No Rhubarb!

Maybe Rhubarb Ain't So Bad 3.1

2009-04-17T16:41:00.000-07:00

It isn't every day that we here at No Rhubarb! actually congratulate a team on a new mascot. Today we feature Visalia, a returning favorite. Two years ago we featured the Visalia Oaks' crazy rat-squirrel thing, famous for unbearably creepy acorn-eyes.

Well, the Oaks are dead, another classic (well, classic for a different city)name, replaced by the odd name of "Rawhide". The rat-squirrel bit the dust along with Oaks, replaced by a Holstein cow.

Because of course you want to remind everyone that Rawhide is dried cowhide. Hey look kids, we can turn the mascot into baseballs!

Home Opener Tonight!

2009-04-17T12:53:00.000-07:00

Your first place Tacoma Rainiers open the 50 year anniversary of Cheney Stadium tonight against the defending PCL Champion River Cats. The old girl has been freshened with a fancy new scoreboard, so check it out! It's gonna be a beautiful - if slightly chilly - night for baseball!

Maybe Rhubarb Ain't So Bad, Volume 3

2009-04-10T15:00:00.000-07:00

And we're back! Minor league baseball is back and No Rhubarb! is your guide to all things odd and wacky and oftentimes frightening. Tonight we spotlight the West Michigan Whitecaps. This isn't the first time we've checked up on the Whitecaps, as they were the geniuses who came up with Star Wars-themed jerseys. This is a very nice franchise, with a sparkling ballpark, slick uniforms and Kansas concerts.

And of course, they have mascots. Not actual Whitecaps of course, as the 'caps cresting wave logo would be impossible as a mascot. West Michigan features two. The first is Crash the River Rascal. What is a river rascal? Some kind of otter apparently.
The second mascot is Franky the Swimming Pig. Looks more like Franky the Malnourished Pink Nightmare, but neither mascot is all that offensive. If not for the mascots, just why would we be checking on the West Michigan Whitecaps. Just what is so frightening about this club? Why this of course: This monstrosity is the Fifth Third Burger: 4 pounds, 4,800 calories. Five beef patties, five slices of American cheese, a full pound of sesame-seed bun, chili, salsa, nacho cheese, sour cream and fritos. Seriously, fritos. Just under 2 pounds of beef alone. Terrifying, ain't it? If you have the courage to, this story from Michigan Live goes into more detail and instructions about how to make the damned thing.

Now, if you'll excuse us, we suddenly need a salad.

National League East Preview

2009-04-04T17:30:00.000-07:00

Opening Night is Sunday and Opening Day is Monday! Don't worry, it makes sense to Major League Baseball.

1. New York Mets - The "other" New York team opens the palatial but unfortunately named Citi Field with a World Series-caliber squad. The biggest issue from last season, an atrocious bullpen, has been solved by the off-season moves that netted them the overrated Fransisco Rodriguez and the underrated J.J. Putz. Featuring David Wright, Jose Reyes and Carlos Beltran, the Mets are one of the few teams in baseball with three legitimate MVP candidates.

2. Philadelphia Phillies - The defending champions return nearly the same team as last season, switching out Pat Burrell, the defensively-challenged power hitting left fielder for Raul Ibanez, another defensively challenged power hitting left fielder. The difference is Raul is a lefty and consistent and Burrell hits righty and is one of the streakiest players in baseball. The Phils won't slip much if at all, provided that Cole Hamels stays healthy.

3. Florida Marlins - The Fish have two things going for them: Shortstop Hanley Ramirez is one of the five best players in the game today, and they have a collection of scary-good young pitchers led by Ricky Nolasco and Josh Johnson. Befitting a team known for being - let's put it charitably - money-conscious, the Marlins have some serious holes. The outfield is young and untested,and the infield defense is unquestionably the weakest in the league. Ramirez is on the verge of outgrowing the middle infield, and second baseman Dan Uggla is a train wreck. See the his three-error inning in the 2008 All-Star Game for confirmation.

4. Atlanta Braves - The Braves are a team in transition, with only Tom Glavine and Chipper Jones remaining from the glory years. Atlanta is young, with top prospects Tommy Hanson and Jordan Shaefer about to break in. The pitching, now lead by free agent pickup Derek Lowe and holdover Jair Jjurjens (Yes, that IS his name. Awesome huh?)is solid if not spectacular. The issue remains the outfielder, where the rookie Shaefer will be flanked by Garrett Anderson (whose tank is just about on E) and Jeff Francour, who has status has gone from "future star" to "current mediocrity" in two seasons.

