The Verge of Insanity

Ch-ch-chh-changesssss

2009-03-02T15:40:00.003-05:00

Hey guys I've moved! Check out my new blog here: lindsey-lu.tumblr.com

Changes are a comin' and I figured a change of blog was in order. So I took a page out of Mr. Maas' book and have decided to revive my blog there.

Back on Track

2008-09-14T23:27:00.003-04:00

I've always found comfort in good friends. Good new friends, good old friends, or just good people makes no difference, because when you put the right amazing people together you get something spectacular. Jim Collins talked about the importance of putting the right people in the right seats on a bus for business purposes, and David Pollay talked about having the right people be on your EB for your life. I feel like I'm reconnecting with the people who are already on that bus and adding a few new people to party on my own personal bus, that happens to be more of a chiva.

A little bit sentimental

2008-06-14T21:23:00.003-04:00

Living at home for the first time in almost 3 years has lead to the inevitable and much needed sorting process. Sorting through clothes, books, old keepsakes, etc. And perhaps because tomorrow is Father's Day, or because I've recently relived my Cornell acceptance through a distant cousin, when I came across my college essay I reread it and was moved.

Sometimes I get the feeling I've regressed in my writing and ability to express myself while sounding intelligent. But maybe its actually the fact that it was easier to sound smart by plugging in words without the real thought behind them. Whatever the case, I think that there are certain moments when you actually have something important to convey that the words and expressions flow freely, allowing you to create something really great. November 2004, Senior year of high school, 3rd block in the yearbook office was my moment and here is my something:

It’s 6:30 on a brisk September evening. A hustle and bustle of little girls, all rushing inside to see their friends at their weekly Girl Scout meeting and the mothers lagging behind them, can be seen at the local elementary school. Once in the cafetorium, the girls scatter and the women congregate to share stories. One lone father observes from a distance. He patiently watches as the group begins to settle down. The squirming pack of girls gather in a horseshoe. The leader quiets them, and business is addressed. One mother tells her daughter to stop fidgeting; another shushes two conversing scouts. The sole father listens intently, quietly confident all the while.

The group disperses and girls dart in every direction, eventually finding their way over to the new meeting grounds. The remaining mothers assemble and seat themselves in the folding chairs. The leader takes a count. Sixteen girls, fifteen mothers. Ah, yes, and one father. Thus, the Cookie Kickoff begins. A box of Thin Mints and Shortbread Cookies are passed around for all to taste and sets the mood. Sixteen eight-year-olds giggle endlessly and brag about their anticipated sales for the year. Fifteen mothers discuss their favorite cookies. One father watches and waits. The group is brought to order and a question raised: Who will be the Cookie Mom of the year? Fifteen women glance at one another. No one raises her hand to volunteer. The lone father steps forward and the whole room stops. “I will,” he states with no hesitation in his voice.

Flabbergasted, everyone stares wide-eyed. Shortly, the murmur of comments flood in. The girls turn and stare at the man’s child. “But it’s called ‘Cookie Mom’…” “How can he do this and raise two kids?” “He can’t be serious!” But it has been decided. The troop will have its first ever Cookie Dad.

Not sure whether to be excited or upset, she sits silent and embarrassed through the details and arrangements being made. It is not the first time she has wished to be like all the other girls. A normal life, with two parents is her greatest desire. She is far too naive and far too young to realize how lucky she really is.

Now, a stepmother, three more siblings, and just shy of a decade later, I look back and wonder how I could have taken such a father for granted. How ashamed I am to think that I was embarrassed by him! He instead should have been—and now is—admired for what he has done to create a loving environment for his family.

Time and time again, family friends have told me that “It takes a certain type of man to raise two kids single-handedly” and that “he’s done a great job” as well. Only now, years later, can I begin to understand how greatly his example has moved me. His kind, caring, and sacrificing love have shattered the stereotypical image of “masculine.” Instead, his example has created one in which the man is not afraid to go above and beyond his duty as a father. In turn, the ideal father can morph from bread winner, to chauffer, soccer coach, or cook in the blink of an eye. At least the world can rest at ease, knowing that one man has accomplished all this. And that one man, I’m proud to proclaim, is my father.

