Blog:

2009-07-07T03:07:00.000-07:00

This is the scene at Stone Mountain on the 4rth. At 10 am. These people had to wait about 12 hours for the 20 minute fireworks show that evening. I don't get people. Frankly, as much as I love the park, I cannot imagine spending THAT much time in it.

We managed to get there in the morning for a hike up the mountain and a trip to the nearby farmer's market afterwards.

I don't think Katie finds this state interesting, but I CAN tell you that V and I are having a great time doing the things we wouldn't normally do, having lived here for this long. On Sunday we strolled around Little Five Points in the rain and had burgers at Front Page News. We rent more movies and eat more foods we normally wouldn't buy. The part of my life I have always liked is my time with Victor, even if that time includes crap TV and silence while we read our books. Mixing up this routine is reminding me how interesting and funny he is. He dances whenever music comes on, (although some might not call in dancing) he is curious about the world and knows little things like how holes formed on a rock mountain. He picks up road side spam where ever we go, and sprays wolf urine around the woods as a protective measure for the tabby.

So, there's that.

The rest of it is falling into place too. I'm reading "The Power of Now" and learning how to step out of the worry for a few moments. I expect this to take the rest of my life.

Headed to Dothan this evening.

2009-07-04T05:37:00.000-07:00

Evidence that the cat likes to explore. This isn't our window. This IS our cat.

2009-07-04T04:01:00.000-07:00

We've been having the best weather - low humidity that makes your skin feel cool after a jump in the pool. Tolerable bike rides even out of the shade. As I sit here writing this, the windows are open the breeze feels nice. Blue Jays are fighting for the chopped pecans on the porch - I ran out of bird seed.

Sleeping in has never been my thing, but getting up early is even more necessary than before with the addition of another person in the house. I think I might every well be one of those "get off my lawn" people because as much as I love these folks, the early mornings are still hands down the favorite part of my day. Maybe it's the coffee. No, it's the quiet.

Yesterday, the 3 of us had the day off. I went for a run, and then we loaded the bikes on the car and headed out to the Silver Comet Trail for a ride. Later, a dip in the pool, a trip to the bookstore, and off to the taco place. We also went to Olympic Park to eat ice cream after dinner, and sat on the stoop to watch the pre-firework preparations going on. We all agree that the crowds will keep us from going back tonight, so we are going to find a more local place to spread a blanket, pour some cheap red wine into plastic cups and watch fireworks. I'm reading "Plenty of suck to go around" by Cheryl Wagner and I want to steal a few hours today to read.

2009-06-30T02:35:00.000-07:00

There are only a handful of things you can do to escape the miserable heat of Atlanta in the summer. We managed to get ourselves to one of those things on Saturday. I have been rafting down the Ocoee River in the past and enjoyed all but one trip led by a new guide who was too worried and fearful.

We packed our suits and headed out around noon for a scheduled trip at 2. When we stepped out of the car, the heat was stifling. You could hardly breathe. A storm had come through and unlike the Midwest, summer storms in the south manage to ratchet the humidity up even a few more degrees. We were packed like smelly sausages on to a school bus with our paddles, helmets and worn life jackets. I put my nose into Victor's t-shirt and just tried to breathe, but I was feeling sick from the heat and the worry that neither Katie or Victor would think this was fun at all. I had M come along as well because she turns up the fun dial everywhere she goes.

All worries disappeared when we got on to the river. Our guide was also the bus driver and the seasoned elder who gave the safety speech at the beginning of the trip. This would mean we were the last boat to go down and we would be the "rescue team" for other folks thrown out of their boats. His stern demeanor faded and he turned into this laid back pro who steered us through the series of class 3 and 4 rapids. We were even the only group to get stuck spinning in a rapid called "the Hollywood bowl" after watching other young guides try to maneuver their boats into the hole. At one point, he said "when you fall out, swim forward." Katie and I looked at reach other and said "when? did he say when, not if?" just as the entire front of the raft went under and we were tossed. We both loved every minute of it. The water was clear and cool, the smile on everyones faces confirmed that it was the right choice to come.

We got back on land and changed into some dry clothes. M. drove us in her speedy little car to the taco place, where we sat in front of a huge fan on the patio as a thunderstorm passed through. Wet, happy.

On Sunday, a little sore from our death grips to paddles and the raft, Katy and I managed a hike up Kennesaw Mountain and a swim in the pool. A few visits to grocery stores for lunches, and a few episodes of an HBO series "The flight of the Conchords".

