I am SOOOOooo Done being Fat

renewed inspiration.. 4/19/09

2009-04-19T20:38:00.000-05:00

i have been far too absent from this blog. My life is crazy busy living with a 5 year old and a 7 month old seems to take all my time away from me. i only get a few moments in the evening to myself.

But every so often... something happens in our life that makes us reflect into ourself.. or perhaps it is a few things. I want to change things in my life. i am tired of being this big... i have no energy and after taking my blood pressure it has creeps up. So i need to fix this weight issue. I need to figure out how to balance my life better.

My husband's aunt passed away this past friday. The saddest part is that she was only in her mid 50s. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in the fall and was given an all clear in december after undergoing chemo and a mastectomy. About 3 weeks ago, the cancer had come back with a vengeance and went to her lungs. This is then what she died from. she could no longer breath. It was horrible to experience this -- Her death got me thinking that I really need to get back on track and take better care of myself.

It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day activities of our children that we somehow seem to lose sight of taking care of ourselves... You say --'oh i'll start that diet tomorrow --- and tomorrow comes and you still have not started... then it's next week i'll start and somehow days and weeks seem to slip by you and you've gained another 10 lbs.

i have a problem with self medicating with food. It is a comfort... .it is a companion and is always there --- it's dependable .... it makes you feel good while you are eating... it can release endorphins that make you feel good...I eat when i get stressed, when i am mad, when i am happy.... i think every emotion can make me run to the fridge. Why do we do this? More important --- how to stop.. That is the challenge. I may not have the courage to see the number on the scale first.. and I may not want to share the actual number but I need to start doing something and downward numbers definitely help keep me motivated.

Feeling Sad

2009-01-03T22:51:00.000-05:00

I found out that one of my dear friend/co-workers mom had a massive stroke on xmas eve. She had just had surgery for her heart and was doing really well. She is in her 80’s but is one of the most vibrant seniors I know. She always liven ups the office by her presence and is always a joy to be around. While the doctors are not optimistic about her recovery I hope she will. She will be sadly missed if she does not recover. Life is way to short.

harsh reality...

2009-01-02T19:20:00.001-05:00

Have you ever had those moments... You know the one that really realized that your outside image does not match the one that you have in your head? Well reality just smacked me in the face again. I don’t know why I am surprised every time this happens. I mean.. I know the number on the scale isn’t exactly pretty.. and I’ve been down this road before but somehow you slip back into denial - you keep thinking “I’m not really THAT fat” -- Well... I just snapped back into reality when my husband took some photos over christmas. I look HORRIBLE! I know I just had a baby a few months ago but that is really no excuse. So I am refocusing myself... I think I’ve been using the baby as an excuse to not really watch what I am eating...

Taking extra portions because “I’m breast feeding” I tell myself.. so I need the extra food... NO --- I don’t need the extra food....

So I have hit that moment again -- when I started this blog -- I am SOOOO done being fat -- I want to get healthy and feel better about myself.

The worst part is I recently joined Facebook. It’s actually stirred up all sorts of weird feeling because I am back in touch with a lot of people I went to high school with. I know people love to post photos of themselves.. but I cannot bring myself to post any of my fat photos. I have one from my wedding when I weighted around 170 and don’t look too bad -- but there’s no way I would post one now. I would love to have that as a goal for me. Post some photos that I am not embarrassed about. I still cannot believe it’s been 20 years since I graduated from High School.

It’s funny because if you really think about all the accomplishments you have made since high school I am sure the list is long. I know mine is. I am successful at my chosen career, I have a wonderful husband who loves me unconditionally, and I have two beautiful children, I live in a nice house in a nice town -- But I can’t help but feel like a failure because I am overweight. I don’t want to be judged by my weight anymore and I don’t want to “accept” my current size.

2008-12-29T23:02:00.000-05:00

So my second baby has developed a case of Eczema in the past two weeks or so. I am so scared he might have a food allergy just like my first... I so don’t want to go through that again. It’s so stressful and I was hoping that he would have a normal childhood without me hovering and constantly having to worry about the food choices he makes.

