Live Forever or Die in the Attempt

Team Canada 2010

2009-11-14T21:32:00.000-08:00

It's a little early but I have been watching a LOT of hockey since I got NHL Gamecenter and I can watch any game I want to online. So I am better informed than I have been in the past few years since now I can WATCH instead of just listen to NHL games online. There has already been a lot of speculation as to who will make the 23-man Canadian Olympic Hockey roster. I think I have some good suggestions.

First and foremost, since you can't win a game when you score no goals, are the forwards. Every team is only allowed 13 forwards. As in Olympics past there will be 13 Canadian boys NOT playing who could probably win the gold for Canada. That's just the depth we have in Canadian hockey. However, if I had to pick 13, these are the guys and possible line matches I would pick:

Line one would be Joe Thornton at center, Patrick Marleau on RW and Dany Heatley on LW. All from the San Jose Sharks. At this time the Sharks are struggling to score a bit but that's just because I loaded up on them in all my hockey pools. These guys have all been producing. Marleau is a center but his speed would be much better utilized on the wing. Take a look at the San Jose power play statistics and you have these three guys to thank for a lot of that scoring.

Line two is more contraversial. You gotta have Sid the kid centering at LEAST the second line. So I put Sidney Crosby at center with Jarome Iginla on RW and the bold choice of Jeff Carter on LW. Why Jeff Carter? He's a center for Philly, true, but he is a right handed shooter. For some reason they are rare in the NHL. And two secrets are becoming aparent to the "experts" in the NHL who are always the last to know and implement them: 1. You should NEVER take a slap shot from the point because these days it'll be blocked over half the time and a wrist shot is hard enough to go in, easier to deflect for a goal and impossible for defencemen to read and drop in front of. 2. A right handed goal scorer playing left wing is more dangerous than an angry tiger with ebola! I played some hockey before and I loved pumping one timers in while playing left wing and shooting right. That extra fraction of a second it takes for the pass to get across the body of a lefty is enough for the goalie to slide across the goal and block the shot. Elementary folks! Jeff Carter is a dangerous goal scorer and Sid the kid will feed him and Iginla all tourney. I doubt this will ever be a line on Team Canada but it sure should!

Third line is iffy. Iffy because there's no way of knowing how healthy Marc Savard will be by Olympic time. He's got a busted foot right now and coaches say he's two weeks away from play. Will he be in shape for the Olympics? I think he will. So he's my choice for third line center. Look how dismal the Bruins are without him! On his left I would put Shane Doan because he's ANOTHER right handed shooter and he's played left wing before although he's on the right side this season in Phoenix. And on the right is a guy who can play with anybody: Rick Nash. It'll be awesome to have Nash and Doan on the same line because they are two guys who regularly score a lot playing with very little support. What can they do with two all star players on their line?

The fourth line will probably have checkers. I hate that. It's the Olympics! Think skill. Score the other team to death! My fourth line center would be Ryan Getzlaf. On his right wing would be his teammate and massive scorer, Corey Perry. These guys are magic together. Left wing for this line is another guy I doubt we'll see in the Olympics but who I think deserves to be there: Dustin Penner. On EDMONTON he's piling up the stats and when I watch the Edmonton games it's HIS name I hear most. He's been a force in the NHL this year and is a natural left winger. I think he'd fit in well with the other two.

As a back-up you can't do any better than Captain Canuck, Ryan Smyth. He's played for Canada MANY times before and he can play any forward position. He's having a great year this year too! I think he'd be the best choice for the 13th forward.

LW C RW
Heatley Thornton Marleau
Carter Crosby Iginla
Doan Savard Nash
Penner Getzlaf Perry

Man that's beautiful!

Defensive pairings are pretty easy to choose in comparison.

Chris Pronger and Scott Niedermayer know each other well and are two of the best in the NHL.

Danny Boyle is great at joining the rush and Dion Phaneuf has a cannon from the point.

Mike Green is another offensive defenceman and he'd be great with Jay Bouwmeester to back him up.

And you can't go very wrong with veteran Rob Blake as the 7th man on defence.

The goaltending situation is going to be quite different from what I have in mind but I think the best bet for starting goalie has got to be Martin Brodeur. He's got the best save percentage and goals against average of any Canadian goalie this year and he's been steady for Team Canada forever.

For goalie number two I'd pick Marty Turco but I doubt he'll even be considered.

For my team it's a choice between Luongo and Fleury for third goalie. Neither has been outstanding this year. With Luongo you have a guy who could easily be number one but he's been injured and not very spectacular this year. Shooters have found a weakness over his left shoulder. Still I'd have to go with him. Most likely he'll be goalie number one or two and somebody else will get the third spot. But I don't see things that way.

So here is my Canadian line-up:

Centers: Thornton, Crosby, Savard, Getzlaf
Right Wings: Marleau, Iginla, Nash, Perry
Left Wings: Heatley, Carter, Doan, Penner
Extra forward: Smyth
Defence: Pronger, Niedermayer, Boyle, Phaneuf, Green, Bouwmeester, Blake
Goalie: Brodeur, Turco, Luongo

I'd give all four lines, and all defensive pairings, even ice time including penalty kill and power play. For captain I might choose Rob Blake. But there are quite a few good choices. I think I'd rotate the goalies too, but I doubt that'll happen. What a pleasure it would be to coach this team!

Smells like GOLD to me!

Just in case EVERY SINGLE player on my list is injured at Olympic time, I thought I'd make a second Team Canada. I think it's pretty good too.

Centers: Danny Briere, Eric Staal, Vincent Lecavalier, Jonathan Toews
Right Wings: Mike Cammalleri, Jordan Staal, Martin St. Louis, Devin Setoguchi
Left Wings: Simon Gagne, Ray Whitney, Brad Richards, John Tavares
Extra: James Neal
Defence: Ed Jovanovski, Shea Weber, Drew Doughty, Robyn Regehr, Michael Del Zotto, Duncan Keith, Brian Campbell
Goalies: Marc-Andre Fleury, Cam Ward, Steve Mason

The line of Briere/Cammalleri/Gagne will rock because Briere and Gagne were teammates on Philly at one time so they'd have chemistry. I wonder if Cammalleri can speak French.

Eric Staal and Ray Whitney are awesome together and it would be cool to see two of the Staal brothers on the same line.

Vinny Lecavalier and Martin St. Louis have played together for years! Brad Richards didn't usually play left wing but he's versatile and he's played with these two guys in Tampa Bay.

The young guns on the fourth line might make it their highest scoring line. And speaking of scoring: James Neal!

The defence would be more defensive than I'd like but there are a couple young fellas who might make mistakes so they need someone to stay at home and bail them out.

The three goalies are just as good as the three goalies on the first Team Canada.

These guys could win gold! I'd put a few bucks on them.

Only three more months! Only three more months!

Dave's top ten: Brian vs. Bon

2009-11-12T06:43:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I made one of these. Since I'm sitting at home tonight, "saving money", (that's what I call it nowadays when I am doing absolutely nothing), I figured I'd make a top ten list.

Youtube is awesome! Sometimes when I'm saving money I get on youtube and let it take me where it may. It's always different. That's one of the things I love about it. But even though it's always different, I am always the same and I focus in on my favourite things. Oddly enough I usually end up using youtube, a video site, for one of two things, neither of which you need video for. Stand-up comedy and music. Tonight it was music. And before long it was exclusively AC DC. I saw a couple documentaries, listened to a ton of songs and read a lot of comments. It seemed to me like no matter what song or video I watched there was always at least one comment about how Bon Scott was awesome and Brian Johnson sucks.

Well I don't find that at all! Back in Black was Brian's first album and it's still their best selling to date. I think it's the second highest selling in history behind "Thriller". Of course there are those who will say that Brian Johnson just cashed in on the popularity explosion that Bon Scott led AC DC up to. There is even some argument as to whether Bon Scott was the writer of some or all of the songs. "What Do You Do For Money", "Giving the Dog a Bone", "Shoot to Thrill", those titles sound a lot like the randy, rakish Bon Scott that's for sure. But I think the singing is solid and Brian Johnson had a VERY difficult job of replacing a legend and pulled it off. Something few could do. I like Brian Johnson and just about all the AC DC stuff he's done.

However, let's face it, he's not worthy to clean Bon Scott's bagpipe spitvalve. Bon Scott was made to sing rock and roll! While Brian screeches into the mike lyrics that are becoming more nasal and harder to understand as the years roll on, Bon had a lyrical character that few vocalist could match. He told stories. And we understood them. Most of them were filthy and therefore super cool! He was a hard partying, womanizer. Again, super cool! And it gave a ring of authenticity to his songs about sex with the gigantic Rosie, violence like in TNT or Problem Child, ravishing young girls, and then little bit TOO young girls like in Love at First Feel or Squealer, and it made us wonder a bit about his sanity when he sang songs like Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap and Night Prowler.

He had that uncanny knack that is impossible to teach of being able to ad lib a noise, say "Wooo!", growl, howl, bark like a dog or throw in a few extra words between lines that are so perfect you can't even humm the songs any more without including them.

The following is my top ten list of songs that are loaded with Bon Scott character and prove that he was one of the best rock vocalists ever. Not necessarily my favourite AC DC songs, (I doubt I could pull that off), but some are definitely amongst my faves and they are in order. So here we go...

1. "It's a Long Way To The Top If You Want To Rock and Roll"

It's also a long way to the end of that title! But bagpipes in a rock song. How many examples of that do you know of? Bon played the pipes in this tune. And they weren't just a gimmick, they ROCK! It's the one and ONLY good use for bagpipes I can think of off hand. Oh yeah, "Mull of Kintyre". Okay I stand corrected. By myself.

2. "Ain't No Fun Waiting Round To Be A Millionaire"

"Hello Howard. Friend. Next door neighbour. Get your fuckin' jumbo jet out of my airport!"

3. "Whole Lotta Rosie"

"She ain't exactly pretty. She ain't exactly small. 42 39 56 you could say she's got it all!"

4. "The Jack"

Just a little tiny bit of sexual inniendo. "She was holding a pair, but I had to try. Her deuce was wild, but my ace was high. How was I to know that she'd been dealt with before?" and it goes on like this.

5. "Let There Be Rock"

Oh sacrilege!

6. "Dog Eat Dog"

"Woof!" I'm not kidding. Just before an awesome guitar solo. Phil Rudd is at his best in this song on the drums. This song has some pretty good lyrics too! "It's a lie and that's the truth."

7. "Squealer"

It's one of the filthy ones but the way he goes from a dramatic whisper to 'squealing' is great!

8. "Problem Child"

The first lyrics are, "Fuck this!" What a way to get into a song! "I'm a problem child. And my Mother hates me!"

9. "Love at First Feel"

Another song on the Dirty Deeds album that makes you want to wash your hands after listening to it. Then listen to it again. "You never told me where you came from. Never told me your name. I didn't know if you were legal tender but I spent it just the same." One of their first tours was called the "Lock up Your Daughters" tour. Is it any wonder?

10. "Touch Too Much"

The only song on my list from the Highway to Hell album. This was the first AC DC album produced by Mutt Lange and I think he tried to reign in Bon a little bit to make the songs tighter. But he shows some of his personality here. "She had the face of an angel smiling with sin."

I have probably forgotten one or two songs that really show Bon's abilities so why not go on over to youtube now and give them a listen. I think AC DC tunes got better and better but the lyrics and singing really weren't the same after Bon. But I WILL say that it's a VERY lucky thing they got rid of their egotistical first singer, Dave Evans. His voice was good but I can't find too many pics of him without his eyes closed in rapturous delight at his own voice. I saw a pretty good vid of Angus and Malcolm Young talking about that guy. Neither one of them could stand him. BOTH Brian and Bon are better than him!

But that's just my opinion.

2009-11-10T14:49:00.001-08:00

This may piss some people off but I've been known to do that.

I'm having mixed feelings right now. It's Remembrance Day in Canada tomorrow. It's already November 11th here. Americans are observing Veteran's Day then too. And for I guess about 90 years the significance of these ceremonies has been diminishing every year. And that bugs me folks. It really does!

I can only imagine the emotion of the 11th hour on the 11th day of the 11th month at the end of World War I. People all over the world were happy that the war was over but gutted about all the friends, family and innocence they had lost during the war. I think they truly believed that they were fighting for the improvement of the future in their respective countries. And as a testiment to that they went home and promptly got busy bringing record numbers of new people INTO that future that they had fought for. This is when I start thinking, "Little did they know," instead of, "Lest we forget," because at this time, (our fighting ancestors' future, and our present), I wonder if this is what they wanted. Is this what they fought and died for? And more importantly, are we getting closer or farther away from their ideals?

I don't want to be too negative because even with the limited world travel I have done, I have seen first-hand that Canada IS a better place to live than a LOT of other countries. And if I were able to live in my own country I'm sure that I'd appreciate it.

The most significant tidbit of knowledge, and by far the most shocking thing I've learned from my world travel is that in countries like Indonesia, The Philippines, Thailand, Cambodia, in the country, (not so much in the cities), the happiness of the average person seems to go far beyond the happiness I see in ANYONE in Canada. I've seen people in the rice fields of Thailand working long hours in the sun that made me sweat just watching them. While I was on vacation cursing the heat, they were the happy ones. I've seen people on the beach in Indonesia who had never owned a pair of shoes selling pineapple to tourists for subsistance incomes. While I was sweating they were smiling. And in the Philippines I danced with an island full of fishermen and farmers in one of only a few pubs they had and while I was SWEATING they were singing, dancing and making me jealous.

I think when, (and if), the day comes that I can finally afford to return to Canada I just might try to manufacture a situation for myself that comes close to what these happy people have. I'll get a small house with a little land. Maybe plant some crops. Get a few dogs. It will not be anything like the situation I'm SUPPOSED to have in Canada, but maybe that's the point I wanna make here. Maybe we owe it to ourselves and our ancestors who were fighting so that we could find happiness, to stop chasing the almighty dollar and start looking for it. Happiness that is.

And here in Korea, to complicate my thoughts even further, November 11th is a day they call Pepero Day. Pepero are chocolate covered cookies shaped like sticks. Because November 11th is 11 11 and the ones are kind of stick-like like Pepero, everybody buys each other Pepero to celebrate. They have a Pepero song and games. They even do what we call, "air quotes" to signify Pepero Day.

So everybody here is in a good mood today and I'm kind of morose wondering if my our people have appropriately honoured the efforts of our ancestors. I made myself a poppy and wore it to class and my students asked what it was for. They showed interest in our tradition. They have the same thing here on June 25th. They call it "Yugeeoh", which is not to be confused with "Yugioh" the famous Japanese superhero, collector cards and cartoon. Yuk is 6, Ee is 2 and Oh is 5. 06 25.

So it's a bit of a confusing day here. Nonetheless I hope we never do forget what "The Greatest Generation" did for us. Support your local Royal Canadian Legion. And happy Pepero day!

Halloween in Korea

2009-11-02T06:33:00.000-08:00

It's just past Halloween here in Korea. Two nights ago I entertained the idea of turning on the air conditioning and tonight the heater. However the addition or removal of clothing and/or the repositioning of windows and blinds has been sufficient to alter the temperature to my liking. If none of the above works tonight I'll just get fetal under a couple of long unused blankets on my bed. Cold has ever been a friend to me. It's the heat I despise. The transition from one to the other, (rather the other to one respectively), has been almost instantaneous this year. Apart from foliage discolouration and a slight drop in temperature Korea has been all but cheated out of an autumn. And it's tied for my favourite season here in Korea!

I saw a few snowflakes as I walked to the corner store to photocopy homework for my classes today. A five-minute walk that included no less than 15 Korean exclamations of, "Oh chuweoh," which means, "Oh it's cold!" Although, in my experience, this not so hale and hearty younger generation starts with the "oh chuweohs" as soon as you can keep your butter out of the fridge. It wasn't more than a few days ago that the same trip wetted a dry T-shirt with sweat. As I type this my feet are in need of woolen socks and I feel a sudden and overwhelming urge to eat something covered in maple syrup. It's cold folks. In MY room anyway. The air coming in the window has that familiar, full-bodied diesel exhaust bouquet. It's pretty much winter today.

On Halloween night in the German Bar in downtown Gwangju I was sitting directly beside the open door in order to have the coolest seat in the house. And it was raining outside, hot, muggy and there seemed to be no sign of fall. Things changed in a hurry.

But it's not the weather I stumbled out from under the covers to type about on this night. It's not the temperature or precipitation that has made me tear myself away from the good book I was reading. Or re-reading. (The Picture of Dorian Gray). It is an often pondered mystery of this, my adopted country that puzzles me to distraction. Why don't Koreans do Halloween?

Indeed on the very night I did query a few costumed respondents and this is what several of them had to say, "Halloween isn't traditionally Korean." A solid answer in that if it is traditional, Koreans ALL do it. No matter how ancient, antiquated, outdated or inconvenient. Right? I am not so sure of that...

How traditional are cell phones? And if you think for a second that Japan or any other country comes close in cellphone culture, you'd just be wrong. It is a firmly entrenched part of the Korean identity. Cell phones and accessories are pieces of flair in modern Korea that have replaced the societal cues such as clothing, hairstyles, fans, servants, family seals etc. You may not score a date with the best looking guy or girl just because of your cellphone but you could lose one for dropping a call, having last year's model or exhibiting slow texting skills. My phone is about 6 years old. My students think it's "cute". But it's better than when I didn't have a phone and my students thought I must be a serial killer or worse, a "wonkda." That's the Korean word for a social misfit or outcast.

It's anyone's guess as to how social culture will transform in any country, but I think I've been here long enough to give a few opinions. I think Koreans would love Halloween! Here are a few reasons why:

1. Koreans love free stuff and they love candy. Free candy is a no-brainer. And it's not something that's limited by age in any way.

2. Korean girls absolutely love to get dolled up, often to the extreme. Now here is an area where I would say Japan DOES eclipse Korea. But only in a manga, cartoon charactery way. Korean chicks just dig getting dressed to the nines. When I show pictures of girls in Halloween costumes that would qualify as being dressed to the tens or elevens, (like the ones above), my female students moan longingly. You know the princess, angel, cat, French maid, naughty nurse, student, cheerleader, and maybe comic book character etc. costumes I'm talking about. The ones Koreans just couldn't quite get away with on any other day. I'm sure they'd get right into those on Halloween!

3. Korean guys would get into those costumes too! Not so much the wearing of them but supporting the girls who wear them.

4. Drinking! Nuff said.

5. Spooky things and ghosts are a bit different but I would say Koreans like to get creeped out just as much as any culture going.

I've seen a lot of kids wearing costumes and having school parties here so it's starting to catch on. But trick-or-treaters are still non-existant. Every year I buy candy and hope, but nobody comes a-knocking.

There is all kinds of conjecture. Maybe it's just too dangerous to send kids out into the streets here. Not that they'll be abducted so much but I think the fear would be more of kids being hit by vehicles.

Maybe everybody's working, or at least at work, all night so nobody can stay home to hand out treats.

Maybe people are loathe to espouse another foreign ritual.

Maybe it's still more attractive to be too "shy" to wear a costume.

Maybe trick-or-treating or Halloween partying just needs the immeasurable boost of being featured in a Korean drama or music video before it's safe for people to do it here in earnest.

Who knows?

Really, who knows? Anyone? If you have any ideas don't hesitate to post a comment. I just can't figure it out.

And so another Halloween has come and gone and there are no signs that it is catching on yet. Oh well, maybe next year...

Kia WINS!

2009-10-25T02:07:00.000-07:00

I hope this link will work.

These are the highlights of maybe the best game of baseball I've ever seen. I remember when Joe Carter hit his World Series winning home run for the Blue Jays but I don't remember the game being quite as exciting as this one.

I was at home watching it on my computer with my friend Guns. We had a few beers and were planning to go watch at a bar somewhere after having only a couple at my place. We didn't want to tear ourselves away from the game. It was that exciting. We finished all our beer and had a couple White Russians before the game finally came to its AWESOME conclusion. It was a long one. I think it was over 4 hours.

So after jumping around, high fiving, high tenning and yelling a lot, Guns and I went to a place downtown for further celebration. There were a couple VERY unfortunate things about the game, however. It started at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I talked with a few people who had tried to watch it in a bar and they said there really weren't that many people watching in bars. Because of the time. One guy said he was the only one in the place he was at and the owner said to him that he was sad the game started at 2 since he wasn't getting that much business. At 6 PM the day before Gwangju's Olympic Soccer Stadium was opened up and some fans watched game 6 on the big screen there. But the fact that the stadium was opened wasn't very well advertised so not many people went. And, of course, Kia didn't win game 6. I would have gone if I'd known though. The soccer stadium wasn't open for game seven again because it was at 2 in the afternoon.

