Writing Humbug

Winchester Writers' conference

2009-07-10T17:39:00.005+01:00

Where to start! In previous years I've only gone for the Friday and Saturday, coming home at night because I'm only an hour away. This year I went for the all singing, all dancing (actually nobody was dancing, too tired!) weekend package starting Friday morning and finishing Sunday afternoon. This comprised:

Friday mini course - Writing a Series Veronica Heley

Fri eve - Getting off the slush pile Lucie Whitehouse

Sat - Lectures on:

How to market yourself as a writer

Travel writing

Are you really a non fiction writer

How to use the web to get published

The X factor in novel writing

Sun - Completion of getting off the slush pile

Throw in a couple of 15 minute appointments with an agent and an editor, non-stop talking at breakfasts, lunches and dinners and you have...an exhausted but buzzing conference delegate.

The real benefit I got from staying the weekend was getting to chat to more people and hearing their experiences. There were several authors there who'd been published as a result of people they'd met at previous conferences. It was fascinating to hear so many of them say they did six or seven drafts of their book before it was ready. I was chatting to an author and agent one lunch, not realising this was the agent I had an appointment with the next day! We ended up at the same table for dinner and breakfast. The poor woman probably thought I was stalking her!

The two appointments are the priceless element of the weekend. I'd sent the chapters and synopsis they'd asked for in advance and they both gave me some great advice. The editor focused on the time period I'd set it, wondering if 30 years was too far ahead and if it could be set very near future. We also talked about the SF market, and given that there were elements of crime in my novel whether I might be better off writing a crime novel first. Not what I wanted to hear, but I agree it's a much larger market. The agent I saw focused on my main character and wanted me to develop her more, saying she needed to express her motivations more clearly. She'd written loads of notes on my manuscript which is really helpful. I also got some good tips on people to send it too. I was aware neither of them was likely to be interested in a pure SF novel, but they both consider books with an element of SF so I thought they'd have the best advice.

The other novelty of the weekend, although novelty perhaps implies more enjoyment than I was feeling, was the accommodation. My own university halls were pretty grim, with unpainted breeze block walls and moulding shared bathrooms. Having seen some plush university rooms since I was rather unprepared for what I faced! Throwing on some clothes to face a dark hallway at 3am, just to get to the loo, wasn't the most fun. Trying to have a shower with NO hot water either day wasn't improving my opinion either! They do have some en-suite rooms off campus. Apparently it's a 20 minute walk through the graveyard, along past the hospital, just beside the prison...

It was an inspiring weekend though, and just picturing myself there gives me part of the buzz I felt and really motivates me to get writing, rather than wittering on with my blog. I just hope I wrote down enough of the fabulous advice I got, because I intend to use it!

Just a few more books...

2009-06-08T10:39:00.002+01:00

Oh dear. I've succumbed to the evil movie making website...

Orthokeratology

2009-06-05T17:35:00.004+01:00

No, not the latest fad religion but the strangely magical process that has meant I don't have to wear glasses anymore! Not that I wore them as much as I should have anyway. I've long been used to squinting at signs in cafes, and standing right underneath the boards in train stations trying to decide whether I'm headed for platform 6 or 9. That doesn't always work out as well as it might...

So now for the science bit- Orthokeratology is the process of temporarily re-shaping the surface of the eye using contact lenses. Here's the clever bit. You wear them at night. Spooky, but it works. They only work for the short sighted, and only up to a certain prescription but they really do work! You have to wear them every night, but if you stop wearing them your sight returns to what it was previously so you're not doing anything permanent to your eyes.

The picture shows a cornea before and after, the blue showing the steep surface that is flattened.

I've been driving to work all week without my glasses, something that feels deeply wrong and I still go to take them off every time I stop the car. Reading signs in shops, and being able to make out people in the street is also a bit of a revelation! I have now lost my excuse for walking straight past people I know though, hmmm.

The pigeon that got its wish...

