White Blues

Pokemon Perma-Death Challenge: First Deaths

2009-12-27T23:18:00.000-07:00

We gather here today in remembrance of not one, not two, but three friends who have left this world for the next. They fought long and hard, and in the end, each of them were recieved into the next life, where they will find peace and rest.

Dearest Aquapel the Wingull, you were the first to go at the hands of May. You fought bravely against her Grovyle with your Wing Attack, but alas, it had a level advantage and could take half of your life with a single Pursuit attack. Afraid to switch you out of battle, I kept healing you again and again, only to watch your HP drop to half time after time. When it looked as if we had an opening to finish the enemy with a final Wing Attack, Absorb hit with a critical strike and ended your life. Rest in peace, Aquapel.

Next was Prismoth, the Dustox. You faced your defeat at the hands of an enemy Doduo. Its Peck brought you down to 1 HP, and though you had a speed advantage and could defeat the enemy with one more strike, and though I had items with which to heal you, I decided to simply switch out. If only the enemy hadn't used Pursuit at that moment and finished you off before I could recall you to safety. I'm sorry for my mistake, Prismoth. May you rest in peace.

And finally, Slash, the Nincada. Your death was not glamorous, for a simple wild Zigzagoon just outside of town was lucky enough to finish you off with a Headbutt critical hit when I was trying to raise your level. But as part of the team, your loss will be felt. Rest in peace, Slash.

Today marks the first casualties since the beginning of our journey. Though we have acquired two badges with no problem, there were no fatalities until these three unfortunate incidents, proving that any enemy, large or small, trained or wild, can pose a serious threat to our team. I will learn from my mistakes and be more careful in the future, and may these three deaths be the only losses we experience. Onward to victory!

2009-12-15T17:41:00.000-07:00

I'm so frustrated. There are plenty of reasons why I need to move out of this house as soon as I can. But there's the problem--I can't. I've been trying to work as much as possible at the library, but sometimes there just aren't very many shifts. I've only been making $150 a paycheck, and that's twice a month. Plus I owe my mom for my phone and car insurance. The money isn't really the issue, but I'm humiliated to have to pay it to my mom as opposed to the phone and insurance companies. It's degrading. On top of that, she's going to start charging me rent to live here, which is going to take away any money I may have had left over, so I'm sitting at flat broke. I've applied for every better job (which is all of them) at the library that I possibly can (plenty of internal hires come up, but only current merit employees can have those), but they didn't hire me as a shelver and they're taking their sweet, sweet time with the CSS one. I applied on November 23rd and I still haven't heard anything back. I should be more than qualified and I'd be making about 150% of what I'm making now, plus steady hours from week to week, and I know I'd like doing it. I'm trying to be patient and have faith, and I'm sure everyone at HR is sick of getting my emails by now, but I sorta need an answer. I don't really want to work a second job or leave the library because out of all the jobs I've had, the library is the only place that doesn't make me want to shoot myself. Plus, who knows if anyone would hire little old me, when there's tons of degree-holders taking up all the jobs I'd usually have. I'm trying to be loyal and persistent, because they say these things pay off, but I'm not so sure right now. And I really don't want to deal with juggling two jobs. That's a whole mess I don't need right now. I want to get married and move into a tiny, tiny apartment and have some semblance of a life for myself because I'm almost freaking twenty and should have my own life going on, but I'm so TRAPPED right now and I feel like I'm twelve. It's unbelievable. I've been trying to stay optimistic about life and tell myself that it's not so hard, that it's not so awful and frightening, but sometimes I fail at that. I just really needed to vent to someone or something right now.

Rhett + Link at SLCC

2009-12-04T01:10:00.002-07:00

Look, look!

Random

2009-12-02T23:15:00.000-07:00

Remember the good ol' Taylorsville Alliance?

My last post mentioned random old posts being important to someone. Well, apparently this video means something to a few people, but... well, I'll let you see for yourself. Look at the comments section.

Talk about random.

Information

2009-11-30T12:25:00.000-07:00

You always hear stuff on the news about creepsters gathering information about a person's life through the internet before going to commit some kind of crime. Things like blogs, Facebook, and Myspace have been under attack for a long time. People are always warning you not to put even the most basic information out there. And yeah, I can see their point. Information is way easy to come by these days. It's practically coming out of our noses. I can't honestly say I remember every single word I've written in this blog. I have over 600 posts now, stretching all the way back to, like... 2006. Dang. That's one reason why I've been wanting to clear this place out, leaving only a few of the most recent posts. But due to techincal problems, I can't do that until I print off ALL of my old posts, and such a daunting task just begs to be put off until the hypothetical tomorrow.

But every once in a while, I get a little ray of hope. I've never had a lot of readers (as far as I can tell), but close friends have always been a click or two away, and they tell me in-person that they read. There was that one Anonymous visitor a while back who left two annoying comments, but luckily this person seems to have moved on to better things. And then there are the random visitors who stumble upon this place for one reason or another and find something they like. They decide to stay a while and read, maybe leave a comment or two. For whatever reason, my blog means something to them. Almost always, these visitors land on one of my older posts (circa 2007), which means the information there is totally outdated and, dare I say it, embarrassing. But hey, I meant it when I wrote it. It's also a rare opportunity for me to be able to go back to any time period in my recent past and see what was going on. Of course I didn't write about everything, but I can see the things that I was willing to put out there in the information ocean, so to speak.

So, you know. On one hand, you've got creepers and predators. On the other, you've got the random visitor who finds something here they like. And I guess if I had three hands, I'd list employers. They're real big on snooping around potential hires' personal pages. I hope this place (at least the current version) is positive enough to prove that I'm not always a depressing chunk of black abyss. Just sometimes. And not so much anymore. Now my problems all have to do with money. So giving me a job would really help me out with that. Please?

Adventure

2009-11-23T23:46:00.001-07:00

Today I had quite a few adventures.

After class, where we learned about giant asteroids hitting the earth and making everything extinct, I ran into Melissa, and she invited me to go play badminton with her. Sam joined us shortly after, and I said I would go play with them for a while. It was really nice to get to spend some time with friends. Some of the other guys there said I was pretty good, too. I had a good time and I think I'd like to go back again.

As I get out to my car afterward, I notice that one of my tires is super-flat (again). I decide to high-tail it over to the gas station and fill it up before it gets worse. As I'm crouched there, holding the air hose in one hand and a pressure gauge in the other (which I had just bought, after finally getting tired of having to guess my air pressure), I hear a faint hissing. Just the air hose. Nothing to worry about. But when I go to walk away, the hissing from the hose stops. I put it down and go back to my tire... and the hiss returns. I lean down, and the sound is coming from my tire valve. It's leaking!

