Made in China

2008-12-24T13:38:00.000-08:00

Here it is- the big annoucement....

Drumroll, please! We got "The Call" yesterday (12/23/08) from our agency. We have a birthmom who picked us and is just about 9 months pregnant! The baby is due on January 29th, 2009 and they are currently in the Miami area of Florida. We are flying down on the 29th to meet with the adoption agency and the birthmom to talk about the process, the degree of openness, etc. And it is a boy. The mom is healthy and we are very fortunate to not have any issues with drugs, or fetal alcohol syndrome.

Chris and I are beyond excited (duh) and have frantically begun to prepare ourselves, and our home. We got the mattress for the crib yesterday, and Chris picked up the video camera so we can record every little moment!

Of course nothing is set in stone until after the baby is born and parental rights have been terminated. But so far, so good- it all feels very good.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

2008-12-01T22:50:00.001-08:00

So things are starting... (wait, don't get excited- we just have gotten our first email about a birthmom - it is just another benchmark- no news yet)

So one part of the whole AAI program is that we get emails about possible adoption situations. If we say that we'd like to be considered, then the program director will send our file out for the birth mom to check out. She could easily say she doesn't like us, then we're back at the starting line again. So we got our first email in mid October. It was for a baby due on 12/19- which was a bit shocking. That wouldn't leave us much prep time. Not that we'd say no, but it just kicks things into high gear. Right now I'm still trying to figure out what else we need to do. I need a mattress, to zero in the type of stroller we need, pack and play, etc. I still need to replace the nasty carpet downstairs from construction traffic.

Molly has decided that the kid is coming in March. So, I guess we have about 4 months to go. Big phone interview with one of the agencies tomorrow am. 7:30 am on the West coast just so we can sync up with the Florida agency. Cross your fingers that we win them over and they are just dying to sell team Anderstein to all those birthmoms. :)

2008-10-08T16:56:00.000-07:00

In the waiting line....

So Chris and I have FINALLY completed all of the documents needed for the AAI program. The next step is that our program director, Liz, will begin to send in our applications to programs and send out our profiles. Our profile is a 20 page book that we made that has a lot of pictures and talks about who we are and who we hope to be as parents. So, things could move at the speed of light and we could get picked soon, or we wait a few months and hear something then.

I have officially been nesting this summer, and have painted the baby's room a light blue color (Thanks mom for the help), got a glider, a crib and a dresser. Things left to do are curtains, accessories, put up a bookshelf, and to add Molly's paintings. If I hadn't have lost my camera battery, I would post a picture, maybe I'll fix that soon with all of my free time.

We're working on names for both boy and girl. Olivia belongs to our Chinese daughter (if this ever happens) so we have a few ideas that we're kicking around.

Big things I still need to work on are doing more stroller research, finding a pediatrician (maybe someone who has adoption medicine background), finishing reading 100 books about raising an adopted child, and starting to get ready to draw up our wills, etc. We are working on finding a financial advisor to help us get ourselves together. That is if we have any money left after the world's economy tanks. But whatever.

That is it for now!

2008-07-31T14:19:00.001-07:00

Good news!

Today we found out we are officially accepted into our agencies African American Infants program. This means we are an inch further down the miles long road to adoption- but it is forward movement!! Next steps- filling out lots of applications for the agencies we are working with. Guess the rest of my summer/ early fall is going to be busy with lots of paperwork.

Oh, and it looks like good old Homeland Security will now be making things more complex for those of us in multiple year long programs (China). www.rumorqueen.com Hey gang- thanks for that!

2008-07-22T18:40:00.000-07:00

Updates....

Hey there- how is it going? I am officially done with work- whoo hoo! So, my plan for now- whenever is to get major projects done around the house, getting baby room stuff ready, doing more adoption paperwork, taking some infant education classes (not where my fellow students would be infants, but where I would learn more about how to take care of them), taking guitar lessons, and who knows whatelse. I may sign up to sub for some friends at the high school I used to teach at, and maybe teach some classes along the way.

Adoption process updates.... a bit frustrating. We had someone come out today and meet with us to put a home visit in our homestudy. I thought this would be done already, but it was a skipped step, and our social worker is out of town so we wait and wait. If we are officially accepted in the program, then we can actually select some agencies in the US to work with, and THEN birthparents will start looking at our profile and then we hope to have some good news. We have previewed agency descriptions, and basically selected the ones without the 30 plus days that could go by and then have birthparents take the child back.

In the meantime, I have purchased a crib and dresser, 2 car seats, won a pack and play, painted the room, and the crib bedding. So that feels like some major progress. I am totally fine with that sitting around for awhile before we match with birthparents- since things could move quickly after matching - so we'll be ready to go, and can focus more on dealing with traveling, adoption paperwork, etc.

