Paula's Blog

Embracing Your Differences

2008-03-22T17:16:00.000-07:00

Cut roses are kept in cold storage at floral shops to keep them from blooming. This way, once they are exposed to warmth and a little natural sunlight, they will open with glory. The lovely fragrance fills your home, and the spectacular color of the flowers impresses all who enter.

Acceptance, appreciation, and validation are the warmth that will cause your husband’s personality and true self to bloom. Disapproval and disparaging remarks will only shut him down, not change him; worse, they will cause him to retreat from you emotionally.
Men crave respect and must feel valued and important for who they are. Valuing the differences between you will foster an attitude of gratitude, and help you to refocus on your husband’s good points, instead of lingering on your grievances.

Around our house we refer to my husband Jeff as “Felix Unger” (the neat one in The Odd Couple). Sometimes as I do the dishes I can feel his eyes on my back…watching me. He watches me load the dishwasher and wants to give me a little instruction. He watches me wipe off the counters and would like to give me efficiency tips. He watches me put food scraps down the garbage disposal and can hardly refrain from offering suggestions.

Sometimes if I catch his eyes wandering over to the sink while I’m doing dishes, I’ll say, “Stop watching me!”—and he quickly averts his eyes. A girl’s gotta have boundaries, after all.

But all kidding aside, Jeff’s perfectionist personality is who he is. I have learned to deeply appreciate the fact that he likes to vacuum, take out the trash, and generally make things neat. If I don’t take myself too seriously, then I can laugh at our differences and value my “Felix” for the stand-up guy he is.

I've Been a Very Busy Girl...

2008-02-06T19:10:00.000-08:00

I've been working on a Valentines pitch to help market and promote my book, "The Man You Always Wanted is The One You Already Have." So... for almost nine months I've been immersed in the subject of Valentines Day. But, my hard work is finally paying off! I ended up booking 14 radio interviews, have eight articles pubished online for the month of February, and I've done several TV interviews. Whew! I'm tired just thinking about it!

I'll post some of the links for my articles if anyone is interested in taking a look. But first, below is the link for my 2nd "Shape Up Your Heart For Valentines Day" segment on The Harvest Show.

http://www.harvest-tv.com/video/dsp_playshow.cfm?showid=100

After you click this link (or paste it into your browser) wait a minute or two for it to begin playing. Once it begins, use the tool bar at the bottom of the screen to advance the show to 41:40.

Now onto the articles:

http://www.christianwomenonline.net/GuestColumnistPage.html

http://christianwomentoday.com/womenmen/inboxinfidelity.html

http://womentodaymagazine.com/relationships/inboxinfidelity.html

http://femmesaujourdhui.com/advice/infidelite_email.html

http://christianwomensresources.com/index.php/Christian-Marriage/Lifelines-for-Valentines.html

http://mentodayonline.com/loveandsex/inboxinfidelity.html

I will be writing a monthly column at Christian-Mommies.com

2008-01-02T09:52:00.000-08:00

Check out my new monthly column at Christian Mommies:

http://makingthemostofmarriage.christian-mommies.com/

Happy New Year -- Seize the Day!!

2008-01-02T09:50:00.000-08:00

A new year is upon us and we can't let this opportunity for a fresh start and new beginning pass us by! 2008 stretches out before us full of possibilities. Your whole life could change this year! But it's up to you to seize the day. It's up to you to call upon the Living God. It's up to you to seek the Lord until you find Him.

Several years ago I felt my relationship with the Lord had hit the doldrums. So on New Years Day 2001 I prayed earnestly for a fresh touch from God. He answered by leading me to purchase a personal calendar and journal?and then to commit to a daily time of personal devotion with Him each day.

Since I was not a new Christian at the time the concept of spending time with God each day and reading His word was not new to me. But the truth was I had become lax in the discipline of spending quality time with God each day. And somewhere along the way spending time with God had become an "obligation" instead of a delight.

I found the biggest hindrance to my new habit was fear of failure. I had committed to spend an hour each day in fellowship with God. I would begin by recording ahead of time how long my quiet time with the Lord would be on my calendar (as well as my other responsibilities and events of the day). Then I determined I would read the Bible for awhile followed by a time of prayer and writing in my journal.

