Charismatic Paradox Neatly Wrapped In a Complex Enigma

2009-07-01T22:15:00.000-07:00

Activism and the Modern Athlete

I’m back…

I am a big fan of the HBO series “Real Sports”. I have always believed that sports do not exist in a vacuum. Sports are a microcosm of society. Sports are so much more than just games that are played. They mirror the most profound social phenomena in our society, as issues such as racism, sexism, commercialism, greed and exploitation play out along with the exhibitions. And the well paid athletes who perform in professional sports find themselves facing these issues both on the field and off.

That leads me to the recent interview done by Bryant Gumbel on Real Sports (who does not get his proper respect as a great journalist) with Jim Brown and Bill Russell. It looked at these two amazing men, now in the twilight of their lives, and exhibited their great accomplishments. Both of these men on the field of play are regarded by many as the greatest ever in their respective sports. Yet it is what they have both done off of the field/court, using their position and notoriety to act as agents for social change, that has created a lasting legacy. These gentlemen experienced horrible racism at the beginning of their careers. Yet they did not stand by quietly. They stood up and rallied against it. They organized other athletes behind common causes. When Muhammad Ali was stripped of his title for refusing to comply with the draft, it was Russell and Brown by his side. When Tommy Smith and John Carlos were vilified for their black power salute, these two men led the push to support them. Jim Brown has done amazing work with gangs in south central L.A., his programs taking kids from bullet riddled streets and sending them to college. They were vocal and outspoken throughout the civil rights movement. I have the utmost respect for both of these men, who resisted the push to silence them and took a stand against racism and injustice.

The interview eventually turned to today’s athlete and the lack of activism. Now as much as I love these men, I have to disagree with some of their criticism. Jim Brown went very hard at Tiger Woods. Not let me preface that I am not a Tiger Woods fan, nor do I have any dislike for him. I respect him for his greatness as a golfer and as a trailblazer in the world of golf, but I just kind of just take him as he is. Brown stated this about Tiger: “As an individual for social change? Terrible. Terrible. Because he can’t get away with teaching kids to play golf, and that's his contribution. In the real world, I can't teach kids to play golf and that's my contribution, if I've got that kind of power." Here is where I disagree. Would it be great if Tiger Woods stood up and railed against injustice in his press conferences? Of course. Would it be great if he and other athletes vocally challenged the status quo? Sure. But not everyone is built for that sort of role. Brown, Russell, Ali they were born activists who happened to excel in sports. They had the charisma, the strength to be out in the forefront as leaders. But every great movement for justice needs people taking different roles. You don’t have to be that fist pumping leader to make a difference. And I don’t think you can dismiss a man’s contribution because he doesn’t make a difference in that way. My feeling is this: I just want to see people with the resources that many athletes have do SOMETHING. Do something to help the community and those who are less fortunate. Make some sort of genuine effort. The civil rights movement has amazing leaders who spoke out and galvanized the masses but they also had worker bees that did things behind the scenes to keep the machine going. Not every person who can catch, throw, shoot or hit a ball is going to have it in them to stand up and speak out on all sorts of issues, but if they devote their time, energy and resources to bettering the lives of those in need, then they deserve to be commended and not chastised. As Bob Frantz of the As San Francisco Examiner pointed out, Tiger does a little more than teach kids to golf: “The Tiger Woods Foundation does much more than conduct golf clinics for kids. It funds university scholarships, allows students to study at Tiger Woods Learning Centers, provides millions of dollars in grants to more than 100 charities annually, and “Tiger’s Action Plan” is a program that helps teachers, youth groups and other leaders to help kids reach their fullest potential." Tigers learning centers are currently in the Los Angeles area and he plans to expand them to the DC area.

Some may dismiss that, but I will say this: When an athlete does positive things and does not go out of his way to gain media attention for it, it actually causes me to give them MORE credit. Too often, good works are sensationalized and pushed in the media and that makes me question their sincerity. When these works are done quietly it leads me to think that they are done more for pure purposes rather than photo opportunities and image embellishment. You never know for sure without knowing the person of course, but I can say that Tiger at least does something. And even if he isn’t speaking out about Iran or universal health care or disproportionate minority contact in the criminal justice system, if there are inner city youth who get to college, or who find a safe haven that keeps them from getting in trouble due to his gifts then he has contributed to bettering the world.

I love what Ali, Brown and Russell, among others, did in raising their voice against injustice and discrimination. I do wish there were more athletes who did the same. But I cannot and will not dismiss the acts done by modern athletes like Warrick Dunn (Program that helps single mothers in the inner city buy their first home), Derrick Brooks, David Robinson (Started charter schools for inner city youth) and others just because they are not advocating in ways that others think they should. There is a place for words and a place for actions. As long as someone is contributing one or the other, then we all benefit.

2009-03-19T16:37:00.000-07:00

Some Words For Mike Krzyzewski

So Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski has a problem with President Obama not picking his team to advance to the Final Four in the NCAA Tournament. For those who missed it, The President shared his bracket picks with ESPN college basketball writer Andy Katz. President Obama's bracket has the Dukies losing to Pitt in the Regional finals. An Associated Press reporter asked "Coach K" a question about the Pres picking against Duke, to which he responded:

"Somebody said that we're not in President Obama's Final Four, and as much as I respect what he's doing, really, the economy is something that he should focus on, probably more than the brackets."

A cheap shot at the President Mike? Really? Just for taking a moment to make picks like millions of other working Americans? Well you know what, Coach K?...Allow me to apply that same logic to you. You see, as much as I respect you as a coach and what you have done over the past 28 years at Duke, I think that actually getting your perpetually overhyped team to the Sweet 16 for the first time in three years is something that you should focus on, probably more than responding to picks made by the President, who, like most of us, had the good common sense to pick against your completely overrated team.

2009-03-17T21:56:00.000-07:00

15 Most Influential Albums of My Life

This is very difficult to do, given my love of music...But after watching High Fidelity for the hundredth time I figured I would give it a shot....

1. Sign O' The Times - Prince.

Best album by the best ever. Socially conscious (Title Track), great ballads (Adore) and the song that formed my perspective on relationships (If I Was Your Girlfriend). Pure Greatness.

2. Low End Theory - A Tribe Called Quest
3. Bizarre Ride II The Pharcyde - The Pharcyde

Albums that truly took me from liking hip-hop to truly loving it.

4. A Love Supreme - John Coltrane

Greatest Jazz album ever in my opinion. When I need to reflect and clear my head, it always does the trick.

5. People's Instinctive Travels and the Paths of Rhythm - A Tribe Called Quest
6. Best of Sade

I know a "Best of" is cheating a little bit, but this is the perfect compilation. All her top songs. When pulling yourself together from heartbreak, there is none better.

7. It Takes A Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back - Public Enemy

One of the major reasons why I became a Black studies major. The best voice in the history of hip-hop inspiring critical and politically radical thinking.

8. Mos Def and Talib Kweli are Black Star - Mos and Kweli

The two of them have never been better

9. Urban Hang Suite - Maxwell

An album that traces a relationship from "Welcome" to "The Proposal"...Pure soul...

10. Illmatic - Nas
11. Resurrection - Common

Two of the most lyrically tight albums ever recorded. The number of times I hit the rewind button while listening to their flow? Too many to count.

12. Purple Rain - Prince
13. Labcabincalifornia - The Pharcyde

Great lyrics plus the greatness of Jay Dee's production = classic.

14. Midnight Marauders - A Tribe Called Quest
15. The Minstrel Show - Little Brother

Great satire which showcased just how far hip-hop has fallen.

2009-01-26T12:40:00.000-08:00

A Life Cut Short

This is one of those days.

Those days where, as much as you love and believe in what you do, you wonder if its really worth it...

I believe in young people...

I believe in kids from disadvantaged backgrounds...

I believe in kids ability to be resilient and rise above the adversity in their lives...

I believe it because I know what its like to grow up in a place that people think nothing good comes from. I know what its like to have people doubt your ability to “get out”.

I believe because people believed in me. And now I try to give that belief to others.

But on days like today, days when I hear about a 16 year old kid getting gunned down in the street. A kid that I knew, that I watched grow before my eyes, a kid that had his problems but was just coming of age to a point where he was really working to better himself, only to have those attempts, and his life, cut short.

I wonder...Does it all matter? Does any of it really work?

I met him when he was just a shot chubby little kid charged with a ridiculous “crime”....Disturbing school assembly for a little food fight. I saw him grow up...and the trouble he got into grew as well. Yet he was always respectful to me.

One day his mom came to me...She told me that she needed to get him out of here. That she was worried about his well being in the increasingly violent neighborhood he was in. She worried about the bad influences. She wanted him to move with relatives down south to get a fresh start. So myself and the DA worked together to make it happen. We felt good, like we helped a kid get out of a bad situation.

Last I heard, he was doing well down South...

At some point, he came back. Mom had to move back. He was right back in the same hell he left. Still he went back to school here...and he tried to keep the good progress going.

One day he got into a fight at school...Now when we were kids, you fought, and you lived to fight another day. Today? These muthafuckas kill you if you get the best of them in a fight.

I’m sick of it. I am sick of seeing young lives...too often young black lives...snuffed out before they can begin. I am tired of kids not able to even complete the growing pains of being a teenager. I am tired of people who think that a bruised ego is enough to kill someone.

I knew him. I knew his family. I tried to help. I really did. In the end, a mother still had to bury her child before he could reach the age of adulthood.