Stuck between two worlds

2008-05-16T17:29:00.002-04:00

So I've only been in Newark Airport now for about 40 minutes and already its been enough to make me feel uncomfortable. I just can't get over how, what's the word I'm looking for - efficient - things are. I mean my goodness, I was off the plane, through the passport check, received my luggage, through customs, rechecked my luggage, through the safety check, and had a Starbucks white mocha in my hand before my flight had even been scheduled to land. What's with that? I spent more time yesterday waiting in a line moving slower than molasses to change money at Western Union than I spent waiting in those 6 lines all combined.

And aside from things being fast and expensive, they're big. I mean I ordered the medium sized mocha and its almost twice the size of the large coffee at Juan Valdez or Oma. Its like everything here is supersized without even having to ask for it to be. I didn't realize how little things like that would stand out so much, even after only 4 months.

To top it all off, my first sighting of the US was cold rain and gray skies in Newark and I couldn't resist thinking "eww" and how nice and sunny it must be in Cartagena right now.

2008-05-14T11:17:00.003-04:00

It's really happening. I'm wishing my final farewells (for this time anyways) and trying to take in as much of this relaxed atmosphere as I can while warding off the the evil stresses that are fighting to take hold.

I feel as if I'm being pulled by opposing forces - the desire to stay and the want for more. As with all goodbyes, this one is bittersweet and it was always going to be hard. It just feels as if having my time cut 6 weeks short leaves me with a lot more questions and hasty goodbyes.

Oddly enough, I'm almost packed. And even stranger, it all fits in my suitcases. Due, no doubt, to the fact that I'm leaving bits and pieces behind, replaced by the new things I've picked up along the way. I guess that could be symbolic of life though.

Packing and repacking

2008-05-11T12:53:00.002-04:00

After 4 months stocked full of valuable experiences, both good and bad, the journey is coming to an early end. Visa problems, broken expectations, and the great weighing process has brought me to a decision I never would have seen coming - the decision to leave.

I'm struggling with what this all means on so many different levels, but I know in my heart that I am doing the best I can and making difficult decisions in hopes of growing.

And so, here I go packing up 4 months - a whole semester's worth- of my life here and I can't help but being reminded of the fact that I have done this so many times in the past 3 years. I feel like my life is constantly being packed and unpacked. And strangely enough, I'm kind of getting sick of it and I find myself craving some sense of permanence in my seemingly temporal life.

As a kid I lived out of suitcases and duffle bags. Mom's house this weekend, Dad's house next. Most of the time now I don't even bother to unpack. Pulling neatly folded clothes out of drawers is stranger than shaking out the wrinkles while trying to piece outfits together from an incomplete wardrobe. But none of this has ever really bothered me before. Afterall, 13 years is far longer than it takes to become accustomed to most things in life.

But for whatever reason, I feel like I kind of want to move onto the next phase of my life. Where I can actually establish my own life and feel like I have a chance to settle rather than temporarily occupy a certain space. Unfortunately, I have 2.5 months of bouncing between homes in Rochester, and at least one more year of school left to look forward to where I will continue to be packing and unpacking the bits and pieces of my life.

Downhill from here?

2008-04-18T13:17:00.003-04:00

I've been here for 3 months now and I'm undergoing many changes. I can feel it. Changes that are both good and bad. Its painful and its ugly but I hope that as a result of this metamorphosis I will become a stronger and better person.

There are days that I hate myself for not being stronger. And days that I praise myself for having exceeded my own expectations. Its a constant struggle, with its ups and downs. Achievements and setbacks. Successes and failures. Each day brings with it a new set of challenges with the occasional reward.