2009-06-27T04:10:00.000-07:00

It’s later than usual, the sun is already up. 6 am? The cat tried like hell to make this happen earlier, but then gave up and went out to the deck to sigh and sleep. There must have been an open window because I have bugs crawling on my computer screen even though it is officially full time AC now (95 today).
Last night I drove to Midtown to give Katie a ride to the Botanical Gardens for a concert with my boss and his family. His daughter is the same age and also home from college, so they invited Katie to go along and she said yes. I think she wanted to say no, because it would have been easier not to, and I understand this motto very well, having lived it for the past few years. "It's just easier not to" is usually the truth behind the myriad of excuses I give for not doing things to this day, although lately I am realizing the power of saying yes. It's a slow process though, plenty of sliding back. We sat at my kitchen table yesterday morning before work and talked about the ways in which we could say yes. I had come home from a run near the river, sweaty and high from the run, and Katie was cleaning the kitchen and ready to cry. She is good at choosing her words and told me how stressful life is for someone who is asked at every turn what she is going to do with her life at least once a day. To her, this equals pressure to not let anyone down, and I get this. We both admire her mom for the ways in which she does not get her wheels stuck in the mud, and chuckle a little about inheriting the indecision gene from our Dad. I am stuck in the mud too, but we all know how easy advice flows when it is just offered to someone else. Since we are so similar, I tell her what helps in these situations: say yes and use the entire experience as a writing exercise. Come home and write about the way the park looked at night, the people you saw on blankets with plastic glasses and expensive wine, the food, the skyline.

On the way home from work, I saw the traffic back into town and decided it made sense for me to drive her to the park. I called my friends L&P and asked if they wanted to meet for beers, and they said yes. I don't see these guys often enough so it was a "yes' for me too. Victor joined, and M brought a friend for a short while. Katie had a glass of ice water and a few bites of our conversation before walking down to the concert. Our impromptu happy hour and the concert ended at the same time, so we walked together back to the car in the sticky heat, thinking about cool sheets and air conditioning, both happy we said Yes.

At home, while brushing my teeth and feeding the cat Vaseline from my index finger (yeah, I don't really get it, but she loves the stuff and it's good for hairballs) I thought about how badly I want to live "in the moment." Work and worry and thoughts of coyotes with Tabbys in their mouths consume me. The dread sneaks in when I first wake up and it's pretty much there ALL the time. But in between the worry and stress lay the good things: cool sheets and air conditioning, a big bag of rhubarb on the counter left by a boyfriend who loves to bake and mumbles something about making a crisp (my favorite dessert ever), sisters and friends who say yes to things.

Today we're heading to TN for white water rafting down the Ocoee river. I am the only one who has done this before of the 4 of us, and I will enjoy the looks on their faces as our raft heads into the scary parts. I look forward also to the part of the trip where we are allowed out of the boat to float with our feet in front of us.

2009-06-21T04:39:00.000-07:00

This is the new spot for journaling in the morning, as someone has to protect plump, tasty tabbies from coyotes. The ground is hard but cool, and it is kind of nice not to have the distractions of TV and computer, and just write.

Speaking of the tabby - yesterday while we were off hiking the mountain, I got a text from V that said "Please call, we have a Raleigh situation." My heart dropped a bit because I assumed the worst, but when I heard a bit of a chuckle in V's voice I knew it was probably not as serious. Apparently, my neighbor downstairs left for work and didn't know that Raleigh was in her house. Victor was walking down the stairs and saw a familiar face meowing for help in the blinds of her side window. He didn't know that my neighbor had given me a key, and so I told him where it was and he went ahead and let her out. We haven't run into my neighbor yet to tell her and I certainly hope she finds the humor in it (and I hope Raleigh didn't leave any "presents" while exploring her place). I am also glad that he saw her because my neighbor works some rather long hours on weekends and we would all have been panicked and searching.

Last night we went for tacos and there was no line – the city is tired and dragging from the heat, no one interested at all in standing outside. We got our food and retreated to a table on the deck near a large fan. It felt like a good compromise, to opt out of the air conditioning and still stay cool. M and V do their thing and I am comforted at how easy things fall together. Katie laughs at their jokes. I admire their happy. I am the serious, tired one. It has nothing to do with my friends or family, and I know that I need to find my own happiness soon. On a walk in Virginia Highlands for ice cream, we laugh and sit on the busy curb while a cab runs his engine too near our backs. Sweat drips down my spine, but there is a breeze and I think we are OK.
We walked into Half Moon Outfitters – a store that replaced my favorite card/gift store – and M. tries on the shoes she has wanted since she’s seen Katie’s version. I have two pairs but they are older, with wider straps. I point out the other shoes I have on the wall – all pricey and earthy from my days when I cared about shoes but wouldn’t wear heels of any kind. M.. buys the black pair, along with a Nalgene bottle for hiking. The store AC feels so cool and comfortable that we all just want to keep looking at things we know we aren’t going to purchase. Back out into the heat, we walk on the dark cobblestone steps to our car – no streetlamps in this section. Odd, since VH homeowners are picky and controlling and certainly have the money for new streetlamps and better sidewalks. Guess it's part of the charm.