And I am wondering if my passion for this work is really worth it...

2008-12-16T20:54:00.000-08:00

Racism Yes….But Not In The Way You Might Think

So, Charles Barkley recently made news when he blasted his Alma matter, Auburn University, for their choice of Gene Chizik as the new football coach. Chizik, who posted a very unimpressive 5-19 record at Iowa State over the past two years, was given the job over Turner Gill, a former Nebraska All-America quarterback who is the current head coach at the University of Buffalo. Gill took over the Buffalo program 3 years ago, at a time when it was considered the worst in Division 1, and has since guided it to a MAC Conference championship and their first bowl game this year. He is widely considered among the hottest coaching prospects in the country. Yet he was not chosen for the Auburn job, and Barkley feels the reason is racism. “I think race was the No. 1 factor. You can say it's not about race, but you can't compare the two résumés and say [Chizik] deserved the job. Out of all the coaches they interviewed, Chizik probably had the worst résumé.”

I believe that Sir Charles is right. Race was a factor in a school like Auburn, in the heart of the Deep South, not hiring a black man as head coach. However, I think it was the race of Mr. Gill’s spouse that had just as much, if not more, of an impact on him not getting the job. You see, Turner Gill is married to a white woman. Now its true that interracial relationships have becoming more commonplace and accepted, frequently seen in the media and in many major cities…We even have a president who is the product of an interracial union....But within certain circles in the Deep South, interracial relationships....especially those featuring the Black man/White woman dynamic....still cause a level of discomfort. I believe that the thought of a dark skinned Turner Gill and his Caucasian wife going to booster events at Rotary clubs in rural Alabama was something that the trustees at Auburn were uncomfortable with.

This situation makes me think about Charlie Strong. Strong, the Defensive Coordinator at the University of Florida is regarded as one of the best and brightest assistant coaches in all of college football. His defense completely shut down Heisman trophy winner Troy Smith in the 2006 BCS championship game, as the Gators won the national championship. He will be coaching the Gators defense again in this year’s BCS Title game. During his years as defensive coordinator at the University of South Carolina and at Florida, a number of players have gone from his tutelage to productive NFL careers. His name is mentioned every year in the coaching carousel, especially through out the South given his connections and reputation as a very good recruiter in the talent rich southeast. Yet, in spite of his success and accomplishments since 1999, ability to recruit top talent and good reputation in coaching circles, Strong has yet to be hired as a head coach.

What color is his wife? White....Doesn’t seem like a coincidence.

It seems like there is now an extra layer of racism that qualified black candidates have to now deal with just to get jobs that they have proven they are capable of handling. And it’s incredibly unfortunate.

2008-12-07T15:28:00.000-08:00

Random Thoughts on a Snowy Weekend…..

Not a lot today....Just a couple of thoughts this time...One silly, one serious...

There are a number of currently successful artists in the music industry whose appeal I simply cannot understand (I’m still trying to wrap my mind around this Lil’ Wayne nonsense). I seriously try to be open minded to their music, yet I am left scratching my head as I listen to crappy songs and see a lack discernable talent or appeal. This thought brings me to one of those artists: Keisha Cole. Her albums generally sell very well, she has her own television show....Yet I have no idea how this harpy is successful. The sound of her voice literally hurts my ears.

Last night she...ummm...performed the national anthem before the Oscar De La Hoya-Manny Paciao fight. A better explanation is that she screamed it while writhing and convulsing. It was embarrassing to watch and needless to say, it didn’t exactly measure up to the Marvin Gaye/Whitney Houston gold standard. I do not understand why some people think screaming and hollering like you're getting beat with a switch qualifies and being able to "sang".

Now don’t get me wrong, she’s an attractive girl, but her tone deaf wailing reminds me of a cat in heat.....getting tortured by a blow torch. Seriously, someone help me out on this one because I just don’t get it.

Moving on, I read some very sad news about Rodney Rogers, a former great college and professional basketball player. It seems that Rodney has been left paralyzed from the shoulders down by after an ATV accident in rural North Carolina.

I was always a fan of his. He was a big power forward who could shoot like a guard. I remember him dominating the ACC at Wake Forest. In the pros, every team he went to seemed to get a lift and improve due to his contributions. I remember he was a huge part of the last good Celtics team before the “Big 3”, getting traded here during the 2001-2002 team and being a huge part of the Pierce-Walker team that went to the Eastern Conference finals and really pushed the Nets before falling.

Even more than athletically, he always seemed like a total class act. You never heard his name mention in any trouble or controversy. He always played hard. Now he sits crippled for life at the very young age of 37.

I would just like to send my prayers to Rodney and his family, as I hope he is able to rebound somehow from this and live out his days in a happy and productive manner.

2008-11-05T22:03:00.000-08:00

The Obama Presidency And What It Holds For The Future….

November 4, 2008……The day that history was made. It is a day that I will share with my children and grandchildren. It is the day that Barack Hussein Obama became the first Black man to be elected President of the United States of America. As I sat there watching him make his victory speech, I was numb, as the moment seemed so surreal. I was sitting there watching a moment that I doubted I would ever see in my lifetime. The feeling of pride I felt in that moment is something that I am incapable of expressing in words. The symbolic meaning of “Barack Obama, 44th President of the United States” is a powerful one. Black parents, for the first time, can look their children in the eye and, with honesty and conviction, tell them that anything is possible. 146 years after the Emancipation Proclamation, a Black man claimed the highest office in the land.

I woke up this morning feeling a huge swell of pride in the moment, but I was also very introspective, pondering what it all meant going forward. Just what did an Obama presidency mean for Black Americans? I supported Obama from the very beginning, thinking he was a better candidate than the alternatives, but the moment when I truly became a passionate supporter of his candidacy was on Father’s Day, June 15th 2008. On that day, Obama gave a speech to the Apostolic Church of God on Chicago's South Side. In that speech he truly differentiated himself from previous Black candidates that ran for president (Jackson, Sharpton) as well as many other Black leaders. He stepped up and did something I have wanted to see a Black leader do for a long time. He threw the gauntlet down and made a bold call for responsibility and accountability. Here are parts of that speech:

“But if we are honest with ourselves, we'll admit that what too many fathers also are is missing - missing from too many lives and too many homes. They have abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men. And the foundations of our families are weaker because of it.”

“I know the toll that being a single parent took on my mother. And I know the toll it took on me. So I resolved many years ago that it was my obligation to break the cycle - that if I could be anything in life, I would be a good father to my girls; that if I could give them anything, I would give them that rock - that foundation - on which to build their lives. And that would be the greatest gift I could offer.It's up to us - as fathers and parents - to instill this ethic of excellence in our children."

Some in the Black community criticized Obama for this speech. Jesse Jackson was so angered by it that he stated he wanted to “cut his balls off for talking down to Black people”. However I applauded it because he spoke the truth and it was a message that truly needed to be delivered. The themes he expressed are ones that we as a black community have to embrace to make things better….The notion of self determination, taking responsibility for ourselves, our community and our children. It is not about waiting for anyone to “save” us or to “make things better” for us, but embracing the notion of doing that for ourselves.

As proud as we are of President Obama, we CANNOT look at him as some sort of Black “savior” whose job it is to solve all the ills of our community. He is not Black Superman or a Black Moses coming down from the mountaintop to deliver Black people to some sort of “Promised Land”. That responsibility falls on the shoulders of each and every responsible adult in the Black community.

My favorite part of the speech is one where he spoke of the obligation that we have to “break they cycle” of pain and dysfunction that we have experienced in our lives in order to provide a better and brighter life for our children. Many in our community have gone through unspeakable trials and tribulations, some as young children. We should not to minimize the pain and damage that those trials may have done. As he stated, broken homes and abuse take a huge toll on our young people, a reality I see in my job every day. Still, as adults, and especially as parents, it is incumbent for each of us to do whatever needs to be done in order to put ourselves in a healthy place in order to break those unhealthy cycles and make our children’s lives better than our own. And that is something that no politician can do for us…..It is something that each of us must take the personal responsibility to do for ourselves.

I have always resented the notion that Black people need to be “led” or “saved” by someone. We are fully capable of bettering the conditions in our community. As Obama implored that day, we need to take the initiative in making things better for our children, and by extension, our community as a whole. This does not mean that we are to not have compassion for those who endure abuse, neglect, poverty and other socioeconomic factors that truly place them behind the eight ball in this society. However, it is absolutely essential that we acknowledge that there is a fine line between understanding the reasons behind dysfunctional behavior, and turning those reasons into excuses. We must find a way to refuse to justify negative behavior while also reaching out with compassion and helping those caught in those negative patterns to better themselves.

I am proud as hell to have a Black man as president, but at the same time I know that just having Barack Obama in that position is not going to solve all the problems of the Black community. No one else should look at it that way, either. Hopefully, we can turn the groundswell of support stirred up by Obama into a new energy and spirit of responsibility and accountability that can make lives better for ourselves and our children.

2008-09-01T21:44:00.000-07:00

King Magazine, Video Chicks and Sara Baartman

Before I start, there may be some who do not know the tragic story of Sara Baartman. If this is you, please view this video. This is not only important history, but it’s something that should color our lens as we look at the portrayal of Black women in the media.

