It's a Dog's Life!

Last Post

2009-01-26T12:45:00.002Z

I'm afraid this is my last blog post as I didn't come home from the vets today - in Big Nana's parlance I'd "gone off my legs" you see.

Sadly the title of my blog is suddenly not relevant or accurate.

I've gone off from Blogland to another imaginary land populated by real creatures to meet Bobby, Bess, Bertie Bucket, Oscar, Magwitch, Chalkie, Mrs Poll, Ginnie, Dave's Dog and all those other wonderful canine celebrities who inhabit it. We're remembered in our prime, vibrant and full of life, chasing ball, sticks, rabbits and postmen.

I've enjoyed being East Angular's Leading Blogger for 474 posts and your company has been appreciated so I don't want to get mawkish and carried away with my own obituary - or o-bitchery as Oz would possibly prefer. At some stage Oz, who has always seen himself as "Clever Trevor" may feel up to grabbing the Blogging Baton in his teeth and running with it. Perhaps even Small Lil will be capable of giving you a Franglais version of affairs? I wouldn't even be surprised if the old misery Drew even starts his own blog - you have been warned.

I'm pleased to tell you that canine reincarnation is actually a fact of life so next time you see a small Lab-cross puppy it could actually be myself - who knows, I may even turn up in the White House as a Labradoodle Dandy!

Whatever happens I trust that you won't go through life murphlessly.

Green Shoots of Recovery

2009-01-24T10:06:00.003Z

As you may gather I'm recuperating dodgy muscles so I've been sitting on my basket being thoughtful.

I'm pleased to report that Lily & Oz came back from the longer walk this morning with pictures of snowdrops poking their hopeful little heads through the frosty oak leaves of Winter.

Now we've passed the 21st January I always say, in my wise old Labrador manner, that we are into the warmest and lightest 10 months of the year and the darkest 16.66% is behind us. Hurrah!

Not that you'd think signs of hope were around if you read the weekend Recession Newspapers wallowing in their slough of despond. To save you the bother of spending £1.40 or whatever on your Mailyograuntellytimesgraph here is a summary of the 27 page supplements that will fall out of all of them:

Yes it's official - We're in Recession!!!

Not to be "slumped" for ideas, here's out top tips for weathering the Crunch!!!

1. Don't flush the loo when you go! You'll save valuable water and give the next person a pleasant surprise!

2. Needing a personal number plate for your BMW 4x4? Save £££££'s by changing your name to your existing number! (Thanks to E762 GBH for that top tip!)

3. Is your Polish nanny using up valuable heat? Wire the radiator thermostat off in her bedroom - she's used to those Polish winters remember!

4. Save those duracells! Take them out of your doorbell and simply check your front doorbell every 5 minutes! Brilliant - you also get fitter so it's win-win!

5. Worried about that Ski Holiday? Simple - only go for 2 weeks instead of taking the whole of February off! And send the nanny by train to cut down on your flying footprint!

6. Knitting is the new black! Knit your own clothes or better still, get down to Primark and support organic local businesses rather than stuff imported from 3rd World sweat shops.

7. Try walking more! Have you thought about actually walking down that garden path to your BMW instead of taking the electric cart?

8. The Chancellor is considering the formation of a "Toxic Bank" to take on all the rubbish loans that fat-cat Banks no longer want. What about a national "Toxic Shop" chain set up to stock all the old tat that nobody wants to buy?!! (Ed: they tried this - it was called Woolworths).

9. If you have a list of ten things to compile, simply leave one out and save 10%!

10. If you're a Newspaper Proprietor, sack all your decent journalists leaving you with a few overpaid "celebrity" scribes and a skeleton staff of underpaid junior hacks who replace proper news with this kind of space-filling tripe! Brilliant!

For now ain't the time for your tears...

2009-01-20T19:50:00.007Z

On 4th August 1961 Barack Obama was born in Hawaii.