I have dropped Soy and Milk out of my diet. I have been busting my ass to make sure he gets exclusive breast milk and am wondering if I have done more harm than good with this. I am so looking forward to taking My first child to the Allergy doctor in a few days so I can talk about how to start getting my second son tested... I am of course concerned about my older son but I know that we have been managing things fine with him and we have a handle on how to deal with his particular situation. I think fear of the unknown is the scary part that I really don’t want to deal with.

I also feel a bit unsupported by the Peditrican’s office. When I brought the baby in to have someone check out the spot on his cheek -- I mentioned that I was going to eliminate certain foods from my diet and she was kind of wishy washy about the idea. She said, well you know that’s kind of hard to do... I was like “duh, I know but I am willing to do it ”-- I mean I was able to change my diet when I had to when I had gestational diabetes... I can do it now.

long time....

2008-07-15T18:21:00.002-05:00

HI -- It's been awhile since I have last posted... I plan on posting more in the coming months... As some of you know I am pregnant and expecting another child in September... Once the baby is born... I am back to the healthy living style and weight loss... I have been eating healthy during my pregnancy... but at least I will get rewarded with weight loss.

Things during my pregnancy have been relatively good -- However I did develop one complication with Gestational Diabetes. I NEVER want to have to deal with this in a non pregnancy state... I don't know how people who develop type II stay that way... It's a huge incentive to stay on program and eat healthier and exercise more. I was really upset when I found out about the GD -- Because it felt like a failure on my part that I was diagnosed.... After doing some research --- anyone can get GD - It's more common in women over 25... The weight probably didn't help but it wasn't the sole cause....

I am doing great managing it. I feel like I have to take care of it... it's for a greater reason other than vanity... taking care of my baby....

I am looking forward to getting my body back to normal... Pregnancy towards the end can be a real drain.

I hope to be back on a more regular basis soon

Big News...

2008-03-19T19:51:00.002-05:00

Hi all ---

I know it's been a long time since I have written -- lots have changed here.

for starters --- My husband and I are now expecting our 2nd child. I am now just about 12 weeks and I managed to get pregnant back in January --- thus the hold on the weight program. I am trying to continue eating right and trying not to over eat during this pregnancy. One thing I can do is definitely keep working out. So far I have been getting on my elliptical 3 times a week at least for an hour each time. Mind you I am not working out to my highest level -- but keeping moving so I can keep my blood pressure in good condition and overall feel better about myself.

I may check in time to time --- but If I am absent -- you at least know why.

2nd --- We did get a new dog. It happened much faster than I ever expected. He's still quite the puppy and I feel like I now have two children and another one on the way!!! But my son is enjoying him and so is my husband. Some day I'll get another female shih tzu- -- but for now we have a male Havanese who is quite mischievous --- and SOOOO different from my other dog.

I'm looking forward to Easter because I finally get to tell my family about our news. It's been so hard to keep quiet...

Like I said -- I'll be checking in from time to time --- and I will be strictly back on program once the baby comes!

Lots o news...

2008-01-30T18:37:00.000-05:00

So... As i check the date it's been well over a month since I have written. There has been a lot going on in my life and I'll try to get you up to speed.

1) we're in the process of possibly getting a new dog.
Much to my surprise I went to a dog show --- which put me in such good spirits I cannot tell you!!! I have been looking for some options for different breeds that are more family friendly. While I love Shih Tzus... realistically they are really not good when you have little ones around. My previous dog was known from time to time to snip if someone surprised her. (well she'd only bit other people -- she never bit me) Anyway, I did a lot of research and going to the show helped narrow down the breed. We've settled on a Havanese. Great little dogs - very spirited.

I made some connections through the show and we're going to look at what my husband is calling a "used dog" over the weekend. The breeder I have contacted has a 8 month old pup that someone decided needed a bigger family for -- She was a single woman who recently lost her husband and she didn't realize how much work went into caring for a dog. So I think it's a perfect option for us.

2) I was extremely saddened by the sudden passing of a collegue friend of mine over the weekend. He was involved in a car accident while driving his son back to college. We will all miss him. He was the type of person who really was a good soul.

