dispatches from the middle

Couple New Photos

2008-07-15T08:32:00.001-07:00

Hiked George today and snapped a couple shots.

You can check out more of them here.

So Don't Buy One

2008-07-04T03:34:00.000-07:00

Rogers unveiled the iPhone pricing plans for Canadians and a whole bunch of spoiled fucking brats are outraged. Judging solely by the uproar caused by all of this I had originally thought that Rogers had somehow managed to apply a licensing fee to our oxygen supply or tax our drinking water. Nope.

Turns out they are just charging really high prices for something that 99% of people don't even need in the first place. (The other 1% are doctors who are performing life saving transplant surgery via the 3G mobile data system while riding the SeaBus. Admittedly it is probably less than 1% but I rounded up.)

Did you know that when my grandfather was storming the beaches at Normandy he had to pre-load all of his favorite Andrews Sisters tunes onto his iPod BEFORE they left England? Seriously. There was no wi-fi. Even if there was the reception probably would have sucked in the English Channel anyway. The battery life was ridiculous too. He barely had enough power to get him to France. And once he was there he couldn't recharge because the French had a totally different power plug and there were no adapters yet. Brutal.

The iPhone is cool. So are Porsches, trips to the International Space Station and the GFE at Swedish Touch. If they are too expensive don't get one.

(actually, I will sign an online petition for Swedish Touch....)

The Quest For More pt 1

2008-07-01T01:33:00.001-07:00

(No actual monetary figures were researched. The figures contained herewithin are used solely for illustration of certain points and are not to be taken literally. Void where prohibited.)

Things seem to be getting out of hand on all fronts and panic is spreading like….whatever it is that spreads quickly.

Gas prices are through the roof. Housing. Food. You name it, it’s getting silly. But why? Is there less stuff? I don’t think so. Can we blame somebody? Yep.

Ourselves.

That’s the rub. We’re doing this to ourselves and we don’t care to stop it. Rather than recognize what is actually causing the skyrocketing gas prices we just look for more while pretending to want to quit. Heroin addicts are even starting to judge us.

I blame television. Not what’s on it exactly, because let’s face it, it’s generally crap. Always has been, always will be, nothing new there. More so the technological advancements that make it absolutely necessary to see the hair on Harry Hamlin’s knuckles while he waltzes around the dancefloor with that chick from the show in the 90’s about the girl who didn’t eat enough.

While I am not personally a fan of the Dancing Stars I do get the mind candy concept and understand why it is popular. More power to them. But do we NEED it to be in HD?

Maybe. But at what cost.

The HDTVs that we see in the stores are pretty advanced units. They look phenomenal. Especially sports. And considering the technology involved they are cheap. I don't have one. I want one. I will probably get one.

HDTV depends on the majority (if not all) of the future infrastructure being HD across the board. To make it affordable to the masses there is really no way they can be made in North America. The television sets would cost $3000.

So, in order to reach as many houses as possible, the production is sent to China where they can make them for much cheaper on a per unit basis. In the end the TV sets are now available for $1500. That’s considerably cheaper than the previous price of $3000. Let’s get one.

But China has to manufacture these sets somehow and that requires a power source. By shipping production off-shore we create a whole new market for petrol. Without the previous need (or the means) for China to purchase oil North America was the major consumer. Now that China is in the game there is a whole new level of demand on a finite supply.

I didn’t pay much attention in Economics class (ps, it’s pretty boring stuff) but the one basic principle that everyone can grasp is the law of supply and demand.

The oil producers are well aware of this and don’t feel like selling it to North America for $65/barrel when they can get $100 from Asia. Turns out they don’t really care if we have a god-given right to pay less than $4/gallon for gas. Not sure they even recognize that god as an authority anyway.

So we now own a $3000 TV for which we only paid $1500. That frees up $1500 to help offset the rising fuel costs. Except it doesn’t.

Here’s the rub. Very few people have $3000 to spend on a TV and therefore don’t have the extra cash kicking around ready to toss into their car.

The good news is that it isn’t really the end of the world. Despite what CNN says (in fullHD 1080p Dolby Surround THX no less).

(I’m well aware that I used the word “rub” twice. That is on purpose. I hate when things rub.)

Photo Tip: Focal Length Matters

2008-06-28T15:51:00.000-07:00

Focal length is a fancy term for "zoom". Okay, it isn't really but for all you care just know that I am talking about how far you zoom in with your camera. Cool?

