ridiculous.

I figure to not be posting here much anymore. I'll probably delete this blog in a bit. I look back at the stuff posted on here and much of it seems ridiculous, wrong and misled. It doesn't mean anything to me anymore. The person that posted that stuff is much different from the person typing this today. I remember last Easter I went to a church gathering at the church I first started going to. I went early because they had this prayer labyrinth thing and, considering the situation I found myself in at the time, I probably spent the most time in the most heartfelt prayer I had ever participated in during my entire time as a Christian. It would only be a couple weeks after that that I realized god wasn't listening because god simply was not there. Or anywhere. This Easter I went out to run some errands and found myself cursing Christianity and its stupid holidays since all the stores were closed and I needed groceries and wanted to pick a book. How much things change in one year.

I have an idea for a new blog and I'll post a link here whenever I get around to starting it up. I think its going to be alot about music, but not some pretentious bullshit indie blog that talks about how awesome crappy, overrated bands are. I either want to do one where each post looks at a classic must have album from some point in rock history and what makes it awesome and why I personally love it or else just write about songs, albums and artists and how it relates to something, either going on in the world or my life or something. I dunno...maybe I'll do both. Haven't decided, yet, all I know is music is one of the few things I still enjoy these days.

Hank Meet Gram. Gram.....Hank

2009-04-07T19:43:00.001-06:00

Cold, Cold Heart by Hank Williams

Still Feeling Blue by Gram Parsons

The Flying Burrito Brothers

2009-04-05T22:18:00.001-06:00

Sweetheart of The Rodeo

2009-04-05T22:01:00.002-06:00

Why Major Record Labels Deserve Their Fate

2009-04-03T23:51:00.002-06:00

I'm part of a rare breed these days, in that I pay for music. And not through iTunes or some other download site....but I actually go to record stores and purchase music. And I feel no sympathy for the record industry. Except for the indie labels. Without them, we'd have no good music.....

Point 1: While the major labels tried to sue anybody they could over copyright infringement and whatever else have you when Napster, WinMX, Kazaa and Limewire were the rage, Apple spent time creating iTunes. iTunes is now a cashcow for Apple. Had any major record label been bright enough to realize the sales potential of the internet, instead of fearing change, any one of them could have had this major market.

Point 2: Major record labels release overproduced, overpromoted, overcommercialized shit full of filler. There are few, if any, truly interesting bands signed to major labels. Wilco had to release Yankee Hotel Foxtrot on their own because Warner Bros. refused to, saying it wasn't Wilco and they couldn't sell it. It ended up being Wilco's best album, a true masterpiece, and a respectable seller. Radiohead couldn't wait to jump ship and release an album on their own terms. EMI, their former label, countered with some crappy greatest hits albums and rerelease inessential special editions of former Radiohead albums in a blatant cash grab.

Point 3: What the hell is with CD prices? For example, I walked into HMV over the weekend and couldn't believe the prices on some of these discs. $38.99 for Led Zeppelin's Physical Graffitti. Sure, it was released as a double LP back in the day, but even if they, for shits and giggles, put it on two CDs, how are the manufacturing costs increased such that I'm paying $40 for an album. It's not like there are some sort of artwork costs and the album had already paid for the recording and promotional costs decades ago. It's a blatant cash grab by the record companies. There is a similar price gouge on albums by bands like The Beatles, The Rolling Stones and David Bowie. I don't understand why an album that has paid for itself 20 plus years ago is priced at $25, especially considering the very low manufacturing costs for a CD.

Point 4: At the very least, put together a half-assed decent reissue. I recently bought the following CDs over the past week or two: A Quick One by The Who, Sweetheart of the Rodeo by The Byrds, Paul's Boutique by The Beastie Boys, Born to Run by Bruce Springsteen and Goat's Head Soup by The Rolling Stones. Here's my opinion on each purchase:

Goat's Head Soup - Paid something like $18 for it. I knew it wasn't a classic Stones album, but has some decent songs. But all the artwork is original album artwork, no new liner notes and no b-sides, rarities, etc. Wished I would have just downloaded the album.

Born to Run - The most basic, bearbones reprinting of the original LP to CD. But, it only cost $9.99. So the lack of any bonuses isn't a big deal.

Paul's Boutique - This was supposed to be some Special 20th Anniversary Edition and was attached with a special 20th Anniversary Price of $20. No new artwork. No b-sides, rarities or outtakes. No alternate mixes (which is hard to believe there are none out there considering the sheer volume of samples used). While this is a fantastic album, the special edition was a simple cash grab and I was quite pissed at the value I received.

A Quick One - Classic Who album from before their less awesome CSI-era stuff. :) The album comes with some extensive liner notes explaining the album and songs, discussing the setting and context of the times along with some interesting stories that give you a better appreciation of the songs. Contained a plethora of b-sides and outtakes and a couple of alternate versions. Excellent bang for the $15 price tag.

Sweetheart of the Rodeo - Very interesting liner notes. A little write-up about the making of each song on the album. A host of singles, b-sides, etc. And, most importantly, it contains all the songs with Gram Parsons on lead vocals, which were pulled from the original album due to some legal issues at the time. It was worth the $20 just to get those original song versions with Parsons on lead vocals.

I don't understand why record companies don't concoct more of these re-issues like they did with The Byrds and The Who. It's absolutely fantastic having the b-sides and rarities, even if most of them are throwaway songs. In the case of Sweetheart of the Rodeo, the rarities are essential. And the new, detailed liner notes are a great idea for these old classic records. ABKCO recently reissued their Rolling Stones catalog and while the sound is far superior to the originals, there are zero liner notes and nothing in the way of bonus songs. Why wouldn't you throw Honkey Tonk Woman onto the Let It Bleed re-issue, so at the very least we can compare it to its countrified cousin, Country Honk, which appears on the album? And how fascinating would it be to have 5 different versions of a Guns N' Roses song on an album? We could listen along and follow Axel Rose's paranoia and perfectionism and get a glimpse into what the hell is going through his mind. It would be fantastic!

Why? Because this would make sense. And it would provide value to the customer. And if there's one thing the major labels don't want to do is add cheap value to their product.

Top 100 Songs of the 80s

2009-03-30T22:26:00.001-06:00

So I did the 90s....why stop there. Why not the 80s? Actually.....why the 80s? Why 80s? Why did you exist? You are the forgettable decade. You are the bastard stepchild everyone wants to forget. The one that brings shame upon those that grew up with their ridiculous hair, mom pants jeans and love of the echoy production values in all of your music.

Surprisingly, the 80s didn't suck as bad as we perhaps remember. Sure, the mainstream crap truly was crap. Flock of Seagulls. Kenny Loggins. Wham! But there was a rather vibrant underground music scene, so there is hope. I thought reaching 100 songs was going to be difficult, instead I've had to leave off some decent songs by some top notch artists like The Police, Springsteen and others. Its too bad because at one time I was going to include Axel F. (the theme from Beverly Hills Cop and epic ringtone).

It's still a tough list to do because there are so many completely different factions of 80s music. The cheezy pop music that topped the charts. The ridiculous hair metal bands. The fading 70s vets. Anything with a synthesizer. It's impossible to make a list to please anybody. There's also the problem that I'm simply not as familiar with 80s music as I am with other decades. So if there are any bad snubs, I'm up for some possible suggestions. But note that people like Madonna and Motley Crue and Duran Duran do not appear on this list not because I forgot about them....but because they couldn't make the cut!

100. The Final Countdown - Europe
99. Call Me - Blondie
98. One I Love - R.E.M.
97. Seek and Destroy - Metallica
96. Every Breath You Take - The Police
95. The Boys Of Summer - Don Henley
94. Crossfire - Stevie Ray Vaughan
93. Hallelujah - Leonard Cohen
92. The Mercy Seat - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
91. It's Like That - Run DMC
90. Desire - U2
89. Super Freak - Rick James
88. Take On Me - Aha
87. Little Red Corvette - Prince
86. Gigantic - The Pixies
85. Bad - Michael Jackson
84. Friday I'm In Love - The Cure
83. I Wanna Be Adored - The Stone Roses
82. Back In Black - AC/DC
81. Runnin' Down A Dream - Tom Petty
80. One - Metallica
79. Blue Monday - New Order
78. Total Trash - Sonic Youth
77. Rock N' Roll High School - The Ramones
76. Here Comes Your Man - The Pixies
75. Walk This Way - Run DMC ft. Aerosmith
74. High Plains Drifter - Beastie Boys
73. Dancing In The Dark - Bruce Springsteen
72. Sign O' The Times - Prince
71. Ace Of Spades - Motorhead
70. Graceland - Paul Simon
69. Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Queen
68. Bring On The Dancing Horses - Echo & The Bunnymen
67. Where The Streets Have No Name - U2
66. Paradise City - Guns N' Roses
65. Fairytale of New York - The Pogues
64. Money For Nothing - Dire Straits
63. Bastards of Young - The Replacements
62. It's The End of the World As We Know It - R.E.M.
61. This Charming Man - The Smiths
60. Rock The Casbah - The Clash
59. Where Is My Mind? - The Pixies
58. 99 Luftballoons - Nena
57. Don't Stand So Close To Me - The Police
56. Devil's Right Hand - Steve Earle
55. Bring The Noise - Public Enemy and Anthrax
54. Kiss Off - Violent Femmes
53. Sunday Bloody Sunday - U2
52. Rocking In The Free World - Neil Young
51. Come On Eileen - Dexy's Midnight Runners
50. Pride and Joy - Stevie Ray Vaughan
49. 1999 - Prince
48. Orange Crush - R.E.M.
47. She Sells Sanctuary - The Cult
46. Monkey Gone To Heaven - The Pixies
45. Higher Ground - Red Hot Chili Peppers
44. Eminence Front - The Who
43. I Am The Resurrection - The Stone Roses
42. Cities In Dust - Siouxsie and the Banshees
41. Bette Davis Eyes - Kim Carnes
40. When Doves Cry - Prince
39. Hot For Teacher - Van Halen
38. Whip It - Devo
37. Burning Down The House - Talking Heads
36. Atmoshpere - Joy Division
35. Boys Don't Cry - The Cure
34. Master of Puppets - Metallica
33. Another One Bites The Dust - Queen
32. Start Me Up - The Rolling Stones
31. Atlantic City - Bruce Springsteen
30. Welcome to the Jungle - Guns N' Roses
29. Debaser - The Pixies
28. New Year's Day - U2
27. Holiday in Cambodia - Dead Kennedys
26. Isolation - Joy Division
25. The Hungry Wolf - X
24. Shadrach - Beastie Boys
23. She Bangs The Drum - The Stone Roses
22. Beat It - Michael Jackson
21. Ashes to Ashes - David Bowie
20. Alex Chilton - The Replacements
19. Mr. Brownstone - Guns N' Roses
18. Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God) - Kate Bush
17. Teen Age Riot - Sonic Youth
16. Radio Free Europe - R.E.M.
15. Fuck The Police - N.W.A.
14. Waiting Room - Fugazi
13. This Is The One - The Stone Roses
12. Should I Stay Or Should I Go - The Clash
11. Hey Ladies - Beastie Boys
10. The Killing Moon - Echo & The Bunnymen
9. Fight The Power - Public Enemy
8. Once In A Lifetime - Talking Heads
7. Blister In The Sun - Violent Femmes
6. Sweet Child O' Mine - Guns N' Roses
5. Under Pressure - Queen and David Bowie
4. The Message - Grandmaster Flash
3. How Soon Is Now? - The Smiths
2. Billie Jean - Michael Jackson
1. Love Will Tear Us Apart - Joy Division