There's other bigger news coming.... but I want to wait to share.... ;)

December 19

2007-12-19T22:35:00.001-05:00

Boy does time fly. I can't belive it's been this long. So, I've been really struggling lately. Having one good day and then the next is a not so good day. I am trying to remember if I have a bad meal or morning it doesn't mean to blow the whole day. The next meal is time to get back on track.l

I have been working out. Not as much as I'd like but at least I am getting back in the swing. I have also added some resistence training with some rubber bands. They are much harder than I ever expected. But that's good I guess. So I have been doing about 1/2 hour of cardio (longer if I can stand it) then about 15 min of resistance traning ever other day. So this is helping me offset my good bad days.

I will be much happier after xmas is over. I sort of hate this time of year. I feel like there is not time to get anything done and it seems like everything is over before I can even enjoy it! Makes me want to be a kid again when all you had to do was wait for the big day.

My other big problem lately is that I seem to be wanting to snack at night. I am trying to spend more time away from the kitchen in the evening... that seems to work best. I also always keep a snack for after dinner into my calorie allowance. It's lately that I've been wanting more after that.

Need to be better with my water as well. I think that could be the culprit as to why I am looking for food in the evening. I read somewhere that your brain might think your body wants food when it actually wants water....

Goals for the rest of this week and over the weekend are to drink more water and to have consistent days of calorie consumption!s

Feeling Lost....

2007-11-29T22:16:00.000-05:00

Today my dogs ashes arrive courtesy of UPS.... My Husband has been taking care of all of this so I had no clue this was going to happen. I thought we'd have to go to the vet office and pick them up there. So I was completely sidelined when the package came today. I even handed it to my husband since it was for him -- but didn't bother to look at the return address.

So all of my feelings of loss came flooding back to me. I feel so lost without a pet. I just don't know what to do with myself. It sounds crazy I know, I have a 4 year old who is a lot of work but my dog was really all about me and my relationship with her. It seems like as parents we get so caught up with the day to day activities it seems that there is less and less time for ourselves.

I have had thoughts of getting another dog. Am I crazy???? I think part of me thinks the hurt will stop. Before tonight things were getting better -- I still think about her but have not cried really in a couple weeks. Progress one might say... I think. --- I just miss my companion and my foot warmer. My husband has a lot of activities so with my dog around I never really felt alone. especially when i go to bed at night. I still leave a space for her at the foot of the bed for her. I think that is what bothers me the most right now. I feel very very alone.

I know at some point I will adopt another dog into our family. Not sure when this will be. But I think in the future we will adopt at least 2 dogs but spread them a few years apart.

On the weight loss front.... oye --- Things have been way too stressful --- I just want to continue to eat like a normal person and work out more. I have only been getting on the elliptical one or two days a week.

food hangover....

2007-11-24T18:33:00.000-05:00

I was wondering if I am the only one out there --- but, when I go to bed from a day that my food intake is not so good....I wake up feeling awful. Kind of like an emotional hang over from bad food. When I go to bed and have had a good day or a day that what I classify as eating like a "normal" person --- I feel so much better.

So tomorrow is going to be a good day! I plan on waking up feeling good about myself. I even got a good work out in today as well.

Yesterday I did something scary! I actually added up all the calories in our family stuffing recipe. Oh my lord... a serving is approximately 1/20 of the recipe (it makes a ton) is 575 calories!!! Holy smokes. I had some for thankgiving and the day after but I needed to see how many empty calories I was consuming to basically keep me away from the stuffing in the future. It worked.. so well that I ended up putting the rest down the disposal. A little of that stuff is good for a holday... but having vats and vats of it around to not only add up calories it's loaded with butter that can clog our arteries. Who needs it.

Thanksgiving

2007-11-22T20:23:00.000-05:00

I am thankful that Thanksgiving is over. I of course did indulge with too much food. But actually It feels pretty yuckky. It's good to over indulge ever so often to remind ourselves how awful you feel when you eat too much.

I also want to mention (To remind myself of course) that Thanksgiving is ONE day! It's not open season to eat from November through new years day! So tomorrow -- i am back on track. And will we all really be upset if we end up throwing out food. I LOVE stuffing. Who doesn't but the one we make is really really fattening. Lots of butter lots of carbohydrates and lots of pork in it. So --- I indulged and now it's over.