Another hot, sticky one ahead of us. I'll go for a walk in the woods soon, alone since everyone is still asleep here and it may be too hot later.

2009-06-20T12:57:00.000-07:00

It's hot. Like, AFRICA hot. I managed a run this morning near the river and then dragged K. and M. to the mountain nearby ( a large, rocky hill, not really a mountain) for a hike. We rested at the top and gave the rest of our water to a thirsty doberman pup. K. is getting acclimated to the humidity and I admit to being relieved when we caught a breeze during the hike. Afterwards, we stopped for lunch at a diner in midtown, gulped down glasses of ice water with our tuna sandwich and fries.
A shower and a nap later and there's not much to do but rest in the AC on a hot afternoon and wait it out. I imagine the malls and theatres to be crowded...people trying to find relief. Raleigh stays on the sidewalk but looks as if someone let the air out of her a little.
Tonight we'll hope the line isn't too long for tacos at our favorite weekly place.

2009-06-16T03:04:00.000-07:00

Katie is here, and has survived her first day at the office. I think we were both nervous, but maybe for different reasons. I think I still expect her to tell me that this entire scenario blows as she packs up her car and heads back up north. I can say that it is awesome on MY end!
Dad was here over the weekend, as he drove down with her and then flew back Sunday night. We were blessed with some cool air for hikes at Kennesaw mountain and the river. On Saturday night after a dinner at home, we all got into Monique's car for stroll in Olympic park for some ice cream. It was fun to watch the kids splash around in the fountains while we made summer plans to simply GET out more.
On Sunday, Victor made waffles and we sat around with the Sunday paper until it was time to walk off the butter and syrup down by the river. The trail is close by the house and the clouds kept the temps comfy. Cold steak sandwiches for lunch, a trip to the bookstore after dropping Dad off at the airport.
Off to read about your weekends....

2009-06-09T03:14:00.000-07:00

The clown on the right is coming to stay with me this summer. My boss offered her a position in our office for a few months, and she and my dad are driving down this weekend. (He'll fly back Sunday.)

I am mostly thrilled, but a little nervous as well.

I've lost a few pieces of myself over the past few years, falling into a more comfortable place filled with TV and books and solitude. While this isn't a totally bad thing - I also know that I could make more of the time I have on weekends and evenings, and I worry about finding this energy. Fortunately my small tribe (M and V) are also stoked for Katy's arrival and there are plans: day trips to nearby cities and bike rides and finding cheap thrills because we are all trying to save our pennies.

There is also the worry about melting private life with the office. Our office is small and I struggle with a few coworkers (we get along but there has been gossip in the past.) I have decided that this drama has played itself out and is not a factor in ANY decisions made, but I'd be lying if I said it never crosses my mind either.

But, I lost me for a bit, and maybe Katy can help find me.

In August, we'll drive up to Minnesota to join the rest of the family - time with Katy's mom in her back yard, the MN State Fair with the Germans, etc.

And it will be a good thing to watch less TV. I'm sad that I know who Speidi is, and sure that life would be better if I didn't.

2009-06-02T04:22:00.000-07:00

As random as I can be:

* There is a birds nest above my living room window. I watched two small, frantic, jittery creatures build it over the weekend and I now wonder if it is too soon to listen for tiny chirps.

* The coward who killed Dr. Tiller is a terrorist, and Operation Rescue is a terrorist organization. There is no other way of looking at this. Their God must be very ashamed.

* I love am running for two reasons, maybe three: - the time to think about random things like what I am going to wear to work (comfort is always key) and should I go back to school and maybe I'll send an email to an old friend, etc. and - the flushed feeling on my skin afterwards. Not loving the blister on my heel from shoes I refuse to replace.

2009-05-30T04:41:00.000-07:00

Worked from home yesterday, with a view of the small tabby walking up the sidewalk with this snake in her mouth. It's not like we don't serve the best cat food in the tri state area....evolve already, will ya Raleigh?

