Finding My Way Home

And Something Else Again

2009-08-04T14:24:00.000-07:00

I've been absent for a while.

Those that know me know, and those that read may have guessed: it has been an ugly year.

I won't go into it all, there really is no point. Bad things happened. They were made worse by ugly people, petty jealousies, arrogance, and ignorance. This is the way of things.

But so many others have supported us, this year. Kindness, love, and generosity of spirit have never been absent from our lives, and we had more than enough to get us through the last nine months. We knew we had good families and good friends. All of this has left no doubt exactly who they are.

And we, really, are okay. We had our bad days, and I will be the first to admit that I was not so very much fun. But ultimately, you have to move on. Pull your energy back out of the negative that you used to cope and forge a path into your new normal. Vitriolic screed is a great place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.

We have a new home, DH has a new job, our kids are happy. Things are different than what we expected, but we will manage.

So much of this was completely avoidable. The rest could have been made easier if more people could just remember the concept of 'There But for the Grace of God Go I.' But that's okay too. Because these sorts of people also tend to forget one other thing.

Karma's a Bitch.

Auld Lang Syne

2009-01-21T16:54:00.000-08:00

So, there are not a whole lot of things I regret in my life. There is almost nothing I regret doing, and only slightly more I regret saying. I mostly live life figuring that risk and the possibility of failure and hurt are WAY better than a safe, but very boring existence.

As such, the regrets I do have are the things I didn't do. And one of my biggest regrets is the fact that I really, really suck and keeping in touch with people. It is not that I don't have good intentions (hello, road paving anyone?). I just either get distracted, or busy, or think, 'oh I will wait until I have a chunk of time to reply to this.' And it slips to the second page of my message book or my email box, and then it was so long ago, and on and on. Events nudged me every so often, trying gently to remind me that really, a 5 minute call or quick note now is better than waiting for that 'when you have time' thing. I would get better for a while, then slip back into my old ways.

And then this past fall, the nudges stop. I get a big karmic kick in the teeth. It is not my story, and I don't want to go on, but suffice to say I lost someone this year. The spouse of a close friend, and because, well, neither of us took the time, I did not even know she was sick until I got the message from my friend that his wife was gone. She had been battling cancer for three years. This time, I got the message.

And here is where the risk, and the failure and the hurt come in. Because I decided it may have been a while, or a LONG while, but I am going to write that note, or send an email, or pick up the phone. And sometimes that hurts, because the note gets tossed, the email unanswered, the call, always, seems to hit the voice mail. I know, folks move on, they forget, they do other things. But, despite being a smart alec, and irreverent, I break pretty easy. Okay, really easy. I think the one that hurt the most was the conversation that ended mid stream, with no explanation. That still stings, a month later.

But there are rewards too. The 3 hour phone call with the friend you really did think you had lost, but that had never actually been lost at all. The note you got from a dear friend, telling you how much you have meant to her, that brings tears to your eyes. The other connections you make, friends of friends of friends, and the happy memories they bring back.

So I will keep putting myself out there, I still have a list of folks, people I have not contacted in a long time, that I am thinking about what to say. I won't wait too long this time. I hope that we reconnect.

And I appreciate even more those that reach back, or never lost touch in the first place because they can put up with or overlook my erratic ways. Thank you.

And those voice mails? The notes and emails? That one conversation, stopped mid-stream? All I can say is, for me, friendship does not have an expiration date. A week, a year, 5 years? If you reach back, and I am where you can reach me, I will answer. And I will do it sooner this time. And know too, old friends, no matter what, you are never, ever forgotten.

Reading is FUNdamental

2009-01-13T18:10:00.000-08:00

I have always been a reader. Family lore has it that I learned somewhere around the ripe old age of three, and have had my nose in a book ever since. While my parents were occasionally (okay, frequently) annoyed at the chores I left undone while engrossed in the latest tome, it was a habit they otherwise encouraged.

So, in order to share my favorite hobby, and let you people know how truly strange I am, I started a list in the sidebar, My Last 10 Books. Now, I often read several things at one time. I stash a book downstairs for evening reading, one in the van for carpool waiting or when I sit in the driveway in the interest of two kids getting a nap, and one in my walk in closet for when I can't sleep, but also can't stray too far from the La Leche Leech, lest he wake the household in indignation that his na-nas have wandered off. So I will add books to the list as I finish them.

Oh, by the way, each book listed is a link to Amazon, as it was the easiest thing I could think of. If anyone has a better idea, I am all ears...