2009-05-12T21:56:00.004+01:00

I decided to have a day off writing on Sunday, because I could feel a rebellion in the offing. Is it possible to refuse to do something you actually really want to do? Anyway, I felt I was headed in that direction so happily drove off to Northampton to visit friends, minus the usual word count guilt! I had a great day, even if there were a truly frightening number of children at the party... The journey back was uneventful until a couple of miles from home I encountered a pigeon with a death wish. 70 miles an hour on a dual carriageway, with a car on my inside didn't give me many options. It was coming straight at the windscreen, so shutting my eyes seemed the only sensible course! Fortunately it missed, there was a loud thump and lots of feathers. My car seemed fine, and I assumed it had gone underneath. Think again...

Yes, that is a whole pigeon. You can imagine how delighted my husband was when he had to pull it out...

Maybe that was a warning that I'm not supposed to be out frittering my weekends but back at home slogging it out with my laptop! Well, I don't care. I had a lovely day and felt much more enthusiastic on Monday, even if I am only on 35,000 words.

I have taken tomorrow off work to get a serious amount done. So I'm sure nothing will contrive to interfere with that at all...

Bank holiday sitting on my bum days

2009-05-04T22:21:00.003+01:00

It's astonishing the highs and lows you can get out of one weekend of writing. I've had the dizzy heights when I can't type fast enough to get the words out of my head, the blank eyed staring at the screen and the OCD tap of the word counter. All of which got me to 25,000 words and it's never enough is it! I found myself drifting into daydreams several times, where I was sitting here Monday night smugly admiring my 35,000 word count. Ah, well.

A little bit of life interuptus came along for the ride as well. An hour in to my peaceful 6 hours of free writing time on Saturday, one of my rabbits started sneezing. After 4 or 5 I looked up, by 20 I was frantically googling for what to do with her, then she stopped. She seemed fine until she fell asleep a few minutes later, and started snoring like an old man. Bad sign, trip to the emergency vet who diagnosed a respiratory infection. She's now fine after lots of drugs (£20) and seemed to like the on call vet (£120...) Unfortunately 4 hours vanished in the process, I'll just have to type quicker!

I have done a few sums though, used all my fingers and am fairly sure about these ones, and think I need 2000 words a day. This leaves me a month to edit the 1st draft into something better. However 10 days of this time will be spent in Washington DC, Niagara on the Lake (looks gorgeous, tips welcome if anyone has been!) and Toronto. Maybe I can get a lot of my editing done on aeroplanes...

Holiday planning will definitely have to be rationed. I can lose hours researching hotels, car hire, best routes to drive, places to visit. You get the idea, tripadvisor has a lot to answer for! If anyone can think of a job which pays me to obsessively research other people's holidays I'd be delighted! I fear travel agent neither pays well nor gets further than booking package holidays.

Anyway, I digress. 2000 words, half of which I can usually manage in my lunch break, and surely I can find at least an hour every evening. Surely...

All thanks to the builder

2009-04-28T20:35:00.003+01:00

So I've moved on from 11,500 words to 14,000. Since this has been the work of two lunch breaks, an evening and a couple of hours this afternoon I can't help but feel it should be more! At least the writing gods are with me. At 2pm a very convenient power cut at work meant I got to go home! Many thanks to the building site across the road. I'm assuming they were responsible, although the shops in the high street were probably less impressed. I didn't think I'd get anything done this evening (due to scary football match) but my early exit meant I got some extra hours.

The main time thief over the next few days is likely to be holiday planning. Virgin have some cheap flights to Washington DC (until tomorrow night if you're interested!) and we've been promising a friend in Toronto to visit her for at least the last 5 years. Looks like we're finally going in June. This does mean my final editing before the conference is likely to be done in Canada, but surely that will work...

I'm blogging again now?

2009-04-26T21:19:00.002+01:00

Having taken a slight leave of my senses, I have made 2 appointments at the very useful Winchester Writers' Conference in July. All sounding quite sensible so far? These are with an editor and an agent. Still sounding like a good idea? Now for the more interesting bit. I will be discussing my current novel, the one that's currently 11,500 words long...