5. Washington Nationals - Tell me again why Montreal needed to be stripped of the Expos again? The Nationals are an utterly terrible team on the field and no great success at the gate either, ranking a lackluster 13th in NL attendance despite a shiny new ballpark. GM Jim Bowden is gone, resigning due to a federal investigation of a possible bonus-skimming scheme. Yeah, that's really all you need to know about the Nationals: the guy who built the team could find himself in the federal pen. And not just because of his oddball obsession with DH/corner outfield types. At one point the Nats featured 12 such guys on the roster. But hey, Stephen Strasburg, the current "greatest prospect of all time" should be on the way.

Overview - The Mets are the best team in the National League, and our pick for the NL crown. The Phillies are just as good as they were last year though, and will find themselves in the Wild Card spot. The Marlins still can't catch the ball enough to challenge and the Braves are a year away. The Nationals are a joke.

Should the coach be called Cobra Commander?

2009-02-09T00:04:00.000-08:00

We were watching the Seattle/Vancouver minor league hockey game this evening, lamenting the multiple failures of minor league hockey in Tacoma when a repeated commercial caught our attention. Something called the "Tacoma Cobras" and "professional football" and "tryouts".

Wha-wha-wha?

Clearly, a little investigation is in order. And since we at No Rhubarb! are inherently lazy - witness the dearth of posting while we have such free time - a little investigation is all we'll get. Lucky for us we have teh Google.

The Tacoma Cobras are members of the Next Level Football League, a start-up semi-pro football league based in the northwest. Now, that in of itself isn't that big of news. The past two years Tacoma has played host to the Tacoma Invaders of the Cascade Football League. They are still around, but apparently renamed the Warriors.

No, the most interesting - and potentially important - thing about the Tacoma Cobras and the NLFL is that they will be on the television. According to the NLFL's still rather skeletal website, we will be seeing games on Comcast Sports Net, a digital channel that also features the Portland Trail Blazers and Vancouver Canucks among others. There really is no overstating the importance of television in sports. For a league the size of the NLFL, being on any channel is a huge deal. To contrast, the PCL Rainiers were on television twice last season.

The NLFL plans to open with eight teams. The Columbia division will feature the BC Spartans, Bellingham Blitz, Seattle Defenders and the hometown Cobras. The McMinneville Bombers, Roseboro Recon, Hillsboro Hellcatz (soon to be Pioneers, thank goodness) and the Eugene Extreme make up the Cascade Division. Feel free to mock that last name incessantly. Schedule starts in mid-May, and this will be something that No Rhubarb! pays close attention to.

And yes, before you ask: We WILL get a group together to attend a Cobra game and we will be shouting CO-BRA! when every time Tacoma does something even moderately cool.

Four words to excite you even more: Lady Cobra Dance Team!

Another TNT Reporter Gone

2008-12-29T23:50:00.000-08:00

That the News Tribune is hurting shouldn't surprise anyone. Newspapers are hurting everywhere. Unfortunately, the TNT has lost another fine voice from the Sports section. The News Tribune has long been the best in the Puget Sound, and one of the best on the West Coast, with a history of great reporters like NFL Hall of Famer John Clayton, Don Borst, Mike Sando and the late Mike Kahn.

Today, Frank Hughes, currently the Seahawks beat writer and longtime NBA reporter for the Tribune announced he's accepted the buyout and left the paper. Frank was always informative, often irreverent and seemed to handle his newfound blogging responsibilities very well.

We wish him well, and hope he sticks around the area.

Okay, We're Back

2008-09-13T21:47:00.001-07:00

Again.

Sort of.

Yeah, the Rainiers season is over, and the Mariners season might as well be. There are other kinds of sports to follow, and damned if I don't plan on doing so. We shall be resurrecting the short lived Electoral College Dropouts to cover the election, plus we have a new blog, Jack Thompson Haunts Your Dreams, this one covering the beloved Washington State Cougars and the world of college football.

Ambitious, I know.

Beavers 8, Rainiers 5

2008-06-24T00:48:00.000-07:00

Our boy Joe was so close. Joe Woerman pitched six strong innings, had perhaps his best start of the season, but didn't get the win over the hated Portland Beavers. Joe went six, gave up four runs but only one earned, leaving with a one-run lead. The Rainier bullpen couldn't keep the lead though, as Jon Huber blew the save and Tracy Thorpe threw some gas on the fire. Three Rainiers not known for power hitting, Tug Hulett, Reed Johnson and Prentice Redman all homered in the loss.

Same two teams tomorrow at 7:00. Weather should be perfect for baseball.

Maybe Rhubarb Ain't So Bad: Quickie!

2008-06-20T08:04:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago we brought you the horror of Blowie. Now, thanks to Deadspin, we learn it gets much, much worse: witness "Baby Blowie".

Does this qualify as child abuse?