Life is What Happens...

2009-01-13T04:40:00.000-08:00

...when you are making other plans.

In an instant, a day, your life is turned upside down. Everything that was true about the future, isn't. Everything you have been moving toward disappears. A person you don't know makes a decision, and people that don't care shore it up, because to do otherwise would negate all the premises that built the whole thing, and the whole must be preserved, even at the expense of the truth, and your future.

And yet.

You have your health. Your children. Your family. You find out, truly, who your friends are. Life moves forward, and you with it. And you realize this has happened before, more than once. And that, given that we have free will, this will likely happen again, and again, this side of Heaven.

And also, there is Grace. That flip side to free will. I have never, really, believed in the 'God has a plan for you' line, at least not in the way people mean it. I will not justify the poorly thought, the mistake, the selfish, or the pure evil with 'God has a plan.' I believe that God has a PLAN, that PLAN is his Children in Heaven. That is where the Grace comes in. Not only are we saved from our sin, and our free will, by Grace alone. That Grace includes the strength to move forward, the forgiveness when we fail, the Love of a Father.

A week ago the future was ours, the choices all good. Now there may not be any choices. There is a path, which from here looks more like a long, dark tunnel with little hope of light at the end for a very, very long time. But we will walk it, together, hand in hand. We will carry our children, take strength from our friends and family, and believe with all our heart that God is with us.

Two State Solution

2008-11-04T16:15:00.000-08:00

Okay, my fun prediction for the election. PA and VA are the states to watch, as they go, so goes the nation.

If PA goes Obama, and VA goes McCain, it will be a very long night.

If both go Obama, he will win decisively, though there will be some heartburn, probably a loss in FL or OH.

If both go McCain, he will win in a squeaker, following the electoral map laid out by Bush.

If they flip, and PA goes McCain and VA goes Obama, get ready for a very, very crazy week. The election won't be called until tomorrow at the earliest, and may go several days and several rounds in several courts.

Okay folks, so what are your predictions??

Get Thee To Thy Polling Place

2008-11-04T06:19:00.000-08:00

If you have yet to vote, why are you reading my lame little blog??!! Come on, if I could drag my sorry behind out of bed at 0515 this morning and drive to the polls BEFORE finishing my first cup of coffee, you can go and vote.

And the stats: About an hour wait, I got there at 0540, polls opened at 0600, I was done and back in my truck by 0640. Line was long but moving fast, we had 3 candidates and no questions for voting.

Oh, and if you think of it, thank each and every poll worker you have the opportunity to thank. They are a key link in all of this, and got to the polls crazy o-dark-early, so that all of us can exercise our Constitutional right. It is going to be a very long day for these people, and a smile and word of thanks will surely be appreciated.

Bootstrap Hypocrites

2008-10-30T15:23:00.000-07:00

You know, I have heard it my whole life.

(he's just not like us)

Now, my family is not so long removed from falling off the turnip truck. The area I grew up in is full of second and third generation Americans. These folks worked hard for everything they have, and many, especially those from Eastern Europe, faced rampant discrimination when they landed here. Plus, being farmers and coal miners, we were in a small minority. Very few folks understood the realities of our lives.

(we just can't trust him)

Hard work is part of the family narrative for my generation. There was nothing that could stand in our way, we just had to work hard, keep at it, nose to the grindstone, pull yourself up by the bootstraps. Anything is possible. Ignore the folks that think you are stupid because you are rural, and have a funny last name, and grew up on a farm.

(he will take care of his own kind)

For some of us, that is part of the appeal of Barack Obama. Here is a guy that did not have a bunch of advantages. Not so far from falling off the turnip truck. The way he was raised was different than most folks. He has a funny last name. And talent plus determination plus hard work got him into Columbia, and Harvard, and the Senate. Now, maybe even to the Presidency!

(all his appointments will be for THEM)

It's not just that of course. Lots of us have families, and work hard at careers, and are paying off student loans, and juggling what to do with our careers. We see ourselves in the the Obama family, someone who will understand us, work for us, realize that what happens in DC has consequences for us all.

(someone that looks like that is not going to keep his promises)

For most of us, the plans for health care and tax cuts will help too. For the RARE one of us lucky enough to be pulling in a quarter million a year, slightly higher taxes are a small price to pay to get all kids insured, get the country back on track, once again become the envy of the world. Our folks back home do even better under the Obama plan, with lower taxes and the possibility, FINALLY, of decent and affordable healthcare before reaching Medicare age.

