BFL Press Box

No sighting on Manning

2009-11-15T05:25:00.000-08:00

Week 1 in Indy and one 80 hour work week down. Ahh, the paradise of working for Amazon.

QB - Kurt Warner
RB - Marshawn Lynch, Tim Hightower
WR - Randy Moss, Donald Driver, TJ Houshmandzadeh
TE - Visanthe Shiancoe
PK - John Carney
Def - Eagles

Gore Leads the Cavemen to Springfield

2009-11-14T15:15:00.000-08:00

Running back Frank Gore got a head start on this week's trip to the Atoms and the rest of the team planned to follow in time for Sunday's confrontation.

As in other years, assistant traveling team secretary, Atouk, had difficulty in deciding where Springfield was located. He knew from prior years that the sun was shining, and he was strolling, the wheat fields were waving and the dust clouds rolling. As the fog was lifting, a voice was saying this land is Springfield, USA.

No change in the lineup posted earlier this week.

Atoms Week 10 Lineup

2009-11-14T11:07:00.000-08:00

Ned Flanders and the Power of Prayer

After 0-5 start, Springfield has won 4 straight

Springfield, OR--Ned Flanders, coach of the year? Don't act so suprised. If the Springfield Atoms keep winning, the interrim head coach may just be recognized by the BFL as the coach of the year. Since taking over the head coaching position from Barry Alvarez, Flanders is 4-1 and the inspired Atoms are moving up in the McKay Division.

So, whats the difference between the first 4 games of the season and the last 5? Some will point immediately to the trade for Hines Ward, who has been nothing short of spectacular since becoming an Atom. Some might point out the fact that the Atoms backfield of Grant and Mendenhall, have been outstanding in recent weeks. Still, some might suggest that the Aaron Rodgers/Miles Austin duo, should get all the credit. But those close to the Atoms family know the truth, and that is that Ned Flanders has changed the way Springfield players are approaching the game and life. Flanders has the team living cleanly and praying daily, which won't hurt this week when the Atoms take on a very good Toledo team. Springfield will need all the help it can get.

Starting Lineup:

QB-Aaron Rodgers

RB-Ryan Grant

RB-Rashard Mendenhall

WR-Hines Ward

WR-Miles Austin

WR-Brandon Marshall

TE-Tony Gonzalez

K-Ryan Longwell

D-Colts

Mounties arrive in Sin City; Treated to Headliner

2009-11-13T12:02:00.000-08:00

As the Mounties got off the plane in Sin City, they were met by limos from the BAcon Grease casino. Which quicklly whisked them off to the Showroom of the hotel, where they were treated to a headline performance of cross dressing comedian Eddie Izzard. Part of the routine involved a homage to Christopher Walken. (Seen Below)

No word on Walken's reaction. In the meantime , the team announced their lineup, hoping to end a two game slide:

QB- Romo
RB- Addai
RB- Sproles
WR- Crabtree
WR- Welker
WR- Roy Williams
TE- Winslow
K- Nick Folk
D- Ravens

Walken Plays Ace

2009-11-12T16:09:00.000-08:00

Sends Michael Crabtree out to the stadium tonight, just in case the Grifters try anything...

Another Chance for These Underachievers to Underachieve

2009-11-12T10:18:00.000-08:00

Wheeeeee!

QB- Matt Schaub
RB- Chris Johnson
RB- Thomas Jones
WR- Marques Colston
WR- Calvin Johnson
WR- DeSean Jackson
TE- Vernon Davis
PK- Matt Stover
DF- Packers

Mayberry Week 10 Lineup

2009-11-12T09:06:00.000-08:00

QB - Matt Ryan
RB - Ricky Williams
RB - Marion Barber
WR - Santonio Holmes
WR - Chris Chambers
WR - Jerricho Cotchery
TE - Greg Olsen
K - We'll get back to you on that.
D - Dallas

Playin' Early

2009-11-11T21:41:00.000-08:00

RB- Matt Forte can't wait until Sunday to play so he will start tomorrow night! To back him up will be the Bears Defense.

