Abbie The Cat Has A Posse

2009-11-26T18:38:00.010-05:00

THis being THanksgiving and all I know that i amsure thankful for a lot of thigns
first you know the man they call troublemaker sam
well he helped me out with my Hair Styilng
oha nd that girl she helped out too
and now i am SLeeker than ever and you cannot ever say oh hey there goes abbie the walking throw rug

all is good for now it is colder and I shall be growing a new rug as They say

so I thought I should tkae the time and tell you all about Thanks giving because it is a very good time aorund here when it happens

it all goes back to a very long time ago ah wen there these cats they called pilgrims
they were Making a Pilgrimation from the land across the ocean to over here, which is across the ocean from oer there

I looked it up on GOggle maps it is all true

and they Settled down and called the place NEw England so that nobody would confuse it with Regular England

and things were going okay for a while
they were doing pretty good for themselves
but then when winter came oh brother was It a nightmare
dont ever do that if you have a chance by the wya
if someone comes up to you and says Hey buddy wanna go to the New World and spend a winter there
say No thank you I shall wait until after you have your Revolution

so undersatndably when the time came for the next winter to roll around these cats were Pretty worried
but then they got to tlaking with the Cats who had ALready Been Living there
these cats by the way
i gotta say
they get the Short end of the stick by the end of it all
I mean really unfair
It's like when they put you in a SMall room and say
oh Sorry Abbie but we have to use the dining room right now
this fine sushi dinner just Isnt for the lieks of YOU

now take that
and make it like a Million times even MOre unfair
thats those cats
I mean
unliike Yours Truley
they werent even doing anything Wrong

but back in the Piligrims days these cats were doing pretty good for themselves
they had COrn
and it was called Maize
but you could say corn if you wanted to
and they said hey New Cats on the block
here's maize which we think you will really like
and when you Grow it then you can make all kinds of food
and grow some more

Needles to say this made the pilgirms very happy
as well as my ancestor Restaurant joe

remember Restauarnt joe
theres a song about restauarnt joe

anyway in those days he was known as Elder Restaurant JOseph
I looked it up
but I am going to still just call him Rest Joe from now on becaus the last time I told you about him I got REAlly SIck and tired of writing it aLL THE TIME

so Rest Joe he was part of the Pilgrimings and he piped up and he said well you know I have been wanting to make some fine food for everybodyt for a long time now only we have been running low on every ingredient

but I bet that if we took what we got and shared it what with the Cats over there
and use their maize corn too
we can have our selves a feastt that cant be beat

and thats just what they did, everybody got together and I guess they used a big kitchen
and Rest Joe made all his favrite Specialties
when you asked him if something was on the menu he said it is now
and the other cats they stopped by and made their own stuff and stuffing
it was pretty wild
I bet they even had turnips
Because they had a song about the meal
and it went you can get anything you want at restaurant joe's restaurant
Except for the restaurant

afterwards when they were all full everybdoy took a nap
but not before rest joe tapped his fork to his mug and said
okay I want to thank everybody who came out and did their thing
and helped put a lot of food on the table
and I want to thank the other cats because they saw we Were in a FIx
and there's a lot of other things to thank
and I Bet you have a few in your life too
so think about that for a bit
and then you can take a Nap because I know I will

and they slept for quit ea while and then they got up and ran around batting small rocks in to the goals
all in all not bad a holiday for a first try

anyway I Am awriting all this cause I got my own turkey dinner tonight
WIth all the trimmings Thankyou very Much
and that's a lot to be thankful for

now I am oging to take a nap
the batting of the small rocks shall commence at oh 3:30 this A M

2009-08-15T20:10:00.004-04:00

the Sqiurells are here again and boy are they ROwdy
I dont suppose you know that squirels are very lively
yes sometimes they are very entertaing and other times quite annoying

when I Am bored it is time to watch the squirels eating
and so they put a little bowl on the porch
and inside the BOwl they put stuff that squrirels like to eat
like stuff I wont eat
and then the squirrels come and its a squirrel party for sure
then the food is gone and they go away
be with us next time for more of the squirrel show

but last night they got very carried away
I woudl not be surprised if they had gotten into some bad acorns
for they were very bad nuts
what are you doing I say you are partying too hard
no we are not says the squirrel we are having fun and whats wrong with that bud
if this screen werent here says I you would all not be having a party right now

come on fellas said the squirrel this aint no place for the likes of us
in fact all i sees here is one big square
and thats when the squirels broke the bowl
they tore up the little green bowl
and off they ran with little green pieces of plastic

hah
if thereis no bowl then where do you put the food

something tels me these squirels just partied themselves out of free meals
and the squirrel show has been cancelled
fame as They say is Fleeting

2009-04-22T22:52:00.003-04:00

it IS sprting cleaning
I got springed
and cleaned

it was fun to play in the water
he put me in a tub that is
it is a blig blue tub
that is MY TUB
well I dont see anyone else using it