(he is just SCARY, and our nation will go to hell with someone like that in the White House)

So the folks back home must be supporting Obama too, right? Right?

Holey (insert explitive here)

2008-08-06T19:56:00.000-07:00

Before we purchased it, our house was built/modified/maintained by crazy rabid squirrels smoking crack. Butt ugly wall paper, over other butt ugly wall paper. Paint colors in the same room that should not exist together in the same zip code. Walls where the framing was WAY more than half a bubble off plumb, as were the framers apparently. Mistakes made and hastily covered up. You get the idea.

We have redone most of the house, and just got finished with a total redo of the bathroom. Now, the contractors were great people, but we don't have the money OR the constitution to have folks in our house to do everything. So we are updating the kitchen ourselves.

Okay, so we stripped the butt ugly wall paper, took down the 6 cabinets that never should have been put up, and we are working on the patching and priming. And we were having a disagreement. See, the CRSSC had put a blank wall plate on the wall behind the stove. We figured it was because the outlet was partially blocked and therefore not usable. So we took it off to get at the wallpaper and found

nothing.

Yup, no wire or anything. Just an empty electrical box. The nearest thing we can figure is that they needed the wire for the above the stove microwave. I wanted to remove it, and patch the hole. The husband said no, it will be hard to get out and it will make a big hole in the wall.

Remember those contractors? Well, they needed to get an electrical box out and patch a hole. So they showed me how. Simple really. You pry the box away from the stud a little bit, then cut the nails. Then you do a bit of fancy cut work with a piece of drywall and voila no more hole in the wall. Easy Peasy.

You do see where this is heading don't you?

Since the hubby is out of town, I figured I would use the time my kids were happily reading books this afternoon to get the box out. Now, the prying part was accomplished by the 6'4" contractor dude with a largish screwdriver. While not wee or wimpy, I was in a tight spot and could not get the leverage so instead, I used a small pry bar. And I did not have the nifty little zip tool to cut the nail, so I used a small hack saw.

It was all going swimmingly. Nails exposed, saw working fine. Got the nail to let go.

Remember that pry bar? Well, thing is, even the small ones are heavy. And it is easy to put a bit too much pressure on the wrong spot. Which, in this case, was the side of the electrical box. Which suddenly found itself not attached to the wall on the bottom. And then found itself outside the wall, unfortunately via a path that took it through a large portion of the previously solid drywall next to the box.

I will let you know if the patching goes any better than the prying...

Ode to Iteration

2008-07-27T19:00:00.001-07:00

I have been thinking a great deal lately about perfect. I hang out online in lots of Mommy dominant groups. I see such a focus on getting everything perfect. It is an obsession, every facet of parenting must be executed with unerring precision, each child must have exactly the right behavior/diet/stuff/activities or the whole thing was a failure.

Take my kids and my food sensitivities. I figured all of the sensitivities out using trial and error. Even if I had much faith left in allopathic medicine, we don't have the classic IgE allergies. Those are the kind you can go get skin pricked for and, barring the all too common false negatives, you get an answer. So I eliminate suspects, then when the reactions go away we trial one thing at a time to see what is causing the problem. Sure, it takes a while. Sure, you do need to be careful if the reaction is a serious one, and take the necessary precautions. But even allergists, good ones anyway, will tell you elimination and trial is the only way to really know the answer.

Maybe it is because I am a scientist, but it amazes me that most people can't do this. I have lost count of the discussion board threads where a parent goes from doctor to doctor with their sick child. Test after test, appointment after appointment. Weeks and months go by. There is great consternation and frustration, and the child is not getting better. All that trouble for nothing, yet when you suggest keeping a food diary, eliminating a few common food allergens, and maybe switching out a few of the chemical cleaners for more natural items, you might as well be a purple Martian. Folks act like you are absolutely out of your mind, because it is way too hard and besides, you can't possibly take away such and such wonderful healthy food without PROOF that it is causing harm! And how can you kill all those horrible germs without the heavy duty toxic cleaning products!

Even in the wonderful food group I am in you see this. Folks obsess over eliminating just the right things. Spend more time planning the elimination diet than the time it takes on the diet to improve things. Or when things improve, even dramatically, they can't see the forest for the trees. Instead of rejoicing that the eliminations fixed the stomach problems and the eczema and the crazy behavior, they constantly tweak and switch things up and go crazy figuring out if they are getting enough of this or that vitamin. Not only do they rob themselves of the enjoyment of all the improvements, they never get the job done because they can't stop tweaking long enough to actually figure out what is going on. They focus so much on the "mistakes" they made in the diet that they lose focus on the goal, a healthy child.