2009-11-11T12:01:00.000-08:00

Rematch!

Grifters prepared for revenge

LAS VEGAS--Sin City is fired up for the biggest game of the year, a rematch of the last Bucco Bruce Bowl (that mattered) with Moose River. "The Mounties and Grifters are two of the league's top teams. It's like 2008 never happened," said Grifters receiver Chad Ochocinco.

Team owner and general manager Jake Bell added that he and Moose River co-owner Ryan Lindstrom have filed an appeal to the office of BFL Commissioner Trent Dilfer to have last season, when the teams won a combined six games, stricken from the records. "It's kind of like when you commit a misdemeanor and if you can prove you've learned your lesson, it gets taken off your permanent record," he explained. "Clearly the Mounties and Grifters went through a bad stretch last year. We did somethings we're not proud of, but we've grown as teams and won't make those same mistakes again."

In preparation for the big game, the city of Las Vegas has decked out all the hotels on the famed Las Vegas Strip in neon lights and many famous acts, ranging from Penn and Teller to Rita Rudner to George Wallace (the comedian, not the racist Alabama governor) will be performing for the millions of visitors expected to be in town this weekend.

Drew Brees
DeAngelo Williams
Michael Turner
Chad Ochocinco
Larry Fitzgerald
Sidney Rice
Antonio Gates
Nate Kaeding
Saints

Line up

2009-11-11T11:13:00.000-08:00

QB RIVERS
RB GORE AND JONES DREW
REC JENNINGS, V. JACKSON, SANTANA MOSS
TE KELLER
K CROSBY
DEF VIKINGS

Walken Prepares Mounties for Trip to Sin City

2009-11-11T06:38:00.000-08:00

Inthe midst of a freefall from the top of the division, Christopher Walken is starting early this week. Here we see him kicking off practice this week with a reading about his escapades in Sin City for this weekend.

Week 9 Results

2009-11-09T20:19:00.000-08:00

109

Toledo Neanderthal	Pts
Phillip Rivers	33
Frank Gore	26
Maurice Jones-Drew	20
Greg Jennings	9
Andre Johnson	16
Vincent Jackson	20
Kevin Boss	9
Mason Crosby	4
Cardinals	14

Moose River Mounties	Pts
Tony Romo	26
Joseph Addai	26
Jonathan Stewart	0
Wes Welker	14
Roy Williams	10
Michael Crabtree	5
Kellen Winslow	15
Kris Brown	7
Steelers	28

132

Athenian Woodchucks	Pts
Kurt Warner	53
Clinton Portis	0
Julius Jones	20
Randy Moss	25
T.J. Houshmandzadeh	14
Donald Driver	15
Bo Scaife	3
John Carney	13
Eagles	14

West Virginia Woolfs	Pts
Matt Schaub	27
Chris Johnson	29
LeSean McCoy	14
Marques Colston	4
DeSean Jackson	3
Calvin Johnson	3
Vernon Davis	16
Matt Stover	8
Packers	11

Seaside Squid	Pts
Tom Brady	33
Matt Forte	13
Kevin Smith	8
Roddy White	4
Dwayne Bowe	8
Torry Holt	3
Jeremy Shockey	4
Stephen Gostkowski	14
Bears	11

101

Springfield Atoms	Pts
Aaron Rodgers	24
Ryan Grant	9
Rashard Mendenhall	16
Hines Ward	21
Miles Austin	11
Brandon Marshall	18
Tony Gonzalez	13
	0
Colts	13

100

Mayberry Fifes	Pts
Carson Palmer	25
Marion Barber	9
Ricky Williams	10
Santonio Holmes	12
Mario Manningham	9
Chris Chambers	21
Greg Olsen	28
Larry Tynes	8
Cowboys	20

West Coast Mennonites	Pts
Joe Falcco	7
Jamaal Charles	11
Pierre Thomas	18
Reggie Wayne	12
Steve Smith the Younger	17
Laveranues Coles	10
Brent Celek	11
Rob Bironas	10
Falcons	22

