Emotional Aspects Of IVF

See Other---

2008-04-07T10:27:00.002-06:00

So many of you have been wondering why no new posts. Well, as previously stated I am giving up my IVF blog and just sticking with my "normal" blog. I regularly update it and how I am doing, so feel free to check it out if you want an update--- http://sarapeterson923.blogspot.com

Good Luck to all those still going strong on this crazy journey of infertility.

The Wait Is Over-

2008-02-22T08:46:00.001-07:00

So I have been hiding this little secret for a few days because we just wanted some time to ourselves. We are CAUTIOUSLY HOPEFUL! I know the first one was taken upside down, it was the only way I could get a good pic of it without a glare or shadow.....enjoy! (oh, and the tests are from Monday so they are going to be really light....and that is OK)

Beta's13DPO-(2/19)-76
15DPO-(2/21)-177
Doubling Time-39.35 hours

For those who don't have a clue what those #'s mean it is the amount of Hcg in my system. The main thing they look for is the doubling time. They like to see the #'s every 48 hours, the nurse was SUPER nice when she told me the news. I go in again in 10 days to have one last beta (blood test) and I am scheduled for my 1st ultrasound at 7wks on March 13th, and another one at 9 wks on March 26th then I will be released to my OB (if I can find a good one....). YAY!!!!

And The Results Are In...

2008-02-21T08:04:00.004-07:00

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And I am going to make you all wait 1 more day so I can let some people know first hand about the results before I post it for the world. Sorry, once again.....I have kept you coming back!

Coming To A Close

2008-02-20T08:53:00.003-07:00

So all you wonderful supporters have been around a while and have been with me as I have been making my journey through IF. Well, I am just letting everyone know I am done. One way or another I am DONE. I have been very open and honest about all of my thoughts, feelings, and opinions and I am ready for some privacy. I am ready to close the doors and keep my emotions at home. I will let everyone know the results tomorrow and then I am signing out. Thank you all for your support through this very trying process, I couldn't have made it this far with out you.

Sara

Clarification

2008-02-19T07:55:00.002-07:00

So I feel like I should clarify about my previous *venting* post. 1st of all please remember all the "irrational" horomones I have pumping through my system. My blog is a place that I can sit here and type out my frustrations. The only problem with that is I have a hard time expressing emotions and the whole picture. I tend to get a little side tracked too. Sooooo, after rereading my post after I have calmed down a little and thought about the REAL reason behind my frustration I have came to the conclusion of WHY I am so frustrated with this situation.

I am not so upset by the fact that people have kids. I am not upset when resposible people have kids. I think ANYONE who has the desire and the means SHOULD have kids (if they want). I DON'T however think that people who can NOT support their family as it is should have more. I feel like there is a time and place for everything. I understand that if you wait until you have the money to have kids you never would, but I think you should be able to at least have a job and be able to put food on the table. If you can't do this, it probably isn't the best time to be adding to your family! After reviewing and looking deep down it is very selfish of me to ask anyone who wants kids not to just because of me, so I am sorry if the *vent* came off that way.....I didn't intend for it to be that way. I guess I am just frustrated with the fact that so many people work so hard to get ahead and better themselves, while others just coast through life wanting nothing more for themselves or their family.

4 Days And Counting...

2008-02-18T09:37:00.003-07:00

I know most of you dedicated followers are going to KILL me for writing this BUT I am not going to spill any beans until I get Thurs. blood results. Me and Jeremy have decided to do this for 3 reasons:

1. Negative-If I have been testing negative we really need some US time to cope with things and work through some of the HUGE dissapointment we have experienced. We need time to gather ourselves together and pick up the pieces. We don't want everyone giving us the "you never know until the beta" speech either.....so it is just easier for us to start getting over the fact that we just spent $14, 000 for NOTHING.

2. Positive-If I have been testing positive we would like these few days to ourselves to bask in a little glory. We want to celebrate this little secret by ourselves just for a few days. So many people would be involved in the making of the baby we want some us time.....without being bambarded with questions we aren't ready for yet.

3. Inconclusive-I know most of you out there have been in limbo before, where you may or may not be sure you are pregnant. Maybe we aren't sure of the results yet and want to finalize them one way or another? We don't want congratulations but we don't want sorrow either.

Soooo......I hope all you wonderful supporters will bear with me for the next few days and just wish us the best in "our alone time". I will update you one how I am feeling and what not....but just remember that MOST of the symptoms are due to the PROGESTERONE!!!!!

