People Worse Than Us

PWTU Up Close And Personal, Part I : Konica

2006-07-18T20:37:00.000-04:00

And now, after a much-needed hiatus, we present to you the first of our own, personal accounts of struggle, strife, and ultimate redemption.

Konica 2820's Roommate Pleads: "Give My Copier Back"

UNDISCLOSED, Michigan (CNN) -- The woman who shares an office with Konica 2820 made an impassioned plea to her coworker Brian Tuesday night, calling on him to "give my copy machine back to me."

After receiving the dire error code of F42 on late Monday evening, service technicians were told not to bother coming out to repair the ailing machine. No toner or other necessities were provided effective the afternoon of March 28 under court order, and the service techs have predicted the out-dated, poorly-performing copy machine would die in the next few days.

Its officemate, ring., uttered two sentences at a news conference: "Brian and Dan, you have your own means of making copies – your fax machine, for instance. Please, please give my copier back to me."

The woman was addressing her coworkers Brian and Dan, who have from the beginning of this tragedy maintained that the machine has seen its last reproduced order form or invoice.

Late Tuesday, George Feos, the lawyer for Brian, issued a written statement saying, "The courts have repeatedly said this case is not about ring., Brian or any other third party. It's about this copy machine, Konica, and its own wishes not to be kept alive artificially."

Brian maintains the copier would not want to be kept alive in its condition, which technicians have ruled that, suffering from an F-42 error code (i.e. The "Death Knoll" of copiers) the machine would never again function at anywhere near its intended capacity. ring., however, claims it could improve with intense therapy, routine maintenace and "a little bit of TLC".

ring. was surrounded by supporters Wednesday night outside the office complex in UNDISCLOSED, including a woman carrying a sign that read, "Cowardly Brian!"

ring. contends the entire office could have done more to save their copy machine, although they repeatedly told her that they had done everything they could legally and ethically do. "What we are afraid of is that in saving the Konica, what would we unintentionally be creating?" Dan told Devin Scillian. "The regret would be far too much, and we are emotionally unable to continue watching the suffering of this dignified machine."

Felos said Tuesday night he visited the copier about 6:30 p.m. He said its normally bright-green lights were a dull, matte amber color, its toner completely "dried and crusted," but that it was being cared for by well-trained workers who are fond of it.

Felos said it has a stuffed toy animal poking out from its cover and that there are religious pictures, rosaries, and little religious figurines surrounded by lit candles in its office room, describing the setting as "very calm and peaceful."

His description differs from that of ring., who contends that the Konica is suffering and that its condition shows in its jammed paper tray and numerous inky blots.

ring. said after visiting the machine that "it's failing" but "doing darn good under the circumstances. I wiped it down with a dry cloth and spoke to it for a while. They say that even in these condition, the machines can hear and that they do understand. Perhaps they even take some comfort from it."

The Rev. Patrick Mahoney, a conservative copy machine activist who has helped spearhead protests for ring. and her supporters, stood outside the office park with a handful of people.

When the Konica 2820 story ends, he said, "The campaign after that final chapter is written is: Never again."

CNN's A. Nuss and Joe Mahma contributed to this report.

People Worse Than Us Lives!

2006-07-05T12:10:00.000-04:00

Contrary to widely circulated reports, neither this blog nor its favorite American Hero, Mr. Kenneth Lay, are dead. That's right, Ken Lay lives! And as long as he does, people worse than us always will, too.

God bless you, Mr. Lay!

(Incorrect Source)

Hump Day Mish-Mash 3

2006-06-28T09:15:00.000-04:00

...it was with muted shock that we at PWTU learned of the Senate's failure to pass an anti flag-burning amendment to our constitution on Tuesday night. Shocking indeed: who would have thought there were 34 Senators smart enough to reject this bullcrap? Incidentally, there are 48-Democrats in the Senate right now-- we never said that all Democrats are smart.

...perhaps surpassing our shock at the flag-burning issue was the announcement made by Senate minority leader Harry Reid (D-Nevada) that he'd heard about our minimum-wage rage. He now promises to prevent a wage-increase for members of Congress unless minimum wage for people who actually need it goes up, too. Something tells us no one's gettin' paid this year, Senator, but thanks anyway!