144

Sin City Grifters	Pts
Drew Brees	28
DeAngelo Williams	27
Michael Turner	33
Chad Ochocinco	6
Larry Fitzgerald	29
Mike Sims-Walker	23
Antonio Gates	9
Nate Kaeding	3
Saints	22

Bakersfield Circus Bears	Pts
Peyton Manning	28
Brandon Jacobs	7
Steven Jackson	0
Isaac Bruce	1
Derrick Mason	5
Nate Burleson	12
Dallas Clark	21
Neil Rackers	12
Patriots	14

Finally Off the Schnyde

2009-11-08T09:34:00.000-08:00

One week from being officially off the schnyde the Mennonites hope to make it 2 in a row with a win against the Fifes. However, the Mennonites have lost to the fifes when favored before and the Mennonite faithful hope it doesn't happen again.

QB: Flacco

WR: Wayne, Smith(The Younger), and Laveranues Coles

RB: Jamaal Charles and Pierre Thomas

TE: Celek

PK: Bironas

Defense: Falcons

Bleary-Eyed Fifes Week 9 Lineup

2009-11-08T08:19:00.000-08:00

QB - Carson Palmer
RB - Marion Barber
RB - Ricky Williams
WR - Santonio Holmes
WR - Mario Manningham
WR - Chris Chambers
TE - Greg Olsen
K - Larry Tynes
D - Cowboys

2009-11-08T08:15:00.000-08:00

QB- Peyton Manning
RB- Brandon Jacobs
RB- Fred Taylor (DNP Steven Jackson)
WR- Anquan Boldin (DNP Muhsin Muhammad)
WR- Derrick Mason (DNP Bobby Engram)
WR- Nate Burleson (DNP Isaac Bruce)
TE- Dallas Clark
K- Neil Rackers
D- New England Patriots

Atoms Week 9 Lineup

2009-11-08T07:56:00.000-08:00

Atoms Week 9 Lineup:

QB: Aaron Rodgers
RB: Ryan Grant
RB: Rashard Mendenhall
WR: Hines Ward
WR: Miles Austin
WR: Brandon Marshall
TE: Tony Gonzalez
K: (None - I neglected to acquire a Kicker this week, my bad)
D: Colts

Squids Strike Fear?

2009-11-08T07:15:00.000-08:00

With a semi-annual poker meeting held last night with local BFL coaches to celebrate Grifters owner Jake Bell's Birthday, Atoms owner Rob Hart was suspiciously missing despite reports of him saying repeatedly that he would be there. The reason he was missing?

Fear.

"I think Hart is scared of us" said Squid Owner Dave Bargman. "With Brady coming back from his time at The Most Interesting Academy, His presence has rubbed off on the team and everyone in the organization is radiating with positive energy. I mean, what else could it be? Brady is a Most Interesting Padawa, Billy Dee is Master of a Colt 45, T.O. is just so pretty (even though he isn't shining anymore), Matt Forte and Roddy White constantly kick butt on the field. Hell we are so cool we have 2 undead Hollywood Z-listers, Coach Matuzak and Sensei Morita plus a Moncalmari on staff. It's like there is an evil tyrannical overlord watching over all of Springfield..." David Akers then leaned in and whispered into Bargman's ear. "Wait, sorry. I forgot about that Burns guy. My Bad."

"Regardless, We feel that the Atoms are on the run. Here is who they are to face today:"

QB- Tom "MIMITW-In-Training" Brady
RB- Matt Forte, Kevin Smith
WR- Roddy White, Dwayne Bowe, Torry Holt
TE- Jeremy Shockey
PK- Stephen Gostkowski
D- Bears

Walken shaves moustache, gives team rundown of importance of game

2009-11-08T06:51:00.000-08:00

After losing in the battle of moustaches last week, GM Walken and the rest of the Mounties return home this week to face the mighty Neanderthal in a showdown of first place teams.

In what could prove to be a preview of the Bucco Bruce bowl, coach Fonzarelli thought it wise to have Walken address the team before the game. Below is the footage of that inspirational speech. Whether the team could make the connection between the tooth fairy and the Neanderthal remains to be seen. At a minimum we hope it will serve to get quarterback Romo and wide receiver Roy Williams on the same page.

