Musician's Laboratory

The Guitar Invasion is On!

2009-06-13T15:40:00.002-04:00

Now is a great time to be a guitar or bass player at The Laboratory. We're loaded up with an awesome selection of guitars and amps from Fender, as well as Schecter, Marshall, Orange, Vox, Peavey, Ampeg, Gallien-Krueger, ESP, Yamaha, Breedlove, Alvarez, Blackheart, Crate, and more!

In order to make things easy for you, we've made sure our door has hinges, allowing it to swing wide open, wide enough for a person to enter through. And wide enough for that person to in turn exit through as well, perchance laden with some new treasure. Inside, you'll find a sumptuous ceiling, which is attached to a rain repelling roof. All of our ladders are stored safely in the mop room, so there will be no walking under them or tripping over them. Cougars, which can leave a nasty scratch, are rare at best. Tunnel congestion has been virtually eliminated, mostly due to our not being located particularly near any tunnels. And the guy who rollerblades around the parking lot holding an angry beehive finally went away. He's probably out on a date.
As if those weren't enough reasons to regard with glee the prospect of entering The Laboratory, there's much, much more.

BREAKING NEWS
Just as we were preparing this newsletter, we got confirmation that acoustic-guitar superhero and singer/songwriter Monte Montgomery will be in clinic at The Laboratory. The clinic date is Saturday, June 27th, and is sponsored by Alvarez guitars. Monte will be performing and answering questions. We'll be giving away lots of free stuff courtesy of Alvarez guitars! We've bulked up our selection of Alvarez-Yairi handmade acoustics for the event since Monte plays Alvarez-Yairi exclusively. Stay tuned for details on the exact time of the event.
Schecter V-1 LimitedThis one time, a guy came in the store and said "You guys sure get some cool limited edition Schecters in here!" At which point we looked up from the noisy machinery and said "What? You want more fancy limited edition Schecters? OK cool we'll get another." And with that came the V-1 Limited! It's a V shaped body, with customized speed knobs and pickup covers. The pickups are the EMG 81/85 set, which goes "byrrrr nyrrr chunka chunka nyrrr nyrrrr!!" This is a very striking guitar, and there were only 100 made. We're really glad to have one to offer you.

Marshall Haze Amps
Marshall has entered the arena of low power tube amplifiers with heavyweight tone. At The Laboratory you can check out the Haze series. We have a 15 Watt head in, and a 40 Watt combo. We also have both anangled 1x12 cabinet and a straight 1x12 cabinet. Haze amps have the all valve sparkle and crunch you would expect from a Marshall amp, plus the gut slamming overdrive to power any set of rock riffs. Throw in integrated digital effects with intuitive controls and the ability to remember different settings for each channel, and you get a well oiled machine for making big fat guitar sounds. Come on in for a test drive!

Beatles Straps
Everybody knows that the real secret to the Beatles' success was their fine guitar straps. Especially Ringo. While he is not known to be much of a guitar player, his strap collection was the envy of the continent, and the oneupmanship which ensued between Ringo, Paul, John, George, and Bob, is the ultimate reason for the band's breakup. Reflecting on that sad account has moved us to stock up on the new Planet Waves line of Beatles straps.

Something in the way these straps move will help you carry that weight - across the universe if needed. Even if it's only for a day in the life. You can simply put your new Beatles strap on your guitar, then let it be. I'd better get to the end... I've been writing since yesterday. With a little help from my friends, most of this will be edited out anyway. Help!

Fresh Ampeg ShipmentWe have just emptied a truck of its Ampeggy contents, so that we could put them out on the sales floor for our fine customers of the four and five string persuasion. We're loaded up with heads, cabinets, and combos, all of which are sure to get the low end rumbling for you. Of course, there's plenty of Peavey and Fender bass amplification on hand, as well. You like stamps? Go to the post office. We're talking about amps.

Rockademy Live III - Revenge of the Fifth!
Rockademy Live's summer session begins June 6th. What exactly we mean by Revenge of the Fifth is anybody's guess. In the diatonic harmony system the fifth is a pretty rocking interval, so maybe it has something to do with that. Anyway, register in advance to avoid long lines and swirling eels, some of which may be exaggerated.

Rockademy Live is the live ensemble aspect of our music school, which presents kids aged 8 to 18 with an opportunity to experience the full spectrum of participating in music. This encompasses band practice, setting up for performance, and a live show at an actual rock club, as well as on stage at community events. Call us or email for details!

Super Saver Summer Lessons
Beginning in July, and through August, if you sign up for four lessons at The Laboratory, you'll get two free lessons (new students only). This offer applies to any of our regular in store private lessons on instruments and voice. School ceases for summer soon, so spend some satisfying seconds studying sonorous skills! It's like getting six for the price of four! We call it the Rocker's Half Dozen, or The Rockers' Semidodecacognoscon.

Guitar, Bass, & Theory Master Classes
The Laboratory is pleased to announce that we are now offering guitar & bass master classes with Dion Paci. Dion is a Berklee College of Music alum who is proficient in many styles on guitar and bass, including blues, rock, soul, and jazz. He's worked with many notable artists, like John Medeski, Bily Martin, Skerik (Les Claypool band), Bernie Worrell (Parliament-Funkadelic, Talking Heads), Dave Dreiwitz (Ween), and many others. Dion is also the teacher of one of our most popular instructors, Joe Lauricella.

Dion can take your playing to the next level, sharpen your music theory and reading skills, or prepare you for admissions auditions at the nation's premier music colleges regardless of the instrument you play.

Weekly half-hour or hour long sessions are available with Dion starting immediately. Call or stop in to make an appointment.

Rock: It's the only way to be ward off the unrocking!
The Ministry of Weekly Specials

Doorbuster Specials This Memorial Day Weekend

2009-05-20T11:33:00.001-04:00

This weekend we have drummed up some incredible deals to celebrate and remember the courageous men and women of our Armed forces who gave their lives in defense of liberty. All of the following specials are good Friday, May 22nd, through Sunday, May 24th. The Laboratory will be closed on Monday, May 25th.

What specials, you ask? Well... read on! And don't miss the coupon at the bottom of this message.

Keep Reading
This part doesn't really say much of anything.

Memorial Day Weekend Deals
For Drummers:
Re-Head your entire drum kit with Evans heads for $75!
This offer includes G1 clear heads for toms, G1 coated head for snare, and clear EQ4 head for bass drum. (Standard kit: G1 clear 12, 13, 16, G1 coated 14, EQ4 clear 22 -or- Fusion kit: G1 clear 10, 12, 14, G1 coated 14, EQ4 clear 20)

For Guitarists and Bassists:
Remember that part in the movie where the bad guy lures the hero into a warehouse or something and then the good guy yells, "It's a setup!"? Well we do that here. Only, instead of hoodwinking the good guy, we adjust the action and intonation of your guitar to get it in top playing condition. And when I say "we," I of course mean The Guitar Medic. For this weekend, you can book your guitar or bass setup for the special low place of $25 with your purchase of either 6 packs of guitar strings or 3 packs of bass strings. You'll leave the guitar for The Guitar Medic to work on, and when you pick it up, it will play better than ever! If you haven't had your instrument set up before, you don't know what your're missing.

For New and Existing Students at The Laboratory:
We at the Ministry of Weekly Specials are particularly keen to reward those players who study their craft with our crack team of teachers. As you may well be aware, we have guitar lessons seven days a week. That's because, at The Laboratory, there are seven days in each week. How do we pack 'em in, you ask? By giving each one a unique name. For example, today's name is Jim.

