virtual garbage

Utterly Pointless

2008-07-14T22:08:00.004+01:00

So after three months I find myself with time (and enthusiasm) enough to spare to update this blog thing.
It started waaay back in January 2007 with good intentions but soon became apparent that I rarely had anything of interest to say and when I did I was usually too busy to say it. Ah well, that's life I guess.

I am currently sitting under the awning of a borrowed caravan on the South Coast very close to Dawlish. God(s) bless free holiday accommodation! The weather is acceptable (its dry and warm but very dull) and having been to these parts before there is little of interest that we haven't seen before but I really don't care. The sheer joy of not having to answer a phone, not having to work the weekend on yet another "out of hours" job, not having to answer irritating email and not having to be in four places at once is just fantastic.
Around 16 months ago I bought a paperback book, nothing special just something to get me to sleep at night. I started it and read a few chapters and sort of lost touch with it. Today I read another chapter for the first time in ....... actually I have no idea but its been a looong time.
Tomorrow we have decided to visit The Eden Project near St. Austell, something I have wanted to do for quite a while but never really had the opportunity. It is so long since I last enjoyed myself that I have forgotten how to do it!

Of course being busy and for the larger part living out of a suitcase has other downsides too. My diet is dire and my exercise regime is non existent. The excuse for both is lame as there should be no compromise when it comes to your health, but I find that I have put a lot of weight on of late. We are talking stones here as opposed to pounds.
A long time ago my hair colour was best described as fair. Over the years it began to go a little grey around the sides. Over the last few months it has gone from this to the wrong side of "salt and pepper" and is now even going white in places. Scary stuff as I still feel I am too young to have grey hair, hell I'm not even 40 yet! Still, I mustn't grumble as I am the only member of my family left that still has a full head. Everyone else is either receding rapidly or is "as bald as a coot!"

Bah! Enough of the moaning doom and gloom stuff anyway.
Despite being a busy little bee (and lets be honest, I suspect I am no busier than the next person, I just happen to be lazier!) the world in general seems to be a great place to be just at the moment. The summer (such as it is) is here, the nights are light, I have a great job that I enjoy and the family are doing fine. What more could you ask for?

Its about this time of year that the summer "tranny drought" seems to manifest itself. You know, when we all feel less inclined to dress and nothing tranny seems to happen. Well this year it seemed to hit me somewhat early. I haven't had the urge to dress or, indeed even read my favourite T* websites for some months now. It is kind of strange. If I were saying this about any of my hobbies, even the lifelong ones, I would probably say that I had outgrown them and moved on. Of course we all know that when it comes to trannying this is highly unlikely so what is the cause? Not that it worries me adversely, but I'm just sort of, intrigued is all.
Answers on a postcard please....

Anyhoo. Enough of this rubbish, I'm off to bed. I have a busy day of doing nothing ahead of me tomorrow and I want to be fresh for it!

For those of you that are still reading this, thanks for taking the time and sorry it didn't have a "thriller" ending!

Take care of you!
Right now I am listening to: The blissful sound of silence!

Holophonic Sound

2008-03-28T21:00:00.002+01:00

So, I stumbled across this while trawling the net and I think it is really quite fantastic. Using two microphones, placed where each of your ears would be, a recording is made. If you close your eyes its almost like being in the room where it's taking place, though it doesn't really work properly unless you are using earphones.

So why not plug in your earphones and pop along and get yourself a virtual haircut

Right now I am listening to: A holophonic recording!

Trans American Man Pregnant

2008-03-28T02:26:00.002+01:00

So, most of you will probably have already come across this I'm sure. And please keep in mind it is reported in The Sun!

Trans American Man Pregnant

Right now I am listening to: Some drivel on TV

The Colour Of Magic

2008-03-09T22:19:00.005+01:00

So. I'm probably a little late on the bandwagon with this one.

What is The Colour Of Magic? If you are a Terry Pratchett fan it's not to be missed. If you aren't a Terry Pratchett fan, it's not to be missed. So to sum up, it's not to be missed.

The film premieres on Sky One this Easter.