ANd now I look poisitively svelte
whatkind of word is svelte
it looks wrong
you just mash keys on thekeyboard thats how you get that word
I could do it with my eyes closd
svlet
how did I Do

by the By
whats lavedner and why do theys ay I smell like it
I smell like me but without the dust fromunder the bed
time to goet more dust

2009-02-01T14:01:00.003-05:00

I took a poll recently
whiche was best
breakfast
lunch
dinner
(or supper if you say that)

I knew the poll would not pick lunch to win
it is not that we do not give this meal respect
it is ujust that lunch is not very INspiring when it comes to eating
there is your sandwich
eat it
if you don't then I will eat it
but look
I am not enjoying it as much as I cCOuld be

breakfast on the other hand is great
it is the greateast of all possible meals
now dont you think that it is only for the morning
you can have breafkfast after you have woken up
at any time of day
if it was only for the morning then we awoudl call it MOrning somehting
I dont know what we could call it
since we dont call it that

but you are breaking
and you are dOing it fast
so that is the meal name

the best part of breakfast is the bacon
people who eat becon like it
around here there is a rule you see
oh this bacon was cooked too crispy someone says
i will instead give it to the cat cmere cat
as a resulte I have become quite fond of crsipy bacon
the crispyer the better
now ehere is a secret you will not be Told by anyone else
baconc gets crispy if you cook it for long
so I watned to make sure the bacon would be perfect for the cat
so when it was cooking
there were diversions
oh cat theys aid
get down from there
abbie stop doing that you are going carazy and it isnt even crazy time
abbie quit singing youll have some bacon soon enough

now this is my crowning achievement
look at that
the bacon has been cooked too long and now all of it is cripsy
what do we do
give it to the cat says I
that is the rules

oh well someone says
we can crumble it up and putit in the omelets
waste not want what not

WHAT

here is a happy Endign
we better be sure to save a piece for the cat they say
so there was bacon in the omelets
and bacon in the cat
and that is my story for ytoday

for recirpes please go to a recipe site
there you will leran how to cook bacons

2009-01-25T16:00:00.003-05:00

ONCe upon time there was a bvery smar tman
he didnt live here
and he said the folowing about dinner

he said
some people have meat but they canot eat it
I am guesing he meant vegerterins here
I knew one and she was very kind to me
mostly because I never pestered her for food
much

someetimes tofu can be good to eat

he also said
some peoplw oudl eat food if only they had it
that sounds like me to a T
where is food
there is a cat
the food isnt there for much longer

then he said
but We have meat and we can also eat it

this is the best of both worlds

and he agreed because then he said
and we should be very vthankful for it

I Was tjust thinking abotu this earlier when I had my supper
it is all very true
if you have your food and can eat it
like you have teeth
then be thankful and say it a lot

there is cooking in the kitchen
I amgoing to find more reasons to be thankful

2008-12-28T23:48:00.003-05:00

NOw that there is a moment I can tell you about a handy hint for watching TV
everybody loves to watch telvision
but sometimes when you are wathcing and you really like it
SOmeone changes the channel
but wait I was watcing that and it was JUst getting interesting

so the next time that happens to you here is what you do
I mean you have to do this Before it happens to you
outherwise it just doesnt quite work

SO there you are on the couch (ps you are a cat)
and you are watching television happily
and then the announcer comes on and says next up we will show you how bottlecaps are made
and you think Well this will be very intriguing
I have always wanted to know this
but then someone on the couch says "time to change the cahnnel"
NO IT IS NOT
here is what you do

you go to sleep
right on their lap or on their legs or howveer they are sitting
SLEEP ON THEM
and be sure to look extra comfortable and happy
EVen if it is not quite the most comfortable place ever
one time I fell asleep on a shoe
I do not recomend it unless you like shoes
anyway now you are happy and alseep
and they will say wait I cant get up to change the channel because the cat is so happy and peaceful I do not want to disturb it
wait I will use the remote
oh
IU forgot to mention
before you do allthis
be sure to hide the remote

well now
if you have done everything then you can enjoy what you want to watch
just kind of move your head towars the television set
and watch through your eyes
dont forget you have to pretend you are still asleep
but if you have come this far then that is easy as pie

there is something SMall on the table
I am going to go knock it off
bye

2008-12-15T10:15:00.004-05:00

I was at home
I was napping upstairs and the guy was napping so there was a nap
then I got up and said Im hungry and went downstairs

downstairs theother guy was doing something in the living room
he is what you would calla Troubleamaker
he somestimes says hello abbie you are a cat
and I say yes and hes ays oh good just reminding you of your place in the world
gee thanks for that reminder