I have a few options here. I can easily make it home on the air I have; that's not the problem. What is the problem is what I should do next. I can either leave my car at home until Rick can bring me a new tire or something, putting me completely out of transportation for a few days, or I can leave everyone completely out of it and handle it myself, like a man. I decide to go with the latter. I'm tired of always leaning on Rick for car stuff, or reporting back to Mommy whenever something goes wrong. I know she's not always gonna be there, and thank goodness for that, to be honest. I'm getting really done with all of that mess.

So I drive home and open up the phone book. I find Big O Tires and call them up. "Um, my tire is leaking air from the valve."

"Sounds like you'll need to get the valve stem replaced," said the voice on the other end.

"How much is that going to cost?" I ask.

"About $12.50."

Hey. Not bad. But later in the day, I have an appointment with the surgeon who will be removing my wisdom teeth. I can't miss that. "How long would it take?"

"Thirty to thirty-five minutes."

"Oh, great! Thanks!" I hang up the phone. After quickly logging onto the computer to check my bank balance, I'm off to Big O Tires. But first, my tire is already looking pretty sad. I have to make a quick stop by the gas station one more time to fill up with air, then get back in and drive to Big O. I make it in one piece, head inside, and repeat my dilemma to the guy at the counter.

"Alright, let's see what's causing the leak and if we can stop it," he says, leading the way outside. I direct him to my car, where we can both hear the air hissing out. He kneels down and pulls a small tool from somewhere. In the blink of an eye, he puts one end of the tool into the valve and turns something inside. The hissing stops instantly. Problem solved.

Needless to say, I'm glad. $12.50 and a half-hour wait wouldn't have been bad, but my problem has just been fixed for free in about five seconds. He fills up my tire with some free air and sends me on my way, good as new. Or... whatever condition my car was in before the tire problem.

I get home and, feeling great about my experience at the tire store, decide to check my email for work-related news. I sign up for a shift or two... and then I see it. An opening for a regular part-time Customer Service Specialist, or CSS, job at either West Jordan or West Valley, two great libraries. The posting says applications will be accepted on a continuous basis, but only those submitted by 5:00 pm on November 23rd will be given first consideration. That's today. I need to get crackin', especially before the surgeon appointment. So I fill it out, including every gory detail of my job experience that will hopefully make a difference. According to the posting, the only requirement is one year of library or retail experience doing duties somewhat related to CSS duties. Hmm. One year at the library, you say? Check. Plus, I have a small smattering of customer service jobs (Smiths, Vector, even the concessions at the stadium for Lit Mag and Journalism) that will hopefully round me out a bit. I include all of it and send the little application out to fight for its life in the application sea. I really hope I get this job. It's about $12/hr. starting wages, and has steady hours. Not bad, not bad at all.

Then it's finally time for the surgeon appointment, most of which consists of me sitting in the lobby and signing papers basically informing me that a million and a half things could go wrong and result in permanent injury or death. Then it asks me if I'm okay with that. Well... what am I gonna say? No?

Then we finally go in to talk to the actual doctor. He seems like a really nice guy, and according to the plethora of diplomas and certificates on his wall, he's plenty qualified. But the whole time, it feels a little like everyone's talking to Mom, instead of me. She really only came because she's still in charge of the insurance and stuff. Being over 18, I can sign things for myself and get surgery if I dang well please. But they mostly talk to her as they explain the processes and what's going to happen. It seems strange, since she isn't the one actually going under the knife. I'm freaking out, feeling really nervous, and they're talking about me like I'm not there. A little unsettling. Especially after watching a bunch of episodes of The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack. One character, Doctor Barber, is a certified creepster who loves performing dicey surgery on anyone who will agree to it (or stay too long in his shop).

*Curls up in fetal position* It's just a cartoon, it's just a cartoon...

And then, well... my usual day returned. I think the biggest thing about today was that I took care of that tire stuff without even breathing a word to anyone. I know it sounds really lame, but that's kind of a big deal for me. I fought off my natural tendency to just leave the tire alone and wait for something to happen. I took care of business. I Got-R-Done. It felt good. Especially when the solution was quick and easy.

OW Demo 1 + Review - Disney's Christmas Carol

2009-11-08T15:58:00.003-07:00

I've finished the first demo version of my game, Orphan Wars! It's about an hour and a half long, with a complex RPG-style battle system, almost completely original artwork, and a handful of original songs (I'm working on writing more). If you want a copy, find out how to get one here.

I'd also like a post a small review of the new Christmas Carol movie with Jim Carey. Rachel and I went with Nick and his parents to see it on Friday night. The theatre was filled with young families and children. After all, this is a Disney movie! And didn't the trailers look so inviting and fun?

The movie itself was a different story. The new Christmas Carol can be compared to The Nightmare Before Christmas in many ways. Both deal with Christmas, while also having scary Halloween-like elements such as ghosts. Both have their little moments of humor and fright.

But where Nightmare succeeds, Carol fails. Nightmare is essentially light-hearted and fun. It has music and cute stylized characters. They live in their own fascinating, make-believe world. But Scrooge lives in the real world, in a real time and a real place. The people there look like real people (despite some rather eerie caricaturization). So when the ghosts appear and begin haunting Scrooge, it's hard to see them as friendly, if somewhat misunderstood, as they might be in Nightmare. Instead, they are legitimately frightening. There are a slew of very loud, sudden noises and things leaping out of the screen, which made younger kids cry and made the parents of older children lean over to ask "Are you okay? Are you sure?" When things aren't jumping out at you, everything is silent and tense, which didn't exactly fill me, a 19-year-old, with warm fuzzies. The odd balance between realism and cartoon comes off as eerie. A few of the more frightening images of the movie are when Marley's jaw becomes unhinged in a fit of fury, the Ghost of Christmas Present decays in front of your eyes, and the Ghost of Christmas Future sends Scrooge down a deep hole into an open coffin, beneath which a sinister red light glows. Even without these things, there are some longer passages of dialogue at the beginning, including a little foul language, that would either bore kids or put them to sleep.