Moving right along, we are offering a guitar special this weekend that we've never done before. It's the step-up guitar deal! Buy any guitar or bass for $250 or more (new or used), and we'll throw in an $80 lesson credit. If you've been eying up the next guitar for your collection, to reward all those hours of practice, this is a way to get more for your money. And here's the weird part: This deal is not limited to guitar and bass students. Even drummers can play along! So take your instrument a step up! And don't forget- you can trade in your old guitar, too!

For Everyone:
Throughout the weekend we will be featuring doorbuster specials on select items, while supplies last. Here are some examples:

Meinl MCS Cymbal Pack: $199.99
Tama Imperialstar Drum Set w/ Cymbals: $679.99
Mapex Q Series Drum Set: $399.99
Peavey Raptor Electric Guitar Stage Pack: $174.99
Audio-Technica ATW-252 Handheld Wireless Mic: $79.99
Crate Flexwave 120 Watt Guitar Amp: $299.99
Roland Micro Cube Guitar Amp: $99.99
Used Fender Passport Portable PA Systems: $199.99
Korg MicroKorg XL Synthesizer: $449.99
Peavey Backstage Guitar Amp: $49.99
Tascam US-122L Computer Recording Interface: $119.99
BC Rich Dark Arts Warlock Electric Guitar: $399.99
and more, while supplies last!

Rockademy Live Rides Again
The talented and energetic performers of Rockademy Live are hitting the clubs again. The group will be taking the stage for two nights, at the newly rennovated Cherrywood Lounge in Blackwood, NJ on Saturday May 30 and Sunday May 31. Showtime is 4 pm both days. Please come out and support local music's up-and-coming rockers! If you thought the Rockademy was live before, now it's even liver!

Guitar, Bass, & Theory Master Classes
The Laboratory is pleased to announce that we are now offering guitar & bass master classes with Dion Paci. Dion is a Berklee College of Music alum who is proficient in many styles on guitar and bass, including blues, rock, soul, and jazz. He's worked with many notable artists, like John Medeski, Bily Martin, Skerik (Les Claypool band), Bernie Worrell (Parliament-Funkadelic, Talking Heads), Dave Dreiwitz (Ween), and many others. Dion is also the teacher of one of our most popular instructors, Joe Lauricella.

Dion can take your playing to the next level, sharpen your music theory and reading skills, or prepare you for admissions auditions at the nation's premier music colleges regardless of the instrument you play.

Weekly half-hour or hour long sessions are available with Dion starting immediately. Call or stop in to make an appointment.

You wanted the Best of South Jersey, you got the Best of South Jersey!!
Thanks to all of you who gave us the nod for the Courier-Post's Best Of South Jersey. We are proud to announce that we won the category of Best Musical Instrument Store. You all have our heartfelt thanks. We couldn't do it without you.

Rock: It's way better than not rocking!
The Ministry of Weekly Specials

New Stuff You Can't Get Anywhere Near Here!

2009-04-09T12:18:00.005-04:00

This week, The Laboratory is verily pleased to announce we are now a dealer for Meinl Cymbals.

Meinl Cymbals are Here!

The landroving hypersquid hates Meinl cymbals. Now, the hypersquid is a wily beast, capable of staggering stretches of stealthy hibernation. While no hypersquid sightings have been documented in Deptford over the last few decades, this is no reason to abandon vigilance. Hypersquid migrations leave all in their path festooned with slimy saline secretions. And we at the Laboratory have a keen interest in choosing the manner in which we are festooned, so as to maintain an environment which is conducive to a rewarding experience for you, our dear customer. This means no slimy saline secretions, thank you very much Mr. or Mrs. Hypersquid.
Now, the exact reason for the hypersquid's aversion to Meinl cymbals has eluded the best minds in science for generations. As far back as Bacon* it was commented upon with amazement. Perhaps it is the Byzance series's shimmering warmth and unique colors, or maybe the MB10's enhanced cutting edge from their unmatched 90% copper/10% tin composition. Some have postulated that the wide model range and professional sounds of the Classics line, combined with their easily affordable pricing, represent a level of quality cymbal proliferation which the hypersquid finds unacceptable. Frankly, we'll leave the explanations to the denizens of academia. We are mostly concerned with what works, which is why we have stocked up robustly with Meinl cymbals.

When you next enter our store in beautiful Deptford, New Jersey, you will be greeted with a visage the likes of which are without parallel for miles and miles around. A towering wall of bronze cymbals, crafted with precision and passion by the sharp minded artists at Meinl in Germany, awaits your wonderment. Our newly transformed drum room is now aglow with shimmering metal percussion. And let's face facts: the real color of a modern drumkit has a great deal to do with the cymbal setup. Up until today, you would have to travel to Trenton or Reading, PA to hear Meinl cymbals. Once again, we're saving South Jersey and Philly musicians gas money. Come in and find out what Lamb of God's Chris Adler, Shadows Fall's Jason Bittner, and clinician/general chops-maestro Thomas Lang already know. Meinl cymbals represent excellent craftsmanship, embracing both a modern player's vision of sound possibilities, and a traditionalist's desire for warm, classic sounds.

* The breakfast food.

You wanted the Best of South Jersey, you got the Best of South Jersey!!

Thanks to all of you who gave us the nod for the Courier-Post's Best Of South Jeresy. We are proud to announce that we won the category of Best Musical Instrument Store. Watch for the Courier-Post's announcement Sunday May 3rd. You all have our heartfelt thanks. We couldn't do it without you.

The Laboratory Staff In The News

Tune in Tuesday, April 28th, after American Idol, to see Laboratory Guitar Instructor Dan Lerro perform with his band "V" on Fox Philadelphia. They will be featured live as part of Fox Philadelphia's Spotlight Artist series. Set your electronic television watching apparatus.

ROCKTOPUS!

The Ministry of Weekly Specials

Laboratory Music, LLC, Merges with Plankton Pete's Fish & Chips

2009-04-01T13:40:00.000-04:00

Many of our customers have approached us to say, "I really love the great selection of top name instruments and accessories, but what if I want to sit down with a styrofoam plate of breaded frozen fish and fried potatoes?" That's a direct quite from no fewer than one of our customers. Additionally, our staff have been asking about the possibility of wearing paper hats while working. And we've heard you!

As you know, The Laboratory has been providing South Jersey and the metro Philly area with the best selection of quality musical instruments, recording equipment, PA systems, repairs, and music instruction. And Plankton Pete's Fish And Chips has been offering the residents of Nebraska the freshest in freeze dried processed fish food substances and reconstituted fried potato byproducts. Together we're pleased to announce that we've merged to form The Fish and Chips Music Laboratory. Now, not only can you save on great brands like Schecter, Marshall, Yamaha, Zildjian, and Spector, you can also feast on great flavors like tilapia, cod, and mackerel. Getting a bit peckish trying out Visual Sound's latest boutique guitar effects? Sit down to a plate of fried flounder flippers! Looking for something to do while you await your piping hot shark fries? Ask your hostess for a pager, and browse our inventory of drums while your reprocessed food is boiling in vegetable oil.

Stop in and mention this email for a free sampler of our catch of the day: The Blackheart Killer Ant 1w tube half stack. It'll hook you with it's fluid tone, and the low price is no bait and switch!

New Boss Pedals In Stock

We've just received a large quantity of Boss effects pedals. Included are all the most popular stompboxes, plus the newest multi-effects floor processors: the GT-10 and ME-70. Get 'em while they're hot!