I noticed this morning that my boobs are HUGE (Ok they have been huge for a while). Normally I am a small B cup....I bet I am EASILY up to a large C. I am getting tiny stretch marks on them from them exploding so fast....Jeremy is loving them, although he is still not allowed to touch them (Dr.'s orders). Also, still crampy....not like what it was they aren't sharp and intense anymore they are just kinda on and off.

Well, happy waiting everyone!

Love

2008-02-15T08:51:00.003-07:00

I just wanted to make sure all my readers out there know how much I love you guys! You have been the biggest support and help to me through this whole process. I want to say this before I give out any results so you know I love you regardless of the outcome. I have the best family and friends in the world. The dozens of texts daily asking how I am doing, the constant phone calls checking in to see if I need anything, the cards of empathy....it all just means so much!

Comment Graphics at pYzam.com

Our Little Raspberries

2008-02-14T08:27:00.002-07:00

So here are our little babies!!! I couldn't get my scanner to work with our new computer (Stupid Windows Vista!) so I had to take a picture with my phone and MMS it to my computer so I know they are a little blurry. This is the picture they gave us right before they transferred them, they also gave us pictures of them frome earlier in the morning. I am amazed at how fast they grow!!! I could tell a difference in just the 3 hours they were sitting there!!! They also gave us a picture of where they placed them in my uterus. It was such an amazing experience.

They gave me a valium before the transfer (to relax the muscles in my uterus-not because I was nervous) I will tell you what....that knocked me out! I had to lay there for about an hour after the transfer Jeremy kept poking me telling me not to fall asleep, it was soooo hard to stay awake! We stopped at Quizno's and got a sandwich for the drive home and I slept the ENTIRE way!!! I then slept ALL night!!!

Tuesday my mom, Dusty (sister), and Parker (new nephew) came to pay me a visit. They left me to babysit while they got lunch. I am pretty proud to say she trusted me to be the first to leave him with-hee hee I may not have kids, but I am the coolest Aunt out there!

Yesterday, I came into work long enough to get caught up on a few things. Brandon (boss) had done most of it already, so I only stayed about an hour. Then I went to Dusty's and babysat while she ran to the store. I got pee'd on!!! That'll teach me to check diapers!

Now.....I am back at work :( yesterday and early this morning I was REALLY crampy! I keep telling myself that is a good thing, hopefully it means the little raspberries (our little nickname) are burrowing in.

I thought I would be more emotional that what I am. But at this point (I am sure my emotions will change) I just really am not getting my hopes up either way. I mean the other little raspberries didn't make it to freeze, so for all I know the ones they put back could be dead too. On the other hand they put the best ones back and they have the best chance of survival.

Man, this is going to be a VERY long week (I get my blood test results next Thursday).

It's Done!

2008-02-13T08:34:00.001-07:00

So we did the ET (egg transfer) Monday!!! We had 3 that looked really good and we transfered 2 of them! My blood test is next Tues. and Thurs. they won't tell me the results till Thurs. though. There is NO way I can wait that long, so I will probably start testing this weekend. I am really not supposed to be in to work today, so I will catch up more tomorrow and post some of the cute little pics they gave us.

5dt It Is!

2008-02-08T09:30:00.000-07:00

Jana (the head nurse) called last night and we discussed a lot of options. Ok, maybe not a lot of options.....just the only options we pretty much have. She said we could do a 3dt (day transfer) on Sat. or we could do a 5dt on Monday. I asked her personal opinion and what she would recommend. She said that she would suggest a 5dt just because if they don't make it till then they wouldn't have lasted in me anyway. She didn't mean to be rude in saying it, it is just what the likelyhood is. I understand that isn't the consept for ALL embryo's or ALL situations it is just the general trend they have found to work best. Sooooo, they are going to look at our little babies on Sat. and call us and let us know how they are doing. She said if they are ALL looking great they would take some of them and freeze them and let the others go to 5dt. If they looked ok but not great they would let them all go till Monday and we would pick the best ones.

I am really freaking out at this point. I have done nothing but worry (which I know isn't good) or cry (which also isn't good) or just be paranoid. I am doing my best to try and stay positive, 6 is a GREAT number, and they are in the best hands money can buy. They are getting their rest for the long journey ahead. Come on baby......lets stay strong for mommy!