Top 100 Songs of the 90s

2009-03-28T19:41:00.003-06:00

During a recent night of wings at the Ildy, the topic of 90s music came up and a discussion as to the best 90s songs quickly broke out. This is my attempt at a top 100 list. This isn't a list of my favorite songs, but rather a list of the "best" songs of the 90s. I factored in historical significance/importance of a song (did it define a genre? was it responsible for opening up a new sound to a wider audience?), popularity (did it gain a significant following) and personal opinion. Basically, I concede the fact that I don't like all kinds of music (heavy metal, for instance) yet feel it should be included on the list. I also strongly feel that some less popular songs are so amazing that they deserve inclusion on this list despite the fact very few people may be familiar with the song (see Going to Georgia by The Mountain Goats, which is one of my all time favorite songs). Some very good songs will have been left off, no doubt, but I don't think there are any glaring omissions. And yes.....I realize there is no Aerosmith on this list. Because Aerosmith simply isn't very good. Especially 90s Aerosmith. (Oh...and 90s country sucked. I like country, but the 90s was a wasteland of overproduced shit for country music so don't give me any guff for the lack of country on this list.)

But enough introduction, lets get to the list! (And don't read too much into the order, especially near the end of the list.)

100. Check Yo' Self - Ice Cube
99. Head Like A Hole - Nine Inch Nails
98. Vaseline - The Flaming Lips
97. The Rooster - Alice In Chains
96. You Oughta Know - Alanis Morissette
95. Girls and Boys - Blur
94. Guerilla Radio - Rage Against The Machine
93. Girlfriend - Matthew Sweet
92. Holland, 1945 - Neutral Milk Hotel
91. Thunderstruck - AC/DC
90. Big Poppa - Notorious B.I.G.
89. Come As You Are - Nirvana
88. People of the Sun - Rage Against The Machine
87. O.P.P. - Naugty By Nature
86. Can't Stand It - Wilco
85. Kool Thing - Sonic Youth
84. Got Your Money - Ol' Dirty Bastard
83. Tears In Heavan - Eric Clapton
82. Rusty Cage - Soundgarden
81. Connection - Elastica
80. Everybody Hurts - R.E.M.
79. Symphony of Destruction - Megadeth
78. Run Around - Blues Traveller
77. Hard Knock Life - Jay-Z
76. Love Spreads - The Stone Roses
75. Say It Ain't So - Weezer
74. Holiday Surprise - Olivia Tremor Control
73. Sleep Now In The Fire - Rage Against The Machine
72. Pumping On Your Stereo - Supergrass
71. Only Shallow - My Bloody Valentine
70. Streets Of Philadelphia - Bruce Springsteen
69. Sober - Tool
68. Man On The Moon - R.E.M.
67. Bombtrack - Rage Against The Machine
66. Today Was A Good Day - Ice Cube
65. Man In The Box - Alice In Chains
64. Black Hole Sun - Soundgarden
63. Waltz #2 - Elliott Smith
62. Money City Maniacs - Sloan
61. In The Meantime - Spacehog
60. Woo-hah!! Got You All In Check! - Busta Rhymes
59. Where It's At - Beck
58. Today - Smashing Pumpkins
57. Longview - Green Day
56. November Rain - Guns N' Roses
55. Buddy Holly - Weezer
54. Rosa Parks - Outkast
53. All Apologies - Nirvana
52. Range Life - Pavement
51. Ain't Nothing But A 'G' Thang - Dr. Dre ft. Snoop Dogg
50. Intergalactic - Beastie Boys
49. Summer Babe - Pavement
48. Two Headed Boy - Neutral Milk Hotel
47. California Stars - Billy Bragg and Wilco
46. Feel The Pain - Dinosaur Jr.
45. Just - Radiohead
44. Disarm - Smashin Pumpkins
43. Groove Is In The Heart - Dee-Lite
42. So Whatcha Want - Beastie Boys
41. Enter Sandman - Metallica
40. Jeremy - Pearl Jam
39. My Name Is Jonas - Weezer
38. Lithium - Nirvana
37. Jesus Christ Pose - Soundgarden
36. Been Caught Stealing - Jane's Addiction
35. Under The Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers
34. Common People - Pulp
33. The Rockafeller Skank - Fatboy Slim
32. Even Flow - Pearl Jam
31. Fake Plastic Trees - Radiohead
30. Give It Away - Red Hot Chili Peppers
29. Sure Shot - Beastie Boys
28. No Rain - Blind Melon
27. Heart Shaped Box - Nirvana
26. Bulls On Parade - Rage Against The Machine
25. About A Girl (Unplugged) - Nirvana
24. Everlong - Foo Fighters
23. Killing Me Softly With His Song - The Fugees
22. Wonderwall - Oasis
21. Cut Your Hair - Pavement
20. Gin and Juice - Snoop Dogg
19. Santa Monica - Everclear
18. Karma Police - Radiohead
17. Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
16. 1979 - Smashing Pumpkins
15. Cannonball - Breeders
14. I See A Darkness - Bonnie Prince Billy
13. Black - Pearl Jam
12. Losing My Religion - R.E.M.
11. Doo Wop (That Thing) - Lauryn Hill
10. One - U2
9. Going To Georgia - The Mountain Goats
8. Killing In The Name - Rage Against The Machine
7. Aeroplane Over The Sea - Neutral Milk Hotel
6. Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve
5. Paranoid Android - Radiohead
4. Sabotage - Beastie Boys
3. Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
2. California Love - Tupac ft. Dr. Dre
1. Loser Beck

Apathy

2009-03-24T23:50:00.003-06:00

I think this is a very dangerous time to be apathetic towards politics if you're a young American around my age. Something about the whole bailout idea doesn't sit right with me. Just throwing money at institutions which are largely responsible for this mess to begin with. And the paying of huge bonuses to the people that are responsible for the running of these institutions is absolutely absurd. In reality, they shouldn't even have a job.

And we can't just blame Obama, as some might suggest, since the Republicans were talking about bailouts just as much as the Democrats were during the election. We should be blaming all of the policy makers on this one. What's happening is not a good scene for the youth of the country and its really time they start becoming more vocal.

Much like the environment problem, the U.S. is dumping their debt on its kids. This has always been somewhat true, but never like this. As the U.S. throws money around to keep shitty institutions afloat, its creating more and more of a debt burden on us. We're going to be responsible for this clusterfuck whether we like it or not, because the older generation refuses to sacrifice any part of their lifestyle. We've seen this happen already in regards to the environment. The younger generation has led the way in that fight, turning to more fuel efficient cars, embracing recycling programs and the like. Assumedly, because they realize this is going to end up being their mess, while the older generation has shown apathy for the most part because assumedly they won't be around when the shit really starts to hit the fan.

The debt problem, to me, is much scarier. Whereas my generation has, for the most part, identified the environment as being an issue of priority, I think we've for the most part gone the complete opposite direction when it comes to finances. The major problem in North America is that we have no clue how to spend within our means. And its getting worse. I remember a few years ago Much Music came out with some credit card for teenagers. I thought it was asinine, irresponsible of them and I hope their is a God for whomever came up with this cash grab, as I'd like to see them in hell.

The problem that the credit card for teenagers creates is it promotes living with debt. And it promotes living beyond their means. It in no way teaches responsible spending, budgeting or any of that, despite the advertising claims. And although not many people I know had a credit card as a teenager, it was very indicative of the shifting ideas and philosophies of the time in regards to money management.

I know enough people within the banking industry to know that there is a rather large number of young people living with outrageous amounts of debt. And not the "good" kind of debt like a student loan or a reasonable mortgage. I'm talking flat ass maxed out credit, trying to make car payments on an SUV and $250,000 house while eating out all the time broke. And the banks have promoted this kind of living for years. About a year ago I asked the bank how much money was in my account and they wrote down a figure. I told them to just pay off the rest of my car loan right there. The problem is, the number they wrote down was not the amount of money in my account. It was the available funds, which included the amount of money I had plus my line of credit. I was not happy.

The sad truth is that when I watch the news these days and they're interviewing some single mom at the gas pump filling up her SUV and giving the sob story about how she lost her job and can't make payments on her $300,000 house, I have a hard time feeling sorry for her. I mean, yeah, it sucks you lost your job. But you've pushed yourself so far to the limit in order to achieve and maintain a certain lifestyle that you left yourself no margin for error. And I know that a lot of truly hardworking, well meaning people lost their jobs and have families and bills and have managed their money properly, but I also know that a large number of people have been entirely irresponsible managing their money and were riding the crest of the wave when things were going well. I don't understand why I should want to help bail out those people that helped spawn this whole mess. The people that took out the mortgages they could hardly (or simply couldn't) afford.