Things that I am thankful for! (not in any particular order)

1) losing weight -- I REALLy noticed a difference in just being able to be on my feet the past two days cooking. In the past my back hurt and all I wanted to do was go lay down! Working out really makes a difference

2) Eating yogurt daily. --- The commercials are right -- my intestines were a mess shortly after my dog passed away. Two weeks of a daily yogurt made me feel so much better!

3) My family.

4) My job. I truly love what I do

5) Being Able to cross my legs comfortably!

6) Wearing smaller clothing

7) Feeling a little more comfortable in my own skin

That's all I got for the moment – What are you thankful for?

Poison in our makeup...

2007-11-11T22:02:00.001-05:00

Some food for thought. Recently a friend of a woman I work with was diagnosed with breast cancer. She ate well, excercises every day and keeps her weight at a normal range and has no family history of cancer. Scared and perplexed, she inquired to the doctor how this could happen. His answer was simply many in the medical profession think the environment and or products she was using could have possibly contributed to it.

A few days later I was reading in a newsletter that I get -- a link to a website called Cosmetics Database. (http://www.cosmeticsdatabase.com) So out of curiosity I went to the site. Owww Chowowa..... I could not believe all the crap that is in a lot of our household items that we use every day.

They have a scale for items. 1-2 considered low risk, 3-6 medium risk, and 7-10 high risk.
So it's made me rethink the products I put on my face and else where... Things that I was surprised at seem to be high in toxicity -- Like shaving cream (an 8)! Who would think. I seeemed to notice that items that have more fragrence in them tended to be on the higher end of the spectrum.

I thought I'd post this here in case you have not heard about this and perhaps wanted to check out your own products.

I also ordered some test make up from a company that is rated on the low end of the rating spectrum and if it's good and i like I'll post it here to give you a recommendtaion. I am just all for anything that we can do besides losing weight to help reduce our cancer risk.

heaing a Broken Heart...

2007-11-11T21:59:00.000-05:00

So I am slowly recovering from my heart breaking from losing my beloved dog. It has not been easy but things are slowly getting better. Thank you all for you sweet comments. I appreciate it.

So with that being said -- I'm planning on moving forward on my program. Let's just say it's been thrown out the window en light of everything that has happened and I need to get back on track.

I did manage to work out at least one day this weekend. So - I'm setting a goal for this week --- stay on track with 1500 cal per day and track all food daily! Keep your fingers crossed for me.

sadness is...

2007-10-27T20:49:00.000-05:00

You'll have to forgive me for not giving a full report of my weight this week.

I am so sorry to report that we had to put down my dog last night. It was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do to date. I am overwhelmed by the grief I feel for the lost of my little friend. I'm not sure if thing will be ever the same again and that makes me so sad. All I seem to do now is cry and cry. I feel an emptiness that I have not felt since my grandmother died when I was 16.

This photo is my favorite photo of her that my future husband at the time took. It really shows the twinkle in her eye and I think completely encompasses the way that I want to remember her.

This dog was so special to me -- I got her when I was 25 and living in NYC. As I have said in other posts she really has been with me and has in a sense helped me grow up. She was a very active dog and was very independent. She loved sleeping at the foot of my bed and I loved having her there. I moved into a studio apartment in Brooklyn NY and got her when I was living there. I never felt alone when she was in my life. It was always nice to have her to come home to when I was working in an office. I was always taking her with me where ever I went. She loved her dog kennel that looked more like a shoulder bag than a kennel. She always knew when to come to me when I was feeling bad and she always listened to me whenever I needed someone to talk to.

That's why it's been so hard to watch her deteriorate the past few years. Dogs seem to get old so quick and they die way before their time. I think the best part about having a special relationship with a pet is that it's a pure relationship completely based around love. Dogs are especially good at giving and giving -- and they don't care what you look like or if you've gained weight or judge you on what you choose to wear. All they care about is seeing you and being with you.

It started to rain last night and it rained all day. It was like the heavens were mourning her death as well. Towards the end of the afternoon there was the most beautiful sun peeking through the clouds. It was as if God was welcoming her into his arms and wanted me to know it was ok. I hope she's keeping our loved ones happy and she feels like her old self.

