Taaj, the Belly Dance Trainer

Long Time No See!

2008-07-14T07:12:00.002-04:00

I've been out of commission for a while! I got a computer virus about 2-3 weeks ago. I was too busy to give too much attention to that, so it's taken me a while to resolve that. Just let me say that if you don't have spyware protection, get it! I know of 2 other people who got the same virus who ended up completely dumping their computers to get rid of it. I had too much info on my computer that wasn't backed up to do that, so I had to go about it the hard way. A couple of days later, the stinker re-infected me! I guess this new spyware only cleans, not prevents.

I have been busy getting my new studio up and running too. I taught my first weekly class in a year and a half last week. It's good to be back and I am very enthusiastic about teaching again. The studio is not completely finished though and I don't have too many brain cells right now, so I will stop blogging before I say something incomprehensible!

I Can't Do It

2008-06-08T09:36:00.002-04:00

My sister keeps urging me to try this Master Cleanse "Diet". She raves about how it's the greatest thing for cleaning out your system. She said that it does result in weight loss, but as soon as the diet is over, you gain it all back, so the reason for doing it would be the cleansing effect.

Now, I am all for detoxing and cleansing. I do an anti-parasitic at least once a year, if not twice. I do different types of detox with regularity, but I don't think I can do this Master Cleanse. No food just doesn't sound desirable to me. I like eating.

I Wasn't Talking About You

2008-06-02T15:22:00.003-04:00

I think it's funny how many people will hear something or read a blog and think that you are talking about them. LOL I can't believe how many people have attributed my comments to them. Sometimes I don't even know what they are talking about or how my words might tie in. I guess it's fine if it helps someone inadvertently. It's just funny.

Just Say "Thank-You"

2008-05-21T06:46:00.002-04:00

So what do you say when the universe is pooping on you? You say, "thank-you". Why? Because it's giving you an opportunity to see your patterns, fix something, gain strength or learn something. Let's take a look at this.

Let's say that you want to be a belly dance teacher, but as soon as you decide that, you get road blocks. What's going on? Does that mean that it's not meant to be? I don't think so. I think that's the universe's way of testing if that's what you really want. If you haven't set a pattern of behavior before that decision that supports that, you will be tested. So, you say, "Thank-you, yes, I really do want to teach" and then behave in ways that support that.

Let's say you decide that you want to be a Belly Dance Superstar and then your personal or work life starts falling apart. That's the universe's way of telling you, "Deal with this so that you can be free to do what you want." It's not trying to bog you down. It's just trying to get your attention.

So pay attention. What is the obstacle trying to help you bring into focus? Are there things you need to take care of? Are there patterns that need to be broken? Maybe there are relationships that need to change. Or things you need to learn. If you focus on the interruption and say, "What is this trying to teach me" it is a lot more productive than feeling frustrated. It can help you to not give up. Once you truly commit to what it is you want, the universe opens up and supports your desire. You just have to show that you are willing to do your part to have whatever it is you want.

"I Don't Know What I am Doing Wrong"

2008-05-20T09:22:00.002-04:00

Every year there are people who compete who are disappointed by their standing. Here's my unsolicited advice for those people:

1) Keep your mouth shut until you see the scores and judge's comments and have had a minute to distance yourself from the event. It looks very unsportsmanlike to bad mouth the contest, the judges, and/or your fellow contestants. I realize it's an emotional process and hopefully people will forgive a moment of bad judgment, but it's better if those types of things don't happen in public. It just looks like sour grapes.

2) Once you get your feedback, examine it for ways to improve. There are going to be throw away comments from judges that just don't make sense. That happens, but the bulk of what you get back should be useful in helping you to score better next time. USE THOSE COMMENTS TO REDESIGN YOUR PIECE OR CREATE A NEW ONE. Don't just ignore it hoping for a better outcome next time.