Every aspect of parenting today is like this. Teach kids readin, ritin, and rithmetic. Forget the joy of a good book, the love of penning a kind letter to a friend, the absolutely nifty a-HA! moment of figuring out that four full 1/4 measure cups fill the 1 measure cup exactly to the top. Make the kids behave, instantaneous obedience and aquiesence to the adult. Forget communicating with the child, helping the child make good decisions, and setting the example. Build the resume to get into the right college (or high school, or PREschool!!). Forget following interests, building on strengths, or heck just letting them be kids and build a fort in the back yard.

I don't know all the answers, our family is far from (that word again) perfect. I yell at my kids sometimes. They misbehave. I forget that a certain food is not safe. They don't always pick up their toys. Horror of horrors, we all watch television. We also play, make messes in the kitchen in pursuit of the yummy cookie, take afternoons to hang out by the pool, sit together reading books, and take long walks after dinner in the evening. We let ourselves have fun and enjoy, even when we have not been perfect.

Yup, I admit, I don't know if I am doing this right. But I DO know, with iron clad, 100% certainty what perfect is.

Perfect is the enemy of all that is good.

Babywearing Bonanza!

2008-06-26T14:27:00.000-07:00

While I don't do traditional advertising on this blog, this contest was too good not to pass along. Win FIVE baby carriers! How cool is that? The link will be in my sidebar until the contest winner is announced. There is no purchase necessary. You get one entry for answering a babywearing question, however you want. You can get a second entry by posting a link. That's it!

Oh, and I would be remiss if I did not mention the Babywearing Conference this week in beautiful Chicago! Wish I could be there.

Good luck everyone.

Pop Quiz

2008-06-16T19:33:00.000-07:00

Okay boys and girls, it's time for a little science quiz from everyone's favorite rock and dirt specialist. Put on your thinking cap and sharpen you pencils.

1. Old Faithful is a:
a. Geyser
b. Volcano
c. Strong Cocktail
d. B Movie

2. When Old Faithful erupts, you may get:
a. Blown to bits, along with the rest of Seattle
b. Wet
c. Pregnant
d. Fired

3. A rainbow results from:
a. Precipitation washing dust from the air
b. Lightning electrifying particles in the atmosphere
c. Sunlight passing through water droplets in the atmosphere
d. Leprechauns planting pots of gold

4. Roy G. Biv is
a. A Fun Guy
b. Your ex-Boyfriend
c. A Mnemonic Device
d. A Pneumonic Device

5. A Vulcanologist Studies
a. Tires
b. Trekkies
c. Volcanoes
d. Pretty Co-eds

Extra Credit: Pronounce the word Butte correctly.

Okay, so how did you do? And why do I ask? You KNOW there is a back story to this one.

Well, when we went out to dinner the other night, a family was sitting next to us. A college senior had his parents and a young lady friend giggling in horror at his classmates. Apparently, he needed a communications class to graduate, and the only one available was on communicating science to non-scientists. Much of the class had difficulty with the concepts they were trying to communicate, and two women were truly clueless. They spent a good portion of one class arguing with the instructor about Old Faithful. Both swore repeatedly that 'If it erupts again, it is going to take half of Seattle with it!!'

Oh, and the class this young man took to fill out his requirements was offered by his University's College of Education. His classmates were education majors, studying to be middle school science teachers.

Homeschool. I am going to Homeschool...

Cruisin'

2008-05-18T18:34:00.000-07:00

There I was, zipping on down the parkway, headed for a night out with the gal pals. Leather seat perfectly adjusted, leather wrapped wheel in my hands. The sun roof was open, the sky was blue, and Mr. J. Geils and his band were pontificating about love (it STINKS) on the XM radio. This, my friends, was a MOMENT, in the nicest car I have ever owned.

Never mind that everyone was staring at that crazy lady singing to herself in the minivan...

Sporting

2008-05-01T18:11:00.000-07:00

This story speaks for itself. Bring the tissues.

What Price Asparagus?

2008-04-27T18:04:00.000-07:00

The farmer's market opened the first weekend in April. The pickings were slim the first few weeks, mostly baked goods (verboten in our gluten free house), the popcorn people (kettle corn, YUCK), the crazy religious freak sorbet guy (don't ask), and a bunch of plants ($3.50 for a basil plant, yeah, uh, NOT).

