Always look on the bright side of life :)

2008-04-25T00:05:00.001+03:00

I am back to my space. Typing my mind down...

Thank you for the inspiration, Mr.

2008-02-08T22:41:00.000+02:00

Matrix of the chaos

Dreams, plans, goals, ambitions, previous dreams, plans, goals, ambitions, current reality, feelings, conscious actions and subconscious thoughts - what happens when they are all stuck in your head like a matrix you are supposed to solve? Are there only 0 and 1 at the end?

2008-02-06T22:57:00.000+02:00

Catharsis

This is for sure one of my most beloved words. Especially its primary meaning of resolving, better said "Bereinigung". This is how I feel now. Day by day, getting better back in form.
I am somehow happy that January is over - it seemed to be one of my most horrible months ever...

Thus, it made me learn from all that happen:

1. Live happier - you never know how long your happiness will last, neither your life...
2. Our subconsciousness can be the biggest burden to us - only if we let it. Be careful and do not overplay with it too often and too long.
3. Cherish and discover your real friends - exactly those ones you call at 3am, who know how you feel by a single word. Keep in touch, care, love them and be always there - one passed exam won't bring you the same happiness as having a great friend next to you - thank you, A., N., I., I., E., M. for being next to me when I needed it the most!
4. No matter how down, down, f...ing down you feel, keep searching for your "chargers" and positivism in and around you - even if you have to push yourself a lot
5. When you need a break, just take a break.
6. Past belongs to the past - do not search for something that is gone already and try to bring it back, though you know it is gone
7. Take challenges and keep challenging yourself, whether you feel in the momentum mood or not - you never know if will have them again or not

2008-01-05T00:46:00.000+02:00

It was Geri. The wonderful, smiling girl, with great sense of humour and loving life person I studied together in the high school... Geri, with whom I spent my first travel abroad - to Traben-Trarbach in Germany...

http://www.focus-news.net/?id=n857674

When someone's carelessness causes the death of a 22 year old girl, there is no forgiveness. There is endless pain. Absurd f****** Bulgarian reality.

Still not capable to believe it. You know - when you watch all the black statistics on tv and dont react that much, because "well, it doesnt happen to me or people I know, thanks god". And then, there is the moment when it happens. A person you know is gone. And it hurts so much then.

Geri, you will always have a place in our hearts! Rest in peace and I do hope to meet you in another one life again, dear...

2007-12-19T22:16:00.001+02:00

I don´t know why and how, but I am in a Winnie The Pooh mood recently, expecially the Xmas version (of course, douzen of wallpapers to find). It brings me a smile and reminds me that at the end, everything is just great, no matter the worries and yes - the child in me is alive :) :)

I think it is easy to guess that the picture below is actually my desktop wallpaper - wonderful :) :) (if you smile so huge as I did when I found it, then definitely check http://www.dowwallpaper.com/index.htm - very nice free wallpapers and easy download)

What I sing recently...

2007-12-19T22:03:00.001+02:00

Yes, it´s almost Christmas time!!!
I guess this is THE Xmas song for me in the last 2-3 years ;)

2007-12-13T18:24:00.001+02:00

A trip above any expectations :)

I was sitting happy in the café at Terminal 1 in Sofia, feeling the excitement about the up-coming days. 5 days in Vienna and Prague ahead, together with Marc, Tsveti...
Marc: I just counted that I had lived with more than 12 people in the last 2 years. And Marc is definitely 1 out of 4 of those people I do love and care about!
Tsveti: A person who I did not have the chance to spend a lot of time with, but the first person in @ I met, even before joining the organization ;) Or as she describes our friendship: one from those personalities you feel that you know from ages, can trust and rely on. Amazing individual and so much similarities between us!

Of course, some problems at the very beginning: landing in Vienna, switching on my mobile to sms my parents and... what the ****, I did not have roaming...unbelievable! Never faced this problem before and did not know that after changing my tariff the last time I was supposed to order roaming! So, imagine me, so depending on my mobile at this moment (as I didn´t know exactly which time is Marc coming the other day, neither did I know how to communicate with Tsveti and the others now). Funny and smart though - I had my Swiss prepaid card, almost out of credit, but functioning :D Nevertheless, thanks to my mum and a friend, I had my happiness and independence the other day.

About the journey as a whole: at the middle of the second day Marc and I discovered the 3 pillars for our 5days together:

Walking and sightseeing - more than 15km on foot every day - yes, for sure the best way to "feel" a city, country, its way of living, spirit...
International eating - it looked so easily: you start with Austrian breakfast, go through Turkish lunch, continue with Japanese dinner, drink some Brazilian caipirinha... at some point Bulgarian cuisine, typical Italian, traditional Czech, continue with something that everyone eats/drinks in Central Europe...
Sleeping - 3 different places, always for just few hours. Naturally - easy to fall asleep everywhere after walking around the last 10+ hours

In front of Stephansdom

Posing next to Raiffeisen Bank Headquarters - greatest light effects around Xmas ever
and at the same time - wow, that´s called waste of energy...
Small child playing with Xmas decoration (or at least pretending so ;))
A bit grown-up child playing with... Xmas decoration as well :P

Before leaving from Bulgaria, my head was full with tasks, questions, challenges... I knew that I will keep thinking on some of them during the vacation, keep thinking on friends etc., but amazingly, all the concerns flew away quick and pure enjoy-feeling stayed.