On February 1963 there was a Ball at the Emerson Hotel in Baltimore at which a drunken 24 year old tobacco farmer called William Zantzinger behaved outrageously and assaulted staff with his cane. One of those staff, a poor black 51 year old serving lady and mother of 11 children, was Hattie Carroll who died shortly afterwards. Zantzinger was arrested.

In June 1963, Zantzinger and his team of five top flight attorneys got the murder charge reduced to manslaughter. For the death of Hattie Carroll he was sentenced to six months in jail and given a fine of $500. The judges deferred the jail sentence until September to give Zantzinger time to harvest his tobacco crop.

In 1964 Bob Dylan's Album "Times They are a-Changin'" included a song that was to become a classic. "The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll" which told the story of William Zantzinger, his trial and subsequent derisory 6 month jail sentence was performed at Newport Folk Festival. It was still a time of segregation in Southern USA and although Dylan had taken some dramatic license with the story it still exposed in sharp relief the comparative values placed on black and white lives.

On January 3rd, 2009, William Zantzinger died at the age of 69. (Thanks Dave)

On Tuesday 20th January, 2009, Barack Obama walked into the White House as President of the USA.

Pull the other one

2009-01-19T20:12:00.003Z

I've been to the vet today so he could look at my dodgy shoulder muscle.

He gave me some pills called Diazepam which have been making me feel a bit woozy so I looked them up on Wikipedia. It says they are actually Valium and helpfully goes on to inform me that "The State of California offers diazepam to condemned inmates as a pre-execution sedative as part of their Lethal Injection program."

I was gingerly taking up my rightful pole position in front of the fire this evening when I felt a niggling sensation in my right rear offside.

It was OK though, it turned out to be the phantom snuggler...

Broken Britain

2009-01-18T17:40:00.003Z

This post was going to be about something I spotted in the BBC4 Programme "The Comic Songbook" which reminded me of some absolutely brilliant and witty comic composers such as Tom Lehrer and Neil Innes. From Noel Coward right up to Armstrong and Miller and their wonderful pastiche of Flanders and Swann the programme was full of genius wordy gems (if you discount the interview with Ed "Stew Pot" Stewart wetting himself about Benny Hill of course).

The thing that caught my eye and to which I was going to draw your attention was a section where Nicholas Parsons (Mr 'Live from NORWICH' himself) was extolling the virtues of Noel Coward and for all the world Nicholas has adapted his speech patterns to morph into this person (viewers of a nervous disposition please look away now):

That was to be the end of the post - a simple observation of Sir Nicholas turning into Saint Margaret of Grantham.

Then I started reading the comments on the You Tube video.

Private Eye run a regular feature taking the piss out of "the online community" and the Web 2.0 culture of everybody being "empowered" and having a worthwhile point of view and it is hilarious. Commenters such as "Broken Britain" go on about "Bottler Brown" and "Save our Maddie" in textspeak and it appears to be a wonderful satire on our web and media obsessed culture.

However, I didn't realise that "Broken Briton" actually exists and the Private Eye feature is simply art imitating life. These are the actual first few comments on the Thatcher video cut and pasted from YouTube:

TDuffy04 (3 days ago) she was a great prime minister theres no doubt.. but i still hate her fukin guts, it jus depends wot way u look at it... for example 1st ever feamle and longest ever running PM with 3 election wins.. Won a war (falklands) .. she was a very good speaker, and could intimdate even the russions who nick named her the IRON LADY a nickname she later adopted. so her achivements were great,, but her mistakes were alot worse

aeronuk1 (2 days ago) But you are too young to remember the mess the country was in before she came to power.
In atot of ways she saved the country.