If you want to snap a photo of a person you want to zoom in as far as you can (optically, not digitally). Basically this perspective creates much more pleasing features. The background will also go out of focus adding more emphasis on your subject. The only real rub is that longer focal lengths (more zoomed-inedness) make it more difficult to hold the camera still. (If you are using a point and shoot there is a pretty good chance the flash will fire.)

Here's a real sample of the difference focal length makes. No special tricks. Same camera settings, same apparent subject size but in photo 2 Lena stepped back and zoomed in. That's it. I didn't move at all.

Pythagoras Couldn’t Do My Taxes

2008-06-27T12:05:00.000-07:00

Now, while my mathematical discovery may not seem to be on a level as say, isolating the human genome, or inventing DNA (Yes, I said ‘inventing’- DNA Fingerprinting is a myth people), I assure you that it has the potential to improve the lives of many, many more people.

Are you ready for it? Here goes.

Europe ≠ Urinal Pucks

Ok, I realize I have probably lost most of you with my complex formula and math insider jargon but I will do my best to dumb it down.

Basically Europe has a lot to offer in terms of culture and civilization. A lot of castles for instance. Beethoven? The guy could wail. Rembrandt? Awesome. Not to mention that the bulk of his pictures were taken with a 2 Megapixel camera. Or something. It was a long time ago is all I’m saying.

But for all the cosmopolitanity they have to offer a few things have yet to filter down from North America. And top of that list is the urinal puck.

Every time I go into a WC over here it’s like getting punched in the goddamned face. It reminds me of last July when I accidentally spilled my jar of week old asparagus piss on the carpet and then forgot to clean it up for a year.

And then on top of that they have the audacity to try and charge you money to use these facilities. Good luck with all that folks. Quite honestly they should pay me to piss in there.

Anyway I gotta phone the good folks over at Nobel and make sure they have my submission. I don’t want to miss out on the Math prize this year.

Oh, and P.S.- Europe, you’re welcome.

Stocherkahnrennen

2008-06-20T08:05:00.001-07:00

Gondolas are a popular tourist attraction along the Neckar river, inspired by the Venetian canal boats (or vice versa, I'm not sure). Many people even take along the BBQ and a case of beer.

Every year here in Tuebingen they hold the traditional "Stocherkahnrennen" or Gondola Boat Race. Being a big University town the race started as a fraternity thing many years ago and has now evolved into a huge race where any team with 8 people and a boat can join in. There doesn't seem to be many rules aside from the first boat down and back wins. This year saw 56 boats competing.

The winning team enjoys as much beer as they can handle while the losing team must down a half liter of cod liver oil. Not sure if that is divided 8 ways, or is 1/2 liter per person. Either way Davey Hogan would be proud.

Hochzeit

2008-06-04T03:52:00.001-07:00

A friend of mine that I met in my first German class at Langara a few years back got married over here in a small town called Bebra. We had a great time and more importantly it was a good dry run for next summer.

You can find a few more photos here and here.

Camping In Europe

2008-05-05T05:51:00.000-07:00

Just got back from a few days of RV-ing at "The Lake". Posted some photos up on Flickr that you can check out.

Click Here For Photos

Going Camping

2008-04-30T23:52:00.000-07:00

Today is Labour Day in Germany so we are going camping for a couple days with Lena's folks' RV. Heading to Lake Constance on the German/Swiss/Austrian border.

Click Here For Lake Constance

London: In Summary

2008-04-22T07:11:00.000-07:00

I'm glad I got to see London. Having already seen Berlin, New York City and Winnipeg it was nice to add this to the tally.

I find it remarkable that block after block seems to sustain crowds of people, cars and buildings. Certainly other cities have similar districts but London is huge. Very impressive.

It also seems like a pretty cool place to live for a short while. I feel the same about Manhattan. It would be interesting to spend 2 years there and then move on. It is also a pretty cool place to visit if you are casual about it.

The one real downside is something that even the locals apparently gripe about- the tourists. Every city needs tourists to help pay the freight but it seems a little overboard in London and I really can't tell why. The tourists have become such a huge part of the fabric of London that they actually shape the very culture that they are there to see. Oh well. As the French say, "That's Life."

London: Ich Gehe Nach Deutschland Zuruck

2008-04-22T06:44:00.000-07:00

The alarm goes off at 4am but I have already been awake for 10 minutes. I suppose my internal clock already knew and was preparing me for the fun.

I quickly throw my stuff together and shoot Randall a quick goodbye and hustle out the door to catch the bus. Normally one would catch the Tube to Liverpool St Station but at this ungodly hour the first trains have yet to start running on the Central Line so I need to catch the bus. It takes a little bit longer but I really have no choice.