Rainiers 8, 51s 1

2008-06-20T00:04:00.000-07:00

The penultimate game of a very long road trip went to the Rainiers, as they beat up on Las Vegas 8-1. Holding a 2-1 lead before exploding for four in the seventh. Starter Andrew Baldwin earned the win with six strong innings, and new Rainier Michael Saunders cracked his first Triple-A homerun.

The finale of a the road trip tomorrow at 7:05. Then Tacoma comes home.

RIver Cats 8, Rainiers 2

2008-06-17T01:09:00.000-07:00

A four game sweep of a road series is a difficult task. A four game sweep of a good team like the Sacramento River Cats even more so. The Cats scored two in the first, another two in the second and never looked back, spanking Rainiers' starter Sean White for six runs in 4 2/3 innings. Sacramento shortstop Cliff Pennington was the hitting star, racking up two triples and a double.

The Rainiers move on to Las Vegas and four against the 51's.

Rainiers 11, River Cats 3

2008-06-16T01:20:00.000-07:00

Tug Hulett lead off with his fourth triple of the season, and the Rainiers jumped on Sacramento starter Kirk Sarloos. Tacoma put up four in the first, three in the second and Sarloos was sent to the showers. After stretching out to a 9-1 lead, the Rainiers and starter Richard Rorhbaugh coasted home, earning the Rainiers' starter his fifth win and evening his record at 5-5. Catcher Rob Johnson was the offensive star for Tacoma, cracking his second and third homers of the season.

Same two teams tomorrow at 7:05, as the Rainiers go for the four-game sweep. After that, it is on to Las Vegas.

Our First Roller Derby

2008-06-15T23:39:00.000-07:00

Photo courtesy of Kevin Freitas dot net

We here at No Rhubarb! have long wanted to make a pilgrimage to the Dockyard Derby Dames. Tough chicks with cool made-up names moving at obscenely high speeds warms even out baseball-purist heart. Saturday was the third bout of the season, with the Trampires taking on the Femme Fiannas and the Hellbound Homewreckers hosting the Toothless Annies from Lilac City Rollergirls.

We had never actually attended roller derby before, but luckily we had experienced hands KF dot net and the Missus along to explain the rules. The Dames site also includes this handy guide, but really, the only way to figure it out is to watch it.

Bees 7, Rainiers 5

2008-06-12T02:07:00.000-07:00

The Rainiers dropped their second in a row in Salt Lake, as the Bees jumped on starter Sean White for three runs in the first. The Rainiers came back to tie the contest in the fifth, powered by Our Favorite Rainier Matt Tuiasosopo's two-run double. The Bees then pulled ahead in the bottom of the inning, scoring another three off of White. Salt Lake reliever Matt Wilhite took the win, White the loss.

Last game of the three-game tilt is on Thursday, first pitch at 6:05

Rainiers 10, Grizzlies 7

2008-06-09T00:09:00.000-07:00

The Rainiers gave up an early run to the Fresno Grizzlies, than struck for run in the first four innings. After building up a big lead, Tacoma had to hang on to a 10-7 win. Jeff Clement hit a home run and a double, Nick Blasi collected three hits and Cesar Jimenez vultured a win with 2 1/3 innings of relief. Our boy Joe Woermann got the start and probably pitched as well as he has all year, going 4 2/3 with nine hits, four walks and six strikeouts. The Rainiers take the series with their third straight win, and now head off for a 12-day road trip beginning in Salt Lake.

Rainiers Sweep Saturday Doubleheader

2008-06-08T00:21:00.000-07:00

Yes, we fully intend to get back on the ball with game reports

The Rainiers won big in the afternoon and then won small in the evening. Tacoma whacked Fresno in the first game, scoring five runs in the first on the way to a 12-3 laugher. The first six Rainiers reached base, highlighted by Jeff Clement's three-run homer.

The Rainiers then picked up the second game in a squeaker, beating Fresno 2-1. The bullpen was the star of this game, as Jake Woods, Roy Corcoran and Jared Wells each threw a shutout inning. Woods picked up the win, Wells the save. Victor Diaz doubled home Jeff Clement in the first and drove in Tug Hulett in the fifth to account for both Rainier runs.

Final game of the series and of the homestand Sunday at 1:30.

Maybe Rhubarb Ain't So Bad, Week 5

2008-05-30T11:35:00.000-07:00

Stockton, California is a hellhole. We know this, because when we made the drive from San Diego to Tacoma, we stayed the night in Stockton. Due to a late start from San Diego, we didn't arrive at our hotel until about three in the morning.

It was 107 degrees. At three in the morning. We shan't be returning.

We do give credit though, to the Class-A Stockton Ports, who proudly sport an old-school name in a world filled with MuckDogs and RiverCats and AquaSox. We like the name Ports, as one might expect. Strikes us as dignified and speaks to the history of the game.