...on a more serious note, apparently Paris Hilton's new song is going to debut on the Billboard Hot 100 in the Top 10. See what hard-work, right-living, and grainy homemade sex-videos can get you, kids?

...finally, remember our war with Metafilter? Yeah, that still rages, and we continue to fight the good fight. If we weren't so STD-ridden we would have certainly crushed them underneath our heel by now, but things happen, you know? Gots to take care o' dem weird groin-itches, first, friends!!

(Hump Day 2)

PWTU Celebrates: National HIV Testing Day

2006-06-27T11:10:00.000-04:00

Today, PWTU joins such luminaries as Selma Hayek, Nick Cannon and Dennis Haysbert in recognizing and promoting National HIV Testing Day. Yesterday, our staff held an informal poll and were shocked and dismayed to discover that the vast majority of us have never--not once!-- had an HIV test done before. A second informal poll revealed it was clearly not because PWTU staffers lead mundane sex lives, either; it seemed to be due to sheer laziness served up with a dash of ignorance.

Which is why, in honor of National HIV Testing Day, we here at PWTU embarked on our first official field trip-- to our county's Health Department for anonymous/confidential HIV screening.
Well, anonymous/confidential to a degree. In the spirit of hoping to remove some of the stigma from this horrid disease, we reached a near-unanimous agreement to put our results on little folded-up pieces of paper in a baseball cap (sort of anonymous, right?) then create the cliche-yet-beloved pie chart demonstrating our results.

Needless to say, we were a bit disappointed by the statistics. We have since (since this morning, that is), taken extraordinary measures to protect the clean, non-infected of our ranks from coming into contact with what we affectionaly have began referring to as the "walking dead" amongst us... the anonymous walking dead.

Way Too Easy

2006-06-27T06:15:00.000-04:00

The ol' elephant trunk looking kinda limp there, lately? It certainly must have to Rush Limbaugh, and probably on more than one occasion. According to the AP the right-wing propagandist was detained at Palm Beach International Airport after authorities found a bottle of prescription pills that didn't belong to him with his belongings. What kind of pills? Vicodin? Oxicotton? Some other kind of opiate?

Nope, even better: Viagra.

That's right, Viagra! You can't make this stuff up. Apparently the Republican point-man, the man with his finger on the pulse of Conservative America, has been lacking an important "pulse" of his own, lately.

Oh Lord, this is too funny to even write about anymore. We're going to go ahead and post this entry anyway, but the PWTU staff reserves the right to add mocking one-liners throughout the day. Because, come on: an illegal prescription for Viagra? Hilarious.

(Source)

Republicans are Stupid

2006-06-23T09:32:00.000-04:00

At PWTU we have accused Republicans of being communists, we've attacked the right-wing's spokeswoman (Ann Coulter) of being a subsidized instrument of the conservative cause, and we were the first to prove that Jack Murtha (our new hero) was correct when he accused "Bush's Brain", Karl Rove, of having a fat ass. We've also called for the restoration of strong American labor unions, we've supported some of Stephen Colbert's more controversial remarks, and we've looked into some crazy environmentalism conspiracy theories.

Is it any wonder, then, that our Google AdSense ads are beginning to target Republican web-surfers?

Google claims that their ads are "related to what your visitors are looking for on your site or matched to the characteristics and interests of the visitors your content attracts". In other words, given the pictured example to your left (click to enlarge), Google must think the following:

1.) People worse than us are attracted to Republican material.
2.) The kind of people who surf through random blogs are lonely and single (and Republican).
3.) Anything having to do with Communism (we have a feeling that soon, very soon, the search term "how to become a communist") will attract record numbers of our Chinese visitors, our MetaFilter visitors, and most importantly, our Republican visitors.

Google must be right, because we're making money hand over fist with this blog. And unless the title of this particular entry puts an end to our new influx of cash, we hope to God Google doesn't make any changes to their AdSense algorithms any time soon.

Keep on clicking those Google ads, you Republican nuts! Or at least get yourselves a new ringtone or two-- they would most definitely impress your hot new date.

Communism, Stephen Colbert, Metafilter, Labor Unions

WTF: Minimum Rage

2006-06-22T09:26:00.000-04:00

Part One of PWTU's Ongoing Series: WTF?!