I got what I desperately needed: wonderful conversations with even more wonderful friends, life from different perspective, powerful ideas...
Of course, we celebrated 8.12. as well. It was a fantastic time in Prague, in a Bulgarian restaurant (of course, I was the only one who haven´t been missing the BG food for ages :P). I enjoed wonderful Bulgarian humour, served by Tsveti and 2 other BGs, Zuzi (amazing Slovak girl speaking perfect Bulgarian - yes, perfect, even slang!) and Marc. I have never felt so impressed by our typical BG sense of humour, mixed with discussing the BG way of doing things, the BG way of living etc.
Quote of the evening: Zuzi, when asked why she studied at the Bulgarian school in Bratislava, as non of her family is BG origin: "Well, I always wanted to learn a language which is not that widely spoken, e.g. English, German... But you know what - Bulgarian is actually an international language, I didn´t know it..." Of course, this statement surprised me a lot and I asked why. The answer I got: "Bulgarian is spoken all around - just take a look, you are all over the world - in my grocery store, in a souvenir shop..."

Love you, Tsveti!
Enjoying Prague together and eating medovnik :)
3 happy faces and Prague tower

I guess we all appreciated the opportunity to spend few days together and have the time to really catch up - chat about present and future plans, finding answers or at least advises of questions we are asking ourselves all the time. To see that there are other people with similar world views, to understand differences, to share your concerns and at the end to feel released by receiving ideas and feedback, to help with your experience etc.
Cause this is life, folks - time goes by so quickly, sometimes even without we notice it for real and all we need is to set our priorities and follow them. Of course, time is never enough and that is what I hate now in Bulgaria - hearing it from all around, which mostly costs saving on good moments and refusing to do your hobbies because of lack of time (or lack of priorities?!).

Same city, different views

Sometimes we think, re-think and hesitate too much instead of grabbing an opportunity and enjoying its results. Instead of being more spontaneous from time to time. Yes, you will continue having many work engagements every day and week, no matter you like this fact or not. So it just depends on us what will prevail when ruling our life. Dont care too much about what "other people" say or think about you - we laughed so much with Marc when sharing reactions of friends and relatives who understood that we are going together on vacation. This vacation was a present indeed!
Thank you dear Marc! For all the talks, sharing, wonderful orientation, our sushi evenings and caipirinha night, for being such an amazing individual, for reminding me what Swiss means (mm, yes, the fondue was terrific :)), for the plans for a future vacation ;)

So, back in Sofia now. Even more things to think about. Though some of them seen from a different angle.

Time for decisions.
Time to be more determinate about my actions and what I want to happen to me in my life.
Time to finally decide whether a special person for me will really have a different role in my life or just stop giving him chances.
And definitely trying to rely more on the motto: "..just trust the process".
Seeking for answers until Christmas.

Just happy :)

The end - thanks for reaching it ;)

2007-12-13T16:46:00.000+02:00

My traveler´s hints: Vienna and Prague

I decided to start sharing some traveler´s impressions and information from my trips from now on. I hope you find something interesting. Otherwise - just scroll to the pictures and enjoy ;)

Vienna
Christmas time. Maybe the most amazing time to be in Vienna. And yes, their popularity for wonderful X-mas decoration has its reason ;) I was released to find out that my love with this city still exists. I guess I just adore the charming mix between Western and Eastern Europe + Asia meeting here, though you still know that is west, as everything is so relaxed, clean, well-arranged... I have never discovered so many cafés, restaurants - every of them so unique, different atmosphere and visitors, different decors. Everything so stylish made, with love. So many art all around - Museum Quartier, wonderful buildings from the last century and earlier, so many souvenir, jewelry shops. The Hunderwasser Museum is a must - to find more about his style of painting, not only to enjoy the architecture. Brilliant environmentalist, amazing pieces, the idea of tree renters, straight is not interesting... What you should try - just stop on some of the X-mas markets (the one on Maria-Theresien-Platz is the biggest and most interesting) and drink hot wine or some hot punch, add some "fire" almonds and enjoy it :) The so famost Sachertorte is according to me not so special - better save your money and go to eat some sushi and maki (no clue why but I heard it already from other friends and agree with it: Vienna is a great place for sushi fans. We discovered amazing place called Natsu - at Burggasse ;). Visit Naschmarkt - different spices, nuts, fishes, cheese - is offered to try. If you think that wasabi is too hot for you, taste the wasabi peanuts and you will be proud of you ;) Where to stay - Wombat´s! The best hostel I have ever been so far. BUT when booking it, take a note that there are 2 Wombat´s in Vienna --> I suggest you to choose the Lounge. Shopping: for the freaks who only have a day or two for shopping, keep along Mariahilferstrasse and afterwards Kärtnerstrasse. There is a huge outlet "city", 20km far from Vienna --> ask for Parndorf. If you want to keep in the city - well, Shopping Centre Sued will be enough as well ;) Where to go out - yes, he have been questioning ourselves the same all the time - there are so many places...