The guy working the 24 hour shop outside our hotel is nice enough to give me change to pick up my ticket and I head for the stop. It's actually a little confusing and at 4:15 I am a little turned around. My bus shows up by I have the presence of mind to ask the driver and he confirms that I am in fact going the wrong direction. No harm though as I jump off and cross the street.

I get to wait with all the riff-raff on their way home from "too many beers night" at the local clubs. Okay, they're not riff-raff, we have all been there. But they are good and drunk. There are a couple of guys who are trying to navigate their way home. The leader of the gang-of-two is smashed and the other guy was falling down drunk about 6 beers ago. Not pretty.

The leader keeps singing in an effort to try and keep his buddy from passing out in the street and it is barely working. Luckily their bus shows up but they can't seem to summon the motor skills required to board it. Well, one guy can but he is no shape to drag his comatose mate with him. The bus driver can't be bothered and closes the door to drive away. The guy loses it.

He starts screaming and shouting at the driver through the closed door but the driver ignores him and starts pulling away. Buddy is not content to leave it alone and starts running alongside the bus screaming and punching the door. Eventually the bus pulls away and the guy gives up. Just as he turns around and begins to head back to the bus stop the driver sees an opportunity and stops the bus in the middle of the street.

Buddy hears this and turns around on a dead sprint for the bus. In the spirit of Wayne Arnold the driver pulls away on him again and stops, taunting him. Unbelievably Buddy falls for the bait and is led down the street by the driver. Awesome.

The driver gets sick of this and speeds off into the early morning while Buddy slinks dejectedly back to his passed out mate. He spends the next few minutes trying to hail a cab with no success.

Moments after they get a cab my bus arrives and we are off to Liverpool Street.

I manage to just make it on the next Stansted Express and get to the airport with a little less time than I would like but it isn't the end of the world.

A pretty big line (queue?) has formed at the German Wings counter and it's getting a little tight. I'm not worried as there are still people coming in behind me. It is worthwhile just to see the panic on their faces as they realize that must wait in a long line with only one check in counter operating. They manage to clear everybody with enough time to get through security.

The flight is unremarkable except for the fact that it marks the first time I had ever seen the seat belt extender being put to use. Of course, it was the lady immediately next to me but on a 1 hour flight it isn't that big a deal. I can't imagine these seats are that comfortable for her as she had to wedge herself in there and I hear her complain about knee pain afterwards.

The pickup goes very smoothly as Lena employs the Standard Liutkus Airport Pickup (aka The 'SLAP'). If you don't already know what it is I apologize for not being able to disclose it to you. It's a hot move to say the least. Perhaps Bill will fill you in.

London: The Maple Leaf

2008-04-21T07:46:00.000-07:00

On my last night in town Randall and I decide to head over to the Maple Leaf Pub and check out what is supposed to be somewhat of a mecca for Canadians living in London. Randall uses the time on the train to catch up on some important reading.

All in all it isn't exactly what a Canadian Pub looks like (in Vancouver a Canadian Pub is generally Irish anyway.....) but they are definitely trying. Randall points out that the Toronto Blue Jays baseball bat with the rubber grip is less than authentic and the "Early Lumberjack" motiv is a bit strong but all in all it's pretty cool. It is what Europeans would THINK a Canadian Pub looks like.

Apparently they tape and replay NHL games but no such luck for us tonight.

We have a couple of beers and head back to hotel for some more crib punishment and then hopefully at least a couple hours of sleep. I have to be up at 4am to catch the train to Stansted for my flight back to Germany.

Oh, and if you're ever in London, don't ask "Philip" from Soho to snap a photo for you. He really underexposes them. Thanks anyway Philip.

London: The Tube

2008-04-21T07:40:00.000-07:00

I decide to spend my last day riding the Tube all around town and snapping some photos. Turns out after 9:30am you can grab an all day pass for about 10 bucks Canadian. This proves to be a very worthwhile endeavor.

I can't say enough about the Tube. Sure, I have heard stories about the unreliability of the trains (would you rather have had Mussolini in Buckingham Palace?) but I don't experience this. The trains come along every couple of minutes and are pretty fast. Of course that is obvious in the photo.

Aside from a couple of closures due to construction the stations and lines are very easy to navigate. One minor issue is the colour coding of the lines- it proves to be a little daunting for my colour-blindness but I can figure it out.