3) Read the scoring criteria. Did your dance have all the elements being scored? Were you good in some areas, but not in others? If you do something that is not being judged, you won't get points for that regardless of how good it is. If you are weak in some areas, the stuff you did well in probably won't compensate for that in such a way that you can place anyway. I have seen a lot of excellent dancers who don't do well in contest because they don't read the scoring criteria.

4) Look at the contest. Who is the sponsor? Who are the judges? What is the scoring criteria? What is the contest reputation? If you don't have faith in those things, perhaps you are in the wrong contest. Check out a different one.

5) If you have done all that and still don't have a clue about why you are not doing as well as you would expect, get a contest coach. Notice that I said "Contest coach". Maybe your teacher is the greatest thing since sliced bread, but a contest is a specific type of performance. It's not the same as doing a belly gram or restaurant performance. If you have an instructor who is not helping you to overcome your deficits, you need to consult with someone who has experience with competition. This is not dissing your instructor or mentor. This is acknowledging that different people have different skill sets and if you want what you don't have, you have to go to someone who does have it.

Gossip or Girl Talk?

2008-05-20T08:55:00.002-04:00

I am the first one to engage in girl talk, but I am also the first one to walk away from gossip. I hate it. So what's the difference?

Girl talk is when you are talking with friends and the content stays there. The purpose of girl talk can be sharing, venting, or clarifying.

Gossip is talking about someone else's business. The intent is usually malicious. It's usually half truths or lies because that's more sensational. It's not productive. It's destructive. Why are you talking about other people's business? Don't have anything interesting going on in your life? Or is your life such a mess that you don't want any attention on it? Are you pointing out other people's issues to make yourself feel important or better in some way?

You know, the best way to deal with a gossip is to excuse yourself and don't engage in it. I know it's hard to walk away from juicy stories, but if they are shared with you, they will also be about you.

Come On, People!

2008-05-20T08:37:00.002-04:00

So I am on my way to work this morning and there is a stalled car in the middle of the street. It was obviously turning left when the car died, so traffic in both directions has to move around it. There is a lady on the side of the road on the cell phone who obviously belongs to the car. Pedestrians and cars are totally ignoring her.

When I saw this, I was furious. I mean, come on, people. Get out of your car and help this lady!

So, I pulled over, got out, and asked if she needed help. She said, "I just need help moving my car out of the road." So here I go, in the rain, in high heeled sandals to help her move her car. All of a sudden four guys come out of nowhere and push with me. I am like, "Where were you guys just a second ago? You must have been standing right near by watching to have gotten here so quickly. Why were you just watching instead of helping?"

I really don't get people. It took ten seconds. Really. Yes, it's raining. Yes, I am on my way to work, and yes, I am in high heels, but it really didn't take anything for me to stop and help someone. I just don't understand why it took other people, who were right there on the street, a second's hesitation to do the same. (sigh) People are wack.

It's a Small World After All

2008-05-19T21:07:00.000-04:00

Belly dance is a really small world, you know? Belly dancers travel. They are on the 'net. They email. They know people who know people. So before you go running your mouth about something or someone, you might think about who else might hear about it. Because it's a small world after all.

I Don't Want Your Business

2008-05-19T20:59:00.002-04:00

Why is it that the people who demand the most and the best are also the ones who think they should have it for a quarter?

My attitude is, "Hey man, here is the price. This is my product. If you want it, you can have it at this price. If you don't, you can take your business elsewhere." It's that simple.

I don't get when people try to say that they can get X for less, tell you all the things that are wrong with your product, or think that you will give it to them free for all the publicity you get in exchange. If you feel that way, go get it for less. Go get the thing that is so much better instead of bothering me. Find someone who wants to work for free. Why are you wasting your breath talking to me if you obviously won't be satisfied with anything unless it is top shelf for twenty five cents or less?

Maybe you just like having something to complain about, but I am not someone who wants to listen to that so keep your business. I don't want it. I don't want to give up 2 seconds of my sanity at any price.