So now you're thinking, this doesn't sound much like a kid's movie at all. And you're right, it's not. If it hadn't been Disney, and if it hadn't been rated PG, and if it hadn't been obviously marketed toward kids, this would all be fine. I will admit, it was a powerful movie and did justice to the traditional story we all know and love. But the problem comes from the fact that it's supposedly a kid's movie. Even within the movie, there are silly little moments that were obviously inserted for children and made me want to roll my eyes. Scrooge gets shrunk down to the size of a mouse at one point and of course, his voice becomes high and silly-sounding. But this is happening while he's being chased by a shadowy, skeletal figure on a chariot with red-eyed Hell horses. Some of Jim Carey's signature humor breaks through Scrooge's character, but instead of breaking the tension at too-intense moments, it seems vastly inappropriate and poorly balanced.

My overall impression was that the movie couldn't decide what it wanted to be. It was too silly for adults, but far too frightening for kids, leaving me wondering what kind of audience is going to enjoy everything about this movie. I can't think of one.

Review - Scribblenauts for DS

2009-10-28T11:31:00.004-06:00

I saw some videos of this game a while before it came out and I was fascinated. Write anything? Really? Finally, a world where pirates can wear jet packs and you can make a dragon square off with a zombie. So I bought it the other day, and I'd like to give everyone a little heads-up as to what this game is all about.

Concept: 10/10
The core concept of this game is simple--get Maxwell, our Scribblenaut, to the Starite, which is exactly what it sounds like. You can do this by tapping the notepad in the top right-hand corner of the screen and typing in objects. They can be any objects, with the exception of copyrighted material or content inappropriate for a rated E game. Use these objects to help Maxwell achieve his goal. Simple enough, right?

Where it becomes really interesting is how these objects can interact with each other. Place a campfire next to a block of ice and it will melt. Then get a hose and spray some water on the fire to put it out. Bring the firewood to another fire and it will light again. Bakers will automatically pick up rolling pins and attempt to an oven. You can also ride vehicles (car, UFO) or animals (horse, pterodactyl) or attach ropes to loose objects and pull them or to cliffs and climb up.

Living objects also have emotions, ranging from "protective" to "scared" to "aggressive." These feelings will affect how they interact with other objects. A criminal is naturally aggressive to most things, but write in a policeman and he'll run away. A dog will chase and attack a cat, while the cat will attempt to eat a mouse.

Experimentation is often rewarded, as the word library is remarkably expansive. You can tell the makers of this game were super nerds when words like "Large Hadron Collider," "Rickroll," and "LOL WUT" yield results. I have found myself much more limited by my own capacity for imagination than this game's word library.

Gameplay: 6/10
Don't get me wrong--I love this game. But while I think the concept is perfect, its execution can be a little rough at times. One of my main dislikes is that nearly everything is done with the stylus. You control Maxwell by pointing. I expected this to be like Zelda: Phantom Hourglass where Link runs in the direction you are pointing and then stops when you let go. But in Scribblenauts, your character will run to that spot. He jumps automatically where necessary. But what happens if you tell him to jump on something slightly too tall or run up a steep slope? He'll keep trying. Over and over again. This, of course, makes the camera shake all over the place, making it hard to pick another destination and get Maxwell to stop.

Objects are also controlled with the stylus. When you write in a new object, it will hover in the air until you "click" it (for lack of a better term) and drag it where you want it. If the object is overlapping with something else or doesn't fit, it will show a big red X and be unusable until you move it to a better spot. This is much nicer than keeping it locked into space where it fits, like some similar games do. But what happens when you have a small object, like the end of a rope? If you miss with your stylus, it means Maxwell will move, often jumping off of whatever cliff he's standing on. If he's busy trying to jump or run somewhere he can't and the camera is moving all over, it's even harder to get a grip on any object and move it to where you need it to be. Usually the end result of this is falling in a pit of lava or back over the edge of the wall you just spent ten minutes carefully scaling. This can be extremely frustrating, especially when you know your selection of objects will work but little mechanical issues keep getting in the way.

So you might be asking yourself, what do the buttons do? Well, the D-pad and the ABXY buttons both do the same thing--move the camera. L and R rotate objects when you select them. This makes it great for left-handed gamers, since the DS essentially becomes symetrical. But in light of the problem with movement/object selection, I would have liked to see an option where Maxwell's movement could be controlled by the D-pad and the stylus used only for object manipulation. For left-handers, the ABXY buttons could be given this job. But there are no options for movement or control at all.

And also, when you move the camera over to see something far away, it will snap back to Maxwell after a short time. I know the game is only trying to be helpful, but this results in more falling-off-cliff problems when you write a new object and go to click it... but suddenly the camera moves. I would have liked to see a little icon on the edge of the screen with an arrow pointing to Maxwell's position, so we'd know where he is without having camera issues.

So while manipulating objects can be lots of fun, the game can become frantic and feel out of control in critical moments. But during slower times, the layout is simple and easy enough to navigate. Other pros worth mentioning are the option of playing as different "avatars" (and cool ones, like a robot or a pirate) and a level editor.

The game is also quite long--there are over 200 stages, divided into ten worlds with 22 stages per world--11 "Puzzle" stages and 11 "Action" stages. Each stage can also be replayed three times through using new objects each time for more rewards. Puzzle stages require simpler tasks, like giving a desert traveler something to "refresh" him (I gave him a watermelon) in exchange for the Starite. Action levels are much more challenging. You are shown where the Starite is and you have to retrieve it somehow. Starite is breakable, so using dynamite to blow up every obstacle won't always work. You may find yourself using the same objects again and again, though--some useful ones for me right now are jet pack, fishing rod, and tractor beam.

Visuals: 7/10
Most objects in this game look as if they have been cut out of colored paper and fastened together at joints with those brass pins you used to use in elementary school. It's very fitting for this kind of game. Straight lines are purposefully messy and tilted. The colors are bright. It's all quite inviting.

The only criticism I have is that things seem somewhat pixelated. When objects move, there are sharp edges where it looks like a single pixel is traveling down a line, or something similar. While graphics usually aren't the most important factor for me, I'm fairly sure the DS is capable of slightly smoother quality.

Audio: 8/10
The music mostly consists of bright-sounding flute-like noises or other woodwinds, record scratches, and cute little "ey!" "ah!" and "oh!" samples--think DJ Kirby. Again, it fits well with the style. I find myself singing along to my favorites.

Story: N/A
Sadly, non-existent. This game is mainly a toy, something you can get into right away. It tells you the name of your character and that he's a Scribblenaut, but then it sets you free to do puzzles. I would have liked to see a story of at least Pokémon quality, with a few other characters (Maxwell's girlfriend, a rival Scribblenaut, etc.) and stages requiring collaboration or special goals rather than simply "get the Starite." But as a toy, this game is still very fun and doesn't really need a story to be entertaining.

