Lisa Pulliam

Rated R - naughty me

2007-07-09T13:40:00.000-07:00

Stole the link from the lovely Michelle Rowen (go check out her new release, Fanged & Fabulous!!!!)

I know I haven't been blogging, well, at all. I have just run low (or out) of things to chat about. I'm going to the RWA convention this week, hopefully that will give me plenty of things (and photos teehee) to blab about for weeks to come.

Tell me how you are!

Obsessive is the way to go

2007-04-05T10:18:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to turn a new leaf in everything. Write more. Keep my house in good shape. Be more organized. Be healthier. Etc. So far, so good. My house is starting to look pretty nice, I actually like spending time there now. I've worked on my book a bit. And I've been eating healthy and working out.

Something I've learned is that healthy eating is a struggle for me. It's not like I go get fast food everyday, or eat two pounds of pasta, my bad habit is eating processed foods because they are easy, cheap and quick. I hate to cook. I also struggle in trying to figure out what to eat, so I get frustrated and just grab a box of something.

Well I ain't gonna get healthy doing that. So, I put on my worn-out and overused obsessive hat and went to work. I have typed up menu pages with meal options for breakfast, lunch, dinner and a snack. Listing calories and such so I can quickly glance at options. I have also wrtiten out a daily plan listing the food I'll eat and my work-out. The food is broken down into things like 11 almonds, a tablespoon of salad dressing, 2/3 cup of cottage cheese, etc. I'm really crackin' down, folks.

But this is the piece de resistance (I have no idea how that's spelled, forgive me), I measured out ALL of my food. The other night I labeled ziplock bags to "hamburger," "turkey breast," "chicken," and "turkey sausage." The meats found in my daily food plan. They are all very, very lean cuts.

Then, I saw that the hamburger recipe called for 4 ounces, the turkey breast for 3.5 ounces, etc. So I grabbed my handy food scale and measured all the meat into those increments and put them in the labeled ziplocks for immediate freezer action. So my freezer is full of about 50 or 60 labeled ziplocks.

But it doesn't stop there. I have these mini tupperware containers that I have filled with tiny amounts of fat free mayo, sugar free jelly, unsalted peanut butter, whole almonds - some of the other things found in the meals.

And some meals call for two cups of salad, so I have measured that out into ziplock bags as well. And to prevent overdoing it on the salad dressing, I bought those new bottles of spray salad dressing in italian and balsamic vinigarette varieties. Both are rather good and only one calorie per squirt!

Have you imagined what my fridge looks like at this point? You may ask yourself why in the hell I would go through all that trouble. Well, I finally know myself well enough to confidently claim that if my food is not prepackaged, measured and ready to go, I won't go through the trouble of doing it when I'm hungry. Now it only takes me a couple minutes to grab the food and head to work.

You also may be thinking to yourself, "that's no way to live! Where's the freedom in the food?" First of all, I'm a super duper uper picky eater and only eat certain things anyway. Second, by eating so strict most days, I can afford a little splurge if I go to dinner with friends or something.

After only a couple of days, I feel so much better. It's amazing how much processed foods can make a person feel like crap without knowing it. I had no idea how crappy I felt until I started eating mostly fresh foods.

Anyone else as crazy as me and ever try something like this? We'll see if I keep it up, but I have some motivation to keep me going this time.

And the point of blogging this today was not to scare you or make you think I'm crazier than you already do, it's now out in the public and when I'm on the verge of quitting (as I'm sure will happen once or twice), I'll force myself to read it all over again.

Do you have any tips that got you healthier? Be it weight loss, lower cholesterol, more energy, etc.

Now if only I could start enjoying exercise...

Did you miss me?

2007-03-30T09:27:00.000-07:00

Ok, let's pretend that my last post was not three months ago, that it was in fact three days ago. Can we all do that? I like pretend. It's a fun game. I'll give you a quick and dirty of how things are, well mostly good stuff anyway. The bad stuff has passed and I am now resuming life as normal (i.e. all of you lovely people in the blogosphere that I have missed like crazy).

I warn you, this will sound an awful lot like random stream of consciousness. Oh, and by the way check out my other blog post at our fantastic chapter blog (two posts in one day!?!)

But first! HUGE news people. I'm so flipping excited about this.

...drumrolling...

...letting the anticipation build a bit more...

Okay - Eli, or more formally the darling Elisabeth Naughton is a Golden Heart Finalist for her fan-freaking-tastic book Make Me Believe. I looooooooooooooooooove this book. And I'm not just blowing rose scented smoke up your bums. I tease her that she stalked me when she wrote this book (we didn't know each other at the time) because it has elements of so many of my personal passions and favorite things/subject matters. And the hero is based off of a somewhat obscure person who I have been in love with since the 5th grade. And the writing is stellar. The only reason I talk to her so much is so I can read her WIPs. (kidding, of course, well mostly) :P

I bought airfare to Dallas for RWA Nationals. I'm rooming with Eli and Alice like I did last year. We had a ball and I can't wait to do it over again. I need to finish my WIP so I have something to pitch, and for the sense of accomplishment and all that. I have curbed my Puzzle Pirates addiction, I'm so proud. Although my TeamSpeak addiction will not go away, however it's much easier to chat on a microphone and write than play a game and write. In fact it helps a bit. It puts me in a good mood, which helps with my writing. I've learned of some great new bands and I'm loving the music I'm listening too. I have written out an eating and exercise plan and I think it will work. So far so good. By the fall I should be close to my goal weight. Hmmm...what else...I'm running out of things to say. A momentous time in history folks.

Watch this video, you have to.