The other unfortunate thing was that the final was played in Seoul at Chamshill Stadium. I guess that's where all the Kia fans were because when we got to downtown Gwangju after the game there was no sign that the home team had just won one of the most dramatic victories ever. It was pretty dead.

We went to the German Bar. It's one of two foreigner bars in town. Really the only pub in Gwangju. There was nobody there when we arrived at about 8 PM. And there are plenty of foreigners here who are big Tiger fans. But, undeterred, we asked the waitress to put the game replay on the TV and we watched it one more time while drinking German beer.

Above is a good pic of the game 7 hero, Na Ji Weon and the guy I thought should have been the Series MVP, Aquilino Lopez. Na is a second year player for the Tigers. If you scroll WAY back in this blog to find my season predictions for the Tigers I wrote that I thought Na Ji Weon might just "bust out" and have a good year this year. Talk about busting out! I don't think he deserved MVP but it was a popular choice and I can't say I'm sad to see him get it. I've seen a lot of Tigers games and usually I'm there for warm-ups a couple hours before the game. It's pretty clear that Na Ji Weon is well loved by his teammates. He's a funny-looking, clumsy, player with a bad, Kirby Pucket-esque body. The other Tigers often joke around with him on the field. He's got that kind of mascot-like position on the team. Because of this a LOT of people were pulling for him to do well this year. I really like him.

He had a very good year. He wasn't a regular starter but despite that he got 384 at bats. That was fourth on the team behind former major leaguer Choi Hee Seop, this year's league MVP, Kim Sang Hyun, and Tiger superhero, Lee Jong Beom. He got over 100 hits 73 RBI's and 23 homers. I'd call that busting out.

In the first game of the Korea Series he didn't start. But he came in for 2 at bats. He got out both times. Then in the second game he got up 4 times, had no hits and one sacrifice bunt. (which of course didn't work). He didn't start game three but he looked better getting a walk and a strike-out in two at bats. In game four he started. I was nervous that Jo Beom Hyun was going to keep him out of the game but was happy to see him play. He got two strike-outs and an out before FINALLY getting his first hit up the middle and knocking in his first run of the series.

So in the first 4 games he went 1/11, 3K, 1RBI. Not MVP type numbers. I thought he wouldn't start game 5 but he did. Gotta give credit to coach Jo for sticking with him. In game 5 he got another hit, another strike-out and another sacrifice. (which didn't work). In game 6 he got a hit and a walk in 4 at bats. So his numbers were 3/17, 4K, 1RBI, 1BB. Still not overwhelming but he was looking more and more comfortable.

In game 7 he hit TWO homers, got 3 RBI's and even threw in a walk. His final numbers were 5/21, 4K, 4RBI, 2BB. His average in the series was less than .250. Just about the entire SK lineup had a better average than that. But he DID win the final game for Kia pretty much single-handedly. And I didn't see any envy at all from other players. They were all happy for him. And I sure was!

Lopez got 2 wins and a hold in game 7. I thought he shoulda won MVP. But I kinda like it when the MVP is not a pitcher.

Choi Hee Seop hit .320 in the series, (8/25), including 4 walks, 6 runs, 5 RBI's. These are better numbers than Na Ji Weon and his two RBI's in game two won the game 2-1 for the Tigers. I suppose the reason I wouldn't give him the MVP was that he hit zero homers and struck out 5 times. He supposed to be the Tigers' home run guy.

An honourable mention goes to An Chi Hong. I noticed this rookie in pre-season and said he'd platoon with another guy at second base this season. Well the other guy is now history. An Chi Hong was voted to the All Star Game and got the MVP of that! A rookie! Too bad I was in Thailand when that happened! In the Korea Series he hit .286, (6/21) with 2 runs, 2 RBI's, 2 stolen bases and a homer. Not spectacular but it was a defensive series. And his defence was STELLAR as you can see from watching the highlights of game seven at the top of this page. He's number 8 on second base. I think he got about 10 outs in the game.

My two favourite players did well also. Lee Jong Beom hit only .238 but won game one to get the Tigers off to a good start. He also had 4 walks, 4 RBI's and 2 runs. Yoon Suk Min pitched 12 innings giving up 14 hits, and 3 runs. He struck out 11 batters but in all that time the Tigers gave him 2 runs worth of support. He won game two but lost 3-2 in game six. However Yoon won the All Star game and Lee Jong Beom was runner up for MVP.

What a great year it was for the Tigers! I can't wait for next season!

Tigers 2, Wyverns 2

2009-10-21T00:57:00.000-07:00

The Korea Series is in full swing and for those who just don't give a crap about Korean baseball, stop reading now. I tried starting a new blog just for my favourite Korean baseball team, the Kia Tigers, but I couldn't keep up with it during my vacation to Thailand/Cambodia and I just couldn't find a good way to pick up afterwards. The Tigers were in 3rd or 4th when I left and first place when I got back. They never left first for the remainder of the year although the SK Wyverns put on a MASSIVE run of 20 games unbeaten to end the season. One was a 2-2 tie, which stupidly counts as a loss in Korea, but they still weren't beaten in their last 20 games. You would think that'd get them into first but the Tigers won 7 of their own in a row to finish out the year.

I really like the way they do things in the KBO as far as their playoff format. The 3rd and 4th place teams slug it out in a best of 5 to play the 2nd place team in a best of 5 and the winner of that takes on a very well rested season champion in the Korea Series. That well rested champion was Kia this year. They sat back and watched while the Doosan Bears beat a feisty Lotte Giant club 3 games to 1. Then they got a 2-0 lead on SK. I was shocked given the finish SK had! They hadn't lost two games in like two MONTHS! But SK came back to win the next three.

So as expected it's the SK Wyverns vs. the Kia Tigers in the Korea Series. The first two games were Tigers home games in Gwangju. OF COURSE I went to see them, right? Nope. I ended up going to my friends' restaurant grand opening that weekend. (which was this past weekend). I had a great time though! Met some nice folks and I was very impressed with the restaurant the Jackson family has set up. It's a breakfast restaurant in the Peng San area. That's near Pyeong Taek. I think they'll do all right. Likely within 6 months there'll be 4 or 5 copycats down the street. Already several people have said they were "thinking about" doing that...

Above is a pic of Moodeung Stadium, the Kia Tigers home field, as I went by in a taxi on the day of the first game of the KBO finals. Known as the Korea Series. I went to about 30 home games this year so I'm pretty comfortable in old Moodeung. It was about 1 in the afternoon when I passed by and already the crowd was REALLY thick for the game at 6 in the evening. I think I'm probably lucky I didn't try to go.

It was good to see the family again and I even went to church with them. A nice cozy, little church that sings songs that I remember from MY church-going days. The pastor is a retired military man and his sermon was on something that has been coming up again and again lately for me. It's not something good. It's the idea that when the shit hits the fan, don't sweat it cuz it just makes you stronger. It actually says that we are to "count it all JOY when we fall into divers temptations and persevere." That's in the Bible. Maybe not exactly like that, but it's there, man. Trust me.

I've been struggling with a supervisor who is doing his best to make things as tough as he can for me. He told me I could teach at camps during vacations, that I'd get my own private internet in my room, and that I'd be getting a raise so I make the bare minimum salary here in Korea:2 million won a month. All three were contract promises and all three were lies. It's VERY hard to count that kind of stuff JOY! Kicking his scrawny, spineless, prevaricating ASS would be a joy though. But not very Christian of me. Just one of the divers temptations I have to power through.

Also this semester, AS ALWAYS, he gave me my schedule without classroom numbers and as always I went to a couple of the wrong classrooms and taught at least one class full of students who sat there for 20-30 minutes before telling me I was in the wrong room. But because this happens every single time I had asked my supervisor if he was absolutely positive of the room numbers cuz they didn't sound correct to me. He assured me, (lied to my face), that they were correct.

Then this past week during midterm exams I had 3 of my 4 exams scheduled at the same time: Monday at 10 AM. The one exam that wasn't conflicting with any others was, of course, the exam for my supervisor's class, the flight attendants. Since I knew what to expect if I asked him to help with the other conflicts, I solved the problems on my own by going to the various offices of the three other departments I teach. Between the deans of the physiotherapy and dental assistant departments we were able to hammer out a revised schedule so that dental was at 9 and physio was at 10. I couldn't find the dean of the E.M.T. program so I arranged with the students to have the exam at noon on Monday. My supervisor assumed I wouldn't be able to do this, (because he thinks his job is actually hard), and he sent me a message around 11 saying, "EMERGENCY! Your class is waiting for you! Where are you?" I called him back and said, "Relax they know the exam is at 12." Sure enough they all showed up at 12. This PISSED my supervisor off!

That's what I'm dealing with here. And there are dozens of other stories I could tell. In fact scroll down my archives and read. You'll find some of them. But it has been really good recently to be talking with some of my friends about this very subject. I have actually been encouraging OTHERS to stay positive in the midst of trials and tribulations and now it's ME who has to take my own advice. I wrote a letter today to my supervisor's supervisor explaining what a jagoff he's been but because I have a pretty sweet deal here, (all things considered), and I like the hours, my students, my long vacations and I don't have a wife or kids so don't need a ton of money, I'm still happy. I'd better just accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. I haven't sent the letter to anyone although I have the email of the guy who could probably fire my supervisor's ass. I don't think I will either. Why fix what ain't too badly broke?

But back to baseball. I'm hoping I don't have to use this strategy with the Tigers although, here I go. The Tigers won the first two games. Aquilino Lopez, (a former Blue Jay hurler), started game one for the Tigers and I have to admit, I am BLOWN AWAY by how well he's done this year! Early in the season I said he'd probably crap out and be sent home. But he's not only stuck around, he's become one of the best pitchers in the league. He's now known for getting stronger as the games go on. He's the one and ONLY pitcher on the Kia staff that the coach leaves in past the 7th inning because around about that time he's virtually unhittable. I saw some stats on a broadcast that were astounding! Like opponents' batting average after the 6th inning is like .090 or something ridiculous like that! So he pitched game one. He pitched 8 innings giving up 6 hits including one solo homer. It worked out to 3 runs. Not spectacular but it was as dry as the Sahara Desert for the SK hitters on the night. They're not used to that kind of low production.

The offensive hero of the night for the Tigers was the veteran Lee Jong Beom. Everybody's favourite player. He's been around for ages here in Gwangju. The people of Gwangju know him as "The Son of the Wind", (I think it's "Param Adeul" in Korean), for one season when he hit .393, stole 84 bases and got 196 hits. (He was only caught stealing 15 times.) But that was back in 1994! Nobody expected him to star out now, but he had a good season this year and even at 38 he's producing in the playoffs. On a night when the Tigers only got 6 hits, he got two of them and they were clutch hits that earned him 3 R.B.I.'s and were the difference in the game. The final score was 5-3 for Kia. I watched the game at Scott and Minju's new restaurant. They have a big screen there. It wasn't open yet, (they were setting things up while I watched), but next day was opening day.

Above is a pic of the restaurant interior and the TV upon which I watched this historic game. That's Alex in the foreground. Because Peng Sang has a big military presence he got an American quarter and flipped it over to the heads side and asked me, "Uncle Dave, that's Barack Obama, right?" If you blow the pic up you might be able to read the extensive menu. It's mouthwatering. You can also see it in the pic on the right.

On opening day, Scott was all by himself in the kitchen cooking for an army of friends and family that ALL showed up at once. A nightmare for ANY restaurant never mind one that hasn't cooked a single meal yet. But he did admirably. There were even some walk-in customers but it was, of course, too slow for most because of the huge backlog brought on by the festivities. The customers understood. I think.

I couldn't get a picture of Scott. He was a blur in the kitchen making waffles, bacon, eggs, French toast, you wouldn't believe the menu. I wish I could post it but I lost the site. It's online. He takes phone-in orders too. That's gonna be popular.

Anyway, it was a long wait for most but for most we didn't care. We were all socializing and enjoying ourselves while Scott whipped up his magic and Min Ju distributed it all and collected the money. I think they're both going to be exponentially happier now that they don't have to teach any more. Not that they won't miss the teaching, but, like me they're gonna LOVE getting rid of the shit that comes with it. Like having to be nice to students' parents who are unreasonable and crappy supervisors and so on.

Here's Jeff, the Jackson's upstairs neighbour, eating the first order. It was the Hungry Human Breakfast. That's what I got too. And trust me you have to be very hungry or not quite human. And here's Minju waiting on tables. I KNOW she's loving every second of this new restaurant!

But back to baseball, Kia and SK played on opening day for "Bacon 'N Eggs": October 17th at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. This is closing time for the restaurant. We watched the first inning at the restaurant and the owner of the building came by, took a look and said, "Let's franchise!" Then we went home and watched the rest on TV. ANOTHER big Screen! Scott and Min Ju have done well for themselves in their businesses!

This time, MY favourite pitcher on Kia was pitching: Yoon Suk Min. Internationally for Korea he has the best record, PERIOD! But he's largely overlooked by Koreans. Same thing in the KBO. He's respected but not considered elite. I DO consider him elite and in game two he made the SK hitters his bitches! He scattered 7 hits over 7 innings giving up ZERO runs and striking out 7. The reason he's not a pitching GOD in Korea is because his team never seems to give him run support. He's like a Korean Dave Stieb. Boy THAT'S dating myself! I'd like to date myself. I'm a good guy. Good sense of humour. Not bad looking. A pretty good catch really. Eehhhh anyhooo, Kia only got 5 hits in the game and two of them went to their former major leaguer Choi Hee Seop. He knocked in one run each and that was enough for the win. Very dependable closer Yoo Dong Hoon gave up a homer in the 9th but the final was 2-1. I nearly pooped my pants when the home run was hit in the ninth. I even told Scott, who was in another room, "OH NO! Tie game," because I thought there was another guy on base. But I forgot he had been thrown out on a close play. During the season Yoon Suk Min LOST close games like this because of little tiny mistakes by relief pitchers or fielders or whatever. He didn't have a stellar season this year. He went 9 and 4 with 7 saves during an inexplicable stint as the best pitcher in the league being used as the CLOSER! Man that was frustrating for me! And for him! I think I even saw him purposely trying to be bad so as to be removed from that role. Don't blame him. Anyway, I think he'll get to pitch again and I'm hoping he'll win, it'll be for the championship and I'll be there in Seoul to watch! Maybe, just maybe THEN he'll get the respect he deserves.

On to game three. The scene now switches to Incheon, the home of the SK Wyverns. The starting pitcher for Kia was my personal acquaintance, Rick Guttormson. I met him at a pub in downtown Gwangju. We drank for a while together and chatted a bit. I still don't consider him a "friend" because he said he'd give me a signed ball at the game the next day, but he wasn't the starting pitcher even though he though he would be. So I got no ball. Not HIS fault at all. But I don't know if he'd know me from Adam or not. Next time I drink with him I'll consider him my friend. Then maybe he'll overtake Yoon Suk Min as my favourite pitcher on the team. Unless I happen to meet Lopez... I sat beside Guttormson's younger brother at one game too. Nice guy.

Anyway, he had a VERY uncharacteristically bad outing. He gave up 4 hits in the first 2 innings, which doesn't sound that bad, but he also surrendered 2 walks and by the time he was yanked he'd given up 4 runs including one homer. I've watched him all season and I KNOW he's a bit of a slow starter like most pitchers. His worst innings are the early ones. But because of the shitty internet I have here in the dorms and the TV I used to have that exploded, I was unable to watch the game so I don't know if he should have been pulled or not. I'm guessing NOT. The coach Jo Beom Hyun is far too willing to go to the bullpen even though he's got the best starters in the league. And NOT the best bullpen. Suffice to say the next guy, Seo Jae Eung, (another former major leaguer), gave up 4 runs in the next two innings and the guy who has been the darling of the coach and the scourge of the bullpen for a few seasons: Son Young Min, gave up 3 more in his one inning. The Kia batters piled up 6 runs in a late-inning comeback attempt that Son Young Min made sure fell short. Kim Sang Hyun, the league's shoe-in M.V.P. got two hits, a homer and 4 R.B.I.'s but his efforts were wasted by bad pitching. I'm kinda glad I missed that game. I went for a bracing walk after trying fruitlessly to bring it up on my computer. Probly better for me anyway.

Yesterday was the best game of the series. By remarkably good luck I had enough bandwidth to get the game. The starter for Kia was Yang Hyun Jong who had no wins and 5 losses last year. Also a 5.83 E.R.A. Thing is I remembered him from last year as being a pretty good pitcher. I got him mixed up with Yoon Suk Min a few times. Only he's a lefty. I went to a couple pre-season games this year and he was pitching and he was VERY impressive. The games were VERY boring because of him! That's why I remember.

Not that pre-season usually means anything but I wasn't that surprised to see him bust out this year and have a great season. He went 12 and 5 with a very solid 3.15 E.R.A. And he had a very good outing yesterday as well. He went 5 2/3 giving up only 4 hits. The coach, as usual, pulled him WAY too early. I was watching and he should not have been pulled. Only 88 pitches! He DIDN'T deserve to lose either! He gave up one home run on a 3-0 pitch. What kind of megalomaniac swings at a 3-0 pitch? I mean honestly! That went for two runs. Luckily for the megalomaniac. Then Kim Sang Hyun, (Kia's MVP), hit a ball that probably would have been a homerun if not for a spectacular catch by the SK fielder. I think given the right circumstances this will be the Korean equivalent of "the catch". For those of you who don't know just google it. Dwight Clark would be a virtual unknown otherwise.

Yang struck out 6 and walked only 2 in 6 innings of work. Those are awesome numbers. He just made that one mistake probably thinking, "There's no WAY this guy's gonna swing at an 3 and oh pitch!" Or in Korea, an oh and 3 pitch. And that was all she wrote. Lee Hyun Gon went 3/4 with a homer and Na Ji Weon, (who I really like), got his first hit and RBI but it was all for naught. In the 9th inning with two out the third run for Kia scored on an error. Then 3/3 Lee Hyun Gon stepped up to the plate and hit a solid ball RIGHT AT the shortstop. The real difference in the game was that catch. It would have been a two-run homerun and Kia would have won the game if it were like an inch higher. But it ended as a 4-3 loss for the Tigers.

But, oh well. Count it all joy! Now I know for SURE that there will be a game Friday. Today is an off day while the teams make their ways to Chamshill Stadium in Seoul, (a money-making scheme I really hate), which is one of the few things I don't like about the KBO. I have ONE class tomorrow. A bogus hagwon class that was just piled on to fill out my sched. Probably only one student will show! Because of that I can't go to the game in Seoul tomorrow. Unless I just say fuck it! And nothing against this one guy who shows up but, he's a few sandwiches short of a picnic. He's the REASON the other 40 people dropped out of this class. I don't think it'd be too hard to think something up...

But before I get any idears... there WILL be a game on Friday! So I don't have to neglect my duties here. Even though my beloved employers have already breached the contract 3 times I am STILL going to teach a class of one weirdo rather than be a part of history tomorrow. Count it all joy! See what I mean? There's no doubt in my mind that this theme has arisen at an appropriate time in my life. And although I squawk and squeak like a greasy wheel I really do like my job. So I don't think it'll be too big a downer to miss the game tomorrow. Who knows, maybe there'll be TWO games I can catch in Seoul! And the winner of the Korea series will be Kia and I will be there to watch it! Then this will all sound like useless whining.

But I'll have to keep that in mind while I'm teaching my ONE class at 4 PM tomorrow. Oh to clarify, the game is at 6 PM and it takes 4 hours plus to get to the stadium in Seoul from Gwangju. If not for the one student I'd go. But because of him I can't. I am guessing Lopez will be pitching tomorrow and if he makes it past the early innings before getting the nervous Jo Bum Hyun hook, he'll probably win. Then more than likely it'll be my favourite pitcher Yoon Suk Min on Friday. I can't complain.

So anyway, that's how things are this end. Sorry if you are not a fan of baseball but... I warned you.