Based on the first in a series of books by the fabulous Terry Pratchett about life on the Discworld, a parallel existence within the Multiverse. A planet that travels through space on the back of four elephants which in turn ride on the back of (an even more) giant turtle named Great A' Tuin.
Featuring Rincewind the wizard (well, sort of wizard), Twoflower the tourist, the wizards of the Unseen University and a cast of thousands in the city of Ankh Morpork.
It makes no sense does it? I recommend reading the novel

So what is the colour of magic? Octarine.

Right now I am listening to: On Days Like These - Matt Munroe

SatNav

2008-03-02T20:34:00.003+01:00

So. I was working in Croydon earlier in the week. I have found it to be a real pain to drive around and very easy to get lost, but maybe that is just me being "directionally challenged."
I finished the job I was at and jumped into the car to make my way back home to Nottinghamshire, but of course I had no clue in which direction to go, so I pulled out the trusty SatNav and prodded the "take me home" button. It promptly announced that the route involved toll roads and did I want to avoid them. Hmm, thinks I suspiciously, not aware of any toll roads in these parts. Anyway I quickly told it to avoid the toll roads as I am a tightwad. Actually I suspect there may be both Scottish and Yorkshire roots in my heritage, but that's another story. I set off and the phone promptly rings. It's the office and I get involved in a technical discussion about another project which goes on for over an hour. All the time I am blindly following the SatNav, not really concentrating on where I am going. Naughty I know, but sometimes needs must.
I suddenly "wake up" and realise that I am on Battersea Bridge! What the ****!!! Before I know it I go over a red circle in the road with a letter C in it. Bugger! That means I now have to pay the congestion charge. As I cruise along the Kings Road I wonder to myself which part of "avoid the toll roads" does the SatNav not understand! By now it is around 5.15pm, peak rush time and I am in the middle of London. I hate driving in London at the best of times and usually refuse to do it, but it's too late now.
Anyway, long story short, I managed to get through and it actually worked to my advantage as there was a huge snarl up on the M25. Result!
Funny how things work out.

Have a great week everyone.

Right now I am listening to: Scooby Snacks - Fun Loving Criminals

Google Analytics

2008-02-17T11:43:00.003+01:00

So, being a sad bunny and always being one for a bandwagon I signed up for Google Analytics a few months ago. Never did anything constructive with it though and it has been gathering dust ever since.
Today I logged in to have a look around and its really quite entertaining. First thing I notice is referrals. Almost 91% of traffic is referred from other sites, which I guess is understandable. Top referrers are Lynn, Rachel and Penny. Thanks ladies! 5% comes from direct traffic. This means someone has this drivel on their bookmarks list! OMG! Lastly 4% of traffic comes from search engines, again understandable. However the search terms that people used to get here are quite interesting. Top entries include "DVD recorder squeaks", (?) "what is meant by sorting garbage" and my personal favourite "garbage discrimination". Garbage discrimination???? Is this political correctness gone mad?

The surprising thing is that despite the fact that I haven't posted anything up for a few months, there has still been a steady stream of traffic coming by, which is nice, if not entirely understandable.

Anyhoo, a big thankyou to everyone that has/does visit. Its nice its nice to know I'm not all alone!!

Right now I am Listening to: Wear You To The Ball - UB40

Mind The Cobwebs

2008-02-15T15:26:00.002+01:00

So. Its been a while then. Standard excuses about being busy, being just plain lazy and being a miserable sod apply. But excuses aside all is well at Nolan Towers. Thanks to all of you that have taken the time to send messages asking after my welfare and give seasonal greetings (yes its been that long. Exactly 3 months to the day actually!), I can only assume you were really bored! :-D

Sure I am busier these days, my new job has really taken off and I seem to spend a lot of time away from home these days. But I am enjoying it immensely and things should settle down a bit in a few months.

These days I really don't seem to have time for all things Tranny though. There was a time when I would check the Internet every day and dress as often as possible. Now I rarely dress and seem to find the Internet a chore. Sure being away from home is a bind and limits Internet access a bit, but I also feel somehow "guilty" surfing tranny sites on a company laptop. Just my own weird psyche I know. You could argue that time alone in hotels is quality time for trannying, but it just somehow doesn't "excite" me any more. I think I may be "growing out" of the whole tranny scene. I know I will always be a tranny, but .............. I don't know, the old spark just isn't there any more. What a depressing sod I am!