I had to conquer my doubts that I could follow through on my resolution. The only way I knew to do this is by putting one foot in front of the other and going forward!

And as I continued on day by day in this new discipline, the Lord gave me more of His presence, more joy in His word, more excitement, more zeal, and more passion. Sometimes I failed to keep my promise to seek Him--but instead of getting a defeatist attitude and quitting, I continued on in my endeavor. I soon realized that it was His delight to help me.

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" Anais Nin

We have the choice to remain just as we are. We can go through 2008 making no spiritual progress. We can give into the fear of failure, being sure that we don't have it in us to seek the Lord in a more defined manner. We can remain "tight in the bud", risking nothing. Or we can seize the day! We can risk it all to bloom! We can rise up and run toward Jesus, pursuing a holy, dynamic and intimate relationship with Him. We can determine that this is the year that our walk with God will bloom again. With His help we can live each day, bloom each day, and seize the day!

I Have a Column on Crossmap.com

2007-11-05T09:47:00.000-08:00

I'm writing a monthly column for Crossmap.com on the subject of "Marriage Enrichment". The web address is: www.crossmap.com

To view my first column scroll down a bit and it's about a forth of the way down on the right side under the heading of "columns".

The Art of Doing Nothing

2007-10-07T18:48:00.000-07:00

Lately I've resolved to make Sunday a true Sabbath. And you know what? It's hard! I made the decision several months ago that from now on I'm not working on Sundays. No writing (even though I love it), no promoting my book (I actually love this too), no research (don't love that!), no laundry or housework (I miss these more that the air I breathe... but I'll survive). I do cook (I mean, come on, we have to eat) and I do make our bed in the morning before church (I hate looking at an unmade bed all day!). But, that's it. Relaxing... sitting around talking with my family... watching a movie... taking a walk... reading a book... visiting on the phone with my mom and sisters. There's an art to "doing nothing" and I think I may be getting the hang of it.

I have to say, the less I do on Sundays, the more I like it.

How God Healed Me of Lyme Disease

2007-10-03T16:26:00.000-07:00

About eight years ago I contracted Lyme Disease from a tick bite while hiking in the mountains near our home. It affected my nervous system, joints and muscle mass, as well as my vision and brain function (among others things).

My treatment involved antibiotics administered through an I.V. for 50 consecutive days, followed by oral antibiotics for another two weeks. When all was said and done, I was only a little better. I still could not walk to the end of our street. I still could not pick up my daughter. I still could not make beds, cook, vacuum, or do yard word. It was a very discouraging time.

But then, God sent his word and healed me.It happened like this:

I was sitting on my deck, Bible open, spending time with God. I had done that daily since I became sick (nothing like a good trial to cause you to seek God like never before!). I decided to read in the Psalms that day and randomly turned to Psalm 29. This psalm starts off with praise to God and then progresses along to tell what the voice of the Lord accomplishes. I especially noticed the seven descriptions in that psalm telling the mighty acts of the voice of the Lord:

The voice of the Lord is over the waters
The voice of the Lord is powerful
The voice of the Lord is majestic
The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars
The voice of the Lord strikes with flashes of lightning
The voice of the Lord shakes the desert
The voice of the Lord twists the oaks and strips the forests bareAnd in his temple all cry, "Glory!"

Reading this psalm brought faith, and I knew that the Holy Spirit was encouraging me through it. I didn't know what would happen next, but I started to feel a sense of anticipation.

A few days later our church started a five-day celebration with many special speakers planned. My husband and I decided to attend, with the plan being that I would take it easy and not wear myself out. The first day was wonderful and we had a great time. I felt better physically but didn't really know what was happening yet. The second day was just as good as the first and I felt even better physically. The third day I decided to ask one of the special speakers to pray that I would be completely healed from Lyme Disease. He bowed his head and began to pray and then suddenly stopped. I opened my eyes and he was looking at me, then he said, "Your healing is found in the voice of the Lord". Then he walked away. Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather! That man couldn't have said one statement more powerful to me then that. It was exactly what I felt God was speaking to me through Psalm 29! By the forth day I was even better and stronger. My husband and I marveled at these events and could hardly take them in. By the last day of our church's celebration I walked a half mile home from church! I had not walked even a block in many months, but that Sunday I walked home briskly without one speck of pain. Two days later I went on a much longer hike with my best friend.