I've been reading a couple of books, "I'm chocolate, you're vanilla" about raising African American children with a positive self-image, and "Black baby, white hands. A view from the crib". And I suppose I should finally pick up "What to expect- the first year".

So that is the news from our corner... progress, but still waiting. Oh, and China is still moving slow, Quelle Suprise!!

2008-05-22T22:57:00.001-07:00

This could have been us...

http://www.king5.com/video/north-index.html?nvid=247707

Today on King 5 news, a story was shared about a pregnant young waitress who was offended to receive a card from a couple that left a card in their restaurant bill that stated they were seeking a child to adopt. The woman was offended that the couple seemed to think that her baby was up for grabs because she wasn't wearing a wedding ring, and was working as a waitress. The film crew taped the woman and her husband at home saying they were horribly offended. The reporter called the numbers on the card, that instructed to ask for Joan at the lawyers office (aka chris and my lawyers' office). The reporter explained that there is no Joan, that is just a code word that alerts the lawyer's office that this is a potential birth mother calling in. The potential adoptive parents were not answering any of the reporter's phone calls.

This so easily could have been us. And I really feel for the couple that is being portrayed as greedy, rude and judgemental people. Our lawyer has told us that those who tell everyone they know- strangers even- have a better chance of finding a birth mother who could match with them. All the stories that we hear that are successful begin with "a friend of a friend of a neighbor who told someone we were adopting met this women who...." it is all about networking and word of mouth. So this couple left a note saying they were looking for a child for this waitress. They probably gave a note to the teenage boy who parked their car, the woman who rang them up at the grocery store that day and the person who bagged their groceries. The note does not say "Hi, I see you are pregnant, and you probably don't want that". The note said, "we are looking to become adoptive parents. If you have any information please contact us at...".

Adopting is hard. And I really feel for anyone who has gone through this heartbreaking process (either creating an adoption plan for your child, or for going through the long roller coaster process of seeking a child to adopt). I wish others knew what it was like to walk in our shoes and see that things may not be what they seem. I hope that the potential adoptive parents speak up and tell their story on the news, but they have been through so much already, I would totally understand why they would not want to go through one more tribulation in this journey. I wish them all the luck in the world.

2008-05-21T20:49:00.000-07:00

5

.... is the number of Jolie-Pitt children that have either been conceived or adopted since Chris and I started trying to have children. Sigh.

2008-04-15T21:17:00.000-07:00

Made in the USA?

Chris and I have been learning all about independent adoption this winter.... and we've gone from excited to freaked out to terrified back to excited to..... stuck. We have recently updated our homestudy and have been talking with our social worker, Becky. Becky looked over our information and said, "Hey there Chris and Megan, since you said you are open to any race of child, have you looked at WACAP's African American Infant program?". So we did. And we got excited!

For some reason, I had initially crossed this off the list of programs to investigate because I thought the kids were older, but they are newborns- 3 months old. It is kind of like a private adoption, in that we will need to have a birthmother select us, and there is still a chance for a mom to back out. But in this kind of program, WACAP acts as our advocate and it seems to be less shaky. So, we send in our info today that we'd like to join this program as well as keep going with China. China seems to be struggling a bit these days (See "Olympic Torch riots" or "Tibetian protests") and there has been some new scandal today specifically with adoption that I was too sick to investigate further. We really hope this adoption still goes through. 3 years of planning for little Olivia has really caused me to become attached to this person who may not even exist yet. It would be really hard to let go of that. So we hope we don't anger China with this adoption, or the timing, or God knows what else.

So today starts a new chapter in our adoption pathway. We need to get jamming on creating a profile that makes us look like terrific potential parents. We already have a letter that is partially done, so we need to refine this. I know what I'll be doing this weekend. :)

So that is the news. Thanks for checking in, and we HOPE to have some good information to post in the coming months.

Megan

2008-03-09T23:50:00.000-07:00

I know I said end of February... but how does early April sound?

Well, it has taken us a bit longer to get the paperwork in order that we expected. I think we said our goal was to have the website up by March 1st, well, mmm, not so much. We did our financial report, child abuse report update (as in, have we done that in the last 18 months), new government paperwork, and I had a physical last week, Chris is on deck for this week. We are glad though, that we don't have to have all of the paperwork notarized again. Our social worker called us to check in, and after she receives all of the paperwork she'll be in touch about updating the homestudy to include our wishes to also adopt domestically.

Today we spent the whole day working on our "dear birthmother letter". Ugh, this is hard. I am so wordy- I write just like I talk- (which is a huge suprise to those of you who read this blog!). Chris and I started this morning and one of us would work on it- sent it to the other who would read, review add, then send it back. Right now it sounds really dry, and we're debating on how gushy it should sound. We're not typically ooey, gooey people, but if could turn off potential birth mothers if we're too clinical. We have a bit of time before it goes live, so we are going to sit on it for a bit and then have a few people help us edit it. I have some English teacher friends, and Chris has some author friends so they may be able to help us creat a cohesive document.