On the way between Prague and Vienna
Now is the time to say: Thaank you Nasko for the hint! The best, surprisingly luxury and cheapest way to go from Vienna to Prague is by Student Agency (http://studentagency.cz/). New buses, wifi (!!!), free coffee, just cool :) Just keep in mind that you are actually heading to Viden (=Vienna on cz). It takes 5h.

Prague
Wonderful! City full of energy, monuments, wonderful architecture and a lot, a lot to see... We started again at the X-mas market and tried delicious trdlo (the one who managed to pronounce it right gets an award from me :P), something like BG "mekitsa" but with garlic oil, ketchup and cheese (too fat). Of course, you should try as many beer sorts as possible, medovnik (honey cake), medovina (the God´s drink, honey wine) and typical Czech cuisine. It is mostly represented by dumplings, meat, cheese... for me it was quite fat food, also sweet-sour taste often. Sightseeing: take any "written-in-the-guidebooks" ride and you won´t be wrong ;) My top impressions: Charles Bridge, the castle, Schwarzenberg Palace, the swinging buildings, Place of the Republic. I was amazed by the St.Vitus Cathedral and especially a silver sculture there (see the pictures down) - unfortunately, I couldnt find any information online what does this sculpture represents. I was shocked by my first idea about it: "God and Jesus in his hands...hmmm, though God is not allowed by the church to be portrayed"... If you know the answer of this mystery for me - please, share it. I was shocked by the street numeration in Prague - old, new numbers, other numbers - omg, how do these people manage it... and to say it proudly, I have improved a lot my orientation during 2007. Shopping - juhuu, welcome in Eastern Europe where shops are open till late, even Sundays ;) Unfortunately, can not suggest something concrete - just walk the main streets :)

2007-12-01T12:26:00.000+02:00

No title

Life is beautiful, as it has always been.

Mixing 2 cups of work life with 1 cup of university life and 6-7 spoons of private life in the last 2 weeks shows that I am still a good cooker ;) Of course, there are many thoughts on life now - not only because of the changes recently. I guess I am getting used with the idea of settling down a bit and as some doctor, I observe accurate its results. Life is more serious, less space for too much spontaneity (like just deciding to leave for some days during the week). Yes, I miss a bit the way I was used to live, though this one is more various, challenging, striving for permanent balance.
Different.

Getting too reflective recently - definitely something I want to change, as reflection is not the best medicine for every pain you feel. To be honest, reflection mostly leads to more concerns, ideas how to deal with A,B,C, than to "sunny" positivism. Trying to get away its influence and put it into something more creative or better said - productive. Still looking for decision and answers how and what in...

Life on the road soon (ah, only the thought of it brings me a bright smile): My guides of Prague and Vienna on my bed now, waiting to be written, marked, commented etc. Looking forward to this adventure - especially because I will meet Marc, Tsveti and Deni again!!!

...and the thought that made my day today (thank you, D.):

“The world we all want to live in is there.
We just need to take away everything that is not that world.”

2007-11-19T00:11:00.000+02:00

Messy thoughts in pictures...

I woke up with this picture in my mind... the red tree infront of my terasse in St.Gallen... the terasse itself and the nice view were definately a place to relax and free my mind from everything... I guess I quite a lot miss such a place in Sofia now. Time to look around and discover something...

I finally watched this movie! Yes, yes, I know... After a quite relaxed week I realized that it´s not that bad to make a small movie festival at home from time to time ;)

..and definitely want to watch this movie again... one from the most amazing performance of Al Pacino ever!!!

Starting work tomorrow and looking forward to a bit different week. We´ll see ;)

2007-11-14T17:26:00.001+02:00

I finally watched "We Feed The World"...
Pleased to see that there are many movie makers nowadays like Erwing Wagenhofer who smash some trues into your face to make you finally think more on them...

it is hard to do a statement on such movie. And even questioning yourself: "How can I change this? How can I prevent X from Y?" dont help much out...

A bit proud of myself for choosing precisely what I eat and standing on and buying bio food - I guess living in Bulgaria helps a lot as we are still an agricultural and developing country, using natural seeds and simpler ways of production.

Though so damn far, far, far away from really being able and in the power to help efficiently to fight starvation, world poverty...and signing some petitions and taking part on round tables doesnt make me feel that I support somehow this or that.

Highly recommended to watch: http://www.we-feed-the-world.at/en/film.htm or at least the trailer above (sorry, on German).

P.S. A bit ironic maybe: you´re easier to find the brand-newest Hollywood movie, which still havent reached the cinemas in a torrent than We Feed The Wolrd...

2007-11-07T15:28:00.000+02:00

Two weeks - much or less

My last two weeks were more than different - so various days, surprises, work, university problems, friends, love all around, preparation, nice chats, happiness, happiness and so much satisfaction...

Sometimes I think that I live like it´s going to be my last day and doing soo much, day by day. But I love it! That´s the way I feel alive!

So, what happened since the previous edition?