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I recently got into a conversation about how Black women are portrayed in videos and popular magazines like Smooth and King and how it bothers me. Now, I’m no prude by any stretch, and I love a woman with a great body, but take note of the women that these media outlets choose to showcase and more importantly how they choose to portray them. You see Black women, typically with dramatically disproportionate and oversized derrieres, like Angel Lola Love, Buffy the Body and others posing with their butt front and center, and all up in the camera. Their faces and the rest of their body are totally relegated to the background and obscured by their ass. Now I know a lot of folks are thinking “what’s wrong with that?” Well, look beyond the ass to see the message that it projects.

There is SO much more to the beauty and the desirability of a black woman than just her butt. Her features, the texture of her hair, her skin tone...A sista’s bottom is only a part of the equation, NOT the sole aspect of it. The beauty and attractiveness of ANY woman goes far beyond one body part. Unfortunately, the media sources that push these images like to convey the opposite.

They are NOT about celebrating the beauty of the black female form, or highlighting the attractiveness of “curves” by showcasing these photographs. They are making a caricature of Black women, highlighting massive bottoms to convey the notion that the ONLY thing that makes a black woman attractive and desirable is her bottom....Its the exact same mentality that led to the exploitation of Sara Baartman a century ago, and its the same mentality that leads to the exploitation of young, insecure women of color willing manipulate their bodies for attention and "fame"...

When I look at these magazines, and EVERY picture of a woman features her turned around with her butt in the camera, it makes me think of the people who paid and looked at Sara Baartman like she was a zoo animal. If you are going to celebrate a woman as sexy and attractive, celebrate ALL of her. Do not compartmentalize her into components like a piece of livestock. Which is what happened to Sara, in both life…and death.

2008-08-06T08:57:00.000-07:00

Hip Hop is Alive and Well…And I Still Love it…

There has been much debate about the current state of hip-hop, especially commercial hip-hop. And not a lot of it has been positive. When Nas drops “Hip-Hop is Dead” and thousands agree, you know that isn’t a good thing. Sadly many of us old enough to remember the “Golden Age” of hip hop in the late 80’s and early 90’s truly lament what the rap game has become. That amazing feeling many of us felt as we grew up and came of age listening to hip hop has been replaced by sheer disdain as we are inundated with songs about lollipops and silly dances.

Well yesterday was an amazing day for me as a lover of true, real hip-hop. It was a day that served to remind me of why I love this music so much even when the current state of it is in such disrepair. For a moment I felt like that 16 year old kid again that would listen to hip-hop for hours on end and love the feeling I got from it.

What brought this on? I went to the Rock The Bells music festival. Over 10 hours of music from some of the greatest MC’s ever. The names speak for themselves. Nas, A Tribe Called Quest, The Pharcyde, Rakim, Mos Def, Redman, Ghostface Killa, Raekwon, Dead Prez, Immortal Technique, Murs, Supernatural. It was a true celebration of hip hop that has meaning, soul and relevance. It was music that made you move and dance with lyrics that made you smile and think. It was a true appreciation of hip-hop as an art form, with turntablism and freestyles in abundance.

And unlike some concerts where people just mail it in and get their check, everyone brought their A-game. Nas is truly the best in the game right now. During his set he had the entire crowd in the palm of his hand, fully embodying the role of an M.C. as master of ceremony who moves the crowd. He mixed his classic songs with the biting political commentary of his new album keeping folks on their feet and full of energy the entire time.

Two of the most meaningful sets for me was watching my two favorite groups of all time, A Tribe Called Quest and The Pharcyde, fully reunited and rocking the mic. I hadn’t seen the Pharcyde live since 1994 and amazingly I had never seen Tribe live. Having the chance after all these years to see them meant the world to me. Chanting every lyric to every song, getting amped into a frenzy….Its something I won’t forget. And both of them fed off the energy of the crowd and delivered amazing performances, laying down classic cut after classic cut.

Similarly, seeing Rakim, arguably the best MC ever, again was a privilege. The “R” was as sharp as ever. Raekwon and Ghostface have always been my favorite two members of the Wu Tang Clan and they did a great job. Immortal Technique was as advertised…As real and as raw as any MC has ever been. Unapologetically radical and political, he spit incendiary lyrics that really made you think about a lot of the political nonsense we have seen over the past decade. And Supernatural’s freestyles are something every hip hop fan should see. He literally takes items from people in the crowd and incorporates into his freestyles, on the fly….Amazing.

At the end of the night, I was exhausted, partially dehydrated and starving, but I still drove home with a smile on my face. Because the art form I love, when done right, is still the most amazing thing. To be in a crowd of people, all completely losing themselves in a frenzy to the music….To for a moment in time, lose yourself and find yourself jumping, dancing, and bobbing your head like you are back in college again…is priceless. Its funny because Nas, the man who proclaimed hip-hop dead, was also the one who solidified for me that hip hop is not only alive, its immortal.

2008-05-27T02:19:00.000-07:00

The Pissed Off Blog

There’s been a lot of stuff in the news recently that has pissed me off…..

Arlen Specter pisses me off. Specter is the senior US Senator from Pennsylvania. Now historically I have not had issue with him, as he certainly is a very moderate Republican. If anything I gained a solid measure of respect for him a couple of years ago when he came out and criticized President Bush’s plans to wiretap US citizens without warrants (The NSA terrorist surveillance program). But I have lost a lot of that respect based on his overzealous actions with respect to “Spygate”. I know Senator Specter is a Philadelphia Eagles fan and is angry at the notion that the Patriots may have cheated his team out of a Super Bowl back in 2005. But to still be pushing the issue after the NFL has conducted a full scale probe is ridiculous. The Patriots have been punished. The Boston Herald has been forced to apologize for their mistaken allegations about the incident. NFL fans across the country are ready to move on. But Ol’ Arlen wants to still run the issue in the ground and threaten the NFL’s antitrust exemption.

Here’s the thing. Gas is $4 a gallon. People are having their homes foreclosed at a record rate. Our young men are STILL dying in Iraq. And all this cat can worry about is whether a football team taped some signals???? Please, it sounds like the Senator needs to get his priorities in order. And if I was a voter in Pennsylvania I would sure remind him.

Speaking of the war, there’s the report from top officials at the Veterans Health Administration that an average of 126 veterans a week (18 a day) are committing suicide. A whole generation of young men is coming home from the war with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and other demons and are not being properly treated or cared for. Please feel free to check out the link (http://www.military.com/news/article/va-sued-over-care-high-suicide-rates.html).These are the casualties of war no one speaks of. And further proof that we need to support the troops by both getting them the hell out of Iraq and Afghanistan as quickly as possible and making sure that proper funds go towards treating them once they are back. The fact that so many of the “support the troops” people from back in the day are silent on this, pisses me off.

Lastly, it’s been a crazy couple of weeks in the Democratic presidential campaign. Hill-cifer Clinton (thanks RK) just put her foot in her mouth with the Bobby Kennedy assassination comment. Even if the comment was made without insidious intent, it was just plain reckless in light of what Senator Obama has had to deal with in the last year (getting Secret Service protection). Of course, I am also pissed that Mike Huckabee’s “joke” told to a NRA audience, which was much more blatant and disrespectful, was reported far less strongly. There is no place in the campaign for these sorts of comments.

Keeping with the campaign, it pisses me off that the Clinton camp, after her wins in Kentucky and West Virginia, tried to float the notion that Obama would have trouble in the general election because he couldn’t court white working class voters. If you look at the campaign as a whole (rather than through the desperate lens of Clinton’s losing campaign) you would see that those notions couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s interesting that Obama didn’t have a problem with white working class voters when he won 60% of the vote in Vermont, the state with the second highest Caucasian population in the Union. He didn’t have a problem when he won caucuses and primaries in 5 of the other 10 whitest states (Maine, North Dakota, Iowa, Wyoming, Idaho) and barely lost in a 6th (New Hampshire). Yet, he loses in two of the most redneck states in the country, West Virginia and Kentucky (I can say that...I was born in one and have roots in the other) and suddenly it’s an issue. It sounds to me like, if anything, Obama has an Appalachia issue more than a white working class voter issue.

Lastly, continued prayers out to the Kennedy family.

2008-04-24T01:35:00.000-07:00

Spring Time, Sports and Cherishing Life

It’s been a long time since I’ve written. Work and life have been quite busy. But things are pretty good now. Spring is finally here after a long cold winter. The past week has been filled with sunny, warm days that have broken the winter chill and enabled me to get out enjoy just walking and exploring the city. And the coming of spring has brought a great time in sports....Baseball is underway, the NBA and NHL are in the midst of their playoffs, the NFL Draft is around the corner, March Madness just wrapped with a title game for the ages and College Football Spring Games are giving a preview of what to expect in the fall. So being the sports fan that I am, I figured i'd share some random thoughts from the sports world.