I head out to the Baker Street Station since the nerd in me wants to see what is at 221B (Sherlock Holmes's Address). I expect nothing but they have an actual museum there. Go figure. He wasn't real.

I hit a bunch of other stops and snap quite a few photos. A little quicker than walking everywhere.

London: Steve

2008-04-21T07:07:00.001-07:00

I had met Steve while traveling around Australia 6 years ago. The day after I was in the hospital in Noosa with a concussion and short term Amnesia (just like Memento- no joke) I was off on a 3 day excursion to Frasier Island. You avid readers will know that this is also where I met Lena.

We were assigned a room for our stay that consisted of 2 bunk beds. I met the French Canadian Snoring champ and the two English guys- Dingo Dave and Salty Bob, who would be in my room. Or perhaps I was in there room. Not sure.

It wasn't until late in the trip that I would come to find out that Salty Bob was, in fact, Steve and had no idea who Dingo Dave was. I had thought they were BFF or something but in all actuality Dingo Dave (really a British Doctor whose name eludes me) had made the decision on the boat to come up with pseudonyms for himself and his fellow countrymen. Weird.

Anyway, Steve and I were continuing up the coast on almost the same path and being about the same age had had enough of the 18 year old backpackers that populate the dorm rooms of the hostels. In Airlie Beach we figured out that a double room cost the same as two beds in an 8 bunk room and quickly decided to split a room with our own bathroom and resident lizard.

We met again in Cape Tribulation and then back in Sydney. We never really kept in touch until a few months ago when I managed to track him down.

Despite planning a wedding for this June Steve manages to find time to come into the city for a couple of beers and catch up. Unfortunately he gets stuck in some sort of construction traffic and runs pretty late but he manages to show up.

It was good to see him again and I will do my best to be at his wedding this summer in Wales. We'll see.

PS- It rained like a sumbitch that night. And that's a bold statement coming from a Vancouverite.

London: TBM

2008-04-21T06:41:00.000-07:00

I walk around a little more (its all I seem to do really) and head back to the hotel. We are staying pretty much directly opposite the British Museum and despite it's immense popularity haven't really seen crowds of people heading there.

My first impression of the place is that the building is amazing. The front is looks like an old Greek (doric?) design and the interior of the main hall is worth the price of admission alone. Of course, that is also 0 but really, it is worth more than that.

It's no wonder the British Museum is so popular as it has something from everyone. Most of the museum is a living testament to a bygone era of British Imperialism and the looting associated. As Nichole pointed out to me in a note attached to the guidebook she loaned me, "It is full of stuff that they stole from other people. Not very nice! Why don't they give it back?"

She's probably right but I put all this aside as I am get to see The Rosetta Stone live and in person. While there are a lot of interesting exhibits spread over the whole place, it is this one that really holds my interest. The modern history associated with it is as fascinating as the ancient. Napolean, etc. Very cool.

I check out many of the other rooms but lose interest after a while. It might be too much of a good thing or I might just be tired. I decide to call it a day.

I will meet my buddy Steve tonight who lives just outside of town in a place called Staines. I met him while traveling in Australia 6 years ago and want to se what he is up to.

London: Changing Of The Guard

2008-04-19T02:41:00.000-07:00

Changing of the Guard is scheduled for 11:30am this morning and despite my saturation with all things fabricated for our touristical enjoyment I really have nothing better to do.

I walk down past Trafalgar Square and through the big gate (I'm sure there is a name but I don't know it and do not particularly care), up the mall to Buckingham Palace. There are quite a few people heading that way and I see a pretty large gathering behind the residence at Downing Street. Turns out it is sort of a parade ground for the horses and what not. I'm guessing that is more interesting than the ceremony at Buckingham but I am too late. Rats.

The area outside the Palace is getting pretty packed despite the on and off weather. The thing that I notice first is the complete lack of structure when it comes to the crowd. There is no real indication where things will occur and absolutely no guidance on where to stand and how to be out of the way. That impresses me.

Of course people are milling about and generally unaware of the concept of "Other People" but this is something I have come to expect so it doesn't bug me so much. At one point a set of guards comes out of the gates and pretty much just scream at the tourists to get out their way. Well done.

The horses come up the mall and ride in front of the palace but it is all pretty low key. Don't know if it has all been scaled back for some reason but there is very little to see. A little bored, I move on back to Trafalgar Square and the National Gallery.

This is one of the free museums and definitely worth going to. It's pretty big and the layout could be a little more conducive but overall very impressive. I expect there to be more people since it is a freebie and while it isn't empty there is room to move.