Doing the Move du Jour

2008-05-19T07:19:00.002-04:00

Okay, so I went to this show where I anticipated seeing a lot of talented dancers because that has been the pattern in the past. So the first nice dancer came out and she did some pretty cool moves. Yeah, that was great. And then the next one came out and did the same cool moves. Then the next one. And the next one.

Wow. I was underwhelmed by the time I had seen it 25 times in the same show. Yes, it was done slightly differently and with a different interpretation, but it was like seeing a fuschia hat. The first time it's stunning and catches your attention. The second time, you might still appreciate it. But a fuschia hat isn't something you can wear every day. And if ten people are wearing it, it just starts to look like there was a sale and there is no longer anything fun about it anymore.

I think that the accessibility of of videos, the popularity of a handful of teachers, and YouTube contributes to a rubber stamping of dance. What happened to originality? What happened to dancing the way YOU dance? A move is not going to distinguish your dance from someone else's. YOU are what distinguishes you from someone else.

So even though I liked the moves that I was seeing, the "everyone is doing THIS!" moves are the things that took away from the enjoyment of the pieces, not added to them. That's not what belly dance is about for me.

I Love Buskers

2008-05-10T07:57:00.002-04:00

The buskers were out in full force last night. Two of them were really good. There was this one guy playing this bagpipe looking thing. I have heard the type of music that he was playing, but had never seen that type of instrument. It was really cool to watch.

The other good group was doing blue grass. They didn't have a lick of stage presence, but their music was good.

The thing that disturbed me about this is that there was a crowd around the second group. People were dancing and obviously enjoying the music, but they weren't tipping. COME ON PEOPLE! Support what you love or it will go away. People don't have the time or inclination to put energy in a direction that isn't rewareded. Give a guy a break and throw a dollar in the hat. Gas and milk are over $3 a gallon. It won't kill ya to throw in a dollar for the enjoyment that they provided.

Attitude of Abundance

2008-05-09T15:58:00.001-04:00

I am feeling like I am brushing up against people who want to use me for what I have to offer, but withhold what they have. Or maybe they want to block me from having what they have. The thing is, I don't want what someone else has, so how am I am threat? Not to mention that the universe is abundant, so you can't really stop someone from achieving, accumulating, becoming, or being anyway. So I just don't get it. Nobody is a threat to anyone else. We all have beauty, talent, contacts, energy, etc in abundance. We all have just what we need. We just have to get out of our own way and accept the abundance.

Oh gosh. Am I turning into an airy fairy person? ME??? Ack!

Play Critique

2008-05-06T07:14:00.002-04:00

So my sister and I went to this play reading yesterday. We were some of the people who read, but the purpose of the event was for the writer to get feedback. (There is a name for this, but I am not in the play world, so I don't know it!)

Anyhoo, it was a really interesting and valuable experience because the writer got tons of really insightful comments. I think if you did enough of those, you'd get a lot of good feedback even if it wasn't specifically directed to YOUR play. It just makes me remember what an important learning tool that is for dancers. When I start teaching again, I will be sure to offer that opportunity again for my students. (Coming soon to a studio near you!)

Strange Situation

2008-05-04T20:48:00.002-04:00

So this weekend was a "girls' weekend." Some friends from out of town and I hung out all weekend, watched DVDs, talked dance stuff, went to a wine festival, and of course they wanted to see a belly dancer. There is only one place near by with dancing, so I took them there. This was also my first time there, so none of us knew what to expect.

The restaurant was beautifully decorated. The food was delicious. The dancing was also nice, but we weren't sure if it was okay to clap. I mean, of course it's okay to clap AFTER the song is over, but nobody was clapping with the beat during the song, so we didn't know if that would draw unwanted attention to our table or if it would encourage the rest of the patrons to clap. Not wanting to risk looking foolish, we decided not to clap (not enough wine with dinner for not caring if we looked foolish).

Then we weren't sure about tipping. Every dancer deserves to be tipped, but we didn't know if we should tip on the body, shower it, or what. We waited for cues from the audience, but none were forthcoming.