ESPN.Com had a great article on one of my favorite NBA players and favorite athletes in general. Rasheed Wallace often gets critized in the media and is shunned by the NBA publicity machine. But this article showcases that he is an afrocentric, intelligent black man of substance who helps black children off the court and has his teammates back on it. ‘Sheed is one of the smartest players in the league and, if given the opportunity, should become a great coach one day. So many players in the league are afraid to speak out about any topics of substance for fear of offending anyone or scaring off endorsement opportunities. But Rasheed has never been afraid to step up, speak his mind or challenge the system. For that, as well as his versatile game on the court, the brotha has my respect. Check the article here:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?id=3336339

While on basketball, I have to give props to my favorite player, whom I watched dominate and drop 40 points and 10 dimes on the Nuggets tonight. The NBA MVP race is really not a race at all. Much respect to Chris Paul for making basketball relevant in New Orleans and giving a city that has been through so much something to cheer and be proud of. Big props to Kevin Garnett for resurrecting the Celtics franchise and taking them to the top of the Eastern Conference. But the MVP of the league is none other than KB24. After an offseason of turmoil, Kobe Bryant once again established his status as the best player in the league. Playing in a conference with 8 50-win teams (virtually unheard of), he still led the Lakers to the top seed in the conference. He shot less, involved and trusted his teammates more, reasserted himself as a lockdown defender, and returned his franchise to the top of the conference. The Gasol trade was a huge for the Lakers no question, but everyone knows that the Lakers will go only as far as Kobe will take them. People seem to come up with reasons to hate the brotha. They bring up the Colorado charges (even though they ended up being without merit), him supposedly running off Shaq (even though his big ass is now on his 4th team, and every time he whines and makes his leaving somehow someone elses' fault), or his perceived arrogance (what great player ISN’T cocky). But the reality is, we are now watching one of the truly great competitors of our time. After the amazing year, and career, he has had, he deserves his first MVP award. And as much as i'm proud of the Celtics return to form, if it's Lakers-Celtics in the finals, my loyalties will be the same as they were back in the 80's....With the Purple and Gold.

Its been an exciting time in boxing as well. Miguel Cotto and Antonio Margarito both had spectacular knockouts and set the stage for a total war between them in the fall. The Joe Calzaghe-Bernard Hopkins fight was worth the hype, being a close, competitive contest. Joe Calzaghe stepped up as the fight went along and got the deserved victory. B-Hop is a legend, and is in amazing shape for a 43 year old, but his tactics, "gamesmanship" (acting like he got shot in the groin after a borderline low blow, which was just a ploy to rest late in the fight) and refusal to give his opponent any credit after the fight showed a lack of class. With Oscar De La Hoya, Shane Mosley, Manny Pacquiao and Kelly Pavlik all fighting between now and the end of the summer, it looks like boxing is continuing to make quality matches to stand up to the increasing popularity of MMA.

Lastly I have to encourage everyone to watch this month's edition of HBO's Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel. It featured a story that was so moving I almost couldn't sleep after watching it. It is about a man named Mike Coolbaugh. Mike was a career minor leaguer....A real life Crash Davis (For the Bull Durham fans out there), who loved the game and loved his family more. He retired from playing to become a coach, where he gave back to the game he loved by taking the time to mentor and take young minor leaguers under his wing. Sadly, he lost his life on a one in a billion fluke play. In over a century of play, a first or third base coach in professional baseball had never been killed by a foul ball. Mike Coolbaugh became the first. He left behind a wife, two young boys, and a daughter he never got to see born.

This story moved me because it showed that we all are really not promised tomorrow. At any instant, when we least expect it, our lives can be gone. One moment you can be going through your daily routine and *poof* it can all be over. This story, as sad as it was, got me to really refocus on living and enjoying each day, not letting the small and petty things bother me and truly appreciatine the blessings that I have. Its so easy to get caught up looking to a future that may never come. But honestly, we should all take the time to express our love to those we care for, to take a moment out of the most hectic day to reflect on our blessings....Because we can't take for granted that we will have the opportunity to do it tomorrow.

2008-02-10T20:18:00.001-08:00

25 Things a black man should never apologize for...

Back after a hiatus, and I had to post this list. I saw it online, and I believe the message is so important. It's about black men standing up, being the strong men that we are, demanding what we need and want and not feeling the least bit sorry for it.

1. Never apologize for pursuing what makes you happy. Even if you Need to quit your job, transfer schools, or move across country, Always do what you really want. If you're no good to yourself you can't be good to others.

2. Never apologize for using proper English. Being articulate is the Epitome of Blackness. (Study Dr. King, Malcom X, or Cornell West to See what I'm talking about.)

3. Never apologize for giving your best in a relationship that just didn't work out. Contrary to popular belief there are some trifling women out here who wouldn't know a good man if he held her door open for her or offered her a seat on a crowded bus.

4. Never apologize for being successful and wanting to get out of the "hood". Only haters want to keep you at their level.

5. Never apologize for speaking the truth. Only those afraid of change and self examination will curse you for it.

6. Never apologize for physical short comings. When you are the man God wants you to be the physical means nothing.

7. Never apologize for being careful with your money. Just because you refuse to take that chick you just met on 360 to the most expensive restaurant in town doesn't mean you're cheap. Keep your financial house in order so that you can provide for yourself and that lady who is worth your time.

8. Don't apologize for being a caring, nurturing Dad. We don't have to be hard or rough all the time. Hug and kiss your children, especially your sons so that they know how to express love to others.

9. Never apologize for treating yourself to something special. If you are being that good husband and father that God wants you to be and that your family needs you to be then an Xbox 360 isn't too much to ask.

10. Never apologize for leaving a bad relationship. Life is too short to be with someone who doesn't love and respect you. You feelings have worth too brother.

11. Never apologize for backing out of the wedding or taking your time before popping the question. Too many people rush into marriage with their hearts instead of looking at the situation logically. Never allow yourself to be pressured.

12. Never apologize for setting high standards in a relationship. As men we need to look past the physical/superficial. Having a nice butt, big breast, a pretty face or long hair does not make a woman relationship or "wifey" material. Look to her heart and mind.

13. Never apologize for or be afraid to say NO.

14. Never apologize for asking for what you want in bed. Contrary to popular belief, men are deeper than a blowjob or doggie style. Ask for what you want. Who knows, she may want the same thing.

15. Never apologize for not wearing expensive clothes, buying expensive jewelry or driving a fancy car. Your SELF worth is more Important than your NET worth. Remember brothers, you are more than what's in your wallet.

16. Never apologize for wanting to spend time with your boys. Women will come in and out of your life, but the bond of brotherhood should and must be maintained.

17. Never apologize for buying that extra game. Refer to 9.

18. Never apologize for dating outside your race. Just because you found Ms. Right across the color line doesn't mean you're weak and can't deal with a "strong sista." Seek eagerly, choose carefully and love deeply.

19. Never apologize for demanding respect. As you give it you deserve It. You are a King black man, act like one.

20. Never apologize for not knowing how to cook. Apologize for not wanting to learn. There is no such thing as "woman's work" brothers. If you like to eat you should like to cook. Remember, some of the best chefs in the world are men.

21. Never apologize for wanting to date. If you are not in a committed relationship and chose to date more than one woman so be It. As long as you are honest at the beginning there should be no Problem.

22. Never apologize for or be ashamed of asking for help. No man is an island and we all need assistance from time to time.

23. Never apologize for or be afraid to make decisions for your Family. As the head of the family that is your role. Take advice and of course consult your wife. Remember she is your partner. But God is holding YOU responsible for what goes on in your house. After Adam and Eve ate the apple, God looked for Adam. Why, because he was the head and ultimately responsible for what went on.

24. Never apologize for not making as much money as your woman. If you do what you love and set the proper example for your wife and children, money won't be an issue. If it is then you have the wrong woman.

25. Never apologize for doing you. To thine own self be true Black man.

2007-11-05T22:42:00.000-08:00

American Gangster - Why This Movie Bothered Me

In response to all of the hype, I went and watched American Gangster tonight. My feelings on it are a bit split. Looking at it strictly as a film, it was well made. As with any movie starring two Academy Award winning actors like Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe, the acting was superb. I thought Ruby Dee (a true legend) was excellent as Frank Lucas mother. Not a lot of scenes but powerful in the ones she did have. The movie is long (almost 3 hours) but if flows well...

The movie left me bothered though.....The movie takes the path of portraying Frank Lucas as a redemptive figure in the end, showing him in a positive light in spite of what he symbolized, which was the spread of death throughout the black community. As much as some will laud him for his "smart" approach to crime (Typical Sicilian mob values such as not showing your money and surrounding yourself with family to insulate yourself), the reality is that this man pushed a product onto the streets more potent than what was already there, and that led to a boom in addiction and all that goes with it.

Furthermore, it was a reflection of the time. The movie covered a period from 1967 to 1973. This was the era of Cointelpro, the FBI's program that investigated and took down what it thought to be "dissident political organizations" in the US. Among these organizations were civil rights organizations, including Dr. King's SCLC and many others. So during a time when there was a groundswell of unity and an activist spirit in inner city black communities, and the government was trying to undermine this movement , along comes Frank Lucas.

We're supposed to believe that a former bodyguard and flunky for Bumpy Johnson (another small time hood), through a family member in Vietnam just STUMBLES by accident on a pure heroin connection worth hundreds of millions of dollars and is able to outsmart the CIA and other federal agencies, and smuggle it into the country for 6 YEARS right under their noses without them knowing anything about it. (All during a time of cointelpro here and a war in the region there).

Yup, I put that right up there with a fat white guy with a beard in a red suit coming down my chimney to drop off presents and a rabbit that lays colored eggs in April.

In my view: This whole Frank Lucas rise happened on the governments watch.....they watched him import enourmous amounts of pure heroin into the black communities to extinguish the black consciousness and civil rights movement of the 60's. Then once things were done and an entire community was sick, down and out, he gets a slap on the wrist (after the fact) and lives out his life in peace rather than dying in prison.

Consider in the aftermath of this time, Afros, dashikis and positive entertainment were replaced by perms and pimp coats glamorized in flicks like "Superfly" and "The Mack". A movement gone...