God is Good!

Have a Great Week by Doing This...

2007-10-02T12:37:00.000-07:00

Some days are easier then others. The sun shines bright, the birds sing beautifully, my skinny jeans fit. My small home seems quaint and charming, my kids seem brilliant and adorable, my office beckons with the promise of inspired writing, article acceptances, and book contracts. But, what about those "other" days...

Stepping out of bed in the morning I can feel the coat of depression being slipped over my shoulders. It's a perfect fit and if satan gets his way, I'll be wearing it all day long (and maybe even tomorrow if I don't resist it). My home seems cramped... my family demanding... my office a place of unending tasks and sure disappointments. Depressing feelings and thoughts swirl about me like an impending storm. What happens then? What can we do when our perspective has changed and we are badly in need of an attitude adjustment?

Scripture gives us the answer:

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God (Psalm 42:5).

The Psalmist doesn't say that someone else came along and told him to be of good cheer and put his hope in God. No, he told himself to put his hope in God. After acknowledging the fact that he is indeed depressed, he then commands his soul to line up with Gods word, telling himself to cheer up because there is hope in God!

While it's true that there will be times in life where we are genuinely downcast and disturbed, there may not always be someone around to speak life-giving words to us and encourage us. At that point it's up to us to speak words of truth and comfort to our own souls (our mind, will and emotions).

Our words are more important then we realize. The Bible says that "life and death are in the power of the tongue" (Proverbs 18:21). If you've been speaking negative, worrisome words about yourself and your life, stop it! Today is a new day and a fresh start to a fresh week. It's a great time to begin to encourage yourself in the Lord and speak words of life over your life.Blessings!

Do You Have the "One Thing"?

2007-09-27T13:10:00.000-07:00

Only one thing is needed.

Lately God's been speaking to me about "one thing." All other things must be peeled away? It has been firmly established that I have no other source of hope, delight, deliverance, or fulfillment. I am left humbled and desiring only one thing... Him.

This desperate hunger for Jesus will guard me from becoming addicted to success, man's approval, financial security, etc. My desires have been established. What I stand on the precipice of (and breathlessly wait for) is complete freedom and a deeper knowledge of Christ--not a successful ministry, a best selling book, financial freedom, a bigger home, or anything else. It is Him... only Him.

This revelation came as I read the story of Mary and Martha who, along with their brother Lazarus, were having Jesus over for a dinner party. While Mary was sitting at the feet of Jesus soaking in His presence and His word, Martha was huffing around the kitchen bustin' out dinner. Finally, in complete exasperation Martha said to Jesus, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" Jesus replied, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

One thing. There's no wiggle room on this is there? Mary desired just "one thing." Jesus was her one thing. Lately, when I pray, I keep seeing this picture of myself with my arms clinging to Jesus, my head buried in his chest, my face tucked into his shirt. And my heart sings, "All I ever do is need you...all I ever do is cling to you...all I ever do is want you...all I ever do is hang onto you, and dance with you, and long for you, and need you." One thing.

Fight the Good Fight of Faith

2007-09-27T13:05:00.000-07:00

Lately God has been speaking to me to Fight the Good Fight of Faith. Recently I came home from a nine day ministry trip exhausted and spiritually frazzled. After canceled flights, delayed flights (it took me 12 hours to travel from Indiana to Los Angeles) I stood wearily at baggage claim to pick up my suitcase so that I could get on the notoriously crowed L.A. freeway to fight my way through the traffic. But my luggage never showed up, so that involved another hour of nonsense to file a delayed luggage claim. I got to my car at 5:00 p.m. on a Friday afternoon in FULL rush hour traffic.

While sitting in the parking lot (otherwise known as the 405 Freeway) I was scanning for a Christian radio station, when I came upon a fiery female preacher yelling (not usually my favorite way to be taught the word of God) a message about "Fighting the Good Fight of Faith." And as I listened, God did something in my heart. The more I listened to that "screaming preacher" the more my spirit came alive. The longer I listened, the more my heart soared. I was lifted up by the preaching of God's word and strengthened in my resolve to continue to press on in the high calling of Christ.