So now you've stopped laughing I'll explain. I have to send the first three chapters and a synopsis by June 5th. It has to be finished by the time I see them the first week of July. Maths never was a particular talent of mine, but that does seem rather a lot of words a week. Especially considering this has got to be far from a first draft, but a polished competed work. Nothing like a deadline for motivation...

My state of delusion has led me to start writing about it here too. So wish me luck, or come along for the ride, but I shall attempt to keep this page updated on my (speedy, oh please) progress over the next few weeks. It seemed like such a good idea last week.

Let the chaos begin!

The amazing Lisa Ratcliffe

2009-02-06T12:20:00.003Z

There are blogs everywhere today dedicated to Lisa and her amazing blog The Hesistant Scribe. I think she knew what an affect she was having on us, which is why she kept writing even when she didn't have much time left. The determination and bravery she showed whilst making us all laugh was truly astonishing. I only knew her through her blog and a few emails yet she's had a real impact. Her impassioned pleas for us all to get on with it, whether that be writing or just doing the things we'd always wanted to do have not gone unnoticed. I think there will be a lot of books published in the next few years dedicated to Lisa.

I hope it is some solace to her family, however tiny a one, that so many people will miss her.

Time thief

2008-07-24T20:30:00.003+01:00

Just what have I been doing for the last couple of weeks? So I haven't been blogging, hmm, 5th of July you say? I really don't seem to have done that much writing, despite the appeal of my very own (nearly finished!) writing room, and the briefest of glances at house/garden demonstrate my absence there. I think I have a time thief...

No, really. It's the only logical explanation. I go to work, come home, eat dinner and then suddenly it's time to go to bed. I'm sure I used to get things done in the interim. There may have been the occasional evening trip to a pub, but I'm still down a good few days. I wonder what a time thief looks like? Strange gnarled creature or just a bodyless entity that floats through the house and swipes your evening in a single pass? I fear I may have to start paying more attention to where I spend my time. I may even have to order that book that Jane mentioned in her Writing magazine column a couple of months back. Something to do with not wasting your life writing emails to your friends and watching crap tv. Hmm, maybe I'll order it next month. Or something to read on holiday perhaps... which is months away...

I really should have a picture of my new shiny desk in a gleaming room, with tasteful wooden blind in the background. However, it's not quite there yet, I seem to be repeating myself. Next post! I have at least got over the trauma of buying the desk and sofa bed from Ikea. Two trips to Wembley in 2 days. Just don't do it, shudder.

Two weddings and a writers' conference

2008-07-05T23:15:00.003+01:00

The last fortnight has been a bit of a blur due to the lovely Winchester writers' conference and my friends trying to cram every social event of the summer into the same two weeks. All great fun but I could have done with a few days between each of them! Winchester was wonderful and terrifying in equal proportions. The pitch and publication course was really useful, but had its scary moments. We had to split into pairs and pitch to our partner as if they were an agent, then swap. Deep breath, not too bad, then 2 chairs were placed in the middle of the room... It's amazing how quickly you descend into incoherent babble when 20 pairs of eyes are fixed on you as you attempt to pitch to your "agent".

My real agent appointments the next day seemed slightly less worrying in comparison until I discovered the bear pit of a venue for the meetings. They're held in a large room with tiny exam style tables set up in pairs. You sit next to another desperate delegate and try to hold a sensible conversation with the agent opposite. It's incredibly loud, and very hard not to listen to the person next to you who is losing it slightly. I did get lots of useful feedback and one of them said I could send it to him again once I'd made the suggested changes. I went home happy.

The wedding I was at yesterday was held in the most glamorous venue I've ever encountered. St Audries Park in Somerset resembles a stately home, but only hosts weddings. You get the entire place for the day, and it's vast grounds. Weddings are held in the Orangerie, dancing in the great hall and then there are the endless lounges and bedrooms of epic proportions. I think the sinks and powder room of the ladies covered about the same area as my house. It was lovely to float around the place as armies of staff got you drinks and brought out endless trays of food...

And then there was Doctor Who, sniff.