So I sit here typing this with a full compliment of body hair and two days beard growth on my face (I have been "working from home" ;-) ). I wonder if this is one of those "pivotal" moments in life, whether I am about to move on, start a new chapter, or whether things will ever be the same again. But its probably just me being a daft old bat.

Anyhoo. Enough of my mindless drivel. I was just saying Hi! and letting you all know that I am still alive!

Right now I am listening to: Atomic - Blondie

Antonio Banderas Wants To Be A Woman.......

2007-11-15T22:48:00.000+01:00

..... apparently!

But only for the day. OK. I'll admit, it's a cheap shot ..........

Clicky here for the story

Right now I am listening to: Suburbia - Pet Shop Boys

Well

2007-11-04T13:02:00.000+01:00

So. It's been a while, again. I am still alive and kicking, just busy, busy, busy these days.

Just after I got back from Tunisia at the beginning of October I started a new job. I interviewed just over a year ago and have been waiting ever since. Now it has finally happened. And boy was it worth the wait.
Traditionally I have only worked for very small companies that employ a dozen or so people. This company is a major multinational with a global presence. Quite a contrast. So far, it has been great. It's pretty much the same job as I was doing before, but now I get paid more and have all the perks to go with it, healthcare, pension schemes, decent company cars etc. Why didn't I do this years ago?
Anyway, long story short, I have been running around like a mad thing trying to keep up with all the new ideas, concepts and general red tape that big companies seem to be so fond of. For the last month I seem to have lived in a string of London hotels and don't seem to have two minutes to do anything other than eat, sleep and work!
Things are beginning to ease up a little now as I settle in and get used to things though and normality should return soon.

While we were away in North Africa, myself and Mrs. Maddie celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary which I have to admit, I am quite proud of. I think that it's quite an achievement in this day and age. Still, in the truest traditions of Sods law, someone had to steal my thunder! LOL Congratulations to Mrs and Mrs Jones who have recently celebrated 10 years of marraige and to Mrs and Mrs Morris who have reached a very special 25 years. Congratulations guys!

So, to sum up, despite being "out of the loop" for several weeks (again!), very little seems to have happened (again!).

Right Now I Am Listening To: Wishing On A Star - Paul Weller

I'm Back, err again!

2007-10-08T22:56:00.000+01:00

So. I was back. And then I cleared off again. But now I'm back again, again. Err, yeah.

So, Tunisia was once again brilliant. Thirty two degrees, absolutely nothing to do but lie on the beach and all the all inclusive beer you can drink. Heaven! I think I may have overdone the sun a tad though as all the skin on my chest appears to have fallen off and it's gone very red and sore!
That's the third time we have been to Tunisia in 3 years now. It's becoming a bit of a habit. Truth is we love it though. It's very temperate at this time of year (we always try to go at the beginning of October to celebrate our wedding anniversary), the people are very friendly and it really is as cheap as chips.

We may need to try something different soon though, before we start to get bored!

This is just a quickie to warn you all that I am indeed back again so that you can all arrange to be doing other things!

Right, I'm off to bed as tomorrow will be busy, what with it being the first day of the rest of my life and all. There may even be a new job lurking about too, but more about that later.

Bye for now.

Right now I am listening to: Bones on TV

I Was Back And Now I'm Off Again!

2007-09-30T00:42:00.000+01:00

So. A brief visit and now I'm off again. Only a short absence this time as I'm off on holiday to (hopefully) sunny Tunisia. Again. We kinda like Tunisia at this time off year as its usually just the right temperature (we don't like it too hot) and its cheap as chips to get there. Sure it is currently the middle of Ramadan, but thats no biggie.

Hopefully by the time I get back, I should have a final decision one way or another as to whether I have my new job. So fingers crossed there then.