Other news -

I met up with some friends last night, my tribe of gay and hetero men at a trendy new bar in Midtown. I entered through a private party happening upstairs; women dressed in cute little sundresses with perfect blonde highlights and strappy sandals. I slunk past in jeans, white T and flip flops, no make-up and hair that hadn't been washed or combed. Lovely. Seeing my friends and picking up right where we left off months ago just makes me so happy.

No rain is in the forecast for this weekend. A first in many months. Not a complaint - just an observation. I signed up for a sprint triathlon on 6/21 and I've got to get into the pool before then, so I'm stoked that I will have the option of the outdoor pool rather than the gym. I tend to sign up for races too far in advance and then proceed to put off the training - this is a new way of doing things for me. V. will go with me to the race but I really don't care how I do - it's just to get back in the game so to speak.

I took my car in for an oil change a month ago, and let them talk me into cleaning/changing the power steering fluid. I figured it was due (although I had no idea really.) Then, for the past few weeks there has been a rattling sound in the back and I assumed it was brake time. I dropped the car off at the Toyota dealer a few miles up the road and described the symptoms. A few hours later, the service man called me to say the rattling was due to some sort of tool left in the chassis by the oil change guys, and that my power steering fluid was really dirty and needed to be changed. Today I go back to the oil change place armed with the tool in a shopping bag and a rehearsed speech for the manager,

Wish me luck.

2009-05-25T04:12:00.000-07:00

This is my neighbor's car.

Today is the bonus day of a long holiday weekend. I haven't been very productive and I don't see myself breaking the pattern today.

On Saturday night, V and I accompanied M. to a crayfish boil. M. looked pretty in a long hippy skirt and fake ponytail - her hair is jet black and she can play with extensions and fake hair and completely pull it off. I went to the mall with her once and allowed the vendors to clip a fake ponytail on me; it looked as if I'd just laid in roadkill and something stuck.

The guy throwing the party is her current crush, but it's complicated, so we came along to provide support. It had been raining all day so the grass was wet and the air was sticky. We stepped over a huge bucket of live crayfish to get to the deck and I wanted to turn around and run back to the car. We reached a table of her coworkers and they squeezed us in. Every hour or so, the host - a big burly man with a slight Cajun accent would come over with a drugstore variety plastic laundry basket filled with crabs, crayfish, corn, potatoes, and shrimp and dump it on to the table. Greasy fingers would let go of sweaty beer bottles to dig in to the pile and break open the shells, tossing the remains to the other side of the table. M. played "girl" and had guys crack the shells for her, while V. dug in and offered me small pieces. I declined, thankful for the hummus I ate at home earlier. It's just not my thing, but I would have loved to have had my camera.

The party coincided with a high school graduation, so there were several young girls in too-flimsy-for-the-weather sun dresses and heels that stuck into the soft grass. Did we have boobs like that right after high school? I can't remember. Maybe I just can't remember being allowed to let them hang out at parties. The group of coworkers we sat with were all about the inside jokes and I admit to being thankful when the rain started to fall a little harder and it was time to leave.

More rain yesterday made mountain bike trails out of the question. V and M went golfing and I was happy to putter around here with the cats, finishing "How to talk to a widower" by Jonathon Tropper. They came home damp, tired and in need of greasy hamburgers or chicken wings. We settled on Hooters - a place I have not been to since I moved here 20 years ago. Who knew you could even BUY slouch socks anymore to go over opaque tights - but there they were, adorning our heavily made up waitress who sat at our table while taking our order for fried pickles, small burgers and wings. The Braves game was too loud and the food was as bad as I remembered. We dodged another storm and sat around the TV for the rest of the evening, watching cheesy TBS movies with full bellies and greasy food-hangovers.

There must be a hole in a screen somewhere because my arms are full of bug bites and I want to go for a run and keep running until I no longer taste the fried pickles.

2009-05-17T06:02:00.000-07:00

Sunday. Surrounded by birds and one angry squirrel who cannot find enough bravado to storm the bird seed on the deck. Yesterday the female woodpecker got trapped and we had to take a few brooms to push her out of the "sun roof" of the deck. Today I think I might by an owl or something to keep them from flying into this useless space.

I’ve been in my head the entire weekend, Rain comes and goes, but the darker skies stick around. I spent 4 hours at work and probably could have spent another 4. Distracted. Not working smart. Worry fills up the other spaces of time. I sit in the car, at yet another light, heading to the 2nd grocery store to find things for dinner. This trip is to the Asian market for Pad Thai sauce. My heart is never into cooking. I enjoy walking around the store and seeing what is in everyone else’s cart. People buying shitloads of tomatoes, bread, oranges. Whole milk in gallon jugs. The produce is good and cheap but you have to eat it within 24 hours or so before it goes bad. It's like visiting another world and I like it.

