Phoenician Shores

We found a house

2009-06-26T21:51:00.003-04:00

So, about a month ago we found a house that we love. We are now in the process of buying it. I am signing the papers for the mortgage this weekend and we have inspections, a survey over the next few weeks and a closing date of August 13th. We will be fully moved in by September 1st. The house is cool, but the best thing about it is that we have a pond in our backyard! Its 2.35 acres and 1600+ square feet. Three bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms. It has a front porch and a fireplace and french doors off of the back. Next year we hope to build a deck with the help of my step-father Smitty. I'm very excited. I have wanted to buy a house for a very long time and we finally did it! :)

Depeche Mode goodness

2009-05-19T13:21:00.005-04:00

A week ago, Santino and I told a trip to the local brick and mortar music store and bought four cds and a DVD: Depeche Mode - Sounds of the Universe, Pink Floyd - The Division Bell, Sonic Youth - Goo, Joy Division - Unknown Pleasures (Remastered Special Edition), and Inside Bjork documentary.

All of these albums (and the DVD) are amazing, but I wanted to log into today and share specifically how great the new Depeche Mode album is. They brought out some of their old synthesizer gear for it, which added a REALLY great touch, especially for an old fan like me.

Check out the track "Fragile Tension" which features some synthesizers that sound like they were used on classics albums like Some Great Reward and Black Celebration:

The lyrics to "Little Soul" followed by "Peace" put me in tears on the way to work this morning:

I highly recommend purchasingthis album if you like Depeche Mode!

EMDR Therapy this week

2009-05-14T16:52:00.008-04:00

Last week I went to talk to my EMDR therapist about getting treatment for the many traumas that have occurred to me throughout my life. I have been diagnosed with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder from which I am increasingly suffering many psychological and physical symptoms as I get older. I have recently made the decision that I cannot go on and longer trying to repress and cope with these things by myself, and am going to invest the time and money into getting help. After much soul searching over the past couple of months, I have become aware of three "big" issues that I will be focusing on in the next few months.

Yesterday I had my first EMDR session to help me remember and process these things. It was very painful and made me feel very vulnerable to talk about some of things I talked about yesterday. I left the session feeling very icky, and that my therapist was judging me for what I confessed. I know that she wasn't and that I was just projecting my guilt onto her. Next week I am going to address this.

The cause of these feelings involved my sexual awakening when I was 15 and the string of events which led to being involved in an abusive relationship in my early to mid-twenties. At the root of it all I discovered the huge amount of guilt which led me to make choices which reflected my feelings of not deserving to be loved and to be made to suffer. These choices attracted a person into my life who mirrored these feelings back to me.

Although I escaped this relationship and now am involved with a very wonderful person who truly loves me and treats me the way I deserve to be treated, these memories are still with me and make it very hard to enjoy my life even to this day. I often have nightmares and have night terrors that this specific person is going to stalk me and break into my house at night and kill my husband and I. The reason I have these fears is because I was traumatized and threatened that this would happen at the end of our relationship when I was trying to get out.

I also discovered a connection between how observing my mother being abused by my father as a child and teenage caused me to subconsciously recreate the experience in my early adult life. Even though I broke the pattern, I still have a lot of clearing out to do.

More updates as they happen.

Sync 24, Signal Type, Silicon Scally new release

2009-05-11T09:15:00.003-04:00

One of the artists who joined TechnoBass.net uploaded some new tracks on his profile and they are freaking awesome. They are on an upcoming release due out in June. I just wanted to share because they are some of my favorite new tracks coming out right now.

Find more music like this on TechnoBass.net

Starstruck

2009-05-06T23:10:00.003-04:00

The other night, Santino called Keither Tucker from Aux 88 to talk to him about our upcoming trip to Detroit. He gave me the phone to talk to him. I was so starstruck! I have been admiring and listening to their music for like 13 years now, and it has inspired me so much. He said that they are going to throw a barbeque when we are there and we are invited. Yay!

I didn't really report this here but when I launched http://www/technobass.net they were really supportive and sent us a promo package with cds, t-shirts and autographed posters.

I hope I don't act like a total geek when I meet them in person.