The Study Card Argument

2009-10-09T22:00:00.000-07:00

I heard, and saw, quite an interesting argument for atheism on youtube. Funny thing about youtube for me is when I go there I usually end up watching stuff you don’t really need to watch. I end up surfing stand-up. I love listening to comedians and with a few exceptions like Carrot Top, magician comedians or guys who are spastically jumping around on the stage and making faces, you don’t need to see anything. So you usually get a collage of still photos while you hear the act. I was listening to comedy by a guy named Doug Stanhope. Totally filthy but he makes some really good points. Like why are American people worried so much about the “under God” part of the pledge of allegiance being recited by school children? Shouldn’t they be more worried about the “liberty and justice for all” part? And why do we need to advertise so much? If you have a good product you don’t need to advertise. Almost everybody tries drugs but THEY aren’t advertised. In a democracy we get to pick our leaders, yay! But what if I’m doing okay leading myself? Where does MY vote go? This is what makes Americans Americans. Well would you still call yourself a Christian if you voted in a new Jesus every four years? Or the 4 million people a year who come into America and don’t contribute a thing that should be kicked back where they came from: babies! (I don't know how to post youtube links here but you can find the ones I'm talking about easily)

By remarkable coincidence this atheist guy who posted on youtube looked like Stanhope and I clicked on his video by mistake. But I was intrigued. I listened to the entire argument – something this atheist would most likely discount the possibility of a believer in some sort of religion doing. Likely, but I can’t say for sure. I just got a feeling that this guy had that swagger about him. His monotone voice and half closed eyes gave me the impression of perceived intellectual superiority. And it seemed a bit hypocritical since Atheism is packaged with a belief system analogous to religion. In my opinion anyways.

The scenario was as follows: He had a stack of all the religious beliefs in the world written on study cards so that the stack was massive. All the beliefs except those that I believe myself, that is. The atheist goes on to say that as we go through the cards I explain why I don’t believe in all the things written on the cards and we write my reasoning for non-belief on the backs of every individual card. He says that at some point we wouldn’t have to write anything on the backs of the cards any more, we could just refer back to earlier cards where I had explained why I didn’t believe in something else that was similar. Then he says after days and days of doing this we got to the bottom where he had secretly written all the things I DO believe in and says that when we get to those cards we could just as easily discount them using some of the earlier cards as precedence.

A pretty arrogant assumption in my opinion. First of all I really don’t think that it would have been very easy for me to GET to the bottom of the stack without finding a hell of a lot of cards that I could not discount. There would be lots of cards that are based in the same sort of reason or faith that is at the heart of my own belief system. Therefore I could not arrogantly discount them, rather I would set them aside and say that they could very well be true as far as I know. My beliefs are not always based on something that is easily proved or disproved. Often they are based on things that are impossible to prove. That’s why it’s called “faith”.

For example if there was a card that said, “Allah has always been and always will be.” I would be an arrogant dick to say that this is untrue. Rather, I believe I’d say that it could very well be possible. I just prefer to call the infinite being “God” instead of “Allah”. It’s more a question of preference, culture or geography than proof or logic or any scientific explanation.

Or one of the cards contained the idea that there was a “cosmic egg” of matter that imploded upon itself creating what “science” calls the “Big Bang”, which is the beginning of the universe as we know it. And BELIEVE me this IS a religious belief! I would have no reasoning to refute this argument because the cosmic egg is the infinite matter in this philosophy and it isn’t much different than an infinite Being that I believe in who, through divine design created the beginnings of the universe as we know it. It is absolutely identical in theory if not in terminology. I just happen to think that outrageously good luck is harder to believe in than a sentient Creator.

Indeed even this youtube guy’s atheism is something I couldn’t refute. It could very well be true for all I know and the reasoning he has for it is surely exactly the same as my reasoning on many counts. This guy apparently believes that people who aren’t atheists absolutely “KNOW” every little detail of their entire faith and have readily available streams of logic with which to reinforce those details. Well that’s not faith, that’s training. That’s somebody trying to explain something that he/she will never fully understand with knee-jerk, unchallenged dogma.

I will never claim to understand God and I’m not so arrogant as to assume that I have irrefutable evidence of my beliefs. It is only people who are as dogmatic as to think that everything is, or even CAN be explainable that would fail this study card test. That is, their own beliefs on the cards at the end would have been self-refuted at the beginning. This, admittedly, is the kind of thinking that, when attached to a religion, causes inter-religious fighting and has lead to countless wars, fights, bloodshed and violence. It’s interesting that before stumbling across this atheist’s post I was listening to a rant by Stanhope which noted that you never hear news reports saying, “Credit for the bomb that killed 180 people in the atheist settlement was claimed by the agnostic liberation organization,” or something like that.

I am not this kind of believer and I think there are MANY more like me who believe strongly without feeling any need to force others into our way of thinking. If all religion could be like this perhaps nobody would fail this test. Perhaps religion and spiritualism all over the world would be able to conspire for more good than bad.

But the guy has a point. There certainly are some people who would fail this test. Those people are more soldiers and less believers. And I agree, this kind of mental discipline is detrimental to the world and indeed their own religions. But it’s pretty darn arrogant of this guy to think that nobody who has spiritual beliefs could ever pass this test, or even that atheists themselves would get to the end of the stack and have all their cherished beliefs completely unassailed by the arguments made on the backs of the previous piles of cards.

And if this is, as advertised on youtube, the most compelling argument for atheism, this guy, and this argument, sure don’t make me want to go find a local atheist meeting and hang out with folks just like him. And that’s the point that this guy is making in an unintentional and self-defeating way: a closed mind is a dangerous thing. Anyone who believes in this card stack argument is a dogmatic atheist and that’s just as bad as a dogmatic believer.

Atheism is a relatively new thing. Given time I’m sure they’d cause lots of wars if they continue to believe so closed-mindedly. At least that's what I reckon.

Beware the round-eye

2009-10-05T03:55:00.000-07:00

Did I call this or did I call this? If you read this blog you'll know, (and if you don't, just trust me, I said this would happen), it wasn't long ago that I predicted lots and lots of Korean people would be led by the nose onto the popular belief, (or "wave" as they now call popular beliefs in Korea), that foreigners are dispicable, immoral, child-molesters and drug addicts. Not that this wave needed much momentum.

Well here is a VERY well researched account of how ludicrous this whole thing really is. Thanks very much to gusts of popular feeling a blog I follow.

Now I don't know how accurate the statistics are in this article and I am a firm believer in the quote that says, "There are three kinds of lies, white lies, damned lies and statistics." BUT, because of past experience with Korean media, I don't think I even NEED to do the research, I'll just assume these statistics are far more accurate than anything that has lead Koreans to these misinformed points of view. Not that these ideas usually arise from any kind of statistics, newspaper reading or clinical study but...

It would be like asking Quickdraw McGraw's trusty dog, Snuffles, if he would mind finishing off the excess doggie bis que eets. Sorry it's not in English but you get the idea. Sort of the way I react for lasagna. (for anyone under the age of 30, Quickdraw Mcgraw was a dog with a dog, not unlike Goofy and Pluto. His dog, who was much more dog-like than him, would do almost anything for a dog bisquit and when he finally received his reward he would go into a state of bliss that included harp music and softly floating to the ground. Look it up on youtube sometime. Update yourself on the rich history of the great cartoons you have now.)

Anyway, now that I've committed the comedic no-no of analyzing my own joke thus rendering it laughless, I will continue. I've been positing and suppositioning and conjecturing and presuming and postulationing and opining, and word-inventing etc. (I'll put old Roget away now), that this was a very real and palatable "wave" crashing into the shore that is the peninsula of Korea. But surely there were doubters of my voice of reason. Surely there were those who stood by the Asian wisdom of Asians and held that there was no way such a wise culture could create such a harmful stereotype particularly in light of the very harmful stereotypes perpetrated on the Asians of being good at math and knowing martial arts and working hard and getting straight A's and... um... where was I going with this?

Well - HA! There it is in black and green!

The point of all of this is just the ability to show some people how tough it is for us foreign English teachers to live here sometimes. You absolutely KNOW that when you are introduced to your gorgeous 13-year-old student's parents they're not thinking about how good a teacher you are any more. Hell, she/he could be a total boot! It really doesn't matter. I have had more than one job interview that consisted of not a whole lot more than, "Don't "DATE" the students and we'll all be happy."

There was some question in my mind about whether there really WAS a problem with this sort of thing in the past that had lead to this sort of interview or whether it was just plain rumour and gossip. I found out that it was sort of both. In one school, I won't name, there was a teacher found to have "DATED" a student or two and who was fired for doing so. The thing is, he wasn't a foreigner, he was Korean. And he wasn't without a job for very long, he's back teaching as we speak. I don't want to go out on too slim a limb but I doubt this is an isolated incident. I've worked with many a teacher whose "care" for his students, or even "HER" students, transcended that which is rightfully considered appropriate.

EEEeeewwwww! I know! I have been pretty much crawling through the Sahara sands of sex for as long as I care to remember and I still haven't had even an instant with any of my students that made me fear that I'd "DATE" them! It just makes me shiver with disgust! I KNOW Juliet was only 13 when she got jiggy wid Romeo but these 19 and 20-year-olds I have in my class are in so many ways YOUNGER than Juliet. I guess I'm a bit like Roman Polanski in that I see beauty in these young girls, (at least 90% of my students are female), but "YOUNG" is the key word here. I just can't equate sex with them. REALLY! So it's very easy for me to do my job without surreptitiously investigating loose-hanging shirts or wide open skirts. And even though I have no problem saying that there are MANY drop-dead gorgeous girls in my classrooms, I'm talking Hanna Montana, not Angelina Jolie. I appologize for the crudity but to me, taking their underwear off would be pretty much like changing a diaper. And just so you know, I don't get any thrill from that.

I've had many a good session of just shooting the shit with my stewardess classes. They know I love this and it's exponentially less work for them to just carry on a conversation with me than it is to stick to the lesson plan. This doesn't mean I'm creepily keeping track of details like where they live or if they're single or not. It doesn't take them too long to realize that I'm just a harmless guy. And if you know what I'm talking about, this makes it EVEN HARDER to remain harmless! They begin to trust you and to be more physical and touchy-feely with you. I have actually put a limit on this with my students.

I think there are probably quite a few students who wonder if I'm gay! Or at least they wouldn't be too surprised if I decided to come out in class one day. But this is, (rest assured Mom, (and maybe other family members who have doubts)), never going to happen.

Oh now I've gone and done it! I didn't want to give the impression that any of my family members have any doubt as to my sexual proclivity. And I don't want to seem like I have any problem with people who choose to go that way. Not at all. What I'm saying here is I, and I feel pretty sure that all the foreign ESL teaching fellas I know here, are about the last guy Koreans should be skeptical about with their daughters. The statistics, now we KNOW, back this up.

And oh now I've gone and done it! The very act of posting this makes it seem all too likely that I'm doing it to convince people of my high-minded intentions. And how often is that the act of a person with the opposite?

Sigh. I suppose there's no way to avoid suspicion. But, maybe this will help: I'm in my 10th year here and have yet to be suspected, well convicted of any improprieties with my female students. Oh man! That sounds bad too doesn't it? Of COURSE I've been suspected! The interviewer basically told me that that was his one and only job! To suspect me. And let me tell you now, he really REALLY doesn't do anything else. At least nothing else that would help me.

The reason I'm posting, other than because it's been a while, is that when I read this I felt really GREAT! Finally a little bit of evidence that at least some of the Korean distrust of foreigners seems completely unfounded!

Do I think that this will make even a dent in the "wave" of Korean distrust of foreigners? Nope. Do I think that people around here, (my workplace), are gonna trust me more? Nope. Do I think I'll stop asking myself questions? Yup.

It all comes down to how to get over it. How have I dealt with things like this, (which are really par for the course here), for 10 LONG years?! It's something I've had the great pleasure to talk about with a few of my friends recently. I believe that the trials of life should be counted all joy. Like fire purifies the hardest metal. Like steel is tempered with rigourous beating. So am I improved. And it all makes for excellent blog fodder don't you think?

We're almost ready to drop the puck!

2009-09-28T05:59:00.000-07:00

Yes friends and neighbours it's nearly that time again when I am watching playoff baseball and the beginnings of both the NFL and the NHL seasons! I LOVE this time of year! Especially when I don't have to stay up all night to watch. But whatareyougonnadoo????

I've just been looking around the NHL and trying to see who might be good picks for the upcoming season. I've also been following pre-season scores closely. Not like they make much of a difference but... There are a few pretty exciting teams this year! You might be surprised which ones I think they are too. The following are my picks of what I think will be the top ten most offensive, (and therefore most exciting), teams to watch this year.

1: Washington Capitals. Most exciting team will be Washington again. No surprise there I'm sure. Ovechkin, Semin, Backstrom, Green, and they got an old speedy ex-Canuck to add some excitement too in Brendan Morrison. So I'll like them even better.

2: Pittsburgh Penguins. Again, no surprise. These two teams were just awesome to watch and I can't figure how they won't be numbers 1 and 2 in points at the end of the season either. Crosby, Malkin, Kunitz, Guerin, Gonchar and because they lost Whitney I think Chris Letang will be up there in defenceman scoring this year too. Staal, Kennedy, Cooke, just a solid character team! No shame in giving them the cup.

3. Chicago Blackhawks. The list of right wings on this team is incredible! Kane, Hossa, Sharp, Versteeg, Byfuglien... and their number one left wing is Andrew Ladd? Toews, Bolland and Madden are three good centres but I think they'll have to swap a right winger or two over to the left side. Plus they have Campbell, Seabrook, Keith and Sopel on D. Those are some good scorers on D!

4. Columbus Blue Jackets. Yes that's right. I told you this might be surprising. Take a look at their roster and you see absolutely NO defence except for Commodore, who's injured. That's my kind of team! Their top two defencemen, Klesla and Tyutin are both fairly offensive, and also injured. Mason and Garon are gonna see a LOT of rubber this year. But that's okay. If somebody scores on you, just got out and score two goals on THEM. This looks to be the perfect team to use their offence. And it just might put asses in seats too. Rumour has it that there is chemistry between Nash, (who scored 40 goals last year with a plumber centering his line), and Derick Brassard. Remember THAT name for your pools everybody. I've already picked him. With Jakub Voracek on the right side they'll be deadly. I always felt sorry for Vermette on Ottawa because they were so deep at center he couldn't show his skills. Well, now he can. They also have Huselius, Modin, and a candidate for rookie of the year the sharpshooting, young Russian, Nikita Filitov. Some cheap pick-ups for your pools.

5. The Toronto Maple Leafs! Don't look now but there's gonna be some scoring in Toronto! They have three, even FOUR lines who can put the puck in the net! Grabovski, Stajan, Mitchell, they'll all have good wingers to work with. Jason Blake will have no trouble getting 40 goals again. Maybe 50. I like the trade they made for Stempniak. He can score. They'll need him to hold the fort at right wing till Phill Kessel gets healthy. Another good acquisition. And watch out for the rookie Viktor Stahlberg on left wing. He's been a madman in pre-season. Defence is good too. Yet another great pick-up, Beauchemin will surprise many and Kaberle, Komisarik and Finger will likely fill the nets. Toronto could be both fun to watch AND dangerous this year!

6. The Edmonton Oilers. It's no secret that the small market teams who are not getting full houses are the teams who seem to get better by trying this new thing called scoring goals instead of worrying so much about the other team scoring on you. That's what the fans, including me, want to see. They have Visnovsky and Souray on defence. Maybe only Detroit has a better point on the power play than that. They still have old stand-bys like Horcoff and Hemsky but all the really young guys they had last year now have a full year under their belts and they'll be a LOT better for it. Watch for Gagner, Cogliano, and Nilsson to improve a lot. O'Sullivan could get 30 goals or more. And there's a young fella named J.F. Jaques who looks very good! And don't forget Mike Comrie and Ethan Moreau. What about a Gagner/Moreau/Jaques French Connection line? I will enjoy watching this speedy young team again this year!

7. The Montreal Canadiens. As much as I hate to see it, Montreal my be moving in the right direction. I might even have to vote for them a little this year. Any team with 4 offensive defencemen like Spacek, Mara, Markov and Hamrlik is gonna get some goals from point shots. And they shopped around and STOLE Mike Cammalleri one of the best young players in the NHL, and Gomez and Gionta to play with him. That'll be a strong power play even if they don't play together. They still have Plekanec and the Kostitsyn brothers. Plus they have two guys that I think could get more use in Montreal than they got on their former teams. Two GOOD guys named Travis Moen and Glen Metropolit. Trust me, they can score if you put them out there. I hope they play some offence now that they have the team for it.

8. Philadelphia Flyers. They'll be exciting but I don't think they'll be as exciting as last year. They will probably become a bit more defensive.

9. Ottawa Senators. I think they'll be the opposite of the Flyers and with new additions Kovalev and Cheechoo they'll try to be a little more offensive.

10. Boston/N.Y. Rangers. The Rangers have already traded for a guy, (Gaborik), who could win the scoring title if he were allowed to play offense and the coach has told him he WILL be set loose. Unfortunately he doesn't have a superb supporting cast. If the Rangers can get Dany Heatley, and they're trying, then they'll be my number 10. If not the Bruins will be awesome with Savard, Krejci, Bergeron, Wheeler, Ryder, Kobasew, Recchi, Lucic, Sturm, Chara... geez the list goes on. If Washington and Pittsburgh aren't first and second then maybe the Bruins will be.

Anyway, as we all know hockey is a dangerous game. There are always injuries and trades that change everything. It'll be fun to see it all play out this year. THESE are the teams that I will be watching.

P.S. I'm glad to see the Canucks picked up Samuelsson and have solidified an offensive defence with Ehrhoff and Schneider. I'm also glad that Demitra won't be playing for a while to start the season. This might give the Canucks a chance to let some younger, better players play. I wanna see Wellwood bust out this year offensively. And I'd like to see both the Sedins score 100 points. But I'm afraid that when you build your team around a goalie, even if you have the players to play offensively, you likely won't. But I REALLY hope they doooo!

I think it's gonna be a good year.

P.P.S. I didn't include one obvious team, (just to bug Angie), Detroit because with guys like Lidstrom, Rafalski, Datsyuk, Franzen, Holmstrom, even Bertuzzi, it's almost unfair. They'll be up there too, of course.

I think it's going to be a great season and I sure hope we have more than ONE 50-goal scorer this year!

Survivor time again

2009-09-19T02:38:00.000-07:00

Wow! That really snuck up on me! Or "sneaked" as the case may be. But I'd say it "snuck". Sounds more surprising than "sneaked" to me. I was just looking for a new show to get from mininova and BAM there's episode one of Survivor. So as usual I'll give my predictions. I DID watch the first episode and there is NO way I would have chosen Marisa to be voted out first! But who can predict what'll happen with a guy like Russ H around? He's gonna make things fun! For a short while. I'm gonna give you what I think of the players in the order that Jeff Probst reviewed them.

Erik: 28, Bartender. Probst likes him. Like me he hates "hooray-for-everything" fake positivity and he's out to bring anybody like that he encounters crashing down to earth. It's terrible but I LOVE that! Probst says he'll double cross. I agree. He loves stealing other men's women and says the only thing better than making a woman cry is making a man cry. I think this will make Natalie irresistable to him. I don't think he really has much respect for women. He dates 4 or 5 at a time and the only special female in his life is his dog. He's well educated but enjoys working as a bartender and feels he's not a "sellout". I think he'll be a very clever troublemaker. I think he could come in second place or even win if people don't get to know him. There MUST be a reason why Probst chose to talk about him first.

Ashley: 22, Spa Sales. Probst is surprised by her "gut". Says she could go deep. I don't think it'll be through any skill if she does but she could be someone people don't feel threatened by. Very good looking and will use that. But she's only camped once, she's a city girl and she seems very naive. However, says she has no qualms about selling stuff she doesn't like. She swallowed Russ H's bogus Katrina/Rocky story whole and is already giving him her trust. Not looking to be too bright yet. Could be an early casualty of Russ H's evil plan.

Dave: 38, Fitness Instructor. Danger Dave could be a danger to others or to himself. Probst expects him to self-destruct. He has the highest I.Q. of any survivor ever, 140. I am not convinced that will help in the survivor situation. However, he likes strategy games and has a LOT of world experience. Used to be a flight attendant, does martial arts, and has a degree in OPERA??? He wants to make life a rich experience. OBVIOUSLY. I liked his quote, "The issue of my sanity doesn't cross my mind that often." Don't know him well enough to guess whether that was wit or not but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. His strategy is to "moderate my mouth". I like his philosophy but I'm not sure he'll be well accepted by others. But that might not hurt him. More people get voted off these days for being popular than not.Plans to retire to Thailand and become a minor warlord there if he wins the mil.