Things that once felt impossible have been accomplished. And things I thought would be easy are now starting to weigh on me. And as the hardships pile up, I'm constantly forced to reevaluate why I'm here and what I'm doing. With each "oh-shit-what-have-gotten-myself-into" situation, I have a momentary weighing process where I wonder if this is worth it. Or should I just give in and go home?

And each time I decide that YES, this IS what I want. I CAN do this. And I WILL make it through as a stronger, more confident person who knows that she is capable of anything.

2008-04-16T14:42:00.002-04:00

I'm so frustrated and angry right now that I can hardly even type. I don't understand what the hell happened and how I got to where I am right now and I have a blurry stream of random thoughts passing through my head right now that I'm going to try to sort out.

Event number one: My phone buzzes about 9am with a message from Jenny: "llamame urgente." Apparently the police called her looking for me (I put her number on the police report way back when because my phone was gone) and told her that I needed to report to the police station in Crespo by 5pm tonight. I have no freakin clue as to why they need me to go to Crespo or what this even has to do with anything, because I was robbed 3 weeks ago and haven't heard peep after filing my report.

Event number two: Yesterday I was told by my TN manager that the Visa Coordinator called and said my visa forms had been processed by the ministry and everything was fine, my visa had been granted, and I would have my passport back by Thursday. Five minutes ago he comes running through the lab door and very somberly says "I need to speak with you, now. We have a problem." My visa, in fact, had not been granted because they don't give visas for under 3 months and because my traineeship ends in the end of June there is nothing they could do. So now what? And why the hell did the visa coordinator say it had been taken care of yesterday when it, in fact, hadn't been? How the hell did this happen?

My visa expires today. Not tomorrow. Not in two weeks. TODAY. I was told in January that we'd be applying for my visa in february not april, to make sure everything went smoothly. My passport wasn't even mailed until friday and that was only because I've been bugging my TN manager about my visa status for the past month. What the heck???

So now I'm being told that I have to pay a fee for an automatic extension for an additional month, which still won't take care of it since I'm here for 2.5 months more and that delays solving the problem of me not being granted another visa. WTF.

Event 1 and 2 collide: I need to go to the DAS for the 50 billionth time since I've been here today, because otherwise I can't get the extension because my visa will have already expired. I need to go to the police station and I have no idea why. And I'm still sitting in the lab because its the last day students can get their credit for this quarter and I've made too many promises that I'd be here til 4pm. Why does EVERYTHING have to collide at the same freakin time????

I have become a horrible blogger

2008-04-15T15:44:00.002-04:00

Yes, I know I've been lacking on the updates lately. But my "silence" shouldn't be mistaken as nothing happening, because quite the opposite is true.

I find it hard to blog while I'm here because I have SO much happening that I can't process it all quick enough to jot it down in a way that would make sense to others. Instead I've been focusing more on writing in my journal, which I seem to prefer nowadays, especially since I can delve into my more personal thoughts and experiences without being afraid of who's reading it.

Life in Cartagena, while far from monotonous, has developed a sense of normality. Habits and behavioral patterns have started to emerge: going to work, going to centro or beaches on weekends, having "places" to go and things that need to be done. There's something to be said for finding comfort in small routines. Things that once felt so difficult and as if I'd never adjust to, like bargaining for prices or taking collectivos, have become regular parts of life. My Spanish is continuing to improve and its easier and easier to communicate with strangers in addition to people I know well. I still have off days where it seems as if I can't speak a frickin word, but for the most part I struggle through my mistakes and get my point across.

After being mugged, I went through about 3 weeks of solid fear. Every person on the street - male, female, black, white, young, old, Colombian, or gringo - was a potential threat. I jumped every time someone got too close to me and my heart sped up with every moto that went by. I avoided walking or going anywhere alone and stopped wearing all of my jewelry (not having a watch on was the worst...) and only carried purses when I had to.