Where is the outrage? Why aren't people mad about this? Why isn't this frontpage news everywhere!?!

Yeah, we know: it was kinda-sorta reported on Tuesday that Congress had given itself a raise. But not even HuffPo, our favorite liberal news-blog, posted anything about how a day after this wage hike (despite record-low approval ratings) Congress rejected a Democrat-led effort to raise the minimum wage for ordinary Americans. It's been nine years since the last time Congress raised minimum wage to $5.15 an hour, and back then gas cost about a buck and a quarter a gallon. Nine years. And now Congress rejects efforts to finally raise it again, a day after giving itself a "cost of living" pay hike? Have they no shame?

And yeah, we know it was the House that gave itself the raise, and the Senate that rejected the minimum-wage hike, and that conservative morons will say that one things has nothing to do with the other. But we at PWTU disagree. And that's why we ask again: WTF??

(Source)

PWTU Celebrates: The First Day of Summer

2006-06-21T11:22:00.000-04:00

Today is summer solstice, the official first day of the season. We here at PWTU held a vote, and summer won as our favorite season by a comfortable margin:

And we also decided that who better to herald in the first day of the best season than deceased French novelist/playwright Jean-Paul Sartre, who would have turned 101 years old today?

The Meta-Struggle Continues

2006-06-19T20:19:00.000-04:00

They spammed our blog with gibberish meant to stifle open discussion. They flooded our inbox with threats such as "we have your five dollars, and your IP address" (it's 69.245.80.177 by the way). They made repeated ad hominem attacks in an attempt to crush our fighting spirit. And yet, after Metafilter's orchestrated and brazen assault on our humble little blog, we survive.

We survive despite the personal attacks and vicious threats; we survive despite their attempts to squash our site. But do not let the image to your left fool you: though our survival after their massive attack on our blog is a clear victory for us and for all who love freedom, the battle is far from over. In fact, even now the commies over at Metafilter solidify their control and intensify their book-burning techniques. In fact, Metifilter's leader himself has given up all pretense of being a freedom loving patriot: take a look at this page where an image of him, standing proud like Mao himself, can be found about halfway down. Why the mainstream media didn't cover the event portrayed here is yet another indication of Metafilter's growing control over the press. A 'brand new day,' indeed.

Some of us had our doubts about Metifilter's communist leanings before, but there can be no question in anyone's mind now that these Meta-heads plan nothing short of a communist dictatorship to rule over the entire Internet. Imagine a world where Google falls under their sway; imagine a world where making a bid on eBay is subject to their whims; imagine a world where all news is "filtered" through their site. Is that what anyone truly wants? A world ruled over by a God-hating, speech stifling, freedom-crushing "community weblog"? The thought terrifies us, which is why we must continue to fight against that awful day.

To borrow a line or two from Sir Winston S. Churchill, this victory of ours, though uplifting, is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. It may, however, be the end of the beginning.

(Our Declaration of War)

Karl Rove Has a "fat backside"?

2006-06-19T08:24:00.000-04:00

We were shocked too, but Rep. John Murtha (D-Pennsylvania) accused the President's senior advisor of as much during Sunday's Meet the Press. Murtha, a former U.S. Marine and decorated Vietnam War veteran, was responding to Rove's accusations that Democrats have a pattern of "cutting and running" in a speech he made last week. During that speech, Rove repeatedly attacked the Democratic party while contending that the war in Iraq must continue to be fought (until... you know, someday).

Murtha responded to Rove's retarded (er, mentally impaired) remarks on Tim Russert's Sunday program by saying (and we're not making this up), "[Rove]'s sitting in his air-conditioned office on his big, fat backside, saying stay the course. That's not a plan."

We at PWTU found it highly unlikely that a.) Rove has a fat backside and b.) that he ever sits on it. But the proof is in the pudding: a quick Google-image search brought up the above picture, proving Rep. Murtha's claim.

Mr. Murtha, please take note: we at PWTU shall never doubt you again!

(Source) (Murtha)

Kool Aid Drinkers

2006-06-18T08:08:00.000-04:00

Part One of PWTU's Ongoing Series: Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!!!