TDuffy04 (2 days ago) 2 b onest at the start things got worse, unemployement rose under her within the first year . but people didt not trust labour after the winter of discontent, so thats why she won the first election... second election she wud of defintley lost if it werent for the falkland, and labour party spliting into SDP, who infact looked likely to take power but for the popularity of the falk win. she fuked housing up and she fuked british gas up by privatising it,, wer luky we stil have a NHS

aeronuk1 (2 days ago) Things had to get worse before they got better. The unemployment of the early 80's was partially created by the govt to bring down the 30% inflation which Labour had left. She would have won the '83' election even without the Falklands war, the labour party was totally unelectable under Foot, and she won the '87' election because her policies were starting to work and people were becoming more prosperous.

mikeboy909 (4 days ago) stupid bitch stealing from the poor slag

politicalcompass09 (1 week ago) One of the best she was, a great PM

AUTOKAPUTT (1 week ago) ugly, bad woman

Jabaline15 (2 weeks ago) We need another PM like this one..

brokenbriton (1 week ago) We need a PM full stop...The sooner mumbling bumbling Brown goes the better.

theultimateclown2009 Yeah he resembles a garden knome

And you probably thought that intellectual debate was dead. There are hundreds more in this vein but I felt too depressed to carry on....

Is it because I is Black?

2009-01-17T11:09:00.003Z

Once again the New Year Honours come and go and here I am out in the cold.

New lists of Conrad Blacks and Jeffrey Archers are summoned to the palace and I am once again left unrecognized and plain old "Mr" Murph.

I realize your heart is sinking as you think "How can I possibly help this poor, talented cross-labrador to achieve the recognition he deserves in his dotage? I'm helpless and impotent."

Well, now you can!

There is a new Facebook group called "Never mind Brucie, What about a Knighthood for Mr Murph?".

Get down here if you can!

Lil things mean a lot

2009-01-15T10:00:00.003Z

Well, it was interesting to note that my last post, which fell into the Misery-Memoir-Boo-F-ing-Hoo school of blogposting elicited loads of comments. I suspect readers like a bit of tortured-soul which probably explains why Hallelujah became Christmas number one.

However, I feel a positive, upbeat, life-affirming post is required on this drab, dark January day to celebrate the fact that little Lil is just coming up to her first year at Murph Towers.

Lily, as you may be aware, is a Petit Basset Griffon Vendeen (PBGV) which means "rough haired short arsed game dog" or Kazzius Mancunious or sometimes "Heeby Geeby". It's almost 12 months ago that she was rescued by Drew & Mrs Rine from a puppy farm and a life of single-parent misery. I say "rescued" which sounds like they used assault helicopters and AK47's whereas all that was involved was driving down to Essex in a Doblo and paying a woman £200.

She's pushed all of us a little way out of our comfort zone, which in Drew's case is the size of South Norfolk. The down side is that she took best part of a year to get the idea that our personal toilet is the garden and she leaps into my basket without so much as an excuse-moi - I suppose that's the French for you. She isn't allowed off her lead because she'd be several counties away before noticing - they used to say that about me before I became the suave, debonair trusted John Le Mesurier of the pack.

So here's a toast to The Lilster in which you may notice I've slipped in a small Hitchcockian cameo for myself.

Maybe I should Give up this Blogging Thing ....

2009-01-12T10:13:00.002Z

If a tree falls in the middle of a forest and nobody is there to witness it, does that event actually exist?

I've just had my weekly report from Mr Statcounter and am beginning to feel what that tree must be going through.

I can't even hear the sound of the bark....

This just in.....

2009-01-09T17:10:00.004Z

In the style of Mild Peril, here are the final results just in from the Christmas TV Spectacular.

Strictly Come Dancing 5 - X-Factor 1 (Man of the Match - John Sergeant)

X-Factor is now the lowest form of car-crash paint-watching television. Enough shallow false enthusiasm to run a power station.

39 Steps 2 - Jonathan Creek 8

There are already two brilliant adaptions of the rip-roaring John Buchan yarn (plus one with Robert Powell in) so what was the point of making yet another one? Messing about with an excellent plot was also pointless - they made the love-interest return magically from drowning but it's a pity the script couldn't do the same thing. Jonathan Creek was such a brilliant story and production you didn't notice it was 2 hours with no ad breaks which was largely down to the talented writing of David Renwick. Excellent!