For all those wonderful ladies who have been following my journey do any of you know what the odds of an embryo making it to a 5dt are? (1 in 3, 1 in 7? any general idea???)

Egg Retreival and Fertilization Report

2008-02-07T09:36:00.000-07:00

Soooooo I am back from the ER (egg retreival) I am a little dissapointed, but relieved it is OVER. They got 11 eggs the other were endometriomas (empty follicles from the endometreosis). Of the 11 eggs only 9 were mature. Of the 9 mature only 6 fertilized. They said that is typical though, they said that usually 2/3 of the eggs that are mature will fertilize. Anyway, we would love to do a 5 day transfer just because I have read that the odds of success are higher, but I am not sure if they will make it that long. The lab said they wouldn't look at them again until Saturday morning (which would be a 3 day transfer) they only look at them 45 min before they transfer them. Soooooo, I am not sure how that would work out. I really don't want to go up there Sat. and have 4 or more looking good (they said if there were 4 that were doing well the chances of going to day 5 are good) and having to just "hang around" up there until Monday, but I wouldn't want to make that drive 2 more times either??? I guess the office is supposed to be calling me later today to schedule the transfer and I will ask more questions then, I am just really nervous.

In the mean time I have been scouring the internet for more information in hopes for something to ease my mind about the stupid endo and here are a few facts I have found:

We describe the outcome of 1417 consecutive cycles in 872 patients with endometriosis undergoing IVF-ET at The New York Presbyterian Hospital - Weill Medical College of Cornell University; Results During the 8-year study period, a total of 1417 stimulation cycles for IVF-ET were initiated. Of these, 1196 (84.4%) underwent retrieval and 1105 (92.3% of those that underwent retrieval) had an embryo transfer. Overall, the clinical pregnancy rate/transfer was 44.7% (495/1105) and the ongoing pregnancy rate/transfer was 37.1% (410/1105).

In order to reduce the potential bias of patients undergoing multiple attempts of IVF-ET, we also separately analyzed the first attempt for each patient (Table 2). No differences were noted in stimulation or pregnancy outcome. However, a comparison of patients with milder disease (stages I and II; 512 cycles at transfer) to patients with more severe disease (stages III and IV; 177 cycles at transfer), reveal that mild disease was associated with higher peak estradiol levels (1389 vs. 1253, P <>

In this large analysis, we have demonstrated that the stage of endometriosis in patients undergoing IVF-ET does not appear to effect pregnancy outcome. Patients with mild disease had similar pregnancy outcomes to patients with more severe endometriosis. Interestingly, patients with more severe endometriosis (stages III or IV), despite being younger, exhibited a poorer ovarian response to stimulation (lower peak estradiol levels and fewer oocytes retrieved) than patients with milder disease. This remained true after controlling for stimulation type and cycle attempts.

http://www.endometriosiszone.org/display.asp?page=/expert/COGI_endo_IVF.htm

Ok, that is all the info I have found (for now) and yes....it may be a little bias towards a better chance.....but that is all I need to make me feel better about it today. Please pray for my little babies.

I'm PREGNANT!

2008-02-05T08:13:00.001-07:00

Psych! Ok maybe this will help explain the "trigger" thing a little more. I got a call from Boise saying that I needed to trigger last night and we will be going up tomorrow (Wed.) for the ER (Egg Retreival)!!! So the trigger is a shot of HcG that is the final stage of egg development. So, now I just have to wait for this + to go away (which takes about 9-10 days) and if a positive comes back on a pregnancy test....I really will be pregnant! Ohhhhh, fingers crossed!

Soooooo.....back to the ER. We are leaving here tomorrow morning probably around 3 AM. We have to be there at 9 AM, and it is a 5 hour drive.....but I want to leave a little extra room....just in case. I tried talking Jeremy into going up tonight, but he didn't want to spend extra $ on a hotel, so it is up to him to make it there on time. I should be getting a call from the anesthesiologist today to go over my history and make sure I am not allergic to anything. Fun Fun Fun!!! Wish me luck!

16 Eggies!

2008-02-04T12:49:00.000-07:00

So we had an ultrasound Sun. and another one again today. She found 15 eggs yesterday and 16 today! They are all between 14-19 mm in size so they are all really close together which is nice because they should all be ready to harvest at the same time. Gosh....that sounds kinda bad....harvest lol. My lining was at 11.5 which I think 12 is optimal so by the time they retreive them Wed. or Thurs. it should be pretty close to 12 or more!