I have to admit I am having a hard time with this process at this exact moment. I am totally having an "it's not fair" fit. Why is this so hard? Why is this taking so long? Why is nothing guaranteed? Boo hoo, I know. A lot of people have many other hardships- this is ours.

So far, we've sent out a letter to our friends and family asking for good pictures of us, next step, get an approved homestudy, get a new cell phone + 1-800 number for potential birthmoms to call, write letter to family and friends explaining purpose of dear birthmother letter and asking for assistance, mass produce the letter, create 4-8 copies of a scrapbook that is essentially a hardcopy of our website, so we can give these to our lawyer, start passing letters out to family and friends, and then begin handing them out to everybody, place ads in newspapers... then hopefully have responses!

Lots to do!

2008-02-02T22:45:00.000-08:00

A new direction......

After quite a few months of frustration, discussion, research, thinking, and more discussion, we've made a decision. Chris and I have hired a lawyer and we're going to attempt to do a private adoption. A private adoption means that we are not going through an adoption agency, but we are going to try to find a pregnant mother in the U.S. who wants us to adopt her child. This doesn't mean that we're stopping our China adoption- this will continue. We have been in this process for 2.5 years and we could possibly wait another 2 years. Add all of that on top of the time we've already spent trying to build a family and we would love to see some progress. So, we are doing both at the same time.

We would love to match with a birth mother this calendar year, and then match with a Chinese baby in 2009 or 2010. This could mean that both children are around the same age, or that the second baby ends up being younger than the first- we really don't care. We know that the CCAA requires a certain amount of time to elapse between children entering a home, so we could have to go on hold with our China referral- or, worse case scenario, they could drop us from the list entirely. We felt that because we are not guaranteed a child in the China program- too many things are changing in the last couple of years, we'd at least like to start on another process.

Many things could happen this year- the China program could speed up, it could take a long time to find a birthmother- who knows what else! We have understood for a very long time that the phrase "family planning" is an oxymoron in our household.

So, friends and family, in the next month or so, you'll start to hear an awful lot from us- because as good old Hillary says, "It takes a village". She meant that it takes a village to raise a child- but we're going to need a village to find one. According to our lawyer, networking is the key. Everyone we know and meet, and everyone our friends and family know will soon find out about us and our search. This makes me pretty uncomfortable, because it is advertising intimate details about us to perfect strangers - but if that is the way this is going to happen, then so be it.

We are in the process of renewing our homestudy (it expired a long time ago with our Chinese adoption), putting together a "dear birth mother letter" which is basically a 2 page note that can be given to potential birth mothers expressing our interest in adoption, writing ads to go in the local and possibly national papers, a website www.chris-and-megan.com will be up soon (maybe end of Feb?), etc. The process is terrifying but it is also exciting to be trying something new.

Wish us luck!

(By the way, is it inappropriate to point at pregnant womens' stomachs and ask "Hey, are you going to keep that?". Just wondering. :) )

2007-12-08T10:09:00.000-08:00

Data driven decision making....

Here is a great chart put together by Rumor Queen (THE authority on Chinese adoptions) that shows how the wait increased. Referral date is when the notification went out to the families - with a picture and health information which leads to acceptance of the child, then travel to China 2 months later.

LID cutoff means that for the referrals- this is the log in date cut off for the paperwork. So those families that got the referral were logged in by this date.

Min/Max wait- is the maximum wait the families waited after the paperwork was logged in there is a min and max wait because sometimes parents didn't get their referral right away

Days between referrals- this is how long the CCAA went between sending out referrals. They don't have a regular cycle, and events like Chinese New Years, Moon festival, ahem, Beijing Olympics can influence how long it is between referrals being sent out.

The days of LIDs is what the Chinese adoption community looks at... We all know how far away our LIDs are in, (for team Anderson, it is 161 days)... so each time we hear referrals are sent out, we anxiously await to see how many LIDs they got through.... this last time it was only 6 days, so that means that we moved 6 days closer to the finish line (and this time took us 33 days of waiting)....look back at the LIDs and the referrals.... can you even imagine how frustrating it is to wait an entire month to see that they only did 2 days of referrals? So this is why a simple calculation of how long it will take is impossible. The rate keeps changing, so that always changes the projection. If we go at a rate of 6 days referred every month or so... then it would be 27 more months for us to wait. But if it went to 3 days, then up to 52 months- but it could also speed up... like it used to be a month at a time- so then that would be only 5 months.

The more you know (cue the NBC chimes...)

2007-12-03T22:30:00.001-08:00

It is time for the "Bonehead of the Month" award....

A comment from the ether...

"Pathetic. There are sooo soo many American children waiting for adoption and you go to China. Pathetic." - Anonymous

Sigh. Really? Seriously? Isn't opposing international adoption so early 2003? Isn't the Angelina backlash finished yet?