A lot of preparation and excitement about a wedding - one of my best friends is getting married in 3 days! So damn happy: Nevena & Ivan finally officially ;)- I have lived with the couple 1 year long and we love each other so much!! I am a bridesmaid together with Toni and you can imagine: 1. we both with the same clothes and everything 2. preparing the maid party, yey (tonight!!!) 3. so happy, happy, preparing and helping with stuff around :) :)

University work - ah, no comment... yes, I finally got bored of my university and I decided not to be the best student example - most of my lectures dont make much sense... some stress with papers writing, etc. though smiling at the reality ;)

Friends: Slavena was back in Bulgaria for few days and we managed to drink a hot chocolate together!!! We couldnt get enough - so much to talk about, gossiping, serious stuff, BG, CH, men, those stupid men... She brought me back home in Switzerland... such a great time and feeling to remember and speak about ppl I havent seen for 3months now... Miss you all guys, so much... :/
Spending time with Toni around - shopping, some randomness...
Discovering some new traditions with old friends ;)
Going out with my old colleagues - still feel better and more interested to spend evenings with them ;)
Getting to know my new colleagues - cool people as well, still dont know all of them (over 100ppl)
Celebrating Rafa´s B-Day: yey, funny time together, not that long with really nice, a lot of dances and having breakfast at 2am, after we packed us - 7 ppl in a middle-small car :D

Spending time with my family: Yes, I even managed to go home for 3days, in order to take a bye from my brother (who left for India) and finally seeing my entire family. Many chats, mashroom pick, walks through nowhere, eating delicious food

AIESEC: So, you have to explore everything before you leave this organization. Yes, one step closer and feeling at the end of my @journey now: I was invited by my dear friends in @VTU to chair their Local Induction Seminar. I had very intensive, challenging and nice time - 4 days, 10ppl conference team, 35 ppl as a whole. Great and most important: goals achieved for the delegates. Any other conclusions: left in my reflection and mind, not going to be shared here ;)

And finally, but totally not least:
I got the job!!! A dream came true! After 4 rounds of interviews, tests, falling in love withthe company before even working for it, I got the job: Say hallo to a brand new trainee in Deloitte Bulgaria, consulting department!!! :) :) :) :) :)

...and never stop dreaming guys...
... and enjoy life as great as you can...
...love yourself, love people around you...
...and never stop showing it ;) ;) ;)

2007-10-23T03:45:00.000+03:00

Buildings - seen from the half side

4 am. tired, not able to sleep, full of thoughts and empty on right decisions...

To create something, you first need to set its foundation and build it up stone by stone. Well, when you are just an amateur constructor, you may place some stones wrong from time to time. If you let them so and continuing on placing stone over stone, your construction will fall down soon due to wrong distributed weight. Well, if you care of your building, you will find a way to change this wrong stone - whether its form, its position, rotation and keep on building up a solid construction. You are the happiest person on earth when you finally found out that you have actually finished your building. Cool, here comes the best part: as many professional constructors will say: it is just the time you start to care of the building. You have to look after it, whether there are some repairs needed, if the roof is soaking, to clean the windows regularly... if you refuse to do so and just keep relying on the idea that your building will stand there for ages, you will find it cobwebbed and discover it as an ugly and a bit useless place soon...

Looking at the small lego constructions on the shelf... one year without rubbing away the dust on them... I always wanted to take care of them. Wasnt able to be there when they were stuck in the dust. I love them and I hope that they still remember me.

Taking a deep breath... A small castle in my hand. Many memories back. Smile. Happy to see its many doors, lockers... Getting the dust away, just with a small movement.
Bright smile :) Ahh, looks as fantastic as I remember it :) I open its door and walk through the colourful corridors and the castle tells me its fairy tales, explains about the giants it was fighting with, the moments where there was no light inside and noone holding a candle... "I am here again, my castle. And I am here for you..."

The high blue tower. Ahh, I love it so much! I remember placing every single stone in it. And it grew, and grew, and grew... It looks pretty fancy. I am quite careful. Tenderly getting my fingers along its constructure till it is finally polished and glittering again. I noticed that its roof is a bit ruined. And I promised it to build it higher when I come back. So I have to be very careful now. I mean, it is a special lego - if you place something wrong now, it will fall from very high. And the damages will be huger. No, I dont want it to happen.

And here is my small cottage. I couldnt finish it before I left. So, it looks quite strange now - the first floor is ready, and half of the second as well. Though the dust on it managed to find place in every single corner. Hmm, how to get it away? I am trying with my fingers again, than with the sleeve of my blouse... Ouch, this was a wrong decision. I even put the dust deeper into its walls. Trying again. Gosh, it is hard. Getting nervous. Getting desperate. "Cottage, I need your help... Can you please help me?... Do you hear me..." Dont know what to do. I want to see its coziness again, the warmth in the chimney. I am thirsty for it... Trying again. No, I have to avoid pressure or I will break the walls! Dont know what to do... I put it back on the shelf. What should I do? Trying to relax. I will come back on it again - I have invested too much material and efforts in this building to just let it so...

Tired. But happy - there are many renovations waiting for me. So looking forward - to painting walls in brighter colours, to putting more pictures on them, to change surroundings in order to provide my buildings with better views...
Happy to be home again somehow...