The Rundown - The Tooth Fairy | Movies & TV | SPIKE.com

QB: Romo
RB: Addai
RB: Jonathan Stewart
WR: Wes Welker
WR: Roy Williams
WR: Michael Crabtree
TE: Kellen Winslow
K: Kris Brown
D: Steelers

Now go get my tooth fairy!

Almost out of Band-Aids

2009-11-07T23:53:00.000-08:00

If there's one thing I hate, it's having 75% of my RB injured or on a bye. If there's two things I hate, it's having 75% of my RB injured or on a bye and anal cancer.

QB- Matt Schaub
RB- Chris Johnson
RB- Brian Westbrook (DNS LeSean McCoy)
WR- Marques Colston
WR- DeSean Jackson
WR- Calvin Johnson (DNS Kevin Walter)
TE- Vernon Davis
PK- Matt Stover
DF- Packers

Slack Ass Owner Gets Banned to Indy

2009-11-07T16:05:00.000-08:00

On the heels of an embarrassing performance which was capped with a no-show performance by star wide out Randy Moss and a nameless kicker, owner Brian Birch has decided to induce a self-imposed ban far away from Athens. He has handed the reigns of the team over to the coaching staff in hopes of a more promising end to the season. Head Coach John Elway was not available for comment.

QB - Kurt Warner
RB - Clinton Portis, Julius Jones
WR - Randy Moss, TJ Houshmandzadeh, Donald Drvier
TE - Bo Scaife
PK - John Carney
Def - Eagles

Another Monday Night, Another First Place Opponent

2009-11-07T13:50:00.000-08:00

"It just seems that every week we play a first place team. Just how many divisions are there in the BFL" wondered Atouk, the assistant traveling secretary for the Neanderthal.
As the team prepared to leave the friendly confines of the Oak Openings Metro Park training facility for the latest out of country travel to the Great White North, several of the players balked at requirements that they not travel in sweats causing the Vikings Defense and Dustin Keller to remain in Toledo while the rest of the team used the opportunity to show off their wardrobes supplied by Damschroeder's of downtown Toledo.
Team owner, Gene Bell, proud that the rest of the team responded positively to the travel arrangement, was heard saying "Cavemen, go where I send thee. How will I send thee. Nine by Nine. Nine for the Nine who dress so fine>'
The nine members who make up the starting lineup will be:

QB RIVERS
RB GORE AND JONES-DREW
REC JENNINGS, ANDRE JOHNSON & V. JACKSON
TE BOSS
K CROSBY
DEF CARDINALS

2009-11-06T07:47:00.000-08:00

Inexplicable Run Of Bad Luck For Fifes

The season continues to go right down the crapper for the Fifes, as they received news Friday that star tight end Owen Daniels would be inactive for the rest of the season following an injury last Sunday in the game against the Grifters.

Head coach Tony Mayberry was despondent: "I don't know what we've done to deserve this run of bad luck. It's like we're cursed or something."

Team staffers seem to agree. In the midst of renovating the team offices, offensive coordinator Casey Weldon was similarly mystified: "I honestly don't see how any of this is our fault," said Weldon as he walked under a stepladder carrying new paint for the ceiling. "I'm thinking beige would go well with the carpet."

Defensive coordinator Chidi Ahanotu, in the midst of hanging a new wall-to-wall mirror, expressed different sentiments: "I think it's just coincidence, I really-----AAAARRGGH!" Ahanotu exclaimed as he dropped the mirror, shattering it into thousands of shards. "Man, that's gonna come out of my paycheck. Dang."

Director of Player Personnel Alvin Harper seemed relatively upbeat amidst the commotion. "I think it's gonna be a great last third of the season, I can feel it," said Harper as he opened an umbrella. "Ooh, looks like it might rain --- never can be too careful." As he opened the door to leave the office for the day, Harper almost tripped over team cat Fifesy, the black feline scurried across Harper's path and under his desk. "Yessir, a GREAT last third!"