It's funny that God used canceled and delayed flights, lost luggage (I got it back later that week), and even the dreaded Los Angeles traffic to get me in the right place at the right time to hear His word for me. He knew that I needed His encouragement more than I needed air that day. And it's not that things had gone wrong with my trip, on the contrary. I had been interviewed on two great Christian TV shows. But our enemy is real and sometimes I forget that the more I step out doing God's will for my life, the more the attack comes. It's a fight sometimes.

If you've stepped out for God lately and now you find yourself discouraged, beat up, or weary, you're not alone. Don't let the attack stop you. Fight the Good Fight of Faith.

I HATE those Restless leg syndrome commercials

2007-09-27T13:01:00.000-07:00

My daughter and I were watching TV recently when she asked me why I always changed the channel when a drug company commercial came on. I told her that if I listened long enough to all the symptoms that the medication supposedly treats, I begin to wonder if I have that particular illness! She laughed at me, but I'm completely serious. And I bet I'm not the only one who's susceptible to the power of suggestion.

Take for example the commercial for the treatment of a condition called "restless leg syndrome." The drug company ad opens with a middle aged woman earnestly telling us her symptoms. She says, "It begins as a strange feeling in your legs that seems to get worse until you stand up and move around. Deep inside your legs you can feel burning, creeping, and crawling sensations that are hard to describe, even to your doctor. Meanwhile, you cope with your condition the best you can.

"Oh my gosh! Just reading about the symptoms right now gives me the creepy-crawlies and makes me feel like I have this condition! Now obviously, some people actually do have restless leg syndrome, but I don't. Neither do I have migraine headaches, but seeing how that poor woman is suffering on the commercial begins to make my head hurt. Watching the advertisement for "overactive bladder" medication makes me have to pee. Seeing the insomniac's torment makes me fearful, and wonder if I'll be able to sleep that night. And even the enlarged prostrate commercial makes me squirm in my chair (never mind that I don't even have a prostrate!).

I might be exaggerating a tiny bit here, but my point is that I'm learning to resist all things dark. In this day and age it is imperative for us to stay alert and take notice of the things that come to steal our peace--and then resist them! Darkness is powerful. It can demoralize, it can swallow up confidence, and it can weaken resolve."Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23

Are you Afraid?

2007-09-27T12:52:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else ever deal with the fear of failure? You're confident that God has called you to an area of ministry, and it all just feels so right. When you dream of doing what God called you to do, you can imagine it being great, simple, easy, and possible. You've heard His call to get out of the boad--and you're ready! But... when you finally put a foot over the side of the boat and begin your walk on water, all hell breaks loose (literally). The fear comes with great gusts of wind, torrential rain, and waves that seem to swallow you up.

No matter how fear attacks, it must be dealt with and resisted. Fear is that horrible, sick, sinking feeling that's meant to stop us in our tracks, making sure we never experience the abundant life Christ came to give us. Every one of us will face the temptation to turn back, tuck tail and run at some point in our lives. The failure is not in being tempted to run, but in the running.

One of my favorite family photographs was taken several years ago at Disneyland as we were enjoying a ride called "Splash Mountain." Disneyland has designed an automatic camera to take a photo of the unsuspecting riders at the scariest part of the ride. Snap. The picture was taken just after we crested an enormous incline and were beginning the three-story plummet to a waiting pool of water below (hence the name Splash Mountain). This picture shows a perfect blend of joy and terror upon our faces. It's my husband, eyes bulging, mouth open, screaming, smiling and hanging on to me. It's me, laughing so hard I can't catch my breath and clinging on to my husband's arms with a death grip. It's my son, baseball cap on backwards (so it didn't fly off) smiling, squinting, screaming and hanging on to his little sister. It's my daughter, mouth open, eyes closed, digging her little fingers into her brother's strong arms. And before you start feeling sorry for our youngest, this ride was her idea. I normally don't like being terrified, but she begged me to go so our whole family could experience the terror together!I look at that photograph often and I consider it a reminder from God that I really do enjoy new and exciting experiences. Even in the small things--such as roller coaster rides--I sense God's pleasure when I resist the spirit of fear.