Other than that everything is very quiet here at Nolan Towers. It seems normality has, at least temporarily, returned. I'm sure all hell will break loose before much longer, but heck, I'm just enjoying the peace while it lasts.

Right, I'm off. Whatever you are doing this week, have a good one.

Ciao!

Right Now I Am Listening To: One God - Beautiful South

I'm Back! Well, Sort Of.

2007-09-24T11:03:00.000+01:00

So. I've been naughty. Yes I have, just disappeared for 2 months without a word. It wasn't my fault! The dog ate my ........ err ......computer .....

Its been an odd time and if you asked me to explain what has been happening for the last 2 months I would struggle to do it. A sort of mixture of poor health (nothing terminal. "Damn" I hear you cry! :-D), holidays, employment "issues" and redundancy among other things. Its also been one of those times when I just haven't felt like trannying or being sociable. Does that make me sound nasty?

So Maddie hasn't really done anything for ages. Even shopping has lost its thrill. "Him" hasn't done a whole heap either. I think this is in part down to the "closed season" for trannying, AKA the summer. Now I know the weather hasn't been summery in the traditional sense of the word, but we still get the long evenings which are light. It makes a gurl feel very insecure you know. My old "friend" depression has been staying with me too which hasn't helped. I think I'm back on top of it now though.
I have been fighting my (ex) employer who decided he was going to deduct large sums of money from my wages without warning, explanation or even valid reasons. Then he decided he wasn't going to pay me at all for 3 months. Thats currently in the hands of my solicitor and ACAS/employment tribunal.

To try and improve my mood me and L borrowed a caravan (yes I know!) and went off for a few days on the south coast. We have never really been down that way before and I have to say that it was ab fab. We got the best weeks weather of the summer and spent most of the time just kicking back and reading. Bliss.

As of two weeks ago I am officially unemployed as I got made redundant, though I am still waiting for my redundancy pay, surprise surprise! I have another job lined up, the one I have been chasing for a year now, just waiting for the i's to be dotted and the t's to be crossed. Fingers crossed I should be working again in a week or two. So in the mean time, we thought we might take a little holiday. What do you mean we have already been away? Nobody said anything to me about being limited to one holiday a year! :-D This time we are going slightly further afield, to Tunisia (again!). We love it there as it's pretty laid back, very temperate at this time of year (neither of us like it too hot really) and it's cheap as chips to go there. What more can you ask for. It also coincides with our wedding anniversary which is nice. Nine years this year.

That kind of gives you a potted history of the last couple of months at Nolan Towers, so very uninteresting isn't it!

So what have I missed in the respective 'spheres? Thats Tranny and Blog. Anything exciting? It's kind of weird (to me at least), when you have been away from somewhere for a while, you expect things to be radically different when you get back. As often as not that just isn't the case and it's just the same as when you left. Strange thing the human psyche.

Well anyway, I can see you all falling asleep at the back so I'll clear off and let you all have your lives back. Thanks for still being there! Err, hello....... anybody there........?

Right Now I Am listening To: Goodnight Saigon - Billy Joel

Modern Girl

2007-07-14T08:59:00.001+01:00

Remember Sheena Easton? This is a whole new take on the video for her Modern Girl track. I'm not sure it presents a positive image, but there are some funny"one liners".

Right Now I Am Listening To: Modern Girl - Sheena Easton!

Eddie Izzard

2007-07-09T22:11:00.001+01:00

So, this has nothing to do with anything really. But I came across a fan tribute to the great man on youtube and just had to share it.