2009-05-06T23:02:00.003-04:00

With the purchase I made at the Adidas Store in Georgetown a month ago I got a $20 gift certificate, with which I am going to purchase this dress next weekend to wear in Detroit:

I am going to wear it with my new Adidas Superstars. :)

I Study Astrology

2009-05-06T22:58:00.002-04:00

After being flamed and persectued on a messageboard for "believing in" astrology, I kind of went underground about the fact that I read about it a lot and generally observe my reality based on what I have learned from it.

I have decided to not be underground about it anymore. I study astrology!

I am not talking about the sun sign kind that is in newspapers or little scrolls you buy in the supermarket. I am talking about full on birthcharts with houses, aspects, progressions etc. Its so fascinating and rings so true for me. I observe its truth and see evidence that it is relevant every single day.

To Much Work, Too Little Time

2009-05-06T22:52:00.002-04:00

I mentioned a while ago that I was going to convert this blog to Wordpress. Also, I have to redesign my portfolio website and finish my music artists website. Before I can do these things, though, I have to finish the artwork for the next FBI release (which is going to be a cd album) and finish redesigning the FBI website. I also need to finish an acupuncture website for my acupuncturist and implement the flash media player I wrote for someone else. I am also working on my album. UGHHH too much to do!

Thyroid update and future intentions

2009-05-05T19:10:00.007-04:00

So, I switched to a brand of thyroid medicine called Armour Thyroid about two months ago. I am also taking Vitamin C and Vitamin B5 in addition to the vitamin d drops, fish oil, boswellia, and botanical treasures herbal supplements. My basal temperature has returned to normal (it was in the mid-97's when I was taking synthroid) and I have been keeping the weight off. Depression is still gone. I still get anxiety and have been on the verge of having a panic attack a couple of times but overall I am doing so much better. Last week I walked into an acupuncturist's office here in Charlottesville and a little old Chinese man came out. He had a huge wall filled with bottles of herbs behind him. I asked him if he could help me get off my my thyroid medication and cure my hypothyroidism and he said that he could. He told me to call my insurance company and find out what their deductible is, and told me his rates. He said that the treatment will involve coming to be treated by him (needles), taking some more herbs (he mention pine needle oil or something like that?), exercise, dietary changes, meditation, and mantra. He told me that it will take around 100 days for me to be cured.

I am planning on going to see him - and when I do I am going to stop taking mymedicine. I risk that my hypothyroid symptoms will come back, but I feel like I have to do this. I do not want to take thyroid medicine every day for the rest of my life. I have no choice.

I know that on a higher level I set up this illness so I can overcome it and that it is going to take a lot of inner strength. All of the doctors I have seen have told me that I will never be cured, and that I will have to take medication forever. I just cannot accept that. I know in the core of my being that my body has the ability to heal itself, and that there is no such thing as permanent damage.

Western medicine seems to not understand what really causes hypothyroidism, and therefore does not know what will cure it. Therefore, I am have to go somewhere else to get help. I am going to the East.

Detroit

2009-05-03T19:08:00.002-04:00

Last week, Santino and I I booked our plane tickets to Detroit from May 21st through May 26th. We also pre-paid a booked a suite in Warren, MI and lined up a rental car. We are going to go exploring around Lake Huron, have dinner with Aux 88, go see Aux 88 perform live, meet some other friends in person for the first time (who run an electro label in Detroit) and Santino is going to spin at the Electrobounce afterparty on Sunday night. We might go to DEMF if we get the urge. Anthony Rother and Will Webb are playing there. I am so excited! This is going to be a dream come true. Detroit music has always been so influential to me.

Activity

2009-04-27T14:11:00.004-04:00

About a month ago (coincidently at the onset of nature gloriously blossoming back to life) Santino and I decided that we want to go do more stuff on the weekends. For a while, we have been staying at home, doing stuff there, and trying to save as much money as possible. Every once in a while we would go house hunting, which has left us frustrated. How boring. So, three weeks ago we drove down the Blue Ridge Parkway to Roanaoke and visited a really cool modern art museum there. They also had this very lovely farmers market amongst streets of cafes and boutiques. We had lunch at a Wine Bar where there was an exceptionally nice bartender from Williamsburg, and then Santino took me to some little hippie/New Age boutique and let me shop for a dress (which he bought me :) ) while we listened to some medicine woman doing past life readings for a lady behind a curtain. I got a black with metallic pink stitching, handmade, backless little bohemian number for a decent price. It is the perfect summer dress. Roanoke is actually a really cute little city, which is actually much bigger than Charlottesville, Harrisonburg, or any of the other towns near where we life (besides Richmond).