Gavin & Stacey 9 - Royle Family 1

The Royle's Christmas get-together was excitedly anticipated in this house but sadly turned out to be as disappointing as Sunshine. In an hour long special that felt like 2 hours, the formula felt tired and claustrophobic and the contrived slapstick jokes such as Craig Cash thawing the Turkey out in the bath felt like Brian Rix was going to appear at the door any second in his underpants. There was no way this Turkey was ever going to thaw out.

The Gavin & Stacey Special, on the other hand, was pure magic and a complete object lesson in how to produce engaging and funny character driven TV comedy. The plot is fairly minimal - the Wests and the Shipmans get together at Christmas - but unlike the Royles the characters felt sympathetic and believable. James Corden turns out to be a very talented actor who is somehow able to squeeze interest from the most unlikely scenes.

The "12 Days of Gavin & Stacey" background programme was also worth watching as it confirmed the shear "likeability" of the complete ensemble. All the cast seemed quite close to their screen persona with the exception of Ruth Jones the co-writer and hard faced Nessa, who in real life is a lovely soft person - there was a nice moment when she went over to greet young fans who recited the "what's occurring?" catch phrase. Rob Brydon is also priceless - he was complaining about security worries on set as 7 people had turned up. Surprisingly, the Barry Island scenes are filmed inside an actual house in the town, whilst the Shipman residence is a real house not in Billericay but in Wales. Let's hope the third series goes ahead - this is just the stuff our TV schedules should be packed with.

I can't give you the Wallace & Grommit results yet as Drew won't let us watch the recording.

January Diet News

2009-01-08T22:15:00.003Z

Drew is back to his yo-yo dieting.

He got through two packets today.

We didn't get a sniff. Bastard.

The White Stuff

2009-01-06T20:22:00.003Z

We arrived back to the warmth and sunshine of the South East on Sunday, happy to leave behind those frozen wastes of North Lancashire for a while.

This is what it looked like on Monday morning! However it was quite refreshing as the snow concentrates the smells of passing animals and gives us extra incentive to run about a bit more. Even the lazy Tibetan was scurrying around like a puppy.

I was feeling a bit chilly in one side but had a good run around and quickly warmed up.

The heeby jeeby Lily was super hyper and gained an extra point in our private competition by unseating Drew on the ice. Well done Lil!

It's cold but I'm now sitting in front of a coal fire whilst the temperature outside is around minus six. It's a hard life being a dog you know.

21st Century Cyril Fletcher Man

2009-01-05T10:24:00.002Z

Poems are not really my thing
They sound like spoken rap
So many words and so few rhymes
Can tend to sound like crap.

Well here's a poet who will always produce a wry smile - you MUST stick him in your blogroll. Geoff (aka Beryl) is a cross between Pam Ayres and Attilla the Stockbroker with a dash of Dryden, E.J.Thribb and Keats for good measure.

Contain's Mild Beryl

As he doesn't comment on other blogs as Beryl this genius may sink unnoticed in the ocean of useless blog verbiage so I urge you to act quickly. Make it your new year resolution to keep popping back and by the end of this year we expect to see him giving Wife in the North a good spanking in Waterstones.

Go on...do it now before you forget!

Poor Sign

2009-01-03T22:07:00.002Z

Our last day in Lancaster was quite eventful.

Drew and Mrs Rine went to lunch with Big Nana and the family. Big Nana thought she saw a Rhino outside the restaurant but it turned out to be a horse with a blanket. Then Drew complimented Mrs Rine on the "new" kilt pin she was wearing only to discover that she had worn the aforementioned item on their wedding day. He was lucky not to feel a bit of a prick.

Later we were rescued from abandonment in the kitchen and taken for a proper walk along the canal. As darkness began to fall we all noticed a very large shape on the towpath in front of us, and as we got nearer this appeared:

I was ready to quietly sneak past but the Pig had other ideas. Lily and Oz decided to break out into an attack mode whilst Tinker Taylor shouted encouragement from the safety of her pushchair. Mrs Rine and Vic tried to calm the situation and Drew hid behind a tree quaking with fear.