ROCK! The Ministry of Weekly Specials

Beware the Amps Of March

2009-03-28T12:00:00.001-04:00

Springtime is here! And, as you know, springtime is full of sunshine and lollipops. And by sunshine and lollipops, I mean music instruments and accessories.

Lotsa New Amps

A is for guitar amps. We have so many that the Cabal Of Insertion Of Made Up Terms is hard at work on creating a new word to encompass the very concept of just how many cool tones our customers are going to be able to dial in with all this amplification horsepower. (My suggestion was f'tmch, but that one's already taken.) We have plenty of exciting Vox models in, from the humble yet versatile little DA5 to the mighty AC30. We also have the re-imagined Marshall MG series. Marshall has closed more of the ground between solid state and tube tone with these latest MGs, which feature newly improved cabinets in addition to the enhanced electronics. And from Roland, we have the MicroCube, which is another awesome portable guitar amp with amp modeling and effects. And - get this - the micro cube has an electronic tuning fork, which goes "Binnnnng!" Say that last part out loud; you'll enjoy it more. Now if I had invented the electronic tuning fork, I would have called it the Electrofork, or the Ener-Zap-O-Matic, or simply the "Machine that goes Binnnnng." But, as the patent office is constantly reminding me in court, I am not an inventor.

And just what, you may well ask, are you supposed to plug into these many amps? Well, I for one would suggest perhaps one of the

New Schecter Guitars

Many of our customers lately have commented on a conspicuous bare area on the guitar wall. We would usually respond alternately that we were awaiting a new guitar shipment, or that we had to jettison some ballast before jumping to warp speed in hot pursuit of excellent value. One staffer even opined that the guitars had started brawling over which customer to go home with, and needed to be separated. Well, now is the moment of full disclosure. We had to make some room for a bunch of Schecter guitars. In the music industry, bunch is the term for designating lots or many. So now is a serendipitous time to stop in and sample some savings on scorching Schecter six strings supplemented by sonorous speakers. Slurpee saddle stonehenge scallions.

Tuner Melt

We at The Laboratory have for long been fans of tuners. Both audibly going "Binnnnng!" and silently measuring string tension, we have no preference. We just stock options and let You The People decide. Well, we're probably on to something, since demand has steadily risen for many models of electronic tuners. So, upon your next tuner quest, we invite you to check out our newly renovated Tuner Display. Wayne was hard at work all day yesterday putting the thing together and appointing it with the many varieties of tuner offerings. As Wayne likes to say, "much in the way that Tuna is the Chicken of the Sea, Tuners are the Pickin' of the C, D, E, F, G, A, and B, sharps and flats notwithstanding." Kinda has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Or more like a nice "Binnnnng!"

So in closing, come check out the Schecter guitars for great justice, make sure you tune up, and Beware the Amps of March. Et tu, guitarists. Et tu.

Et Tut.

E.T. phone Tut.

The Ministry of Weekly Specials

Tax Holiday- Get More Gear for Your Money

2009-03-17T12:22:00.002-04:00

Happy St. Patricks Day! With all of the talk of tax hikes going on, we thought it would be a good time to stick it to the man and offer a tax break instead.

The Laboratory Declares Tax Holiday

For a limited time, you can shop tax-free at The Laboratory. Come to the shop between Wednesday, March 18th and Tuesday, March 24th and for whatever you purchase, The Ministry of Weekly Specials themselves will pay your sales tax! Whether you're getting ready to cut a big check to the tax man, or to cash a big check from the tax man, you can take some comfort in knowing that your music dollars will stretch a little farther. How do we do this, you ask? Calculators! That's how.

The O'Laboratory

Today is the day people all around the world celebrate St. Patrick. While some aspects of the accuracy of historic accounts are debated, it is known that prior to driving the snakes out of Ireland, St. Patrick contemplated opening a music store. His fear that the store would be invaded by serpents may have been viewed as fanciful by some, but it is exactly this type of low probability/high impact event for which a modicum of vigilance is warranted. In the spirit of St. Patrick, The Laboratory staff, management, shareholders, and de facto animal handling cadre are similarly driving snakes from the land. This week only, save an additional 10% on any audio snake in stock. We have many in stock, with many varieties of connectors. They're snakelicious and connecttastic.

Rockademy Live Back At It

Rockademy Live, still dizzy with the tremendous success of their debut live performances, are back in session and rehearsing for more public showcasing of rock mastery. There are still a few openings, so call The Laboratory to sign up and be part of the excitement. Rockademy Live is the Rock School at The Laboratory. For more information, call The Laboratory, or go to this web site: www.therockademy.com.

The Laboratory In Space (Cymbalicly)

Now is the time in this email when we turn to the stars. This Friday, the Earth will be situated so that day and night are equal in length. In celebration of the precise halving of hours into light and dark, this weekend we're offering the precision craftsmanship of in stock Paiste cymbals for half off MSRP!

We hereby ensure you, our laudable customers, that your shopping experience at The Laboratory will be as free of attacking reptiles as can be. At this point I need to point out that the faction of staffers chanting for me to include a joke about scales is in no way conducive to the output of quality marketing copy. Anyway... so committed are we to our pledge of snakelessness that we have eliminated snake food from our annual budget entirely. We figure, if there is nothing to entice the snakes, they will probably continue to leave us alone. We call this our No Snacks For Snakes campaign. I'm sure St. Patrick would approve. Please note that customers who shop from the convenience of home via our website may have to take precautions of their own.

The Ministry of Weekly Specials

Invitation to the 1st Rockademy Live Show

2009-02-18T01:20:00.002-05:00

This Saturday and Sunday, the staff of The Laboratory will enjoy the distinct privilege of presenting the first performance of Rockademy Live. The event will feature students of The Laboratory's music instruction program, performing live at The Cherrywood Lounge in Clementon, NJ. The ensemble will be performing classic rock and some newer material, with full production sound and lights.

Rockademy Live is the ensemble performance branch (rock school) of The Rockademy, The Laboratory's in-store music instruction program. Headed by veteran rocker Greg Helm, the group will perform two concerts this weekend, both Saturday and Sunday evening.

What is Rockademy Live?

What is a Rockademy? In selecting a name for the music instruction branch of The Laboratory, the League Of Crafty Marketing Officials endeavored to come up with a name that implied the serious nature of music study, but which also reflected the whimsical aspect of playing music. They scheduled a weekend retreat to a tiny atoll off the coast of New Hampshire, and mused about numerous concepts which more or less supported the mission, and which also tied in with the League's conviction that the logo be a dragon crushing a bowl of fruit beneath it's forepaw, a flaming sword held aloft in the other.

Being unable to craft a name which in any way supported the dragon logo, The League Of Crafty Marketing Officials opted instead for Rockademy. The consensus was that the word combined the term Rock with part of the term Academy. Upon their return to The Laboratory's Deptford Headquarters, or more specifically upon the auditing of their expense accounts, The League Of Crafty Marketing Officials were promptly sacked and replaced by a room filled with chimpanzees and typewriters. This left The Laboratory's executive board tasked with choosing between the chimps' suggestions, and that of their human predecessors. Rockademy ultimately won by a significant margin over the chimps' pick qwsrtychg difdj;dfg;fg/hl.

Let's see where was I.... hmmm.... the boss better be watching this time. There's no light back here, and I think this computer is supposed to be less full of chimpanzee hair.... Oh. Yes. This weekend:

What are the details?

