I am back!

tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-281167662350790035.post-89721027888360690742008-04-14T20:22:00.000-07:002008-04-22T10:29:20.396-07:00I am back!Hmm, I don't know where to start from. Please don't ask me about my previous posts or whatever. I dont believe much in sitting and contemplating about the past. Things weren't going good. I didn't feel like posting. I stopped reading blogs. Blogging just seemed to come to an abrupt halt all of a sudden. I wanted to delete everything and get out of this place. I did it finally. All this while, I did feel as if I missed writing or something like that. But, that's okay. If at all I would have blogged, you would have only found me cribbing and brooding. I guess I am not necessarily the cribber cribber. I am only the Nonchalant Cribber. Lol. It sure sounds funny to me. Nevertheless, since I myself don't like people lamenting and moaning on their blogs, I am sure you wouldn't have liked me either. Period. A lot of things have happened. I really don't remember when was the last time I blogged. All I know as of now is the fact that this place is sure going to sound a bit serious from now on. A friend of mine once said, "Humor only comes when you exaggerate things". He sounded some God like creature to me then. I thought about it and I realized that I did tend to exaggerate a lot to make this place humorous or whatever. And I don't really like the sound of the word "exaggeration". Moreover, a lot of people who I chatted with online commented about how I sound online and the stuff I right here are so not complementary and totally different. I wondered what was wrong. I wanted to start all over again. So, maybe this is one of the factors for me deleting all my previous posts. Anyways, life as of now is a bit weird. I am about to get done with my engineering finally. I no longer have to attend the college or anything like it. We are finally getting into the farewell groove. When everyone around me seems to be happy and sad at the same time leaving this college, the case with me is totally complicated. I feel completely lost. I feel as if I am locked in a room with white walls or something. I don't even seem to digest the fact that I've spent 4 years of my life in Dehradun pursuing Computer Science Engineering. I feel as if I haven't learnt anything after the IIT preparations except some idiosyncrasies and harsh realities of life. It feels as if Engineering has been a complete waste for me. I don't know C/C++/Java/.NET or for that matter anything related to Computer Science. Period. I remember those days in Kota when I used to study for like 8-10 hours a day. Considering my state now, I hardly study for 1 hour in 3 fucking weeks. I feel as if I don't stand anywhere amongst thousands of other engineers who are about to complete their engineering as well. This world seems totally transcendental to me. Talking about the time when I first landed here, I remember how much a nerd I was. I did not abuse. I did not drink. I did not smoke. I was totally the IIT-pursuing-living-in-Kota student. When I see myself now, I have managed to do everything except studying all these years. My friends think I am the only person who has changed drastically over these years. Not to mention, I feel the same. I only feel a bit more matured than what I was when I first came here. I have calmed down a lot. My energy levels or the young blood or whatever it is called seems to have been focussed and catered towards serious things in my life. i have suddenly become way too serious. I don't even feel like indulging myself into any physical sport anymore. In short, I don't like myself as of now. Hmm, what next? Damn, I have been thinking about this since like a month now. Engineering is over. GRE is over. I don't know what I am going to do next. One of the main reasons for my absence for such a long time is the fact that I've gotten 6 fucking rejections out of the 7 American Universities I applied to. I feel like a complete loser. On top of it, it couldn't get much worse when I saw my friend A getting 3 admits(with scholarships) all this while. Not that I am not happy for him, I am only wondering what the fuck is wrong with me and my life. We both are in the same class. His academics is a bit less as compared to mine. My GRE score was a bit less as compared to his. This is the only difference between both of our profiles. Maybe, he applied to the universities which were well suited for him. I thought I did too. Considering the fact that my counselor advised me to apply to the state universities looking at my decent GRE score, I did it. Looking at the outcome now, I feel like raping her. She fucking duped me of 25 fucking grands. She was not even worth 1 grand. I feel like drowning myself. I had to literally force my parents to hire a counselor for me. They never had a problem with it and got me a counselor without saying a word. Now, I feel I am the only one to be blamed about this whole debacle. I don't know what to say when people here ask me about "My GRE thingy". Damn would be the right word. I always seemed so fucking sure of getting into some university. I always seemed determined for anything but Masters. Everything seems to be over now. I just cannot imagine myself working for Infosys. I never did. It would be devastating for me to even think bout it now. I do have 1 university left. I have applied to 1 more university (IIT, Chicago) and in the process of applying to Rochester Institute of Technology also. Let's see. All I can do is keep hoping. It is 9:48 am now. I have to go to the college to work on my major project and get my marksheets attested. I will write about my major project soon. It is another one big fiasco that happened to me. Believe me, I am totally fucked up from all sides. I'll see you soon. Take Care. <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/281167662350790035-8972102788836069074?l=wacko-da-n00b.blogspot.com'/></div>wackohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16776969674943435173anshuman_b_2000@yahoo.com31