he ahs also puled stunts like this
hello abbie he says come over here
okay says I this is fun
then he says I am going to put water onyour head
contrararty to what other cats think, I dont mind water all that muhc
in the summertime theres nothing better to keep you cool
if you have long hair and you dont want to shave it all off
because then you woould look like a FOol
the girl was tehre too, she was fully involved in this i want the record to show
then he ocmbs me when my hair si well and duly wet
and says there, Now you have a mohawk
I am not as thirlled as all that with these turns of events
then the guy comesdown stairs and says hey who gave the cat a wethead
dont look at me, try those poeple over there who cant stop giggling
meanwhile I am goign to go over and search the trashcans to find my dignity
it might be hinidg in there
and food

so there he was troublemaker sam (taht is not his real name)
and he had a camera looking out the window
at squirrels
there is a window out there
and on the other side is a bowl
and in the bowl you put in things you think squirels would like to eat
and then they come by and you Obnserve them
it is very convenient you see

looka t that i say he is making the squirrel show, everybody watch thesquirel show
i cant see the squirrel
move the camera
I Want to see the squirrel

eventualy I decided that the squirrel show has been cacenceld, it had bad ratings, because only one camera was wathching it and no cats were
so I stepped in to help and the squirrel show becames the ABbie show
starring ABbie
heres the theme
it's the abbbie show, the abbie show
everybody wants to watch the abbie show
(the Insturments go crazy here with lots of music)
there'll be ME abbie here and maybe I will do stuff
or just eat and fall asleep
only on the ab
bie
shoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

todays episode of the abbie show is Abbie watches squirels
it is called THe ONe where Abbie watches the squirrels
and you can see it here
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEcpIwf2-mY

critics have called the makers of the abbie SHow to task for putting telvevision personaility over storylines
and they say the abbie hsow is very little on plot
pah i say in response this is an atmospheric show if you want a story go over and watch the story show
here on this show things are simple
there are squirrels
ME abbie watches squirrels
then I go do something else
thats a good enough story for me today

2008-12-02T07:13:00.002-05:00

well ther ewas GReat excitement yesterday
I had wona amajor award or something
they said Hey abbie you are officialy the Sassiest cat of the year
in this house at least
and therefor you will get a nice Helping of tuna fish right here inyour bowl

hurray says I for it is always a good day when that happens
and whatdyou know but there was asome fish in my bowl
I ate it very quickly
it is a rule you know
eat as fast as ye can the rule says
for all you know it could turn out to be an illusion
LIke in the desert

so ten seconds later the tuna was gone
well not rteally gone
I knew where it was

and everything was Fine

but there is another rule that I forgot
it says But Dont eat so FAST or else Urp
and thats what happened
Urp
there was no more tuna in the bowl
but there was tuna on the floor

I looked at it
and i Looked around
nobody had seen it happen
so I had a little CHeck
it was tasty the first time
and it was tasty the second time
so lets dig in

Well you never heard such a hue and cry in your life
hey Abbie what are you doing
oh for gods sake cat
someone disttract him while I get the paper towels
use the shiny thing

anywya they took away my Major award
and I a m rightly miffed
they gave it to tme
it was MIne
and I should be able to Do with it as I please

2008-10-12T22:51:00.002-04:00

WEll well WELL
ANda gain I say WELL
let me tell YOu a story
I mean it its a real story all right
it all has to do with bloger
and I am not very pleased with them at this time and date

I have been sitting here tfor days on end
trying to put in my name and pasoword
and the internet mocks me
"forgot you r password?" it says
in BLue
so naturaly I remember my passowrd so I type NO I KNOW IT
and it says "forgot your password?"
and I type in NO ID DIDNT FORGET YOU ARE JUST MAKING ME LOSE MY CONCENTRATION
and then it says "forgot your password?"again
blue and under lined

I didnt forget it
I had remembered it all along
but I think the computer wants me to play
its little game
so I type in YES OKAY MAY BE I DID FORGET IT WHATARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT HUH
and it says "forgot your password?"
and I say a very bad word out loud
hush you didnt hear it

at this point naturaly I am very veyr cross
and I hit any old button
I hit them all
had a grand old time too

and then the web says "if you have forgoten your password we will Send it to tyou"
and I say hurray for science
I still dont know which button did it
so there is taht and the computer whirrs and then it goes
"okay we sent your pasowrd to this email addess"
so I go to that email adress
and wouldnt you know it
I FORGOT THAT PASSWORD TOO
you can see I am anoyed because of all the capital letters

then along came a very smart
bug
ok maybe it wasnt a bug maybe it was someone
and they said oh abbie you are useing the wrong internet button
here try this one here
it is another button on the screen click that one not this one
so I put my user and pasword into the new button

and lo and behold
the computer turns into mr nice guy
oh waelcome back to the wornderful world of the blogging it says
can I get you anything it asks perhaps a drink of water or a nice piece of fish
i shall sound the trumptets and lead the parade
pshaw i say You are a Bad computer and took up all this time annoying me
oh no it says that was the other internet button I am the good one