Now, I feel much more confident and secure once again, but I think that having a certain level of "paranoia" is probably healthy. I'm actually grateful that I was able to have my bubble of security burst without having to get hurt because now I'm more careful, observant, and always aware of my surroundings. I guess about 150 bucks worth of shit and a few more trips to the DAS is worth it if it will keep me safer in the long run.

Things have been rough for my family back in the states, and as a result I've been talking to people at home a lot more. Part of me feels this is good because I'm keeping in touch, but I also feel more homesick and responsible to help deal with things as a result of it. The second consequence frustrates me beyond belief because I'm so far away and disengaged from their daily lives. My family also has the problem of pulling me into the middle of everything that is going on, and I have the problem of letting them. Damn divorces. I mediate. I'm the messenger. I'm the bearer of bad news and the bringer of light to situations.

Being a part of a family means being entwined in each other's lives, but right now its like I'm half living in their world and half in my own and I'm being forced to still play the roles they expect me to while not fully being involved in their lives. Sometimes I wish I could just choose to have it all or nothing, but unless I'm willing to shut one part out - my world, or theirs - I'm going to be stuck right where I am.

Conjunction Junction

2008-04-07T09:42:00.001-04:00

I think this only exemplifies my nerdiness: I'm teaching conjunctions this week in class and the first thing that popped in my mind was "Conjunction junction, what's your functionnnn"

God I love School House Rock. I only hope my classes appreciate them as much as I do...

Aye, aye, aye-aye...so many updates

2008-03-26T17:40:00.003-04:00

So its been what feels like forever. So long in fact that I can't even remember if I told my class I was giving them their quiz this week or next week. There has been so much that has happened in the past 2 weeks that I don't think I'd be able to dedicate the energy or time into blogging it all. Instead, I'll do one of those super-easy, super-cheezy bulleted list of things that should infact all have their own post. If there's something that catches your eye and you want a juicy story on, let me know and I'll blog about it later.

Having Syd here was freakin amazing. I just wish I wouldn't have been in such a horrid funk for most of it.
Sometimes all it takes is one stray thought or reminder to send you spiraling into a state of confusion and unnecessary panic.
Tayrona is paradise and pictures won't do it justice. Nuff said.
I have serious problems when it comes to heights. Trekkin it to Pueblito was a real challenge, not because it was a hard hike (which it is) but because I was on the verge of panic attacks for 2/3 of it.
HoboHookahs and hammocks are amazing on their own, but when you combine the two, now that's just even better.
Cruise ships are f-ed up and need to stop making life miserable for those foreigners who aren't the "omg-i've-set-foot-in-colombia-and-even-though-i'm-here-for-5-hours-i'm-going-to-buy-people-tons-of-souveniers-so-everyone-will-know-and-it-will-look-like-i-know-the-real-country" tourists and, oh i don't know LIVE THERE
Cartagena is hot. Mompos is hotter.
Traveling makes it easy to turn acquaintances to new friends to old friends almost instantly.
I have a new perspective and appreciation for Catholicism.
Cock fights are not for me.
"Safe" is a relative term and in reality, any place can become unsafe circumstantially.
Horrible things can sometimes take you from terrified, to angry, to frustrated, to appreciative all in one fell swoop. And in the end, after shaking you to your core, change your outlook for the better.
First impressions are often wrong. However first impressions that you have about an entire population for 2 months shouldn't be able to be destroyed in 2 minutes by 2 assholes. No, this first impression is sticking like super glue: Colombians are the most genuine, caring, and supportive people I've encountered to date.
I think I'm the first trainee ever to need to replace a second cell phone in a 2 month period and I think I deserve some sort of award for that.
Don't box people in based on their previous reactions; sometimes they may surprise you.
The more Spanish I learn and speak the harder it becomes to speak proper English. It frustrates me beyond belief but I know I have to let it go or my Spanish will suffer.

I sooo excited!!!

