Holla Back Texas

2007-01-02T15:45:00.000-08:00

Hey Im not from texas, but oklahoma... close enough. This happened to me the other day and i was disgusted.I was in walmart the other day and this guy came up to me in the check out line after following me around the store and said; "This isnt a come on or anything, but you are the mose beautiful girl i have ever seen"then the guy at the cash register that was checking me out proceeded to say... "Yea she is. Can i have your number Miss ******? (read off of my credit card) "Can i have your number, oh wait, it says it on your drivers liscense. can i write it down?"UHHHHH NO!do people ever respect your privacy?aparently not in Norman Oklahoma.

2007-01-01T15:43:00.000-08:00

i pulled out of the lot, drove a block, stopped at a red light & justhappened to glance in the rearview mirror. saw a disgusting sloth ofa man making disgusting motions with his tongue. glared and screamedat him in the mirror. picked up phone and pretended to call someonewho would presumably swoop down from the sky and kill him (spiderman,why cant you be real?). continued driving & glaring & fake-talking.stopped at the next red light where he kept making the tongue motionsin the lane next to mine. made a note of his license plate and madesure to mouth it clearly into the phone. he drove off at a snail'space. i drove off behind him at a slower pace, not wanting to befollowed by him. he finally pulled off to the side of the road as ifhe was going to stop. i put the pedal to the medal and put twotraffic lights and a highway between me and him. if i see him again,i will mosdef call the cops and do everything i can to track down hisidentity. creep.

I didn't have to wait long

2006-12-23T10:58:00.000-08:00

after what I posted yesterday.

I was getting on my bus to work when the driver held out his hands almost as if to stop me getting on the bus. I said something precaffeinated like 'Um.' He said 'I wanted to frame your face and put it on the front of my bus.'

The bus was empty and there was no-one around. I sat down.

Huh.

2006-12-21T12:40:00.000-08:00

No posts have been submitted recently, but my lovely husband gave me a ring as an anniversary present, with a very slushy message engraved inside.

All suffused with romantic gooeyness, I asked him how he chose said message, and he replied that he had considered "Hey baby, nice ass" instead.

Daddy, why do some men stare at ladies?

2006-11-12T11:31:00.000-08:00

I was waiting for a bus when a man slowed down and started driving super slowly, leaning way out of the window, staring at me with what was presumably supposed to be a lustful expression but actually looked more like he planned to murder me. Not all that attractive, to be honest, sir. Anyhoo, I was all ready to snap the picture of his van when I saw it had his business name and phone number on it so I thought maybe I'd get into some legal trouble with it and didn't. Plus, the way he looked at me was really pretty scary and there was no-one around. A few days later I saw what was presumably his wife or partner driving the same van with kids in the back. So that's nice.

2006-11-12T11:06:00.000-08:00

I was looking through my mail when two (insert religion here) (they had badges and were dresed in the same way all their missionaries dress) came up to me and asked me if I knew where John Doe was. yeah, like I'm going to tell a complete stranger where someone lives, even if I knew, which I didn't. I was trying to look through my mail, so I said 'No, I don't know' in a normal tone of voice.

'So, do you want to come to our church?'
'No, I'm (insert different religious background).'
'Do you have any friends who would want to come to our church?'
'No.' (It's true, my roommate is Catholic and has a church. I don't know anyone else who would want to go to a church.)
'Well, you should give us a smile at least.'

I look up from my mail, which I've tried to sort through three times by now and look at them properly. Why do I feel like I'm being hassled by a sleaze in a bar?

'Are you kidding me?'
'Hey, why are you so angry?'
'Because you told me to smile while I'm looking in my mailbox. Why would I do that? Look (grins maniaclally into mailbox by way of a demonstration.) That would be insane. Also, it pisses me off the way you assumed everyone is going to be up for going to church. Not everyone is up for going to church. But mostly, because you can see I'm doing something.'
'Yeah, but why are you so angry?'
'For the reasons I just said. Because you made me angry.'

I mean, the (insert religion here)!!Don't they have better things to do?