I guess

anyway I have a new collar and nametag
it says ME ABBIE on it
so I know it's me
other than that I Forgot what I was going tosay

2008-02-21T00:44:00.002-05:00

Hey there,

I've got great news to report; Abbie is back home safe where he belongs and slightly no worse for the wear. A neighbor saw our flyers and called when she spotted "definitely a large" tuxedo cat in her backyard chasing a squirrel; she was pretty sure the cat had spent at least one night in her garage as well. I wasn't home from work at the time but my housemate Tracy was, and dashed out to find Abbie already on the move towards another neighbor's house. Though he appeared to be Very Wary of everyone and everything, Abbie eventually recognized Tracy and allowed himself to be picked up and escorted back inside where he should have been all along.

The first thing he did when he got in was run to where his food dish should've been (it was in the back room serving as bait for the House Trap) and complained loudly. This was pretty much the first indicator that he was going to be all right. After wolfing down a great deal of wet food he went around looking for me -- checking my room, my office chair, all over. When I finally did get home he ran right up and started telling me all about things while I picked him up and gave him a big hug (and checked for injuries and whatnot at the same time.) Since then he's hardly left my side while I'm home, and has decided that lap-sitting is a really great thing, especially when the lap belongs to someone hard at work. (He's a dear but it's sometimes hard to type around him.)

He'd lost about 5 pounds in his week-plus outdoors, but has quickly begun to regain that. He had no scars or wounds that I could find, and he wasn't limping or favoring a paw. I took him to the vet to get him checked out. He came out of it with all his shots up-to-date and his claws clipped; he threw a fit when the vet tried to look at his teeth so we wisely decided to leave the microchipping (which involves a larger needle than the vaccinations) for a dental appointment, when he goes under and won't be in any position to complain.

I am extremely grateful for all the help I received from my housemates, friends, online acquaintances, and random strangers both local and far away. I had the flu during a major part of Abbie's absence, and Tracy spearheaded the operation quite ably, getting folks out to flyer and search the neighborhood any time I got a call from someone who thought they'd seen a huge black-and-white monstrosity terrorizing squirrels. People searched for Abbie in other time zones just to check. It was quite inspiring, and I'd like to thank everybody who did anything to help, even if it was just thinking a kind thought for the cat while he was out having his outdoor adventure (and worrying me sick). This fellow really does have a posse.

I'm sure he'll be around sooner or later to tell you his side of things, but if he starts bragging about how he bravely marched to fight the neighborhood dogs or something, you might want to take it with a grain of salt.

Rob

2008-02-06T20:41:00.000-05:00

Hi there. Might as well take a moment to introduce myself: Hi, I'm Rob. The Guy. The one who gives Abbie the access to the computer and lets him bang on the keys whenever he feels like it. When we started this blog seven years ago I made it a point not to actually post to it myself; I wanted to let Abbie do the talking. Sometimes, though, Abbie couldn't be around, so his sister Martha was able to write in his place. Unfortunately Martha's no longer with us, and we have no other animals in this house, so I figured I would be the one to step up and say what needs to be said. I always knew I'd have to break the fourth wall one day, but at least the reason why I thought I'd have to isn't the reason why I'm posting right now.

The reason I'm posting right now is because Abbie the Cat has gone missing.

This isn't a story, and it isn't a setup for me to start talking about pirates; it's for real. I last saw him Sunday morning, February 3, as I was getting ready to go to work. When I came back home, he didn't immediately run to greet me (and he often does; he's very dog-like in that fashion) but I saw nothing wrong there. Sometimes when I come home he's asleep upstairs or on the papasan or in the kitchen trying to wheedle some food out of one of my housemates.

I still hadn't seen him when I went to bed, but I still thought he was probably downstairs on the papasan or in the TV room or wherever else he likes to curl up. The next morning, however, he didn't greet me as he usually does. Let me tell you a bit about Abbie that he may not admit to: he's a small dog in cat form. He follows me around the house when I'm home, he does the running-to-greet-me thing, and he plays a mean game of fetch when he's up to it.

He also is extremely given to ritual. You may know what it's like to have a Ritual. Abbie sleeps by my feet at night, wakes up when I do, stands outside the bathroom door while I get ready for work, and demands to be let in as soon as he hears the shower stop. So as to not wake the housemates I usually concede to his demands and let him into the bathroom, whereupon he strides in, makes sure everything is where it should be, and then struts out. Total elapsed time of inspection: 30 seconds. He then accompanies me back to the bedroom where he either plops his furry butt down right where I need to be, or else he sits on the good pair of pants I'd laid out on the bed for that morning. He follows me downstairs as I get ready to go, and I make sure his bowls are full and he wanders off somewhere as soon as I head for the door.