We won't ever, ever go back there though. Now, we don't give Stockton credit for Splash, a fairly nondescript, jelly-bellied whatsit who does sport a nice jewfro/dreadlock combo. Splash is neither different enough to be interesting, nor crazy enough to be truly frightening. Once more, with feeling Stockton.

Yeah, Clement Needs More Time

2008-05-21T09:12:00.000-07:00

Jeff Clement's recent stay in the majors didn't go real well. That much is obvious. Of course, the entire Mariner team has been terrible, so it can't be his fault alone. What is also obvious is that Jeff Clement is done with the minor leagues. He came back last night, crushed a grand slam in the fourth to lead the Rainiers over Las Vegas. His Triple-A line now stands at .388/.527/.706.

You can catch Clement and the Rainiers today at 11:30 for a daytime tilt against Las Vegas. We hope the weather clears up. Chris Jakubauskas (2-0, 2.70) against Miguel Pinango (2-3, 4.73).

Rooting for Joe

2008-05-21T00:07:00.000-07:00

We here at No Rhubarb! are always rooting for our Rainiers, that much should be obvious. We admit though, to rooting for some a little more than others. One of those is Joe Woerman. Joe - we're close enough to call him Joe - is having a simply terrible year. His last appearance lowered his ERA to 14.00. Of course, we need to count the two walks. That raises his total to 23 walks in 18 innings. Yeesh.

Hello and Goodbye (for now anyway)

2008-05-19T16:51:00.000-07:00

Roster moves ahoy! The Rainiers get an old friend back in time for tonight's game against the hated Las Vegas 51s. Jeff Clement returns from a not particularly stellar stint with the big league Mariners, after hitting .167 with 20 strikeouts. Clement did dominate at the Triple-A level, but this has to be a disappointment. Jeremy Reed is promoted to replace him.

Sidewinders 9, Rainiers 3

2008-05-18T01:56:00.000-07:00

The weather was perfect for baseball. The company (Kevin Freitas dot net, our intrepid copilot and photographer) was excellent. The seats were great. The drinks were cold and the hot dogs extra-hot.

It would have been awesome then, had the Rainiers had bothered to show up. Coming in, we were certain we were in for a good game. Tacoma ace Ryan Feierabend was on the mound, the Sidewinders are terrible. Should be easy right?

Apparently not. Still, good time had by all. Pictures from KF.net to come!

Really nice match-up tomorrow to end the four-game series. R.A. Dickey takes his knuckler to the hill against Doug Davis. Davis - usually a starter for the parent Arizona Diamondbacks - is on a injury rehab assignment for cancer.

Maybe Rhubarb Ain't So Bad Week 4

2008-05-16T19:18:00.000-07:00

We drop in on the independent leagues today. We here at No Rhubarb! will send you a bright, shiny quarter if you can tell us just where exactly the Coastal Plain League without Googling it. Give up? The CPL is a summer collegiate league stretching through Virginia and the Carolinas. The team today is the Columbus Blowfish, located in lovely Columbia, South Carolina. Now, we think ya'll can see where this is going: Blowfish?

Yep! Meet Blowie!

Please, do yourself a favor and click to check out the larger image.

Back? Good... yeah, we know. Just remember, kids love Blowie! And Blowie loves Cocky!

And Blowie can dance like there is NO TOMORROW:

The Stars Are Aligning

2008-05-14T00:25:00.000-07:00

This week may be the perfect time for Rainiers baseball. The Rainiers come back into town riding a four-game win streak after sweeping the hated Omaha Royals. The Rainiers will be in town starting Thursday for an eight-game homestand against the Tucson Sidewinders and Las Vegas 51s.

Oh, and did we mention it should be in the 80s all weekend? Perfect baseball weather!

Maybe Rhubarb Ain't So Bad: Quickie

2008-05-02T11:35:00.000-07:00

Okay, so we're working on a longer version of our favorite Friday feature, our look at mascots across the spectrum of minor league baseball. We decided to take a quick break and stop by FeedTacoma and check up the Frost Park meetup today. We stumbled upon GOALTacoma's post about South Korean star Mr. Woo and OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?

Surf Dude. The Tacoma Tide have a mascot. Surf. Dude.
Okay, Rhubarb you are off the hook. The title of Tacoma's Creepiest Mascot may be retired for Surf Dude.

Excuse us, we have to wash our eyes out with acid now.

Good thing neither won Our Favorite Rainier status

2008-04-30T22:25:00.000-07:00

The hometown nine lost a bit of its luster today. Jeff Clement and Wladimir Balentien, the two best hitters Tacoma had, were both called up to the Mariners. Unlike last September's cup of coffee, this should be it for both. Wlad becomes the new starting rightfielder for the M's, and Clement will DH against ~~lefties~~ righties.

As one might expect, this puts a big kink in whatever hopes the Rainiers had, but such is life in the minor leagues.