Finally, the dancer asked us to come up and dance with her so that resolved the tipping issue. One of my friends just showered it over her head. I am not sure if that was the right thing to do or not, but it kinda broke the tension for us.

The evening was very enjoyable. Nice food, nice atmosphere, great friends and nice dancing, but it made me realize that it's not always easy for the audience to know what they are supposed to do. Even when they SHOULD know what to do, you can't take it for granted. Different places have different customs, you know? hm... always learning

Back From Civilization

2008-04-28T06:51:00.002-04:00

Well, I am back from spending 5 days in civilization (the city). I have to tell you that it was nice to be somewhere where people know how to merge into coming traffic so you don't have to either move over, slam on the brakes as they creep in front of you, or speed up to avoid hitting them.

I also enjoyed having many options for shopping and food within a few minutes in every direction. I am not sure why every store had clothes that were either black or brown or some combination of colors that included one of those, but at least I could go to twenty stores in a couple of hours to see that trend.

I also was enlivened by the cultural diversity. One day while having lunch, within my earshot was a young woman and someone who looked like her grandmother. They looked like they were shopping at upscale boutiques that day. Next to them was a guy who looked like he was on break from the office. Next to him was a woman who looked like she had too much plastic surgery and make up who was either coming from or going to the gym. Next to her were two young guys who looked like they were cutting high school. Next to them was a guy who looked like he just came in from the farm. The young woman and her granny were speaking a romance language that wasn't Spanish or French (Portuguese?). In fact, hearing languages other than English were pretty common during my trip. I was away for a conference and within my class, there was a French lady, a Brazilian lady, a German lady and I think the other accent came from Australia.

It was really nice being in "the world" again. :)

Am I Unreasonable?

2008-04-20T09:49:00.003-04:00

Okay, so I am quitting my job and I told someone about it who responded, "Aren't you just a little unrealistic? There are stupid people at every job. You just have to learn to deal with it." I thought, "That sounds reasonable. Let me think about that. Maybe it's me."

So, I thought about it and looked over my past work experiences for evidence to support or refute this. I worked in food service for a long time as my dad and best friend's mom had restaurants. They don't count as "employers" because the personal relationships skewed things. But my first job after that was at a Fortune 500 company. They had a management training program, which I participated in. My boss exempified the values taught in that program, which were: respect your employees, acknowledge, encourage and reward good work, give honest foodback, respect the privacy of your employees (in other words, don't gossip), be fair to everyone, and nurture those who need extra help.

I didn't realize until I sat down and thought about it how much that experience has molded me. When I first started in belly dance, I didn't think of myself as anyone's boss. I thought of it as something that friends share, even though I was the teacher. When conflicts came up due to role confusion, I separated myself from them and became more of a mentor, but someone who is fair, respectful, applies the same rules to everyone, but kept healthy boundaries. I didn't let people go crazy, either with me or with anyone else in the group. I think that all came from my work experience in the Fortune 500 company.

Since then, I've been self-employed, then back in the "employee" role. My experience as an employee has been mixed. I've worked in incredibly balanced places and very sick places. And I have come to the conclusion that, no, it's not me. It's not my problem. If a workplace allows sick people to ruin the atmosphere for the rest of the staff, it's not my job to "deal with it." It's my job to go somewhere and do something that is healthy for me. If I accept it, I help to perpetuate it. There are other options. If you reward mediocrity by ignoring it, you get more mediocrity. I don't want to work somewhere where that is ignored. I want to work in a healthy environment where I am glad to go to work, happy to see my co-workers and inspired to do what I do.

So, I am definitely going back to self-employment. I think that when you help people to be the best that they can be, it ripples throughout the world and comes back to you in some way. Even if they leave you (which they should do eventually to explore their talents in their own way), it's still a benefit to you while they are there. It's a benefit to them. It's a win/win. And that's what I am about. I don't believe in suffering crap because there is crap to be had. Let someone else do that! It's not for me.