2007-10-17T12:37:00.000+03:00

Too random :)

Boring classes help your creativity :P So, still something positive in them :)
Good friends and similar minds help you develop ideas :)

Bulgarian Students Day: 8.12. For second year in a row - happy to selebrate it somewhere else :)
Vienna, Praha, I am coming :) :) :)

Thank you, Marc and Blago :)
And yes - Skyeurope.com :)

2007-10-16T23:32:00.001+03:00

Love you, Marc!!!
Maybe one from the most amazing people I have ever met in life! So happy to know you and ... looking forward to our plans ;) Happy, happy, happy!! You made my day!!!

2007-10-14T17:30:00.000+03:00

Updates

Updates, updates, updaaates...
Ok, I guess long time without a post now... Frankly, I wasnt exactly in the mood and there was some self reflection in the last weeks which is not ready to be posted yet... ;)

So, what is going on in my life:

@LIS - I just came back from the local induction seminar of the new members of my LC Sofia... Well, after rejecting few times the kindly invitations to apply as delegates, I was involved in a session called "I am an AIESECer". Ok, as I really love the idea of the whole initiative, the EB managed to buy me over for it :P Pretty nice feeling indeed - seeing a lot of excitement brought me back to memories 2years ago... It was a lot of sharing, many questions, feelings overwhelming people, eagerness...
And of course, showing again who knows the most @ dances (thank you, Kenneth, for the refreshments during TTaT :P). Catching up with some alumni, remembering old games and enjoying wonderful conference spirit...

University life - no matter whether you believe it or not, but I am more than a student example right now ;) The reason behind - I guess much more the willingness to finish asap with the sometimes pointless subjects I have in university in order to use my time the best... I definitely had many problems with integration back in university life in Bulgaria... Not that they are over now, I am just trying to do my best... even if it means to switch off my brain quite often during lectures... I have at about 120new colleagues (or something like this), some of them familiar already...
And guess what - I am studying French again :P Though 1 year in Switzerland didnt bring too much in this direction (because of my laziness and fear to speak the language, I guess), I hope that this time it will I will be speaking some more francais soon ;)

Job hunter - yes, you read right ;) So, as I decided to (take a) break from @ active life, I am happy to be a job hunter now ;) Unfortunately, Bulgarian working market for students who want to work part-time is far away from I would like it to be... most of the jobs are in gastronomy, call centers, secretary sh** - and unfortunately, many well-educated and intelligent students work in this area...
As I care about what I want to work and on which price, I am quite picky... I had some up-downs and a lot of discussions with friends how quality work in Bulgaria is paid... well, I know my price and insist on working an interesting, challenging, responsible work in an area I want and with the appropriate recognition.
Unfortunately, many students in the BG society consider such meaning for more than cheekily... which leads, of course, to outrage from employers and underestimation of student labour.
I guess a lot of time will pass by before most people understand their potential and start appreciating it.
No matter all the negatives toward my expectations, my job hunting is going on pretty well :)
2 applications, 3 interviews so far. Both jobs in Project Management and Consulting area, yey :)

Still quite difficult to decide what to do...
1. option: SME working with EU fonds and projects. They expect me to be a Project Manager of 2 similar projects. Interview was pretty ok - I got a note 6+ (BG maximum: 6). The problem - they prefer a full-time employee and I got the feeling that there is much more translator and communication work than real project work. Additionally, they plan to recruit a person to work for at least 2 years (!!!) for them... I was thinking of rejecting this offer, if they really want to give me the job.
The difficult part: thanks to beloved google I found out that the person who will be my direct boss and somehow mentor has a huuuge (I mean huuge) CV, a lot of international backgrounds and I guess I will be able to learn a lot from him?! And they are calling me for an answer tmrw...

2.option: world-wide well-known consulting company. I had a tests round already, and an ok-interview as well. I explained my interests in strategic consultancy and HR consultancy... They seem to work quite internationally, even in Bulgaria, high expectations and an interesting traineeship program which will end in June.
As you might guess, this was "my job" at the beginning. Though didnt like the assessors on my interview - quite rude attitude and somehow the recruiting lady wasnt exactly taking care of our talk and even asked me the same question about my CV twice. So, it made me think what to do if the call me for a second interview this week...

Life - happy and strange at the same time. My brother visited me for few days and it was a nice time catching up with him :) I missed out discussions and time together. He is leaving for India in 2 weeks (...) and is coming back in 6 months or... 2years and a half... I am having a small cozy vacation with my family this week :) Happy - meeting my friends, going out together.

And the best news from the last 2weeks: One of my best friends and ex-roommate is getting married in a month!!!!! :) :) :) And guess who is the bridesmaid :))))

Strange - still feeling not that exactly back yet... Facing the reality and many changes... Missing some of my friends, although they are here now... It seems that we all changed a lot and some things are different. Yes, it hurts, especially when you feel stuck and not able to influence it somehow... People are too focused on work and let a lot of their lives just passing by - something that I dislike... and not being able or better said heart when pointing out some obvious truths. Or maybe just have to understand that no matter how I want to help friends avoiding some mistakes I have done, I cannot really influence the process... Should I stop bothering myself?
Disappointed sometimes... not knowing from who...