I see some pretty famous paintings by DaVinci (of "Code" fame), Van Gogh, etc.

Next door is the National Portrait Gallery which is also free and worth a look. They had a whole section of famous Karsch portraits. Neat to see in person.

Next Stop: The British Museum

London: Part 84- Let's Speed This Up

2008-04-16T22:07:00.000-07:00

Okay, I have been real busy and this is just taking way too long. Going to try and speed it all up here.

Randall is in town for business and as such actually has work to do so I am on my own for the next three days. Once he heads off to work I "shower".

"Shower"? Well, sort of. For some reason the Europeans have been slow to adopt the North American shower. I'm sure they are being filtered in now but many of the old buildings and houses still have the old bathtub with the little shower hose and no curtain. I have seen it in Holland, France, Germany, and now again in England. Totally understand wanting to avoid "Cultural Homogenization" but this is a strange place to take a stand.

I get going and head towards Trafalgar Square- Nelson's Column, The National Gallery, etc.

London is a pretty cool city to just walk around in. The only downside is that you never really know where a car is going to be coming from. Part of it is the driving on the left side aspect but it is also pretty confusing in general. I will be stopped at a crossing waiting for the light but locals will be walking against it. Not wanting to look stupid, one gets the inclination to cross, only to be nearly run down. The locals seem to know the patterns very well. Tourists do not. I decide I look slightly less stupid standing at a crossing than I do smeared under a bus.

As the weather today is not horrible I decide to do some outside stuff. If it snows/rains tomorrow I can go inside and hit the galleries. I walk around Trafalgar Square and then head down towards the Thames. In my head all the Tower Bridge stands directly in front of Big Ben but in reality it is a pretty long walk away.

I find my way down to the pedestrian bridge near Downing Street (#10) and head across. Along the way I end up taking a lot of pictures for people using their cameras. I suppose they see my big camera and assume I have skills so I get asked a lot. It's especially fun when I get asked to take a photo using the $19 digital video/still/MP3 camera. Not easy to use.

On the other side of the Thames I decide to pop over and see what Waterloo Station looks like. These are the things that generally fascinate me about cities I have never been to- the architecture of train stations in Europe. Berlin is fantasic for this as well. You could spend an entire day just hitting the different stations.

Walked around Waterloo and then headed along the river walk- Shakespeare's Globe Theater, a whole bunch of other stuff, until I got to the Tower Bridge.

Like most people (I have to suppose) my instinct is to call it "London Bridge". I know full well it isn't (London Bridge HAS fallen down, moved to Arizona and since been replaced) but that doesn't stop me. It's a pretty neat looking bridge and an instantly recognizable landmark. Unfortunately for me on this grey, windy day it blends into the background. I won't be winning any awards on this one.

I fire off a few photos and then look for the nearest Starbucks since I am fundamentally opposed to the pay toilet. I appreciate that things cost money but there is just something wrong with charging $4 for a 10 cent cup of coffee and then getting another 50 cents from you an hour later. Fortunately this is the one area where nobody complains about Starbucks exporting American culture abroad.

While I am having lunch in the park on the south bank girl asks me to take a photo of her with her camera. My camera is in my bag so she has no idea that I have a vague idea of how to snap a photo. It's a good thing too since I cannot figure out her camera to save my life. It's a pretty simple point and shoot with some manual features but I can't figure out how to turn the flash on. She tries to be helpful but gets a little creeped out when she sees me accidentally looking at the photos she has already taken. The PLAY button looks remarkable like the FLASH button. Bulgarian technology I suppose.

I cross the bridge with the rest of the herd and arrive at the London Tower. Neat looking old fortress with a lot of history but the crowd waiting to get in for the tour was staggering and I decide to settle for the exterior only. I find these sorts of things interesting but once they become too much of a destination they can be altered. Much like Alcatraz. When I was younger it was a riveting tour. While it is still interesting, they have rebuilt some stuff and are now catering to the tourist factor.

I head up the hill and hit St Paul's Cathedral on the way back to the hotel. I was planning on popping in here as well but again it was already overcrowded and not terribly cheap so I skipped it. The 39 steps up to the dome would have to wait.

Later that night Randall has work to do and thus cannot be suffer the daily ego bruising he normally receives when he decides to play crib. Seriously. Practice. It's embarrassing. Luckily one of the workers handling the renos at the hotel has cut through the cable TV hookup and killed the TV for half the hotel. It doesn't seem to be much of a priority for the hotel staff so it seems I will not find out if Deuce Bigelow saves the day. Instead I go for a walk and see if I can snap some good shots of London at night.