Okay... deep breath- this will probably not be the last time that I answer this, but it is just so frustrating.

So if you want the in depth response- read into the earlier posts in the blog - for the sarcastic one -read the next few lines.

So I am guessing that Anonymous (weak man- totally weak - have the marbles to actually sign your name) has 2-3 adopted American children of his/her own? Probably not. Good to know that "do as I say, not as I do" is alive and well on the Intertron.

If someone told us that we could have a healthy, infant child (and we are totally open to boy or girl of any race) that we would not have to worry about being reclaimed by a birthmom with a change of mind- we'd sign up for that in a second. In fact, we are trying to find that right now. But it is difficult to sign up for a process where we can actually have a child in our arms a few days after the birth, and then have to return them. Or, my personal fear, a birthmom writes a fake name on the birth certificate for the dad, and 2 years later tells the actual father about this and he comes after us for the now 2 year old child that we have to share custody with or give up all together.

The American adoption process has a lot of rights for the birth mom- and I totally support this, because these women are choosing life for their unborn children and giving the most unselfish gift of all. But, personally, I need to do what is right for my family and me. And I don't want to start a process that has no guaranteed outcome. And what is right for me also doesn't involve nasty anonymous drive by insults on a blog- but hey, that is just me. I guess the KKK chat room was down for the night. Nothing like some anger over adopting outside of "good old America". Yuk.

2007-11-30T22:52:00.000-08:00

Still here, and still waiting!

Chris and I are taking some time to do some research and look at other programs and we are considering the idea of starting another adoption while we wait for our China adoption. Lots of programs out there- a lot of uncertaintly and more unpredictable timelines, so anything else we do will require patience - but after 2.5 years of waiting, we're getting good at it.

This was an interesting article from MSN today talking about the state of international adoptions today.

Oh and a quick point of information based on a question from my last post... a private adoption would involve doing our own footwork to try and find a birthmother who is planning on giving up her child for adoption. It involves putting the word out, handing out letters introducing ourselves to everyone, taking out ads in the paper, etc. It is doing a domestic adoption on our own instead of through an agency. It gives you the illusion of more control and if you are a good networker, could have faster results. It is really scary because it could fall through, or a birth mom could change her name after we have the child. So we go back and forth about putting ourselves in this position.

Happy Holidays!

Update-
Ha- talk about boneheads! Instead of saying that it is scary because a domestic adoption from the US could have a birth mom change her mind.... I wrote that the birth mom could change her name. Whoops. :)

2007-10-08T18:37:00.000-07:00

No news is..... no news.......

Nothing from China for the last few months.... other than press about how awesome the Olympics will be. Forgive me, but I cannot get excited about this event at all. It may be incorrect, but I see it as one huge roadblock to this adoption, and that everything is slowing down because of it. I probably am wrong, but I do enjoy having something to point at when someone asks me what is going on....

Chris and I did have an exciting meeting with an independent adoption lawyer. The purpose was to rule out once and for all the idea of one day doing a private adoption. Well, it did just the opposite. We really loved the lawyer, Albert Lirhus, who talked with us for an hour longer than the "free no commitment session" we signed up for. It gave us some food for thought, and we'll wait a few more months to do a bit of a pulse check with WACAP to see how things are looking for China. They did give us the permission to look at other programs- with the warning that we could accidentally anger the China program by looking elsewhere that would result in us getting tossed out. So we are just collecting research for now. We'll let you know if any big decisions are made.

Hope all is well with the Made in China audience- have a good day!

Megan and Chris

2007-07-30T23:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Olivia,

This is just a quick note to apologize to you in advance for denying you access to the "cool crowd". Wave goodbye to the popular kids' lunch table- it just isn't going to happen. We are sorry that your parents are nerds. Yep, we were band geeks, your father played D n D, your mom loves office supplies, we both went to the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Musical Sing along (recently) and now this. We found a bookstore while on vacation, and went to a Harry Potter book release party. With no kids, at midnight, and loved it.

You are doomed to be just like us. To quote the Borg... "you will be assimilated, resistance is futile". Welcome to the family. :)

2007-07-05T18:22:00.000-07:00

Wow- that was fast! I think we made it through...and in record time!!!

After the last post- we watched the April 2006 families wait for over 3.5 months on pins and needles to hear if there were any snags in the paperwork. We just found out that the May families (that is us!) made it through the review room process in just 14 days. This is unheard of! We are double checking with our agency- because we can hardly believe the great news. But I think we made it!

2007-06-25T21:15:00.000-07:00

One last hurdle....(before 2 more years of waiting and THEN we get the big news.... we hope!)