Russel S: 42, Lawyer. Probst feels like he's not built for the deception of the game. Not built for deception? He's a LAWYER! But he DOES sue people who hurt the environment so if such a thing exists, he might be a good lawyer. Still I've said it before, I don't think a lawyer should EVER win Survivor. Yet there always seems to be a whole herd of them on every show. Are there really THAT many lawyers in the States? Seeing him cut off his dreads won't be worth seeing him win. Was chosen as leader because of his suit and proved to be pretty good at choosing the right people for the right jobs. Except choosing John for swimming. The choice of Shambo for the smart person was fantastic. She kicked ass in both puzzles. I might like him but I won't vote for him cuz he's a lawyer.

Russel H: 36, Oil Company Owner. This guy is a jerk who would probably be more at home in jail than Samoa. From what I've seen I wouldn't be surprised if he deserves to be in jail. Even Probst called him evil! He's very intimidating and it has gotten him far. But intimidation won't work on Survivor. And he's not nearly as smart as he thinks. Already Betsy and Marisa don't trust him. But Marisa's gone because of it. He can't get away with that too many times before he gets the boot. But it'll sure be interesting to see what chaos he can cause! And when he gets voted off there might be a few death threats as he makes the walk of shame.

Brett: 23, T Shirt Designer. Probst calls him a "dark horse". He might sneak through. He's not gonna be the best or worst at anything. Perfect guy to slide through without ever getting a vote. I'll be interested to see if he's a REAL businessman and steps on people to get to the million bucks. For example I'm curious why he said Shambo looked like the best leader but then voted for Russ S. Did he want to put a target on Russ? As Russ says, "The highest nail gets pounded down first and I'm sky high right now."

Kelly: 25, Hairstylist. I think she'll be high on Erik's list of people to bring back to earth. Seems like a bubble-head. "Careful" and "Trouble" tattoos could mean, "Careful, this person has trouble." I couldn't even sit through her intro vid. There's nothing to her in my early opinion. One of several girls on this Survivor with annoying chipmunk voices.

Shambo: 45, Sales. She is instantly likeable. Biker bitch with a mullet. I like her voice and the way she talks. She just seems honest. I'm not going out on too thin a limb to guess that she might be the requisite homosexual on Survivor. Like a female Rupert. I might like her better. The puzzle QUEEN! I think she's smart and a great judge of people. Russ H is lucky she's not in his tribe cuz she'd already be on to him. Erik better be careful of her too. One of my early favourites.

Yasmin: 33, Hairstylist. Abolutely GORGEOUS! If I have learned anything from Survivor it's this: the girls I find the most attractive are always the first to be voted out. She'll be gone early. Says she's opinionated and a bitch. Might be kept around for that though. Probst thinks she's a softy but she performed well in challenges so far. I can only hope she sticks around. Maybe her and Kelly, the two hairsylists, will become friends. And go for swims, and tan on the beach and bathe together. Auuuuggghhh....

Elizabeth: 33, Lawyer. She was, (of course), picked for the intelligence task by Russ and got her ass whooped by Shambo in the puzzle. She said herself that the stereotype of Asians being smart also carries with it the negative stigma of being conniving. From my experience with Asians, it's well earned. Says she wants to be assertive without being abrasive. Her profession and her heritage certainly won't help. Says there are definitely a lot of whackos here. Is REALLY worried about annoying people. I wonder why that is... Says people need to be flexible to win. I.e. able to change alliances and/or their stories in a heartbeat. She's such a lawyer! Probst doesn't trust her and I loved when he used air quotes and called her the "smartest person." I hate her already.

Ben: 28, Mixologist. Will him and Erik swap cocktail recipes? They're both womanizers but I don't think I'll like Ben as much. He seems more like a jerk. Likes biking and killing stuff. An intriguing evil duo would be Ben and Russ but there's no honour amongst bad guys. Neither would trust the other. Says he's not a sayer but a doer then totally contradicts himself by bragging about his player life. Don't think he's gonna be Mr. Popularity and I'd be surprised if ANY of the gals like him. Probst calls him a time bomb ready to explode. I don't think he'll be able to recover if he does.

Laura: 39, Office Manager. Another biker. But I doubt her Christian, conservative personality will do anything but clash with other bikers in this bunch. In fact I could see her getting voted off if she's too vocal about her beliefs. Calls herself a fit version of Sarah Palin. Uh oh... She has maybe the MOST annoying chipmunk voice and she has used it to say "I can do it right and I can do it better." I think being in a tribe with Russ H might artificially prolong her stay. Otherwise she'd be given the heave-ho next I think. But Probst thinks she'll go all the way! Gotta disagree, Jeff.

Mike: 62, Chef. He's all by himself in the age category. Luckily not in the same tribe as Laura cuz he hates republicans. Former college football coach so he might use those skills. He's got a cool way of talking. Him and Shambo would be fun to listen to if they were reading cricket scores for crying out loud! But I have a feeling he'll be weak. So does Probst. Got his sleep apnea fixed? Can that happen? He better hope so. He's already gonna be viewed as expendible.

Betsy: 48, Cop. It's important to note that she has only been a cop for a year. Who becomes a cop at 47? Although, her cop-like reading of Russ H was impressive, her comment about Ashley being the weakest was not very peace officerish. Also was a boozer for a while. Sober 21 years though. The second she starts trying to turn Survivor into The Biggest Loser and get people crying about her husband's battle with prostate cancer I'm gonna stop liking her. But I think I just might like Betsy. Probst likes her and thinks she could win.

Marisa: 26, Student. She can go back to her studies. I think she was smart calling Russ H "pretty slimy." Not smart to confront him about it though. Probst said she was on paper made for the game but she'd get mixed up with the wrong people and be out by episode 5. Boy was he right! I think she was a good person. Did some volunteer work overseas. She had noble goals too. Too good to get rich I suppose.

Natalie: 26, Pharmaceutical Sales. She will break a nail in a challenge but probably won't eat a bug. Gorgeous and that might be what gets her voted off. Not much interesting about her except that she had better watch out for Erik. Probst thinks there might be something to her. I'm not sure yet.

Mick: 33, Doctor. Probst doesn't trust him but his tribe does. Voted the leader and he seems to be liking it more than Russ. He tried very hard to make himself sound funny in his profile. Didn't really work for me. And seeing him in the first episode, NAH. He's not funny OR a leader. He could be doing it badly on purpose but I doubt it. Says he's loyal and keeps his word. We'll see if that helps or hurts him. Or if it's even true.

John: 25, Rocket Scientist. Probst REALLY doesn't like this guy! Says he's a poser. Finds idiots and unskilled amusing and will tell them so. He'll stir the pot! Former soccer player but not such a good swimmer as we saw. Says he prefers, "justifyably confident" to "cocky." That's an awfully cocky thing to say. I think he's a bladder full of hot air and can't stand listening to him. I'm sure I won't be alone.

Monica: 25, Law Student. Studying to fill the obvious lawyer shortage in the U.S. She's gorgeous. I don't know if I'll be calling her Parvati or Pocohontas. Again I think she'll be interesting only by the company she keeps. I don't see a lot to her. And I don't want to see a law student win either. Another one of these chicks that thinks she has sales skills but dressed in her bikini, I'd buy ice from her if I were an Eskimo before she said a word.

Jaison: 28, Law Student. Maybe can study with Monica. U.S. water polo team. Good swimming is always a plus on Survivor and he won the swimming challenge in the first episode. Mr. California in Cosmo. Probst says he would love to give him the check. He IS well spoken and I like his idea of snowboarding down Mt. Everest but he's another damn lawyer!

I like: Erik, Dave, Shambo.
I hate: John, Elizabeth, Laura.

I DON'T hate: Russ H. He'll be a lot of fun if he can stick around.

Best shot to win: Russel S, Shambo, Brett, Jaison.

After two years and one month I finally met my boss!

2009-09-17T07:35:00.000-07:00

Today was the big meeting. It only took a matter of 25 short months for the occasion to arise but I finally met with this Snuffleuppagus known around Seogang College as Director Park. He's the director of the language department here. Kasia had told me about him many times. How she taught his kids, how his English is really good. She even assured me that at one point or another I had seen him. But I met him today and didn't recognize him at ALL!

To give you an idea how genuinely clueless I was about who this guy was, I was told to go to his office at 11. I showed up at the wrong office. I walked up to the guy who I had always assumed was Director Park, who has an office just off the new office where Peter, one of my supervisors works, shook his hand and said, "Hello, Director Park," to which he replied, "Mooyeoh? 'Recto Pak? 'Recto Pak?'" Then he led me out into the main office helpfully pointing at me and quoting me. "Recto Pak? Recto Pak?" I didn't know Director Park's full name and Peter wasn't there. I didn't know HIS full name either. It's never been necessary for me to know either. Luckily one of the other workers in the office figured out that Peter could probably help and she called him. I talked to Peter on her phone and he told me I was not only in the wrong office, I was in the wrong BUILDING! So I thanked her for her help and went to the right building.

I got to the office and Peter was there. He showed me in and took off. Things have been particularly tense around here lately due to the internet fiasco. I had a big blow-up and have completely stopped talking with Jung and Peter is now in charge of me. Everybody was expecting me to go in there and rant and rave. And to tell you the truth after the year I had last year and the way things have started off this year I really SHOULD have. Both Peter and Jung did there best to keep me from a private meeting with Director Park for as long as they could most likely for just this reason. A few weeks ago when I was trying to get permission to install my own private internet in my room in the dorm I asked Peter to set up a meeting with Director Park and me but he said he couldn't and set up a meeting with all four of us. I said it was completely unnecessary and aparently Park thought so as well cuz he cancelled it. Then I told Peter I would still like him to set up a meeting with Park and myself knowing he would conveniently forget to do so. He did. So I called Director Park and asked him for a meeting. I guess he called Peter and Peter called me into the office one day and said, "Okay I can set up a meeting Thursday at 11. That's the only time all four of us are free." I said difinitively then and there, "You and Jung don't need to be there."

So I'm SURE they were shitting their drawers expecting me to inform on them. Not so much Peter. I hadn't dealt much with him in the previous year but as you will know if you read the boring office politics I write about sometimes on this blog, Jung pretty much took the year off. And I admit to frequent insomnia and daydreaming caused by rehearsing a fire and brimstone, Jung-damning oration in the weeks leading up to the meeting knowing full well it would probably never be heard by human ears.

Sure enough when I got in there even though my compassion was undeserved I went really easy on Jung and just politicked about how when things are tough sometimes co-workers become less friendly and more competitive. It creates a palpable tension. Due to the global economic crisis things are tough all over and I sensed a tension at Seokang last year that wasn't aparent 3 years ago when I first started working here. I even mentioned how much I loved Peter and Jung and that they were the main reason I came back to Seokang and want to stay at Seokang. I oozed about how in 2006 they had made me feel welcome and appreciated and that is all I want from any employer and haven't been able to find anywhere else. But, I said, the atmosphere is different now. So in an effort to help get things back to the way they used to be I offered my services as a director of a kids camp during the summer and winter vacations. I could quite easily make it happen. I have connections. Between my connections and myself we would do virtually ALL the work and the college would make a few extra HUNDRED MILLION won a year for doing next to nothing. Pretty freakin' sweet deal for them! I put on my doe eyes and blathered on saying that if this extra money served to solidify some jobs and make people less combative and friendlier like the way they used to be around here, it would all be worth it. What a wonderful human being I am!

But I also told him that it would be a lot more convenient for me to have a camp here than to continually request permission to work at another camp; interview for jobs at several other camps; find a camp that looks like it might now rip me off; (and really there's just no way to be sure); find a camp that won't be a holiday PRISON; find a camp that looks to have some cool co-workers; move to another part of the country; stay in a strange town in strange lodgings; go through the hellish immigration for the camp etc... It would be a lot easier for me to just do a camp here every vacation. AND it would make me more money.

I continued on to say that I'm working at about 25% capacity here and I would like to maximize my earning potential for the school. I think I even said, "Put me in, Coach!" at one point. Then I said that if all of this worked out I would be responsible for making the school a considerable chunk of change and then the school would most likely appreciate me more. AAAaaaand they could show that appreciation by getting me an apartment off campus.

It was at this point that Director Park spoke for the first time. He said that there was no possibility of getting me a place off campus. Here was the first chance I had to HINT at the failings of others in the program to represent me. I said that there was no way of knowing exactly what Jung had told him as to WHY I wanted a place off campus but I said that if any reasonable man knew all of what I went through and what EVERY teacher goes through here, (all of which Jung had been informed), it would leave no question in his mind that off campus housing is mandatory. I explained all kinds of problems I had been having strategically omitting the problems that were exacerbated by Jung's negligence. Like the door key that took 18 months for him to get me. I didn't even talk about the hassles I had been having with the Idon'tcaretakers here! I should be canonized or at least knighted for my restraint!

Then I told him that I had given Jung an address of a very comfortable apartment that would cost a mere 180,000 won a month. That's about 150 bucks my American and Canadian friends. DIRT cheap. I then told him that if they replaced me with the requisite 4 students in my dorm room they would actually MAKE money by getting me a place off campus. He agreed! By that I assume Jung HADN'T told him any of this information and should be reprimanded. hoo hoo haa haaaaaa.

I then cleverly worked some extra duties I am doing into the conversation. I was EN FUEGO! I said that the dorm room was also tragic to my social life. I've never had less of a social life. I can't invite people to my apartment because it's too small. We can't watch TV because I don't have one. It stinks all the time because of a sewage anomaly whereby all the students' shit passes right under my room and if I don't smell it from my bathroom I smell it from the sewage grate outside my window. It's just not possible to entertain guests. The only friends I have nowadays are people I have to go downtown on weekends to meet with. So, (here comes the clever part), when, on Monday, Peter asked me if I could find someone to teach the President of Seokang's daughter I had to tell him I couldn't talk to any of my friends until the weekend. He wanted an answer by Wednesday but because of my social isolation caused by the dorm, I just couldn't oblige. hee hee hee.

Anyway, I think I did the best I could have at the meeting. It won't ruffle any feathers and it just MIGHT get me out of this gulag - I mean dormitory. And if we do the camp, that's fine. If not, that's okay too. I STILL think I might get outta here.

So I went out tonight to whack a few baseballs at the batting cage in celebration. I bought some new, (and ridiculously expensive), batting gloves and wanted to use them. They are the first pair I've ever owned. I never used them when I played. But teaching has made my hands soft I guess. The crazy part is I got a cut in my forearm from where the velcro strip was rubbing against it every time I swung. It was good exercise anyway.

I'll give you the results of the meeting in future posts you can be sure.

Why ARE Korean Women So Good At Golf?

2009-09-06T18:49:00.000-07:00

Look at the results of the recent U.S. Women's Open. There's no denying it: Korean chicks got golf game! Why are they so good at golf? There are many theories. Some are HILARIOUS!

Just as an aside, the Hwang Woo Seok mentioned in the link above was found to have been faking his stem cell research and totally discredited. If you read the article in Time Magazine written about him before he was exposed as the fraud he is, it's really funny how the interviewer sneaks a little hint of his own discreditation into it in the way he describes Hwang explaining how chopstick skills directly translate into scientific skills and how Korean chopsticks are harder to use so they are more skillful. Even in print it was easy to tell the author didn't write that with a straight face. Here in Korea, if you're Korean, you have to at least act like you believe that baloney.

But back on track here: why are Korean ladies so good at golf. The answer is as simple as the people. Using the same phrase as many have used to describe my putting stroke, having been here as long as I have and having no cultural blinders that would lead to silliness like the above link, I feel like I am uniquely qualified to "take a stab at this".

I have met thousands of Korean women. Since my job requires me to meet new women so often I could safely say I've met more Korean women than most Korean people ever will. And since in my classrooms I try to foster a distinctly NON-Korean atmosphere, (that is, informal), people tend to say things in my class they would never say in regular Korean society where they are obliged to constantly act, perform and live by the rules of other people. MANY students and friends have commented on how comfortable they feel when they are talking to me or with other foreigners. Korean men are CONSTANTLY asking why a lot of Korean women seem to go for foreign guys. Well this would definitely be part of it. I won't mention any other parts of foreign guys because they have nothing to do with the subject at hand.

Getting back to the rules mentioned in the last paragraph, I think that this is at the heart of Korean golfing greatness. You see, women the country over are performing every day tasks by rote. Very little if anything they do is done with full consciousness. Walking, operating a shopping cart, a vehicle, talking, studying... if you studied Korean women you would see that they are very well trained to operate in a mental gear I like to call neutral. DATE a Korean woman and you'll find out even more.

I tell a joke in my classes: A Korean man has a really bad car accident. He's bleeding profusely from his head, one arm and one leg are broken but he manages to walk to a hospital on his own. A nurse looks at him and exclaims, "Oh my GOD! How are you?" He replies, "Iamfinethankyouandyou?" It could just as easily have been a Korean woman in the joke although she wouldn't walk to the hospital, she'd take out one of her cellphones and call.

If you hang out with Koreans you will notice that this is the response they've been trained to give to this question. In fact most "schools" I've worked for try their best to encourage teachers to teach the entire English language so that it can be spoken as mindlessly as this. And when you listen to Koreans speaking Korean I'm convinced that it's well on its way to becoming just a list of identical questions and answers used by everyone identically every time.

What a tremendous DRAG! I can't tell you how many times I've asked garden variety ice breakers and received some response like, "I never think of this." So LIVE a little for God's sake! Let language entertain you once in a while.

Speaking of that, language comedy? Doesn't yet exist here. Nothing but slapstick.

Try to be inventive with the Korean language yourself? Good luck. One time instead of saying, "I want dalk kalbi," I said, "I NEED dalk kalbi." (dalk kalbi is a really delicious spicy chicken dish here in Korea). The Koreans I was with not only didn't appreciate my adventurous linguistics, they took a LONG time to understand what I was saying and their final report was, "Nobody says that in Korean."

This is one of the major frustrations about learning Korean that has totally demoralized myself and a lot of other people who have tried to learn it. Say something slightly wrong and even smart people probably won't understand you. They have two sets of numbers in Korea and no discernable pattern as to when to use which. But use the wrong number and even though they know its meaning they likely won't understand you.

Then there are things that you can say a few different ways. For example "next" can be said as "tal men" or "daum". "Month" can be said as "weol" or "dal". If you say "See you next month it's "Daum dal mannayo." NObody will have a clue what you're saying if you say, "Tal men weol mannayo."

This is what happens when everybody operates by the rule. You cannot stray or vary one iota. You must stay the course. What did I say about the Korean national anthem in my last post? Like a steadfast pine standing on "duty" ever still THAT is the ideal Korean's resolute will. Any military man will give a description of an ideal soldier that sounds remarkably similar to this. And the best, most skilled killers in any military are the ones who have done their training drills so many times and they have become so DAMNED boring that they are able, in fact FORCED for self-preservation, to do them without thinking at all. By rote. Mindlessly.

This has distinct advantages in the military. You really don't want your pesky brain to be thinking about the family or friends of the person you are about to stab in the coronary artery. Or why exactly you are fighting at all. Your's is not to reason why, your's is but to do and die.

This brings us to our point. There are huge advantages to practicing golf so many hours a day that you become completely bored of it and are able to switch into that neutral gear while you do it and still do it well. You don't think of the pressure, the other people, the money, the TV cameras, the big crowds, you just do it by rote. There is nobody that I have met better at doing things by rote than a Korean woman and there are no people better at training people to do things by rote than Koreans.

THIS is why they're better than anybody. In my opinion anyway. Yes the Korean women golfers are the first to turn golf completely into a business. It ain't just golf they've done THAT to...

Watch some women's golf and see if you can spot any of these really great Korean gals having a little bit of genuine fun out there. NOT including their celebrations when they have won a tournament and are allowed to stop golfing for a few days. Or maybe only practice 4 hours instead of the usual 10 for the next few days.

The way I personally define a good athlete is I ask myself if he/she would be doing it even if there were no salary at all. Or like 99% of the rest of the world, if he/she had to PAY to do it. I pay through the arse to golf and in Korea it's like 200 bucks a round! Would any Korean gals be out on the links if they didn't consider it a job or an investment? Will they golf when they retire? Did they EVER enjoy it or did someone see an aptitude and force them to do it? And are they playing now out of duty to that person who paid 200 bucks for every round? Not to mention clubs, travel, professional lessons, driving range fees. It doesn't just happen in golf folks. A majority of people here are doing something they don't want to do out of duty. And to me it's most sad when it's something like golf that can and SHOULD be really really fun.