Value: 9/10
With over 200 stages that can each be solved three different ways and a huge word bank, you've got quite a bit of replay value here. I bought the game for only $30, when the going rate for big-name games is $50. I think it was well worth my money. The only thing that might keep me from playing this game as much as, say, Pokémon or Super Mario World is the controls. They're a little too frustrating for my liking, but I'm willing to put up with it because there's always something new to do. I think this game will give you as much as you put into it--setting goals, like refusing to use a jet pack or some other item you regularly rely on, might help make the experience new every time.

Overall: 40/50

Snowman Story

2009-10-28T00:03:00.003-06:00

I just found something creepy, you guys. It's a blog totally written by someone other than me, and there's some weird stuff going on... See for yourself!

Snowman Story

Two

2009-10-21T22:46:00.002-06:00

I finished the new draft of Chapter 2. Next step is to revise. There's one major thing I need to work out... where to have Zidaiku accept the blame for "what happens" (those of you who have read it will know what this is--I don't want to spoil it for anyone else, just in case). Right now, the acceptance of blame kind of happens twice, but each is different. Just after "it happens," Chameleon gets into Zidaiku's head and tells him it's Zidaiku's fault. Then later, when Rusk is yelling at everybody, he turns on Zidaiku and blames him for it. Zidaiku then tells Angel that he agrees with Rusk and feels at fault.

Thinking about it now, it might be okay to keep both of these, at least in essence. I think the timing of Chameleon's accusation is perfect--it's delivered at a time of maximum weakness for Zidaiku. Obviously a few hours later in the day is still a vulnerable time, but things have cooled off slightly by then. But Chameleon telling Zidaiku these things and then him verbally accepting them are two different ideas, right? I would just have to go in with this separation in mind as I revise. Chameleon says stuff to him and he doesn't want to hear or believe it, but later, after Rusk yells at him, he tells Angel that he does believe it, and that's how the chapter ends. One is Chameleon giving Zidaiku input, but only later does the same output come from Zidaiku himself.

I need to read through the chapter as a whole in one sitting, then decide how I feel about it. I think that's what I'll be doing tomorrow. I'll see if I can keep both, but I need to be brutally honest and go with my gut feelings. If one of them just doesn't work, I'll drop it. Chances are, if only one survives, Chameleon's will be the one. I may be able to drop the other scene altogether, to be honest. It includes some character and world development, but it's nothing absolutely vital. We'll see.

Study

2009-10-19T01:56:00.004-06:00

I've been thinking a lot. Here's a summary:

Getting a degree in English is not going to help me write books.
A Bachelor's in Game Art and Design is a definite possibility, but the only places I can get one are too expensive.
The library decided to hire someone else.
Living here is oppressive, despite everyone's good intentions.
The world is far too expensive.

Um... I think that covers it.

The other day, I took a Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test and discussed the results with a career counselor lady. "Author" was never listed, but the report danced all around it. That's because being an author isn't really a job. It's self-employment, product-oriented. You write a book, a publisher buys it, you get paid. If you don't write, you don't have anything to send to publishers. It's as simple as that. It doesn't take degrees or education. The only criteria is "can you write a book that will sell?" If you answer yes to that question, you're good. Write away, my friends. Everything else is merely secondary.

Instead, the report said I should do something in the art field. She mentioned graphic design, or even--gasp!--game art and design. I've always loved games. The industry is exploding, as far as I know. I mean, has one year gone by since 1980 where there hasn't been some giant leap in the video game industry? Only twenty-five years ago, we were stuck with 8-bit consoles. Music was beeps and blips. 'Graphics' came down to who arranged the same 16 colors in the most recognizable way.

Fast forward to today. We don't need wires. Graphics are so life-like that it's almost sickening. The music can be fully orchestrated and sometimes as beautiful as any symphony. Every year at E3, there seems to be some new outrageous concept that gets everyone excited. Gaming is moving very quickly, I'd say. Nintendo is doing its share of widening the market, while guys like Sony are really pushing the limits of graphics. Square Enix continues to amaze with their careful artistic creations. Microsoft is doing great things with their XBox Live. New motion-sensor devices are more precise, making way for cool concepts like swordfighting where you can actually control the 3-dimensional aspects of a character's arms. I mean, what about gaming isn't being constantly improved upon?

The problem with getting a degree in Game Art and Design is that the places that offer it right now in the Salt Lake area are too expensive. Digipen, one of the nation's leaders in Game Art and Design and based in Washington in the very same building as Nintendo of America, is just as expensive. I can't afford $7,000 a semester for four years, however badly I want it. One option would be to get an Associates in something, land a higher-paying job, and save up, but that might add up to four more years until I get where I want to be, depending on a few factors. That's not the end of the world, but surviving in the meantime will be the hard part.

That's one path I'm considering. SLCC offers an Associates in Graphic Design. I figure it can't hurt my Game Art and Design coursework, either. But the Director of the Visual Arts program said that even with a degree, graphic design jobs are hard to come by... which brings me back to the start. How can I make money doing something I like to do? Do I go the traditional way and push myself through schooling? Or is there another way, something a little more independent?

Anyway. My keyboard is running out of battery. Good night.

FFXIII

2009-10-13T00:09:00.004-06:00

First watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zfl36IiYkJo

Then watch this: http://gamevideos.1up.com/video/id/26667

And you tell me you didn't just scream like a little girl.

I've been a Final Fantasy fan since day one, and I mean Day One. My mother played Final Fantasy I for the NES (as strange as that seems now). Naturally, I picked up the controller once in a while. I'll admit that I skipped a few (my family never got into "II" or "III" for the SNES) but I vividly remember playing FFVII at sleepovers at my friend's house. It was unlike anything I'd ever seen. The characters were so deep, the story was so complex... I mean, it kept me up at night, just thinking. I loved it. Then came VIII... and IX... and X... and so on. I dove into the backlog, the ones I'd missed. Admittedly I have still never played IV or V, but I have beaten or nearly beaten I, II, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, X-2, XII, Tactics, and Tactics Advance. Some of them multiple times. I'm working on III right now, for the DS. I've also played some of the Crystal Chronicles series (I had Life of a King on my Wii before the, uh... "incident") and I had a few brief stints with XI (I absolutely love the concept, but it never seemed to play out like I wanted it to).