He wasn't around on Monday morning. At that point I knew something was up. Before I left for work I checked all the closed doors that Abbie may have inadvertently found himself behind: our back staircase, the downstairs bathroom, the hall closet, but he was nowhere to be seen. I got worried that he may have gotten out the door when someone left it open briefly; he's strictly indoors but occasionally gets a bit of wanderlust. I checked under our porches, in our bushes, out in the backyard, in the unused garage (whoa, a lotta junk there) and around the area. He was nowhere to be seen but one of the orange tabby Fagin cats was hanging around, and didn't like my presence one bit.

My housemates and I scoured the house later on to see if he'd found some new and crazy place to hide. We couldn't find him. At this point I made notices online to friends and locals, and have been rewarded thus far with several people who've had sightings. We've printed out fliers by the score and have posted them all around, especially where people have said they've seen a very big tuxedo cat. (Coincidentally enough, there's another missing fat tuxedo cat on the other side of town. That cat is named Phil.)

I've been speaking with local vets, our city's animal control department, anybody I can think of who may have stray cats brought in to them. So far nothing's turned up, but with the news of Fat Tuxedo Cat sightings, my housemate (who's made up a Dragnet-style map with "pushpins" regarding sightings, flier locations, and streets we've searched) we think we know where he may be lurking about. Indoor cats who escape often are bewildered and frightened by the outside world and, especially if they are not good at confrontation with strange cats (such as, say, that orange tabby bully in my backyard) will find a place to hide completely. It's very likely Abbie is quite close to home, but in hiding. However, given the reports we've gotten from around the area, he is at least out and about during the daytime -- sitting on a porch, meeting people on sidewalks, making friends as he always does. (He is very friendly and relaxed around people, which is good.) So it's also likely someone may have taken him in as a stray. It's clear that he's well-fed, however, so I am sure whoever knows cats will know he's somebody's.

Abbie is not collared, tagged, or microchipped. This presents a problem, and a lesson hard learned. I'd say "don't make the same mistake I done did" but I don't wish to lecture you. I do know that once he's recovered, he's going to have positive identification wherever he goes. (Of course, the first challenge will come in making him wear him a collar; if a 20-pound cat doesn't want to do something he won't do it.) We can't leave food out on the porch for him to find as the Fagin cats will come and steal it all, but I have left some of my clothes out on the porch; clothes he likes to sleep on. Hopefully his nose will help. I've also been walking up and down our nearby streets jingling my house keys in my hand, as it's a sound he knows very well.

So.

If you live in or around the Davis Square neighborhood of Somerville, Mass, or you know someone who does, please keep an eye out for the humongous black-and-white cat with the large paws and big bright eyes. If you spot him, please let me know; you can write to abbie@spatch.net or comment to this entry. If you take him in or you know someone who took a stray tuxedo cat in, please let me know. He's a wonderful cat, but I think you already knew that. He's been a part of my life for nearly eleven years now. I miss my buddy terribly and I want him back; I want him back and warm and full of food and comfortable again.

Rob

2007-12-19T15:28:00.000-05:00

WEll there is finlaly snow here on the ground
and you know what that means
that means it is the time of year where we have holidays
The pourpose of the holidays is to celebrate
celebrat what you may ask
the answer is SImple
you celebrate snow

NOw at htis point I should like to tell you about a cousin of mine
who invented holidays
and I should also point out that when I say cousin I mean it
even though I never met the fellow FOr he lived a long time ago
but all cats are related you see
big small tall gray or with no tails
all cats are members of the same famly

execpt the saber toothtigers
we had to kick them out of the family
they were the black sheep of the family you you see
If by mblack you mean balck and orange striped
adn by sheep you mean cats with fangs where their teeth should be
they were no good
and if you read your history you know full well They came to a Bad END
thats all I am going ot say about THEM
hum

so it cameto pass that I had a cousin and his name was Restauarnt Joe
now you may think that is an odd name for a cat
well it is
bnut I'm not making this stuff up here
Restaurant JOe was a great cat and everybody liked him
becuase if you were hungry and wanted food you knew right where to go
you went to REstuarnt Joe
and he would say Well hello come on in sit on down lets get this meal started
and before you know it you had eaten your fill
and it was really good food too
so good you burped
that pleased restaurant joe and hed say come back again real soon
and be sure to bring your appetites

you can probably tell that REstuarnant Joe was not a regular kind of cat
well he wasnt
for one who ever heard of a cat giving away food
seriously that is just un heard of
and thats what everybody thought too
cause they said hey reastaurant Joe
How come you're giving away all this food
and he srhugged and licked his paw and dragged it over his head
and he said cause thats just the way I am baby