2008-03-12T08:58:00.002-04:00

At this very moment one of my favorite ladies in the world is on a plane to Colombia and in mas o menos 9 hours we'll be jumping up and down, hugging in the airport.

I. Can't. Freakin. Wait.

AHHH!!!

Tensions Eased

2008-03-10T08:36:00.003-04:00

Friday afternoon about 100 students and faculty members were glued to the one TV that sits in the cafeteria at Tecnológica. Its usually too noisy to hear what's on, but on Friday anything above a whisper was met with a gigantic wave of "shhusshhh" coming from the rest of the crowd. We all sat anxiously watching Uribe try to negotiate a resolution to last weeks escalating problems.

In the middle of the broadcast, the news cut away to a report saying that a second senior officer, Iván Ríos, had been killed by his own men. The Colombian Defense Minister says that this is proof that the FARC is falling apart and I sure hope he's right.

The end result: Uribe apologized to Ecuador, Chávez said he only ever wanted peace, but most of all a restoration of diplomatic ties between the countries.

Preocupada

2008-03-05T13:20:00.002-05:00

Saturday morning brought rejoicing and high hopes for the long awaited peace in Colombia after the news that Raúl Reyes, a high ranking commander of the FARC, had been killed. Jenny was literally bouncing around the apartment as we were glued to the news and truly thought that only good things would come from it. However our excitement was short lived as the tables turned and tensions emerged between Ecuador and Venezuela.

The situation has now escalated beyond belief and everyone can feel the tension. Chávez and Correa have deployed troops to the border, have expelled ambassadors, and shut down embassies. Venezuela has stopped all trade with Colombia, which is hurting thousands of businesses in Colombia and people in Venezuela as trucks filled with milk and meat are waiting to cross the border.

Chávez has been accused of giving 300 million to the FARC, while the Ecuadorian president has been accused of having meetings and offering support with FARC leaders. Both countries are allowing the FARC to hop the border and receive sanctuary and President Uribe is threatening to file suits with the International Criminal Court against Chávez for harboring terrorists.

The dispute seems to be carving up the hemisphere, with Chávez, Correa, Nicaragua and the rest of South America pitted against Colombia, the U.S. and most of Central America. What I'm having trouble wrapping my head around (aside from what is going to happen if the problem continues to escalate...) is why the hell any of the countries would want to be helping the FARC. The long awaited peace in Colombia, who's bloody history with this conflict has caused so much pain to this entire country, would be good for everyone.

Colombia has come so far in the past decade in terms of improving safety, changing the image of the country, and restoring a strong sense of nationalism. The economy has been improving and everyone thought things were headed in the right direction to set Colombia up for a better and brighter, more peaceful future. Why does the pigheaded, big mouthed, all talk and no action Chávez have to go and threaten everything these people are working towards?

Reassurance

2008-02-29T11:03:00.004-05:00

No sooner did I finish my last post, than I decided to go downstairs for a cup of coffee. I'm feeling pretty rotten and wondering why I'm even here today: The computers in the lab aren't working and my class didn't happen.

As I approach the coffee stand, I see one of my favorite students, Luis, who's in my other English class. He greets me in Spanish rather than English as he usually does but seems very surprised when I start talking to him in Spanish. He starts asking me simple questions, as if testing my level of comprehension and then tells me that I had been so dramatic when I said I was still learning Spanish but that I speak very well.

About 10 yards away another (former) student spots me and waves. As he gets closer his eyes start to bug out of his head and he comes up to me and goes "I didn't know you could speak Spanish!!" Luis scolds him and tells him to talk in Spanish, but the other student, who's name escapes me (I taught him for like a week a month ago) looks disappointed and I reassure him that he can practice his English with me if he wants. He gets excited again and invites me to come sit with them.

Suddenly everything seems to get that much better and once again, I'm happy to be here. Happy to be teaching, happy to be learning, happy to be in Colombia.