Yes, it's Sunday, a holy day of religious worship and rest. And though we at PWTU are generally "eh" about religion in general, we've always enjoyed getting the day off and have steadfastly resisted making any posts on this day.

Why the change? Well, today marks the 194th anniversary of the War of 1812 (clever title), and one PWTU staffer was adamant that we do a PWTU in History entry for the occasion. Frankly, though, most of us couldn't care less about some stupid war that occurred nearly two centuries ago. Since we promised this tearful-staffer an entry, though, we hereby present to you our first Sunday segment: a fascinating diatribe about Kool Aid (it's so much kooler than war!! get it?).

What is Kool Aid? To some it's that cheap but oh-so-delicious drink that many of us loved while growing up. Just add sugar, water, and a couple cubes of ice and it was almost (almost!) better than Mt. Dew. To others this drink symbolizes blind-obedience, absurd compliance, and outright insanity, mostly because of some psychos and hopped-up hippies who used the stuff for awesome-acid-trips/suicide back in the day. Thing is, though, most of us can remember a genuine love for the stuff, so hearing it referred to in a derogative manner is not only frustrating, but very, very sad. Especially when politics and/or hatred is thrown into the mix.

We at PWTU believe that Kool Aid is good stuff, and that references to it should always be positive. Have we been guilty of using it in a negative context? Most assuredly. But when conservatives refer to liberals as "Kool Aid drinkers" we get sad, and when liberals refer to ditto-heads (Rush Limbaugh listeners) as same, we get even sadder (we refuse to believe conservatives could ever have enjoyed the stuff).

So what say, between us and you, that we leave Kool Aid out of arguments once and forever? Kool Aid represents hot summers, laughing children, happiness, and good ol' sugary goodness. Dragging it into any nasty realm of discussion (such as politics) is uncalled for. And no, we weren't paid to say any of this (yet).

And that, friends, is our first random Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! entry. Was it completely irrelevant? Yep. Was it pretty lame? Sure. But on this Father's Day, wasn't it better than nothing at all? We'll let you be the judge.

FYIF: Randomosity

2006-06-16T13:56:00.000-04:00

Forbes Magazine has named Tom Cruise the most powerful star in its latest issue, blatantly overlooking the fact that he is insane…

… Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick continues his quest to destroy the city of Detroit, announcing plans to raze Tiger Stadium and replace it with a strip mall…

…Tupac would have turned 35 today (or is he actually out celebrating it right now?)…

…and finally, we leave you to ponder this bizarre headline from CNN: Severed head flies from truck in 'bizarre and tragic' collision.

The Great Patriotic War Against Metafilter

2006-06-16T08:08:00.000-04:00

PWTU's Second War
Part Four of PWTU's Ongoing Series: The Commies Are Coming

Regular visitors to this site will notice something different this morning: on your left, under our Fair and Balanced Link Roll, the entry for the webpage Metafilter is no longer there. Why would we remove the 25th most popular outgoing link from our blog? Simple: after deep reflection upon the evidence at hand we came to realize that Metafilter, a "community weblog", is actually communist in nature. Frankly we're ashamed it took us this long to realize the truth, but better late than never (or so many a menstruating woman has told us before).

Ahem. Anyway, because the Red Menace must be utterly wiped off the face of the globe (you're next, Belarus) the PWTU staff has voted unanimously to declare war on this scourge of the Internet. And as with our previous war (which ended with the humiliating capitulation of the enemy after only three days) we feel it necessary to explain to the world our reasons for this drastic action. After all, it's easy to make allegations about someone's communist leanings (so very, very easy); it's another thing entirely to prove them.

But we can prove them. Take for example the fact that Metafilter puports to be "community based", which suggests they consider everyone equal. That suggests that they feel everyone has a say, implying that they're democratic. Problem is that after you try to actually register for the site (so that you can post comments or suggest links) you discover they actually believe some people are "more equal than others": those of us willing to pay $5 get to actually complete their registration while those lacking the funds are basically told to take a hike.

And this sort of capitalism would be fine! We wouldn't mind them trying to make an honest buck or two off their site. The problem is that the monies they demand go to an exclusively small group whilst they pretend it contributes to the benefits of all.