Saturday's performance will be from 5pm until 7pm. Sunday's will be from 4pm until 6pm. The Cherrywood Lounge is located at 1460 Blackwood Clementon Rd, Clementon, NJ 08021.

This will the first live outing for the program and its talented young participants. We're sure it will be a fine couple nights of rocking. Please come join us to see these next generation rockers take the stage. Admission is $10. Tickets are available for purchase at The Laboratory, at the door, and from the Rockademy students.

The Cherrywood's kitchen and bar will be open.

Thanks for reading!

The Ministry of Weekly Specials

Two Stories About Clearance Items and More

2009-02-05T23:47:00.003-05:00

Being our first message of the new year, we have an amazing amount of news to share with you. We picked the most pressing topics for this installment and are saving the rest for later.

Clearance Items!

"OK, old inventory. This is it! This is the end of the road!

Look, it's not you, it's me. I mean, we've been though a lot together. Arriving on the delivery truck, entering into the inventory listing, getting tagged with a price, hanging out with a customer or two. But enough is enough! We've dropped enough hints. The odd sale here, the coupon there, I mean, the writing's been on the wall. It's time for you to go.

It's nothing personal, it's just that, well, there's somebody else. Lots of somebody elses, in fact."

And so goes our Dear John letter to select items in stock at The Laboratory. Except, instead of Dear, it's Old. And, instead of John, it's Inventory.

We've earmarked dozens of items for absolute, rock-bottom pricing. In many cases below our dealer cost. We thought they were really cool, but for whatever reason these items have been passed over. So we're removing all obstacles to price and pricing them to move!

Stop in our shop and witness the many colorful clearance signs hanging about the place. They're like little sheriffs, running out of town those items who have been holding down our floors for quite long enough, thank you very much.

Below, there is another version of this story. It's the truth about the clearance signs that have overrun our store, but we don't think anyone will believe us.

Best of South Jersey

It's that time of year where the readers of the Courier-Post get to vote for their favorite businesses in our area. And this year, we're in the running for Best Musical Instrument Store. We're asking everyone to put a vote or two in for The Laboratory since we're trying to be the best. Ballots are in the Courier-Post's South Jersey section on Friday, February 6th. Also, we have a ton of them at the store, as well as complimentary copies of the paper.

Let's let everyone else know what a great place The Lab is!

The True Clearance Tag Story

One day last month we opened the door to a delightful surprise! Or so we thought... It was a cold January morning, and there at our doorstep somebody had left a basket. In the basket, under some downy blankets, was an adorable litter of colored 6x4 cards! They looked so helpless, huddled together in their little basket. Our hearts melted, and so we took them in and gave them some Sharpie markers, which they are known to feed on. When mom came home, we begged her to let us keep them, and she too had to admit that the little 6x4 cards were too sweet to send back into the cold.

The next day, upon our arrival at the store, we checked on the cards, and sure enough they had gobbled up all of their Sharpies. We plopped another handful of colorful markers into the food bowl the little 6x4 cards shared, and set about opening the door for business. Imagine our surprise when we found at the front door with another basket of adorable little 6x4 cards! There were bright green ones, yellow, orange, red, a cheery spectrum of vivid colors. We called mom over, and with a sigh she said, "we're gonna need more markers!" The next day we found at the door still another basket of the shivering, helpless little 6x4 cards, their dewy eyes pleading for us to take them in. This was getting weird.

Such was our amazement at the newest litter of little 6x4 cards, that we hardly noticed the two previous litters behavior - at first. Having ravenously consumed their Sharpie marker suppers the night before, they were now stronger and bolder! With horror, we looked around and realized that all the little 6x4 cards were clinging to products in our store. Gone were their inquisitive expressions, and now they were etched upon with prices so low that our very senses of business strategy trembled. Beneath our feet, the new batch of little 6x4 cards was already scrambling from their basket, greedily raiding our desks for Sharpies, and scrawling massively discounted prices onto their faces before scuttling over to our fine instruments and accessories and attaching themselves.

A customer of our's cousin's sister's former roommate, who is a little 6x4 card exterminator by trade, informed us that the little cards and the products they attached themselves to could not be separated inside a music store. In a little known property of residual strong force of product placement and little 6x4 card symbiosis within retail music stores, the only way to separate the little 6x4 cards, once they have chosen a host instrument or accessory, is to sell that product for the reduced price. Only then is the life cycle of the little 6x4 card complete, and they can be safely laid to rest in any standard waste can.

Dear customer, you have done so much for us already, it is with the utmost humility and graciousness that we beseech you to help us. Please come to The Laboratory, and fret not the seemingly impossible discounts displayed upon the cards. These products must be freed from these cards, and only through your enjoyment of rock bottom close-out pricing can they be rescued. For us, it is too late. These products must go.

And we now know that, just because they make adorable chirping noises when eating Sharpies, little 6x4 cards are not a good pet to keep in a music shop...

Stop in, cast a vote for The Lab, and check out all the sweet deals on clearance items.

Thanks for reading!

The Ministry of Weekly Specials

Happy New Year from The Laboratory

2008-12-31T17:30:00.000-05:00

Thank you again, to all our customers for making our store thrive in 2008. We're eagerly looking forward to a tremendous 2009, even though this last year will be a tough act to follow.

In 2008, The Laboratory:

(pause for effect)

More than doubled in size
Fleshed out our space with hundreds of new SKUs (that's industry talk for doodads)
Sent out emails with lists of things
Got fresh new haircuts
Stood motionless as the universe twirled around us in orchestrated trajectories
Made friends with a squirrel
Disbanded and reformed the famed Ministry of Weekly Specials untold times
Speelled words incorrectly

Most importantly, though, we convinced you that we had something good to offer. Thank you for your patronage - it is truly an honor to serve our customers. We'll be seeing you!

Please drive, pilot, row, or parambulate safely!

Thank you! Now here's a sweet sale for you!

2008-12-24T19:00:00.001-05:00

Thank you all for a great holiday season in 2008! Because of your support, The Laboratory is assured of a prosperous and exciting 2009, in which we pledge to continue to provide for our customers outstanding service in our actions and appreciable value in our wares.

A heartfelt thanks goes out to our patrons who donated food at The Laboratory to the Food Bank of South Jersey Food Bank. Thanks to you, the Gloucester County Volunteer center picked up a full 289 ponds of chow for the needy! We musicians tend to have big hearts, so it's no surprise to this chronicler that our call to you to spare some food for the less fortunate was answered so passionately. Really, thank you VERY much.

By the time you read this, we will have closed our doors for the holiday, having secured The Laboratory with patrolling robotic sentinels against advancing hordes of unscrupulous imitators and Rick Astley cover bands, to enjoy a day of rest with our families. But never fear! We will open anew on Friday at 11am, and you will behold year-end prices, marked down to irresistible lows previously unimaginable!

These reduced prices will be good through year's end, so stuff will be flying off the shelves. Excepting of course stuff which is not on a shelf to begin with, which will be flying off of or out from its respective display area.

And thus, we have inaugurated the Annual End-of-Year Inventory Reduction Blow-Out Sale (at The Laboratory). Call now and save! Beware of cheap imitations!

Finally, for your holiday enjoyment, here's a video of Steve on the drums at the Elf Lodge near the North Pole a few nights back:

Enjoy the rest of your holiday, and Happy New Year!

Extended Holiday Shopping Hours

2008-12-19T12:30:00.001-05:00

If there's one thing the staff at The Laboratory are not afraid of, it's hard work and long hours. Ravenous bears with human intelligence and motorcycles - that's what we're afraid of. And also going on stage and seeing the members of Dream Theatre in the audience holding clipboards. Very scary, that.