I love finding unexpected and unknown treasures like what we found that weekend. I never realized Roanoke was so cool!

Two weeks ago we drove to Washington D.C. and went to the Guitar Center near where we used to live in Rockville. There I bought a MicroKorg synthesizer (my first synth!). Then we drove back down Georgetown Pike and parked at Georgetown. We went shopping at the Adidas Store, where there was a live DJ spinning with vinyl on two turntables. He was playing old school hip-hop, and was cutting and scratching really well. I got a really cute Adidas summer dress, as well as some Adidas Superstars (with some fat baby blue shoe laces). Santino had also gotten some really cute khaki men's cargo shorts. We then went to a bike store (where I changed into my new gear), bought some biking shorts to wear under my dress, and rented two bicycles. We rode our bikes along a trail which went up the Potomac, to the Lincoln Memorial, Washington Memorial, and the Reflecting pool. It was an absolutely perfect day in regard to weather and temperature... and riding our bikes was so much fun. Two and a half hours later we returned our bikes and decided to get a bite to eat, so we went to Vietnamese restaurant and ordered yummy vegan dishes along with some beer and wine. Then we came home, quite pleased with ourselves.

This past weekend we drove to West Virginia, but decided to turn around and go visit my parents. We took a hike on their farm to the peak in the very back that has an amazing view of the valley. When we walked back down, we went over to and played with the cows. My mom's two heifers just gave birth to almost identical baby Swedish bulls. I also visited my favorite French bull, Buddy. He has gotten so big in the past year, but is as gentle as ever. Buddy will let me pet him, and he will lick me, but the two young bulls are still very shy. I sat down on the ground and held out my hand to the little baby bulls and started talking to them, and one came up to me and smelled my hand. I think I him winning them over. The key was to get on the ground and get on his level. I love my mom's cattle. I know everyone thinks I am weird because I go play with them and hang out with them, but I don't care. I think they are some of the most gentle and interesting creatures on the Earth. And they are cute! Especially the baby ones. :) Yesterday we stayed home and did chores. I hung up the hummingbird feeders and within three hours they were back. They showed themselves to us during a thunderstorm through which we were taking shelter on the back porch. It was a dramatic reunion.

Next weekend I am going to New York City with my mom to pick up my Uncle. Santino is going to stay home and take the dog on a hike.

RIP

2009-04-21T10:56:00.003-04:00

I got a call yesterday that a man I maintained a website for passed away three weeks ago. His name was John Morrow and he was a brilliant wildlife photographer. His website, TheWildAsISeeIt.com, contains amazing pictures of bears, fox, cougars, and landscapes of Alaska, Wyoming, and Montana. My condolences go out to his family.

I am very sad today to hear that someone I admired so much is gone.

I've lost some weight

2009-04-12T19:23:00.005-04:00

I have lost some weight and feel like I have gotten rid of most of the fat that had accumulated around my stomach last year... sadly, I still am not feeling all that great, and probably won't feel significantly better for several months. All I can do is keep trying to take care of myself, watch what I eat and take my supplements. Exercising is a bit of a double edged sword for me at the moment. Aerobic activity puts stress on the adrenals but I feel like it very fundamental to the well being of other parts of my physiology. I have been taking a bit of a break over the past few weeks, but am not really all that happy about it.

Vivid memories

2009-04-12T19:18:00.002-04:00

Was just looking at old photos of high school friends on facebook... brought back lots of vivid memories and strong emotions. It was so long ago, but I can still feel what it felt like to be 15, 16, 17, 18 years old and in the reality I was in at the time. I am filled with longing, and deep burning pain. Also, pride and gratefulness for the experiences I had.

Adrenals & PTSD

2009-04-09T22:27:00.004-04:00

I found out for sure that my adrenal glands are underactive... which means they are not making as much cortisol and aldosterone as they should. This condition is known to be caused by poor diet, prolonged stress, and possibly hypothyroidism. I went to a nutritionist and she prescribed Ashwaghanda Root, Magnolia, Vitamin B5, and Vitamin C w/ Bioflavinoids to help rebuild the health of my adrenal glands. I was also told that it is going to take 6-18 months for me to completely recover. This is adding 6 more pills I have to take a day... I think I am now up to 27 1/2 + the 4 Vitamin D drops I have to take every day because my Vitamin D levels were dangerously low.