On a sadder note, my doggie died. My baby girl Roxy. Things are ok, me and my family are ok, but it's hard as many of you know I'm sure. So here is a picture of the cutest baby girl ever.

Ok, updates! How are all of you? Tell me all the juicy details!!! And I'm going to be getting caught up on some blog reading this weekend :)

Holy accents, Batman!

2007-01-17T13:29:00.000-08:00

Have you heard of TeamSpeak? Wow. It's the coolest invention ever. You download the free program, get a free server and can talk to anyone in the world with a microphone. It's awesome. I've been talking to some online friends (coughs Puzzle Pirate friends coughs) and it's a hoot. Several of them are from England, so, I get to feed my UK accent addiction daily.

One of them from England has a deep voice. It's lovely. I could listen all day. And a couple of the girls are from the Netherlands and have adorable Dutch accents. Now if I could just get one of the Scottish folks to download TeamSpeak, I'd be set.

You should give this program a try to eliminate long distance calling, it's wonderful.

On the writing front I've been trying to outline the first book in a series that's been percolating for a few months. I've got an idea of the series, but need to get the book nailed down. It's going ok so far. I've never been so jazzed about an idea before, so we'll see how it goes.

It's a paranormal romance, but the research load will be horrendous and I've never written action scenes before. It will be a stretch for me as a writer, but well worth it.

How's your writing? Life in general?

I'm off to drool some more over the accents...

2007 To Do List

2007-01-10T09:20:00.000-08:00

1. Finish this damn book.
2. Edit this damn book.
3. Submit this wonderful book (by the time I edit it won't be damned anymore).
4. Get healthy.
5. Write a second book.
6. Get my dog to listen to me so she a) stops peeing and pooping off the pee pad, b) doesn't eat her poop ever again, c) obeys when I call her or tell her to stay, d) cleans the house while I'm at work.
7. Travel to Scotland.
8. Get a passport (would make #7 much easier).
9. Buy and consume large amounts of Catto Whiskey.
10. Go to Canada (#8 is important still).
11. Get an agent.
12. Find a way to make chocolate help in weight loss.
13. Clean my house.
14. Keep my house clean.
15. Finish knitting the Baby Blanket To End All Baby Blankets.
16. Make a large dent in my debt.
17. Begin to enjoy eating vegetables (relates to #4).
18. Learn to at least tolerate exercise (again, to #4).
19. Get my hair to the length I want (may roll over into the 2008 To Do List).
20. Go to Scotland. Did I mention that one already? Well it's a biggie.

What's on your To Do List for this year?

A humorous post for you kilt aficionados

2007-01-08T08:30:00.000-08:00

I thought this was hilarious. Posted by The Scottish Teabag Society on MySpace. Was on of his blog entries. Enjoy!

Crikey woman! Get your drunken hands out from under my kilt!
Current mood: Hoping for warm hands.
Category: Hoping for warm hands.

I'm sure you have also been a victim my friends. There you are, minding your own business and WHOSH! a sudden gush of cold air up your kilt and some drunken woman is trying to make her way thru the pleats in your kilt. I for one can't figure out how they get lost trying to get thru, but somehow they do. It would seem as easy enough task, you are one side of the kilt, my bare arse is on the other. You take a straight line thru and BINGO you get to grope me buns. But no, somehow there is some sign that a poor drunken girl follows that says "turn here", or "no, no, go this way" and they become hopelessly mired.

Now, it's one thing for an intoxicated woman to come up to you and ask if she can look under your kilt. You look for the police officer not to be in the immediate proximity, or the boyfriend to be of smaller stature than yourself, and you gracefully smile and tell her "well of course my dear". But after two or three minutes of hopeless groping your good humor is at an end. Especially when you are trying to maintain the conversation the women interrupted with your lady friend or potential lady friend. It breaks the rhythm if you know what I mean.

Being a gentleman, it is unacceptable to scold the woman. The only chivilous thing to do is help her of course! The easiest method as all kilt inspectors will tell you, is to take her hand and guide it up the side of your leg and quickly maneuver her hand around to the back before she can get her sharp, drunken claws into the front of you. Dangerous? Of course! But you knew the risk when you put your kilt on lad, there is nothing for it but to be bold, and quick!

As a seconary method, it is acceptable to lift the kilt for the woman. This has distinct advantages and disadvantages. If the woman appears to be very agressive, you may lose your ass if she is allowed to go in alone. And on the other hand, she may be faking her drunkeness and is just lulling you into a false sense of security you'll still lose your ass. So, save your ass and lift it for her.

I have had hundreds of women approach me. But my favorite groping from a woman was one that didn't say a word. She was walking behind me, raised my kilt, gave me arese the most loving little stroke and then continued walking on, with out even a "thank you very much". Ahhh, but the beauty and grace of her move was most excellently played.

So watch your ass out there mates and enjoy yourselves.

Shitty day...cont'd

2006-12-20T10:48:00.000-08:00

UPDATE: My water was turned on at 11:17 a.m. Finally. I'm clean, no more stinky Lisa. Yay!

So it's 10:48 a.m. I'm still at home. The water company didn't turn on my water yesterday as promised. So I called when their office opened at 8 a.m. The woman's response: "oh yeah, your water was supposed to be turned on yesterday." No shit? Really? Thanks a lot. So she says she'll contact the driver and have me the first stop. Uh huh. I'm still here and it's almost 11. I called back and she said she'd call the driver. That was 30 minutes ago. I have 3 faucets on so I can hear when it's ready for me. Then I have to take a quick shower, no long, glorious shower as I'd hoped. I have to get to work for our Christmas party at noon. Ugh.