New personal best

2008-06-20T22:10:00.002+01:00

It's been a record breaking week, sadly only for my commute to work. My 40 minute drive has been extended to:

Tuesday - drive home 1 hour 45
Thursday - drive to work - 2 hours 40
Friday - drive home - 2 hours

Has everyone forgotten how to drive this week? OK, so maybe the diesel tanker that caught fire can't be blamed on anyone, but the rest were crashes blocking the road. Either that or fate is laughing at me after I asked if I could work from home two days a week. This request seems to have sent the powers that be into a tizzy and an answer is unlikely to be forthcoming any month soon. I feel a trawl of the job agency websites coming on...

I did finally manage to enter Waterstone's "What's your story?" competition, a whole day before it ended, although not according to the shop assistant. She took my card as a favour, saying it had finished the day before, despite the closing date on the card. I didn't like to argue, she's probably one of the store judges! I tried to summon up a winning smile instead, no pun intended! There are so many online entries I thought I might have more luck entering instore, and seeing my card in the corner of their shop window would be good!

Lazy blogger

2008-06-13T20:33:00.002+01:00

I wonder if there's a lazy blogger award? I must surely be in the running by now. Every time I think of a good topic I never quite seem to get around to writing it. I blame my camera. Lots of these unborn posts require a picture and it's usually too dark in these rainy days (camera takes rubbish pictures in artificial light). Or there's my usual excuse - I ought to be doing some novel writing. I'm beginning to wonder if I only work in extremes. Most things are falling foul of this at the moment, to the extent that tidying up is beginning to feel like a bit of a luxury! Sadly I neither enjoy tidying up or living in a messy house. S remains oblivious to all this, as he'd happily live in chaos. It does mean I'm making progress towards finally finishing "Fickers" but surely there's some balance to be had!

Tuesday was a wonderful oasis in all of this. I can highly recommend a five hour lunch, in the sunshine, with eleven lovely writing friends. I don't think any of us paused the conversation for more than a mouthful of food, or sip of wine the whole afternoon! It's days like that, that stay with you forever and make me realise that writing and getting caught up in other people's triumphs and setbacks is one of the best things I do.

So it's two weeks to my self-imposed deadline for finishing. Nearly there!

The beautiful, pollenated, outside world

2008-06-04T21:21:00.004+01:00

Finally a sunny day! The desperate need for some exercise (well, knowing it rather than wanting it) and the sunshine tempted me out for a cycle this evening. Unfortunately my friend pollen was also out and about and the hayfever tablets have been overwhelmed. I now have a box of tissues and a glass of wine for company. It's medicinal, clears the throat, well sort of.

Blogging has been edged out for the last week by my new toy. I know I really don't need the distraction but brain/sight/word training on my Nintendo DS is good fun! It only takes a few minutes on each and it wakes up my brain for some writing, or a few games of Sudoku... I was threatened with battery confiscation at the weekend due to my Tuesday deadline. I did manage to send in my Winchester conference stuff though so I'm feeling smug/terrified.

Right, I hear the call of the sofa, and maybe some of those ultra balm tissues.

Well, it's almost my birthday.

2008-05-22T20:50:00.007+01:00

I should be writing, but I've been distracted by the tempting prospect of planning a day out tomorrow for my birthday! So far my very grown up plans include the Doctor Who exhibition at Earl's court, the new Indiana Jones film and Vinopolis (only slightly more grown up wine tasting). Haven't decided on an order for these events, what time we're going or even quite how to get there, although perhaps the wine drinking should come last...

Anywhere, the fuzzy pictures are of my new, early birthday present friends!

None of them have names, which apparently is a requirement. S has this theory that the un-named animals disappear because we won't know who they are to miss them...

Hope you all have a great bank holiday weekend!

2008-05-15T20:37:00.004+01:00

Given that I have, unexpectedly, got the whole evening free to write, I have of course done very little. I usually write in silence, but this evening I seem to crave noise, so music has been blasting while I fail to add or remove any words. I've also had it on random song mix so am in a strange mood now, having listened to a very odd combination of music. A shared music collection means I've hit the forward button several times this evening!