They are going to call me back this afternoon and let me know what my E2 levels were from today, and depending on what they are I will either trigger today or tomorrow. Which means we will be making our trip to Boise Wed. or Thurs!!! I am in stretchy pants as much as possible right now, I am sooo bloated! She did an overall measure of my ovary and they have quadrupled in size! No wonder I feel fat!

I know I am missing something, but I will edit/post more when I hear back from the nurse.

Thank you all for you support! There is NO way I could have gone through this all without you!

Feeling Better

2008-02-01T08:49:00.000-07:00

I am feeling MUCH better today. No jealousy, no hate, just LOVE! I can't wait for Dusty to have her baby! I can't wait to cuddle with the little guy, and smother him with kisses!

I got a call from the head nurse yesterday (have I mentioned how much I HATE getting calls from them, freaks me out thinking something is wrong!) and she couldn't find my labs! I told her where I had them done, and I know they did them STAT because I was sitting there when the girl called them in. Well, after some investigation she called me back and said they looked FABULOUS! I didn't ask the # because I am very compulsive about things like that and would have been worried they were too high, or too low....I will stick with FABULOUS as a good thing!

I go in Sunday morning at 9 AM to do our first ultrasound....I can't wait to see how many eggs we have growing!

No What?!

2008-01-31T10:04:00.000-07:00

Yep....today is THAT day. The day of NO MORE after today!!!!! So please.....DO NOT DISTURB tonight!!! We may be a little preoccupied.

I had my blood drawn this morning to check my E2 levels. Each egg produces a certain about of the chemical so they can get a glimpse of how well you are responding by looking at these levels. Soooo, if I don't hear anything today then I am to continue on the same dose until my ultrasound on Sunday.

Dusty (my older sister) is in the hospital hopefully having her baby today. While I am really happy for her I am also VERY jealous, and having a VERY hard time with it. I should be the one in there having a kid, I have waited a LOT longer than her, I have been through a LOT more than she has, Damn It.....I DESERVE to have a baby!!! I know those are totally irrational thoughts, she deserves to have a kid too, she is old enough, and mature enough, and responsible enough........I just don't understand why it has to be sooo hard for me. *wipe away the tears Sara....you are at WORK!* She gets an epidural....I get my blood sucked out by dracula! She brings home baby, I bring home NOTHING. I guess on a lighter note at least I get to have sex today (not that she would really care about that at this moment) and after that we are on the same restrictions for a while? I knew this day was coming, it isn't like out of the blue I find out all in the same day my sister is pregnant and having a kid...I have had MONTHS to deal with this. I just can't right now, hopefully I will be over this shlump soon so I can go see him after work (pending he makes his arrival).

*sorry for mispellings my damn spell check STILL won't work!*

Hanging In There!

2008-01-30T09:28:00.000-07:00

I am on day 4 of stimms and doing pretty good. I can feel things starting to move/grow I can't explain it other than it makes me bloaty (and therefore farty) and crampy. I go in tomorrow morning for some bloodwork to check my E2 levels (see how much estrodile I am producing, the more estrodile the more eggs).

The shots still are leaving some pretty ugly marks, I get the white welt looking thing with a bruise inside of that, with a poke hole/scab inside of the bruise....kinda looks like an atomic bomb kinda hit (Ok a little exaggeration). But you know, I wouldn't change any of this for the world. I am sooo blessed to be given the opportunity to go through this. I mean 20 years ago the chances of me getting the wonderful technology we have would be slim to none! Even if this doesn't work I know I can say I have given it my all.

Poll

2008-01-28T14:00:00.000-07:00

So I know a lot of you probably don't understand what I am asking on my poll so I will explain a few things then you can vote with a little knowledge. I am asking if I should test out my "trigger" shot. This is the shot that I will do before (exactly 36 hours) my egg retrieval. Why would I test it out? Well, the "trigger" shot is Hcg which is the hormone that makes a pregnancy test turn out positive. Therefore, after my shot I will be testing positive on pregnancy tests 7-10 days after that. If I test out the "trigger" shot then after it goes negative (because it has filtered out of my system) if I see any lines after that I can be fairly certain it is for real. The only downside is if it never comes back positive, or if the tests aren't sensitive enough I get all bummed out thinking it didn't work and have the beta (blood test) come back positive. I could wait and POAS (pee on a stick) the morning of the test just so I have a feeling of the outcome before I am sitting at work and get bad/good news and can't contain myself. Or, forget all the worries and just wait and see what the Dr. tells me (remember I am not a patient person). Soooo with that bit of knowledge about "trigger" shots and POAS....would you test it out, wait till the morning of the blood draw, or NEVER POAS?