Per a short story I need to write. We have a title folks. The Curse of the Brussel Sprouts: Foul Wind. He he. It will have pirates, vampires, cursed brussel sprouts and romance. Speaking of romance. Nice segway, eh? Last night I asked our crew captain if there were any single, Scotsmen in our crew. Over the age of 18. Don't worry. She said there was. He's even a year older than me. She's quite the matchmaker. And I gushed over my achilles heel of Scottish and British accents.

I sign on a few minutes ago and he happens to be on, usually very, very quiet. But I get greeted with "ahoy there ye wee lass ye." So she obviously went to work in the past 10 hours since we talked. Oh dear. Keep your fingers crossed, I may have a Scottish pirate boyfriend. Hey, a girl can dream right? It's research folks, RESEARCH. Ok yeah, "wee lass" made me giggle uncontrolably. I admitted it, now back off.

Shitty day update

2006-12-19T20:45:00.000-08:00

Water is STILL off. Municipal fuckers. Paid the bill TWICE. Still no water. Ugh. When I calm, I'll read comments. Thanks for your cheer-ups :) I'll use them soon.

Warning: Loads of whining ahead

2006-12-19T12:01:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: Don't read on if you a) hate complaining, b) want to maintain your cheery disposition today, c) dislike profanity, d) don't like whining unrelated to war, world peace, poverty, etc. This isn't about any of those.

Last chance...

Ok, this has been a really shitty day. It started last night actually. I got home from work and there was an orange piece of paper hanging from my fence. A piece of paper letting me know that my water had been disconnected for non-payment. But I had made an online payment two days before on their "fancy new payment system." Bullshit. I called this morning when they opened and they said that the online payments take 72 hours to process (it didn't say that anywhere online, I looked before I paid.) And that if I wanted my water back on I needed to bring in another payment. I also must add I didn't know my water was close to disconnection, I made a payment 4 weeks ago....

I then learn I am out of checks and can't find another checkbook. But, I had a couple checks from my old account with the ex-dh. So I shamefully used one of those to pay the water bill. Thanks babe. If he reads this before I talk to him...oops. I then leave for work (unshowered but I used parfume, don't worry I don't smell) and my gas tank is almost empty. I just learned that my bank account is empty too. Go figure? I have a check to deposit though, so I'll make it till next payday. I go to the nearest gas station, but turns out they only take debit. WTF? Mine is declined since I haven't made the deposit (don't worry, not overdrawn - just at zero since there are a couple pending charges). They won't take a check since the address is Gresham, a whole HOUR away. Luckily, ex-dh came to the rescue again. I had my old wallet with me which had the debit card for our joint account (he still uses it, I don't). Thanks again babe. Don't worry, this only put you out $40 total :) You're the best.

I get to work, plotting money stuff in my head on how to fix it all (it's fixable, I just overreact easy). I sit down at my work computer and suddenly my profile is gone. Meaning my files, programs, settings, etc. Everything vanished. Isn't this just the king of all fucking days here? It's a good thing I'm smart because I figured out how to fix it. The day is slightly looking up but I'm still pist.

Update: Just talked to the ex-dh so it's all good.

Switching topics. People have relationships on Puzzle Pirates. I don't know if I've made that clear. So, you know, hoping to snag a PP Scottish boyfriend. Maybe he'd adore me so much he'd come to Oregon. Could happen, right? Well, I snagged an admirer. But, he's a bit younger than me and American. Careful what you wish for folks.

I feel better already just complaining. I'd just erase the post since it served it's purpose, but then I may get out of the habit of posting again so you're just going to have to deal with my bitching right now.

P.S. A PP friend told me a joke to cheer me up. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite. Hahahahahahaha!

Bite the bullet

2006-12-14T09:36:00.000-08:00

I know, it's been a reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllly long time since I posted. Work related things have been all-consuming. Ok, that's not the whole truth. The past week or so hasn't been that bad. But you know when something has built and built and it becomes overwhelming? That was blogs for me. It had been so long since I've written or read one that it was daunting.

How would I catch up on all these great people's posts? I'm such a terrible person for not reading them. I get frustrated when blogs I read aren't updated at least weekly and here I am doing it. I suck!

Okay, I was beating myself up too much. But neurotic people tend to do that. After several frantic and concerned e-mails from people and the endearing "come back" comments on this blog that were popping through my e-mail, I decided to bite the bullet.

It feels good to blog again. I know, I'm acting like I was away for a year but it damn near feels like it! I posted on our chapter blog yesterday about PR for writers.

I didn't realize how much I had come to rely on blogs, both reading and writing them. Writing is an isolating profession and blogs allow me to keep in touch and see how others are doing. And writing a blog keeps me writing and my sense of humor going even in the dark times in my life.

So I hope you'll forgive me for my absence. I hope to never go that long without reading or writing blogs again. It gives me chills to think about it.

In lighter news. My puppy got a haircut so when I get home tonight I'm taking pictures of her in a Santa suit for my Christmas card. I'll post the pic, it will be adorable I'm sure. She's been a hellion lately. She destroyed almost all of my pink ornaments one day. I heard your gasp, I know. Blasphemy. You're probably surprised I kept her. I am too some days. I started crating her again while I'm at work and within a few days she began eating her poop again. Ugh! Always something.

Today my Christmas gift from the ex-dh should come in the mail. He was sweet enough to buy me a fancy widescreen monitor. The reason this is uber fantastic is because I can have two Microsoft Word documents open side-by-side. Outline and book. Woohoo! I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself.