Having been quite methodical with my editing recently, I now seem to have hit random mode. I keep skipping forwards to find a bit I'm more in the mood to work on. This is of course both confusing and unproductive, as half the point is to make sure everything flows and I haven't just had a conversation with someone that died in the last scene. I think it's because the fear has gone away this evening. I only have two and a half weeks before I have to send off the first 30 pages, a pitch and synopsis for the writers' conference. Somehow this doesn't scare me this evening. It'd better return tomorrow!

I got an email from Waterstones today, advertising their "What's your story" competition. Basically, you write a very short story, on a postcard sized bit of paper, which you may also decorate. There are a few on their website already and they've invited some authors to do one. The prize is being published alongside the official ones later this year. Lane, I thought of you when I saw some of the drawings behind the stories!

I think even blogger has got fed up with my font hopping. The choice of fonts and sizes has vanished, allowing me only bold or italic. I'd decided on one as well, really! Oh, panic over, apparently I'm in the edit html window...

Sunny weekend!

2008-05-08T17:42:00.006+01:00

I'm definitely solar powered. Everything is better in this gorgeous, sunny weather. I was worried I might write less, but the lovely new garden table has tempted me outside with my laptop and only darkness has been evicting me from the garden!

I've been trying to focus on the lovely apple blossom and not the rest of the jungle that makes up the garden. It's very hard not to see the wilderness that needs hacking back but I seem to manage most of the time...

Also there is the distraction of a new, monster bbq this weekend. It's currently sitting in an alarmingly large box in the garage, just crying out to be put together. That's assuming any of the shops have anything left to cook on it! I'm sure there are some burgers at the back of the freezer, but they're not from last year (wet summer that thwarted all bbqs) and they may be an entirely new lifeform by now.

Someone at work offered to read my novel today and I nearly did fall off my chair, no really. I'm not used to other people showing an interest. It's usually people who have to make the occasional polite enquiry (friends and family) or people that write. I'm not finished with it yet anyway but I'm not sure I'm ready for 'work world' and 'writing world' to crossover. Although he's not the type to shy away from telling you what he thinks so maybe he's the ideal reader!

Anyway, time I got back to the garden!

Anyone listening?

2008-05-02T21:07:00.003+01:00

Just had a very odd telephone experience, and no, not of the heavy breathing type. Slightly tipsy husband rang me from the beer festival to check the time of the next train. He didn't end the call, and after a minute of shouting myself hoarse to get him to hang up I realised I could still hear him talking.... He's chatting to the friends he's there with, so do I continue trying to get him back on the phone or do I just listen a while? Yup, you've guessed it, I'm a terrible eavesdropper given the opportunity. Other people's conversations always seem so interesting! Of course this is a risky one because you never know what you might hear. On this occasion it seemed to be limited to the beers they'd tried and which one they liked best, if they could remember that far back. After a minute the line went dead.

I'm sure there's many a short story based on this premise but it's quite exciting, just for a moment, not to know what you might hear...

I'm having a rubbish week for blog writing, but it does mean I've done a lot of re-writing to try and get "Flickers" into shape. I've had confirmation from the Winchester Writers' Conference that I have my two agent appointments. Gulp. I have to send the first 30 pages, pitch letter and synopsis by June 6th. Of course the synopsis means I need to stop messing about with new scenes and changing things about as well!

I also nearly fell off the sofa when I turned to page 3 of Writers' news this month and saw the wannabes smiling back at me. How did that picture get in there! I was feeling particularly grim that day (evil sinus infection) and apparently I looked it too!

Hope everyone has a great weekend. Bank holiday, yippee!

Inexplicable

2008-04-23T17:35:00.004+01:00

I've been tagged by lovely Lane to list three things you can't explain to your mother. Hmm, here goes.

1 - Mobile phones and the internet, ooh I've tried!

2 - That I'm not an angel, and therefore it's OK if everything doesn't go perfectly all the time.

3 - That the doctor is not too busy, is actually paid to see you and sometimes you should go!

In similar fashion, three things she couldn't explain to me

1 - Why it's important to keep everything, just in case.