We have just gotten word that our dossier is in the "review room". This is where it is gone over by a CCAA employee with a fine toothed comb to find any problems. This could be anything from a question about our medical records, or a problem with the physical look to the paperwork (example: finding a staple hole in one of the papers.... yeah, it can get that nit picky). We are crossing our fingers that there are no issues, because if they do pull our paperwork to call our agency about a question they have, then we get pulled out of line. It will go back in eventually, but that will push us back at least a couple more months. So we probably have 2 months before we find out if everything is fine. I guess we are pretty used to waiting at this point.

Our paperwork is set to expire next month. We have to pay to update our fingerprints, our homestudy (just in case we've had any major changes in the last year), our financial paperwork, and our immigration paperwork. And all because of the expiration date set by our government. So we will probably end up paying $1600 for updating this paperwork that will expire again before we leave. Good times.

In the meantime... I just got back from Germany with my sister Molly- and had a great trip. It was super fast, but it was incredible. I am working on Chris to take a sabbatical and head over there for a few months. I am not sure I could pull him away from work, but maybe if he wrote a second book, then.... yeah, I just heard him scream in anguish, so that may not happen. But the extended vacation sounds great.

Big summer plans include spending some time out on the boat- we're heading out to see for a week and a half, I'm back in training for my second Danskin triathlon, and enjoying some outdoor movies at the Anderson Family Outdoor Cinema.... which should promise to be entertaining. Also a lot of fun.... I learned that when you stop teaching and move to the district office, 8 weeks of summer vacation is a thing of the past. I will really enjoy about 3 weeks off- in total. Oh well, I guess 25 years of 6 week vacations is a good enough run.

As I type this, Chris is playing guitar hero II, which has sadly become quite the obsession for the two of us. It must have kicked up our latent band geek DNA, because Chris is going to learn how to play the piano, and I am going to try to learn how to play guitar. I hope this sticks easier than my adventures with the violin. Our hope is to one day become substitute members of The Moondoggies, (okay now this link works!) but don't tell Kevin, yet. We may need to ease him into that.

Well, that is the news for now! Keep your fingers crossed for no questions from the review room!

Megan

2007-06-05T21:10:00.000-07:00

Why international adoptions are slowing down- according to the Seattle Times

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/living/2003731794_adopt02.html

2007-03-31T09:14:00.000-07:00

The post where Megan tries to explain why we're not buying a baby....

So I got the following anonymous (which I find really annoying, why won't people sign their names to their opinions?) comment on this blog and it seems some education is in order.

"Anonymous said... Of course you "buy" the baby. Do you think there aren't kids for adoption in the USA? But if you want all the requirements that the celebs want, the only option is to go overseas and pay the price. This is no different that getting a mail order bride or a mail order groom. You can get one locally so you get one overseas. "

Okay I am going to start with the first part of this- "buying" a baby. We have been quoted with a price somewhere around $20,000 for this process. Quick side note... you probably paid the same amount of money if you had a child naturally. Think of all the hospital expenses, doctors visits too. This just puts things into perspective. But most of the money that we're paying will be for our travel to China to pick up Olivia, tours through the forbidden cities, meals, translators, etc. We will probably have to fly to a different region of China after we land in Beijing and then will have to travel again to Guangzhou to the American consulate.

Another good chunk of the money has been our paperwork. We have filled out medical, financial, autobiographies, etc. and these have all been notarized, authenticated and verified at the State and consulate levels. We had a social worker follow up and analyze our documents, visit our house, meet with us a few times. Also very costly. We have paid around $600 to have our I-171s filled out and fingerprints taken through Dept of Homeland Security. And those will probably expire 2 more times before we go to China. (There is a current push to notify our congress people about this slow down in China and to try to extend the deadline). The only time that we hand over money in China will be when we pay the orphanage head $3000 for the care of our daughter. She will probably be 12 -15 months old and I don't mind paying that to insure that Chinese orphans (and there are a lot of them) have a place to go and receive good care and that there is money to run the adoption system in China.

Okay... on to the next sentence of the comment " Do you think there aren't kids for adoption in the USA?"

Yes we do. We know there are and it breaks my heart. Frankly, the domestic adoption program in the US (what I know of it) scares me*. There is a lot of uncertainty... the wait is longer, the kids can be much older, many more are open adoptions- where you have contact with birth families (which I hear can be great for all involved). Also the birth families "bill of rights" dictates that they get to select the adoptive families. Again, the idea of someone flipping through our file looking at our pictures trying to decide if we are good enough for their child- it doesn't seem like a fair and timely process (to me), and there are no guarantees. In China, we know we are guaranteed to be referred a child in a timely manner and that as long as we meet the requirements, we will be matched together with our family. After going through years of infertility, what we want as adoptive parents is a guaranteed family. I cannot take possible rejection by birth parents, or a placement that may not stick. And that is one of the reasons we're going to a country where children have been abandoned and so we know Olivia will stay with us.

* And I'm not even talking about adoption through foster programs. This is an even wilder ride! Can you imagine taking care of a child that has been pulled away from their family, and they can go back and forth a bit, and then you have to petition for adoption?