There's a rather simple economic model to follow that is extremely robust and almot failproof and it goes something like this: don't buy shit you can't afford. I don't think bailout money is going to solve anything in the U.S. It might have some short term effects, but if the result is the banks get back up and going and people resume their old lifestyles, then it will all end up being for not. The U.S. needs to do what every other reasonably responsible broke-ass person in the history of time has ever done:

1.) reduce expenditures as much as possible, even if it means a change in lifestyle
2.) try and generate more income

Unfortunately, I don't see this happening. CNN is always throwing up a poll of how many Americans feel their current standard of living is threatened, as though this is the worst thing that could happen. Which is pretty insane considering a significant hit in their standard of living still places them in the top 5-10% in the world.

But I do feel its time the younger generation got more involved. Because if taxes aren't raised and spending isn't reduced, all of this bailout money is going to completely hamfist us in the future. It will be bad enough trying to deal with a deteriorating environment. It will be even worse when we have no money to spend on fixing it.

More Proof To My Theory That People......Are Stupid

2009-03-03T21:18:00.001-06:00

Internet comment sections. Just read some of them.

Capitalize This

2009-03-01T04:50:00.003-06:00

I don't understand why we're bailing out banks and car companies that were run into the ground due to incredibly bad business models. Sure, lots of well meaning people with no control over these business have lost their jobs and such, but this is how capitalism works. And if we're going to trumpet the wonders of capitalism, we have to take the good with the bad.

The banks that went under were the ones giving out ridiculous amounts of money to people that were unlikely to be able to pay them back in the form of high risk loans. Once people were unable to pay back their loans, all of a sudden the bank has lent out more money than it has and nobody is paying back anything, which means the bank has a cash flow problem and lots of angry customers that deposited money and wish to withdraw it. So why should I be paying somebody else for a failed risky business decision in the way of my tax dollars. This makes no sense to me. If you're going to run such a risky business, you should also be responsible for the consequences of that risk.

And its hard to feel sorry for a lot of people that have had foreclosures on their houses, sorry to say. It's hard to feel sorry for someone that has maxed out their credit so they can have a nice big house with brand new vehicles and the big screen TV and the whole nine yards. This is what happens when you view your line of credit as money to spend. There is risk involved in living with your credit essentially maxed out and if you fail to acknowledge this you're kind of an idiot. I guess that's the trade-off. I don't have horribly nice things (relatively speaking, of course. In reality, I have a ridiculous amount of luxury items) but I also have financial security. I know that if I were to lose my job, I'd have enough money saved up to last at least a year or more if I scaled back my spending. So once again, I'm not sure why I should have to pay money to bail other people out when their greedy lifestyles go up in flame.

And is it not entirely possible that the big 3 automotive companies should probably be put out to pasture? These are businesses that essentially have no clue what their customers want. When people were moving away from gas guzzling trucks and SUVs and towards compacts, the big 3 kept rolling out more trucks and SUVs. And let's not forget about the good old planned obsolescence used in the past to ensure that it would sell more product at the customer's expense. So what you see is European and Asian companies come in that have cars engineered to be much more reliable and have much longer service lives and it becomes a no-brainer for the customer to spend a bit more money up front knowing their vehicle may last twice as long. (Also, GM is responsible for the Passlock "anti-theft" system, one of the worst engineering designs ever. A system designed in such away that it is very likely to trigger in cold weather. Then takes 15 minutes of draining your car battery to reset. So, when its minus 30 and the Passlock triggers because metal contracts, you can't start your car after you reset it because you've drained down your battery and don't have enough cranking power to start your engine. And if there's ever a time I wanted to be stranded somewhere with a car that won't start, its minus 30 degree weather.)

The tenets of capitalism promote the ability for an individual to make as much money as they can on an open market. That's all well and good, but the flip side of that is that it also means that some individuals are not going to make money or even lose it on the open market. Capitalism is good for the consumer in that it creates competition, which, in turn, generates better products and provides competitive (ie. lower) prices. But, like every competition, there are winners and losers. And if Toyota or Honda comes along with a better product, that makes GM the loser. It is up to the loser to adapt and come up with a better product and a better business plan.

It may sound cold, but if we are going to trumpet the awesomeness of capitalism, we should probably be telling the big 3 and the banks to go screw themselves if they want to run on such crappy business models and have the public pay the price for their crappy products and risky ventures.

(Note: I do not fully endorse capitalism.)

An Actual Economic Crisis

2009-02-21T19:58:00.002-06:00

North Americans can go fuck themselves.

Not All Politicians Are Heartless Scum...

2009-02-20T17:05:00.002-06:00

This is from a Jimmy Carter speech given in front of a bunch of lawyers:

I'm not qualified to talk to you about law, because in addition to being a peanut farmer, I'm an engineer and a nuclear physicist, not a lawyer. I was planning, really, to talk to you more today about politics, and the inter-relationship of political affairs and law, than about what I'm actually going to speak on. But after Senator Kennedy's delightful and very fine response to political questions during his speech, and after his analysis of the Watergate problems, I stopped at a room on the way, while he had his press conference, and I changed my speech notes.

My own interest in the criminal justice system is very deep and heartfelt. Not having studied law, I've had to learn the hard way. I read a lot and listen a lot. One of the sources for my understanding about the proper application of criminal justice and the system of equity is from reading Reinhold Niebuhr, one of his books that Bill Gunter gave me quite a number of years ago. The other source of my understanding about what's right and wrong in this society is from a friend of mine, a poet named Bob Dylan. After listening to his records about "The Ballad of Hattie Carol" and "Like a Rolling Stone" and "The Times, They Are a-Changing," I've learned to appreciate the dynamism of change in a modern society.

I grew up as a landowner's son. But I don't think I ever realized the proper interrelationship between the landowner and those who worked on a farm until I heard Dylan's record, "I Ain't Gonna Work on Maggie's Farm No More." So I come here speaking to you today about your subject with a base for my information founded on Reinhold Niebuhr and Bob Dylan.

One of the things that Niebuhr says is that the sad duty of the political system is to establish justice in a sinful world. He goes on to say that there's no way to establish or maintain justice without law; that the laws are constantly changing to stabilize the social equilibrium of the forces and counterforces of a dynamic society; and that the law in its totality is an expression of the structure of government.

Well, as a farmer who has now been in office for 3 years, I've seen firsthand the inadequacy of my own comprehension of what government ought to do for its people. I've had a constant learning process, sometimes from lawyers, sometimes from practical experience, sometimes from failures and mistakes that have been pointed out to me after they were made.

I had lunch this week with the members of the Judicial Selection committee, and they were talking about a consent search warrant. I said I didn't know what a consent search warrant was. They said, "Well, that's when two policemen go to a house. One of them goes to the front door and knocks on it, and the other one runs around to the back door and yells 'come in'." I have to admit that as governor, quite often, I search for ways to bring about my own hopes; not quite so stringently testing the law as that, but with a similar motivation.

I would like to talk to you for few moments about some of the practical aspects of being a governor who is still deeply concerned about the inadequacies of a system of which it is obvious that you're so patently proud.

I have refrained completely from making any judicial appointments on the basis of political support or other factors, and have chosen, in every instance, Superior Court judges, quite often state judges, Appellate Court judges, on the basis of merit analysis by a highly competent, open, qualified group of distinguished Georgians. I'm proud of this.

We've now established in the Georgia Constitution a qualifications commission, which for the first time can hear complaints from average citizens about the performance in office of judges and can investigate those complaints and with the status and the force of the Georgia Constitution behind them can remove a judge from office or take other corrective steps.

We've now passed a constitutional amendment, which is waiting for the citizenry to approve, that establishes a uniform Criminal Justice Court system in this state so that the affairs of the judiciary can be more orderly structured, so that workloads can be balanced and so that over a period of time there might be an additional factor of equity, which quite often does not exist now because of the wide disparity among the different courts of Georgia.

We passed this year a judge sentencing bill for non-capital cases with a review procedure. I've had presented to me, by members of the Pardons and Paroles Board, an analysis of some of the sentences given to people by the Superior Court judges of this state, which grieved me deeply and shocked me as a layman. I believe that over a period of time, the fact that a group of other judges can review and comment on the sentences meted out in the different portions of Georgia will bring some more equiity to the system.

We have finally eliminated the unsworn statement law in Georgia - the last state to do it.

This year, we analyzed in depth the structure of the drug penalties in this state. I believe in the future there will be a clear understanding of the seriousness of different crimes relating to drugs. We've finally been able to get through the legislature a law that removes alcoholism or drunkenness as a criminal offense. When this law goes into effect next year, I think it will create a new sense of compassion and justice for the roughly 150,000 alcoholics in Georgia, many of whom escape the consequences of what has been a crime because of some social or economic prominence, and will remove a very heavy load from the criminal justice system.

In our prisons, which in the past have been a disgrace to Georgia, we've tried to make substantive changes in the quality of those who administer them and to put a new realm of understanding and hope and compassion into the administration of that portion of the system of justice. Ninety-five percent of those who are currently incarcerated in prisons will be returned to our neighbors. And now the thrust of the entire program, as initiated under Ellis MacDougall and now continued under Dr. Ault, is to try to discern in the soul of each convicted and sentenced person redeeming features that can be enhanced. We plan a career for that person to be pursued while he is in prison. I believe that the early data we have on recidivism rates indicates the efficiency of what we've done.

The GBI, which was formerly a matter of great concern to all of those who were interested in law enforcement, has now been substantially changed - for the better. I would put it up now in quality against the FBI, the Secret Service, or any other crime control organization in this country.

Well, does that mean that everything is all right?

It doesn't to me.

I don't know exactly how to say this, but I was thinking just a few moments ago about some of the things that are of deep concern to me as a governor. As a scientist, I was working constantly, along with almost everyone who professes that dedication of life, to probe, probe every day of my life for constant changes for the better. It's completely anachronistic in the make-up of a nuclear physicist or an engineer or scientist to be satisfied with what we've got, or to rest on the laurels of past accomplishments. It's the nature of the profession.