I know some will try to dismiss this as another "Bringing the black man down" rant (seems like that's what conservative types call any attempt to call the government out on a racial issue.....it is an attempt to group all arguments together and dismiss them). But when you look at the facts, its clear that Frank Lucas rise and fall, and the many people who were addicted and killed during its time, took place on the watch of those who could have prevented it if they wanted to.

Add to that the fact that the movie really doesn't leave enough of a "cautionary tale". Young people who see this will see a man who had a beauty queen wife, money, cars, clothes and a glamorous lifestyle who beat the system time and time again and in the end walked away unscathed. Not the best message at all, especially during a time where I have to read about young people, the people I work with, shooting at each other on a daily basis.

It is what it is....And as much as I can appreciate a well acted movie, the man it portrays and what transpired around his rise sickens me.

2007-09-12T09:14:00.000-07:00

The Sickness of a Hate Crimes

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am from West Virginia. I represent my state loud and proud, and I literally bleed Blue and Gold as a Mountaineer fan. However, yesterday something went down in my state that made me feel angry and ashamed.

By now I am sure many of you have seen it. In Big Creek, West Virginia, about 30 minutes from where I grew up, a 20 year old Black woman named Megan Williams was kidnapped and tortured for at least a week by 4 individuals. She was beaten, had parts of her hair torn out and was mentally, physically and sexually abused. These monsters...I can't call them people....Blacked both of her eyes, stabbed her numerous times in her legs, forced her to eat rat and dog feces and drink from the toilet. They raped her. They called her nigger every time they stabbed ger. Thanks to a tip, police were finally able to find and free her.

The question is, what now? These people do not need to ever see the light of day. I cannot even imagine the level of misfortune that would need to come down upon them for Karma to balance this out.

Looking beyond the incident, we must as what can be done to properly punish acts like this so that there can be a deterrant effect. The logical action would be to make it easier for the Federal Government to get involved, which would bring greater resources in prosecution and stiffer penalties, including the death penalty (West Virginia does not currently have the death penalty).

18 U.S.C. § 245 is a federal statute that allows the federal government to step in and prosecute in situations where people by force or threat of force willfully injures, intimidates or interferes with any person because of his race, color, religion or national origin. However this law ONLY allows the Federal Government to step in where the person of color is exercising a federally protected right like voting or going to school. It does NOT current apply in situations like this. That means that these monsters can only be tried in state court, before potentially more biased jurors or judges who may be more sympathetic and assign lesser penalties.

In May of this year Congressman John Conyers took steps to remedy this and to get the Federal Government more involved in acts like this by proposing a bill called the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act of 2007...This law would expand the Federal Government's ability to prosecute local hate crimes in ALL situations and give stiffer penalties for concivtions....It would also devote millions to the investigation of these crimes.

This bill passed the House of Representatives and currently sits in the Senate.....President Bush (surprise, surprise) has threatened to veto it.

In light of what has just happened in WV as well as other situations (The case in Georgia of the little boy named Christopher Barrios comes to mind) this law is needed....People who commit these acts of hate cannot get a slap on the wrist from local authorities...They need to be put away for good or in cases where they kill someone get the death penalty.

Everyone who is shocked by this story should contact their Senator and push them to vote for this bill....Hopefully there will be enough votes to override a veto....It may not help Megan Williams or Christopher Barrios, but it certainly will have an impact on the next young person who has their dignity or life taken because of the color of their skin get proper vindication for the wrongs done to them.

http://www.govtrack.us/congress/billtext.xpd?bill=h110-1592

2007-06-21T22:52:00.000-07:00

How do you know?

That is the question that has plagued my mind the past few months. How do you know when the time is right to settle down? When you’ve come across the right person to settle down with? You come across and meet a lot of people just being social in the city. You get to know a lot of people through dating. Many of those people have redeeming qualities that draw you to them in some way. But the question lingers…Who is the right one? And when is the right time/

I don’t want to waste my time pouring heart and emotion and effort into something that will not last. When you put in effort to something, you want the pay off of benefiting from it. I also do not want to become too selective and give up prematurely on a situation that could develop into something long lasting. It’s a difficult balance.

It’s causing me to really look at and analyze what I want. It’s not a black and white thing, not as simple as “nice” or “educated”, “fun” or “positive”…..It’s than intangible “it” factor that tells you that someone is right for you. I am wondering if it is ever that clear. If you ever really just “know” like some people seem to believe. I wonder if it isn’t about finding a “one” but rather finding one that you can make things work with…..Do I give up on the soul mate idea for someone that I can “make it work” with or do I hold out for a notion (the surefire “one”) whose validity I am starting to question.

When I look back at the past couple of years, I have been blessed to have met a lot of good women. I made a decision that, to truly give myself a shot at the one, I would open up my boundaries and my worldview, dating across all lines….race, ethnicity, social class….all different types of personalities, different levels of ambition…. Teachers, social workers, corporate types, lawyers, poets, activists, nurses, secretaries…….Phd’s to high school grads…Bougie to regular down ass chick….. I have had some great times, many great conversations, learned a lot about myself, about life. I have benefited from my dating journey. But through it all that elusive, intangible “it” hasn’t manifested itself. I am wondering if the romantic idea I have in my head isn’t some unattainable thing. If it isn’t just the product of fantasy….Screenwriters and novelists fucking with all of our heads by creating some abstract idea that doesn’t fit with reality. I wonder if it isn’t really about just finding someone cool and pushing to make it last. The self-critic in me wonders if I’m not a fucking idiot for passing certain things by, going from selective to unrealistically picky in the process. The idealist and the pragmatist within me at war. I am more of a logical person than an emotional one, which makes it tough. I cant just blindly run with feelings and get lost in them. I have to process and analyze a situation, weighing if it is really the best move.

I feel like, the longer you are single, the harder it becomes to jump back into a relationship. You get so used to your independence and autonomy, and figure that if you are going to bring someone in, they DAMN well better well be worth it. For much of my life I was a serial monogamist. From high school through college, even into law school, I basically was a relationship to relationship guy. I didn’t do a lot of “dating” really. The last several years have been different. I told myself that something had to be “lifelong quality” before I would settle into it. This perspective change was inevitable. I had been married and divorced. Once you get to that point of having that ultimate commitment, you don’t go back to settling for less. Plus, at a certain age and level of experience, you would think that the little superficial connections would cease to be fulfilling. Maturity and depth creates a need for substance, for a sense of realness. So I began to search….and search…..Enjoying the journey yet frustrated at its failure to reach the ideal destination.

I am capable of articulating what I want and what I don’t want in a relationship. There are those benchmarks that are non-negotiable…honesty, loyalty, respect, communication…..But there is so much else in addition to that. I find myself at a loss of where to find it….So here I go….walking down an uncertain path…..questioning what i’ve done, and even more unsure of what’s ahead….

2007-03-01T14:57:00.000-08:00

The "DL" Myth and the Damage It's Causing

When the whole "DL" myth exploded on the scene in the aftermath of J.L. King's book, something about the whole thing evoked skepticism in me. Mr. King made the rounds on Oprah and other talk shows, and the "DL" phenomenon was featured in numerous newspaper and magazine stories, including in Essence magazine something like 6 months in a row...Something about the whole thing just never sat right with me. It just seemed too overblown and like just another attempt to further stereotype black men. It's almost like it was the "close out" stereotype.....When more violent, less intelligent, lazy, underemployed, unemployed, unable to speak properly, irresponsible, not-taking-care-of-kids, not in jail/on probation/on parole, not diseased, not on drugs all fail......just throw "must be gay then" on top of it all and it makes every black male suspect in some way. It made the possibility of a good, responsible black man a total myth...that every brother had to have "something" wrong with him.....So when everyone was on the bandwagon, I felt that something about the whole thing was just insidiously racist.....Like Black men were the only ones doing this.....I couldn't believe that they were really doing it in numbers far in excess of others...the whole stereotype seemed harmful but I couldn't figure out how.

Now research has shown just how destructive and inaccurate this is. How the DL phenomenon is really rooted in myth, and how mistaken assumptions about black sexuality are finding their way into scientific research on the spread of HIV, and this could do more to fuel risky behavior than prevent it. Authors of a new commentary published in Annals of Epidemiology looked closely at the issue.

Reports on African-American men who identify themselves as straight but secretly have sex with men -- dubbed the "down low" lifestyle -- first appeared when men who said they were part of this subculture wrote books about it and the media picked up the story, Dr. Chandra L. Ford of Columbia University in New York City, the commentary's lead author, told Reuters Health.

"Part of what has happened as a result of that initial burst of stories reporting the 'down low' is that those stories often tied the down low to high rates of HIV infection among African-American women, which was not supported by epidemiological data," Ford added. "There were a lot of assumptions, there were a lot of leaps of faith that led to that."

Despite the non-scientific source, epidemiologists began doing research based on the idea that Black Men living the down low lifestyle were driving the spread of HIV, she and her colleagues note in their article in the Annals of Epidemiology.

This assumption was mistaken in many ways, they explain. First of all, the practice of straight men secretly having sex with men is seen across all ethnic groups. Also, Ford notes, while Black Men and women have higher rates of HIV infection than other ethnic groups, they also report fewer risk behaviors, suggesting researchers should look elsewhere to understand the disparity. For example, she adds, having a bacterial sexually transmitted infection can increase the risk of both transmitting and contracting HIV, and it is possible such infections may be more common among Blacks than whites due to poorer access to health care.