I don't see the enjoyment or love of the game from most Korean gals who play it. They're almost robotic out there. And it's sad but emotion just gets in the way. To go one step further into the barbarism that the lust for money has brought to the innocent, beautiful world of sport, is it possible that people who don't actually LIKE the sport but are forced to play it are even better at it than people who will let love, enjoyment or thrill of competition jangle their nerves? I think this is one of the reasons Chinese athletes are so great. Remember the emotionless, robotic Russians of years ago? Korea is probably just using these models to make their golfers better. But that's just my pointless rambling for the day.

Watch yer language!

2009-09-01T21:01:00.000-07:00

***Opinions expressed in the following post may or may not reflect those of the blogmaster.***

I am reading a lot recently about languages. I saw a pole on Facebook about whether English should be the official language of the U.S. Although in some areas and neighbourhoods it's all but unrecongnizable, I always thought it WAS! Is there any chance, or reason that this might be changed?

Then another friend sent me news about the possibility of the Canadian national anthem being sung in Hindi at the upcoming Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver. Although Canadians, who will very soon be the forefathers of the first totally beige country in the world are the last people you expect to get all emotional over such an issue, it seems to have happened. Check out this article.

Now I've posted my comments here before about how stupid I think it is for national anthems to be sung at sporting events, but that's not including the Olympics. It literally is country vs. country so it really DOES make sense there. But at an NHL game in Detroit they sing the U.S. national anthem for a team that they should sing either the Canadian or Swedish national anthem for. In the Canadian Football League most of the players are American but that doesn't stop us from singing "O Canada" does it? Other sports are similar. But when it does make sense to sing the anthems I would think the song of a country should be sung in the official language(s) of that country. It's really a non-issue to me.

The question I'm asking myself is what the purpose or pertinence of singing the Canadian anthem in Hindi might have been. Is it because we have a higher number of Indians in Canada now? Canada's evolving but it's still Canada. I don't see Hindi making a big splash in our popular culture. And I think it will be a VERY long time before Bollywood is more popular than Hollywood and the sitar replaces the guitar in Canada. In fact I'll go way out on a limb and say it will NEVER happen. At least not on MY watch. I have nothing against either, just, (shudder), not my cup of cha.

Besides, who will these new-to-Canada Indians be cheering for in the 2010 Winter Olympics? India or Canada. If we could get all the Indians in Canada to cheer genuinely for the Canadian national team to whoop the Indian national team in, uh, some sport that both India and Canada compete in, let's say for argument's sake snow cricket, then and only then would I even think about thinking about listening to an argument for singing O Canada in Hindi. But it's never gonna happen is it? The former, not the latter.

Just about everyone in India speaks English anyway right? Especially the ones who are immigrating to Canada. They have training, they have education, they have skills, they work for peanuts compared to Joe Canadian AND they speak English. So what's the big deal about singing an English song in English? If they feel they absolutely MUST sing it in another language, how bout French?

I live in Korea. If I were working construction or something like that I'd learn the language. But I'm teaching English so I don't need, (or want), to learn it. But every time I go to a Kia Tiger baseball game I stand up and sing the national anthem. In Korean. Okay, okay, I HUM most of it, but I sing the parts I know in Korean. There's one line in it that translates to, "Like that Mt. Namsan armoured pine, standing on duty still, wind or frost, unchanging ever be our resolute will." It pretty much sums up the country for me. So I know for a fact what would happen if I were to even TRY to sing the national anthem in English. Hey there are LOTS of people in Korea who speak English as their native language! Why can't WE sing their national anthem in English? Cuz they stand resolute and unchanging on duty and it would then be every other fan in the building's duty to lynch my "waygookin" ass. Well don't we in Canada, "...stand on guard for thee"?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this is better than Canada or worse. All I'm saying is I have no problem at all singing the Korean national anthem in Korean. I've never even thought of singing it in English. And it's not for fear of the lynch mob. It's just the right way to sing it. It's like, it's like... Andrea Bocelli's Con te Partiro sung by Brittany Speares: "I'll go with you baby baby..."

I mean that just ain't right!

Con te Partiro is a song that almost makes me cry every time I hear it. Especially that last note. Damn! I don't really need to know the English translation. It is better without. And there's something about not knowing the meaning that makes my imagination take part in a way it couldn't if I knew.

Contrarily, if the national anthem of Canada were to be sung in Hindi at the Olympic games, not knowing what they are saying might serve a different purpose. You KNOW there would be people saying, "Now wait a minute, for all we know they could be singing:

O Canada
we're glad you're so naive.
We sing this song
but you don't make us leave.

With friends and kin
we barge right in
and pay your ways no care.

Why would I work?
I'd be a jerk!
I qualify for welfare.

gods keep this land
free from sanity.
We'll teach our language
to your kids for a small fee,

but o Canada
we won't learn English for thee.

No Canada
we'll only speak Hindi."

Now don't get me wrong, that's not what I think, but you KNOW there will be people thinking that. It's not a good way to promote the multiculturalism Canada stands for.

I find in life there are three things I turn to when I need a frame of reference or answers to a tough issue: Nature, the Good Book or cartoons. If you can't find any guidance there, just give it up. It turns out that there IS some guidance available. In Southpark season 8 there is an episode called "Goobacks". If you watch the episode, www.southparkstudios.com , and think you might want to talk like the visitors from a million years in the future then just keep on mixing up the languages, Smarty Pants! MAN, can you imagine spelling tests with that langauge? You have to watch it. "Ney nook er nyubs!" You won't get THAT one if you don't watch it either.

So let's stop all this nonsense and have a good, ENGLISH, (and French), Olympic games, shall we?

***Opinions expressed in the previous post may or may not reflect those of the blogmaster.***

Tangled Web

2009-08-27T16:39:00.000-07:00

I have to admit to a tiny bit of admiration for a guy like Charles Ponzi, or the guy who invented pyramid scams, or that dude who withdrew a penny from everyone's bank accounts and made a gozillion bucks. These people have taken an unhealthy lust for money, total disdain for their fellow man and a bit of creativity and made it work for them.

I think that anyone who cheats me out of money in a creative way that is a good idea and that I didn't see coming makes me feel just a little bit like they've earned some or all of that money. They have outsmarted me and made me the wiser for the next time.

The term "con-man" comes from the fact that the dupe gives his or her confidence to the "confidence-man", (or woman), who then breaks that trust. The confidence may be acquired by appearing to have lots of money, appearing to be in some official position of authority, or maybe just by being a smooth-talker.

In any of those cases, there IS some skill involved and the con-man deserves some kind of, I don't think "respect" would be the word but something akin to it that we can bestow on a complete asshole.

Then there are these people you hear about who actually DO deserve respect because they are exploiting the unhealthy greed and disdain for man in OTHER people to take their money. A great example of this can be found in the movie "The Sting" in which a con lead by Redford and Newman's characters is run on rich, greedy mobster Doyle Lannegan. They tell him they are getting horse race results early and convince him to bet a big pile of money on one race.

Because of this thing called a conscience con-men often try to convince themselves that they were exploiting some bad quality in their victims. But most of the time that quality is greed, the very quality that lead to the invention of the con in the first place. So I rarely see any legitimacy to this Robin Hood heroism or morality instruction the con-men con THEMSELVES into believing is the main reason for their work. It's almost always just to make cash. Still, there's something to be said for con artists who put some thought into their cons.

There is absolutely nothing to be said for people who just plain lie for money. This is not clever. A person who believes a lie is not stupid nor is he/she in need of moral instruction. You are not creative or more clever than anyone you flat out lie to. You are just a common scumbag.

This seems to be becoming the con of choice around these here parts. And I'm getting real sick of it. My ticket to Thailand I bought at Unique Travel in Itaewon was an example. The guy who sold it positively knew the ticket was only good for a month and impossible to extend. He also knew that he'd be sending me an e-ticket and that little tidbit of information wouldn't show up on the e-ticket. I told him I would likely stay for 6 weeks or more and would need to extend my one-month visa and my plane ticket. He said that would be no problem.

I called the offices of Thai Airways and informed them that this is what was happening. Do you think they cared? Unique Travel will probably get a commendation from the airline. Thai Airways aren't innocent. In fact my ticket HOME was with Macau Air, a subsidiary. Stewardesses and crew all wore Thai Airways uniforms. Macau Air IS Thai Air. And it was the cheapest ticket I could find when I was looking to replace the return ticket I could no longer use. I THOUGHT it was going to be cheaper anyways. It turned out that golf bags are NOT free on Macau Air and they only allow 20, not 40 kilos of luggage. So I paid over 100 bucks extra to bring my golf clubs home. Again, I had an e-ticket and just assumed the free golf bag and 40 kilo rule from Thai Airways would apply to their subsidiary. Think about it. Who's gonna go one-way from Thailand to Korea with less than 20 kilos of luggage? I'm sure they make lots of money on overweight luggage charges. Assholes.

Then there are cable companies. When I was in Mokpo I got scammed by Hanaro Telecom. They assured me that if I opted out of my 4 or 5-year cable contract early there would be no penalty. I was positive I wouldn't be in Mokpo for 4 or 5 years. I got dinged for I think 120,000 won and because my cable bills just came directly out of my bank account, they GOT that money.

Now I am trying to get KT Telecom cable internet. It was part of the deal for me to sign on for another year here at Seokang. I asked for a place off campus and that was refused. So I asked for a raise AND my own internet. I told my supervisor that if I were staying in the dorms another year I wouldn't be sharing with the students. The internet here is WAY too slow. But I said we'd talk about that after I got back from vacation. He said okay, I signed the contract and went on vacation.

He has called KT about getting internet set up and they informed him of a 130,000 won outstanding balance from my account a few years ago when I was in Yangju. I'm pretty sure that this is not regular charges because I met with the landlord, future tennant and real estate agent and paid ALL the money I owed at that apartment before I left. What it probably is is ANOTHER fee for ending my contract with KT early. I am positive they told me there would be no early cancellation fees as well. And I had the internet for almost 2 years there.

But what can you do when people just lie to you? Especially in a country like Korea where I am just a foreigner with literally no legal recourse. I'll be damned if I am going to just start thinking EVERYbody is always lying to me. What kind of life would that be? But it's probably safer here. The lie is such an attractive option! It's amazing the frequency people go with that option over here. What is with that? I have a couple theories.

Firstly it is NOT Confucius's fault! Though he does shoulder a lot of the blame, he wouldn't condone this nonsense. Nor would Sun Tsu who in The Art of War says that almost all warfare is based in deception. Hello? Asia? World? Business is NOT warfare! Sun Tsu lied to save the lives of his soldiers. Assholes who equate that with their scamming, lying and cheating just so they can make a little more money to throw into the pile are just that: assholes.

The population problem has something to do with it too. If you lie to a customer, no problem, there are a billion more to lie to. This in a nutshell is the Chinese business model. And they're slowly learning the hard way that it doesn't work very well outside of China. If you lose a friend or co-worker by lying, again, there's plenty more where that came from.

And if you think you "save face" by lying consider one of the many recent examples I have to offer. It's my fifth semester here at Seokang College. Just about everything I do here goes through my supervisor, Jung. He gives me my schedule, collects my curriculum, attendance, marks etc. He's the guy who interviewed me for the job and gave me my contract. He's the guy who I negotiated my raise and cable internet with. But lately I'm starting to wonder how much of this stuff is really part of his job. And if I make requests to someone that aren't within the sphere of his/her job why wouldn't the person just tell me it's not his job or even better, tell me whose job it IS? No, being Korean, Jung chose the obvious course of action: the lie.

This session, last session and the session before that I have had at least one class where I walk into the room, introduce myself, pass around pictures or my family, friends, me fishing and golfing and petting a baby tiger, hand out the syllabus for the session, usually, (because I never have a class list by the first class), pass around a piece of paper to get the students' names and student numbers, I explain my marking scheme, I show them the textbook, I give them my email I do all this stuff before some brave soul amongst them tells me that I'm in the wrong classroom. Then I call Jung and he says the same thing: "There was some miscommunication." The fact that up until yesterday I've believed him shows what a trusting person I am. Perfect victim for the lie.

I've always thought it strange that when Jung gives me my schedule it never includes room numbers. And he always seemed a bit confused when giving me the numbers. He was confused because he was pulling them out of his ASS! Same thing this session. I even had a class in physical therapy, a class I had last session, and he told me language lab 1 on the fifth floor. I taught them last session on the first floor. I said to him, "Aren't they in the room on the first floor?" He mumbled some answer that really wasn't an answer. I went to the fifth floor classroom and got a call from one of the students telling me the class was waiting for me in the same classroom on the first floor.

Then on Wednesday I was supposed to be teaching dental assistants in, (hmmmm), lab 1 on the fifth floor. I went in and taught one of the greatest classes of my life - to the wrong people. I got them to give back the papers I had handed out, threw away the attendance list and went hiking. While I was out Jung called me. I told him what had happened and that now the dental students are a week behind. I also asked him if he was making the classroom numbers up. Of course he lied and said he wasn't and that there was, "some miscommunication." That's also when he told me about the outstanding 130,000 won fee and said that getting internet would be impossible. He then hung up on me without saying good bye or anthing.

I called back and said, "Get me my own internet or I don't teach." I was angry and started yelling about how I get no results when I try to be nice to him, that he never listens to me when I talk in person or on the phone and I was tired of him hanging up on me. He hung up on me.

He sent me a text message that said, "Please understand I am not your secretary."

That got me wondering. How much stuff had he been doing for me that really wasn't his job? And why in the wild wild world of sports has it taken him two years of working together and many disagreements, lies and arguments to finally grow a pair and TELL me? I had mixed feelings. I wondered how much stuff he had been doing just as a favour to me over the years. I was grateful for that and feeling like I should apologize. But then I thought of all the times when I had asked him to do something and it seemed like he had purposely ignored the request or done a piss-poor job of it. He was probably doing that just to discourage me from asking him to do stuff in the future.

So I sent him a text saying something like okay I'm going to talk to somebody and see what's what. I intended to go to the guy in charge named Park but on the way to his office I saw Peter. In my first year here it was Jung and Peter who shared the duties that now only Jung has. So I talked to Peter. Several times I asked him what exactly Jung's job is and he wouldn't give me a straight answer. I'm sure that some of the stuff he hasn't been doing IS part of his job but I think some of the stuff I assumed was part of his job wasn't. Anyway Peter was more receptive and seemed far less willing to give up on the internet. He told me to find receipts if I could from three years ago. Like ANYbody keeps receipts that long! But I was able to find the number of my real estate agent. I'm sure he could straighten things out. But I'm also sure that because he speaks very little English, if I called him I wouldn't be able to explain the situation. That's why I need someone Korean to do it. Also Peter just looked at a piece of paper and gave me the room number for my dental assistant class. 215.

So, here's the burning question: Jung knows that Peter has this magic room number paper. He knows I know who and where Peter is. Yet when I ask him for room numbers he just lies to me. Does he ENJOY causing me problems? Does he ENJOY lying? Does he think this is saving him face? Is he trying to give me wrong information to discourage me from asking him for ANY information in the future?

Whatever the case may be there is a lot of frustration and anger around here and it ALL could have so easily been avoided if somehow people could just try to be honest while working together. But there's no way Jung could know that cuz it's never been attempted here in Korea. I think this fascination with lying is a very modern part of the culture here. It's not the fault of ancestors, Confucius or Sun Tsu, it's lazy people looking for short cuts and quick fixes. Trying to explain it away through traditional business practices, thinking and morality would just be lying some more.

Settling back into Korea

2009-08-20T02:04:00.000-07:00

Every time I think I might post something good about Korea, Korea jumps up and slams me. I swear to God I was just about to sit down and talk about how it's nice to be back here. The air smells great around campus, the Tigers are winning and I'm in a place where I am comfortable. I know what to expect. You know, accentuating the positive and eliminating the negative. And then something happens to get me turned right back around.

Today it was a phone call. Or two to be exact. Some dude phones me and when I answer with "Hello" he says, "Yoposayo!" Not like a greeting, but like an order. As if to say, "No! Not hello! Yoposayo!" So I sez, "Hello?" and he repeats the lesson, "Yoposayo!" Only louder. So in Korean I tell him I can't speak Korean and he has the wrong number. In any other country in the world that would be that. NOT KOREA!

He calls back. I say, (now with a facetious musicality to my tone), "Hello?" and he shouts "YOPOSAYO!" So in English this time I say, "No I haven't learned to speak Korean in the three seconds since you last called." He hangs up.

This has happened to everybody who's ever lived here, oh, a thousand times. The thing of it is this was probably an important phone call. I am trying to get my own internet installed so I don't have to share with the students this semester and was told it would be okay today. So maybe someone called and ordered it for me and that was a service technician.

Now here we go. I'm gonna accentuate the negative now and eliminate the positive. If this was a service tech. or somebody who found my lost Lotte Mart card or someone from immigration informing me that I need to do something else for immigration or SOMETHING important there is absolutely no doubt he would have known I was a foreigner. Not just because he would have my name and David MacCannell doesn't sound like ANYTHING Korean, but because I am not a person here, I am a foreigner.

This is my rant for the day.

I went yesterday, as mentioned, to meet with my supervisor here, Professor Jung. I just call him Jung. Or the Jung. Part of his job is to make things easier for me since he speaks English and I can't speak Korean. They have these liason officers at every school in Korea. They do things for foreign teachers like set up mail service, order cable, internet, change gas/electric and other bills into your name, talk to landlords, repairmen, students or neighbours or anybody that you might need to talk to who can't speak English. At least that's what the good ones do. And there are fewer and fewer of those.

Over the years here I've learned that it is far better an FAR faster to try to get things done on my own. I've had several problems here at Seokang College but most of them Jung doesn't even know about. Like my office for instance. Here in Korea you can expect a certain amount of stuff to be available in order for you to do your job as an English teacher. They have the basics pretty much everywhere. Like a photocopier, a computer, internet, a printer, scanner, desk, phone, mail. Here I have an office with a desk and a phone. That's it. But I've solved the other problems by using my computer at home; telling people not to bother sending me mail; copying hundreds of copies every week at my own expense; using my OWN printer and scanner; giving students my email address instead of my phone number and fixing other problems that may arise.

If I have a problem I just can't fix, then and only then to I go to the Jung. He's got it pretty easy with me lemme tell you. If you read my blog regularly, (and who am I kidding, nobody does), you will know that I had trouble getting into my room in the dorm last year. The Idon'tcaretaker was getting his jollies from locking me out. I told Jung about this and it only took him half the year to solve the problem for me. He made a 30-second phone call. All that work took him half a year to prepare for. So you can see why I try not to involve him.

However, this year I desperately need a good internet connection because I'll be watching the winter olympics in CANADA and I'll need enough bandwidth to get live streams of hockey or video on demand. When the kids are here in the dorm neither is possible. And I NEED to watch online so as to avoid the Korean coverage that will be Kim Yu Na and short track speed skating on an endless loop. I am going to try to catch at LEAST every game the Canadian hockey team plays. Go for gold boys!!! Also I can watch Tigers games, NFL football, the World Series etc.

So anyway, the point I am skirting here is that during the meeting yesterday I asked Jung to help me with this, I told him what books we'd be using and I mentioned that when I opened the door to my office the alarm went off. I needed to get that worked out. Every other teacher has a little keychain thingy they swipe in front of the alarm eye before going into their offices. Last year the alarm was just shut off for the whole year. Now they're thinking of giving me the keychain thingy. Only took a year. So far...

Anyhoo, Jung had a few phone calls to make. He had to tell the people in the bookstore what books my students would be needing so he made that call. Then he called the same Idon'tcaretakers who probably turned my alarm on just to get their jollies while I was on vacation and told them to get me a keychain thingy. Then he called someone in the computer center of Seokang College to talk about the internet. In all three calls I never once heard my name mentioned but within five words "waygook" was mentioned. That's the Korean word for "foreigner".

Now here's the thing: I know why he does this and it's probably not his fault. He's just trying to expedite the situation. You see if he called up and said, "Professor MacCannell needs Interchange Intro and English Firsthand 1 for his classes," the first question would NOT be something like, "How many copies will he need?", or "What are the publishers of these books?", or "How soon will he need them?" or something like that, guaran-damn-teed their first question will be, "Mek ken null? Is he a foreigner?" Jung would say yes and they'd say, "Why didn't you lead with that?" So really Jung is just trying to get past that oh-so-essential step and get some business done. But it still bothers me. EVERYBODY does that too.