As a farmer, the same motivation persists. Every farmer that I know of, who is worth his salt or who's just average, is ahead of the experimental stations and research agronomist in finding better ways, changing ways to plant, cultivate, utilize herbicides, gather, cure, sell farm products. The competition for innovation is tremendous, equivalent to the realm of nuclear physics, even.

In my opinion, it's different in the case of lawyers. And maybe this is a circumstance that is so inherently true that it can't be changed.

I'm a Sunday school teacher, and I've always known that the structure of law is founded on a Christian ethic that you shall love the Lord your God and your neighbor as yourself - a very high and perfect standard. We all know the fallibility of man, and the contentions in society, as described by Reinhold Niebuhr, and many others, don't permit us to achieve perfection. We do strive for equality, but not with a fervent and daily commitment. In general, the powerful and the influential in our society shape the laws and have a great influence on the legislature or the Congress. This creates a reluctance to change because the powerful and the influential have carved out for themselves or have inherited a privileged position in society, of wealth or social prominence or higher education or opportunity for the future. Quite often, those circumstances are circumvented at a very early age because college students, particularly undergraduates, don't have any commitment to the preservation of the way things are. But later, as their interrelationship with the present circumstances grows, they also become committed to approaching change very, very slowly and very, very cautiously, and there's a commitment to the status quo.

I remember when I was a child, I lived on a farm about 3 miles from Plains, and we didn't have electricity or running water. We lived on the railroad - Seaboard Coastline Railroad. Like all farm boys, I had a flip, a slingshot. They had stabilized the railroad bed with little white round rocks, which I used for ammunition. I would go out frequently to the railroad and gather the most perfectly shaped rocks of proper size. I always had a few in my pockets, and I had others cached away around the farm, so that they would be convenient if I ran out of my pocket supply.

One day I was leaving the railroad track with my pockets full of rocks and hands full of rocks, and my mother came out on the front porch - this is not a very interesting story but it illustrates a point - and she had in her hands a plate full of cookies that she had just baked for me. She called me - I am sure with love in her heart - and said, "Jimmy, I've baked some cookies for you." I remember very distinctly walking up to her and standing there for 15 or 20 seconds in honest doubt about whether I should drop those rocks which were worthless and take the cookies that my mother had prepared for me, which between her and me were very valuable.

Quite often, we have the same inclination in our everyday lives. We don't recognize that change can sometimes be very beneficial, although we fear it. Anyone who lives in the South looks back on the last 15 to 20 years with some degree of embarrassment, including myself. To think about going back to a county units system, which deliberately cheated for generations certain white voters of this state, is almost inconceivable. To revert back or to forego the one man, one vote principle we would now consider to be a horrible violation of the basic principles of justice and equality and fairness and equity.

The first speech I ever made in the Georgia Senate, representing the most conservative district in Georgia, was concerning the abolition of 30 questions that we had so proudly evolved as a subterfuge to keep black citizens from voting and which we used with a great deal of smirking and pride for decades or generations ever since the War Between the States - questions that nobody could answer in this room, but which were applied to every black citizen that came to the Sumter County Courthouse or Webster County Courthouse and said, "I want to vote." I spoke in that chamber, fearful of the news media reporting it back home, but overwhelmed with a commitment to the abolition of that artificial barrier to the rights of an American citizen. I remember the thing that I used in my speech, that a black pencil salesman on the outer door of the Sumter County Courthouse could make a better judgment about who ought to be sheriff than two highly educated professors at Georgia Southwestern College.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., who was perhaps despised by many in this room because he shook up our social structure that benefited us, and demanded simply that black citizens be treated the same as white citizens, wasn't greeted with approbation and accolades by the Georgia Bar Association or the Alabama Bar Association. He was greeted with horror. Still, once that change was made, a very simple but difficult change, no one in his right mind would want to go back to circumstances prior to that juncture in the development of our nation's society.

I don't want to go on and on; I'm part of it. But the point I want to make to you is that we still have a long way to go. In every age or every year, we have a tendency to believe that we've come so far now, that there's no way to improve the present system. I'm sure when the Wright Brothers flew at Kitty Hawk, they felt that was the ultimate in transportation. When the first atomic bomb was exploded, that was the ultimate development in nuclear physics, and so forth.

Well, we haven't reached the ultimate. But who's going to search the heart and soul of an organization like yours or a law school or state or nation and say, "What can we still do to restore equity and justice or to preserve it or to enhance it in this society?"

You know, I'm not afraid to make the change. I don't have anything to lose. But, as a farmer, I'm not qualified to assess the characteristics of the 9,100 inmates in the Georgia prisons, 50 percent of whom ought not to be there. They ought to be on probation or under some other supervision and assess what the results of previous court rulings might bring to bear on their lives.

I was in the governor's mansion for 2 years, enjoying the services of a very fine cook, who was a prisoner - a woman. One day she came to me, after she got over her 2 years of timidity, and said, "Governor, I would like to borrow $250 from you."

I said, "I'm not sure that a lawyer would be worth that much."

She said, " I don't want to hire a lawyer. I want to pay the judge."

I thought it was a ridiculous statement for her; I felt that she was ignorant. But I found out she wasn't. She had been sentenced by a superior court judge in the state, who still serves, to 7 years or $750. She had raised, early in her prison career, $500. I didn't lend her the money, but I had Bill Harper, my legal aide, look into it. He found the circumstances were true. She was quickly released under a recent court ruling that had come down in the past few years.

I was down on the coast this weekend. I was approached by a woman who asked me to come by her home. I went by, and she showed me documents that indicated that her illiterate mother, who had a son in jail, had gone to the County Surveyor in that region and had borrowed $225 to get her son out of jail. She had a letter from the Justice of the Peace that showed that her mother had made a mark on a blank piece of paper. They paid off the $225, and she has the receipts to show it. Then they started a 5 year program trying to get back the paper she signed, without success. They went to court. The lawyer that had originally advised her to sign the paper showed up as the attorney for the surveyor. She had put up 50 acres of land near the county seat as security. When she got to court she found that instead of signing a security deed, she had signed a warrantee deed. That case has already been appealed to the Supreme Court, and she lost.

Well, I know that the technicalities of the law that would permit that are probably justifiable. She didn't have a good lawyer. My heart feels and cries out that something ought to be analyzed, not just about the structure of government, judicial qualifications councils and judicial appointment committees and eliminating the unsworn statement - those things are important. But they don't reach the crux of the point - that now we assign punishment to fit the criminal and not the crime.

You can go to the prisons of Georgia, and I don't know, it may be that poor people are the only ones who commit crimes, but I do know that they are the only ones who serve prison sentences. When Ellis MacDougall first went to Reidsville, he found people that had been in solitary confinement for 10 years. We now have 500 misdemeanants in the Georgia prison system.

Well, I don't know the theory of law, but there is one other point I want to make, just for your own consideration. I think we've made great progress in the Pardons and Paroles Board since I've been in office and since we've reorganized the government. We have five very enlightened people there now. And on occasion they go out to the prison system to interview the inmates,to decide whether or not they are worthy to be released after they serve one third of their sentence. I think most jurors and most judges feel that, when they give the sentence, they know that after a third of the sentence has gone by, they will be eligible for careful consideration. Just think for a moment about your own son or your own father or your own daughter being in prison, having served 7 years of a lifetime term and being considered for a release. Don't you think that they ought to be examined and that the Pardons and Paroles Board ought to look them in the eye and ask them a question and, if they are turned down, ought to give them some substantive reason why they are not released and what they can do to correct their defect?

I do.

I think it's just as important at their time for consideration of early release as it is even when they are sentenced. But, I don't know how to bring about that change.

We had an ethics bill in the state legislature this year. Half of it passed - to require an accounting for contributions during a campaign - but the part that applied to people after the campaign failed. We couldn't get through the requirement for revelation of payments to officeholders after they are in office.

The largest force against that ethics bill was the lawyers.

Some of you here tried to get a consumer protection package passed without success.

The regulatory agencies in Washington are made up, not of people to regulate industries, but of representatives of the industries that are regulated. Is that fair and right an equitable? I don't think so.

I'm only going to serve 4 years as governor, as you know. I think that's enough. I enjoy it, but I think I've done all I can in the governor's office. I see the lobbyists in the state capital filling the halls on occasions. Good people, competent people, the most pleasant, personable, extroverted citizens of Georgia. Those are the characteristics that are required for a lobbyist. They represent good folks, But I can tell you that when a lobbyist goes to represent the Peanut Warehouseman's Association of the Southeast, which I belong to, they go there to represent the peanut warehouseman. They don't go there to represent the customers of the peanut warehouseman.

When the Chamber of Commerce lobbyists go there, they go there to represent the businessman of Georgia. They don't go there to represent the customers of the businessman of Georgia.

When your own organization is interested in some legislation there in the capitol, they're interested in the welfare or prerogatives or authority of the lawyers. They are not there to represent in any sort of exclusive way the client of the lawyers.

The American Medical Association and its Georgia equivalent - they represent the doctors, who are fine people. But they certainly don't represent the patients of a doctor.

As an elected governor, I feel that responsibility; but I also know that my qualifications are slight compared to the doctors or the lawyers or the teachers, to determine what's best for the client or the patient or the schoolchild.

This bothers me; and I know that if there was a commitment on the part of the cumulative group of attorneys in this state, to search with a degree of commitment and fervency, to eliminate many of the inequities that I've just described that I thought of this morning, our state could be transformed in the attitude of its people toward the government.

Senator Kennedy described the malaise that exists in this nation - and it does.

In closing, I'd like to just illustrate the point by something that came to mind this morning when I was talking to Senator Kennedy about his trip to Russia.

When I was about 12 years old, I liked to read, and I had a school principal, named Miss Julia Coleman, Judge Marshall knows her. She forced me pretty much to read, read, read, classical books. She would give me a gold star when I read 10 and a silver star when I read 5.

One day, she called me in and she said, "Jimmy, I think it's time for you to read 'War and Peace.'" I was completely relieved because I thought it was a book about cowboys and Indians.