Today, however, there was FOOD. Glorious food. The strawberries had just started to come in, and my favorite farmer had them. Bringing home strawberries in our house is a sure way to have our kids attached to the table for most of the day. H-4 can eat a quart in a sitting, E-1 nibbles steadily away as well. In fact, making it to the table is often the first challenge. They stand to either side of me at the sink, heads upturned and mouths agape, while I pop the first dozen or so I wash and hull directly into their mouths like a mama bird with her nestlings. H-4 bounced around the kitchen for 5 minutes yelling YIPPEE!! when she discovered those two quart baskets in my bag.

Not so thrilling for them was my prize, 2 bunches of asparagus. Stalks begging to be rinsed, snapped, and slid into a wok with some good olive oil and a handful of chopped shallots. The ones I did not devour raw, that is. Oh, wonderful asparagus.

Now, I don't know how much you know about growing asparagus. It takes years to establish a bed. The first year you need to let the thing grow wild in a protected place. After that, you move it to where you want it, and let it establish itself for a couple more years, with maybe a stolen stalk or two. It is only in the fourth season that you can really start to harvest. HMMMMM, military husband. Guess how many times in my adult life I have lived somewhere long enough to have an asparagus bed. Exactly.

This, then, is not only one of my favorite vegetables. It is everything, however wonderful the Nomadic military family existence is, that I simply cannot have in my life. Heavy furniture, constant neighbors, a house that is decorated and enjoyed for a few years, a high school reunion invite sent to the same address twice in a row. Someday, with an asparagus bed to call my own.

When was the last time 4 dollars bought all that?

Mouths of Babes: 2008.03.21

2008-03-26T18:48:00.000-07:00

"Grandma, Grandpa was being irrelevant while you were at work!"

Stated by H-4 to Grandma when she got home from teaching. Grandpa was actually being irreverent. Seems to run in the family.

Nifty NOVA Car Buying Tips

2008-03-12T19:27:00.000-07:00

AKA how to buy a car without paying too much or losing your soul.

1. FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT. I don't know you, don't ask ME what you want! But you should ask your friends, family, those folks in the parking lot.

2. DRIVE, DRIVE, DRIVE. Test drive anything you are considering. Take some time. Test drive again. If you can POSSIBLY afford it, rent one for a weekend. (At least one rental car company probably has what you want, and you will likely get your request if you rent on a non-holiday weekend.) When you pick a brand, figure out what features are important to you. Some brands have loads of options, others you pick a trim level and that's that. You need to know this for...

3. USE THE INTERNET, PART ONE. Educate the heck out of yourself. Dealer holdbacks, manufacturer's incentives, special programs. There are all sorts of tricks to make that 'dealer invoice' number THOUSANDS more than what the dealer actually paid. You will never actually find that, even Consumer Reports and Edmonds.com way overestimate how much you should pay for the car. But you can get an idea. You also need to know exactly what the manufacturer offers, and what the dealer is putting together on their own to jack the price up.

4. SET THE TONE. This is a HIGHLY competitive market. And dealers are hurting. No one is buying right now, so you are figuratively and literally in the driver's seat. I am not talking about being cutthroat. They deserve to make a living just like anyone else. But YOU deserve a fair price on a car, and any dealership that will play games, add mandatory 'appearance package' items to all its cars, or refuses to give you a straight number is not someone you need to waste your time with.

5. USE THE INTERNET, PART TWO. When you know what you want, exactly, start emailing dealerships. Ask for a quote. You want a DETAILED quote, including all taxes, fees, the base price, delivery charge, and what the 'out the door' price will be. Lots of places will give you a 'base price' that is crazy low. But then they add a jacked up appearance package, several other services and fees, and other things to drive your bottom line price up. Keep track of all the prices, I used a spreadsheet but a notebook or anything you can keep everyone straight in is fine. When you get a good price, send out a message of 'hey, I got this, can you beat that?' Be polite, respectful, and businesslike at all times. Even when you are dealing with total jokers, and trust me you will be at some of these places. Keep going back and forth until you get a good price from several dealerships that you would actually be willing to walk into.

6a. CLOSE THE DEAL, BUT ... Go to your number one choice, with an appointment with a real live person who knows exactly what you want and exactly what you have agreed to pay for it. If you need financing, you should be pre-approved with your own financial institution. Credit unions are great. The dealership will likely have a better interest rate, but if you have the money already available it forces them to 'do better' if they want your business. And you are not stuck just accepting whatever interest rate they feel like offering you. They WILL charge you whatever they think they can get away with. Do a test drive of the actual car, and then sit down with all the paperwork and make sure everything is to your liking, which leads to...