Yikes.

I cannot believe how unhealthy I am.

Also, I don't think I have written about it much here, but I started to see an EMDR therapist to help me with my panic attacks. So far I have had 2 sessions and they went really well. Basically, what it entails is visualization and relaxation techniques, talking about traumas which have occurred to me (I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and holding electronic pulsers in both of my hands. When I relive the stress, the bilateral stimulation helps me process and rewire my brain so that the memory goes into my long-term memory storage. I can definitely say it worked for me. I have a few more "traumas" I need to go back and have processed, though.

The next one I am going to focus on is my grandmother's death in September of 1994.

Updates

2009-04-02T21:02:00.004-04:00

So, it turns out we are not going to buy the house I spoke about. The foundation and construction quality were not sufficient. I am being really picky about what I buy! We are, however, speaking with a builder. We might end up picking out blueprints and having the house built from scratch. First we need to work with an architect to pick out the blueprints that we want and make sure that the lot the builder has to offer is something that we like. Santino and I are going to go look at the lot and talk to the builder this weekend. I still have a couple of things to work out in order to finalize the mortage. If I can pay off some more debts quickly I will be able to borrow more.

Buying a house is exhausting!

Another update: I switched my thyroid medication to a brand called Armour Thyroid. It is all natural and made from dessicated porcine thyroid glands. It is alot healthier than synthroid because it gives you all FIVE hormones produced by the thyroid gland instead of just one provided by Synthroid. I prefer natural over synthetic so I am happy that I have switched. The only problem is that I have been having symptoms of hyperthyroidism, and might need to lower my dose. That is actually a good thing in my opinion. One day I am going to go to ChinaMed acupuncture and hopefully get treated to cure this condition permamently so I can get off of all medication.

I think the insomnia and sleep apnea are related to my medication and will get better when I adjust it. I also got some labwork done to test my Adrenal Stress Index. I go in to see the doctor soon to go over the results.

I have been having a lot of anxiety lately and had a full blown panic attack on Monday when I went to the gym. At least they are only happening about once a month now. I look forward to the day when I never ever get them again.

Something huge is coming up

2009-04-01T10:28:00.002-04:00

Been a while since I have updated but I have lots of things cooking that have not panned out quite yet. One is I think we have found a house that we love, and I am trying to find out if I can get a mortgage so I can buy it. :) My parents are coming over to look at it today and give me their opinion. They know a lot more about construction than I do.

Also, Santino and I just updated the home page of TechnoBass.net with a new featured mix, artist highlight, and record review. We will be making these updates once a month. We have over 120 members already (in just one month) and are super happy about how it has been working out. It has surpassed all of my hopes and dreams.

In disturbing news, I found out that I have a condition called Central Sleep Apnea and I need to do something to help. I am suspicious that it has been caused by my hypothyroidism and chances are it will go away over the next year now that I am getting treated for it. The bummer is I have to do a sleep study and possibly start wearing a mask to bed that will force me to breathe regularly until it goes away. :(

Techno Bass is back!

2009-03-10T16:23:00.003-04:00

I finally launched the website that has been my passionate dream for seven(!) years!

TechnoBass.net

Aux 88, Egyptian Lover, Bass Junkie, The Arabian Prince, Adam X, Scan 7 plus 53 others have already joined. YAY!

Desiderata

2009-03-05T16:33:00.005-05:00

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.

Especially, do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

- Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

Last weekend I got snowed in at my parents house and I had a panic attack that lasted a couple of hours. My stepdad and mom comforted me until the adrenaline was metabolized and at one point I noticed that they had a framed passage of text on the wall that I had never stopped and read before. My stepdad stood by me and we read it together and he explained how he had had it since he was a teenager and that he has strived to live his life by its words. He was in tears as he told me this (as was I) ... It was a very special moment.