What was this email supposed to be about? The board of executives were very clear on that matter. And by clear, I mean that they carved the words "send big email don't mess up" into my locker with a penknife. Probably my penknife; it went missing the last time they had a meeting. And by meeting I mean cocktail party. Let's see... we covered the bears... OK That's it. Long hours. Right, then! Here goes:

The Laboratory will be open extended hours for the remainder of the holiday season! The amount of hours we are open will be extended, that is. Extending the actual hours relies on principles of timespace frame dragging which are not relevant to localized duration markers.

Here's the schedule:

Friday Dec 19th: 11am - 11pm

Saturday Dec 20th: 10am - 11pm

Sunday Dec 21st: 10am - 9pm

Monday Dec 22nd: 10am - 11pm

Tuesday Dec 23rd: 10am - 11pm

Wednesday Dec 24th: 10am - ???

Thursday Dec 25th: Closed.

Then it's back to the usual prearranged opening and closing coordinates.

Gift Cards Available

Did you know that The Laboratory offers gift cards? It's true. No really. Seriously. Look stop yelling at me OK? It's really, really true. Gift cards can be purchased in any denomination. For example, you can purchase a gift card for $21.12. Or, if you're in a more metal mood, you can purchase a gift card to cover the total including tax for an item valued at $6.22. If you have a fan of the movie Spinal Tap on your list, you can get them a gift card for $11. The possibilities are endless. So is this paragraph. Oh wait, it looks like it's ending.

Stocking Stuffers!

This Don't forget about the musician on your list. The Laboratory has hundreds of stocking stuffers available- DVD's, books, instrument polish, straps, tuners, metronomes, drum sticks, guitar & bass strings, instrument cases, drum heads, capos, slides, guitar and bass effects pedals, guitar stands, drum mutes, gift cards (did we say that already?), lessons, Rockademy Live, cymbals, practice amps, strap locks, cables......

Have a great holiday, and we'll be seeing you!

Last chance for sale pricing before Christmas

2008-12-12T18:10:00.000-05:00

Many of you will recall our now celebrated announcement that The Laboratory has joined with the Food Bank of South Jersey to help the needy this holiday season. For those who missed that email, The Laboratory has joined with the Food Bank of South Jersey to help the needy this holiday season.

Well, the idle minds at the Ministry of Weekly Specials, long unresponsive after a particularly enthusiastic Martini night, have come up with their latest big idea. It combines a masterstroke of price discounting and a modicum of social consciousness. And here's how it goes:

This one goes to 11!

Bring in food items for the South Jersey Food Bank, and we will give you an extra 11% off any item in the shop. Except for the food stuff. That's for South Jersey Food Bank. Why 11%? Because this special goes to 11.

This offer is good on Saturday 12/13 and Sunday 12/14 only. Please bring non-perishable food items only.

Peavey Vypyr Amps

While you're here, make sure you check out the new Peavey Vypyr series amplifiers. They sound amazing, especially considering their modest pricing. Vypyr amps are loaded with a gobs of amp models and effects, providing a wealth of different sound and texture possibilities. Ask an associate for a demo!

Thanks for reading!

The Ministry of Weekly Specials

Rockers Unite for the South Jersey Food Bank

2008-11-20T20:11:00.000-05:00

For this installment of our almost weekly newsletter, we're pleased to announce a few exciting new efforts which we hope will warrant your participation.

Let's Rock the Food Bank!

The Laboratory has joined with the Food Bank of South Jersey to help the needy this holiday season. Just inside our front door there is a container we hope to fill with canned and nonperishable food. Collection will continue through December 18th. If you have any extra stuff in the pantry, we encourage you to help this worthy cause your next visit. If you wish to purchase food to donate, Pathmark has been good enough to erect an entire supermarket just a few doors down from our shop.

Gift Card Flexibility

YOU CAN BE THE QUESTION ASKING PERSON!!

This week's exciting third paragraph is on our new question and answer forum. It's simple, like so many of our little plans. If you have any question about music, music gear, music performance, subatomic particle physics, quantum entanglement, or drummer jokes, just reply to this email. Our panel of trained chimpanzees will deliberate on who gets to field your question and indicate a response using a complex series of foot gestures. The best questions and answers will be featured in future emails, read by future people like you. Most likely while traveling via jetpack.

So to recap: Please help us give to the needy with non perishable food items. Enjoy flexible denomination options for gift cards at The Laboratory. And feel free to send us your questions - however big or small - and we'll provide insightful and cleverly worded responses.

Thanks for reading!

The Ministry of Weekly Specials

The Laboratory: Holiday Music Shopping Made Easy!

2008-11-06T17:01:00.001-05:00

November is a month which starts with an N. It is the only one to do so since they outlawed Norktembruary, back in the A440s. It has been our observation that some trees are shedding their leaves, which is a sign that the holiday season is almost upon us.

And so it seems a good time to offer our dear customers - that's you - ways to give happiness to the musicians they love with the greatest of ease.

Super Easy Layaway

One easy way to ease into holiday shopping is the layaway, a strategy we're very proud of. In simplest terms, you purchase something by making just a small deposit initially. Then you make additional payments when it's convenient for you. Once you've paid the full amount, you take it home and hide it from the lucky rocker until the big day. This strategy has been recognized by our colleagues in other industries such as department stores and pet shops, and in fact has been imitated by some of the biggest corporations - in many cases dating back years before we opened our doors. So you can imagine the pride with which we offer you - our dear customers - the Original Lay-Away plan at The Laboratory - hereafter abbreviated TOLAPATL.

Interest-Free Financing

Another way to get a little more music for a little less green is our interest-free financing program. Any purchase over $249 qualifies for the no-interest program. The more you spend, the longer the interest-free period lasts. It only takes minutes to apply and we get a decision immediately so you can use your account right away.

Guaranteed Lowest Price

Another simple, basic, straightforward, unambiguous, plain, not needlessly preceded by adjectives strategy is great prices. We've always been keen to help people buy local, and ensure they're getting value. I mean, everybody likes to do business with the local shop, but it has to make good sense, right? So we're hereby establishing a low price guarantee. If you see something we're selling advertised at a lower price, we'll beat that price. That's right - not just match, but beat. In some cases we'll even require our staff to perform a quick softshoe routine while doing so. We're that serious.

Kids Can Make A Difference

We're positively giddy to be in business in Deptford New Jersey. We've met a lot of awesome musicians from the area, and we're very proud of our steadily growing roster of music students. But not everybody has as much to be thankful for as we can say we have. Moments before this writing I learned about Jonnie and Brookie, two young sisters who are on tour raising money for the Kids Can Make A Difference organization (KIDS). KIDS raises money to benefit the hungry, particularly through educating elementary school and middle school aged kids. Jonnie and Brookie are endorsed by Daisy Rock guitars, so we got to thinking, and decided that we're going to donate all the profits from any Daisy Rock guitars sold this month to KIDS. You can read about KIDS on the web site here: www.kidscanmakeadifference.org.

Sincerely,

The Ministry of Weekly Specials

Special of the Week from The Laboratory - Oct 6

2008-10-06T22:55:00.001-04:00

This week at the Ministry Of Weekly Specials, there was quite a shake up. One of the Laboratory's highly secretive and corporate-savvy board of directors, having cranked up a Donnas album during the ride from their estate to the workplace, burst into the meeting, and declared in a commanding bellow that "girls rock!!" It is reported that some who were present actually put down their cocktails in astonishment.