Frankly, I was disappointed with XII. The gameplay was neat (FFXI, but offline! Hey!) and the graphics were stunning (as usual), but the storyline left a lot to be desired. The characters seemed shallow, with maybe the exception of Balthier. I couldn't see a reason for Vaan or Penelo at all, other than they wanted to be sky pirates so they just tagged along for the heck of it. I also didn't like how the six characters seemed to be paired up into three groups: Vaan and Penelo (the useless ones), Balthier and Fran (the legit sky pirates), and Ashe and Basch (the "I've got to restore my kingdom" duo). It felt like they didn't really cross those lines very often, and it made me sad. And what was with Ashe and Vaan both seeing Rasler's ghost? Was it just me, or did that never get resolved or explained? It could have been explained during one of the secret esper quests, but I'll tell ya, I never bothered. Besides, that game had way too many secret inner workings for my tastes. The combinations when selling your loot? What's with that? Who does that? I also didn't find the music very memorable, which is something I have always loved about Final Fantasy (why did you leave, Uematsu-san? WHY?!).

VII remains one of my favorites of all time, and I know a lot of other FF fans feel the same way. The graphics are funny, yes, but there's real emotion in that game. The characters are deep and worthwhile. Each has their own reason to fight, and a legitimate reason. A personal reason, something that brings together this ragtag team of otherwise dissimilar people. I love that. They become this little family. They play on this a lot in FFVII:AC, and it almost brings a little tear to my eye. They just cemented these characters together so well. Not to mention Sephiroth is probably the coolest FF villain. Just saying.

So now, we are all awaiting FFXIII. The creators have specifically said that they designed Lightning to be a "female Cloud" and it looks to me that the visual style of the game is very similar to FFVII. They even have a black guy as a playable character! *gasp!* You might say that XII was somewhat based on the old style FFs--that is, I-III or IV, where the main quest is pretty much "go here, get this treasure, fight this bad guy, go here, get treasure, fight bad guy" and so on. Not a whole lot of character development (I say "maybe IV" because though I haven't played it, I know the whole thing with Cecil going from dark knight to paladin, and that sounds like character development to me).

Maybe for FFXIII they took a look at FFVII? I can only hope so. This new trailer has me more excited than ever. I love that they seem to be focusing a lot on emotional connections. You got Snow and Sara, for starters. I think that thief-looking kid (Vanille?) is going to end up being important in some way, just judging by how he interacted with Lightning and Snow. I'd like to see something to the level of Vivi from IX, but something tells me we won't see an endearing coming-of-age thing like that for a long time. And I know from stuff I've read that the other girl (is that one Hope?) is important because she's from the lower world, and not Cocoon. I love that, by the way. The way they've set up this techno-fantasy world is just exciting. I love the summons! It's like freaking Transformers! "Go, Shiva-cycle! Ifrit-mobile, I choose you!"

In another way, XIII reminds me a bit of VI. I think the L'Cie are gonna end up being "magic-users" (this might be common knowledge by now, but I haven't really been keeping up) and it'll be something kind of forbidden, since everyone else relies on technology (Magitek, anyone?). The empire thing kinda comes into play with the Fal'Cie (they're the ones that keep order in Cocoon, right?) being all oppressive and whatnot. And of course this is all a big throwback to Star Wars anyway, which is probably a throwback to some ancient Greek story or something, so... not a new idea, by any means, but still a good one. I know I'm not tired of it.

Anyway, this looks like it's shaping up to be better than XII in all the right ways. I hope it doesn't disappoint. I'll be buying a PS3 for this game specifically, so it's gonna run me like $350. It better be a good game. (Well, okay. There's still Versus XIII and XV, probably. I may get XIV for the PS3, but it seems like I'd rather have it for PC. Anyway, that's another post for another day...)

Grasp

2009-10-09T00:45:00.007-06:00

I really like where my story is heading. I think these new changes are working. I have a better grasp of what's going on in the big picture and what kind of story I'm trying to tell. As much as writers at the AW Water Cooler would probably disagree, getting into Zidaiku's head and hearing his thoughts and feeling his emotions, not exclusively through external actions but also through description and internal monologue, has done wonders for at least my perception of the story. Everything feels much more present, much more real. And the other novels I've been reading do this kind of thing all over the place, and novels are my primary source of learning now, right? I don't need to be afraid of it.

I'm about two fifths of the way through Chapter 2 now. It will only be three scenes long, but each one is fairly large and action-packed. Two important fights happen here, followed by an important argument (then Chapter 3 starts with yet another important fight before things finally settle down for a bit). Shouldn't I be able to put "important" before every scene? I think that's what I've been trying to do. I hate to say it, but I've kicked Indigo out of the story. RHAPNOA said he was getting in the way of the action. There weren't enough places to put him to make him important. As much as I loved the dynamic he added to the group, it wasn't working out. On the plus side, now the apartment gets to burn down. Hooray, fire!

Variation

2009-10-04T21:12:00.002-06:00

I think I just finished Chapter 1. Yesterday, I was struggling with how to write Scene 4. I decided to print out everything I had so far and figure out where to go from there. I ended up revising the first three scenes, mostly by adding description to help slow the pacing down and also get us into the characters better. I felt much better after doing that and writing Scene 4 today was much easier. I really like how the new Chapter 1 turned out, after moving some backstory action to the front of the story. I think it reads more like an actual novel now and even though what I previously thought was the point of no return hasn't happened yet, the real point of no return is now the end of the first chapter. There's no time wasted and it only gets crazier from here. Hooray!

One thing I'm really going to have to focus on is sentence structure. I tend to use simple sentences often: "He did this. He said this. He thought this." This ends up getting repetitive and I have to try to mix it up with some other forms. I think this kind of variation is important in novel-writing. But I won't worry about this too much for now. That's what revision is for!

I checked out a couple books from the library. One is Twilight, and another is this Avalon: Web of Magic book. It's a JF and clearly marketed for girls, but my NaNoWriMo novel this year will be from a girl's point of view, so these books might help. I'd like a second look at Twilight to see just what makes it so popular. Maybe I can steal the secret and put it in my own book. Mwahaha!

I think I'll go read now. I'd like to get through these books quickly and get to one of the ones on the list I suggested a few days ago. If I'm going to be a good writer, I need to be a good reader too. That means now.

Trust

2009-09-30T23:51:00.002-06:00

Finished Chapter 1, Scene 3 today.

I love it when the trust I put into my writing returns good results. After an awkward moment where Zidaiku feels like the jealous third wheel of Rusk and Melina, he sits on the couch and opens a nearby book to distract himself. It's geometry. Melina says goodbye as she and Rusk are leaving, but he doesn't hear because he's contemplating triangles.