Well, I went to the library and checked it out, and it was 1,415 pages thick, I think, written by Tolstoy, as you know, about Napoleon's entry into Russia in the 1812-15 era. He had never been defeated, and he was sure he could win, but he underestimated the severity of the Russian winter and the peasants' love for their land.

To make a long story short, the next spring he retreated in defeat. The course of history was changed; it probably affected our own lives.

The point of the book is, and what Tolstoy points out in the epilogue is, that he didn't write the book about Napoleon or the Czar of Russia or even the generals, except in a rare occasion. He wrote it about the students and the housewives and the barbers and the farmers and the privates in the army. And the point of the book is that the course of human events, even the greatest historical events, are not determined by the leaders of a nation or a state, like Presidents or governors or senators. They are controlled by the combined wisdom and courage and commitment and discernment and unselfishness and compassion and love and idealism of the common ordinary people. If that was true in the case of Russia where they had a czar or France where they had an emperor, how much more true is it in our own case where the Constitution charges us with a direct responsibility for determining what our government is and ought to be?

Well, I've read parts of the embarrassing transcripts, and I've seen the proud statement of a former attorney general, who protected his boss, and now brags on the fact that he tiptoed through a mine field and came out "clean." I can't imagine somebody like Thomas Jefferson tiptoeing through a mine field on the technicalities of the law, and then bragging about being clean afterwards.

I think our people demand more than that. I believe that everyone in this room who is in a position of responsibility as a preserver of the law in its purest form ought to remember the oath that Thomas Jefferson and others took when they practically signed their own death warrant, writing the Declaration of Independence - to preserve justice and equity and freedom and fairness, they pledged their lives, their fortunes and their sacred honor.

Thank you very much.

Joan Osborne

2009-02-18T01:06:00.000-06:00

Joan, if god had a face, it would look severely punched in. And possibly tire ironed. By me.

Morality

2009-02-18T00:19:00.002-06:00

My roommate got me onto these TED talks today. Its just a bunch of lectures by some of the smartest people in the world on how to make the world a better place. There is some really interesting stuff in the ones I've listened to so far.

I found this one interesting. The one thing I found interesting was the idea of responsibility and incentive and how they can conflict. I've often wondered why a professional sports franchise would ever let their general manager know his job was on the line if he didn't achieve short term results. That manager is much more likely to ignore his responsibility (improving the team in both the short and long term) and instead focus on the incentive (keeping his job). What happens is the GM ignores all long term responsibilities in order to get the incentive by going for short term results. This almost always hurts the team in the long run. I'm sure in some way that thought is applicable to real life.

End Times

2009-02-17T23:38:00.002-06:00

Christianity makes a fundamental mistake in assuming that the end times will happen during human times. The truth is, homo sapien is just one part of the evolutionary scale of the hominid. Much like what's happened in the past, our species will continue to evolve until eventually there is a new species of human. It's a very slow, gradual process and this new species won't immediately wipe us out, but instead live amongst us and be hardly noticeable at first but over enough generations will become the dominant new hominid species. This might already be happening...how else do you explain Tom Brady?

We'll have no idea what the end times are like because the sun doesn't burn out for millions of years. And even if we completely destroy our planet's environment rendering it unlivable to humans, life will still continue on. It will adapt and evolve to survive in the new climatic realities it faces. That will probably mean no more humans but life itself will still go on.

Good vs. Evil

2009-02-17T21:27:00.003-06:00

Spirituality is overrated. Almost everything we do, every decision we make, is purely functional. We claim to follow some sort of spiritual reasoning, but in the end it's mostly empty talk. Just look at dating and marriage. On a large scale level, we don't seek out mates on some spiritual level. We tend to follow along the path that evolutionary theory suggests. The strongest, smartest and wealthiest end up with the picks of the litter. In high school, jocks got all the girls. Later in life, its the guys with the money. Sure there are exceptions, but there is variance in any data set, so why should this be any different.

I also think the struggle between good and evil is mostly a spiritual myth. Is there really good or evil? Or is there simply levels of social acceptance? The latter should get lots of support when we look across various cultures and notice that what might be considered evil in one culture may not be in another. In fact, what may be considered good in one culture may even be considered evil in other cultures. One only have to consider the idea of the suicide bomber, which can be spun as heroic by some Islam groups and even Japanese soldiers in World War 2. Yet to North America the suicide bomber is pure evil.

So if a true definition of good or evil doesn't exit, is there really a struggle between good and evil? Or is the personal struggle between good and evil essentially a dilemma we face in our own personal advancement? I believe everything we do, either consciously or subconsciously, is to bring about our own personal advancement or happiness. And so when we struggle with good and evil, what we really struggle with is whether a decision will effectively meet our goals. Oftentimes we can meet our goals through socially acceptable methods (go to school, study hard, get a good paying job as an example) but sometimes it can be easier to meet goals through socially unacceptable methods. And this is where the struggle is: do we do something socially unacceptable and face the social consequences (loss of friendship or trust, prison time, etc.) and is it worth the risk.

I guess what I'm saying is would we steal, cheat and murder if there were no social consequences of our actions? I think we would. Just consider war, where there are no social consequences for killing someone from the other side. In fact, we heap praise on those soldiers that get the most kills. And what is the reasoning for war? Essentially its to advance a nation's standing, whether to increase size, gain access to resources or whatever other reasoning set forth. And in any war, the line between what we consider good and evil is blurred because suddenly many of the evil actions immediately become socially acceptable.

So, basically, the struggle of good vs. evil is really us just trying determine the best way for each of us to get ahead.

Jesus, People

2009-02-12T23:16:00.001-06:00

Note: This piece of writing is basically meant to offend. I hope it strikes a nerve at some point. In the past I read through a very large part of the bible. It became pretty obvious to me what the most important parts were. They were very simple and quite often repeated over and over again. And when I take a look at the culture of North American Christianity, I think it fails miserably at these most basic commands of their religious beliefs. I don't claim to follow all of the points mentioned in this article, though I feel very little obligation to since I don't believe the bible to be truth. I do, however, believe there are very functional things to be learned from the teachings that would help make the world a far better place to live in. If only more Christians actually followed them.

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I have an issue with Christianity and, specifically, what I guess I'd classify as North American Christianity. It's simply this: I think a minority of Christians actually believe in their god. And I'm not talking a 49%/51% type minority. I'd probably shoot much lower.

Now, I know many people that I'm pretty sure, based on what I know about them, believe in their god. You can see it in their actions, thought processes and the way they go about life. Their goals, dreams and what they're doing with their life. They slip, mess up and lose focus at times, but they are also human. But I also see so many people that claim to believe in god for whatever reason, yet I remain completely unconvinced that they do. And some of these people are downright passionate in their claims of belief.

I guess it all comes down to what I consider belief to be. Anybody can claim to believe in something. Anybody can want to believe in something. But to actually believe something to be a legitimate truth, that truth should ultimately determine every way which you go about your life. From what you do for a career, what you do with your money, your relationships with other people, your goals...everything. And as someone that now looks at the bible from outside of everything else that has come to be Christianity, what's taught in the bible is so ridiculously simple.

I may not believe in god and I may not believe Jesus to be the son of god, but the guy said some pretty sensible things and in a very straightforward manner that it's amazing that Christians can't get it. Or choose not to get it. Or choose not to listen. Or make up their own elaborate and complex justifications on what they want to do instead of what Jesus said they should do.

Let's just look at the beatitudes:

1.) Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven - Poor in spirit or, in other words, humble. Nobody likes people that brag. About their wealth, their house, their car, their kids or their righteous passion for god. Nobody likes a cocky douche bag.

2.) Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted - Nobody has their shit together all of the time. Life sucks balls. So why do we need to act like we always have our shit together all the time. Suppressing emotions and problems is bad news bears.

3.) Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth - Have a kind, gentle soul. Be understanding of others. Realize that nobody is perfect, especially yourself. Serve others because you are not greater or more important than anybody else on this planet. We're all equals.

4.) Blessed are they who thirst and hunger for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied - Focus on doing what's right. Don't give in to what's popular or peer pressure or keeping up with the Joneses. Don't toe the company line. Focus and follow the truth that you believe.

5.) Blessed are they merciful, for they shall obtain mercy - Feed the hungry, water the thirsty, shelter the homeless, etc. Help people that need help. Don't refuse help based on your prejudices and judgments. It's not your job to judge. There's also the other side to this coin, which is forgive people for their mistakes. Comfort people suffering from whatever sorrows are on their hearts.

6.) Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see god - Pure of heart suggests that we put the desires and wants of god ahead of our own self-indulgent desires and intentions. Do you really need that Corvette or big ass summer cottage or powerboat?

7.) Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of god - In other words, don't start a fucking war with a country that in no way, shape or form poses any discernible level of threat to your way of life. (see: Iraq, U.S invasion of) But even beyond that very simple and logical conclusion, one should at all times seek a peaceful solution to all conflict.

8.) Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven - In other words, those that suffer in the name of god will be rewarded. So, as shitty as it sounds, if somebody wants to bomb the shit out of you because you follow Jesus and they follow some other god, you're supposed to stay the route of righteousness and follow the other beatitudes. Which means we must remain humble, meek, peacemaking, merciful people. It should be mentioned that many of the apostles and Jesus himself were all killed for their beliefs and most of them remained true to the teachings of Jesus and basically trusted their god and accepted their fate, regardless of the inevitability of the shitty situation they found themselves in.

And that final line is why I don't think many North American Christians actually believe in god. They never exhibit any level of trust in their god. Sure, they may "trust" god with some "difficult" decision like who they should marry or whether they should take some job or whatever by going with their gut feeling, but they don't trust god with the important stuff. They don't trust that god will protect them so they move to the nicest areas of town they can afford, away from the inconvenient nuisances of life. They demand that they should be allowed guns to protect them. And instead of seeking peaceful solutions, they decide its okay to bomb some country before that country bombs them. They don't trust god that if they give up a large amount of their income to help those that need help, that they will also be looked after. So instead they give a little, or not at all.