And the third statement confuses me a bit "so if you want all of the requirements that celebrities want you go overseas and pay the price".

I don't know what celebrities want. Are they making a statement that to solve the problem, you take the people out of the situation and buy them a nanny and the world is a better place? I don't agree. And I am the first person to agree that the best family for a Chinese orphan is a Chinese family in China. Next best thing is a family of Chinese descent in another country and we are third on the list. Do I feel that it is a great thing for a kid to be picked up by Angelina Jolie and tossed into the growing brood she has while she jets around the world on the hunt for another one? Not at all. When you adopt one child you are helping exactly one child. But if the money that all the celebrities spend (on private jets alone!) was used to improve the conditions in those countries... what a better idea. I guess it is the "teach a man to fish" saying. It is my hope that one day the China program will shut down because these children aren't abandoned anymore, or if they are, they are adopted domestically. That is what is best for most of the stakeholders involved. Is it best for me personally? No, that would mean that is one less way I can have a child - and that is my problem.

I find the mail order bride/ groom comparison especially offensive. I guess I would say that the only way that would be comparable, would be if to meet someone and get married in the US, the process was that you had to fill out a lot of paperwork, get on a really long waiting list, wait for someone to choose you, possibly have a couple of these fall through, and maybe get someone who is quite a bit older than you thought and then you have a lot more issues, and maybe have to keep sending pictures of them to their old girlfriend/boyfriend.

Chris and I have talked about looking at domestic adoptions. And I am going to repeat my comment that we looked at a few programs and we chose what was right for us- not right for all people. I have met quite a few of my students who were adopted domestically and things worked out very well for them. We may look at a domestic program for our second child. It was not right for us for our first, because we needed a guaranteed outcome. I cannot do another cycle of IVF, pump myself full of the drugs, go through the emotional roller coaster, and put all my hopes on having one good egg this time around. I also can't do a private adoption where at the last minute a birth mother changes her mind and we are shut out. We want to be parents and we want a child that we can love and not have 4 more years of uncertainty about. China is not as predictable as we once thought... and that hurts- the slowing down, the difficulty in making plans more than 6 months out- it is very emotionally draining. But we keep our fingers crossed that 2 years from now we will finally be a family.

Sorry to get up on my soap box. And I am sure I have misstated something in my preceding rant. This process has been very educational for us and we learn more and more every day. I wish people would try to learn a bit before they throw out judgmental statements like this anonymous commenter did to us. I know that the increase of celebrity adoptions has put the programs under scrutiny and I expect to answer questions about it. But please try to be sensitive about it. You may not know us, or our journey and how we arrived at this decision. I don't walk up to pregnant women and ask them if they know there are plenty of children in the US to adopt. Why is it different for the rest of us?

Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers out there! (Birth moms, adoptive moms and moms-to-be!)

2007-03-14T21:26:00.000-07:00

No, I don't want to talk about Angelina Jolie...okay just this one post and I'm through with the whole issue.

I don't really want to have a lot of negative things in this blog, but I am just going to say something quick about the latest about Angelina and her Vietnamese adoption. It makes it really hard to educate people about the misconceptions around adoption (such as, no you don't "buy" a baby, and the government is really all about trying to find good homes for these kids) when American celebrities can totally violate adoption laws (Madonna) or have their paperwork expedited (like Angelina) because of their fame and fortune. What about the rest of the people in line? What kind of values will this teach her children?... if you are famous the rules don't apply to you? A person with more money and prestige will be a better parent?

And I'm done....

2007-02-18T17:21:00.000-08:00

I started writing this post last month and postponed it and forgot about it... so pretend that it was last month. :)

Happy New Year!!!

Today is the first day of the year 4047- the year of the boar. Last night Chris and I had a small get together with some close family and friends to try out some new traditions- kind of a dry run for years to come.

We bought dinner at a Chinese restaurant and brought it home... I am still fighting that horrible flu that is going around, so I wasn't up to making dim sum for multiple hours like I did last year. It turned out just fine anyway. The thing that I loved was that the people who showed up actually did their own research on Chinese New Year customs- like Shelly and Rob bringing a basket of oranges- 2 pairs (because it is good luck to bring an even number), and everyone wore red as a sign of happiness. Susan and Randy read up on the red envelope tradition, so I was presented with some little envelopes with money it in for Chris, me, and Olivia - I have no idea where they found them. Others wore red. My sister showed up with a beautiful painted banner that a man had printed up for her with symbols for good luck, prosperity and happines. Jeannine made really tasty crab rangoon dim sum. We had a very relaxing night- I did go a bit overboard with the decorations... that is kind of my thing when we have a party. You should see our luau decoration collection- 10 foot inflatable tiki god anyone? (Although that one was Chris' fault...)