Right now I am listening to: My Brother Jake - Free

Back Again

2007-07-02T15:38:00.001+01:00

So. The more bored among you may have been wondering where I have been. Actually, you probably haven't, but I'm going to tell you anyway because it gives me something to write about.
Truth is things have not been going all the way I planned of late and its been getting me down. Yes indeed, I've been back to my usual depressive self. The work situation is probably my biggest issue. I have become very disillusioned with the whole thing and at the moment I am seriously considering a change of career. I'm getting too old to be running up and down the country covering starship mileages and staying in a string of budget hotels all the time. The more I think about it, the more I would like a nice little 9 to 5 type job (if such a thing still exists), maybe stacking shelves in B&Q or something like that. Sure it wouldn't be as challenging and the pay would be a lot less than I get now, but there is a lot to be said for knowing that you will be sleeping in your own bed every night and getting to spend more quality time with your family. It's certainly something to think about. Still, it could be worse so I'm not going to whinge too much.
Anyway, I've not been online much recently so I'm trying to catch up with what's new in the trannisphere. It would seem that Sparkle has come and gone again for another year. I really must make a concerted effort to get there some time. I haven't read any of the reports yet, though I am sure there are a myriad of them out there. I hope everyone who got there had a great time.
In the truest traditions of the summer months trannying is currently just not happening, though this has more to do with my current stress levels than the climate. Despite retail therapy on a couple of occasions instigated by "she who must be obeyed" the winnings still remain on hangers in the wardrobe. A wardrobe which is now 65% her, 35% him and bursting at the seams! New (read: bigger!) bedroom furniture is now approaching the top of the "must have" list.
Anyhoo. Just thought I'd say Hi! and let you all know that I am still out there! Right. I'm off down to the council office as I hear they need a road sweeper.......

Right now I am listening to: A head full of worries swirling round and round.

Tranny Footprint

2007-06-11T13:29:00.001+01:00

So, most of you have probably already seen this, but I think its quite fabulous so I'm going to post it anyway!

It would seem Becky has created yet another fabulous toy for us to play with. The Tranny Footprint Calculator. Wonderful stuff

My results look something like this

My Tranny Footprint

1728000 COt

(COt = Cubic Ounces of trannieness)

Calculate your tranny footprint at BeckysWeb!

My Tranny Footprint

I emit as much trannieness as:

Eddie Izzard

Calculate your tranny footprint at BeckysWeb!

Right now I am listening to: Breaking us In Two - Joe Jackson

The Transformation

2007-06-06T22:39:00.000+01:00

So, there is a good base to work with from the start, definitely an advantage. But why do I always end up looking like a bloke in a wig and lipstick?!!!!

C'est la vie!

Did She or Didn't She?

2007-06-04T17:28:00.000+01:00

So, the last fortnight (fortnight, never hear anyone saying that nowadays, is it a Midlands thing?) has been full on mental madness. I have spent most of it in various hotels around London. Despite it being a busy time, mostly at work, nothing of real interest has happened. It would seem I have become boring! What do you mean I always was!
While staying in one of Premier Travel Inns finest establishments (yes I know that's a contradiction in terms!) last week I found time to make like Maddie for a while one evening. I had bought all Maddie's stuff with me and began to get ready. As my room was on the first floor I didn't bother to close the curtains, didn't think there was much point. I dressed, did make-up, sat around in the armchair by the window for an hour or two drinking tea and watching utter rubbish on TV. Before I got cleaned up and went to bed I even managed to take a few snapshots, the vast majority of which were, as usual totally naff and unflattering. Never thought any more about it. I did consider venturing out and about but alas, my nerve failed me. Maybe next time. Anyhoo, the following evening as I came into the hotel the girl on reception gave me a wink and one of those "knowing" looks. To tell the truth it spooked me a bit, but anyway, I smiled back said "good evening" and scuttled off upstairs. Surely I was being paranoid? By pure chance later on , I glanced out of the window from where I was sitting to see a huge CCTV security camera right outside the window. How did I miss that? The camera was angled straight along the wall to keep an eye on the main entrance downstairs and this was just about perfect to capture, perhaps, a good view of said armchair in my room! Bugger!
Now the sensible "me" says that the chances of anything being caught on that camera are practically zero. Angle of camera, reflection of the glass in the window etcetera makes it just about impossible, right? But the paranoid "me" says that knowing look from the girl on reception meant only one thing.
Who knows? To be honest it doesn't worry me at all when I think about it. In fact on reflection I hope it gave her a laugh, she certainly seemed cool enough about it.

Right now I am listening to: Hearsay - Alexander O'Neal

So.....