Frustrations

2008-02-29T10:23:00.002-05:00

Its 9am and I'm waiting outside my classroom for the other professor to finish her class and shuffle out her students and I can't help but wish passing time wasn't a foreign concept here. I finally push my way through the crowd of students and into the classroom where I begin to set up for the class I prepared back on Monday.

This class is already way behind where they should be for their midterm and I'm having to plan extra carefully to see what activities I can gloss over without sacrificing the students' understanding of the concepts. But the funny part of teaching is that it doesn't matter how much planning or energy you put into class - the students have to meet you halfway. And the first step on their part is caring enough showing up to class.

So its 9:15 and I'm pretty agitated because the room is still empty. They have a quiz next class, and a Midterm in a week, and we still have over a unit to cover in class. My first and only student out of a class of 8 strolls in at 9:18 and I scold him for being late, knowing that it won't even matter. How can I show him that its important to be on time when no one else in class respects their education or my class enough to even show up? The administrators tell me they deal with this by starting class on time regardless of how many students are there, and that works in my other class, but it won't work when you have no students. You can't start teaching to empty desks and expect that to do anyone any good. And getting frustrated, calling people out, and explaining that class starts at 9, not 9:15 or 9:30 will only get you so far, not to mention it doesn't even work on the students who don't show up. My only hope is that when they see their failing grades due to lack of attendance that they'll make a bigger effort the rest of the semester.

End result: I gave up. I didn't teach any new material - how could I? Instead, I practically gave him what was going to be on the quiz next class.

Nuestra Familia

2008-02-25T14:41:00.002-05:00

So as soon as Scott moved in, Catalina called all of us "nuestra familia" or "our family" and for me this name has stuck.

Yesterday the five of us living in the apartment, Jenny, Cata, Leonardo, Scott, and I, went to the Islas de Rosario. Its funny how so fast people can become a part of your "family" and make you realize that blood relations don't matter at all. We experienced it all: the good - fun in the sun and the sand, the peaceful ride there, drinking cocktails in paradise - and the bad - overexposure and lobster red skin (owww), the wild ride back, complete with 2 cases of motion sickness (thankfully I wasn't one of them), and a water-logged phone - but in the end we stuck together like a family and made it home safe and sound after a (mostly) great day.

The Ups and Downs of Things

2008-02-22T08:28:00.002-05:00

I use the expression that my life is like a roller coaster a lot, but I think it fits - one moment you're on your way up before having the stomach-dropping fall back down and just before you crash, you make the climb back up again. I think the important thing is that you enjoy the ride, no matter what twists and turns are in store for you.

But like most things in life this is easier said than done. The funny part is that everything in Colombia is great. I love it here and I finally feel like I have some sort of grasp on the language, culture, and the city. I have a lot more to learn about each, but its nice feeling like you have some solid base to start from. I've been spending a lot more time with Jenny and our apartment really does feel like a unique family now. I couldn't have asked for a better living situation and I already know that saying goodbye to her and Cata is going to be the toughest part about leaving. However, I'm sure that wanting to visit them will only make me return to Colombia sooner and its nice to know that I'll always have a "home" in Manga to come back to.

This week I've had numerous conversations with Jenny and other people about so many different aspects of the culture. Gender roles, religion, poverty, language barriers, the concept of time - the list goes on and on. The conversations have helped me to expand my way of thinking and challenge my own assumptions and beliefs. For example, the whole "the woman belongs in the home" mentality has never been my cup of tea, but after hearing Jenny explain how she viewed it, I was definitely able to see it in a new light. When you combine that with the Catholic presence it all starts to make sense as to how and why things are the way they are. That's the cool thing about culture - the more time you take to explore and learn about it, the more other aspects of it make sense.

I even made it to a Catholic Mass last night. And while I was born and raised Catholic, I don't usually consider myself religious. Spiritual yes, but the whole religion thing is something I struggle with. But there is something inspiring and familiar about being in a Catholic church. Even though the mass was in Spanish and the microphone echoing made it difficult to understand the words, I knew exactly what was going on and what was being said.