Peace to you all and if you have pets please kiss them and tell them how much you love them. You never know how long they will be here on earth with us.

Almost mid week check in...

2007-10-23T19:21:00.000-05:00

I'm going to try to check in more since I have been kind of lax about writing lately. It's been quite a week.

Today I took my dog to my local vet to get her stitches out from her Biopsy 10 days ago. If any of you have pets you know how tramatic it can be when you see them sick or in pain. She did ok with the biopsy - but my heart almost broke on the ride home because she cried all the way back. We did the biopsy to figure out what is going on with her. My local vet thought it might be an auto immune disease... But it turned out to be something even worse it's called Canine epitheliotropic lymphoma. In lay terms it's skin cancer. It's on the rarer side and it's disgusting. The animal gets these skin ulcers that just don't go away. She smells bad and overall is itchy.

She's not quite at the point to put her down but it's so awful to watch her go through this. My vet today was very empathetic and agrees with our decision to not do chemo. From what I read if we did chemo it would only extend her life 1-5 months and honestly what good is that.

So my days are filled with sadness with the upcoming inevitable fate of my little friend who has been so good to me for so many years. She's moved with me into all of my adult homes -- She's seen me through a few breakups with men -- and never once complained. It's just a very difficult thing to go through and I think anyone with a pet knows what I am talking about. With animals it's all about love and losing them really breaks your heart.

IT would be so easy to drown my sadness with food but I don't want to behave that way anymore. It's ok to feel sad sometimes and medicating with food will not help anything.

did the deed...

2007-10-21T10:34:00.000-05:00

I truly think you cannot start fresh unless you know exactly where you are at. So, bravely I jumped on the scale this morning. I did expect a gain -- My clothes were telling me that I gained so it wasn't a surprised. I was glad to see it wasn't more than 8.6 lbs... Not happy about that but when I pushed the button and re-weighed my self (I have one of those memory scales -- I weight myself last week sometime and didn't look...) I actually lost 3.4 lbs... so i guess in some small way it's a good thing.

I'm totally accountable this week and plan on weighing in every day or every other day to keep me honest! Hopefully we'll see a loss this week!

Time flys!

2007-10-21T08:48:00.001-05:00

Holy crap --- It's been awhile since I have written.

So lots of things have happen in the past month and a half. My husband and I are actively TTC and so far have had no luck. But mentally I think it has put my good food program in ot a spin. I have been struggling to eat well but am not giving up. I have some great days and then some not so great days.

This past Friday seemed to be a really challenging day for me. I found out bad news about my dearly beloved pet dog. She's been ill for awhile but we finally got a diagnosis of cancer. I was kind of surprised because we have been thinking it was something else all along. She is an older dog (she'll be 13 on Nov 18) -- Our vet wanted to refer us to an oncologist but at this point I think we have decided to make her comfortable and let nature take it's course. Honestly, If we did start treatment, I'm not sure if extending her life a few months will make a difference which is also a tough pill to swallow.

My parents had a dog from the same litter and he also this summer grew a big tumor in his stomach and they just put him down in the middle of september. These dogs have become more like family so it's hard when we lose them. I think that's the hardest part of being a pet owner ais knowing that some day they will have to deal with their passing.

So as you can see things have been rather busy for me and my food program has fallen by the sidelines sort of. I have been working out but not as much as I have in the past -- So I need to get back on track with that.

I'll weight in soon but am scared to see the number because I know I have gained.... But it's better than sticking my head in the sand. So today is going to be a day that I am back on track and my goal is to be on track (1500 cal)/day for the next week.

Hope everyone has a great week.

The Party is OVER!!!

2007-09-07T17:09:00.000-05:00

ok - so it's be awhile since I have written. Lots going on so have not had a chance. However one thing that has to be over is the fact that I need to absolutely get back on track. I have been on vacation and so has my program... It's amazing how things can slip out of control. So, I'm starting fresh and upping my daily calories to 1500 for a bit to get back on track. I find it's easier to add a little more calories to get back on track and if I then feel like reducing my calories I can do that after a few days or a week or so of a higher calorie intake.