I have to admit I have still been playing Puzzle Pirates, but I have cut back the time a lot. But, before you start saying "Lisa, writing is more important. That time should be spent writing." I have rationale to playing the game. Several good reasons really. 1) Most of my crew is from England and Scotland. As many of you know I am highly fond of those areas of the world. I am researching language and culture via the game which will help me in an upcoming book. It's true! Stop giving me that look. 2) I may write a pirate book. Hey, you never know! 3) The most important reason is it furthers me in my quest to find a hunky Scotsman. My exposure when from 0 to like 20 guys. Unfortunately most of them are minors and I don't condone illegal acts in that regard. But, I'm willing to be patient.

What have you been up to? Exciting plans for the holidays?

What is the Internet?

2006-11-27T11:35:00.001-08:00

So I haven't been online in a week. How crazy is that? I didn't think I could go without internet for that long. It's been interesting. I did a lot of knitting.

Last night when I returned home from my luxurious weekend of nothingness, I open my computer and e-mail. There were e-mails in my outbox. Work related e-mails of sending off info or projects before the holiday. Some personal ones of sending off info before the holidays. IN MY OUTBOX! For what? Six days? God I'm stupid. I have to keep changing the e-mail server settings between work and home and I must not have changed them back. So sorry to anyone who thinks I'm ignoring them!

I went to bed in a pissy mood because of that. Then I woke up, got ready for work, made it out to my car and noticed there was snow in my yard. That made me a bit happier because I got to stay home a couple more hours and wait for it to melt away before I drove.

Tonight I'm hoping to write and edit. Yes Michelle, I will make 30,000 by the end of the month. It's game time. I'm going to put on my writing outfit. Pink velour sweats, a feathered pink hat, my pink chenille scarf, pink University of Oregon sweatshirt, pink slippers, pink....just kidding :-) Sort of.

Lastly, I must publicly congratulate the Oregon State University Beavers for their Civil War win. Well done. God, where's the bathroom. I think I'm going to puke...

I'm a slacker

2006-11-20T10:12:00.000-08:00

Yup, I know it. It's been what, a week since I posted? Yikes. I guess I just ran out of things to say for a bit. Scary, I know. Things have been pretty busy for me lately, lots of day job stuff and freelancing gigs. I haven't written anything since the beach retreat two weekends ago...

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving. It's one of only two times (Christmas, too) that I enjoy cooking. I also enjoy the five day weekend. Unfortunately, this year is the first ever that I don't have any money for Black Friday shopping. Usually I save up and do all my Christmas shopping that day. But not this year. Luckily the University of Oregon vs. Oregon State "Civil War" game is on that day to distract me from my woes. Although I'm probably going to buy a wireless router for my parents house. No food till the end of the month is less important than internet at their houses :) I kid, I kid. Kinda...

It also looks like NaNoWriMo is a bust for me this year. Oh well. I know I can finish a book, I was just hoping to have finished this one by the end of the month.

So, what's going on in your lives? Any Turkey Day plans?

Puzzle Pirates

2006-11-14T21:36:00.000-08:00

Often lately when I'm chatting with Elisabeth online, she'll say, "what are you doing?" I'll admit, most of the time I'm tempted to lie and say, "writing like crazy!" Or, "I've written 20 pages!" Or, "patiently waiting to see your next chapter."

But the truth is, it's usually, "I'm playing Puzzle Pirates." The game is absolutely addicting. You make a piracte character and spend the first several sessions practicing puzzles. When ye are comfortably enough you can be a jobber on a pilly with other real live people and battle against bots.

You earn gold and can buy new clothes, weapons, houses, furnishings, shops and other establishments. You can also join a crew. I love the crew I joined. They're fantabulous. Very welcoming.

If you like interactive games that are long term, you should check this out. Yarrr!

Glossary:
Ye - "you"
Jobber - "worker on a pirate ship - not a crew member of that ship"
Pilly - "pillage - situation where you would job for a ship or pillage with your crew to get gold"
Bots - "computerized pirates - they are the characters with two word names"
Yarrr - "yarrr"

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack

2006-11-12T21:20:00.000-08:00

I made it home from the beach today, incident free. The weather was beautiful. Much less scary than when we went last February. Back then the windows were shaking from storms. This time we were tempted to close blinds because it was so bright.

I wrote a little over 5,000 words. I was hoping to write about double that, but it's 5k more than I had. In order to complete NaNo, I'll need to write 2,500 words a day. YIKES!

We had a great time. Lots of chatting, writing, chatting, writing, chatting, chatting, writing, etc. These are such a great group of women to know!

Anyway, off to bed. I'm tired and it will be a long week at work.

Oh! Before I publish post I'd like to inform the "masses" that AC/DC is supposed to go on one last tour. AC/DC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy crap that's big news!

Away for the weekend

2006-11-09T20:17:00.000-08:00

This weekend, several of us from our writing chapter are going to the beach for a weekend of distraction free writing. Being that I haven't written anything in a week...I'm hoping to make some major headway this weekend.

In my absence, I'd like you to talk amongst yourselves. I'll give you a topic: The Holy Roman Empire was neither Holy nor Roman nor an empire. Discuss.

Confession

2006-11-07T19:44:00.000-08:00

Elton John/Kiki Dee - Don't Go Breaking My Heart

It's confession time. I confess that I've secretly fantasized about singing this song as a duet with, well, several gorgeous men (but in the fantasy I can sing well).

What's your confession?

A special birthday today

2006-11-03T11:03:00.000-08:00

Today is Elisabeth's birthday! Go over to our chapter blog (where I posted more in-depth birthday wishes) and say happy birthday!