So going back to the roller coaster analogy, this is definitely the up and up. Now if only things at home would work themselves out then I'd be in a good place...

Photos!!

2008-02-12T15:43:00.001-05:00

New phone, new freedom

2008-02-08T08:05:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I think I had a breakthrough in my approach to things here. I have been waiting all week for my TN manager to help me get a new phone and when he didn´t show like we planned yesterday afternoon I had one of those perfect cartoon character moments where this giant lightbulb appeared over my head. Why the hell did I need help? I know how to say "I need a phone" and "I want that one" and most of the other things I´d need to say. I knew where I needed to go and exactly what I wanted. I had been allowing myself to fall into the bad habit of dependency.

So, I made the conscious decision to stop the cycle and go and get myself a new phone. Which I did.

Exhaustion

2008-02-07T14:01:00.000-05:00

I´m starting to really miss home. Not necessarily people (which of course I do), but even more than that I miss the familiarity associated with home. Being able to go where I want to, when I want to. Knowing how to act and what´s acceptable in certain circumstances. Feeling like I have some sort of grasp on what´s happening around me. Please don´t get me wrong - I love it here and my understanding of the language and culture is constantly improving, but it doesn´t mean its comfortable.

Its very exhausting being alone in a new place and not really having a handle on the language. I feel like I´m a blender, and I´ve been processing things at high speed for the past three weeks - everything is new and exciting and its fun to take it all in and incorporate it with everything else I know and love. But now I feel like I´m ready to slow down a bit and let everything that´s happened so far settle.

I think it would be easier if I could pick up my (hypothetical*) cellphone and just call family and friends whenever I wanted, but its not that easy and I´m coping best I can. We have a new trainee coming tomorrow which should definitely bring in some new energy and excitement! If nothing else, it should decrease the amount of alone time I have in the lab to contemplate all the nitty gritty details of my life.

*hypothetical because I still haven´t replaced the one that was stolen at Carnaval...yes, Arthur has already made me aware of the fact that I may have set a new record for quickest phone theft on a traineeship. Sigh, If it wasn´t this, it would be something else.

Carnaval in Pictures

2008-02-06T07:24:00.000-05:00

I almost peed my pants this morning...here´s why

2008-02-05T14:14:00.000-05:00

Hi Lindsay,

I am writing to see if you might be interested in interviewing for a position as TA this fall for Educ 271/571. Hope, Siv, Becky, Margot, Katie and I put together a short list of students from class last fall who were both top notch students and would make good TAs. You certainly meet both criteria!

If you are interested and selected you would receive course credit (3cr) for serving as an undergraduate TA. The time commitment would be about 10 hours per week and you would work closely with me, the Graduate Student TA (Siv and maybe one other), and another 2 or even 3 undergraduate TAs.

As a TA, you would help to organize the operations of the course, work with students on assignments, help grade annotations, lead discussion sessions, and generally offer support to the class.

If you are interested, I would like to set up a time for us to conduct a brief "interview" to hear your ideas and interests. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Sincerely,

John

THIS class is the reason why I´m so gung-ho about education policy and by far the BEST class I´ve ever taken! I think I need to do my happy dance again.

Chaos

2008-02-01T07:27:00.001-05:00

Aside from the language, I think the hardest thing I´m having to adjust to is the university. Since I started teaching here almost 2 weeks ago it has been nothing but total confusion and chaos - and not because I´m new! My schedule has changed so many times I´ve lost count, and I´ve gone from teaching 0 classes, to 2 classes, to 1 class, to 2 classes, to 4 classes, and now I have no idea how many I´ll actually have next week. The worst part is that it isn´t adding and subtracting the same classes. Its new classes with new levels and new students every time.