V. left for a shift at the hospital and I threw on yesterday's jeans and took my coffee to the TV to watch a taped episode of Real Housewives. I will not watch the NJ series - those women scare me. The deck needs sweeping. A trip to Alabama tomorrow, the need to pack for a few meetings.

2009-05-13T03:30:00.000-07:00

Catland Security pulls an evening shift.
Spring is rocking here. Everything just smells and tastes and sounds so good that the portion of my brain in charge of worry is forced to sit in the back and shut it's piehole.
- A drive on Saturday during the start of a run for breast cancer: a sea of peptol bismal pink floating across the 17th street bridge.
- Riding my bike to the river, locking it up and going for a run with my Ipod, at one point resting on a ledge near the pond to give Bruce Springsteen's "Human Touch" my full, foot tapping attention.
- The possibility of an extended visit from my sister this summer - an opening at our office might provide a position she might care to fill.
- A Sunday morning breakfast of homemade waffles and bacon, the Sunday paper.
- Watching a family of Canadian Geese raise 3 (used to be 4, sadly, we suspect a snapping turtle) babes at our pond. The folks are loosening up and no longer hiss when the babies get close for bread. Victor says "Goodbye Goose, say hello to your mother for me" which is an SNL reference that makes me laugh.
There's always time for more worry. Right now it feels so good to just breathe a little and find these moments of peace.

2009-05-08T15:24:00.000-07:00

Hi.

While I've been busy filling the pages of my paper journal, I seem to have once again run out of words for my blog. There are probably people around me who wish I'd run out of speaking words, particularly during political conversations. (I can't help it though - Miss California trying to become a spokesperson for "opposite marriage" and then being caught in a lie about nude photos? Joe the Plumber who isn't really named Joe and who isn't really a plumber, saying he wants out of the GOP? This comedy just begs me to comment!)
Anyway. I'm still here, stalking your blogs in the mornings over strong coffee next to open windows. Spring has been nothing but rain, rain with more rain thrown in. We learned a lesson last year and so we don't complain about the rain. I'm not sure I would anyway, since some of it has come with an occasional light and sound show.
The coyotes aer making themselves more visible. The other night, we received a knock on the door from a concerned neighbor who saw a coyote chase a cat up into a tree - a cat that looked a lot like Raleigh. She was thankfully sprawled out on the bed, her curfew is a bit more restricted these days. We still threw on flip flops and tried to entice the kitty out of the tree while Victor sprayed wolf urine around the trees. I doubt it works, but he's in love with a tabby so he'll do what it takes. We all are.
There is a rabbit that comes out at dusk to sit on the grass. We watch him and comment on how lucky he is to still be around. The other night, a few Canadian Geese walked right by us with a small batch of new little babies all tripping over each other - V ran to grab the camera and I threw Raleigh inside and grabbed some bread. They haven't made their home yet in our pond and this is probably a good thing since I imagine they might be like a coyote version of a batch of Junior Mints.
I'm reading a lot, making my way through memoirs. Three Little Words, House Rules, and now Sickened. I should probably try fiction but I'm drawn to these real life stories. I made it to the beach with a friend, our self imposed fat camp was a successful sweatfest of running and biking for hours.
I want to write more here. I want to keep in touch with you guys, having not lost sight of the reason I started this in the first place: to be less of a stalker and more of a real friend. I want more than that actually: I want to visit Rick and Julia's back yard to see all of those amazing plants and talk politics. I want to see all of Caroline's new small town. I want to sit on Lynilu's porch and play with the pups and drink lemonade, and I want to go on a photo field trip with Brandy.
I've signed up for an HTML class and may even try my hand at the construction of my own website. My motto over the last few years was "Eh, whatever's easier" and I'm slowly waking up a little to do the work. It feels good.

2009-04-29T03:24:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_DjdLbBdy4

The next Fox News anchor....

2009-04-24T03:18:00.000-07:00

Writing exercise #1. - 50 things I love.