Thursday Thirteen

2006-11-02T10:38:00.000-08:00

Thirteen Things about Lisa Pulliam

13 urban legends in honor of Halloween (copied from here)

1. Two dormmates in college were in the same science class. The teacher had just reminded them about the midterm the next day when one dormmate — let's call her Juli — got asked to this big bash by the hottest guy in school. The other dormmate, Meg, had pretty much no interest in going and, being a diligent student, she took notes on what the midterm was about. After the entire period of flirting with her date, Juli was totally unprepared for her test, while Meg was completely prepared for a major study date with her books.

At the end of the day, Juli spent hours getting ready for the party while Meg started studying. Juli tried to get Meg to go, but she was insistent that she would study and pass the test. The girls were rather close and Juli didn't like leaving Meg alone to be bored while she was out having a blast. Juli finally gave up, using the excuse that she would cram in homeroom the next day.

Juli went to the party and had the time of her life with her date. She headed back to the dorm around 2 a.m. and decided not to wake Meg. She went to bed nervous about the midterm and decided she would wake up early to ask Meg for help.

She woke up and went to wake Meg. Meg was lying on her stomach, apparently sound asleep. Juli rolled Meg over to reveal Meg's terrified face. Juli, concerned, turned on the desk lamp. Meg's study stuff was still open and had blood all over it. Meg had been slaughtered. Juli, in horror, fell to the floor and looked up to see, written on the wall in Meg's blood: "Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the lights!"

2. A girl and her boyfriend are making out in his car. They had parked in the woods so no one would see them. When they were done, the boy got out to pee and the girl waited for him in the safety of the car.

After waiting five minutes, the girl got out of the car to look for her boyfriend. Suddenly, she sees a man in the shadows. Scared, she gets back in the car to drive away, when she hears a very faint squeak... squeak... squeak...

This continued a few seconds until the girl decided she had no choice but to drive off. She hit the gas as hard as possible but couldn't go anywhere, because someone had tied a rope from the bumper of the car to a nearby tree.

Well, the girl slams on the gas again and then hears a loud scream. She gets out of the car and realizes that her boyfriend is hanging from the tree. The squeaky noises were his shoes slightly scraping across the top of the car!!!

3. My mother swears this is true: My great-great grandmother, ill for quite some time, finally passed away after laying in a coma for several days. My great-great grandfather was devastated beyond belief, as she was his one true love and they had been married over 50 years. They were married so long it seemed as if they knew each other's innermost thoughts.

After the doctor pronounced her dead, my great-great grandfather insisted that she was not. They had to literally pry him away from his wife's body so they could ready her for burial.

Now, back in those days they had backyard burial plots and did not drain the body of its fluids. They simply prepared a proper coffin and committed the body (in its coffin) to its permanent resting place. Throughout this process, my great-great grandfather protested so fiercely that he had to be sedated and put to bed. His wife was buried and that was that.

That night he woke to a horrific vision of his wife hysterically trying to scratch her way out of the coffin. He phoned the doctor immediately and begged to have his wife's body exhumed. The doctor refused, but my great-great grandfather had this nightmare every night for a week, each time frantically begging to have his wife removed from the grave.

Finally the doctor gave in and, together with local authorities, exhumed the body. The coffin was pried open and to everyone's horror and amazement, my great-great grandmother's nails were bent back and there were obvious scratches on the inside of the coffin.

Comments: It is a fact that once upon a time, before modern embalming techniques were in widespread use, people were found on rare occasions to have been buried alive. It's most likely, however, that 18th and 19th century horror stories involving premature burial were inspired by the medical discovery that victims of suffocation and drowning could be resuscitated — that, though they appeared dead, they really weren't. To say the least, this was a frightening realization for many people.

In any case, so strong was the fear of "precipitate interment" during the 19th century that some of the wealthier folk were known to stipulate in their wills that their coffins be outfitted with signaling devices ... just in case.

4. A woman goes to buy a large cactus from a nursery, and brings it home. Later that day she notices something very odd. The cactus appears to be breathing! She calls the nursery she purchased the cactus from and says, "I know this sounds crazy, but I think my cactus is breathing."

The woman she is speaking to tells her to immediately get out of the house, and that she (the nursery woman) is going to call the bomb squad. The bomb squad comes to the house and loads the cactus into a van. Just as they get it into the van, the cactus explodes and out come thousands of scorpions!

It seems that several scorpions had laid their eggs in the cactus, and they all hatched at once.

5. A very stylish teenage girl grew tired of spending hours carefully "ratting" (teasing) and spraying her hair to attain an extreme beehive do. She washed her hair in sugar-water, allowing it to harden in the style she wanted. At night, she carefully wrapped a towel around it and slept on a special half-pillow designed not to disturb the hair.

One morning she failed to come down for breakfast. Her mother went to her room only to find her dead in bed. When the towel was removed from her head, it was discovered that she had been gnawed to death by rats (or bugs — I've heard both versions).

6. A teenage boy drove his date to a dark and deserted Lovers' Lane for a make-out session. After turning on the radio for mood music, he leaned over and began kissing the girl.

A short while later, the music suddenly stopped and an announcer's voice came on, warning in an urgent tone that a convicted murderer had just escaped from the state insane asylum — which happened to be located not far from Lovers' Lane — and that anyone who noticed a strange man lurking about with a hook in place of his right hand should immediately report his whereabouts to the police.