2007-05-20T20:25:00.000+01:00

.... I'm sitting here on a Sunday evening, thinking it's been a while since I posted anything on that blog thing that nobody reads. Better put something up in case anyone happens across it and thinks I've dropped dead or something. Well, it seems to me that I really don't have anything of interest to blog about. Really. I'm at one of those completely uninteresting places where nothing happens and the day to day grind, err, grinds along. The world is still revolving, the sun continues to rise in the morning and set in the evening and I continue to turn up at work every morning. Other than that, well, there is nothing else at the moment.
I consider this to be a good thing. In my usual pessimistic way I conclude that if nothing is happening, then nothing bad is happening. OK, it could be argued that nothing good is happening either, but I can live with that. Nothing to worry about then. That'll do nicely.
Today has seen a change in the weather too. Its cheered up and its amazing what that will do for your mood. Well, my mood anyhoo.
So. A case of nothing to report then. But at least you all know that I'm still alive and kicking. Hello? Is there anyone there..............?

Right now I am listening to: Rock 'N' Roll Suicide - David Bowie

Fluff

2007-05-16T22:48:00.000+01:00

Blatantly stolen from Stephanies blog. Which OS are you?

Which OS are You?

Right now I am listening to: Walk Away - M People

Do Ya Wanna Be A Slug?

2007-05-12T13:39:00.000+01:00

I came across this on Wikipedia. Don't ask me how.
The relevant bit is under "Reproduction", specifically "Apophallation". Makes my eyes water actually.

Right now I am listening to: Somewhere Down The Road - Faith Hill

To Lie Or Not To Lie?

2007-05-07T21:36:00.000+01:00

So, I was reading Lynns blog when I came across a comment made by Rachel which struck a chord with me.
There are very few of my family and close friends who actually know about Maddie. My wife does but my step-daughter doesn't. At least I haven't directly told her. But when I think about things I am really quite sure she does. There are certain comments she has made for example, which suggest she knows more than I give her credit for. By way of example, a few months ago we were talking about stuff and nothing when I jokingly announced that I was going to have my ears pierced and get some diamond stud earrings, in a chav stylee. She replied, half under her breath, "I'm surprised you haven't had them done already". Kind of shocking really as I can only see one way to interpret that remark. Anyone that knows me at all could tell you that I am not really a typical "lad" and I'm definitely not a chav either. I don't think I come across as camp so the obvious conclusions go straight out of the window. Did she say that because she knows my secret, or am I just being uber paranoid? Its not the only scenario where something like that has happened either.
I agree with Rachel's philosophy about the secrecy too, that while I won't directly announce that I am a tranny (although the more I think about it, I really don't know why not), if she were to confront me I certainly wouldn't lie.

There rises another question. The older I get, the less worried I become about being "found out". I think things through and can see fewer reasons to keep this a secret any longer. I think the majority of my close friends and family are sensible enough to understand and deal with the revelation. But then on the other hand, is there anything to actually be gained by coming out? It would undoubtedly make getting out and about a little easier, but that's about the only benefit I can see. And there is of course the risk that someone may not be able to deal with it and I could lose a valued friend or a family member. Ahh the age old tranny dilemma!
Answers on a postcard please!

Right Now I Am Listening To: Echo Beach - Martha & The Muffins

Discrimination

2007-04-29T17:20:00.000+01:00

There are various schools of thought on the word discrimination. There are even more on how it applies to the Transgendered.
While in London a couple of weeks ago I bought a copy of The Big Issue. It does (in my humble opinion) have some good articles on occasion and I like to have a read through it once in a while. I finally found a few minutes to flick through this week and came across an article on page 18 about Transgender Discrimination, some of the statistics in which were a bit of an eye opener. You can view a scan of the article here. Sorry to anyone on dial-up as it is quite big.

Right now I am listening to: Only A Winters Tale - David Essex

Whoooosh!