We managed to eventually sneak past the huge creature who proceeded to follow us. When we reached the road the pig was right behind us and about to start a major traffic incident which you have probably read about in the news by now.

Drew wanted to phone the police but the others assumed this was just a stupid joke involving "the pigs". Some proper people eventually got out their cars and a massive round-up ensured.

It won't be this exciting back in Norfolk.

This is what 2009 may be like....

2009-01-02T08:43:00.000Z

Only possibly a bit wetter....

In the Mood

2008-12-31T10:31:00.004Z

New research based on a study of 5000+ people suggests that moods spread through social groups like a contagious virus.

Before you dismiss this as another over-funded product of the "University of The Bleeding Obvious, California", it does have some interesting angles on the way moods can be passed from person to person like "ripples from a pebble thrown in a pond".

Dr Nicholas Christakis, a sociologist at Harvard Medical School involved in the research, said: "Most people will not be surprised that people with more friends are happier, but what really matters is whether those friends are happy." Moods travel faster in same-sex relationships it appears but I'm sure David Furnish would quickly vouch for that.

As someone who has a dependent relationship with the grumpiest old misery in Norfolk I'm now concerned that Drew's CV ("Cur-Mudgeonly virus") is spreading through me to you, dear reader and hence onwards like a Cadbury's Chocolate Ad with a Gorilla playing the drums. I'm sure it has already got as far as Oz and I'm just pleased that the lovely Lily and Mrs Rine are here to shine their happy positive charm on the source of the problem.

I'd therefore wish you all a VERY happy New Year with the very best you deserve.

Fortunately today Drew is in XTC. He's making plans for Nigella.

Justified and Ancient

2008-12-30T11:22:00.005Z

In the olden days the Magazine "Reader's Digest" was the equivalent of the Internet as the distillation of all human knowledge in popular handy format.

In between valuable "feeds" of popular culture it featured hilarious comic "blog" interludes with titles like "The Things those damned Kids Say!" and "That really takes the biscuit!" for readers to send in their own stories for a cash prize. (Drew once got £50 for his story about youngster James mentioning that he'd seen a "flock of deer". "You mean herd, James". "No I definitely saw them!")

Having now had some experience of living with a 60 year old person and coming into contact with his aging Mother and Mother in Law, I've started compiling a dossier of their gaffes and sayings. "The hilarious things oldies say and do!" will be the title and you are welcome to contribute any of your own (but don't expect £50!).

1. I've noticed that as soon as they turn 60, oldies start to look at discarded wrapping paper with a weird glint in their eye. Instead of admiring their new present, they sit contemplating the crumpled paper thinking "that'll come in useful - and I must roll up that string as well!".

2. There's a strange genetic switch which clicks in at 60 called the "Karcher Gene". Suddenly, the very best thing they can think of to do on a free afternoon is to go and use a high pressure hose on the patio. Or the drains.

3. Drew's Mum used to come up to him when he was at the computer and ask if she had received any emails. "But you don't have an email address Mother", he would respond tartly.

4. People under 60 are able to fall over. Once over 60 it is always "having a fall".

5. Talking of Fall, laisser-faire youngster are happy to let nature carry on uninterrupted every Autumn but most oldies quickly develop a zero tolerance policy to leaves. And Chris Evans.

6. Weird hobbies such as bird watching are only taken up by old people, which is why they are known as "twitchers".

7. Big Nana this morning - "I see that Steven Gerrard's been charged with A.B.S." (could be like braking and entering I suppose.

Living with a Wag

2008-12-27T11:57:00.001Z

You can tell a lot from a tail.

If it is wagging horizontally and fast we are happy. If it is vertical with movement at the tip alone we are preparing to attack. If it has a Tibetan Terrierist on the other end of it, you had better make an exit whatever it is doing!