2 - Why Coronation Street is essential viewing.

3 - Why patterns on clothes have to line up precisely along the seams.

Three things I can't explain to myself:

1 - I'm desperate to finish this book, so why haven't I??

2 - That getting cross with myself is rarely helpful.

3 - Why I think I'm using the same font, but am actually picking a new one every time!?

At last!

2008-04-14T20:29:00.003+01:00

The Winchester Writers' Conference schedule has finally been posted on their site. I scrolled through in excited fashion, hoping for some Science Fiction contributors but alas there are none. There is a Fri/Sun course entitled "Writing Sci-Fi and Fantasy" but it's being held by a fantasy writer and I've always been told that anyone who refers to SF as 'Sci-Fi' gets laughed out of town...

I am eagerly reading through the Saturday program though and trying to pick the talks I want to go to. Might also go to the Friday Pitch and Presentation mini course which claims to put you through your paces on pitching your novel. Bit scared by that, but then that's probably even more reason to go! I really wanted to sign up for a couple of one to one appointments this year with agents, but none of them look hopeful. Most say no SF on their descriptions and I've looked at the websites of others and they don't look keen either.

I went to an eclectic mix of talks last year including short stories, scripts and being the perfect author for your agent (I should be so lucky) and came away much more energised than by just going to the novel based ones. Might try something unusual again this year, I could certainly do with the motivation! Sadly I have to wait till June for that, will have to think of something else to help with the here and now.

Glamour wedding of the year

2008-04-13T21:40:00.006+01:00

I went to a wedding yesterday followed by a reception in the swankiest marquee I've ever seen. No mere rectangle this, it had a foyer leading into the main room that more resembled the set of a rock video (stole that observation from husband!) The diagonal fabric panels swept up to the ceiling, twinkling with fairy lights. The hardwood floor in the middle was set up in front of the live band. The attention to detail was phenomenal. I dread to think how long this wedding took to plan or how much it all cost! S and I were whispering conspiratorially during the meal that it was a good thing we got married before so many of our friends came along and raised the bar! Each wedding I go seems a little more complicated than the last. Where does it end? I remember being very stressed out arranging a wedding that seems to have been simplicity itself. Where do people find the time? I guess they don't spend lots of time reading blogs...

Did actually manage to do some writing today. I'm trying to perfect the first three chapters since editing the whole thing is going so slowly, this seems more manageable. Also summoning up the courage to hand them over to S for his opinion. We're both nervous about this! I need an honest opinion but I might not take the criticism well! I'd been tempted to finish the whole thing and then hand it over, but now I'm curious to see what he thinks. I guess everyone reaches this stage when they hand it over to a loved one. Did it go well for you or are you still prevaricating like me?

You can never go back...

2008-04-08T19:35:00.004+01:00

I'm feeling very retro today. I just signed up for milk delivery, so the ching of glass bottles shall soon be completely failing to wake me up in the morning. I sleep through thunderstorms, I don't suppose a few bottles is going to do it. I took pity on the guy knocking on doors and begging people to sign up and save the dairy. I thought he looked a bit odd from the window, but I think it was just the knackered fluorescent jacket he was wearing. Just as I was opening the door I started to think "What would I do if he did turn out to be a nutcase?" There's no chain on the door and I'm not sure a telephone directory is much of a weapon if it came to it. My usual defence is to ignore the door in the evening if I'm alone. I don't suppose more than 2 or 3 people a year call anyway. The advantages of a busy road and long driveways!

The weekend was also spent living in the past. I went back to my university with two of the people I shared a house with then. Very odd walking around somewhere so familiar 15 years later. They'd built a lot of new accommodation just to confuse us but it's basically the same place. After we'd finished grumbling about the beautiful looking rooms (and reminiscing about our grey breeze block monstrosity of a hall of residence) it all felt a bit strange. Same people, same place, different life. It was like searching for ghosts as we turned each corner, looking for the familiar but seeing only the new (and the younger....) That's probably the strangest part. I think living there now is probably much the same as when I was there. You don't often get the chance to see your past again, but life there continues much the same.