EnterCEE conference - oh, yes, yes, finally got to the point :P :P This was suposed to be my bye from active @work. The conference was... hmm, nice, exhausting, challenging, bringing me a lot out of my comfort zone and even out of my panic zone (when the learning zone is in the middle, what is coming after?), but also interesting time with people from 16 CEE countries, pleasant chats after the conference, a lot of DJ, finance, embassy-related, communication, coordination, all day and night long work... But at the end, as always, it was more than worth ;)

Ok, done! Wow, you are amazing for having read so long :P Miss you all...

2007-10-06T14:56:00.001+03:00

One year

One year has mostly 365 days. 365 days to learn how to live, to explorer, find friends, live your dreams, discover new dreams, fall in love, care about people, find your balance, think about thinking...
Exactly 365 days ago I came in St.Gallen, Switzerland... :)

Amazing...
This blog waits for so long to be written.
I wanted to say "thank you" to many of you - for being part of my life during this one year, for letting me be part of your lives... for all the hugs, challenges, midnight conversations, cherishing, caring, chatting, loving, missing, thinking...
I wanted to post as many pictures as possible to paint somehow the previous 365 days...
I wanted... but words and pictures could not express even 5% of this magic...

I often think what made this year so life-changing. And I do not say it so, dear @ers, because you are used to hear it so. It really was.

On first place, I guess there were the expectations: to live 100%, to get to know people, culture, country without any prejudges. To feel, trust, care, study, live differently - 100%.
Of course - easy to be said, not that easy to be done ;) Many of you know about my "tough moments" in Switzerland, many of you were next to me in these days...

Thanks to MAPOW, I was independent to go, study, work, travel, party wherever and however I wanted to.
I tried to get to know people really (and if you know Switzerland, you know how difficult task this could be :P), to refract good life ideas and ways I see into my life and show people diffent sides of life... To discover more about myself and others through interaction, living together, working together, being together...

I had some of the most happiest and balanced moments in my life during this one year. I had my first real cultural shock, real job, conscious responsibilities toward another country, internationalism as daily life...
I learn to distinguish different kinds of cheese, to be on time, to be self-controlling, to laugh even if I want to cry...

Thank you my dear Marc, Tim, Diane, Vlad, Stef and Leo for living together :) I learned a lot from you!

Thank you my MAPOW team and MAPOWski friends - Mario, Emilie, Antonin, Christian, Johann; Anja, Lana, Branka, Baha, Alex, Oana, Mashinka - for the whole adventure!! For the friendship and trust!

Thank you Slavena, Yavorski, Eli, Ivan, Meto - for keeping my Bulgarian spirit (and language :P) through these days ;)
Thank you Berti, Jasper, Claudia, Julia, Marc for believing in me from the very first beginning!
Thank you Yuliya, Clo, Phillip, Kathrin, Marcelo, Pipo, Michi, Michel, Christine, Jan, Sveta for the nice time in @SG

Thank you Lena, Peter, Fabo, Carissa, Sarita, Regi, Chris, Cileia, Pascale, Simon, Christina, Jih-Ming, Marcel, Simone, Ivo - for being such insiping @ers and caring people :)

Thank you University of St.Gallen to showing me a different university flavor and meeting me with Michi, Felix, Marica, Matthias, Bella, Patrick, Tobi, amazing professors...

Thank you Marcel, Raphi, Gerd, Andreas, Marco, Markus, Michael, Daniela, Gisela, Nina - for being such amazing colleagues and teachers!!!

I know that these 365 will never repeat. And that´s the greatness of life - there will be another days to bring us together again, to build over what we had so far, to be there!!!

Thank you for teaching me how to live ;)

06.11.07
Sofia, Bulgaria

One person thinks of you. Right now!

2007-10-05T10:29:00.000+03:00

Go explore :)

These are some mobile pictures from Sofia from the last 24h...
I do not love this city yet, though there are always nice places to fall in love with or to be able to see them from a different perspective.

To one explorer - for being such one ;)

Narodno subranie Square (infront of the parliament) - everyone waiting for Sarcozy to pass by car

The most amazing discovery - 8.30h today...

Amazed by the secrets of the city, trying to find out some old, forgotten stories... and ready to discover more ;)

2007-10-04T19:58:00.000+03:00

Enjoy life

What do I need to be in that typical smiling mood?
Just some sun, moving to somewhere and of course - some free minutes.

I rewarded myself today :)
I was on the way to nowhere in Sofia, to take a bill for EnterCEE Co and decided to use the good weather.
According to my mum, my parents have sung too often one song to me when I was a child. I still dont know the name, though some phrases of it: "I am going the way my eyes look at, without a compass or a particular direction..."
So, yes, I was random today :) Got out of the bus few stops earlier to explorer Sofia. Just wearing my huge smile :) Going through beloved places, drinking a hot chocolate on the road, being so damn calm...
..and I was thinking...
How much does it cost to be positive? Just positive - only because you are alive.
How much does it take to get some free time just for walking around and enjoying the streets, reading signs, looking at the people around? Just feeling life...
It gives you so much energy! It makes you so refreshed, happy...