2006-11-12T11:04:00.000-08:00

I was crossing a road when someone in a passing car screamed something about 'Mamacita'. It made me jump out of my skin and look around. Let's not forget I was crossing a road. And it was dark. They zoomed off, laughing at my obvious humiliation. It all seemed a bit dangerous, frankly.

2006-11-12T11:01:00.000-08:00

I got 3 honks and I think one car was following me for a while on a walk that was less than 2 miles. I was just wearing jeans and a long sleeved shirt. I am thinking about getting an airhorn to answer back to the honking.

~S

Harassment is harassment wherever...

2006-10-19T07:54:00.000-07:00

This isn't a street harrassment but it deserves to be holla'erd. My first job out of college was working for a temp agency at a construction firm in the capital city of Texas where I was the secretary of 7 older men engineers. I barely knew the guys and they would sit next to my desk as I was working and repeat Bible phrases to me while saying that I was a sinner because I was living with my boyfriend. I just tried to ignore them because I needed that job while looking for another one. Then later that day, one of the guys asked me what I was doing after work and finally got out of me that I was shopping for some jeans. He asked me if he could go into the dressing room with me and that I better buy Levi's because girls' asses always look good in Levi's. Another guy kept showing me pictures of his wife to hint (I believe) if I would have a threesome with them. I cried everyday when I was out on my lunch break. If these guys are so into reading the Bible they need to read it in how it pertains to their own lives and stop using it to harrass girls. Luckily I got a new job after 6 weeks of hell.

~Zette

So, how DO you tell a woman you find her attractive?

2006-08-04T06:45:00.000-07:00

My husband posed this very good question last night. He is of course one of the most feminist men I've ever met, which isn't saying a lot, growing up where I did (not Texas) but anyway, he's pretty good on this stuff.

I'll tell you a little story.

I'd just broken up a long relationship, very painfully. I was in graduate school. I was sitting in the cafeteria mournfully munching my sandwich. I finished, picked up my stuff, and left to go to my class. A male of about my own age (23ish at the time) ran after me and said, "Excuse me." I turned round.

"I'm sorry to bother you. You'll probably think I'm weird. But I was just sitting at your table (note - not 'watching you eat your sandwich' or anything else even approaching creepy. Not that it's bad to watch people or be attracted to someone, or to want to have sex with them. But I also happen to like people who wait until they are either in a relationship, or a hook-up, whatever, before they get too open about being, you know, sexually attracted. I prefer to wait until we've at least exchanged names and signals of interest before someone tells me what they'd like to happen. ) and I thought you were very attractive, and I thought I'd ask you if you wanted to get some coffee? My name is _____, I study ______ here." (see, coffee. Not oral sex, or public sex, group sex, or anything else.)

"Um, well, thanks, but - " (How do I explain this?)

"You have a boyfriend." (see, offering me, and him, a dignified way out.)

"Um... Yes. Yes I do." (I didn't, but what can I say, I'd just had my heart broken and didn't think I could even make small talk.)

I smiled.

"Thank you though."

"I'm sorry, I just, um, saw you, and thought, well, you know, why not, I'll ask..."

"Thank you. Don't be sorry!"

"Well, my mother always told me, if you don't ask, you don't get, do you?"

"Ha! That's very true. Well, thank you, it was nice to meet you. See you."

I did, many times afterwards, in the cafeteria, and we always smiled at each other in a friendly way. That day I went on my way a little more cheerful. That was complimentary.

It was also unthreatening and respectful.

I happen to think there is also a place for frank, unsubtle, sexual come-ons as well. I have made them and had them made to me, and good things have come out of them. I just like the person in question to make sure that I will probably not be scared by this first. For example, has one of us introduced ourselves? Have I been looking and smiling at them for a while? Do we know each other? Have I been flirting with you for a while? Stuff like that. Not, have I been walking at the side of a road you happen to be driving down, or am I waiting for a bus, or am I just there as you go about your daily life.