Saturday ended with the ultimate childhood experience, the new series of Doctor Who. The excitable butterflies are every bit as fluttery now as they were then!

Should I stay or should I go?

2008-04-02T20:53:00.006+01:00

I'm mid-dilemma. I had a phone interview this morning for a job that would be 7 miles from home, rather than the 35 miles I currently drive each way. Although it only takes me 40 minutes to get to work it does cost a lot in petrol and wear and tear on my car.

Here's the dilemma. I get on well with the people I work with and it's a fairly easy going place to work. Is reducing my commute worth the risk of working somewhere I may not like as much? I have no reason to suspect the new place may not be as good, but I've previously worked for some truly horrible people and there's always that risk...

Finding a new job is such an unsatisfactory process. You meet a few people during the interview process, but not necessarily the people you'll work with. You get a well presented version of the place you'll be working, and get sugar coated answers to your questions. The first day can often be an eye opener!

The other temptation for moving is just to try something new. I've been at my current job for 8 and a half years and I've always had it in mind that 10 years is too long to spend anywhere. Not sure when I decided this, just looks like a long time written on a CV!

Of course this may all be decided for me, maybe they won't ask me for another interview!

Time travel

2008-03-12T17:58:00.007Z

Hmm, a week seems to have passed. Even work seems to be flashing past at the moment. It's the usual story though. As my social life fills up the writing takes a back seat. The next few weekends look less manic and surely with a 4 day Easter holiday I can get a decent amount done??

Crufts was lovely and I now have an even longer list of breeds of dog I'd love to have but can't. I could still breathe at the end of the day which was a bonus I wasn't expecting. The hotel upgraded us as well, so our room had a walk in shower that could have accommodated a rugby team. The enormous wooden framed bed looked great, but had hobbled both of us by the end of the weekend after we walked into the cleverly camouflaged edges. I have a talent for walking into things. My favourite is door frames, but I'm quite good with low tables as well. I've always resisted the suggestions of going skiing, I dread to think of the consequences...

Right, I'm off to do some writing. I really am. Just need to make one phonecall, a short one, no really!

Food of the gods

2008-03-05T20:12:00.006Z

Look what turned up in the post! Not just a chocolate fountain but a double one. This is a Christmas present from the lovely Lina in Toronto. We're not exactly punctual with our presents to each other, but getting an unexpected gift in March is great!

I'm not sure I trust myself to fire it up though. I think I might need to wait for a crowd before being let loose on a cascade of flowing chocolate. Maybe with some strawberries, mmmm.

My usual chocolate habit is taken care of by Montezumas. Not content with having a store near where I live, they've opened another where I work. Financially astute for them, all too easy for me! If you get a chance try their chilli chocolate. First you just taste rich dark chocolate, but then you get just a hint of fire. They do a hot chocolate version as well, and no, I'm not on commission.

It seems even my rabbits have their own chocolate now. The pet shop are selling easter eggs for bunnies. I don't think they look like this one...

Woof!

2008-03-04T20:29:00.015Z

I'm going to Crufts on Saturday. Not so strange you might think, except that I'm allergic to dogs and not especially interested in the main competition... There is reason to my madness. The bit I do like is the large quantity of dogs to ah over and the mad flyball competition.

If you've never seen flyball, picture the maddest, most over-excited border collies you've ever seen. Now add a few shallow jumps and a person at the end of the jumps who throws them a ball to catch. Now add a team of mad collies doing this in turn and you have flyball!

The other attraction of Crufts is the room booked at the lovely Hotel du Vin. I've stayed at a few of their hotels now and they are always gorgeous. Ok, so the one in Glasgow last summer wasn't the best holiday I've ever had, but then is there a good place to be with food poisoning? Not acquired at their restaurant I hasten to add. We never got to try their food, mainly concentrating on the lucozade and the tiles above the toilet in the bathroom...

The picture above is apparently the launch of this year's Crufts. I can't help thinking that Gromit is about to downed and savaged by the pack of dogs.