Fusion- Again

2008-04-19T14:17:00.002-04:00

So, I was watching a fusion piece on video today, (sigh) I gotta say, I really don't like it. I like tribal fusion because it always was recognized and intended to be something different from authentic belly dance, but I really have to say that I don't like the other stuff. I recognize and appreciate the innovation and creativity that goes into creating new stuff, but I think that it's so far from the original concept that it should be called something else. And maybe differentiate the costuming a little bit more. I think that's part of why I don't think of tribal as "offensive". )I don't really mean "offensive" but I can't think of a better word.) Tribal is its own thing. I think the fusion belly dance can be it's own thing too. Just differentiate the costuming and give it another name and then I would like it a lot better. ;\

Is Orzo a Specialty Item?

2008-04-18T21:32:00.002-04:00

Okay, where is the orzo? I can't find it anywhere in the store. Is this now a speciality item? One that I have to get at a speciality store? I have never heard of such a thing. It's just pearl pasta for Pete's sake.

(sigh) Living in the country definitely has its limitations.

I've Had It (Venting again)

2008-04-17T20:45:00.000-04:00

I have had it. I have been self-employed for most of my adult life and I like it that way. I like being able to take off when I feel like it, come in late, and reap the benefits of my own hard work. I like not having to answer to someone who is less intelligent, organized, or just has no people skills. And I don't mind taking responsibility if everything goes wrong. I thrive on that and see it as a challenge.

I have been working for someone else recently though because it was necessary to accomplish a few goals. It's been good. I learned a lot, but now it's time to go. I absolutely cannot deal with other people's drama! I don't have time to figure out personalities and tiptoe around stupid stuff. I don't like guessing whether I was just complimented or insulted. Life is too short for BS.

I Smell Egypt!

2008-04-14T09:50:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I was driving down the road, minding my own business, when suddenly I smelled Egypt! I knew it had to be an olfactory hallucination because there was nothing around to create such a smell. Lilacs, dogwoods, and grass don't smell that way.

All of a sudden, I was like a heroin addict who gets a whiff of rubber and starts vividly remembering his last fix. Or a food addict who walks into a carnival who tries to resist the smell of frying elephant ears mingled with carnival sausage. It just makes you jones for the thing you love, you know?

Actually, I catch the scent of Egypt about a couple times a year. Sometimes it's a real scent that just reminds me of being there- like being in a hookah bar can take me to the sidewalks of Cairo where old gallabeya dressed men are passing the afternoon. Or sometimes the smell of leaves burning in the fall remind me of the scent of burning dung hanging heavily in the winter Egyptian air.

But sometimes, like yesterday, I know there is no real scent. It's just something manufactured in my brain that triggers the memory and there it is calling to me like an old lover. (sigh) Amazing. I love Egypt.

I'm Tired

2008-04-08T14:59:00.002-04:00

I am TIRED! I have dropped off the face of the earth because I don't have the energy to do anything or see anyone. I am working a ton of extra hours, which is nice because I had been feeling "stuck." I don't feel stuck anymore. I am inspired and have tons of new ideas, but no energy to do anything with them at the end of the day. It will be over in 4 more weeks though. Maybe I will get some sleep then!

A Teacher With Nothing to Teach

2008-03-31T15:32:00.005-04:00

I remember when I first started teaching, I thought nothing of going to a workshop and bringing the choreography back to my troupe. I just thought it was a cool piece, it was something that I didn't have to spend time creating myself, and it would be good to perform. As I grew in the dance, I started thinking about things like copyright issues, originality, and the possible diminishment of the choreographer's income and stopped doing it. Besides, my ability to teach also grew and I didn't need other people's work as a crutch anymore.

So imagine my surprise when I found out today that a "teacher" (let's call her B) I know teaches none of her own work! She's had a lot of students through the years, so many people know that her beginner's dance was lifted from a book. I mean, there aren't that many belly dance books, so people are bound to read the same ones and see that. But that's just one dance.