My point is pretty obvious: why is it so important to preface everything I do or have done to me or for me with the fact that I'm not Korean? To give Korea some credit, they are pretty good compared to a lot of other countries in some of the ways they treat foreigners here. For instance I pay what Koreans pay for stuff I buy. It's not like that in Cambodia, Thailand, the Philippines, China etc. In fact in Thailand while golfing I met a guy who had worked sevaral years in China and said there they have about 5-10 different prices for different people: One if you're a country Chinese, one for city Chinese, one for Hong Kong Chinese, one for white guys, one for Japanese etc. Most things are not like that here. But there certainly IS a difference in treatment and service. And as I've been saying here I am perceiving that difference to be getting larger instead of smaller.

Just one last ditty then I'll stop. After my meeting with Jung I went downtown to Top Bookstore to get the teacher's casette for one of the books I'm using and to shop for other secondary resources. It's a great store. While waiting for a taxi about half a dozen Korean boys gathered to my right and one Koran girl ate a fudgesicle on my left. They were all about the same age, like 10ish, and I assume they were waiting for their parents to pick them up after school was let out. There's a middle school attached to Seokang where I work.

It seems like EVERY time I come within earshot of the students from this school they are trying to impress their friends by being rude to the foreigner so I wasn't feeling very good surrounded by these little bastards. But none of them said anything! It was the first time in a long time that had happened! I was impressed! I didn't hear the word "waygook" in the boys' conversation, nobody spoke any English to me to be funny, I was actually pretty upbeat until my cab came.

An older guy, 60 or 70, was in the back and saw me flag down the cab and waiting outside his door. It took about 5 minutes for him to get out of the cab. Then after opening the door and getting out he slams the door shut, walks straight toward me and tries to shoo me away like I were a fly. Angry face shooing and he said something unpleasant in Korean as he did it. So in English I said, "Asshole." Then I reached for the door and it was locked. The fucking scumbag actually LOCKED the door before he slammed it on me! Then he proceeded over to the children and stroked a few of the boys' heads and shared some words of wisdom with them. Is it any wonder things are like this? So, there went my positive Korean moment.

All that golfing and sightseeing was therapeutic for me. But I don't think it'll be long, the way things are going, before I need some more of it.

SIIIGGGHHH...

My golfing sched.

2009-08-14T22:43:00.000-07:00

I don't think many of you will give a rip about this but I want to put it up here because I want to remember where I golfed on my vacation to Pattaya. It's recorded on gshandicap.com but those are only the cards that were handed in. There are a few missing. So here is, as near as I can figure, my golfing schedule from vacation '09.

June 29 - Crystal Bay A&B 93/44 I got to town June 27, the night of a big golf tourney put on by the Fairway, a bar owned by my friend Gord. That's where I stayed and that's the bar that I golfed out of while there. The next day I went to the driving range and balls were flying everywhere. I sucked. My first day of golf had to be the next day. We went to Crystal Bay. Never golfed there before and it had been two years since I even touched a club apart from that nightmare at the driving range. I DID AWESOME!!! I shot 93 and that included a birdie on my third hole; 5 pars and on the back nine I got three pars in a row! I got a 43 only because I got a triple bogey on number 10. All other holes were par or bog. Needless to say with a 44 stableford I kicked everybody's ass that day in the competition! Almost everybody was worried about the new bandit. I played with Ken, Andy and Owen. Ken-Brit, Andy-American, Owen-Aussie. That's Ken in the cart and Owen writing on his scorecard. The other guy is Andy. In the pic to the right that's my caddy. She was great! I'm sure she saved me like 10 strokes. And she was fun to shoot a round with. Makes a BIG difference to me if I have a fun caddy.

July 2 - Bangpra (Monkey Course) 104 I came back to earth on the Monkey Course. Never golfed very well there. It was my third time including once in a Texas scramble where the other guys wanted my long drives and I drove like a girl's blouse. Didn't do terrible but Larry heard about my drives and wanted to see how I got such a good score the time before. He didn't see too many good drives or good holes. He ended up beating me but I got 3rd. And we only saw one monkey all day long. You can see Andy and Paul and everybody's caddies in the pic. The caddies dressed like ajumas.

July 3 - Crystal Bay B&C 106 That's what it says on the website that figures my handicap but I am pretty sure we golfed Khao Kheow this day. I think I played with Gord and Ken. Ken won. I got 3rd again.

July 6 - Century Chonburi 109 I was getting progressively worse. Not to mention all the golfing and practicing had led to cramping in my lower back. Just had to be at its worst on this day! I played with a pro named Scott and a REALLY good old golfer named Tom. It started raining just after me and Scott teed off. So we all made a break for the clubhouse but didn't make it there till everything was soaked. After we got back out, (and I was even with the pro after parring hole number 1), it rained again as we were teeing off on number 2. Scott was fun to watch. He didn't fare well in the sand because on this course the sand was more like gravel. I absolutely sucked mishitting almost everything but tee shots. Scott got two tap-in birdies but Tom ended up winning the thing. I was just glad to stop. I'm not gonna use the pain as an excuse but it didn't help. In the pic are Scott (l) and Tom (r).

July 9 - Phoenix L & O 102/32 It was good to see Phoenix again. The course I had golfed more than any other in Pattaya. I think this was my fifth time or so. I played with Tony and his big friend Roy. Roy was hilarious. Not good, but hilarious. He was looking for his ball in some shrubbery and got stung by a bee. Ha ha ha. Had a terrible day but he was still happy to be golfing. You gotta like guys like that. Today was my day to get off the shnide and like a Phoenix rise from the ashes of my recent golfing disasters. And I did. I think I coulda topped my first round IF I could have made even one good putt all day long. I got 18 and 14 Stableford on the front and back nines respectively. I could have been well into the 40's if I didn't putt like an asshole. To give you an idea on the last 5 holes 4 putt, 4 putt, 3 putt, 3 putt, 3 putt. Absolute bollocks! Aaron got 34 and beat me but I went out and practiced putting after THAT round. Here's me with the Buddha mountain in the background. You have to click on that pic and zoom to see the golden Buddha carved into the mountain. And the other pic is me trying to get Buddha's help. Buddha doesn't do putting. That's my conclusion. Actually there's a better shot of the Buddha mountain below. Come to think of it I was starting to look a lot like Buddha by this point in the vacation. Golfing wasn't helping my figure much.

July 10 - Bang Pakong 102 I did Walking Street the night before. I was hungover and only managed to get a couple hours of sleep the night before. But that's not enough to stop me! Never golfed Bang Pakong before. It was far away from Pattaya and in my opinion not worth the drive. I actually came close to puking on the drive there. And once we got there although I was golfing okay I had a LOT of trouble with the rough there. It's like muskeg. It sucks up your ball. And even if you miss the green by an inch you can have a completely covered ball for your next shot. I didn't have any solution to the grass. It reached out and yanked your club one way or another. And I managed to have several pretty good shots that ended up DEEP in that grass. Only 5 people came out so we golfed together. Scott, Larry, Paul, Jenny and me. It was a really good day. I managed to get a couple birdies and a couple pars on holes where I avoided that grass. And everybody was putting well including me. Some long putts were sunk. Scott got all the closest to the pins and Larry won the day. Jenny got a par on the final hole. It was her first par on a par 5.

July 13 - Green Valley 102 I just can't seem to get anything but 102! Phenomenal! But after this day Green Valley became my favourite golf course in the Pattaya area. What a pleasure it was to golf such a nice course! Unfortunately I had about the worst caddy on the face of the earth! She was very cute but she was a big sourpuss. Always hanging her head. And she wouldn't give me any clues about what hazards the hole had or which way the greens broke. Cost me many strokes. But it was a good day on a great course.

July 15 - Pleasant Valley 97 This course is under some pretty heavy construction! And it's VERY tight. On some holes you will be teeing off and you can hear the conversation of guys on the green to your left and on another tee to your right. It was target golf. Not my forte! On the third hole I hit my first ball into the water on the left, my second out of bounds on the right and my third out of bounds again. So I was a spectator for that hole. It's so tough a lot of people call it UNpleasant Valley. BUT, I had a really good day. Not spectacular but very steady.

July 16 - Plutaluang 102 Back to my usual score. For the life of me I can't remember anything about this course. Ahhhh, now I remember because of the pic. This course I know better as Thai Navy. I've played it a few times but never played the famous lighthouse hole till this day. Here's a view from where you get the carts. And the other pic is the dreaded lighthouse island par 3. It's REALLY tough to hold the green on this hole! The pic on the bottom is my caddy going to mark my ball. The guys I was golfing with had already been in the water twice each. I got closest to the pin and parred the hole thank you very much. If you click on the pic to blow it up you can see my ball AND the marker on the green. We play closest to the pin in TWO shots so I had one more shot to beat that mark. I think I put it a couple feet from the hole and then made that putt for par.

July 17 - Pleasant Valley 99 I had been put in charge of the golf by Gord. He had to stay at the bar to take care of some business so he gave me the card that had several stamps on it. Each stamp was a green fee but with the card we saved money on the green fees. The girl at the course didn't give the card back to me and I didn't ask her for it back. So I had to hunt around for a golf society playing Pleasant Valley. I went out with the Bunker Bar. A good bunch of fellas. I golfed with a couple Brits and an American guy named Heath. I forget the other guys' names. Heath was funny as hell. And a pretty steady golfer. I had another bad caddy. She argued with me about shots refusing to give me the club I wanted trying to get me to play safe. And she couldn't understand anything I said. They don't allow you to drive the carts on the course there either which totally defeats the purpose and makes for a lot of unnecessary walking. One hole I was just off the green but against some rough taller than the ball. I couldn't putt so I asked my caddy for a 3 wood. She makes the long journey back to the cart and comes back with a 6 iron or something. So I used a club I shouldn't have and screwed up. Again the caddy cost me several strokes. But had a good day. And got the card back. In the first pic is Pleasant Valley hole #1. The pic to the right is Heath and another of the guys I golfed with. Maybe Jerry? I forget.

July 20 - Bangpra 102 Saw more monkeys this time. Had another bad day of putting. But decent score despite the putting woes. You have to zoom in on this pic too. You can see monkeys crossing the fairway. Even one momma witha monkey on her back. On this day my putting was a monkey on MY back. Also in the pic you can see Scott in the middle of the fairway and I think that's Larry headed for a second shot from the bunker. The other pic is the par 3 12th hole. It's supposed to be one of the top 100 short holes in the world. But I don't like it. I always get a bad score on it for some reason. And this time it's Kim wearing the orange. Orange seems to be a popular colour on the courses around Pattaya.

July 22 - Mountain Shadow 94/39 I shot 45/49 94 on the day but in the computer it says I got 98. So I'm wondering how accurately my scores have been submitted. I usually can't keep my scorecard. It gets submitted in order to adjust my handicap and keep things current. But Gord inputs the scores by computer. Maybe he's having trouble reading some of the scorecards or something. I've got the scorecard in front of me right now. The only reason I have it is I forgot to give it to Gord. As you can see my handicap was adjusted. When I got a 93 at Crystal Bay my first time golfing I was playing off 30. That was my handicap from 2 years before. But I don't think that was accurate. Not long after that we just decided to drop me to a 25. I think that was more accurate. And by this time I was golfing off an official 22.6 (23) handicap. But even still I got 39. If I had used the 25 handicap on my first day I would have got a 39 so I consider this day to be tied for my best day. I hope the other scores were submitted accurately.

July 25 - St. Andrews 107/28 This was a long time goal of mine. I wanted to play this course for a few reasons. First it's gorgeous! Secondly it has two par 6 holes. And thirdly now I can say I've played golf at St. Andrews. We were supposed to go on Friday with the Fairway but only Larry and I signed up so it was cancelled. Luckily Larry found a bar called the Rabbi Elephant Bar that was a regular customer at Green Valley on Saturday. Since Green Valley had a tournament that Saturday the Rabbi boys got Green Valley prices for St. Andrews. Larry and I decided to go along with them. And what a group we had! Larry, Larry, Terry and Dave. lol. St. Andrews was as great as I imagined. And I was cruising along pretty well. 107 isn't a bad score at all. I had 27 Stableford after only 13 holes. But I only got 1 on the last 5 holes. What happened was I hit a great drive on a hole that had an elevated tee box. WAY elevated. It went a little off the fairway but it was a wide open area where it must have landed. Problem was nobody could see it land. That happens when you hit the ball really far. And I really layed into that drive. We were all sure we would find it so I didn't hit a provisional. Nobody could find it and there was already a group on the tee box behind us so I had to take a wipe, (8), for that hole. Next hole I hit another good drive a bit off the fairway and AGAIN couldn't find it. So I was just pissed off the rest of the day and couldn't golf for shit. If I had averaged 2 on the last 5 holes I woulda come out with a 37. That's one better than my handicap. A good effort on St. Andrews! So it was a really great day. The first pic is #1 at St. Andrews. I started the day off right by putting my tee shot about 300 yards down the middle of the lake on the left. Sigh. That's Larry wearing orange in the second pic. I was in orange that day too. Just look at the waterfall and the landscaping! Every hole is like that! What a beautiful course! The 3rd pic is a view from the first par 6. The view is from my ball which is, ahem, way in front of the other guys' balls. Sometimes distance is a blessing but sometimes it's a curse. I chunked my third shot but still chipped onto the green for 4 but then 3-putted and took a 7 on my first par 6 ever. The final picture is of Larry and Larry on the 14th hole. This is the elevated tee box where I CRANKED a huge drive that landed on the fairway and rolled off between the 2nd and 3rd knuckle. Shoulda been easy to find right? That was a beautiful drive that was never seen again. And if you look directly above the tee block, that's the rough I lost my tee shot in coming right back on the next hole. It's where everything started to unravel for me on the day.

July 27 - Green Valley 102

July 29 - Burapha B/D 97/37 I would say this was my best day. Not my best score but it was the most fun I had on the golf course the whole vacation. There were only four of us, Andy, Paul, Kim and myself. We all had carts and we all stayed fairly close together on the day and talked while were were golfing. It was a real pleasure. Not just fun but really competitive. We were all within 4 shots the whole way. I ended up winning and Paul and Kim both got 36 I think. So they shot their handicaps which is very good. And Andy got 33. The next day I went to Cambodia.

August 3 - Green Valley 96 I remember having a really steady day. Then I think it was on the 15th hole I made the mistake of saying, "I think this is my best day so far. I haven't had any disaster holes yet and I've scored on every hole." I then proceeded to put two drives WAY out of bounds and just took an 8 and watched that hole. I think the next three holes were pretty rough too but even still 96 is not bad. I think that's 35 Stableford. I probly got something that day.

August 5 - Burapha A/B 104 I don't know what happened! I had caddy #211 who helped me to my 97 round. I felt good. I just lost a lot of tee shots. I got snake bitten a couple more times too. Hitting nice shots and not being able to find them. I hit a really long drive on one hole that was on the fairway to our right. It was wide open where the ball should have landed and there was a group of people hitting their balls when I got there. I think one of them probably hit my ball or picked it up. But that happened to me twice. And nothing pisses me off more. My caddy was so nice too apologizing. She says, "You hit too much far. My eye can't see!" It was not a good way to end my vacation.

However, all in all I had a blast! And it was great golfing with such a fine group of guys. I'll probably golf with them again. I think there were one or two rounds that didn't make it onto this list. But I can't remember much about them any more. I shoulda been more vigilant in taking notes about every day. But when I got home from golf there was eating, drinking and partying to do. Not a lot of time to record the day's events.

Nice courses though eh?

I extended for two weeks

2009-07-23T15:23:00.001-07:00

Just to let everyone know, I'm still in Thailand. I ate my return ticket and bought a new one for a price that seemed fair but since it was unaccounted for, kinda sucked. So as I type this I have two valid tickets from Thailand to Korea. Anyone wanna ticket from Bangkok to Incheon? Going cheap!

I extended my stay for a week, which was all I could do under the circumstances. And in a week I'll be going to Cambodia. Hopefully... I won't get into that since it's already 5:30 in the morning and I'm supposed to go golfing tomorrow. Another long story. There's all kind of action here.

I had to buy a whole new ticket and then I had to go to Jomtien immigration to extend my visa for 7 days. That's the max. So in 7 days I'll be on the bus to Siem Reap, Cambodia. Closest city to Angkor Wat. I'll stay a couple days and be back in time for a couple more rounds of golf. Then I'll find my way back to Korea on the 6th of August. More expensive than planned but that's cuz I spent my 6 weeks of cash in one month. My fault really.

The bright side is I get to golf St. Andrews and scratch that off my bucket list. AND I finally get to go to Angkor Wat, AND I get to receive my 10th stamp on my passport. 10th different country that is. So I'm looking forward to that.

Right now I'm at the end of celebrating my visa extension. Went to a couple bars tonight with Gordon. Had a whale of a time. There's PLENTY of news with the bar I am staying at. I'm sure I'll have something to say about that in a future post. Drugs, ammunition, firearms... I'll leave you in suspense for now.

I won't get into the details of the struggle I went thru to get all the paperwork done for my trip. It might frustrate you as much as it did me. Suffice to say it took two full days to do something it should have taken an afternoon to do.

But I've paid for the NEW ticket home and the next two weeks lodging. I hope both pan out. There IS some doubt though. I don't even know if Gord will be the primary owner of the Fairway Bar where I'm staying come tomorrow. He's talking about selling or getting a partner and there are people looking at just stepping in and sort of forcefully taking over as his partner. It'd be the best thing for him I think.

But just tonight he was saying that if he doesn't have a good meeting with his lawyer tomorrow he might have to depend on me to give him 20,000 baht. For bail or some damn thing. I don't know if I know him well enough. In fact I think I know him TOO well. If you know what I'm saying. But I think things will work out for the better. Hoping anyhoo....

As for my vacation, much more golf and I WILL be making a trip to the Crocodile Park again. Pictures are coming soon. I'm sure I'll find some more touristy things to do. The bars are wearing a little thin. Not interested in the same old thing every night. Although I DID have a good time tonight in a new bar that played old rock music. That'll always get me drinking. And, hence, I'm drunk at the moment.

Which might be why I used "and" and "hence" back to back. But every day here I thank my lucky stars that I'm where I am. I've never felt so privileged. Money talks folks. Just go to a poor country and you'll find that out. Even though I don't have a lot by most western standards, I'm a rich man here. And THAT has its advantages.

Although I am one of the few who has earned every dollar that's passed through my hands as a dollar or a baht. For example, I just finished eating a Big Mac set that I ordered with a friend named Jeff while we were chatting at a bar. The bike driver went to Mcdonald's and bought it for us and brought it back. It was dirt cheap but the bike driver and the Mcdonald's clerk were both satisfied with the little money paid. To give you an idea, 100 baht is like $3.30. Not bad eh? And I still have fries to gnaw on in my drunken stupor as I watch the TV trying to get to sleep tonight. It's almost 6 and I have to get up for golf at 8. I don't know if I'll make it or not this time. It's not with the Fairway bar though. If it were I'd be home sleeping soundly by now. We were supposed to go to St. Andrews today but only me and Larry signed up so it was cancelled.

Fortunately Larry knew another club that was going to St. Andrews on Saturday so he signed us both up. And for a much cheaper price. Should be fun!

Well the sun is coming up. I think I had better skeedaddle.

See you all later.

Oh and p.s. this is the first vacation for me EVER where I didn't get sick from the new climate or water or whatever causes it. Call it Bali Belly or Montezuma's revenge or whatever, I get it EVERY time! Not this time. I've been out every single night for a month. Which is why I'm way over budget. Hangovers have that added bonus of being a cheap day of suffering alone in my hotel room. Haven't had one of those yet! And I really don't want one. But I'm banking on it happening in Cambodia.

I'll keep you posted.

UNIQUE TRAVEL SUCKS!

2009-07-21T05:50:00.000-07:00

Well I promised to post some pics here but I forgot my little plug that hooks my camera to the usb port. So you will have to wait till I get home to Korea. But that won't be as long a wait as expected. I've already made this trip into a par-for-the-course Davesque travel adventure. Let me splain...

It started early. I wasn't even out of Korea before the shenanigans began again. I had just checked in and took my golf bag to the oversized bag area. Right beside it is a money change area. Since I had arranged for a taxi to take me directly to Pattaya instead of staying on Kao San Rd. in Bangkok then taking a bus the next day to Pattaya as I usually do, I decided to get some Thai money so I could pay the taxi driver. I pushed my luggage cart to the window, (it now had no oversized luggage in it but in the basket by the handle were my passport and my book and pen that I use to take down important info).