In short, their system is designed to deny the real community, the community of all Internet-goers, from having a voice in what occurs on their site. Theirs is a one-party system , to be sure, and good luck joining that party (even if you smack down five hard-earned dollars).

The other symptom of Metafilter's communist disease is their use of secret police and totalitarian-like strong-arming. In the interest of full-disclosure we will be honest here: recently one PWTU staffer attempted to submit a link on this red-rag of a web-page, a link to our humble little blog. And the post went up, as it should, for about ten minutes before it was torn down-- utterly removed with nary an explanation by some Gestapo-like figure. Although this staffer had paid his $5 and had been a member since months before, his link went up and came down just like that.

There was no recourse: no appeal, no nothing. Not even a name of a person to contact to protest the link's removal. In other words, this particular PWTU staffer was not as equal as the shadowy figure who arbitrarily decided to deny his contribution.

Metafilter pretends to embrace a democratic form of link-sharing but doesn't even come close. We at PWTU understand the need to prevent spammers and their ilk from ruining a good site, but that goal can be accomplished without heavy-handed techniques when you allow a free and fair market to determine which links stay and which links go. On a "community based" weblog the people visiting it should be able to judge each submission on its own merits. And if and when an administrator should decide a particular post needs removal, some sort of recourse must be given to the submitter.

Otherwise it's just totalitarian, pretentious, and patently communist. And that's exactly what Metafilter has proven itself to be. We at PWTU urge everyone out there to spread the word: if you love freedom and abhor communist dictatorships, visit sites like I Am Bored, In4Mador, and del.icio.us instead of Meta-whatevah until, at least, we triumph in our war; as triumph we must...

...as triumph we shall. And as always, better dead than red!

(PWTU's First War) (Commies Are Coming Part Three)

PWTU Birthday Honorees: Neil Patrick Harris

2006-06-15T15:03:00.000-04:00

Although at thirty-three years old, he is no longer a kid (as the shocking pictures above clearly attest), we can't help but to think of him that way. On his smash-hit TV series, "Doogie Howser, MD", Harris charmed and engrossed his large fan base on a weekly basis.

But perhaps even more memorable than his role as the child-genius turned doctor was the opening credits of the show, whose song would remain stuck in your head for days (if you were lucky):

(Source) (Source)
(Previous Honoree)

Fathers Worse Than Ours

2006-06-14T22:36:00.000-04:00

With Father's Day just around the corner we at PWTU have been busy shopping for our dads. This year we decided to create a line of cards for people with less than perfect dads (we know there are a lot of them out there). Enjoy, then, the first series of exclusive People Worse Than Us greeting cards: Father's Day edition.

(Click to Enlarge)

Another Stoney High?

2006-06-14T13:48:00.000-04:00

When I first read the headline for this story I was sure it had to be about Michigan's favorite half-baked high school, Stoney Creek High in Rochester Hills, MI. But though this story also comes from a midwestern state, Stoney High is off the hook for this one (though I'm sure similar things occur at Stoney High that never get reported).

Apparently in Orland Park, Illinois a school bus driver has been charged with selling marijuana to a teenage passenger on not one, but several occasions. And before you say, "Hey, that's illegal!", don't worry: the Orland Police Department are well aware of the law and it looks like the dealer-driver, Margaret Fittante, is going to pay for her God-awful crime. The system works!

(Source)

Hump Day Mish-Mash 2

2006-06-14T09:02:00.000-04:00

...look to the left for a second. That's a screenshot from an actual offer on NewsMax.com, the ultra-rightwing news magazine. They're willing to sell you Ann Coulter's new book, which retails on Amazon.com for $16.77, for just under $5!! In addition you will receive four free issues of the print version of NewsMax (cancel any time!). I wonder if "promotions" like these are part of the reason why Coulter's latest piece of crap-on-paper is the #1 nonfiction book in the U.S. right now?

...does Ken Mehlman have a heart? On tonight's Daily Show with Jon Stewart the RNC chairman said that part of the reason why Republicans are having so many problems right now is because of "arrogance and corruption". He sounded so sincere that he almost (almost) seemed like an actual human being. This is going to give us nightmares for sure.