I did not jst make up the part where he said baby
I told you he was cool

but stil everybody was skeptical as well they should be
they said hey rest. joe
(I am ssaying rest. joe from now on because I am sick of typing resturant joe)
they said hey rest. joe surely you must want SOmething for giving away all this food
and rest. joe said no not really
and they said surely there is someing you would like in exchange
and he said not really
and they said surely again
and he said well okay There is something I like
and they said what is it you like
and he said Socks

so everybody said okay when we come voer to visit and eat your delicioius food we are going to Give you socks
he said oh no my house is too small
just one sock will do

and even then he continued
MAybe you could only do that once a year
I only have four paws and I Dont need all that many socks
and I may be restaurnt joe but Im not laundromat joe okay

fine said the people after sighing
we wil only bring one sock once a year
and restaurant joe said Im also very particular about my socks
I dont want argyle or blue
so howzabout you just put the socks up somewhere I can see them
and if I like one I will take one
okay said everybody lets go put our socks up by the fireplace
cats like fireplaces

so once a year when the snow came down all the people would put their socks up by the fireplace
and they put candls in their windows and color lights outside so that Restuarnt Joe would know where to look
and fake deer that werent made out of deer they were made out of lights
I dont know how they did that

and every year restaurnt joe would visit and look over the socks
but I dont think I ever heard of him acutally taking one
maybe he didnt really need the socks and just told people that
so they'd stop pestering him with stupid questions
sometimes he would put stuff in the socsks
what a surprise that would be
you putyour foot in and oh hello an orange
what

the first time they did this everybody was happy
they all got food and restaurnt joe got his socks
even though he didn't take any
and it all worked out
gee this was great said restaurant joe
it's a real holiday
yeah said everybody else
even though resaurant joe just made the word holiday up
you dont question words people just made up
who are you to say thats wrong
it wasnt YOUR idea

so thats the story of how my cousin restaurant joe invented holidays
ask any cat its true

by the way sclelebrating snow is very easy to do
its lots of fun and you can do it inside
thats why it's fun
you dont actually ahve to go out in it

2007-11-15T12:37:00.000-05:00

Today i shoudl like to talk abotu Stairs
they are great
I like stairs
okay for one they go up
there they go
ANd ofor another one they go down
(I can run down veyr very fast and I will win in any race guaranteed)
(especially if there is new food int he bowl)
but they also stand still and don't go anywhere
and sometimes
SOMETIEMS

the staris are going up for someoene
the stairs are goingdown for someone
btu they're still standing still
all at the Same TiME

I can't figure it out
perhasps I should sleep on it
okayI think I will
bye

2007-10-22T09:09:00.000-04:00

typcially I am not one for baseball
sure theres a lot of chasing and a lot of running around and that's always fun
BUt when youg et down to it who wants to pick up a ball
or evern throw it
I don't even think I could throw a ball

but someitimes when you watch baseball
and the rightteam makes a home run
everybody jumps up and goes Whoop
and you get a piece of hot dog or tuna or bread or whatever it is on the table
so I gues some teams are better than others in that regard

so go whatver teamm gives me food
may you score a lot of runs in the world eseries and win the day

how do you throw a ball anyway

2007-10-01T00:20:00.001-04:00

I FInally finished the book
itwas long
and ihad a hard time turning pages
but wow there were tswists and turns and excitement galore

now I am going to go look out the window

2007-07-21T00:52:00.001-04:00

WELL WELL WEll
look at what the me dragged in

I WEnt on a maission tonight
it was topsecret and VEry important
I had to run down streets and not get hit by cars and then there was a big dog

I dont want to talk about the dog

but eventaually I won the mission and came home Victorious as you can see

I awill admit it is hard to turn the pages whn you dont have opposable thumbs
so I'mgetting someone to read it to me
I sure hope he doesn't spoil anything

2007-05-01T12:04:00.000-04:00

BIrthday
there was one yesterday you know
I am now ten
in cat years that is SASSY
the guy said hey abbie thats just about two pounds per year
he is lucky I cannot pickup a pail ofwater
then we'd see Who sleeps

tehre were a lot of good things about turing ten
you get two numbers in your age If you spellit that way
10 that's a a1 and a 0
1 means there's something and 0 meanst there's nothing
now here is a neat trick
if you put an 0 next to a 1 it measn there's now something ten times more than 1
dont put the 0 in front of the 1 or else this trick wont work

and ify ou put a nother 0 after the first 0 now what do you tihink
yes it means there is nowasomething ten times more than the 1 and the 0 put togehter
think about that forawhile
what happens ifi you keep on putting more 0s next to it
I amscared of that idea

so for my birthday i igve you the gift of ten

and then ext time someones says to you hey abbie you cant get something from nothing
say oh yes youc an
they are just pesimissists
their cups dont have anything in them
which is 0

thats enough of that
I hasd sushi too
but not thee seaweed
cats dont eat sea weed