I didn't have this in mind when I began to write. It happened spontaneously, as if it came from somewhere else. Sure, it's not the most clever turn of phrase in the world, but by my standards, it's pretty good. I like the idea of it.

RHAPNOA has been helping me so much already. I'm having a lot of fun being wild and free with my writing. It's fun to pretend I'm a big muscle man grabbing readers by the fronts of their shirts and screaming in their faces. Hopefully that'll get their attention. Having this characterized notebook by my side gives me a lot of confidence. It's like I'm part of a team now, rather than on my own with my measly tools.

Snippet might be coming. But since I'm doing things so differently right now, I'm not sure I want to release anything at all. You might have to convince me. ;)

Motherly

2009-09-29T23:05:00.002-06:00

Short daily posts > long sporadic posts.

Had an amazingly lazy day. Watched cartoons when I should have been writing. But I like what little I got done. I'll finish scene 3 tomorrow.

An interesting thing is happening with Angel and Melina. So far in this revision, Melina has been acting more motherly. Usually, that's Angel's job. I explored Melina's relationship with Callao and discovered that she is trying to fill the gap their mother left when she died. Their mother was a great cook, and this is why Melina has taken it up. She feels a sense of duty to be a mother for Callao, and this actually helps her deal with her parents' deaths in a big way. Instead of focusing on how much she misses them, she tries to live her life in such a way that she can have a good report for them when she visits their grave.

So I keep trying to throw in references to Angel being motherly, but Melina is crowding her out. An interesting turn of events. Without the scene where Angel wakes Zidaiku up in the morning, she doesn't get much of a chance to mother him. Now she just seems like a clean freak. In that way, she is quite different from Melina, and that's something I can still clearly show. I'd hate for Melina and Angel to blend into a single character in readers' minds. That's a bad fate. They're great friends, but definitely not the same.

2009-09-28T23:06:00.003-06:00

RHAPNOA and I have done it again. Scene 2 is complete, for now. High five!

I also finished The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins today. It's apparently the new hot book. The new Harry Potter, the new Twilight. I have plenty to say about it, but I'm going to wait for a few days. Rachel is reading it right now and we're going to have a little book club discussion about it on Friday.

Anyone have any ideas on what to read next? Some possible options are:

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -- despite going to the midnight opening for the sixth book, I've never even opened the seventh;
Pretties, the sequel to Uglies, which I just finished not too long ago; or
American Gods, which I read some of on the way down to St. George with Nick a week or two ago.

I'll open a poll just for the occasion.

Trial

2009-09-27T18:20:00.004-06:00

I've been flying back and forth between confidence and insecurity in my writing over the past couple of weeks. The effect has been escalating with each extreme, and it has become so bad that I've had trouble focusing on anything else.

Today I feel optimistic, and I hope I can stay this way. I've decided to try making a few changes to the way I write:

If anything sparks a Bout O' Doubt, I'm going to get rid of it. I refuse to read books, blogs, or forums that make me feel like a failure.
Instead of getting into lengthy discussions about theory, I'm going to try to learn new techniques and better theory by reading novels and seeing new ideas in action.
If I need guidance or help, I'll turn to a trusted book. For now, this means either The Right to Write or No Plot? No Problem!. These two books consistently give me confidence.
I'm going to do more long-hand writing. Rachel has been doing this for a long time and she finds it useful. It has helped me a lot before, since the transition from notebook to computer usually comes with a free edit.

Today, I found a red notebook and I have christened it RHAPNOA, the Red-Hot Action-Packed Notebook of Action! It's a place where I don't care what other people might think about my writing or my validity as a writer. The color red is bold, intense, and confident, so the writing I do in it will share the same traits. I've already knocked out 5 pages and written my new opening scene. I even went above and beyond what I normally do and fully rewrote it because I noticed a few things that didn't work. I'm glad I didn't stop because I was tired. Counting on myself to remember what I wanted to change the next day doesn't always pay off.

It usually takes a day to tell if something I wrote is actually decent or not, but I stopped when I knew it was the way I wanted it for today, and that is good enough for me. Tomorrow, I'm moving on, and I won't stop until the next scene is the way I want it for tomorrow.

I may decide to post some in the near future. Until then, RHAPNOA and I will be kicking butt and taking names. Wish us luck.

Validity

2009-09-25T23:33:00.003-06:00

In this post, Scarlett of Dirty Blonde tells us that quick and copious writing doesn't necessarily mean poor writing. She admits the truth of Ernest Hemingway's famous quote, "the first draft of anything is shit," but she adds to it, saying that while the style can be bad, the content should never be. She believes that if a person has to put painstaking effort into revising content, something is wrong. "You're not a hardworking writer if you sweat blood over every serif and tittle," she says.

I'll admit, Scalett has more experience with successful writing than I do. Just about everyone does, it seems.

But reading her post, as helpful as it was meant to be, struck a bad chord with me. I've been struggling a lot with the idea of "successful writing" and "being a writer."

When I managed to finish my 100k first draft in 3 months, I did it by giving myself permission to write crap, as Scarlett said (skipping all my classes and quitting my job helped a lot, too). But it wasn't just stylistic crap or crappy word choice. The crap was everywhere. It was in the plot, in the characters, in the core of it all. And I think it was necessary. If I hadn't let myself write it, I wouldn't have finished at all. I couldn't tell you the best way to start before I finished. I still can't, but because I have finished, I have a much better idea of what I want to do now, and that takes rewriting. Yes, even months of rewriting, if that's what it needs.

I believe that for most normal people, even a lot of writers, coming up with a publishable plot is not something that comes naturally and never needs to change once it's invented. You might get a feel for it after a while, but I still don't believe that needing to edit a book three times is a bad sign, as Scarlett says. It could be a very good sign. Maybe a really tough idea is being developed, something beyond the writer's usual grasp.

I don't know what else Scarlett does in her day, but I have a job and I'm going through college. So saying that I'm choosing not to write 100k words every month seems a little harsh. I know she only meant to say that it's possible, but I still felt that her words were a bit sharp.

I know I'm taking all of this quite personally. Like I said, I've been struggling. Interacting so heavily with the writing community has, strangely enough, made me want to stop writing altogether.

I'd like to not fall back into the insecurity trap, and that's where this path is headed. So for now, I'll act indifferent and shallow and assert to myself how valid I am as a writer, no matter what my daily word count is.

Anything else, and there goes any chance I have at producing anything at all.

Sometimes it pays to be overconfident, calloused, and isolated.

The End...?