1. Anything furry. 2. Pears. 3. Reality Tv. 4. Spring Thunderstorms. 5. Really good memoirs. 6. Beach Sand. 7. Soft Jeans. 8. Flip Flops. 9. Heather grey. 10. Foot Rubs. 11. Bare feet on clean floors. 12. The first sip of coffee in the morning. 13. Lemon Candles. 14. My dad's backyard, with Paula and Katy. 15. Journaling. 16. Lost. 17. My mountain bike. 18. My road bike. 19. Camping. 20. Liberals. 21. Feeding the ducks. 22. A hot shower after a trail run. 23. Bruce Springsteen. 24. Junior mints. 25. Red. 26. Fir trees. 27. Hardcover books. 28. Soy Chai lattes. 29. Sex and the City. 30. Shopping with Carolyn. 31. Jeeps. 32. Crossword puzzles. 33. The clicking sound made by my camera. 34. Saturday afternoon naps. 35. The gym. 36. New shoes. 37. Making ppl laugh. 38. Salted caramal lattes in the winter. 39. Farkle. 40. My bed. 41. Pinot Noir. 42. Al Franken. 43. Fine point pens. 44. Mexican Day of the Dead art. 45. Fish tacos . 46. Margaritas. 47. Swimming. 48. Birds that steal things off my deck for their nests. 49. Olives. 50. Elizabethtown.

Play along?

2009-04-18T09:22:00.000-07:00

I did it! 50 flights in 20 minutes or so. Pretty fun. Now I'm off to eat a late breakfast with M. and then on to the park for the Dogwood Festival. Tacos and margaritas later. Ahhh, spring.

2009-04-12T03:30:00.000-07:00

Wildlife

Now that Mr. Kravitz has sold his condo and a nicer neighbor has moved into his place, I am ignoring condo rules again and placing bird seed on the ledge of my deck. I spent a bit more on a bag of sunflower seeds with no shells (less evidence) and this little guy has been a regular visitor. He announces his arrival with a large squawk that sends both cats into a frenzy. Between this guy, Hank the freeloader (squirrel), and a pack of blue jays who announce themselves each morning, I'm certain I'll have to at some point grab a spoon to hold Wick's tongue down during a seizure. Is that what you are supposed to do?

I'm going to see if I can get a picture of him today - Raleigh and I are anxiously awaiting his arrival.

One of the few good things about your boyfriend leaving on a trip: you can putter around before 6 am without walking on the balls of your feet to be quiet. One of the cats just went back to bed. I cleaned the house and planted some flowers yesterday, which makes the puttering a little nicer. I'm making a to do list for the day which includes completion of my resume (something I've been working on for what seems like a year.), a trip to the bookstore armed with a book I already plan on reading (I just like to be surrounded by other books and readers) and a long trail run in the woods. I spent money on a new pair of shoes that give me really bad blisters - but I'm not ready to give up on them yet so there is a considerable amount of taping and sock preparation before any run.

The Newer Neighbor

Last week my downstairs neighbor asked me if I would bring her cat to the no kill shelter where i volunteer. She (the cat) has been peeing on the couch and the neighbor was stressed and felt there were no other options. She's had the cat for 6 years and adopted from the same shelter. This cat has a return policy - once a GM cat, always a GM cat. I told her that if she worked it out with the shelter, I'd be happy to take her back. Apparently, according to the shelter folks, she called them and "told" them that I would be bringing the cat back and when they tried to tell her that she would have to do this herself to complete the paperwork, she became belligerent and said she would just have her boyfriend drop the cat off at the Humane Society instead. She lied about several things in the process, too. She told them that she didn't have a regular vet (she must have forgotten that she shared her vet information with me). The shelter director finally gave in to her, ultimately because it was the best thing for the cat.

On Friday evening, the neighbor called me to tell me that I was bringing her cat in. I told her I'd call the shelter to confirm this, and she went into her rant about how badly she'd been treated by them. I was polite but firm to let her know where my loyalties were in this situation. We agreed on a time for me to come get the cat, after she tried to tell me she would "just call me when she was ready" because she had a hard time getting the cat into a carrier. I let her know that I had about a 15 minute window and if it wasn't do-able, I'd give her directions to the shelter and she could take care of it herself. 5 minutes later the cat was ready to go. I knocked on her door, and she wanted to show me her new couch (the reason the cat is getting the boot, really) and I told her I was in a hurry and I'd see it another time.

Honestly, I get that people have to sometimes relinquish their pets of 6 years. I even get the part about not being able to drop the cat off herself, which is why I agreed in the first place. But something just rubs me the wrong way with this woman and I don't see us being friends anytime soon. And it isn't just because of the Bush sticker on her car, or the fact that I see the Fox News logo on her TV when I walk by (not kidding - the windows are floor to ceiling in these condos and if you are on the first floor facing the front, it is nearly impossible for other neighbors not to look into your place when walking by.) It's not even her nice but kind of odd boyfriend who cannot close a door without slamming it as hard as possible. My tipping point is always animal related.