2007-04-22T22:23:00.000-04:00

whaoa
I just noticed

I have been writing this for more than six years now
that's a long time and thats many houses ago
ALmost as many houses as years but not quite
I didnt know what a computer was when we were in the big white one
or in the little green one

when I started it was because i was bored
bored boredb ored
you don't come up with new things to do when youre interested
because then you are doing the itneresting things
but when you are bored you looks around
and you say hmm
what Can I do today
lets see
I already ran around alot
I ate some food
maybe I could have some more
okay that was good but now what
I am not sleepy
the other cat she was there too
she was off doing I dont know
probably trying tofigure out how to use the telephone
where did catnip bill go
oh he is under the fridge
hiding

oneday catnip bill went hiding and he was so good at it
we never figured out where he was

I miss catnip bill

so I got on the computer and turned it on
dont ask
it's a secret but there's a button
and then I decided this computer now belonged to ME ABBIE

and thats pretty much the story in a nutshell
except for all the parts I didnt tell
you cant tell everything all at once you know
six years is a lot of time and if you dont believe me you can look at all the months and years over there to the right

six years
and they still haevn't made a keyboaard big enough for me

2007-03-11T12:11:00.000-04:00

BUgs bugs bugs
I saw a bug on the shade
it had a triangle body and antennas
i Hit it and it fell to the floor
take That bug

then I stat and watched it on the ground
and i hit it a few more times just to make sure
cant be too sure around bugs for they are wiley

I LIke to watch bugs on the ground
better than in the air

it looked prety weird that bug
I will not ocmment on how it tasted

2007-03-04T18:26:00.000-05:00

OKya they didsyomething to my blog and now it lokos all weird
I'ma sorry for hdiing for a very long time
but truth be toldit hasn't been much fun since the other cat isgone
all my storys now are about oh Hey toaday I ran downstairs
TOdy I went to sleep on a new place
IT was a couch
aslso I am big
twenty pounds of big
a POund is what weights something and Iwe igh twenty
so thtere

someone rwrote this song for me
it is spelled right ansd was insipred by soetmething that happend in OCtober
dont ask
th eguy wrote it
I dont knwo if I liked it som uch because it is obaviously an attempt to speak for me
when in fact when thi s happened I was very good at speaking on my Own
anyway HEre it is

FOUR A.M. SONG OF FEEDING

Ask anyone who knows me, I'm an easygoing cat
I'm all about the chilling out, I've got the cool down pat
Don't really ask for nothing much, life's all good on the whole
But tonight there ain't no cat food in my bowl.

I've endured a few indignities in my time upon this earth
From jokes about my fuzziness to cracks about my girth
With patience I have borne these barbs that'd try another's soul--
But I'm offended there's no cat food in my bowl.

I didn't mind the time you gave me bows to make me pretty
Or rolled me in a blanket just to play Burrito Kitty
Or wrapped me 'round your shoulders and said "Hey, check out my fur stole!"
But I mind that there's no cat food in my bowl.

Now if I had my way, of course, I'd rule with iron paw
My merest whim a grand command, my meow would be the law
But my job here's to be the cat; provider is your role
So provide me with some cat food in my bowl.

All right, you've had your slumber, and your dreams of god-knows-what
But it's time that you addressed this pressing problem that I've got
Cause I'm a screamin' hungry cuss who's 'bout to lose control
...well hey look now, there's some cat food in my bowl.

2006-06-28T18:51:00.000-04:00

Todfay I am going to tell you where things vcame from
things come from Mythiology
that is the study of where things came from
as you can probably guess we spend a lot of time asking ourselves these questions
I know I do

the first cat was named CAt
that is why we are called cats
Cat was very Big and very black
they didnt have night back then but if they did Cat would be as balck as night
in fact that is how nIght happened
you see Cat was very vbig
Cat was so very big that he stood over the world
peolple underneath said my there is nothing above us but adarkness
except for a little white spot on Cat's tum
cat didnt like to move vry much
so a lot of people stood underneath him and said my my

then Dog came along
Dog was a dog
the first dog
Dog was big too
jsut about as big as cat which is saying something
Dog was yellow and when he stood over the world pepole said oh it is too bright something is in my eyes I am going to go blind unless someone inventns sunglasses soon

cat and dog did not know about the other and that's a good thing because they were Mortal ENemies
they stayed as far apart fotrm each other as they could
cat stood on one side of the world and dog stood on the other
thats just how things were
then one day Cat heard someone undernath him say something
that person said I was just over on the other side of the world and it is not dark at all
in fact is big and bright and guess what there is food
food does not grow in the dark and a lot of people were hungry
so they said Hurray lets go over and get us some food
Cat said oh now wait a minute I want some food too I will go
so off Catwent
and when Cat ggot to the other side of the world he saw Dog
this Cat did not like
Cat made himself look even bigger than he already awas
and said GOAWAY dog
Dog said arf arf Make me
so cat cahased after Dog
and away they went
round and round the world
cat forgot about the food and decided the only thing he wanted to do was to chase Dog
and Dog being Dog was stupid and just liked to Run around
they kept on cirlcing the world
so the people sadi you know what when DOG is over us lets call it a Day
D for Dog and D for Day okay
and when Cat is over us that is called NIght
N for Night and N for i dont know
and they still chase each other even now