I dream about the time when people will live more airily.
Of course, we will always have our concerns. Yes, there will be always traffic jams, angry people, problems with your internet connection...

And so what?

A friend asked me few days ago how do I keep my positivism...
My secret: you have to find your way :) The way to start looking at the bright side of life... the way to stop worrying for small things... the way to stop overworking when it is not absolutely necessary...the ability to say "not a big deal" even if it is hard...

I wanted to write a blog about my Switzerland. Exactly 1 year ago I left.
But there is something else I want to share with you...
...what I learnt during all these months in Germany in Switzerland... when sometimes the only person I could rely on was myself...exactly during those hard moments when you barely see the exit...

Enjoy life - you have it only now! :)
Spend time with your family - they deserve it!
Spend time with your friends and sometimes with random people - it gives a lot of inspiration and good mood :)
Step out of the daily routine and work during your free time and weekends - no better way to assess what is going on, how to keep on and most important - to be able to laugh at the problems :)
Be explorer, adventurer, hiker, the crazy person around :)
Be yourself ;)

I wish you all a great and interesting weekend :)

Gschpürschmii

2007-09-25T23:15:00.001+03:00

This song was one from my favourites during my "German" period - always reminding me on home and friends...

For all of you, no matter where on Earth...

2007-09-23T21:49:00.000+03:00

Project Management

Had my traineeship in project management
Had a course at university around project management
Had many conferences with project management tracks
Trained twice on project management
In love with project management

And in the last 2 weeks feeling like giving up a project responsibility I got. Not because of the responsibility itself, but because of bad planning, team irresponsibility, short-sightedness. There is non inappropriate team, but inflexible players... really so?

Disappointment for big dreamers or for naive people...
Both me.

2007-09-20T22:58:00.000+03:00

Friend

Managed to see each other after so many months. Busy program right now - both overwhelmed. Went out just for a drink. Got the rule to put a ban on one topic (about one NGO - which noone of you know :P) and finally found time for great discussions. Caring. Talks about life, caravans, orientation, jobs... always nice to have someone you can trust. Even more: someone you can laugh with about life, to undertake too wirld and random walks through unbelievable places in Sofia. Someone to trust your spontanious decisions. Someone to make you think from a different angle.
Brighten your eyes, keep the smile on and keep beeing such an unbelievable friend!!!

2007-09-20T22:55:00.000+03:00

= = A torn page from an OC diary = =*

My name is Silviya.
I am in my 3rd student year at the University of National and World Economy in Sofia, Bulgaria.
Just came back after one year of wonderful exchange eXPerience in AIESEC St.Gallen, Switzerland.
Currently I work with above 60 people from over 16 nations in order to create an amazing, colourful, full of energy and @ spirit conference.
Hello, I am the OC Delegates on EnterCEE Conference 2007, hosted by LC Veliko Turnovo, Bulgaria J
Why I am spending my time to organize a conference, you may ask.
Well, it gives me the opportunity “to taste” 15 nations in such a short period. It challenges me to find a way to communicate effectively with different people. You learn to rely on people you do not know, to work virtually, to challenge yourself every second and at the end of the day to still have a smile on the face and the conviction that this responsibility is really worth!
I think often on my first participation on a PBOX conference when I was an OCP in Switzerland. It was so motivating, so inspiring, so many new contacts and the dream of 20 people to realize their projects. We promised to support each other, to match together, to meet each other around. And we did it J And it was WENA GN guys ;)
Now I want to be there and to feel the great happiness seeing so many project teams, 54 projects on one place, CEE spirit and we will rock the house. And not only the house, but everything around us so that this rocking feeling will keep “echoing” in our hearts for months afterwards. Because this is a conference for YOU – for the EnterCEE participants. Just for you, dear CEEtizens!
***
How does an OC day, exactly 1 week before a conference, look like?
7.30h. Alarm clock. Mm, too early to get up… Yes, maybe in Bulgaria, but have to call in St. Petersburg and it is already 9.30h there. Sofia is hardly waking up…
8.00h. First sms of the day. Goog morning, world J Nasko (LCP, LC Veliko Turnovo) has just faxed few last night’s invitations. Great, my people in Turkey will get their visas. Thinking a bit about the strange situation – working not on site has some disadvantages: you can not finish your work on your own. And the greatest advantage: you learn to work effective, intense and happy in a virtual team, real time and respect team responsibility – thank you guys J
9.00h. University classes. Yes, no matter the conference we still have duties to the university…
12.00h. University is over. Time for EnterCEE Co work J
12.30h. At home. Starting tone of Windows, 10 new mails around the conference in the last 4 hours. New delegates, ideas for some small surprises for the delegates from my dear OC colleagues. If the delegates just knew what is expecting them :P
Excited, really excited… 1 week left J
15.00h – discussions with Geraldine and Deni (OCP) about the delegates, the conference itself, different inputs and feedbacks, work is getting more and more various… Chats with the Bulgarian MC. Sending mails to the Sofia´s LC to host our delegates
16.00h – call from Turkey. Funny – I spent the last 1.5 years abroad, 2 different countries and had never dealt with embassies so much as now. It brings me on thoughts of differences and ununited Europe, and how horrible it is yet that we are not equal in the chance to use opportunities. Calling the embassy: “international student organization – conference – 15 nations from CEE”… “oh, yes, it will be ok. Only the visa takes 4 days”. Cool – AIESEC breaks the borders, not only metaphoric said ;)
19.00h – come on, every @er needs a break, time to have a nice dinner with friends ;)
22.00h. Checking mails. New delegates, new invitations. Cool, we’re getting more J
23.00h. OC is tired. Jokes and fun stuff running through skype J Planning next steps.
0.00h. Time to sleep. Last check of mails. Everything done! Happy, happy J
There is only one week left. I cannot wait. I met so many people during the last 3 weeks, finally time to welcome them and show them the fruits of our work…
Destination: Success
Direction: Veliko Turnovo, Bulgaria
Goal set: amazing EnterCEE Conference 2007!
Are you packing already?
Ready…
…steady…
…go!!!
P.S. I know, you are excited as well and would so much want to go just right now. Wait for few more days – 27th is near ;)
Till then: keep your good mood and check our site: http://sourcecore.net/AIESEC/EnterCEECo2007/