The girl became frightened and asked to be taken home. The boy, feeling bold, locked all the doors instead and, assuring his date they would be safe, attempted to kiss her again. She became frantic and pushed him away, insisting that they leave. Relenting, the boy peevishly jerked the car into gear and spun its wheels as he pulled out of the parking space.

When they arrived at the girl's house she got out of the car, and, reaching to close the door, began to scream uncontrollably. The boy ran to her side to see what was wrong and there, dangling from the door handle, was a bloody hook.

7. A young lady is alone in her apartment. She goes to bed with her dog on the floor beside her. In the middle of the night, she is woken up by a strange sound. She is alarmed, but reaches down to the dog, who licks her hand. She is reassured and goes back to sleep. In the morning, she finds the dog hung in the shower. Where the dog slept, she picks up a note which reads "Humans can lick, too."

8. I wish to warn you about a new crime ring that is targeting business travelers. This ring is well organized, well funded, has very skilled personnel, and is currently in most major cities and recently very active in New Orleans.

The crime begins when a business traveler goes to a lounge for a drink at the end of the work day. A person in the bar walks up as they sit alone and offers to buy them a drink. The last thing the traveler remembers until they wake up in a hotel room bath tub, their body submerged to their neck in ice, is sipping that drink. There is a note taped to the wall instructing them not to move and to call 911. A phone is on a small table next to the bathtub for them to call.

The business traveler calls 911 who have become quite familiar with this crime. The business traveler is instructed by the 911 operator to very slowly and carefully reach behind them and feel if there is a tube protruding from their lower back. The business traveler finds the tube and answers, "Yes." The 911 operator tells them to remain still, having already sent paramedics to help. The operator knows that both of the business traveler's kidneys have been harvested.

9. One night a woman went out for drinks with her girlfriends. She left the bar fairly late at night, got in her car and onto the deserted highway. She noticed a lone pair of headlights in her rear-view mirror, approaching at a pace just slightly quicker than hers. As the car pulled up behind her she glanced and saw the turn signal on — the car was going to pass — when suddenly it swerved back behind her, pulled up dangerously close to her tailgate and the brights flashed.

Now she was getting nervous. The lights dimmed for a moment and then the brights came back on and the car behind her surged forward. The frightened woman struggled to keep her eyes on the road and fought the urge to look at the car behind her.

Finally, her exit approached but the car continued to follow, flashing the brights periodically.
Through every stoplight and turn, it followed her until she pulled into her driveway. She figured her only hope was to make a mad dash into the house and call the police. As she flew from the car, so did the driver of the car behind her — and he screamed, "Lock the door and call the police! Call 911!"

When the police arrived the horrible truth was finally revealed to the woman. The man in the car had been trying to save her. As he pulled up behind her and his headlights illuminated her car, he saw the silhouette of a man with a butcher knife rising up from the back seat to stab her, so he flashed his brights and the figure crouched back down.

10. There were two roommates (yes, I know, another college story), Sarah and Megan. Sarah was the theatrical type and loved acting. She was in all the town's plays. Megan was more of a book person, she loved to read and her studies were her first priority.

Anyway, there was a huge play called "Oh, Susannah" that Sarah was in, and it was coming up on Saturday... so every chance that Sarah got, she would practice in the park (that's where she got her inspiration) for hours. Every time, she would beg Megan to go with her, but Megan would stay in the dorm and read.

Well, on Saturday Sarah was a hit. Being the star, she was detained after the play, and got home really late. As she entered, she heard her roommate's rocking chair squeaking in the corner, but couldn't see it, not all the lights were on. Must be waiting for me, Sarah thought. Putting her stuff away, she went back into the main room.

From the corner came a voice. It sounded rather husky, but that wasn't what agitated Sarah.

"Oh, Susannah, don't you cry for me..." came the voice.

"Stop it Megan! Don't give me that crap, okay?" said Sarah.

"Oh, Susannah, don't you cry for me..."

"Stop it! I mean it, Meg!"

"Oh, Susannah, don't you cry for me..."

"Stop!!!!! That's it!!!!" Sarah screamed as she flicked on the room's lights.

Sarah gawked in horror at the sight. Her roommate's body was in the rocking chair, but her head wasn't, her head was on the wall, kept there by a butcher knife. From behind the rocking chair she could hear laughter – maniacal laughter.

"Who's there? Who are you????"

From behind the rocking chair jumped a man, later found out to be the butcher that escaped from the sanitarium in the next town. All the time he was cutting Sarah, he was singing, over and over, "Oh, Susannah, don't you cry for me... I come from Alabama with a banjo on my knee."

Pinning Sarah to the wall next to her roommate's head, he screamed, "Now, Susannah, don't you cry for me!!!!"

11. Be careful the next time you go to a cinema. These people could be anywhere!! An experience of a friend of my brother's wife left me speechless. Please do send this out to everyone you know. This incident occurred in Bombay's Metro cinema (Among the best in town). They were a group of 6-7 College girls & they went to the theater to see a movie. During the show one of the girls felt a slight pinprick but did not pay much attention to it.

After sometime that place began to itch. So she scratched herself and then saw a bit of blood on her hands. She assumed that she had caused it. At the end of the show, her friend noticed a sticker on her dress and read the caption. It read "Welcome to the world of AIDS". She tried to pass it off as a practical joke but when she went for a blood test a couple of weeks later (just to be sure), she found herself HIV Positive.

When she complained to the cops, they mentioned that her story was one of the many such cases they had received. It seems the operator uses a syringe to transfer a bit of his/her infected blood to the person sitting ahead of him/her. A horrible experience for the victim as also the family & friends. The WORST bit is that the person who does it gains NOTHING where as the victim loses EVERYTHING.