therte will be some poeple who tell you that it is actualy Dog who is doing the chasing and has chased after cat since time imemorial
these people are full of beans
cat has always been the one chasing dog and you can put that in your hat or take it to the bank or whatever you want to do twith it

anywayh that is how we got day an dnight
it is our story
I havent heard any better explanations
mostly cause the other explaining dont involve cats

2006-05-18T12:22:00.000-04:00

OKay iut is gone
and I was keeping an eye out for it
in case it came back

BUt a few days ago ther ewas a dog
A DOG
it was RIGHT EHRTE
am so mada I cant type right

i was sistting in the room minding my own business
as I often do very nicely
and then there was ak nock on the door and she said
oh hello abbie you sh ould come out there is someone you should meet
so I went out and lo and behold
A DOG
RIGHT THERE
it was big and balck and it was sitting on the girls rug
normaly I like the girl because she lets me sit on her bed and poke holes in the blankets
but not when she invites dogs into the house
the guy will hear of this I am certain

well abbie that is a dog and her name is molly and she iS visiting
I said I dont care what her name is I am not going to be a party to this
and I let the dog know just what I thought of it all
ANd then ran and hid under the bed
dogs cant get you there

it has been two days and the dog has not come back
I Think the sign I wrote onthe door did it
I just scractched around the door

it says THIS IS NOT A DOG HOUSE
i think that'll do

2006-05-10T22:59:00.000-04:00

i have written One hundred and nintety nine posts
this will be the two hundreth

I Have not written much it is true
but before you say oh ho Abbie you have been sitting around all the time eating catnip and looking out the window why did you not have time to write
FIRst i will say the catnip was for my birthday and I am now nine years old
that is Cranky in cat years

second I have been doing a lot of Thinking
that is mostly all I do
also I have been a lot of complaining
mostly because I have to do the complaining for two nowadays
it takes a lot out of you to complain so much
I dont know how the other cat did it
she complainedf morning noon and night
up one wall and down the other
complain complain complain
oh this is too hot oh this draft is too cold where did the food go why can't I sleep you are too fat
so now I get to complain it all
I dont like it so much

recently though I have been listening to songs
this guy is named lou
he says s alot of stuff about LIfe
he says life is like bacon and ice cream
thats what life's like without you
I dont know I think bacon is good and ice cream is tasty
but I think he means putting it together is kind of WEird
and that its good maybe
but also not good
but he also asks what good is rain that falls up
I dont know
I don't have expalantions for everything

then he asks me hey abbie whats good?
okay lou here is what's good

good is when you wake up in the morning and you have Nothing to do so you go back to sleep and nobody yells at you
That's good

it's even good when you wake up and notice the sun is over there
so you go over there
and now it is time to sleep in the sun
that's good

it is also good when there is new litter in the catbox
and it smells clean
cause it means hey you can go again
and make a mess if you wish

fresh water is good
because it comes right from the water faucet
you can't get much more fresh than that

stairs are good
to knock things down
Goodbye sock

its good when you are sleeping
and you dream of Pizza
and you wake up and
there is pizza there
hey thats good

warm is good

sometimes people are good
but don't tell them that
it only makes them think they're better than you

that's what is good
life's good
lou says Life's good too
but not fair at all

maybe so
maybe not

and I have been looking out the window a lot because if you look hard enough sometimes you can see a skunk

2006-01-19T11:56:00.000-05:00

it is ASMazing the things you can get awayw with when you're the only cat around

for isntance last night I was really realy mad
and I used a lot of swear words
i was cussing up a storm left and right
I used the mrr-word
and the eemerrr-word
and maybe i said the one that begins with Rrow but thats all I'mg oing to say about that

thing sis since i was the only cat nobody understood what I was saying
come tothink of it that was the reason why I was so mad in the firs tplace

2005-12-26T15:59:00.000-05:00

DIda you ever hear the story of Catanip Bill
catnip bill was our friend
he lived under the couch
then oneday he moved far away
i think to canada
we never saw catnip BIll again

but the other day I got a package in the mail
from christmas
inside was wrapped up a gift
the gift said ABBIE on the paperso I knew it was mine
the other gift was a toothb rush so I knew it wasnt mine
and inside the gift marked ABBIE was Catnip Frog
it is not BIll it is a frog
but it is my new friend
and I like it anwyway