One of B's former students started taking with me and danced in one of my events. She performed a choreography that one of my friends created. I asked how she liked X's work. She didn't know X. She'd learned it from B. So, B has a pattern of teaching workshop instructors stuff and dances from books. Okay, well maybe she is new and didn't know better, like I didn't in the beginning.

Well, years have passed. An ex-student of B's went to a showcase by B's teacher. And guess what she saw? All of B's choreography! So you mean to tell me that all these years,

B has been teaching her teacher's choreography? I wonder if the teacher knows?

Seems like B's teacher ought to be getting a cut of the profits!

Wow. Anyway, I was astounded by that. I just figured that if you
have been teaching

for YEARS, you might actually have something of value to teach. I mean,

just being around dancers should give you something by osmosis.
Look at how many husbands can do hip drops, bellyrolls, and head slides. Guess I was
wrong to assume!

Loveliest of Trees...

2008-03-24T15:45:00.006-04:00

As I was driving in to work this morning gazing at the trees in bloom, I recalled A.E Houseman's poem

"Loveliest of Trees"
Loveliest of trees, the cherry now
Is hung with bloom along the bough,
And stands about the woodland ride
Wearing white for Eastertide. Now, of my threescore years and ten
Twenty will not come again,
And take from seventy springs a score,
It only leaves me fifty more.
And since to look at things in bloom
Fifty springs are little room
About the woodlands I will go
To see the cherry hung with snow.

I probably don't have fifty more years to "look at things in bloom,"
but it sure is a nice sight seeing the coming of spring, the bunches of
daffodils bobbing their heads in the breeze, sniffing the air perfumed
with hyacinth and seeing the cute little girls in their Easter dresses. It really does remind me that there is
a lot left to do with the time I have left- including watching things
in bloom.

I'm Beautiful, You're Beautiful

2008-03-22T08:46:00.002-04:00

I used to think that belly dance was a great way to build self-esteem, but I've seen so much ugliness come out of belly dance that I began to wonder if that was true. Yes, people who were so inside their shell came out. They displayed more of their bodies. They danced in front of people, but I think on the inside, they were just as scared. They hid this fear by not allowing others to share "their" lime light. They made ugly comments to people to make them feel badly about themselves. They wouldn't associate with other people who look good, and thus could make them look bad in comparison. Is that self-esteem? No.

But I have seen belly dance build real self-esteem. It came from building skill where there was none. From dancing in front of other people where you couldn't do that before. From learning to love your body just as it is. From learning to love yourself, but more than that, to learn to love other people.

See, self-esteem isn't just about you. It's how you relate to the world. When you can see the beauty in other people, it allows you to see the beauty in yourself. It doesn't require that you be better than anyone else because you can say, "You're Beautiful. I'm Beautiful" and leave it at that. Maybe you don't have long legs and a killer smile, but maybe you do have the ability to make people laugh or the ability to touch someone's heart with your vulnerability. Those are beautiful things that draw people to you. If you can share those with the world, you ARE beautiful. It's when you hide your gifts that your self-esteem suffers.

So, even though I tend to see more superficial "self-esteem" out there, there is also real self-esteem in dancers who are fine just as they are and in teachers who are willing to allow their students to blossom without fear that they will be just a little too pretty or graceful.

Happy Easter

2008-03-22T08:41:00.002-04:00

Twice yesterday someone almost wished me a Happy Easter and stopped herself. Go on. Please do wish me a Happy Easter. Wish me Happy Hannukah, Happy Eid, Happy Beltane, Happy Friday. I am not going to be offended by any wishes for happiness. I don't understand why this stinking political correctness has gotten so out of control. You can't wish someone a Happy Easter without fear that they will be offended? Isn't that ludicrous? Okay, so maybe I don't celebrate Easter, but is that any reason to get offended? Wow. Incredible. So one of the ladies ended up stopping herself from saying, Happy Easter and said, "Happy weekend" instead. lol