I get to the girl at the counter and gave her 100 US dollars and asked for Thai baht. She gives me a snobbish look and says, "Don't you have any Korean money?" What the hell is THAT? I mean REALLY!! She made me glad I was leaving the country. So I just looked at her and said something like, "Just do your fucking job and quit being such an assclown." or some polite equivalent to it. It took her no longer than a few minutes to change the money. While she did so somebody took my cart from right behind me! I turned around and my cart, (with my passport in it remember), was gone.

So I turn back around and ask the bitch if she had seen who took it. She, (of course), asks if I was sure I had a cart. More accurately she told me I hadn't. So I said I had a cart. But she insisted I was too stupid to know what I had just done 5 minutes earlier. So I asked the other three people at the money exchange windows, none of whom were busy when I made my transaction, if THEY had seen who swiped my cart. It was a case of Korean "jung". Some Korean had done it so none of them were going to roll over on him in order to help out the foreigner. Need I say, the now DESPERATE foreigner. They all acted like they hadn't seen a thing. Even agreed with the bitch that I had never had a cart. So I say, loudly, "I HAD a cart and the longer you spend telling me I didn't the farther away my passport gets!" Now other people were starting to stare at me.

I go back to the oversized luggage area and ask the girl there if she'd seen anything. Nope. So I ask the bitch from the exchange counter to call security. She gives me the helpless look like the Incheon National Airport doesn't have any security. So finally I was causing enough of a buzz that someone who had located my passport came to me and told me it was at the check-in counter. Someone had just taken the cart without realizing it had something in it, checked in and returned my passport and book to the check-in agent.

So I go to the check-in counter and ask the girl there how it happened. Who took my cart? She won't say a thing to betray her fellow countriman. She just smiled and laughed nervously in order to protect the fucking jackass. How can Korea ever develop as long as this spineless behaviour continues? Really frustrating!

Anyway, I'm now in Thailand and I've been enjoying myself immensely! I've golfed about 10 times now and it's been awesome! Last time out Scott, (one of the guys who golfs out of the Fairway bar, (where I'm staying)), got a 69. That's -3!!! He got 5 pars and 4 birdies on the back nine! That's some nice golfin! I STILL haven't made it to Cambodia. I had planned on going last weekend but it was some Thai vacation that equates to a sort of Thai lent. I guess they give stuff up and go to the temple and pay the monk to pray for them. To show you that things are tough in Thailand too I'll tell you a local news story. One Thai man went to the temple for Thai lent and asked a monk for a prayer. He handed the monk a 1000 baht bill and asked him for change. The monk pulled out a bag of cash and gave the man change. Then when the monk closed his eyes to pray the man grabbed the bag of cash and ran off. So much for HIS chances at enlightenment!

I bought a bus ticket to Siem Reap, the town closest to Angkor Wat in Cambodia. I was supposed to go today. So I decided to get my plane ticket and my visa extended so I could have more time here AND more time in Cambodia. I don't work till the last week of August. When I bought my plane ticket I asked to come back in the first week of August but the guy at UNIQUE TRAVEL in I Tae Won, told me he'd give me a ticket for a month to coincide with the automatic one-month visa you get here as a visitor, then I could extend my ticket after I get to Thailand. I've done that before in Thailand and the Philippines. It's never been a problem. UNTIL NOW!

I went to a travel agency a few days ago to extend my ticket and they didn't allow me entry. I went to another one and they told me it was yet anOTHER Thai holiday so they couldn't do it. So the next day after golf I went to do it. She said okay I could extend until August 6th but had to get an early morning flight. That's not good for me so I asked about Aug. 5th and 4th. Then she tells me it's impossible to extend the ticket. This all took about an hour. Her English wasn't so good so I couldn't establish the reason why she had changed her tune. But I figured I'd go to the place where I'd bought my Cambodia ticket and see if THEY could do it. The guy there said it would be no problem. And if he could I'd pay him 200 baht. So another hour goes by while I'm waiting for him to take down the particulars and make phone calls to the airline. He then tells me he can't do it because the Korean office wasn't open. I'd have to wait till the next day. Which is today. The day I was supposed to go to Cambodia.

SOoooo I ask him to give me my money back for the Cambodia ticket. He tells me he can make it an open ticket. Then I can just tell them when I want to go. That sounds good to me. So today at about 5 o'clock I get a call from them and they say the ticket is ready. I go there and the girl tells me I can't get the ticket extended because it was a promotional deal and the tickets are good for a month and can't be extended.

If you remember the asshole at UNIQUE TRAVEL in I Tae Won had not only elected not to inform me of that but had told me there wouldn't be a problem extending the ticket. And who the hell can stop him? Thai air? Nope. I phoned them today and they told me that if I had bought the ticket directly from them it would have been printed on the ticket. There's nothing they can do about dishonest travel agents. They suggested I take it up with the good people of UNIQUE TRAVEL in I Tae Won.

The whole travel industry! They've really got us all by the balls! They get away with all kinds of shit like this that really should be illegal.

So now my options are to go back after only a month, (which hasn't been long enough), using the original ticket, or to buy a new one-way ticket, (which will be DOUBLE the price of the original). And if I DO that, Thai air will just sell my seat to ANOTHER person, probably at a jacked up rate and make a whole pile of extra money. I've said it before and I'll say it again: there is no WAY these lying bastards at the airlines of the world are losing money and I feel exactly NO sympathy for them if they really are.

I haven't decided what I'll do yet but it looks very much right now like I'll be going home before I wanted to and before I am able to make it to Angkor Wat. AGAIN I'm going to probably miss my chance to get there! I wanted to go last time I was here but didn't make it for different reasons. What a massive downer!

P.S. Don't buy any tickets from Unique Travel in I Tae Won.

A few parting boots to the groin from Korea

2009-06-22T20:35:00.000-07:00

I went to the bank today to send money home to Canada to pay for my storage. What a demoralizing trip that was! The exchange rate is CRAP! For Korean to Canadian that is. I probably should have sent more money home over the years but I have been waiting for the Korean won to get back to a place where a buck is about 1000 won. When I came here my paycheck of 1.2 million won was worth more than 1800 bucks. Now a paycheck of 2 million won is worth less than 1800 bucks. My pay has been going up over the years but its value has been going down. So the price of storage has been going up in Canadian dollars and WAY up in Korean won. A boot to the groin.

Not only that but as is customary in Korean banks, I had to take the money out of the bank machine in cash, hand it to the teller who put it back into the bank in cash. I asked her to use my card but she couldn't. So I had to get up, go to the cash machine, get the money, come back, give it to her so she could put it back. Good thing there was no line-up or I would have had to take another number and wait for this nonsense. It's happened to me before. A boot to the groin.

Then I bought some American dollars. That was even WORSE! The exchange rate is 1311! And I exchange once here for a crappy rate then have to exchange it in Thailand for another crappy rate. Between the devaluation of the won against the dollar and the crappy exchange rates I'll be forced to agree to, I'm probably losing 20 cents on the dollar. A boot to the groin. And when I told the teller how much I wanted she told me to go to the bank machine and take out the money so she could put it back in. I said, "You know this is crazy." She just giggled. I asked if I could use my card and she said no but then I asked if I could use my bankbook and she said, "Oh we can do that." The bank book had been sitting there in plain view throughout both transactions. And even if it hadn't been, is this something really tough to think to ask for? A boot to the groin.

And I signed a new contract today. With a raise that won't even cover the nosedive the Korean won has taken recently. Still, I'm content since I can't think of anything in Canada I could do where I would get so much time off. With pay. So if I figure how much I'm paid hourly, I'm getting a pretty awesome wage.

HOWEVER, the "dean" of one of the programs I teach for where I work gave me the "new and improved" marks for the students I taught. I have agreed over the years here to give the businesses MY marks and they can do what they want with them to keep students and parents happy and ensure we get MORE students next semester who don't want to work for their grades. I've taught at businesses where they bump up every student's grade to at least 70%. Even the ones who never see the inside of a classroom. I told them I would not do that because in my country it's called academic fraud and it's illegal. But I'm fine with it as long as they don't involve me in it. One business insisted that I sign the phony marks so I did. Homer Simpson. That's one of the answers in my facebook "How well do you know Dave" quiz.

They asked me to do the same thing here. And the marks had all been jacked up to a minimum of 75%. I made it clear to them at interview time that I don't do these things. And this is the first time in my 2 years, (4 semesters), here I've been asked to do it. I refused saying that I'll sign MY grades not someone else's and I also asked why I am being treated differently this year than I have been treated before. This is the one school at which I felt I had been treated well. In my FIRST year here, not this year! I only signed the contract because of the year when I was treated well. So I asked the guy what gives. Why am I being treated worse than ever and he gave some lame-ass excuse that made no sense but you and I both know the answer. Read the last two posts if you don't.

A boot to the groin.

Am I nuts to stay here another year? Is Korea ripe for a recession that will make my savings here worth half of what they are now? Are conditions just going to get worse here for foreigners? What new surprises are in store for me in my third year at Seokang? The answers to these questions and more will be here soon. But before that, I'll try to get these thoughts out of my head by traveling, golfing, swimming, sightseeing and probably drinking like a madman for a month or so. After that things won't look so glum I'm sure.

Next post will probably be written from Thailand.

Nervous about traveling

2009-06-22T03:21:00.000-07:00

I am officially on vacation!

I handed in my official marks and official attendance today so I'm off till August 24th. This is the BEST time of the year. I have my whole vacation ahead of me. Lots of fun will be had without a doubt and at this time I have the most time left until I have to work again.

It's not the work I dread so much it's the immigration process, living in the dorm, office politics, and dealing with administration. But even without all that vacation sure does beat hell outta work!

Tomorrow I (hopefully) sign a new contract and then I'm flying to Bangkok the next day. I'll stay overnight there and get a van to Pattaya Thursday morning. I'm hoping to hit the driving range Thursday and the golf course on Friday. MAN I can't wait!

I'll golf for as long as it takes to get it out of my system then I'm going to Cambodia. It's gonna be hot but I am prepared. I've been walking in the sun and humidity here for the last little while and I can feel the old body begrudgingly switching to summer mode. I hate the heat.

If I have the time, and the money, and I haven't found gainful employment in late July/early August back in Korea, the plan is to go to Viet Nam. I keep hearing good stuff about it so I just might end up staying there longer than intended. I wonder if I should bring my golf clubs. I think I'll look that up. I'm sure the Americans made some courses while they were there so Bob Hope could play during his U.S.O. tours.

There's just one thing I'm worried about. If you know me and my experiences in travel, you know there should be more than one thing I'm worried about. But that's all I'm worried about so far. Just one thing. But it's a pretty big thing. Money.

It's all about Korean banks. And, again, if you know me you should know by now that I think Korean banks should all be blown up. Two years ago when I was last in Thailand I used my Korean bank card without any trouble. Normally foreigners can't do that because those priveleges, along with many others, have been taken away from foreigners with no good reason since I've been here. Oh they'll tell you it's to stop "money laundering" but they're so full of shit they're eyes are brown.

While I can see where the concern comes from, (Koreans are EXPERTS at making money in other countries, whether leagally or not, and sending it all back to Korea.), the majority of us foreigners here just don't make enough to be a drain on their national economy. And because of that a healthy chunk of it is spent right here in Korea thus IMPROVING their economy.

I recently tried to wire 400 bucks back to Canada to pay for some storage fees and because I didn't have my passport I couldn't do it. The teller said it was because of "money laundering". Yeah right! First of all some tellers do and some tellers don't need the passport. I've wired money home without it before many times. And second of all, who in the wide wide world of sports "launders" 400 bucks?

No the reason is simple: and you can read the post below to find out exactly what that reason is. Jeong, chauvinism, moral unity, has brought about some panicky, spur-of-the-moment, ready-fire-aim law enactment in the years I've been in Korea. It seems like when one or two foreigners are caught with drugs, we all have to be tested for them. When one or two are caught with fake diplomas, we all have to get ours verified. When one or two pedophiles are caught we all need criminal record checks and STD tests. When one or two are caught bringing home a lot of money bank laws are changed. Did I say "it seems like"? It doesn't seem like, it IS!

Koreans are awfully lucky other nations don't treat visiting Koreans the way they treat visitors to their country. They're lucky they don't all have to get psychological tests to see if they might be like Cho Seung Hee, (the Virginia Tech. shooter). Or get lie detector tests to see that they aren't faking any information on their immigration papers like the great Korean stem cell phony, Hwang Woo Suck. Or ethics tests so they don't steal government or trade secrets like a couple Koreans have recently done in Germany and the States. Or even get sexuality screening to make sure they aren't gay like Daniel Choi.

At any rate, because I obtained my bank card before they could hastily enact the law to discontinue all international services to foreigners, I can still take advantage of the privelege to make my bank obscene amounts of money withdrawing from bank machines in other countries at ridiculously bloated exchange rates. And service charges apply as well. It sure is a good thing for Korean banks that ALL foreigners can't make them tons of money this way when they explore S.E. Asia while working here in Korea. As they ALL DO! Hypernationalism costing Korea money. It's what's IN here.

A couple of times bank tellers have asked me to give them my card so they can change its status but haven't been able to do so retroactively. But silly me, I don't feel like bringing a pile of American dollars with me on my vacation so I went to my bank to try to ask somebody if my card would work. I don't know what I was thinking.

I get to the teller and she speaks zero English. Another thing I find on the DEcrease here is English service. There used to be a guy at my bank who always dealt with me. Kim Young Soo was his name. He wasn't awesome at English but he could always get the job done. He's the guy that gave me my international card when I opened my account many years ago. I haven't seen him since. Maybe he's serving time for the seditious act of treating a foreigner the same as a Korean. Who knows?

The "help" I get at my bank now is pretty much non-help. I go there very infrequently. I probably shouldn't have gone on this occasion either. The teller doesn't understand what I'm saying even though I say it in imperfect but passable Korean. I told her I was going to Thailand and asked if my card would be okay there. Her answer was "YEH?" I had to mime it a few times before she understood and said, "No." So I told her that two years ago I used it in Thailand and it was okay. Her answer was, "No." "Yes," I retort, "EE cheon chil nyun quinchunaiyo." That means, "2007 it was okay." To which she replies, "No." I reply, "So you're telling me I DIDN'T get the money I got from the bank machine in Thailand?" To which she responds, "YEH?" * "Yeh" doesn't mean "yes", it means "huh?". So she gets up and goes to a guy who speaks better English. I gotta give her credit for not instantly panicking and finding him. That sometimes happens.

While she does that I phone my friend April who works at a bank here and is Korean. She tells me I probably shouldn't have asked. But I really don't want to get to Thailand and try to use the cash machine to find it won't work. THAT would be something that would happen to me!

The teller and April talk on the phone for a while. She wants to give me this new card that is for foreigners so they can bank overseas. Of course there are massive restrictions and April told me it comes down to sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. That is just too much chance for disaster for me.

April tells me on the phone to make sure I don't give them the card and both the female teller and the English speaking male she had called over are asking repeatedly for it, asking for the number, leaning over and trying to see the number for themselves and copy it down and I'm pretty sure they were salivating a little bit. So I hung up with April and walked out of the bank.

I really wish I hadn't done that! It's not going to be too hard for them to find my account since they have two pictures of me on file, (passport and alien card), and I'd wager they have no other customers that look even a little bit like me. How hard would it be for these zealots to put the kibosh on my international banking priveleges?

So that's another adventure I might have to look forward to. But it's bound to make for a good post right here. Watch for it in a few days.

I'm no Minerva but boy did I call THIS!

2009-06-16T23:32:00.000-07:00

In June of '08 I noticed some news stories about the HSBC takeover bid of KEB. The deadline came and went and I started writing and article for the Gwangju news predicting that this deal would be used as an indication of Korea's lack of genuine commitment to globalization. It appeared as though I might have been wrong. The story faded away for a while and I got so wrapped up in writing my article that it got too big for the Gwangju news. I thought I may have heard the last of this deal. But now it's back.

In a June 27th post I mentioned the OECD's evaluation of Korea calling them xenophobic and citing negative sentiment against foreign capital as a problem that Korea needs to fix to make itself a more globally viable market.

At the time I was reading stories in U.S. and British financial magazines basically saying that the HSBC deal was a sweet one for KEB but the Koreans involved in the deal STILL let good business sense take a back seat to hyper-nationalism.

I wrote in my June 27th post about Sun Tzu's ideas of "moral unity", keeping soldiers well trained to act in one accord. I wrote in my article about the idea of "jeong", which was explained by two Korean doctors as, "loyalty and commitment without validation, logic or reason." This "jeong" is a socially perpetuated, collective emotion. People don't say in Korean that one "has" jeong, rather they will say, "Jeong deulda." which means "jeong has pervaded." This is identical to the moral unity Sun Tzu strove for in his soldiers. And it's still part of every Korean's training.

I wrote about Tae Won Kun who served as regent to King Ko Jung of the Yi Dynasty about 150 years ago in Korea. Tae Won Kun killed French missionaries and Korean converts, German, American and Chinese people who were trying to open trade with Korea at the time. He had stone monuments erected all over Korea which read, "Western barbarians invade our land. If we do not fight we must then appease them. To appease them is to sell off our land. Ten thousand generations of Koreans must always bear this statement in mind."

I wrote about a guy named Nicolas Chauvin who lived in France about 250 years ago, a century before Tae Won Kun, who was ridiculed and mocked for excessive nationalistic fervor. In fact, before the battle of the sexes, that is exactly what the word, "chauvinism" meant.

Call it chauvinism, jeong, moral unity, whatever you want but it was mocked in France 250 years ago. It is STILL not only NOT mocked in Korea, it's encouraged. I have seen some sad results in Korean individuals. Though they are all one group of like-minded people, they are without much sense of individuality and identity which makes them feel strangely isolated and lonely. I prefer to call the situation "subdivisions" after a favourite Rush song of mine. The lyrics are a scarily accurate description of Korea. " Growing up it all seemed so one-sided. Opinions all provided. The future pre-decided. Detached and subdivided in the mass production zone. Nowhere is the dreamer or the misfit so alone... Conform or be cast out."

While Korea has caught up with wealthy nations such as France economically, this is one way that their culture is still lagging 250 years behind. 250 years behing THE FRENCH! And it could be enough to keep Korea on the outside looking in on the global market that is gaining momentum.

The HSBC/KEB deal is one example of how this Korean chauvinism, jeong, moral unity or whatever "ruptured" the deal. And if my senses are correct, and I'm pretty confident that they are, this jeong is not in decline, rather it's getting stronger among Koreans because they perceive their country as wealthy enough now to afford the luxury of excessive nationalistic fervor even at the expense of overseas business.

There is only one way to overcome this potentially economically crippling characteristic and its ubiquity throughout Korea: education. I also wrote about that in my article stating that since 1919 when the Korean "education" system was provided by the occupying Japanese and its purpose was to classically condition students to mold them into honourable subjects of the Japanese empire not much has changed except now the students are being molded into subjects of the Korean empire. Since the end of WWII when Korea got back control over its own schools they have been far more concerned with taking advantage of Korean "education fever" and making a TON of money rather than trashing this antiquated system and starting from scratch.

The catch 22 of the whole situation is that because Koreans are not properly educated to question things such as the failings of their national education system, they are blissfully unaware that it needs a massive overhaul. In the last election of Seoul Education Superintendant, the place where a change like this must begin, the newspapers reported that 15% of the people of Seoul voted. 74-year-old incumbent Kong Jeong Taek won again. He has strong ties to Korean president Lee Myung Baek and they believe that Korean students need to learn more English, not tolerance of the various cultures around the world who speak it. They believe that students should study the same outdated curriculum, but they need to study it HARDER. It's a moronic educational platform and I asked a few people in Seoul whether they knew anything about the candidates to which they replied, "No. I just voted for Kong because I thought he'd probably win."

The opponent was a 57-year-old Konkuk University TEACHER, Joo Kyung Bok. A guy who WORKS in the education system of Korea. I checked Kong's resume and his degree is in economics. Later he got one in education ADMINISTRATION to make himself LOOK like he is interested in education but really that's still just the BUSINESS of education isn't it?

Joo's platform was, sure enough, to "scrap educational policies that undermine the public education." Now whether he'd do it or not is another matter. I'm not one to put my faith in politicians. What I was more concerned with was that the Korean people VOTED for the right candidate in recognition of this need for educational reform. But it didn't happen. I'm afraid it's going to be a long time before it DOES happen. Most likely too long.