6b. BE PREPARED TO WALK. If they add extras, bait and switch, put fishy stuff in the fine print, you get up, shake their hands, thank them for their time, and walk away. PSYCH yourself up for this possibility. You buy a car once every few years, they sell them day in and day out. They are pros, and if you get a slimey one you may feel trapped into buying something. You can always walk away. And you should if they do not treat you with respect. That is what makes the internet so wonderful. If you DO walk away, you have two or three other places in your back pocket to go to. All you have lost is a couple hours of your time.

7. TALK TRADE IN. Now??!! Yes, now. This assumes you are getting rid of a car. You don't want to talk trade until the very end, otherwise it will be rolled into everything and you will never really know what you paid for the new one and what you got for the old one. Also, always remember that you are going to get more if you sell it yourself most of the time. There are good reasons not to bother, but you need to figure out what is most important in your situation and go from there.

Happy Shopping!

Discovery of the Day

2008-02-08T17:17:00.000-08:00

The heating element in an electric stove, switching on at PRECISELY the correct time, is hot enough to ignite the alcohol vapor in the oven that evaporated from the baked salmon in dry sherry dish you were making.

Maybe I should have covered it with foil...

The Cobbler's Children Have No Shoes

2008-02-01T18:21:00.000-08:00

You know how it is. Whatever you do for a living, you are so sick of it when you get home you don't want to be bothered.

Everyone in the family had high speed internet before us. Now part of that was because we lived on a military base that did not offer it, but it was mostly because we did not care to use the computer at home much, after using it all day at work. We finally got it after H was born. Entertainment of any kind close to home had a higher value when we had a little one.

We do all our banking online, and most of our shopping. But we put off getting that second computer, a laptop, for ages and ages. We got it for our Christmas present in 2005. Okay, that was what it was designated as. We actually GOT the thing in the fall of 2007. It is quite modern, a step up from our desktop, which is from 2003 and a bit dated. It also crashed, hard, which finally convinced the reluctant party that really, we need a back up.

I think, finally though, we have been officially dragged kicking and screaming into the modern computing era. We said goodbye to our Sony Trinitron CRT Monitor. It was hard. That monitor has been with us through 3 computers, 4 states, and 5 moves. But really, it was time to upgrade to a flat panel.

Of course, let's be honest here. The biggest reason we upgraded was because the picture was going. Anything on a dark background, like say, oh, my blog, would shake uncontrollably. Even THAT would not have convinced my husband, except for the fact that the same thing happened to the ESPN website.

Open

2008-01-29T18:17:00.000-08:00

I have been an independent since before it was cool. I am a PA Republican at heart (the Tom Ridge sort, not that weirdo Rick Santorum). But there is no place in either party for me at the national level, and since we move so much I just don't bother with the vast wasteland that party politics has become. Most of the time none of the candidates is worth anything anyway, so I don't miss much by not voting in the primaries.

This past weekend, DH asked a rhetorical question: So, if you could vote for any one candidate regardless of party, who would it be? I had to think long and hard. See, I like two of them. One I feel would be better for moving us forward into the brave new world. The other I think would be better for keeping us safe, actually KEEPING us safe and not making a bunch of sound and fury and at the end of the day the only folks better off are the multinational corporations in the military industrial complex. We talked a great deal about it. Debating the merits of this or that one. Talking about how ads and emails are full of half truths and bad analogies. I finally picked one, but again it was all rhetorical. I joked I might have a hard time come November if these two somehow made it to the top of the heap for their respective parties.

Turns out, I won't have to wait until November.

See, Virginia has what is known as an "open" primary. You don't register your party, you just go in and ask for the specific ballot you want. Wow. Just Wow. So what am I supposed to do?

There is something different about this election. Do you feel it? It is like it really really MATTERS this time. Like we have a great choice to make here, how are we going to go forward as a country, as a people, as citizens in the greater world. And for once, just once in my memory, we actually have a chance for a real choice. We have the chance to put a decent, hardworking, WORTHY candidate atop the ballot in BOTH parties.

So in two weeks, I will vote for the one that needs my vote more here in VA.

Still don't know what I will do in November...........

Theocracy of Hate

2008-01-03T17:24:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite bloggers is Rebecca of Random Musings. While our worldviews, religious convictions, and families look a great deal different, I find much there I agree with (like, you know, coffee) and everything is worth reading.