My favorite thing about the party, is that it made Olivia seem just a little bit closer to us. I think a lot about her these days- I wonder when she will be born, when we get to pick her up, what her birthmother is like. That last one really has me wondering. Is it a young woman who is hoping her baby will be a boy, and who will be disappointed when she finds out it is a girl? It is someone who already has a child and this was an accident? Does she sit up at night and wonder what she will do when the child is born? You know you hear all of these horrible stories about people who try to get rid of their babies in a dumpster or hurt them (and much worse) and you just wonder why they couldn't just give the baby up to someone else. The greatest gift that one of these girls or women will give a daughter is to recognize that she can't take care of her and will have faith that there are people out there who will make sure she has a good life.

When we had to go to our adoption weekend event at WACAP we learned about "the triangle of grief" - the 3 parties in the process that feel pain. First of all, it is the child who will never know her birth family and will wonder about her background, the birth parents who know they cannot support a female child and will abandon her, hoping she will be taken care of by a family who will love her just as much as they will, and the adoptive parents who will wish they could have given life to this child and spared them the orphanage experience, and who will not have that biological link with the child. I know we will all be happy together but it is good to know that there are some baggage that we will all deal with. Who doesn't have that, you know?

So (and I really didn't intend for this to get super deep and sad- but there you go) Happy New Year everyone! Gong Xi Fa Cai !

2007-02-08T19:03:00.000-08:00

Hey Megan, what's going on with the China program?

Thanks for asking Blogger... not much. A huge hub-bub over the new Chinese restrictions has ensued, with people arguing over who has the right to put these arbitrary restrictions, in place, are they fair? etc. Well it is not my place to say who makes the best parents, and China will not be calling me to ask how I feel about it, so there.

Where are you in the process right now Megan?

Well we are almost to the review room. That is where a rep from the CCAA will take our dossier, look it over and decide if we look good on paper. This is a bit of a nerve wracking time, because the new way they are doing things, is that if they stop to ask you to clarify some information, you get pulled out of line and it can cost you at least a month, to get things worked out and then put back in line again. So, we are biting our nails and are hoping that everything looks okay. Or I should say, I am biting my nails. Chris is playing lumines in front of his HDTV. :)

So Megan, what have you been doing?

Well, Chris and I got back from Hawaii, and we have a bunch of little trips here and there planned throughout the spring. I am going to Germany with my sister Molly in May for 10 days or so (no I don't speak German) , and Chris and I are going to Napa in April, and the group of girls I go to Vegas with are gearing up for a fun weekend in April. The outdoor patio construction is almost done - all we need is the place to put the BBQ. Chris is done with the book that you can pre-order on Amazon, and we are ready to start firing the boat up again. Yes- she made it through the crazy winter weather (quick knock on wood!).

Any progress on nursery themes/ decorations?

Why yes! Because Chris expressed an interest (yea!) on a specific nursery theme, we're going with that. We are doing an "under-the-sea" theme. Not over the top Disney type things, no Arial (sorry Alicia) decorations- but we're sticking to a pacific northwest rocky beach theme. So no tropical fish to be found, or white sand beaches. Maybe some Strongylocentrutus drobachensus, some Picnopodia helianthoides and a scuba diver that may or may not resemble my husband. We'll see...

So why am I still reading your blog, because nothing is really new, and you never post?

Well I am going to start posting more regularly and start a feature called "what did you get for Olivia?" showcasing her cute little wardrobe that I am crossing my fingers will fit her when she comes home. Sigh- comes home. :) She has been getting a monthly gift from my secret pal who is also in the April 06 DTC group- fun stuff! She got her first little Christmas gift this year. Her future husband, Ben Spiegelman, gave her a little white onesie that says "Got rice?" on the front and has a rice cooker on the butt. Cute! You'll just have to wait and see!

Chinese New Year is next weekend! Can't wait to learn some fun new traditions for many years to come.

2007-01-06T17:57:00.000-08:00

Ignorant Paula Zahn helps expose uninformed self-proclaimed race/ adoption "experts"

So today out on the intertwine, the adoptive community and Chinese adoptive community in particular is buzzing about an interview done by Paula Zahn last night. Here is an excerpt that helps to explain why people are so upset.

ZAHN: Let's bring in tonight's "Out in the Open" panel, Cenk Uygur, a host of "The Young Turks" on the Air America Radio Network, Solangel Maldonado, an associate law professor at Seton Hall Law School, and Roland Martin, executive editor of "The Chicago Defender" newspaper, and host of "The Roland S. Martin Show."

MARTIN: OK, why? What's the big deal with Chinese children? Enlighten me, please, help me out.

ZAHN: You understand this better than anybody. Why don't we see more Americans adopting black foster children?

MARTIN: That's my point. What's the big deal with Chinese children? Why the infatuation?

ZAHN: You think it's something with the color of their skin? Is that what you're driving at?