Anyways, I wanted to give my two cents on a couple of subjects that just make my head spin based on the very simple and to-the-point teachings I learned compared to the going rate for Christians these days. Which, in turn, makes me believe Christians worship something else ahead of their own god.

POLITICS (because everybody likes starting a good flame war)

Now, I realize that there isn't a political party officially labeled as "God's party", it's still pretty obvious that a certain side of the political spectrum is considered by many Christians to be "the Christian side." Now I'm not going to discuss whether either side is right or wrong, but I would like to point out some of the, umm, conflicts of interest I suppose you could say, that often arise when Christians seemingly remain loyal to the company line rather than stand behind their own religious beliefs, which, in theory, should be much more important.

Now, the Christian side of the political spectrum tends to be anti-abortion, anti-homosexual, anti-taxes and the such. Generally, the most powerful people within the party tend to be well to do businessmen and well to do religious leaders (sometimes that person is both). The businessmen usually like the anti-taxes side of the deal (because it means more wealth for them), while the Christians usually like the anti-abortion, anti-homosexual side of the deal. Now, I don't necessarily cull those things as overly important issues from my time reading the bible, but to each his own.

The problem arises, for me, when Christians continue to toe the party line on issues that go against what their faith teaches them. Terrorists attacked us? Well, we better go over there and bomb the shit out of them! Iraq might attack us? (???) Better go over there and bomb the shit out of them before they do anything to us! It's not like the bible teaches us to be peacekeepers and....oh......oh, actually that was exactly what it told us. It also told us that, hey, we will in fact be persecuted. So Christian blood will be spilled.

Oh....and screw the Natives...why should we be responsible for their plight. Why should we just spend more money on them? They don't appreciate us for it. It's not like the bible said anything about being merciful. Or feeding the hungry. Or sheltering the homeless. Or forgive offenses. (By the way, white Europeans are the biggest offenders in this whole mess. We totally screwed the Natives over they are the ones paying the real consequences here.)

This is the sort of stuff that Christians should be speaking out against. Why the hell were we bombing Iraq? There should really be no justifiable answer to that question. Look...I totally understand why we fought in World War 2. Hitler was bent on taking over the world and he was killing a lot of innocent Jewish people. There was no other way to bring peace to that situation than to stop him. But Vietnam? Afghanistan? Iraq? There were clearly impure motives behind these invasions and yet so many Christians found some way to jump on board. The Vietnamese were godless commies. Some dudes from Afghanistan hijacked some planes. Saddam...umm.....ummmmm........he might have done something. (should I also mention that a lot of wealthy businessmen made a lot of money off of these invasions?)

Look, I understand the political model of the conservative side of things. Lower taxes means we have personal say over how our money gets spent. And, in theory that means money should go where its needed. Same as, in theory, if there are higher taxes like on the liberal side of things, then more money is available to fund social projects that benefit everybody. But both are flawed on a social level because too many people on the conservative side of things put themselves ahead of others and the bureaucratic system is far too inefficient to effectively use tax money as it should. But you should never sacrifice the most important ideals, morals and beliefs in your life in order to toe the company line. Ever. So politicians should be held to the same standard no matter what party you side with.

MONEY

The bible says that one who follows god should give an offering to god. To save a long, complex, debatable explanation, we'll just say that the consensus recommended amount is 10%. The bible says nothing about going to hell if you don't tithe and god does not view tithing as an investment, wherein the more you give, the more blessings will be poured upon you. So just ignore those bullshit Christian infomercials about the Power of Tithing or that really insane prosperity handkerchief one. These are crooked individuals exploiting people's religious beliefs for personal financial gain and for their sake I hope their is a god so they can spend an eternity rotting in hell.

But to get back on track, Christians are supposed to give 10% to god. This is usually done as an offering to their local church. And let's be honest...tithing is perfectly functional from a logical point of view. Churches have costs (building costs, heating, charities to support, wages for people working for the church, etc.). And it should be a natural thing to want to give money to help cover these costs. Small rural communities do this sort of thing all the time to fund various projects. Now, there is nothing saying that you have to give all of your tithe to your local church. The idea is that its a (joyful) offering to god and as long as that money is doing god's work, then giving to various charitable organizations or to people in need or putting it towards beneficial causes is all good.

The problem is that there are all kinds of instances where I really fail to see how this money is used to do god's will when its trusted to someone else to decide what the money should go to. I dunno....when you see some bigshot pastor from some bigshot church cruising around in an expensive sports car and you hear he/she has some ginormous house in some swanky neighborhood and all sorts of stuff, you start to wonder what sort of salary the dude/dudette is getting paid. And when you think that that money comes from his/her church from money given by people as an offering to god to do god's work.....its hard to come up with some sort of theological explanation on how god's will is someone driving a brand new Escalade while other people are going hungry. Just saying.

I don't think religious teachers and leaders should be traveling the countryside barefoot while riding a donkey and spreading the good word, but one has to wonder just who the pastor in the 'Vette is serving: himself or his god. Because if he was serving his god, one would think he'd find a way to justify a reasonably comfortable, lower salary and find some better cause for the extra tens of thousands of dollars a year. I mean...some families live off of $25000 a year.

The other thing I don't understand is the massive church building with all the state of the art bells and whistles. Once again...kinda failing to see here how this is god's will. Based on what we know, you think Jesus would want us to spend several millions of dollars on a church complex when that money that could feed, clothe or shelter a pile of people? And is it really an offering to god when the expectation is that that money be used to benefit us by making our churchgoing experience more enjoyable? Once again our priorities are mixed up. Church shouldn't be a money-making business that views attendees as customers.

MATERIALISM

Jesus, as far as I can discern, owned very little. The apostles, as far as I can discern, owned very little. Jesus even warned about storing treasures up here on Earth since they were basically useless. The only time I can remember Jesus getting fancy is with the expensive oil used to wash his feet. And even then his disciples thought it could be sold and put to a better use. Just something to keep in mind when you're playing video games in your designer clothes on your designer couches with the 52" HDTV and surround sound blasting.

It bugged me when I'd start talking to someone from church and they'd start bragging about how much money they made ("Well that's the sort of thing you can do when you make 90 grand a year.") or how God blessed them with some big screen TV or some shit. Perhaps the worst was having to sit there and listen to these two guys blabber on and on to me at a young adult night about how God blesses people through the stock market and investments. They believed that God blessed them through these things by how much they gave to their church and they had this convoluted theory about the gold market and God and I seriously just wanted to punch them in the face for being complete meatards. The problem is that I hear this sort of drivel all the time.

But if you read the bible, god wouldn't give a shit how much money you have and I really doubt he blesses people with useless material goods. I think way too many people worship the almighty dollar ahead of their god.

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Jesus taught a couple things when it came to conflict resolution. One was to be a peacemaker. The other was to turn the other cheek. America, with its claims of being a "Christian nation" (at least that's what Dubya claimed), is really shitty at both. Especially turning the other cheek. Turning the other cheek implies that if someone slaps you in the face (or flies some planes into your buildings), as much as it sucks and as much as it hurts your pride, you're supposed to turn the other cheek and let them have another crack if they so desire. It probably doesn't imply you go in and bomb the shit out of some foreign country and capture and illegally hold them as prisoners in a torture camp. And being a peacemaker doesn't involve supplying weapons to whatever faction du jour in the Middle East is going to help you gain (or maintain) access to valuable resources (aka oil).

Now, these actions in and of themselves aren't necessarily wrong. Although some claim that America is a "Christian" nation, the fact remains that much of the population is not Christian and thus should not act solely in the interests of Christians. And if these actions are the best for the nation (which is definitely debatable), then its the leaders of the nation to make these decisions. However, if one actually believes in the things Jesus taught, then its their job to speak out against such actions since they seemingly contradict everything Jesus taught. Your religious beliefs should transcend your country. It should transcend any sort of patriotism. Yet the general consensus amongst Christians has been to support ideas such as the war in Iraq. Yet the American government didn't offer a single reason for the invasion that should have satisfied Christians. WMDs? Well, to be fair, we have WMDs. So if we're allowed to have them, how come other countries can't? Just because they're an enemy isn't really a legit excuse. Because they were harboring terrorists? Well, there is that whole turning the other cheek thing. Now the reason is to "liberate the people and create a democratic nation." Which is fine, but should we not be demanding the US step in and help countless other nations with suppressed people? Shouldn't we be pouring just as much money into areas like Sudan, if that's our real motive?

LEADERSHIP ACCOUNTABILITY

There are lazy days when the television universe offers me nothing but bowling skins games, televised poker and Mythbusters re-runs and so I ended up surfing the channels. And on many of these days I come across some Christian television programming. And more often than not there is some guy (gal) rambling on about some topic and what he (she) is saying seems, to me, contradictory to what my understanding of the bible is.

I remember one day in particular some preacherdude from down in the States was trying to explain to me how the attack on Iraq was not only justifiable, but that it was in fact god's will. On the surface, he seemed to provide a somewhat plausible argument based on the verses of scripture that he used. Something didn't sit right with me and I dug out a bible and started reading the verses he was quoting. Sure enough, those verses were in there as he quoted them. However, the verses took on a complete different meaning when one read through the chapter that contained the verses.

The point is that its way too easy for anybody to cherry pick verses out of context to support basically any idea they want. And if the people following this dude didn't do a bit of reading on their own, they're probably going to go home and believe what they learned and use it to determine their opinion on the war. Which is huge problem. Way too many Christians don't question what they've been told. They assume if one of their leaders is preaching it and has a couple verses, its time to jump on board.

It's the reason I've had to listen to the most insane, illogical and fundamentally wrong ideas on how the world was created. Seriously....what's the deal with this whole water sphere surrounding the earth business? That's just batshit insane. And yet people believe it. Because some guy on some Christian video said it was true and dropped a couple of verses. But how is this guy in any way qualified to teach something like this as fact? He clearly has not studied the fields of thermodynamics or phyiscs (or else simply chooses to ignore the fundamental laws of thermodynamics and physics), yet people are accepting his argument as fact.