Research has refuted the claim that Black Men living the down low lifestyle are driving the spread of HIV, Ford said, but the perception that this is the case remains, even in the epidemiology community. She points to a dean at a colleague's school who urged researchers to study "the down low" after seeing a TV segment on it.

The view of black sexuality as deviant and diseased has deep roots, Ford noted, pointing to the way the public and the medical community viewed syphilis in the early 20th century as a disease of the Black Community. Not only could perceptions of the down low drive the men actually pursuing such a lifestyle further underground, making them less likely to get care, said Ford, it also draws attention away from interventions that could be truly effective, such as routine HIV testing of all adults. "HIV- AIDS is a social disease, so that means that there are social phenomena that influence the spread of the disease," Ford said. "We have to be as rigorous about understanding the social phenomena as we would be if we were studying how a microbe influences disease progression."

It shows the impact of stereotypes and negative views of black life in America that people, including a far too many women of color, were willing to scapegoat black men and their alleged deviant behavior as the root of the HIV crisis without looking at whether or not scientific research even backed up the claims. Hopefully more studies come along that paint a more realistic picture of what's going on than the one painted by one author with some books to sell.

For more on this issue, please check out www.jifunza.com.

2007-01-31T22:07:00.000-08:00

The Mooninites are coming! The Mooninites are coming! Idiocy in Boston

Look out y'all.....No need to worry about Bin Laden or Al Qaeda.....What we must really fear are Meatwad, Frylock, Shake, Carl and the Mooninites. Yes that's correct, Aqua Teen Hunger Force placed the city of Boston in fear of it's life today. And how this all blew out of proportion just blows my mind.

For years, there has been criticism of our government using fear as a weapon and as a means of control. That in the post 9/11 world, people have attempted to keep the populace in fear for political gain. There is a price to using fear in this way however, as it leads to knee jerk reactions and a failure to use common sense.

The basic story is this: Aqua Teen Hunger Force, the Adult Swim cartoon, has a feature film coming out. As part of a marketing blitz, magnetic signs showing one of the more popular characters on the show, The Mooninites, are being placed on various structures throughout 11 major cities, of which Boston is one. Now these characters are normally used to advertise the show...Go to any Target, Best Buy or Wal Mart and you will see them on the cover of last season's DVD. Yet, somehow, NO one managed to grasp this as they saw *GASP* SUSPICIOUS PACKAGES throughout the city (Evidently, cops don't watch Adult Swim). So a whole clusterfuck emerges and a 27 year old art student, hired by Turner Broadcasting to head up Boston's marketing campaign for the movie is arrested. The whole thing was, and still is, being greatly blown out of proportion.

What really makes me angry is how disingenious politicians are in this. They totally play into people's fears rather than using common sense to alleviate them. Because this is essentially a nationwide campaign in a number of major cities, there were already photos online showing the devices being placed. A simple online search would have shown the connection to the devices and a marketing campaign. But that would be too simple. It's easier to fly off the handle, blow the issue up, then have to come back and say it's all a hoax.

The media actually stepped up and did their research. News organizations had information on the Cartoon Network connection to the devices at around 3 p.m. and went to the mayor and others with questions on that issue around that time. The mayor and others KNEW that this was a marketing campaign. Yet in a press conference at 5 p.m., nothing was mentioned about the Turner connection and the lack of danger, as the devices were still being treated as a threat. Basically they played ignorant to the fact that there was no real threat.

This is not to downplay terrorism. It is to criticize scaring people unnecessarily, which is done far too much. To place people in fear over a cartoon ad...when a little bit of research (or asking any 18-24 year old fan of adult swim) would have alleviated any concerns is somewhere between outright stupid and irresponsible and wrong. What it does in my mind is further lessens the credibility of the political figures involved, almost creating a "Boy Who Cried Wolf" effect.

So....hundreds of emergency crews, gridlocked traffic, a city in fear, an art student facing felony charges, threats of lawsuits..and a half million in tax dollars spent...all over a cartoon character. Really, does this make us feel safer? Oh Common Sense, how I love you so....and how I lament how you our society kills you a little more each day...

2007-01-27T21:28:00.000-08:00

Is the standard of beauty changing?

There was an interesting article in The Boston Globe Magazine last Sunday that centered on the changing face (no pun intended) of plastic surgery. For years, plastic surgery has been looked at, and marketed as, something for middle and upper class white women. That factor has dramatically changed in recent years, with women of color opting for cosmetic surgery in rapidly increasing numbers. According to the article, the number of minority patients undergoing cosmetic procedures increased from 300,000 in 1997 to 2 million in 2005. Even factoring in the increase in total demand for cosmetic procedures, the rate of increase for minorities still comfortably outpaces the overall rate.

It’s interesting the selections many of these people are getting. Estimates show that 6 in 10 black women are getting nose jobs, usually choosing narrower nostrils, pointier tips and higher bridges. Second most popular among Black women was liposuction, often centered on the hips and buttocks. More than half of Asian patients are opting for eyelid surgery, opting to create an eyelid fold to give the eye a more wide-open appearance. Hispanic patients are also opting for nose jobs in heavy numbers.

As I read, I found this interesting……Ethnic women were getting procedures done on their most distinctive ethnic physical characteristics and doing it in increasing numbers. Personally, to each his own….if anything it shows how cosmetic surgery has become more affordable and more people of color have ascended into middle class status enabling the, to afford these procedures. This is not a value judgment about the merits or lack thereof of getting cosmetic surgery. But with a trend this dramatic, I wondered what it meant in the overall big picture.

For years, the issue of Black people getting cosmetic surgery has centered around one person: Michael Jackson. People look at the self mutilation that MJ had done and have come to the conclusion that getting cosmetic surgery was an attempt to “look white” (That silly Black or White song didn’t help that perception). I don’t think that is the case at all with the current increase though. When you look at women of color across the board getting these procedures, coupled with Caucasian women also getting them in increasing numbers, it seems that there is a greater trend at work. And I think it all reflects how the standard of beauty is evolving in Western Culture.

Traditionally the standard of beauty has been white, very European features, blond hair and blue eyes. From Jean Harlow and Marilyn Monroe to Suzanne Sommers and Farrah Fawcett to Pamela Anderson and other cookie cutter Baywatch types, this has been promoted for ages as the ultimate standard of what is attractive. And I don’t think that has completely disappeared by any means. However, I do believe that the standard has expanded increasingly and to a significant degree.

When you look at any list of “Most Sexy” or “Most Attractive”, there are certain names that now always claim the top part of those lists: Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, Beyonce Knowles, Lucy Liu, Jessica Alba, Adriana Lima, and Eva Longoria. Women with "darker" features than the blonde/blue norm. Possessing ambiguous features that cause some to wonder “Hmmm just what are they” about their ethnicity. It’s almost as if ethnic ambiguity has become the new, primary standard of beauty. And the trend in plastic surgery seems to show people are out striving for it……It’s not women of color trying to look white, it’s women of color lessening the traditional ethnic features they have to fit into this new paradigm or ambiguity.

People from all races and ethnicities are seeking to adopt some, but not all, traits from others, with everyone striving for the “look”. Black women narrowing their noses, Asian women making their eyes less distinct. Some women getting butt implants, others getting liposuction to make their butts look smaller. Tanning, collagen implants hair extensions all around. All to look not like Marilyn but like Halle or Angelina, to have hips like Beyonce, the body of Jessica, the sex appeal of Adrianna.

What does it all mean? I am not sure, to be honest. I think a widening standard of what is considered beautiful is always a good thing. A small dose of progress away from the one dimensional Eurocentric standard. But does moving that standard towards ambiguity now take away appreciation of people of color with a traditional look? Is there still room at the table for the black woman with the natural and a broad nose or the Asian woman without the eyelid fold when discussions come about as to who is attractive? I guess in the end, beauty is in the eye if the beholder. But let’s be realistic…..We are a culture of followers….And what fashion and the media hold out and celebrate as attractive, the great majority will strive for, want to be or want to be with. I wonder if this trend is part of a greater move towards societal assimilation…..Or if it keeps women who retain traditional features in the same position of being outside what is considered attractive to the mainstream.

2006-12-01T12:08:00.000-08:00

AIDS and HIV...Do we take it seriously anymore?

Today is World Aids Day. I have read numerous articles about HIV infection statistics, particularly in the Black and Hispanic community. Still I sit here and I have to acknowledge the truth. People are not as afraid of HIV anymore. Crazy as it sounds, you see it in the promiscuous behavior that goes on. The change can be broken down like this.

15 years ago: HIV is a Death Wish
Today: HIV is the new herpes

What do I mean by that? Let me take you guys back to an earthshaking event that took place a little more than 15 years ago. November 7, 1991. The day Magic Johnson announced that he was HIV positive. Earvin "Magic" Johnson was and is a pop culture icon. He transcended sports. He wasn't just an athlete he was a personality. He was pinned up on the wall of kids of all races across the country. When he contracted HIV, I remember people crying. They thought Magic was going to shrivel up and die. This was promoted as the ultimate cautionary tale.

Funny thing happened though. Magic lived. He thrived. He actually gained weight, came back to the NBA as both a player and coach. He won a gold medal with the Dream Team in 1992. He went on to become one of the top Black businessmen in the country. His life didn't end with HIV. In ways it can be argued that is star burned even brighter after it.