2009-04-11T14:41:00.000-07:00

From my journal:
It would be an understatement to say that I have trouble with balance in my life. I throw myself into the drama of work, etc, because I’ve managed to corner myself into a very small space in this world and the size of the space scares me. And to be honest, I’ve got no real ideas on where to go from here, but I am wary of therapists because I’m not entirely sure I’ve listened to them. Pieces of what they say resonate in my mind - like one who told me she saw me leading women on hiking or camping adventures. Another (Helen, one of the most hated at this stage) who billed herself as a Life Coach but when I mentioned wanting to work in a Physician’s office, said “do you have any experience with that” in her very mocking self righteous tone. I suspect that doors opened for her when she married a Doctor, since her office was located in his practice. I don’t tolerate self righteousness or smugness very well, which is my main reason for backing off from therapy. What is it that I want or expect from them?

It's a beautiful, slightly chilly evening before Easter. My main clan - Victor and M. - are both out of town visting family. I opted to stay here rather than make a 7 hour drive to accompany M. to New Orleans. It's left me feeling a little blue, but I cannot really pinpoint the sadness. I've been writing a lot in my journal, and ticking things off the list in order to avoid a slide down into the familiar land of depression. This wont come as much of a suprise to any of you, but I have two speeds: fast and slow. Neither provides much inner peace, and I'd really like to make some necessary changes in order to FIND an in between. I may not be able to stave off depression, but I might be able to find a way to calm myself in the in betweens.

More tomorrow.

2009-04-01T02:42:00.000-07:00

Certain visiting family members have a hard time staying still for photos.

Is it really only Tuesday? A trip to Dothan on Monday night meant a drive in the heaviest rain yesterday. I forgot to book a reservation before I left Monday evening, and the HI express was completely booked. I had no idea this could actually happen in Dothan. I made a reservation instead at the regular Holiday Inn. Big mistake. Huge. I am not a hotel snob by any means but WHOA - moldy carpet, cigarette stains, broken door chain. Did I mention curtains that don't close and a room closest to the stairs? I would have complained but I am fairly certain this was going to be the same with each room they had available. Instead, I watched a little crap TV in the darkness and made my way over to the other hotel at 6 am to eat breakfast and use their wireless until the office opened. Good thing I'm an early riser too, since some Tool left the alarm set at the loudest setting possible right after I got up.

The Dothan girls are very warm and motherly, and concerned about my drive home. They've been getting pelted with rain and there are flash flood warnings all around. I managed to outdrive the rain right around the GA border but there were some tense moments on the roads near Eufala...the grooves filled with water. Thank God for boyfriends who change out windshield wipers as needed.

Now I'm back and a little weary, but ready to head into the office and knock things out. The head of catland security is making her rounds in the parking lot, while the larger, lazier feline trys to squeeze into the space between my lap and the table.

M. is trying to get me to commit to 10k in New Orleans over Easter weekend. While I'd love to go, the flights are too pricey this late in the game and frankly, I don't think a 7 hour car ride sounds fun at the moment. I don't want to "come from a place of no" ( Real Housewives of NYC reference) but....we'll see.

Happy April everyone.

2009-03-22T03:25:00.000-07:00

It's 6 am on Sunday morning. I'm at the office - exporting a project to take home with me since i couldn't seem to log on remotely and didn't want to spend any time trying to figure out the whys and hows of it all. I left the house in flip flops and bed hair, large cup of coffee in my hand. The jeans I threw on have a hole near the back pocket - I just reached back to put my keys in and felt underwear. I wonder if Target still sells iron on patches.

My brother and his fam arrive tonight for a visit on their way down to the beach. I've got Mountain Dew to purchase and a bathroom to clean. Luckily the weather forecast is good. I'm taking the afternoons off from work to hang with them until the head down to FLA on Wed. morning. Hence the weekend work.

M. and I have been plotting a beach trip of our own. We want to go to a fitness camp but quite honestly the prices for these things are just WAY too high. We both know our way around a gym but want to find some motivation to push ourselves a bit harder. We came up with an idea to get a villa rather than a hotel room - make our own meals (healthy) and commit ourselves to 4 hours of exercise per day. Last night we logged on to a website and found a condo to rent for 119.00 per night. Jeebus - the Motel 6 isn't even that cheap. Thank you, recession? Anyway, we booked it and I couldn't be more thrilled. I've lived in the south for 20 years and Hilton Head is still my favorite nearby place.

Spring has finally arrived and other trips are looking promising as well. Asheville, New Mexico, etc. All still in the planning stages....

Ok, the printer has done the job and its time to head back home for a work/clean combo.

Happy Sunday all.