I can't.

London: Can't Get Left

2008-04-14T21:57:00.000-07:00

"Look kids, Big Ben, Parliament."

Across the street from Westminster Abbey sits Parliament and of course Big Ben. You aren't allowed to leave London unless you have photographic proof that you were in fact standing in front of it so we oblige and snap away. The building is actually pretty impressive looking as it sits on the Thames and Big Ben sticks out nicely. So far everything has been tremendously grey so it is nice to see something with at least a little color.

We don't spend long hanging around before we decide to head back along the Thames and back towards the hotel. On the far bank is the London Eye which Randall informs me is the London Eyesore to locals. Although I do not ride it myself it seems to be pretty popular even for the 10 Quid price tag. (Quid is how they refer to money. Not sure of the conversion rate but I heard it in a Guy Ritchie movie and it sounds pretty cool).

We head to Coventry Garden and snap a few photos of the staples- Double-Decker Busses, Phone Booths, War Stuff, Humped Zebra Crossings.

We walk all around the area and after grabbing a Starbucks (they're everywhere) and showing a couple of cougars from Chilliwack how to find Trafalgar Square (I sing a couple of lines from My Girl, She's Gone and they stare blankly at me. Very disappointing) we head back to the hotel for a little crib before dinner at a curry restaurant (what else- haggis?)

London: Westminster Abbey

2008-04-12T08:59:00.000-07:00

We step into the map and decide to cut through the park to get to Big Ben. Westminster Abbey is pretty much across the street from parliament so we head there first. The cool thing about London is that many of the attractions are actually free to get into. Well, they advertise as "free" but do suggest a donation to help keep it free. I operate on the principle that I will tour around it first and then if I like it make a donation. Of course I have a change of heart when it comes time to do so. I figure they can go talk to the sandwich shop that charged me seven bucks for a tuna on white. THERE'S my donation.

Westminster Abbey is not one of the free attractions. It's a neat looking building and I would like to go look around but the place is packed and it is 10 GBP ($20 CDN) to go in. Normally I wouldn't mind paying that but considering the giant crowd and all I decide not to.

I am starting to recognize what London is all about and why a lot of Londoners are whinging about it. The tourism is based on telling people what they should be seeing and steering them there. The tourists' presence is so overwhelming that they actually become part of the culture they are traveling to see. There isn't as much immersion as I have experienced in other cities like Berlin and New York. By no means did I behave like a local in either of those locations but there is opportunity to blend in to the surroundings a little more than London.

We snap some pictures and cross over to Big Ben.

London: Buckingham Palace

2008-04-12T07:39:00.000-07:00

I have seen France, and now I have seen parts of London. On our way to Buckingham Palace I am starting to get excited about completing the hat trick. I realize it is a long shot but if can catch a glimpse of the Queen in her damned undies well.....

We leave Speaker's Corner and walk along the edge of Hyde Park until we come to St James Park and go left. A short walk and we arrive at the Palace. It's not hard to find as even this greyest of days it is pretty jammed with tourists taking photographs of what can best be described as a pretty boring castle. It actually might be a nice looking library if that were the case but in terms of palaces it just doesn't shine that bright.

On the other hand perhaps my expectations are not the best barometer of what makes a good palace. I have no idea what to look for. Now that I think about it my only real expectation was seeing those poor guys in the giant fur hats with the nose clips having to put up with The Frigtard family on vacation from West Virginia trying to make them smile. Plenty of Frigtards, no furry hats.

My best guess is that they really have those show guards in the warmer months when at least they can get some enjoyment out of it. Otherwise they must hit the wall after 10 minutes on the job. I figured i was going to have to make a decision and either mock the frigtards (that's what I do) or change the game and lick the guy's face. Their absence ensured I never had to make Sophie's Choice.

We poke around a little, snapped a few of the requisite photos and decide to scram. The Changing Of The Guard Ceremony is scheduled for later that week so I make a note and decide to come back then.

Once after a game at Minoru I saw Lowrey change into his street clothes. Having witnessed the "Changing Of The Gord" I want to compare it with the real thing.

Next Stop: Big Ben, Parliament.

London: Speakers' Corner

2008-04-09T07:48:00.000-07:00

I note that the official name is Speakers' Corner. Both plural and possessive. Upon arriving at the Marble Arch (and compared to the only other Marble Arch I have been to this one was terribly disappointing....) I soon realize that the plural part is incorrect.