2009-09-24T23:09:00.002-06:00

As you might know, Rachel is retiring her blog. She says she's finished with her high school emo rants and wants to move on to something better.

I feel the same way.

I don't use my blog for much these days. The last time I posted was September 1st. I just don't have reason to post much anymore. When I do actually post something worthwhile, it feels strange because there's such a backlog of emo rants, way back from 2006.

Did you know that the September 1st post was number 600?

It's time for a new face.

I'm still going to keep this place going, and it will still be White Blues, but it's gonna get a well-deserved cleaning and a new design. And instead of just ranting about my moods, I'm going to put some more thought into my posts and have a focus on my writing. I'll be posting snippets and exciting news. I might have discussions about a certain aspect of writing, but I will do so briefly and succinctly. I might have reviews of movies or music every now and again, like Rachel will be doing.

In any case, it's going to be better.

Join me, won't you?

I'll leave all my old posts up for a week or so. I have them all saved over to my hard drive and I plan on printing them out (before today I only had posts 1-300 printed out, and the stack is huge... I'm gonna need another binder). I doubt anyone will ever go through and read all of this, but hey, who knows. If it's the only thing that survives a nuclear Armageddon, then alien archaeologists are gonna love me. And have a very skewed vision of humans.

Anyway. Enough talking. Thanks for the years of support and helpful time-wasting. Love ya.

Refining

2009-09-01T20:58:00.003-06:00

School is busy. But I've been going an hour or so early every day and doing some writing before class. It's been working out really well. I love having the designated writing time and doing it in the morning really works best for me. That way I don't have to worry about it for the rest of the day, and my mind just seems to work better before it starts getting cluttered up with other stuff.

I've liked what I've written so far. After stopping in the early scenes of Chapter 2 a while back, I've started again with Chapter 3, and I think I'm almost done with it. A few important things have changed, and I have an idea for another thing to change. I guess I won't say it here, since Nick said he didn't want me to give away any spoilers on my blog. Haha. But all of these little changes are contributing to a more mature, more refined story. And that means more fun for everyone.

Through all of this, I'm wondering if there's anything I can do during the first draft that will help revision later on. I read about someone who revised "a scene or two" of their NaNoWriMo novel and got it published. Could I do that with Orphan Wars? Hecks no. But that's how it's supposed to be, isn't it? You're not supposed to be able to just crank out a publishable manuscript on the first go-around. It's inhuman and disgusting. Yuck. It's like having a baby without going through all the pains and discomfort of pregnancy (as if I know). Freakish amoeba.

But I wonder if I'm making the process more difficult than it needs to be. Do I need to physically re-write every scene? Or could I just take what I already have and make mass edits to fit the new material? I'm inclined to think that rewriting it from scratch is better, because then my new ideas and changes are integrated from square one, and it also gives me the opportunity to find better imagery or dialogue or organize things better the second time around--this also happens when I take something I've written longhand and put it into the computer. I tend to add or subtract to refine it automatically as I go.

So it's a lot of work, yeah. And some of the rewritten scenes turn out almost exactly the same as they were in the first place. But I think it's worthwhile. I think it's the only sure path to creating the best work I'm capable of. What about you, O Writers of the Blogosphere? Any thoughts?

Worries

2009-08-25T22:56:00.005-06:00

Churned out another... oh, 1,500 words today. I finished one of the most important scenes in the book, sort of the "point of no return" for most of the characters. I felt iffy about it near the end, but I can always go back and revise if I need to. I think next, I'd like to take a look at the old version and the new one I just wrote and decide which parts of each I like better and blend them together.

I also read something today in a writing book about the adversary of your novel needing to be complex and even have a redeeming quality or two, even if they don't outweigh the bad stuff. Of course I had heard this already, but while I was writing I thought about Chameleon and Falon and how they're not really that unique, as far as personality goes. I keep trying to avoid cliches when Chameleon talks. He sometimes comes off as the typical bad guy... the "you haven't seen the last of me!" and "I have powers beyond your wildest dreams!" sort of villain. The kind with an evil laugh.

What I thought about doing today at work was maybe turning him into a more "saintly" kind of guy, only severely misled. In the story, he abandons the main bad guy after he finds out that he was lied to. Chameleon thought he was doing work for this guy so he could improve the world, but instead the bad guy's only goal is to destroy it. At the end, Chameleon sees the light and sorta switches sides. I think I want to focus more on that in this revision. He could be doing all of this bad stuff under the pretense of "making sacrifice," and that someday "everyone will understand." But of course, it doesn't work out that way. That's complex enough, right? Sounds good to me.

I also want to make a couple changes to the order in which things get revealed about the Faction (at this point, I'm writing this down so I don't forget it). In the rough draft, Zidaiku goes from thinking the Faction killed his family, to thinking the Faction had nothing to do with it, to knowing that the Faction killed his family. To me, this seems unnecessary. He's supposed to hate the Faction the entire time. So I think I won't have Halen tell Zidaiku about Falon during that first night--only about James. Zidaiku will maybe ask about "the other guy in the picture," but Halen refuses to tell him and instead gives him Falon's journal to read and figure out on his own. It would make sense that this memory is really hard for Halen to relive and he doesn't want to crush Zidaiku's spirit, either. This way, it will give Zidaiku time to get captured and overhear Chameleon and Falon, then report back to Angel and the rest of them, and then shortly after, figure out that the Falon he overheard was actually the guy in the photos and the journal. And Zero's dad.

I worry a bit about my book sometimes. I worry that I'm not letting the characters lead, that I'm so concerned with the plot that I'm alienating my characters and forcing them to do things they wouldn't actually do. I worry that I work much too hard on it, or that the idea is just somehow bad at heart. Like no matter how much revising and editing I do, it will never turn out good. But Rachel says she likes it. Other people have liked scenes from it. Even the confusing ones. I also worry that even if I re-write the entire thing, it won't turn out any better than the rough draft did and it will have been a waste of time. That would be awful. But I don't know if that's possible, to be honest. I guess it's hard for me to know what to throw out, what to rewrite, and what to just edit and improve. I haven't had much experience revising a project this big. Never had a chance before. So I guess it's natural to be a bit lost, right? If I just keep working at it and doing my best, I'll come out on top. I have to have faith in myself.

Sometimes I like to imagine a big cafe with a bunch of tables of various sizes spread out across the floor. Around these tables, in their own separate groups, are the characters from each of my stories. They sit there all day, grabbing a pastry or a cup of hot chocolate every now and then, and talk to each other. Sometimes I walk in and sit down with them. They greet me and ask how my writing is going. They are all very eager to hear me say that I've managed to better capture one of their personalities or I discovered something new about them. They celebrate with me and encourage me to keep going. They tell me that they can't wait until I finish with their story and let them read it.