2009-03-16T02:51:00.000-07:00

I've been out of words for the blog. In the meantime, words are filling the paper journal and you can find me on facebook or the comments sections of other blogs. I'm sure I will return, but perhaps may stick to smaller posts and a few photos for awhile until I find the groove.

Since I am a Minnesotan, I can ALWAYS find words about the weather. It's been raining non stop for 3 days. We are all sort of looking at each other like "what do we do now?" Once, 20 years ago, we had a super warm March and since that time I have always felt that spring starts in March. I should move that back. Yesterday it lightened up enough to throw on some shoes and climb Kennesaw Mtn (not really a mountain per Se). My sick friend M joined me to loosen up the snot lodged in her throat (gross, I know.) Afterwards we went to Trader Joes and met V for dinner at CPK. I was hungry, so I forgot their food sort of sucks. V. had friends in for golf and they managed to play between downpours. They are from MN and I'm sure not too happy at all in finding out that it was warmer and nicer back home.

I have a sufficient amount of Monday dread and I am trying to drown it out with coffee.

2009-03-04T02:06:00.000-08:00

This was the view from my kitchen on Sunday. Truthfully, snow is hard to photograph when it falls in huge white fluffy flakes but refuses to land solid on the ground. It was pretty much gone by Sunday night - which didn't deter the powers that be from closing many schools in the area until today. Yes, today. Now I think we have maybe one more morning of cold air before the temps climb into the mid 70's (Saturday) and we can call Spring, As usual, I am stoked for this.
We ran outside in it because we knew Raleigh would follow...she was not amused. Big huge flakes falling on her coat,soaking her completely. The rest of the day was spent on the bed: reading, doing crossword puzzles, and watching bad TV.
Work is humming along. Trips to Dothan are less often, as things fall into place. I head down tomorrow, back on Friday.

Political rant - feel free to skip ahead:
I just read on CNN that a Republican Senator is trying to introduce "Octomom" legislation to limit the number of embryos emplanted. (Emplanted? Is this the right term? I don't think they are technically implanted." )Perhaps it' s the surge of the first few cups of coffee, but this got me thinking: has this country become SO idiotic that we actually have to introduce legislation here? What happened to ethic and reason? One crazy person finds a way to do something so unbelievably selfish and stupid that we now need to throw tax dollars around to make sure others don't follow suit. I would love to think that this particular Dr. would lose his license to practice medicine, but are we really at this point where we have to have more government in our lives? Octomon really is the gift that keeps on giving.
I might consider voting Republican if they wouldn't insist they were about less government while attempting to introduce legislation that suits what they see as a good moral code. Ok, no I wouldn't, but other people would. I guess we'll just have to see what Rush says about it all, since he's in charge of that party.
End rant.

I hope to find my blog groove soon, and will write more often.

2009-02-22T07:06:00.000-08:00

So, because I was sort of a whiny slack ass this year, I did not create my annual goal list. I started a few, and each time I clean things up around here I find scraps of paper with half started lists. Honestly, making the list is usually fun, but executing is where it falls apart for me. On March 1, it I will be 6 months into my fiscal year. I told Victor that I wanted to give it another try and he mentioned that it would probably be well within the rules to have a list for 6 months, with half the number of items. Since he's the dude sitting on the couch watching "Known Universe" on the National Geographic channel, and I'm the one sitting here emailing funny pictures to my family on Facebook for no real reason, I defer to his "smartitude."

Here is my list. They are in no real order. Each week, I am going to look at the list and honestly take steps toward completion. I welcome any feedback/buddying up to complete/etc.

1. Go kayaking
2. BOA stairclimb - April
3. Work stuff (cannot post, to avoid being "dooced".)
4. Lose 15 pounds.
5. Go to the beach twice this spring/summer
6. Join triathlon or cycling training group for weekly group rides. (Atlanta is a scary place on a bike solo.)
7. Go to New Mexico (Lynilu, I've always wanted to see your wonderful state. I am thinking about flying in to Alb. this summer and driving around for an entire week.)
8. Read 25 books by year end.
9. Buy Bento box and fancy up my office lunches. Bored, bored, bored with food.
10. Call my friend Patrick more often.
11. Write daily gratitudes in journal.
12. Wash face with better stuff than soap.
13. Try taking vitamins again.
14. Art up my paper journal.
15. Go meatless two days per week.
16. Try a bootcamp thing.
17. Go camping.
18. Go on a photo field trip.
19. Gate River Run - March
20. Paint bathroom
21. Wear sleeveless this summer
22. Go to brunch.
23. Eat at Flip.
24. Go mountain biking on a new trail.
25. Go to Asheville
26. Go to Boone, NC
27. Do something for Animals.