Ann Other

Give me a smile.... you racist

2006-08-03T17:27:00.000-07:00

The other day I was in a big-box style bookstore, in Texarkana on the way back from Arkansas. I walked over to a helpdesk and was waiting to ask an assistant if they had any books in Spanish, since I had found nothing and I didn't want to waste any more time. I had my arms folded and was facing about 2 o'clock from the helpdesk. A man asking questions of an assistant to my left turned round mid-conversation, looked me up and down extremely blatantly, reached over to me from about 5 feet away, stopped just short of touching me, and said "How YOU doin'?" in delightful Joey-from-Friends style. "Hey, d'you wanna give me a smile?"

"Not to a complete stranger, no" I replied. The assistant continued to try and help him.
He muttered something else at me. "Stop harassing me," I responded.
"I'm not harassing you, I just asked you to give me a smile."
"Leave me alone."
"mumble mumble harassment mumble mumble"
"Leave me alone."
"You're a racist."
"I don't like to be harassed by anyone."
"Racist."
"You shouldn't be bothering me at all, why can't you just leave me alone?"
"Racist."

"Hi, can I help you?"
"Yes, I was just wondering if you have books in Spanish? A section or anything, or any kids' books?"
"No, we don't, I'm sorry."
"OK, thanks, bye."

I went to find my husband to tell him we needed to leave because I had just been called a racist for asking someone to stop bothering and embarrassing me, and that for that reason I now felt threatened on top of all that. He asked what had been said, I repeated it word for word. He can't believe it. We walked past him, with him still glaring threateningly at us both. I wondered if my husband was about to get beaten up, as he was always gloomily predicting would happen before we came to this country if I ever "started mouthing off" at anyone.

I was too scared to take a picture of him and my husband had the camera phone. When we got to the car I was steamed enough to look for my camera and considered going back in... but ultimately bottled out.

Oh, how I wish I'd had the wit to respond to 'You're a racist' with 'And you're a sexist'. Because, of course, calling me a racist is easy to do and probably has some truth in it*. But I hope readers believe his race (which I don't need to define for this post as it's not relevant - I guess you only need to know that it's different to mine) was not foremost in my mind when I asked him to stop bothering me.

*At least I'm working on it, though.

Ann Other

2006-07-07T17:59:00.000-07:00

Wow..let me just say that i am so glad i do not have to take a bus to school any more. Well i must have been 13 years old and i was walking to my middle school bus stop during the last week of school. i was wearing a skirt and a camisole (nothing out of the ordinary. As i was walking down the street holding a few books a landscaping truck pulls aside of me and they start yelling volgar things to me. "Hey, you don't have to go to school today, I will jsut teach you a few new things". One of them said, as every one in the car laughs and smiles at me. i was so embaressed,i wanted to cry.

Not even 2 weeks ago i was walink home from work (im a store girl at a bakery which is located next to an italian grocery store) and this guy drives by (someone who works at the italian grocery store and also goes to the bakery for a cup of coffee every morning) and he sticks his head out of the window, drives past a stop sign just to watch me walk. I was wearing an XL shrit wih jeans. I just do not understand guys.

~Debbie

I got a few winners/wieners

2006-06-26T18:00:00.000-07:00

These fine young gentleman actually hung their heads out of the car like dogs while we drove by. My sister was terrified, but I was determined to catch up and snap a photos of these beauties. I love how there are like three of them... layer upon layer of perviness.

This guy was the king of all creeps.. I don't know how he even drove with his eyes glued to us. We finally had the unfortunate luck to pull directly behind him and I'm suprised he didn't rear end someone from looking in the rearview mirror non stop... those beady little eyes in that mirror. Made my skin crawl... All we wanted to do was go home after the Mavs game!