YEOUCH!

2008-01-28T09:32:00.000-07:00

So I started "stimming" this Sunday here is a pic of the updated meds I am taking every morning. Yes, there are 2 shots there. 1 is for the Lupron which makes it so I don't ovulate and lose all my eggs, and the other is 4 vials of Bravelle and 1 vial of Menopur, all 5 mixed in with 1 1/2 mL of solution. It is quiet the ritual every morning, takes probably 5-10 min. to get them all out and mixed and cleaned and injected. I am probably just really slow because it is all new to me, but still talk about a morning killer. Also, the new meds SUCK they burn like CRAZY so I have to go super slow. I also am left with big bruises after them, it is really gross to look at. There will be a bruise the size of a dime or so and a HUGE white welt the size of a half dollar or so. Not very attractive. I am assuming the bruising can be attributed to the baby aspirin thinning my blood so not too worried, just looks gross. Don't feel any eggs growing (yet) but I am sure that will change. No appointments till Thurs. and it is just a blood draw, all the cool ultrasounds start Sunday!

Baseline Ultrasound

2008-01-25T14:44:00.000-07:00

1st off that was the best period EVER! It was only like 4 days of light bleeding, I kept thinking ok it will get worse but NOPE it is OVER! No cramps, No heavy bleeding, and only minor breakout!

As for the appointment today it went really well. My lining was at a 4 which is nice and thin, I had that darn cyst still on the left side so she wanted me to get some blood work done to check my E2 levels to make sure it wasn't producing any chemicals that would counteract the drugs I start on Sunday. Sooooo, as long as I don't hear back from her today then I am good to start my other shots on Sunday! :D I never thought I would be sooo excited to give myself shots (and I still don't like them, but the sooner I start them the sooner I am done with them). The shots I start on Sunday are going to make all my eggies grow! So, my next appointment will just be a blood draw on next Thurs. and they will be able to tell how my eggs are doing and if I have enough/too much/too little medication. Starting NEXT Sunday I will go in for my daily ultrasounds....that is where we really get to see things grow! I just thought I would provide an actual update other than , yeah....still going through menopause, still having night sweats, still moody, still having headaches. It's on baby!

Drifting

2008-01-23T08:27:00.000-07:00

Nothing really new happening yet this week still just drifting along. Took my last Doxy pill last night...that was nice! Jeremy only missed 3 pills! I don't get it...he doesn't have to do that much....take a few pills and make a deposit into a cup and he STILL manages to screw some of it up!? Oh well, I don't think those missed few will really make that big of a difference. The appointment has been changed back to Friday at noon due to a Funeral (Jeremy's Grandpa).

The Lupron makes me change moods sooo fast. I can be in a great mood all day and then something will trigger me and I will be mad/sad/frustrated and it takes 3 days to get happy again. I have been trying to make a conscious effort to be more "cheerful" at work and when out in public since I have been told I am acting really "offish". It is really hard to be nice to someone when you want to tell them to just shut the f*** up. BUT I think I have been doing a pretty darn good job! So sorry family/friends if I don't act all freaking cheery, have quiet the hormones going through me right now :D

A Fresh Start With Monday

2008-01-21T09:33:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I am OFFICIALLY DONE with BCP's!!! I took my last one yesterday morning. Hopefully this will help me out a little. I think that may be why I am so optimistic about it being Monday? I am still bleeding, which I hope means AF will come and go real quick and I won't have to wait forever for her to get here? No major breakdowns over the weekend, which was kinda nice. I mean I cried when I washed Jeremy's phone (but I was also scared to death because it was very expensive and very new). Only today and tomorrow left of the doxy which also hasn't been bothering me as much lately. Jeremy keeps joking that I had some nasty bacteria that it was fighting and now I feel better because the bacteria is gone??? Ahhh what an optimistic fellow. So looks like this is my easy week before it all "really" begins! I need to make an appointment with the spa to get a massage!

*ETA* Got a call from nurse. She rescheduled my baseline U/S for Thurs. morning at 10:30.