As it stood there was exactly one Speaker and he didn't even have the forethought to bring a soapbox with him. He did dig out his Costanza hat though so I suppose it sort of evened out.

We wander over to hear what the guy had to say and lose interest quickly. Something along the lines of "older men see younger women and may as well be looking at a fencepost." Supposedly some comment on sexuality and aging. What? A fencepost? Does a fencepost's father freak out when it discovers his daughter is dating Nikita Kruschev's stunt double?

I do take delight in the fact that Randall's head is larger than his head, even when the rat hat is factored in. The guy knows it too and suddenly feels inadequate. He tries to slowly slink away and put some distance between himself and the large melon but Chris has none of it.

Having quickly lost interest we decide to keep walking and figure Buckingham Palace is the place to be. I honestly thought that Speakers' Corner would be a lot more Dialoguey. That John Denver's full of shit man.

On to the palace.

London: Picadilly Circus

2008-04-08T22:04:00.000-07:00

Randall gives me fair warning that he will most likely suffer from Billy-itis and need to get some sleep Monday morning. Hardly blame the guy as he has stacked up quite a few flights in the last couple weeks.

I was well aware of the reputation that London is a crazy expensive city. Aside from our Canadian dollar being worth exactly half (convenient for the automatic conversion when paying for things) stuff is just costly. I had planned ahead and packed some German cheese, some dark bread and a large bag of musli. A pretty good move that I recommend.

Being that I have a few days in London by myself I'm not in a particular panic to jump out of bed at 6am and hit the streets. This instinct is further confirmed by the fact that it is snowing. On Easter Monday. Seriously? I realize Easter is the earliest we will ever see it in our lifetimes but snow? I can understand fog or what have you but I don't think snow when I think of England.

I do wake up a little early however since I am on German time which is one hour ahead of England. Randall is still out cold and I let him sleep until about 10:30. After breakfast we head out to see what London has to offer.

The good thing is that we are staying in a very central location so we are able to walk most places. Randall pulls out the pop up map and insists that we must see (and hear) Speaker's Corner. And so we're off.

Well not quite. First off he's an idiot. That hurt us right out of the gate. (to be fair, I would soon join him in idiot status but had yet to prove myself at that point). We start walking the wrong direction entirely. When I looked up I saw the Eiffel Tower. That seemed wrong to me.

I can handle that London has some windy streets. Heck the city has been around for at least 100 years and I'm not certain they even had cars then. But does the name of the street need to change every 15 meters? That is ridiculous. Pick a name and run with it. If somebody more important dies then rename the WHOLE street after them.

We decide to salvage the error and backtrack towards Picadilly Circus. Randall tells me it is like Times Square in NYC. It isn't. Not a terrible thing as Times Square doesn't live up to it's reputation either.

Perhaps it is a bigger deal in the summer, but in the cold, grey spring it was only ok. I hoped for much more at Speaker's Corner.

First Randall wanted to do a little shopping. Sweet. I double checked to make sure it wasn't Gerri Randall I was walking along with but on second glance it was in fact Chris. It seems that in London they sell these bits of clothing called "neckties" that have yet to filter down to Vancouver. They look pretty smart but are probably very constricting. I don't think I will ever want to wear one. Randall however, was fascinated.

We get that out of the way and head to Hyde Park to see who had dusted off their soapbox.

London: Part 3

2008-04-07T21:11:00.000-07:00

I'm not super thrilled to be walking around the streets of London wearing my giant backpack. It's not that I don't feel safe, I do, especially in this neighborhood, but being in a new city with a backpack is sort of like wearing a target.

Walking around I notice two things that immediately stand out- they speak a lot of English, and they drive on the other side of the street. Sort of like Australia without the UV Index.

I head towards the hotel and after asking directions a couple times and getting a little turned around I manage to find the place. It didn't help that it was completely covered in scaffolding rendering the sign invisible.

Randall and I play a few games of crib to get caught up. I beat him soundly. Or something. I forget now and really it isn't important. He has the day off for Easter Monday and we will spend it touring the city. And we have separate beds. That was a welcome surprise.

London: Stansted

2008-04-01T07:52:00.001-07:00

The plane lands without incident which is pretty exciting considering the abnormal wind that has been zipping around Europe lately.

Once the doors open it becomes a mad dash for the door and then a sprint to Customs. I understand not wanting to dawdle but the sheer determination to be the first to enter England was awe inspiring. I was immediately struck with the concern that perhaps England might be full and they were only going to let a dozen of us in. That would not be ideal.