I think this subconsciously lured many to sleep. Because of HIV drugs, people are living longer lives with the virus, continuing to prosper after contracting it. Because of this, those three letters don't strike the same fear in people as they used to. I think a lot of people in many communities look at HIV as an unfortunate thing that you have to live with, and not as something that you instantly die from.....It doesn'thave that same death sentence ring to it as it did years ago.

Many will not admit to this thinking, but actions speak louder than words. Shawn Deveney of the Sporting News wrote an article recently on the anniversary of Magic's announcement. He wrote of how Magic's announcement is a distant memory for today's basketball players and the impact of it has worn off over the years. He pointed out that things are back to the status quo with NBA ballplayers,with a "Ho Row" behind the players bench at many games and the same groupie action taking place in hotel lobbies.

The unfortunate reality is that many poor people who contract the virus dont have the money to keep up the prescriptions for the cocktail of drugs that it takes to survive with HIV. People are contracting it at stunning levels and dying. In spite of this, the paralyzing fear of HIV is not there. People say "Magic look better now than he did when he was playing". Our music promotes pimpin' and being a playa, defining manhood in how many women you sleep with and womanhood in how many men you get to chase and give you money. People are still hooking up and having sex. As for people using protection? Out of wedlock births are at an all time high, with nearly 4 of 10 babies born each year being born out of wedlock according to a recent article by the AP. These rates have risen progressively through the 1990's and into the current decade, as the HIV rates have risen.

So we read the statistics, we see the commercials, we have our AIDS days.....but do we really have any change? If so, I am really not seeing it.

2006-11-29T21:11:00.000-08:00

What happened to the “Friend” in Girl/Boyfriend?

If I was your girlfriend, would U remember, 2 tell me all the things U forgot when I was your man? Hey hey, when I was your man…..

If I was your best friend, would U let me Take care of U, and do all the things that only a best friend can? Oh, only best friends can….

If I was your girlfriend, would U let me dress U I mean help U pick out your clothes before we go out?

Not that you're helpless, but sometime, sometime those are the things that being in love's about

If I was your one and only friend, would U run 2 me if somebody hurt U even if that somebody was me? Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be...
Prince, If I was your Girlfriend

I had to start off with some verses from the greatest of all time.

When I look at relationships, and dating, it seems like people are overlooking the most important thing that’s necessary for something to last long term….friendship. Look, I know looks are the initial draw. Hell, it’s chemistry. We are drawn to those whom we are attracted to. Charisma takes it to the next level. We all like being with someone who looks good, who has charm. We all like stepping out with someone on our arm and thinking “shiiiiit, we look good”. We all like sex…..Back scratching, furniture moving, hair pulling, sweaty, use-the-lords-name-in-vain, back-breakin’ sex. We like being with someone we respect, who is good at their chosen profession, who is good to people around them.

All of those things go into why we are drawn to people…why we get into relationships…or relations…with people. But in my view, none of those factors will happily keep you with someone. What’s necessary is being with someone who is truly your friend. Like Prince so perfectly says….someone that you tell everything to, that you really share it all with, that you lower your guard to. Someone whom you allow to help and be there for you….NOT that you can’t do it for yourself, but because sharing and doing it together brings you closer.

I think as men and women, many of us have gotten so into being strong, showing no weakness, no vulnerability. We open up sexually because, lets be honest, it’s self serving…..we are getting ours. We open up socially, because it’s self serving…..we get to be out with that person who is fine, who turns heads. But we avoid opening up emotionally because we fear being vulnerable, fear being in a position where someone could hurt us. But that opening up, builds trust…that trust builds connection…..it allows us to know that someone is a person we can depend on. It’s the ultimate selfless act. Allowing someone to touch us deeply, to be our friend, to love us…to trust someone to keep our secrets, be there for us when we’re sick, when we’re down. Not that we NEED someone to do that but because we WANT that one person we choose to be there with us through it all, good and bad. It’s letting down the wall and allowing someone stand by us and help us with the day to day trials of life.

I think the realities of life make us all a little hard. It makes us want to rely on self, and it makes us hesitant to trust…it’s a deceitful world out there. The bullshit of dating compounds that, as we run into so many people who want to get what they want from us without giving any of themselves…so we learn to hold ourselves close to the cuff too. We end up dating…and dating…and dating….and not ever getting deep. Or we get into relationships based on nothing but superficial and watch as they fade into obscurity. We look at their deficiencies, and use them as reasons why things don’t work out. But do we really put our best foot forward? Do we really take the time to know someone? To truly become their friend? To let someone in and befriend us? Do we let a preoccupation with how good they look, how chill they are or how great their “resume” is supersede whether they have the traits to be a good friend and companion to us?

I’m trying to constantly evolve and grow. I don’t know if I’ve really focused on friendship as much as I should have. I take great pride in my resilience and self-reliance, but if that runs amok it can hinder serious relationships. I don’t know that I’ve given people the opportunity to really come in and come close, or be there for me. I think you have to scale it back and let people befriend and love you. I do know it’s about so much more than just looks, sex, and the “resume”. That it’s someone who can really ride with me, be by my side when I’m not my best, when times are shitty (as well as when they are good). Someone I can act like the complete goof I can be sometimes with. Someone who sees my vision for my life and who supports me in reaching it (and vice versa). Someone I am on the same page with. Someone who will truly be my friend……I’m trying to eventually look into someone’s eyes and really trip over how happy we could be.

© Copyright 2006, James Leon Smith, All Rights Reserved.

2006-10-18T09:13:00.000-07:00

Intimidated? Not Hardly.....Time to cut loose the ego trip.....

"He couldn't handle me girl....I think I intimidated him". "He just isn't on my level". "See, there just arent any good brothers out there".

Enough. Goddammit, enough!

Remember the scene in Boomerang when Eddie Murphy sneaks out of bed after sleeping with Lela Rachon because she had ugly feet? Asshole move, I know, but it was one of many funny scenes in the movie that many of us laughed at. If this same scene transpired in today's dating climate the reaction would have been different. Rather than wondering why Eddie's character didn't call again, the sister likely would have made the above statement over dinner and drinks with her girls to a chorus of "hmmm hmmmpt" and "I know that's right".

It's seems to be a general trend that professional, educated Black women are wholly embracing the idea that they intimidate Black men. This notion is used to justify why many professional women of color are single. It also is used to explain dates from hell, why he didn't call, why he won't committ and why he wants a divorce. I hear this explanation waved around more and more frequently.

"I can't get a man because they find my intelligence intimidating". "It's hard to find a man who isn't intimidated that I have a career and got my own house in order". These statements are often met with a roomful of emphatetic female heads nodding in agreement. It just seems as though this notion is becoming the African-American woman's worldview on dating. And i'm not sure that's a good thing. If anything I think it's a drastic misconception that can only serve to widen the gap between black men and black women, many of whom have it together.

In truth, a brother may have many reasons why he chooses not to pursue a sister, or any woman for that matter. Maybe he's not intimidated by her degree but bored by her inability to converse about any topics outside of her job. Maybe her successful career doesn't intimidate him, but after numerous canceled dates he assumes she is playing games and doesn't want to play along. Maybe he isn't imtimidated by her mortgage and car note, but put off by what he perceives as materialism. Maybe he just wasn't feeling a connection. There are many things that go into compatibility and chemistry. Building relationships is not just a matter of "matching resumes".......it's a matter of finding someone with common interests, a common world view, and a level of chemistry that encompasses the mental, physical and emotional. And those things can be found in many places, without respect to race, social status or income level.

And in the end, I find the whole notion to be nothing more than an ego trip. There have been times where i've heard through a 3rd party that someone was "feelin" me, rather than hearing about it directly from the source. But never in a million years would I sit there and think or assume that someone who didn't approach me, or whom I approached but wasn't swayed by my charms, found me intimidating. Instead, I step back and assess the situation......I check my breath, make sure nothing is hanging out my nose, make sure my zipper isn't open or any other goofy, absent minded thing i'm known to do. Maybe I wonder if I said something corny or wonder if I just came up short on wit or cool. Or, most often, I just shrug my shoulders, think "I'm just not her cup of tea", don't take it the least bit personally, and keep it moving on to the next one. In the end, no person, no matter how accomplished, is going to be right for everyone. If one person isn't feeling me, that's okay. There are plenty of others out there who hopefully will.

Unfortunately, it seems this type of reality cheek doesn't happen as often anymore with a lot of sisters. I think hiding behing the defense mechanism of "he's intimidated" may cause many sisters to lose the capacity to be thoughtfully self-critical or truly objective in assessing things in the dating world. It's like the "Blame-a-Broter" philosophy is just easier, where every issue, from the bad date to the ugly divorce, reflects the shortcoming or failure of a man. It's our fault.

This whole notion of "intimidation" seems to be another weapon in what I fear is the growing battle, and distance, between black men and women. It's not always a fair assumption. If a man doesn't follow through, well, sometimes that's just life and the way it goes. As men, we deal with rejection all the time. It's not that serious. It may not have had anything to do with you being too black, strong, intelligent or well off. Maybe as he spotted you from across the bar he felt you were too young , old, tall, short, thick or thin for his taste. Maybe he really did enjoy your company on that date, but he just decided to go in another direction with someone else. Maybe "HE" actually got a promotion at work, has to move and just didn't see the point of continuing. Whatever the reason, chill, don't sweat it. After all, if he's not intimidated, then he's probably gay and on the DL anyway. Yeah, that's it! Hahahaha......Ahhh, I kid because I care.....