The last week or so is no exception. Rebecca has posted a thought provoking and thoroughly disturbing series on kinism. If you are not familiar with this incredibly dark and ugly sect within the evangelical community, I urge you to head on over and take a look.

Much of what is wrong with the world today is not how different we are. It is how, because of our differences, we have forgotten that the 'other' is a PERSON, fully and wholly a human being. How else can we explain the blatant disregard for life, for liberty, heck, just for basic COURTESY when dealing with one another.

Why have we forgotten: And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is LOVE...

What Hits The Fan

2007-12-14T16:45:00.000-08:00

H-3: FEE FI FO FUM! I smell the blood of an Englishman!
Me: You do? Really?
H-3: No, actually, I think it's just a poopy diaper.

What is it about poo? Why is it so funny? So fascinating? So discussable in public situations? The other night we are walking around one of those stores that you need a card to get into and a freight truck to get out of. I needed some baking sugar, and purchased it in the smallest bag they had, ten pounds.

H-3: Mama, what is that?
Me: It's a sack of sugar.
H-3: NO! Silly Mommy!
Me: Really, it is.
Daddy: I think it is a sack of sucre!
H-3: No, silly Daddy! It's a sack of.............POO POO! (insert two children giggling madly).

I suppose I should be grateful she does not know the other word yet.

Her brother is no better. Sometimes we let him hang out in a pair of cotton trainers, since he is prone to rashes. A couple months ago my downstairs stack ran out, so I had to run upstairs to get more. I grabbed a pencil, my engineer's rule, and some green engineering paper (LOVE that stuff) while I was upstairs since I was plotting out how much it would be to replace our deck surface. I knew where all that was. That is ALL I did upstairs.

Unfortunately, I forgot that time moves at different speeds in different levels of the house when you leave you not mobile baby on a different level. Nakey butt. Have I mentioned that poo is really facinating? Have I mentioned that what E-1 lacks in verbal precociousness he more than makes up for in determination and creativity? Had it been finger paint on paper, it would have been an impressive bit of art work for a 6 month old.

Please tell me that at least girls grow out of this.

Three Boxes

2007-12-03T17:56:00.000-08:00

I got an copy of this blog post in an email the other day. I have no doubt I will receive it again. And again and again and again. Now, I disagree with a great deal of what Sgt. Jeffers said. I don't think it is unpatriotic to disagree with a particular President, to think a war is a mistake, to report on the bad as well as the good. However, one thing I agree strongly with is that a whole bunch of folks in this country give a bunch of lip service to 'support the troops' and do exactly two things to support the troops: Jack and Shit.

The true irony of Sgt. Jeffers' words is this, people are doing EXACTLY what he so despised. Instead of actually doing something concrete, they are mindlessly forwarding his words in spammy email with titles like 'This says it ALL' and 'The last words of a great soldier.' Give me a break, okay? Do you have any idea how LAME you are when you read this, forward it to all your friends with a little 'wow, this is really deep,' then get on up and pour yourself another cup of coffee? Folks, this man DIED for our country. The least you can do is honor his wishes. I am not telling you to go out and do x, y, and z for 'the troops.' It is up to you if you want to support a friend or neighbor overseas this holiday, or help out a family here at home missing that loved one. I am saying if you do something, actually DO something that will make a difference.

There are three boxes sitting here in our office/sewing room/guest room. Three folks we know well, overseas. The neighbor we like, despite his being a FSU Seminole. The (nearly) shortest dude ever to wear a flight suit. The desk jockey one day, on the ground in the thick of it the next friend that will miss his first child's first everythings in the next few months. The boxes are open, and I am sending them to arrive in the doldrums of after-holiday January. I keep pitching stuff in, wondering just how much I can STUFF into the things, thinking about what I can and cannot send over. Thinking of these brave men, and all the brave men and women who are far away tonight.

Sometime soon, three gifts will journey afar. They will journey to the land where, 2000 years ago, three other gifts arrived in celebration. My gifts will be far more humble, and the recipients merely human beings. I hope that my gifts will in a small way honor these men and the season.

And I pray for peace on Earth.

Name That Tune

2007-12-01T17:19:00.000-08:00

Irreverence is a fact of life here. So is singing. This leads to some interesting musical moments. Our making dinner song, for example, is this little number from the first season of the Muppet Show. It has also become our veggie aisle song in the grocery store, which is a story for another time.