And this is the problem. Far too many religious leaders teach on topics they have zero of the necessary background or experience to reach any sort of informed conclusion. Just consider the evolution debate. Creationists and intelligent design supporters shoot down many of Darwin's theories and decide that is sufficient for them to win the argument and debunk evolution. Except Darwin was wrong about a lot of things. Ask any scientist studying the topic. Darwin was wrong about all kinds of stuff. Shooting down Darwin's theory of evolution is like tearing down Dalton's model of the atom and claiming that atomic particles must not exist. That doesn't mean Dalton and Darwin were completely wrong....it just means they had just scratched the surface of understanding something fundamental about nature. Much like Dalton's model has progressed into the quantum mechanical model, so has Darwin's theory progressed and been refined and improved into what it is today.

It's as though there is some conflict of interest here. Religious leaders want to show what they believe in to be true. Yet they are expected to teach followers on all sorts of subjects. So when something accepted as fact seemingly contradicts their fundamental beliefs, they reject it and come up with some half-brained theory to support what they believe (hence that dumb-as-shit water sphere idea).

And then there is the idea of the environment and/or global warming. Environmental issues are NOT a scientific debate. It is well documented that we are destroying the planet, whether it be global warming, water contamination, air pollution, resource depletion....this is happening. The only debate here is a political one. One side is saying "Let's listen to the scientists here and try and do something before we are right hooped." The other side is saying "That's going to affect my bottom line. I like money. I like money alot more than I care about my grandchildren." This side is also the side that pretends to hate gays and abortions to help gain a group of voters' support. So what happens is religious leaders side with the moneymen because of the politics and it filters down to the followers and not only is there a lackadaisical attitude towards the environment, but in fact there is downright disdain towards it. So people continue on with their old ways, money men keep making money and religious leaders blatantly ignore one of god's requests, which is to look after the planet and the life on it. If you believe in the bible, god explicitly gives this job to mankind in the book of Genesis.

----

Perhaps some of my arguments come off as idealistic. I can't necessarily expect a nation not to retaliate after being attacked. That being said, one cannot deny the things Jesus said in the bible. And if one truly believes that Jesus was who he was, then its these idealistic teachings that Christians should aspire towards. Unfortunately there is the true root evil that gets in the way for most Christians. Selfish greed. Simply put, most Christians want what they percieve to be the perfect life that they believe god promised them. They want churches that cater to their desires. They want material goods. They want nice things. They want a nice, clean lifestyle devoid of difficulties. They want the world to be full of shiny happy people like themselves. Yet these people are part of the problem and definitely not part of the solution.

Actually being a Christian is probably one of the most difficult endeavours one could aspire towards. When one takes a look at the entirity of Jesus' teachings, being a Christian means that you'll never be rich. You will be constantly giving to others. You will be reaching out to those in need. You'll need to get dirty. You have to forgive people you want to despise and hate. It takes a bigger man to walk away and forgive than it does to strike back. There is nothing easy about being Christian and all of the rewards are intangible. They have no material worth or value. The rewards of being a Christian are righteousness, peace, equality. Which, unfortunately, are pretty much worthless in today's materialistic society.

So, while I believe that your run of the mill laissez-faire Christian (or ridiculous fundamentalist Christian) are part of the problem, if Christians actually aspired to follow their leader instead of worshipping whatever else it is they worship, they would instantly become part of the solution.

----

The thing is, I already know many of the counter arguments to some of the points I discussed. How can we turn the cheek on terrorists when they'll just attack us again? How can I afford to just give a bunch of my money away when I have bills to pay, groceries to buy and a mortgage to look after? The thing is, you're supposed to do these things because your god told you to. He also told you that he will provide and care for you if you believe in him. So if you aren't prepared to turn the other cheek because you will probably be attacked again, you don't really have much trust in god, do you? And if you don't have this sort of trust in your god, do you really believe god is there? That he exists? Because in the bible god claims to have the power to protect and care for you. If you don't believe that, you don't believe in god.

The Red Light Was My Mind

2009-02-09T17:55:00.002-06:00

I was cleaning up my iTunes today and came across this song by old blues master Robert Johnson and thought it was appropriate to throw it on the blog.

And I followed her to the station, with her suitcase in my hand,
And I followed her to the station, with her suitcase in my hand.
Well, it's hard to tell, it's hard to tell, when all your love's in vain,
All my love's in vain.

When the train rolled up to the station, I looked her in the eye,
When the train rolled up to the station, and I looked her in the eye.
Well, I was lonesome, I felt so lonesome, and I could not help but cry.
All my love's in vain.

When the train, it left the station, there was two lights on behind,
When the train, it left the station, there was two lights on behind,
Well, the blue light was my baby, and the red light was my mind.
All my love's in vain.

Jobbed!

2009-02-08T17:07:00.001-06:00

Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels in Montreal.

Al Gore vs. Geroge W. Bush in Florida.

Gunslingin' Favre and the Funinators vs. The Hoovers in Winnipeg.

What do these three have in common? They were all gret screw jobs.

We cruised through the first day of Ironman competition in style. Game 1 we quickly revolutionized the strategy of sheet 1 and the ridge with our impossible to defend ridge control scheme. The next two games were downright trashings, winning with a combined score of 18-2. We were a quiet confident heading into Sunday's action.

Sunday we found ourselves on the long side of the championship draw, but did not fret. A less than ideal drawing of the infamous sheet 1 became a non-issue in a reasonably close game when we busted things wide open in the second last end with a 4 ender and then cruised to victory playing a defensive style in the final end.

This brought us up against The Hooever, last year's champs. A very tricky ice surface led to a feeling out process and we found ourselves down one after an end. We responded with our deuce and a steal. The Hoovers battled back thanks to a sick draw by their skip in the final end to force the extra end. We started getting some rocks in play, then Forrester got his blasting shoes on and cleaned up some rocks and after the dust settled I had my last shot and there were two rocks in the house. One ours, one theirs. Upon inspection I decided we were shot rock by at least an inch, if not more. And since there rock was in the top of the house and ours was in the back and I didn't want to risk a possible jam, I essentially through the rock away. The other team wanted to measure (can't blame them) but there was no measuring device. So we called in the event organizer's to make a decision. That's when things got downright goofy.

First off, there were like 6 guys in the ring. The other's team lead was trying to run the show, which was pissing me off. Then things got downright laughable. Two-by-fours made an appearance. Some sort of curling broom cross-hair. A foot used to mark the center point. A small little pen mark on a two-by-four. A decision it was too close too call. (I measured with my broom and it was clearly us by a very firm 3/4 of an inch.) The thing that frustrated me is that I took courses that ran an entire semester on this shit. The amount of error in the process could simply not have produced a trusted result period. The only way this measuring process would have been at all effective is if one rock was like a foot closer than the other, making the measurement pointless. The worst was we offered a reasonable solution. Mark the center point with a Sharpie or something. Get a rope. Mark the spot on the rope with a Sharpie. Compare to other rock. Bang. Instead we had to have a second extra end and lost when the other team made a miracle draw to the part of the ice that we couldn't throw a reliable take-out to and were hooped. That team we "lost" to won. We got jobbed. Out of anger we picked a vase for Billeck in the pick a prize. Somewhere, Bret Hart weeps.

Why Things I Like Best Not Get Popular

2009-02-04T22:04:00.002-06:00

In a world full of useless sports websites, its hard to find good ones. It doesn't help when one of the best, Fire Joe Morgan, folds up shop. Fire Joe Morgan was pure, unadulterated brilliance. It was beyond brilliant. It called out all sorts of hack sportswriters and baseball "analysts" and went through, line by line, explaining why said sportswriter was wrong, an idiot, and should not be a journalist nor a writer.

But perhaps even worse is what has happened to my beloved Football Outsiders. Football Outsiders was a website set out to look at football from a different standpoint, with a heavy lean on statistical analysis. It sounds boring, but it has some brilliant and hilarious writers. And it attracted a similar sort of crowd, which led to countless hours reading through the comments which added just as much insight, information and humour as the articles themselves. And it was a reasonably smart, civil intertubeweb community lacking the lowest common denominator idiot fanboys that populate every other corner of the sporting world blogosphere. Sure, there was always raiderjoe, but he was a rather innocent fan boy that was hilarious when he'd post at 3 am, drunk out of his tree, proclaiming one of the most inept franchises in the NFL as the greatest. We loved raiderjoe, as he brought humour and he wasn't there to start flamewars.

Then Football Outsiders started to becoming popular. They started branching out. They wrote stuff for ESPN and FoxSports. They started appearing on radio shows and the like. Slowly, more and more idiot assclown fanboys started posting comments. You found yourself sifting through posts on ridiculous conspiracy theories or why Ben Roethlisburger is TEH SHIT (which he's not) and how the refs screwed someone's team over because they missed that small holding penalty on some irrelevant play and that the NFL is rigged and yada yada yada. Then when this year's playoffs came, the comments section became mostly useless. I don't know what it is about sports that makes logic irrelevant (actually, thinking about this, logic seems to escape the majority of the population). But the sheer stupidity of your average sports fan is mind numbingly overwhelming. And its ruining things for me. Stupid jerks. This is why I don't like popular shit.

Science vs. Religion

2009-02-02T21:34:00.002-06:00

Wheelchair Got Stuck

2009-01-25T20:32:00.004-06:00

I think I may have been too much of an idealist in my youth. I just sort of assumed that people were interested in doing the "right thing" and/or looking out for those around them. However, when you witness people at an intersection getting irate because the guy at the front of the line got out of his vehicle to help an old man with a stuck wheelchair in -30 degree weather, its probably time to rethink that assumption. In fact, I was probably completely off base with that assumption.

I'm starting to give up on hope when I begin to take a serious look around me. I think that's one of the big reasons I was intrigued by that Jesus character: I think I was just excited by the idea that maybe there was hope to be had. After all, what he taught was so simple yet made so much sense. And he was supposed to be a deity, to boot, so I even thought maybe there was some universal truth behind it all! But alas, even that is gone these days, as I find it very difficult to fathom the existence of any sort of god. And even if it were all true.....its still frustrating to watch ardent followers of the guy simply not get it (or maybe just ignore it...I dunno).