...Al Gore was on Larry King Live tonight, and though we're not big fans of his state we genuinely like the former Vice President. But please, Mr. Gore, stop saying you've "moved on" since the 2000 mis-election when you clearly haven't; we would much rather see you get pissed off! We're getting tired of waiting for the big explosion you've obviously been building up for years... please erupt now. It would so rule.

...finally, we at PWTU are incredibly pumped right now: not since the Canton Ikea store opening have we felt so optimistic about the future of the Michigan economy! You see, the city of Wayne in the great state of Michigan recently announced that they will be holding a city-garage sale at the infamous Wayne Parking Structure. Now, the current entry in WikiPedia for Wayne, MI mentions nothing of this parking structure (it reports instead on a supposed resurgence in downtown development), but our intrepid PWTU staffers remember a much different entry for the city not long ago. Apparently someone changed the wiki-entry for the booze-ridden metro-Detroit burb, trying to remove the facts that Wayne has many "dive bars" (it does), too many "antique shops" (it does), and a parking structure that was built in a prominent location but never used (seriously). Despite this glazing-over of Wayne's historical facts, though, we at PWTU are excited that the city is promoting the structure at long last. Here's to many downtown flea-markets to come.

(Hump-Day 1)

Ann Coulter, Jon Stewart, Michigan

WWPWTUD - A Surprise for Aunt Irene

2006-06-13T11:35:00.000-04:00

Part Five in PWTU's Ongoing Series

DEAR ABBY: I have a suggestion for "Wondering in Cleveland," whose Aunt Irene goes prowling through drawers during family gatherings. Rather than excluding her from future family get-togethers, how about leaving notes in all the drawers that say something like, "Hello, Aunt Irene. We hope that all our drawers pass your inspection!"
That ought to embarrass her enough to get her to cut it out without having to actually confront her. -- DAUGHTER OF ANOTHER SNOOP IN KENTUCKY

DEAR DAUGHTER OF ANOTHER SNOOP IN KENTUCKY: While your idea would probably make Aunt Irene blush and stop for a second, most likely she would then brush aside the note and keep right on snooping.
May we suggest a far better alternative: load all the drawers and cabinets up with hardcore, gay porn. Imagine Aunt Irene's shock as she opens the medicine cabinet for a peek, only to be greeted with two cowboys "riding bareback".
Of course, there are some dangers in this idea, the largest being the significant chance of Aunt Irene keeling over and dying. But hey, the bitch deserves it!

(Previous Column)

PWTU Birthday Honorees: The Olsen Twins

2006-06-13T10:30:00.000-04:00

Today we honor the 20th birthdays of America's favorite twins, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, above (Ashley's the fat one).

From their humble beginnings portraying Michelle Tanner on the beloved family sitcom Full House, to their current jobs of looking like bag ladies and dating men twice their height, the Olsens always give us something to talk about.
And we, for one, were shocked when New York Minute didn't explode at the box office.

Happy birthday, Mary-Kate and Ashley!

(Previous Honoree) (Related Full-House News)

PWTU in History: Miranda's Warning

2006-06-13T10:02:00.000-04:00

Part Seven of PWTU's Ongoing Series

Remember the good ol' days when cops could arrest someone, interrogate them without pesky lawyers around for hours, fabricate evidence, lie, and basically do and say whatever they wanted in order to get a suspect to confess? If your answer is "yes" then you must have been born long before 1966 (or you live in the south). That year-- on this day, in fact!-- a handful of United States Supreme Court activist judges decided to insist that all suspects be informed of their so-called "constitutional rights" prior to being questioned by police.

Miranda himself is long dead by now, but his legacy lives on in the form of the "Miranda warning" all suspects are to be read prior to questioning by police. And we at PWTU applaud this legacy, all joking aside: everyone, even scumbags, should at least know what their rights are. The frustrating thing is that this guy, this poster-child for police-restraint and constitutional rights, was a total slimeball who actually deserved to be in prison! Making things worse, it turns out that Mr. Ernesto Miranda (above left) bears a disturbing resemblance to our hero Al Franken. How disturbing.

Regardless of all that, though, 40-years ago today some cops predicted that the High Court's decision would make it easier for guilty persons to go free. Instead, the Miranda warning has proven to be great fodder for network crime dramas, which is probably the real reason we at PWTU are so fond of it.