2007-04-22T18:43:00.000+01:00

So, it seems that things have gone from one extreme to the other. Whoosh indeed. That is the sound of life passing me by! It was only a few weeks ago that I was constantly moaning about having nothing to do. Now I don't seem to have two minutes to myself. Things have taken off in a big way at work and there just aren't enough hours in the day, which has got to be a good thing. The only caveat is that I am getting just a little bit too familiar with Britain's hotels as most of said work is in the far flung corners of the country. This week for example I shall be mostly staying in Fareham. At least I'm earning a living again though, which is nice.
Things seem to be busy, busy, busy on the home front too. After last weeks disaster we are busy cleaning up and decorating. Trouble is, ever y time we get something done, it makes something else look a bit shabby, you know how it is.
It also seems to be so long since I did anything tranny related that I have almost forgotten how to do it. This week I shall have to miss Chams again owing to the fact that I will be 200 miles away and there will be limited opportunity to take Maddie away with me as there will be a couple of colleagues in the same hotel. I'm simply not that brave!!! Not that I am complaining you understand. Maddie will return soon and may even be able to afford some new stuff for her wardrobe at this rate! Every cloud has a silver lining.

Anyhoo, just thought I'd say hello to anyone who may be reading before I disappear for another week. Ha ve a good one y'all.

Right now I am listening to: I Don't Want To Talk About It - Everything But The Girl

Ermm...Its Not Meant To Go Like That

2007-04-16T20:26:00.000+01:00

So, I'm not having the best of weeks. Things began to take a downturn last Thursday and haven't begun to get better yet. Still after today I don't see them getting much worse.
Last Thursday I was planning on visiting Notts Chams. Yes I was scheduled on standby by the on call rota, but this generally isn't a problem. Our systems are pretty reliable and don't usually give any trouble, so I should be able to nip along and nobody would be any the wiser. Unfortunately one of our customers decided they were going to choose Thursday evening to do a power down, so I had to be on site at 11.30. In Telford. Bugger!

The weekend arrived with the news that we (again!) don't have any work on for a couple of days, specifically Monday (today) and Tuesday. And I have developed a nasty case of insomnia. Just don't seem to be able to sleep at all.

So this morning I thought I'd get on with giving the bathroom a bit of a makeover. We have been planning on doing it for a while so I thought I'd make use of the free time and get it started. After twenty minutes the old floor covering was history. An ideal opportunity to repair the squeaky floorboard underneath that's been bugging me for months. It needed to be replaced as it had split and that was causing the squeak, so out came the trusty circular saw to cut away the dead part. You've already guessed where this is going haven't you?! I set the depth to 19mm as the average floorboard is 18 mm thick. Ten seconds after starting the cut we have "Old Faithful" gushing out from beneath the bathroom floor and hitting the ceiling. Bugger! Downstairs at warp 5 to the stopcock to turn off the water reveals that apparently our stopcock doesn't actually work. Double bugger! What now? OK, there is a main stopcock in the street so lets find that. Fortunately it was easily located and I didn't need the extra long key to turn it off either! Phew! Right so Old Faithful has now subsided, but we still have Niagara Falls cascading through the ceiling and down the light fittings in the dining room. Off with the main electric switch then. Which causes the tamper feature on the alarm system to activate. A quick prod at the control panel sorts that out. For about two minutes. Then I notice there is water trickling through the carbon monoxide sensor and the alarm goes ballistic and won't be shut up. Bugger again. Righto, lets call the alarm company then. I can't as I have just turned off the electric supply and our cordless phone system no longer works. So off I go in serach of my mobile to make the call. Just as the Fire Brigade turn up in their own unique style complete with sirens and blue flashing lights. The alarm system has decided that we are in imminent peril and called the control centre. Who I can't call to tell them that it's a false alarm because our phones are down. And they can't call me because our phones are down.

Anyhoo, several hours with a Vax, a bucket and mop and a blow torch sees most of the mess cleaned up and the damaged pipe repaired. The alarm engineer arrived after two hours and shut the alarm up, much to the relief of both me and my neighbours! It looks like the dining room has caught the brunt of it and the ceiling will need replacing as well as totally redecorating. Perhaps not a bad thing as it needed freshening up anyway. The bathroom is drying out nicely. One thing that does spring to mind is how foul wet plasterboard smells, it really is quite nasty.

And first thing tomorrow I'll be calling a plumber to fix that stopcock!

Right now I am listening to: The sound of silence as the peace has returned!