Girls Rock Week!

The Ministry Of Weekly Specials is not a body of bureaucrats who takes lightly a commanding bellow from one of the board of directors, so they immediately bellowed commandingly at their junior staffers to commission a weekly special tailored for girls who rock.

So here it is: 25% off our regular discounted price on any Daisy Rock guitar or bass, and also (wait for it...) a free Laboratory tank-top shirt ($15 value). While supplies last, this week only, operators are standing by, call now and save!!

New Yamaha Electronic Drums

We just received a set of Yamaha's top-of-the-line electronic drums, the DTEXTREME III Special kit. This is the most advanced electronic drum kit ever made by the only company that makes both acoustic and electronic drums. Pair this kit with the MS100DR 100 watt monitor system for the ultimate setup for recording, rehearsal, and gigging. Please make an appointment to demo this kit!

New Breedlove Acoustics

We recently recieved a fresh batch of beautiful Breedlove acoustic guitars. These guitars are some of the finest acoustics available on the market today, comparable in quality to Taylor and Martin but with their own distinctive style. If you're in the market for a high-quality acoustic, you owe it to yourself to check Breedlove out. But don't wait long- these usually go fast!

Special of the Week from The Laboratory

2008-09-30T10:35:00.002-04:00

After a weeks long journey to the rocky rings about Saturn, therein to search for the mythical ethyl ice moons, and a several weeks long sleeping it off from all that ethyl, The Laboratory's Ministry of Weekly Specials has reconvened for this week's exciting weekly specials.

$100 off this guitar!

Double cutaway electric guitar with two humbuckers and coil taps: $100 off! Meet the Hohner TB2. Come in and try one out! The pickups are flexible and lively, and each has its own volume and tone knob. These guitars have a lot of tonal possibilities, and they deserve good home! Normally, these are $300. This week, they're $199. Available in transparent green, transparent blue, and cherry sunburst. Until 10/5, while supplies last.

New Faces

As of this month, we now have some new faces on hand, which are attached to individual bodies with feet and hands, to facilitate moving about and interacting with things. Many of you will already know these bright young folks, since they have already been staffing the Laboratory's music school. Now they're out of the lesson studios and on the floor to help you. Not while they're teaching, of course!

New Steinberg Interfaces

Functioning far beyond the envelope of traditional audio devices, MR816 CSX fuses a fully-featured FireWire interface and inbuilt DSP FX power with next-generation integrative technologies into one breathtakingly powerful production environment. Developed by Steinberg and Yamaha, this Advanced Integration DSP Studio is the hardware centerpiece of a latency-free recording and monitoring environment that fully exploits the flexibility and power of Steinberg's renowned Cubase Music Production System.

In other words, this is a high-powered interface with 8 built-in mic pres, plus the ability to offload some of your effect processing out of your computer. That allows you to record and playback more tracks, or used even more effects than before. All that with nearly zero-latency. We dig it!

Sincerely,

The Ministry of Weekly Specials

Now: With more people inside!

2008-09-25T12:31:00.005-04:00

As many of The Musician's Laboratory Blog readers have noted, it's been a while since our last post. Far be it from me to be unwilling to respond to the will of the people, so herewith is yet another post, filled with letters and punctuation in myriad combinations intended to express more or less complete thoughts.

A lot has been happening at The Laboratory, most significantly in the area of staffing. As of this month, we now have some new faces on hand, which are attached to individual bodies with feet and hands, to facilitate moving about and interacting with things. Many readers will already know these bright young folks, since they have already been staffing the Laboratory's music school.

Joe Lauricella, the wildly popular Guitar Medic, who has become a major presence at our store due to his growing clientele of guitarists and bassists, can now also be seen working at The Laboratory as a regular staffer. If you are here to look at guitars, who better than the area's premier setup expert to let you know just what makes your next axe the right one for you?

Ray Gallagher has been teaching drum set with us, and now joins the staff several nights a week. Ray's knowledge of all things music is well rounded: in addition to playing drums, he also plays guitar, bass, and keyboard, and is at present studying recording. Ray's hobbies are popping out from behind boxes and offering explanations to scientific questions which involve the behavior of drinking straws in varying pressures and gravitational effects.

Trevor Knauss, known to his Vulcan associates simply as Trevork, is our vocal instructor, and he also has expertise in violin and tuba. Yes tuba. Trevor plays guitar as well, so basically he's one of those guys. Recently he joined up with rock band Axis, which features the next person I'm going to write about. Namely:

Stefan Hojnacki is very tall. And he has long red hair. He has stupefyingly massive guitar chops. So when you see him, make sure you ask lots of questions about aardvarks. Stefan is on the showroom floor sparsely, since he stays quite busy bringing up the next generation of shred kings.

Please join us in warmly welcoming these four lads to the fold. We're a better shop for them.

But wait there's more! For example:

Orange Crush guitar packs. It's a cool Orange (the brand, not the color) guitar and Orange (the brand and also the color) Crush amplifier. It's a box of all that a potential rocker needs to realize their rock potential. And it's $239. A vote for Orange is a vote for Rock. On that matter there is little debate.

Jay's Smile

2008-07-10T14:06:00.005-04:00

A while back we were approached by a fellow from Underwood Memorial Hospital named Walter. Walter told us that he and some of his colleagues were chipping in to buy a guitar. He then told us about Jay Reardon, who was to be the recipient of the guitar.

Jay is an old timer who has done a lot to leave his mark in the world of music. He was a well known country/western guitarist and singer, and worked with many great acts, including The Wanderers, The Orbitones, Bernie Betts and The Sunset Ramblers, and many other greats in years past.

In more recent years, Jay had been dealt some tough knocks. His dear wife and musical partner Irene passed away, and he lost his home and all he had in a fire. Following this hardship, Jay has taken residence in Gloucester Manor Nursing Home. By Walter's account, this resilient musician never complained about the recent difficulties he's faced, and always manages a smile. His upbeat and gracious personality so endeared him to Walter and his colleagues at Underwood Memorial, that they decided he ought to have a guitar to play. Walter came to the Laboratory, and of course we were more than glad to help him choose a modestly priced but well made acoustic from Hohner. And that was that - a humbling act of generosity in which we had the good fortune to play a small part.

Then Walter sent us this picture of Jay with his new axe:

If that Honer were a dog, I'm pretty sure it would be wagging its tail. Thanks to Walter and his friends for taking good care of a guitar player in need of a guitar, and for letting us be a part of it. And thanks to Jay for that smile. That, my friends, is what it's all about.

None more black

2008-06-05T13:04:00.007-04:00

Have the Music Technologists at The Laboratory discovered the answer to Spinal Tap's age old question: How much blacker could this be?

Perhaps.

Take, for example, the Blackheart Little Giant amp which recently appeared on our showroom floor. This is a small black box, equipped with Class A, all-tube circuitry for allowing maximum frequency response and coolness. It is an elegant thing of simple design and straightforward focus. The result is a lush, warm tone, with plenty of punch and clarity. No circuit beyond the essential requirements of rich tube amplification is present to trip up your guitar mojo as it erupts from the Blackheart's 12" Eminence Blackheart speaker.

And what better tool for driving the Blackheart Little Giant than the Schecter Blackjack ATX C1? With its black chrome hardware, ebony fingerboard, and black binding, this is a striking guitar. Tonally it is just enormous, with the included active Seymour Duncan Black Out pickups. Black black black. And the body? Gloss aged white. You gotta have a little contrast, you know.