(Source) (Part Six in Series)

Adorable Ethnic Cleansing

2006-06-12T21:47:00.000-04:00

We at PWTU frown upon the mass-murder of entire groups of people, but smile upon learning new ways to make our blog annoyi-- eh, cool. Anyway, here's a test-post-turned-permanent, embedded with a video from everyone's favorite copyright-infringer, YouTube. Enjoy!

MySpace Morons: Michigan and the Middle East

2006-06-12T11:49:00.000-04:00

Part One of PWTU's Ongoing Series
In a scheme worthy of the master himself, Zach Morris, a Michigan teenager hatched quite the plan to meet her online boyfriend 6000 miles away in the Middle East. How’d she do it? Simple. First she convinced her Mom that she required a passport to join her friend’s family on a trip to Canada (no such trip existed, of course). Next the girl, Katherine Lester, 16, got her online-beau (whom she’d met on MySpace) to order her a one-way ticket to Israel. Next she simply snuck out of her house and boarded a plane.

Nothing makes us at PWTU prouder to be from the Great Lakes State then when our teenage population proves it’s just as conniving, manipulative, and stupid as all the other teens our great nation produces. So kudos to you, Ms. Lester! And remember to thank whatever god you believe in that the Feds caught up with you before this Jordanian weirdo did: something tells us it wouldn’t have been an ending suitable for Saved By the Bell…
(Source)

Canadian Invasion!

2006-06-09T15:00:00.000-04:00

Since PWTU has opened for business (one month ago tomorrow, no less!), we of course have been fortunate enough to enjoy occasional visits by Canadians. While we admittedly sometimes take shots at our neighbors to the north, we have to admit that underneath our rough exterior beats a heart that is quite fond of those folks. After all, where else did we get to go drink—legally—at the tender age of nineteen? What up, Windsor!

And now we have another reason to laud Canada: we were quite flattered to find, via our Sitemeter, that a Torontoan named fluffhead77 finds our site so entertaining that he had to share it with his Canadian friends. So on behalf of all of us here at PWTU, thanks fluffhead77; its Friday, bitches!

Canada Underage Drinking

FYIF: Week in Review

2006-06-09T09:51:00.000-04:00

Part One in PWTU's Ongoing Series: Fuck Yeah It's Friday!

...our good friends over at Le Gossip posted their first-ever Podcast. Stephen!, author of the celeb-gossip blog, said of his first-ever foray into Podcasting: " I say um a lot and cuss so much! ahh!" That's cool, Stephen-- there's nothing wrong with cussin' (it shows that you keep it real ).

...at Ghetto Stupidity blogger t. durden contends that Ann Coulter is the Anti-Christ... and he makes some good points to prove it.

...here's a good entry for Fucked Up Republican of the Week: the AP reported yesterday that California Congressman Dana Rohrabacher plans on holding hearings to determine whether or not there was a "foreign connection" to the Oklahoma City bombing that killed 168 Americans in 1995. That's right: Rohrabacher thinks that McVeigh might not have acted alone, but with "foreign" help. We at PWTU hope Rohrabacher looks into possible foreign connections in some other terrible crimes next, crimes like Columbine (bin Laden was clearly involved), the murder of Nicole Simpson (it was Sadaam!), and the killings of the Yates' children (it had to be Mahmoud Ahmadinejad).

...we read over at the Red Tape Chronicles that a Flordia man brought his defective hard-drive to Best Buy for repair only to find out later (after being told he needed to replace it) that the drive was re-sold to a stranger in Chicago (with the drive still containing all his info). Our question: why would anyone trust Best Buy's "geek squad" in the first place?

...finally, we at PWTU are big fans of all things Google, so when they launched their online-spreadsheet program (designed to rival Microsoft's Excel) earlier this week we got really excited. Well, last night we got our chance to finally give it a try and we have to say that although it looks pretty neat, it obviously still needs some work. Here's hoping it lives up to its potential by the time it's out of beta-release!

Ann Coulter Republicans Google Friday

Get a Life

2006-06-08T10:36:00.000-04:00

Yep, this is pretty much what we expected the shopping-crazed Ikea customers to look like:

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