In 2006, Chris Anderson coined the expression "The Long Tail" to apply to the phenomenon of a long-spreading distribution curve of customers which would be effectively serviced by e-tailers thanks to the power of web browsing and searching. He predicted that minority audiences which were ignored by traditional retailers on the grounds of profitability could be properly attended to by Internet suppliers such as Amazon. The net would favour the development of the niche.

Traditional distribution often used to quote the "Pareto Principle" or "80-20 Rule" whereby 20% of a product range generally provided about 80% of revenue and profit, which Anderson turned upside down with his model whereby far more revenue came in from the "long tail" of specialist items. As one Amazon employee is quoted, “We sold more books today that didn’t sell at all yesterday than we sold today of all the books that did sell yesterday”. (That's probably the way they talk at Amazon).

Anyway, it turns out that the long tail theory is not quite as straightforward as one was led to believe.

Figures just released by two researchers analysed 13 million music tracks available on the internet for download and found that an astonishing TEN MILLION failed to sell a single download last year - 80 per cent of all revenue came from just 52,000 tracks. Complete Albums showed 1.23 million available with only 173,000 purchased, meaning 85 per cent did not sell a single copy all year.

I think they are missing the point though.

The cost incurred by Itunes or Amazon in "stocking" those tunes for download is Zilch (which ironically is the new name for Virgin Megastores). The cost to Waterstones of physically stocking thousands of copies of Jordan's 3rd Biography and then having to sell them to "The Works" in January at 50p each is enormous. The fact that Itunes has nearly everything in stock (except for the Beatles) and one can search and follow links and suggestions without either shop or customer incurring cost is absolutely brilliant!

Each of the 10 million unsold music tracks is like the tree that falls in a wood with nobody there to hear it. It's nice to know they are there though.

Present Tense

2008-12-26T10:19:00.004Z

Christmas is a time for extremes - great joy and dashed expectations. You think you have the perfect present for someone and they've already got one.... or somebody is ecstatic with a small gift which you thought was just a "stocking filler".

Herbs and Spices always make good gifts. ("There's no present like the thyme")

Here's a couple of highs and lows:

How disappointed can someone be with a jumper? (He really wanted Tour of Duty for his PS2)

And How pleased could someone possibly be with a new sign?

The truth about Cats and Dogs

2008-12-23T20:04:00.003Z

Watching Top of the Pops 2 at Big Nana's.

Shakin' Stevens come on.

"Eee. 'es now a Muslim Leader 'e is", declares Big Nana.

After a five minute Royle Family type silence on the sofa, our own Craig Cash (Drew) says "Aren't you thinking of Cat Stevens?".

Silence. Tumbleweed rolls across the lounge floor.

So Here it is......

2008-12-20T15:44:00.005Z

I've just collapsed in front of the Computer after a proper off-lead run across the back fields so it is nice to know that I am back to rude health after my operation 2 months ago. My fur still has a 12" diameter shaven patch with the scar still visible (Oz thinks I look like a nightie case) but I'm back to being the Len Goodman of the Manor.

I must say I never felt I'd feel nostalgic for the annual wheeling-out of Slade's P.R.S. Cash Cow but this year's X-Factor win has produced such a feeling. 114 versions of wall-to-caterwaul Hallelujah coming at us from every available speaker with gut-wrenching and hand-wringing faux-emotion has started to plumb new new depths of turgid. Thank you Simon Cowell.

Here's one possible antidote.

And here's another.

To all my fellow Labradruids, have a Happy and Hopeful Winter Solstice. To the rest of you... Merry Christmas everyone!

Always look on the bright side....

2008-12-18T14:16:00.003Z

"Elderly people are able to look at the world through rose-tinted spectacles because negative memories fade more quickly as we age".

Researchers in South Carolina have discovered that ageing brains deal with negative thoughts and memories in a different way to the young in order to maintain well being and provide a more halcyon past.

I don't think those researchers have met Drew's Mum. Or Drew, come to that.