Well that wasn't the case and they handled the influx with top notch efficiency. Full marks to the Custom's Dept at Stansted.

Grabbed my bag which came through pretty quick and then had to find my way down to the train platform. Built right into the terminal. Genius.

There was only one window open at the ticket terminal but plenty of electronic self-service terminals to choose from so I jumped on one. That cost me 6 pounds.

The touch screen system is very well designed and extremely efficient. It's just that I pushed the wrong button and paid for a one way ticket that cost 15 pounds when a return ticket cost 24. Damn. And then I missed the next train by mere seconds. Fortunately they run every 15 minutes and I was off to London.

Two short stops and I had arrived at Tottenham Hale Station. Normally you would ride it all the way to Liverpool Street Station but that section was closed for scheduled maintenance. Not too bad though as it easily connects to the Tube system which would take me to where I needed to go. The only real rub was that my Tube Fare was not included in the 15 pounds and cost an additional 4. At a 2:1 exchange with Canadian money that stings a little.

I got my first glimpse of riding the Tube and was duly impressed. I easily found my two transfers and never had to wait more than 2 minutes for the train. Arrived at Tottenham Court Road Station and emerged from the subway to a giant, illuminated Freddie Mercury statue.

I was in London.

London: Getting There

2008-03-30T21:56:00.001-07:00

Luckily Randall's visit to London coincided with spring break over here in germany and my language school was closed for the week. I figured I could probably skip all the wet lederhosen contests and go see what England looks like. Plus, I have always wanted to see where "Notting Hill" was filmed.

At first I considered taking the fast train as it just seems cool. Did you know that they dug a tunnel under the English Channel? A Channel tunnel. They should call it the "Chunnel". You heard it here first.

Anyway it turns out that while cool, the train is expensive and takes like 9 hours from here. A flight is about half price and takes under an hour.

As many of you already know Europe has a number of low cost airlines, EasyJet, Ryan Air etc. I opted to fly German Wings. Really reasonable prices but as usual you don't fly the premium airports. The equivalent would be like flying Calgary-Vancouver but landing at Abbotsford. Not the end of the world but it requires a little more travel.

If you have the right attitude then flying these low costs can be a real treat. Normally I do not have the right attitude but I make an exception in this case.

First of all there is no assigned seating on these planes. Not a big deal really as a one hour flight is nothing to get worked up about. When you check in and drop off your luggage you are assigned a number on your boarding pass. When it is time to board the plane they call out numbers 1-30 for boarding. The idea being that ONLY those 30 people come forward and walk through to board the bus that takes us to the plane.

Simple? Seemingly. They are pretty smart about it. They only assign each number once. For instance I was number 28, and nobody else was given that number. Foolproof. But don't count out the fools just yet, they got mad skills.

I should also take this opportunity to point out that the good folks at German Wings are pretty good mathematicians. 120 seats on the airplane? They hand out 120 boarding passes. Therefore if everyone occupies only one seat it is a lead pipe cinch that everyone will get a seat. This was the theory that Newton was working on when the apple hit him in the head and he invented gravity, thereby overshadowing the good work he was doing in the 1=1 field.

So they call the first 30 people but somewhere the translation gets muddy and everybody hears "Attention passengers for Flight 181 to Stansted, the plane is now taxiing down the runway. Please push your way to the front as we only have room for 12 of you."

The good people at German Wings have a ridiculous amount of patience. I am pretty sure that this is not her first shift, yet the lady at the gate handles all the frigtards with aplomb, gently asking them to step back and please wait their turn. No a job for me. I applaud them.

We board the bus and head for the plane. In their wisdom GW has opened both the front and the rear doors for fast boarding. It also allows for pushing and shoving in stereo. The doors of the bus open and all of sudden the sprint is on. I remember that it is Easter Sunday and wonder if the cabin crew has hidden some chocolate under some of the seats. Nope.

Everybody on board quickly realizes that 30 people pretty much have their choice of seats when the plane is empty. Not to mention that all the seats are pretty much the same.

Everybody gets settled and we're off to London.

The flight is rather unremarkable until the end when the three Germans behind me ask the British dude seated next to me about London. They want to know the population of London itself. Joe Britain responds that he doesn't know for sure but it is probably just shy of a million. Really?

Now, I do not work for the British Census Bureau but I would venture that more than a million people populate London. It's pretty big. I have to wager that it is those very estimation skills that got him thinking his skin was tanned and his teeth were straight.

Next Stop: London Stansted