* maybe one from the last posts about my active @work you are going to read...

2007-09-18T22:45:00.000+03:00

Mixture

I am Bulgarian. And I am proud of it. But somehow I feel that I got and am getting some characteristics from other nations, from the places I live or have lived.*

I feel a bit German, because:

- I am direct towards people - I say and act the way I feel and when something is wrong, I say it as well

- I can say no, when I mean no (of course, not always, I am Bulgarian :P)

I feel a bit Swiss, because:

- I am polite and friendly to people - yes, I try to always wear my smile. Funny now - I am used to greet everyone when I enter somewhere, when I meet the guard of my block etc. And I miss the "shop conversation": "Hello-hello! Please - thank you! Have a nice day - you too! Thank you - thank you! Bye - bye! *smile-smile*" Ok, there is a shorter version as well, but you got what I mean... and Sofia, Studentski is said to have some of the most polited vendurers...

- I am helpful - I walked 100m back on the street yesterday to show a lady the way to a bus stop. And she was "einfach verblüfft" - more than surprised. Was something wrong with me or is it something wrong with the BG society when such an action surprises people?

*If you live in Switzerland or Germany, please keep in mind that these characteristics are according to my experience and perceptions in your countries ;)

2007-09-18T21:35:00.000+03:00

People

People are strange kind of animals sometimes. Or at least I think so...

Few impressions, chats and thoughts from the last days:
- some of my ex-colleagues at university which are my colleagues now (I interrupted my studies because of Switerland, but they interrrupted it because not passing exams) - streight after one year break of university because not studying enough or not being lucky enough to pass the exams: discussing their plans how to get this year´s exams by re-writting their colleagues´ works and papers. One year break and not a single thought about how to better themselves in this direction...
- young people around, scared of trusting themselves and some how unable to dream big... This hurts the most - what kind ot disappointments young people can have on 22 to look so pesimistic on life? And not trusting in their abilities?
- the locksmith around the corner - chat about that he sees more than hundered young ppl everyday (lodging right now, so more than 1000 ppl need keys..) and almost noone smilling... is this really Bulgaria...
- a professor at the university today, explaining stuff which was relevant 20 years ago... or do some ppl still live in "those times"? Even professors on the so called "best university in Bulgaria"?
-chatting 1.5h on skype with a friend who was explaining me that has no time to see each other - both in Sofia right now...

I believe in people´s goodness. And that we should be polite, helpful, because we live in the same society and if a have a problem today and you help me to solve it, be sure that your goodness will be rewarded...

And the cherry of the day...

20.00h, Studentski, myself and I: hungry. Heading for the open sky grocery for some fruits and vegitables. Nice - great to be half-vegetarian, food is cheaper. (just for the protocol: prices have changed with more than 50% since the last time I shopped in Sofia)
20.10h, on the road back: mhmmm, I need some cheese etc for my salad... Going to the big "Fantastico" shop. Small problem: I have products from other shop and I am not allow to go in the shop with them. And all lockers are full. Great. Left the shop without cheese.
20.12h: Met Milenski on the road back. He wanted to shop and we even joked that with his products and my vegitables we´ll have a great salad. We went back - same problem with lockers.
Ok, so what did I do? Remembering my life in Switzerland and great ppl there, I thought: "Ok, no locker for my vegitables, but ok - come on, this is a bag with some vegitables and fruits, who will take it when you´re in a huge store where you can buy them as well?" So, I left them above the lockers, a bit hidden..
20.20h: Quick shop with Milenski, huge bill again...
20.21h: Back to the lockers... My bag with vegitables is gone... not in 60 seconds, but in less than 10 minutes...
Who can stole a bad with vegitables?
20.25h: Back to the vegitable´s grocery. Surprised vendure. Yes, they were stolen. Well, I guess I wont leave them unlocked the next time. Bought some more vegitables.
22.40h: Writting this and still havent cooked the salad I wanted...

Yes, I guess I am naive. But I will keep hoping and believing that we are good people.
And to the one eating my salad now: hope you enjoy it. Please, if you meet me personally the next time, ask for some money to buy on your own...