Songs that are fairly standard kid friendly bits are never left alone. Now, just so you know, *I* don't go ruining any of the classics. That is my husband's job. My daughter is completely convinced that the one about the rodent running up and down a large timepiece ends not with 'Hickory Dickory Dock' but with 'IntoTheMouthOfTheCat.'

Yeah, I am still waiting for the call from preschool on that one.

One thing I will admit to is changing the words to the songs from middle school. You know, those songs you did not let your teacher or parents hear you singing. I know it is not my best parenting moment, but hey, what else ya gonna do when your sweetie, a dedicated streaker, has fallen so in love with her new jammies that she wants to wear them to the playground. And so, without further ado, our version of 'Bedtime Hymn of the Republic.'

Oh I wear my shorts and T-shirt in the summer when it's hot.
And I wear my pink pa-jammies in the winter when it's not.
And sometimes in the spring, and sometimes in the fall,
I slip between the sheets with nothing on at all.

Running Commentary

2007-10-21T17:44:00.000-07:00

H-3 loves to go to Trader Joe's. Balloons, stickers, friendly staff in cool shirts, food samples, and now they even have kid sized carts.

Yes, it takes longer, but both she and E-1 are greatly amused by H-3 having her own little cart. And the whole fact that she is a bit independent leads to some wonderful conversations. But it also leads to distraction, and I need to redirect and keep her on track.

We are pretty irreverent with our kids. (I know you are shocked by this.) So as I was following her down the frozen food aisle I informed her, 'H, you need to walk a little faster to the end of the aisle. And when you get there, pull up your pants. You are not a 15 year old boy.'

Laughter. Loud, hysterical laughter. I turn to the left and, right next to me, is a 15 year old boy. With his pants around his hips. He was not laughing, though to his credit he did smile at the situation. Now his Mom, SHE was nearly hyperventilating.

Yup, H-3 sampled the chicken tortilla, while I pried the Birkenstock sandwich out of my mouth.

200

2007-10-04T19:05:00.000-07:00

I suck at pumping, and not in a good way. Give me a baby, or two, or three. I can NURSE the friggin block. Pumping, not so much.

The thing is though, I believe in breast milk. Every baby, with rare medical exceptions, is made to be fed human milk. Sometimes, because of surgery or illness or really bad luck, Mom just cannot provide it. So I did something insane, something no reasonable woman with my relation to a pump would do. I decided to donate to a milk bank.

Now, I knew I could do it. I worked when my daughter was young, and she never had a drop of formula. I had to pump 3 and 4 times a day for 2 bottles. I went to nurse her at lunch so I had one less bottle to produce. I got up every day, EVERY day, at 5 in the morning to pump for months on end so I would have a bit of a fall back. I knew just a few ounces a week would add up, and I knew what they needed to add up to: 200.

Why 200? I never considered donating to any bank that was not a member of the Human Milk Banking Association of North America, or HMBANA for short. There are other "banks" out there. Many are associated with a company that sells human milk at a profit, and does research in an attempt to patent components and make large sums of money. HMBANA banks are different. While human milk is expensive even from a HMBANA bank, the expense does not even cover the cost of testing Moms and processing milk. And if your critically ill baby needs milk and they have it, the baby gets it, even if you can't pay for it. There was no way I was going to DONATE milk to a for profit company to make money off of, when I could donate to a non profit organization that would utilize my milk in the best way possible. But to do that, I needed to get at least 200 ounces together. Any less, and it is just too expensive for the bank to ship, and to do all the testing required on the Mom to make sure the milk is safe to use.

So I pumped, and pumped, and pumped some more. I pumped once every single day. Some days I got 4 ounces, there were not many of those. On days when the only time I could pump was at night after nursing E-1 to sleep, I got an ounce. Usually I got three ounces. I started a bit late, because of the allergy issues E-1 had, and the fact that the first bank I contacted closed unexpectedly and suddenly. I also did not realize many banks take milk pumped prior to contacting the bank. I did not save anything before getting in contact, since E-1 wanted nothing to do with milk unless it was straight from the source. Some days I wondered if I would make it.

And then, I did. About a month ago, I went over. I stopped counting ounces when I pumped, and I got my blood drawn and all the final paperwork approved. Two days after E-1's birthday, a big blue cooler landed on my doorstep.

Tonight, somewhere between here and North Carolina, that blue cooler is 2/3 full of my frozen milk and sitting on a FedEx plane. I hope one day my children will be proud that despite the difficulty in doing the right thing, Mama is someone who puts her money where her mouth is.

Or in this case, where their mouths were...