"So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror, which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance."
~ Franklin D. Roosevelt ~ Spoken at his first inaugural address.

How Fabulous Am I?

2007-09-27T11:21:00.000-07:00

Paula is a fantastically fascinating speaker...a captivating and compelling story teller...a glamorous and gifted writer...and a super-duper, totally-nifty teacher of God's word! You MUST have her speak at your next ladies event! Women will laugh, women will cry, women will clap, cheer, and sigh!

Ugh. I spent most of the day updating my bio information for the Christian speaker sites that my ministry is listed with. That means that my bio has to somehow stand out in a sea of hundreds of other Christian speaker bios. What to do, what to do. Should I brag like a sailor, wow them with humor, promise them goose bumps? Or...I could be honest, genuine, and transparent. I can even be bold. Bold is good. How about boldly, honestly, transparent? I finally settled on just doing my best to prayerfully portray myself as I really am.

My vast years in the ministry (that would be 5) have taught me to trust God to open the doors he wants opened for me. As a former Dir. of Women's Ministries at our church (I was the woman in charge of picking our retreat speakers) I'll admit to being a tiny bit annoyed by some of the pimped-out bio's out there. I would usually sit there reading and think, "Hello! We all know you wrote your own bio yourself."

Anyway, my prayer is that as I get older, as I grow in the Lord, as I mature as a woman of God, and as I hopefully grow in true humility, I will refuse to brag. And know you what? It's hard to actively promote and market yourself in the arena of Christian Speaking and Writing and NOT brag or grandstand.

When I began in fulltime ministry five years ago my pastor encouraged me with this scripture:Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips. Proverbs 27:2

The Stalwart Runner

2007-09-27T11:17:00.000-07:00

You're in a race. It's a marathon. At times it's perfect--everything you could hope a marathon to be. During those times you sing as you run, you smile as you run, you praise as you run. The sky is blue, the clouds are puffy, the breeze cool. You love running!

At about mile thirteen you get a thorn in your heel. What began as an irritating nuisance has become a prickling, agonizing, distraction. With each step pain shoots through your foot. You endure.

More running. More pain. Yet, you endure. There's no stopping on this race--only the finishers get a crown. So you endure some more.

You decide at mile seventeen running isn't all that fun. The wind blows dust into your eyes. The sun beats down on you in a merciless, unbroken gaze. Everything hurts. Each step is hard. You wonder how you ever loved running before. You cry... you yell... you pray... you question... but all while running. You're a runner, and runners run.

Your thoughts are DOMINATED by the thorn. Why would God allow such a thing to hinder and hamper your marathon? What purpose could it possibly serve? You ask God; Can I stop running now? Just for a while? Just for a day? But you pray while running, because you're a runner--and runners run.

At mile twenty you feel a surge of energy. Strength from an unseen force has filled you with resolve. And on you run. At mile twenty-one your joy is restored. You run with joy! Yes, you love running! You remember now! At mile twenty-two a stranger offers you a cup of cool water. Ahhhh, better now! You run refreshed. You run joyful. You run strong! At mile twenty-three a song of worship bubbles up from your spirit--the same spirit that felt broken and faithless only three miles ago. It's a new song, one that begs to be sung. And you praise as you run, singing the new song of exultation! You love running!

Mile thirty you're still strong, you're still joyful, you're still singing, you're still smiling. The wind in your hair, the sun on your face, one step after another--when a thought hits you: What about the thorn? And as you run, you put your attention on your heel to find in surprise, the thorn remains. The pain still present. The sting still stinging. God hadn't taken it away--but only eclipsed it with the joy of running.

At the end of the race a crowd waits; Your mother, arms stretched out. Your Dad, with hugs and loving words. There are friends at the finish line that had ended their race before you. Favorite pastors, Sunday school teachers, co-workers, neighbors. Lives you had touched, lives that had touched yours. All waiting. All clapping. All encouraging. Many told you of their own thorns, and you were surprised. You thought your thorn had indicated God's disapproval. You never realized that many, many, many others had run with thorns themselves. But they had. And so had you. And, you all had finished. You could have quit. You could have refused to continue on--but you didn't.