Upcoming Changes

2009-02-25T12:09:00.001-05:00

This blog only got about 23 hits last month, which I am sure the majority of which are ME... therefore I really do not see much of a reason to continue it. I am currently installing Wordpress on my websites http://www.fbirecordings.net and http://www.selektastjarna.com where I will be posting music related stuff. I am also going to redesign my portfolio website http://www.equinoxmultimedia.com, which will include a web and multimedia design blog.

I might keep this one active so I can post random personal related stuff... I am not sure right now. To be honest I do not feel like I can really get all that personal with it, because it is on the internet and lord knows who could find it. Anyway, I just wanted to put this out there as it is on my mind a lot.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Ian Curtis

2009-02-24T11:01:00.005-05:00

What a beautiful and tortured soul. A couple of months ago I bought a documentary about Joy Division:

I have already watched it about ten times, and will probably watch it about ten+ more times because of the depth knowing the meaning behind the music has given me. I have been listening to Joy Division since I was about 15 years old. I knew that the lead singer killed himself and that New Order were the band members who carried on. I had no idea of all the details of his life, how he had epilepsy, a wife, a child and a girlfriend. It was rotten that he had an affair, but I cannot help but forgive him for it after knowing the details of his life, and knowing how much it made him suffer.

My favorite album was always Closer, and my favorite tracks from Closer have always been "Heart & Soul" and "The Eternal".

"Heart and Soul" sums up how how having a love affair with Annik tortured his soul to the core, while "The Eternal" illustrates the amount of empathy Ian had for people who suffered with physical and mental problems. Now that I have seen the story behind these masterpieces, I appreciate them even more:

Heart and Soul

A journey that leads to the sun,
Soulless and bent on destruction,
A struggle between right and wrong.
You take my place in the showdown,
I'll observe witha pitiful eye,
I'll humbly ask for forgiveness,
A request well beyond you and I.

Heart and soul, one will burn.
Heart and soul, one will burn.

An abyss that laughs at creation,
A circus complete with all fools,
Foundations that lasted the ages,
Then ripped apart at their roots.
Beyond all this good is the terror,
The grip of a mercenary hand,
When savagery turns all good reason,
There's no turning back, no last stand.

Heart and soul, one will burn.
Heart and soul, one will burn.

Existence well what does it matter?
I exist on the best terms I can.
The past is now part of my future,
The present is well out of hand.
The present is well out of hand.

Heart and soul, one will burn.
Heart and soul, one will burn.
One will burn, one will burn.
Heart and soul, one will burn.

The Eternal

Procession moves on, the shouting is over,
Praise to the glory of loved ones now gone.
Talking aloud as they sit round their tables,
Scattering flowers washed down by the rain.
Stood by the gate at the foot of the garden,
Watching them pass like clouds in the sky,
Try to cry out in the heat of the moment,
Possessed by a fury that burns from inside.

Cry like a child, though these years make me older,
With children my time is so wastefully spent,
A burden to keep, though their inner communion,
Accept like a curse an unlucky deal.
Played by the gate at the foot of the garden,
My view stretches out from the fence to the wall,
No words could explain, no actions determine,
Just watching the trees and the leaves as they fall.

Growth Decision

2009-02-11T12:50:00.003-05:00

I have been thinking a lot about my future and what I want to learn. Music production of course, but in regard to my career I have been considering going back to Graduate School and getting a Masters degree. The problem is that I am do not know what I want to major in (Music? Design? Motion Graphics? M.B.A.?). Another problem is that I am so in debt from my undergraduate education, it just does not make sense for me to go into more debt right now. Also, I value my time off, and taking classes and having homework to complete is not sounding all that great to me right now. I would rather put my time into producing music.

It is looking like I am not going to be going back to get my Master's anytime soon.

I did, however, get approval to take a week long Flex Training course and become a Certified Adobe Flex expert from U.Va. and they are picking up the bill. I am feeling really great about learning something new that could potentially be lucrative to me in the future.

If I did not have this coming down the pipeline, I would probably be starting to get a little stir crazy at work. CSS is cool but I am not really all that excited by it anymore. I need to learn more PHP but for some reason it just does not get me excited like Flex does.

Progress!

2009-02-05T11:02:00.003-05:00

So this morning I weighed myself for the first time in a month and saw that I have lost four more pounds! Yes! I have now lost about 10 pounds since October 2008. Now I have 8 more pounds to go until I have lost all of the weight I gained at the end of 2007 and 2008.