If you just read all of that and said "what the heck are you talking about??" then this may be a sign you are a drummer. Good news! Perched upon our floor in the drum room (yes we have a room now!) is a five piece monstrosity in the form of a Yamaha Absolute Birch Nouveau kit. Birch produces a dark, rich tone, and packs plenty of volume and presence. Yamaha's Absolute Birch shells are resonant and dynamic, projecting body and presence at any volume threshold. Innovative nouveau lugs facilitate fast head changes, and present minimal contact to the shell, so the percussive energy can get the shells moving as much as possible. The exquisite lacquer finish is Black sparkle.

The blackness of it all is somewhat unsettling to the faint of heart, some of whom have demanded that we reconsider packing a music shop with so much dark energy. No doubt the universe is in no danger of collapsing in on itself as a result. But if so, then that is the price we pay for our art. Either way, playing music is a fine pastime until the cosmological constant has been established in light of all this.

Rock on, in blackness and rich tonality.

www.laboratorymusic.com

Laboratory Staff Enacts Catch and Release Policy

2008-04-15T17:47:00.015-04:00

Last Saturday, I completed a particularly heavy round of getting mail order packages into the hands of their respective carriers. Upon my return, I was informed that The Laboratory had been besieged by a cunning and evasive squirrel. My colleagues had done their best to corral the critter out the same door it had entered, but nobody was certain if it had or had not surreptitiously made its exit.

It wasn't long before our ears let us know that we were in fact still heavy one rodent. Since we had about 1/2 hour until closing time, I became concerned that a polite "last call" inquiry might fail to entice the frightened forager to make its exit. So I made a call to our friend George at Statewide Exterminating, and explained that we were concerned about locking a squirrel in overnight. He graciously volunteered the use of a non-lethal trap, which we could use to bag the intruder for release into the field behind our shop, where many of the squirrel kind are known to frolic daily.

Right about the time I finished my call to George, my colleague Aaron had scared the squirrel out of its hiding spot amidst some PA speakers. We now had the wily critter cornered in a sort of corral made of boxes of Yamaha drum hardware.

Aaron and I plotted to try to wrangle the squirrel out the front door, which we had propped open to entice our guest's egress. I was able to prod the creature from it's hiding spot with a cymbal boom arm, which the poor rodent fiercely attacked in vain, letting out some rather whimpering battle cries. At last it sprang from amidst the boxes, and headed toward the front door, Aaron and I cacophonously giving chase. But the path a squirrel will follow when two grown men are stomping and shouting is one fraught with unpredictability. Alas, the path out the door was the only vector the shrewd mammal ignored. Among its preferred trajectories was a zig-zag pattern ending with a bombastic bass drum accent. Who knew that a squirrel noggin would be such a warm and articulate alternative to the traditional bass drum beater? More unexpected learning for the ravenous audio researchers at The Laboratory. And amazingly, it gave us both the slip. I am convinced that squirrels possess the secret of teleportation, but not the secret of looking both ways before crossing the street. Aaron speculated that perhaps we didn't see the animal scurrying out the door, but I was dubious that anything could be that easy.

So it was that Aaron and I could no longer stave off the admission of defeat, and I proceeded to visit with our exterminator friend, to acquire the squirrel trap and receive some tutoring in its operation. Tutoring in the trap, that is. I already knew that the operation of the squirrel was beyond my comprehension. George was good enough to supply some peanuts, and had applied a wad of peanut butter to the trigger of the trap. How could our startled friend resist such an aromatic temptation?

Back at The Laboratory, Aaron was just finishing the end of day tasks, and we left the baited trap with a pile of peanuts inside of it for our overnight shopper to explore (i.e. become ensnared in), and made our way home.

Sunday I entered the store expecting to find an angry creature in the trap, but I was amazed to discover it empty. Aaron must have been right! George the exterminator stopped in to collect his trap, and when I explained that it was empty, he suggested that I should keep it another day, just in case.

All day Sunday we operated as normal, and by all appearances were completely squirrel-free. I resolved to return the trap to George the next day, and again we closed up shop. I wasn't entirely certain about the critter's whereabouts, though, so I left the trap baited and armed.

Monday morning and still no capture. There was much busy activity as a result of the day's business, and all thoughts of an on board squirrel were diminished to the awareness of a trap in need of returning. That's when the little rascal appeared again! However unlikely, the furry freak had resisted the peanut butter and the open door, and only chose to emerge as I was nearly ready to return the trap. There was some more wrangling, and the squirrel was last seen darting behind some PA speakers. Mark placed the trap in the darkened recess behind those loudspeakers, and all was quiet for a few minutes.

CLUNK!

That was the sound we had been waiting for. To our great joy and relief, the squirrel had at last succumbed to the overwhelming combination of a days-empty stomach, and the etherial scent of peanuts and peanut butter.

I picked up the squirrel filled cage and, trailing peanuts as they slipped between the wire mesh, made my way out the back door. I set the cage gently down near the tree line, careful not to pinch the little fella's delicate toes. Once the cage was at rest on the ground, I opened the trap door, and the squirrel burst from the enclosure and made light speed scampering into the thicket. It was a joyous moment, since I had a keen interest in barring the animal from our shop with no injury to rodent or to man.

www.laboratorymusic.com

Laboratory Jounal Volume 3

2008-04-14T18:08:00.005-04:00

Welcome to the third installation of The Laboratory's critically acclaimed newsletter! On to the topics:

Web Page
Our web page is continuing to evolve and improve. One of the latest features we're testing is a chat function, which allows shoppers to chat real time. In addition, we're still hacking away at the massive pile of gear which exists in the store but hasn't yet made it to the web site. Day by day there are more and more items displayed and available at www.laboratorymusic.com, as well as featured product reviews, video content, and links to our network of area musicians.

Michael Kelly Hybrid
The Michael Kelly Hybrid is an electric guitar with a piezo acoustic pickup. You can send each pickup's signal to two different amps using a stereo output cable, or send both pickup signals to the same amp with a mono cable. Either way, the guitar has on board blending control to adjust the ratio of acoustic to electric. With its slender, hollow body, and speedy neck, this is a player's electric which can deliver acoustic sound. None of this is news - they've been around for a while now. The news is that we've got two of the last Hybrids made. The model for $499 has been discontinued, so when these are gone, they're gone. Come check out what a versatile and playable guitar this is for the money. Get 'em while they last. Operators are standing by. Call now and SAVE.

Peavey
Come check out the Peavey amps! We've recently stocked up on Peavey's rugged and sonorous amps for guitar, bass, and keyboard. We've got plenty. We even have a JSX Mini Colossal combo signed by Joe Satriani himself. This class A, all tube amplifier is a tremendous recording or practice amp, with plenty of tube tone. It's also a collector piece, bearing the signature of the guitar icon for whom it was designed. This will be someone's treasured collector piece. Maybe that somebody is you...

Foraging Ban
Sadly, we have had to cease providing nuts and berries for foraging, as area squirrels have begun aggressively pursuing recognition as part of our customer base. While we think their tricky antics are hilarious, and their puffy cheeks and tails are just adorable, we can not service squirrel "shoppers" and still maintain the high level of quality in our selection of instruments and amplifiers. It is just a matter of time before the squirrel's fondness for dashing at oncoming wheels clashes unpleasantly with somebody rolling a PA speaker across the floor on a hand truck. The newly enacted ban's adjunct to prohibit gnawing applies also to our two-legged visitors, so please keep a close watch on those mandibular urges and teething toddlers.In conclusion, here is wishing you a happy and musically inspiring spring!

www.laboratorymusic.com

It's All About the Connections

2008-04-09T20:29:00.005-04:00

Now is indeed a fine time to play music. With computers popping up upon every available flat surface in households, and pro-sounding recording technology finally becoming available at very attainable cost, the ability of the average person to create a good sounding recording of their own music is greatly empowered compared to just ten years ago, when your options were state of the art computer gear (with its inherent expense and learning curve), poor sounding tape, or paying a professional for studio time.