Humanity is just a cesspool of greed and self-centeredness. Even Bob Dylan just wants to get paid these days. To be fair to our planet, it'd probably be a hell of a lot better off if some sort of plague or natural disaster just wiped us all out. It seems all we're concerned about these days is getting to the top and staying there with whatever means necessary. No matter who (friends, neighbours, grandchildren) or what we have to fuck over in the process. But we somehow justify it by claiming some mythical creature created this whole thing and put it here for us to lord over or however the story goes. Whatever the case, I don't think we deserve any of it.

But hey...that sort of talk is depressing, right? Life's short...enjoy it! (So says the guy that just drowns all his troubles away in alcohol and drugs.) But what is the meaning of it all? 'Why?' is the big question, right. Well, I don't think there is any great, wonderful meaning to life. I don't think there is a reason why we exist. We don't serve any purpose. We just exist. For some reason people don't like that answer, but its probably the truth. I mean if a meteor came and wiped out our planet tomorrow, would it really be some great tragedy? Or would it just be 'something that happened' in the grand scheme of the universe?

So what does one to with their life knowing that they only exist for a microcosm of time and that that existence is essentially purposeless? I guess you have hopes and dreams and stuff and try to reach happiness. But what if you don't really have hopes and dreams? Or, I guess, to be more specific, what if you're a play it by ear kind of person like myself? I don't have many hopes and dreams. When it came time to pick an area of study, I searched through all the options and didn't find a single one that excited me. I had no grand scheme of life. I became an engineer because other people said I'd be good at it. I could go and become a greenskeeper or something tomorrow and feel the same amount of happiness in my job, in all likelihood. The only goal I had was to meet a special lady friend and have a family and spend as much time with them as I could. Since I can remember, that's pretty much it (aside from the obvious "play in the NHL" goal we all had for ourselves in elementary school). But that one seems to be more and more of a pipe dream, thanks to my ever increasing paranoia. I guess that's just how it goes: I'm the Alexandre Daigle of the engineering world (all sorts of talent, but very questionable desire) and the freaking Rudy of the ladies world (all kinds of heart, but zero talent. Although, to be fair to Rudy, he also had a lot more persistence).

During my walk previous to writing this article, I had some way this all tied together. But now I forget. So I guess you just have random nonsense for now.

(And yes...I did just take a shot at Bob Dylan. And yes....the title is a reference to a country music song.)

Mailing In The Towel Part 2

2009-01-13T22:05:00.002-06:00

Throwing in the towel - To give up; surrender.

Mailing it in - Putting forth a lacklustre effort.

Mailing in the towel - Some sort of combination of those two.

The origin of this phrase, as far as I can tell, came from an NFL pregame show where one analyst was trying to say one or the other of the phrases but Emmit Smithed his way into this phrase. It could not have been Emmit because it is too brilliant. Emmit only spills out nonsensical drivel such as "rites of patches."

No, when I heard this phrase, "mailing in the towel" I took it and ran with it. It pretty much describes my life pretty much to a tee. I've seemingly given up on a lot of things and don't care enough to be affected by any of it. My life has basically descended into a cycle of getting up, going to work, coming home, playing Xbox, going to bed. Repeat.

Xbox, I'm pretty sure, is like a drug. It's all I do nowadays. Play Xbox. Whether its Fallout or hockey or football or Guitar Hero, I'm probably playing Xbox. Its not that I am some video game nerd....I haven't owned a legit video game system for well over five years when I bought a Sega Dreamcast because they were trying to purge the last remaining stock for cheap and I wanted to play some football. However, it seems that Xbox has proven to be the only way for me to get an escape from reality. When I play Xbox, its one of the only times of the day that my mind is free from everything else. It's an escape. Like I said...its a drug...and its addictive.

When I'm not playing Xbox, my mind is likely to start wandering. And I'll probably start thinking of her and then I'll probably get angry or upset or depressed. Whether its work or listening to music or playing guitar or doing chores or even hanging out with friends....I'm likely to start thinking too much for my own good. So I play Xbox...or watch football. It's not an exciting life, but it helps me pass the time I guess.

I still don't sleep worth a shit. If I can get 5 hours of sleep a night, I'm usually thrilled. Usually I have to stay up until I'm too tired to keep my eyes open in order for me to fall asleep and not dream too much. Xbox helps in this regard....I can usually play until I'm just too tired to go on. Unfortunately this means I'm super tired during the day, but what can one do.

I don't go to church no more. The last time I went to Soul was probably like half a year ago and there was some guest speaker. I walked out in the middle of it because he was talking about how awesome god was and how god told him he was going to meet his wife at such and such a place and time and then it happened. He was clearly full of shit, if my past experiences have any bearing. I don't understand the whole "god told me" thing. I think these people fall under three categories: one group that always thinks god is "telling them" things and completely forget/deny all those times it didn't work out and overfocuses on those flukey events that do happen. Another group uses the whole "God told me" routine to confirm in their own minds that they made the right desision when faced with a tough decision. The final group just likes to make up good stories.

I've never been one for the "god told me" crowd but I did in fact believe in god at one point and I guess if god did exist then, in theory, he could tell you stuff. I mean, he tells people stuff in the bible all the time through dreams or visions or even audibly (apparently). So if you believe in god, then you kinda have to believe this is possible. And I think this is what has messed me up so bad. I had one of those "God told me" kinda dreams about certain events happening at specific times and places. I didn't actually put much stock in the dream, but it stuck in the back of my mind. Of course, then these events started unfolding at these times and places and it was kinda hard to ignore.

And this is what messes me up. Because I'm not an idiot. I'm not out to lunch. I knew it was a dicey situation...a pretty much impossible one. And normally I wouldn't have even pondered any sort of involvement. Yet, the way things had unfolded.....I mean I believed in god at the time and I was damn sure that I was just supposed to trust god and take a chance. And then, seemingly confirming that my trust was well placed, things started going about as well as one could expect. Then came a major obstacle and I didn't know what to do. I spent a week pretty much unable to sleep. One night I drove around the perimeter......and I prayed about it and the next day all these things seemed to be pointing me down one path. I was scared shitless because I knew how I'd react if I trusted what I thought was god and the whole thing unravelled. But I decided to go with the whole "fuck it....take the plunge and drink the kool-aid".

Now, had I not ever believed in god I wouldn't have ever ended up on a flight home to Winnipeg completely crushed. It was the first time I ever flew in a plane and I can't remember a single detail of it. I remember waiting in the airport and I remember stopping at Shopper's Drug Mart in Winnipeg on my way home....but I don't remember anything in between. Yet I remember most every instance leading up to that. It's ingrained in my dreams. Which is why I can't sleep and is why I play Xbox. Had I never believed in god I probably would have never even really talked to her much. Instead, I ended up really liking her and actually caring a lot about her. Enough that I forewent a week's pay (I don't get holiday time on my contract), bought my own plane ticket home and all other associated costs simply to help her out.

Yet I don't blame her. Well.....she probably should have known better than to take me up on the offer....but still....it was a near impossible situation that basically needed a miracle. I thought I had one. I was wrong. And it pretty much ended up crushing me. It's why I've been mailing in the towel ever since. I quit my job, which I do enjoy for the most part, and took a job that I knew I was going to hate. I worked there a month before crawling back to my old job. It's why I couldn't be bothered to shave for like 3 months. Or why I haven't been bothered with getting a haircut. And its why I haven't even thought of talking to another girl since. I guess you can chalk it up to the now deepset paranoia of never ever wanting to feel like I did on the plane ride home.

I think the idea of god is insane. It makes no sense to me anymore. I'm not sure how I ever believed in it for as long as I did. It just seems to go against any sort of logic. Or science. Or anything. And really, that's why I don't go to church anymore. I can't stand listening about god. Its unfortunate because I still enjoy hanging out with the people I went to church with. I'm still friends with them. It's just that I can't listen to people discussing god anymore. I just get upset. And I haven't gone to Upper Room at Fude for months now simply because it just brings up too many memories. I'll occassionally go if we hang out at somebody else's place if I feel up to it, but if its at Fude....forget it.

Mostly I'm just tired. I'm tired of not being able to sleep. Tired of the dreams. Tired of panic attacks. Tired of not giving a shit. Tired of my fucking car and its retarded anti-theft device that constantly trips in the cold, causing me to use all my battery to reset it and rendering my car unstartable. Just tired. So I better go play some Xbox.

Mailing In The Towel Part 1: Christmas Mixtapes

2009-01-10T20:49:00.002-06:00

The last few years I've handed out Christmas mixtapes. This year I didn't. Probably because:

i.) I'm lazy
ii.) I was moving during Christmas
iii.) I didn't care
iv.) Christmas Mixtapes aren't supposed to be depressing, which it was shaping up to be
v.) It would've only had a couple of pseudo Christmas songs

So I didn't make one.

So, in lieu of my traditional Christmas Mixtape, I'll just post a link to this song by Okkervil River, which was going to be the centerpiece, if you will, of the Mixtape. It's one of those pseudo Christmas songs (it has jingle bells and mentions Christmas, fwiw).

Top 10 Things Learned From 2008

2009-01-01T20:31:00.003-06:00

They say that one must be able to look back at the past and learn in order to avoid making grievous errors in the future. Or something like that. So I thought I'd look back at 2008 and see what there is to learn.

10.) The Taylor Made Burner was probably forged by the Greek god Zeus himself.
9.) Don't quit your job in the summer, go unemployed for a couple of weeks, then take a crap job. All of this after you already squandered an asston of money earlier in the spring. Unless you hate having money. Then by all means......
8.) Entourage is the best show on air right now this side of Flight of the Conchords.
7.) The universe is out to get me and I should definitely let paranoia overtake my life.
6.) Fallout 3: Like crack, it is.
5.) God is something we made up.
4.) Blitzen Trapper are my new favorite band. And Texaco has been added to my all time favorite songs.
3.) Axl Rose loves Dr. Pepper, just like me.
2.) The Ildy is the place to be Wednesday night for wings night.

1.) Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff are the greatest prophets of our generation.