The great part is that I am now well within the realm of being in the "healthy weight range" for my height. I never really went too far above it, just a few pounds, but still. I would prefer that I get near the bottom of that range. I have been there before and I just feel better and look better that way.

In addition to the weight training I have been doing over the past month, I think taking synthroid and my new diet (no dairy, wheat, gluten, or sugar) has also played a big part.

I really am starting to feel like my old self again. Thank GODDESS.

INFP

2009-02-04T11:06:00.004-05:00

A few months ago I took a Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test and tested as an INFJ. For a retreat at work on monday, we had to take the test again and take a day-long workshop to learn what that means. This time, I tested as an INFP, although my P(erceiving) was a very weak value of 3. Apparently, this makes me a cross between a "Healer" and a "Conselor", with more of a bent towards the "Healer" side. Also interestingly, I scored a VERY high score of 26 on the Introversion side. This supposedly means that I get most of my energy from my own internal world. I think this particular insight is very true!

Healer Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in striving for their ends, and informative and introverted in their interpersonal relations. Healers present a seemingly tranquil, and noticeably pleasant face to the world, and though to all appearances they might seem reserved, and even shy, on the inside they are anything but reserved, having a capacity for caring not always found in other types. They care deeply — indeed, passionately — about a few special persons or a favorite cause, and their fervent aim is to bring peace and integrity to their loved ones and the world.

Healers have a profound sense of idealism derived from a strong personal morality, and they conceive of the world as an ethical, honorable place. Indeed, to understand INFP's, we must understand their idealism as almost boundless and selfless, inspiring them to make extraordinary sacrifices for someone or something they believe in. The INFP is the Prince or Princess of fairy tale, the King's Champion or Defender of the Faith, like Sir Galahad or Joan of Arc. Healers are found in only 1% of the general population, although, at times, their idealism leaves them feeling even more isolated from the rest of humanity.

Healers seek unity in their lives, unity of body and mind, emotions and intellect, perhaps because they are likely to have a sense of inner division threaded through their lives, which comes from their often unhappy childhood. Healers live a fantasy-filled childhood, which, unfortunately, is discouraged or even punished by many parents. In a practical-minded family, required by their parents to be sociable and industrious in concrete ways, and also given down-to-earth siblings who conform to these parental expectations, INFP's come to see themselves as ugly ducklings. Other types usually shrug off parental expectations that do not fit them, but not the INFP's. Wishing to please their parents and siblings, but not knowing quite how to do it, they try to hide their differences, believing they are bad to be so fanciful, so unlike their more solid brothers and sisters. They wonder, some of them for the rest of their lives, whether they are OK. They are quite OK, just different from the rest of their family — swans reared in a family of ducks. Even so, to realize and really believe this is not easy for them. Deeply committed to the positive and the good, yet taught to believe there is evil in them, INFP's can come to develop a certain fascination with the problem of good and evil, sacred and profane. Tutors are drawn toward purity, but can become engrossed with the profane, continuously on the lookout for the wickedness that lurks within them. Then, when INFP's believe they have yielded to an impure temptation, they may be given to acts of self-sacrifice in atonement. Others seldom detect this inner turmoil, however, for the struggle between good and evil is within the INFP, who does not feel compelled to make the issue public.

http://star.goddess.tripod.com/INFP.html

Loving my job

2009-02-04T10:57:00.002-05:00

I have had mixed feelings about going back to the work for the University over the past year, but now that I approaching my one year anniversary, I am really feeling like I am settling into a very positive phase in my life. Yesterday I got approval from my supervisor to take a week long Flex training class and become an Adobe Certified Flex expert. I am very psyched.

For a while I was worried that I was going to get laid off, but a few signals have occurred which reassured me otherwise.

Saturn is in retrograde until July 2009, and I am trying to focus ALL OF MY ENERGY towards paying off credit cards by then. After then I am going to be house shopping in a very hardcore way. House prices have really been coming down splendidly, and I feel like I have a very real chance at purchasing a dream home for our first house.

Santino's job is going really well, also. The medical industry is not suffering at all, and he has plans to eventually buy his own car (probably a Prius!) so he can serve medical companies directly rather than contracting through someone else. On top of that, he only usually has to work about three days a week. It seems like things are going to work for him! Yay!