~Rachel

A terrifying 'compliment'

2006-05-11T08:49:00.000-07:00

I was walking back from the store near my house in the middle of the day. I waiting at the crossing, and noticed a man in a white truck (with a baseball cap, sunglasses and a white beard) was openly staring at me, which I ignored. Whenever I looked discreetly over without turning my head he was still staring. I crossed the road, thinking that was the end of it, and went into a bookstore. I was in there for around ten minutes. I exited the store, and continued walking home. The man in the white truck pulled alongside me. He had been waiting for me for the ten minutes I was in the store. Now, bear in mind this was next to a stretch of waste ground, with no-one around. If this was just his way of giving me an innocent "compliment", he was really fucking stupid, because it was terrifying. I didn't wait to find out what he wanted (though his grinning and gestures inviting me to 'hop in' to his truck made it pretty obvious) and ran to the nearest store which was a couple of hundred meters away up a hill. The store owner said I could wait in there as long as I wanted, but told me that I needed to be more careful (walking around brazenly as I was in the middle of the day in jeans and a t-shirt) because the man might have mistaken me for a working girl.

Ann Other

Some people really will holla at anything

2006-05-10T14:55:00.000-07:00

Even at me, wearing my husband's baggy t-shirt and the nastiest pair of khakis with a bleach stain down the front, and an inch of hair on my head, walking the 100 meters from my front door to the grocery store.

When I had a shaved head it was blissfully quiet at my bus stop for a couple of days. Then it started to grow back.

It seems like to a lot of passing drivers, it's not a way of paying as compliment or displaying interest in a woman, it's simply at best a greeting. As in "I have noticed you have a vagina, so honk honk! Hahahahaha! Made you jump!" Which feels pretty damn harassing to me.

I have tits, did you know?

2006-05-10T14:13:00.000-07:00

I was walking the 30 minutes from my workplace to my apartment, when I finally got tired of getting yelled at by passing cars; just the usual: "I love you" or the evergreen (Honk honk) "Hey BAby..." except it had happened five times in the last ten minutes. I called my husband, thinking, at least I'll have something to do with my hands while feeling stupid, I'm tired of having my walk in the sunshine ruined, I want to talk to someone who not only actually does love me, as opposed to just yelling it from a passing car before he's even met me, but also realizes I am a person, and I am beginning to feel unsafe and on edge.

"Hi, how are you?"
"What do you want?" (Yes, this is his little joke. So funny.)
"I've been honked at five times on the way home from work and I thought perhaps if they saw I was talking to someone they'd leave me alone."
"hey, .... TITS!!!!!!!....." says a passing car.
"What was that?"
"Someone telling me I have tits."
"Oh."
"Nice."
"Yep."
"Yep."

Ann Other

Actually it's really frightening

2006-05-10T10:04:00.000-07:00

I was walking to the gas station next to my apartment complex the other night at around 9pm (yes, sometimes lone women need to do that) when a man came up behind me and shouted "How does it feel to be so beautiful?" or some such shit. (Bear in mind it was dark, and all that was identifiable about me was that I was a woman.) Having looked to check he wasn't armed, and was in fact alone, for some reason the following words came out of my mouth: "Actually it's really frightening, because strange men think they can come up to you and yell at you." He toddled off, muttering.

I do like HollaBack NYC's FAQ

2006-05-09T22:00:00.000-07:00

and they were kind enough to say it was fine to post them here.

Question:Are you a bunch of crazed feminazis who hate men?
Answer: Actually, HollaBackNYC is a collective comprised of men and women who believe in building communities where everyone feels comfortable, safe, and respected. Many people, particularly men, are unaware of the frequency and severity of disrespect and intimidation that numerous folks, especially women, experience in public spaces on a daily basis. HollaBackNYC aims to expose and combat street harassment as well as provide an empowering forum in this struggle.

Question: OK, but what exactly is street harassment?
Answer: Street harassment is a form of sexual harassment that takes place in public spaces. At its core is a power dynamic that constantly reminds historically subordinated groups (women and LGBTQ folks, for example) of their vulnerability to assault in public spaces. Further, it reinforces the ubiquitous sexual objectification of these groups in everyday life.At HollaBackNYC, we believe that what specifically counts as street harassment is determined by those who experience it. While there is always the classic, "Hey baby, nice tits" there are so many other forms that go unnoted. If you feel like you have been harassed, HOLLA BACK!