Big, Bad Luck Woolfs

2009-11-05T13:06:00.000-08:00

(Charleston, WV--AP) Declaring he is sick of falling victim to bad luck, Woolfs' owner Rick Lord has decided to make his own luck, and shake up his Special Teams. "About the only thing more ridiculous than being 4-4 despite being just 3 points behind the highest-scoring team in the league is the fact that our stinkin' kickers can't score more than 5 points a game," extolled Lord. "Look at these totals.... 4,4,3,5,3,2.... I mean 36 points total from our kickers in 8 games is UNACCEPTABLE. It ends TODAY!"

Lord then announced the re-hiring of one-time Woolfs' head coach The Decapitated Cole Ford as Kicking Coach. Ford then immediately cut Joe Nedney and signed Matt Stover.

Week 8 Results

2009-11-02T21:11:00.000-08:00

134

West Coast Mennonites	Pts
Joe Flacco	24
Adrian Peterson	18
LaDainian Tomlinson	17
Reggie Wayne	27
Steve Smith the Younger	12
Braylon Edwards	14
Brent Celek	14
Rob Bironas	14
Jets	25

West Virginia Woolfs	Pts
Matt Schaub	17
Chris Johnson	40
Thomas Jones	12
Marques Colston	17
Austin Collie	10
DeSean Jackson	16
Vernon Davis	10
Joe Nedney	2
Packers	6

120

Toledo Neanderthal	Pts
Phillip Rivers	22
Maurice Jones-Drew	34
Ronnie Brown	3
Vincent Jackson	20
Greg Jennings	19
Andre Johnson	5
Dustin Keller	19
Mason Crosby	8
Cardinals	2

Bakersfield Circus Bears	Pts
Peyton Manning	27
Brandon Jacobs	11
Steven Jackson	24
Anquan Boldin	4
Muhsin Muhammad	0
Derrick Mason	12
Dallas Clark	14
Neil Rackers	3
Giants	10

Moose River Mounties	Pts
Tony Romo	38
Steve Slaton	-1
Joseph Addai	15
Roy Williams	9
Michael Crabtree	8
Jabar Gaffney	5
Zach Miller	8
Kris Brown	12
Chargers	26

Seaside Squid	Pts
Jay Cutler	12
Matt Forte	25
Kevin Smith	11
Terrell Owens	16
Roddy White	19
Torry Holt	3
Jeremy Shockey	10
David Akers	10
Bears	40

Springfield Atoms	Pts
Aaron Rodgers	47
Ryan Grant	7
Beanie Wells	4
Miles Austin	16
Brandon Marshall	5
Pierre Garcon	7
Tony Gonzalez	11
Ryan Longwell	9
Colts	22

Athenian Woodchucks	Pts
Kurt Warner	15
Marshawn Lynch	7
Tim Hightower	20
Randy Moss	0
Donald Driver	10
T.J. Houshmandzadeh	5
Visanthe Shiancoe	7
John Carney	5
Eagles	23

Sin City Grifters	Pts
Drew Brees	31
DeAngelo Williams	15
Michael Turner	21
Larry Fitzgerald	10
Mike Sims-Walker	2
Sidney Rice	6
Antonio Gates	6
Nate Kaeding	6
Saints	24

Mayberry Fifes	Pts
Carson Palmer*	13
Larry Johnson**	6
Marion Barber	12
Jerricho Cotchery	7
Chris Henry	0
Patrick Crayton	4
Owen Daniels	2
Larry Tynes	6
Cowboys	21

*Disguised as Matt Ryan
**Disguised as Ricky Williams

A New Breed

2009-11-01T09:30:00.000-08:00

New Woolfs' coach Joe Lieberman was sent by his wife to Mindy's Pet Store to pick up their grandadughter a golden retriever, a Boston terrier, or collie.

Instead, Lieberman went to Indy's Vet Store and picked up a wide receiver named Austin Collie.

Calvin Johnson is out.

Woolfs pick up Austin Collie and drop LenDale fat ass White.

WR- Austin Collie