And then...Jesus. He's behind the crowd of friends and family. He stands with a smile, and a song. And while he walks toward you he is singing. With long strides he makes His way through the crowd, singing loudly. Unbelievingly you smile shyly and look behind you to make sure it's you he's singing to. Yes! He's singing to you! A song of love, a song of joy, a song of pride. A song so personal... so private... so intimate... that the crowd fades from your mind as your Savior and friend walks toward you to welcome you home.

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."Zephaniah 3:17

And what about the thorn? Well... His grace was sufficient, His power made perfect, and when you were weak, He was strong.

The Super Scary $6000.00 Death Threat

2007-09-27T10:58:00.000-07:00

The day after I was interviewed on a national call-in radio show I received a death threat via email. It was addressed to me specifically and according to the man who sent it, he had been following me for ten days and was now prepared to kill me if I didn't pay him $6000.00. He told me that if I contacted the police he would have no other choice but to kill me immediately. I sat in front of my computer screen completely stunned! Stunned that someone would threaten to murder me... stunned that he claimed to have been following me... and stunned that he thought I was only worth $6000.00! (I'm laughing now, but at the time it was no laughing matter).

Obviously, we did call the police and it was determined that the death threat was most likely a scam to extort money. But still... it was unnerving to say the least. The day after I received the email, my husband left for a five day golfing trip. He had offered to cancel his plans and stay home, but the tickets were non-refundable and I knew in my heart that everything was going to be fine. So, after kissing my "protector" goodbye I went on about my business. The sheriff's department had promised to patrol my neighborhood throughout the next five days and I felt confident that all would be well. That happy feeling of confidence stayed with me right up until I turned off my bedside lamp to go to sleep that night. Then...slowly...a creepy feeling of fear began to worm its way into my thoughts, and I found myself laying there listening for sounds of danger. What was that creaking? Is that a window opening? Do I hear footsteps? Oh! I hated myself for being afraid! I finally dozed off sometime after midnight and awoke the next morning feeling frazzled and defeated.

What had happened? I had gone to bed knowing analytically that there was only a very slim chance that I was in any kind of impending danger. In fact my mom and I had joked earlier that evening that statistically I had a better chance of dying that night in a house fire or earthquake, than by murder (admittedly it was kind of a morbid conversation). By the end of our phone call we were laughing and joking and I felt assured that my daughter and I were completely safe. But while my brain accepted the truth that we were safe, obviously my emotions had not.

So, after my restless night's sleep I called my pastor and his wife for some prayer and advice. I knew I didn't want to be scared every night until my husband returned! Pastor Eric reminded me that maintaining peace in upsetting circumstances is a battle, and one which is best fought with the help of other believers. He promised that he and Peggy would pray for me, but also suggested that I ask a couple of friends to come over to pray for me later that day. He reminded me that this kind of battle is a spiritual one. Pastor Eric did what he does so well; he reminded me to continue to pursue the call of God on my life and proceed unafraid.

Praise God! I got off the phone feeling completely different about the situation! Of course this was a spiritual attack... hello! What had I been thinking? I needed to call out to God for help! I invited my two girlfriends over for lunch and after we ate, we prayed. With the help of other believers I was able to receive the peace that Christ offers. But to be honest, God's peace didn't just land on me as soon as I found myself in a troubling situation--I had to fight for it. I had to reach out for help. I had to pray and ask others to pray with me. And later that evening when the panicky feelings threatened to return, I had to make the choice to fix my eyes on God and resist the oppression. My comfort came by knowing that nothing could happen to my daughter or myself outside of God's sovereign plan for our lives.

I slept peacefully that night, and each night after until my husband returned home from his trip (then the snoring began again...). But seriously, this was a momentous experience in my life. God came through for me in a big way, proving once again His wonderful faithfulness! The day after my breakthrough a song of praise arose out of my spirit:

More real than the earth I walk on,
More real than the air I breathe,
Is Your compassionate love and tender care for me!