Melt Down #1

2008-01-18T13:03:00.001-07:00

So I am sitting here at work and a co-worker (who is only in the office for maybe an hour a day) makes the comment "what is your problem, you are such a downer lately" so I interpret that as "God, quit being such a bitch". Yeah, just went downhill from there. I held it together and asked him what the fuck he expected from a 25 year old who is on more medication than a 55 year old menopausal woman! I just left it at that.....being the bitch he said I was. The boss then approaches me afterward and apologises for the comment he made, and said he hasn't noticed me acting any different. That is was very inappropriate of him to make such remarks, and that is where it all started.....the eyes swelling with tears and then they start streaming. I haven't been able to stop since. I have tried just focusing on actually "WORKING" and "FILING" which anyone that knows me knows how much I HATE filing.....so yes....it is to that point where I will do ANYTHING as long as I don't have to look at someone, because that is when I start crying again. Have I mentioned what a psycho Lupron makes me??? To top that I didn't sleep at all except maybe my 30 min. dream. The doxy I am taking upsets my stomach, the Lupron gives me a headache and night sweats....I woke up with my shirt completely soaked...and now I am bleeding and crampy and have to endure another week or so of that! I swore I would never be one to complain about this because this is what I wanted, and this is our chance...I just had NO idea how hard it would actually be. Thank God it is Friday.

Vivid Dreams=Reality?

2008-01-18T08:24:00.001-07:00

I know it is just the Lupron, but I had the most vivid dream last night! I mean it was soooo realistic I was crying when I woke up. I had a dream we had twins a little boy and a little girl. The little boy was a bit bigger than the girl but they were both completely healthy babies! I had just brought them home and both me and Jeremy's families were there helping us out. Ohhhhh, we were soooo blessed!!! I remember asking their names because Jeremy named them while I was still under the anesthesia (had to be completely knocked out for some reason) and they were the dorkiest names, but I didn't care because they were both so healthy and alive! I have had similar dreams in the past I can always see the baby boy and girl...they always look the same.....it is soooo weird that I continue to have these dreams.....please God.....let me bring my children home.

*Side Note* Started spotting yesterday which has only gotten worse. Called the nurse just to let her know, she said just continue as planned and she would see me next Friday. So looks like I get a week or longer period....oh joy!

Headaches and Cramping

2008-01-17T14:47:00.000-07:00

Well I am sure you figured out this is a downer post by the title. I have been having some pretty rough headaches since yesterday and cramping today. It is mostly cramping on the left side (which is hopefully my empty cyst shrinking) but I have just been uncomfortable and I know it is only going to get worse.

I have been doing really well on the no pop/caffeine/coffee/beer all week. I thought maybe that is what my headache was from...but usually that is the first 24 hours I am off it??? Anyway, it is amazing how much more water I have consumed! I bet I drink 5-6 glasses a day!!! I have to admit when I get off work it is kinda boring now...sitting watching Jeremy have a beer and chill out while I.....well, just sit there.

I am tired of the shots already. I didn't think they would bother me and it hasn't even been a week yet. But, the one yesterday just really put me off. I think I am going to make Jeremy give it to me tomorrow.... I just don't even want to deal with it. :( I know, I really shouldn't be complaining...I mean this is what I wanted all along isn't it? The best chance I could have at a kid? I am sure some of it is the effects of the Lupron as well (depression, mood swings, ect) but man....I am tired and it just started....someone slap me silly!

We Have A GUSHER!!!

2008-01-16T13:21:00.000-07:00

So I officially drew blood this morning. I was doing my shot as normal, cleaned it off, stuck it in....wow, this kinda hurts more than usual, pull it out and it starts bleeding...everywhere! I had to sit and rub it and put pressure on it for like 5 min! I think I just did it a hair too high, but I won't be doing that again! Other than that, I am getting the wonderful Lupron headaches. The doxy still isn't going down well. I know you are supposed to take it a half hour after eating and with a full glass of water (which I do both) and it still just sits in the back of my throat making me want to gag all day. Other than that, things are going just great. Looking forward to next Friday for my baseline ultrasound, then I start stimming that Sunday! I am getting really nervous about it all though, I mean what if it doesn't work??? I have my heart totally set on this being the magical ticket, and having it solve everything. I don't know if I can go through all this and just stare at a negative result. I hope we have some to freeze so we would at least get that opportunity if this fails, but man-it is just sooooo realistic. I just had to get that out....no more negative thinking....think positive thoughts....think positive thoughts.....only positive thoughts will enter my mind.