12. A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had had. He said, "Oh the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... The guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!"

13. This was in the "Washington Post"... the title of the article was "Best Comeback Line Ever." This is pretty damn good. Drunk and horny, he still came up with this!

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the jail.

Lawrence went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice the Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin."

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised, as you'd expect, and then looked me straight in the face and said, "A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?"

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!) Diana Peterfreund; Tracie

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Tag, I'm it!

2006-11-02T10:12:00.000-08:00

S. William Shaw (he's awesome, go check out his blog) has tagged me to provide my darling readers with five interesting things about myself. This is a difficult task.

1. I'm interested in vampires, obviously for those of you who know me. But you may not know that the first dream I remember having involved me being chased by a gorgeous vampire through a garden maze at a castle. How old was I when I had this dream? About five I think. I used to pretend that the vampire and I were getting married and I'd walk down the slope of our backyard in a processional. The first movie I remember watching is The Lost Boys. These are the things that started me down a slippery slope, folks.

2. I love video games, particularly old school Nintendo. But I also enjoy X-Box and computer games. My favorite computer games are the Age of Empires/Age of Mythology series.

3. In high school I was part of the first members of our StRUT program (Students Recycling Used Technology) and the only girl in the program. I loved hanging out with those guys. Those were some of the best classtimes in school.

4. I have an odd fascination with the psychology of serial killers. I've always wanted to study what makes a person become a serial killers - nature/nurture stuff. In another life maybe I'll pursue criminal psychology, or at least write about it in a book. On a related note, I just learned a couple of years ago that a distant cousin of mine on my dad's side is in the Oregon State Pen for serial killings. Eerie.

5. My maiden name is Catto, which is of Aberdeen, Scotland. An ancestor, James Catto, invented one of Scotland's first whiskies - Catto Whisky. I collect anything to do with Catto Whisky (bar mirrors, shot glasses, ash trays, pitchers, etc.). Ebay has been a gem in this habit. The odd thing is, I've never tasted the stuff. They don't sell it in the U.S. I've been told by the distillery company that it is sold in Canada so I'm planning a trip in the spring. The best way to have me love you forever - give me Catto Whiskey stuff :-)

Wednesday round-up

2006-11-01T08:58:00.000-08:00

1. The winner of 4 lies and a fib is....Erin! I have been married, but I have no clue how to write calligraphy. My hand writing looks like a 3-year-old boys. Way to go Erin!

And I'd like to say something about your answers (Bethany, Eli, Piper and Paty) - why is it none of you picked #5? Do you all readily believe and not question the idea of me peeing my pants? Not cool, people. Not cool.

2. My dog was adorable in her princess dress last night. As you can see in the second pic, she's a licker.

3. NaNoWriMo has begun! I'm proud to say I already have half today's word count done. Woohoo! My plan is to write 2,000 - 2,500 words during the week so I can spend the weekend editing.

4. You HAVE to read this post by Lit Agent X if you are on the agent search. It seems so many writers expect personalized rejections or don't realize how special it is when they receive one. Think about how busy an agent is. Read the post to remind yourself that they struggle too.

Halloween, aaaaaaaah!

2006-10-31T14:25:00.000-08:00

Happy Halloween!

What do you have going on for Halloween tonight? I'm looking forward to reading some chapters for Elisabeth, watching scary movies, eating candy, scaring trick or treaters and dressing my puppy up in her princess dress costume (payback for eating my books).

I'm also hoping to get to some of my own editing if the mood strikes. Tomorrow is day one of NaNoWriMo. I'm panicking quite a bit, but once I get in the groove things will go ok. Especially since my writing chapter has a weekend writing retreat. Hopefully I'll pump out a lot of words next weekend.

Well I'm going to go shake my booty to Time Warp and the rest of the Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack. "It's just a jump to the left..."

Happy Halloween!

Weed out the fib

2006-10-31T10:53:00.000-08:00

I've been tagged by Erin! :-)

Among the 5 items listed below, one is a lie. You get to try to determine which it is, and post your answer in the comments.

1. I once worked at Walt Disney World
2. I have a large collection of yellow things with smiley faces on them
3. I've never been out of the country even though I live only 6 hours from the Canadian border
4. I did calligraphy on my own wedding invitations
5. When I was about 7 years old I laughed so hard I peed my pants

I tag Elisabeth, Piper, Paty, Bethany, Lillian, S William and Princess in Golashes. Muhahahaha!

Ass Flasher R-Us

2006-10-30T10:57:00.000-08:00

The weekend was fun. I'll tell the story with pictures.

Saturday morning I headed south to Eugene for the Duck game. There was an accident on I-5 so we sat in traffic for a while. Luckily we were surrounded by Duck fans, and some poor Beaver fans who were going to miss Kick-Off because of the traffic (their game was 3.5 hours earlier than ours).

This guy has a great get-up on his car. As you can see, on the left of the bumper hangs a Beaver and a Husky hangs from the right. Boy, I love college football!

After the game, we stopped at my house so I could get ready for the Halloween party. I went everywhere the night before to try and find a black short-hair wig, but I only found a pink one. You may be surprised to know I didn't want to wear the pink one. I thought black would have completed the costume better and toned it down a bit. Oh well.

I would like to report that my push-up bra was a success. My mom took a picture of my cleavage on her camera phone and began sending it around. At that point I had had a good amount of everclear, so I didn't stop her.

The party was a lot of fun. I was happy to two of my favorite men, Chris and Adam (in pics below Chris has the Harley rag and Adam is giving a solid impression of Zoolander's Blue Steel look).