As if this isn´t hard enough on the teachers (I´ve planned countless classes that won´t actually be taught, and now will have to whip up lesson plans for 4 new classes this afternoon that who knows if I´ll actually get the chance to teach). But I couldn´t imagine being a student here! Its the end of the second week of classes, and next week they are going to have to adjust to different teachers, different classrooms, and starting from scratch with the material, regardless of what the previous teacher has done. Not to mention we´re supposed to get through 6 units this marking period, which averages out to be a little more than 1 unit a week. Now we´re already 2 units behind and the students will still be expected to know all of the material. Its not fair to the students and its not fair to the teachers.

Ok, my little rant is over. I guess this is just one of those cultural differences I have to get used to...

But because I hate ending things on anything other than a positive note, let me say again how much I LOVE it here. I´m starting to really like the laid back atmosphere, and despite the confusion over everything above, I´m surprisingly not stressed, or even really frustrated. Its more like slightly annoyed. I think it takes a lot to get beyond that point here, because in the grand scheme of things what does it matter? I mean I´m here soaking up the sun and making the most of this experience and whether or not my classes go well won´t change that fact. Besides, I´m learning a lot about teaching which is what I came here to do. In fact, I think dealing with this craziness is teaching me more about the education field than I could ever learn in a classroom. And that, coupled with the invaluable life experience I´m getting is the exact reason why I wanted to do a traineeship in the first place.

Interesting Proposal

2008-01-29T07:22:00.000-05:00

Grants Would Finance Private Schooling

By DAVID M. HERSZENHORN

Published: January 29, 2008

WASHINGTON — President Bush’s call for a $300 million program called Pell Grants for Kids is the latest effort by his administration to channel tax dollars to low-income parents to help them send their children to private or religious schools.

His proposal, in his State of the Union address Monday night, was denounced by some top Democratic lawmakers and teachers’ union officials as a national “voucher” program that would only drain resources from urban public schools that in many cases are in need of money.

And some critics said that the president’s call for yet another education initiative only underscored the failure of the No Child Left Behind Act, the federal law that Mr. Bush considers a landmark achievement of his first term.

In naming his proposed program after a federal scholarship program for college students, Mr. Bush sided with advocates for school choice who say low-income parents should be able to send their children to private schools.

The new program would be modeled after a much smaller federally financed “scholarship” initiative in Washington that Mr. Bush championed in 2003, which has provided more than $14 million a year for low-income children to attend private and religious schools.

But some lawmakers influential on education issues were not impressed by the proposal.

“The president didn’t commit the resources to expand educational opportunity,” Senator Edward M. Kennedy, Democrat of Massachusetts, said in a prepared statement.

“Instead, on top of a $70 billion shortfall in funding for his own education reforms, he again proposed to siphon scarce resources from our public schools to create new voucher programs,” said Mr. Kennedy, who is chairman of the health, education and labor committee.

Randi Weingarten, the president of the teachers’ union in New York City, said: “It is an indictment of how No Child Left Behind hasn’t worked. If that policy had worked that would be no reason to call for any new policies to turn around and compete with public schools.”

Hmm...I wrote a paper on this topic just a few months ago and had a very different take on it. Is it possible that I actually agree with Bush? In theory, vouchers give the people (presumably parents) the freedom of choice in the education market. Using economic principles, the equillibrium will occur where supply meets demand. In education terms this means that if parents have the freedom to express their "demands" in schools, the failing schools will close and schools that the parents want their children to attend will be forced to accommodate the demand, whether through opening new schools or expanding existing ones. Like I said before in theory this would work, but it has yet to be implemented on a large scale. Could this be the answer to the U.S. education system´s problems? Possibly, but no one policy change would be strong enough to fix all the problems we are facing.

Now using public money (the vouchers) to pay for private, or even religious schools, opens another whole can of worms, so to speak. Every child has the right to receive an appropriate education, but isn´t that what our public schools should be doing? But on the other hand, I did the research and the data shows overwhelmingly positive effects of private, even more so Catholic schools, for low income minority students. So its a tricky, sticky mess trying to sort this all out. Interesting though...very interesting...