I hope I don't let them down.

Success

2009-08-24T21:38:00.002-06:00

I finished I Am the Messenger yesterday! I liked it. Like I've said a million times, the scope of this book wasn't as wide as The Book Thief, but it still had a good message. And I think Markus Zusak put himself into the book at the end. It was sort of a weird meta-fiction moment. But yeah.

You know what else I noticed? In both The Book Thief and I Am the Messenger, the main character has a mom that loves the character, but also acts mean and talks rude to them. Leisel's mother always calls her Sameunch or whatever (basically calling her a pig), and Ed's mom swears at him and tells him to get lost. Both of their dads were good guys, too. Ed's dad is dead during the story, but he talks about him being a gentleman, despite being a drunk.

Interesting.

Anyway, the best part of that book was Audrey. She was the love interest/best friend. I loved the way the author described her. I was always waiting for the next time she'd show up. Zusak uses a lot of unique descriptions in that book, to great effect. There's one part where Ed says Audrey's feet look like they could melt into the floor... which doesn't sound very exciting out of context, but it was just sort of a sweet thought, something like ice cream. Her hair is like straw and she has "lovely hips." Ed is totally in love with her and she knows it, but she refuses to love anyone because of stuff that happened in her past... She still has boyfriends, but only for physical reasons. She openly admits that she doesn't love them. It's sad, really. But everything is okay in the end. Hooray.

Anyway, I had a great writing day today! I might just feel that way because I finished a book yesterday, but whatever the reason, I got about 2,500 words worth of output today. Not too shabby, either (at least, that's what I think for now). I discovered new dynamics between Zidaiku and Indigo, and now that I have a clearer grasp of the main Faction crew, they have a stronger introduction. I think Indigo will come across much clearer this time, Rachel.

Before I go to sleep, I want to continue my streak. You know, get it while the getting's good.

Reading

2009-08-22T18:08:00.003-06:00

One of these days I'm going to clean out the archives of my blog, and maybe my other frequent haunts as well. Someone has seen my facebook page and read at least some portion of my blog and has decided that they don't like the ""choices I'm making." Frankly, I'm tired of hearing what everyone else thinks I should be doing with my life, so I'm going to remove a large portion of myself from the internet. But don't ask me when I'll actually get around to doing this. I've just been thinking about it.

I wrote a bit today, mostly in the planning department for Orphan Wars. But then I got stuck somewhere in the middle portions of my book. The beginning is very clear to me, but it gets fuzzy around the middle, and I think the way to get rid of that is to write through it. Blaze a trail, as they say. But then I tried making some progress with the actual writing, and I just felt like fail. Now that the rough draft is done, I've let my inner editor come back. He's been great for the planning process and for revising general ideas, but when it comes to writing out these new scenes, he's a nuisance. So now I'm left feeling like I need to read ten books a week, rather than ten books a decade, if I'm going to have any success at all. I don't know why I suck so bad at reading. It's annoying, really. I'd love some famous novelist to come up to me and openly admit that they've read maybe three pieces of fiction for fun in their entire life. I want to hear that I can still write well even if I don't spend three hours every day with my nose in a book. But maybe that's just not true. I have no idea. I'm still a fledgling when it comes to novel-writing, despite it all. I haven't figured myself out yet. I'm still working on that.

Well, I'm going to try to force-feed I Am the Messenger to myself. Not that I don't like it, but I just want to feel like I've accomplished something.

No Cars

2009-08-22T01:50:00.002-06:00

My second post from my netbook!

Nick, I took your advice and downloaded OpenOffice. I haven't installed it yet, though.

Truthfully, I'm staying up way too late. I have work early in the morning and it's in Magna, so that's a longer drive than usual.

I wish nobody had cars. Yes, me included. I think the only reason I have one and use it is because I pretty much have to. Especially around here. Rachel was right when she said Utah was pretty much one big suburb. Everything is all spacious and placed really far apart, so it takes half an hour to get to the closest store, rather than a short jaunt down the street. Plus, rush hour is awful. There is so much congestion on some streets, usually little two-lane guys like 3200 west. I mean, you wouldn't think that street would get busy, but you'd be wrong. Add in the road construction factor, which is only aggravated by the harsh and extreme weather we get here (over 100 degrees in the summer, bitter cold and snow in the winter) and you've got quite the stressful commute. I've never been a big fan of driving but after spending most of my day on the road today, I can tell you that I got downright fed up and was left all-around upset (OMG do you see what I did there?!).

In addition, instead of spending billions of dollars on cars, plus more on roads and environment cleanup from all our pollution and filth, we could spend it on other stuff, like way better public transportation, for instance. Replace the main roads with Trax line and turn the smaller ones into walking paths (or even bike paths), and I'll be a happy camper. Sure, it's not as fast or convenient as driving your own car, but if everybody's doing it, it wouldn't be so bad. It would be the norm. I mean, in NYC they have taxis and the subway, right? To me, that sounds brilliant! Plus you wouldn't ever have to worry about parking!

Rachel says that when Andy lived in Seattle, they only used their car to go to the grocery store, and they only did that because they needed a way to carry all the groceries they needed to buy. Other than that, everything was in walking distance or they found some other way of getting around. That sounds amazing. I would love to only drive my car maybe once a week. Driving just stresses me out very easily, especially in the heat. And you know, in Washington they've got that overcast weather... That's my favorite kind of weather. When Rachel and I have a bit more money, I want to take a little road trip up there and see what it's like, maybe talk to some of the people and figure out what the area is like. Maybe I'll read one of those travel guides, see some sights while we're there, eat in some of the local diners. You know.

And the weather and traffic aren't the only things I dislike about living in Utah. The religion thing is a big deal too. I think a place where a religion is so dominant that it becomes expected or oppressive in any way... is a place where I don't want to be. I'm still willing to give the church a chance, but it might have to be somewhere else, somewhere away from the Utah Mormon Bubble. It just seems to distort things in a way I don't like. But I won't get any more into that tonight.

In a way, it's creepy how everyone keeps telling me that so-and-so reads my blog. I wouldn't expect it. But I guess that's what this thing is for, and I shouldn't be ashamed of the things I type. Not all of them are completely true or as accurate as they could be, but since when has anything been that way? It's just the nature of things.

Anyway. Long post is long. Good night.