Question: But aren’t you worried that your site will fuel the latent vindictiveness within women and LGBTQ-identified folks across the country, leading to a massive witch-hunt and rampant Soviet-style denounciations of countless innocents?
Answer: No.

Question: I heard something about your position on antiracism. What’s that about, and what does it have to do with street harassment?
Answer: Replacing sexism with racism is not a proper holla back. Due in part to prevalent stereotypes of men of color as sexual predators or predisposed to violence, HollaBackNYC asks that contributors do not discuss the race of harassers or include other racialized commentary. If you feel that race is important to your story, please make sure its relevance is explained clearly and constructively in your post. Don’t understand? Click here.

Question: But isn’t your idea of “street harassment” just belittling another person’s culture?
Answer: Street harassers occupy the full spectrum of class, race, and ethnicity. Sexual harassment, and street harassment specifically, is resisted around the world. To condense another’s culture into vague assumptions about who and what they are is to generalize dangerously about a wide range of experiences and perspectives.

Question: Confronting street harassers can be dangerous. What about safety issues?
Answer: While everyone is vulnerable to stranger rape and sexual assault, studies show that those who are aware of their surroundings, walk with confidence and, if harassed, respond assertively, are less vulnerable. Nevertheless, direct confrontations with street harassers may prove extremely dangerous, particularly alone or in unpopulated spaces. While it is each individual’s right to decide when, how, and if to Holla Back, do keep issues of safety in mind. Upon deciding to photograph a harasser, you may consider doing so substantially after the initial encounter and from a distance, ensuring the harasser is unaware of your actions.

Question: I am a man who was recently sexually objectified by a woman on the street. I think this is reverse harassment. Why won’t you post my story?
Answer: While a woman making unsolicited sexual remarks to a man is certainly conceivable, the power dynamics of such an encounter are very different in a society where women comprise a historically subordinated group. HollaBackNYC is a project dedicated to combating a particular form of violence that designates subordinated groups (such as women and LGBTQ folks, for example) as targets in public spaces or otherwise vulnerable to unsolicited, nonconsensual encounters with strangers. It is thus not a forum for reporting other unpleasantries.

Question: Isn’t street harassment the price you pay for living in a city?
Answer: No, local taxes are the price you pay for living in a city. We would love to see some portion of our local taxes go towards preventing street harassment, but alas, they don’t.In fact, street harassment is not confined to urban areas. It occurs in shopping malls, cars, parking lots, public parks, airplanes, fast-food restaurants, gas stations, churches, and numerous other public spaces.

Question: So let’s say a man sees a woman he thinks is attractive and tells her so. Are you saying that makes him a harasser?
Answer: Some do not find comments such as “Hello, beautiful” or “Hey, gorgeous” offensive. Many do. Others may find them intimidating, intrusive, or just an annoying pain in the ass. Keep in mind that many women experience unsolicited comments, as well as violent verbal assault, from men in public spaces on a regular basis. Rather than deliberating the “grey areas” of street harassment, treat everyone you encounter with respect.

Question: If you show off your boobage, shouldn’t you expect some compliments?
Answer: Sure, expect them, but don’t accept them! Just because it happens doesn’t mean it’s okay. A compliment is not a compliment if it makes the recipient feel bad.

Question: Sure, but if "the harasser" were hot, wouldn’t you like it?
Answer: This has nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with power.

Question: You’re just a bunch of prudes, then?
Answer: Like we said, this has nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with power.

Question: Street harassment sucks, but it’s only a small part of the patriarchy. Doesn’t focusing on this specific issue detract from everything else we're up against?
Answer: The violence and disrespect experienced daily by countless people in public spaces is a serious problem with real, material consequences. While HollaBackNYC is a project dedicated to this particular issue, it is committed to a coalitional approach and situates street harassment within a larger framework of social and economic questions. Thus, the collective collaborates with a diverse range of feminist, queer and antiracist initiatives. To see what we’re up to, subscribe to our mailing list!

HollaBackNYC is not responsible for the accuracy of individual postings. All views and positions expressed in posted submissions are those of individual contributors only.