Now, with any current computer, you can build a respectable home recording setup for under $500. Way under!

But you will need connections. It's true that the music industry is one where the right connections are everything, so I'm not going to pretend otherwise. Having the right connections is critical if you want to be heard. Not having any connections is a sure fire method to wallow in frustration.

The good news is that you can get them here. Most are inexpensive, too. For example, if you want to plug your bass guitar directly into your computer, you will need a 1/4" to 3.5mm connector. We have that! If you want to send a mix of your background music through your PA system to accompany yourself at a coffee shop gig, you're gonna need a mini phone to RCA pair connector. We have that also.

And the connections you have now must be maintained. You don't just make a connection and then forget about it. Connections like guitar and microphone cables must be maintained, and periodically replaced. When it's time to renew your connections, The Laboratory has all that stuff.

We have recently poured over our many catalogs, and ordered all kinds of obscure connectors and whatnots, closing the gap between having lots of connections, and having all of them. Need a connector to plug a balanced mic into a guitar amp? We got that. Need a connection between studio headphones and a mono mini jack? We got that. We have 1/4 to 1/8, LoZ to HiZ, XLR to RCA, single stereo to dual mono, Betaflux to Dilithium (which hasn't even been invented yet). Yes, we even have the machine that goes "bing."

At The Laboratory, it's all about connections. Connecting with our customers, connecting our customers with their gear, connecting gear to other gear, connecting with new and exciting toys. As Plato said, "Connecting your nonlinear editing system to an array of varied instruments requires many adaptors and cables."*

Wow did I really just write seven paragraphs about adaptors?

www.laboratorymusic.com

*Not really something Plato said.

The Laboratory Journal 2

2008-03-18T16:24:00.005-04:00

More Lessons = More Rock
We are starting to sign up students for bass, drums, voice, and of course guitar. Keyboards are coming soon. We've extended our crazy free lesson promo through march: Sign up for your first month of music lessons, and The Laboratory pays for the first lesson. Our newly renovated lesson rooms are clean, well-lit, and cheerily painted.

Illusionary Doors
The front door that has traditionally led into and out of our store is slated to be decommissioned. In the near future, you will enter through the door leading into our newly added additional showroom. You will ogle at the dense armada of drum sets, then make your way into our original confines to be treated to the usual vast assortment of guitars, basses, keyboards, as well as recording and live sound equipment. We have already begun arranging things over in the new space, so feel free to stop by to see the progress. It's somewhat exciting!

Lotsa Drums
Our expanded showroom, to which I've alluded several times above, is very nearly complete, and has lots of drum kits set up for your enjoyment. You thought the Yamaha Absolute Maple kit was nice stacked up on a shelf? That was nothing. We've literally put them on a pedestal for all to see. Nearby, the Mapex M Birch five piece (with a free 8'!) is set up and tuned for action. Alongside those, the throaty roar of Sonor's Force 2007 awaits.

Crouching Teacher, Hidden Guitar Medic
Joe the Guitar Medic has been transplanted from his familiar perch at the back of the store. At present, he is holed up in what will be a lesson room. The endgame is to have him set up in a prominent area on the floor, for all to gaze upon his wizardry. Customers who are accustomed to walking to the back to see if The Guitar Medic is in will now be greeted by our ergonomic and well stocked shipping desk. Much less exciting to witness, but our shipping guys all think it's tops.

New Products:
New in the Amps department is a frightening display of compact and portable tone that kicks monstrous amounts of butt: The Orange Tiny Terror. This thing is the size of a small toolbox, and is a class A, all tube guitar amplifier with prodigious tone! It is switchable from 7 to 15 watts, and don't let that fool you into thinking that this thing can't drive a 4x12 cabinet. It's sound is just astonishing. You should come by and crank it up. And the price? Very affordable.

Also, after many requests, we've begun stocking Vocal Spray. Originally I though this was a defense product used to ward off approaching singers, but alas it is in fact a substance made to make their jobs even easier. Can you believe that? You can hardly be bothered to carry your own microphone to the gig, and somebody invents a tasty and refreshing spray pump to sooth your voice? Amazing. You singers know we're kidding, right? We still love you.

Lastly but not leastestly, stop by our web site, which continues to swell with options. You can find us at www.laboratorymusic.com

Doctor Claw approves of this message for cats and mankind alike.

The Continuum

2008-02-29T21:03:00.010-05:00

Today is the day after February 28th. Normally, we would be welcoming the lion's roar of March's early days. And yet... no March.

Similarly, there is a rather large hole in the wall of The Laboratory.

Where there was once March, now there is more February. Where there was a wall... now there is more Laboratory.

I have some concern as to the whereabouts of March, but I am certain that it has something to do with bigger Laboratorys needing bigger months.

I have attached some low quality camera phone shots of the progress. It is no accident that the gorgeously dynamic Orange Rockerverb 100 is front and center in the photos. You should consider coming by to give it a test-rock. Just watch out for wormholes in the space-time continuum. That's what we'll be doing.

The intrepid Larry toils at his craft

The dust shield down, you can now see the existing showroom from the new expanded territory

Stock's Vox Box of Rocks Knocks Socks

2008-02-21T13:14:00.007-05:00

If I haven't said it before here, I am a gadgeteer. I love little gizmos that promise to do cool things. When I was in middle school in the eighties for example, I was able to successfully ward of any interest from the opposite sex with my Casio calculator watch which also stored up to 100 contacts and integrated a calendar with schedule alarms.

So it is that often my favorite new products that come through our door are the little ones packed with cool features. Which is why I'm surprised that it took me a few days to crank up the little Vox DA5 guitar amp. I guess I wasn't getting exactly what I beheld: I saw "battery powered mini amp with strap" instead of "variable wattage portable digital modeling amp with effects and a good speaker."

I plugged in a Hamer Echotone to get things going, and set the volume at a middle of the road setting. I then started marching through its eleven amp models (yes, it goes to 11). Each one was fairly distinct, and produced a tone I could easily imagine miking up for a cool array of layers in my pathetic little project studio. The common characteristic was a tight chunk of low end from the well engineered enclosure.

Also numbered eleven are its digital effects, which each have controllable rate and depth. These were as I expected: clean and useful. I'm glad digital technology has been refined to its current state; most of what I hear out there now is reasonably good and functional.

The amp has variable wattage, and I liked the sound at each setting. They put a tough enough speaker in it to handle full throttle volume on any setting (it actually gets kinda loud - but you're not going to hear it over a drummer).

One of our customers who is a partner at an area recording and rehearsal studio stopped in during my test drive, so I handed the wheel to him. He was so enthused that he presented us with one of his wife's gourmet cakes. Now that's an endorsement I can sink my teeth into!

So in conclusion, if you like gadgets, tones, and cake (who doesn't like cake?), the Vox DA5 is for you! (Do you like how I repeated the link, so you can click onto our site and maybe buy one? All the kids are doing it.)

Thanks for reading, and enjoy your next cake.