2006-09-20T11:26:00.000-07:00

I Love Sade, But I Don't Agree With Her

"I can't hate you, though I have tried......I still really, really love you...love is stronger than pride"
- Sade, Stronger Than Pride

Great song. Powerful like all of her works. It's interesting that I am running into so many people who truly live by the words of this song. Good people with good hearts who have so much difficulty letting go of unhealthy and toxic situations. Family members, friends, acquaintences.....everyone seems to be holding on for dear life to people that aren't worth holding on to. The reason....."Love"

I've been called cold....asked how the hell I just walk away....I had to sit and think about it. And I think the main thing is that a lot of folks have it twisted when it comes to love. They see love as something that is acquited from the outside. They seek validation from outside themselves to feel good inside. This is a trap that leads people into unhealthy situations. The reality is that love MUST come from inside out, not the other way around. Self-love is the most important thing we can have. We have to know who we are, what we want, what we desire, how we want to be treated. And stick to that with everyone, no matter how close they are.

At the end of the day, caring, or love, for someone else cannot trump your level of self-love and self-respect. When someone does not treat you with the appropriate level of love and respect they have to go. Or as I tend to say "drop the guillotine". It may sound harsh, but people who truly value you don't treat you the way they themselves would not want to be treated.
I know it's more difficult for some. I know it hurts....it's hard. That there can be longing after the fact. But with time and healing, those things get better and eventually go away. It's better to deal with those feelings than having to look in the mirror and know that you let yourself down by allowing yourself to be treated badly.

Strength is gained by sticking to your principles, by walking away and not loooking back, even if you feel like your heart is bleeding buckets inside. And if you dont do it, you never gain that strength, which is necessary in an increasingly harsh world.

Too many people lament on love and too few focus on pride. Pride alone should help us with walking away. You just can't allow people to treat you any kind of way in this world because if you allow it, folks will take those liberties, over and over. As much as we don't want to admit it, I think it's human nature, "love" or no. There are those select good souls who respect all those they come across. But there are far more people in this world for whom respect is earned...who will take advantage, trample over and make a doormat out of anyone who doesn't have the pride to stand up for themselves and for what they feel is right.

Maybe in my 32 trips around the sun, and in my 16 years of dealing with that wonderful spirit/sometimes-muthafucka named Love, i've just become a little calloused. I still believe in her. I still desire her. I still remember the happy and wonderful times she's given me. But i'm not trying to take any shit from anyone in her name. My buddy Pride makes sure of that.

© Copyright James Leon Smith, Jr. 2006. All Rights Reserved.

2006-06-29T08:58:00.000-07:00

People Perpetuating Their Own Heartache and Drama
6/23/06

It just makes me sad to see it....and I see it so often. I look around and I see so many people walking around like slaves....They enslave themselves, becoming jaded, bitter.....refusing to see the possibilities of life. These folks are unable to be happy, unable or unwilling to seize the day and reach their ultimate potential. And in the end, that fact isn't because life isn't fair. It is because of their own choices.

Life isn't unfair. Life isn't bad. Life just is. Life does what it does and owes us nothing. Happiness in this world is all in how we respond to the ups and down, the celebrations and the trials, the good moments and the bad. Tough times are going to come, disappointments are going to happen. There are going to be moments where we hurt so much we feel like dying. In the end, we have to let go of the pain and the disappointments, take the time to heal and rebuild ourselves and move forward. There are many things that will happen that we cannot control. What we can control is whether or not we allow these things to break out spirit. And that is something none of us can ever allow to happen if we are to ever be happy. Happiness is the ability to roll with the punches, to let go of toxic things that seek to burden our spirits, to learn and grow from our mistakes so that we become strong and wise enough to overcome any challenges we may face.

People don't do this though. They hold on. Hold on when doing so is totally not in their best interest. They refuse to accept the reality that life is laying right in front of their eyes. They give up hope. In relationships, there are people who will recognize that a situation does not work, that it is not good or healthy for them. Yet in their mind, they think that it can, so they ignore the obvious reality and stay and try to make the unworkable work. In life, there are people who will get in in their mind that a certain career path or direction is the one. Yet when it doesn't work, they get give up all hope and allow their talents, which could thrive on another path, to fester and crust over.You get people in these circumstances who are not living. They go through life like zombies, biding time until they die.

The eye can only focus on one thing at a time. If you are busy placing your focus on what doesn't work, you will miss out on something that can. People push away and screw up things with amazing people and potential soulmates every day because they'd rather focus on fixing a broken ship that can never sail. It never fails that the most jaded people when it comes to relationships are the ones who refuse to emotionally move on from the same fuck-up who has been bringing them nothing but strife for years. People let their academic and professional potential go unfulfilled, because they sink into the disappointment of a failure and give up hope. They will not even try to embark down a path that could bring them fulfillment because they are too busy sulking that what THEY thought should have worked, didn't. In these circumstances people fail to see that the failure of these things is a blessing in disguise because, as much as they have it fixed in their mind that it was the "one" or the ultimate, it WASN'T. Instead of moving on and continuing to search, they stop believing in the possibilities. And life, no matter how hard it is, is full of possibilities. Happiness lies behind various doors, if only people have the courage and strength to knock on them.

So many people use hurt as their justification. They allow the pain of getting their heart broken, the pain of not having their plans work out as they wanted erode their confidence. Well people, let me give you a big news flash. Pain is a part of life. It's like breathing and eating. It is something that we cannot escape. There is pain as we are birthed into the world. There is often pain as we die. And pain will be a part of our experience as we go through the daily paces of life. The flip side of pain is that in every painful moment lies opportunity. There is a lesson that we can learn to get wiser. There is strength in overcoming it. There is the fulfillment or evolving into a better person for having endured. You can let pain break you or you can use it to make you. Your choice.

And in the end it's all about choices......personal responsibility. If that relationship doesn't work, it's because it's NOT meant to be, because that person is NOT the one. If that career path doesn't work out it's because it's NOT what your calling and destiny is. The sooner we accept that, the sooner we can open our hearts and minds to the possibilities and great potential that life has. The sooner we can embrace our destiny and the happiness that lies out there for all of us. If people choose to hold onto bad relationships, or sulk in self-pity, then they need to cut the jaded act and look in the mirror. They may not be happy, but it's due to their own behavior. They are like people in an unlocked jail cell. They can walk out at their choosing. They just need to let go of the bars and walk out the door.

© 2006, James Leon Smith, All Rights Reserved.

2006-06-23T12:48:00.000-07:00

Follow up to "The Break Up" - Cowards in The Name of Kindness...

There is nothing worse than this scenario: Knowing a relationship is dying yet having someone who claims to love you not respect you enough to come honest and real and just lay it all out there. If it's not working, then it's not working. If you are no longer feeling a situation, just be straight up and real about it. Have a backbone and say what needs to be said. I can't stand it when someone says "I dont want to be mean" or "I dont want to hurt them", all the while they continue in a relationship they dont want to be in. What's mean and hurtful is staying in a relationship and not giving your all to it. What's mean is living a lie, saying that things are okay when they are not. It's hurtful to cut off affection when you are no longer feeling them. What's wrong is sticking around keeping a relationship on life support while straying outside it to look for others.There is nothing nice about leading someone on rather than giving them clarity and doing what needs to be done so both people can move forward and be happy.

Coming straight up may seem harsh, but honesty IS the best policy. The truth hurts, but in the end it's something that real people will always respect. Plus, when you hold back the truth and dont tell someone how you feel, you are really calling them weak. You are saying that they cannot handle the truth. That it will break them so you have to shelter them from the horrible hurt. I take that approach as an insult and a slap in the face. I mean b**** please, get over yourself....i've been through all the crazy and difficult times i've seen in my life and kept standing, endured things you can't imagine...but you think I cant handle the word no from *you*....PUH-lease. I believe the feigned extra care is really a cop out from people who dont have the spine and nerve to be honest and to be really real.

If you keep it honest and just break it off, people may be angry or hurt, but in the end you can leave a relationship with respect. And because of that respect you have the opportunity to be friends at some point. If you dont, them people stray, they cheat, they argue.....feelings end up getting hurt a lot more and respect ends up getting lost. You end up losing someone from your life altoghether. So many people talk about keeping it real. Well in this situation, it's as real as it gets. And people need to show and prove.

2006-05-17T14:11:00.000-07:00

The Break Up

Late night, Unable to sleep,
Looking at the time….
Wondering what you’re thinking,
What’s on your mind…

Why you don’t pick up the phone
I mean, I know something is wrong…
Yet here I sit, twisting in the wind
Damn, just tell me what the fuck is up
Let the suspense end

Why do women so this shit?
Must be the nice guy curse…
I feel bad…I don’t wanna hurt him
Just making the shit worse

I mean dammit, I’m a man, I can handle what you gotta say
Just don’t play, make me wait day after day
When it’s clear you’re no longer down
And want this to go away

I know what’s coming, just waiting for it to come around the bend
The hurt, the pain are already starting to set in

You’re as good as gone, hell I already know it
Your body language, your voice
They already show it

Just be decisive, direct…make the killing swift
Don’t delay the inevitable, throw the damn switch
My heart already locked in the chair
No need for last rites, or feigned extra care

So just step up and do it
I’m fed up waiting,
Just go through with it