We went on vacation to visit another town/city area that we are thinking about relocating to. Such a scary thing.. It's amazing the older I get the more frightening change is. We are not really happy with the school system as we get closer to having our son in the public schools here. (he'll be in Kindergarten next year) and we are seriously thinking about leaving Massachusetts due to all the school issues/problems we have been seeing.

The other news is that the job I interviewed for full time was not a perfect fit. Which actually is a blessing in disguise... My life would drastically change if I too the full time and I would also have a harder time manging the clients I currently have. Of course the money would of been nice to have steady income --- but alas, it was not meant to be.

Also I have been terrified to get on the scale. I know I have had a gain but why is it -- that it's so hard to get back on the flipping scale after you know you have had a gain? I have one of those scales that lets you "bookmark" your weight so that when you hop on again you press a button and it automatically tells you if you have gained or loss anything. So I techincally I have hopped on the scale... just have not looked at the numbers.

In A Funk...

2007-08-16T12:36:00.000-05:00

So I have been have 2 not so great days. Yesterday was a bad day for me and it was set off by having a bad morning. As some of you might know I am a freelance designer --- I had a meeting set up with an ad agency to talk about some freelance work.

The interview went well - He loved my portfolio and it was funny because it felt like he was trying to sell me on working with them - not the other way around. It's kind of funny to me how that happens. It wasn't that long ago that I felt I had to work hard to convince people to take a risk on me and I would do a great job for them.

Well all went well and I made the mistake at the end to ask how to get out of the building. He then proceeded to walk me out. Which was nice - however, just as I was about to escape out the door he asks me if I have any children. I was obviously wearing my wedding rings so he knew I was married. I felt cornered like this was a question he should really not be asking since it has no relevance to my work performance... I said yes, I have a boy... hoping I could just get out with that. Then he asked me how old. Now I am a terrible lier so I told him. I said my goodbyes and then left.

When I got back to the office I sent of a quick email and all i heard was crickets. No comment - no acknowledgment of thanks for coming in and we'll be in touch... etc. etc. etc.

Now one of two things happened. 1) I am completely paranoid about this issue and he was just asking a friendly question and I perhaps will hear from them soon.... 2) He really doesn't want to work with someone who has children and wanted to rule me out because of it and I should not want to work with anyone who thinks that way.

This is the second interview that this has happened and both were with men in their 50s. I can't help but wonder if prejudice is still alive and well out there in the world. I just never thought it would be because I have children.

It's also one of those questions that is difficult to figure out the right non answer without being perceived as a bitch or worse yet answering it (confirming that I do have kids) and also have an attitude.

If anyone has any advice on this I am happy to hear it because at this point I am just flummoxed.

Visiting a friend...

2007-08-13T11:34:00.000-05:00

I just got back from visiting some friends for the weekend. So I am completely back on track for Monday. I was proud to say that I made much better food choices while I was away for most of my meals. I did not track like I should of.

I did however feel a little awkward while away. We went to a posh town that people around there refer to their millions as just a "lot of dough". Every other car there is a Lexus that my friends affectionately call Camry's since they are every where. We went shopping in the center of town that had all the expensive shops you can think of -- I was walking in and out of shops and felt like a fish out of water --- I don't think I saw one overweight person while I was there. I guess when you make millions and millions you have the time to work out with a trainer every day along with making sure your personal chef makes you your perfect caloric meals.

Anyway - it was good to be away but it always make me appreciate home more.

To a happy week and lots of weight loss!

Reality Bites

2007-08-06T07:40:00.001-05:00

Not only that it stings too!

Why is it that you can go along through life when you are overweight and look in the mirror and still not see how big you are? How does this happen? Over the weekend I went to see my husbands band play in a outdoor concert/festival. It was fun to be out over the weekend and my son was happy to be out in the fresh air. My brother and his partner came for a bit and took some photos of everything.

Well, I just got a look at the photos. Now I have lost 35 lbs since February of this year. kudo's to me! I was starting to feel really good about this --- well at least until I saw the photos. It's amazing how I feel like I have not made a dent in my weight loss looking at the photos. I was wondering why some people have not noticed that I have lost weight and looking at the photos kind of tells me no wonder. It stings to see reality.