Unfortunately they didn't have the Everclear jungle juice I had hoped for. So I drank a half dozen Smirnoff Black Cherry drinks before I thought I'd die of over-sweetness. I took a couple swigs of a keg tap filled with Pabst Blue Ribbon, but I went back to Smirnoff. PBR is disgusting. And I should mentioned that there wasn't a keg at the party, a guy showed up in a keg costume and his hat was filled with beer and it had a tap on it. I failed to take a picture. Dammit.

I tried to do a little swing dancing, but I kept yanking my dress down to avoid any Ass Flashing incidents. But in the inebriated state I was in, I yanked much too hard and made numerous tears in my costume (not to mention a couple of incidents of ass flashing when I was swung too hard dancing - thank God for the black tights). When I returned to my parent's house after my dad picking me up (he's so awesome, he drove me so I could drink), my mom said "you look like someone threw you in a haystack and molested you." I should have taken an after-picture with all the holes. It was a sight to see. Hopefully I can patch them up and sell the costume on ebay next year.

My dad drove me back to Salem yesterday (isn't that cute with Roxy sitting in his lap?) and he worked on fixing one side of my fence so my dog can't get between the front and back yard. I want to keep her in the backyard when I'm in the house, otherwise she barks like crazy at the passing cars in the front.

He patched the gap with chicken wire, but Houdini still almost made it through, as you can see. He had to make it like a prison fence, with wire tilting at an angle to prevent climbing.

While he was working on that, Roxy drug a branch bigger than her and played in my pile of leaves.

And I'll leave you with this photo that I find beautiful - an Oregon autumn. It's hard to tell, but each of those trees have leaves of different colors. Red, orange and yellow-orange from left to right. Bea-uuuuu-ti-ful.

All in all it was a great weekend. How was your weekend?

Wardrobe malfunction

2006-10-27T11:21:00.000-07:00

A couple months ago I posted about being excited for my first ever costume Halloween party (my friends in college were anti-costume). And it's already arrived, the schindig is tomorrow night. I bought the pink fairy costume. It's really cute and it's PINK! Yeah, baby.

So I tried it on. The black part around the middle is an over skirt. The pink tulle crap below the black is an under skirt. The over and under skirts are NOT connected. Meaning - the underskirt is see-through since it's tulle, and doesn't start until 4 inches below the bottom of my butt, which is barely covered by the black.

Let me tell you why this is a problem. If I were to sit down or be shakin' my booty (it is a dance party, after all) enough for the black part to shimmy up it's fullness (yeah, I got a ghetto booty) - then my ass is on display. Elisabeth has dubbed me the Ass Flasher.

So I must find a way to cover my bum from any potential ass-flashiness. Particularly since I will be enjoying a healthy amount of jungle juice. Which, by the way, I will spiking my cup with my flask of Everclear because the boys who make this jungle juice are softies and make it weak. They use one bottle of Everclear for an entire Coleman cooler of juice. That's like 1/10 of an ounce per plastic cup. But the fact I could drink those boys under the table is neither here nor there.

I found a pair of knee high boots for $3.25 at a second hand store. Hoorah! I really wanted to wear fishnet stockings. I never have and why not whore it up a little? It's Halloween. But, if the Ass Flashing happens then the fishnets will do nothing to cover. So I may have to get black tights. LAME-O. Ugh. At least if my bum escapes the black pleather while I'm dancing and I'm too inebriated to notice, I won't blind the other party-goers.

But now I have to find tights. Double ugh. And the black and pink wig I got for the costume ain't cuttin' it so I have to try and scour the remaining Halloween costume items in stores, elbow grabby moms in my way and trip annoying kids running around my ankles, to find a solid black wig. Triple ugh. I need to remember to fill my pink 6 oz. flask with Everclear. I better make a list!

And the Duck football game tomorrow (Go Ducks!) got moved from 12:30 to 4pm start time (that games are usually 4 hours). The game is an hour south of me (with football traffic on top of that) and the party is an hour north of me (start time of 9pm). Hopefully I can sleep in the car after the game on the way back to my house then hall balls trying to get ready.

I totally forgot the point of this post because I rambled and whined. Oh well. It's Friday. What do you have going on this weekend? Are you dressing up for Halloween or going to any parties?

And if I don't look like a giant, pink freak - I'll post a picture of me in my get-up.

Thursday Thirteen

2006-10-26T09:44:00.000-07:00

I already posted today, but I forgot it's Thursday Thirteen. So I'm posting twice.

Thirteen Things about Lisa Pulliam

13 men on my "list" (you know, the ones who don't count as cheating if you're in a relationship)

1. Johnny Depp (there are no words to describe this man)
2. Gerard Butler (if feels really warm in my office all of a sudden)
3. Howie Dorough (of the Backstreet Boys, he's been on my list since before I knew what sex was)
4. Ethan Embry (the only blonde on my list)
5. Jake Gyllenhaal (he stole my heart in Bubble Boy and has kept it ever since)
6. David Burns (he was in Real World: Seattle - too bad the red eye doesn't show you he has two different colored eyes)
7. Rufus Sewell (he makes such a great bad guy)
8. Criss Angel (his eyes, oh his eyes)
9. Stuart Townsend (he played a good Vampire Lestat, but I loved him as Dorian Gray)
10. Jesse Bradford (he's the inspiration for my WIP hero)
11. Jeffrey Dean Morgan (so scruffy and adorable like a big teddy bear)
12. Zsadist (ok, I know he's in a book but if he were real he'd be this guy)
13. Joaquin Phoenix (I love his lip scar)