They Shoot Horses Don't They

2008-12-15T13:54:00.006Z

The other day, John Holmes on the Now Show (Radio 4, sorry) quoted some examples of Wikipedia "facts", involving one on the Clannad entry which stated that "If you shake Enya and hold her up to the ear, you will hear the sea". Or on the Doors entry which stated authoratively that "Jim Morrison was actually born in a van. Ironically Van Morrison was born in a Gym".

It occured to me the other day that a distinctive feature of the Great Depression of the late 1920's and 1930's was the Dance Marathon which is mentioned in Wikipedia here.

Poor, dispirited unemployed people would hurt and humiliate themselves on the dancefloor for the goulish pleasure of the public. What kind of World would it have been where entertainment relied on no-hopers and the dispossessed cavorting embarrassingly for the mean spirited enjoyment of others?

As we dive into another depression, I'm glad we at least don't have that sort schadenfreude masquerading as show business.

Do we?

First Past the Post

2008-12-12T11:18:00.003Z

Our dependent bipeds, the Theo Profiterole and Debra Meany of Ebay, have been desperately running round in circles this month trying to send out more stuff than is coming back from dissatisfied customers before Christmas. The size of our Turkey depends on it.

Drew, or "King Cardboard" as Oz refers to him, dices daily with death at the local Post Office as he runs the gamut of irate locals queueing impatiently with their 3 Christmas Cards whilst he negotiates 14 overseas parcels with difficult post codes and customs form queries.

The main town post office is a grim Victorian building staffed by grim Victorian counter staff who move at the speed of gravy so it is always preferable to use the small independent one which happily escaped the most recent Beechingesque cull of social infrastructure. Whilst the little post office only has one person serving they are approximately 14 times faster so always the better bet.

The Christmas postal rush has however shortened the odds on Drew getting taken out by a pensioner's walking stick.

When he enters the Post Office with his giant Ikea bags bristling with boxes there are normally no customers at the counter so it always starts well. Perhaps there is a local Ku Klux Klan of pensioners who employ a look-out to spot his arrival and then pass the word round for all of them to shuffle towards the shop?

Pensioners are unique inasmuch as they have not one but several collective nouns which are mood dependent.

The lowest "amber alert" level is a "muttering" of pensioners. The next stage is a "seething" of pensioners as they become more voluble and more forthright before finally moving up to a "lynching" of pensioners when the best place to be is "outta here!".

Drew normally makes the mistake of trying to be entertaining and engaging by repeatedly turning to the seething mass of turbulent taupe and apologising in a jokey way - "Only another 23 items to go then!". Worse, he involves the helpful counter lady in ill advised joke-irony : "If she wasn't so slow I'd have been finished 20 minutes ago!". As you can imagine, this goes down like Russell Brand at a WI meeting and I'll be surprised if he makes it through to Christmas with all his facilities intact.

No Stairway

2008-12-10T18:02:00.000Z

Three Wheels on My Wagon

2008-12-09T11:56:00.005Z

In 1965, one Barry McGuire released one of the all time classic protest songs, "Eve of Destruction".

The eastern world, it is exploding
Violence flarin’, bullets loadin’
You’re old enough to kill, but not for votin’
You don’t believe in war, but what’s that gun you’re totin’
And even the Jordan River has bodies floatin’

Think of all the hate there is in Red China
Then take a look around to Selma, Alabama
You may leave here for 4 days in space
But when you return, it’s the same old place
The poundin’ of the drums, the pride and disgrace
You can bury your dead, but don’t leave a trace
Hate your next-door neighbour, but don’t forget to say grace

And… tell me
over and over and over and over again, my friend
You don’t believe
We’re on the eveOf destruction

Thank goodness all that stuff was sorted out years ago then.

This song was written by the wonderful P.F. Sloan, nee Philip Gary Schlein, who disappeared from the limelight as quickly as one-hit-wonder Macguire.

Anyone who can tell me the significance of the title of this post and also what is P.F. Sloan's connection with cult TV Programme "The Prisoner" deserves to get out more.