This HSBC/KEB deal could very well be the rock that comes loose to start the landslide of Korean business partners moving away from Korea to greener pastures. There is a possibility that the Korean government will be sued for killing the deal. No doubt then the world will see what so many people have already seen: the COURTS of this country will stall, lie, fabricate "evidence" and pull all kinds of rabbits out of their hats to prevent Korea from losing. Because of the same jeong, chauvinism, moral unity, subdivisions or whatever that stalled the deal.

Yet somehow through these years the Korean economy hasn't crumbled and maybe for the same reasons, I haven't left Korea. Is it possible that despite all this, Korea is STILL a better deal than other countries? It IS for me. I just hope all the Korean money I'm saving won't be worthless by the time I leave this country. Certainly if they would mend the education system and get more global thinking and global business their currency would get stronger and I'd actually MAKE money. But that, I'm afraid, is wishful thinking.

The beginning of the end

2009-06-14T19:41:00.000-07:00

Final exam week has officially begun. I gave two of my four exams this morning. (Monday). My big, good class and my small not so good class at 10 and 11 respectively. The final exam is proving to be VERY tough for them. I am over the moon about this! Let me splain.

As mentioned in the previous entry I get a little sick of rewarding the bad students and giving the good students nothing for their efforts. I have discovered one way to make sure things are evened out a bit and give the good students a little taste of what it's like to get bonus marks just handed to them: give a tough exam. I don't know if it's a really good thing to do but it's gonna make ME feel good.

See with the final being so hard the good students will get marks like 75 or 85 rather than 95 or 100. The bad students will get 0, 10, 15 like they always do. The bad students will still end up at 70 and the good students will still end up at 100 but the route there will be a little more even. The bad students' grades will still be jacked up the same amount but the GOOD students grades will be jacked up MORE. I'll get the pleasure of boosting my good students' scores 15, 20, maybe 30 percent because they earned it. This will make me feel just a bit better about giving such huge bonuses to students who haven't earned them.

Funny thing about the final exam though: there is just no reason for anyone to get a bad mark. First of all I covered jobs, present continuous, present and future tenses in detail during the year. In the review class I did about 10 examples of pictures from the text and I asked four questions: 1. What does he/she do? 2. What is he/she going to do later? 3. Where does he/she work? 4. What does he/she do every day.

One example was a doctor. She is a doctor. She is going to eat lunch/go home/help another patient/call her husband/whatever. She works in a hospital. She wears a uniform/helps people/stands all day/talks to patients/listens to hearts etc.

Another example was a cashier. She is a cashier. She is going to go home/eat lunch/watch TV/go to a movie/eat dinner/go to bed/whatever. She works in a store. She handles money/she counts money/she talks to people/she stands all day/ she wears a uniform/she takes money etc.

We did this for most of the review hour. On the test the second page has 4 pictures, one is a doctor and one is a cashier. One is a chef which I also covered in the review. The other is a bellboy if you are wondering. For all four pictures there are three questions: What does he/she do? Where does he/she work? and What does he/she do every day? A MASSIVE amount of my students completely skipped page 2. Left it blank.

Page 3 has a picture and a few questions about it. The first question is "What is the bee doing?" Answer is "It is flying." Present continuous. Should be easy. We covered that for a month. Then there is a future question. In the picture there is a man about to kill the bee with a rolled up newspaper and the question is "What's going to happen to the bee?" Answer: "The bee is going to die." In the instructions for page 3 I told students to "use full sentences." I understand that some don't know what that means so on the board I drew a picture of a sleeping dog and asked, "What is the dog doing?" I wrote "seeping" then XXXed it out. Then I wrote "It is sleeping." and put a check mark beside it.

Question number 2 on page 3 is "What is the dog doing?" In the picture there is a dog who is sleeping. A MASSIVE number of my students skipped number 1 AND number 2. In fact I have a pile of papers with pages two and three both blank. Oh well easier for me to mark I suppose. :)

I don't think this is just because my students are stupid or anything like that. As I said in the last entry the way things are here they just don't care enough to study. I don't think they care enough to exert the effort on the exam even if they CAN do the questions right. I saw several students who answered the first questions on page 2 or 3, and answered them RIGHT, but left the rest blank. They're just tired, lazy or not motivated. And if I knew I could get a good mark without doing any work, without even SHOWING UP, I'd most likely be the same way.

But I DID take a little bit of pleasure today in refusing a test to one of my students. First time I've ever done that. He came to one class in first semester and one in second. Throughout BOTH classes he was texting and even TALKING on his phone despite my frequent admonitions. I made a note in the margin on my attendance so I could remember him. The note read, "phone asshole".

He showed up for the final exam today about 15 minutes late with one of the other guys who had taken most of the classes off. I only had one exam left. Phone asshole tried to take it but I pulled it away and gave it to the other guy who promptly did the first page and gave it back. While he did that Phone Asshole texted somebody and waited. Then the other guy handed in the test and both left.

This is why I get down on my job at this time of year.

The parable of Kasia and David

2009-06-10T17:47:00.000-07:00

It's the time of the year, or I guess it's one of TWO times in the year when I get really introspective about what exactly it is I'm doing here. I like to tell people that my life is all about reducing stress. And in that way I have been quite successful, but now is the time of year I feel the most stress. When I see the inequality and backwardness of the system here, the system that I enable, it makes me sad. Let me splain.

Lo, these great many years ago in the time of our forefathers at Seokang College Kasia and David, instructors in the righteous tongue of the Anglos, were moved toward an idea. They sought solace for their young apprentices from the rigors of final examinations in elective courses such as the righteous tongue of the Anglos. Such solace that they might strive to better themselves in the skills of their majors. Verily the wise instructors Kasia and David didst offer their final examinations in the week preceeding final examination week. This brought about exceeding great joy! The students exalted in spiritual delight for they achieved glorius grades in their majors and their works were chronicled in song. Parents sung the praises of Seokang College. College teachers delighted in the progressions of their young charges. College administrators revelled in abundant registration. Truly great joy did pervade.

Then, as is wont to happen, the Korean teachers did espy what the wise instructors Kasia and David were about and they coveted. They coveted that through their efforts the great and wise instructors, Kasia and David, did gain approbation of the people, (not to mention seven extra days with which to practice leisure of their choice). They were moved to derision and scorn. There was multitudinous backbiting and gnashing of teeth.

So it came to pass that in great dereliction of duty and their apprentices, Korean teachers did usurp the examination dates of that week before examination week and didst experience a surfeit of leisure. And there was much suffering at Seokang College. Students had narry enough time to prepare for major tests and did perform poorly. Then disheartened and spent they did bomb their examinations in elective studies such as the righteous tongue of the Anglos. Parents seethed at the failure of their progeny. Administrators trembled and quaked in fear of failing enrollment.

And so it followed that Seokang experienced great famine. And in despair for his people the great Pharoh of Seokang, Park, decreed that henceforward students grades shall not drop below the mean line regardless of effort or performance and instructors shall suckle their students on milk and sweet honey sparing them the meat that is hard to chew. And once again Seokang flourished. But the great instructors Kasia and David did never again deliver examinations in that week prior to exam week. And students did never again achieve the greatness that once was.

Thus is the parable of Seokang and the great instructors Kasia and David. Thus saith the Lord.

Anyway, I'm still giving exams next week during exam week and everywhere I look this week I see Korean teachers giving their exams. My students are already telling me how depressed they are about bad marks. And in their depression they'll sleep, they'll drink soju, they'll call home and cry, they'll do just about anything but study for MY exam.

What I've tried to do this week is use it as a week of marking homework assignments and giving a review/hints for the final exam. I do that in the first hour. Then I give the students the next class off because it is the good students who made it to the first class. Only the bad students will miss the homework check and exam hints. But I go to class anyway just in case some stragglers show up who don't know the others have the class off. Then I check their homework and give them a watered down review/test hints. This is the ONLY reward the good students here get for being good. In every other way the BAD students are rewarded. This is what makes me question myself every year.

Next week I'll give exams and I'll be marking them getting more and more depressed. Some of my good students will ace the exam thereby earning every mark they get. They'll get like 95%, 90%, scores like that. But in every class there will be the bad students who somehow manage to get like 3% or 10%. What will happen is their scores will be jacked up to 70 so they get an extra 60% for being lazyass slackers while my good students get an extra 5 or 10% for being awesome. The moral? Don't try, it's not worth it. And by teaching here I ENABLE this non-education. This depresses me twice a year.

However, on the plus side I am planning a vacation to try to put this out of my mind. I think I'm finally going to make it to Angkor Wat! I'm gonna go to Pattaya and golf a bit and from there there are tours to Angkor Wat. Then if time and money permit I'm gonna try to get to Halong Bay in Viet Nam. I'm sure that'll make me forget about how crappy I'm gonna feel for all my best students this session. And at least this week I have given them a class or two off. That's all they get for coming to class every day, listening, taking notes, doing their homework and doing the right thing.

Sigh.

The nature of the beast

2009-06-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

I believe that any important lesson we could possibly need to learn about life can be learned directly or through analogy by looking at nature. I love nature! If you asked me my religion and forced me to reply I'd say the most accurate answer would be that I'm a Pantheist. I believe nature provides all I need and all I want. I feel closest to God in nature. Nature is pretty much God.

I also believe that if you want to know the nature of the beast, observe the beast in its natural environment. Like most foreigners here, my spare time in Korea has been an extended sociological and anthropological study on the Korean. Whether or not we take notes, publish papers or write books, we are all gathering data on the Korean while we spend time with them in their natural environment, that being the streets and highways, classrooms, in front of computers and in the restaurant/bars.

It's rare to find a tourist in Korea so without too much generalization, foreigners in Korea are engaging in business with Koreans in some way. In almost every case we are shocked when our Korean business partners do something outside the boundaries of what would internationally be considered good honest business. Had we taken the time to observe them in the wild, (so to speak), there would be no shock short of finding a Korean business partner who believes good honest business exists.

Let me give you a few examples. I started playing Starcraft because it is by far the biggest thing to hit Korea since, I don't know, chopsticks. When I first got here it was an industry of its own. People were making entire internet cafes for ONLY Starcraft. It remains a very popular game here. A guy could make a good living playing Starcraft professionally. In fact the best players are asked for autographs and undoubtedly GET LAID!!! I had to see what all the fuss was about so I tried it. It IS fun. I was going through the levels and I got to the last one but tried maybe 10 times and failed to make it through. I asked a Korean friend to help. He said, "Oh that level is really easy. I'll show you." He hopped on my computer and started punching in cheat code after cheat code. "Power overwhelming", "There is no cow level", and I forget the others. I said, "No, no no. No cheat codes. I don't use them." The look he gave me was a wondrous anthropological study in itself. He could not conceive of doing that. He asked, "WHY?" Instead of saying something like I prefer to do things honestly or work for what I get or earn the victory, I simply asked him why he used cheat codes. I think I saw smoke come out his ears. It is just not DONE any other way. You MUST cheat! I eventually figured it out without his help or cheat codes. And it felt really good to win honestly.

The other day I was walking down the street and I saw another anthropological gem at a three-way stop light. There was a car going through a red light across the horizontal top part of the T intersection. There was also a motorcycle going through a red light going up the vertical part of the T and turning left onto the top horizontal. They met in the middle of the horizontal both wildly blowing their horns and cursing at each other. Let me clarify, both were breaking the law and inconveniencing another person and both were FURIOUS at the other for breaking the same law they were breaking because it inconvenienced them. Again I wished I had a movie camera.

Once I was working at a school and it was final exam time. The Korean teachers all got together and made the exam schedule without the foreign teachers input. Of course foreign teachers got every single one of the dreaded morning exam times and we also got the exams latest in the week. I had three subjects that all had exams Friday, (the last day of exam week), at 8:00 A.M. Of course there is no way for me to proctor three exams in three different rooms all at the same time. Conflicts were not a priority at the meeting. I could have easily switched times with another teacher because I noticed the conflict early in the week with enough time to adjust the schedule. However, the eventual solution was for me to combine all three of my classes into one giant room so as not to inconvenience any of the other, (Korean), professors who already had their schedules and didn't want to disrupt them.

These are not isolated incidents, they are daily occurences for myself and every other foreigner in Korea. It's not that I haven't gotten used to it, after all I've been here 9 years, it's just that I can't wrap my head around the idea of Korea's economy, more specifically international trade here, continuing to grow. It's either a tribute to the acting skills of Korean businessmen in the boardrooms, or a sad statement about every other country in the world that they aren't preferable to Koreans. Either way it's a wonder to me.

Sleepless in Seokang

2009-06-01T09:55:00.000-07:00

It's 2:00 in the morning. Here I sit having been awakened for the second time in two sleeps by people who I can't blame. They are the products of ersatz education and a marred social system that might make Korea the only country today that is an ultra-industrialized, capitalist society moving AWAY from globalization.

I'll deal with little Lord Fuckpants outside banging on MY window at 2:00 while I'm sleeping. He's not a little late for curfew, it was 2 hours ago. He's a little EARLY for when the doors open at 6. A normal human being would realize that his decision to have not one, not two but THREE extra bottles of soju with the boys on a Monday night by the unspoken international rules of conduct disqualifies him from any claim to compassion particularly from anyone who he has just awoken out of a deep sleep by knocking on their window. But little Lord Fuckpants knows nothing of the unspoken international rules of conduct. In fact he has been sheltered from them, among MANY other things, during his upbringing.

I was having a dream. The kind of dream I have in the Seokang University dormitory. It's a kind that's not uncommon in Korea. The kind that comes from pent up aggression and feelings of helplessness to change one's situation. I was with a group of people. Four of us. We were having a fight with four other people. My comrades were captured by one dangerous looking guy with a knife. He was yelling at me and challenging me to come out and fight. (I think that probably the shouts of the student outside to get someone to let him in were translated into his shouts of challenge in my dream.) So I came out with my single shot lever action Rifleman rifle, aimed and shot this guy right in the chest. I think it must have only been a .22 cuz the guy kept yelling and he kept coming. I pumped, aimed and shot again. This time I got him in the leg. But he kept yelling and he kept coming. I shot him a third time in the belly to no effect. The fourth shot was to be a head shot but I didn't see the results because I was shocked out of my dream by the knocking on my window.

I can't tell you how often I am shocked out of sleep in the dormitory at Seokang University. It's not nice and I'm pretty sure it's not healthy but it happens almost every night to me. Often more than once a night. So anyway, little Lord Fuckpants proceeds to knock on several windows at ground level and yell to anyone who will awaken and let him in. The thing is it's not possible for an ordinary student to let him in. Only the caretakers or teachers who have keys to the entrances can do it. Students all have cards to the main doors but they are useless after curfew. If our little Lord is privy to this knowledge it does not dissuade him from waking up twenty, thirty, fifty people if need be, to satisfy HIS needs.

Because his folks are the owners of the third largest tire store in Gwangju, (or some shit like that), one of the Idon'tcaretakers or teachers has just let him in. Unspoken approbation of his misdeeds and encouragement to do them all again. Not only will he be late many more times for curfew, this boy will be an hour late for his final exam. If you think this is exaggeration for effect, I had SEVERAL students, (I'd guess about 20), who were anywhere from 15-30 minutes late for their midterms and one guy and one girl who were one hour late! And I let them write too! Cuz that's what we do here! And despite the fact they both failed hideously, they're both gonna PASS! And little Lord Fuckpants he's gonna be successful. His childish, narcissism will translate into what people call gumption, auspiciousness, drive to succeed, singl-mindedness of purpose, upward mobility, (a divorce or two), and MY favourite, a word that used to be bad but is now good: ambition.

The things that kills me is there is probably another kid who missed curfew by 10 minutes for reasons beyond his control who is now paying for his own hotel room or sleeping outside getting bitten by mosquitoes all night long. Or maybe he's sitting with a friend WHISPERING! I don't recall EVER hearing a Korean whisper so as not to wake someone else up. THIS is the kid I want to point down the path of success. THIS is the kid who could do himself and his country proud. This is a kid who was probably raised right or at least he/she somehow discovered right. This is a kid who'll be driving taxi or selling snacks or Chinese toys on the highway, or collecting cardboard in Korea. So sad!

The FIRST time I was awakened today, (or more accurately, yesterday), was at 8:00 in the morning by the Idon'tcaretaker who had dragged the hose out presumably to water the grass in the courtyard and decided to turn it on MY OPEN window! Only mine noone else's. Of all the 100 windows in the dorm, mine was the only one he chose to "wash". Of course since I don't work until 4 PM on Mondays I was asleep. The water on the window woke me up and I was pretty sure some of it had made its way through the screen, through the blinds and into my room but I did my best to keep from turning over and investigating. I did this for two reasons, firstly because I don't want to go to jail for murder and secondly to see if I could maybe put it out of my mind and go back to sleep. I tried but couldn't. I turned over and there was water all over my drying laundry, a lamp, a couple of my books, my heater, my floor. I was pissed off.

But I waited. I waited a while. I didn't want to go out before I calmed down. With all the run-ins I've already had with the Idon'tcaretakers here I tried my best to avoid yet another. So I calmly walked out to see who the jackass with the hose was. It turned out to be the guy I was hoping it wasn't. You see earlier in the week my TV had exploded and I had asked this guy nicely and in an adult fashion how and when I could dispose of it. That was my first mistake. These guys don't respond to that approach. They take it as a sign that they can be lazy and just lie to you and make an appointment they have no intention of keeping. That's what this guy had done. Tomorrow at 1 was the time and, of course, tomorrow at 1 he was nowhere to be seen. Also, this guy has been on a footwear crusade the whole time I've been here this year. If I take a step outside my door without shoes or slippers on this mouth-breather is on me like white on rice, "Shin pal! Shin pal!" like I'm committing a crime. "Shin pal" means shoes.

So I told the guy to follow me. I pointed at my still dripping, open window and asked him, "What the fuck?" My calmness was eroding. He tried to look at me like he didn't understand the problem! The balls! So then I said, "Come here." I stormed into my room, picked up my TV and started taking it out to the lobby. He was in my room. Like all the Idon'tcaretakers, this guy just loves coming into my room. He was blocking me from taking the TV out. I was pushing him backwards with the TV getting more and more pissed off. I pushed him right out my door, slammed the TV on the floor where he wouldn't conveniently forget about it then went back to my room. I tried to close the door but he blocked it and again came one step inside my room. I don't know how I refrained from clocking this guy. In fact a tune job might have been exactly what he wanted. But I put my hand on his chest, pushed him out and saying, "Sudegi," which means garbage in Korean I closed my door and locked it. I heard him say two or three times through the door, "Sudegi. Ah sudegi. Sudegi." Like he had no idea what I wanted done with the TV even though I'd told him already two times.

Ignorance is the cause of racism and chauvinism. These Idon'tcaretakers are not hired for their intellect. These days without exception, every time I leave my room I have somebody say to me, "Hello, I love you, I am fine, how are you thank you and you?" to the amusement of the crowd of friends they happen to be with at the time. If not that I get the Koreans who DO whisper. They whisper things like, "Look at the foreigner." "Here comes a foreigner." "He's your boyfriend. NO he's YOUR boyfriend." This would be whispering for the preservation of SELF, not others. When I came to Korea in 1996 these things happened but they were not happening EVERY SINGLE TIME I went out amongst Koreans.

Not too long ago I was recruited by my boss to make a little promotional video for Seokang University. I had this line, "Encouraging global thinking for the future!" or some dumb shit like that. I realize now that it is the perfect slogan for this place and this country. It's like "Deluxe all natural, home-made goodness in a can." It's the exact opposite of what they are doing. The slogan should be "Promoting selfish thinking for our own future!" But as long as you give the appearance of doing the right thing, you'll be okay. And as long as thinking like this produces good capitalists, good soldiers and good consumers the training will continue. Why fix what ain't broke.

I'll tell you why: because it IS broke. And soon Korea will learn the meaning of globalization the hard way. It seems to be the only way they learn anything. And because of their one-sided business practices people will simply shop elsewhere and Korea will be the student knocking on the windows of the world markets pleading to be let in. Only they WON'T be let in. At least that's the future I see for Korea if they don't start educating their people. I could be wrong. They DO have a program by which children of the rich get educated in foreign countries so maybe these kids will have the smarts to think glabally while the rest of their country continues to be trained to look inward. Ahhh, I'm no economist and I'm pretty grumpy from being woken up. I could have a slightly jaded view here.