MARTIN: Maybe they think they can adopt a smart kid that is going to grow up to be a doctor? I don't know. They need to realize that's called training, not just inherent, it will happen when they're born.Angel, help me out.

MALDONADO: Absolutely. This is something I've been looking into for a long time. Americans have this love affair with girls from China. There is this belief, this perception, irrational as it might be that if you adopt a little girl from China, she's going to be intelligent, she's going to be more lovable.

MARTIN: Like the porcelain doll.

MALDONADO: We definitely see that idea of the beautiful Chinese little girl, as compared to do, they really want to adopt a black boy.

ZAHN: What are some of the other assumptions you think people in America make about the native intelligence of children based on whether you're Hispanic - We had a guest on the other night when you were with us suggesting that Hispanic parents don't take education as seriously as some other sets of our population. There's a very complicated picture here.

Wow. Let me say that again. Wow. I thought I had seen and heard some super ignorant comments about adoption before but this takes the cake. Do people really think that parents that adopt from China are looking for upgrading to a smarter, doll like child? Really?
What about not wanting to deal with the unpredictable private or open adoptions? What about wanting to give a child opportunities they wouldn't have in their current situation? What about wanting to deal with a program that is well established, that (until recently) was timely and easy to be accepted into. What about the celebrities who drop into orphanages and "shop" for a kid? Ugh. This whole conversation was disgusting and helped to spread more misconceptions. And this was CNN? This was not responsible journalism. If they were going to have a conversation about people who adopt- where was our representation? And who were these people to discuss this issue on international television? No one who participated in it had the background to discuss this issue. This is just what this community needs- more negative publicity. Do we need to aggravate the Chinese anymore- with journalism like this? Ugh.

2006-12-13T15:32:00.000-08:00

Changes with the CCAA

There have been rumors rumbling for a few months, but the official new rules have been issued by the CCAA. They have made the requirements much stricter, and on the yahoo group today, there were many people mourning the fact that these requirements now make them ineligible to adopt from China. They have until May 1st to get a dossier logged in to squeak by with the old rules.

Here are some of the changes:

Couples must be married more than two years with no previous divorces. If previously divorced, the couple must be married at least 5 years. Couples with three or more divorces each are not eligible to adopt.

* Preference to married applicants over single applicants. (and with the current number of dossiers logged in, that pretty much means that no singles will be allowed to adopt anymore)

* The age for both parents should be between 30~50. If adopting a Waiting Child, the age of the parents should be between 30~55 if they adopt WC.

* Good health. No history of depression or anxiety within the last two years. Applicants that are hearing impaired are eligible for waiting children with similar medical issues.

* No criminal history.

* Body Mass Index (BMI) should be below 40.

* The income per family member (including the adopted child) must be $10,000.00 with a net worth of $80,000.00 or greater.

* Education level of high school or higher.

* The number of children currently living in the home under the age of 18 is less than 5 including the adopted child. This may not be a restriction if the family wants to adopt a Waiting Child.

We are lucky that the requirements won't affect us, so maybe we will be able to adopt 2 children from China, which is our hope.

P.S. This won't move us up in line though. It takes effect as of May 1st 2007, so right now people who will be disqualified are now trying to hurry their paperwork in so they will be grandfathered in. The line will be shotter next time though... it seems this bumps out 50% of those who responded to a survey on the Rumor Queen! Wow!

2006-11-16T19:42:00.000-08:00

6 Months Down!!!

Today is the 6 month anniversary of our paperwork being found, rescued from the bottom shelf of the Beijing post office, carried to the CCAA, and finally getting logged in! Tonight Chris and I went out and had dinner at a Chinese restaurant to celebrate this milestone. Now, this is the point at which we thought we'd get our referral- but at this point, we don't know how far we have left to go. The latest round of rumors say that some agencies are really supporting the idea that the wait has stopped at 14-15 months from LID. Our agency still says 18-24 months, so maybe we are 1/4 to 1/3 of the way through the wait.

As far as the other things that we are supposed to be doing while we wait...we are going to start taking our Mandarin language lessons in the winter/ spring. I got Oly, as we have nicknamed her, a cute little octopus chair that was tested and approved by our godson Ben - we might actually start thinking of nursery themes soon!

This last weekend, Chris went to the Homelessness Project auction- one of our favorite charities- and tried to win some kids things- books, games, etc. This was completely on his own- I was more interested in the vacations- but I was out of town. But he kept getting out bid by another number- the same number. After dinner he tried to hunt the person down and found her sitting at another table. He told her that she didn't let him get anything and he was disappointed- she teased him back and said "do you even have kids?". Chris told her that "well we've been trying for a long time and we're finally in the process for a Chinese adoption but it keeps slipping back and so we want them but can't have them yet." She totally teared up! Ha ha! Chris is pretty good at yielding that guilt. She didn't give up any of the items though. :)

You have a good night- and thanks for checking in!

Megan