Also - My husband and I have decided to "pull the goalie" since we want to have another child and I am at the point that I think we just can't wait any more. I don't want to run the risk of being too old or who knows how long it will take for me to get pregnant.

That's kind of the other downer for me - Since I hope to be pregnant soon - I am kind of bummed to be putting the weight loss on hold. I have come so far it's sort of disappointing to stop. I do however plan on still tracking my food intake and just make sure that I am in a healthy range of food intake on a daily basis. I want to approach this pregnancy completely differently than my last one.

So I am starting this Monday on program but kind of bummed out to still feel so bad about how I look. Hoping this week is a good one!

Weeks end...

2007-08-03T09:47:00.000-05:00

So it's been a good week I have to say -- Have not hopped on the scale to see if I have been rewarded weight wise --- but either way I feel it was a good week.

I seem to still be amazed that I can still eat the same foods that I have in the past (less of them of course) and still lose weight. Once you get rid of the all or nothing attitude you are so much better off. I think it also helps to mentally tell yourself every day that you are doing something positive to change your lifestyle. I mean that is what it is ultimately about - Changing your lifestyle. Mentally thinking like a thin person would also helps. Next time you are out with a thin friend - notice how they generally approach eating. They eat less and make sure to sample things that they enjoy but they just don't over do it.

Hoping you all have a good healthy weekend!

At Last!

2007-07-29T09:08:00.000-05:00

Ok so it took a few weeks and a bit of a struggle but I seem to have finally pushed through my plateau this month. Of course going to a few bbq parties didn't help my cause but I'm back on track. I have lost a total of 35 lbs and feel great! Working out has made all the difference. I bought an elliptical for our basement in February which kind of all kick started my weight loss off. I absolutely love having this in the house. We live kind of out in the sticks so going to the gym is a time consuming process. Having it in the house allows very little excuses for not working out and you can always fit in a few min if I can't do my normal 50 min work out.

In my earlier life I use to dance. I loved it -- but after I quit I kind of lost touch with working out and how much I love it. I feel like I am back in touch with that and don't want to lose it ever again!

I'm hoping this week is a great week!

a bad day...

2007-07-24T14:23:00.001-05:00

Today for some reason I am in a funk. Could be because I feel not busy enough with work. Could be that I got on the scale and gained 2 lbs.... Why is it that a stupid number on the scale can really ruin your day? It's seems silly. I need to get back on track and I will with the next meal.

I also think I am mistaking thirst with hunger. It's an evil thing that you automatically go to the fridge and eat something. I need to reset myself to go get a drink first then think about food 2nd. Sigh, guess baby steps gets you to your goals!

So next meal -- I am back on track.

Clothing that fits!

2007-07-19T07:22:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure if you are like me but I don't have a lot of time to try on clothing when I go shopping. Generally I see something - I will purchase it if it's a good price and in the size I think I am. But it's amazing how you can "forget" what size you are and purchase things that you "think" will fit. I have done this on several occasions. So I have managed to get myself quite a closet of things that even have the tags on them of clothing I was surprised to see didn't fit. I also, didn't have time to bring them back to the store - so there they sat, in my closet just waiting to be worn.

I have quite a closet - ranging from size 8-18. I do manage to thin it out ever so often...But I am still holding on to a few pieces of clothing that I wore in my thinner days. Probably have not even been worn in over 10 years or so. My goal is to get to a size 8-10 and stay there. If my BMI is good I would even be comfortable being a 10-12 size.

I am very excited that I have been wearing a lot of the old "new" clothes - and it's a great sense of accomplishment that I can fit into them. It's also prompted me to thin out the closet again.

I am now in week 20 and have lost 33.8 lbs so far. I think the biggest thing that I have learned in the past 20 weeks is that it is possible to still have the foods you like and still lose weight. I just have to eat a lot less of them.

The other best thing that I did was to purchase an at home elliptical machine. Having a child makes it really hard to get exercise in - but having the convenience of working out at home has really made the difference. We live out in the sticks so it takes too long to go to the gym and back while I use the same time I would just to go to the gym to complete my workout. I love it and consider the time on the elliptical "me" time.